November 22, 2023 • 53 mins
Got a crazy aunt, a nosy uncle, or that one cousin who just can't seem to get along with anyone else at the dinner table? As we dive into the holiday season, our episode today is all about navigating the murky waters of family dynamics and emerging victorious on the other side! We'll confess a few of our own personal holiday horror stories, some cringe-worthy, some funny and some that ended up teaching us valuable lessons. We promise - by the end of this episode, you'll be armed with all the strategies you need to handle even the most challenging family members without losing your cool.
It's not just about managing the people, though. From kid-friendly conversation to the choice of background music, there are a lot of unwritten rules that can make or break a holiday gathering. We'll discuss how to keep the atmosphere light and enjoyable, while avoiding unnecessary drama. And yes, that includes tips on masking your horror when the menu is revealed, and your favorite dish is nowhere to be seen! If you've ever felt like you needed a survival guide for navigating holiday feasts, this episode is for you.
And if you're on the brink of meeting your partner's family for the first time, we've got your back. From the right attire to the perfect conversation starters, we cover everything you need to know to make a great impression. We even share some of our own faux-pas, so you can learn from our mistakes and breeze through this nerve-wracking experience. Trust us, you'll soon be the new favorite in the family - or at least, you won't be the talk of the next family gathering for all the wrong reasons! Get ready for a hearty dose of holiday wisdom with a side of laughter, as we take on the madness of the festive season together.
Go to http://www.overcometoobecome.com to see all of the Video Podcasts and the other podcasts under the "Overcome 2 Become" YouTube Channel
Follow M at @overcometoobecome and T at @tress_city on Instagram
Email us at overcometoobecome@gmail.com for thoughts, comments and show suggestions. Come join the discussion
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
M (00:05):
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to On the Mic with the M.
I'm cool.
Hey, okay, I got the glasses on.
So I'm not trying to be coolbecause you see the cool
background with the snow and allthat stuff, it looks, it looks
flat on it and I got the glasseson.
But I got glasses on because Ihad a procedure on my eyes today
.
So I ain't just trying to sithere and be be smooth and you
know thank you thank you, thankyou.
T (00:26):
Yeah, you're welcome, thank you.
M (00:29):
Ladies and gentlemen, I got the holidays coming up and, as
you know, you got to startseeing family.
T (00:38):
Oh Lord, so, oh, no, no, it was the time to smile and to
rejoice, and I mean, keep itreal, like pretty much the work
you've been putting in all yearshould make it so that the
holidays are, or can be, enjoyed.
(00:59):
Did you handle those situationswith your auntie?
Did you create properboundaries with people within
the family so that you can enjoyyour holidays?
Because some of y'all don'tlike each other, and I know it.
Some people I'm just justkeeping it real Some aunties
come to the house and you're notvibing with those aunties.
You know, uncle, let's comethrough the door and you like
(01:21):
mmm, they hear.
Or you know uncle's wife comethrough the door and your face
is like, hey, you know youwasn't trying to see her, right,
but it's okay, let's talk about, right, how to get through the
holiday.
Didn't put in that work so thatyou know, just come easy,
(01:41):
because you know I'm not rockingwith you if I don't rock with
you.
I love you from afar, all that.
M (01:48):
Oh, my God.
T (01:50):
Pick up the phone.
Hey, season's greetings, butlet's not do it in the same
space.
That's the rule number one.
Okay, let's make the rules toit.
Don't spend too much time in aplace where you don't want to
spend too much time at.
M (02:06):
No.
T (02:07):
Can that be the first rule of the holidays when it comes to
dealing with family?
Yes, at the time.
Oh my God.
M (02:14):
You have to, because a lot of these, as we all know, a lot of
them, will force you to act.
Or, sir, when?
Not because you want to,because you almost have to,
because there's a lot of deepseated issues, unresolved issues
.
T (02:30):
Like you said, is deep.
Yeah, I've been not worried.
Yeah, I've been not working onstuff, been letting stuff slide.
You know you've been tellingslide from her.
She been talking, slick out ofher damn mouth to you since she
was probably what?
1112 years old, ain't no figurethat shit.
Until you've been needing to bechecked, we can, but don't
(02:52):
check your mom's sister, don'tcheck your father's sister and
don't do it on Thanksgiving infront of every goddamn.
Don't do that.
You know, just limit the amountof time you have with that
person in the room.
You know, smile and be merryand move, move quickly away from
them.
M (03:10):
That is so damn true.
And you know, the other thingis T, we're looking at a time,
especially when around my age,when a lot of your aunties and
parents are gone and you kind ofnow, you, you're now the
replacement, you're now the newaunties and uncles of the family
, and you really have to growand just say you know what we
(03:36):
may have all these all issues,as you said, let's just make
this work for just just for thisperiod of time, and so nobody,
we're not carrying on themadness and the kids ain't no,
something like y'all don't likeeach other.
Because I look at like this ifyou have resolved it by this
point, you're not going toresolve it this year.
You're probably never going toresolve it, because at some
point you also deal with thereality of people don't want to
(04:01):
deal or be accountable and takeownership in the fuckery that's
keeping y'all separate in thefirst place.
T (04:09):
Like it's a real.
It's a real issue there andit's going to take real work and
real unpacking and it's goingto really hurt.
That's not hurt on Turkey day,like no, that's not.
I'm just saying we only herefor a few hours, and so you know
, either you just come there forlike an hour and make a plate
smile, say hello to the peoplethat you love.
(04:31):
Do not not show up because ofone or two people in the space
making you feel uncomfortable.
Either show up and make themfeel equally as uncomfortable
and, yes, I'm keeping the toxicor I'm not showing up to my
uncle's house because you knowsome auntie or some cousin that
(04:51):
you know one or two of them I'mnot vibing with.
I get to miss the whole familybecause of that.
No, walk past and love on themfrom afar.
Don't forget to love on themfrom afar.
M (05:03):
Absolutely.
T (05:03):
Keep that thing moving, because don't let, you can't let
people take things away fromyou.
M (05:10):
No, no, because they'll be very clear if nobody has learned
from the pandemic, we're not,you know, we don't know when
that day is going to come whenwe're out of here.
So don't allow somebody who youdon't really give a fuck about
messed it up because it could bethat uncle could be the last
time you see that uncle, thelast time you see anybody, and
(05:32):
the last thing you want to sayis oh shit, I could have went to
the Thanksgiving by that.
I saw his motherfucking cousin,mind or whomever.
And then they don't.
That person dies, and then it'sthe same motherfucker that you
don't like at a funeral, not ata happy situation, but in a very
sad situation.
T (05:52):
So why you so sad?
Because you didn't even realizerock with that person in the
first place.
But it's because you have agood spirit right and you're
you've allowed someone to takewhat is good in you and shift it
into something else.
That's why you gotta lovepeople from afar, because they
keep your own self peace andyour own mental health and order
(06:13):
.
Like, don't, don't hate onpeople, because that that that
seeds that hate into you.
No, I'm loving on everybody,even the people who don't
necessarily love on me back.
That's why it's from afar,because you know I don't need to
catch your love because Ididn't need it.
No, I didn't need it.
I was here for all these otherpeople.
M (06:33):
Absolutely, absolutely.
And, like I said, we don't knowhow long we got.
It's not fair to them becausewe got issues, we got beef that
shouldn't affect them.
Because, again, ultimately,you're here, you're here for
them, you're here to celebratethem, to be blessed, and you
have memories because, again,there's a time when all that
shit went in and you don't wantto say have regrets and I wish I
(06:56):
should have, could have,because we see, we see it all
the time and freedom fromsomebody died and you're like
man, see that cousin a long timebut he had a beef with another
cousin and never got a chance tosee that person who died.
Now they feel fucked up and ina lot of cases even more matter
the person they didn't like,because that person stopped them
from seeing auntie orgrandfather, grandmother,
(07:18):
whomever, because of thatmotherfucker you was avoiding
everybody, everybody, everybody,everybody.
T (07:26):
The other thing, especially about, like, I want to say that
that that generation, that'slike our age, right, we might
show up and feel a certain typeof way or not want to come to
places and feel like everybodyelse there is just so
comfortable and just enjoyingeach other.
But little do you know that theolder generation who's there
(07:48):
also there's a few people therewho can't stand each other, but
they've also fixed their face tocome together on that one day
and moving with maturity andgrace, right, absolutely.
They've done it so well andthey've done it for so long that
you don't even notice, youdon't even know.
You don't think you gotsomething to stand on, one real
(08:09):
life, that other auntie whoacross the room, who smiles at
everybody, you think she justlike everybody.
No, she got grace and she'sstanding over there and she's,
you know, willing, and she'sthat piece with herself, willing
to greet people, you know,serve people and love on them,
you know, whether it be close orfar.
True, that's true.
(08:31):
You don't know amongst that,especially that older generation
, because you know they werelike masters of facades, right,
you never really knew who yourmother was, never really knew
who your grand you know like,and I just say they're like
Liars or anything like that, butthey, they create really good
facades and like this generation, currently we're in that, um,
(08:54):
I'm keeping a real type of thingand I don't bite my tongue for
nobody.
M (08:58):
Yep.
T (09:00):
No, they bite their tongue.
M (09:02):
No yes, they do.
T (09:03):
No, they don't.
It's not time to keep it realeverywhere.
Sometimes you have to put aface on, and so the holidays is
not to say to disturb your peace.
I'm not telling you to be fakeor phony, but every Thing, every
, every obstacle is we don'thave to pause it in the moment.
M (09:22):
Absolutely, absolutely, god damn movie.
If you do that, if you startwith that, that's a great start.
The other thing that I'm gonnasay and we talked about that
probably the last podcast is Donot disrespect someone's the
person or their spouse Based onsituations you may have heard or
(09:45):
may have.
Somebody may have facebookedyou about it, or I am you about
it, or whatever the hell theydid about it.
Don't, don't cause rift whenthey don't have to be rift,
because that's Definitely theseason where you know you might
(10:08):
be somebody's sister.
T (10:10):
And then your brother called you up one day because he was in
his feelings and he vented toyou, sis.
He vented to you about his wifeand he was angry after stuff
was true.
The other half of the stuffwasn't true, who cares.
You're not about to roll up onThanksgiving with your face
screwed up, mad at the wife Forsomething that your brother then
(10:33):
called you up about threemonths ago when he was mad and
they was having a little step.
What are you doing?
What are you?
What are you doing?
And, mind you, this is alwayslike a sister who's unmarried,
who don't really have a realrelationship, or you know just
something.
You're going on in their life,totally weird and got judgment
(10:54):
passing on everybody's Facescrewed up.
Sit down and eat your damn hamand fix your face.
Have a little grace.
I gotta pull it out this year.
M (11:05):
You have to, because again groceries costs.
T (11:09):
No, we're coming together.
Fix your face, get your collardgreens on your plate, grab you
some little turkeys and stuffand Shut up yeah yeah, that is
so true.
M (11:22):
I've ever grown up it was strange like that happened.
Well, you know, at back then weain't had a damn you know
internet or cell phones ornothing like that.
So it's kind of like whereeverybody got there and, being a
kid, you walk around, you seethe men gathered together and
talked to one uncle or somebodyand you kind of like as a kid
you could be like they gettogether, but it's always
standing somewhere with a cup inthe hand talking to him.
(11:44):
So you kind of get over thereand you, yeah, boy, I heard you
messing up out there.
Oh what, what the uncle do?
Look, great boy, get out of thepicture, get on out of here.
This is for grown folk.
You.
So you like, oh damn.
And then you go up the step allsudden the women talking Listen,
girl, you ain't gotta take allthat from him.
You, what you gotta do is whatyou doing in here.
I'm gonna get out of here.
(12:05):
You ain't in here.
This woman stuff.
You're like, oh shit, I can'tgo to the man stuff.
You can't listen to the woman,shit, take your proof, yes,
outside.
T (12:13):
Find yo hasn't.
Find a friend, someone your agegroup and start your own group.
Okay, that's true, I guess sotrue.
I was at my uncle's house oneday for a little party, little
shindig, and me and my sisterwere 38 and 40, right.
So the guy group was like mydad's age for my uncles, my dad
(12:37):
and all the men is their age,right On our spouses they're
fine with that age group.
But you know that's not reallyour age group.
So we're like it's awkward.
So we go find the women that'smy mom and all of you know that
age group and we're like, ah,this is the awkward, you know.
And then we're the cousins thatwere they the baby that the
younger cousins, me and mysister, sat out on that front
(12:58):
porch by ourselves.
Like you know, this is ourgroup, because it's okay to
define your group and the family.
Everybody don't have to sitaround and you know we're not
all sitting down at no ginormousdiner and table on thank giving
.
No I don't know, and that's themindful.
(13:22):
To keep kids out of grown folks, oh my god, yes.
M (13:27):
That's so true I'm going to emphasize I wish I had my took,
could take my glasses.
I'm just gonna stay behind theglasses, watch out where your
goddamn kids are, because downBack in the day you had to worry
, right now that's.
You could be on ig by the timeyou get off the table or leave
the table to go Go look fordessert or to sit, walk away
from the table a little bitbefore you think about dessert.
(13:48):
You look at when you got them.
I just feed you like what thefuck?
They don't told everybody aboutwhat the hell's going on in the
house.
And you're like I know, theyknow, they know.
So rule number three, rulenumber three Crazy shit, don't
put them in the middle of fuckedup Bullshit that's going on in
(14:08):
the family.
They don't need to know.
T (14:10):
They don't want to know.
M (14:13):
Yeah, and you know what happens, team.
You know what happens Once thekids that age gets involved with
that fuck shit.
They start parrying on thatbullshit because then it's
looking at their cousin who'srelated to that Shit going on.
Now that kid, that cousin,looks at the other cousin funny
because he's like, oh shit, yourmama going through that,
because they talk and now all ofa sudden everybody started with
(14:33):
pit day.
They're the worst kids sincegoddamn Burt bread and now y'all
got issues.
Not because y'all too haveissues, because the older
motherfuckers got issues.
Now them pass that Sparma downto your ass and you don't know
why you got issues.
You don't because they told yousome fuck shit and their
parents told them some fuck shit.
So now y'all got beef.
Yeah, no reason at all.
(14:55):
So keep kids at your bullshitand just go outside or go
somewhere and deal with thatshit.
T (14:59):
Just don't talk to your way.
You remember, the adults don'tmove, the children move.
Send, yes, friend, to a safespace, you know, make sure
they're safe.
Please.
Don't just send many aware, butmake sure kids have a safe
place where they can, you know,play freely, uh, listen freely,
eat freely, you know.
(15:20):
And also, so I can, you know,sit my tea free.
Because this Thanksgiving, and Iam there and I'm gonna wrap my
mama up, I'm gonna wrap mysister's up.
You know we're talking.
We ain't got nothing else to dobut eat, sip and talk, that's
it ever comes up, we'll come up.
And no, we're pouring the tea.
It's the holidays and you knowI had a spirited to and I'm
(15:46):
enjoying myself, yeah, but wewant to talk to the kids about
it.
The room, the space, you knowwe're gonna, we're gonna also
use the lower tone voice, right,yes, yes, because that's the
one thing that we also forgotabout was to know our voices
when we're speaking, um, aboutstuff that the children don't
need to, you know, busy theirheads with.
M (16:08):
Absolutely.
Because, again, the louder youtalk, the louder they talk and
after a while Everybody'stalking and nobody understands a
fucking word and nobody'ssaying, because everybody's
trying to scream over each otherand trying to get their point
across, but yet it all you hearis goddamn noise.
So, yes, do that.
The other thing, music wise.
(16:29):
Please, please, please, do notplay that fuck shit that's going
on today.
I don't want to hear.
No, got first of all.
Listen, I do not want to hear nobullshit from cardi B or make
the stallion with your olderaunts in there.
Yeah, hold the uncles in thereplaying that, because they're
(16:49):
gonna slap the fuck out somebody.
Who?
What the fuck are you playingwith that?
T (16:52):
What that's.
Please don't have auntie tryingto drop it low.
On Thanksgiving, grandma, haveseveral seats.
You got the cool grandma.
Your, your, your grandchildrendo not want to see you with your
hands in the air Trying to, youknow, break them knees down to
the floor and then could barelyget up.
Nobody wants that.
On Thanksgiving.
(17:13):
Nobody's trying to call theambulance, that's, nobody needs
that.
Yeah, and you can't stopbecause again the spirits are
(17:36):
flowing, because you know wasThanksgiving or the holidays, so
they didn't have to drink it to.
The songs are playing, they gotthe.
You know the younger generationout there.
No, save those people fromthemselves, people, please.
M (17:52):
Exactly, don't.
Don't do it because, first ofall, you're having a great
fucking time, it's gonna haveyou on or tick, tock and all
that shit, but two days lateryou're asked to be in a hospital
to get you goddamn hip replacedbecause you're gonna fuck your
hip up or through your back out,or fuck your neck up.
T (18:08):
Nobody All of the above, or all of the above.
M (18:12):
Exactly do it.
The spirit hit you sit your assdown the chair and move your
leg and move your hip.
Just move it that way, don't.
Don't stand, throw hands anddrop it like it's hot.
T (18:20):
No, that shit, or turn up odys, but goodies, because the
music was a little slow.
So you know they want to move alittle bit slower.
You know they're not going todo too much with the odys, but
you know they come put theirhands in the air, but this is
way gonna be a little bit slower.
You know they have to go downto the floor because there's no
need to right, it's a little bitdifferent.
(18:40):
They got class all of a sudden.
Right, Woman move full classy.
Now, right, it's the world thata woman was trying to work on
any of these odys but goodies.
M (18:55):
Oh my god.
T (18:57):
Like the hip is not, it wasn't, it's not gonna it's not
gonna happen.
M (19:01):
You're gonna blow our knees, blow our hips, blow our backs.
And then somebody's gonna haveto keep taking your ass to the
fucking doctor appointmentbecause you're gonna blame
somebody.
Somebody's gonna take me to thedoctor.
Well, uh, did you fuck told you?
Drop it like it's hot.
You know you drop these shittyass like a tarot family.
What the fuck?
Come on now.
You know you're too fucking old.
Do that.
(19:21):
Fuck shit Now.
I gotta suffer for it, I gottatake you to the fucking
appointments for surgery and allthat shit.
Don't do it so watch the music.
And another thing, big thingnow, please, please, please, do
not smoke your weed around yourolder relatives.
Take that shit outside, takethat shit in the car, take that
(19:44):
shit be smoking before you getthere, but don't smoke the weed
when you're there, please don't.
T (19:50):
What's your problem?
Hold on, I need moreinformation on this one.
M (19:53):
Listen, listen, listen.
We know this is a conversationwe haven't had before Because
before you know, in previousThanksgiving dinners, yeah,
people get a little fucked up.
They drink the spirits of thewine and take all those little
things.
But now, since the legalizationof marijuana, the marijuana,
the oo-wee-wee you're gonna havepeople, hey, you smoke it.
(20:16):
So you're gonna have some ofthe young ones going hey, it's
legal, bring some with me andyou're gonna walk in the house.
Now you may smoke weed outsideon your car before you even go
in the house.
Just get a little buzz, becauseagain we go back to the first
one.
You're gonna see some cousinsand some people you don't
fucking like, so you're gonnaneed a little buzz to kind of
(20:37):
take the edge off you before yougo up in there.
So you know, we understand, Iunderstand, we both understand
that.
But walk around a little bit,you know.
Make sure you air out a littlebit.
Don't fucking walk in the housesmelling like you just hit a
motherfucking ounce and walkingin the door talking give me a
hand, see what's going on.
And the first thing is baby tryand catch the contact.
(21:02):
Please don't do that.
T (21:07):
I guess the moral there is to have a little discretion.
Have a little discretion theseholidays, you know.
In my opinion, whatever it isthat you're smoking, right.
If you're a smoker and you haveto step outside to smoke,
whatever it is that you'resmoking, you know, make sure
that you're far enough from thepeople from the entry points,
(21:27):
right, because a lot of them arenon-smokers, perhaps asthmatic,
perhaps just have bronchitisissues, but have a respiratory
nonsense.
People got going on that youknow we can't help, or they just
choose not to inhale this.
Please do not smoke near theentryways, like right outside
the front door.
Just because you went outside,the smoke's still waftin' on the
(21:48):
inside right.
And it doesn't matter if it wassmoker or not a smoker, right,
it's still the same rules forwhatever the house is, Walk a
little bit away so that when anauntie comes through the door, a
grandmother or just a randomguest comes through the door,
they're not walkin' throughsmoke clouds, especially if it's
like you know, the ooey,because that's gonna give you,
(22:09):
that's gonna linger just alittle bit, Just a little, and
it's gonna I'm gonna hit you,It'll hit you.
So, yeah, walk around just alittle bit and then, once it's
done, you know, whatever it istobacco, whatever you have, give
yourself a little minute to putit out and then, yeah, air out,
like, let that smell soften onyourself before you re-enter.
(22:31):
It's just respect, even if it'sa home full of smokers, right?
Yep, that's just how yourespect yourself, respect your
home.
So you just air yourself offjust a little bit before you
walk in.
You know, right back inside of ahome, Especially when it's
mixed company in there, becauseyou don't know what type of
conditions your small childrenhave older relatives right up
(22:54):
down with, yeah, and things thatpeople are trying to get over
or overcome.
Now, I'm not saying that you'regoing to rehab for weed or
nothin' like that.
But you know, maybe people arelike I just don't want that
around me.
I'm trying to, you know, quitdoing something or just take a
break from something.
So yeah, don't push your senseoff on other people.
M (23:17):
No, no, and I'm going to say this too.
I'm going to add on to this, ifyou have to partake of it,
because some people do it forother than just you know to use
it.
They use it for medical reasons.
So if that's good, get you somesprays that kills the scent,
you know.
Or take an edible, that point,you have an herb and a smell.
(23:39):
You just have to be carefulbecause you know, with edibles
it could get a little dicey.
So you just want to make surethat you know you're aware of
different situations that mayhappen if you do partake of the
OOE week.
So just be mindful of that.
You know and you know and thatgoes with.
Also, I want to add don't drinka lot of alcohol Just because
(24:02):
it's there.
Don't fucking just drink it.
You know T you get thosemotherfuckin' relatives who most
of those motherfuckers wouldbuy that shit, that gut rock
shit.
Oh Lord, don't let no, don'tlet no.
Ace of spades or some shit likethat.
You know, let me see some tangoray or some goddamn 20 year old
bourbon.
(24:22):
I'm a partake of that shit.
Now you understand you've neverhad that kind of shit in your
entire life, but you know youain't going to ever buy that
shit in your life.
So if it's available it'sholidays, it take a sip.
Now we both know brown liquorand white liquor can affect you
in different ways and a lot ofpeople.
I would hate for anybody outhere, anybody, to find out that
(24:46):
they have a real fucked uptolerance to brown liquor or
white liquor, because that's thefirst time you ever had it,
because it's embarrassing.
T (24:54):
It's a rule for things, divan don't you start nothing new.
If you ain't been cooking,don't you start cooking.
If you ain't been drinking,don't you start drinking.
And if you ain't been smoking,don't start smoking.
Don't do nothing new that youhave not been doing during the
(25:15):
holidays.
That's the rule.
That's the rule for holidays.
Yes, please don't If you don'tmake college greens.
Guess what?
Don't try today.
M (25:27):
No.
T (25:28):
You spit brown liquor.
Don't drink it today.
No, no, no, no, no.
You try to experiment in yourown home with yes, true, that's
true, true, and, ladies andgentlemen, think about it.
M (25:42):
I'm talking about many years ago, before they had phones and
that type of stuff.
Right now, you're going to getexposed immediately because
everybody got a phone.
So if you fuck around and startsampling brown liquor on this
particular day and now,everybody's going to see the
after effects of you doing that.
Fuck shit.
Not just the people in yourhouse.
Millions and millions of peoplewill see the effect of that,
(26:02):
because they're gonna clown youoh, without question, gonna put
your ass out there and you don'tbe that person.
You won't be the next meme.
And so just be careful aboutthose particular things that you
do.
One in particular liquor and ina weed and and all the other
shit so yes yes, yes, yes, andand know your boundaries.
(26:23):
That's another one.
Know your boundaries.
That goes on with the weed andeverything else.
It also goes along with food.
Oh, we don't want to havehappened.
Is you been?
You're eating a certain thingor you're not used to a certain
eating certain things.
This is a pig pig pork.
Oh, she always get cooked.
(26:47):
Now, all of a sudden, you eatpiece that.
Hand me all me up.
I'm gonna fix me a ham sandwich.
They mind you.
You got high blood pressure.
Keep me the fucking hamsandwich.
You need another one.
And next you, you know you're awoozy.
You're unstable, you littlefucked up in your head.
And then people ask why, atthat moment you say, oh shit, I
(27:11):
got high blood pressure.
Hey, like the motherfucker,left and came back, you already
had who came in the door withyou, you and high blood pressure
came, that motherfucker, at thesame time.
He didn't put you.
You know, oh shit, I know itwas on me, I know it was right,
right there beside me.
No, it was with you wholefucking time.
So now your fucking bloodpressure's got up to 55 or 199
(27:32):
and then you're like, oh lord,not gonna go to hospital.
Then you don't fuck the verybios time because now you didn't
know your boundaries and I gottake your goofy ass to the
fucking hospital.
Because you come out to have afucking stroke because you saw
this beautiful Ham that youshouldn't have in the first
place there to be cut.
But it's there be cut forsomebody else, not you.
Yeah, do your boundaries.
T (27:54):
Yeah, you don't.
You don't have to overeat onthe holidays and you don't have
to consume the items justbecause it's there.
M (28:01):
Right.
T (28:01):
So that you've been like vegetarian or trying to walk a
vegan lifestyle.
You don't have to stop becauseit's the holidays, right?
No, we're eating smallerportions, right?
Yes, smaller portions, justbecause it's the holidays.
I'm always weirded out thatpeople have like a ginormous
plate on thanks to them, likewhat happened to your stomach on
(28:23):
this day?
Did it like, bro, how, how, how, how did we get more food on
our plate today than any othernight, than the whole entire
year?
The whole year, even Christmas,you got a regular size plate
for some reason.
Thanksgiving it's like the mostgluttonous holiday.
Not in my house, I can barelysee you not in my house.
(28:43):
So for anybody wants to useThanksgiving as an excuse for
gluttony, you don't have to.
Actually, you can show up onThanksgiving and you can make a
normal size plate.
And and why people say theynormally eaten more than one
plate on Thanksgiving Is becauseThanksgiving normally starts
(29:03):
around lunch hour, yes, and yourun all the way up until you
know the time that child want toleave, and so it's an after an
hour because it's people in thespace that you really can't
stand.
Or you got another home to goto.
You eat a plate there and thenyou take a plate to go fate or
two, because you're going to eatit later.
(29:24):
And yes, the idea that peopleare eating, you know, several
plates throughout the day, thatis sensible, but please let's
not normalize the overeating offood on Thanksgiving.
Make normal plates, normal sizeplates, have another plate in a
(29:44):
few hours that your food goesdown.
We do not have to not behealthy or be unhealthy because
it's a holiday.
M (29:54):
Absolutely.
T (29:57):
You know you ain't gotta pull out Fat back, whatever.
It is weird that you know we'vebeen switched over to turkey
necks and you know you can stillbe a conscious chef in the
kitchen.
Um, the weird part that Ididn't notice about Um
vegetables is which vegetable isvegetarian or vegan?
(30:18):
Oh, really, like which one theyknow vegetable that's going to
be on the plate, on the on theon the table, like vegan style,
Because you know we're cateringto the vegans this year but I
love you.
Holly green's not vegan.
You know, cabbage not vegan,not vegan.
I mean, I don't know whatvegetable would be vegan.
(30:40):
Yeah.
M (30:43):
Oh lord, yeah, but see, you ain't gonna have those huge
plates though that's the otheryou.
You're not gonna have that andyou shouldn't have them because
you Very weird, because youdidn't eat like that the day
before Thanksgiving, in today,before that or last week.
So why the fuck you're gonnagrab a whole plate of shit on
off the plate and walk around it?
(31:04):
You know it's like the goddamnbuffet place.
You can come back.
That's why the place is sosmall.
Didn't tell you how that shit,as high as you can play on top.
T (31:12):
You can come back and, um, you're not that hungry and most
of what you put on that plateyou wasted back.
So let's normalize makingsmaller plates and going back
for another plate after you'veactually tasted what's on the
table, because half the veg,like you, took a giant scuba mac
and cheese and your motherdidn't even make the mac and
(31:33):
cheese good this year, it wasjust oh oh.
Now you got this giant supermac and cheese up on your plate
and you trying to, you know,toss it in the trash, all
portions, so that you can tastehow your mother's and your
auntie's you know real live madethis food this year, because
every year is different.
You know, sometimes the salthand got heavy, sometimes we got
weak.
M (31:53):
Absolutely.
It happens yeah it does thinkabout.
They don't measure shit.
There's no measure cup whenanybody I'm speaking to y'all
when the hell if y'all went toany guys house, grandmother's
house and saw any measuringspoons that's used?
If you look at the whole tableCounters you'll see food and
shit out there, but you don'tsee the measuring cup at all.
(32:15):
So that's me.
T (32:16):
They're just winging it like Don't need measurements, though
that's what it is.
Yeah, my mother told me shemeasures her rice with a cup.
So I go to get a cup.
She says I only use one cup.
I say, well, you can't, becauseit's this is way more rice than
one cup, right for a recipe ofhers.
This woman's talking about amug.
She's gonna use a mug for, youknow, like a coffee mug.
(32:39):
That's the one cup.
That's not one cup, that's amug.
That's not like, that's notnobody's measurements.
You can't, you can't do that.
So, yeah, they don't have nomeasurements.
So taste that food firstbecause, like you said, not to
say they're winging it, but youknow it's a little winging it
going.
M (33:00):
Exactly.
And the other thing is, wetalked about your boundaries,
we're going.
We know that a lot of peopleare going to have medical
conditions, so and a lot of usain't gonna tell them about you
got medical conditions, becauseit's not in that fucking
business.
First of all, you find out,you're gonna tell them.
So if they offer you sweetpotato and you know you're
diabetic, you probably want tosay you know what?
(33:21):
Maybe take a half of it,because you know usually you
take a four or five of thosemotherfuckers, but now you found
you're diabetic, so you now youcan't eat five of them, so you
may grab one or maybe a half.
And if they ask you any morelike what's wrong with you.
You know you usually eat mine.
You know I'm good, I'm gonnadie.
I'm trying to get ready fornext year, Since you want to
tell them because if you tellthem that starts a whole lot of
discussion you didn't fuckingwant to really have with them
(33:43):
Thanks to give them by my, bydiabetes and all that other shit
.
T (33:45):
So, yeah, I'm gonna crash you all year about that, yeah, and
I've been talking to, and thenthey're gonna go tell their
sister, tell their uncle, tellthe brother.
It'll be a whole conversation.
So you can't keep your medicalconditions to yourself.
However, you do not have todeviate or eat the way people
(34:06):
expect you to eat, nor do youneed an explanation to not do
something right.
Absolutely.
Thank you for getting up andfor me.
You know they're always askingif I'm watching my figure.
Yeah, yes, I am.
Yes, I am with your smart assmouth.
I'll talk back.
How about?
Your cake is dry as hell and Idon't.
I'm a what's wrong with that?
I say stuff like that withouthurting people feelings.
(34:28):
But you're gonna ask me if I'mtrying to watch my feelings.
Watch my figure, don't worryabout my feelings.
But no, I'm just smiling, thankyou.
It's okay to tell people, no,you don't want that dessert, or
you don't want this dessert, orhave the dessert and take.
You know, cut it down themiddle, make yourself a plate
off of your little plate andtake the rest home for later,
(34:48):
because you know you shouldn'tbe eating too much in one
sitting.
M (34:51):
Absolutely, absolutely.
So let's don't shame in that.
And you know the other thingI'll bring up all tea.
You're gonna probably have thatissue soon.
Let me hear it men, young men,young men, when you bring your
friend.
Your lady friend, your ladyfriend.
(35:12):
Okay, two thanksgiving, please,please, make sure she's
presentable.
Oh my, make sure she's showingall her assets.
Make sure all of them, becausenobody wants.
You, don't want to have thatdiscussion when somebody comes
and you say who is that?
Oh, that's my friend.
And then pull your ass in aseparate room and say why the
(35:34):
hell is she dressed like that?
Oh, no, she comfortable, no, no, no.
Why the hell is she dressedlike that?
And you're going to turn andlook Again.
Forgot, oh, she, you know shecovered up, yeah, but I see how
big her her breast is and Imentioned her ass.
Her ass is basically justhanging out, the damn jeans that
(35:56):
she got and it's just out there.
Please have your mama take alook at if y'all, if your mama
involved.
Have a look at the girl once.
If her mom, if the young ladiesdon't have a mom who's got
fashion conscious or don't givea shit, you have to bring her to
your family.
You in the whole fucking dinnertalking about how your girl
look, because your aunties, yourmama and grandma are going to
(36:17):
look her crazy.
Now let me tell you, your, youruncles, your male cousins, they
have a problem with her.
They have a problem with her.
They're going to help her withher food, which one drag,
introduce her to everybody.
But the women man, you may geta plate to go.
(36:38):
You're going to front door andgo rock, walk your goofy ass at
the back door with a plate andher with a plate to, with a coat
on.
So please, you want to be therefor the whole time.
Please make sure she's dressedappropriately.
T (36:54):
This goes both ways now.
M (36:57):
Oh well, yeah too.
T (36:59):
We've all had the whole year to plan for that this day, right
, and if we know each other,this is sort of like a
presentation day.
So if I'm bringing my man homefor the first time, or if you're
bringing your lady friend homefor the first time and you're
not mindful, like to dress toimpress because you're, you're
definitely given off animpression and not like pretend
(37:22):
like that's not happening.
You're giving off an impressionon people.
Now, what you're going toimpress on them, oh, that's up
to that.
That's up to y'all to choose,but absolutely you.
You should not come in with thesuper baggy jeans but your
little ethical underwear hangingabout of them.
That's weird.
You should not be with supercleavage hanging out.
(37:45):
That's super weird.
You know Dan Woodham Leganswith that little weird what's
that little weird thing?
That going between the cheekson them?
They're the rock.
I'm gonna tell y'all, all right,I don't give you an auntie,
mother, girlfriend, whatever.
Them leggings is super weirdand they're not for the holidays
.
That's a new rule, though.
(38:06):
It's a new rule those leggingsthat are like ruching in the ass
cheek part, like they in thecrack, what, what?
To make women appear to havelarger bums, and I'm just like
scratching my, my sides.
It would never work.
So half of the problems thatI'm jealous the other app is
(38:30):
that it's so distasteful lookingto me on like nine out of 10 of
the women I'm worried about byit.
So yeah, the weird leggings.
I'm not a leg and type of girl.
I understand that.
Lots of people just loveleggings.
So I would love to say candylegans all together.
But I know that I can't becareful with how you're wearing
(38:51):
the leggings.
This holiday season it's okayto put on a tunic style.
You know, sweatshirt, notsweatshirt, but sweater.
With those leggings.
Like, please, please, let'scover it up and you can still
look good.
You can put your silhouette out.
I would never tell a woman tohide her silhouette, because
(39:14):
mine's always yeah, hold on, Iam who I am.
Like, I'm coming through there,yeah, yeah, nah, auntie's here
and it is what it is.
I'm wearing, what I'm wearing,you know, but this is not my
first impression.
Also.
M (39:28):
So you know, see, that's true .
See, you know, dan will if hegot a young lady that looks very
good.
So I walk around, walking inthe house.
You're the old uncles, the onesin the corner that you took to
the dead or the damn day fellasleep after the date.
T (39:50):
Oh, they'll wake up.
No, she don't need shit.
Stop playing A girl, come puton this t-shirt because he's
about to get carried away and heain't paid you nothing.
You're getting free looks leftand right.
That's the other part thatwears me out, Uh-uh.
M (40:07):
See, and that's what my hat that's, it's gonna cause a lot
of friction for no reason,because he gonna get up and he
could be all up in her face.
That means that his wife, theaunt, is gonna be in there
looking at his face and he ain'tgonna like that, and none of
them are like that.
T (40:20):
Your face too?
Oh yes, because you saw ourwomen off.
I mean, you hold the manaccountable, but you also hold
women accountable too.
So you just gonna come up inhere to any old body, family you
know, dressing like any oldthing.
M (40:33):
No, no, no, no, no, no.
That can't happen.
And for the young ladies, makesure your man has a belt around
his pants and the pants up abovehis hip so I shouldn't see his
cavern clients or where the fuckhe's wearing.
He need to be able to bepresent himself in such a way,
(40:55):
be able to speak well At least.
Doc keeps saying you know whatI'm saying, because they're
gonna look at him as ignorant.
Then he may not be ignorant,guys, this may be the way he
speaks, but the motor cats, themotor people are gonna look at
him as ignorant.
And then they're gonna ask dowe chase you around the house
the whole fucking night?
Why are you with him?
What does he bring to the table?
Do he got a job?
How many kids he got?
So make sure he's presentableand so that you can have a nice
(41:20):
peaceful night and, baby, takesome beautiful pictures and be
able to come back again and notbe the topic of conversation
until the next time they see you, because you'll never let that
shit down until they see youagain, either with that dude
cleaned up or different dudesclean earth.
So please don't do that.
Whatever you do, just make sureyou have that conversation.
And if you got ladies clothesoff for him, ladies fucking
clothes off for him, so youain't got to go through?
(41:44):
no, bullshit, because if you gotlaid her clothes off for her,
well, no, well, well see, thething is, we just got to tell
her we're going to see someolder people clothes out and
whatnot, since we laying clothesout and, like today's society,
(42:05):
we forget that it's okay toactively impress someone.
T (42:10):
Right, it's okay to show up and to speak and use my words a
little more, I guess, eloquentlythan I would with my
girlfriends.
And when I'm just hanging outin a car with my boyfriend,
right, it's a way to clean it upfor the day as we're presenting
ourselves to the first time topeople that we don't know, the
(42:31):
male or the female in thesituation.
Just be mindful that itactually is okay to impress that
family.
Who's who is actually putpassing judgment on you, I think
that's important?
M (42:45):
Oh yeah, because you know T.
You know the first thing.
You don't know nothing abouther.
The first time you look at heror him, just impression.
So make sure that you dress toimpress Because, again, if
you're going to, if you'rebringing them to you meet your
family, they're gonna be aroundfor a while.
They're not just somebodythat's just gonna pass through
the night.
They were actually a part ofyour life.
(43:06):
So you want to present that.
You know, just out there, justpick up any old time they can
hurry, or Joan, joan, joan andHelen, because they're gonna
look at that and say, if this isthe best she dressed when she's
the first time she's seen us,how the fuck does she dress when
she's out here in public?
Or how does he dress when he'sout there in public?
T (43:27):
and discretion.
Back to what we were justspeaking about.
As far as thoseextracurriculars are concerned,
if you're super young and youcan be at the legal drinking age
but you're there to impresssomeone's family, it's okay to
like totally limit or not engageat all.
Right, if your guy over to meetyour dad, the uncles, your
(43:53):
family and your guys the smokerperhaps, and your family is not,
it's okay if y'all only show upthere for like 30 minutes one
hour and have him to not smokethat occasion.
Not to say that you're notkeeping it real, but it's just
discretion.
This is not the time for itperhaps, right?
(44:14):
Yes, it's offered and you knowit's like a piece offering is
the holidays, your father's down, whatever, go with the flow
type of thing.
But if you know that your womanenjoys a good drink, she loves
a good margarita, she couldthrow them back.
She love a.
You know five or six of them.
No, babe, just can you, can wejust do one while we at my mom's
house, you know, for the hour,and then when we, you know,
(44:36):
leave about a day, we'll kind ofdo what we normally do.
But when we go to impressfamilies, it's okay to limit
those extracurriculars,especially for those who are
suppression.
Nobody's gonna see a newgirlfriend getting drunk.
M (44:51):
Oh no, nobody wants to see that.
Nobody wants to see that at all.
And the other thing aboutimpressing people if you, if
they're talking on a subject youdon't know nothing about stay
quiet, absolutely.
Absolutely, absolutely.
That's what that will gain youmore points than anything,
(45:12):
because what nobody everybodyhates is a dumb motherfucker who
don't know.
He's a dumb motherfuckerjumping in a conversation that
we all know.
Now that you're a dumbmotherfucker, and now we're just
gonna sit back and say, oh,this motherfucker, just, he's
just gonna talk, just to hearyourself talk.
So we're gonna keep diggingthat hole deeper and deeper and
then, when time comes, we'regonna tell whoever whoever
brought you, it's a dumbmotherfucker.
(45:34):
And they're gonna say why, andthey're gonna start and we're
gonna lay it out for you.
Not, we're not gonna be him andthe home We'll lay out.
We talked about this and he justjumped in a totally wrong.
He's done better.
Like you said, t, you know whatI don't.
I never heard that before heinformed me.
Can you tell me a little bitmore about that?
So now he can make a decisionbased on not that he knows about
(45:55):
it, but he least could say well, based on what I heard, this is
what I would think.
Now he can have a generalconversation about it, but he
knows that later on he gonnahave to talk if he's gonna be
around for a while.
You probably need to learnabout this, because we had
general conversations like this.
But don't try and impresspeople.
If you don't know shit, youdon't know shit, because that's
not the time to show people thatyou're the smartest person in
(46:15):
the room.
We don't even want to know that.
T (46:16):
And don't be somebody's yes person.
Just because you don't knowthem, you don't have to be their
yes person.
No, I'm not familiar with that.
Tell me a little bit more.
Oh, I've never seen that.
Why don't you stir that with me?
M (46:35):
Absolutely okay.
It really is.
It really really is.
And and again, bring out yourbest, best who you are, and not
saying be phony, but bring outthe best who you are.
Whatever that is, just bringthe best.
Don't be fake, but just be thebest you can be, because then
we'll be like somebody who'sshowing me exactly who they are
a fake person.
(46:55):
I got on for you because nowI'm gonna think everything you
say is fake because you start.
You start off being fake andyou continue being fake.
But you may be nervous orwhatever, we don't care.
Just be who you are, you know,and then just your self.
Yeah, that's it.
That's all you need to do andyou'll have a wonderful holiday
(47:16):
and your wonderful time.
It will think highly of you.
We'll talk highly about that.
That's a nice person and allthat.
We would love that people wouldlove you and we would embrace
you.
Next time we see you We'llremember your name, boy, you
know.
I remember that it was like, oh, I just Definitely will.
(48:09):
Oh, my god.
So you know, we just want this aspecial, you know, podcast.
We want to just go ahead andlay out some things for you guys
to look out for and take it andkeep rewinding, cuz you're
gonna keep using and keeppassing on the people, because
we want y'all to enjoy theholiday season and we want to
make sure that we don't lettoxic relationships, bad
(48:32):
situations between familymembers, any that issue to
disrupt a beautiful holidayseason.
You know so, you know, let'sdoes.
We went through many of them.
We've we've seen some thingswhoo I can't mention.
I probably get sued if Imentioned it on this podcast,
but it's just, I don't wanty'all to go through this.
We don't want y'all to gothrough this, you know.
(48:55):
So, t, what's your final wordsto the Recap.
T (49:00):
Do we even mention about how people want to feel about loved
ones who are not there?
M (49:06):
Oh yeah, okay, let's bring that up.
Let's bring that up.
T (49:09):
Yeah, I think I'm gonna go back to the first place about
the loved one who.
Would you know they're notthere this year.
That's actually not fair toeither one of y'all.
I'm not telling you to forgetgrandma.
No, don't you forget you.
Don't you forget your uncle,but I'm seeing uncle and grandma
and sisters or whoever are notphysically here Holidays, all
(49:33):
the time where we welcome themback into our hearts and really
recall.
You know the things that Makeus all family and you sit back
and you reminisce and you laughand you take pictures and you
realize how much the auntieslook like the grandmother.
You know how much the dadlooked like his brother.
You know how much you knowgrandpa dad looking like grandpa
(49:57):
.
Sit back and reflect and seethat you know the newest niece
in the family look just like thegrandmother who just passed
away and it will literallyLighten your spirit and your
soul that you think it was gonnacome through that door super
heavy.
Let it go and embrace life andenjoy the life that is here.
M (50:20):
Oh, that is so true.
T, that's very true.
And, guys, you, you have to goback and understand that you
being here to enjoy this holidayand all the holidays, you
really are extension of everyonewho has passed on, everyone who
has made that transition.
So they wouldn't want you tosit here and mourn, yeah, you're
(50:41):
gonna miss them, but they wantyou to carry on.
They want you to carry thespirits on, because by carrying
the spirits on they live forever.
So just make sure that you, youtalk about the story, you show
the pictures, you, you bring thenext generation Into what, what
you live, because that's theonly you, only you have them as
pictures and memories and youwant me to pass it on.
(51:02):
So those kids like, wow, thatwas a great person I and I wish
I got to see her.
And an actuality people, theyare seeing it through.
You also carry yourself in sucha way that you, that their
memory will always live.
Long after every holiday, afteryou're gone, your kids be able
(51:23):
to have a same conversationabout you and about your
relative who has passed on, andthat's the beauty of this recipe
which I left, that gravy recipe, that gravy technique which I
you know.
T (51:38):
Those answers are gonna be coming through during the
holidays.
The people who have left, theyhave not left all the way you
know, that bird is still thereand it is definitely carrying
through all of us and all of ourmovements.
So people come together andEnjoy each other.
(51:58):
Look at the small faces.
Some people have small families.
They might have one or two kidsthere.
They might not have any kidsthere, so what?
Y'all keep showing up for eachother, smiling with each other
and just holding on to what wehave presently Large families.
Y'all better watch outattitudes and respect each other
, because you know shit getsreal with the Big family.
(52:19):
Lot of moving pieces with thosebig families.
Fine, joe, clicks that youenjoy the love.
Everybody there from afar Sorry, everybody can't love them all
close, no, everybody in thatbuilding, at least from afar,
(52:39):
and how it's gonna make you feel, it's gonna empower you.
M (52:43):
Oh, my god, see, as again you got this shit down to a sign.
You can wrap everything up.
You got the Christmas ball andeven Christmas yet that's
beautiful, but it's gonna beChristmas soon.
So you know, people Enjoy.
Just enjoy the holiday season,just enjoy the people and just
(53:04):
be blessed that you're here toeven enjoy another holiday
season and With that man, thisepisode of one of my DM and see.
Listen, you know what to do.
Hit that like Subscribe to thechannel little bells, you can
get all the latest, greatestEpisodes that's coming up.
Yeah, I want to thank everybody, all with the new Subscribers,
(53:28):
all the new, everything.
We're up to tea, almost 90,well over 90,000 views on On dip
thumb on the site and on thewebsite and on the podcast.
So I want to thank you guys andagain, till we see you again.
The wonderful holiday, veryChristmas, happy New Year is all
that stuff.
We'll talk to you.
Let's go there.
(53:55):
Peace and bless.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to On the Mic with the M.
I'm cool.
Hey, okay, I got the glasses on.
So I'm not trying to be coolbecause you see the cool
background with the snow and allthat stuff, it looks, it looks
flat on it and I got the glasseson.
But I got glasses on because Ihad a procedure on my eyes today
.
So I ain't just trying to sithere and be be smooth and you
know thank you thank you, thankyou.
T (00:26):
Yeah, you're welcome, thank you.
M (00:29):
Ladies and gentlemen, I got the holidays coming up and, as
you know, you got to startseeing family.
T (00:38):
Oh Lord, so, oh, no, no, it was the time to smile and to
rejoice, and I mean, keep itreal, like pretty much the work
you've been putting in all yearshould make it so that the
holidays are, or can be, enjoyed.
(00:59):
Did you handle those situationswith your auntie?
Did you create properboundaries with people within
the family so that you can enjoyyour holidays?
Because some of y'all don'tlike each other, and I know it.
Some people I'm just justkeeping it real Some aunties
come to the house and you're notvibing with those aunties.
You know, uncle, let's comethrough the door and you like
(01:21):
mmm, they hear.
Or you know uncle's wife comethrough the door and your face
is like, hey, you know youwasn't trying to see her, right,
but it's okay, let's talk about, right, how to get through the
holiday.
Didn't put in that work so thatyou know, just come easy,
(01:41):
because you know I'm not rockingwith you if I don't rock with
you.
I love you from afar, all that.
M (01:48):
Oh, my God.
T (01:50):
Pick up the phone.
Hey, season's greetings, butlet's not do it in the same
space.
That's the rule number one.
Okay, let's make the rules toit.
Don't spend too much time in aplace where you don't want to
spend too much time at.
M (02:06):
No.
T (02:07):
Can that be the first rule of the holidays when it comes to
dealing with family?
Yes, at the time.
Oh my God.
M (02:14):
You have to, because a lot of these, as we all know, a lot of
them, will force you to act.
Or, sir, when?
Not because you want to,because you almost have to,
because there's a lot of deepseated issues, unresolved issues
.
T (02:30):
Like you said, is deep.
Yeah, I've been not worried.
Yeah, I've been not working onstuff, been letting stuff slide.
You know you've been tellingslide from her.
She been talking, slick out ofher damn mouth to you since she
was probably what?
1112 years old, ain't no figurethat shit.
Until you've been needing to bechecked, we can, but don't
(02:52):
check your mom's sister, don'tcheck your father's sister and
don't do it on Thanksgiving infront of every goddamn.
Don't do that.
You know, just limit the amountof time you have with that
person in the room.
You know, smile and be merryand move, move quickly away from
them.
M (03:10):
That is so damn true.
And you know, the other thingis T, we're looking at a time,
especially when around my age,when a lot of your aunties and
parents are gone and you kind ofnow, you, you're now the
replacement, you're now the newaunties and uncles of the family
, and you really have to growand just say you know what we
(03:36):
may have all these all issues,as you said, let's just make
this work for just just for thisperiod of time, and so nobody,
we're not carrying on themadness and the kids ain't no,
something like y'all don't likeeach other.
Because I look at like this ifyou have resolved it by this
point, you're not going toresolve it this year.
You're probably never going toresolve it, because at some
point you also deal with thereality of people don't want to
(04:01):
deal or be accountable and takeownership in the fuckery that's
keeping y'all separate in thefirst place.
T (04:09):
Like it's a real.
It's a real issue there andit's going to take real work and
real unpacking and it's goingto really hurt.
That's not hurt on Turkey day,like no, that's not.
I'm just saying we only herefor a few hours, and so you know
, either you just come there forlike an hour and make a plate
smile, say hello to the peoplethat you love.
(04:31):
Do not not show up because ofone or two people in the space
making you feel uncomfortable.
Either show up and make themfeel equally as uncomfortable
and, yes, I'm keeping the toxicor I'm not showing up to my
uncle's house because you knowsome auntie or some cousin that
(04:51):
you know one or two of them I'mnot vibing with.
I get to miss the whole familybecause of that.
No, walk past and love on themfrom afar.
Don't forget to love on themfrom afar.
M (05:03):
Absolutely.
T (05:03):
Keep that thing moving, because don't let, you can't let
people take things away fromyou.
M (05:10):
No, no, because they'll be very clear if nobody has learned
from the pandemic, we're not,you know, we don't know when
that day is going to come whenwe're out of here.
So don't allow somebody who youdon't really give a fuck about
messed it up because it could bethat uncle could be the last
time you see that uncle, thelast time you see anybody, and
(05:32):
the last thing you want to sayis oh shit, I could have went to
the Thanksgiving by that.
I saw his motherfucking cousin,mind or whomever.
And then they don't.
That person dies, and then it'sthe same motherfucker that you
don't like at a funeral, not ata happy situation, but in a very
sad situation.
T (05:52):
So why you so sad?
Because you didn't even realizerock with that person in the
first place.
But it's because you have agood spirit right and you're
you've allowed someone to takewhat is good in you and shift it
into something else.
That's why you gotta lovepeople from afar, because they
keep your own self peace andyour own mental health and order
(06:13):
.
Like, don't, don't hate onpeople, because that that that
seeds that hate into you.
No, I'm loving on everybody,even the people who don't
necessarily love on me back.
That's why it's from afar,because you know I don't need to
catch your love because Ididn't need it.
No, I didn't need it.
I was here for all these otherpeople.
M (06:33):
Absolutely, absolutely.
And, like I said, we don't knowhow long we got.
It's not fair to them becausewe got issues, we got beef that
shouldn't affect them.
Because, again, ultimately,you're here, you're here for
them, you're here to celebratethem, to be blessed, and you
have memories because, again,there's a time when all that
shit went in and you don't wantto say have regrets and I wish I
(06:56):
should have, could have,because we see, we see it all
the time and freedom fromsomebody died and you're like
man, see that cousin a long timebut he had a beef with another
cousin and never got a chance tosee that person who died.
Now they feel fucked up and ina lot of cases even more matter
the person they didn't like,because that person stopped them
from seeing auntie orgrandfather, grandmother,
(07:18):
whomever, because of thatmotherfucker you was avoiding
everybody, everybody, everybody,everybody.
T (07:26):
The other thing, especially about, like, I want to say that
that that generation, that'slike our age, right, we might
show up and feel a certain typeof way or not want to come to
places and feel like everybodyelse there is just so
comfortable and just enjoyingeach other.
But little do you know that theolder generation who's there
(07:48):
also there's a few people therewho can't stand each other, but
they've also fixed their face tocome together on that one day
and moving with maturity andgrace, right, absolutely.
They've done it so well andthey've done it for so long that
you don't even notice, youdon't even know.
You don't think you gotsomething to stand on, one real
(08:09):
life, that other auntie whoacross the room, who smiles at
everybody, you think she justlike everybody.
No, she got grace and she'sstanding over there and she's,
you know, willing, and she'sthat piece with herself, willing
to greet people, you know,serve people and love on them,
you know, whether it be close orfar.
True, that's true.
(08:31):
You don't know amongst that,especially that older generation
, because you know they werelike masters of facades, right,
you never really knew who yourmother was, never really knew
who your grand you know like,and I just say they're like
Liars or anything like that, butthey, they create really good
facades and like this generation, currently we're in that, um,
(08:54):
I'm keeping a real type of thingand I don't bite my tongue for
nobody.
M (08:58):
Yep.
T (09:00):
No, they bite their tongue.
M (09:02):
No yes, they do.
T (09:03):
No, they don't.
It's not time to keep it realeverywhere.
Sometimes you have to put aface on, and so the holidays is
not to say to disturb your peace.
I'm not telling you to be fakeor phony, but every Thing, every
, every obstacle is we don'thave to pause it in the moment.
M (09:22):
Absolutely, absolutely, god damn movie.
If you do that, if you startwith that, that's a great start.
The other thing that I'm gonnasay and we talked about that
probably the last podcast is Donot disrespect someone's the
person or their spouse Based onsituations you may have heard or
(09:45):
may have.
Somebody may have facebookedyou about it, or I am you about
it, or whatever the hell theydid about it.
Don't, don't cause rift whenthey don't have to be rift,
because that's Definitely theseason where you know you might
(10:08):
be somebody's sister.
T (10:10):
And then your brother called you up one day because he was in
his feelings and he vented toyou, sis.
He vented to you about his wifeand he was angry after stuff
was true.
The other half of the stuffwasn't true, who cares.
You're not about to roll up onThanksgiving with your face
screwed up, mad at the wife Forsomething that your brother then
(10:33):
called you up about threemonths ago when he was mad and
they was having a little step.
What are you doing?
What are you?
What are you doing?
And, mind you, this is alwayslike a sister who's unmarried,
who don't really have a realrelationship, or you know just
something.
You're going on in their life,totally weird and got judgment
(10:54):
passing on everybody's Facescrewed up.
Sit down and eat your damn hamand fix your face.
Have a little grace.
I gotta pull it out this year.
M (11:05):
You have to, because again groceries costs.
T (11:09):
No, we're coming together.
Fix your face, get your collardgreens on your plate, grab you
some little turkeys and stuffand Shut up yeah yeah, that is
so true.
M (11:22):
I've ever grown up it was strange like that happened.
Well, you know, at back then weain't had a damn you know
internet or cell phones ornothing like that.
So it's kind of like whereeverybody got there and, being a
kid, you walk around, you seethe men gathered together and
talked to one uncle or somebodyand you kind of like as a kid
you could be like they gettogether, but it's always
standing somewhere with a cup inthe hand talking to him.
(11:44):
So you kind of get over thereand you, yeah, boy, I heard you
messing up out there.
Oh what, what the uncle do?
Look, great boy, get out of thepicture, get on out of here.
This is for grown folk.
You.
So you like, oh damn.
And then you go up the step allsudden the women talking Listen,
girl, you ain't gotta take allthat from him.
You, what you gotta do is whatyou doing in here.
I'm gonna get out of here.
(12:05):
You ain't in here.
This woman stuff.
You're like, oh shit, I can'tgo to the man stuff.
You can't listen to the woman,shit, take your proof, yes,
outside.
T (12:13):
Find yo hasn't.
Find a friend, someone your agegroup and start your own group.
Okay, that's true, I guess sotrue.
I was at my uncle's house oneday for a little party, little
shindig, and me and my sisterwere 38 and 40, right.
So the guy group was like mydad's age for my uncles, my dad
(12:37):
and all the men is their age,right On our spouses they're
fine with that age group.
But you know that's not reallyour age group.
So we're like it's awkward.
So we go find the women that'smy mom and all of you know that
age group and we're like, ah,this is the awkward, you know.
And then we're the cousins thatwere they the baby that the
younger cousins, me and mysister, sat out on that front
(12:58):
porch by ourselves.
Like you know, this is ourgroup, because it's okay to
define your group and the family.
Everybody don't have to sitaround and you know we're not
all sitting down at no ginormousdiner and table on thank giving
.
No I don't know, and that's themindful.
(13:22):
To keep kids out of grown folks, oh my god, yes.
M (13:27):
That's so true I'm going to emphasize I wish I had my took,
could take my glasses.
I'm just gonna stay behind theglasses, watch out where your
goddamn kids are, because downBack in the day you had to worry
, right now that's.
You could be on ig by the timeyou get off the table or leave
the table to go Go look fordessert or to sit, walk away
from the table a little bitbefore you think about dessert.
(13:48):
You look at when you got them.
I just feed you like what thefuck?
They don't told everybody aboutwhat the hell's going on in the
house.
And you're like I know, theyknow, they know.
So rule number three, rulenumber three Crazy shit, don't
put them in the middle of fuckedup Bullshit that's going on in
(14:08):
the family.
They don't need to know.
T (14:10):
They don't want to know.
M (14:13):
Yeah, and you know what happens, team.
You know what happens Once thekids that age gets involved with
that fuck shit.
They start parrying on thatbullshit because then it's
looking at their cousin who'srelated to that Shit going on.
Now that kid, that cousin,looks at the other cousin funny
because he's like, oh shit, yourmama going through that,
because they talk and now all ofa sudden everybody started with
(14:33):
pit day.
They're the worst kids sincegoddamn Burt bread and now y'all
got issues.
Not because y'all too haveissues, because the older
motherfuckers got issues.
Now them pass that Sparma downto your ass and you don't know
why you got issues.
You don't because they told yousome fuck shit and their
parents told them some fuck shit.
So now y'all got beef.
Yeah, no reason at all.
(14:55):
So keep kids at your bullshitand just go outside or go
somewhere and deal with thatshit.
T (14:59):
Just don't talk to your way.
You remember, the adults don'tmove, the children move.
Send, yes, friend, to a safespace, you know, make sure
they're safe.
Please.
Don't just send many aware, butmake sure kids have a safe
place where they can, you know,play freely, uh, listen freely,
eat freely, you know.
(15:20):
And also, so I can, you know,sit my tea free.
Because this Thanksgiving, and Iam there and I'm gonna wrap my
mama up, I'm gonna wrap mysister's up.
You know we're talking.
We ain't got nothing else to dobut eat, sip and talk, that's
it ever comes up, we'll come up.
And no, we're pouring the tea.
It's the holidays and you knowI had a spirited to and I'm
(15:46):
enjoying myself, yeah, but wewant to talk to the kids about
it.
The room, the space, you knowwe're gonna, we're gonna also
use the lower tone voice, right,yes, yes, because that's the
one thing that we also forgotabout was to know our voices
when we're speaking, um, aboutstuff that the children don't
need to, you know, busy theirheads with.
M (16:08):
Absolutely.
Because, again, the louder youtalk, the louder they talk and
after a while Everybody'stalking and nobody understands a
fucking word and nobody'ssaying, because everybody's
trying to scream over each otherand trying to get their point
across, but yet it all you hearis goddamn noise.
So, yes, do that.
The other thing, music wise.
(16:29):
Please, please, please, do notplay that fuck shit that's going
on today.
I don't want to hear.
No, got first of all.
Listen, I do not want to hear nobullshit from cardi B or make
the stallion with your olderaunts in there.
Yeah, hold the uncles in thereplaying that, because they're
(16:49):
gonna slap the fuck out somebody.
Who?
What the fuck are you playingwith that?
T (16:52):
What that's.
Please don't have auntie tryingto drop it low.
On Thanksgiving, grandma, haveseveral seats.
You got the cool grandma.
Your, your, your grandchildrendo not want to see you with your
hands in the air Trying to, youknow, break them knees down to
the floor and then could barelyget up.
Nobody wants that.
On Thanksgiving.
(17:13):
Nobody's trying to call theambulance, that's, nobody needs
that.
Yeah, and you can't stopbecause again the spirits are
(17:36):
flowing, because you know wasThanksgiving or the holidays, so
they didn't have to drink it to.
The songs are playing, they gotthe.
You know the younger generationout there.
No, save those people fromthemselves, people, please.
M (17:52):
Exactly, don't.
Don't do it because, first ofall, you're having a great
fucking time, it's gonna haveyou on or tick, tock and all
that shit, but two days lateryou're asked to be in a hospital
to get you goddamn hip replacedbecause you're gonna fuck your
hip up or through your back out,or fuck your neck up.
T (18:08):
Nobody All of the above, or all of the above.
M (18:12):
Exactly do it.
The spirit hit you sit your assdown the chair and move your
leg and move your hip.
Just move it that way, don't.
Don't stand, throw hands anddrop it like it's hot.
T (18:20):
No, that shit, or turn up odys, but goodies, because the
music was a little slow.
So you know they want to move alittle bit slower.
You know they're not going todo too much with the odys, but
you know they come put theirhands in the air, but this is
way gonna be a little bit slower.
You know they have to go downto the floor because there's no
need to right, it's a little bitdifferent.
(18:40):
They got class all of a sudden.
Right, Woman move full classy.
Now, right, it's the world thata woman was trying to work on
any of these odys but goodies.
M (18:55):
Oh my god.
T (18:57):
Like the hip is not, it wasn't, it's not gonna it's not
gonna happen.
M (19:01):
You're gonna blow our knees, blow our hips, blow our backs.
And then somebody's gonna haveto keep taking your ass to the
fucking doctor appointmentbecause you're gonna blame
somebody.
Somebody's gonna take me to thedoctor.
Well, uh, did you fuck told you?
Drop it like it's hot.
You know you drop these shittyass like a tarot family.
What the fuck?
Come on now.
You know you're too fucking old.
Do that.
(19:21):
Fuck shit Now.
I gotta suffer for it, I gottatake you to the fucking
appointments for surgery and allthat shit.
Don't do it so watch the music.
And another thing, big thingnow, please, please, please, do
not smoke your weed around yourolder relatives.
Take that shit outside, takethat shit in the car, take that
(19:44):
shit be smoking before you getthere, but don't smoke the weed
when you're there, please don't.
T (19:50):
What's your problem?
Hold on, I need moreinformation on this one.
M (19:53):
Listen, listen, listen.
We know this is a conversationwe haven't had before Because
before you know, in previousThanksgiving dinners, yeah,
people get a little fucked up.
They drink the spirits of thewine and take all those little
things.
But now, since the legalizationof marijuana, the marijuana,
the oo-wee-wee you're gonna havepeople, hey, you smoke it.
(20:16):
So you're gonna have some ofthe young ones going hey, it's
legal, bring some with me andyou're gonna walk in the house.
Now you may smoke weed outsideon your car before you even go
in the house.
Just get a little buzz, becauseagain we go back to the first
one.
You're gonna see some cousinsand some people you don't
fucking like, so you're gonnaneed a little buzz to kind of
(20:37):
take the edge off you before yougo up in there.
So you know, we understand, Iunderstand, we both understand
that.
But walk around a little bit,you know.
Make sure you air out a littlebit.
Don't fucking walk in the housesmelling like you just hit a
motherfucking ounce and walkingin the door talking give me a
hand, see what's going on.
And the first thing is baby tryand catch the contact.
(21:02):
Please don't do that.
T (21:07):
I guess the moral there is to have a little discretion.
Have a little discretion theseholidays, you know.
In my opinion, whatever it isthat you're smoking, right.
If you're a smoker and you haveto step outside to smoke,
whatever it is that you'resmoking, you know, make sure
that you're far enough from thepeople from the entry points,
(21:27):
right, because a lot of them arenon-smokers, perhaps asthmatic,
perhaps just have bronchitisissues, but have a respiratory
nonsense.
People got going on that youknow we can't help, or they just
choose not to inhale this.
Please do not smoke near theentryways, like right outside
the front door.
Just because you went outside,the smoke's still waftin' on the
(21:48):
inside right.
And it doesn't matter if it wassmoker or not a smoker, right,
it's still the same rules forwhatever the house is, Walk a
little bit away so that when anauntie comes through the door, a
grandmother or just a randomguest comes through the door,
they're not walkin' throughsmoke clouds, especially if it's
like you know, the ooey,because that's gonna give you,
(22:09):
that's gonna linger just alittle bit, Just a little, and
it's gonna I'm gonna hit you,It'll hit you.
So, yeah, walk around just alittle bit and then, once it's
done, you know, whatever it istobacco, whatever you have, give
yourself a little minute to putit out and then, yeah, air out,
like, let that smell soften onyourself before you re-enter.
(22:31):
It's just respect, even if it'sa home full of smokers, right?
Yep, that's just how yourespect yourself, respect your
home.
So you just air yourself offjust a little bit before you
walk in.
You know, right back inside of ahome, Especially when it's
mixed company in there, becauseyou don't know what type of
conditions your small childrenhave older relatives right up
(22:54):
down with, yeah, and things thatpeople are trying to get over
or overcome.
Now, I'm not saying that you'regoing to rehab for weed or
nothin' like that.
But you know, maybe people arelike I just don't want that
around me.
I'm trying to, you know, quitdoing something or just take a
break from something.
So yeah, don't push your senseoff on other people.
M (23:17):
No, no, and I'm going to say this too.
I'm going to add on to this, ifyou have to partake of it,
because some people do it forother than just you know to use
it.
They use it for medical reasons.
So if that's good, get you somesprays that kills the scent,
you know.
Or take an edible, that point,you have an herb and a smell.
(23:39):
You just have to be carefulbecause you know, with edibles
it could get a little dicey.
So you just want to make surethat you know you're aware of
different situations that mayhappen if you do partake of the
OOE week.
So just be mindful of that.
You know and you know and thatgoes with.
Also, I want to add don't drinka lot of alcohol Just because
(24:02):
it's there.
Don't fucking just drink it.
You know T you get thosemotherfuckin' relatives who most
of those motherfuckers wouldbuy that shit, that gut rock
shit.
Oh Lord, don't let no, don'tlet no.
Ace of spades or some shit likethat.
You know, let me see some tangoray or some goddamn 20 year old
bourbon.
(24:22):
I'm a partake of that shit.
Now you understand you've neverhad that kind of shit in your
entire life, but you know youain't going to ever buy that
shit in your life.
So if it's available it'sholidays, it take a sip.
Now we both know brown liquorand white liquor can affect you
in different ways and a lot ofpeople.
I would hate for anybody outhere, anybody, to find out that
(24:46):
they have a real fucked uptolerance to brown liquor or
white liquor, because that's thefirst time you ever had it,
because it's embarrassing.
T (24:54):
It's a rule for things, divan don't you start nothing new.
If you ain't been cooking,don't you start cooking.
If you ain't been drinking,don't you start drinking.
And if you ain't been smoking,don't start smoking.
Don't do nothing new that youhave not been doing during the
(25:15):
holidays.
That's the rule.
That's the rule for holidays.
Yes, please don't If you don'tmake college greens.
Guess what?
Don't try today.
M (25:27):
No.
T (25:28):
You spit brown liquor.
Don't drink it today.
No, no, no, no, no.
You try to experiment in yourown home with yes, true, that's
true, true, and, ladies andgentlemen, think about it.
M (25:42):
I'm talking about many years ago, before they had phones and
that type of stuff.
Right now, you're going to getexposed immediately because
everybody got a phone.
So if you fuck around and startsampling brown liquor on this
particular day and now,everybody's going to see the
after effects of you doing that.
Fuck shit.
Not just the people in yourhouse.
Millions and millions of peoplewill see the effect of that,
(26:02):
because they're gonna clown youoh, without question, gonna put
your ass out there and you don'tbe that person.
You won't be the next meme.
And so just be careful aboutthose particular things that you
do.
One in particular liquor and ina weed and and all the other
shit so yes yes, yes, yes, andand know your boundaries.
(26:23):
That's another one.
Know your boundaries.
That goes on with the weed andeverything else.
It also goes along with food.
Oh, we don't want to havehappened.
Is you been?
You're eating a certain thingor you're not used to a certain
eating certain things.
This is a pig pig pork.
Oh, she always get cooked.
(26:47):
Now, all of a sudden, you eatpiece that.
Hand me all me up.
I'm gonna fix me a ham sandwich.
They mind you.
You got high blood pressure.
Keep me the fucking hamsandwich.
You need another one.
And next you, you know you're awoozy.
You're unstable, you littlefucked up in your head.
And then people ask why, atthat moment you say, oh shit, I
(27:11):
got high blood pressure.
Hey, like the motherfucker,left and came back, you already
had who came in the door withyou, you and high blood pressure
came, that motherfucker, at thesame time.
He didn't put you.
You know, oh shit, I know itwas on me, I know it was right,
right there beside me.
No, it was with you wholefucking time.
So now your fucking bloodpressure's got up to 55 or 199
(27:32):
and then you're like, oh lord,not gonna go to hospital.
Then you don't fuck the verybios time because now you didn't
know your boundaries and I gottake your goofy ass to the
fucking hospital.
Because you come out to have afucking stroke because you saw
this beautiful Ham that youshouldn't have in the first
place there to be cut.
But it's there be cut forsomebody else, not you.
Yeah, do your boundaries.
T (27:54):
Yeah, you don't.
You don't have to overeat onthe holidays and you don't have
to consume the items justbecause it's there.
M (28:01):
Right.
T (28:01):
So that you've been like vegetarian or trying to walk a
vegan lifestyle.
You don't have to stop becauseit's the holidays, right?
No, we're eating smallerportions, right?
Yes, smaller portions, justbecause it's the holidays.
I'm always weirded out thatpeople have like a ginormous
plate on thanks to them, likewhat happened to your stomach on
(28:23):
this day?
Did it like, bro, how, how, how, how did we get more food on
our plate today than any othernight, than the whole entire
year?
The whole year, even Christmas,you got a regular size plate
for some reason.
Thanksgiving it's like the mostgluttonous holiday.
Not in my house, I can barelysee you not in my house.
(28:43):
So for anybody wants to useThanksgiving as an excuse for
gluttony, you don't have to.
Actually, you can show up onThanksgiving and you can make a
normal size plate.
And and why people say theynormally eaten more than one
plate on Thanksgiving Is becauseThanksgiving normally starts
(29:03):
around lunch hour, yes, and yourun all the way up until you
know the time that child want toleave, and so it's an after an
hour because it's people in thespace that you really can't
stand.
Or you got another home to goto.
You eat a plate there and thenyou take a plate to go fate or
two, because you're going to eatit later.
(29:24):
And yes, the idea that peopleare eating, you know, several
plates throughout the day, thatis sensible, but please let's
not normalize the overeating offood on Thanksgiving.
Make normal plates, normal sizeplates, have another plate in a
(29:44):
few hours that your food goesdown.
We do not have to not behealthy or be unhealthy because
it's a holiday.
M (29:54):
Absolutely.
T (29:57):
You know you ain't gotta pull out Fat back, whatever.
It is weird that you know we'vebeen switched over to turkey
necks and you know you can stillbe a conscious chef in the
kitchen.
Um, the weird part that Ididn't notice about Um
vegetables is which vegetable isvegetarian or vegan?
(30:18):
Oh, really, like which one theyknow vegetable that's going to
be on the plate, on the on theon the table, like vegan style,
Because you know we're cateringto the vegans this year but I
love you.
Holly green's not vegan.
You know, cabbage not vegan,not vegan.
I mean, I don't know whatvegetable would be vegan.
(30:40):
Yeah.
M (30:43):
Oh lord, yeah, but see, you ain't gonna have those huge
plates though that's the otheryou.
You're not gonna have that andyou shouldn't have them because
you Very weird, because youdidn't eat like that the day
before Thanksgiving, in today,before that or last week.
So why the fuck you're gonnagrab a whole plate of shit on
off the plate and walk around it?
(31:04):
You know it's like the goddamnbuffet place.
You can come back.
That's why the place is sosmall.
Didn't tell you how that shit,as high as you can play on top.
T (31:12):
You can come back and, um, you're not that hungry and most
of what you put on that plateyou wasted back.
So let's normalize makingsmaller plates and going back
for another plate after you'veactually tasted what's on the
table, because half the veg,like you, took a giant scuba mac
and cheese and your motherdidn't even make the mac and
(31:33):
cheese good this year, it wasjust oh oh.
Now you got this giant supermac and cheese up on your plate
and you trying to, you know,toss it in the trash, all
portions, so that you can tastehow your mother's and your
auntie's you know real live madethis food this year, because
every year is different.
You know, sometimes the salthand got heavy, sometimes we got
weak.
M (31:53):
Absolutely.
It happens yeah it does thinkabout.
They don't measure shit.
There's no measure cup whenanybody I'm speaking to y'all
when the hell if y'all went toany guys house, grandmother's
house and saw any measuringspoons that's used?
If you look at the whole tableCounters you'll see food and
shit out there, but you don'tsee the measuring cup at all.
(32:15):
So that's me.
T (32:16):
They're just winging it like Don't need measurements, though
that's what it is.
Yeah, my mother told me shemeasures her rice with a cup.
So I go to get a cup.
She says I only use one cup.
I say, well, you can't, becauseit's this is way more rice than
one cup, right for a recipe ofhers.
This woman's talking about amug.
She's gonna use a mug for, youknow, like a coffee mug.
(32:39):
That's the one cup.
That's not one cup, that's amug.
That's not like, that's notnobody's measurements.
You can't, you can't do that.
So, yeah, they don't have nomeasurements.
So taste that food firstbecause, like you said, not to
say they're winging it, but youknow it's a little winging it
going.
M (33:00):
Exactly.
And the other thing is, wetalked about your boundaries,
we're going.
We know that a lot of peopleare going to have medical
conditions, so and a lot of usain't gonna tell them about you
got medical conditions, becauseit's not in that fucking
business.
First of all, you find out,you're gonna tell them.
So if they offer you sweetpotato and you know you're
diabetic, you probably want tosay you know what?
(33:21):
Maybe take a half of it,because you know usually you
take a four or five of thosemotherfuckers, but now you found
you're diabetic, so you now youcan't eat five of them, so you
may grab one or maybe a half.
And if they ask you any morelike what's wrong with you.
You know you usually eat mine.
You know I'm good, I'm gonnadie.
I'm trying to get ready fornext year, Since you want to
tell them because if you tellthem that starts a whole lot of
discussion you didn't fuckingwant to really have with them
(33:43):
Thanks to give them by my, bydiabetes and all that other shit
.
T (33:45):
So, yeah, I'm gonna crash you all year about that, yeah, and
I've been talking to, and thenthey're gonna go tell their
sister, tell their uncle, tellthe brother.
It'll be a whole conversation.
So you can't keep your medicalconditions to yourself.
However, you do not have todeviate or eat the way people
(34:06):
expect you to eat, nor do youneed an explanation to not do
something right.
Absolutely.
Thank you for getting up andfor me.
You know they're always askingif I'm watching my figure.
Yeah, yes, I am.
Yes, I am with your smart assmouth.
I'll talk back.
How about?
Your cake is dry as hell and Idon't.
I'm a what's wrong with that?
I say stuff like that withouthurting people feelings.
(34:28):
But you're gonna ask me if I'mtrying to watch my feelings.
Watch my figure, don't worryabout my feelings.
But no, I'm just smiling, thankyou.
It's okay to tell people, no,you don't want that dessert, or
you don't want this dessert, orhave the dessert and take.
You know, cut it down themiddle, make yourself a plate
off of your little plate andtake the rest home for later,
(34:48):
because you know you shouldn'tbe eating too much in one
sitting.
M (34:51):
Absolutely, absolutely.
So let's don't shame in that.
And you know the other thingI'll bring up all tea.
You're gonna probably have thatissue soon.
Let me hear it men, young men,young men, when you bring your
friend.
Your lady friend, your ladyfriend.
(35:12):
Okay, two thanksgiving, please,please, make sure she's
presentable.
Oh my, make sure she's showingall her assets.
Make sure all of them, becausenobody wants.
You, don't want to have thatdiscussion when somebody comes
and you say who is that?
Oh, that's my friend.
And then pull your ass in aseparate room and say why the
(35:34):
hell is she dressed like that?
Oh, no, she comfortable, no, no, no.
Why the hell is she dressedlike that?
And you're going to turn andlook Again.
Forgot, oh, she, you know shecovered up, yeah, but I see how
big her her breast is and Imentioned her ass.
Her ass is basically justhanging out, the damn jeans that
(35:56):
she got and it's just out there.
Please have your mama take alook at if y'all, if your mama
involved.
Have a look at the girl once.
If her mom, if the young ladiesdon't have a mom who's got
fashion conscious or don't givea shit, you have to bring her to
your family.
You in the whole fucking dinnertalking about how your girl
look, because your aunties, yourmama and grandma are going to
(36:17):
look her crazy.
Now let me tell you, your, youruncles, your male cousins, they
have a problem with her.
They have a problem with her.
They're going to help her withher food, which one drag,
introduce her to everybody.
But the women man, you may geta plate to go.
(36:38):
You're going to front door andgo rock, walk your goofy ass at
the back door with a plate andher with a plate to, with a coat
on.
So please, you want to be therefor the whole time.
Please make sure she's dressedappropriately.
T (36:54):
This goes both ways now.
M (36:57):
Oh well, yeah too.
T (36:59):
We've all had the whole year to plan for that this day, right
, and if we know each other,this is sort of like a
presentation day.
So if I'm bringing my man homefor the first time, or if you're
bringing your lady friend homefor the first time and you're
not mindful, like to dress toimpress because you're, you're
definitely given off animpression and not like pretend
(37:22):
like that's not happening.
You're giving off an impressionon people.
Now, what you're going toimpress on them, oh, that's up
to that.
That's up to y'all to choose,but absolutely you.
You should not come in with thesuper baggy jeans but your
little ethical underwear hangingabout of them.
That's weird.
You should not be with supercleavage hanging out.
(37:45):
That's super weird.
You know Dan Woodham Leganswith that little weird what's
that little weird thing?
That going between the cheekson them?
They're the rock.
I'm gonna tell y'all, all right,I don't give you an auntie,
mother, girlfriend, whatever.
Them leggings is super weirdand they're not for the holidays
.
That's a new rule, though.
(38:06):
It's a new rule those leggingsthat are like ruching in the ass
cheek part, like they in thecrack, what, what?
To make women appear to havelarger bums, and I'm just like
scratching my, my sides.
It would never work.
So half of the problems thatI'm jealous the other app is
(38:30):
that it's so distasteful lookingto me on like nine out of 10 of
the women I'm worried about byit.
So yeah, the weird leggings.
I'm not a leg and type of girl.
I understand that.
Lots of people just loveleggings.
So I would love to say candylegans all together.
But I know that I can't becareful with how you're wearing
(38:51):
the leggings.
This holiday season it's okayto put on a tunic style.
You know, sweatshirt, notsweatshirt, but sweater.
With those leggings.
Like, please, please, let'scover it up and you can still
look good.
You can put your silhouette out.
I would never tell a woman tohide her silhouette, because
(39:14):
mine's always yeah, hold on, Iam who I am.
Like, I'm coming through there,yeah, yeah, nah, auntie's here
and it is what it is.
I'm wearing, what I'm wearing,you know, but this is not my
first impression.
Also.
M (39:28):
So you know, see, that's true .
See, you know, dan will if hegot a young lady that looks very
good.
So I walk around, walking inthe house.
You're the old uncles, the onesin the corner that you took to
the dead or the damn day fellasleep after the date.
T (39:50):
Oh, they'll wake up.
No, she don't need shit.
Stop playing A girl, come puton this t-shirt because he's
about to get carried away and heain't paid you nothing.
You're getting free looks leftand right.
That's the other part thatwears me out, Uh-uh.
M (40:07):
See, and that's what my hat that's, it's gonna cause a lot
of friction for no reason,because he gonna get up and he
could be all up in her face.
That means that his wife, theaunt, is gonna be in there
looking at his face and he ain'tgonna like that, and none of
them are like that.
T (40:20):
Your face too?
Oh yes, because you saw ourwomen off.
I mean, you hold the manaccountable, but you also hold
women accountable too.
So you just gonna come up inhere to any old body, family you
know, dressing like any oldthing.
M (40:33):
No, no, no, no, no, no.
That can't happen.
And for the young ladies, makesure your man has a belt around
his pants and the pants up abovehis hip so I shouldn't see his
cavern clients or where the fuckhe's wearing.
He need to be able to bepresent himself in such a way,
(40:55):
be able to speak well At least.
Doc keeps saying you know whatI'm saying, because they're
gonna look at him as ignorant.
Then he may not be ignorant,guys, this may be the way he
speaks, but the motor cats, themotor people are gonna look at
him as ignorant.
And then they're gonna ask dowe chase you around the house
the whole fucking night?
Why are you with him?
What does he bring to the table?
Do he got a job?
How many kids he got?
So make sure he's presentableand so that you can have a nice
(41:20):
peaceful night and, baby, takesome beautiful pictures and be
able to come back again and notbe the topic of conversation
until the next time they see you, because you'll never let that
shit down until they see youagain, either with that dude
cleaned up or different dudesclean earth.
So please don't do that.
Whatever you do, just make sureyou have that conversation.
And if you got ladies clothesoff for him, ladies fucking
clothes off for him, so youain't got to go through?
(41:44):
no, bullshit, because if you gotlaid her clothes off for her,
well, no, well, well see, thething is, we just got to tell
her we're going to see someolder people clothes out and
whatnot, since we laying clothesout and, like today's society,
(42:05):
we forget that it's okay toactively impress someone.
T (42:10):
Right, it's okay to show up and to speak and use my words a
little more, I guess, eloquentlythan I would with my
girlfriends.
And when I'm just hanging outin a car with my boyfriend,
right, it's a way to clean it upfor the day as we're presenting
ourselves to the first time topeople that we don't know, the
(42:31):
male or the female in thesituation.
Just be mindful that itactually is okay to impress that
family.
Who's who is actually putpassing judgment on you, I think
that's important?
M (42:45):
Oh yeah, because you know T.
You know the first thing.
You don't know nothing abouther.
The first time you look at heror him, just impression.
So make sure that you dress toimpress Because, again, if
you're going to, if you'rebringing them to you meet your
family, they're gonna be aroundfor a while.
They're not just somebodythat's just gonna pass through
the night.
They were actually a part ofyour life.
(43:06):
So you want to present that.
You know, just out there, justpick up any old time they can
hurry, or Joan, joan, joan andHelen, because they're gonna
look at that and say, if this isthe best she dressed when she's
the first time she's seen us,how the fuck does she dress when
she's out here in public?
Or how does he dress when he'sout there in public?
T (43:27):
and discretion.
Back to what we were justspeaking about.
As far as thoseextracurriculars are concerned,
if you're super young and youcan be at the legal drinking age
but you're there to impresssomeone's family, it's okay to
like totally limit or not engageat all.
Right, if your guy over to meetyour dad, the uncles, your
(43:53):
family and your guys the smokerperhaps, and your family is not,
it's okay if y'all only show upthere for like 30 minutes one
hour and have him to not smokethat occasion.
Not to say that you're notkeeping it real, but it's just
discretion.
This is not the time for itperhaps, right?
(44:14):
Yes, it's offered and you knowit's like a piece offering is
the holidays, your father's down, whatever, go with the flow
type of thing.
But if you know that your womanenjoys a good drink, she loves
a good margarita, she couldthrow them back.
She love a.
You know five or six of them.
No, babe, just can you, can wejust do one while we at my mom's
house, you know, for the hour,and then when we, you know,
(44:36):
leave about a day, we'll kind ofdo what we normally do.
But when we go to impressfamilies, it's okay to limit
those extracurriculars,especially for those who are
suppression.
Nobody's gonna see a newgirlfriend getting drunk.
M (44:51):
Oh no, nobody wants to see that.
Nobody wants to see that at all.
And the other thing aboutimpressing people if you, if
they're talking on a subject youdon't know nothing about stay
quiet, absolutely.
Absolutely, absolutely.
That's what that will gain youmore points than anything,
(45:12):
because what nobody everybodyhates is a dumb motherfucker who
don't know.
He's a dumb motherfuckerjumping in a conversation that
we all know.
Now that you're a dumbmotherfucker, and now we're just
gonna sit back and say, oh,this motherfucker, just, he's
just gonna talk, just to hearyourself talk.
So we're gonna keep diggingthat hole deeper and deeper and
then, when time comes, we'regonna tell whoever whoever
brought you, it's a dumbmotherfucker.
(45:34):
And they're gonna say why, andthey're gonna start and we're
gonna lay it out for you.
Not, we're not gonna be him andthe home We'll lay out.
We talked about this and he justjumped in a totally wrong.
He's done better.
Like you said, t, you know whatI don't.
I never heard that before heinformed me.
Can you tell me a little bitmore about that?
So now he can make a decisionbased on not that he knows about
(45:55):
it, but he least could say well, based on what I heard, this is
what I would think.
Now he can have a generalconversation about it, but he
knows that later on he gonnahave to talk if he's gonna be
around for a while.
You probably need to learnabout this, because we had
general conversations like this.
But don't try and impresspeople.
If you don't know shit, youdon't know shit, because that's
not the time to show people thatyou're the smartest person in
(46:15):
the room.
We don't even want to know that.
T (46:16):
And don't be somebody's yes person.
Just because you don't knowthem, you don't have to be their
yes person.
No, I'm not familiar with that.
Tell me a little bit more.
Oh, I've never seen that.
Why don't you stir that with me?
M (46:35):
Absolutely okay.
It really is.
It really really is.
And and again, bring out yourbest, best who you are, and not
saying be phony, but bring outthe best who you are.
Whatever that is, just bringthe best.
Don't be fake, but just be thebest you can be, because then
we'll be like somebody who'sshowing me exactly who they are
a fake person.
(46:55):
I got on for you because nowI'm gonna think everything you
say is fake because you start.
You start off being fake andyou continue being fake.
But you may be nervous orwhatever, we don't care.
Just be who you are, you know,and then just your self.
Yeah, that's it.
That's all you need to do andyou'll have a wonderful holiday
(47:16):
and your wonderful time.
It will think highly of you.
We'll talk highly about that.
That's a nice person and allthat.
We would love that people wouldlove you and we would embrace
you.
Next time we see you We'llremember your name, boy, you
know.
I remember that it was like, oh, I just Definitely will.
(48:09):
Oh, my god.
So you know, we just want this aspecial, you know, podcast.
We want to just go ahead andlay out some things for you guys
to look out for and take it andkeep rewinding, cuz you're
gonna keep using and keeppassing on the people, because
we want y'all to enjoy theholiday season and we want to
make sure that we don't lettoxic relationships, bad
(48:32):
situations between familymembers, any that issue to
disrupt a beautiful holidayseason.
You know so, you know, let'sdoes.
We went through many of them.
We've we've seen some thingswhoo I can't mention.
I probably get sued if Imentioned it on this podcast,
but it's just, I don't wanty'all to go through this.
We don't want y'all to gothrough this, you know.
(48:55):
So, t, what's your final wordsto the Recap.
T (49:00):
Do we even mention about how people want to feel about loved
ones who are not there?
M (49:06):
Oh yeah, okay, let's bring that up.
Let's bring that up.
T (49:09):
Yeah, I think I'm gonna go back to the first place about
the loved one who.
Would you know they're notthere this year.
That's actually not fair toeither one of y'all.
I'm not telling you to forgetgrandma.
No, don't you forget you.
Don't you forget your uncle,but I'm seeing uncle and grandma
and sisters or whoever are notphysically here Holidays, all
(49:33):
the time where we welcome themback into our hearts and really
recall.
You know the things that Makeus all family and you sit back
and you reminisce and you laughand you take pictures and you
realize how much the auntieslook like the grandmother.
You know how much the dadlooked like his brother.
You know how much you knowgrandpa dad looking like grandpa
(49:57):
.
Sit back and reflect and seethat you know the newest niece
in the family look just like thegrandmother who just passed
away and it will literallyLighten your spirit and your
soul that you think it was gonnacome through that door super
heavy.
Let it go and embrace life andenjoy the life that is here.
M (50:20):
Oh, that is so true.
T, that's very true.
And, guys, you, you have to goback and understand that you
being here to enjoy this holidayand all the holidays, you
really are extension of everyonewho has passed on, everyone who
has made that transition.
So they wouldn't want you tosit here and mourn, yeah, you're
(50:41):
gonna miss them, but they wantyou to carry on.
They want you to carry thespirits on, because by carrying
the spirits on they live forever.
So just make sure that you, youtalk about the story, you show
the pictures, you, you bring thenext generation Into what, what
you live, because that's theonly you, only you have them as
pictures and memories and youwant me to pass it on.
(51:02):
So those kids like, wow, thatwas a great person I and I wish
I got to see her.
And an actuality people, theyare seeing it through.
You also carry yourself in sucha way that you, that their
memory will always live.
Long after every holiday, afteryou're gone, your kids be able
(51:23):
to have a same conversationabout you and about your
relative who has passed on, andthat's the beauty of this recipe
which I left, that gravy recipe, that gravy technique which I
you know.
T (51:38):
Those answers are gonna be coming through during the
holidays.
The people who have left, theyhave not left all the way you
know, that bird is still thereand it is definitely carrying
through all of us and all of ourmovements.
So people come together andEnjoy each other.
(51:58):
Look at the small faces.
Some people have small families.
They might have one or two kidsthere.
They might not have any kidsthere, so what?
Y'all keep showing up for eachother, smiling with each other
and just holding on to what wehave presently Large families.
Y'all better watch outattitudes and respect each other
, because you know shit getsreal with the Big family.
(52:19):
Lot of moving pieces with thosebig families.
Fine, joe, clicks that youenjoy the love.
Everybody there from afar Sorry, everybody can't love them all
close, no, everybody in thatbuilding, at least from afar,
(52:39):
and how it's gonna make you feel, it's gonna empower you.
M (52:43):
Oh, my god, see, as again you got this shit down to a sign.
You can wrap everything up.
You got the Christmas ball andeven Christmas yet that's
beautiful, but it's gonna beChristmas soon.
So you know, people Enjoy.
Just enjoy the holiday season,just enjoy the people and just
(53:04):
be blessed that you're here toeven enjoy another holiday
season and With that man, thisepisode of one of my DM and see.
Listen, you know what to do.
Hit that like Subscribe to thechannel little bells, you can
get all the latest, greatestEpisodes that's coming up.
Yeah, I want to thank everybody, all with the new Subscribers,
(53:28):
all the new, everything.
We're up to tea, almost 90,well over 90,000 views on On dip
thumb on the site and on thewebsite and on the podcast.
So I want to thank you guys andagain, till we see you again.
The wonderful holiday, veryChristmas, happy New Year is all
that stuff.
We'll talk to you.
Let's go there.
(53:55):
Peace and bless.
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I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
Ridiculous History
History is beautiful, brutal and, often, ridiculous. Join Ben Bowlin and Noel Brown as they dive into some of the weirdest stories from across the span of human civilization in Ridiculous History, a podcast by iHeartRadio.