Unseen Red Flags: Navigating Respect, Control, and Communication in Relationships

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Ever find yourself in a relationship that feels slightly off, but you can't quite pinpoint why? That's where our latest episode comes into play, offering an invaluable lens to identify the red flags in relationships that too often go unnoticed. We dissect everything from the subtle invasion of controlling behaviors to the crackling tension of unresolved issues. With each story and insight shared, we arm you with the knowledge to recognize problems and the tools to address them before they escalate.

Setting boundaries and demanding respect aren't just buzzwords; they're your armor in the dating world. This episode isn't afraid to confront the uncomfortable truths about what respect really looks like and why it's non-negotiable. Listen as we pull back the curtain on the dynamics of control and trust, revealing how maintaining individuality is paramount and why communication is your best weapon in nurturing a healthy partnership. Relationships are a two-way street, and we're here to guide you through the give-and-take with practical advice and real-life examples.

Wrapping up, we don't just leave you with a list of what to watch out for; we offer a path forward. From understanding how to navigate the murky waters of relationship dynamics to recognizing the importance of self-care and introspection, we dive into the essentials of personal growth. As we raise a toast to you, our loyal listeners, for helping us reach a new milestone on our YouTube channel, we also extend a heartfelt invitation to join us in this journey of self-discovery and relationship empowerment. Cheers to stronger, wiser connections.

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Episode Transcript

M (00:05):
Hey, ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to On the Mic with
the M.

T (00:09):
and T

M (00:10):
Hey, ladies and gentlemen, we're back and you know so many
things that's going on today inthe world of craziness, real
life, that you know.
Tina and I was just talkingbefore the podcast about people
don't know how to date or are wedating incorrectly.

(00:30):
So I had to do a littleresearch before this discussion
and find out what in the hellare people not doing they should
be doing before you start todate somebody, or if you're in
the middle of dating someone.
There are five and people takeyour pen out.
I want you to write this down,Five red flag things that you

(00:52):
should pay attention to, becauseanyone of these five and these
are top five.
So then I, like you, know thisis one of whatever.
No, these are top five thingsthat you need to check with your
relationship right now.
If you're looking at this, takeout a piece of paper, write
these five things down and thenstart checking off, see if you
got this problem.
Now, the first one, the numberone, is lack of respect.

(01:14):
That's, the number one is lackof respect, that's number one.
Yep, lack of respect is thenumber one red flag when it
comes to relationships.
Number two is controllingbehaviors.
Remember that.
First one, lack of respect.
Second one controllingbehaviors.
The third one is badcommunication, bad

(01:37):
miscommunication or nocommunication at all.
That's the third one.
Fourth one, not surprising lackof trust.
Yeah, that's number that shouldbe number one, but it's in the
top five, so it's all good.

T (01:51):
You're up right.

M (01:52):
Yeah, it's in on that list.
And the last one is unresolvedissues and conflicts that turn
bigger than what they should be,which means you can't talk to
each other.
Whenever you start talking toeach other, it ends up in a
fight, an argument, someonepissed off, someone leaves,
someone does something, but younever, ever, finish or solve the

(02:13):
problem in which you originallyhad.
It just lingers out there andfesters and then it blows up and
you're constantly arguing.
So those are five red flagsthat you should look at before
you look at getting into arelationship with that person.
Or if you're currently in arelationship with that person,
make sure you go in that list tosee if there are any of that.
So does that surprise you?

(02:36):
To those top five are theissues, the big red flags.

T (02:41):
No, I especially like the last one because I think that's
one of the biggest ones that wemight can forget about, because
it's all the issues that we tryto forget about but they come
out later on and it's like well,I can't get this relationship
to move forward, or why hedoesn't want to marry me, or all
those big things you try toconquer in a relationship

(03:05):
together and you try to figureout why you can't get there.
It's probably one of thosethings you haven't resolved Is
insecure, or she stopped tryingto have sex with you the way you
liked it.
That's probably one of thoseunresolved issues you got, and
it's probably got nothing to dowith sex, but because you didn't
resolve that issue from alittle while ago, she's still in

(03:29):
her feelings.
He's still in his feelings yeah, you got to be, because we
don't talk.

M (03:33):
nowadays.
No one teaches us how to reallycommunicate our feelings.
If you think about it when yougrow up, they tell you shut the
hell up.
If you start crying too much,shut up.
If you complain, be quiet.
So you always never reallyexpress yourself because your
parents, wherever your guardiansare, never allow you to express

(03:54):
yourself.
So you always kept it inwardlyand, oddly enough, though T a
lot of people never grow up fromthat point.
They actually just care thatchildlike behavior into
relationships, into adulthood,because they never change how
they react to different things.
That's what they did when theywere little.
It served its purpose.

(04:15):
So rather than say I should dobetter because I'm an adult now,
I should learn how to handlethis differently.
They do what they're morecomfortable in doing.
They've done all their lives.
I'm going to continue to dothis.
But that doesn't work when youget into relationships.

T (04:27):
Unless you've been in therapy , then the expectation is
different.
No, straight up, men who havegone through therapy, women who
have gone through therapy,understand and how to
communicate and stuff like that.
The emotional maturity is justa little bit higher and so now
your standard is higher.

(04:47):
So it's like no, you don't knowhow to communicate, you don't
know how to communicate andyou've been the worst, so
clearly you didn't even try togo through counseling Now.
You didn't do one session, youdidn't even care.
Like you said, you're not eventrying to grow.

M (05:05):
And that point to people.
Ladies, gentlemen, therapy is agood thing.
Prayer, don't get me wrong.
You can pray and do yourreligious stuff, all that.
But please go talk to somebodywho has done studies and with
the school and can help you workthrough this, because if you

(05:28):
try to work through it yourself,you'll be a bird in a cage
going around and around andyou'll never get out of your
head because you're in your ownmind.
So please talk to aprofessional to lay down and
listen, and they're not going totell nobody.
So they're not going to be onYouTube or talk to this person.
They, no, they're not going todo any of that.
So, and they will help you getthrough it.

(05:50):
Because by getting through inyour head, by clearing what's in
your head out, it will actuallyhave you actually notice those
five things that we talked aboutearlier.
It will be.
Obviously it picks up on youquickly because you're like, oh,
you'll be aware of it, but youhave to take the opportunity and
do the work to become a betterperson, to become a better human
being.

(06:10):
So I just want to say that.
So would you mention therapy,tea, and you know a lot of
people, you know growing up,you're going to see somebody.
You crazy.
No, no, we're not crazy,because we're going to go see a
therapist.

T (06:24):
It was such a weird stigma on it.
I don't think that stigma is asstrong or even exist like how
it used to go to therapy.
Yes, please do, please go to it.
If you've never been, you know,I guess you can pop the chair.
You at some point like, come on, come on, let's be real here.

M (06:48):
Grow up, yes, grow the hello, so yeah, so number one, like
lack of respect.
Oh my God, that's so obviousbut yet so foreign to a lot of
people that they don'tunderstand what that means.
We've seen it.
We've seen it.
I've seen it in relationshipsof people who are married.

(07:09):
I'm like God damn he got norespect for her.
I mean, just shut her down.

T (07:14):
No, I think what happens with this first one is that it's an
inconsistency in the respectright, Because I've offended you
, I've upset you, you know I didsomething to you.
Now you're going to getdisrespectful right.
Yes that's true, or because youwanted to deceive me, to get

(07:39):
this from me.
You know, you felt like it wasokay to move a certain type of
way.
So now I'm feeling disrespectedbecause you wanted what you
wanted and you would do anythingyou decided to do to get it.

M (07:52):
That is very true.
That's just something you know.
Come on T, you know Dan.
Well, you think of it as it'snot.
He's not control.
You know he does respect me butagain, if he doesn't a
consistent basis, you probablysay, hey, we have a conversation
because I can't have you.
What you just say is kind ofslick at your mouth.

T (08:13):
So that's like that blatant respect in the beginning, right?
Like how respectful is thegirl's tongue, right?
You know you're going to acceptwhat you're going to accept,
right, and you lay down thatstandard in the beginning.
I'm hoping, right, because thatwould be weird that you know,
three years later, the girl whocurses like a sailor, all of a

(08:35):
sudden you feel disrespected now.
Well, you know, that's just howshe's been talking, like you
should have been said mom,between you and I mean, you're
not cussing, right, so you don'tcuss at her.
You have the expectation thatshe don't cuss to you.
And you know, over the two,three months, that child getting
to know each other, if she canrespect that, then you go

(08:56):
forward.
If she can't respect that, thenyou know you lean back.
That's how you know you can't.
You can't take that and be likeoh, I'm disrespected, but with
with the, with the respect,though I personally feel like it

(09:17):
doesn't start off with adisrespect, right.
It's tough with a love right andstarts off with respect,
because I don't think thatanyone would entertain anyone
else who's blatantlydisrespectful, you know.

M (09:38):
Oh no, I wouldn't.
I wouldn't think so either.
I mean, if somebody disrespectsyou early, that's done.

T (09:43):
You'll be like.
You know what she cute in theface, but I'm a drop roll over
here and I'm like I'm good, I'mlike I'm not about to keep
playing this game with her andfor a woman like the blatant
disrespect in the beginningwould make you feel I don't want
to say threatened, but you knowuncomfortable.
I'm not going to stick aroundfor it.

(10:08):
So I just feel like there's apoint in the relationship, as we
build the relationship up, thatyou start to lose, you know, a
certain bit of respect for youknow somebody and the way that
you're trying to check it or theway that your check is being
received, you know it's notbeing well received.

(10:32):
And when you cannot check thatyou know bit of disrespect in
the relationship.
There's nothing changing there.
That's the problem.
That's the right respect rightthere.
Right Like nah, something'shere, something's faster.
You know like the most basicsituation would be man cheats on

(10:57):
girl, girl cheats on man.
Right Now, parties are woundedand offended, y'all getting to
an argument.
She getting disrespectful outher mouth, he getting
disrespectful out his mouth.
Right, starting to lose respectfor each other.
Right, had that in thebeginning, but as situations

(11:20):
occurred, he didn't miss the carnote here.
You know house keep being dirty.
You know our faces gettingturned up at each other, we
starting to lose respect foreach other.
This happens over some time.
Like, don't just pop up out ofnowhere, is what I'm trying to
say.

M (11:40):
I just can't see it happening it doesn't it, doesn't it,
don't have, it's just so popover night.
It's just you overlooking andas guys will overlooking.
If I feel you, I'm like, oh,you know, that's just her.
You know I can deal with thatBecause again in our head, you
know, guys, you know we're stilllooking at you.
So we're like yeah.

(12:01):
I want to.
You know I can't go throughhaving touched.
I have a sample, the uh, theyhaven't sampled the tea yet.
So I have to take a few thingsand you know we accept it.
But you know, the biggestproblem that everyone has when
it comes to this whole respectthing boundaries.
You have to establishboundaries in the beginning,

(12:25):
because if you're, if you justlet it be all just wide open,
then that person says, oh, I canpretty much do or say anything
because she's cool or he or sheis cool with it.
But if you like to listen, Idon't like a lot of custom, so
you know you probably say listen, I don't know, that's my
boundary.
You know I don't come downevery now and then but I ain't
cool with it.
So there's certain things that,as men and women, you have to

(12:47):
tell each other and again youhave to tell them.
You can't sit around andfucking guess.

T (12:52):
On it also, like you cannot.
Like I'm saying let the girl becussing.
You got your two, three monthsin and you said that's not what
you want.
You said I don't want that.
You let her know that two,three months in she can't
control herself.
But you still want to goforward.
Yeah, that doesn't much sense.

(13:13):
You just this is not what youwanted.
But because something else.
There's just a little bit sweetto the taste, you know we're
being honest here, y'all we'rebeing honest.

M (13:26):
We're just saying you're not robots, so we understand.
It's not like you're almostgoing to check this.
Listen, he keeps cussing on.
She keeps cussing.
No, because you like it.
As we always say, you touchthat honey pot.

T (13:36):
Yeah, I mean, you know there are some things that's going to
make you overlook other things.
All we're saying is that numberone don't let the lack of
respect be overlooked.
It's too big of a thing.
Like she forgot to pick yourdry cleaners up on time and they
closed for the weekend, so thenyou had to go out and buy a new

(13:57):
outfit, so she messed up theparks for the weekend.
You can overlook that.
Okay, that was my bad type ofthing.
Okay, that's not just respect.
Right, Pick up your own and drycleaners anyway, right.
But if you feel like upfrontfor two, three months, you're

(14:19):
really trying to establishsomething.
You put the boundaries outthere.
They're not being respected.
You don't like how he talks toyou.
You don't like how she talkstowards you.
You know the clothing itemsthat each other chooses, you
know, perhaps it's a littleoffensive.
I mean, these things areintrinsically right, what we

(14:42):
respect for.
So, even if you feel like, youknow, I just met this young lady
, I'm coming to pick her up on adate and her outfit is just too
revealing, right, like whorespected.
In that sense, move on.
Right, it's okay.

(15:04):
It's okay because only you can,you know, ensure that you feel
respected and, you know, pursuedof the relationship.

M (15:12):
Absolutely, and that's a very , very true statement.
And I guess a lot of guys,speaking from the guys one of
you, you know, in their headthey're probably, wow, she's
showing a little bit too much,dissonant.
But you probably say, well,she's trying to impress me
because again we go back to thefirst stage.
We want to impress each otherwith you know what we got.
So physically we look good.

(15:34):
You're going to enhance thoseassets, okay, but if you do it,
the man have a problem with that.
You should say you know, I lovethe look If you tone it a
little bit.
You know, I want everybody tosee it.
You know, I'm glad you put yourstuff out there like that for
me, but can we moving forward?
So then it's a little bit forme, and then you'll kind of see

(15:56):
where her head is at, becauseshe's that's just me, me, then
that's up to you.
So, okay, this is, am I goingto accept this?
And it is moving forwardbecause I already told her.
So then at that point you gotto say how much are you going to
take it?
Everybody has to do that, menand women.
They got to say how much am Igoing to take before I bail out.

(16:16):
Yeah, I want to keep thinkingoh, it's going to get better,
it's going to change.

T (16:21):
And you can think what you want to think.
But most of us say how muchbefore I bail out?
But most of us bail out beforewe get to that point that we
thought we was going to be ableto take right.
That's true.

M (16:34):
That's true, you're gone.

T (16:36):
I thought I could get to here , but this joke got one more
Again and I'm and it's over,it's over.
And you know, we try, we try,but you don't really have to try
when it comes to this category.
That's the point.
Either they have it or theydon't.

(16:57):
You can make small suggestionsyou can make, you know, you can
let people know what yourstandard is, but ultimately it's
up to them to see if they'regoing to, you know, reciprocate,
exactly what it is that you'relooking for.
And then it's also up to you tosay whether or not you you know
that meets your standard andyou can live like that.
And it's up to you to make surethat you find someone who is

(17:22):
respectful of you and what youneed from this life.

M (17:26):
Hey, that was good.

T (17:27):
Yeah, not at all.

M (17:29):
That was good, that was beautiful.

T (17:31):
That's what I'm trying to say .
No, that's not that.
No, he's super disrespectful.
His mom probably made him likethat, but I ain't heard that
from me.

M (17:40):
Okay.

T (17:42):
But that's not her job, it's not that man.
Mother job to make sure thatman is respecting you.
You know what I'm saying?
Crazy concept it's your job tomake sure the people that you
introduced to your mama and youdon't run to your father's home
I just man keep disrespecting me.

(18:02):
Your dad going to be like whatyou introduced that man to this
family.
We need to bring those fathers.
That'd be like pause, baby girl, Hold on.
You're not bringing anybody onup in here, you know.
And now you better vet themproperly before you bring them

(18:23):
here.

M (18:24):
That is so true, t because I can say my sister run and she
brought a guy home.
Everybody was out there lookingfor that cat.
I didn't one time her, not theguy she married, but another guy
called up to the front and hejust beat the horn.
I'm gonna put her coat.
Hello, where you fucking going?
People, who was on the fuckingdead?
You're gonna sit your goofy assdown.
He's gonna come in here.
I can see what happens ifsomething happens, that

(18:46):
motherfucker, you disappear.
You're gonna say, well, how doyou look?
I don't know.
He just beat the horn.
She ran and jumped in thefucking car.
It took off.
You didn't see him.
Oh, not at all.
No, fuck, no, bring your goofyass in here.
Look at you.
You're gonna look at if youclean, see if you smell.
You do your head, what youdoing?
We're gonna question his ass.
He's gonna feel like he's aninterrogation room.

(19:07):
We got the heat on that.
He sweated every goddamn thing.
Before he leaves, I wish I hada goddamn something to stand his
goddamn driver's license atthat time, you know.
But I would have all his shit,dna and all that.
But you know you had to bringher back by 11.
Now 11 01.

(19:28):
Now 10 58.
Fucking 11 o'clock.
Yeah, okay, okay, thatmotherfucker was dead.
No 10 58.
I was, I was, I was.
I waited for that motherfucker.
I looked at the window likethis Wow, yes, I was, I was a
motherfucker you were bringingin the open guys to call open
the door for and walk into the.
I got, you got, you got to getto put that.

(19:52):
Notice.
I can't put that shit on herbecause a lot of guys look at
who's around here.
Who can I do this to?
Who's going to tell she got sixbrothers you look at your ass
with because you fuck with her.
She does gonna tell them andthey want this system get hurt.
So they're gonna hurt you realbad.
So that's what it.
But, like I said that first one,that lack of respect is

(20:13):
critical.
Yeah, now you know.
And that's just the first one.
The next one oh boy,controlling behavior.
I do not understand why peoplecan't see this shit.
We get it If you know thatevery question is everything you
do, and I've seen this to womenand men both.
I've seen men do it to womenand women do it to a man, so

(20:37):
it's not like it's like one orthe other, I've seen them both
do it and it's sickening becauseyou see, like damn motherfucker
, she's set you ass up to putthe gates like this.
It was wide open but then allof a sudden you stop closing the
gates on your ass.
You know you hang out with me.
Oh well, you know I can growwithout me tonight, man, you

(20:57):
can't hang up the boy.
Oh no man.
No, she told me.
You know you don't need them.
They ain't got nobody in she's.
You need to hang with me.
All of a sudden he justdisappeared and then you see his
ass.
Six, ten months later.
He had a totally different deal.
Like she took it.

T (21:12):
And got taken like out of the damn.

M (21:14):
It's in a jar.
She took it, put in a jar andput it from out of high and put
that shit up on the shelf and hecould reach it.
He could just hit the tip.

T (21:24):
Yo boy got a pussy with.
That's not the same.
It's the same.
He was spending quality timewith his girl.
That's not the same.

M (21:38):
You know what I'm talking about?
God damn it.
You guys know what the hell I'mtalking about.

T (21:43):
I don't like nah, she's controlling, she's controlling.
Oh God, I wasn't thinking onthat, I wasn't thinking there.

M (21:53):
I wasn't thinking that, not at all, not at all, because if
you don't see both sides of you,it's very solid this way.
No, I've seen both and both ofthem are just as bad.
And I see, like I said, I seethat guy taking that away and
women is just so obviously wesee him just start to put those
walls up for him.

T (22:09):
You know all of a sudden how much you love me, so he's not
playing those mind games, whichis but I think that in the
beginning it comes off and itappears like cutesy, like
suffocatingly cute, like youknow, like as if a you know
fluffy, right cat was.
Like instead of laying on yourchest, it was like a face.

(22:31):
You know, like it's stillbeautiful, but it's killing you.
You know, yes, that's like godown here.
So I'm like let me breathe, butit's like, no, no, I like to be
right here up on your face,right over your nostrils, in
your mouth, right, so you can'tbreathe.
Yeah, so it's deceiving, right,it's a bit of a deception, like

(22:53):
it's not, as it's not asupfront.
Right, it's like I'm going togive you all of my time, type of
thing, but only because I don'twant you to have time with
other people, right?
But like enjoy the time with me,right, but you don't have time

(23:14):
to take care of those otherrelationships.
Like, girl, your grandmotherstill needed you Go.
Like you still got to go tograndma's house.
Like you can't just stop goingto your grandmother because you
got a new boyfriend.
Like that's not, you can't dothat, you can't.
No, you still got food pantryand pass out the food.

(23:36):
Like you still have to be ableto do the things you used to do.
So you have to go volunteer anddo your charitable work.
You still got to show up tochurch.
You know he can't just likeencompass you with all of his
time and it's flattering youknow, it looks cute in the
beginning because it feels great, especially if you've been

(23:56):
deprived of love and affectionand attention.

M (23:59):
Oh, my God, yes.

T (24:01):
I have not been in what you felt like a solid relationship
with somebody who actually, youknow, took you serious or, you
know, made you feel wanted.
Perhaps Haven't felt that in along time.
So here you go, you all up onyour line, you know, coming over
, he's trying to meet you forlunch real quick.
I mean, he got all of yoursanity, all of your attention,

(24:25):
but I'm not.
I think I'm on her in a minute.

M (24:30):
Oh, because he's he's.
He's your life.
He becomes your life because,like you said before if you
never had real love, if younever had someone love you that
way, it's new to you.
Yeah, love it because it feelsgood.

T (24:43):
It genuinely feels good, right.
So that's a little bit of thedeception of getting to a
controlling point or acontrolling person.
Is that in the beginningthere's definitely drugs.
You know they're not going topretend like that and feel good
and that's true.

M (25:06):
That's true.
That's how people go crack.
You say that first hit wascrazy, but you know you never
get back to that same feeling.

T (25:15):
But there's something there that feels amazing that you know
you allowed him to put himselfor put herself into so many bits
and pieces and parts of yourlife that you forgot about
everybody else around you.
And you know, like you said,it's men and women, because the
men that have their sisterstelling them you know all, as

(25:36):
soon as you get into arelationship, you know the only
person you know is her.
You can't treat your sisterlike that.
You know you used to look outfor your sister.
You used to go to the movieswith your sister.
Y'all used to go to Hain Lake.
You still have to foster andhave those relationships that
you had before.
You were with him even, or her,even, while you're with that

(25:58):
person.
So if you don't know, if you'rebeing controlled, it doesn't
have to be something so blatantas someone telling you what you
can and can't wear or where youcan and cannot go.
It's the whole idea that youdon't have those regular
relationships that perhaps youhad once before.

M (26:16):
Yeah, and you have to ask yourself that question and you
have to almost do a test onyourself saying whoa, if you've
been in this relationship forthree months, you have to ask
yourself well, who have I alwaystalked to that I don't talk to
anymore?
You ask yourself some of yourgirls I'm dating, but if you
start looking at family membersthat you just hang out with,

(26:36):
like your grandmother or mama,and you don't see them, you ask
yourself damn, why haven't Iseen them?
But they reached out to youbecause of course they're going
to reach out to you becauseyou're always conversing.
You have to ask yourself, whyam I not talking to them?
Like, am I that tired withinhis world, in my world, that I
don't even discount them?
Then you have to kind of do areality check with yourself

(26:57):
because, again, this thingcalled love you get infatuated.
It's all encompassing, it makesyou feel so good you don't want
to get.
It's like a cold, cold morningand you're laying in your bed
with them sheets wrapped aroundyou, that big blanket wrapped
around you.
You're like I got to get up.
You don't want to do that, butyou're going to have to just
kind of get in and check and see, hey, what's going on?

(27:18):
Am I doing something different,have something changed?
But that's something you needto do.
He or she's not going to do itfor you because they have a
particular agenda on their own.
But you have to say, am I beingcontrolled subconsciously based
on things he's doing and I putthat burden on myself to say, oh
, I want to make him unhappy andI'm happy, or do I say whoa,

(27:41):
whoa, whoa, I just need to makesure I'm still connected to
people even though I'm goingthrough this relationship.
So that's something thateveryone has to really step back
and look and ask themselvesthat question and do a real.
You know you may have somefriends you don't want to talk
to.
The first goddamn place youwere with them or talking to
them because you were lonely,you had nobody.
Yeah, you know, and if they'rekind of people that got somebody

(28:02):
, then you're like you gotsomebody.
You're like I fucking they'regoing to talk to each other.
They ain't going to buy anyway.
Then you got to roll with them,leave them where they at,
because you want a misery.
But if they're good people,y'all Get on the misery, that
was solid.
No, no, you won't be like grapes.
Like you separate from thatbatch of grapes.

(28:23):
Be free, go, do you, butespecially if it's holding you
back, but if you have legitimaterelationships with good
relationships with people justmake sure that you don't fall
prey to manipulation when itcomes to certain things like why
you got to go see your grandmathis Sunday, why you got to go
see, could you talk to her onthe phone?

(28:44):
Can you do this?
So it didn't keep your way fromthem, and more in his world
should make you say why.
But yeah, he goes to see allhis people.
He sees his mama, he sees hisgrandma.
But when you got to go see yourgrandma, talk to your grandma,
there's always some shit.
So you got to really say I gotreally soft looking.
And then you start making surethat you look at everything now

(29:05):
just to make sure you ain'tgoing crazy.
But it's like, oh, you start tokind of say, oh, this is
happening, this is happening inWell, how do you help foster
your other healthy relationships?

T (29:16):
Right, like, even if it was just you know an interest or you
know a new lady friend, youknow you would still randomly
ask oh, you know, how's your momdoing?
Like, I don't talk to your mom,no, I'm not telling you.
To tell your mom I said, hi,I've never met you a day.
Yeah, boy, you're just dating.
And you went like to know, youknow, make sure, hey, you know

(29:41):
shit, I mean your house drinkingyour damn you know champagne
and whatnot.
Like your folks, good, likeeverybody on your side,
everybody.
Good, like a general inquiryand that's a sensible inquiry
for you to make sure people inthat person who you're pursuing
or who's pursuing you on theirteam is good.
Like, yeah, like you can.

(30:02):
And if you're into somethingthat's you know you're pursuing
each other.
Absolutely you would ask hey,you know your mother.
Good, you know your folks.
Good, you know whoever thatperson talks about.
Right, you know how you been.
Right, you know you would justinquire about to make sure they
doing.
Good, you know when last timeyou checked up on your family,
when last time you checked up onyour folks.

(30:23):
You know, you want to knowthose things if you really gave
a shit about somebody.
I'm just saying but you'reright.

M (30:30):
but again that's when you have to step outside that love
blanket Because again everythingjust seems beautiful.
But sometimes you got to get alittle chill to wake you up and
say, oh, let me look around see,make sure everything's
happening the way it should behappening.
Because again you have to,because that's how you get fall,
you get low asleep, and thenshe knew you wake up, you in a
situation like I, damn high andup here.

T (30:51):
Yeah, 25 years later, I'm about what I do it.

M (31:00):
but that's why I said ladies and gentlemen, keep your damn
eyes open when it comes to that,because again it happens.
It doesn't happen so blatantly,it happens real slowly.

T (31:10):
It's a real soul thing.

M (31:11):
It's not a hit in the head with a break.
Remember, it feels good yeah itfeels good, but always keep
your eyes open.

T (31:20):
Absolutely.

M (31:21):
Now the third one, which is great, guys, is everybody is
communication.
I don't know why.
Everyone say this to y'all andI'm gonna say it's a T to
everybody.
How in the fuck do you have sexwith somebody and do some of
the freakiest shit on God'sgreen earth that you wouldn't

(31:44):
even want nobody to know thatyou did, but you can't have a
conversation, a communicate eachother like what you need.
And what's our confused?
What does that happen to you?

T (31:56):
That's false.
You can't.
It's conversations.
It's just somebody's not goingto like what they want to hear.
Okay, if you're going to behonest, that honesty is not
going to necessarily get whatyou want, okay, that's why
people tell a lie.
Let's be real about why wedon't want to communicate what

(32:16):
we really feel.
You know I'm going to offendyou and then when I offend you,
you're not going to give me whatI want.
You won't give me the accessthat I want.
You know I, you, just I can't.
I don't have what I wantanymore because you know I'm
communicating too effectively.

(32:37):
I'm being honest, that's real.

M (32:39):
But T isn't that what we want .
I'll partner to be honest abouttheir feelings.

T (32:46):
Some people do, but it depends on what game you're
playing.
Everybody's not playing thesame game.
That's why.

M (32:55):
I.

T (32:56):
I guess that's why this is on the list, right?
Someone's playing those gameswith communication.
There's a reason why they'replaying games with communication
.
It is to a lot of times it isto deceive, and it might not be.
You know what you're thinkingof.
It could just be like somethingthat you know they want to hold

(33:18):
back and that's repressed LikeI don't.
I don't want to put all thatout there, but generally it is.
It's going to be to deceive orto lie.
If I can't be super upfrontright Outside of just being
immature and that's hopefullyyou know eventually you'll grow
up and you know, understandcommunicating with each other.

(33:40):
But ultimately people are goingto stumble with communicating
because they're trying to lie toeach other and you're like I
don't really want to talk to youabout it, like I'm my ass, like
and go because you knowsomething that's worth pursuing,

(34:00):
it's going to get you in orderand you feel comfortable talking
to your partner.
Who's who's really solid withyou right, communicating.

M (34:08):
Yes.

T (34:10):
But they made you feel comfortable there and you trust,
you know, in that communicationin the sense that you can
communicate.
But if there's no trust and Ican't communicate nothing, nah,
that's a red flag, this is shit,this is a lack of respect.

M (34:31):
Let's see how it all builds on each other.
It's like I can understand howit all becomes one because you
have that's the one that you doevery day.
You communicate every singleday.

T (34:43):
See, but I talk about the things I communicate.
Hey, babe, brand me up withCaramel Marquillado from
Starbucks.
I'm going to say a medium.
I mean, I don't know whatthey're talking about in this
Starbucks, but give me a medium,right?
I know exactly what I want.
I know how to communicate that.
I can speak English very well,but you know, brain is working
pretty Okay.

(35:03):
I could say, right, mm-hmm.
Hey, what I want, you know theman's hungry, babe, I'm hungry.
What you want?
A steak, what else?
Some potatoes, a littlebroccoli would be nice.
You know, a little ruffian air,he can talk, he can communicate
you, you come home at the twoo'clock in the morning you said,
and you don't know what's wrongwith you, you mad, mad and you

(35:26):
know, like, what you mad for,like, where you been at.

M (35:28):
Uh, uh-huh, you was that yeah , oh, let me tell you that's the
one thing.
It's, guys, we get caught allthe time.
We get a relationship and youuse, you hang out with all the
time need hang out with thefellas there's sometimes, you
know, we get the fellas, timegets away.

T (35:47):
Time to get away.
Yeah, I think women settingalarm.
You know we might set four orfive right now, today, Because
we're not, we're not about tolet no time get away.
We don't do that whole clockaway.
We meant for the time to getaway Inequently.
Like you know what, I'm gonnajust take the L.
You know, I'm gonna just saysorry tomorrow and um tell with

(36:09):
the time.

M (36:11):
I would tell you a personal one.
I'm tell you a personal storyabout that.
I was David.
My wife and I was going leaveher boys went to the club.
We went to this nice, beautifulclub and we was sitting in
there and god, there was a stripclub.
So I was in there kicking itand it was weird because it was
the time right around this timeof the year with the time switch
.
So we was in the club.
I thought I see, about three,four Girl, about three o'clock

(36:39):
came who it was?
It was picking in that in thatclub.
The man said this and the clubclosed at three.
He said I could either Shut theclub down there or we can go
roll for another hour becausetime goes forward.
Let's go to the road.
So four became five, fivebecame six when we walked out

(37:01):
the door.
So we walked, I said, oh shit,the sun coming up.
So all of us, you know we gotto get home.
By that time I had a pager pagegoing off.

T (37:11):
Mm-hmm.
Look, told the whole story not,not, it not, no, no, 8am.
I know you ain't let the sun bechew up in here, not here.

(37:34):
I mean it's just I don't knowif it's like ingrained in the
woman, but that's so.
I mean it'd be like theultimate disrespect.
Cuz awful woman is.
We're never let the Sun be theSun, not ever over our dead body
.

M (38:03):
Yeah, it's so.
You know, you learn it's, guys,okay, I have to appreciate the
time.
You know, the extended, theextra few hours.
You guys said, hey, you saidthis got by your word because if
she went out so I'll be back bythree and by three ten.
You like, oh, what the hell'sgoing on by.
You know, by that time you, youdown 9-1-1-1 where are you?

T (38:22):
what's going on there?
Y'all didn't showed up.
Cooled up to whatever old girlsays.
She was supposed to have beenup by 307.
You know, make your own mansaid you got seven to eleven
minutes before the guy show up,you already.

M (38:40):
Slow, true, so true.
You know it's communication.
Like I said, you have tocommunicate the whole time and
it can't be.
If you have something going onor something's bothering you,
it's best to talk about it then.
Then they keep Covering it andcovering it, because what
happens is you, you have anissue, you don't talk about it,
you keep covering it up and justkeeps happening.

(39:02):
Then you have an argument abouta Piece of paper and you say
piece of paper, it's so simple.
It wasn't a piece of paper, itwas that argument.
You had a discussion that youare had six months earlier.
That has now bound up to apoint where it's about the bus,
and then she's pissed off or usesome paper on the floor, and
now that's gonna turn into whatinitially you never saw.

(39:22):
So Please, have a conversationwith each other constantly, talk
about it.
Well, it's comfortable,uncomfortable Because, again, if
this is your person, you wantmake sure they're comfortable
with you, because if they're notcomfortable with you, you kind
of have to ask yourself why myin this relationship.

T (39:39):
Truly so the other things, the communication is that it has
Effects right mm-hmm justbecause I communicated to you
something, that doesn'tnecessarily mean that you're
gonna like what I have to say.
No, no, it's so true, very trueoh it's just like the idea that

(40:00):
the guy is like you know, don'tever lie, oh, no, scratch the
guy, the guy can handle it, I'msorry.
It's like what the woman saysDon't ever lie to me, I can
handle it.
And then you know, the guystoday be like okay, you know,
I'm gonna tell you whatever,whatever it is that's on the
table right, and you tell shedamn near dies, Okay, she all

(40:21):
over the floor.
You know, makeup is just allover her face.
She ugly, snot, nose, crying,and Shit can hurt.
That's, that's the only pointI'm trying to make here.
Is that Hating, you know thetruths, oh, can hurt and it's
not all as peaches and cream.

(40:42):
As necessary as it is, okay,it's not the easiest thing.
So we understand why people arelying and deceiving.
But, um, you got to communicateand you got to communicate
effectively and tell the truth.
And if somebody's not doingthat shit up front and in the
beginning, Hmm.

(41:03):
Oh my run run.

M (41:06):
Yes, because I'm so tired of people.
You know how well you don'tcommunicate and you don't do
this and I had to go in and goon to your social media, go on
to your phone and all that stuff.
I'm thinking what the hell youtalking about.
You got to do all that, sothat's crazy to me.

T (41:25):
Yes, they did.
They'll do that for theentirety of the relationship,
though.
So I'm laughing.
I'm laughing because I don'tthink it's funny.
I do, personally I do, but it'snot there.
It's in Reality, like that's alot of work, right?
You're not even getting paidfor all the work that you're
putting into it.
Um, and At the end of the day,that person just got like a cell

(41:50):
phone that you don't even knowabout.
So, yes, that's that you don'teven know about.
So, um, yeah, that's exceptpeople for who they are, and I
always say you know, we canalways kick people to the curb.
We don't have to necessarilykick people to the curb, you
know.
But you know, bow outgracefully.

(42:11):
But I'm gonna continue sayingkick people to the curb, but you
know, respect each other, bowout.

M (42:18):
Exactly and that rose right into number four, which is lack
of trust.
Mmm, that rose that, well, wetalked about.
If I have to pick here's theladies and gentlemen, I'm
talking to y'all.
If y'all have to pick up amotherfuckers phone and go
through social media to find outwhere she is, he is and and

(42:39):
they talk to this person, thatperson, that relationship is
done because there's no trust.
If there's no trust, there canbe a relationship.
Man, what do you think?
T?

T (42:51):
Am I wrong?
No, no, I mean when, first ofall, we talking about dating.
See, I started off with thefirst one and I went off on this
whole big tangent about, youknow, respect and the marriage
and all that good stuff.
Yes, dating, these are flagsabout dating.
Okay, you don't trust thatperson in the beginning, right,

(43:15):
whoa, I don't.
I don't cannot make it come tothe curb, bow out, gracefully
right, but run fast after youbow out.
Okay, run fast, because theperson that you don't trust
Absolutely what happened in thebeginning.

M (43:36):
In the beginning, yeah, I mean really gotten anywhere?
You just started thisrelationship.
You don't trust them.
Again, we hear it all the timeeverywhere.
I check his phone, I check hissocial media.
Well, I heard one lady whichthe lady said this I don't trust
my boyfriend so much.
When he comes home, I tell himto drop him.

T (43:56):
Oh, she want to smell them smell them.
And I get it now because Ididn't understand.
Okay, so, maybe.
Okay, so I'm one of them.
I'm one of these people.
I'm guilty, but I can't, Ican't help it.
And then you know I won'tchange it.
But like like a hyperactivecell phone, right, I think, just

(44:16):
keep dinging and then, after itding, it ring and then after it
ring and make a differentnotification sound.
You know, like you just have apractice cell phone, you like
ever to keep ignoring all thestuff, right, dean phone rings,
and you just like nice, okay, Iget it later.
I just get it.
They don't trust that.
That makes men uncomfortable.

(44:38):
You know, mm-hmm, vice, yeah,but I don't worry about my phone
because I would be crazy of you.
I can understand, you wouldhave to have trust.
You would genuinely have tohave trust.
Yeah, I want to be the type ofperson, but what I Google is not

(45:02):
your business.
No that would be crazy for allof my Googleable thoughts to be
my base business.
No, I don't like that concept.

M (45:13):
I don't like this.
There's no way.
Because if that's the case,then you know what is your
purpose being with them.
Because they obviously don'tmake you happy.
Because if you don't trust them, why the hell can it make you
happy?
Because in your head, when heleaves, is he going to work?
He's talking about a cookiehouse.
Is he going to meet some otherchick?
So, chicken head.

(45:34):
No, I can't live.

T (45:36):
No, I can't live your life like that.
Absolutely not, absolutely not.
And here was the other one.
This is the Facebook trust,though.
When you talking to somebody onFacebook and or you know them
and they're on Facebook and youtext them and you see that they
active on Facebook and theyhaven't text you back, like

(45:58):
that's actually a fair move,just like if anybody was
wondering right, that's a fair,I don't have to text you back
just because I'm on Facebook.
Just over there, I had to tellone of my homegirls, not tell
him to turn that thing off, turnthat green button off, because
he's allowed to do that.
Yeah, so just because he onFacebook, he has to be texting

(46:21):
you back immediately.
No, no no.

M (46:26):
And again you have to ask yourself what do he do or she do
in the first place to cause youto not trust them?

T (46:35):
Sometimes it's not even that person.
It'd be the past relationships.

M (46:39):
And we all know, ah, we talk about the baggage you bring in.

T (46:43):
And it'd be.
It'd be like the this isprobably like the baggage that
that's powered up onto it's, youknow, onto itself, right, this
whole big.
You know your own idea of what,what, how he's trying to play
with you.
So you just don't trust nothingthat I did or nothing that he

(47:05):
did.
You know they saw how the otherwomen treated you or, based off
of other other men, treat howthe other men treated you.
Wow, she didn't do, he didnothing.

M (47:16):
Oh, and that is the issues that it's.
People don't realize howimportant that is.
Like I said, all these thingswe're talking about is important
, but if you have no trust, youhave to.
And again, if it's based onwhat the guy did to you or the
person you're dating did to you,okay.

(47:36):
But if you're pulling in peopleor other relationships you had
out the goodie bag or the bagthen the bag is not.
You're not really supposed tohave a bag.
You should have a folder andthat folder is things you learn
from relationships.
You don't go buy these out thebag and just say, oh, he's like

(47:57):
this one, he's like this one,because a lot of most people
aren't.
People aren't like other peoplethat you date.
They have different.
There's probably some certainqualities about themselves, but
overall they're different.
But you have to learn this isall part of evolution, evolving
as a person.
You don't pull out past people.
You pull out past values, pastactions to say I've seen this

(48:21):
before and I don't want to gothrough this again.
But if that guy you know, ifthe guy who did it, the guy, if
that guy who you're dating didsomething to you, okay, that's
to me, that's like okay, this,he did this, which made me look
at him sideways and I got.
I got to have a conversationwith him.
But if you're pulling peopleout the bag, out the goodie bag
or the baddie bag, then to meyou're not even giving it.

(48:46):
You're not looking at this guy.
You look at I've seen thisbefore before you even really
delve into it per se to reallysay this is what's happening or
this deviation for somethingI've seen before.
But a lot of people just go tooh, I've seen before and that
that put our trust.
You, I'm looking at everythingand checking your draws.
I'm looking at your phone, I'mlooking at everything and I has
to be able to see all your stuffand, as a guy who didn't do

(49:06):
anything they are, you will.
I did them to you.
If you bring in some shit fromthe past, why should I suffer?

T (49:13):
I didn't do this to you, somebody else did Well you
suffer because you, you tolerateit, see, and you can't, you,
you're not willing.
A lot of men are not willing tosay straight up that this is.
You know, this is a selfcontrol, self control behavior
problem and I'm not willing toplay this game.
See, a lot of I don't want tosay y'all like to play a little

(49:36):
game.
You know a little game.
You know a little dog cat.
They like to chase each other.
It's a little funny.
It's a long time now.
You know we all stopped thisstraight up.
Oh, stop tolerating that stuff,stop entertaining old girl.
You know that like a woman wantto smell you, you know you come

(50:01):
through the door Like that'sthat, that is a red flag.

M (50:07):
Yeah.

T (50:08):
Unless you've been cheating on.

M (50:12):
Actually you had me cheated.
She told you pull your pantsdown.
Let me spell you.
They got that.
And it's a guy, it's a fuckingguy.
That's a respect for yourself.
Don't go up there and talkabout oh she, she won't smell me
, it makes you.
I ain't playing around, bitch,listen.
You can smell them droids afterI take a shower, but I ain't
taking shit off.
You know, when I put it in thedirty clothes hamper, it's free
reign, it's open season.

(50:32):
You can do what you want to,but I'm not going to stand here
in the front door so you cansniff me and then proceed.
Hell, no, no.

T (50:40):
And then you guys, it's a few different levels to that.
Right, it's like why you wantthe type of man who you don't
trust, like that, on that level,right, can you leave them if
you wanted to leave them.
Right, it's like that's crazy.
Or find somebody to replacewhatever he's giving you because
, like, maybe I date him, so youknow.

(51:01):
And then sometimes females justgoing to see, or people going
to see, how you know, testingthose boundaries, see how far
you let them go with it and farwith it, um, because you're
allowing it.

M (51:16):
So I just who at that people?
Trust is important, trust iseverything.
And if you have that issue ortrust issue, but then again T
that goes back to women and menwho have trust issues in the
beginning, often off thebeginning to have trust issues,
and for me I always say workthat shit out before you get

(51:37):
into a relationship, before youstart dating.
Work that out, because that'sgoing to end all your
relationships, is horribly wrongbecause your paranoia is going
to kick in even when it's notthere but you think it's there.
Nobody wants a paranoid personman, old, woman, I don't care
how fine you are, nobody wantsthat.

T (51:54):
I would also like you know they try it.
You know I can't personallyaccept that, not doing that shit
.
You know that's not here, um,you know you're welcome to leave
or you're welcome to cut thatout, so, um, but if you allow it
, it's just going to go from onething to another, you know, and

(52:20):
that lack of trust can thatshit can do some damage down the
road, like major damage.

M (52:30):
major and and the other thing is is one thing if this is an
issue with the two of you guys,if you mess around and have a
kid, it just complicates,complicates everything.
So this we're trying to tellyou this before you even get in
that stage we having kids oranything look at how your guys
are relating to each other andif you don't trust them, you

(52:50):
have to ask yourself why.
If it's legitimate, then yousay why didn't make that
decision?

T (52:55):
That actually I don't have to be no damn legitimate.
I don't have to have alegitimate reason why I don't
trust you during the datingprocess to not want to deal with
you.
It can be a gut feeling, it canbe an intuition.
Ain't a damn thing legitimateabout that?
I'm not feeling it.
I don't trust this man.
For some reason, some men canjust look at a woman and be like

(53:18):
I don't trust her.
Run, it's okay to.
If you don't feel like you cantrust that person, it don't have
to.
You don't gotta have no reason.
Deuces we ain't got, we'redating.
We don't gotta go further thanthis.

M (53:36):
That is very true.
That is true.
So you hey, you give you allthe options that you could take,
so you have a gut and youbounce, you say, hey, it's
mostly something.
So, I'm glad you put that outthere.
T and with that we're going toroll into this.
The last thing, oh my God.
Unresolved conflict.

T (53:57):
Oh, that's how we started.
Let's go.

M (54:01):
I have seen so many people over the years break up because,
as I said before the verybeginning, they never had that
conversation.
It was never a right time.
You know, I don't know why youbring it up.
I don't know why you're upsetabout it.
Discount your feelings, but ifyou have an issue with it, we

(54:21):
need to talk about it.
You may think it's it's, it'sit's significant.
You know why the hell are youupset about it.
But if your partner is upsetabout it, let's talk, let's have
a conversation.

T (54:30):
But people don't want to have that conversation and, like we
said, you keep prowling shit ontop of it 36 years, you know, 42
, like look at these oldmarriages, like even the old old
marriages that have unresolvedproblems.
That's why people say, oh, howthey broke up after 25 years,

(54:54):
how they broke up after 20 years, how they broke up after what.
They had that sitting on theshelf for 25 years.
They had that issue sitting onthe shelf for 18 years.
To the kids graduated highschool.
To the kids got married.
Yeah, they had that same dumbissue sitting there unresolved.

(55:17):
I left the room keeping themuncomfortable year in and year
out and they want to deal withthe shit.
And so if you date somebody andyou can clearly see that they
got unresolved issues sitting upon the shelf, especially from a
relationship of the oppositesex, like a dating relationship.

M (55:42):
Come on, it's gonna hand to you.
It's just grown people, grown,grown people who are now
discussions that we have and nowthey ignore all this and
they're now at an older age orage and they're like I'm trying
to find somebody love me, for me, and you know what?

(56:02):
For that person who said thatwho are you?
Yeah, you're pretty much thesame person I've known from damn
near 40 plus years and you'repretty much the same.
So who are you?
And what this person said, Ibecame something to everyone
that I dated that they were likebut never gave them who I was
or what I like.

(56:22):
I said so, oh, you're achameleon.
So no, chameleons change to fitwhere a situation in.
You'll never find happinessthere, because whoever you
change yourself into, you makethat person happy.
But you are the person thatwho's oddball out.
And why would you want to bethe oddball out when you're not
benefiting anything from thisrelationship?

T (56:42):
Why would I want to be dating myself If you're turning into
me every time you meet me?
You know I'm saying the meetsin the world, how long does it
last?
Because you like the guy who is.
You know the guy that you like.
Because you know he's not you.
He doesn't necessarily.
You know he like, he perhapsspoils you, but you know there's
a lot of things he don't do tooLike you know like, okay, now I

(57:06):
think that's kind of you know,I try to give about him.
You know something about him.
It's a little standoffish.
You know how women get.
You know, it's just different.
And a guy who keeps showing up,who don't know himself,
eventually you're going to seethrough that, eventually you see
through that and then you'regoing to assume this guy's

(57:28):
taking on that baggage on toevery relationship.
He's going on feeling unwantedand, you know, undesired, all
this shit he's not workingthrough.
Because if he would have workedthrough that in the first you
know two or three mess ups, hewould have been figured it out.
Yeah, you'd have probably.
Hello.

M (57:43):
Exactly, and that's the other thing.
People should not get inrelationships until you really
find out what happened in yourlast relationship, meaning
critical.
Look, it's like doing autopsy.
It's like let me see whatkilled that last relationship,
and if it was him, what was it?
If it was me, what was it?

(58:04):
So that you don't make the samemistake moving forward or you
look for a different type of guyor different kind of woman
later in the next relationship.
People so quick to go from onelevel relationship to another
relationship, to anotherrelationship because they don't
want to spend that time withthemselves.
It's almost like I don't wantto do that work.
You need to do the goddamn work, but you don't want to do the

(58:24):
work because you ain't gonnalike what you see.
And you have to not like whatyou see because that will make
you a better person and make youcompatible for somebody out
there that really will want youfor who you are, but you ain't
know who the hell you are.

T (58:36):
No, that's not why people don't want to do the work.
I'm gonna be lonely and I'mgonna be broke.
Okay, as you know that man waspaying that in the fall and he
was holding their tight and goodat night.
Okay, that's why you reallydon't want to do the work.
To heal yourself, right,because the hell yourself and
get over all the past traumas inrelationship required you to

(59:00):
get lonely.
Now you got yourself watchinglifetime movies and you know all
of God is to go.
You know, I don't know, butit's not.
It's not the same.
And they know man sitting rightthere, whether you argue with
him, whether you trust him ordon't trust, trust him whether
he respected you or not.

(59:21):
He not dead.
You know, because you'rehealing, you got to figure
yourself out.
And that little extra money youknow car note, car insurance,
shit, groceries.
I don't know nails.
Now you're damn nails not done.
Your nails ain't never beendone.
You know they never not beendone.
But now you are here so muchand you're healing yourself.

(59:42):
Yeah, yeah, you're healingyourself now.
Now, your little.
What is this?
30 inch bus down is just.
You know a little 10 inchsituation Basic train right for
the footer right now.
You know nails regular, likethat's the healing process,
that's that little subsidize or,you know, just a little

(01:00:03):
subsidize lifestyle perhaps forsome of us.
You know, and I'm gonna say Isaw people feel better.
You know it's, it's, it's, it'sa little bit of an and healing
is not as comfortable, you know,because if you're healing is
because something hurting, sothat's been that hurt.

(01:00:24):
Who the hell is sitting here?
Why would I do that?
No, let me just move on to thenext one.
No, I just know he reckless, sowhy not me be reckless?
You know they ruthless by womencan't be.
That's not everybody in thegame acting ruthless and
ruthless.

M (01:00:41):
And in the end you both end up lonely or alone, angry
because I love the sex scene.

T (01:00:52):
Everybody got all that unresolved shit sitting up on
the shelf and we to you know,and ourself to really figure
that out.
But we can see it in thebeginning when you walking in.
You know the girl who got thebaby daddy, who always calling
by he blowing up the line.

(01:01:13):
You know I'm saying, or viceversa oh shit, oh girl with the
but the daddy issues, that's notcome out in 30 days or less.
Oh without question 30 days orless.
Oh girl, with the mommy issues.

(01:01:34):
You know the other, the, theson, super attached to the mom.
You know the guy who pretend,like you know he misses daughter
and you know mom keep keepingthem away but he don't got no
regular job.
You're like, so what she wasgoing to do anyway, like Nick,
good work, straight up.

(01:01:55):
What do you want to figure out?
What you mad about this isunresolved issues that when you
do get into a relationshipstraight up, they show
themselves in 30 days or less.

M (01:02:11):
Yeah, I do.

T (01:02:13):
If a man is busting out crying in front of you in 30
days or less.
No, I'm sorry.

M (01:02:21):
Yeah, because let me tell you , ladies, for my guy, we're not
gonna go out there and bebreaking tears and tell you
about our life story, hard, hardlife.
We're gonna do this.

T (01:02:32):
Unresolved and I just, I don't know any women who's all
the way holding together, who'sbusting out crying.
It's true, it's true, it'sgoing on in the background there
, right Like real talk.

(01:02:54):
It should be nice, you knownice family she, you know good,
head on the shoulders, beautifulbody.
But people go through shit andthey've not finished dealing
with the things that they gonethrough.
And if you're choosing to datewith these people, to date these

(01:03:15):
people who showing up withthese unresolved issues and baby
, you know they're there, yourallying behind them to help
them out with the shit, exactly,that is so true.

M (01:03:36):
You don't need to be their therapist.
You're not gonna be theirtherapist.

T (01:03:40):
In the 80s.
You don't need to be, theydancer.

M (01:03:49):
Nobody needs to be, nobody therapist, because that's not
what you fucking signed up for.
You signed up for a healthyrelationship, somebody who you
can possibly connect with and dosome wonderful things.
That's what you want to do.
Yeah, go together.
Don't boys.
Women don't raise boys.

(01:04:09):
They raise their kids.
If you have to raise the guythat's in front of you, you
don't have to get rid of him.
You don't raise boys.
Raise your board, not a board.
Somebody else's boys you'retrying to date.
No.
So for sending for women I meanfor you know we don't want, we
don't want, we don't want girlswith the Bible, all these issues
and shit going on.
I mean we will mind listeningto it, but we don't want that

(01:04:33):
shit.
My mama and I got these issues.
I don't want to deal with yourmama and your issues.
I'll work that shit out.
You know it's just.
But then I know I'm gonna haveto pay attention because now the
mom and the daughter have anissue that could come back and
fuck with me Now, because youknow if they got those kind of
issues, he ain't no good.
She can pass shit on my parade.
So now I'm probably to dealwith that too.

(01:04:53):
Do I want to deal with that?
No, do I see you know what niceperson I can deal with this
other?
Her fucking deal with that inher mom or whatever daddy,
whatever issues she got going on.
But that means you have to doit early and you have to stop
thinking like you know, if I getthem draws or I do, no, you may
not even work at thewithdrawals.

T (01:05:11):
It's more comfortable coming into a family Without these
unresolved conflicts or with theleast amount of them.
You know it's less headache, itfeels better.
I mean it feels better than thequick you know one like it does
, I guarantee you, because damny'all boys be long run Like.

M (01:05:36):
Mm.
Hmm, it's not worth it.
Trust us.
Trust us, we can tell you fromexperience and people we know is
not fucking worth it.
It's not worth using your time.
You know, don't waste your time.
We don't know how long we gotin general, but don't waste your
time on bullshit.
Nobody wants to go.
Oh, you know, eight years.
I spent eight years.
I spent eight years, 18 years,10 years, 20 years with his ass.

(01:05:59):
He never changed.

T (01:06:00):
Yeah, Somebody listen to that shit.
And then you be mad, mad.
You decided to do that.
Like you got, at least youcould talk about the situation
like differently, Like you knowa little more uplifting, Like no
, we had our ups and downs, butyou know it was it was, it was
done.

(01:06:21):
You know I want to change itfor any you know, say that
Exactly.
He said have stories You'vebeen with somebody seven, eight
years.
They want to make you ain'tchanged neither.
Yeah.

M (01:06:34):
Hello, you didn't change.
So both became happy with eachother and they think the other
one's going to change.
They're basically going tochange, no.

T (01:06:43):
They're broken, playing with the broken, and then they want
to talk to other people about itand they think we're supposed
to be saying oh hell, no, nowhere, go to top five.
Now there's several red flagsout there, but if you're talking
about that man is disrespectfuland be like bitch, how long?
Hello, yes.

M (01:07:02):
Yes.

T (01:07:02):
Because if you say long, now you like, that's how you're
doing your relationship.

M (01:07:14):
Yeah, he's surprised he don't treat you any differently.
He's not going to treat youdifferently because you accepted
.

T (01:07:19):
No reason to Absolutely not no, no.

M (01:07:24):
And again, you know, people, we, just again, we, we just tell
you start from the ground floor, stop jumping in the fuck.
Just don't jump in the fuckingpool when you don't realize it's
60 feet deep.
You can't swim.
Go to the kitty, got them pool,sit over there and get that
little little bit of water andwork away when it comes to
dating, because this dating shitis like a shark and when you

(01:07:46):
get in, that is you got.
You can be a guppy getting inthe pool or water full of sharks
because you can eat enough likethat.
So you know, it's like, listento us, like we're telling you
these five, just these five.
There's more, but these fiveare the most important things
and I'm going to say it againit's lack of respect, control

(01:08:08):
and behavior, his poor ascommunication.
You know this honestly or inthis case, trust.
You know we're trying to tellyou, we're trying to save you
from the heartache, save youfrom looking at people's draws
and looking at phones and goingon social media and you know

(01:08:30):
people's jobs and all this othercrazy shit.
That's just not normal and whenyou don't respond to these red
flags properly and makes you gocrazy.

T (01:08:56):
So again, you know we're going to keep coming back with
different stuff in differentconversations, but take this I'm
serious, take this right on apiece of paper and put that shit
in your pocket and purse orwhatever.

M (01:09:19):
And then every time you mean just put a little name on the
tag and sit there and listen tohim and talk to him, just talk
to him and see what he had.
Is that you know?
You kind of know your instinct,as Miss T says, will tell you
like this bitch is crazy.
This guy is crazy as hell.
Yeah he made the right choices.
You know so what you want tosay T.

T (01:09:40):
When you out here, like got your eyes open for these red
flags, right, make sure youdon't yourself show up as the
red flag.
I know that we're forgettingabout ourselves.
We always want to look atourselves in the mirror and
check ourselves first before wewant to check other people.

(01:10:00):
Right, because, remember, we'redating, so sometimes you and I
can forget about you know dating, but right, and just as much as
your own.
Else, you're also presentingyourself to the other person.
So make sure you show up withrespect, right.
Make sure you don't show upwith controlling behavior.
Right for communicating.

(01:10:21):
Right, and make sure you'retrustworthy All those things
right.
Make sure you're showing upproperly when you're trying to
call out somebody else for theirred flags.
And yeah, just.

M (01:10:47):
This episode of on the mic with them and see this and
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(01:11:10):
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So with that, we'll highlightyou later.
Peace and bless.