November 12, 2024 • 53 mins
After grappling with the realities of bipolar disorder, Sarah I Fox invites us into her world, sharing her transformative journey through mental health challenges. Growing up in Brooklyn and identifying as a woman of color, Sarah discusses the intersectionality between mental health, being a person of color, and the role of her faith.
Even though bipolar disorder turned an ugly head towards Sarah, Sarah never in turn chose to turn an ugly head back. Instead, Sarah used having bipolar disorder as a way to dig deeper into her faith, become more connected with her faith and others whom she considers near and dear, and use bipolar disorder as the driving force behind her fierce passion to help others.
Sarah is the host of Rough Edges Podcast where her passion to reach others who are struggling, especially those struggling in silence, just radiates. After speaking with Sarah, she will leave you filled with hope, empowerment, and inspiration to carry forth on your own journey; whatever it may be.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hello everyone and welcome to this episode of On
the Spectrum with Sonia podcast,where we discuss autism
spectrum disorder, mental healthand anybody who's overcome any
adversity in their life and canprovide a message of inspiration
, hope, connection, love andempowerment.
(00:22):
Our goal here is to help peoplefeel more connected in a world
that continuously tries todisconnect us from one another.
Today we have a very specialguest who I am super excited
about to have on here.
Her name is Sarah Ibox.
She is the host of Rough Edgespodcast, which I recommend
(00:47):
everybody listen to.
I think her messages the peopleshe gets on her show have been
super inspirational.
Just, I remember when I washaving a really, really tough
day and a bad moment, I turnedon her podcast and her podcast.
Even though I was crying mytears away.
It helped me feel better tojust even listen to it.
(01:10):
It was like having free therapywithout having to go to a
therapist in some ways, eventhough that's not their
intention to provide therapy,but you feel like you're
actually getting free therapy.
So, without further ado, let'splease welcome Sarah.
Thank you so much for being onhere.
I can bring in breaking thesong and dance.
(01:31):
I'm so excited.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
Yes, I am also super excited.
Thank you, sonia, and you arealso on my podcast an amazing
episode you also check that outabout autism spectrum disorder.
Sonia killed it, so you alsogive it a listen to, but I'm
happy to be here.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
Well, thank you, sarah.
So, Sarah, tell us a little bitabout who you are and like
about where you grew up.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
Yeah, so I grew up in Brooklyn, New York, born and
raised and growing up in NewYork.
It's always like a huge flex.
When other people come to NewYork they're like, oh my God,
you grew up there.
I'm like, yes, I did, butgrowing up in New York and in
like a West Indian householdbecause both of my parents my
mom's from Grenada and my dad'sfrom Aruba, so I had like a huge
(02:23):
like Caribbean background in myhousehold and I also grew up in
a faith-based household, so Igrew up in a Christian home.
We went to church every Sunday.
Sunday school was a part oflike my early childhood
development and everything likethat.
But growing up in New York islike really cool because you get
to meet a diverse background ofdifferent people and going to
(02:47):
school especially high schoolwith like so many different like
people and different culturesthat come over Like it's just a
blessing to be able to have thatdiverse aspect of growing up.
And also in the city it's justlike a lot of hustle and bustle,
Like you're very busy a lot ofthe times and so you don't
(03:07):
really get time to like slowdown and self-reflect unless you
intentionally make the time.
But I love growing up inBrooklyn.
I adore like the BrooklynBotanical Gardens and like just
going and visiting differentaspects of it.
Speaker 1 (03:24):
New York City is so magical, it's so amazing, and it
always, never fails to amaze meevery single time I go.
I was just there recently, asmany of you probably already
know that I was attempting my15th ever marathon in New York
City, and I made it to mile 12before I had to drop out due to
(03:46):
injury.
But I will say, though, thecrowds always never fail to
deliver.
Just everything about the cityis just always, you know, puts
me in so much awe.
I used to live there from 2011to 2016, in New York City, so I
definitely hear you when youtalk about the hustle and bustle
and, you know, just alwaysbeing kind of like feeling like
(04:08):
everyone's always on the go andhaving that influx of people,
and I myself was like, oh my God, you grew up in New York,
that's so cool.
I was one of those people too atone point in my life.
I'm like, oh, that's awesome,you grew up in Queens, you grew
up in Brooklyn, you grew up inStaten Island, you grew up here,
you grew up there.
I'm like, okay, tri-state area,super cool.
But yeah, so tell us a littlebit now.
(04:35):
I know like when we listen toyour podcast I've listened to
your most recent oneparticularly too, and one of
your messages in your podcast isto bring out about how you have
bipolar disorder, and part ofyour sharing your story is to
give other people hope andconnection and encouragement.
(04:57):
So I want to know a little bithow.
How did that first start cominginto your life?
Like, when did you startnoticing that perhaps things may
have been a little different inhow you've been feeling, or
that maybe perhaps you werefeeling differently from others?
Speaker 2 (05:17):
Yeah.
So I started like feeling verydifferently in December of 2020.
And that year was tumultuousfor a number of reasons outside
of the pandemic and even justlike me graduating college
during the pandemic, that wassomething I also had to learn
how to navigate and finding ajob.
(05:38):
And by that point I was, youknow, very excited because I had
found a job and like thingsseem to be looking up.
But then I got really just likeoverly excited where it wasn't
like normal.
Excited Like I was, just had anelevated sense of mood.
I felt invincible.
(05:59):
I started planning my life 50years into the future.
I thought I was going to writefive volumes of books about my
life and there was just likethis odd air of I could do
anything that I wanted.
Nobody could stop me.
I can do this.
And my family actually noticed alot more symptoms of mania,
(06:21):
because when you're experiencinga manic episode, you are
talking really fast, you havethat elevated sense of self and
you also kind of cross over intopsychosis, which means like
you're seeing things, you arehearing like different voices,
and so that's what I wasexperiencing and my family.
(06:43):
They noticed that I was talkingreally fast.
A lot of the things that I wassaying was very incoherent and I
just wouldn't stop talking,like that was the biggest red
flag.
Another thing that happened wasthat I wasn't sleeping at all,
really, like I was just likegoing on like maybe two, one or
(07:05):
two hours of sleep and then thenext day I would feel very
refreshed, like I had slepteight to nine hours and it was
just something where I wasrunning on a lot of energy but I
didn't actually get any sleep.
So that is another telltalesign of mania that you're
experiencing.
It's the lack of sleep or thelack of a need for sleep, like
(07:28):
your body doesn't feel like itneeds to sleep.
So I was going through that aswell and then, because I was
like going through this for solong, it bled over into January
and in January I experienced areally bad mental breakdown
where I was getting veryaggressive.
(07:49):
I was, you know, just saying alot of things that were very
vulgar, doing a lot of vulgarthings, trying to hurt like my
family that was around me.
So they had to eventually callthe police and with that I got
sent to the nearest hospitalthat was in my area and I got
(08:10):
admitted into a psychiatrichospital and in the hospital I
got diagnosed with bipolardisorder because they said the
symptoms of what I wasexperiencing was a severe manic
episode.
And so the way that I gotdiagnosed I will never forget.
That day the nurse came up to mewith a packet and she was like
(08:33):
here's what the doctors andeverybody you know concur that
this is your diagnosis.
And she said, if you have anyquestions, like, let us know.
So she hands me this packet andat the top, in big bold letters
, it said bipolar disorder.
And I was like, oh no, I Idon't have this.
Like I was, I just wentstraight into the denial of it.
(08:56):
I was like I don't have this,this is wrong.
Could we get a second opinion?
And I'm like, now that I thinkback on it, I'm like, like Sarah
, you were in the hospital, likewhere are you going to get a
second opinion?
Like the circumstances that ledyou to be in the hospital were
so severe that this is thediagnosis that actually
(09:16):
corroborates with that.
So it took me a minute toactually realize and understand
what bipolar disorder was,because up until that point I
only knew it as like a negativething, like people would
describe the weather if itchanges.
Oh, the weather is so bipolaror somebody goes from like angry
to sad or whatever they wouldbe like, oh, they're so bipolar,
(09:40):
they, you know it was anegative connotation.
So me having this packet andlooking at it and seeing it
right in front of my facebipolar disorder it made me feel
so dejected because my lifeknowing that I have something
like this and it's sointeresting to me because I
(10:09):
never really put my mentalhealth at the forefront, like it
was always in the back burner,like I didn't really think about
it as much, but having thatdiagnosis, it just it was like a
huge whirlwind.
Speaker 1 (10:23):
So when you experienced the manic episode
and you were seeing and hearingthings, what were you seeing?
What were you hearing?
Speaker 2 (10:35):
Yeah.
So I was like experiencing alot of hallucinatory things.
So the things that I was seeing, it was kind of of like it was
almost like monsters in a way,like everything was like really
scary.
So I didn't really know whatwas happening.
It's just like things wouldcome into like the foreground of
(10:58):
my mind and I would just belike seeing like these, like
creatures, and then sometimes Iwould also like black out
completely, so I wasn't reallyseeing anything.
And so there were like periodsof the time where I was blacking
out, Like I didn't actuallylike see anything.
And then, in terms of likevoices, they were always like
negative.
It was always like oh, likeyou're never going to be
(11:22):
anything, you're not good enough, or oh, it's great that this is
happening to you like just veryharmful voices.
And the thing about that is isthat when you're dealing with
psychosis, you don't really inthe moment, you don't really
know what's happening.
Like you're like I said, youhave periods of blackout and you
(11:42):
have periods of you don't knowwhat's going on around you and
just knowing that this tookplace, and also even hearing it
from my family of what they sawand experienced they said that I
looked like very terrified,Like I didn't know what was
happening.
I didn't know.
It's like I couldn't really seeanybody, Like there were just
(12:03):
moments of just completeblackout.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
And when you were having those moments of seeing
things, hearing negative voicesthat were just really there to
just kind of bully you and putyou down, and those moments of
blackout, how are you feeling atthat time, you know, did you
have any fears going on?
(12:29):
Did you like, were you awarethat something was like
completely off?
Speaker 2 (12:36):
Yeah, I was feeling very confused for one, and then
also really scared because, asit was happening, like I
mentioned, like I had momentswhere I couldn't see anything.
So I was just like what isgoing on and why am I like
experiencing these things?
And it gave me a rush of likesevere anxiety, because at that
(12:59):
point I wasn't really myself andI also didn't really have
control it felt like of myfaculties at the time, because
it just felt like a huge nervousbreakdown was going on and I
was just confused, filled withanxiety and also fear, because I
didn't know how long this wasgoing to last.
(13:20):
I didn't know what actually wastaking place.
So, aside from me just likeexperiencing that confusion, in
general, I was also feeling likefearful because I didn't know
what was going on at the time.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
So, so it was like you were having all these things
happen to you, but you reallydidn't even know where to put
your finger on it as to what isgoing on and I can only imagine
you know how terrifying thatmust have been and your family
when they were saying that youwere saying vulgar things.
(14:00):
What exactly were you sayingthat ended you in the hospital?
Speaker 2 (14:08):
well, um, in terms of specifics, I'm not really.
It was kind of vaguely likethreatening, almost, as if like
okay, like stay away from me orI'll do xyz or you know.
So it was more of like me also,like doing a lot of cursing and
(14:28):
also like saying a lot of verynasty things, and so it was more
of like, ok, she might hurtherself or she might hurt us, so
we need to call the police,like.
This isn't just a Like, thisisn't just a regular thing Like
(15:12):
this is just like okay, she tothem.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
they definitely, and rightfully so, thought it was a
very threatening experience.
When you look back at your lifebecause I know you bit do you
think that there were signsmaybe back then that you have
had bipolar all along or somekind of mood disorder all along?
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Absolutely Like.
When I look back at it now,especially during my college
years, there were definitelymoments where I was hypomanic
because I would, especially withthe lack of sleep I would be
able to stay up till 5am, go toclass for 10am and feel nothing
Like I would be energized, Iwould just feel like I had just
slept.
So that was the moment yeah,that was the moment where I
didn't really think anything ofit because I thought, oh, you
know, it's college, like ofcourse we get up the next
morning and do class andwhatever.
(16:28):
But like there were momentswhere my roommates would fall
asleep.
I would always be the last oneto fall asleep, like in the dorm
, like I'm the last one in theroom to fall asleep and my
roommates, they, would be asleepand I would still be up, and so
that was another telltale signof like me probably experiencing
hypomania.
And then there were alsomoments where I experienced like
(16:52):
severe depression, especiallyin, like, my sophomore year of
college.
It was a very trying time forme and my family and I was just
taking that on in terms of likebeing not only like deeply
saddened by what was going on,but I had moments where I didn't
want to get out of bed, or Icouldn't get out of bed, like
(17:13):
sometimes I would just like laythere.
My body would be like reallyheavy and I wouldn't get out of
bed.
Um, so there were those momentsand also I it got to a point
where I had to, I wanted to goto therapy.
So I went to therapy in mysophomore year of college.
I started there and even mytherapist at the time was
telling me hey, maybe you shouldconsider seeing another
(17:37):
professional, like apsychiatrist, to actually give
you a diagnosis, because a lotof these symptoms are of a
certain mood disorder.
And she's like I can't reallytell you which one it is,
because you know I'm not apsychiatrist.
But at that time, since mentalhealth was so stigmatized,
especially in my own communityand we'll talk about that more
(17:58):
later I didn't want to go see apsychiatrist because I was like
I don't need one and also Idon't want to take medication.
A psychiatrist because I waslike I don't need one and also I
don't want to take medication.
Like that was my outlook.
I was like I don't needmedication, I don't want to be
on medication, I'm fine, I'lljust talk to you and we'll just
manage it like this.
But some part of me is likemaybe I should have taken her up
(18:22):
on that because I maybe wouldhave gotten ahead of it earlier
and it wouldn't have to go tothis point.
But you can, only I reallycan't blame myself for that,
really because I didn't haveenough information and I was
beholden to the stigma of whatwould other people think of me
if I started taking medicationor what would you know?
(18:44):
Like maybe I'm weak because Ihave to go to a psychiatrist now
.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
So all of that was running through my mind and so
that must have been um verydifficult, though, for you to
hear from that therapist at thetime to go see another
professional.
How did that make you feel whenshe said you were presenting
symptoms of a another mooddisorder that I can't diagnose
(19:09):
you with because I'm not apsychiatrist, but I think you
really need to go and getevaluated.
How did that make you feel tohear something like that?
Speaker 2 (19:18):
That actually made me feel pretty devastated because
I thought I was going to therapy, because I was depressed and in
that mindset I was like youknow, I'm just going to go see
this person, we're going to beable to talk through and manage
the depression or the sadfeelings that I was having, and
then I could just leave once Ifeel better and not have to deal
(19:42):
with this again.
Because, like I said, mentalhealth wasn't something that I
prioritized.
I wanted to just be able tohave my achievements, go to
school, know, graduate and doall those other things.
But I wasn't really thinkingabout how does my emotional and
mental wellness factor into that.
(20:03):
So hearing her saying that, hey, maybe you should look into
this a little bit more becauseit might be something bigger
than just depression, I don'tthink I was ready to hear that.
I don't think I was ready tohear that.
I don't think I was ready to belike, hey, there's another
layer behind the stuff that youare feeling.
And so to me I'm like I don'thave time for this.
(20:24):
I just wanted to get treatedfor this one thing, I don't need
to explore this other thing.
And I also was fearful aboutbeing on medication.
Like that was like my biggesthesitation, because I also
didn't really I wasn't reallyknowledgeable of like the like
the, the whole sphere of likemedication for mental health,
(20:46):
and so I didn't really know howto navigate that either and I
was scared to go into thosetypes of things because I didn't
know what that would entail,what the side effects would be.
So there was just a lot ofthings going through my mind
when she did present that to meas an option and I don't think I
was ready at the time toactually pursue that.
(21:09):
You know, and like looking atme now, of course, if someone
said, hey, maybe you should lookinto this, I'll be like
absolutely, because I know nowwhat my symptoms are, what my
triggers are, what medicationcan do.
Back then, up until that point,I didn't really have like a
roadmap or an idea of whatmental health was all about, let
(21:31):
alone psychotropic medication.
So, yeah, I think it was a lotof that let alone psychotropic
medication.
Speaker 1 (21:39):
So, yeah, I think it was a lot of that and I'm pretty
sure, like you know, to haveall of this be so new to you,
especially when you're, like, ina college setting where you
already are going through somuch adjustment, you know,
having moved out of your house,living with roommates, getting
used to being completely, kindof well, completely independent,
because, in the sense, like,you're not going to have someone
there to be like, hey, you'regoing to be late, get up, like
(22:03):
you know, or you don't have that.
You know, it's not like whenyou were in, like, high school
or middle school, where you knewif you got a homework
assignment it was due the nextday, right In college.
It's a completely differentanimal in and of itself, you
know.
So I can only imagine what itmust have felt like then to just
(22:23):
have everything compounded likethat too, that other aspect of
it that probably played in allyou know, this feeling of
devastation.
Speaker 2 (22:32):
Yeah, yeah, definitely.
And like not only navigatingcollege but also trying to
figure out, like, why am Ifeeling this way?
Why am I feeling this depressed?
Why am I?
You know, that's why I went totherapy to get some answers,
because I'm like, okay, this islike permeating into other
aspects of my life and I don'twant to feel this way anymore.
(22:54):
So I'm like people go totherapy when they feel depressed
, so let me go to therapy.
And I think me making thatchoice was another thing in my
household.
That was very new, because Iwas the first one in my
immediate family to actuallyseek out a therapist, and so
that got into my parents saying,why do you need a therapist?
(23:14):
You're doing well, you'regetting good grades, what is
going on that you need to talkto somebody else?
And that was just like a wholeanother layer of like hey, I
want to get help for thisproblem, but you guys seem to
think that I don't need thatmuch.
So I think that was anotheraspect of like why I didn't want
(23:35):
to go further in pursuing thepsychiatric help, because I
didn't want to have to come hometo my parents and be like hey,
I got a diagnosis and this is it, and you know that whole thing
too, so that's another layer.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
I can only imagine that.
How scary in some ways it musthave felt also to deal with
family dynamics.
Symptoms of like feelingdepressed or any kind of mood,
(24:20):
any symptoms of like any kind ofmood disorder that you can
think of in those years?
Speaker 2 (24:23):
That's a great question.
I in high school there was a lotof like mood fluctuation there,
especially between like beingdepressed and also being really,
really happy, almost hypomanic.
Because the first half of myhigh school years I was like
pretty depressed because it wasthe whole environment of you
(24:47):
know, the cliques and likewanting to see where I'm
actually fitting in, and I wasoften, like you know, a loner
and I always like prioritize myacademics over anything else.
So that social aspect of highschool was kind of lost on me in
the beginning and so that kindof contributed to oh, I feel
(25:07):
alone, like nobody really caresand you know, just navigating
life in that setting.
But then the last two years ofhigh school, that's when things
were kind of on the uptick, likeI was getting a lot of good
grades, I was on the prospectsof graduating, I had a lot more
friends because I involvedmyself in different activities
like mock trial, moot courtdebate team, like you know, just
(25:32):
other like things that I putmyself into.
I got friends through that andso there were moments where I
was like really excited and hadbig hopes and dreams for college
and everything.
So I would say that bigpendulum swing between being
really depressed and then beinglike really excited, like just
(25:52):
super optimistic.
Going out of high school Iwould say that whole experience
was kind of like a pendulumswing between one or the other
so I can.
Speaker 1 (26:05):
I can empathize with, uh, the high school loneliness.
I was a loner myself, I was.
Well, I was ostracized so Ikind of really didn't have any
choice and friendship at thatpoint because everyone kind of
ripped me off at that time andum.
But I'll tell you, I mean it's,you know.
You know a lot of that too goesinto.
(26:28):
You know even the feelings ofbeing depressed when you're in
high school.
You know it's so easy forpeople to chalk it up into oh
well, this is just part ofadolescence, this is just going
up, you're, what you're goingthrough is growing pains.
But truth of the matter is thereare some very real issues that
people face.
It's not just about the woes ofadolescence, you know, and it
(26:49):
goes so much further into youknow, people really truly face
real mood disorder.
I mean not to say depression isnot a real mood disorder, it is
, but it's not just talked up to.
You know what people think isjust your common cause.
Oh, you're just changingbecause you're hormonal, or your
moods are because you'rehormonal, or you're just going
through growing pains oradolescence.
(27:11):
What I'm talking about is likereal depression, real, real mood
disorders.
Subtypes I mean real it just orjust different types of mood
disorders, rather, but it's justlike you got real things going
on and I feel like it's soimportant that people really you
know, uh, that that change bemade in that area and people can
(27:34):
recognize you know what this is, not just only because you're
an adolescent, this is only this, that or that or the other.
It's there.
You know, people can havethings that go beyond that.
Yeah, so now you so talk aboutlike so you got diagnosed with
(27:57):
bipolar.
You felt devastated to havethat diagnosis.
I'm wondering, where did thatfeeling kind of originate that
you felt like you had to bedevastated about it?
How did maybe you're like, howdid that family background and
your background being a personof color, how do you think that
(28:20):
all intersected in this too?
Speaker 2 (28:22):
Ooh, sonia, how much time do you have?
Because I could go on and onwith all of this.
But, honestly, in the Blackcommunity there is a huge stigma
surrounding mental health andit comes from the idea that you
need to be strong, like nomatter what you're going through
, you cannot buckle under thepressure, you cannot let other
(28:46):
people see you cry.
You have to go through itbecause we've been through
enough and we don't need to bein a position of weakness and
compound that with thefaith-based community.
So I grew up in a Christianhome as well, and with the
Christian community it's more oflike we have prayer, we have
(29:08):
church, we have the Bible.
Why are you, you know, seekingadditional help outside of that?
Like that should be enough toget you through.
And so I felt like I had to bedevastated, like you mentioned,
because now that I've come intoa place in my life where these
(29:29):
things were not enough to beable to help me move through it
Like not saying that they're notenough on their own, because
all of those things that Imentioned, like the prayer and,
you know, being strong, that'sfine, but when you're dealing
with something as severe as amental health condition and
something as serious as mentalwellness.
(29:52):
You need to combine the mentalhealth treatment with those
things.
And so when I got thatdiagnosis, I was at a crossroads
because now I'm thinking, wait,I did all that stuff.
I prayed, I went to church, Iread my Bible, I was strong,
like I thought I was strong, youknow.
(30:13):
So I'm like why?
Why is this happening to me?
And so that's when I had torealize that sometimes you need
to go the extra mile and seektreatment, because, yes, you can
pray, but also you need medicalattention as well.
(30:33):
Like we don't do this and it'sso interesting, we don't do this
when it comes to physicalillnesses, like if I have a flu
or if I have a broken leg or ifI have something that needs
medical attention, I'm going tothe doctor, I'm going to the
hospital, because this issomething that needs immediate
attention.
So we need to give our mentalhealth the same type of
(30:55):
attention.
If something is going wrong,seek professional help.
Like, yes, you can have, like,your remedies, you can have
things that do work, but at thesame time, you need a doctor.
You need a doctor.
And it's like that's somethingI needed to realize, that I
needed more help than me justgoing it alone could have done.
(31:20):
So that's the thing where Ithink the devastation came from.
It's like, oh, now I have thiscondition that I have to learn
how to manage.
And bipolar disorder is alsoheavily stigmatized, like, I
know, depression and anxiety.
Those things are becoming, youknow, more generalized and more
in the forefront.
(31:40):
But like bipolar disorder likeif I came out of the hospital
saying, hey, I had depression, Ihad generalized anxiety people
be like, oh, okay, you know,that's fine.
But if I say, hey, I havebipolar disorder now people are
like, whoa, okay, you're on thedeep end or you're a little
crazy.
So it's like even having thatlabel and those things to think
(32:05):
about.
That's how I felt like, wow,this is such a huge weight on my
shoulders that I now have tomanage.
And I also thought about who amI going to tell?
Like it's so funny now.
But like, who am I going totell about this?
Like, how do I navigate this?
So there are a lot of differentthings that came into that.
Speaker 1 (32:26):
And that must have been also very challenging to
navigate with all theseinternalized messages that you
were brought up with.
That you know you had to bestrong.
You can't buckle under pressure.
You always had to put on atough face, make it till you
make it kind of mentality.
You know it seems right and Ican empathize, being Indian.
Right, we were also taught thesame things like we don't talk
(32:50):
about, we don't think.
A lot thing with Indian people alot of times is the mentality
is, if you don't think about itit doesn't exist, right, even if
you're feeling depressed orupset about something, if you
don't think about it it goesaway, kind of mentality.
And that's simply not true.
Things, problems, just don't goaway because you ignore them.
(33:11):
You ignore them.
Just imagine like they did this, you know, with physical health
, if you have, let's say, areally bad stomach ache and you
think, okay, if I don't thinkabout my stomach hurting, the
pain will just dissipate, lo andbehold, really your appendix is
in trouble, really going, andis about to burst, right, I mean
, point, case in point, ignoringit could cost you.
(33:34):
So I mean, and point case inpoint, ignoring it could cost
you.
So I mean, that's kind of like.
The way I look at it is youknow, mental health.
You know, it's just so.
People still have a lot to go interms of learning really about
truly what is everything?
What are terms that are beingthrown around?
You know, like people say, okay, bipolar weather.
(33:57):
Well, truth of the matter is,you know what Bipolar is a real
illness?
Yes, okay, and people who havebipolar really will not take
light of that joke.
Bipolar weather, just becauseit is very impactful on a
(34:18):
person's life, yeah, and I thinkthat you know, and a lot of the
, the blowback that people have,you know, going to your point
about you know, when you say youhave bipolar, people are like
whoa right.
I think a lot of this goes intoignorance.
There's so much ignorance.
Same thing with autism.
(34:38):
You know.
I'll tell you this interestingfact autism is in the dsm-5 and
so is narcissistic personalitydisorder.
They're both in the dsm-5, buteverybody is okay using that
word narcissism for absolutelyanything right, it's thrown
around like candy, Okay.
(35:00):
Whereas when autism startedbecoming more out, you know, and
people, you know, more peoplestarted getting diagnosed.
Almost everybody went up inarms and and and was like oh, no
, no, no, no, no.
There has to be a reason whyautism exists.
Let's blame vaccinations, let'sblame this, let's blame that.
Nobody was okay with that, youknow.
(35:22):
And it goes to show you justhow what people will think is
okay, it's like people put ahierarchy on different mental
disorders.
Now.
Speaker 2 (35:33):
Yeah, yeah, that's.
And, to your point, I thinkit's goes to show like the lack
of understanding comes from alack of knowledge.
Because, let's be real, likepeople, when they hear
depression, they generally knowwhat it looks like, they know
what the symptoms are, they knowyou know how to treat it.
They know with anxiety even.
(35:54):
They know what the symptoms are, they know how to treat it.
But if you come with bipolar oreven schizophrenia or multiple
personality disorder or autismspectrum disorder, people don't
generally know what the symptomsare or what to look for or what
it is about.
And I'm going to be honest withyou before I got diagnosed with
(36:16):
bipolar disorder, I knewvirtually nothing about it.
So it's like having that.
I got scared.
I'm like, oh my gosh, what isthis Like?
What's going on?
But at the same time as Ilearned about it, as I knew more
about it, as I knew more aboutmy triggers and my symptoms and
things to look out for, itbecame less of a scary thing and
(36:38):
more of okay.
This is something I have tomanage and I will manage it.
And I will say that havingbipolar disorder also gives you
better parameters in terms ofunderstanding how you're
navigating the world and whatboundaries you need to put up,
because before this I wasn'treally conscious of, okay, I
(37:00):
need to manage my sleep.
I was always up till like threeo'clock in the morning, but now
I'm like, hey, I need to cutthat off because I need to go to
bed, because I need to managethis, or even like certain
spaces and how I navigate myself, or even like certain spaces
and how I navigate myself, likeI need to know, okay, am I okay?
Is my mood okay?
I'm feeling sad.
(37:21):
What is going on?
Or I'm feeling a little tooexcited.
Is this normal excited?
Is this hypomanic?
What's going on?
So I'm more in tune and awareof my mental health and the
things that I need to do inorder to manage it.
But if you looked at me threeyears ago and said, hey, sarah,
(37:42):
you're going to deal with this,I wouldn't fathom how I could
deal with it.
But now that I know more aboutit, I'm able to learn and adjust
accordingly.
So I think to your point.
The ignorance comes from thelack of knowledge, you know, and
it's sad, but we have a longway to go in terms of getting
(38:04):
people more knowledgeable aboutthese things.
Speaker 1 (38:09):
Absolutely.
And how do you feel like peoplereact to you now, as you've
been more open with bipolar, asyou're more open about getting
that message out there to othersto help them navigate their
journeys?
Speaker 2 (38:30):
Yeah, it's so interesting because and let me
tell you, I have been blessed tomake some really great
connections, including this onethat I have with you, and let me
tell you, I have been blessedto make some really great
connections, including this onethat I have with you, and just
really seeing that there areother people who also want to
raise awareness through theirstories, and I am so happy that
(38:51):
I wasn't really met withridicule or met with, like you
know, some type of oh, what areyou trying to prove?
Like, what is your messageabout?
I've been met with morecuriosity than anything else
because, especially from thepeople who knew me, like my
family, my friends, like after Itold a few of them what was
(39:13):
going on and my diagnosis, theydidn't really look at me
differently.
They're just like wow, I can'tbelieve you're able to still
move on and do all these things.
And even though you have this,it didn't stop you from doing
the things that you're doingwith your life.
And I am so grateful to have hadthat reaction because a lot of
(39:37):
the times, people think you havea mental health condition, you
have to look a certain way oryou have to act a certain way,
and mental health doesn't have alook Like you could be a
regular person and dealing witha mental health condition and
people wouldn't even knowbecause they expect you to look
(39:57):
a certain way.
So, getting back to yourquestion, I am very grateful to
have seen just the outpouring oflike, support and positivity,
because people not only want tohear my story, but they're just
like trying to wrap their mindsaround like, wow, you're able to
(40:18):
do all these things and youhave this condition and I think
also the aspect of faith as well, where it's like wow, you're
able to continue to believe inGod and continue to share this
message of hope with othersafter you've been through all of
that and are still learning howto manage.
So it's been really great sofar and I just hope that people
(40:43):
will continue to have thatcuriosity, because that's the
first step to gaining moreknowledge about these types of
topics.
Speaker 1 (40:52):
And I'm so proud of you for just you know, being so
brave and sharing your story andsharing your truth with
everyone, because we need morepeople to come and share their
stories and we need more peopleto see that.
And I and you hit the nailright on the head and you said
mental health does not have alook, you know, and there is no
(41:14):
set way that people are supposedto behave for your comfort.
I mean all these people thathave these expectations.
I feel like a lot of people gotbrainwashed somehow into
thinking that OK, if you havebipolar, you have to act, just
really out there, when truth ofthe matter is you could be a
(41:35):
fully functioning individual,you could go to work every day,
you could be a successful personin a career, you could be
creative, you could be anythingyou want, because a mental
illness, at the end of the day,doesn't define who you are, it
doesn't limit you.
The only limitation you willplace on it is if you yourself
(41:57):
decide you're going to belimited and then you're going to
say, okay, I'm limited becauseof right, right.
The truth of the matter is amental illness only is a part of
you.
It doesn't define you and youknow, it's good to you know and
it's, I think, so amazing thatyou are you know, just breaking
(42:18):
the status quo, breaking thestigma.
You know, because it's, I think, so amazing that you are you
know just breaking the statusquo, breaking the stigma.
You know, because this is whatwe need more of.
We need more acceptance, weneed more empathy, we need more
understanding, compassion,curiosity, education.
That's what we all need.
Yes, I agree.
So you know, and I know a bigpart of also your message you
(42:41):
know.
Part of it is, yes, you aresharing your journey with
bipolar and getting diagnosedand having you know, sharing
those experiences that you'veovercome.
But another part of it is alsoyour faith.
Now, you'd mentioned it beforethat you had prayed before and I
(43:02):
know faith is huge for you.
I know that you are a Christianand Christianity plays a big
role in your life and I want toknow how do you feel like your
relationship with your faith haschanged or morphed pre and post
diagnosis?
Speaker 2 (43:23):
That is an amazing question.
So pre-diagnosis, I was verystrong in my faith and it was
more of like what can I do toserve my community?
What can I do to really like bein the church and and cultivate
that relationship with Godthrough prayer, reading the
(43:43):
Bible and also just having thattime with him?
Post-diagnosis, I had tocontend with a lot of questions,
because my first question wasGod, what is happening?
What is this?
And another question that I hadto deal with is what did I do
wrong?
Because initially I thought,due to the devastation of
(44:07):
receiving a diagnosis like that,in the moment I thought I must
have done something wrong forGod to allow this to happen, for
God to allow this to happen.
And to that I would say havinga diagnosis does not indicate a
lack of faith and it does notindicate that something is going
(44:27):
wrong in your relationship withGod.
It just means that you have acondition that you need to
manage.
That's all that it means.
And for me, my faith, it has,like taken a different turn in
terms of like just having thejust like, the pleasure of like.
(44:48):
Oh, you know, I'm going to readmy Bible and pray and
everything will be okay in theworld.
It went from that to now I havea deeper understanding of.
Even though I'm going throughdifficult things, that doesn't
mean that I'm loved any less.
That doesn't mean that my faithisn't strong enough.
That doesn't mean that I haveto now isolate the two things.
(45:13):
It meant that I could combinethem.
I could have that hope and thatyou and that positivity for my
faith and intertwine it with themental health treatment.
Because, going back to thephysical illness, if I had a
physical condition I would stillhave my faith.
I would just have a conditionthat I need to deal with.
So for me, looking at mentalhealth, it means that I can pray
(45:39):
and go to therapy.
It means that I can read myBible and go take my medication.
Like those, two things don'thave to be mutually exclusive
and that's something I hope thatthe faith community can really
contend with, because mentalhealth is still stigmatized.
But I would say that my faithin God did get stronger after my
(46:02):
diagnosis because I not onlyknew that God was with me in
those moments, it actually gaveme the motivation and the hope
that I needed to stay consistentin my mental health treatment.
Speaker 1 (46:17):
And when did you come to that realization that you
can combine it?
And you came to theserealizations that you were not
loved any less or, you know,your faith wasn't any weak like
any more weaker than you knowbefore pre-diagnosis.
What led you to theserevelations and realizations?
(46:39):
Were there specific scripturesyou turned to?
Was there a specific Biblechapter, bible verse or book
rather, that you've really takento, that really sung to you?
Speaker 2 (46:51):
Yes.
So that's where my communitycomes in, because I didn't do
this all on my own, like I had,thank God, I had some really
strong friends, mentors, familymembers who have rallied around
me in moments where I thought,oh God, you know he doesn't love
(47:11):
me or he abandoned me because Ihave this, like they were able
to pour into me and let me knowthat no, this is not because of
a lack of faith, it's becauseyou're dealing with the
condition.
That it's it's you know, it'snormal to deal with the
condition and that's the thingthat a lot of like, especially
(47:33):
Christians, don't understand isthat this is normal.
Like your body is just goingthrough a condition and, with
mental health, it's a chemicalimbalance in the brain, like it
is a physical condition as well.
So it's normal to be able toexperience something like this
and the more that we learn aboutit, the more normalized it will
(47:56):
become.
But because we don't have thatknowledge, we don't really know.
But my community I'm sograteful that they were able to
not treat me differently or notlook at me a certain way,
because I had this.
It's more of reallyunderstanding that God still
loves me, my community stillloves me and I am still who I am
(48:19):
, just with this condition, likeI'm still me.
I just have a condition that Ineed to learn how to manage.
And when you say, like differentbooks in the Bible, this is a
verse that has really gotten methrough.
It's Isaiah 41, verse 10.
And it says fear not, for I amwith you, be not dismayed, for I
(48:45):
am your God.
I will strengthen you, I willhelp you, I will uphold you with
my righteous right hand.
And that is the core of how Irealized that faith can actually
help, because God is not thetype of God to just be like, oh
well, all you need to do isserve me and that'll be it.
(49:08):
He is with you in those moments.
And knowing that gave me thehope that I needed to realize
that God is going to be with methrough all of this.
So I will hold on to that hope,I will hold on to that truth
and I will use it to inform okay, I have to take medication.
Great God is with me throughthis.
(49:30):
I have to go to therapy.
Great God is with me in this.
And so having that mindset iswhat made it click for me that
faith is vital to reallyunderstanding how to care for
your mental wellness, especiallyif you are a person of faith.
And the thing I love about mypodcast is that, even though
(49:53):
it's faith-based, I do open itup to people who are not of,
like you know, faith-basedcommunities, just to get that
information.
Because, again, there is thiscuriosity like why are you using
faith in this?
Like what is that about?
And so that has opened thedoors to be able to connect with
(50:13):
more people who are genuinelyinterested in hearing about my
story and my experiences, so I'mgrateful for that.
Speaker 1 (50:22):
I'm so thankful that you came on here today and
shared your story, shared yourexperiences, shared your journey
.
Sarah, how can people find youif they wanted to reach out to
you?
Speaker 2 (50:35):
to reach out to you.
Yes, I am on social mediaInstagram.
Speaker 1 (50:40):
Mostly it's at roughedgespodcast, and I also
have a website,roughedgespodcastcom, where you
can connect with me there andalso see the different aspects
of the podcast that I have, andif you have one piece of advice
or a piece of inspiration,rather one inspiration, whether
(51:02):
it's a motivational quote, justinspirational, saying whatever
is your favorite what issomething you'd like to share
with the audience listeningtoday, and particularly those
who may be finding themselves ina struggle emotionally,
mentally?
Speaker 2 (51:23):
themselves in a struggle emotionally, mentally,
yeah.
So the first thing I would sayis that there is hope.
I know we are living in a worldright now where everything is
very chaotic and it seems likethere's a lot going on, but
there is hope, and I also wantto encourage you.
If you're living with a mentalhealth condition, your diagnosis
does not define who you are,and that is something that I
(51:46):
really want you to know, becauseyou are a person that deserves
love, wellness and prosperity,and you shouldn't allow your
diagnosis to be an inhibitor forthose things.
And so I am sitting before youtoday because I have been the
product of a lot, of just awhole vast mental health journey
(52:11):
, and I know that if I can makeit, you definitely can make it
too.
So I just want to encourage youthat there is hope and that you
are worth the time that healingtakes.
Speaker 1 (52:23):
Well, thank you so much, Sarah.
Everybody, please, before weend this, please go on to Rough
Edges podcast.
Please follow it.
It is amazing.
Sarah does an amazing jobtalking about various topics,
(52:44):
providing all sorts of hope andencouragement, and this is the
podcast definitely you want tolisten to, especially if you
have a bad day, and because thisis a podcast that will lift
your spirits up within minutes.
I know it has for me.
And so, before we end today,everybody, I want to thank you
(53:07):
all for tuning into this episodeof On the Spectrum with Sonia.
Please rate and review.
Also, subscribe to On theSpectrum with Sonia and get at
least five friends to do thesame, and I am looking forward
to continuing to sharing moreepisodes with you.
(53:28):
Stay tuned for further episodes.
Thank you very much for tuningin today.
Your support is greatlyappreciated and sending you all
much love.
Hello everyone and welcome to this episode of On
the Spectrum with Sonia podcast,where we discuss autism
spectrum disorder, mental healthand anybody who's overcome any
adversity in their life and canprovide a message of inspiration
, hope, connection, love andempowerment.
(00:22):
Our goal here is to help peoplefeel more connected in a world
that continuously tries todisconnect us from one another.
Today we have a very specialguest who I am super excited
about to have on here.
Her name is Sarah Ibox.
She is the host of Rough Edgespodcast, which I recommend
(00:47):
everybody listen to.
I think her messages the peopleshe gets on her show have been
super inspirational.
Just, I remember when I washaving a really, really tough
day and a bad moment, I turnedon her podcast and her podcast.
Even though I was crying mytears away.
It helped me feel better tojust even listen to it.
(01:10):
It was like having free therapywithout having to go to a
therapist in some ways, eventhough that's not their
intention to provide therapy,but you feel like you're
actually getting free therapy.
So, without further ado, let'splease welcome Sarah.
Thank you so much for being onhere.
I can bring in breaking thesong and dance.
(01:31):
I'm so excited.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
Yes, I am also super excited.
Thank you, sonia, and you arealso on my podcast an amazing
episode you also check that outabout autism spectrum disorder.
Sonia killed it, so you alsogive it a listen to, but I'm
happy to be here.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
Well, thank you, sarah.
So, Sarah, tell us a little bitabout who you are and like
about where you grew up.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
Yeah, so I grew up in Brooklyn, New York, born and
raised and growing up in NewYork.
It's always like a huge flex.
When other people come to NewYork they're like, oh my God,
you grew up there.
I'm like, yes, I did, butgrowing up in New York and in
like a West Indian householdbecause both of my parents my
mom's from Grenada and my dad'sfrom Aruba, so I had like a huge
(02:23):
like Caribbean background in myhousehold and I also grew up in
a faith-based household, so Igrew up in a Christian home.
We went to church every Sunday.
Sunday school was a part oflike my early childhood
development and everything likethat.
But growing up in New York islike really cool because you get
to meet a diverse background ofdifferent people and going to
(02:47):
school especially high schoolwith like so many different like
people and different culturesthat come over Like it's just a
blessing to be able to have thatdiverse aspect of growing up.
And also in the city it's justlike a lot of hustle and bustle,
Like you're very busy a lot ofthe times and so you don't
(03:07):
really get time to like slowdown and self-reflect unless you
intentionally make the time.
But I love growing up inBrooklyn.
I adore like the BrooklynBotanical Gardens and like just
going and visiting differentaspects of it.
Speaker 1 (03:24):
New York City is so magical, it's so amazing, and it
always, never fails to amaze meevery single time I go.
I was just there recently, asmany of you probably already
know that I was attempting my15th ever marathon in New York
City, and I made it to mile 12before I had to drop out due to
(03:46):
injury.
But I will say, though, thecrowds always never fail to
deliver.
Just everything about the cityis just always, you know, puts
me in so much awe.
I used to live there from 2011to 2016, in New York City, so I
definitely hear you when youtalk about the hustle and bustle
and, you know, just alwaysbeing kind of like feeling like
(04:08):
everyone's always on the go andhaving that influx of people,
and I myself was like, oh my God, you grew up in New York,
that's so cool.
I was one of those people too atone point in my life.
I'm like, oh, that's awesome,you grew up in Queens, you grew
up in Brooklyn, you grew up inStaten Island, you grew up here,
you grew up there.
I'm like, okay, tri-state area,super cool.
But yeah, so tell us a littlebit now.
(04:35):
I know like when we listen toyour podcast I've listened to
your most recent oneparticularly too, and one of
your messages in your podcast isto bring out about how you have
bipolar disorder, and part ofyour sharing your story is to
give other people hope andconnection and encouragement.
(04:57):
So I want to know a little bithow.
How did that first start cominginto your life?
Like, when did you startnoticing that perhaps things may
have been a little different inhow you've been feeling, or
that maybe perhaps you werefeeling differently from others?
Speaker 2 (05:17):
Yeah.
So I started like feeling verydifferently in December of 2020.
And that year was tumultuousfor a number of reasons outside
of the pandemic and even justlike me graduating college
during the pandemic, that wassomething I also had to learn
how to navigate and finding ajob.
(05:38):
And by that point I was, youknow, very excited because I had
found a job and like thingsseem to be looking up.
But then I got really just likeoverly excited where it wasn't
like normal.
Excited Like I was, just had anelevated sense of mood.
I felt invincible.
(05:59):
I started planning my life 50years into the future.
I thought I was going to writefive volumes of books about my
life and there was just likethis odd air of I could do
anything that I wanted.
Nobody could stop me.
I can do this.
And my family actually noticed alot more symptoms of mania,
(06:21):
because when you're experiencinga manic episode, you are
talking really fast, you havethat elevated sense of self and
you also kind of cross over intopsychosis, which means like
you're seeing things, you arehearing like different voices,
and so that's what I wasexperiencing and my family.
(06:43):
They noticed that I was talkingreally fast.
A lot of the things that I wassaying was very incoherent and I
just wouldn't stop talking,like that was the biggest red
flag.
Another thing that happened wasthat I wasn't sleeping at all,
really, like I was just likegoing on like maybe two, one or
(07:05):
two hours of sleep and then thenext day I would feel very
refreshed, like I had slepteight to nine hours and it was
just something where I wasrunning on a lot of energy but I
didn't actually get any sleep.
So that is another telltalesign of mania that you're
experiencing.
It's the lack of sleep or thelack of a need for sleep, like
(07:28):
your body doesn't feel like itneeds to sleep.
So I was going through that aswell and then, because I was
like going through this for solong, it bled over into January
and in January I experienced areally bad mental breakdown
where I was getting veryaggressive.
(07:49):
I was, you know, just saying alot of things that were very
vulgar, doing a lot of vulgarthings, trying to hurt like my
family that was around me.
So they had to eventually callthe police and with that I got
sent to the nearest hospitalthat was in my area and I got
(08:10):
admitted into a psychiatrichospital and in the hospital I
got diagnosed with bipolardisorder because they said the
symptoms of what I wasexperiencing was a severe manic
episode.
And so the way that I gotdiagnosed I will never forget.
That day the nurse came up to mewith a packet and she was like
(08:33):
here's what the doctors andeverybody you know concur that
this is your diagnosis.
And she said, if you have anyquestions, like, let us know.
So she hands me this packet andat the top, in big bold letters
, it said bipolar disorder.
And I was like, oh no, I Idon't have this.
Like I was, I just wentstraight into the denial of it.
(08:56):
I was like I don't have this,this is wrong.
Could we get a second opinion?
And I'm like, now that I thinkback on it, I'm like, like Sarah
, you were in the hospital, likewhere are you going to get a
second opinion?
Like the circumstances that ledyou to be in the hospital were
so severe that this is thediagnosis that actually
(09:16):
corroborates with that.
So it took me a minute toactually realize and understand
what bipolar disorder was,because up until that point I
only knew it as like a negativething, like people would
describe the weather if itchanges.
Oh, the weather is so bipolaror somebody goes from like angry
to sad or whatever they wouldbe like, oh, they're so bipolar,
(09:40):
they, you know it was anegative connotation.
So me having this packet andlooking at it and seeing it
right in front of my facebipolar disorder it made me feel
so dejected because my lifeknowing that I have something
like this and it's sointeresting to me because I
(10:09):
never really put my mentalhealth at the forefront, like it
was always in the back burner,like I didn't really think about
it as much, but having thatdiagnosis, it just it was like a
huge whirlwind.
Speaker 1 (10:23):
So when you experienced the manic episode
and you were seeing and hearingthings, what were you seeing?
What were you hearing?
Speaker 2 (10:35):
Yeah.
So I was like experiencing alot of hallucinatory things.
So the things that I was seeing, it was kind of of like it was
almost like monsters in a way,like everything was like really
scary.
So I didn't really know whatwas happening.
It's just like things wouldcome into like the foreground of
(10:58):
my mind and I would just belike seeing like these, like
creatures, and then sometimes Iwould also like black out
completely, so I wasn't reallyseeing anything.
And so there were like periodsof the time where I was blacking
out, Like I didn't actuallylike see anything.
And then, in terms of likevoices, they were always like
negative.
It was always like oh, likeyou're never going to be
(11:22):
anything, you're not good enough, or oh, it's great that this is
happening to you like just veryharmful voices.
And the thing about that is isthat when you're dealing with
psychosis, you don't really inthe moment, you don't really
know what's happening.
Like you're like I said, youhave periods of blackout and you
(11:42):
have periods of you don't knowwhat's going on around you and
just knowing that this tookplace, and also even hearing it
from my family of what they sawand experienced they said that I
looked like very terrified,Like I didn't know what was
happening.
I didn't know.
It's like I couldn't really seeanybody, Like there were just
(12:03):
moments of just completeblackout.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
And when you were having those moments of seeing
things, hearing negative voicesthat were just really there to
just kind of bully you and putyou down, and those moments of
blackout, how are you feeling atthat time, you know, did you
have any fears going on?
(12:29):
Did you like, were you awarethat something was like
completely off?
Speaker 2 (12:36):
Yeah, I was feeling very confused for one, and then
also really scared because, asit was happening, like I
mentioned, like I had momentswhere I couldn't see anything.
So I was just like what isgoing on and why am I like
experiencing these things?
And it gave me a rush of likesevere anxiety, because at that
(12:59):
point I wasn't really myself andI also didn't really have
control it felt like of myfaculties at the time, because
it just felt like a huge nervousbreakdown was going on and I
was just confused, filled withanxiety and also fear, because I
didn't know how long this wasgoing to last.
(13:20):
I didn't know what actually wastaking place.
So, aside from me just likeexperiencing that confusion, in
general, I was also feeling likefearful because I didn't know
what was going on at the time.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
So, so it was like you were having all these things
happen to you, but you reallydidn't even know where to put
your finger on it as to what isgoing on and I can only imagine
you know how terrifying thatmust have been and your family
when they were saying that youwere saying vulgar things.
(14:00):
What exactly were you sayingthat ended you in the hospital?
Speaker 2 (14:08):
well, um, in terms of specifics, I'm not really.
It was kind of vaguely likethreatening, almost, as if like
okay, like stay away from me orI'll do xyz or you know.
So it was more of like me also,like doing a lot of cursing and
(14:28):
also like saying a lot of verynasty things, and so it was more
of like, ok, she might hurtherself or she might hurt us, so
we need to call the police,like.
This isn't just a Like, thisisn't just a regular thing Like
(15:12):
this is just like okay, she tothem.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
they definitely, and rightfully so, thought it was a
very threatening experience.
When you look back at your lifebecause I know you bit do you
think that there were signsmaybe back then that you have
had bipolar all along or somekind of mood disorder all along?
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Absolutely Like.
When I look back at it now,especially during my college
years, there were definitelymoments where I was hypomanic
because I would, especially withthe lack of sleep I would be
able to stay up till 5am, go toclass for 10am and feel nothing
Like I would be energized, Iwould just feel like I had just
slept.
So that was the moment yeah,that was the moment where I
didn't really think anything ofit because I thought, oh, you
know, it's college, like ofcourse we get up the next
morning and do class andwhatever.
(16:28):
But like there were momentswhere my roommates would fall
asleep.
I would always be the last oneto fall asleep, like in the dorm
, like I'm the last one in theroom to fall asleep and my
roommates, they, would be asleepand I would still be up, and so
that was another telltale signof like me probably experiencing
hypomania.
And then there were alsomoments where I experienced like
(16:52):
severe depression, especiallyin, like, my sophomore year of
college.
It was a very trying time forme and my family and I was just
taking that on in terms of likebeing not only like deeply
saddened by what was going on,but I had moments where I didn't
want to get out of bed, or Icouldn't get out of bed, like
(17:13):
sometimes I would just like laythere.
My body would be like reallyheavy and I wouldn't get out of
bed.
Um, so there were those momentsand also I it got to a point
where I had to, I wanted to goto therapy.
So I went to therapy in mysophomore year of college.
I started there and even mytherapist at the time was
telling me hey, maybe you shouldconsider seeing another
(17:37):
professional, like apsychiatrist, to actually give
you a diagnosis, because a lotof these symptoms are of a
certain mood disorder.
And she's like I can't reallytell you which one it is,
because you know I'm not apsychiatrist.
But at that time, since mentalhealth was so stigmatized,
especially in my own communityand we'll talk about that more
(17:58):
later I didn't want to go see apsychiatrist because I was like
I don't need one and also Idon't want to take medication.
A psychiatrist because I waslike I don't need one and also I
don't want to take medication.
Like that was my outlook.
I was like I don't needmedication, I don't want to be
on medication, I'm fine, I'lljust talk to you and we'll just
manage it like this.
But some part of me is likemaybe I should have taken her up
(18:22):
on that because I maybe wouldhave gotten ahead of it earlier
and it wouldn't have to go tothis point.
But you can, only I reallycan't blame myself for that,
really because I didn't haveenough information and I was
beholden to the stigma of whatwould other people think of me
if I started taking medicationor what would you know?
(18:44):
Like maybe I'm weak because Ihave to go to a psychiatrist now
.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
So all of that was running through my mind and so
that must have been um verydifficult, though, for you to
hear from that therapist at thetime to go see another
professional.
How did that make you feel whenshe said you were presenting
symptoms of a another mooddisorder that I can't diagnose
(19:09):
you with because I'm not apsychiatrist, but I think you
really need to go and getevaluated.
How did that make you feel tohear something like that?
Speaker 2 (19:18):
That actually made me feel pretty devastated because
I thought I was going to therapy, because I was depressed and in
that mindset I was like youknow, I'm just going to go see
this person, we're going to beable to talk through and manage
the depression or the sadfeelings that I was having, and
then I could just leave once Ifeel better and not have to deal
(19:42):
with this again.
Because, like I said, mentalhealth wasn't something that I
prioritized.
I wanted to just be able tohave my achievements, go to
school, know, graduate and doall those other things.
But I wasn't really thinkingabout how does my emotional and
mental wellness factor into that.
(20:03):
So hearing her saying that, hey, maybe you should look into
this a little bit more becauseit might be something bigger
than just depression, I don'tthink I was ready to hear that.
I don't think I was ready tohear that.
I don't think I was ready to belike, hey, there's another
layer behind the stuff that youare feeling.
And so to me I'm like I don'thave time for this.
(20:24):
I just wanted to get treatedfor this one thing, I don't need
to explore this other thing.
And I also was fearful aboutbeing on medication.
Like that was like my biggesthesitation, because I also
didn't really I wasn't reallyknowledgeable of like the like
the, the whole sphere of likemedication for mental health,
(20:46):
and so I didn't really know howto navigate that either and I
was scared to go into thosetypes of things because I didn't
know what that would entail,what the side effects would be.
So there was just a lot ofthings going through my mind
when she did present that to meas an option and I don't think I
was ready at the time toactually pursue that.
(21:09):
You know, and like looking atme now, of course, if someone
said, hey, maybe you should lookinto this, I'll be like
absolutely, because I know nowwhat my symptoms are, what my
triggers are, what medicationcan do.
Back then, up until that point,I didn't really have like a
roadmap or an idea of whatmental health was all about, let
(21:31):
alone psychotropic medication.
So, yeah, I think it was a lotof that let alone psychotropic
medication.
Speaker 1 (21:39):
So, yeah, I think it was a lot of that and I'm pretty
sure, like you know, to haveall of this be so new to you,
especially when you're, like, ina college setting where you
already are going through somuch adjustment, you know,
having moved out of your house,living with roommates, getting
used to being completely, kindof well, completely independent,
because, in the sense, like,you're not going to have someone
there to be like, hey, you'regoing to be late, get up, like
(22:03):
you know, or you don't have that.
You know, it's not like whenyou were in, like, high school
or middle school, where you knewif you got a homework
assignment it was due the nextday, right In college.
It's a completely differentanimal in and of itself, you
know.
So I can only imagine what itmust have felt like then to just
(22:23):
have everything compounded likethat too, that other aspect of
it that probably played in allyou know, this feeling of
devastation.
Speaker 2 (22:32):
Yeah, yeah, definitely.
And like not only navigatingcollege but also trying to
figure out, like, why am Ifeeling this way?
Why am I feeling this depressed?
Why am I?
You know, that's why I went totherapy to get some answers,
because I'm like, okay, this islike permeating into other
aspects of my life and I don'twant to feel this way anymore.
(22:54):
So I'm like people go totherapy when they feel depressed
, so let me go to therapy.
And I think me making thatchoice was another thing in my
household.
That was very new, because Iwas the first one in my
immediate family to actuallyseek out a therapist, and so
that got into my parents saying,why do you need a therapist?
(23:14):
You're doing well, you'regetting good grades, what is
going on that you need to talkto somebody else?
And that was just like a wholeanother layer of like hey, I
want to get help for thisproblem, but you guys seem to
think that I don't need thatmuch.
So I think that was anotheraspect of like why I didn't want
(23:35):
to go further in pursuing thepsychiatric help, because I
didn't want to have to come hometo my parents and be like hey,
I got a diagnosis and this is it, and you know that whole thing
too, so that's another layer.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
I can only imagine that.
How scary in some ways it musthave felt also to deal with
family dynamics.
Symptoms of like feelingdepressed or any kind of mood,
(24:20):
any symptoms of like any kind ofmood disorder that you can
think of in those years?
Speaker 2 (24:23):
That's a great question.
I in high school there was a lotof like mood fluctuation there,
especially between like beingdepressed and also being really,
really happy, almost hypomanic.
Because the first half of myhigh school years I was like
pretty depressed because it wasthe whole environment of you
(24:47):
know, the cliques and likewanting to see where I'm
actually fitting in, and I wasoften, like you know, a loner
and I always like prioritize myacademics over anything else.
So that social aspect of highschool was kind of lost on me in
the beginning and so that kindof contributed to oh, I feel
(25:07):
alone, like nobody really caresand you know, just navigating
life in that setting.
But then the last two years ofhigh school, that's when things
were kind of on the uptick, likeI was getting a lot of good
grades, I was on the prospectsof graduating, I had a lot more
friends because I involvedmyself in different activities
like mock trial, moot courtdebate team, like you know, just
(25:32):
other like things that I putmyself into.
I got friends through that andso there were moments where I
was like really excited and hadbig hopes and dreams for college
and everything.
So I would say that bigpendulum swing between being
really depressed and then beinglike really excited, like just
(25:52):
super optimistic.
Going out of high school Iwould say that whole experience
was kind of like a pendulumswing between one or the other
so I can.
Speaker 1 (26:05):
I can empathize with, uh, the high school loneliness.
I was a loner myself, I was.
Well, I was ostracized so Ikind of really didn't have any
choice and friendship at thatpoint because everyone kind of
ripped me off at that time andum.
But I'll tell you, I mean it's,you know.
You know a lot of that too goesinto.
(26:28):
You know even the feelings ofbeing depressed when you're in
high school.
You know it's so easy forpeople to chalk it up into oh
well, this is just part ofadolescence, this is just going
up, you're, what you're goingthrough is growing pains.
But truth of the matter is thereare some very real issues that
people face.
It's not just about the woes ofadolescence, you know, and it
(26:49):
goes so much further into youknow, people really truly face
real mood disorder.
I mean not to say depression isnot a real mood disorder, it is
, but it's not just talked up to.
You know what people think isjust your common cause.
Oh, you're just changingbecause you're hormonal, or your
moods are because you'rehormonal, or you're just going
through growing pains oradolescence.
(27:11):
What I'm talking about is likereal depression, real, real mood
disorders.
Subtypes I mean real it just orjust different types of mood
disorders, rather, but it's justlike you got real things going
on and I feel like it's soimportant that people really you
know, uh, that that change bemade in that area and people can
(27:34):
recognize you know what this is, not just only because you're
an adolescent, this is only this, that or that or the other.
It's there.
You know, people can havethings that go beyond that.
Yeah, so now you so talk aboutlike so you got diagnosed with
(27:57):
bipolar.
You felt devastated to havethat diagnosis.
I'm wondering, where did thatfeeling kind of originate that
you felt like you had to bedevastated about it?
How did maybe you're like, howdid that family background and
your background being a personof color, how do you think that
(28:20):
all intersected in this too?
Speaker 2 (28:22):
Ooh, sonia, how much time do you have?
Because I could go on and onwith all of this.
But, honestly, in the Blackcommunity there is a huge stigma
surrounding mental health andit comes from the idea that you
need to be strong, like nomatter what you're going through
, you cannot buckle under thepressure, you cannot let other
(28:46):
people see you cry.
You have to go through itbecause we've been through
enough and we don't need to bein a position of weakness and
compound that with thefaith-based community.
So I grew up in a Christianhome as well, and with the
Christian community it's more oflike we have prayer, we have
(29:08):
church, we have the Bible.
Why are you, you know, seekingadditional help outside of that?
Like that should be enough toget you through.
And so I felt like I had to bedevastated, like you mentioned,
because now that I've come intoa place in my life where these
(29:29):
things were not enough to beable to help me move through it
Like not saying that they're notenough on their own, because
all of those things that Imentioned, like the prayer and,
you know, being strong, that'sfine, but when you're dealing
with something as severe as amental health condition and
something as serious as mentalwellness.
(29:52):
You need to combine the mentalhealth treatment with those
things.
And so when I got thatdiagnosis, I was at a crossroads
because now I'm thinking, wait,I did all that stuff.
I prayed, I went to church, Iread my Bible, I was strong,
like I thought I was strong, youknow.
(30:13):
So I'm like why?
Why is this happening to me?
And so that's when I had torealize that sometimes you need
to go the extra mile and seektreatment, because, yes, you can
pray, but also you need medicalattention as well.
(30:33):
Like we don't do this and it'sso interesting, we don't do this
when it comes to physicalillnesses, like if I have a flu
or if I have a broken leg or ifI have something that needs
medical attention, I'm going tothe doctor, I'm going to the
hospital, because this issomething that needs immediate
attention.
So we need to give our mentalhealth the same type of
(30:55):
attention.
If something is going wrong,seek professional help.
Like, yes, you can have, like,your remedies, you can have
things that do work, but at thesame time, you need a doctor.
You need a doctor.
And it's like that's somethingI needed to realize, that I
needed more help than me justgoing it alone could have done.
(31:20):
So that's the thing where Ithink the devastation came from.
It's like, oh, now I have thiscondition that I have to learn
how to manage.
And bipolar disorder is alsoheavily stigmatized, like, I
know, depression and anxiety.
Those things are becoming, youknow, more generalized and more
in the forefront.
(31:40):
But like bipolar disorder likeif I came out of the hospital
saying, hey, I had depression, Ihad generalized anxiety people
be like, oh, okay, you know,that's fine.
But if I say, hey, I havebipolar disorder now people are
like, whoa, okay, you're on thedeep end or you're a little
crazy.
So it's like even having thatlabel and those things to think
(32:05):
about.
That's how I felt like, wow,this is such a huge weight on my
shoulders that I now have tomanage.
And I also thought about who amI going to tell?
Like it's so funny now.
But like, who am I going totell about this?
Like, how do I navigate this?
So there are a lot of differentthings that came into that.
Speaker 1 (32:26):
And that must have been also very challenging to
navigate with all theseinternalized messages that you
were brought up with.
That you know you had to bestrong.
You can't buckle under pressure.
You always had to put on atough face, make it till you
make it kind of mentality.
You know it seems right and Ican empathize, being Indian.
Right, we were also taught thesame things like we don't talk
(32:50):
about, we don't think.
A lot thing with Indian people alot of times is the mentality
is, if you don't think about itit doesn't exist, right, even if
you're feeling depressed orupset about something, if you
don't think about it it goesaway, kind of mentality.
And that's simply not true.
Things, problems, just don't goaway because you ignore them.
(33:11):
You ignore them.
Just imagine like they did this, you know, with physical health
, if you have, let's say, areally bad stomach ache and you
think, okay, if I don't thinkabout my stomach hurting, the
pain will just dissipate, lo andbehold, really your appendix is
in trouble, really going, andis about to burst, right, I mean
, point, case in point, ignoringit could cost you.
(33:34):
So I mean, and point case inpoint, ignoring it could cost
you.
So I mean, that's kind of like.
The way I look at it is youknow, mental health.
You know, it's just so.
People still have a lot to go interms of learning really about
truly what is everything?
What are terms that are beingthrown around?
You know, like people say, okay, bipolar weather.
(33:57):
Well, truth of the matter is,you know what Bipolar is a real
illness?
Yes, okay, and people who havebipolar really will not take
light of that joke.
Bipolar weather, just becauseit is very impactful on a
(34:18):
person's life, yeah, and I thinkthat you know, and a lot of the
, the blowback that people have,you know, going to your point
about you know, when you say youhave bipolar, people are like
whoa right.
I think a lot of this goes intoignorance.
There's so much ignorance.
Same thing with autism.
(34:38):
You know.
I'll tell you this interestingfact autism is in the dsm-5 and
so is narcissistic personalitydisorder.
They're both in the dsm-5, buteverybody is okay using that
word narcissism for absolutelyanything right, it's thrown
around like candy, Okay.
(35:00):
Whereas when autism startedbecoming more out, you know, and
people, you know, more peoplestarted getting diagnosed.
Almost everybody went up inarms and and and was like oh, no
, no, no, no, no.
There has to be a reason whyautism exists.
Let's blame vaccinations, let'sblame this, let's blame that.
Nobody was okay with that, youknow.
(35:22):
And it goes to show you justhow what people will think is
okay, it's like people put ahierarchy on different mental
disorders.
Now.
Speaker 2 (35:33):
Yeah, yeah, that's.
And, to your point, I thinkit's goes to show like the lack
of understanding comes from alack of knowledge.
Because, let's be real, likepeople, when they hear
depression, they generally knowwhat it looks like, they know
what the symptoms are, they knowyou know how to treat it.
They know with anxiety even.
(35:54):
They know what the symptoms are, they know how to treat it.
But if you come with bipolar oreven schizophrenia or multiple
personality disorder or autismspectrum disorder, people don't
generally know what the symptomsare or what to look for or what
it is about.
And I'm going to be honest withyou before I got diagnosed with
(36:16):
bipolar disorder, I knewvirtually nothing about it.
So it's like having that.
I got scared.
I'm like, oh my gosh, what isthis Like?
What's going on?
But at the same time as Ilearned about it, as I knew more
about it, as I knew more aboutmy triggers and my symptoms and
things to look out for, itbecame less of a scary thing and
(36:38):
more of okay.
This is something I have tomanage and I will manage it.
And I will say that havingbipolar disorder also gives you
better parameters in terms ofunderstanding how you're
navigating the world and whatboundaries you need to put up,
because before this I wasn'treally conscious of, okay, I
(37:00):
need to manage my sleep.
I was always up till like threeo'clock in the morning, but now
I'm like, hey, I need to cutthat off because I need to go to
bed, because I need to managethis, or even like certain
spaces and how I navigate myself, or even like certain spaces
and how I navigate myself, likeI need to know, okay, am I okay?
Is my mood okay?
I'm feeling sad.
(37:21):
What is going on?
Or I'm feeling a little tooexcited.
Is this normal excited?
Is this hypomanic?
What's going on?
So I'm more in tune and awareof my mental health and the
things that I need to do inorder to manage it.
But if you looked at me threeyears ago and said, hey, sarah,
(37:42):
you're going to deal with this,I wouldn't fathom how I could
deal with it.
But now that I know more aboutit, I'm able to learn and adjust
accordingly.
So I think to your point.
The ignorance comes from thelack of knowledge, you know, and
it's sad, but we have a longway to go in terms of getting
(38:04):
people more knowledgeable aboutthese things.
Speaker 1 (38:09):
Absolutely.
And how do you feel like peoplereact to you now, as you've
been more open with bipolar, asyou're more open about getting
that message out there to othersto help them navigate their
journeys?
Speaker 2 (38:30):
Yeah, it's so interesting because and let me
tell you, I have been blessed tomake some really great
connections, including this onethat I have with you, and let me
tell you, I have been blessedto make some really great
connections, including this onethat I have with you, and just
really seeing that there areother people who also want to
raise awareness through theirstories, and I am so happy that
(38:51):
I wasn't really met withridicule or met with, like you
know, some type of oh, what areyou trying to prove?
Like, what is your messageabout?
I've been met with morecuriosity than anything else
because, especially from thepeople who knew me, like my
family, my friends, like after Itold a few of them what was
(39:13):
going on and my diagnosis, theydidn't really look at me
differently.
They're just like wow, I can'tbelieve you're able to still
move on and do all these things.
And even though you have this,it didn't stop you from doing
the things that you're doingwith your life.
And I am so grateful to have hadthat reaction because a lot of
(39:37):
the times, people think you havea mental health condition, you
have to look a certain way oryou have to act a certain way,
and mental health doesn't have alook Like you could be a
regular person and dealing witha mental health condition and
people wouldn't even knowbecause they expect you to look
(39:57):
a certain way.
So, getting back to yourquestion, I am very grateful to
have seen just the outpouring oflike, support and positivity,
because people not only want tohear my story, but they're just
like trying to wrap their mindsaround like, wow, you're able to
(40:18):
do all these things and youhave this condition and I think
also the aspect of faith as well, where it's like wow, you're
able to continue to believe inGod and continue to share this
message of hope with othersafter you've been through all of
that and are still learning howto manage.
So it's been really great sofar and I just hope that people
(40:43):
will continue to have thatcuriosity, because that's the
first step to gaining moreknowledge about these types of
topics.
Speaker 1 (40:52):
And I'm so proud of you for just you know, being so
brave and sharing your story andsharing your truth with
everyone, because we need morepeople to come and share their
stories and we need more peopleto see that.
And I and you hit the nailright on the head and you said
mental health does not have alook, you know, and there is no
(41:14):
set way that people are supposedto behave for your comfort.
I mean all these people thathave these expectations.
I feel like a lot of people gotbrainwashed somehow into
thinking that OK, if you havebipolar, you have to act, just
really out there, when truth ofthe matter is you could be a
(41:35):
fully functioning individual,you could go to work every day,
you could be a successful personin a career, you could be
creative, you could be anythingyou want, because a mental
illness, at the end of the day,doesn't define who you are, it
doesn't limit you.
The only limitation you willplace on it is if you yourself
(41:57):
decide you're going to belimited and then you're going to
say, okay, I'm limited becauseof right, right.
The truth of the matter is amental illness only is a part of
you.
It doesn't define you and youknow, it's good to you know and
it's, I think, so amazing thatyou are you know, just breaking
(42:18):
the status quo, breaking thestigma.
You know, because it's, I think, so amazing that you are you
know just breaking the statusquo, breaking the stigma.
You know, because this is whatwe need more of.
We need more acceptance, weneed more empathy, we need more
understanding, compassion,curiosity, education.
That's what we all need.
Yes, I agree.
So you know, and I know a bigpart of also your message you
(42:41):
know.
Part of it is, yes, you aresharing your journey with
bipolar and getting diagnosedand having you know, sharing
those experiences that you'veovercome.
But another part of it is alsoyour faith.
Now, you'd mentioned it beforethat you had prayed before and I
(43:02):
know faith is huge for you.
I know that you are a Christianand Christianity plays a big
role in your life and I want toknow how do you feel like your
relationship with your faith haschanged or morphed pre and post
diagnosis?
Speaker 2 (43:23):
That is an amazing question.
So pre-diagnosis, I was verystrong in my faith and it was
more of like what can I do toserve my community?
What can I do to really like bein the church and and cultivate
that relationship with Godthrough prayer, reading the
(43:43):
Bible and also just having thattime with him?
Post-diagnosis, I had tocontend with a lot of questions,
because my first question wasGod, what is happening?
What is this?
And another question that I hadto deal with is what did I do
wrong?
Because initially I thought,due to the devastation of
(44:07):
receiving a diagnosis like that,in the moment I thought I must
have done something wrong forGod to allow this to happen, for
God to allow this to happen.
And to that I would say havinga diagnosis does not indicate a
lack of faith and it does notindicate that something is going
(44:27):
wrong in your relationship withGod.
It just means that you have acondition that you need to
manage.
That's all that it means.
And for me, my faith, it has,like taken a different turn in
terms of like just having thejust like, the pleasure of like.
(44:48):
Oh, you know, I'm going to readmy Bible and pray and
everything will be okay in theworld.
It went from that to now I havea deeper understanding of.
Even though I'm going throughdifficult things, that doesn't
mean that I'm loved any less.
That doesn't mean that my faithisn't strong enough.
That doesn't mean that I haveto now isolate the two things.
(45:13):
It meant that I could combinethem.
I could have that hope and thatyou and that positivity for my
faith and intertwine it with themental health treatment.
Because, going back to thephysical illness, if I had a
physical condition I would stillhave my faith.
I would just have a conditionthat I need to deal with.
So for me, looking at mentalhealth, it means that I can pray
(45:39):
and go to therapy.
It means that I can read myBible and go take my medication.
Like those, two things don'thave to be mutually exclusive
and that's something I hope thatthe faith community can really
contend with, because mentalhealth is still stigmatized.
But I would say that my faithin God did get stronger after my
(46:02):
diagnosis because I not onlyknew that God was with me in
those moments, it actually gaveme the motivation and the hope
that I needed to stay consistentin my mental health treatment.
Speaker 1 (46:17):
And when did you come to that realization that you
can combine it?
And you came to theserealizations that you were not
loved any less or, you know,your faith wasn't any weak like
any more weaker than you knowbefore pre-diagnosis.
What led you to theserevelations and realizations?
(46:39):
Were there specific scripturesyou turned to?
Was there a specific Biblechapter, bible verse or book
rather, that you've really takento, that really sung to you?
Speaker 2 (46:51):
Yes.
So that's where my communitycomes in, because I didn't do
this all on my own, like I had,thank God, I had some really
strong friends, mentors, familymembers who have rallied around
me in moments where I thought,oh God, you know he doesn't love
(47:11):
me or he abandoned me because Ihave this, like they were able
to pour into me and let me knowthat no, this is not because of
a lack of faith, it's becauseyou're dealing with the
condition.
That it's it's you know, it'snormal to deal with the
condition and that's the thingthat a lot of like, especially
(47:33):
Christians, don't understand isthat this is normal.
Like your body is just goingthrough a condition and, with
mental health, it's a chemicalimbalance in the brain, like it
is a physical condition as well.
So it's normal to be able toexperience something like this
and the more that we learn aboutit, the more normalized it will
(47:56):
become.
But because we don't have thatknowledge, we don't really know.
But my community I'm sograteful that they were able to
not treat me differently or notlook at me a certain way,
because I had this.
It's more of reallyunderstanding that God still
loves me, my community stillloves me and I am still who I am
(48:19):
, just with this condition, likeI'm still me.
I just have a condition that Ineed to learn how to manage.
And when you say, like differentbooks in the Bible, this is a
verse that has really gotten methrough.
It's Isaiah 41, verse 10.
And it says fear not, for I amwith you, be not dismayed, for I
(48:45):
am your God.
I will strengthen you, I willhelp you, I will uphold you with
my righteous right hand.
And that is the core of how Irealized that faith can actually
help, because God is not thetype of God to just be like, oh
well, all you need to do isserve me and that'll be it.
(49:08):
He is with you in those moments.
And knowing that gave me thehope that I needed to realize
that God is going to be with methrough all of this.
So I will hold on to that hope,I will hold on to that truth
and I will use it to inform okay, I have to take medication.
Great God is with me throughthis.
(49:30):
I have to go to therapy.
Great God is with me in this.
And so having that mindset iswhat made it click for me that
faith is vital to reallyunderstanding how to care for
your mental wellness, especiallyif you are a person of faith.
And the thing I love about mypodcast is that, even though
(49:53):
it's faith-based, I do open itup to people who are not of,
like you know, faith-basedcommunities, just to get that
information.
Because, again, there is thiscuriosity like why are you using
faith in this?
Like what is that about?
And so that has opened thedoors to be able to connect with
(50:13):
more people who are genuinelyinterested in hearing about my
story and my experiences, so I'mgrateful for that.
Speaker 1 (50:22):
I'm so thankful that you came on here today and
shared your story, shared yourexperiences, shared your journey
.
Sarah, how can people find youif they wanted to reach out to
you?
Speaker 2 (50:35):
to reach out to you.
Yes, I am on social mediaInstagram.
Speaker 1 (50:40):
Mostly it's at roughedgespodcast, and I also
have a website,roughedgespodcastcom, where you
can connect with me there andalso see the different aspects
of the podcast that I have, andif you have one piece of advice
or a piece of inspiration,rather one inspiration, whether
(51:02):
it's a motivational quote, justinspirational, saying whatever
is your favorite what issomething you'd like to share
with the audience listeningtoday, and particularly those
who may be finding themselves ina struggle emotionally,
mentally?
Speaker 2 (51:23):
themselves in a struggle emotionally, mentally,
yeah.
So the first thing I would sayis that there is hope.
I know we are living in a worldright now where everything is
very chaotic and it seems likethere's a lot going on, but
there is hope, and I also wantto encourage you.
If you're living with a mentalhealth condition, your diagnosis
does not define who you are,and that is something that I
(51:46):
really want you to know, becauseyou are a person that deserves
love, wellness and prosperity,and you shouldn't allow your
diagnosis to be an inhibitor forthose things.
And so I am sitting before youtoday because I have been the
product of a lot, of just awhole vast mental health journey
(52:11):
, and I know that if I can makeit, you definitely can make it
too.
So I just want to encourage youthat there is hope and that you
are worth the time that healingtakes.
Speaker 1 (52:23):
Well, thank you so much, Sarah.
Everybody, please, before weend this, please go on to Rough
Edges podcast.
Please follow it.
It is amazing.
Sarah does an amazing jobtalking about various topics,
(52:44):
providing all sorts of hope andencouragement, and this is the
podcast definitely you want tolisten to, especially if you
have a bad day, and because thisis a podcast that will lift
your spirits up within minutes.
I know it has for me.
And so, before we end today,everybody, I want to thank you
(53:07):
all for tuning into this episodeof On the Spectrum with Sonia.
Please rate and review.
Also, subscribe to On theSpectrum with Sonia and get at
least five friends to do thesame, and I am looking forward
to continuing to sharing moreepisodes with you.
(53:28):
Stay tuned for further episodes.
Thank you very much for tuningin today.
Your support is greatlyappreciated and sending you all
much love.
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