November 24, 2024 • 43 mins
Navigating the holidays can be challenging, especially for those on the autism spectrum. Picture yourself at a festive family gathering, overwhelmed by the hustle and bustle, and struggling to interpret social cues. Through personal stories and therapist-tested strategies, I explore how to manage the emotional intricacies of holiday events—from overwhelming public displays of affection to the pitfalls of love bombing. My goal is to provide you with actionable advice to feel more connected and supported during this season of togetherness.
Romantic and social relationships pose their own set of challenges for individuals on the autism spectrum. Imagine watching others dive into the thrill of relationships while you remain on the sidelines. This episode breaks down the social hierarchy that often leaves autistic individuals marginalized, exploring how societal expectations can make one feel excluded. We’ll discuss how to recognize and avoid exploitative behaviors like love bombing, and why support from friends and family is crucial for navigating these tricky waters.
Embracing one’s individuality and building self-confidence is crucial for anyone feeling the weight of societal norms. Reject the labels that try to box you in as 'different' or 'weird,' and instead, celebrate your unique perspective. We'll explore empowering practices like positive self-talk and the transformative power of wearing confidence-boosting colors. As we express gratitude to our community and supporters, I encourage everyone to recognize the invaluable contributions of individuals on the autism spectrum. Let's advocate for a society that appreciates every puzzle piece, fostering compassion and inclusion for all.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hello everyone and welcome to this episode of On
the Spectrum with Sonia, apodcast where we discuss autism
spectrum, mental health andanybody who's overcome any
adversity and has aninspirational story to share,
with the goal of leaving peoplefeeling empowered, connected,
(00:23):
full of hope and loved,especially in a world where
society tries to make us feeldisconnected.
Our goal on the spectrum withSonia is to help people feel
connected.
One of the things I am doingtoday is a solo episode.
(00:45):
I'm going to be discussing theholidays and being on the autism
spectrum and partly thisepisode.
The goal is to educate andshare insight of what it's like
to be on the spectrum around theholidays, for sure, but also
(01:05):
give some valuable tips andtricks on how to handle things
that may come up.
So the first thing I want todiscuss is what do we typically
tend to think about when wethink about the holidays?
What images come to your mind?
What pops up for you?
(01:26):
And most often well, I know, atleast for me I tend to see
families, friends, neighbors,perhaps people gathering around
a table to get a meal, to eat ameal together.
(01:50):
Families getting together tocelebrate open gifts.
Of people getting together tomaybe perhaps do different you
know, maybe there's differentevents going on.
There are probably maybe evenmultiple gatherings that people
(02:11):
go to in a day, depending onfamily structure and how
families will structure theholidays and how much time
they're going to spend perhapsin a place or two.
For people on the autismspectrum, that in and of itself
and even people not on thespectrum to be fair as well many
(02:40):
people may find that veryoverwhelming.
But for people on the autismspectrum, there's another
dynamic that tends to happenwhen the holidays come about,
and a lot of times this happensbecause this is the time when
people may, for the first time,bring their significant other to
an event.
This is the time where peoplesee more couples and it's not
(03:03):
like they don't see couplesother times, but it's a little
different when it's around theholidays, because of what
holidays represent for people,right.
So you know, during theholidays, when people get
together, there's a lot of love,there's a lot of connection,
there's a lot of support,there's a lot of just overall
(03:26):
feelings of just happiness,togetherness, even if the
relationships are not that, notthe greatest, at least for that
day, things can be put aside,right, and people can enjoy the
moment.
People can enjoy being together, people can enjoy each other's
company and for somebody on theautism spectrum it's not
(03:55):
atypical to see a profile,perhaps, of someone who perhaps
never had a boyfriend or agirlfriend, never had a
significant other to bring home,let alone bring home for the
holidays.
This also could be a time wherea person may be reminded of
certain shortcomings in theirlife, particularly as it comes
(04:17):
to the social aspects of aperson.
So a lot of times people on thespectrum may not have had
success in finding a person andif they did have anything that
they thought was close to arelationship, unfortunately it
was not for the best right Inthe sense of that person wasn't
(04:42):
genuine at all to begin with, inthe sense of that person wasn't
genuine at all to begin with.
So it's so easy to be remindedof that and one of the things
that oftentimes you know peopleon the spectrum can be reminded
of, especially when there's,when people are displaying PDA
right, public displays ofaffection.
(05:02):
Maybe you know you see couplesholding hands, you may see them
cuddling, you may see perhapssome kissing going on, things
like that One of the things youknow that also could be trigger
some for someone on the spectrumwho felt like they were going
to get this finally with aperson is, and it's, once again,
(05:25):
not anyone's fault.
It's you know, and this is notto shame anybody, you know, not,
this is not to shame couples,and I would just want to make
this clear right now.
This is not to shame anybody,not to shame couples, but this
is a trigger, some moment, forsomebody on the spectrum and a
lot of times, unfortunately,people on the autism spectrum
are set up for fake attention,right, fake attention by another
(05:49):
person.
Fake attention for you know, inthe sense of you know, there
might be an element whereperhaps they get love bombed
right away.
Now, love bombing this is aterm we often see when we
describe somebody withnarcissistic personality
disorder, but basically theconcept behind love bombing is
(06:13):
that a person is made to feelvery special right away.
People are, you know, they'regiven compliments, they're made
to feel like they are the onefor a person.
And when you're on the spectrumand have never had a
relationship before, andsomebody comes along and you
(06:36):
think, oh, this guy's kind ofcute and he's giving me
attention, and a lot of times,even though it's fake, right,
people on the autism spectrummay not be quick to notice right
what is genuine versus what isingenuine.
So, because of the social cuesdifficulty and the difficulty in
(06:58):
picking up what to look out forin that matter, because of lack
of experiences socially, andone of the things that
unfortunately, people getwrapped up into is that okay.
So somebody comes along,they're kind of cute, they're
giving them attention, they'retelling them I'm here for you,
(07:21):
you know you can come to me, youknow I'll be your person, you
can confide in I will be, youknow I'll be your everything.
And unfortunately, what ends uphappening is and this is one
thing I've learned from atherapist that I saw back in
(07:41):
college and and she said to meSonia, fake people will only get
away with it for so long beforethe mask falls off and before
people figure them out.
Right, and she was so spot on,um, on the money.
We'll call her Dr Thoreau, very, very intelligent person.
(08:03):
I saw her when I was anundergrad and she was my uh, she
was an on-campus therapist, butamazing, amazing person, very
intelligent, was a professoreven at the university.
So she, uh, she told me thatand unfortunately she was right.
(08:27):
Okay, and what ends up happeningis when that person stops
giving you attention.
It's kind of like when youdangle like a biscuit in front
of a dog and the dog gets allexcited and is ready to go for
it and take a bite, and then youjust automatically aggressively
pull that biscuit away from thedog.
Right, that's what exactly itfeels like.
(08:48):
When a person went that oncelove bomb, you takes that
attention away from you andyou're left, figuring you know,
feeling like, oh my God, what,what's wrong with me, what, what
happened?
Because most often than not aperson on the autism spectrum is
told you're doing it wrong,maybe you did something.
(09:11):
Oftentimes they're pointed outfor what they don't do, right.
So that's an automatic thought,automatic negative thought that
comes up for a person on thespectrum when they stop getting
that kind of attention.
And so then that person ends upfeeling then oh my gosh,
(09:36):
something's wrong with me, whyam I getting rejected yet again?
Why am I so worthless?
Why am I not even valued enough?
I mean, what's the point of meeven sticking around here if
this is all I'm going to keepfeeling day in and day out?
And so it's important to bemindful of when a person on the
(10:06):
spectrum may be feeling acertain way at these events, not
to say that people can't enjoyeach other's company, and not to
say people can't do what theywant to do.
Being mindful, you know.
If a person on the autismspectrum may start to feel
uncomfortable, you know beingbeing empathic to it and holding
(10:30):
a safe, allowing them a safespace to express themselves.
And if you are in a situationwhere you have found yourself,
situation where you have foundyourself or are finding yourself
(10:51):
being love-bombed, okay, one ofthe tips and tricks I want to
say is be careful in what youshare and remember this the less
is more right.
So if somebody is being very,very kind to you right away,
they want you to trust them.
They perhaps tell you about howthey're there for you and how
(11:11):
they will be that person, yoursafe spot, that they will be
that shoulder for you to lean on.
If they're doing that reallytoo soon, try not to take the
bait quickly and I know it'seasier said than done,
(11:35):
especially if you've never beenin a relationship and have never
gotten positive male attentionor if you've never gotten
positive female attention.
However you identify, right?
I want to make this asinclusive as possible here,
because it doesn't matter howyou identify.
People can be love bombedeither way, right?
(11:59):
So if you've never, let's saylike you've never had a
boyfriend and you just kind ofyou know, and you never had male
attention, and let's say thatyou've never had, um, just any
(12:19):
kind of like social grounding,if you will, in the sense of
like you had people that youcould go through things with.
Like, let's say, you havefriends who are all dating and
have had relationships, havebeen married, who are all dating
and have had relationships,have been married.
(12:40):
Some may have even gottendivorced.
But if you've never evenexperienced that journey to
begin with, it's like watchingeverybody else get on a roller
coaster and go on the ride butyou yet are left standing on the
platform because there's noreally car to pick you up, to
take you on that ride, becausethere's no really car to pick
you up to take you on that ride.
(13:03):
And a lot of times when peoplelearn about relationships is
through the socialization, andoftentimes people get
perspective about relationshipsand what goes on by the way they
communicate their relationshipsto others.
And this is one thing I'venoticed, especially among
(13:25):
females.
Right, with female to femalefriends, they learn a lot about
relationships and how to go andnavigate their relationships
when they talk to other females.
And it's not atypical forsomeone on the autism spectrum,
um, atypical for someone on theautism spectrum to not have had
that journey at all.
Right To, you know, not learnabout it at all, like so it's
(13:50):
easier, you know the hence it'seasier to get sucked into this
fake attention.
But the less is more.
Try not to take the bait tooquickly.
Be mindful if these people aredoing this right away, because
(14:11):
oftentimes something is up whenpeople are doing that, like the
love bombing as a way that theycan feel better about themselves
, or they may do this for likecontrol, so that they feel like
they're in charge over youremotions, over your feelings.
(14:50):
No-transcript.
And if your gut is telling yousomething, most often than not
your gut is not lying to you.
I like to use gut feelings, Ilike to think of them as God's
intervention and God's way ofcommunicating to you.
I really believe that, and thisis just for me personally.
(15:12):
I understand not everybody maybelieve in God.
So, whatever it is, if youbelieve in the universe or
something else, right.
So, but for me, I like to lookat it as God's intervention, a
God's way of saying hey, this isnot right.
I'm letting you know this nowso you can take the heed warning
I'm giving you so that youdon't end up getting hurt.
(15:35):
And it's so easy when you're onthe spectrum to kind of try to
ignore it because you feel like,oh, my god, this is great, I'm
finally getting what I want.
I'm finally getting thisattention, I'm finally getting
things.
You know that I've never hadbefore and then.
But but the way the universeworks is that fake people get
discovered.
(15:55):
The fakeness doesn't last longbecause they eventually people
who've love bombed you a lot oftimes.
They find it easier, especiallyif you're on the autism
spectrum, to dismiss you.
I've had a therapist tell mewe'll call him Dr Gray.
He told me one time that it'seasier for people on the autism
(16:21):
spectrum to get dumped bysomeone because of their status
on the social hierarchy.
Most people on the autismspectrum.
When you look at the socialhierarchy pecking order, they're
not high up, unfortunately.
They are kept kind of where, onthe level of you know what?
(16:42):
You're not like us, you'reothered, You're not welcomed
here, you're not wanted here, solet's just push you out and if
we need something from you,maybe we'll come around.
(17:08):
And don't be surprised too, tohear people on the autism
spectrum talk about when peopleapproach them.
A lot of times they're lookedat as buy and pay for type of
people, right?
So, for example, when peoplelook at somebody on the autism
spectrum, people may want towork with that person, but not
everybody's doing it for theright reasons.
Maybe people look at them aseasy bait, oh, and especially if
that person has the meansfinancially, they may look at
them and be like, oh well, letme see how I can get business
(17:32):
from this person and how I canuse this person for my financial
gain and how I can use thisperson for my financial gain.
But at the same time, maybe youknow they won't deliver to you,
or they may, you may not getthe results that you're looking
for.
So this is also another thingthat can come up as well, right,
(17:53):
when people dealing peoplesocially, right, all these
feelings, all thesedisappointments, and then also
when people try to, when you try, as a person on the spectrum,
to discuss with people how youfeel, whether it be you know,
the friends that you do have orfamily members a lot of times
and this is not then, once again, this is not to shame anybody
(18:16):
or make anybody feel bad.
A lot of times people don't knowhow to handle it coming from
the perspective of somebody onthe autism spectrum, right?
So a common thing that peoplemay hear is, oh, you got to just
love yourself more, or you knowyou'll find it, or you know
(18:38):
they'll just kind of blow it off, kind of like, oh, it'll happen
for you, you're going to findsomeone.
But they just kind of do it ina way where it's kind of
dismissing how a person's reallyfeeling they're not going to
seeing, going to where the painis.
Right.
They're just kind of putting abandaid over everything.
(18:59):
It's kind of like givingsomebody with appendicitis
Tylenol to try to numb pain.
That's not going to do thetrick.
Okay it's, you know so and it'snot.
But once again, they may bemeaning well, they may be
intending.
You know they're doing whatthey know how to do with the
tools they have.
Right, a lot of peopleunfortunately don't have the
(19:22):
tools to go and understand theautistic experience.
A lot of people don't have theunderstanding, a lot of people
can't relate to it.
And there is a phenomenoncalled, or a concept rather
called, double empathy, right,where it's said that people on
(19:42):
the autism spectrum may notalways understand a neurotypical
experience.
Neurotypical is a word definedfor people who don't have
intellectual or cognitiveimpairment and development and
(20:03):
development but but at the sametoken, neurotypicals here they
don't necessarily understand theautism experience or
perspective either, right Hencedouble empathy this is what they
refer to as the double empathyand and, in all fairness, there
are certain things that I maynot even always understand
either.
When people talk about theirrelationships sometimes, or when
(20:24):
people talk about love and talkabout the complicated feelings
of when they're falling in loveor falling out of love, when
they talk about just complexemotions that come up, I mean I
empathize with them right, and alot of this thanks to my
training as a therapist, Ilearned how to empathize with
(20:48):
people but at the same time Ican't fully relate to it in the
sense of I've never understood.
It's kind of like, for example,like listening to a love song.
Right, you can enjoy it, youcan enjoy the beats to it, you
can enjoy the acoustics, allthis other, you know all the
(21:08):
other fun and jazz, and you canenjoy, you know the singer's
voice and all that, but you maynot be able to really fully
relate to that song because younever had that experience.
So so, going to understandingthat piece, you know I mean, but
(21:31):
as much as I may not fully beable to relate, I still will
work on empathizing, meaning.
I can try, you know, I couldtry to see it from your
perspective and learn about yourperspective in your world.
And I feel, like people who arenot on the autism spectrum, you
know, it might be verybeneficial if you can try to
(21:56):
learn about it from their world,because a lot of people may not
know what it's like to besingle for how many years right
on end.
A lot of people out there don'tknow how to be single, you know,
unfortunately, you know.
And there are people whostruggle.
And here's the thing, nobody'sbetter than the other person,
(22:16):
you know.
Everybody's got their ownunique challenges and their own
unique ways.
And there are people out therewho but there are people on the
autism spectrum.
In all fairness I will saythere are many who have found
love.
There are many people who evenhave kids, um but um.
But there is also that segmentof people with autism that never
(22:39):
find love, that never, you know, stay single for years because
they don't connect with anybodyon a level that will truly
understand them, things thatpeople are told you know, and
it's not uncommon for people onthe spectrum to be called weird,
(23:05):
to be told.
Why do you talk to this person,this person's weird right Told
to others, right who may be seensocializing with the person on
the spectrum not uncommon forpeople to be like?
Why are you talking to thisperson Right, or people, to
(23:25):
perhaps tell them you know allthe deficiency and negativities
about them?
Okay, that's I mean.
I know this is going to beextreme here, but if I had to
bet money, I probably might beable to survive a crocodile
(23:47):
infested lake better.
I mean just as as much as beingable to get through life
without being lambasted byhumans.
Okay, able to get through lifewithout being lambasted by
humans.
Okay, I mean, it's just.
You know that people when, whenthey see was othered and they
(24:11):
see you as different, it's not agood day, right?
So all of these things you knowand point in, sharing all these
experiences and things is allof it can come out when people
are faced in gatherings.
And another thing is, too familymembers may also start saying
something to a person withautism like, oh, you know, it's
(24:33):
kind of concerning you're notmarried or don't you want to get
get married.
Aren't you doing anything aboutit?
Or what the hell is wrong withyou, like, what's going on with
you, like is something, is therea problem you have?
Do you have a sexualdysfunction?
Do you have um a?
Do you have any differences weshould know about?
(24:57):
Like you know, it's not uncommonfor people to get asked these
questions who are on the autismspectrum, especially when they
come from cultures where it'sall about being married and
checking off boxes andeverything, living on a timeline
Okay.
Truth of the matter is, whenyou are on the autism spectrum,
(25:21):
boxes to check are not on theagenda.
Okay, because they're not goingto check the boxes on in the
timeline.
They're not.
A lot of people are not, andone of the things to realize
here is you know and it's not,and even though, yes, once again
(25:41):
, family members do mean well,people on the autism spectrum
also are feeling the hit 10times harder in their own head
and in their hearts and whenthey are asked questions and
made to feel bad about not beingable to live up because culture
(26:05):
says that something will bethat will be looked down on,
because you're not with anybodyor we're going to be judged
because of you.
Truth is, the person who feelsthat the most is a person on the
spectrum who already knows whatit's like to not fit in, who
already knows what it's like tobe misunderstood by society,
(26:27):
who's already known, time andtime and time again, what it's
like to be lambasted andharangued and just really,
really just treated like dirt.
They know it the best becausethey've lived it.
(26:48):
And a lot of times it's noteven just peers, it's not family
members, it's also, sadlyenough, people in the mental
health profession that don'tunderstand the spectrum or how
people feel, and push too muchfor conformity, perhaps, or they
(27:12):
push too much for a person onthe autism spectrum to be quote,
unquote, fixed, and once again,it's not all mental health
professionals, it's just thosethat don't have the training for
it.
So it's important that we also,like when you make comments
(27:40):
like that, if you do havesomebody coming to your dinner
table, you do have a person onthe spectrum coming over.
We'd be mindful of that too.
Be mindful that they feel itmore than anybody else can ever
tell them.
They'll feel it more.
(28:06):
So, with all that being said,you know if you are in a
situation and you are gettingall these feelings brought up,
and perhaps maybe you aresitting around a lot of couples,
maybe they are talking to eachother, maybe they are, you know,
displaying PDA or whatever else.
One of the things to do, and onething that would be really
helpful before you even go tothe gathering okay, stand in
(28:31):
front of a mirror and I do thiswith my clients too, in sessions
.
I've done this before as well.
Stand in front of a mirror andsay all the good things about
you.
One thing I like to practice issaying I am awesome, I'm
awesome, I'm pretty awesome, I'ma badass, I'm a boss bitch, I'm
(28:54):
a therapist, I'm a friend, I'ma daughter, I'm a cousin, I'm a
(29:18):
niece, right, all the things Iam just reminding me of that, of
who I am.
Another thing what is yourfavorite color?
Because sometimes, when we wearour favorite color or our color
of what we can equate withempowerment and wearing an
(29:43):
outfit that makes you feel likeyou're sexy, confident, best,
that also can uplift yourvibrational energy, that you'll
give off right.
So you know, going in andmaking sure you have, you know,
that outfit that screams I'mempowered.
What is that color youassociate with?
(30:05):
Right.
My favorite color is pink, andI will use pink and even red as
my colors of empowerment.
Look, remind yourself.
In those moments, though, too,when you are amazing, the way
you are.
(30:33):
Other people may have said stuffto you.
They may have love bombed you.
They may have told you you areno good.
They may have laughed at you.
They may have said you're notworthy.
They may have said you're notworthy.
They may have lambasted you andharangued you in ways that made
(30:55):
you feel so small.
But just remember this peoplewho go around making other
people feel small are smallthemselves.
Nobody will put anybody downwhom they think is better or who
they think is less than them.
Okay, if people see somethingabout you that they think is
(31:18):
better than what they are, orwhat if they think that you have
things they don't have?
This is where they go after.
This is where they're going togo, right is?
This is where they go for thejugular to try to bring you to
their level, because theythemselves feel small, and a lot
(31:43):
of times they will cover thisup and talk about how confident
they are, and they may try tobring down your confidence or
tell you you're not confidentenough.
(32:09):
Don't have the need to alwaysput somebody down or give
backhanded compliments orlambaste or harangue somebody.
Instead, they will lift otherpeople up.
A person with self-confidence,secondly, will not feel the need
to rub it in your face abouthow confident they are and about
how they are.
You know the greatest gift toearth.
(32:31):
You know they will not feel theneed to do that because a
person with confidence will giveoff that vibrational energy.
They won't have to use theirmouthpiece to try to persuade
people who they are.
A person who truly is good willcome off.
That vibrational energy willradiate.
(32:52):
They will glow in a way.
That's like okay, I'm happywith who I am, I'm at ease, and
so just remember these thingsright.
When these moments come up, justremember that piece that it's
not you that they're after.
(33:14):
It's after just attacking theirown demons.
It's their own demons thatthey're wrestling with.
That just happens to be takenout on you.
That just happens to be takenout on you.
And then also, when people askyou about dating, about marriage
(33:39):
, about you know, when they makethese comments like you know
what's wrong with you?
Don't you want to be married?
What are you doing about it?
Don't you want to be married.
What are you doing about it?
This would be the goldenopportunity for you to share all
the amazing things you aredoing, whether it be you're
working a great job, whether itbe your hobbies that you have.
(34:00):
Share about other things thatyou are.
Because truth is, even if youhad somebody in your life, that
person is not going to take awayfrom who you already are.
(34:22):
If anything, a person may addvalue to your life, right and
compliment your life, but it'snot, they're not going to define
you.
A person's not going to definewho you are, so you.
So, basically, you have thatpower to define you, to be who
(34:43):
you are, to show people who youare, to describe the things you
are doing.
Instead, you know, anddeflecting that conversation fit
, by all means, send them my way, by all means, introduce me,
(35:10):
make an introduction.
Or you could even say well,when I find anybody and when
things happen, you'll be thefirst to know.
You know, and just leave itlike that.
(35:33):
And if you are feeling bad aboutthis after, if you are still
feeling kind of bad about thisafter, you can always try to
leave early after the meal isdone, right?
Maybe you could stay for alittle bit, have some dessert,
maybe have a coffee after, butthen also, you can just find a
(35:53):
way to leave or take breaks.
You know, maybe go standoutside for air, just tell
people you need some air, or goto the bathroom, things like
that.
Take those mini breaks foryourself, things like that, take
(36:29):
those mini breaks for yourself.
And, you know, just try toenjoy being in the moment as
much as you can.
Right, because at the end of theday, I mean, it's about
togetherness.
You know, it's about theholiday season is about being
together, right, it is abouttogetherness in different ways,
right, and even though, yes, youmay not have embarked on that
journey like everybody else, andwhat togetherness may look like
for you is going to bedifferent than for other people,
just try to embrace the momentthat you do have, because life
(36:54):
is tough, you know, at the endof the day, too, I mean, life is
tough, it's full of challenges,but at the same time, it's also
full of blessings as well, youknow, so it's a mixture.
You get the best of both worlds.
But that's why life is life,right, because if life was just
(37:16):
easy, there wouldn't be muchmeaning to it, and sometimes we
go through hard things so thatwe can come out on the other
side.
We, we can appreciate thingsbetter.
We go through things to make usstronger people, to make us
better people, sometimes right.
So at the end of the day, it'sall up to how we respond as well
(37:46):
to what's given to us right.
And for anyone who feels aloneout there and othered, I really
hope that this message couldresonate with you.
Anybody who's felt bullied,anybody who you know does suffer
flashbacks from the bullying, Iwant to say that my heart does
(38:08):
go out to you and for those ofyou and I'm just going to put
this out there for those of youwho are the bullies, for those
of you who are the love bombers,for those of you who are the
people who are just fake allalong, I really hope that this
(38:30):
message will somehow teach yousome compassion and I know that
might be a long shot for somepeople, because some people may
never change Okay, and somepeople will be just stuck in how
they are.
But I really hope you know,through the grace of God here,
(38:57):
that this message will teach yousomething, something about
compassion, something aboutunderstanding another person,
understanding how yourinteractions affect people,
because not everything is aboutyou, because the world doesn't
revolve around one person, itdoesn't revolve around you.
You know what it revolvesaround the greater good here.
(39:18):
And the thing is, if you areone of those people that is
bringing people down, I reallyhope you have this moment in
your life where you get anawakening.
I'm not going to wish bad onyou because I was raised better
than that.
I'm gonna.
If anything, I'm just going topray for you, pray for your
(39:39):
happiness, pray for your healing.
That's what I'm going to doinstead and that's how I'll
focus my energy.
But for anybody who's out therewho feels other, I just want
you to know you're not alone,you are wanted, you are valued.
The way I look at it is I seeautism as a puzzle piece.
Autism Speaks uses the puzzlepiece as their logo.
(40:02):
I look at it as being thepuzzle.
If anybody who's ever done ajigsaw puzzle will know that
there's always that one puzzlepiece that doesn't quite fit in
with all the rest of the puzzle.
However, without that puzzlepiece, the puzzle would not be
complete.
The way I look at it is peopleon the autism spectrum are
(40:23):
needed in this society and, yes,maybe they don't live up to
standards.
Maybe they to the standardsthat society is set up for them,
or maybe they may experiencelife or interpret things
differently, but that doesn'tmean that they're any less
valuable to what they canprovide our society.
You are wanted.
You are loved.
(40:43):
God bless you.
I am thankful.
If anything, I learned to bethankful and I even thank God
that I have autism.
I really do.
I actually as crazy as thatsounds, I would not want to be a
person without autism.
Now that I think of it, I don'teven know how I would do that,
but what that life would looklike.
(41:05):
But I'm glad I have what I have,because this is what allows me
to share my message with others.
It's because of my autism I'mable to actually give this
inspiration and hope and givethese tips and tricks to people
in a different way.
And you know and I want to justalso reach out to you know, just
say to all the people who areparents of children on the
(41:29):
autism spectrum as well I justwant to also just want to say
that I do see you, I do valueyou, because it's so easy to
overlook what parents go through, even though I myself am not a
parent, but I was raised byparents, of course, but I also
(41:53):
saw what my mom and dad did andhow hard they had to work to get
me to be who I am.
And I just want to say that I dorecognize and value parents of
those who are on the autismspectrum, because I don't think
they're often given enoughcredit or recognition or value
(42:15):
or support.
So I also want to just say thatI noticed you, I do see you and
I'm cheering for you and withthat in mind, I just want to
wish everybody for a happyThanksgiving.
You know I'm grateful foreverybody who's come on my show
(42:35):
thus far all my listeners, thesubscribers, all people who
wrote reviews, and thank you fortuning into this episode and
stay tuned for further episodes.
Please like, subscribe, leavereviews, tell your family
members, tell your friends tosubscribe to.
On the Spectrum with Sonia,available on all audio platforms
(42:56):
, including Apple and Spotify,and I'm looking forward to
talking with you all again soon.
Take care.
Hello everyone and welcome to this episode of On
the Spectrum with Sonia, apodcast where we discuss autism
spectrum, mental health andanybody who's overcome any
adversity and has aninspirational story to share,
with the goal of leaving peoplefeeling empowered, connected,
(00:23):
full of hope and loved,especially in a world where
society tries to make us feeldisconnected.
Our goal on the spectrum withSonia is to help people feel
connected.
One of the things I am doingtoday is a solo episode.
(00:45):
I'm going to be discussing theholidays and being on the autism
spectrum and partly thisepisode.
The goal is to educate andshare insight of what it's like
to be on the spectrum around theholidays, for sure, but also
(01:05):
give some valuable tips andtricks on how to handle things
that may come up.
So the first thing I want todiscuss is what do we typically
tend to think about when wethink about the holidays?
What images come to your mind?
What pops up for you?
(01:26):
And most often well, I know, atleast for me I tend to see
families, friends, neighbors,perhaps people gathering around
a table to get a meal, to eat ameal together.
(01:50):
Families getting together tocelebrate open gifts.
Of people getting together tomaybe perhaps do different you
know, maybe there's differentevents going on.
There are probably maybe evenmultiple gatherings that people
(02:11):
go to in a day, depending onfamily structure and how
families will structure theholidays and how much time
they're going to spend perhapsin a place or two.
For people on the autismspectrum, that in and of itself
and even people not on thespectrum to be fair as well many
(02:40):
people may find that veryoverwhelming.
But for people on the autismspectrum, there's another
dynamic that tends to happenwhen the holidays come about,
and a lot of times this happensbecause this is the time when
people may, for the first time,bring their significant other to
an event.
This is the time where peoplesee more couples and it's not
(03:03):
like they don't see couplesother times, but it's a little
different when it's around theholidays, because of what
holidays represent for people,right.
So you know, during theholidays, when people get
together, there's a lot of love,there's a lot of connection,
there's a lot of support,there's a lot of just overall
(03:26):
feelings of just happiness,togetherness, even if the
relationships are not that, notthe greatest, at least for that
day, things can be put aside,right, and people can enjoy the
moment.
People can enjoy being together, people can enjoy each other's
company and for somebody on theautism spectrum it's not
(03:55):
atypical to see a profile,perhaps, of someone who perhaps
never had a boyfriend or agirlfriend, never had a
significant other to bring home,let alone bring home for the
holidays.
This also could be a time wherea person may be reminded of
certain shortcomings in theirlife, particularly as it comes
(04:17):
to the social aspects of aperson.
So a lot of times people on thespectrum may not have had
success in finding a person andif they did have anything that
they thought was close to arelationship, unfortunately it
was not for the best right Inthe sense of that person wasn't
(04:42):
genuine at all to begin with, inthe sense of that person wasn't
genuine at all to begin with.
So it's so easy to be remindedof that and one of the things
that oftentimes you know peopleon the spectrum can be reminded
of, especially when there's,when people are displaying PDA
right, public displays ofaffection.
(05:02):
Maybe you know you see couplesholding hands, you may see them
cuddling, you may see perhapssome kissing going on, things
like that One of the things youknow that also could be trigger
some for someone on the spectrumwho felt like they were going
to get this finally with aperson is, and it's, once again,
(05:25):
not anyone's fault.
It's you know, and this is notto shame anybody, you know, not,
this is not to shame couples,and I would just want to make
this clear right now.
This is not to shame anybody,not to shame couples, but this
is a trigger, some moment, forsomebody on the spectrum and a
lot of times, unfortunately,people on the autism spectrum
are set up for fake attention,right, fake attention by another
(05:49):
person.
Fake attention for you know, inthe sense of you know, there
might be an element whereperhaps they get love bombed
right away.
Now, love bombing this is aterm we often see when we
describe somebody withnarcissistic personality
disorder, but basically theconcept behind love bombing is
(06:13):
that a person is made to feelvery special right away.
People are, you know, they'regiven compliments, they're made
to feel like they are the onefor a person.
And when you're on the spectrumand have never had a
relationship before, andsomebody comes along and you
(06:36):
think, oh, this guy's kind ofcute and he's giving me
attention, and a lot of times,even though it's fake, right,
people on the autism spectrummay not be quick to notice right
what is genuine versus what isingenuine.
So, because of the social cuesdifficulty and the difficulty in
(06:58):
picking up what to look out forin that matter, because of lack
of experiences socially, andone of the things that
unfortunately, people getwrapped up into is that okay.
So somebody comes along,they're kind of cute, they're
giving them attention, they'retelling them I'm here for you,
(07:21):
you know you can come to me, youknow I'll be your person, you
can confide in I will be, youknow I'll be your everything.
And unfortunately, what ends uphappening is and this is one
thing I've learned from atherapist that I saw back in
(07:41):
college and and she said to meSonia, fake people will only get
away with it for so long beforethe mask falls off and before
people figure them out.
Right, and she was so spot on,um, on the money.
We'll call her Dr Thoreau, very, very intelligent person.
(08:03):
I saw her when I was anundergrad and she was my uh, she
was an on-campus therapist, butamazing, amazing person, very
intelligent, was a professoreven at the university.
So she, uh, she told me thatand unfortunately she was right.
(08:27):
Okay, and what ends up happeningis when that person stops
giving you attention.
It's kind of like when youdangle like a biscuit in front
of a dog and the dog gets allexcited and is ready to go for
it and take a bite, and then youjust automatically aggressively
pull that biscuit away from thedog.
Right, that's what exactly itfeels like.
(08:48):
When a person went that oncelove bomb, you takes that
attention away from you andyou're left, figuring you know,
feeling like, oh my God, what,what's wrong with me, what, what
happened?
Because most often than not aperson on the autism spectrum is
told you're doing it wrong,maybe you did something.
(09:11):
Oftentimes they're pointed outfor what they don't do, right.
So that's an automatic thought,automatic negative thought that
comes up for a person on thespectrum when they stop getting
that kind of attention.
And so then that person ends upfeeling then oh my gosh,
(09:36):
something's wrong with me, whyam I getting rejected yet again?
Why am I so worthless?
Why am I not even valued enough?
I mean, what's the point of meeven sticking around here if
this is all I'm going to keepfeeling day in and day out?
And so it's important to bemindful of when a person on the
(10:06):
spectrum may be feeling acertain way at these events, not
to say that people can't enjoyeach other's company, and not to
say people can't do what theywant to do.
Being mindful, you know.
If a person on the autismspectrum may start to feel
uncomfortable, you know beingbeing empathic to it and holding
(10:30):
a safe, allowing them a safespace to express themselves.
And if you are in a situationwhere you have found yourself,
situation where you have foundyourself or are finding yourself
(10:51):
being love-bombed, okay, one ofthe tips and tricks I want to
say is be careful in what youshare and remember this the less
is more right.
So if somebody is being very,very kind to you right away,
they want you to trust them.
They perhaps tell you about howthey're there for you and how
(11:11):
they will be that person, yoursafe spot, that they will be
that shoulder for you to lean on.
If they're doing that reallytoo soon, try not to take the
bait quickly and I know it'seasier said than done,
(11:35):
especially if you've never beenin a relationship and have never
gotten positive male attentionor if you've never gotten
positive female attention.
However you identify, right?
I want to make this asinclusive as possible here,
because it doesn't matter howyou identify.
People can be love bombedeither way, right?
(11:59):
So if you've never, let's saylike you've never had a
boyfriend and you just kind ofyou know, and you never had male
attention, and let's say thatyou've never had, um, just any
(12:19):
kind of like social grounding,if you will, in the sense of
like you had people that youcould go through things with.
Like, let's say, you havefriends who are all dating and
have had relationships, havebeen married, who are all dating
and have had relationships,have been married.
(12:40):
Some may have even gottendivorced.
But if you've never evenexperienced that journey to
begin with, it's like watchingeverybody else get on a roller
coaster and go on the ride butyou yet are left standing on the
platform because there's noreally car to pick you up, to
take you on that ride, becausethere's no really car to pick
you up to take you on that ride.
(13:03):
And a lot of times when peoplelearn about relationships is
through the socialization, andoftentimes people get
perspective about relationshipsand what goes on by the way they
communicate their relationshipsto others.
And this is one thing I'venoticed, especially among
(13:25):
females.
Right, with female to femalefriends, they learn a lot about
relationships and how to go andnavigate their relationships
when they talk to other females.
And it's not atypical forsomeone on the autism spectrum,
um, atypical for someone on theautism spectrum to not have had
that journey at all.
Right To, you know, not learnabout it at all, like so it's
(13:50):
easier, you know the hence it'seasier to get sucked into this
fake attention.
But the less is more.
Try not to take the bait tooquickly.
Be mindful if these people aredoing this right away, because
(14:11):
oftentimes something is up whenpeople are doing that, like the
love bombing as a way that theycan feel better about themselves
, or they may do this for likecontrol, so that they feel like
they're in charge over youremotions, over your feelings.
(14:50):
No-transcript.
And if your gut is telling yousomething, most often than not
your gut is not lying to you.
I like to use gut feelings, Ilike to think of them as God's
intervention and God's way ofcommunicating to you.
I really believe that, and thisis just for me personally.
(15:12):
I understand not everybody maybelieve in God.
So, whatever it is, if youbelieve in the universe or
something else, right.
So, but for me, I like to lookat it as God's intervention, a
God's way of saying hey, this isnot right.
I'm letting you know this nowso you can take the heed warning
I'm giving you so that youdon't end up getting hurt.
(15:35):
And it's so easy when you're onthe spectrum to kind of try to
ignore it because you feel like,oh, my god, this is great, I'm
finally getting what I want.
I'm finally getting thisattention, I'm finally getting
things.
You know that I've never hadbefore and then.
But but the way the universeworks is that fake people get
discovered.
(15:55):
The fakeness doesn't last longbecause they eventually people
who've love bombed you a lot oftimes.
They find it easier, especiallyif you're on the autism
spectrum, to dismiss you.
I've had a therapist tell mewe'll call him Dr Gray.
He told me one time that it'seasier for people on the autism
(16:21):
spectrum to get dumped bysomeone because of their status
on the social hierarchy.
Most people on the autismspectrum.
When you look at the socialhierarchy pecking order, they're
not high up, unfortunately.
They are kept kind of where, onthe level of you know what?
(16:42):
You're not like us, you'reothered, You're not welcomed
here, you're not wanted here, solet's just push you out and if
we need something from you,maybe we'll come around.
(17:08):
And don't be surprised too, tohear people on the autism
spectrum talk about when peopleapproach them.
A lot of times they're lookedat as buy and pay for type of
people, right?
So, for example, when peoplelook at somebody on the autism
spectrum, people may want towork with that person, but not
everybody's doing it for theright reasons.
Maybe people look at them aseasy bait, oh, and especially if
that person has the meansfinancially, they may look at
them and be like, oh well, letme see how I can get business
(17:32):
from this person and how I canuse this person for my financial
gain and how I can use thisperson for my financial gain.
But at the same time, maybe youknow they won't deliver to you,
or they may, you may not getthe results that you're looking
for.
So this is also another thingthat can come up as well, right,
(17:53):
when people dealing peoplesocially, right, all these
feelings, all thesedisappointments, and then also
when people try to, when you try, as a person on the spectrum,
to discuss with people how youfeel, whether it be you know,
the friends that you do have orfamily members a lot of times
and this is not then, once again, this is not to shame anybody
(18:16):
or make anybody feel bad.
A lot of times people don't knowhow to handle it coming from
the perspective of somebody onthe autism spectrum, right?
So a common thing that peoplemay hear is, oh, you got to just
love yourself more, or you knowyou'll find it, or you know
(18:38):
they'll just kind of blow it off, kind of like, oh, it'll happen
for you, you're going to findsomeone.
But they just kind of do it ina way where it's kind of
dismissing how a person's reallyfeeling they're not going to
seeing, going to where the painis.
Right.
They're just kind of putting abandaid over everything.
(18:59):
It's kind of like givingsomebody with appendicitis
Tylenol to try to numb pain.
That's not going to do thetrick.
Okay it's, you know so and it'snot.
But once again, they may bemeaning well, they may be
intending.
You know they're doing whatthey know how to do with the
tools they have.
Right, a lot of peopleunfortunately don't have the
(19:22):
tools to go and understand theautistic experience.
A lot of people don't have theunderstanding, a lot of people
can't relate to it.
And there is a phenomenoncalled, or a concept rather
called, double empathy, right,where it's said that people on
(19:42):
the autism spectrum may notalways understand a neurotypical
experience.
Neurotypical is a word definedfor people who don't have
intellectual or cognitiveimpairment and development and
(20:03):
development but but at the sametoken, neurotypicals here they
don't necessarily understand theautism experience or
perspective either, right Hencedouble empathy this is what they
refer to as the double empathyand and, in all fairness, there
are certain things that I maynot even always understand
either.
When people talk about theirrelationships sometimes, or when
(20:24):
people talk about love and talkabout the complicated feelings
of when they're falling in loveor falling out of love, when
they talk about just complexemotions that come up, I mean I
empathize with them right, and alot of this thanks to my
training as a therapist, Ilearned how to empathize with
(20:48):
people but at the same time Ican't fully relate to it in the
sense of I've never understood.
It's kind of like, for example,like listening to a love song.
Right, you can enjoy it, youcan enjoy the beats to it, you
can enjoy the acoustics, allthis other, you know all the
(21:08):
other fun and jazz, and you canenjoy, you know the singer's
voice and all that, but you maynot be able to really fully
relate to that song because younever had that experience.
So so, going to understandingthat piece, you know I mean, but
(21:31):
as much as I may not fully beable to relate, I still will
work on empathizing, meaning.
I can try, you know, I couldtry to see it from your
perspective and learn about yourperspective in your world.
And I feel, like people who arenot on the autism spectrum, you
know, it might be verybeneficial if you can try to
(21:56):
learn about it from their world,because a lot of people may not
know what it's like to besingle for how many years right
on end.
A lot of people out there don'tknow how to be single, you know,
unfortunately, you know.
And there are people whostruggle.
And here's the thing, nobody'sbetter than the other person,
(22:16):
you know.
Everybody's got their ownunique challenges and their own
unique ways.
And there are people out therewho but there are people on the
autism spectrum.
In all fairness I will saythere are many who have found
love.
There are many people who evenhave kids, um but um.
But there is also that segmentof people with autism that never
(22:39):
find love, that never, you know, stay single for years because
they don't connect with anybodyon a level that will truly
understand them, things thatpeople are told you know, and
it's not uncommon for people onthe spectrum to be called weird,
(23:05):
to be told.
Why do you talk to this person,this person's weird right Told
to others, right who may be seensocializing with the person on
the spectrum not uncommon forpeople to be like?
Why are you talking to thisperson Right, or people, to
(23:25):
perhaps tell them you know allthe deficiency and negativities
about them?
Okay, that's I mean.
I know this is going to beextreme here, but if I had to
bet money, I probably might beable to survive a crocodile
(23:47):
infested lake better.
I mean just as as much as beingable to get through life
without being lambasted byhumans.
Okay, able to get through lifewithout being lambasted by
humans.
Okay, I mean, it's just.
You know that people when, whenthey see was othered and they
(24:11):
see you as different, it's not agood day, right?
So all of these things you knowand point in, sharing all these
experiences and things is allof it can come out when people
are faced in gatherings.
And another thing is, too familymembers may also start saying
something to a person withautism like, oh, you know, it's
(24:33):
kind of concerning you're notmarried or don't you want to get
get married.
Aren't you doing anything aboutit?
Or what the hell is wrong withyou, like, what's going on with
you, like is something, is therea problem you have?
Do you have a sexualdysfunction?
Do you have um a?
Do you have any differences weshould know about?
(24:57):
Like you know, it's not uncommonfor people to get asked these
questions who are on the autismspectrum, especially when they
come from cultures where it'sall about being married and
checking off boxes andeverything, living on a timeline
Okay.
Truth of the matter is, whenyou are on the autism spectrum,
(25:21):
boxes to check are not on theagenda.
Okay, because they're not goingto check the boxes on in the
timeline.
They're not.
A lot of people are not, andone of the things to realize
here is you know and it's not,and even though, yes, once again
(25:41):
, family members do mean well,people on the autism spectrum
also are feeling the hit 10times harder in their own head
and in their hearts and whenthey are asked questions and
made to feel bad about not beingable to live up because culture
(26:05):
says that something will bethat will be looked down on,
because you're not with anybodyor we're going to be judged
because of you.
Truth is, the person who feelsthat the most is a person on the
spectrum who already knows whatit's like to not fit in, who
already knows what it's like tobe misunderstood by society,
(26:27):
who's already known, time andtime and time again, what it's
like to be lambasted andharangued and just really,
really just treated like dirt.
They know it the best becausethey've lived it.
(26:48):
And a lot of times it's noteven just peers, it's not family
members, it's also, sadlyenough, people in the mental
health profession that don'tunderstand the spectrum or how
people feel, and push too muchfor conformity, perhaps, or they
(27:12):
push too much for a person onthe autism spectrum to be quote,
unquote, fixed, and once again,it's not all mental health
professionals, it's just thosethat don't have the training for
it.
So it's important that we also,like when you make comments
(27:40):
like that, if you do havesomebody coming to your dinner
table, you do have a person onthe spectrum coming over.
We'd be mindful of that too.
Be mindful that they feel itmore than anybody else can ever
tell them.
They'll feel it more.
(28:06):
So, with all that being said,you know if you are in a
situation and you are gettingall these feelings brought up,
and perhaps maybe you aresitting around a lot of couples,
maybe they are talking to eachother, maybe they are, you know,
displaying PDA or whatever else.
One of the things to do, and onething that would be really
helpful before you even go tothe gathering okay, stand in
(28:31):
front of a mirror and I do thiswith my clients too, in sessions
.
I've done this before as well.
Stand in front of a mirror andsay all the good things about
you.
One thing I like to practice issaying I am awesome, I'm
awesome, I'm pretty awesome, I'ma badass, I'm a boss bitch, I'm
(28:54):
a therapist, I'm a friend, I'ma daughter, I'm a cousin, I'm a
(29:18):
niece, right, all the things Iam just reminding me of that, of
who I am.
Another thing what is yourfavorite color?
Because sometimes, when we wearour favorite color or our color
of what we can equate withempowerment and wearing an
(29:43):
outfit that makes you feel likeyou're sexy, confident, best,
that also can uplift yourvibrational energy, that you'll
give off right.
So you know, going in andmaking sure you have, you know,
that outfit that screams I'mempowered.
What is that color youassociate with?
(30:05):
Right.
My favorite color is pink, andI will use pink and even red as
my colors of empowerment.
Look, remind yourself.
In those moments, though, too,when you are amazing, the way
you are.
(30:33):
Other people may have said stuffto you.
They may have love bombed you.
They may have told you you areno good.
They may have laughed at you.
They may have said you're notworthy.
They may have said you're notworthy.
They may have lambasted you andharangued you in ways that made
(30:55):
you feel so small.
But just remember this peoplewho go around making other
people feel small are smallthemselves.
Nobody will put anybody downwhom they think is better or who
they think is less than them.
Okay, if people see somethingabout you that they think is
(31:18):
better than what they are, orwhat if they think that you have
things they don't have?
This is where they go after.
This is where they're going togo, right is?
This is where they go for thejugular to try to bring you to
their level, because theythemselves feel small, and a lot
(31:43):
of times they will cover thisup and talk about how confident
they are, and they may try tobring down your confidence or
tell you you're not confidentenough.
(32:09):
Don't have the need to alwaysput somebody down or give
backhanded compliments orlambaste or harangue somebody.
Instead, they will lift otherpeople up.
A person with self-confidence,secondly, will not feel the need
to rub it in your face abouthow confident they are and about
how they are.
You know the greatest gift toearth.
(32:31):
You know they will not feel theneed to do that because a
person with confidence will giveoff that vibrational energy.
They won't have to use theirmouthpiece to try to persuade
people who they are.
A person who truly is good willcome off.
That vibrational energy willradiate.
(32:52):
They will glow in a way.
That's like okay, I'm happywith who I am, I'm at ease, and
so just remember these thingsright.
When these moments come up, justremember that piece that it's
not you that they're after.
(33:14):
It's after just attacking theirown demons.
It's their own demons thatthey're wrestling with.
That just happens to be takenout on you.
That just happens to be takenout on you.
And then also, when people askyou about dating, about marriage
(33:39):
, about you know, when they makethese comments like you know
what's wrong with you?
Don't you want to be married?
What are you doing about it?
Don't you want to be married.
What are you doing about it?
This would be the goldenopportunity for you to share all
the amazing things you aredoing, whether it be you're
working a great job, whether itbe your hobbies that you have.
(34:00):
Share about other things thatyou are.
Because truth is, even if youhad somebody in your life, that
person is not going to take awayfrom who you already are.
(34:22):
If anything, a person may addvalue to your life, right and
compliment your life, but it'snot, they're not going to define
you.
A person's not going to definewho you are, so you.
So, basically, you have thatpower to define you, to be who
(34:43):
you are, to show people who youare, to describe the things you
are doing.
Instead, you know, anddeflecting that conversation fit
, by all means, send them my way, by all means, introduce me,
(35:10):
make an introduction.
Or you could even say well,when I find anybody and when
things happen, you'll be thefirst to know.
You know, and just leave itlike that.
(35:33):
And if you are feeling bad aboutthis after, if you are still
feeling kind of bad about thisafter, you can always try to
leave early after the meal isdone, right?
Maybe you could stay for alittle bit, have some dessert,
maybe have a coffee after, butthen also, you can just find a
(35:53):
way to leave or take breaks.
You know, maybe go standoutside for air, just tell
people you need some air, or goto the bathroom, things like
that.
Take those mini breaks foryourself, things like that, take
(36:29):
those mini breaks for yourself.
And, you know, just try toenjoy being in the moment as
much as you can.
Right, because at the end of theday, I mean, it's about
togetherness.
You know, it's about theholiday season is about being
together, right, it is abouttogetherness in different ways,
right, and even though, yes, youmay not have embarked on that
journey like everybody else, andwhat togetherness may look like
for you is going to bedifferent than for other people,
just try to embrace the momentthat you do have, because life
(36:54):
is tough, you know, at the endof the day, too, I mean, life is
tough, it's full of challenges,but at the same time, it's also
full of blessings as well, youknow, so it's a mixture.
You get the best of both worlds.
But that's why life is life,right, because if life was just
(37:16):
easy, there wouldn't be muchmeaning to it, and sometimes we
go through hard things so thatwe can come out on the other
side.
We, we can appreciate thingsbetter.
We go through things to make usstronger people, to make us
better people, sometimes right.
So at the end of the day, it'sall up to how we respond as well
(37:46):
to what's given to us right.
And for anyone who feels aloneout there and othered, I really
hope that this message couldresonate with you.
Anybody who's felt bullied,anybody who you know does suffer
flashbacks from the bullying, Iwant to say that my heart does
(38:08):
go out to you and for those ofyou and I'm just going to put
this out there for those of youwho are the bullies, for those
of you who are the love bombers,for those of you who are the
people who are just fake allalong, I really hope that this
(38:30):
message will somehow teach yousome compassion and I know that
might be a long shot for somepeople, because some people may
never change Okay, and somepeople will be just stuck in how
they are.
But I really hope you know,through the grace of God here,
(38:57):
that this message will teach yousomething, something about
compassion, something aboutunderstanding another person,
understanding how yourinteractions affect people,
because not everything is aboutyou, because the world doesn't
revolve around one person, itdoesn't revolve around you.
You know what it revolvesaround the greater good here.
(39:18):
And the thing is, if you areone of those people that is
bringing people down, I reallyhope you have this moment in
your life where you get anawakening.
I'm not going to wish bad onyou because I was raised better
than that.
I'm gonna.
If anything, I'm just going topray for you, pray for your
(39:39):
happiness, pray for your healing.
That's what I'm going to doinstead and that's how I'll
focus my energy.
But for anybody who's out therewho feels other, I just want
you to know you're not alone,you are wanted, you are valued.
The way I look at it is I seeautism as a puzzle piece.
Autism Speaks uses the puzzlepiece as their logo.
(40:02):
I look at it as being thepuzzle.
If anybody who's ever done ajigsaw puzzle will know that
there's always that one puzzlepiece that doesn't quite fit in
with all the rest of the puzzle.
However, without that puzzlepiece, the puzzle would not be
complete.
The way I look at it is peopleon the autism spectrum are
(40:23):
needed in this society and, yes,maybe they don't live up to
standards.
Maybe they to the standardsthat society is set up for them,
or maybe they may experiencelife or interpret things
differently, but that doesn'tmean that they're any less
valuable to what they canprovide our society.
You are wanted.
You are loved.
(40:43):
God bless you.
I am thankful.
If anything, I learned to bethankful and I even thank God
that I have autism.
I really do.
I actually as crazy as thatsounds, I would not want to be a
person without autism.
Now that I think of it, I don'teven know how I would do that,
but what that life would looklike.
(41:05):
But I'm glad I have what I have,because this is what allows me
to share my message with others.
It's because of my autism I'mable to actually give this
inspiration and hope and givethese tips and tricks to people
in a different way.
And you know and I want to justalso reach out to you know, just
say to all the people who areparents of children on the
(41:29):
autism spectrum as well I justwant to also just want to say
that I do see you, I do valueyou, because it's so easy to
overlook what parents go through, even though I myself am not a
parent, but I was raised byparents, of course, but I also
(41:53):
saw what my mom and dad did andhow hard they had to work to get
me to be who I am.
And I just want to say that I dorecognize and value parents of
those who are on the autismspectrum, because I don't think
they're often given enoughcredit or recognition or value
(42:15):
or support.
So I also want to just say thatI noticed you, I do see you and
I'm cheering for you and withthat in mind, I just want to
wish everybody for a happyThanksgiving.
You know I'm grateful foreverybody who's come on my show
(42:35):
thus far all my listeners, thesubscribers, all people who
wrote reviews, and thank you fortuning into this episode and
stay tuned for further episodes.
Please like, subscribe, leavereviews, tell your family
members, tell your friends tosubscribe to.
On the Spectrum with Sonia,available on all audio platforms
(42:56):
, including Apple and Spotify,and I'm looking forward to
talking with you all again soon.
Take care.
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