May 16, 2025 • 51 mins
Andrea Andree takes us on a transformative journey from being a corporate Engineer to becoming a leadership and embodiment coach for high-achieving women who want to get out of their heads and into their bodies.
• Former project manager with two engineering degrees who felt unfulfilled despite checking all the boxes of success
• High achievement often stems from childhood wounds and patterns of seeking validation or attention
• Achievement becomes an identity and unconscious driver when it's how we learned to receive love
• 90% of our behaviors are driven by unconscious patterns that manifest as physical sensations in our bodies
• Learning to identify and sit with bodily sensations rather than automatically reacting to them breaks unhealthy patterns
• Generational and even past life trauma can create fears and behaviors that don't make logical sense in our current lives
• Transforming achievement means moving from pain-driven to aligned, intentional success
• Working with the body through embodiment practices helps access and clear unconscious programming
• Holding a positive perspective is possible even while processing difficult emotions
If you are interested in working with Andrea or wanting to even have a consultation with Andrea, she could be found on LinkedIn Andrea Andree and through her website https://andreaandree.com/
Remember to rate, review and subscribe to this podcast. My book "Dropped in a Maze" is available at all major book retailers online. If you write a review on Amazon, I'll read it out loud on future episodes.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hello everyone and welcome to today's episode of On
the Spectrum with Sonia, apodcast where we discuss autism
spectrum mental healthchallenges and highlight stories
of anybody who's overcome anyadversity to leave our audience
feeling connected, inspired,empowered and filled with love.
And speaking of love, love iswhat drives humans at the end of
(00:28):
the day.
Everybody wants to feel loved.
Even animals want to feel loved.
But when we don't feel loved,especially from people who were
supposed to love us, this iswhere it becomes very
demoralizing, very demeaning.
You know, and everybody copesin a different way with this,
(00:51):
but one guest in particularAndrea Andre.
She used her feelings of neverfeeling good enough or loved
enough to drive her success,which is something people don't
talk about enough.
That's why I am so blessed andhonored to have Andrea Andre
with us today, and she's here todescribe her story, her journey
(01:15):
, and it is a story that I feelso many of us can resonate with
on certain levels, but we don'ttalk about it enough, and for
that let's please welcome Andrea.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
Yes, thank you.
Thanks, sonia, for having meThank you for being here.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
So, andrea, tell us a little bit about you, tell us
about your journey a little bit,tell us who you are.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
Absolutely so.
Currently, my current state isI am a leadership and embodiment
coach for high achieving women,I like to say, many of us.
We've lived all of our lives inour heads, which is I know it
will unpack a little bit in thisepisode too.
And the next level ofleadership for me in my world is
really getting down into ourbody and learning how to better
(02:07):
understand, better manage theimpulses that all of us feel on
a daily basis, minute by minutebasis, because I believe that
the more that we can be in ourbody and not let those impulses
control us, then the morecontrol we have over how we show
up in the world.
So I didn't start here.
(02:28):
I've had a journey throughcorporate.
I have two engineering degreesand, yeah, I don't know how far
to go back, but I'll just saywhen I was in corporate, what I
was was a project manager.
I did process improvement, so Iled teams.
We worked on helping systems bebetter and more efficient and
how work flowed through thesystem.
(02:48):
So I did work in the healthcarespace, in the insurance space,
and eventually I got to a pointwhere that just wasn't feeling
good anymore and I was feeling adifferent sort of calling.
Calling was more to know myselfinternally, and as I got to
know myself, I realized some ofthe things I was learning about
myself including being a highachiever are things that I could
(03:14):
turn around and help otherwomen move through and get past
as well, and so I'll leave itthere and figure out where you
want to unpack and where youwant to go from there.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
So it seems like you really went on a journey.
Not only you know withinyourself, but also your career
has also been quite a journey,because it's a jump to go from
now being once in corporate,being a project manager and
having engineering degrees tonow being a coach for high
achieving women.
(03:42):
So can you tell us a little bitabout what drove you to make
the change?
Speaker 2 (03:48):
Absolutely.
I, like I mentioned, I was incorporate and also this was
around the time I had my firstkid.
So I have got two kids now, adaughter and a son.
My daughter is almost 10.
So I guess we're going backeight, nine, 10 years now.
But after I had her I hadeverything that was on my
checklist that I thought Iwanted that was supposed to make
(04:10):
me happy.
So I had the marriage and thekid and the master's degree and
the house and the job and Ifinally I'm looking around and
I'm realizing I'm not happy, I'mactually burnt out, but I'm
bored.
I was also just bored Like Iwas going through the motions of
life, but there was nothinginteresting or exciting about
life.
It was just rush out the door,take my daughter to daycare, go
(04:32):
to this job that I don't like,rush to pick her up from daycare
, to get through dinner and goto bed and like repeat, and that
just wasn't very exciting to me.
And so that was sort of myfirst awareness of this isn't
really what I want to do withmyself.
And then I was starting to getjust unhappy at work too, and
starting to get these innermessages that were telling me if
(04:54):
I stay on this corporate path,then I wasn't going to live up
to my fullest potential.
And, of course, high achieverI'm like, well, what does that
mean?
Because I, of course, want todo what I'm here to do and do it
very well.
And so then I started unpackingthat and I didn't quit my job
right away.
I was certainly.
I switched jobs into somethingthat was a little bit more
(05:16):
supportive for me, but it justkept going on this inner journey
.
And I like to say in thebeginning everyone says follow
your passion.
I'm like I didn't.
I had no idea what I waspassionate about, because there
was no passion in my life.
And so another tip that I heardwas just follow your curiosity.
And so I just started gettingcurious and I was like what is
(05:37):
this energy thing that peoplekeep talking about and how do
people learn, how to tap intotheir psychic and intuitive
abilities and how are peoplebecoming better parents?
And I know all of those soundreally random, but those are the
curiosities that led me to,eventually, what I'm doing right
now.
But I just kept following thoseand following those until at
(05:58):
some point something clicked andI realized I was learning all
of that.
That was my highest path, andit wasn't in corporate.
It was somehow doing my ownthing in a way that I could
bring those out to people intothe world.
So eventually I made the jumpand have been working on my own
ever since.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
And what have you found to be the most rewarding,
now that you're doing whatyou're doing?
Speaker 2 (06:22):
Yes, I would say one of the most rewarding things is
everything is my own decision.
Whether it's a good decision ora bad decision, at least it's
mine.
And there's just somethingabout being in control, Although
that was also scary in thebeginning because, again, as a
high achiever, you also kind ofare a high achiever doing what
(06:43):
other people tell you to do atleast I was and so it was good
and bad in the beginning that Ihad total control over myself.
So that was just something Ihad to learn and stabilize, but
I love it now.
I love that I get to choose howI run my business.
Do I want to offer this or that?
Do I want a podcast?
Do I want a video?
Who do I want to talk with?
I love all of those things.
And then I'd say the second partthat I really love is I've
(07:07):
gotten more out into thecommunity lately in the last few
years.
So I live in Madison, Wisconsin, so not too far from Chicago,
where you're at, and before mycommunity was daycare parents or
school parents or workco-workers, but now just getting
out into the community meetingother people doing either
similar things or they havetheir own business or they're
building things, whatever it is.
(07:27):
It just feels so much smallerand so much more like home to me
Madison I'm not from here itdidn't feel like home until just
these last couple of years whenI started actually meeting
people, and so that's beenreally rewarding as well.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
Yes, in fact Andrea and I have met at the One
Stories event that Wendy Babcockhosted in Brookfield, wisconsin
, about last month, and it wasamazing to hear it, you know,
and Andrea actually went infront of the room and spoke
(08:00):
about her story, her journey,and I remember I was getting so
emotional listening to yourstory and I felt like I was
there with you.
And you know you mentioned thatword achievement quite a bit.
So you know, kind of tying itall in a little bit, what was
your relationship to achievementand where did that relationship
(08:24):
begin?
Speaker 2 (08:27):
Yeah, great question.
So school, certainly I was astraight-A student in school.
I actually loved school.
I had perfect attendance fromfifth grade through 12th grade,
so I didn't miss a single day ofschool in, however many years
that is.
I was always the teacher's pet,I was the valedictorian, and so
(08:50):
I learned very early on that Itook on that identity of the
smart one and the achiever.
And I know that there was somepressure to achieve from my
parents at home and I think fromtheir perspective, they pushed
me because they knew I wascapable.
They weren't pushing my brotherand sister as much as they were
(09:13):
pushing me, and I believe itwas because, you know, they saw
my brother as the athlete and sohe got pushed a little bit more
that direction.
So I think from theirperspective, it was meant to
push me and to drive me, but Iinternalized it completely
differently and I internal fromtheir perspective, it was meant
to push me and to drive me, butI internalized it completely
differently and I internalizedit as oh, that's how I'm getting
attention, that's how you know,that's my role.
(09:34):
To shine in this family is tobe the achiever, and so that
must be what I need to do to,you know, get the attention that
all kids we're all looking forlove and attention from those
around us.
And so and school is a veryeasy place to get it because
it's measurable.
Whether that's good or bad, youknow, I have different opinions
about it now, but in school it'smeasurable, and so you can very
(09:56):
clearly see how you'remeasuring up to some standard
and how you're measuring upcompared to other people, and so
that was a very easy place forme to, I would say, harness or
direct.
This achiever in me wassomething that I could measure
myself against myself, againstother people, and that just
(10:17):
became my motivation.
That then I took into theworkplace and took everywhere
else I went, because once it'sin you, unless you learn to look
at it and shift it, it's goingto find its outlet some other
place, and so the Achiever hadbeen born and created, and so
then I took it into work and myparenting and everything else
(10:38):
that I did after I was in school.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
What was the one thing that you were looking for
then, while you were busy beinglike, even in the school right,
you were perfect attendance.
You are straight A student.
What was the one thing you werereally craving that perhaps you
felt was missing?
Speaker 2 (10:59):
Yeah, I'd say making my parents proud was something
that was driving me and it nevercame from a place of like I
felt that they weren't proud ofme necessarily.
But again, I don't know wherethat came from.
That was just the behavior thatI adopted and the motivation
that I had that kept me going.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
And when you look back at it and looking at that,
you know always driving toachieve something, always
wanting to prove something orshow for something.
If you could look at thatyounger Andrea self, if you
could go back into that innerchild, if you will and go to
that younger self, what?
Speaker 2 (11:50):
would you tell, let's say, the fifth grade Andrea?
Yeah, fifth grade Andrea.
That was awkward, andrea.
Yeah, fifth grade Andrea hadglasses.
She just got her period, so thatwas a really fun time in my
life, but I would tell her thatshe's enough just as she is.
She's enough without having toprove she.
(12:12):
You know I love her, even ifshe doesn't get good grades, and
I love having her around.
I love seeing her heart, I lovehearing what makes her tick and
just helping her feel lovedoutside of her achievements, I
think, is something that youknow.
When I do my own inner childwork that's typically what I do
(12:32):
is I help my inner little girlfeel like she's loved just as
she is.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
And that is so powerful.
I feel like we don't get thatmessage enough, that we are
enough and people don't.
You know, because you knowsociety, you know, is filled
with what does it mean to beenough?
And we're constantly inundated.
Right, you have to live in thiskind of a home, you have to
drive this kind of a car, youhave to carry this kind of a
(12:59):
luxury bag or wear this kind ofwatch or be this kind of be in
this kind of job or whatever.
Right, have these manyfollowers now on social media,
because that's also anothermeasuring stick people have gone
to.
Now, right, it's all aboutnumbers.
Or having this many peoplesubscribe to your podcast,
whatever, it is right.
It's like we're so caught up onmetrics almost to kind of
(13:24):
define whether we're enough ornot, and I think people have
lost sight of the fact that yourworth has already been
predetermined for you becauseyou are worth it, because you're
alive, right, exactly, it'snon-negotiable, it's unchanging
right.
And that's one thing I work onwhen I do self-esteem building
with my clients is, you know, wetalk about this idea that you
(13:47):
are enough as you are.
Those other things are justadd-ons.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
Right, yep, they're made up measuring sticks that
someone decided at some point,and then we all just grabbed on
to.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
Right.
Have you noticed a theme,though, with the people you're
working with now?
Do you notice like there aresimilar patterns and stories
that are that kind of resonatewith your own, about like people
being high achieving and, youknow, driven for success?
Do you notice that with theclients you work with that
perhaps maybe they too are likesearching for something and
(14:22):
they're searching for thatvalidation, that love they feel
that they need to show forsomething.
And how do you feel like youfind that synergy, then, with
the people you work with?
Speaker 2 (14:35):
Yeah, there's a lot to unpack here.
One thing I will say that Ifound in the client so I tend to
attract also high achievers,the type A, and some of the
things that have come uprecently, as these are the
things that we're starting toget into now is how exactly,
like you said, how their currentbehaviors might mirror
(14:57):
something from their childhood.
And so I know I talked about inmy situation.
I was the achiever looking tomake someone you know, looking
to make my parents feel proud ofme, and so that was always this
inner motivation that I had,although it wasn't my parents.
It became my boss, it became mycoworkers, it became, you know,
other people took on thoseroles, but that motivation
(15:19):
stayed the same.
I had another client who, whenwe went back to her childhood,
one of the things she feltunseen by her parents and she
noticed as a kid her parentswere always commenting on oh,
look at that person, oh, look atyour sister, oh, and so she
never felt like they were payingattention to her certifications
(15:45):
, where she has her own businessand she has all of these
achievements and certificationsand things, and I remember
taking her through an exercisewhere I wanted her to look at
those and be proud of all those.
And I said, when you look atall those things, what do you
see?
And she said I did all of thosetrying to be seen.
And again, she's trying to beseen.
As a kid it was by her parents,and as an adult it may not
(16:05):
consciously be.
Hey, I'm trying to get mommyand daddy to look at me, but
that energy is still aliveinside of us and so other people
kind of take on those roles,and so it might be her industry
peers or people in her networkor you know, people that are
around her that are taking onthe quote unquote role of mommy
and daddy, where she's doing allof those things and taking all
(16:27):
these things on trying to beseen.
You know, I've had clients onthe flip side where there was
one where she had to be perfectand quiet, right, she had to
show up perfectly, she wasn'tallowed to act a certain way or
say a certain thing, and so thenas an adult, she felt like she
couldn't use her voice and hervoice wasn't welcome.
(16:47):
And so a lot of these patternsthat many of us learned as kids
and this can be in any childhood, this can be even in a good
childhood.
I think they're just the levelof consciousness we have now
around how to raise kids.
It's so different than ourparents' generation, and so I
don't ever blame our parents.
They just they did the bestthey could with what they knew.
(17:09):
But what they didn't understandwas some of these inherent needs
that kids have, which is I wantto feel unconditionally loved,
I want to feel seen and acceptedfor who I am, and those sorts
of things.
If we inherently didn't getthem, we found ways to get them,
or we developed all these falsemotivations to try to get them,
and then they drive us.
And so one of the patterns thatI've noticed is these high
(17:32):
achievers.
Many of us are driven from thispain, from this pain of not
being seen and not feeling likewe were enough, and so I
actually like from the outsidewe get all of these accolades
and raises and awards andeverything, but I really feel
like a lot of that is fueledfrom a pain, whether it's a
conscious pain or we don't knowthat it's there.
(17:54):
But I think a lot of the highachiever archetype is fueled by
whatever we didn't get as kids.
Now it's coming out into ouradulthood.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
And I'm very glad that you said this because it's
so true and we don't talk aboutthis enough.
We really don't.
And you know, I also canresonate on some level with all
of this as well, because a lotof my achievements is also
driven from pain as well.
Yeah, you know, and I guess you, I guess there's a big power to
(18:26):
when you are dismissed whenyou're younger, right, when you
are rejected, when you'reostracized, when you weren't
given the kind of emotionalsupport you needed or given the
right kind of environment whereyou can grow and thrive.
There's a lot of power that goesinto how that affects a person
(18:49):
Absolutely.
You know, and you know, andhere's the thing we, you know,
when we see these high achieverarchetypes right, this is what
society celebrates, right, whenwe think about it, society puts
this kinds on the pedestal andbeing like, okay, these are
great examples and while it'strue, it's very noble, you know
(19:09):
it can drive anybody right,because you know, having
something to thrive for, youknow, can be a great asset for
many people, right, but whenit's coming from that source of
pain, right, that's something ithits differently, it does.
Speaker 2 (19:31):
Yep, and I like to sorry, I was just going to
comment too I like to say thatwe know more now, and so I think
we can look at it differently.
Where we didn't know thisbefore, and so I think, as women
, we did what we needed to do tosort of bring ourselves to a
different level, you know, outof the home and into the
(19:51):
workplace, and so that madesense for a period of time, to
work, to achieve.
But now I think we know moreand now I think that there are
ways we can look at.
Well, maybe it's not theachievement necessarily, that's
wrong, but how can I do it?
From power and not from pain,and how can I do it from a place
of this is an alignedachievement and not from I'm
(20:11):
trying to do this to get seenunconsciously by somebody?
Speaker 1 (20:16):
Absolutely, it's about changing our perspective,
right, because ultimately,ultimately, you know, your
achievements are for youultimately, right, your
accomplishments are yours.
Right, they're not abouteverybody else.
And I feel like and this iswhat we say too, like you know
(20:36):
what.
I had a run coach who used totell me this.
She said one day she andgranted, you know she's an elite
runner, you know very, veryfast runner.
She said, you know, sonia,ultimately, one thing to
remember your running is for you, nobody else, right, and you
(20:56):
know, after hearing that thatalso was just like the light
bulbs went on and I'm like youknow what it is for me, right, I
don't have to, I don't oweanybody anything.
Right, what I do is for me,right, I don't have to, I don't
owe anybody anything.
Right, what I do is for meultimately.
I mean not in a selfish way, Imean I do this to give back as
well, don't get me wrong, I dothings to give back as well.
But how much of this are wegoing to allow the pain to be
(21:18):
the bus driver?
And then, versus, how do weshift to get the adult in us,
that more healed version ofourselves, to take over and
drive the bus?
Speaker 2 (21:31):
Bingo.
Yep, I love that.
The running is for you.
Yeah, too many people make thatcompetitive.
But really like what if you'rerunning against the fastest
person in the world or you'rerunning against an average
person?
Like it says nothing about youif you come in first or second,
like it's.
You know you did your best andthat really is what should
(21:51):
matter, and so I love that.
She said that.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
Exactly and it's uh, so like when you're doing like
the work with your clients andyou say, like you mentioned,
like how it feels in the body,where you feel things in the
body.
So when it comes to in as faras where things are stored, how
people store things in theirbody and do the body work, what
(22:16):
have you found and what kind oftips can you give other people
today that may be trying toexplore and try to maybe tap
into this kind of area?
Speaker 2 (22:29):
Yeah, I love this.
So what I have found, first ofall, is so many of us we've
learned to live in our heads,and I think that's intentional,
by design.
We've got these cell phones,you know, we're always staring
at a cell phone, always staringat a computer, always doing
something.
We're always busy.
So we've forgotten to even knowwhat sensations are going on in
our body, to even know how thatdrives us.
(22:51):
So that's number one.
Number two, what I've learnedwhen we talk about habits and
behaviors, science says 90-ishpercent of our day, of our
actions, our behaviors, ourwords, they're driven from our
unconscious, and so we're kindof moving through life and
(23:15):
through the world unaware, in away.
It's like if you've ever drivensomewhere and you go, I don't
even remember driving here.
It's sort of that whole idea iswhat part of me was driving on
the road and what that is isthere's an active version of you
that's thinking about something.
You've got that fight going onin your head or whatever it's
going on.
And then there's sort of theunconscious version of you
that's like all right, I gotthis, I'll keep us safe while
(23:36):
you're fighting your boss inyour head or whatever it is.
And so there's a version of usthat's sort of coasting through
life, and what I've learnedabout that version of us is much
of it is driven by theseimpulses that we get through our
body, through our unconscious.
And so I like to say ourunconscious does not just live
(23:56):
in our head, it actually livesin our body, it's through the
mental, emotional system that isin our body and we're always in
response to that.
And so some examples for one,one for me.
I remember during COVID earlyCOVID, obviously a terrible time
for everybody there was aperiod of time when after lunch
(24:17):
I would just ravage and I waslike I need sugar, now give me
sugar.
And I would go through thecupboards and I would just eat
any terrible thing.
I could find that was sweet andI couldn't figure out why I did
that until I remember I pausedmy door is right there, right
outside the door of my office,and I said, okay, where am I
feeling this impulse in my body?
(24:38):
And there was actually thislike really nasty feeling in my
gut and if I could give it animage, it was like a sludgy
image and I was like that's whatit is.
Every time I feel that impulse,my unconscious has said I don't
want to feel that, so eat sugarand it'll go away.
And so when I sat there forjust a couple minutes and I said
(24:59):
, you know, I'm just going tofeel it, and I felt the sludgy
crap, whatever was in there, Irealized a couple of days later
I haven't craved sugar in like afew days and it's because the
impulse was gone.
And so, for me, what I am tryingto help people become aware of,
is that we're always there'sthese, you know, our body is
(25:20):
lighting up in different waysand different pressures and
different impulses and,unconsciously, our unconscious
doesn't want to feel that.
It thinks feeling is deathbasically, which we know is not.
It's death of the feeling, butit's not death of the self, but
it does everything in its powerto keep us from feeling those
things.
And so that's where we mightoverwork.
(25:40):
So yesterday I was working witha client who's very new to this
.
She's like I want more bodyawareness.
I feel like you know she livesin her head, and so I'm like all
right, well, you asked for it,so we're gonna get into it.
And just yesterday alone, ourfocus was on productivity and
hustle.
And why do you work so hard andwhy do you feel like you can't
take breaks.
And so three of the impulses wefound, one was she needs to be
(26:03):
the one in control, so that wasone that was keeping her from
being able to delegate things.
She found one on what if I letpeople down and then I forget
what the third one was.
But then we tapped in and eachof those she felt in a different
place in her body.
So there was an impulse in herchest for one of them, there was
an impulse in her stomach spacefor one of them, and then an
(26:24):
impulse in her back.
And so what we haven't realizedis so many of us live in our
heads.
We just know we'reuncomfortable, but we don't
really know why.
And then we take all theseactions to try to ease the
discomfort.
But I'm saying no, let's getout of your head into your body,
then you can get informationfrom the discomfort and then the
discomfort doesn't drive you.
(26:45):
So now she has the tools to sayyou know what?
I'd really like a break, but mybody is feeling like it wants
to keep going.
Let's tune into my body and seewhere that impulse is coming
from, and then let's do somesimple breathing exercises to
see if we can dissolve theimpulse and then choose
differently, where, again, mostof us were just kind of moving
(27:05):
throughout the day withoutreally choosing or doing
anything with intention.
But the body has so muchinformation and when you can
learn how to read those impulsesand then take control and not
let those impulses control you,I feel like that's when people
really start soaring in theirlife.
So hopefully I answered yourquestions.
Speaker 1 (27:23):
But this is amazing, thank you.
Yes, and I feel like so many ofus don't realize that it's our
body speaking because it'scraving something or craving
attention.
We think that we are going toquench it by, you know, maybe
going and drinking thatmilkshake or eating that ice
cream cone or whatever else, butin reality it's, you know, our
(27:44):
body's telling us.
The reason.
It's telling us that is becauseit's maybe craving something
different, absolutely, yep.
And when you notice, you knowin your case, you talked about
going for all the sweets in thecupboards you know, at that time
, what did you notice was themain thing that your body needed
from you?
What did it say, andrea, thisis what we need, this is I want,
how I want you to take care ofme.
(28:05):
What was it say, andrea, thisis what we need, this is how I
want you to take care of me.
What was it telling you?
What was the main lessons youwere learning out of that?
Speaker 2 (28:11):
Yeah, this was an interesting one and again, I
just trust my intuition and myideas and the things that are
kind of coming up, withoutjudging them, even if I have no
idea where it could have comefrom.
And so one of the things and Ireally wish I remember what
podcast I was listening to.
(28:31):
This was years and years ago,but he was talking about how he
was helping people try to loseweight but for some reason they
just couldn't lose the weight.
The diets didn't stick and allthat stuff the weight, the diets
didn't stick and all that stuff.
And so what he found going backto their childhood, was weight
was actually a protectivemechanism for them, because
(28:53):
something happened in theirchildhood where they were seen
and it caused harm, and so thenunconsciously they put weight on
so that way they wouldn't beseen, because that was their
body's way of not getting harmed, like if I'm big and
unattractive, people aren'tgonna be interested in me and
hurt me in a way, like I'm beingreally sort of blunt in the
(29:15):
words, but just so that waypeople kind of get what I mean.
And so honestly, for me that wasthe impulse that was coming up
was like no, we need to eatsugar because it's unsafe to be
skinny, or it's unsafe to beskinny, or it's unsafe to be
seen, or it's, you know, somesort of mixture of that.
And again, I know that we cancarry this sort of patterning
from our ancestors and so thisisn't something that makes sense
(29:38):
to me given my current lifesituation.
But we carry so much from ourancestors too that, again,
that's why I don't judgeanything that comes up, because
it's like all right's in my body.
That means I need to take careof it.
I have no idea where this camefrom, but it's here, so we're
just gonna clear it out.
So that was what that was kindof feeling like to me was you
need to eat sugar because youcan't be healthy, you can't be
(30:01):
skinny, like that's an unsafesituation.
So, again, doesn make sense.
But I have notebooks uponnotebooks of things that just
don't make sense, but they justwere there.
Speaker 1 (30:11):
So there's like, well , generational trauma is a thing
, right, there's a reason whypeople talk about generational
trauma is because, in fact, itdoes get passed down.
You know and I've even noticedthis even within my own family
(30:32):
right, things that people havegone through earlier generations
that have gotten passed down,and you can see the effects too,
you know, of how they were ableto continue to hold on to
certain things.
And then you know, and havingthat mindset subsequently
because of that right and it gotpassed down, right.
So I think that you know thereis a lot of truth to that and I
feel like you know, generationaltrauma is also something that
(30:54):
needs to be addressed, you know,with people, and understanding
where their families came fromalso plays a huge role.
Speaker 2 (31:02):
Yeah, I heard someone at work once who was seeing a
therapist and was bringing afear up to the therapist and the
therapist told him you have noreason in your life to have that
fear.
And I was like, well, that's aterrible thing to say like and
an unhelpful thing to say like.
You have the fear, like wecan't.
Why are we arguing with what is?
(31:24):
Like?
The fear is there.
Let's treat it as if it's there.
Let's not try to argue with itnot being there.
So I agree, I do think we needmore of this conversation and
just recognizing that all of uscarry so much and it's not our
fault, but if we have it and ifwe want to move beyond it, then
we do have some level ofresponsibility to heal it on
(31:46):
behalf of us and ourgenerational line.
Speaker 1 (31:50):
You know, I 100% agree with that, and you know
the things are there for areason, you know, and it's not,
you know.
Ultimately, fear, right.
When we think about fear, whenwe look at the way our brains
are developed, it's for safety,right?
So a lot of these emotions likeanxiety, it's there to keep us
(32:11):
safe and, from the evolutionarystandpoint, our brains were more
susceptible to negative news,to bad things, to negativity,
just because of when we werepart of, like the hunters and
gatherers.
You know we had to be mindfulof not being attacked or eaten
(32:31):
by wild animals, right, like wehad to be more.
We had to be more discerning,you know we needed to know all
who was in our tribe, thingslike that, right.
So, like, this is all out ofthat same.
You know the operation of, youknow safety and the way that
people define.
(32:51):
You know how to keep themselvessafe.
The way people act, right, tokeep themselves safe is going to
look different for everybody,but what's keeping you safe
versus what's keeping youhindered, right?
There's a fine line in between.
Speaker 2 (33:03):
There's a fine line in between.
Yeah, yeah, and I like toremind people too when I think
about safety, for me it's safetyof the body, and I don't know
what your sort of spiritualbeliefs are or anything like
that, so I'll just share mine,which are that when we're done
with this body like our soul, ifwe want to call it soul moves
on, and so there is no risk ofharm to our soul, which is truly
(33:28):
who we are.
And again, just to get reallydramatic and visual, like a
bullet cannot injure our soul.
Our soul does not die ofstarvation, you know, our soul
cannot run out of money.
Those are all body, you knowthey're, they think of the word,
but they are against the body,but they're not against our soul
(33:50):
.
And so I've taken thatperspective too is oh, this is
safety for my body, but I'malways safe.
And so I also, sometimes, if Ireally need to and this I did
early, covid too was tap intothis feeling of I know I'm safe.
I'm inherently safe, just likewe're inherently worthy, we're
inherently safe just because,literally, we are eternal beings
(34:11):
and nothing can happen to me.
Covid can attack me, you knowthis or that can attack me.
And so I've started to look atthat too, is the safety is, oh,
it's trying to preserve my body.
The brain is part of the body,but I am a wiser, more conscious
being that can partner with thebody, but I am also separate
(34:33):
from the body, and so I'm alwayssafe, and so that perspective
has driven me a little bit too.
Speaker 1 (34:39):
Right and I a hundred percent agree with you.
So, um, my background is, youknow, uh, and raised Hindu, and
Hindus believe in reincarnation.
I'm not very religious per semore spiritual than religious
but we do believe in thatreincarnation and the soul, and
how you are born in your nextlife depends on how well you do
(35:01):
in this life is how I was alwaystaught, right and you know, and
it's about learning lessons,right, and each lifetime that
you are in it's to teach yousomething, right?
So, and I, and I honestlybelieve in this too I do believe
that souls do move on.
I don't believe that, you know,because, after all, we are
(35:21):
energy beings, right, ultimately.
So I do believe that souls getreincarnated.
I do believe that.
You know what.
There's a reason why, and Ipersonally believe this.
I know I might sound crazyright now, but there's certain
reasons why, when you go tocertain places like I was just
telling this to my best friendthe other day there's this one
(35:44):
restaurant in downtown Chicagothat I've gone to to eat really
great Italian food, and it's inmy neighborhood and, honestly,
every time that I've gone there,at the times I've done it, it's
like I felt transported to,like a past life.
Just because of the old schoolambience, just because of the
vibe, it was like I felttransported to another place.
(36:06):
And you know and this is thething I honestly do believe you
know, and I know I'm an old soul, you know, I know this is not
my first ride on earth here, soyou know.
So I mean, I feel like this,this does happen.
I feel like there's a reasonbehind it and I don't know if
this has ever happened to youwhere you've gone to a place and
you're like it takes yousomewhere, where you're like, oh
(36:26):
my gosh, like this kind oflooks familiar, I don't know why
, or this, this gives me afeeling of something and I don't
.
You know what I mean.
I do.
Speaker 2 (36:34):
I can't point to a specific instance for that.
But going back to trauma, Iknow I've also cleared past life
trauma too, so I didn't bringit up before I wasn't kind of
sure where you sat.
But now that you've said whatyou said, yes, I believe we also
carry past life trauma, and sothat's where some of these oh,
that doesn't make sense.
Yeah, that's because it camefrom a different lifetime.
Speaker 1 (36:56):
Mm, hmm.
And when you look into pastlife trauma, you know when
you've done the, you know workon yourself and you've done that
soul searching.
You know what have you noticedthat you still had to work on
from past life trauma that youmay have carried into this
lifetime and that you're likesorting through?
And how do you help yourclients navigate with that
(37:19):
aspect too?
Speaker 2 (37:27):
Yeah, some of the things and I assume I don't get
too much like is this past lifeor is this generational?
But I have some feelings aroundcertain things that feel past
life.
So one of them as a mom, I usedto have this crazy fear that my
kids were going to die, whichis a normal fear, I think.
For parents we're always likedon't you know, don't stand on
that, don't climb that, all thethings.
But for me it just it was allconsuming.
(37:49):
And I remember one day mydaughter.
We were playing with a friendand she was kind of kind of not
feeling well and so we needed tocome home early and so she
slept all the way home and shewent to bed really tired, and I
had just done a clearing withsomeone else and someone
completely different, not in myfamily, unlike a little
five-year-old who had leukemia,and so for some reason, my
(38:12):
daughter was also five at thistime and something snapped in
like oh yeah, your daughter hasleukemia, that's why she's tired
, and I literally cried for overan hour as if that was true and
I had all of these imagescoming up for me and I know this
sounds really intense, but thisis how I use visualization to
clear some of the energy.
So some of the images that werecoming up for me were like my
(38:35):
current daughter in the hospital, like getting the diagnosis,
then in the hospital bed, allthe way to the point where she
flatlined and died, and so Icried for an hour as if it was
true, and then, almost as fastas it came on, it was like nope,
that was past life, and then itwas good again, and so that was
so.
My children dying has come upmany times, and I feel like it
(38:59):
was probably many differentlifetimes, like my kids falling
off of things and dying, or mykids drowning that's another one
.
I have reoccurring dreams of mykids going into water.
And so those are things that,as they come up and again, if we
have the energy in them, thenwe're going to project them onto
our current situation, even ifthere's no danger in our current
(39:20):
situation.
And so, like again, if my kidis going through a normal cold
or they're just a little tired,you know my body is projecting
oh my gosh, she's got leukemia,she's gonna die because there's
this old energy in my body thatdoesn't want to be seen or felt,
and so it's making me projectit outward, and so when I've
(39:41):
learned to go inward and look atit, then I'm like no, then I
can look at the situation withmore of a rational brain and say
, no, she's just sick.
This is normal.
You know, obviously we'll watchout and see if there's anything
that does seem like maybe weneed to go to the doctor or
whatever, but otherwise we feelgood and so as I clear some of
those things, I feel like thenI'm not driven by this constant
(40:02):
need to protect them everysecond of the day, but I can
come from a more rationalperspective.
So that was a big one for me asa mom.
That has come up and beencleared, and when I work through
this with my clients a lot ofit I'm just saying like, what's
coming up for you?
What triggered you?
What made you upset?
(40:22):
Maybe was there a moment youwere embarrassed or you got mad,
because typically all of thoseagain, there's some sort of
pressure in their body, there'ssome sort of feeling that
doesn't want to be felt or seen,and so it has a coping
mechanism for us.
So, instead of me feeling this,I'm just going to yell and make
it someone else's problem.
Or instead of feeling this, I'mgoing to go hide in the corner
(40:44):
and get myself out of thissituation.
And so I talk them through,those big emotional moments, and
I swear there's always a lessonor always something that comes
out of it.
That's really interesting, likeI had another client who we were
just talking through.
She's like I yelled at my kidover spilled milk and I'm like,
(41:04):
all right, well, let's go backand see what was coming up in
your head as you were talking tohim.
And so we recreated thatscenario and typically this
works like if it's fairly freshin memory.
So I wouldn't go back one ortwo years, this was within a
week.
But we, I took her back to thatscenario and I said what was
going through your head in rightafter the milk spilled?
(41:26):
And she said I was noticingthat the milk was moving towards
the puzzle and the puzzle wasnot done.
And I'm the person thatfinishes things.
And so her inner child was likeno, no, no, you're the one that
finishes things right, and thatpuzzle is going to get full of
milk and then we're not going tobe able to fill the puzzle or
(41:47):
finish the puzzle.
But because that was anuncomfortable feeling she wasn't
aware of at the moment, whatdid she do?
She yelled at her son and madeit his problem, right, and those
are the sorts of things that wedo when we're unaware of what
these impulses are through thebody.
So what we did then?
So that was great informationfor her, and she was able to
pick up other situations wheremaybe she hasn't acted in her
(42:09):
own best interest, because she'sthe one that finishes things.
So there's another example.
She's like, oh yeah, like thetime where I fell on the ice and
got a concussion and my firstinstinct was I need to log into
my computer and finish thisthing instead of taking care of
myself.
And so those big emotionalmoments are really great ways
where we can get information onpatterns that are running us,
(42:32):
and so I love to just kind ofpick those apart with people,
because then they really get toknow themselves and their
patterns really well, and thenthat's when they can choose how
they want to show up differently.
Speaker 1 (42:45):
And that's a very powerful way to transform as
well and do that inner work andtransform is by recognizing and
really allowing yourself to sitwith your feelings, to sit, and
this is one thing I do also inmy you know, in my line of work
as well as a therapist, as weask where does this come from,
what are you feeling, what doesthis bring you back to, what
(43:08):
does this remind you of?
Right, and things like that andsimilar to what you're doing.
And so you know, definitely I'mfeeling the synergy here right
now, but, yes, it's.
You know, when we take the timeto understand where our
feelings are coming from, youknow where triggers are coming
from, right, because I feel liketoo many times people try to
(43:29):
sugarcoat things, or not evensugarcoat, but they just want to
like just wash over it, right,trigger.
Oh, you know if it was easy,because a lot of times you'll
hear people say, well, just getover it.
Or you know what?
You know, just go love yourself.
Or you know, just like, kind oflike a whatever attitude, right
(43:55):
, and it's a very simplisticExactly Just be grateful, just
go love yourself, things likethat.
Truth of the matter is, thingsare more complex than that,
right, and it's a verysimplistic Exactly Just be
grateful, just go love yourself,things like that.
Truth of the matter is, thingsare more complex than that,
right, if things were so easy,there would be no reason for
people like you or myself tohave the jobs we have.
Right, there's a reason why,right, if it was something was
so simple to get over, why wouldanybody like to wake up and
(44:19):
have flashbacks of trauma?
Why would anybody want to bedepressed every day?
Why would anybody want to beanxious to a point where it's
debilitating?
You know, I mean, I don't thinkanybody ever wakes up and is
like you know, I just want to bedepressed today and feel really
bad about myself and hate life.
No, nobody does that.
(44:39):
Right, and nobody, you know,wants to feel, you know, that
pain, I mean, people don't wantto feel pain most often than not
, right, people don't, andthat's why, right, why do you
think so many people go to thebar and drink away stuff?
Right, to try to just numb out,right?
Or people who, you know, um,like, eat overeat?
(45:00):
Right, nobody wants to, youknow, because people want to run
away from the feelings.
But the real work is when youare able to sit with your
feelings.
It's not just about beingpositive all the time, right, I
mean, should we aim forpositivity, absolutely, but you
know?
But also recognizinginvalidating emotions or
(45:21):
feelings or triggers that don'tmake us feel good absolutely.
Speaker 2 (45:25):
Yeah, I like and I've just realized this recently too
you can hold a positiveperspective even if you're
feeling really crappy in thebody.
So, like, even if I'm movingthrough something and allowing
myself to sit in my feelings, Ican still choose the perspective
I'm taking.
I can either say, oh, this isstupid, why am I doing this?
I, you know, I should be overthis already.
(45:46):
Or I can say you know what?
I know?
Something better is on theother side and I'm just going to
allow whatever shows up to showup.
So I feel like you can hold apositive perspective even if
you're moving through somethingreally painful.
Speaker 1 (46:00):
Absolutely and by holding a positive perspective.
It's not just being like, let'sjust focus on the positive,
it's more what's coming up forme, and let me embrace this
right now.
It's okay for me to feel sad.
I'm just going through a moment, I'm going through something
and I'm going to feel okay.
Ultimately, let this time thisis just a bad moment.
(46:20):
It'll pass Right.
Yes, now do you do also likeany like kind of imagery with
your clients?
Like any imagery work Do you do?
Cause I know like you go andyou do the body work.
You know where it's like.
You know you kind of pinpointwhere they feel it in their body
.
So are you doing any kind oflike imagery as well, like kind
(46:42):
of like guided meditation orjust kind of body scan, or you
know any of?
Speaker 2 (46:46):
that as well.
I do.
I do.
It depends intuitively whatcomes in for me for that
particular client in thesituation.
So I remember one exercise thatwas really powerful for one of
my first clients was we were.
She wanted to shift something inher life.
I think it was how she wasshowing up in a particular
relationship.
It was something like shewanted to transition to
(47:08):
something different, and so theimage that I got to guide her
through was let's imagine yourcurrent situation like you're
really heavy, you're reallyconstricted.
I want you to come up with anoutfit that represents that for
you, and so it's typically aco-creation, and so I'm leading
them, and then I forget exactlywhat she said, but it could.
(47:30):
It was something like you knowarmor, like you know steel armor
, like a knight, like I feelheavy, I feel constrict, and so
then I guided her through okay,let's take it off and let's
destroy it.
However feels good to destroy it.
So some people, depending onwhat it is, they just want to
destroy it and hit it and buryit or set it on fire.
(47:50):
Sometimes things are like youknow what?
I can see how this served me.
Let's give it a nice honorable,you know little funeral and
I'll surround it with flowers.
So I let them kind of come upwith how they want to get rid of
it.
And then, in this particularcase, we stepped into something
new, and so, again, it's been afew years, so I forget what her
one was, but sometimes, when Ido this with myself, it's like
this beautiful flowing gown orlike this drapey cape or
(48:14):
something that makes me feel,you know, it represents
lightness and it represents whoI'm becoming in this transition.
And so, yes, certainly, if itmakes sense and if I intuitively
get guided to do that, I willuse imagery to sort of help
solidify either transitions ornew energy that we're calling in
, or new ways of being that wewant to be.
Speaker 1 (48:37):
That's absolutely amazing and I think imagery is
so powerful as well.
And I think also answering thisquestion too, kind of going
along with you know, like howyou were describing like what do
you want your future to looklike, right, answering this one
important question that peopledon't ask themselves what do I
(48:58):
want?
I feel like a lot of peopledon't ask themselves what do I
want.
I feel like a lot of peopledon't ask themselves enough of
what they want.
You know, and that is alsosomething that get clear, you
know just more clarity on andyou know, for people as well,
and you know it's just.
There's just so much that we cantransform about ourselves when
(49:20):
we get clear, you know, and,first and foremost,
understanding that ourachievements and what we want in
our life is for us first andforemost not in a selfish way,
but it's just for us andunderstanding that you know what
the pain you had right can beused as a teaching tool instead
(49:41):
of used as driving your bus yes,absolutely.
And then also doing the innerwork, and I really am so
grateful for your story,grateful that you're sharing
this and you know talking aboutthe subject, and you're
absolutely right we do need tokeep having more conversations
about this, because this issomething that people don't
(50:03):
recognize or acknowledge enoughof.
Speaker 2 (50:06):
Yeah, and I loved your questions.
I can tell you're in the work.
You asked some really greatquestions that I have never been
asked before, so kudos.
Speaker 1 (50:16):
Oh well, thank you.
Thank you so much, andrea.
Now, andrea, if people want toreach out to you to perhaps, you
know, have like maybe aconsultation with you, to maybe,
you know, hire you for somework or you know where can we
find you two E's at the end.
Speaker 2 (50:37):
I'm one of the only ones out there, so it should be
pretty easy to find and theother one would be my website.
Again, my name AndreaAndreecom.
So two E's at the end and thenthere you can find contact
information and book calls andall the good things.
Speaker 1 (50:52):
Well, this was really transformative and thank you so
much for being here.
And this wraps our episodetoday of On the Spectrum with
Sonia.
Remember to rate, review andsubscribe to this podcast.
Also, I wrote a book Dropped ina Maze and if you haven't
already, please, please, please,get your copy.
(51:14):
It's available at all majorbook retailers online.
And if you write a review onAmazon, one thing I'm going to
start doing is reading it outloud at the end of the podcast
going forward live on theseepisodes.
So, with that being said, thankyou very much, andrea Andrews.
(51:35):
Information will be in the shownotes and we are ready to wrap,
so talk to you all soon.
Hello everyone and welcome to today's episode of On
the Spectrum with Sonia, apodcast where we discuss autism
spectrum mental healthchallenges and highlight stories
of anybody who's overcome anyadversity to leave our audience
feeling connected, inspired,empowered and filled with love.
And speaking of love, love iswhat drives humans at the end of
(00:28):
the day.
Everybody wants to feel loved.
Even animals want to feel loved.
But when we don't feel loved,especially from people who were
supposed to love us, this iswhere it becomes very
demoralizing, very demeaning.
You know, and everybody copesin a different way with this,
(00:51):
but one guest in particularAndrea Andre.
She used her feelings of neverfeeling good enough or loved
enough to drive her success,which is something people don't
talk about enough.
That's why I am so blessed andhonored to have Andrea Andre
with us today, and she's here todescribe her story, her journey
(01:15):
, and it is a story that I feelso many of us can resonate with
on certain levels, but we don'ttalk about it enough, and for
that let's please welcome Andrea.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
Yes, thank you.
Thanks, sonia, for having meThank you for being here.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
So, andrea, tell us a little bit about you, tell us
about your journey a little bit,tell us who you are.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
Absolutely so.
Currently, my current state isI am a leadership and embodiment
coach for high achieving women,I like to say, many of us.
We've lived all of our lives inour heads, which is I know it
will unpack a little bit in thisepisode too.
And the next level ofleadership for me in my world is
really getting down into ourbody and learning how to better
(02:07):
understand, better manage theimpulses that all of us feel on
a daily basis, minute by minutebasis, because I believe that
the more that we can be in ourbody and not let those impulses
control us, then the morecontrol we have over how we show
up in the world.
So I didn't start here.
(02:28):
I've had a journey throughcorporate.
I have two engineering degreesand, yeah, I don't know how far
to go back, but I'll just saywhen I was in corporate, what I
was was a project manager.
I did process improvement, so Iled teams.
We worked on helping systems bebetter and more efficient and
how work flowed through thesystem.
(02:48):
So I did work in the healthcarespace, in the insurance space,
and eventually I got to a pointwhere that just wasn't feeling
good anymore and I was feeling adifferent sort of calling.
Calling was more to know myselfinternally, and as I got to
know myself, I realized some ofthe things I was learning about
myself including being a highachiever are things that I could
(03:14):
turn around and help otherwomen move through and get past
as well, and so I'll leave itthere and figure out where you
want to unpack and where youwant to go from there.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
So it seems like you really went on a journey.
Not only you know withinyourself, but also your career
has also been quite a journey,because it's a jump to go from
now being once in corporate,being a project manager and
having engineering degrees tonow being a coach for high
achieving women.
(03:42):
So can you tell us a little bitabout what drove you to make
the change?
Speaker 2 (03:48):
Absolutely.
I, like I mentioned, I was incorporate and also this was
around the time I had my firstkid.
So I have got two kids now, adaughter and a son.
My daughter is almost 10.
So I guess we're going backeight, nine, 10 years now.
But after I had her I hadeverything that was on my
checklist that I thought Iwanted that was supposed to make
(04:10):
me happy.
So I had the marriage and thekid and the master's degree and
the house and the job and Ifinally I'm looking around and
I'm realizing I'm not happy, I'mactually burnt out, but I'm
bored.
I was also just bored Like Iwas going through the motions of
life, but there was nothinginteresting or exciting about
life.
It was just rush out the door,take my daughter to daycare, go
(04:32):
to this job that I don't like,rush to pick her up from daycare
, to get through dinner and goto bed and like repeat, and that
just wasn't very exciting to me.
And so that was sort of myfirst awareness of this isn't
really what I want to do withmyself.
And then I was starting to getjust unhappy at work too, and
starting to get these innermessages that were telling me if
(04:54):
I stay on this corporate path,then I wasn't going to live up
to my fullest potential.
And, of course, high achieverI'm like, well, what does that
mean?
Because I, of course, want todo what I'm here to do and do it
very well.
And so then I started unpackingthat and I didn't quit my job
right away.
I was certainly.
I switched jobs into somethingthat was a little bit more
(05:16):
supportive for me, but it justkept going on this inner journey
.
And I like to say in thebeginning everyone says follow
your passion.
I'm like I didn't.
I had no idea what I waspassionate about, because there
was no passion in my life.
And so another tip that I heardwas just follow your curiosity.
And so I just started gettingcurious and I was like what is
(05:37):
this energy thing that peoplekeep talking about and how do
people learn, how to tap intotheir psychic and intuitive
abilities and how are peoplebecoming better parents?
And I know all of those soundreally random, but those are the
curiosities that led me to,eventually, what I'm doing right
now.
But I just kept following thoseand following those until at
(05:58):
some point something clicked andI realized I was learning all
of that.
That was my highest path, andit wasn't in corporate.
It was somehow doing my ownthing in a way that I could
bring those out to people intothe world.
So eventually I made the jumpand have been working on my own
ever since.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
And what have you found to be the most rewarding,
now that you're doing whatyou're doing?
Speaker 2 (06:22):
Yes, I would say one of the most rewarding things is
everything is my own decision.
Whether it's a good decision ora bad decision, at least it's
mine.
And there's just somethingabout being in control, Although
that was also scary in thebeginning because, again, as a
high achiever, you also kind ofare a high achiever doing what
(06:43):
other people tell you to do atleast I was and so it was good
and bad in the beginning that Ihad total control over myself.
So that was just something Ihad to learn and stabilize, but
I love it now.
I love that I get to choose howI run my business.
Do I want to offer this or that?
Do I want a podcast?
Do I want a video?
Who do I want to talk with?
I love all of those things.
And then I'd say the second partthat I really love is I've
(07:07):
gotten more out into thecommunity lately in the last few
years.
So I live in Madison, Wisconsin, so not too far from Chicago,
where you're at, and before mycommunity was daycare parents or
school parents or workco-workers, but now just getting
out into the community meetingother people doing either
similar things or they havetheir own business or they're
building things, whatever it is.
(07:27):
It just feels so much smallerand so much more like home to me
Madison I'm not from here itdidn't feel like home until just
these last couple of years whenI started actually meeting
people, and so that's beenreally rewarding as well.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
Yes, in fact Andrea and I have met at the One
Stories event that Wendy Babcockhosted in Brookfield, wisconsin
, about last month, and it wasamazing to hear it, you know,
and Andrea actually went infront of the room and spoke
(08:00):
about her story, her journey,and I remember I was getting so
emotional listening to yourstory and I felt like I was
there with you.
And you know you mentioned thatword achievement quite a bit.
So you know, kind of tying itall in a little bit, what was
your relationship to achievementand where did that relationship
(08:24):
begin?
Speaker 2 (08:27):
Yeah, great question.
So school, certainly I was astraight-A student in school.
I actually loved school.
I had perfect attendance fromfifth grade through 12th grade,
so I didn't miss a single day ofschool in, however many years
that is.
I was always the teacher's pet,I was the valedictorian, and so
(08:50):
I learned very early on that Itook on that identity of the
smart one and the achiever.
And I know that there was somepressure to achieve from my
parents at home and I think fromtheir perspective, they pushed
me because they knew I wascapable.
They weren't pushing my brotherand sister as much as they were
(09:13):
pushing me, and I believe itwas because, you know, they saw
my brother as the athlete and sohe got pushed a little bit more
that direction.
So I think from theirperspective, it was meant to
push me and to drive me, but Iinternalized it completely
differently and I internal fromtheir perspective, it was meant
to push me and to drive me, butI internalized it completely
differently and I internalizedit as oh, that's how I'm getting
attention, that's how you know,that's my role.
(09:34):
To shine in this family is tobe the achiever, and so that
must be what I need to do to,you know, get the attention that
all kids we're all looking forlove and attention from those
around us.
And so and school is a veryeasy place to get it because
it's measurable.
Whether that's good or bad, youknow, I have different opinions
about it now, but in school it'smeasurable, and so you can very
(09:56):
clearly see how you'remeasuring up to some standard
and how you're measuring upcompared to other people, and so
that was a very easy place forme to, I would say, harness or
direct.
This achiever in me wassomething that I could measure
myself against myself, againstother people, and that just
(10:17):
became my motivation.
That then I took into theworkplace and took everywhere
else I went, because once it'sin you, unless you learn to look
at it and shift it, it's goingto find its outlet some other
place, and so the Achiever hadbeen born and created, and so
then I took it into work and myparenting and everything else
(10:38):
that I did after I was in school.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
What was the one thing that you were looking for
then, while you were busy beinglike, even in the school right,
you were perfect attendance.
You are straight A student.
What was the one thing you werereally craving that perhaps you
felt was missing?
Speaker 2 (10:59):
Yeah, I'd say making my parents proud was something
that was driving me and it nevercame from a place of like I
felt that they weren't proud ofme necessarily.
But again, I don't know wherethat came from.
That was just the behavior thatI adopted and the motivation
that I had that kept me going.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
And when you look back at it and looking at that,
you know always driving toachieve something, always
wanting to prove something orshow for something.
If you could look at thatyounger Andrea self, if you
could go back into that innerchild, if you will and go to
that younger self, what?
Speaker 2 (11:50):
would you tell, let's say, the fifth grade Andrea?
Yeah, fifth grade Andrea.
That was awkward, andrea.
Yeah, fifth grade Andrea hadglasses.
She just got her period, so thatwas a really fun time in my
life, but I would tell her thatshe's enough just as she is.
She's enough without having toprove she.
(12:12):
You know I love her, even ifshe doesn't get good grades, and
I love having her around.
I love seeing her heart, I lovehearing what makes her tick and
just helping her feel lovedoutside of her achievements, I
think, is something that youknow.
When I do my own inner childwork that's typically what I do
(12:32):
is I help my inner little girlfeel like she's loved just as
she is.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
And that is so powerful.
I feel like we don't get thatmessage enough, that we are
enough and people don't.
You know, because you knowsociety, you know, is filled
with what does it mean to beenough?
And we're constantly inundated.
Right, you have to live in thiskind of a home, you have to
drive this kind of a car, youhave to carry this kind of a
(12:59):
luxury bag or wear this kind ofwatch or be this kind of be in
this kind of job or whatever.
Right, have these manyfollowers now on social media,
because that's also anothermeasuring stick people have gone
to.
Now, right, it's all aboutnumbers.
Or having this many peoplesubscribe to your podcast,
whatever, it is right.
It's like we're so caught up onmetrics almost to kind of
(13:24):
define whether we're enough ornot, and I think people have
lost sight of the fact that yourworth has already been
predetermined for you becauseyou are worth it, because you're
alive, right, exactly, it'snon-negotiable, it's unchanging
right.
And that's one thing I work onwhen I do self-esteem building
with my clients is, you know, wetalk about this idea that you
(13:47):
are enough as you are.
Those other things are justadd-ons.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
Right, yep, they're made up measuring sticks that
someone decided at some point,and then we all just grabbed on
to.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
Right.
Have you noticed a theme,though, with the people you're
working with now?
Do you notice like there aresimilar patterns and stories
that are that kind of resonatewith your own, about like people
being high achieving and, youknow, driven for success?
Do you notice that with theclients you work with that
perhaps maybe they too are likesearching for something and
(14:22):
they're searching for thatvalidation, that love they feel
that they need to show forsomething.
And how do you feel like youfind that synergy, then, with
the people you work with?
Speaker 2 (14:35):
Yeah, there's a lot to unpack here.
One thing I will say that Ifound in the client so I tend to
attract also high achievers,the type A, and some of the
things that have come uprecently, as these are the
things that we're starting toget into now is how exactly,
like you said, how their currentbehaviors might mirror
(14:57):
something from their childhood.
And so I know I talked about inmy situation.
I was the achiever looking tomake someone you know, looking
to make my parents feel proud ofme, and so that was always this
inner motivation that I had,although it wasn't my parents.
It became my boss, it became mycoworkers, it became, you know,
other people took on thoseroles, but that motivation
(15:19):
stayed the same.
I had another client who, whenwe went back to her childhood,
one of the things she feltunseen by her parents and she
noticed as a kid her parentswere always commenting on oh,
look at that person, oh, look atyour sister, oh, and so she
never felt like they were payingattention to her certifications
(15:45):
, where she has her own businessand she has all of these
achievements and certificationsand things, and I remember
taking her through an exercisewhere I wanted her to look at
those and be proud of all those.
And I said, when you look atall those things, what do you
see?
And she said I did all of thosetrying to be seen.
And again, she's trying to beseen.
As a kid it was by her parents,and as an adult it may not
(16:05):
consciously be.
Hey, I'm trying to get mommyand daddy to look at me, but
that energy is still aliveinside of us and so other people
kind of take on those roles,and so it might be her industry
peers or people in her networkor you know, people that are
around her that are taking onthe quote unquote role of mommy
and daddy, where she's doing allof those things and taking all
(16:27):
these things on trying to beseen.
You know, I've had clients onthe flip side where there was
one where she had to be perfectand quiet, right, she had to
show up perfectly, she wasn'tallowed to act a certain way or
say a certain thing, and so thenas an adult, she felt like she
couldn't use her voice and hervoice wasn't welcome.
(16:47):
And so a lot of these patternsthat many of us learned as kids
and this can be in any childhood, this can be even in a good
childhood.
I think they're just the levelof consciousness we have now
around how to raise kids.
It's so different than ourparents' generation, and so I
don't ever blame our parents.
They just they did the bestthey could with what they knew.
(17:09):
But what they didn't understandwas some of these inherent needs
that kids have, which is I wantto feel unconditionally loved,
I want to feel seen and acceptedfor who I am, and those sorts
of things.
If we inherently didn't getthem, we found ways to get them,
or we developed all these falsemotivations to try to get them,
and then they drive us.
And so one of the patterns thatI've noticed is these high
(17:32):
achievers.
Many of us are driven from thispain, from this pain of not
being seen and not feeling likewe were enough, and so I
actually like from the outsidewe get all of these accolades
and raises and awards andeverything, but I really feel
like a lot of that is fueledfrom a pain, whether it's a
conscious pain or we don't knowthat it's there.
(17:54):
But I think a lot of the highachiever archetype is fueled by
whatever we didn't get as kids.
Now it's coming out into ouradulthood.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
And I'm very glad that you said this because it's
so true and we don't talk aboutthis enough.
We really don't.
And you know, I also canresonate on some level with all
of this as well, because a lotof my achievements is also
driven from pain as well.
Yeah, you know, and I guess you, I guess there's a big power to
(18:26):
when you are dismissed whenyou're younger, right, when you
are rejected, when you'reostracized, when you weren't
given the kind of emotionalsupport you needed or given the
right kind of environment whereyou can grow and thrive.
There's a lot of power that goesinto how that affects a person
(18:49):
Absolutely.
You know, and you know, andhere's the thing we, you know,
when we see these high achieverarchetypes right, this is what
society celebrates, right, whenwe think about it, society puts
this kinds on the pedestal andbeing like, okay, these are
great examples and while it'strue, it's very noble, you know
(19:09):
it can drive anybody right,because you know, having
something to thrive for, youknow, can be a great asset for
many people, right, but whenit's coming from that source of
pain, right, that's something ithits differently, it does.
Speaker 2 (19:31):
Yep, and I like to sorry, I was just going to
comment too I like to say thatwe know more now, and so I think
we can look at it differently.
Where we didn't know thisbefore, and so I think, as women
, we did what we needed to do tosort of bring ourselves to a
different level, you know, outof the home and into the
(19:51):
workplace, and so that madesense for a period of time, to
work, to achieve.
But now I think we know moreand now I think that there are
ways we can look at.
Well, maybe it's not theachievement necessarily, that's
wrong, but how can I do it?
From power and not from pain,and how can I do it from a place
of this is an alignedachievement and not from I'm
(20:11):
trying to do this to get seenunconsciously by somebody?
Speaker 1 (20:16):
Absolutely, it's about changing our perspective,
right, because ultimately,ultimately, you know, your
achievements are for youultimately, right, your
accomplishments are yours.
Right, they're not abouteverybody else.
And I feel like and this iswhat we say too, like you know
(20:36):
what.
I had a run coach who used totell me this.
She said one day she andgranted, you know she's an elite
runner, you know very, veryfast runner.
She said, you know, sonia,ultimately, one thing to
remember your running is for you, nobody else, right, and you
(20:56):
know, after hearing that thatalso was just like the light
bulbs went on and I'm like youknow what it is for me, right, I
don't have to, I don't oweanybody anything.
Right, what I do is for me,right, I don't have to, I don't
owe anybody anything.
Right, what I do is for meultimately.
I mean not in a selfish way, Imean I do this to give back as
well, don't get me wrong, I dothings to give back as well.
But how much of this are wegoing to allow the pain to be
(21:18):
the bus driver?
And then, versus, how do weshift to get the adult in us,
that more healed version ofourselves, to take over and
drive the bus?
Speaker 2 (21:31):
Bingo.
Yep, I love that.
The running is for you.
Yeah, too many people make thatcompetitive.
But really like what if you'rerunning against the fastest
person in the world or you'rerunning against an average
person?
Like it says nothing about youif you come in first or second,
like it's.
You know you did your best andthat really is what should
(21:51):
matter, and so I love that.
She said that.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
Exactly and it's uh, so like when you're doing like
the work with your clients andyou say, like you mentioned,
like how it feels in the body,where you feel things in the
body.
So when it comes to in as faras where things are stored, how
people store things in theirbody and do the body work, what
(22:16):
have you found and what kind oftips can you give other people
today that may be trying toexplore and try to maybe tap
into this kind of area?
Speaker 2 (22:29):
Yeah, I love this.
So what I have found, first ofall, is so many of us we've
learned to live in our heads,and I think that's intentional,
by design.
We've got these cell phones,you know, we're always staring
at a cell phone, always staringat a computer, always doing
something.
We're always busy.
So we've forgotten to even knowwhat sensations are going on in
our body, to even know how thatdrives us.
(22:51):
So that's number one.
Number two, what I've learnedwhen we talk about habits and
behaviors, science says 90-ishpercent of our day, of our
actions, our behaviors, ourwords, they're driven from our
unconscious, and so we're kindof moving through life and
(23:15):
through the world unaware, in away.
It's like if you've ever drivensomewhere and you go, I don't
even remember driving here.
It's sort of that whole idea iswhat part of me was driving on
the road and what that is isthere's an active version of you
that's thinking about something.
You've got that fight going onin your head or whatever it's
going on.
And then there's sort of theunconscious version of you
that's like all right, I gotthis, I'll keep us safe while
(23:36):
you're fighting your boss inyour head or whatever it is.
And so there's a version of usthat's sort of coasting through
life, and what I've learnedabout that version of us is much
of it is driven by theseimpulses that we get through our
body, through our unconscious.
And so I like to say ourunconscious does not just live
(23:56):
in our head, it actually livesin our body, it's through the
mental, emotional system that isin our body and we're always in
response to that.
And so some examples for one,one for me.
I remember during COVID earlyCOVID, obviously a terrible time
for everybody there was aperiod of time when after lunch
(24:17):
I would just ravage and I waslike I need sugar, now give me
sugar.
And I would go through thecupboards and I would just eat
any terrible thing.
I could find that was sweet andI couldn't figure out why I did
that until I remember I pausedmy door is right there, right
outside the door of my office,and I said, okay, where am I
feeling this impulse in my body?
(24:38):
And there was actually thislike really nasty feeling in my
gut and if I could give it animage, it was like a sludgy
image and I was like that's whatit is.
Every time I feel that impulse,my unconscious has said I don't
want to feel that, so eat sugarand it'll go away.
And so when I sat there forjust a couple minutes and I said
(24:59):
, you know, I'm just going tofeel it, and I felt the sludgy
crap, whatever was in there, Irealized a couple of days later
I haven't craved sugar in like afew days and it's because the
impulse was gone.
And so, for me, what I am tryingto help people become aware of,
is that we're always there'sthese, you know, our body is
(25:20):
lighting up in different waysand different pressures and
different impulses and,unconsciously, our unconscious
doesn't want to feel that.
It thinks feeling is deathbasically, which we know is not.
It's death of the feeling, butit's not death of the self, but
it does everything in its powerto keep us from feeling those
things.
And so that's where we mightoverwork.
(25:40):
So yesterday I was working witha client who's very new to this
.
She's like I want more bodyawareness.
I feel like you know she livesin her head, and so I'm like all
right, well, you asked for it,so we're gonna get into it.
And just yesterday alone, ourfocus was on productivity and
hustle.
And why do you work so hard andwhy do you feel like you can't
take breaks.
And so three of the impulses wefound, one was she needs to be
(26:03):
the one in control, so that wasone that was keeping her from
being able to delegate things.
She found one on what if I letpeople down and then I forget
what the third one was.
But then we tapped in and eachof those she felt in a different
place in her body.
So there was an impulse in herchest for one of them, there was
an impulse in her stomach spacefor one of them, and then an
(26:24):
impulse in her back.
And so what we haven't realizedis so many of us live in our
heads.
We just know we'reuncomfortable, but we don't
really know why.
And then we take all theseactions to try to ease the
discomfort.
But I'm saying no, let's getout of your head into your body,
then you can get informationfrom the discomfort and then the
discomfort doesn't drive you.
(26:45):
So now she has the tools to sayyou know what?
I'd really like a break, but mybody is feeling like it wants
to keep going.
Let's tune into my body and seewhere that impulse is coming
from, and then let's do somesimple breathing exercises to
see if we can dissolve theimpulse and then choose
differently, where, again, mostof us were just kind of moving
(27:05):
throughout the day withoutreally choosing or doing
anything with intention.
But the body has so muchinformation and when you can
learn how to read those impulsesand then take control and not
let those impulses control you,I feel like that's when people
really start soaring in theirlife.
So hopefully I answered yourquestions.
Speaker 1 (27:23):
But this is amazing, thank you.
Yes, and I feel like so many ofus don't realize that it's our
body speaking because it'scraving something or craving
attention.
We think that we are going toquench it by, you know, maybe
going and drinking thatmilkshake or eating that ice
cream cone or whatever else, butin reality it's, you know, our
(27:44):
body's telling us.
The reason.
It's telling us that is becauseit's maybe craving something
different, absolutely, yep.
And when you notice, you knowin your case, you talked about
going for all the sweets in thecupboards you know, at that time
, what did you notice was themain thing that your body needed
from you?
What did it say, andrea, thisis what we need, this is I want,
how I want you to take care ofme.
(28:05):
What was it say, andrea, thisis what we need, this is how I
want you to take care of me.
What was it telling you?
What was the main lessons youwere learning out of that?
Speaker 2 (28:11):
Yeah, this was an interesting one and again, I
just trust my intuition and myideas and the things that are
kind of coming up, withoutjudging them, even if I have no
idea where it could have comefrom.
And so one of the things and Ireally wish I remember what
podcast I was listening to.
(28:31):
This was years and years ago,but he was talking about how he
was helping people try to loseweight but for some reason they
just couldn't lose the weight.
The diets didn't stick and allthat stuff the weight, the diets
didn't stick and all that stuff.
And so what he found going backto their childhood, was weight
was actually a protectivemechanism for them, because
(28:53):
something happened in theirchildhood where they were seen
and it caused harm, and so thenunconsciously they put weight on
so that way they wouldn't beseen, because that was their
body's way of not getting harmed, like if I'm big and
unattractive, people aren'tgonna be interested in me and
hurt me in a way, like I'm beingreally sort of blunt in the
(29:15):
words, but just so that waypeople kind of get what I mean.
And so honestly, for me that wasthe impulse that was coming up
was like no, we need to eatsugar because it's unsafe to be
skinny, or it's unsafe to beskinny, or it's unsafe to be
seen, or it's, you know, somesort of mixture of that.
And again, I know that we cancarry this sort of patterning
from our ancestors and so thisisn't something that makes sense
(29:38):
to me given my current lifesituation.
But we carry so much from ourancestors too that, again,
that's why I don't judgeanything that comes up, because
it's like all right's in my body.
That means I need to take careof it.
I have no idea where this camefrom, but it's here, so we're
just gonna clear it out.
So that was what that was kindof feeling like to me was you
need to eat sugar because youcan't be healthy, you can't be
(30:01):
skinny, like that's an unsafesituation.
So, again, doesn make sense.
But I have notebooks uponnotebooks of things that just
don't make sense, but they justwere there.
Speaker 1 (30:11):
So there's like, well , generational trauma is a thing
, right, there's a reason whypeople talk about generational
trauma is because, in fact, itdoes get passed down.
You know and I've even noticedthis even within my own family
(30:32):
right, things that people havegone through earlier generations
that have gotten passed down,and you can see the effects too,
you know, of how they were ableto continue to hold on to
certain things.
And then you know, and havingthat mindset subsequently
because of that right and it gotpassed down, right.
So I think that you know thereis a lot of truth to that and I
feel like you know, generationaltrauma is also something that
(30:54):
needs to be addressed, you know,with people, and understanding
where their families came fromalso plays a huge role.
Speaker 2 (31:02):
Yeah, I heard someone at work once who was seeing a
therapist and was bringing afear up to the therapist and the
therapist told him you have noreason in your life to have that
fear.
And I was like, well, that's aterrible thing to say like and
an unhelpful thing to say like.
You have the fear, like wecan't.
Why are we arguing with what is?
(31:24):
Like?
The fear is there.
Let's treat it as if it's there.
Let's not try to argue with itnot being there.
So I agree, I do think we needmore of this conversation and
just recognizing that all of uscarry so much and it's not our
fault, but if we have it and ifwe want to move beyond it, then
we do have some level ofresponsibility to heal it on
(31:46):
behalf of us and ourgenerational line.
Speaker 1 (31:50):
You know, I 100% agree with that, and you know
the things are there for areason, you know, and it's not,
you know.
Ultimately, fear, right.
When we think about fear, whenwe look at the way our brains
are developed, it's for safety,right?
So a lot of these emotions likeanxiety, it's there to keep us
(32:11):
safe and, from the evolutionarystandpoint, our brains were more
susceptible to negative news,to bad things, to negativity,
just because of when we werepart of, like the hunters and
gatherers.
You know we had to be mindfulof not being attacked or eaten
(32:31):
by wild animals, right, like wehad to be more.
We had to be more discerning,you know we needed to know all
who was in our tribe, thingslike that, right.
So, like, this is all out ofthat same.
You know the operation of, youknow safety and the way that
people define.
(32:51):
You know how to keep themselvessafe.
The way people act, right, tokeep themselves safe is going to
look different for everybody,but what's keeping you safe
versus what's keeping youhindered, right?
There's a fine line in between.
Speaker 2 (33:03):
There's a fine line in between.
Yeah, yeah, and I like toremind people too when I think
about safety, for me it's safetyof the body, and I don't know
what your sort of spiritualbeliefs are or anything like
that, so I'll just share mine,which are that when we're done
with this body like our soul, ifwe want to call it soul moves
on, and so there is no risk ofharm to our soul, which is truly
(33:28):
who we are.
And again, just to get reallydramatic and visual, like a
bullet cannot injure our soul.
Our soul does not die ofstarvation, you know, our soul
cannot run out of money.
Those are all body, you knowthey're, they think of the word,
but they are against the body,but they're not against our soul
(33:50):
.
And so I've taken thatperspective too is oh, this is
safety for my body, but I'malways safe.
And so I also, sometimes, if Ireally need to and this I did
early, covid too was tap intothis feeling of I know I'm safe.
I'm inherently safe, just likewe're inherently worthy, we're
inherently safe just because,literally, we are eternal beings
(34:11):
and nothing can happen to me.
Covid can attack me, you knowthis or that can attack me.
And so I've started to look atthat too, is the safety is, oh,
it's trying to preserve my body.
The brain is part of the body,but I am a wiser, more conscious
being that can partner with thebody, but I am also separate
(34:33):
from the body, and so I'm alwayssafe, and so that perspective
has driven me a little bit too.
Speaker 1 (34:39):
Right and I a hundred percent agree with you.
So, um, my background is, youknow, uh, and raised Hindu, and
Hindus believe in reincarnation.
I'm not very religious per semore spiritual than religious
but we do believe in thatreincarnation and the soul, and
how you are born in your nextlife depends on how well you do
(35:01):
in this life is how I was alwaystaught, right and you know, and
it's about learning lessons,right, and each lifetime that
you are in it's to teach yousomething, right?
So, and I, and I honestlybelieve in this too I do believe
that souls do move on.
I don't believe that, you know,because, after all, we are
(35:21):
energy beings, right, ultimately.
So I do believe that souls getreincarnated.
I do believe that.
You know what.
There's a reason why, and Ipersonally believe this.
I know I might sound crazyright now, but there's certain
reasons why, when you go tocertain places like I was just
telling this to my best friendthe other day there's this one
(35:44):
restaurant in downtown Chicagothat I've gone to to eat really
great Italian food, and it's inmy neighborhood and, honestly,
every time that I've gone there,at the times I've done it, it's
like I felt transported to,like a past life.
Just because of the old schoolambience, just because of the
vibe, it was like I felttransported to another place.
(36:06):
And you know and this is thething I honestly do believe you
know, and I know I'm an old soul, you know, I know this is not
my first ride on earth here, soyou know.
So I mean, I feel like this,this does happen.
I feel like there's a reasonbehind it and I don't know if
this has ever happened to youwhere you've gone to a place and
you're like it takes yousomewhere, where you're like, oh
(36:26):
my gosh, like this kind oflooks familiar, I don't know why
, or this, this gives me afeeling of something and I don't
.
You know what I mean.
I do.
Speaker 2 (36:34):
I can't point to a specific instance for that.
But going back to trauma, Iknow I've also cleared past life
trauma too, so I didn't bringit up before I wasn't kind of
sure where you sat.
But now that you've said whatyou said, yes, I believe we also
carry past life trauma, and sothat's where some of these oh,
that doesn't make sense.
Yeah, that's because it camefrom a different lifetime.
Speaker 1 (36:56):
Mm, hmm.
And when you look into pastlife trauma, you know when
you've done the, you know workon yourself and you've done that
soul searching.
You know what have you noticedthat you still had to work on
from past life trauma that youmay have carried into this
lifetime and that you're likesorting through?
And how do you help yourclients navigate with that
(37:19):
aspect too?
Speaker 2 (37:27):
Yeah, some of the things and I assume I don't get
too much like is this past lifeor is this generational?
But I have some feelings aroundcertain things that feel past
life.
So one of them as a mom, I usedto have this crazy fear that my
kids were going to die, whichis a normal fear, I think.
For parents we're always likedon't you know, don't stand on
that, don't climb that, all thethings.
But for me it just it was allconsuming.
(37:49):
And I remember one day mydaughter.
We were playing with a friendand she was kind of kind of not
feeling well and so we needed tocome home early and so she
slept all the way home and shewent to bed really tired, and I
had just done a clearing withsomeone else and someone
completely different, not in myfamily, unlike a little
five-year-old who had leukemia,and so for some reason, my
(38:12):
daughter was also five at thistime and something snapped in
like oh yeah, your daughter hasleukemia, that's why she's tired
, and I literally cried for overan hour as if that was true and
I had all of these imagescoming up for me and I know this
sounds really intense, but thisis how I use visualization to
clear some of the energy.
So some of the images that werecoming up for me were like my
(38:35):
current daughter in the hospital, like getting the diagnosis,
then in the hospital bed, allthe way to the point where she
flatlined and died, and so Icried for an hour as if it was
true, and then, almost as fastas it came on, it was like nope,
that was past life, and then itwas good again, and so that was
so.
My children dying has come upmany times, and I feel like it
(38:59):
was probably many differentlifetimes, like my kids falling
off of things and dying, or mykids drowning that's another one
.
I have reoccurring dreams of mykids going into water.
And so those are things that,as they come up and again, if we
have the energy in them, thenwe're going to project them onto
our current situation, even ifthere's no danger in our current
(39:20):
situation.
And so, like again, if my kidis going through a normal cold
or they're just a little tired,you know my body is projecting
oh my gosh, she's got leukemia,she's gonna die because there's
this old energy in my body thatdoesn't want to be seen or felt,
and so it's making me projectit outward, and so when I've
(39:41):
learned to go inward and look atit, then I'm like no, then I
can look at the situation withmore of a rational brain and say
, no, she's just sick.
This is normal.
You know, obviously we'll watchout and see if there's anything
that does seem like maybe weneed to go to the doctor or
whatever, but otherwise we feelgood and so as I clear some of
those things, I feel like thenI'm not driven by this constant
(40:02):
need to protect them everysecond of the day, but I can
come from a more rationalperspective.
So that was a big one for me asa mom.
That has come up and beencleared, and when I work through
this with my clients a lot ofit I'm just saying like, what's
coming up for you?
What triggered you?
What made you upset?
(40:22):
Maybe was there a moment youwere embarrassed or you got mad,
because typically all of thoseagain, there's some sort of
pressure in their body, there'ssome sort of feeling that
doesn't want to be felt or seen,and so it has a coping
mechanism for us.
So, instead of me feeling this,I'm just going to yell and make
it someone else's problem.
Or instead of feeling this, I'mgoing to go hide in the corner
(40:44):
and get myself out of thissituation.
And so I talk them through,those big emotional moments, and
I swear there's always a lessonor always something that comes
out of it.
That's really interesting, likeI had another client who we were
just talking through.
She's like I yelled at my kidover spilled milk and I'm like,
(41:04):
all right, well, let's go backand see what was coming up in
your head as you were talking tohim.
And so we recreated thatscenario and typically this
works like if it's fairly freshin memory.
So I wouldn't go back one ortwo years, this was within a
week.
But we, I took her back to thatscenario and I said what was
going through your head in rightafter the milk spilled?
(41:26):
And she said I was noticingthat the milk was moving towards
the puzzle and the puzzle wasnot done.
And I'm the person thatfinishes things.
And so her inner child was likeno, no, no, you're the one that
finishes things right, and thatpuzzle is going to get full of
milk and then we're not going tobe able to fill the puzzle or
(41:47):
finish the puzzle.
But because that was anuncomfortable feeling she wasn't
aware of at the moment, whatdid she do?
She yelled at her son and madeit his problem, right, and those
are the sorts of things that wedo when we're unaware of what
these impulses are through thebody.
So what we did then?
So that was great informationfor her, and she was able to
pick up other situations wheremaybe she hasn't acted in her
(42:09):
own best interest, because she'sthe one that finishes things.
So there's another example.
She's like, oh yeah, like thetime where I fell on the ice and
got a concussion and my firstinstinct was I need to log into
my computer and finish thisthing instead of taking care of
myself.
And so those big emotionalmoments are really great ways
where we can get information onpatterns that are running us,
(42:32):
and so I love to just kind ofpick those apart with people,
because then they really get toknow themselves and their
patterns really well, and thenthat's when they can choose how
they want to show up differently.
Speaker 1 (42:45):
And that's a very powerful way to transform as
well and do that inner work andtransform is by recognizing and
really allowing yourself to sitwith your feelings, to sit, and
this is one thing I do also inmy you know, in my line of work
as well as a therapist, as weask where does this come from,
what are you feeling, what doesthis bring you back to, what
(43:08):
does this remind you of?
Right, and things like that andsimilar to what you're doing.
And so you know, definitely I'mfeeling the synergy here right
now, but, yes, it's.
You know, when we take the timeto understand where our
feelings are coming from, youknow where triggers are coming
from, right, because I feel liketoo many times people try to
(43:29):
sugarcoat things, or not evensugarcoat, but they just want to
like just wash over it, right,trigger.
Oh, you know if it was easy,because a lot of times you'll
hear people say, well, just getover it.
Or you know what?
You know, just go love yourself.
Or you know, just like, kind oflike a whatever attitude, right
(43:55):
, and it's a very simplisticExactly Just be grateful, just
go love yourself, things likethat.
Truth of the matter is, thingsare more complex than that,
right, and it's a verysimplistic Exactly Just be
grateful, just go love yourself,things like that.
Truth of the matter is, thingsare more complex than that,
right, if things were so easy,there would be no reason for
people like you or myself tohave the jobs we have.
Right, there's a reason why,right, if it was something was
so simple to get over, why wouldanybody like to wake up and
(44:19):
have flashbacks of trauma?
Why would anybody want to bedepressed every day?
Why would anybody want to beanxious to a point where it's
debilitating?
You know, I mean, I don't thinkanybody ever wakes up and is
like you know, I just want to bedepressed today and feel really
bad about myself and hate life.
No, nobody does that.
(44:39):
Right, and nobody, you know,wants to feel, you know, that
pain, I mean, people don't wantto feel pain most often than not
, right, people don't, andthat's why, right, why do you
think so many people go to thebar and drink away stuff?
Right, to try to just numb out,right?
Or people who, you know, um,like, eat overeat?
(45:00):
Right, nobody wants to, youknow, because people want to run
away from the feelings.
But the real work is when youare able to sit with your
feelings.
It's not just about beingpositive all the time, right, I
mean, should we aim forpositivity, absolutely, but you
know?
But also recognizinginvalidating emotions or
(45:21):
feelings or triggers that don'tmake us feel good absolutely.
Speaker 2 (45:25):
Yeah, I like and I've just realized this recently too
you can hold a positiveperspective even if you're
feeling really crappy in thebody.
So, like, even if I'm movingthrough something and allowing
myself to sit in my feelings, Ican still choose the perspective
I'm taking.
I can either say, oh, this isstupid, why am I doing this?
I, you know, I should be overthis already.
(45:46):
Or I can say you know what?
I know?
Something better is on theother side and I'm just going to
allow whatever shows up to showup.
So I feel like you can hold apositive perspective even if
you're moving through somethingreally painful.
Speaker 1 (46:00):
Absolutely and by holding a positive perspective.
It's not just being like, let'sjust focus on the positive,
it's more what's coming up forme, and let me embrace this
right now.
It's okay for me to feel sad.
I'm just going through a moment, I'm going through something
and I'm going to feel okay.
Ultimately, let this time thisis just a bad moment.
(46:20):
It'll pass Right.
Yes, now do you do also likeany like kind of imagery with
your clients?
Like any imagery work Do you do?
Cause I know like you go andyou do the body work.
You know where it's like.
You know you kind of pinpointwhere they feel it in their body
.
So are you doing any kind oflike imagery as well, like kind
(46:42):
of like guided meditation orjust kind of body scan, or you
know any of?
Speaker 2 (46:46):
that as well.
I do.
I do.
It depends intuitively whatcomes in for me for that
particular client in thesituation.
So I remember one exercise thatwas really powerful for one of
my first clients was we were.
She wanted to shift something inher life.
I think it was how she wasshowing up in a particular
relationship.
It was something like shewanted to transition to
(47:08):
something different, and so theimage that I got to guide her
through was let's imagine yourcurrent situation like you're
really heavy, you're reallyconstricted.
I want you to come up with anoutfit that represents that for
you, and so it's typically aco-creation, and so I'm leading
them, and then I forget exactlywhat she said, but it could.
(47:30):
It was something like you knowarmor, like you know steel armor
, like a knight, like I feelheavy, I feel constrict, and so
then I guided her through okay,let's take it off and let's
destroy it.
However feels good to destroy it.
So some people, depending onwhat it is, they just want to
destroy it and hit it and buryit or set it on fire.
(47:50):
Sometimes things are like youknow what?
I can see how this served me.
Let's give it a nice honorable,you know little funeral and
I'll surround it with flowers.
So I let them kind of come upwith how they want to get rid of
it.
And then, in this particularcase, we stepped into something
new, and so, again, it's been afew years, so I forget what her
one was, but sometimes, when Ido this with myself, it's like
this beautiful flowing gown orlike this drapey cape or
(48:14):
something that makes me feel,you know, it represents
lightness and it represents whoI'm becoming in this transition.
And so, yes, certainly, if itmakes sense and if I intuitively
get guided to do that, I willuse imagery to sort of help
solidify either transitions ornew energy that we're calling in
, or new ways of being that wewant to be.
Speaker 1 (48:37):
That's absolutely amazing and I think imagery is
so powerful as well.
And I think also answering thisquestion too, kind of going
along with you know, like howyou were describing like what do
you want your future to looklike, right, answering this one
important question that peopledon't ask themselves what do I
(48:58):
want?
I feel like a lot of peopledon't ask themselves what do I
want.
I feel like a lot of peopledon't ask themselves enough of
what they want.
You know, and that is alsosomething that get clear, you
know just more clarity on andyou know, for people as well,
and you know it's just.
There's just so much that we cantransform about ourselves when
(49:20):
we get clear, you know, and,first and foremost,
understanding that ourachievements and what we want in
our life is for us first andforemost not in a selfish way,
but it's just for us andunderstanding that you know what
the pain you had right can beused as a teaching tool instead
(49:41):
of used as driving your bus yes,absolutely.
And then also doing the innerwork, and I really am so
grateful for your story,grateful that you're sharing
this and you know talking aboutthe subject, and you're
absolutely right we do need tokeep having more conversations
about this, because this issomething that people don't
(50:03):
recognize or acknowledge enoughof.
Speaker 2 (50:06):
Yeah, and I loved your questions.
I can tell you're in the work.
You asked some really greatquestions that I have never been
asked before, so kudos.
Speaker 1 (50:16):
Oh well, thank you.
Thank you so much, andrea.
Now, andrea, if people want toreach out to you to perhaps, you
know, have like maybe aconsultation with you, to maybe,
you know, hire you for somework or you know where can we
find you two E's at the end.
Speaker 2 (50:37):
I'm one of the only ones out there, so it should be
pretty easy to find and theother one would be my website.
Again, my name AndreaAndreecom.
So two E's at the end and thenthere you can find contact
information and book calls andall the good things.
Speaker 1 (50:52):
Well, this was really transformative and thank you so
much for being here.
And this wraps our episodetoday of On the Spectrum with
Sonia.
Remember to rate, review andsubscribe to this podcast.
Also, I wrote a book Dropped ina Maze and if you haven't
already, please, please, please,get your copy.
(51:14):
It's available at all majorbook retailers online.
And if you write a review onAmazon, one thing I'm going to
start doing is reading it outloud at the end of the podcast
going forward live on theseepisodes.
So, with that being said, thankyou very much, andrea Andrews.
(51:35):
Information will be in the shownotes and we are ready to wrap,
so talk to you all soon.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.