May 30, 2025 • 41 mins
As many may know, May is mental health awareness month. However, what still needs more conversation about mental health is the fact that men too have mental health challenges. Men too deserve to share their stories and be heard. Men too deserve to be vulnerable without being told to "man up" or "suck it up."
Aaron Ash bravely shares his challenges of having undergone complex trauma through incidents with his family. As a lot of people tend to do, Aaron tried to find solace in chasing extrinsic things versus turning the mirror to face inwards. However, once Aaron began his healing journey and took the brave step of turning the mirror inwards, the real magic began. Aaron shares his healing journey, gives valuable insight to lessons he gained along the way, and also is a co-host of No Streetlights Podcast where he turned his pain into a mission to help others be heard, seen, believed, and understood when it came to mental health and challenges people face.
If you enjoyed this episode, please rate, review and subscribe to On the Spectrum with Sonia podcast. Visit nostreetlightsorg.com to learn more about Aaron's work or listen to No Streetlights Podcast wherever you get your podcasts.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hello everyone and welcome to today's episode of On
the Spectrum with Sonia, apodcast where we discuss autism,
mental health and highlight anyinspirational stories or
anybody who's overcome anyadversity to leave the audience
feeling connected, empowered,encouraged and filled with hope
(00:23):
and love, especially in a worldthat tries to disconnect us on a
daily.
As many of you may know, may isMental Health Awareness Month,
and with us today I have a veryspecial guest whom I absolutely
adore and absolutely adoredbeing on his podcast Aaron Ash.
(00:44):
Aaron Ash and his friend bothhost the podcast no Street
Lights Podcast with TimBounikardi, and they are
dedicated to mental health andadvocating for mental health and
(01:05):
discussing the topics that needto be discussed around mental
health.
Now, when we discuss mentalhealth, a lot of times we don't.
You know.
It's starting to becomesomewhat recognized now about
men's mental health, but thereis a long way still to go with
that conversation, and the morewe can understand that mental
(01:25):
health is not genderindiscriminate, the further
along we can advance inunderstanding mental health.
So, with that being said andwithout further ado, let's
please welcome Aaron to the show.
Aaron, I am so happy you'rehere.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
Thank you, thank you so much.
Thank you everyone for havingme.
Sonia, I'm, I'm honored.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
Oh, thank you so much .
I'm honored.
I've been waiting for this formonths, oh my God, so, um.
So tell us a little bit now.
Like you know, you do thispodcast, no Streetlights podcast
, and you discuss mental healthquite a bit on your podcast.
As it is dedicated to thatsubject, I want to hear from you
what is your personalrelationship to mental health
(02:18):
and how does, how did thatimpact you on a personal level?
Speaker 2 (02:24):
That's a big question .
Mental health has always been apart of my journey and my story
.
You know I had, you know, kindof a rough childhood, like most
people nowadays.
You know a lot of complextrauma and learning and growing
and you know some real sufferingin there.
(02:45):
Uh, then I joined the military.
I did very well, because ifyou're really good at suffering
you'll do really well in themilitary Uh, but then I got out
after sustaining some injuriesand having, uh, some mental
health problems that resultedfrom that.
So I've been a disabled vet forthree years now.
(03:07):
I want to say so I have a veryintimate relationship with
mental health because I gothrough my own adversities.
My beautiful wife has her ownadversity, she goes through, and
everyone around me has theirown struggles.
So we kind of made thisplatform to share perspectives
(03:28):
and help people get through thethings that we've gone through,
to kind of shortcut some of thatpainful learning.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
When did you realize and well, first I want to say
thank you for your services andthank you for serving and I
appreciate you and all you'vedone when did you start
realizing that you had complextrauma Like?
When did it like hit you thatwhat I'm going through or what
(03:58):
I've been through, is not quotenormal end quote?
Speaker 2 (04:05):
I've always been somehow an introvert and
extrovert at the same time.
So you know I present veryextroverted but I carry a lot of
the introvert qualities, likethe introspection, retrospection
, all of that and.
I remember, you know, even beinga kid and going through stuff
and being like this isn't normal, this is not how things are
(04:27):
supposed to go, and so I knewsomething was kind of up.
But then, as I've learned andgrown throughout my life, I keep
learning more about complextrauma and healing and wellness
and I'm like, oh, that's whythat fell off, because that was
trauma.
If you're comfortable but, as Iheal, everyone around me, yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
No, but if you're comfortable sharing like what,
was there any particular momentthat you could look back on and
be like wait a minute, this isnot comfortable.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
This is not comfortable.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
This is not right.
This is not normal.
This is not what should behappening Like.
Is there any particularinstance that you'd feel
comfortable sharing with theaudience so that people can have
a better understanding?
Speaker 2 (05:20):
I'll share one of the most relatable ones, because I
think everyone will identifywith this.
I remember being pretty youngliving on 23rd Street in
Fairview, across from MountOlivet Cemetery in Parkersburg a
place I still pass every day onmy drive and I remember my
(05:45):
mother and my sister having ahuge blow up fight because of
everything they've been through,and I remember listening to my
mother cry herself to sleep andI was like damn, this moment is
(06:05):
going to suck for the rest of mylife.
So I think we've all seen ourparents go through something
that impacted us very deeply andoftentimes that's because they
weren't given the proper tools.
So my cohost, tim Bernicardi,is very passionate about adding
tools to the tool shed, soanyone can go to Tim's tool shed
to find the tool they need toheal from what they've gone
(06:28):
through.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
I can definitely empathize with that one for sure
.
And watching my parents gothrough things, watching my
brother when he was alive gothrough things, and definitely
it leaves quite an impact on you.
It's like watching a movie.
It's kind of like watching amovie where it's like you know,
(06:51):
like certain scenes are verypoignant and you will always
remember that from that movieand, identifying with that movie
, you always remember that sceneRight, and it definitely leaves
that kind of indelible mark onyou when you watch these things
happen.
So for you, I was wonderingthen too, like what were your
(07:13):
coping mechanisms at that timewhen you had witnessed what
you'd witnessed, like the blowup fight between your sister and
your mom and hearing her cryherself to sleep, as well as
other instances that may havehappened as well?
Speaker 2 (07:29):
Yeah.
So I've had many copingmechanisms throughout my life,
both good and bad, like mostpeople.
I'm really happy that I havebeen conscious the entire time
so that I can kind of identifyand try and learn from the
experience.
Like most guys who have hadcomplex trauma, I've had a
(07:53):
difficult time, a difficultrelationship, with adult
entertainment.
You know, I've searched forlove through physical intimacy,
which that's not what love is,that's, you know, physical
intimacy.
They're two different things.
You know I've had struggleswith faith.
I've had struggles with notgetting out of bed for six
(08:14):
months except to do like thebare minimum stuff to sustain
life.
I think I may have lost a lotof coping mechanisms but I found
some great ones, like workingout, going kung fu, meditating,
you know, studying buddhism.
I've come up against a lot butI've learned a lot and grown a
(08:35):
lot, because it's either getbetter or get worse, because
often times in our life stayingthe same feels insufferable.
So you get to choose if you goup or down.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
Right, right.
And so it seems like you know,for you it was just like at one
point you were just trying tofill a void in your life by
seeking out whether it is, youknow, going out and hooking up
or whatever it may be that youwere doing and going and you
(09:12):
know chasing.
It was like you were kind oflike chasing for something Most
people are.
And most people are.
And when did you realize thatwhat you were doing wasn't
working for you?
Speaker 2 (09:30):
So that's a very difficult question, man.
You're so good at this, youshould have a podcast, sonia.
So the time that I realized Ineeded real change, man, that is
such a great question I meanagain being conscious and aware
(09:50):
and awake, you realize.
You know, even in those momentsof like, this isn't right.
You should be looking towardsthe solution.
How do I fix this?
How do I get to somethingbetter?
And you know, a lot of timesthat's through or sorry.
Every time it has to be throughan internal journey, because
(10:12):
you're the only thing you canaffect, you're the only part of
your story that you get to write.
So I guess, just all throughoutmy life, I've learned more and
more and become a better andbetter author.
So I'm trying to help otherpeople see that they can choose
the dream they're living.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
What was it like for you to go internally the first
time and do a deep dive?
Speaker 2 (10:40):
Terrifying.
Most of the times it'sterrifying, but it's always
worth it.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
And it's so important that people understand that.
You know internal work is soimportant in this, in the
process of healing anddiscovering.
Because you know I can verymuch empathize with your story
as well.
I know like I used to binge eata lot when I lived in New York
City.
There was this one Indianrestaurant I used to go to and
(11:13):
frequent all the time it was inthe Upper West Side and they had
the best finger-licking goodIndian food.
But I'll tell you this I wouldget a good meal I'd order I
don't know if you're familiarwith Indian food or not, but I'd
order the naan.
I'd order.
It's called paneer.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
But what kind of paneer uh, did you order?
Like the garlic, cheesy, thespinach no, I ordered the um the
paneer tikka, which is like inthe tomato paste paneer, which
is like freaking amazing.
Oh, my god, if I keep talking, Imight I don't know want to eat
it again.
I might want to start eating it.
(11:59):
Um, then there's yogurt that Ihad, because you know how people
like to eat with yogurt, andthen, um, rice that I would go
next door to, and then I alsohad four glasses of wine while I
had dinner then, and then thenI would go next door to this,
the 16 handles frozen yogurtplace and get that it as well,
(12:19):
because I was, and thisdefinitely was at a time when I
really wasn't happy being in thelegal profession.
I was really wanting to leave.
I was scared to leave because Iwas so afraid of the
ramifications from my parents.
I was super afraid to, you know,face outcomes to a point where,
(12:40):
honestly, my health was gettingdamaged, you know, and my body
was feeling it, and I honestlyhad to make the choice
eventually, because I startedfeeling so sick.
You know, eventually I wasgetting chest pain.
You know, I was overweight bigtime, no matter what I was doing
(13:01):
to work out.
You know, you can't out train abad diet, you can't out train
bad habits, right?
So I mean, you know, and I justeventually had to make that
decision and of course did I getthe pushback and everything
Absolutely, but leaving was thebest thing for me, you know, and
that was scary and you know Ican appreciate when you say it
(13:23):
was scary.
Going in there the first timeand doing the work like that
it's scary.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
Anyone who's done any amount of work recognizes that
very simple fact.
Um, who's done any amount ofwork recognizes that very simple
fact.
Um, a lot of the woo-woocircles they talk, you know the
the half committed creators talkabout, um, how, like all light
work is bs, you have to doshadow work and you can't be
healed until you find theintegration of the shadow and
(13:50):
stuff.
And, uh, I find it very sillybecause the way that
everything's connected, if youchoose to learn all of the light
, you can then recognize all ofthe dark.
If you know all of column A,you see something else you're
like oh, that's column B.
So even whenever we are doinglight work trying to find
(14:12):
happiness and love andcompassion, even whenever we are
doing light work trying to findhappiness and love and
compassion, we understand theopposite.
So what you were doing, we callor I've taken to calling it
loving yourself to death, havingso much going on that you have
to reward yourself constantly ina negative way.
And so many people do this allthe time, and you yourself have
(14:55):
learned that I would rather beable to move my body.
So whenever you feel thatoverwhelming desire towards
hunger that would define likethe Pratons in Buddhist and some
Indian culture.
You realize I'm a human being.
I want to learn and grow fromthis experience, so I get to
choose what I do right now, andour good friend Lauren McNeese,
in her episode, I think, sharedwith us something that helped me
realize what free will reallyis, and she said it's choosing.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
I might or might not engage with this behavior that's
welling up for me, and reallyit's in that nuance that we find
the space to grow in our livesright, and I was having a
conversation with if, uh, thelast guest I had on my show,
andrea andre, and we weretalking about you know, know the
(15:36):
soul, you know going to yourpoint, about you know, like
having Buddha's, you knowphilosophy, and we were talking
about the idea that the soulmoves on once our time in this
body is finished, right, andthat, because the body may
finish but the soul doesn'tfinish, and we were talking
about this idea that you knowwhat it's, you know.
(15:59):
Similar thing, that you knowwhat you in this life right, you
want to learn, you want to heal, you want to grow, right, and
things that happen to you inthis life, I mean you, I mean
you damage your body but notyour soul, right, eventually,
right, like, in some ways, youdamn it, because your soul, you
(16:21):
know, you're always going toconstantly learn and grow, heal.
You know that's a work inprogress and I do believe that
the soul can hurt.
But at the same time, there,you know, the soul is resilient
in its ways too, in some waysright, in that it's always
searching.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
Yeah, I think you're talking a lot about karma and
samsara right now, and I feellike we really need to help the
people who think they're a bodywith a soul and don't realize
they're a soul with a body.
They become so attached to allthis stuff and they seek after
(17:01):
so much, like, if this body isimpermanent but our soul isn't,
what does that mean we get totake with us?
We get to take with us ourkarma.
We don't get to take our house.
We don't get to take ourphysical fitness.
We don't get to take our house.
We don't get to take ourphysical fitness.
We don't get to take oursickness that we've relied on to
be a victim our whole life.
We can only take the results ofour actions.
(17:25):
So then you have to choose todo the best thing for your soul.
You know, and I think you pointthat out so very well no, I
think you did a good jobexplaining it as well.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
Um, you know, you said that you, you know,
suffered in, you knowspiritually, and you know
spiritual injury is anotherplace that people this is people
mentioned this term before tome in conversations, and there
are a lot of people who sufferspiritually when they're in the
thick of it.
How are you able to come tospirituality?
(18:08):
Because you said that you hadsuffered and you had somehow
found your way back in.
What was your journey like andwhat could you, you know, for
people who may be alsocontemplating about faith and
spirituality and you know, ofcourse, this is not, we're not
(18:32):
trying to you know, preach, youknow a certain denomination or
pay taxes to a certaindenomination or religion here,
but how would you say, like youknow, using your experiences and
sharing what you've beenthrough, what could you also
kind of help other people with?
In that sense?
Speaker 2 (18:49):
So the masterminds and the students ready.
I've had a very complicatedjourney, but that's because
that's what my soul signed upfor and kind of like where I am.
As far as spirituality goes.
I think a lot of people arewaking up to realizing that
(19:10):
religion is supposed to besomething you do, not something
you believe.
So you know, I was raisedChristian.
I've explored tons of religionsacross the world, but Buddhism
is more a philosophy and activepractice.
So sometimes I say I'm aChristian practicing Buddhism or
(19:30):
I'm a Buddhist practicingChristianity, because Buddhism
tells you how to find what'sright for you and what's right
in your heart and your soul,whether that's Theravada
practice, metta meditation orwhatever.
But I think you can use a lotof Buddhist technologies to
(19:51):
unlock whatever your truth is,whatever you believe in, you can
use the Buddhist texts as a wayof advancing your spiritual
study, because you know, Ilistened to the Tibetan Book of
the Dead and the Dhammapada andthe Bible and I research Islam,
(20:14):
islam and a ton of other stuffthe Quran coming, hopefully, in
the mail soon.
But all religions say youshould do love and then Buddhism
just helps you go within todiscover what that love looks
like for you.
I hope that helps someone.
(20:36):
Am I mad rambling?
Speaker 1 (20:39):
No, no, no, it's very interesting what you shared,
but I was just wondering, though, too like if somebody you know
like you had you found thisjourney right, that, okay, you
were able to pick up Buddhism asa way to supplement what your
faith was and Christianity as away to kind of help it kind of
(21:03):
connect in some ways.
Because what I'm hearing isthat connection.
But for people who arestruggling in general and just
gave up on faith in general, orfor people who you took to this,
you know, you were able to findthis, what about if somebody's
struggling to even, you know,let's say, given up on faith
(21:23):
altogether, because they're inthe thick of it, right, and just
in a general sense, and they're, you know, like, and let's say,
they're like how, how did youdo this?
How did you find faith?
I'm like, and let's say,they're like how, how did you do
this?
How did you find faith?
I'm like, if my life is suchtrash?
Speaker 2 (21:38):
Yeah.
So I have this blessing andcurse where I see things very,
very clearly and I'm able tosummarize very quickly.
So at on our show and in ourlives, we see three pillars to
your health your physical health, your mental health and your
spiritual health.
And we always list them in thatorder because it's so easy to
(22:00):
help your body and then it's alittle harder to fix your mind
and then it's a little harder tofix your soul.
So if you're at a place towhere physical health is the
only thing you can focus on, dophysical health things, you know
, go out in the woods a littlebit, pet a dog, you know
whatever you need to physicallydo.
And then, once you getphysically healthy enough, you
(22:23):
can advance your mental health.
You can look into emotional, iq, moral injury, you know,
reparentification, if you'reinto professional stuff, like
you know Sonia Chan.
But then as you progress,you're going to feel what's
lacking, and that's going to beyour spiritual health.
You can say, okay, I've helpedmy body, I've helped my mind,
(22:44):
but there's still somethingmissing.
There's still something thatisn't right.
So then you need to find yourfaith, whatever that is, whether
I've got a good friend of minewe did an episode with Nick
Miller, who his faith is likeveganism, the way he's chosen to
(23:05):
advance his soul's karma issaying I'm not going to hurt
anything alive, I'm only goingto consume.
You know quote-unquotenon-living stuff.
Which sick that to consume.
You know, quote-unquotenon-living stuff um, which sick
that.
That is a man with a purpose.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
So once you get your body straight and your mind
straight, then you can reallykind of find and start to
fulfill your purpose interestingthat you pointed this, uh,
professional realm of it,because in clinical mental
health counseling we use what'scalled the holistic model, where
(23:44):
we look at all those pillarslike mentally, physically,
spiritually, financially.
You know, we look at likerelationships in your life,
right and like you know, lookingat it as, versus looking at it
from a medical model where it'smore, okay, you've got
depression, treat, treat, treat,right, you, you know.
(24:04):
And from the holistic model iswe're looking to help a person
live their best life.
You know.
So, I think it's so, it's likeyou know, it's very remnant to
you know, I think it's veryremnant to um, using that
holistic model, even in yourapproach with your podcast.
(24:26):
And one of the things that youknow I really enjoyed about your
podcast, I'll say, is theactual emotion that you display
when you are interviewing yourguests, because I honestly felt
like when I was on your show, Ifelt like we could really spend
(24:46):
some time.
If we wanted to scream, we couldscream together and do a
screaming match, or we could crytogether or we could do
whatever together, right, like,I felt like that and from you
and I could tell that you arevery in tuned with your emotions
, you're very much in tune withthat.
You know just the whole idea of, like you know, the
(25:09):
intertwinement of physical,mental, spiritual health.
You know, and I could feel thateven when people come and talk
to you on your show, I'm prettysure I mean I can't speak for
all of them, but I know formyself, I felt that with you.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
Yeah, in order for people to feel comfortable
enough to get vulnerable and to,you know, learn something,
something, they have to besitting with a friend, and so
tim and I have kind of decidedthat we want to be everyone's
friend, even someone whobelieves in some abhorrent stuff
that we're totally against.
(25:45):
We've had a lot of guests comeon that we disagree with, but we
need to hear you, we need tosee you and we need to care,
because that's the only way weget to a real place of
understanding, which you canonly love and care about someone
if you understand that.
Otherwise, you're just caringfor this idea you have in your
(26:06):
head so how do you feel?
Speaker 1 (26:12):
like you know, at the time when you enrolled to serve
, you know where were you onyour mental health and spiritual
journey as versus after youfinished service.
Speaker 2 (26:27):
Um, there's a very common joke for all service
members.
Uh, we all kind of look at ourcertain years in service kind of
like dog years.
So I was in a really rough spotwhen I joined up, you know, and
(26:51):
I had to go through a lot ofsuffering to find the few crumbs
of wisdom I have.
But that's the nature of thisexperience Wisdom comes from
real lived experience.
Knowledge only gets you so farand you have to do it to really
(27:11):
understand the thing completely.
You have to do it to reallyunderstand the thing completely.
So you know my nine years beforeI got medically retired, really
that for me I always saw everyyear in the service about three
years outside.
So to me it feels like I had 27years of service.
(27:33):
So I really feel like I grew in27 knowledge, 27 knowledge
years, or whatever you want tocall it in those nine years.
So I've learned a lot, I'vegrown a lot.
I had a major crux, a majordifficult time when I got out.
But the bigger the challenge,the bigger the reward.
So if you're suffering andyou've been suffering, just
(27:58):
think about how rewarding it'sgoing to be when you overcome
that what motivated you to keepgoing when you were in the thick
of it?
I have a very simple fighter'smindset.
So if you stop fighting, youlose, but if you keep fighting,
(28:19):
you might win eventually.
You know, I learned that notonly from my martial arts master
who we've had on the show andwill be coming back soon, uh but
and my mother, who I watched gothrough all the adversity that
you can imagine from the 10second story.
I already told about her.
Um, just every single day,growing up in a place that has
(28:41):
been stricken by poverty and youknow the opioid epidemic and
everything, you just seeeveryone around you struggling
for whatever they can eke out,and that really inspires you if
you look around and realizeeveryone around you is also
fighting tooth and nail.
So I guess I decided that Iwanted to be the best fighter I
(29:03):
could be, and that doesn't justmean being the best physical
fighter or the best mentalfighter or the best spiritual
fighter.
You have to master all threedisciplines before you can
really consider yourself alearner.
Speaker 1 (29:33):
How did you start your podcast and what then kind
of, how did this kind of comeabout no streetlights podcast?
Because you know you've taken,because it seems like you know
you really grew a lot in thatjourney that you had with your
mental health, with yourspiritual and your physical
health, and you know it seemslike you made it a mission to
give back to others.
So I'm just wondering thenwhere, like how did this come
(29:55):
about?
How did you meet Tim, how didyou both start this up and how
did you come up with this idea?
Speaker 2 (30:04):
Tim and I met when we were about 12 years old.
He launched a soccer ball intomy groin in gym class and then
apologized profusely and I waslike nah, man, it's cool, these
things happen.
Because I had played soccer, Iknew that indeed, these things
do happen.
And then in the locker roomyour mama jokes were really
popular.
So he hit me with your mamajoke.
I didn't know what to say.
(30:24):
So I said your, your dad.
And I found out right then andthere that his dad had died two
years previously.
So I apologized profusely andhe was like no, I'm in a school,
you didn't know.
And our friendship kind of grewfrom there, just from being
compassionate once to each other.
And then 20 years has elapsedand about about two years ago
(30:46):
Tim and I realized we had gonethrough enough suffering and we
still had enough love and caringin our heart to help the people
who are going through any ofthe things we went through.
And I had vast enoughconnections after traveling the
world several times over that ifwe needed to talk about
something like ASD, I knew Icould find somebody who could
(31:09):
really share what it's likegrowing up on the spectrum.
So we found you and we sharedyour story so that every one of
our friends, all the 10,000subscribers we have those who
know someone who's on thespectrum, which is all 10,000 of
those people they can nowrelate better, which means they
(31:29):
can now love better.
So people talk about theepisodes being a little
disjointed, but every singleepisode is about love and
understanding and once peoplehave listened to a few episodes
they kind of get it and thenthey look forward to each new
topic or each new guest and belike okay, cool, how am I going
(31:55):
to learn to love this week?
Speaker 1 (31:59):
And you're doing such an amazing job with spreading
that message, because I rememberlistening to a few of your
episodes while working out oneday and I was just really, you
know, so proud of you and youknow how both of you really you
and Tim and really was lovingevery bit of your podcast
episode.
Because I'm like you know what,you know, these people get it.
(32:22):
I'm like these guys get it andhonestly I'm going to say this
you and Tim.
I've met some male therapistsbefore who are in the mental
health profession and they let'sjust put it this way they could
learn several lessons from youand Tim.
(32:42):
Let's just be honest, theycould learn several lessons from
you and Tim.
Oh, my, just be honest, theycould learn several lessons from
you and Tim.
Oh, my gosh, they were.
It's funny how you can getpeople that can come into the
mental health profession and becompletely out of touch.
So, yes, and you guys are morein touch than probably many,
many therapists out there.
So I just want to say I meankudos to you guys.
(33:05):
I mean I'm so proud of you, sohappy for you, so proud of what
you're doing.
Speaker 2 (33:11):
Thank you and I I'm so humbled to hear that.
But I need so I need to throwin a disclaimer or something.
I'm just a normal guy, so everyother normal guy out there can
easily do this.
All they have to do is listenand care.
I think most men are pre-wiredto be solution focused and most
(33:38):
of the time people are going tofigure it out.
So it's really important torecognize.
Most of the time people justneed you to listen.
If they need you to solve aproblem, they'll come to you
once you've listened enough.
And that's kind of what I'mlearning is I have so many huge
ways I want to change the world,but first I have to sit back
(33:59):
and listen, otherwise, you knowyou're kind of just beating your
head against the wall.
Otherwise, you know you're kindof just beating your head
against the wall.
Speaker 1 (34:08):
Listening is a very powerful tool, you know, and we
learn a lot more when we'relistening and if we're paying
attention, and that's what'sneeded.
For sure and you, you knowyou're right Many people are
focused, you know, moresolution-based, focused, you
know.
Okay, you know you're havingthis issue.
(34:30):
Come on, let's just fix this.
Let's hurry up, let's, you know, come on, you know, let's get
off the feet and get off, andyou know, get up and run right,
like all that Right.
But I think it's a lot morecomplex than than that and that
you have to meet people wherethey're at Right, and the way to
(34:51):
do that the best is when youlisten.
For sure, yeah, Well said.
So, aaron, what is one piece ofinspiration or advice that you
(35:12):
would like to give to listenersright now who maybe are
struggling, who are on the vergeof just giving up on themselves
, who've already just thrown thetowel?
You know something I meantalking about, you know, of
course, just, you know, justsurrendering, um, like what,
(35:34):
what would be your inspirationalmessage or advice or guidance
that you can, or suggestion even, that you could give?
Speaker 2 (35:44):
I think really I'm going to plagiarize here a
little bit Like all of thegroups.
We had a buddy of mine, jairusSottle, come on and one of the
really big things he said waslike you're the one who's
overcome every adversity that'sever come up against you.
You haven't quit, you haven'tlost.
(36:06):
You just keep learning, youkeep growing, you keep
overcoming more and more and aswe level up, things get harder.
But here's the thing you keepfinding a way to win.
You keep finding a way tosucceed.
So giving up I see as such ahuge disrespect to all of your
prior accomplishments.
Look at everything you'vealready overcome.
Whatever you're facing now ispeanuts.
(36:29):
It's just normal stuff.
You've already been hit, you'vebeen knocked down, but you keep
getting up.
Why would you give up now?
Why would you let that sillylittle voice inside that you
know isn't yours, that's tellingyou to give up?
Why would you let that voicewin when your soul is singing
(36:51):
for you to heal and learn andgrow and become who you're meant
to become?
I think we're worthy of ourdestiny and I think that when
you realize that you have it inyou to heal from everything
you've experienced, I think youthen become your own inspiration
(37:11):
.
You realize, wow, I'm a badmama, jama, and nothing can
defeat me.
So everything that comes upagainst me, I just have to learn
how to learn and grow, and aslong as I keep doing that, it's
going to keep getting better.
Speaker 1 (37:27):
Very beautifully said .
And so, aaron, if people wantedto come and find you, where can
people reach you?
Speaker 2 (37:37):
I run most of the socials, so if they look up no
Street Lights podcast, they'llfind us.
We have a million links becauseyou know we're a podcast, we're
a non-profit.
Um, we're on all platforms.
You know we're on youtube um,instagram, facebook, apple
podcast, spotify.
I live in at near athens, ohio,so if you're in coolville, come
(38:00):
find me there, I guess.
Um, our official website is nostreetlightsorg.
Um, we have, I'll.
I'll just send you all of ourlinks and they can look at the
description.
Speaker 1 (38:13):
Absolutely, and I'll put it in the show notes.
But um thank you.
Yes, of course, but, yes,everyone, if you have a chance
to check out no streetlightspodcast, wherever you get your
podcast I would definitelyrecommend listening in on a few
(38:34):
or all the episodes that theyhave.
Um, it's definitely a podcast Ichampion for people to listen
to and tune into because I loveit so much.
And, yes, I am once again superproud of Aaron and Tim for all
they do and, you know, thank youfor sharing your journey with
(38:57):
us today.
Aaron, I know that wasn't easyfor you, you know, and I know I
put you on the spot with somequestions, but you know, know,
but I'm just so proud that youdid it.
You pushed through and you,just, you know, and you, by you
sharing your truth, you're alsohelping so many people also find
(39:21):
theirs.
So so that wraps up for today'sepisode.
Everyone please rate, reviewand subscribe to on the spectrum
with Sonia podcast, um.
Also remember to share withyour family and your friends
also, as promised.
You know, um, remember when Itold you all that if anyone has
(39:45):
gotten my book dropped in a mazeand has written a review, I
would read it out loud.
I am going to go ahead rightnow and I'm going to read a
review out loud, as promised.
Like I said, I would Let mejust open this up and see.
(40:05):
All right, so I'm going tostart with the first review, um
from Deborah Griffiths.
It says powerful storyhighlighting the challenges
autistic people have withfitting into society.
Loved how the author persistedthrough the challenges to create
the life she wants for herself.
Thank you very much for thatreview, deborah.
(40:30):
Um.
So if you haven't already, it'sthe book dropped in a maze is
available uh via all major bookretail distributors and um on
it's all online on amazon,barnes and nobles, um, strand
books, etc.
Uh, if you leave a review, uhon the book, I will read it out
(40:52):
loud.
Continue, continue this trendof doing that um.
And apart from that, uh, thankyou all for today and for
today's tuning in, and I'mlooking forward to sharing more
with you in the near future.
In the meantime, be kind toyourself, to others, and see you
(41:12):
next time.
Hello everyone and welcome to today's episode of On
the Spectrum with Sonia, apodcast where we discuss autism,
mental health and highlight anyinspirational stories or
anybody who's overcome anyadversity to leave the audience
feeling connected, empowered,encouraged and filled with hope
(00:23):
and love, especially in a worldthat tries to disconnect us on a
daily.
As many of you may know, may isMental Health Awareness Month,
and with us today I have a veryspecial guest whom I absolutely
adore and absolutely adoredbeing on his podcast Aaron Ash.
(00:44):
Aaron Ash and his friend bothhost the podcast no Street
Lights Podcast with TimBounikardi, and they are
dedicated to mental health andadvocating for mental health and
(01:05):
discussing the topics that needto be discussed around mental
health.
Now, when we discuss mentalhealth, a lot of times we don't.
You know.
It's starting to becomesomewhat recognized now about
men's mental health, but thereis a long way still to go with
that conversation, and the morewe can understand that mental
(01:25):
health is not genderindiscriminate, the further
along we can advance inunderstanding mental health.
So, with that being said andwithout further ado, let's
please welcome Aaron to the show.
Aaron, I am so happy you'rehere.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
Thank you, thank you so much.
Thank you everyone for havingme.
Sonia, I'm, I'm honored.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
Oh, thank you so much .
I'm honored.
I've been waiting for this formonths, oh my God, so, um.
So tell us a little bit now.
Like you know, you do thispodcast, no Streetlights podcast
, and you discuss mental healthquite a bit on your podcast.
As it is dedicated to thatsubject, I want to hear from you
what is your personalrelationship to mental health
(02:18):
and how does, how did thatimpact you on a personal level?
Speaker 2 (02:24):
That's a big question .
Mental health has always been apart of my journey and my story
.
You know I had, you know, kindof a rough childhood, like most
people nowadays.
You know a lot of complextrauma and learning and growing
and you know some real sufferingin there.
(02:45):
Uh, then I joined the military.
I did very well, because ifyou're really good at suffering
you'll do really well in themilitary Uh, but then I got out
after sustaining some injuriesand having, uh, some mental
health problems that resultedfrom that.
So I've been a disabled vet forthree years now.
(03:07):
I want to say so I have a veryintimate relationship with
mental health because I gothrough my own adversities.
My beautiful wife has her ownadversity, she goes through, and
everyone around me has theirown struggles.
So we kind of made thisplatform to share perspectives
(03:28):
and help people get through thethings that we've gone through,
to kind of shortcut some of thatpainful learning.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
When did you realize and well, first I want to say
thank you for your services andthank you for serving and I
appreciate you and all you'vedone when did you start
realizing that you had complextrauma Like?
When did it like hit you thatwhat I'm going through or what
(03:58):
I've been through, is not quotenormal end quote?
Speaker 2 (04:05):
I've always been somehow an introvert and
extrovert at the same time.
So you know I present veryextroverted but I carry a lot of
the introvert qualities, likethe introspection, retrospection
, all of that and.
I remember, you know, even beinga kid and going through stuff
and being like this isn't normal, this is not how things are
(04:27):
supposed to go, and so I knewsomething was kind of up.
But then, as I've learned andgrown throughout my life, I keep
learning more about complextrauma and healing and wellness
and I'm like, oh, that's whythat fell off, because that was
trauma.
If you're comfortable but, as Iheal, everyone around me, yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
No, but if you're comfortable sharing like what,
was there any particular momentthat you could look back on and
be like wait a minute, this isnot comfortable.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
This is not comfortable.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
This is not right.
This is not normal.
This is not what should behappening Like.
Is there any particularinstance that you'd feel
comfortable sharing with theaudience so that people can have
a better understanding?
Speaker 2 (05:20):
I'll share one of the most relatable ones, because I
think everyone will identifywith this.
I remember being pretty youngliving on 23rd Street in
Fairview, across from MountOlivet Cemetery in Parkersburg a
place I still pass every day onmy drive and I remember my
(05:45):
mother and my sister having ahuge blow up fight because of
everything they've been through,and I remember listening to my
mother cry herself to sleep andI was like damn, this moment is
(06:05):
going to suck for the rest of mylife.
So I think we've all seen ourparents go through something
that impacted us very deeply andoftentimes that's because they
weren't given the proper tools.
So my cohost, tim Bernicardi,is very passionate about adding
tools to the tool shed, soanyone can go to Tim's tool shed
to find the tool they need toheal from what they've gone
(06:28):
through.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
I can definitely empathize with that one for sure
.
And watching my parents gothrough things, watching my
brother when he was alive gothrough things, and definitely
it leaves quite an impact on you.
It's like watching a movie.
It's kind of like watching amovie where it's like you know,
(06:51):
like certain scenes are verypoignant and you will always
remember that from that movieand, identifying with that movie
, you always remember that sceneRight, and it definitely leaves
that kind of indelible mark onyou when you watch these things
happen.
So for you, I was wonderingthen too, like what were your
(07:13):
coping mechanisms at that timewhen you had witnessed what
you'd witnessed, like the blowup fight between your sister and
your mom and hearing her cryherself to sleep, as well as
other instances that may havehappened as well?
Speaker 2 (07:29):
Yeah.
So I've had many copingmechanisms throughout my life,
both good and bad, like mostpeople.
I'm really happy that I havebeen conscious the entire time
so that I can kind of identifyand try and learn from the
experience.
Like most guys who have hadcomplex trauma, I've had a
(07:53):
difficult time, a difficultrelationship, with adult
entertainment.
You know, I've searched forlove through physical intimacy,
which that's not what love is,that's, you know, physical
intimacy.
They're two different things.
You know I've had struggleswith faith.
I've had struggles with notgetting out of bed for six
(08:14):
months except to do like thebare minimum stuff to sustain
life.
I think I may have lost a lotof coping mechanisms but I found
some great ones, like workingout, going kung fu, meditating,
you know, studying buddhism.
I've come up against a lot butI've learned a lot and grown a
(08:35):
lot, because it's either getbetter or get worse, because
often times in our life stayingthe same feels insufferable.
So you get to choose if you goup or down.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
Right, right.
And so it seems like you know,for you it was just like at one
point you were just trying tofill a void in your life by
seeking out whether it is, youknow, going out and hooking up
or whatever it may be that youwere doing and going and you
(09:12):
know chasing.
It was like you were kind oflike chasing for something Most
people are.
And most people are.
And when did you realize thatwhat you were doing wasn't
working for you?
Speaker 2 (09:30):
So that's a very difficult question, man.
You're so good at this, youshould have a podcast, sonia.
So the time that I realized Ineeded real change, man, that is
such a great question I meanagain being conscious and aware
(09:50):
and awake, you realize.
You know, even in those momentsof like, this isn't right.
You should be looking towardsthe solution.
How do I fix this?
How do I get to somethingbetter?
And you know, a lot of timesthat's through or sorry.
Every time it has to be throughan internal journey, because
(10:12):
you're the only thing you canaffect, you're the only part of
your story that you get to write.
So I guess, just all throughoutmy life, I've learned more and
more and become a better andbetter author.
So I'm trying to help otherpeople see that they can choose
the dream they're living.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
What was it like for you to go internally the first
time and do a deep dive?
Speaker 2 (10:40):
Terrifying.
Most of the times it'sterrifying, but it's always
worth it.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
And it's so important that people understand that.
You know internal work is soimportant in this, in the
process of healing anddiscovering.
Because you know I can verymuch empathize with your story
as well.
I know like I used to binge eata lot when I lived in New York
City.
There was this one Indianrestaurant I used to go to and
(11:13):
frequent all the time it was inthe Upper West Side and they had
the best finger-licking goodIndian food.
But I'll tell you this I wouldget a good meal I'd order I
don't know if you're familiarwith Indian food or not, but I'd
order the naan.
I'd order.
It's called paneer.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
But what kind of paneer uh, did you order?
Like the garlic, cheesy, thespinach no, I ordered the um the
paneer tikka, which is like inthe tomato paste paneer, which
is like freaking amazing.
Oh, my god, if I keep talking, Imight I don't know want to eat
it again.
I might want to start eating it.
(11:59):
Um, then there's yogurt that Ihad, because you know how people
like to eat with yogurt, andthen, um, rice that I would go
next door to, and then I alsohad four glasses of wine while I
had dinner then, and then thenI would go next door to this,
the 16 handles frozen yogurtplace and get that it as well,
(12:19):
because I was, and thisdefinitely was at a time when I
really wasn't happy being in thelegal profession.
I was really wanting to leave.
I was scared to leave because Iwas so afraid of the
ramifications from my parents.
I was super afraid to, you know,face outcomes to a point where,
(12:40):
honestly, my health was gettingdamaged, you know, and my body
was feeling it, and I honestlyhad to make the choice
eventually, because I startedfeeling so sick.
You know, eventually I wasgetting chest pain.
You know, I was overweight bigtime, no matter what I was doing
(13:01):
to work out.
You know, you can't out train abad diet, you can't out train
bad habits, right?
So I mean, you know, and I justeventually had to make that
decision and of course did I getthe pushback and everything
Absolutely, but leaving was thebest thing for me, you know, and
that was scary and you know Ican appreciate when you say it
(13:23):
was scary.
Going in there the first timeand doing the work like that
it's scary.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
Anyone who's done any amount of work recognizes that
very simple fact.
Um, who's done any amount ofwork recognizes that very simple
fact.
Um, a lot of the woo-woocircles they talk, you know the
the half committed creators talkabout, um, how, like all light
work is bs, you have to doshadow work and you can't be
healed until you find theintegration of the shadow and
(13:50):
stuff.
And, uh, I find it very sillybecause the way that
everything's connected, if youchoose to learn all of the light
, you can then recognize all ofthe dark.
If you know all of column A,you see something else you're
like oh, that's column B.
So even whenever we are doinglight work trying to find
(14:12):
happiness and love andcompassion, even whenever we are
doing light work trying to findhappiness and love and
compassion, we understand theopposite.
So what you were doing, we callor I've taken to calling it
loving yourself to death, havingso much going on that you have
to reward yourself constantly ina negative way.
And so many people do this allthe time, and you yourself have
(14:55):
learned that I would rather beable to move my body.
So whenever you feel thatoverwhelming desire towards
hunger that would define likethe Pratons in Buddhist and some
Indian culture.
You realize I'm a human being.
I want to learn and grow fromthis experience, so I get to
choose what I do right now, andour good friend Lauren McNeese,
in her episode, I think, sharedwith us something that helped me
realize what free will reallyis, and she said it's choosing.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
I might or might not engage with this behavior that's
welling up for me, and reallyit's in that nuance that we find
the space to grow in our livesright, and I was having a
conversation with if, uh, thelast guest I had on my show,
andrea andre, and we weretalking about you know, know the
(15:36):
soul, you know going to yourpoint, about you know, like
having Buddha's, you knowphilosophy, and we were talking
about the idea that the soulmoves on once our time in this
body is finished, right, andthat, because the body may
finish but the soul doesn'tfinish, and we were talking
about this idea that you knowwhat it's, you know.
(15:59):
Similar thing, that you knowwhat you in this life right, you
want to learn, you want to heal, you want to grow, right, and
things that happen to you inthis life, I mean you, I mean
you damage your body but notyour soul, right, eventually,
right, like, in some ways, youdamn it, because your soul, you
(16:21):
know, you're always going toconstantly learn and grow, heal.
You know that's a work inprogress and I do believe that
the soul can hurt.
But at the same time, there,you know, the soul is resilient
in its ways too, in some waysright, in that it's always
searching.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
Yeah, I think you're talking a lot about karma and
samsara right now, and I feellike we really need to help the
people who think they're a bodywith a soul and don't realize
they're a soul with a body.
They become so attached to allthis stuff and they seek after
(17:01):
so much, like, if this body isimpermanent but our soul isn't,
what does that mean we get totake with us?
We get to take with us ourkarma.
We don't get to take our house.
We don't get to take ourphysical fitness.
We don't get to take our house.
We don't get to take ourphysical fitness.
We don't get to take oursickness that we've relied on to
be a victim our whole life.
We can only take the results ofour actions.
(17:25):
So then you have to choose todo the best thing for your soul.
You know, and I think you pointthat out so very well no, I
think you did a good jobexplaining it as well.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
Um, you know, you said that you, you know,
suffered in, you knowspiritually, and you know
spiritual injury is anotherplace that people this is people
mentioned this term before tome in conversations, and there
are a lot of people who sufferspiritually when they're in the
thick of it.
How are you able to come tospirituality?
(18:08):
Because you said that you hadsuffered and you had somehow
found your way back in.
What was your journey like andwhat could you, you know, for
people who may be alsocontemplating about faith and
spirituality and you know, ofcourse, this is not, we're not
(18:32):
trying to you know, preach, youknow a certain denomination or
pay taxes to a certaindenomination or religion here,
but how would you say, like youknow, using your experiences and
sharing what you've beenthrough, what could you also
kind of help other people with?
In that sense?
Speaker 2 (18:49):
So the masterminds and the students ready.
I've had a very complicatedjourney, but that's because
that's what my soul signed upfor and kind of like where I am.
As far as spirituality goes.
I think a lot of people arewaking up to realizing that
(19:10):
religion is supposed to besomething you do, not something
you believe.
So you know, I was raisedChristian.
I've explored tons of religionsacross the world, but Buddhism
is more a philosophy and activepractice.
So sometimes I say I'm aChristian practicing Buddhism or
(19:30):
I'm a Buddhist practicingChristianity, because Buddhism
tells you how to find what'sright for you and what's right
in your heart and your soul,whether that's Theravada
practice, metta meditation orwhatever.
But I think you can use a lotof Buddhist technologies to
(19:51):
unlock whatever your truth is,whatever you believe in, you can
use the Buddhist texts as a wayof advancing your spiritual
study, because you know, Ilistened to the Tibetan Book of
the Dead and the Dhammapada andthe Bible and I research Islam,
(20:14):
islam and a ton of other stuffthe Quran coming, hopefully, in
the mail soon.
But all religions say youshould do love and then Buddhism
just helps you go within todiscover what that love looks
like for you.
I hope that helps someone.
(20:36):
Am I mad rambling?
Speaker 1 (20:39):
No, no, no, it's very interesting what you shared,
but I was just wondering, though, too like if somebody you know
like you had you found thisjourney right, that, okay, you
were able to pick up Buddhism asa way to supplement what your
faith was and Christianity as away to kind of help it kind of
(21:03):
connect in some ways.
Because what I'm hearing isthat connection.
But for people who arestruggling in general and just
gave up on faith in general, orfor people who you took to this,
you know, you were able to findthis, what about if somebody's
struggling to even, you know,let's say, given up on faith
(21:23):
altogether, because they're inthe thick of it, right, and just
in a general sense, and they're, you know, like, and let's say,
they're like how, how did youdo this?
How did you find faith?
I'm like, and let's say,they're like how, how did you do
this?
How did you find faith?
I'm like, if my life is suchtrash?
Speaker 2 (21:38):
Yeah.
So I have this blessing andcurse where I see things very,
very clearly and I'm able tosummarize very quickly.
So at on our show and in ourlives, we see three pillars to
your health your physical health, your mental health and your
spiritual health.
And we always list them in thatorder because it's so easy to
(22:00):
help your body and then it's alittle harder to fix your mind
and then it's a little harder tofix your soul.
So if you're at a place towhere physical health is the
only thing you can focus on, dophysical health things, you know
, go out in the woods a littlebit, pet a dog, you know
whatever you need to physicallydo.
And then, once you getphysically healthy enough, you
(22:23):
can advance your mental health.
You can look into emotional, iq, moral injury, you know,
reparentification, if you'reinto professional stuff, like
you know Sonia Chan.
But then as you progress,you're going to feel what's
lacking, and that's going to beyour spiritual health.
You can say, okay, I've helpedmy body, I've helped my mind,
(22:44):
but there's still somethingmissing.
There's still something thatisn't right.
So then you need to find yourfaith, whatever that is, whether
I've got a good friend of minewe did an episode with Nick
Miller, who his faith is likeveganism, the way he's chosen to
(23:05):
advance his soul's karma issaying I'm not going to hurt
anything alive, I'm only goingto consume.
You know quote-unquotenon-living stuff.
Which sick that to consume.
You know, quote-unquotenon-living stuff um, which sick
that.
That is a man with a purpose.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
So once you get your body straight and your mind
straight, then you can reallykind of find and start to
fulfill your purpose interestingthat you pointed this, uh,
professional realm of it,because in clinical mental
health counseling we use what'scalled the holistic model, where
(23:44):
we look at all those pillarslike mentally, physically,
spiritually, financially.
You know, we look at likerelationships in your life,
right and like you know, lookingat it as, versus looking at it
from a medical model where it'smore, okay, you've got
depression, treat, treat, treat,right, you, you know.
(24:04):
And from the holistic model iswe're looking to help a person
live their best life.
You know.
So, I think it's so, it's likeyou know, it's very remnant to
you know, I think it's veryremnant to um, using that
holistic model, even in yourapproach with your podcast.
(24:26):
And one of the things that youknow I really enjoyed about your
podcast, I'll say, is theactual emotion that you display
when you are interviewing yourguests, because I honestly felt
like when I was on your show, Ifelt like we could really spend
(24:46):
some time.
If we wanted to scream, we couldscream together and do a
screaming match, or we could crytogether or we could do
whatever together, right, like,I felt like that and from you
and I could tell that you arevery in tuned with your emotions
, you're very much in tune withthat.
You know just the whole idea of, like you know, the
(25:09):
intertwinement of physical,mental, spiritual health.
You know, and I could feel thateven when people come and talk
to you on your show, I'm prettysure I mean I can't speak for
all of them, but I know formyself, I felt that with you.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
Yeah, in order for people to feel comfortable
enough to get vulnerable and to,you know, learn something,
something, they have to besitting with a friend, and so
tim and I have kind of decidedthat we want to be everyone's
friend, even someone whobelieves in some abhorrent stuff
that we're totally against.
(25:45):
We've had a lot of guests comeon that we disagree with, but we
need to hear you, we need tosee you and we need to care,
because that's the only way weget to a real place of
understanding, which you canonly love and care about someone
if you understand that.
Otherwise, you're just caringfor this idea you have in your
(26:06):
head so how do you feel?
Speaker 1 (26:12):
like you know, at the time when you enrolled to serve
, you know where were you onyour mental health and spiritual
journey as versus after youfinished service.
Speaker 2 (26:27):
Um, there's a very common joke for all service
members.
Uh, we all kind of look at ourcertain years in service kind of
like dog years.
So I was in a really rough spotwhen I joined up, you know, and
(26:51):
I had to go through a lot ofsuffering to find the few crumbs
of wisdom I have.
But that's the nature of thisexperience Wisdom comes from
real lived experience.
Knowledge only gets you so farand you have to do it to really
(27:11):
understand the thing completely.
You have to do it to reallyunderstand the thing completely.
So you know my nine years beforeI got medically retired, really
that for me I always saw everyyear in the service about three
years outside.
So to me it feels like I had 27years of service.
(27:33):
So I really feel like I grew in27 knowledge, 27 knowledge
years, or whatever you want tocall it in those nine years.
So I've learned a lot, I'vegrown a lot.
I had a major crux, a majordifficult time when I got out.
But the bigger the challenge,the bigger the reward.
So if you're suffering andyou've been suffering, just
(27:58):
think about how rewarding it'sgoing to be when you overcome
that what motivated you to keepgoing when you were in the thick
of it?
I have a very simple fighter'smindset.
So if you stop fighting, youlose, but if you keep fighting,
(28:19):
you might win eventually.
You know, I learned that notonly from my martial arts master
who we've had on the show andwill be coming back soon, uh but
and my mother, who I watched gothrough all the adversity that
you can imagine from the 10second story.
I already told about her.
Um, just every single day,growing up in a place that has
(28:41):
been stricken by poverty and youknow the opioid epidemic and
everything, you just seeeveryone around you struggling
for whatever they can eke out,and that really inspires you if
you look around and realizeeveryone around you is also
fighting tooth and nail.
So I guess I decided that Iwanted to be the best fighter I
(29:03):
could be, and that doesn't justmean being the best physical
fighter or the best mentalfighter or the best spiritual
fighter.
You have to master all threedisciplines before you can
really consider yourself alearner.
Speaker 1 (29:33):
How did you start your podcast and what then kind
of, how did this kind of comeabout no streetlights podcast?
Because you know you've taken,because it seems like you know
you really grew a lot in thatjourney that you had with your
mental health, with yourspiritual and your physical
health, and you know it seemslike you made it a mission to
give back to others.
So I'm just wondering thenwhere, like how did this come
(29:55):
about?
How did you meet Tim, how didyou both start this up and how
did you come up with this idea?
Speaker 2 (30:04):
Tim and I met when we were about 12 years old.
He launched a soccer ball intomy groin in gym class and then
apologized profusely and I waslike nah, man, it's cool, these
things happen.
Because I had played soccer, Iknew that indeed, these things
do happen.
And then in the locker roomyour mama jokes were really
popular.
So he hit me with your mamajoke.
I didn't know what to say.
(30:24):
So I said your, your dad.
And I found out right then andthere that his dad had died two
years previously.
So I apologized profusely andhe was like no, I'm in a school,
you didn't know.
And our friendship kind of grewfrom there, just from being
compassionate once to each other.
And then 20 years has elapsedand about about two years ago
(30:46):
Tim and I realized we had gonethrough enough suffering and we
still had enough love and caringin our heart to help the people
who are going through any ofthe things we went through.
And I had vast enoughconnections after traveling the
world several times over that ifwe needed to talk about
something like ASD, I knew Icould find somebody who could
(31:09):
really share what it's likegrowing up on the spectrum.
So we found you and we sharedyour story so that every one of
our friends, all the 10,000subscribers we have those who
know someone who's on thespectrum, which is all 10,000 of
those people they can nowrelate better, which means they
(31:29):
can now love better.
So people talk about theepisodes being a little
disjointed, but every singleepisode is about love and
understanding and once peoplehave listened to a few episodes
they kind of get it and thenthey look forward to each new
topic or each new guest and belike okay, cool, how am I going
(31:55):
to learn to love this week?
Speaker 1 (31:59):
And you're doing such an amazing job with spreading
that message, because I rememberlistening to a few of your
episodes while working out oneday and I was just really, you
know, so proud of you and youknow how both of you really you
and Tim and really was lovingevery bit of your podcast
episode.
Because I'm like you know what,you know, these people get it.
(32:22):
I'm like these guys get it andhonestly I'm going to say this
you and Tim.
I've met some male therapistsbefore who are in the mental
health profession and they let'sjust put it this way they could
learn several lessons from youand Tim.
(32:42):
Let's just be honest, theycould learn several lessons from
you and Tim.
Oh, my, just be honest, theycould learn several lessons from
you and Tim.
Oh, my gosh, they were.
It's funny how you can getpeople that can come into the
mental health profession and becompletely out of touch.
So, yes, and you guys are morein touch than probably many,
many therapists out there.
So I just want to say I meankudos to you guys.
(33:05):
I mean I'm so proud of you, sohappy for you, so proud of what
you're doing.
Speaker 2 (33:11):
Thank you and I I'm so humbled to hear that.
But I need so I need to throwin a disclaimer or something.
I'm just a normal guy, so everyother normal guy out there can
easily do this.
All they have to do is listenand care.
I think most men are pre-wiredto be solution focused and most
(33:38):
of the time people are going tofigure it out.
So it's really important torecognize.
Most of the time people justneed you to listen.
If they need you to solve aproblem, they'll come to you
once you've listened enough.
And that's kind of what I'mlearning is I have so many huge
ways I want to change the world,but first I have to sit back
(33:59):
and listen, otherwise, you knowyou're kind of just beating your
head against the wall.
Otherwise, you know you're kindof just beating your head
against the wall.
Speaker 1 (34:08):
Listening is a very powerful tool, you know, and we
learn a lot more when we'relistening and if we're paying
attention, and that's what'sneeded.
For sure and you, you knowyou're right Many people are
focused, you know, moresolution-based, focused, you
know.
Okay, you know you're havingthis issue.
(34:30):
Come on, let's just fix this.
Let's hurry up, let's, you know, come on, you know, let's get
off the feet and get off, andyou know, get up and run right,
like all that Right.
But I think it's a lot morecomplex than than that and that
you have to meet people wherethey're at Right, and the way to
(34:51):
do that the best is when youlisten.
For sure, yeah, Well said.
So, aaron, what is one piece ofinspiration or advice that you
(35:12):
would like to give to listenersright now who maybe are
struggling, who are on the vergeof just giving up on themselves
, who've already just thrown thetowel?
You know something I meantalking about, you know, of
course, just, you know, justsurrendering, um, like what,
(35:34):
what would be your inspirationalmessage or advice or guidance
that you can, or suggestion even, that you could give?
Speaker 2 (35:44):
I think really I'm going to plagiarize here a
little bit Like all of thegroups.
We had a buddy of mine, jairusSottle, come on and one of the
really big things he said waslike you're the one who's
overcome every adversity that'sever come up against you.
You haven't quit, you haven'tlost.
(36:06):
You just keep learning, youkeep growing, you keep
overcoming more and more and aswe level up, things get harder.
But here's the thing you keepfinding a way to win.
You keep finding a way tosucceed.
So giving up I see as such ahuge disrespect to all of your
prior accomplishments.
Look at everything you'vealready overcome.
Whatever you're facing now ispeanuts.
(36:29):
It's just normal stuff.
You've already been hit, you'vebeen knocked down, but you keep
getting up.
Why would you give up now?
Why would you let that sillylittle voice inside that you
know isn't yours, that's tellingyou to give up?
Why would you let that voicewin when your soul is singing
(36:51):
for you to heal and learn andgrow and become who you're meant
to become?
I think we're worthy of ourdestiny and I think that when
you realize that you have it inyou to heal from everything
you've experienced, I think youthen become your own inspiration
(37:11):
.
You realize, wow, I'm a badmama, jama, and nothing can
defeat me.
So everything that comes upagainst me, I just have to learn
how to learn and grow, and aslong as I keep doing that, it's
going to keep getting better.
Speaker 1 (37:27):
Very beautifully said .
And so, aaron, if people wantedto come and find you, where can
people reach you?
Speaker 2 (37:37):
I run most of the socials, so if they look up no
Street Lights podcast, they'llfind us.
We have a million links becauseyou know we're a podcast, we're
a non-profit.
Um, we're on all platforms.
You know we're on youtube um,instagram, facebook, apple
podcast, spotify.
I live in at near athens, ohio,so if you're in coolville, come
(38:00):
find me there, I guess.
Um, our official website is nostreetlightsorg.
Um, we have, I'll.
I'll just send you all of ourlinks and they can look at the
description.
Speaker 1 (38:13):
Absolutely, and I'll put it in the show notes.
But um thank you.
Yes, of course, but, yes,everyone, if you have a chance
to check out no streetlightspodcast, wherever you get your
podcast I would definitelyrecommend listening in on a few
(38:34):
or all the episodes that theyhave.
Um, it's definitely a podcast Ichampion for people to listen
to and tune into because I loveit so much.
And, yes, I am once again superproud of Aaron and Tim for all
they do and, you know, thank youfor sharing your journey with
(38:57):
us today.
Aaron, I know that wasn't easyfor you, you know, and I know I
put you on the spot with somequestions, but you know, know,
but I'm just so proud that youdid it.
You pushed through and you,just, you know, and you, by you
sharing your truth, you're alsohelping so many people also find
(39:21):
theirs.
So so that wraps up for today'sepisode.
Everyone please rate, reviewand subscribe to on the spectrum
with Sonia podcast, um.
Also remember to share withyour family and your friends
also, as promised.
You know, um, remember when Itold you all that if anyone has
(39:45):
gotten my book dropped in a mazeand has written a review, I
would read it out loud.
I am going to go ahead rightnow and I'm going to read a
review out loud, as promised.
Like I said, I would Let mejust open this up and see.
(40:05):
All right, so I'm going tostart with the first review, um
from Deborah Griffiths.
It says powerful storyhighlighting the challenges
autistic people have withfitting into society.
Loved how the author persistedthrough the challenges to create
the life she wants for herself.
Thank you very much for thatreview, deborah.
(40:30):
Um.
So if you haven't already, it'sthe book dropped in a maze is
available uh via all major bookretail distributors and um on
it's all online on amazon,barnes and nobles, um, strand
books, etc.
Uh, if you leave a review, uhon the book, I will read it out
(40:52):
loud.
Continue, continue this trendof doing that um.
And apart from that, uh, thankyou all for today and for
today's tuning in, and I'mlooking forward to sharing more
with you in the near future.
In the meantime, be kind toyourself, to others, and see you
(41:12):
next time.
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