October 12, 2023 • 16 mins
Sometimes, it is hard to distinguish infatuation from Love. Infatuation is inflation without foundation. It's essential to know the difference between the two to be able to determine if the relationship is right for you. Join the discussion as we explore how this mindset can be an illusion.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:01):
Hello, welcome back to Once I Knew a Girl.
I'm your host, Sam Bailey, andI'm so appreciative to all of
those who have joined today.
Whether you're a first-timelistener or a returning
listener, your support isgreatly appreciated.
If you have not yet done so,please go and subscribe to this
podcast, wherever podcasts arefound, whether it be Apple or
(00:23):
Spotify or Amazon, you can findthis and you can share it.
Once I Knew a Girl began as...
a sort of rites of passage toyoung men who are navigating the
complexities of relationships.
But I believe it has evolvedinto a conversation that we want
to bring you in on.
And I want you to share with mein this.
(00:43):
Disagree with me.
Agree with me.
But I really want you tocontemplate and consider what it
really means to be in arelationship.
And I have to tell you again,this is very subjective in
nature.
I'm speaking from a male's pointof view.
And Females may thinkdifferently, and other males may
think differently, but that'sokay.
But the conversation needs tocontinue to go, and it needs to
(01:06):
continue to flow, and it needsto continue to happen.
Today I want to talk aboutinfatuation, and infatuation is
the illusion of love.
There are a lot of people outthere that think they are in
love, but they're reallyinfatuated.
I heard a quote one time thatsaid, being in love and being
(01:26):
listened to are so closelylinked together that it's often
hard to tell the differencebetween the two think about it
some of us really don't havepeople to listen to us and when
we find someone that listens tous and listens to us without
discrimination listens to uswithout bias but just allows us
(01:50):
to be ourselves, allow us topour out our hearts without
judgment.
We want to draw close to themand we want to keep those people
in our lives because it's reallyhard to find and to keep those
type of people in our lives.
And so sometimes you're going tocome across somebody in a
relationship that gives you theillusion of love and you're
(02:12):
blinded by it because you don'tknow the difference between
infatuation and love.
And they sound the same on thesurface.
They often begin the same andtime is what decodes the
difference between the two.
Let a little time go on and youcan tell whether or not it was
just infatuation or it wasreally love.
(02:32):
I often say love is theprettiest, most beautiful, most
perfect, ugliest, nastiest wordin the English dictionary
because it's really onlydemonstrated to its fullest in
some of the worst situations.
You know, when you love me,you're going to stick with me
through it all.
And sometimes when you love meYou might have to let me go for
(02:54):
my own good.
So love is a tough word.
It's a heavy word.
Infatuation, on the other hand,is light and it's fluffy and
it's superficial.
And sometimes the person who isinfatuated with you or the
person that you're infatuatedwith, you don't often know how
to tell the difference betweenthe two.
(03:14):
See, presence is everything.
Presence is everything.
Sometimes somebody could beinfatuated with you because of
how you look, whether we believeit or not.
Some of you have looked at aperson and said, oh, he fine,
she fine.
And then when you really got toknow them, you realize that
beauty is only skin deep.
And also, let's just point thisout and put this out right now.
Beauty is very subjective.
(03:36):
What might be fine tosomebody...
over here is not fine to anotherperson over there you know I see
sometimes women are like that'smy husband he fine everybody
want him no everybody does notwant him everybody does not want
your girl because you thinkthey're the bomb you think they
look good but I may not thinkthat and everybody can deal with
one thing and even some of thepersonality traits that your
(03:57):
spouse or your significant otherpossesses some man might not be
able to deal with this and youcan just like some woman may not
be able to deal with that andyou can so presence is
everything and some people areinfatuated by the presence that
you bring when you walk in theroom.
It could be the way that yourdress flows or the way that your
hair is or your makeup andthey're blown away by the way
(04:19):
that you walk or the way thatyou carry yourself or your
speech.
People are infatuated by a lotof different things, by the
accomplishments that you have,by the connections that they
have.
They're infatuated with theconfidence that you have.
They might be drawn to yourresilience or your personality
or your smile and presence givesthe illusion that That they
(04:40):
think they know you better thanwhat they do.
And sometimes when you like theattention or crave the
attention, you actually feedinto that person's illusion of
love.
And so I want to be with you.
I want to be near you.
I want to be around with you.
I want to have what you have.
(05:00):
I want to feel that aura.
I want to feel that power.
I want the joy that you give offinto the world.
I want that joy in me.
it becomes a point where youcan, if you're not confident in
who you are and you don't knowwho you are and be able to see
it coming, you might actuallylike the attention at first.
(05:21):
See, that's the thing.
The type of attention you get atfirst, it doesn't always stay
the same.
And the type of attention youget at first, it goes from being
cute and lovely to toxic andalmost into an obsessive type of
of infatuation that the personhas with you.
(05:41):
And so, you know, infatuationleads to a lot of different
things.
Infatuation leads to seeing reallove.
People tell you who you are.
They're honest with you.
They talk to you directly.
They don't give you a falsesense of self, but an accurate
sense of self.
Sometimes they tell you thetruth, even if you don't like
it, but they do it in a lovingway, in a caring way, in a
(06:02):
compassionate way.
And let's be honest, sometimessomebody is going to hurt your
feelings.
If you've ever been in arelationship, I've never seen a
relationship where the persondoesn't hurt your feelings,
whether it be intentional orunintentional.
We try to say we're not going todo it.
But the closer you are to aperson, that person knows your
weak spots.
They know your vulnerabilities.
And so that's very important.
(06:23):
And and why would someone be seesome people just in love with
the idea of being in love?
For many people, love is just abandage to cover their wound.
And that infatuation is, I thinkyou can do something for me.
And any good relationship has tohave a level of reciprocity.
(06:44):
I'm giving to you and you'regiving to me.
I'm pouring into you, you'repouring into me.
And we start feelinginsufficient when we find
ourselves pouring into people.
And that's every relationship inour lives, pouring into people
who are not pouring back to us,especially us.
At the magnitude or on the levelthat we pour into them.
And so really infatuation oftengoes one sided.
(07:07):
The person is so much into you,giving so much at you.
They never require of you givinganything to them, which is not
really normal.
a good sign of a healthyrelationship because you should
require that that person in thatrelationship is pouring into
you.
And if they're not pouring intoyou, why do you continue to try
(07:28):
to maintain it?
And I think that just leads to alot of hurt, a lot of anger, a
lot of frustration, and a lot ofdisappointment.
So Love is not a bandage tocover.
I've been hurt and we got to becareful about being bonded in
trauma.
I've been hurt.
He's been hurt.
She's been hurt.
So we got the same hurt.
So let's get together.
No, no.
(07:48):
He he listens to me.
So maybe he's the answer to myproblem.
She knows exactly what to say atthe right moment.
So maybe she's the one.
It's not a bandage to cover awound.
And so, you know, sometimesit's.
You got to consider, are youthis person's alternative or are
they catching you on the reach?
(08:08):
Sometimes that person isinfatuated with you.
They are the type of person thatwill catch you off the rebound
because you've been broken down,you've been beat down, you've
been hurt.
And all of a sudden, here comessomebody coming along that's
saying everything that'sopposite of what you've been
through and what you're goingthrough.
The person before talked down toyou and this person lifts you
(08:29):
up.
The person before you didn'tlike the way you wore your hair
and didn't like a certain Andnow the new person who's coming
along, who's infatuated, istelling you everything that you
wanted to hear.
But the question is, have theybeen tested?
Have they been tried?
I often say, if you really wantto know what a person is and who
they are, you've got to livewith them through all seasons,
(08:52):
winter, summer, spring, fall.
It tells a lot about you.
A person.
So you can't just live with themin the summertime.
Right.
Everything's hot, steamy andit's passionate.
You know, how do they handle thewinter when things are dry and
bare and how do they handle youryour successes?
I think that's so importantbecause some people like to to
(09:13):
be the person, you know.
to bring you out of a hole.
They like saving people.
They like to see you down.
But what if you were trulysuccessful?
Could they support you?
Would the narrative be differentif you didn't have struggles, if
they weren't your savior, ifthey weren't the one that
providing the the necessaryoutlet that you need in your
(09:34):
life.
And I think that you got to becareful too.
When someone's infatuated withyou, that can almost lead to an
unhealthy relationship that putsyou in danger.
Y'all seen the movie Thin LineBetween Love and Hate?
It was a classic that came outof me and my brothers and
sisters.
We watched it many times.
Martin Lawrence and LenWhitfield, I believed, and he
(09:54):
was really just trying to gether in bed.
And she was trying to warn him,hey, I've been through some bad
situations before And he waslike, I know, I know.
And right about the point wherehe was getting ready to sleep
with her and go all the way, hesaid, I love you.
And she was almost in tears,almost like she had been waiting
for a long time to hear somebodysay, I love you.
(10:16):
And it was like that triggerword.
Some people are so in need oflove.
You know, we don't really seeit.
We can't look.
Look past it.
And he said, I love you.
And she said, you do.
And she was really taking it toheart.
But he knew that I love you wasgoing to be the ticket to get
her in bed and have sex with herand sleep with her and go all
the way.
(10:36):
Was he really serious with her?
No, he was just trying toconquer it.
You know, like a lot of peopleout there today, they will say
whatever they have to do ininfatuation to conquer you to
get to their bottom line.
Well, listen, be careful, guys.
Be careful about playing withthe woman's heart.
Ladies, be careful about playinggames with the man because you
may mean it at the time, butdon't say anything that you
(10:58):
don't mean, especially the Lword.
I mean, because I'm the type ofyou tell me you love me.
I believe you really mean it.
And I don't think you love me toplaying games because telling
you telling me you love me isnot going to get you where you
where you're going to go.
You know, I'm looking atactions.
I'm not looking at words.
So Martin said he loved her.
Next thing you know, they hadthe whole scene.
(11:19):
They had sex.
Got up, went on the next way,and then he thought he could go
on with his life.
But she wasn't having any ofthat.
She was like, hold on.
You said you love me.
He wasn't showing up for herbirthday.
Next thing you know, he'sgetting bricks through his car
window, birthday cake with aknife in it.
And he was trying to break itoff.
He's like, hey, she was crazy.
Well, he was infatuated withher, right?
(11:41):
And his infatuation led him toget her to let down her wall.
And she really thought, Ibelieve she really thought, like
many people, I thought you lovedme when you said it.
And if you tell somebody youlove them and you don't show
that, you're setting yourself upfor either the response, really
either response.
You would rather have theresponse where the person just
ignores you altogether anddoesn't even fool with you no
(12:03):
more.
But sometimes you can get a veryhostile response, which is to
come back and attack you and dosome harm to you because a lot
of people don't know how tohandle rejection.
So when you talk aboutinfatuation, it often leads to
inflation.
It's an inflated view of thatperson that puts them, elevates
(12:23):
them beyond what is reallyreasonable.
And so often with infatuationcomes a lot of expectation, too,
because I'm making you to bemore than you are.
Instead of seeing you for whoyou really are, you're just a
man and you're just a womanwho's a human.
And sometimes...
has flaws and we're allperfectly imperfect, but don't
(12:44):
use words to manipulate me.
Don't play off of myinsecurities to get inside of my
head, sometimes to get inside mybed or to get inside my pocket
or to get inside the space andthe place that I occupy.
And so infatuation can kind ofbe an illusion.
How do you know somebody justlikes you or that they're really
in love with you?
I think in counseling andmarriage, I often ask couples,
(13:08):
do you like this person?
What do you like about them?
Because you I read from the HolyScriptures that I have to love
my enemies.
But you talk about love.
Love goes beyond how I feel.
Love and like are two differentthings.
A lot of people live with eachother, and they have to love
you.
You have to love your enemies.
You'd have to forgive.
But to like you, that's a wholedifferent story.
(13:29):
So that's the question.
Do they like you?
Or is it conditional?
Or is it positional?
Do they like you based uponconditions?
Do they like you based upon yourposition?
Or do they like you forgenuinely who you are?
But the question is, if theydon't really know you, how can
they say they like you?
Now, I have to say, as a trueromantic, I believe that people
can fall in love at differentpaces and different speeds.
(13:51):
Sometimes you can really see aperson for who they are.
And it's not infatuation.
I genuinely have fallen in lovewith them.
You can fall in love withsomebody via a conversation.
You can fall in love withsomebody just by listening to
them, by seeing them, bywatching how they treat
somebody.
I think that those things arereally important.
But I think, how do you handlethat?
(14:12):
What does that lead you to do?
A lot of you listening todayhave been in love with different
people at different points inyour life, and they've never
known it.
You just tucked it in, youprocess it, and you realize, I
love them, but...
wrong as I had another episode,wrong person, right person,
wrong time, or coming soon, theone who got away.
And that's just what it was.
(14:34):
But that doesn't mean my lovewasn't real.
But it didn't mean I was goingto stalk them either.
It didn't mean that I was goingto put them in a bad position to
make a choice, me or nobodyelse.
You know, that's not what loveis.
You know, if you love somebodyor something, sometimes you got
to be able to let it go.
And that's important as well tothe process.
So I hope that that you handleit correctly, that we all handle
(14:58):
it correctly if we perceive thatit is truly infatuation instead
of love.
Infatuation can give theillusion of love.
And all of us got to askourselves that, you know, am I
just infatuated with thisperson?
Am I just drawn to somethingsuperficial or am I truly in
love?
(15:18):
Love is a process.
Love is a journey.
And love really has got to bedisplayed Through time, it's got
to be shown.
Through time, it's got to standthe test of time to be proven if
it really is love.
I don't know where you fittoday.
I don't know whether you're theone that's being pursued or
whether you are the pursuer.
(15:39):
But you got to consider if it isinfatuation, the illusion of
love, or if it's really love.
Well, let's keep theconversation going.
Share this with somebody else.
Ask someone the questions thatwere posed in this podcast and
just keep on listening.
Thank you for joining.
I appreciate your support.
(15:59):
And we'll check you out nexttime right here on Once I Knew A
Girl.
Be blessed.
Hello, welcome back to Once I Knew a Girl.
I'm your host, Sam Bailey, andI'm so appreciative to all of
those who have joined today.
Whether you're a first-timelistener or a returning
listener, your support isgreatly appreciated.
If you have not yet done so,please go and subscribe to this
podcast, wherever podcasts arefound, whether it be Apple or
(00:23):
Spotify or Amazon, you can findthis and you can share it.
Once I Knew a Girl began as...
a sort of rites of passage toyoung men who are navigating the
complexities of relationships.
But I believe it has evolvedinto a conversation that we want
to bring you in on.
And I want you to share with mein this.
(00:43):
Disagree with me.
Agree with me.
But I really want you tocontemplate and consider what it
really means to be in arelationship.
And I have to tell you again,this is very subjective in
nature.
I'm speaking from a male's pointof view.
And Females may thinkdifferently, and other males may
think differently, but that'sokay.
But the conversation needs tocontinue to go, and it needs to
(01:06):
continue to flow, and it needsto continue to happen.
Today I want to talk aboutinfatuation, and infatuation is
the illusion of love.
There are a lot of people outthere that think they are in
love, but they're reallyinfatuated.
I heard a quote one time thatsaid, being in love and being
(01:26):
listened to are so closelylinked together that it's often
hard to tell the differencebetween the two think about it
some of us really don't havepeople to listen to us and when
we find someone that listens tous and listens to us without
discrimination listens to uswithout bias but just allows us
(01:50):
to be ourselves, allow us topour out our hearts without
judgment.
We want to draw close to themand we want to keep those people
in our lives because it's reallyhard to find and to keep those
type of people in our lives.
And so sometimes you're going tocome across somebody in a
relationship that gives you theillusion of love and you're
(02:12):
blinded by it because you don'tknow the difference between
infatuation and love.
And they sound the same on thesurface.
They often begin the same andtime is what decodes the
difference between the two.
Let a little time go on and youcan tell whether or not it was
just infatuation or it wasreally love.
(02:32):
I often say love is theprettiest, most beautiful, most
perfect, ugliest, nastiest wordin the English dictionary
because it's really onlydemonstrated to its fullest in
some of the worst situations.
You know, when you love me,you're going to stick with me
through it all.
And sometimes when you love meYou might have to let me go for
(02:54):
my own good.
So love is a tough word.
It's a heavy word.
Infatuation, on the other hand,is light and it's fluffy and
it's superficial.
And sometimes the person who isinfatuated with you or the
person that you're infatuatedwith, you don't often know how
to tell the difference betweenthe two.
(03:14):
See, presence is everything.
Presence is everything.
Sometimes somebody could beinfatuated with you because of
how you look, whether we believeit or not.
Some of you have looked at aperson and said, oh, he fine,
she fine.
And then when you really got toknow them, you realize that
beauty is only skin deep.
And also, let's just point thisout and put this out right now.
Beauty is very subjective.
(03:36):
What might be fine tosomebody...
over here is not fine to anotherperson over there you know I see
sometimes women are like that'smy husband he fine everybody
want him no everybody does notwant him everybody does not want
your girl because you thinkthey're the bomb you think they
look good but I may not thinkthat and everybody can deal with
one thing and even some of thepersonality traits that your
(03:57):
spouse or your significant otherpossesses some man might not be
able to deal with this and youcan just like some woman may not
be able to deal with that andyou can so presence is
everything and some people areinfatuated by the presence that
you bring when you walk in theroom.
It could be the way that yourdress flows or the way that your
hair is or your makeup andthey're blown away by the way
(04:19):
that you walk or the way thatyou carry yourself or your
speech.
People are infatuated by a lotof different things, by the
accomplishments that you have,by the connections that they
have.
They're infatuated with theconfidence that you have.
They might be drawn to yourresilience or your personality
or your smile and presence givesthe illusion that That they
(04:40):
think they know you better thanwhat they do.
And sometimes when you like theattention or crave the
attention, you actually feedinto that person's illusion of
love.
And so I want to be with you.
I want to be near you.
I want to be around with you.
I want to have what you have.
(05:00):
I want to feel that aura.
I want to feel that power.
I want the joy that you give offinto the world.
I want that joy in me.
it becomes a point where youcan, if you're not confident in
who you are and you don't knowwho you are and be able to see
it coming, you might actuallylike the attention at first.
(05:21):
See, that's the thing.
The type of attention you get atfirst, it doesn't always stay
the same.
And the type of attention youget at first, it goes from being
cute and lovely to toxic andalmost into an obsessive type of
of infatuation that the personhas with you.
(05:41):
And so, you know, infatuationleads to a lot of different
things.
Infatuation leads to seeing reallove.
People tell you who you are.
They're honest with you.
They talk to you directly.
They don't give you a falsesense of self, but an accurate
sense of self.
Sometimes they tell you thetruth, even if you don't like
it, but they do it in a lovingway, in a caring way, in a
(06:02):
compassionate way.
And let's be honest, sometimessomebody is going to hurt your
feelings.
If you've ever been in arelationship, I've never seen a
relationship where the persondoesn't hurt your feelings,
whether it be intentional orunintentional.
We try to say we're not going todo it.
But the closer you are to aperson, that person knows your
weak spots.
They know your vulnerabilities.
And so that's very important.
(06:23):
And and why would someone be seesome people just in love with
the idea of being in love?
For many people, love is just abandage to cover their wound.
And that infatuation is, I thinkyou can do something for me.
And any good relationship has tohave a level of reciprocity.
(06:44):
I'm giving to you and you'regiving to me.
I'm pouring into you, you'repouring into me.
And we start feelinginsufficient when we find
ourselves pouring into people.
And that's every relationship inour lives, pouring into people
who are not pouring back to us,especially us.
At the magnitude or on the levelthat we pour into them.
And so really infatuation oftengoes one sided.
(07:07):
The person is so much into you,giving so much at you.
They never require of you givinganything to them, which is not
really normal.
a good sign of a healthyrelationship because you should
require that that person in thatrelationship is pouring into
you.
And if they're not pouring intoyou, why do you continue to try
(07:28):
to maintain it?
And I think that just leads to alot of hurt, a lot of anger, a
lot of frustration, and a lot ofdisappointment.
So Love is not a bandage tocover.
I've been hurt and we got to becareful about being bonded in
trauma.
I've been hurt.
He's been hurt.
She's been hurt.
So we got the same hurt.
So let's get together.
No, no.
(07:48):
He he listens to me.
So maybe he's the answer to myproblem.
She knows exactly what to say atthe right moment.
So maybe she's the one.
It's not a bandage to cover awound.
And so, you know, sometimesit's.
You got to consider, are youthis person's alternative or are
they catching you on the reach?
(08:08):
Sometimes that person isinfatuated with you.
They are the type of person thatwill catch you off the rebound
because you've been broken down,you've been beat down, you've
been hurt.
And all of a sudden, here comessomebody coming along that's
saying everything that'sopposite of what you've been
through and what you're goingthrough.
The person before talked down toyou and this person lifts you
(08:29):
up.
The person before you didn'tlike the way you wore your hair
and didn't like a certain Andnow the new person who's coming
along, who's infatuated, istelling you everything that you
wanted to hear.
But the question is, have theybeen tested?
Have they been tried?
I often say, if you really wantto know what a person is and who
they are, you've got to livewith them through all seasons,
(08:52):
winter, summer, spring, fall.
It tells a lot about you.
A person.
So you can't just live with themin the summertime.
Right.
Everything's hot, steamy andit's passionate.
You know, how do they handle thewinter when things are dry and
bare and how do they handle youryour successes?
I think that's so importantbecause some people like to to
(09:13):
be the person, you know.
to bring you out of a hole.
They like saving people.
They like to see you down.
But what if you were trulysuccessful?
Could they support you?
Would the narrative be differentif you didn't have struggles, if
they weren't your savior, ifthey weren't the one that
providing the the necessaryoutlet that you need in your
(09:34):
life.
And I think that you got to becareful too.
When someone's infatuated withyou, that can almost lead to an
unhealthy relationship that putsyou in danger.
Y'all seen the movie Thin LineBetween Love and Hate?
It was a classic that came outof me and my brothers and
sisters.
We watched it many times.
Martin Lawrence and LenWhitfield, I believed, and he
(09:54):
was really just trying to gether in bed.
And she was trying to warn him,hey, I've been through some bad
situations before And he waslike, I know, I know.
And right about the point wherehe was getting ready to sleep
with her and go all the way, hesaid, I love you.
And she was almost in tears,almost like she had been waiting
for a long time to hear somebodysay, I love you.
(10:16):
And it was like that triggerword.
Some people are so in need oflove.
You know, we don't really seeit.
We can't look.
Look past it.
And he said, I love you.
And she said, you do.
And she was really taking it toheart.
But he knew that I love you wasgoing to be the ticket to get
her in bed and have sex with herand sleep with her and go all
the way.
(10:36):
Was he really serious with her?
No, he was just trying toconquer it.
You know, like a lot of peopleout there today, they will say
whatever they have to do ininfatuation to conquer you to
get to their bottom line.
Well, listen, be careful, guys.
Be careful about playing withthe woman's heart.
Ladies, be careful about playinggames with the man because you
may mean it at the time, butdon't say anything that you
(10:58):
don't mean, especially the Lword.
I mean, because I'm the type ofyou tell me you love me.
I believe you really mean it.
And I don't think you love me toplaying games because telling
you telling me you love me isnot going to get you where you
where you're going to go.
You know, I'm looking atactions.
I'm not looking at words.
So Martin said he loved her.
Next thing you know, they hadthe whole scene.
(11:19):
They had sex.
Got up, went on the next way,and then he thought he could go
on with his life.
But she wasn't having any ofthat.
She was like, hold on.
You said you love me.
He wasn't showing up for herbirthday.
Next thing you know, he'sgetting bricks through his car
window, birthday cake with aknife in it.
And he was trying to break itoff.
He's like, hey, she was crazy.
Well, he was infatuated withher, right?
(11:41):
And his infatuation led him toget her to let down her wall.
And she really thought, Ibelieve she really thought, like
many people, I thought you lovedme when you said it.
And if you tell somebody youlove them and you don't show
that, you're setting yourself upfor either the response, really
either response.
You would rather have theresponse where the person just
ignores you altogether anddoesn't even fool with you no
(12:03):
more.
But sometimes you can get a veryhostile response, which is to
come back and attack you and dosome harm to you because a lot
of people don't know how tohandle rejection.
So when you talk aboutinfatuation, it often leads to
inflation.
It's an inflated view of thatperson that puts them, elevates
(12:23):
them beyond what is reallyreasonable.
And so often with infatuationcomes a lot of expectation, too,
because I'm making you to bemore than you are.
Instead of seeing you for whoyou really are, you're just a
man and you're just a womanwho's a human.
And sometimes...
has flaws and we're allperfectly imperfect, but don't
(12:44):
use words to manipulate me.
Don't play off of myinsecurities to get inside of my
head, sometimes to get inside mybed or to get inside my pocket
or to get inside the space andthe place that I occupy.
And so infatuation can kind ofbe an illusion.
How do you know somebody justlikes you or that they're really
in love with you?
I think in counseling andmarriage, I often ask couples,
(13:08):
do you like this person?
What do you like about them?
Because you I read from the HolyScriptures that I have to love
my enemies.
But you talk about love.
Love goes beyond how I feel.
Love and like are two differentthings.
A lot of people live with eachother, and they have to love
you.
You have to love your enemies.
You'd have to forgive.
But to like you, that's a wholedifferent story.
(13:29):
So that's the question.
Do they like you?
Or is it conditional?
Or is it positional?
Do they like you based uponconditions?
Do they like you based upon yourposition?
Or do they like you forgenuinely who you are?
But the question is, if theydon't really know you, how can
they say they like you?
Now, I have to say, as a trueromantic, I believe that people
can fall in love at differentpaces and different speeds.
(13:51):
Sometimes you can really see aperson for who they are.
And it's not infatuation.
I genuinely have fallen in lovewith them.
You can fall in love withsomebody via a conversation.
You can fall in love withsomebody just by listening to
them, by seeing them, bywatching how they treat
somebody.
I think that those things arereally important.
But I think, how do you handlethat?
(14:12):
What does that lead you to do?
A lot of you listening todayhave been in love with different
people at different points inyour life, and they've never
known it.
You just tucked it in, youprocess it, and you realize, I
love them, but...
wrong as I had another episode,wrong person, right person,
wrong time, or coming soon, theone who got away.
And that's just what it was.
(14:34):
But that doesn't mean my lovewasn't real.
But it didn't mean I was goingto stalk them either.
It didn't mean that I was goingto put them in a bad position to
make a choice, me or nobodyelse.
You know, that's not what loveis.
You know, if you love somebodyor something, sometimes you got
to be able to let it go.
And that's important as well tothe process.
So I hope that that you handleit correctly, that we all handle
(14:58):
it correctly if we perceive thatit is truly infatuation instead
of love.
Infatuation can give theillusion of love.
And all of us got to askourselves that, you know, am I
just infatuated with thisperson?
Am I just drawn to somethingsuperficial or am I truly in
love?
(15:18):
Love is a process.
Love is a journey.
And love really has got to bedisplayed Through time, it's got
to be shown.
Through time, it's got to standthe test of time to be proven if
it really is love.
I don't know where you fittoday.
I don't know whether you're theone that's being pursued or
whether you are the pursuer.
(15:39):
But you got to consider if it isinfatuation, the illusion of
love, or if it's really love.
Well, let's keep theconversation going.
Share this with somebody else.
Ask someone the questions thatwere posed in this podcast and
just keep on listening.
Thank you for joining.
I appreciate your support.
(15:59):
And we'll check you out nexttime right here on Once I Knew A
Girl.
Be blessed.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Law & Order: Criminal Justice System - Season 1 & Season 2
Season Two Out Now! Law & Order: Criminal Justice System tells the real stories behind the landmark cases that have shaped how the most dangerous and influential criminals in America are prosecuted. In its second season, the series tackles the threat of terrorism in the United States. From the rise of extremist political groups in the 60s to domestic lone wolves in the modern day, we explore how organizations like the FBI and Joint Terrorism Take Force have evolved to fight back against a multitude of terrorist threats.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com