Right Girl. Wrong Time.

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Sometimes, you meet the right person at the wrong time. How do you handle the emotion that comes with that experience? Would your life be that much different? There are some people that you may never get over, as tough as it may be. Come on in and join the conversation. 

Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Hey everyone, I'm Sam Bailey and welcome back to
Once I Knew a Girl, a podcastthat explores the complexities
of relationships.
I know it's been a while since Iput one out, but I want to thank
you guys for being patient andthank you guys who have listened
thus far.
If you have not yet heard thispodcast, you can find this
podcast wherever podcasts arefound, whether it be Apple

(00:21):
Podcasts, whether it be iHeartMusic, whether it be Spotify,
Google, you can find thispodcast.
So I thank you guys for waitingpatiently.
Thank you guys for joining in.
And all those who would belisteners, hang on.
I'm going to try to put thesepodcasts out more regularly and
have a lot of things to share, alot of material to cover.

(00:43):
So I just thank you for comingalong with the ride.
If you get a chance to, go backand check out the intro to this
podcast.
And it gives you a lot ofbackground of why I'm doing it.
The motivation behind it andwhat the purpose and the aim is.
So I can't do all that todaybecause I got to jump right into
our subject for the day.

(01:04):
And it is once I knew a girl whowas the right one at the wrong
time.
And this can go both ways,right?
Males and females.
We've experienced this.
The right one at the wrong time.
See, life is not just abouttime.
Time is currency.
It has value.
How we use it.

(01:25):
Do we save it?
Do we squander it away?
Do we waste it?
Or do we take advantage of it,use it to our advantage?
But even within that frameworkof time, we have something
called timing.
Timing is like if time isknowledge, then timing is
wisdom.

(01:46):
So it's knowing what to do withthe time you have.
It's having discernment, right?
Judgment.
It's Knowing when to act or whennot to act.
Timing is everything.
Sometimes life puts us inpositions and situations where
we're forced to be at the mercyof life, where we If I just had

(02:11):
come to this college two yearslater, if I just waited a little
bit longer, I do believe thatsometimes God will ruin your
plans before your plans ruinyour life.
So for many of us, we find thatit was okay that things worked
out the way that they did,right?
Because life is meant to belived forward and understood

(02:31):
backwards.
So it's easy to play Mondaymorning quarterback.
It's easy to guess yourselfabout things that occur in your
life.
So This person that you meet,it's all about timing and you
can meet them and you might meetthem where you might not be in a
position to be able to exploreit any further, maybe because of

(02:51):
your relationship status.
Maybe you're dating somebody,maybe you're engaged, maybe
you're married now, maybe theyhave somebody now, maybe time
has put you all in differentplaces, different locations.
And so It's the right person.
It's just the wrong time.
Maybe you're not ready now.
Maybe there's something in yourlife that's keeping you from the
exploratory nature of what itcould be in the relationship.

(03:15):
And maybe had you been able tomeet this person in your youth,
you wouldn't have been able toseeing what you see in the
person now.
And sometimes there are peoplewho meet each other when they're
younger and they're factors thatplay into whether or not they
can go ahead and pursue thatrelationship beyond their
control.
So sometimes you meet the personand you're ignorant.

(03:37):
You don't know what you need ordon't know what you want.
You see a lot of people who areyounger like that.
They really don't know what theywant.
They think they know what theywant.
And I always say you can getwhat you want and not want what
you get.
That can happen to all of us.
And so in ignorance, they lookfor things that are superficial.
And when they were so-called,you know, at the prime of their

(04:00):
lives where they could have hadanything they want.
They weren't serious about that.
And besides, who really tells uswhat to look for in a spouse or
in a mate?
Most of us learn that by trialand by error.
And then we grow.
That's why, right?
People split up because theygrow apart and they don't
realize that what they neededwhen they were younger is not
what they need when they'remiddle-aged or when they're

(04:22):
older.
So how do you see potential insomebody?
Seeing potential in somebody isimportant because potential is
everything.
Potential is just that.
It's just energy and waiting.
It's just something that isthere that I see.
And most people want somethingalready perfect, something
already made, something alreadythat has arrived instead of

(04:44):
looking at potential.
What could this person be?
But then we could flip that andsay, what could this person be
negatively?
We see things early in the game,attitudes, dispositions,
mindsets, words, behaviors, andwe ignore them because we think
that, yeah, this stuff is goingto get better.
But what often happens is thegood stuff gets better, the bad

(05:05):
stuff gets worse.
And here you are findingyourself in a situation where
where you feel stuck.
So trying to see somebody'spotential is different.
We get distracted by a lot ofthings.
There's a lot of distractionsthat might keep someone from
really identifying someone whohas the potential to be a

(05:26):
partner in life.
And that can be really crucial.
Somebody says, well, what's ithave to do with having the right
person at the wrong time?
Well, let's look at the oppositeof it.
What about the wrong girl at theright time.
You know, sometimes you can havethe person that's wrong for you,
but they catch you at the righttime.
That goes both ways, right?
Some of you have been caught offthe rebound.

(05:47):
You were just in a bad place.
You needed somebody to comealong to fill the space, fill
some time.
Maybe you were bonded overtrauma, bonded over brokenness.
Maybe you were looking for asign and that person showed up
at the time that you wereso-called looking for a sign.
And sometimes we want somethingso bad that will take something
that's not for us eternity intosomething that we believe that

(06:09):
we need.
You find yourself coming backsometimes to yourself, realizing
that you missed a lot ofopportunities and you missed the
right person.
And now when you see what theyhave to offer now, by the time
you pull it together now, by thetime where you know who you are
and what you want to be and whatyou want to do, now you can't do

(06:33):
it.
You can't explore it.
Yet you see all the qualities,all the characteristics, all the
things that you want now, butyou didn't know then and you can
see them.
What do you do in thisparticular type of situation?
Well, just know that I alwaysbelieve that just because you
love someone doesn't mean youhave to be in a relationship

(06:53):
with them.
What I mean by that is aromantic relationship where you
live with them, obviously, areintimate with them, obviously
spend time on various trips andwhatever you define as being an
intimate, connectedrelationship.
monogamous relationship.
Just because you love someonedoesn't mean you have to be in a
relationship with it.

(07:14):
And then I think sometimes whenyou start talking about
relationships, it actually candiminish to a certain extent
that initial feeling that youhave about love.
Because what happens is insteadof the person seeing you for
you, And the purity of what loveis supposed to be, you start
being defined and judged andhandled and dealt with by your

(07:38):
role.
You are now somebody's mother.
You are now somebody's husband.
You are now somebody's provider.
You're now somebody's object or,you know, feel a need or
whatever it may be in your life.
And that's it.
And you forgot what it felt liketo have butterflies.
You forgot what it was like tostay up like a schoolgirl or a

(08:00):
schoolboy.
You forgot what it's like tosee...
that note handed to you to say,will you go out with me?
Check box, yes or no.
And I was thinking about thistoday.
Those little Valentine cardsthat we had back when I was in
school and they would say, bemine.
And you would get a littlepicture that was a sticker that
you would peel it and you wouldstick it right on the middle of
the card and you would give itto people that were your friends

(08:24):
and they would smile.
And I was going back throughsome stuff the other day and I
found some notes, love notesfrom high school, from girls and
Not a lot of them, but a few ofthem.
And they were very sweet.
They're very thoughtful and theywould write hearts and I would
write back to them.
And it was before the textmessage.
We couldn't send text messages.
We couldn't send pictures.

(08:44):
We had to learn how to write andarticulate and read through the
cursive.
I can't tell if that's an L oran I, but we found our way
through it.
I remember going through thehallway and we Pass notes to
each other, slide a note in herbag, or you know that in between
class, in between the period,you were going to get a note
from the person and that youwere going to write them one,

(09:05):
you know, instead of doing yourhomework.
And it was going to be likethat.
And that was just part of it.
Right.
But there were a lot of peoplein those times that you might
have missed that could have beengood.
But you said maybe we're tooyoung.
I don't see how this is going togo or where it's going to last.
And we forget to trust in ourinstinct.
And I want you to know, if youfind yourself in that position,
where you've met the rightperson but it's just the wrong

(09:28):
time it doesn't work for them itdoesn't work for you you can't
do anything with the situationnow maybe your again your status
in your life does not afford youto be in that place realize that
sometimes in life there are somethings that you can never get
over and you never will get overyou just got to deal with it and
you may never be able to getover the fact that you blew an

(09:50):
opportunity I think that's thebeauty of life is that we don't
get everything that we want.
I think a beauty of life is thatwe get to woulda, shoulda,
coulda.
That's what we like about Sportstalk radio, Monday morning
quarterbacks, right?
We get on, we talk about all thescenarios that could have
happened in the game, that mighthappen in the game, that need to
happen in the game.

(10:10):
And we listen to our favoritecommentaries and commentators
just talk over and over and overabout the same thing.
So yeah, it's okay.
It's okay.
Sometimes that's what makes themiss you song sound good or the
breakup song sound good or haveyou seen her song sound good
because you don't always get thegirl.

(10:32):
You don't always get the guy.
I like those love stories thatdon't always end up happily ever
after, where the guy doesn't getthe girl, the girl doesn't get
the guy.
I think I talked about that inone of my first podcasts,
talking about summer, 500 daysof summer.
And I don't want to spoil themovie, but it didn't go like
traditionally.
It wasn't You Got Mail, whereTom Hanks and Meg Ryan meet in

(10:53):
the field with a dog with aSomewhere over the rainbow
playing in the background in NewYork City in the spring.
You know, everybody's story isnot going to end like that.
You just got to be able to dealwith it.
And you got to be able to saythat I have to be able to
compartmentalize what this isnow and what it is.

(11:13):
And I have to say, yes, I missedthe opportunity.
But listen, there might besomebody out there just because
you missed the opportunity thefirst time around.
Some people are afforded asecond chance.
Some people afforded a secondchance to try to see where it
goes and what happens from it.
But you can't you can't spendyour whole life tied up in the
idea of something that youmissed.

(11:35):
And then sometimes.
you know, we can second guessourselves.
There could have been somethingat the time.
If a lot of time has passed, youdon't remember what it was, but
there could have been somethingat the time that you were keying
off of or that you were noticingand that you were trying not to
ignore.
There could have been somebodyin the way distracting you.
And then you never know whatcould have been.
And I think that's, again, thebeautiful thing about history,

(12:00):
but it's also the hauntinglydifficult thing about history is
that our past, we have to atsome point accept that it is
what it is and know that in thepresent, if I allow it to
continue to keep me hostage orhold me hostage, I can't move
into the future what I haveahead of me.

(12:21):
So yeah, chances are youprobably met the right one, even
if you're not in a relationshipright now, even if you're in a
bad relationship right now.
And when somebody says, what isa bad relationship?
Well, I think that There's aword called compatibility, and I
believe that some peoplestruggle, and this is just my

(12:42):
opinion from counseling, fromobservation, from all the
different avenues that I'veseen.
I believe that many people havea difficulty connecting because
they're not compatible.
Some people argue with that, butPieces got to fit.
I'm not talking about justhaving someone who, and I'm air

(13:03):
quoting, completes me.
I'm talking about complementarypieces, pieces that fit
together.
We may both be go-getters, butwe know how to balance each
other.
We may come from different sidesof the United States, but we
have the same family values.
I know who you are at the core.
I don't hit you below the belt.

(13:23):
I respect you.
I respect our differences.
I listen to you.
I understand you.
And I get you for who you are.
You don't have to be anybodyelse around me, but who you are.
And that's an importantcharacteristic to note and an
important characteristic to keepand look for.
So right, girl, wrong time.

(13:44):
You got to live with it.
That's one we cannot get around.
And that's one we cannot avoid.
And so I hope That gives yousomething to think about.
Again, we're trying to keep thediscussion going here on Once I
Knew A Girl.
And please subscribe.
I need you to subscribe whereveryou listen to this podcast.
So I'm back in business now.

(14:05):
I'll be putting these outregularly.
If you subscribe, you'll know itand it'll ding in your phone or
being in your phone or show upin your phone or your laptop,
whatever you listen to podcastson.
And we'll just put someinformation, encouragement,
knowledge, insight out into theworld.
Eventually, I'm going to expandthis and bring certain guests on

(14:26):
to talk about certain things.
And so thank you guys forjoining.
Thank you guys for supporting.
And I'll see you next time righthere on Once I Knew a Girl.
Peace.