She's definitely hiding something

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In this episode, the concept of concealment is addressed. It's essential to be transparent in relationships. If you aren't upfront in relationships, there is the potential for unreviled and unresolved issues to hinder the relationship's progress.

Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Hello, welcome back to Once I Knew a Girl, a podcast
that explores navigating thecomplexities of relationships.
I'm Sam Bailey, your host, and Iwant to thank all of you for
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(00:21):
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(00:45):
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Today, I want to bring up atopic that I believe is
important.
And that is, once I knew a girlwho is definitely hiding
something.
So the topic on the table todayis to conceal or not to conceal.

(01:08):
Kind of Shakespearean, right, innature.
That is the question.
And I think if we were allhonest, we would have to admit
that We are not always astransparent as possible.
I think it's unwise to revealeverything to everyone and often
say that if you are a realgentleman, there are three

(01:30):
things that a real gentlemannever tells.
Never talks about his money, howmuch he makes or how much he
doesn't make.
I mean, if I was rich, youwouldn't know it.
If I was broke, you wouldn'tknow it.
He never talks about his lovelife or his next move.
It's okay to know how to move insilence and to be confident in
the moves that you make,especially if the move that

(01:52):
you're making puts you in abetter position in life, but
this is not always the case.
It's never wise on certainoccasions to share your deepest,
darkest, emotional feelings,right?
Especially on public platforms.
I'm reminded of a line from TheGodfather, 1972, Don Corleone.

(02:12):
He said, never let anyoneoutside the family know what
you're thinking.
That's true and that'sapplicable, but that doesn't
always necessarily apply when itcomes to relationships.
And I think it's important forus to realize that Fellas,
ladies love confidence, but tendto shy away from cockiness.

(02:33):
And if you desire for a woman tobe transparent with you, you
must be willing to displaywarmth, openness.
And often for us, the problemcomes when we find ourselves in
a situation where we realizethat she's not giving up as much
as you are.
And that goes vice versa, right,ladies?
There are some men who are notgiving up.

(02:55):
information that is crucial andvital to the development of the
relationship.
So as a general rule of thumb,never share deeply personal,
intimate, relational informationwith someone with whom you don't
have just as much information onthem as they have on you.

(03:17):
I know that sounds odd, but yougot to be careful.
There's always a Brutus or aJudas waiting to surface and
just backstab you at the righttime.
So sometimes you have to havethat leverage when you talk
about relationships.
And when you think about what itmeans to conceal, It's probably

(03:38):
something that you already know.
It just really means to keepfrom sight or from being known.
You know what deceit is?
Deceit is when something orsomeone promises something that
they cannot deliver.
So many of our relationshipsbegin deceitful, right?
Like the garden, like theserpent told Eve that if you eat
of this fruit, you're going tobe wise like God.

(03:58):
God is holding something backfrom you.
Oh, this fruit looks good to theeye.
It tastes good.
And you're going to have thiswisdom unknown on to you.
It was deceitful, but what wasthe problem was that this fruit,
this so-called fruit did notgive Eve what she thought it
would give her.
It just brought her into a placethat she could never really

(04:21):
recover from.
So when you think aboutconcealment, it's to keep it out
of sight.
So when I meet someone or when Idid on the dating scene.
I'm no longer on the datingscene.
But when you meet someone ormeet a young lady, the first
question you ask yourself or youshould ask yourself is, can I
trust her?
And many men make this mistakeof trying to pry or force or

(04:45):
guilt trip information out of awoman only to their own
detriment.
I believe a good woman willvolunteer any information up
front knowing that she wants nosurprises to come out later and
she wants to earn your trust.
Yes, I said it, she must earnyour trust and you must earn
hers as well.
So some of us are inrelationships right now and you

(05:05):
need to go back andretroactively ask questions
about whether she's earned yourtrust or not.
And how can you tell if she'sholding things back from you?
Well, you can be able toexperience it and feel it when
you come into a deeper level ofintimacy.
And when we talk about intimacy,right?

(05:27):
I'm not talking about physicalcontact.
We always think that it meanstouching and making out and
something physical, but I'mtalking about Intimacy, into me
you see, right?
It comes from sharinginformation.
It comes from reciprocity.
Her stories don't always matchup.

(05:49):
That's an indicator.
You asked her before, she has adifferent answer.
Her stories don't match up.
She deflects, changes thesubject when you begin to talk
about certain situations fromher past.
And after all, all of us arejust still products of our
environment, whether it be goodor bad.
It's difficult to shake whereyou've come from.
You can take us out of theenvironment, but you often can't

(06:12):
take the environment out of us.
And so it's important toconsider a person's origins, as
I stated in the first episode,whether it be good or bad.
And so in relating to a woman,and when you're relating to a
woman, rather, and you perceivethat she doesn't show you
herself or she gives you halfthe story.
You must address your ownfragility dealing with her.

(06:35):
And if you're not careful, thistype of woman will bring out the
insecurities in yourself thatyou didn't even know you had.
And some of us didn't know wewere insecure until we connected
to a could not play mind readeror we didn't have the emotional
energy to track down a person tosee where they are and see who

(06:57):
they're talking with andchecking their phone and
following them and trackingthem.
That's not what a relationshipought to be.
And I've said this beforepublicly.
Now, you guys, if two grownpeople want to do something,
there's nothing you can do tostop them.
So it doesn't really make sensein that context.
that realm to be chasing aftersomebody.
But I know a lot of people doit.

(07:18):
And if you're doing all that,that may not be yours in the
first place, right?
Because what's yours is going towant to be with you and it's
going to want to remain with youand you won't have to do all
that.
But this type of woman who'sconcealing, she will rarely
volunteer information.
And when you confront her aboutthe lack of disclosure, you'll
say, hey, you don't talk to me.
You don't communicate with me.
She'll just reply with the, Ihave no idea what you're talking

(07:41):
about, right?
And you feel like, Does she justgaslight me?
Am I crazy?
It's almost like sheunconsciously makes you feel
stupid for even questioning,even bringing up the
possibilities that she could beconcealing vital information to
the growth of your relationship.
So if you already had trustissues, maybe you didn't trust

(08:01):
your father.
Maybe you didn't trust yourmother.
Maybe you didn't trust authorityfigures in your life, or you
already had issues with openingup to people on a different
level.
This definitely doesn't help.
I have no idea what you'retalking about.
Well, you begin to feel stupid.
Then you begin to withdraw.
And then it's a self-fulfillingprophecy, which says, I can't

(08:28):
and maintain healthyrelationships.
So if you have trust issues, youshould not be involved with a
woman that you don't trust.
And that goes for you ladies aswell.
You would be surprised though,to find out how many men are
attracted to women Because theyseem like they're mysteries.

(08:48):
There's something mysteriousabout her.
And I always say this aboutquiet people.
Just because someone is quietdoesn't mean that they're humble
or nice or sweet.
She could be quiet, but shecould be a junkyard dog.
We always mistake that.
And that's the thing aboutpeople that talk a lot.
We always think that they'recrazy or outgoing and they're

(09:09):
out of whack or don't know whatthey're talking about.
And a quiet person alwaysgets...
mistaken for being meek andhumble and lowly, but that's not
always the case.
So these type of people, theirwhole life goals of
relationships are just to get byas long as they can without
giving the information.
And then you find yourselfhaving to peel back layers,

(09:31):
almost like you were peelingback an orange, only to discover
that was not an orange, but apeach.
How frustrating is that?
I've been peeling and peeling.
I'm trying to get down to thisorange juice and I find apple
juice.
I'm going to say also though,guys, it's unfair for you to
expect her to be open andtransparent with you when you
yourself are a well full ofsecrets.

(09:53):
But I'm just addressing thisidea that You have given her all
she needs to know up front.
I'm assuming that, right?
So you've given her all sheneeds to know up front, and then
you're letting her choose whatto do with that information.
And that's what I believe.
Give me the information upfront.
Don't try to predict what myresponse or my reaction is or

(10:15):
worry about that.
Let me decide how I can choosewith it, how I choose.
to respond.
Maybe we talk about it and workit out.
Maybe we move on from here.
But using deceit and deceptionto keep me in a place where I
should have the choice to decidewhere I want to be is a problem.

(10:39):
And so one of the other problemswith a woman that hides things
from you is that you can't trusther even in straightforward
conversations.
She will Rarely, if ever, tellyou how she feels about things
so you can decide.
She lures you in through hermystique, right?
And you begin to say things.

(11:00):
This is how it starts.
There's just something about herthat draws her to me.
She probably has an interestingstory.
She's engaging, enlightening.
And still, she may also haveanother lover, one that she's
not quite done with or one thatshe might be interested in.
But She keeps you on the line asa backup plan, as a safety

(11:24):
valve, waiting to see how youguys gel before she moves
forward into the unknown withyou.
And if you allow yourself to becaptivated by her, you're going
to find that this pattern ofslow dripping information will
come back to haunt you in theend.
And then as you crescendo up tothe grand finale, you'll

(11:45):
discover At some random moment,at some random time, some random
place, that everything youthought about her was wrong.
And I think the mostdisheartening part of this
revelation is that once youconfront her about the
concealment, she'll deny thatshe ever hid anything.
And then she'll tell you that, Itried to tell you, but you're

(12:06):
not listening.
So I do believe being vulnerableis necessary for human
interaction and forrelationships to thrive and
flourish.
And even when you find yourselfhurt by a woman or a man or just
hurt in life in general, allowyourself to just keep loving and
keep being vulnerable and keepbeing open and keep putting love

(12:26):
out into the universe, into theworld.
You know, I don't like to seemen walking around saying things
like, I've been hurt, that's whyI can't love again.
No, there's no one size fitsall.
All of us have a great capacitybecause there's a great God,
right?
That should live in all of usand we should recognize that
he's in all of us and we have acapacity to love.
And so as this guide explains,In your love life and in

(12:50):
relationships, we have to beresilient and resilient in our
spirit because she may not getyou now, he may not get you now,
but one day they'll look backand realize that they had a good
thing.
So we should seek.
Thank you so much.

(13:30):
In it, she knows it's theframework of who she is.
She knows her past will notdefine her, nor will she let you
define her by it.
You want someone who talkspurposely about life and who's
very optimistic aboutpossibilities and speaks truth
and life into situationsregardless of who's involved.

(13:52):
So there is such a thing, y'all.
When you're playing the gamehide and go seek, when we used
to play when we were little,That there is such a thing of
hiding too well, right?
The purpose is hiding thatyou're in a place where
potentially you can be found.
And there's always somebody whomesses up the game, who hides
too good.
We've been looking for you forthree days now.

(14:12):
We can't find you.
It messes up the game.
Look for the type of woman whohides from you just enough to
make you seek her.
Which, fellas, that isn't ourinstinct to do, right?
Betas don't do that.
They want the woman to comeafter them and do all of the
work.
You'll see that in the end, ifyou take the time to pursue

(14:34):
after her heart, you're going tobe rewarded greatly by a woman
who is loving, who is open, whois affectionate, and
transparent.
And a transparent woman can beyour greatest ally, but one who
conceals could be your greatestdetriment.

(14:55):
Even The Holy Scriptures forceus to ask a critical question.
Proverbs 31, who can find avirtuous woman?
For her worth is far aboverubies in the heart of a man
that safely trusted her.
We have to choose wisely.
And I think it's important as wewrap up this episode today to

(15:17):
encourage a lot of our young menor just men in general that we
have to think about A lot of theinformation that we are airing
out in public spheres, publicarenas, and really consider what
does it mean to have a trulyintimate relationship where

(15:38):
there's honesty, transparency,and real, authentic connection.
That's what it's about, y'all,making connections.
Ladies, we cannot read yourmind.
It's not our job.
to fulfill the role of your dad.
It's not even oftentimes our jobto be your best friend.

(16:01):
And that's a whole notherepisode, but it's our job to
understand who you are, whereyou are, what you need, and
create that type of atmospherewhere the reciprocity is alive.
I give, you give, and we comeinto that cycle of what it means

(16:23):
to truly be intimate with oneanother.
Thank you guys for joining thisepisode.
You got to check it out nexttime right here on Once I Knew a
Girl.
Thank you.