July 25, 2024 • 17 mins
Lack of secure attachment in the formative years of a person's life can significantly impact their ability to relate effectively to another. In this episode, Sam Bailey discusses the importance of recognizing insecurities in ourselves and others. Once we understand how the environment shapes us, we will be better equipped to navigate conversations and situations with a better understanding.
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Episode Transcript
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SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Hello, welcome back to Once I Knew a Girl.
I am your host, Sam Bailey, andI appreciate you for joining
today.
And I know it's been a while,but I'm excited to be back doing
this podcast, finishing up theseepisodes, and hopefully
following that, putting out abook.
So first of all, I just want tosay to all those who were
(00:22):
following me consistently andregularly that I'm sorry you had
to wait so long, but sometimesyou got to re-up, regroup, Get
back on it and finish this out.
I think these conversations areso very important to have.
So if you have not done so, Iwant to let you know you can go
back and check out all of theprior episodes.
(00:43):
There are about nine episodes.
And once I knew a girl.
to catch you up if this is yourfirst episode, was originally
going to be aimed at men oryoung men talking about
navigating the complexities ofrelationships.
But as it's evolving, it's goingto be a conversation that all of
us know someone.
(01:04):
And for ladies as well, I thinkour aim is to bring insight into
how we think as men.
And I know in A world or societytoday where there are lines that
are blurred, I still believe,call me old-fashioned,
traditionalist or whatever, Istill believe that there are
some things that are innate tomen and innate to women.
(01:26):
And there are some thingsprobably culturally that norms,
expectations that society placeson us.
Some of the things I think aretrue are undervalued and some
are overemphasized.
But the conversations need tokeep going.
Again, to remind you, thispodcast is...
is subjective in nature, whichmeans that I'm coming from a
(01:50):
male's point of view, but opento the female persuasion as
well.
So today I want to talk about agirl.
Once I knew a girl who seemedtoo much too soon.
And there's a word that I'mthinking about, exposure.
We don't often realize howcrucial the developmental years
(02:14):
are to a person's mentalwellbeing in life overall.
I'm an environmentalist.
In other words, I believe that aperson's environment goes a long
way in the shaping who they are.
We are the product of ourenvironment, whether it be good
(02:34):
or bad.
We often have the option tochoose whether or not we come
from a good family, and want tocontinue to carry on what we
know and what we've learned, orwe can rebel against that and do
our own thing and discover somethings for ourselves.
That option is always there.
Or I've seen people who comefrom troubled families and they
(02:56):
have made a conscious choice intheir life to break some of the
generational curses orgenerational cycles in their
families' lives and choose adifferent path for their family.
So it can go either way.
There are some people come frombad family structures and never
break from that.
So there's a lot of options whenyou talk about developing who
(03:17):
you are.
And if you ever met a girl or aperson who's seen too much too
soon, you'll find yourselfconstantly trying to figure out
what's wrong.
I know that seems like that's onevery episode, right?
What's wrong with this person?
But I mean, it's odd things liketrust, right?
(03:41):
So we're talking about secureattachment and secure attachment
usually is formed in thoseformative years.
So trust, right?
We learn trust early.
A child learns to trust theirmother, to feed them, to nurture
them, to put them to sleep.
how to get their attention.
Trust is feeling confident thatyour loved ones will be there
(04:03):
when you need them.
If you started off at an earlyage, as far as you can remember,
going through periods of feelingor actually being abandoned,
you're gonna have a difficulttime trusting people.
And people who have trustissues, they usually project
those issues out on you, sayingthings, trying to make you feel
guilty preemptively.
(04:25):
I know you're going to leave me.
It's just a matter of time.
I don't trust people as might bea legitimate reason or an excuse
not to open up to you.
So they don't have confidence.
And that confidence should havebeen developed at an early age,
primarily because of therelationships that should have
been formed as a child.
So sometimes you can see toomuch too soon.
(04:48):
Some people came out of abusivesituations.
Some people came from divorcedrelationships and they have a
jaded view of what marriage isor should or should not be.
Some people lost a parent at anearly age and that has defined
their life.
And so oftentimes people seemtoo much too soon have difficult
(05:09):
times communicating because whenyou can't trust and you've never
been able to feel confident insharing your thoughts, sharing
your feelings, your emotions,then now you have a glitch in
your communication.
And I like to use that wordglitch because there's some
people who are glitchy in theircommunication.
They can't express their needsor their feelings.
And if they do, they do itreactively.
(05:30):
They do it passively or they doit with a great extent of
sarcasm, negativity.
And they only tell you when youmess up.
You don't know what to do.
You're walking on eggshells.
You're walking on pins andneedles.
They say things as kind of snidecomments off to the side in
passing, and they can't bedirect because they don't know.
(05:53):
When they attempted tocommunicate in the past, either
someone shot them down, didn'tlisten to them, or took
advantage of them in some shape,form, or fashion.
You can tell when someone grewup in an environment where
communication was notemphasized.
People talked over one another.
(06:13):
No one listened to one another.
No one validated.
No one sought to be understood.
And so now it creates a lack ofempathy.
I may have talked about thisbefore, but there's a difference
between sympathy and empathy.
Sympathy is when you feel forsomeone.
Empathy is when you feel withthem.
And so sometimes it's tough tofeel with the person who's
(06:37):
coming at you or with the personwho is not seeking to get a
better understanding of thedynamics within the
relationship.
That's crucial and that'simportant.
So being empathetic, thesepeople who've seen too much too
soon, they've been hurt so much,misused so much, disappointed so
much.
It's easier to detach, bedisconnected, to disassociate
(07:01):
than to feel empathy, right?
To be empathetic means I have tofeel.
I have to care.
And oftentimes we say, listen,nobody cared for me when I was
going through it.
Nobody cared for me when I wasbeing verbally abused.
Nobody cared for me when my momleft me to be a latchkey kid.
So why should I care aboutanybody else?
And so you might see in thatrelationship, why is this person
(07:24):
doesn't care that I lostsomething?
It doesn't care that I gotfired.
It doesn't care because they arecorrelating your situation to
theirs, which they really havenothing to do with the other,
but they have a difficultyengaging in concepts of what it
(07:44):
means to be empathetic or to bea person of empathy.
So then you talk about intimacy.
There's a difference between sexand intimacy.
Some of y'all don't know thatyet, right?
as I've always said, intimacy isinto me, you see, and intimacy
(08:06):
takes vulnerability.
I have to allow you to appearinto or to see into my heart.
This is careful because withintimacy and vulnerability, you
have to bring them withboundaries because you can't
just have a free for all of yourheart.
Let anybody in, say anything,damaged goods inside of your
(08:30):
inner sanctum.
And that's so important to knowthat.
And you can't get close with aperson who's never had a secure
attachment from an early agewith the most prominent
relationships in their life.
They don't feel comfortablebeing intimate.
They don't feel comfortableexploring what it means to talk.
(08:52):
Every time things getuncomfortable, they run, they
retreat.
So you see, you think aboutsecure attachment, it can be
seen in children who feelprotected by their caregivers,
right?
When they feel protective, theycan actually branch away.
They can go to another personwho wants to hold them, but
they're still leery ofstrangers.
And you gotta be careful also, achild that just goes to
(09:15):
everybody, I would be leery ofthat as well.
And that means they're used tobeing passed around.
And there are people like that.
They seek attention ineverybody.
They confine in everybody.
And they just saw too much toosoon.
Be careful, y'all, who youattach yourself to.
Be careful when you start divingdeeper into emotional
(09:37):
connections and to air quotesoul ties with a person.
I think it's important to checktheir background to know where
they came from.
That doesn't mean that they'regoing to be forever alone.
unlovable or that you can'tstart a relationship with them.
But that just means foundationis important.
I believe genetics is important.
Environment is important.
So we got to consider thesethings and secure attachment is
(10:01):
something that that we all musttry to.
evaluate.
And so when you talk aboutsecure attachment, it helps you
be able to regulate youremotions and your feelings,
because when you don't havethose attachments, you can't
regulate your emotions and yourfeelings.
You can't cope and learn how todeal with your problems, because
(10:24):
whatever way you cope, you didit by yourself.
And there's a level, yes, towhich we have to cope by
ourselves.
But remember, we're socialbeings.
We have to learn how to copewithin the framework of our
social Right.
(10:47):
in your relationships.
If you are insecure, then you'regoing to have a difficult time
being in a solid relationship,right?
Because you are going to actout.
Let me check your phone.
Let me see you.
Where are you going?
Who are you talking to?
And you're always going to thinkthat somebody is going to leave
you.
You're always going to thinkhe's going to do just like your
dad did.
You're always going to thinkthat All men are dogs.
(11:10):
I always say that all men aredogs.
Maybe you just need to get outof the pound.
Maybe just all the men you dealwith are dogs.
Maybe all the women that you'rearound don't put a blanket
statement on all men or allwomen.
And that's unfair.
And not all black people are ona certain way.
All white people are on acertain way.
All old people are young people.
And we do this.
And so that whatever attachmentstyle we develop at an early
(11:32):
age, it will have lifelonginfluence on our ability to
communicate, how we respond toconflict, how we And even
expectations that we form inthese relationships.
And now I want to sayeverything, attachment style, it
doesn't explain everything aboutyour relationships.
You know, who you become as anadult, because some of us are
(11:52):
using things 15, 20, 30 yearsago, which even though it
explains, it doesn't justify.
I'm a believer that a lot ofthings can be explained, but
that doesn't mean it'sjustified.
So in relationships, right?
most time you can, when affairshappen or different things like
that, you can find anexplanation.
(12:13):
I heard a quote that said,sometimes the victim of the
affair was not the victim of themarriage, but whether they
cheated or whether they didn't,You can find an explanation
somewhere if you do therelational forensics of it, if
you explore it.
But once you find the answer,that doesn't mean it's
justified.
Right.
So sometimes we get caught up inthe explanation and we don't
(12:36):
like, especially if you've beenthe victim of something, you
don't want to hear theexplanation.
But the explanation can help youget to the cause.
And when you get to the cause,then you could do some research.
some understandingretroactively, but also you can
do some preparation for thefuture and know what work you
got to do currently in yourrelationship to be able to
(12:57):
strengthen it.
And it's healthy when you're ina secure type of relationship,
right?
There's a balance.
You're not constantly dependingon the other person to meet all
of your needs.
No one person can meet all ofyour needs.
And I think that's so important.
I need you to complete me.
Now I'm already complete.
And so So there's a balance.
(13:18):
And when there's a balance inthe relationship, then you can
have deeper intimacy because, asI stated in prior podcasts, it's
when expectation doesn't matchup with reality, then
disappointment is manifested inthe relationship.
So deeper intimacy, deepervulnerability.
And here's the key.
(13:39):
have deeper intimacy, havedeeper vulnerability, all the
while maintaining yourindividuality.
If you are a guy, if you're agirl, whatever relationship that
you're in, if it is strippingyou of your identity and your
essence, I'm one that believesbeing a relationship should just
enhance who you are.
It shouldn't make you lose youridentity.
(14:01):
I've seen people getrelationships and they no longer
can talk to their family and theperson wants to totally isolate
them from their life.
That's an insecure personTotally isolate you from your
life, from the people who havebeen there for you, supported
them.
Whether you like them or not,you can form your individual
relationship.
I've seen it happen in husbandand wife situation where the
(14:21):
mother-in-law or thedaughter-in-law pulling against
the other and the man justcaught between the middle.
He's like, I don't love my wifelike I love my mother.
And I don't love my mother likeI love my wife and my
mother-in-law, my girls.
There's enough capacity, enoughroom to love everybody in the
way that they need to love.
But an insecure person can't dothat.
And that usually starts fromseeing too much too soon.
(14:45):
All right.
So I really probably should havecalled this podcast and I
probably will.
Now, once I knew a girl who wasinsecure, because that's really
what it is.
The insecurity comes from thelack of security at those
formative years.
And so I hope today that someonewho's listening in dropped in a
(15:06):
day can can consider orreconsider some of the thoughts
shared in here.
Look at your own life.
If there's something within yourown life that you need to work
on, don't be practicing on otherpeople, experiencing on other
people, dumping on other people.
Work on yourself.
Find someone who loves you foryou.
There's someone out there whowill love the person that you're
(15:31):
Give it to us upfront.
Tell us who you are.
Tell us what you experienced.
Don't hide it.
Don't hold it back.
You know, and because if, ifyou, if you don't have a secure
attachment style, then you'regoing to fall into several
insecure categories.
You're going to be anxious inyour relationships.
Every time somebody leavesavoidant, or you're going to be
(15:53):
just disorganized altogether.
And you're not going to helpyourself altogether.
or the person that you'reattempting to love and to build
something long.
and stable with.
So these things are soimportant.
And in these podcasts, I'm goingto try to create a way and I'll
let you guys know, build a fanbase and a way for you guys to
communicate back and to be ableto ask and receive questions as
(16:17):
well as we can go deeper intothese conversations.
Again, I want to thank you forjoining today.
I want to reconnect with all ofyou.
I want you to share thesepodcast.
I want you to go back and listento some of them and we're just
going to keep the conversationgoing and stay on this journey
(16:38):
together because really life isabout relationships and we got
to learn how to relate first ofall with ourselves, I believe
with God and with others aswell.
And then we can truly be securein our relationships.
So thank you for joining.
I'm grateful for you.
And I'll see you next time righthere on Once I Knew a Girl.
Hello, welcome back to Once I Knew a Girl.
I am your host, Sam Bailey, andI appreciate you for joining
today.
And I know it's been a while,but I'm excited to be back doing
this podcast, finishing up theseepisodes, and hopefully
following that, putting out abook.
So first of all, I just want tosay to all those who were
(00:22):
following me consistently andregularly that I'm sorry you had
to wait so long, but sometimesyou got to re-up, regroup, Get
back on it and finish this out.
I think these conversations areso very important to have.
So if you have not done so, Iwant to let you know you can go
back and check out all of theprior episodes.
(00:43):
There are about nine episodes.
And once I knew a girl.
to catch you up if this is yourfirst episode, was originally
going to be aimed at men oryoung men talking about
navigating the complexities ofrelationships.
But as it's evolving, it's goingto be a conversation that all of
us know someone.
(01:04):
And for ladies as well, I thinkour aim is to bring insight into
how we think as men.
And I know in A world or societytoday where there are lines that
are blurred, I still believe,call me old-fashioned,
traditionalist or whatever, Istill believe that there are
some things that are innate tomen and innate to women.
(01:26):
And there are some thingsprobably culturally that norms,
expectations that society placeson us.
Some of the things I think aretrue are undervalued and some
are overemphasized.
But the conversations need tokeep going.
Again, to remind you, thispodcast is...
is subjective in nature, whichmeans that I'm coming from a
(01:50):
male's point of view, but opento the female persuasion as
well.
So today I want to talk about agirl.
Once I knew a girl who seemedtoo much too soon.
And there's a word that I'mthinking about, exposure.
We don't often realize howcrucial the developmental years
(02:14):
are to a person's mentalwellbeing in life overall.
I'm an environmentalist.
In other words, I believe that aperson's environment goes a long
way in the shaping who they are.
We are the product of ourenvironment, whether it be good
(02:34):
or bad.
We often have the option tochoose whether or not we come
from a good family, and want tocontinue to carry on what we
know and what we've learned, orwe can rebel against that and do
our own thing and discover somethings for ourselves.
That option is always there.
Or I've seen people who comefrom troubled families and they
(02:56):
have made a conscious choice intheir life to break some of the
generational curses orgenerational cycles in their
families' lives and choose adifferent path for their family.
So it can go either way.
There are some people come frombad family structures and never
break from that.
So there's a lot of options whenyou talk about developing who
(03:17):
you are.
And if you ever met a girl or aperson who's seen too much too
soon, you'll find yourselfconstantly trying to figure out
what's wrong.
I know that seems like that's onevery episode, right?
What's wrong with this person?
But I mean, it's odd things liketrust, right?
(03:41):
So we're talking about secureattachment and secure attachment
usually is formed in thoseformative years.
So trust, right?
We learn trust early.
A child learns to trust theirmother, to feed them, to nurture
them, to put them to sleep.
how to get their attention.
Trust is feeling confident thatyour loved ones will be there
(04:03):
when you need them.
If you started off at an earlyage, as far as you can remember,
going through periods of feelingor actually being abandoned,
you're gonna have a difficulttime trusting people.
And people who have trustissues, they usually project
those issues out on you, sayingthings, trying to make you feel
guilty preemptively.
(04:25):
I know you're going to leave me.
It's just a matter of time.
I don't trust people as might bea legitimate reason or an excuse
not to open up to you.
So they don't have confidence.
And that confidence should havebeen developed at an early age,
primarily because of therelationships that should have
been formed as a child.
So sometimes you can see toomuch too soon.
(04:48):
Some people came out of abusivesituations.
Some people came from divorcedrelationships and they have a
jaded view of what marriage isor should or should not be.
Some people lost a parent at anearly age and that has defined
their life.
And so oftentimes people seemtoo much too soon have difficult
(05:09):
times communicating because whenyou can't trust and you've never
been able to feel confident insharing your thoughts, sharing
your feelings, your emotions,then now you have a glitch in
your communication.
And I like to use that wordglitch because there's some
people who are glitchy in theircommunication.
They can't express their needsor their feelings.
And if they do, they do itreactively.
(05:30):
They do it passively or they doit with a great extent of
sarcasm, negativity.
And they only tell you when youmess up.
You don't know what to do.
You're walking on eggshells.
You're walking on pins andneedles.
They say things as kind of snidecomments off to the side in
passing, and they can't bedirect because they don't know.
(05:53):
When they attempted tocommunicate in the past, either
someone shot them down, didn'tlisten to them, or took
advantage of them in some shape,form, or fashion.
You can tell when someone grewup in an environment where
communication was notemphasized.
People talked over one another.
(06:13):
No one listened to one another.
No one validated.
No one sought to be understood.
And so now it creates a lack ofempathy.
I may have talked about thisbefore, but there's a difference
between sympathy and empathy.
Sympathy is when you feel forsomeone.
Empathy is when you feel withthem.
And so sometimes it's tough tofeel with the person who's
(06:37):
coming at you or with the personwho is not seeking to get a
better understanding of thedynamics within the
relationship.
That's crucial and that'simportant.
So being empathetic, thesepeople who've seen too much too
soon, they've been hurt so much,misused so much, disappointed so
much.
It's easier to detach, bedisconnected, to disassociate
(07:01):
than to feel empathy, right?
To be empathetic means I have tofeel.
I have to care.
And oftentimes we say, listen,nobody cared for me when I was
going through it.
Nobody cared for me when I wasbeing verbally abused.
Nobody cared for me when my momleft me to be a latchkey kid.
So why should I care aboutanybody else?
And so you might see in thatrelationship, why is this person
(07:24):
doesn't care that I lostsomething?
It doesn't care that I gotfired.
It doesn't care because they arecorrelating your situation to
theirs, which they really havenothing to do with the other,
but they have a difficultyengaging in concepts of what it
(07:44):
means to be empathetic or to bea person of empathy.
So then you talk about intimacy.
There's a difference between sexand intimacy.
Some of y'all don't know thatyet, right?
as I've always said, intimacy isinto me, you see, and intimacy
(08:06):
takes vulnerability.
I have to allow you to appearinto or to see into my heart.
This is careful because withintimacy and vulnerability, you
have to bring them withboundaries because you can't
just have a free for all of yourheart.
Let anybody in, say anything,damaged goods inside of your
(08:30):
inner sanctum.
And that's so important to knowthat.
And you can't get close with aperson who's never had a secure
attachment from an early agewith the most prominent
relationships in their life.
They don't feel comfortablebeing intimate.
They don't feel comfortableexploring what it means to talk.
(08:52):
Every time things getuncomfortable, they run, they
retreat.
So you see, you think aboutsecure attachment, it can be
seen in children who feelprotected by their caregivers,
right?
When they feel protective, theycan actually branch away.
They can go to another personwho wants to hold them, but
they're still leery ofstrangers.
And you gotta be careful also, achild that just goes to
(09:15):
everybody, I would be leery ofthat as well.
And that means they're used tobeing passed around.
And there are people like that.
They seek attention ineverybody.
They confine in everybody.
And they just saw too much toosoon.
Be careful, y'all, who youattach yourself to.
Be careful when you start divingdeeper into emotional
(09:37):
connections and to air quotesoul ties with a person.
I think it's important to checktheir background to know where
they came from.
That doesn't mean that they'regoing to be forever alone.
unlovable or that you can'tstart a relationship with them.
But that just means foundationis important.
I believe genetics is important.
Environment is important.
So we got to consider thesethings and secure attachment is
(10:01):
something that that we all musttry to.
evaluate.
And so when you talk aboutsecure attachment, it helps you
be able to regulate youremotions and your feelings,
because when you don't havethose attachments, you can't
regulate your emotions and yourfeelings.
You can't cope and learn how todeal with your problems, because
(10:24):
whatever way you cope, you didit by yourself.
And there's a level, yes, towhich we have to cope by
ourselves.
But remember, we're socialbeings.
We have to learn how to copewithin the framework of our
social Right.
(10:47):
in your relationships.
If you are insecure, then you'regoing to have a difficult time
being in a solid relationship,right?
Because you are going to actout.
Let me check your phone.
Let me see you.
Where are you going?
Who are you talking to?
And you're always going to thinkthat somebody is going to leave
you.
You're always going to thinkhe's going to do just like your
dad did.
You're always going to thinkthat All men are dogs.
(11:10):
I always say that all men aredogs.
Maybe you just need to get outof the pound.
Maybe just all the men you dealwith are dogs.
Maybe all the women that you'rearound don't put a blanket
statement on all men or allwomen.
And that's unfair.
And not all black people are ona certain way.
All white people are on acertain way.
All old people are young people.
And we do this.
And so that whatever attachmentstyle we develop at an early
(11:32):
age, it will have lifelonginfluence on our ability to
communicate, how we respond toconflict, how we And even
expectations that we form inthese relationships.
And now I want to sayeverything, attachment style, it
doesn't explain everything aboutyour relationships.
You know, who you become as anadult, because some of us are
(11:52):
using things 15, 20, 30 yearsago, which even though it
explains, it doesn't justify.
I'm a believer that a lot ofthings can be explained, but
that doesn't mean it'sjustified.
So in relationships, right?
most time you can, when affairshappen or different things like
that, you can find anexplanation.
(12:13):
I heard a quote that said,sometimes the victim of the
affair was not the victim of themarriage, but whether they
cheated or whether they didn't,You can find an explanation
somewhere if you do therelational forensics of it, if
you explore it.
But once you find the answer,that doesn't mean it's
justified.
Right.
So sometimes we get caught up inthe explanation and we don't
(12:36):
like, especially if you've beenthe victim of something, you
don't want to hear theexplanation.
But the explanation can help youget to the cause.
And when you get to the cause,then you could do some research.
some understandingretroactively, but also you can
do some preparation for thefuture and know what work you
got to do currently in yourrelationship to be able to
(12:57):
strengthen it.
And it's healthy when you're ina secure type of relationship,
right?
There's a balance.
You're not constantly dependingon the other person to meet all
of your needs.
No one person can meet all ofyour needs.
And I think that's so important.
I need you to complete me.
Now I'm already complete.
And so So there's a balance.
(13:18):
And when there's a balance inthe relationship, then you can
have deeper intimacy because, asI stated in prior podcasts, it's
when expectation doesn't matchup with reality, then
disappointment is manifested inthe relationship.
So deeper intimacy, deepervulnerability.
And here's the key.
(13:39):
have deeper intimacy, havedeeper vulnerability, all the
while maintaining yourindividuality.
If you are a guy, if you're agirl, whatever relationship that
you're in, if it is strippingyou of your identity and your
essence, I'm one that believesbeing a relationship should just
enhance who you are.
It shouldn't make you lose youridentity.
(14:01):
I've seen people getrelationships and they no longer
can talk to their family and theperson wants to totally isolate
them from their life.
That's an insecure personTotally isolate you from your
life, from the people who havebeen there for you, supported
them.
Whether you like them or not,you can form your individual
relationship.
I've seen it happen in husbandand wife situation where the
(14:21):
mother-in-law or thedaughter-in-law pulling against
the other and the man justcaught between the middle.
He's like, I don't love my wifelike I love my mother.
And I don't love my mother likeI love my wife and my
mother-in-law, my girls.
There's enough capacity, enoughroom to love everybody in the
way that they need to love.
But an insecure person can't dothat.
And that usually starts fromseeing too much too soon.
(14:45):
All right.
So I really probably should havecalled this podcast and I
probably will.
Now, once I knew a girl who wasinsecure, because that's really
what it is.
The insecurity comes from thelack of security at those
formative years.
And so I hope today that someonewho's listening in dropped in a
(15:06):
day can can consider orreconsider some of the thoughts
shared in here.
Look at your own life.
If there's something within yourown life that you need to work
on, don't be practicing on otherpeople, experiencing on other
people, dumping on other people.
Work on yourself.
Find someone who loves you foryou.
There's someone out there whowill love the person that you're
(15:31):
Give it to us upfront.
Tell us who you are.
Tell us what you experienced.
Don't hide it.
Don't hold it back.
You know, and because if, ifyou, if you don't have a secure
attachment style, then you'regoing to fall into several
insecure categories.
You're going to be anxious inyour relationships.
Every time somebody leavesavoidant, or you're going to be
(15:53):
just disorganized altogether.
And you're not going to helpyourself altogether.
or the person that you'reattempting to love and to build
something long.
and stable with.
So these things are soimportant.
And in these podcasts, I'm goingto try to create a way and I'll
let you guys know, build a fanbase and a way for you guys to
communicate back and to be ableto ask and receive questions as
(16:17):
well as we can go deeper intothese conversations.
Again, I want to thank you forjoining today.
I want to reconnect with all ofyou.
I want you to share thesepodcast.
I want you to go back and listento some of them and we're just
going to keep the conversationgoing and stay on this journey
(16:38):
together because really life isabout relationships and we got
to learn how to relate first ofall with ourselves, I believe
with God and with others aswell.
And then we can truly be securein our relationships.
So thank you for joining.
I'm grateful for you.
And I'll see you next time righthere on Once I Knew a Girl.
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