July 25, 2021 • 50 mins
Have you ever had a week where everything went wrong? It might have been an awful day or even just one challenging situation. But then the next day, something else happened to knock you down, and before you know it, your whole week has gone by in a spiral of sadness and hopelessness. You feel like nothing is going right for you--like life is out to get you. This may sound familiar to many people who are trying to balance work with their personal lives while also coping with stressors of all kinds on top of that. What if it doesn't need to be this way? That there are ways we can learn from our experiences and find resilience within ourselves so that we become unstoppable no matter what.
In this episode, Dr. Ronda Beaman talks with Ameé about resilience and building it up in ourselves. You'll learn if you are born resilient or not, why we need more of it in the world today, what things can actually reduce your own personal level of resilience even if you already have some built up, and finally best strategies for building strength both inside yourself as well as within others around you.
Resources:
Little Miss Merit Badge
My Feats in These Shoes: A Solely Original Memoir
Links to buy The Fearless Woman’s Guide to Starting a Business
Amazon (Audio, Print, Kindle Versions): https://amzn.to/3daO7nA
Barnes and Noble- https://bit.ly/FearlessWomansGuide
Bookshop- https://bit.ly/FearlessWomanBookshop
Visit https://www.ameequiriconi.com/ for more articles about self-help, healing from trauma, leadership, business, and more!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Amee Quiriconi (00:00):
All right, everybody. Welcome back to the
show. Last year, I had a chanceto speak with my guest today,
Dr. Rhonda Beeman aboutresilience. And I wanted to come
back to this conversation again,because I believe this is one of
those subjects that you reallyjust can't overtalk there's, you
know, not enough of us havingthe discussion about what it
means to be resilient to becomeresilient strategies and
(00:22):
techniques we can employ. And Ihad a chance after I spoke with
Rhonda last summer, and thenpublished my episode on one
broken mom to actually integratepart of her conversation into
the book that I just publishedthis year, and in my chapter on
becoming unstoppable. And so Ithought it would be amazing to
actually bring her back andfocus more specifically on
talking about unstoppable, notto mention, she's super fun to
(00:44):
talk to you. And so it's alwaysgoing to be a good time. And
then she did last year, she'sactually published another book
called my feet in the shoes, andit's a memoir, and she shares
stories in there from otherpeople in what it was like,
making decisions and changes intheir life.
And so and what they decided todo with their some of their
dreams, and so I want a chancefor her to be able to tell us
(01:06):
about that. But first, I want tosay welcome back round. I'm
really excited. Hey, good to beback with you. And especially
I'm looking at you with no maskon. This is good news. This is
happy. Has this happinesshappening in the world right
now? Yes, yes. Well, I mean,it's been, you know, I have to
say that for a year, and I know,this has been a really hard year
for a lot of people. So I am notdiminishing or invalidating some
(01:29):
of the really like gnarlyexperiences people have had. But
you know, these are those yearswhere I feel like, being able to
wring out something positive.
That's just what one of mysuperhero strengths have always
been. And so, in the last 12months, you know, some really
cool achievements have happened.
And I'm, you know, I'm proud ofand and I know that, you know,
every time I run into some sortof a hurdle, there's, you know,
(01:52):
glass half full, what can Ilearn from this? How is your 12
months been since, like I said,it's been about a year since you
and I actually talked?
Ronda Beaman (02:00):
Yeah, I have to laugh because, you know, I'm not
even a half glass full or halfempty. I'm like, throw the glass
away.
Just me, you know, let's noteven measure it. Let's just keep
moving forward. So I rememberspecifically saying to all of my
students, all the people, Iteach fitness classes to anyone
(02:21):
that I would run into lastMarch, I was good. Come on,
people, we can do this. It'sthree weeks.
Hold on. Yeah. You know, it'sokay. So I'm not a real good
arbitrator of what's happening,but I'm still positive. And, you
know, here's the thing,throughout human history, these
(02:42):
things have happened. I wasreading here, I'm just gonna
drop Marcus Aurelius song. It'sa sound really smart. But um, I
was reading his meditations andsome of his history because the
whole stoic movement fascinatesme, and you know, how we've just
recycled their thinking from along time ago, and, and just
(03:03):
kind of updated at all alonghuman history, but they were the
original thinkers of thesethings. And it's fascinating to
me, but during his reign, therewas a 19 year pandemic
19 years, and it killedsomething like 5 million people,
which, you know, in today'snumbers is like, 50 million
(03:25):
people. And, and so it goesthrough human history, and the
people that end up, you know,okay, are the ones that
understand, it's not alwaysgonna be wonderful. And, and I
really love this too, you know,this two thirds rule, or the
rule of thirds, if you will,that I read the other day that a
(03:47):
third of life is great. It'sjust great. And I call it those
golden moments, you know,whether it's your graduation or
your wedding or somethingterrific. Life is great. For a
third of your time, life isgood, you know, not golden, but
hey, I'm healthy. I've got aroof over my head, God willing,
(04:07):
and, you know, life's prettygood. And then a third of it is
really terrible, just bad andtough and filled with depths of
sorrow and, and darkness. Andwhen you hit those moments, and
you will, I mean, if people arelistening to you on your podcast
(04:29):
and thinking you're alwayspositive, that's probably not
true. When people meet me, Ithink they think that I know my
students think that I crawl intoa
confident night like a vampire,you know, and I just wait for
the sun to come out and thenI'll come back and go, I'm
teaching today and then I goback, it was what they think.
(04:51):
But you know, I've got my 1/3 ofterrible stuff, too. Well, one
of the 1/3 of terrible stuffhappens. What's really, really
changedAnd what you can decide like
nobody else only you is holdingon to when it gets good again,
because it will, and holding onuntil it gets great again,
because it will. And it's justthis minor shift of your
(05:12):
attitude. And I think that isthe whole secret to everything.
And the only thing that you cancontrol, right, not the
circumstance, but your responseto the circumstance, not
thinking something's good orbad, but thinking makes it so
right. So understanding the kindof power you have. So, yeah,
(05:32):
tough gear for everyone. Butalso, like you said, some really
great Wake Up Calls and somereally great moments of
understanding some really
Amee Quiriconi (05:45):
fresh awakenings about where we're headed and how
we get there, and what'spossible, and what really
matters and what matters most.
Mm hmm. Absolutely. You know,you said good and bad. And that
made me think of when you popthat in there, the tendency that
we have to judge the experienceand like rate it on a score, you
know, on that spectrum of a goodgrade or, you know, terrible
(06:06):
experience. And, and I you know,and I think like you that when
we start judging them in thatway, we lose the ability, like,
how can I learn something from abad experience? Or is it you
know, and then you regret havingthem or, you know, you don't
learn enough from your goodexperiences, but, but what
you're saying is, don't don'treally judge it based on good or
(06:28):
bad pull out. It happened. It'sthe thing happens.
Ronda Beaman (06:34):
Yeah, you can't you can't deny that you can't,
like walk around going, I'mokay. Cuz everyone knows you're
not. And, but But what are youpulling out of it? And what are
you using? You know, I like, Ilike the whole analogy. I'm
getting into archery lately. Andnot because I needed to go
hunting for my own food duringthe pandemic, but I just, it was
(06:57):
something I could do in mybackyard. And I like the idea of
a quiver. Right, the quiver isthe thing that holds all these
arrows. And these arrows arethese things you pull out, and
and they take your target shoot.
And, you know, you either hit itor you miss it, or whatever the
case may be. But like everythingthat you learn, and every
experience that you have good,bad and ugly, every day that you
(07:20):
are given and do not forget youare given this day, right? No
promises that you'll be giventomorrow. Everything that you
can gather is like these quick,you know, these arrows in your
quiver. And you've got tons ofthem if you start collecting,
you know, every day with everyopportunity. And I really want
(07:41):
to make sure that anyonelistening understands because,
you know, I have students whotheir whole freshman year of
college has been online, ortheir whole college graduation
didn't happen, or you know,there's all this loss, loss
loss. And they look at me orthey look at someone like you
(08:04):
and think, well, it's easy foryou, you know, cuz you're an
optimist. Well, wait, just afreaking minute, right?
Nothing in your DNA makes you anoptimist makes you disciplined
makes you move forward, insteadof back. You choose ever better
you choose forward momentum. Andeveryone can do it. You know, it
(08:27):
doesn't. It's just again, thatshift in your mind, and everyone
could do it. But it's harder.
It's so much easier to sitaround and wallow and complain
and criticize. Anyone can dothat. That's easy. You know, but
being that, go ahead.
Amee Quiriconi (08:45):
I was gonna know, I was gonna say like,
you're, you know, I wanted toask that because it's easy. I
think you and I maybe make itlook really easy to do to make
those choices. And you know, andI sat and have contemplated on
myself, like, why me and how meright and maybe not why me, but
how me How am I this way? Andand I was going to ask like, you
(09:06):
know, you do leadershipdevelopment and resilience
development, you know, as a bigpart of your professional
career. You know, are therepeople that seem to be born with
an ability to be resilient orhave it come at us easier than,
you know, maybe other people?
Because I've seen people too,they're just like, you know, I
frustratingly like, just youknow, don't look at it that way.
Look at it this way. It's like,Okay, fair, she knows everybody
(09:27):
else.
Ronda Beaman (09:31):
No, and you just want to slap them. It's like,
you know, I Moonstruck snap outof it, but some people cannot.
You're absolutely right, thatthere are some people who, you
know, the more and more we'refinding out about our own bodies
and our own upbringings and allthe human, you know, experience,
the more we're finding out aboutthat, you know, we realize we're
(09:52):
just a big chemical cocktail,and some people got some really
good chemicals and some peopledid not and
So there is that as a factor.
But barring clinical issues,barring, you know, medically
diagnosed issues, the normalperson that isn't facing those
(10:13):
kinds of challenges that have todo with chemical imbalances and,
and drug use or abuse and thosekinds of things, that normal
average person, I guess youwould say, not normal, none of
us are normal, the averageperson, no matter what your
chemical cocktail can decide, Ihave a friend who's an MD, and
(10:35):
he said that he so many peoplecome into his office that are
pre diabetic, type two diabetes,haven't been taking care of
themselves, whatever the case,may be, and, you know,
overweight. And he says to them,Listen, you know, if you go out
and walk your block, once ortwice, any evening, just a
(10:59):
couple of times around theblock, it'll do as much for you
as this pill that I'm going togive you. And everyone takes the
pill.
Everyone, she's never hadanybody go really, I could
control it myself. Just give methe pill. And that happens to
(11:20):
with depression many times. Andso you know, we've got this
whole societal thing that thatsome external solution is going
to help us. And I really, youknow, Goldie Hawn is doing a
really great job, jewel is doinga really great job on creating
these programs that go intoelementary school, and start
(11:42):
teaching people about, you know,mine, your meditation skill, and
looking at the world as apositive place. And, you know,
all this, I think it has tostart, because so many of us
just replicate what we see athome, what we see, you know, in
other people's homes, orwhatever, and, you know, never
(12:03):
get the chance to reallyoptimize who and what we are,
because we're not taught thatstuff in school. You know, when
I go into these corporations,and I've got 40 year old people
who are sorry, they pick theprofession they did are sad. You
know, it's like, I think you andI talked about last time, you
know, most people park theircars where they're going to
(12:25):
work, and leave the window downa little bit so their soul can
breathe, while they go intowork. And Gosh, what a shame
what a, you know, how do you?
How do you fix that? I think wegot to go back to the very
beginning about how people areeducated about what we're
capable of, and what kind of,you know, chemicals we can call
upon, and that we createourselves, the dopamine, the
(12:48):
adrenaline, the endorphins,everything, we need to live a
positive, meaningful andpowerful life is already inside
us. We just need to know how totap into it.
Amee Quiriconi (13:01):
Yeah, yeah, definitely. And I think about,
you know, my, my drive that, youknow, spurs me to get back up
off the ground to do somethingis, is this partly competitive,
you know, like, I want to win,well, that's a dopamine like, I
want to reward. And I know, Ican't get rewarded, if I sit on
my button, I do nothing. And soI get the, you know, the
energetic, you know, refill ofmy battery of my battery comes
(13:25):
from going after it making it ifI don't make it, it hurts. I
mean, I'm a human being, butyet, I know that I process it on
how I can do it better so that Ican get it. And so I know that
for me that that that seems tobe a part of that, like, I'm
built to be fueled by thedopamine in the reward system of
you know, whether that's and I,you know, I view that as, like,
(13:46):
It's me, and I know, some peoplejust aren't driven in that in
that way. So there aredifferences out there. You know,
I think one of the things we didtalk about in the last time, and
I would like to talk about itagain, because I do, I do
structured in my book quite abit in when we talk about
resilience in abilities to havedeveloped the skills early and
you already just touched on it,you know, that there are skill
(14:06):
building activities that need tobe shown to us as children and
modeled and demonstrated for us.
And I think one of the thingsthat I had really taken when I
was studying on teachingresilience to people was the
power of the caring adults thatyou know, especially as a child,
the the person that made sure toreinforce in you that you
(14:27):
mattered, and it was worthgetting yourself back up again
and trying again. And that beinga really huge factor on maybe
sometimes the difference betweenchildren who grow up with a
little bit more of that grit andthose that don't maybe that that
could be a big factor. And Ithink you and I talked about
this because you had saidsomething like for you when I
said give me your tip on youknow what's the best thing to
(14:49):
build resilience and you hadsaid was find people like find
good people to surround yourselfin a year like we've had does
that still the like the bestadvice
To give out there, I mean, wouldyou go back to like, it's about
a support system?
Ronda Beaman (15:05):
Oh, everything right? Yeah. You know, I mean,
what's the, you know, latest bigpopular research that's quoted
everywhere you become the fivepeople that you hang out with
the most. And, you know, what'sso remarkable about being a
human being is we're so soadaptable that all it takes is
(15:28):
one positive role model. That'sall we need. We had one. And
that's the, that's what's sogreat about being an educator,
being an author, being a parent,you have a chance to be that
one, for somebody to be that onethat can turn a person's life
around. So yeah, it's great tohave five people that are your
role models, and but if you haveone, and I know people who use,
(15:51):
you know, people they don't evenknow. And also, if you see Eric
wine Meyer, and he's the blindguy that climbed Everest, and
you know, he climbed it, totallyblind with asthma, to the very
top, and you watch somethinglike that happen. And for you
can absorb that and go, lookwhat we can do. Look what a
(16:15):
human being can do. So itdoesn't even have to be somebody
you know, but you got to findsomebody who has done something
that you admire, and yourealize, wow, because I'm a big
proponentof the idea that if one of us
could do it, we could all do itwithin, you know, within reason.
I'm never gonna play on the NBA.
(16:37):
You know, that's not withinreason. But I could climb Mount
Everest if I really wanted to,you know, look at what Eric did.
Or I could, you know, I mean, itgoes on and on and on and on. So
yeah, I think role modeling is,you know, critical to human
optimal human performance, toknow what we're capable of doing
(16:58):
and being able to see someoneelse do it. Team Hoyt, have you
ever heard of them?
Team Hoyt, the dad just passedaway, but their son was born
with cerebral palsy. And thedoctor said, you know, he will
never have a normal life, youshould just put him in
institution. And they weren'tgoing to do that. And they
(17:21):
brought him home and raised himlike any other child. And, you
know, they're just extraordinarypeople. But one day, when he was
in the sixth grade, he wanted torun, he wanted to run in a race.
And by this time, he was alreadyin a wheelchair. And the dad who
had never run before was not anathlete. But he was powered by
(17:44):
love. said, Okay, let's let's godo this ray.
So he hooked up something and hepushed the wheelchair. And that
was the beginning of over 35marathons. Something like 15
Iron Man, I mean, two out theirwhole lives together till the
guy was almost at the Dallas,honestly, he would push, pull
(18:06):
the boat, you know, pull him ina wagon bicycling and these
marathon on believeable? If youhad asked him, Do you think you
could do that stuff you bettergotten No.
But powered by love powered by agoal powered by, you know,
liquid, just a normal guy coulddo. So again, all of us have
(18:29):
that in us. We so rarely tapeverything that's in us. And
it's, you know, I, I don't knowwhat the solution is. Because
it's not I mean, if we had beentalking to Ovid, in 800 BC, he
would be saying the same thing.
We're capable of more people.
Change the education system,let's change parenting, whatever
(18:52):
it is, you know, so we candiscover that and, and, but we
need to keep chipping awaychipping away at it, that's for
sure.
Amee Quiriconi (19:00):
Yeah, well, you know, one of the things that,
you know, is made a differencein my life, and when you kind of
look at success for otherpeople, especially when it comes
to like their professionallives. And entrepreneurship is,
you know, not so much beingattached to like the day to day
metrics, but actually beingattached to the possibilities
and the vision, you know, andactually setting for yourself
(19:21):
with, with the goal of whateverit is you're trying to do in
your career, in your life, youknow, with the business that you
want to start, that it's takingyou someplace, it's not just the
thing you show up and do everyday. And that once you really do
believe in that future vision,you know, for me, it is am I
doing something today that'sgoing to push that vision out
(19:41):
further or let it slip away. Andsometimes that thing that you
have to do is I got to get upand try something today. Like I
may not feel like it. I mightnot I might need to give myself
a break. That's a true thing.
But if if always taking anaction and I know we talked
about this last one, you knowconstantly taking a positive
actionThey don't have to be grant
like, you don't have to go forMount Everest, right? But every
(20:02):
time that positive action istaken, it helps reinforce and
strengthen that resiliencemuscle. And sometimes the anchor
or the Mount Everest in our lifeis simply this this vision for a
sales goal or a target or alifestyle that we want to be
able to have, right?
Ronda Beaman (20:20):
Or getting out of bed during a pandemic, when you
feel like Oh, man.
What's happening to our planet?
Get up, put your shoes on dowhat needs to be done for the
kids for the dog, you know,whatever it might be, and start
moving forward and all of asudden, you realize it feels
better than laying there andfeeling like I can't do
(20:41):
anything. Right. So yeah, it'sit's the day by day, you know,
life, at least like we talkedabout earlier in the, in the
broadcast. It's not the big itmoments, right. It's the
everydayness. You know, most ofits good. Some of its bad, some
of its great, but it's theeverydayness of being a champion
of your own life being awarrior, you know, having a
(21:08):
quiver full of different kindsof arrows when you need them.
And, you know, I just I lovehuman beings. I don't paint. I
don't saying I don't, I don'thave really any other talents.
But people are like, you know,my, my canvas, my art, I could
sit in an airport back when wecould go to airports, I could
(21:29):
sit at an airport and just watchpeople and think of their
stories and, you know, makestories up. And I honestly
believe most people are trying,but they just haven't had any,
you know, real guidance or, orare unclear. When you say the
word vision me how many peoplesit down and go, what is my
(21:50):
vision for my life? You know?
Amee Quiriconi (21:55):
Yeah, and I actually ever ran into people
that don't think that way. Butyou know, that I haven't I'm and
I'm surprised. Like I said, Ithink you and I are like, Yeah,
I would know what a vision is.
But I remember doing a businessmeeting. And the question was,
is, you know, what do you seefor yourself in 12 months, and
you know, and I it was like, twoout of the three people in the
room don't even think that way.
They don't even process life.
Ronda Beaman (22:15):
They're like, I'm like, crickets, right?
Amee Quiriconi (22:19):
You don't visions for yourself? And it's
just like, I just get up. Idon't think those people though,
are the entrepreneurs that willbe listening to the show and
thinking about that, but theyare in our companies, though,
right? Well, that's the thing.
You might be a greatentrepreneur, entrepreneur. But
unless you can find a lot ofpeople that, you know, join that
bandwagon with yet and give ittheir best, you're going to be
struggling. Right? So how do youget people to do that? So yeah.
(22:41):
Now, when we talk aboutresilience, I know the tendency
is to focus is on the building,right? Like, how do we add to it
and patch things on to make itstronger and stronger? But you
know, one of the questions thatI thought about today was,
sometimes our resilienceactually gets undermined, it
gets some things get taken awayfrom it that begin like a hidden
(23:01):
danger or something like that.
Is there you know, is there anyvampires out there that you
think people should be aware ofthat actually undermines our
resilience, and pokes holes init that we may not see coming
for us?
Ronda Beaman (23:16):
Well, it's so interesting, because there's,
you know, everybody's talkingabout gas lighting right now,
you know, being gaslighted. Andthat's certainly one of them.
Because, you know, when there'sthis, you know, clandestine
underneath the surface,minimizing of your contributions
and your talent, or your ideas,or whatever the case may be, it
(23:40):
would be a fairly spectacularFeat. Not to get in the car on
your way home and go, are theyright? You know, it? Am I am I
the things, you know, becausethey're planting the seed to
make you think that so, youknow, I think that there are,
you know, do you know, what awater bug is?
Amee Quiriconi (24:02):
Are they the skimmers?
Ronda Beaman (24:04):
Yeah, well, the big the big, like, they go under
the water, and they're like thisbig dark thing. These water
bugs, okay. So these water bugs,hang with me on this one,
there'sthese water bugs, you know, like
if you're sitting by a lake andyou see this big, black round
thing, go up to like lily padwhere a frog is, and if you
(24:26):
watch all of a sudden, that frogstarts to let get smaller. And
it's like watching a basketball,deflate, you know, it just gets
smaller and smaller, and thenit's like skin starts to droop
and you're like, Oh, my God,what is happening? And a
waterbug has thesetwo to, you know, things that
(24:49):
they stick into their prey andthey suck all their intestines
and outside insides out. So youthey weren't deflating? And
that's how they kill and that'show they feed and that's how
theyI am telling you there are water
bugs of life everywhere. Theywant to get their little
stingers into you, especially ifyou make yourself a target by
being optimistic, resilient,let's go team, there are water
(25:13):
bugs, who cannot take it. Andthey're gonna do everything they
can do to suck the marrow out ofyou. Right? And, and so vampires
is a very good description, Iuse waterbug, because it's just
sucking the life out of you. Andit's, it's so easy to look at
(25:34):
somebody like you are like me,we're blonde, we're optimistic
and just count us as DOM, youknow, count us as well, they
don't know what's going on. And,you know, question our
intelligence. And, and I wouldargue, and I do argue that it's
so much more difficult to lookat things that are going wrong,
things that need work, thingsthat are a little less than what
(25:57):
we would want them to be andsay, I think they can be fixed,
though. I think, you know, if weget together and think this
through, we could make itbetter. That's where
intelligence lies. Anyone cansay things are terrible, things
are bad. Yeah, awful, awful.
That's the that's, that's thepessimist and that they think
(26:20):
they're so smart. So you know,when you always are trying to
find the silver lining in theyou know, in the mud and gray
cloud.
People can discount you. Andit's, it's difficult to be the
cheerleader, it's difficult tobe the leader, it's difficult to
say, you know, come on team, andbe the one that everybody relies
(26:43):
on for that it's a heavy load.
But man, how do you want to liveyour life, you get to decide, do
you want to be that person orthe person that just you know,
has given up climbers? campersare quitters? Right? So yeah, so
yeah, you're gonna have thingsyou take away from you all
along, the older you get, thenit becomes your mobility, then
(27:03):
it becomes your eyesight, thenit becomes your, you know,
whatever it might be. It's ait's a gentle process of, of,
you know, degradation andminuses. And yet, have you met
these, you know, older peoplewho are 80-90 years old, and
just thrilled with the way theylive their lives thrilled that
they get a birthday cake with100 candles on it, even they
(27:24):
can't see it now, because that'sthe goal. That's the whole point
of being here for as short as weare. or so, you know, I think if
you can choose resilience,choose optimism choose being
unstoppable. That mentalattitude again, why would you
not choose it? And why would younot find another champion? to
(27:45):
pair up with you some friend,some colleague, somebody that
goes, let's, you know, let's maxout our life together? I mean,
why would you not do that? Whywould you not do that?
Amee Quiriconi (27:59):
Exactly. Yeah.
And I think for some people, youknow, again, if they if they
have found themselves in some ofthe emotional traps that come
with, that can slow you down,and have a hard time seeing, you
know, the positive sides, whichis, it's fair, you know, there
are people that have hadexperiences and this and have
been in communities or familiesor workplaces where like you had
said, even the most strong of usif we're gas lit or undermined
(28:21):
or whatever, it does wear onconfidence, because we're just
human beings. And so whensomebody had more of those
people in their life, it can bea little bit more difficult to,
to try to see the upside, youget too many bad lessons that
you know, you that people aregoing to let you down or, you
know, it's never going to goyour way or you get the feeling
of cursed. And, you know,sometimes, you know, if that's
(28:44):
you, you're listening to this,like you You feel that way. You
know, just getting somebody withyou who doesn't see the world
that way, will help in startingto shift your viewpoint, right.
Ronda Beaman (28:58):
Absolutely.
Absolutely. And, you know,again, I was not born this way.
I mean, I was born into adifficult household, I was born
to a difficult very criticaldad.
My, my sister just passed awaylast year from alcoholism just
drank herself to death. Mybrother is a recovering drug
(29:20):
addict who's been in federalprison. You know, I'm speaking
from a place of knowing that youcan look at what you were given
and go, I want more, I wantbetter. I want different, you
can do that. And the reason Iknow that is because I did it
and if I can do it with again,no particular talents, no
(29:44):
herculean, you know, strength.
No, I'm just a normal humanbeing who just really wants my
little trip on the planet to beas good as it can be. And you
know, if I can do this thing,Anyone can do it, you just have
to, here's the, here's the wholecrux of it, I think you have to
(30:05):
believe you're worth it.
You have to believe that you'reworth having a happy life.
Having you know the things inyour life that you want, you
have to believe that you'reworth fighting for. And that's
what resilience is, you know,that you're worth fighting for.
(30:25):
And so many people let thejudgment of others or their
backgrounds or whatever it mightbe,
make them think that they're notworth that. And, you know, once
you can look in the mirror, andreally look at yourself and go,
I love I love you, you you Ilike once you can do that,
(30:47):
everything else starts to fallinto place. Now, because because
you're going to treat thatperson that you love that person
that you like, that happens tobe you, you're going to treat
that person as well as you can.
And, you know, I don't again, Idon't know what the key or the
secret is, you know how we'regoing to do this in schools. For
(31:08):
all the people, like youmentioned, who don't have great
role models who don't haveopportunities who don't have the
golden ticket, you know, how doyou do it for normal kids? And
they're six years old, whoseparents are, you know, drug
addicts? And who, are thereshootings going on outside their
doors? And how do you do thatfor a kid? Man, I, you know,
(31:29):
that those are some of theissues that that I'm starting to
work on and tackle. Because ifwe can do that early,
Amee Quiriconi (31:39):
you know, we won't even need to talk about
how a person becomes resilient,you know, as an entrepreneur,
we'll have so many ideas andentrepreneurs and stuff going on
in the world and problems beinginstalled that, you know, it'll
be a whole new golden age forthe human race. Yeah, that would
be I mean, and that's kind of itfor, for people in the in the
(32:01):
sphere in the space, right,like, that's the goal, right is
break it as early as possible,you know, stop the, you know,
stop the momentum, you know,that as soon as you can
intervention in a child's life,the sooner the better. You know,
one of the things is, and I'vetalked about this on, you know,
the shows is like traumainformed schools, because
sometimes the parents capacityis limited to be able to do that
(32:24):
through their own traumaexperiences. And, you know, as I
sat in the last year, and youknow, and have reshaped, you
know, my, you know, mydirections always been the same,
but how to get there has been,you know, evolving in the last
12 months, you know, through thepandemic, and through other lot
of other things, my focus hasturned towards the, again, the
(32:44):
workplace environment, because Ialso see that, to me as being a
parent, and knowing how much,you know, a positive work
culture, a trauma sensitive workenvironment, building resilience
through the leadership in acompany that actually trickles
through every employee, and thenan employee then takes that home
(33:06):
with them. And it's good thatthey're taking home with them,
not the stress, the strain, thebullying, the, you know, the
compound of everything thathappened to them, and then
venting it out to their family.
Because if the kid goes and hasa great teacher, but comes home
to a mom, or a dad, who hasbeen, you know, bullied or put
down or something's happened atwork, or has too much going on,
and nobody, they're recognizingthat they're overwhelmed, you
(33:29):
know, they're it all it all,it'll push us at some point. And
I think there there's this, tome, this is my complex brain
going. I think there's everybodyat different places. And you
know, and I think that, youknow, organizations, to a large
extent need to be moreaccountable through their
leadership towards the type ofcultures, not just good work
cultures, but actually traumasensitive cultures, to know that
(33:50):
work doesn't just end at thethreshold at the office, it goes
home and home comes into work,and that there's this pervious
between those two, you know thatthat barrier is not a brick
wall.
Ronda Beaman (34:04):
Yes, you're right.
And it you know, it's when wefirst started our company peak
learning that was one of thethings that we realized was if
you can inoculate, if you will,there's I know there's a lot of
words like innoculate going onaround right now. But if you can
inoculate the main artery of,you know, civilization, which is
(34:24):
business, which is, you know,building, which is, you know,
creating, if you can inoculatethere, so let's say we can't get
them it's it's six years oldyet. And now they're in
companies we're in you'resitting in Deloitte and a big 14
storey building and or 40 storeybuilding in San Francisco, you
(34:46):
can do something into the mainvein of Deloitte, that helps
everyone become like you said,more resilient, more
unstoppable, more excited abouttheir own
potential and live if you cancreate that in a company and
throughout companies in theworld, now you're changing, you
(35:08):
know the engine. Now you'rechanging the engine. And
is it possible? Sure, hell yeah,it's possible.
But you just got to get outthere. And I think inoculating
is a really good word for it,because you are giving them the
antibodies, you are giving themthe, you know, fighting cells to
(35:30):
get out there and make theirHave you heard this one. Like,
the father gets yelled out atwork. Have you heard this one?
Oh, no, go ahead. I mean, I knowthe story, father gets yelled at
work, like,I don't know that work, comes
home and yells at the mother,the mother yells at the kid, the
kid kicks the dog, the dog barksat the cat, the pet cat wheeze
(35:51):
on the carpet, that his helmetgoes down through everybody's
house, right? If you can stopthat dad coming home or the mom
and havin yelling, and beingunhappy and thwarted, then no,
no pee on the rug, so to speak.
Up. Yeah, that's how it goes.
Amee Quiriconi (36:10):
Yeah, I'm yeah, I totally agree with you on
that. And now that makes me thatmakes me want to ask, you know,
we talked about building aresilient person and becoming
resilient ourselves. But how doyou do that with an organization
with a diversity? You know, whatare some of the the challenges
that are there? Because I think,you know, there are companies
that want to have resilientcompanies, you know, what is a
(36:31):
resilient company, you know,versus a resilient person, given
all the parts and pieces thatare moving around, right? Well,
you know, I have a bias. Firstof all, have you noticed how
everything is real resilient,now you have resilient shampoo,
yes, couches, and beds, anddeodorant.
Ronda Beaman (36:50):
Everything's resilient now. But when we
started peak learning it reallythe word resilience had only
been added to buildings, youknow, to whether something could
stand and stand the storm standto the you know, assaults and
all that kind of stuff. And, youknow, what, what our particular
(37:11):
goals and beliefs are, as wecreated this technology, that
it's a, it's based on cognitivetherapy. So if you circle back
the way we started thisbroadcast, you know, this
attitude shift this cognitivethought pattern, most people are
just replicating what they sawat home. So if your mother fell
(37:33):
apart when something badhappened, guess, guess what your
propensity is going to be fallapart. But if you can retrain
that, and so there's a wholeprocess that goes with that. But
if you can, and you can do this,you can, so we call it adversity
quotient, you can actuallychange someone's, you can't
change their IQ, but you canchange their aq in an afternoon.
(37:55):
And then and you know, if theystart practicing that, they
start teaching it, like yousaid, to their kids, to their
spouse, to the people on theirteam. And we've seen whole
companies inoculated, if youwill, with high Aqs, and sales
numbers go up, absenteeism goesdown, you know, health problems,
(38:16):
decrease, on and on, and on andon, because we rewired what they
thought was hardwired patternsof behavior. But that actually
can be rewired in a day or two,to help people become more
resilient. Will it solve all theproblems? No. Will it solve
everybody's problems? No, butit's a beginning. You know, it's
(38:37):
a place that people can learnabout their own brain and how
their brain works and how, youknow, to tap into what's an
incredible amount of power. Withthat little attitude shift
again, so.
Amee Quiriconi (38:49):
And for people that are listening, if you want
to hear more about it, I do knowyou and I talked about that you
broke down the core method inthe last interview so that
everybody that wants to get moreinto that will pop over to the
other interview that Rhonda andI did last season. And you can
get into it. And then I actuallydid also talk talk about that,
because it's it's it's been avery popular model written about
(39:10):
that you guys developedto do it. And so I included that
as an example in the book is oneof those ways of being able to
do it, because it is it is ait's a thought shift process.
And I know we're you again, youand I are the worst spokespeople
for it only in the sense that wedemonstrate it, but we make it
look like it's just so easy.
And so I think I think we bothcan agree that like there's
(39:32):
consciousness and I think that'sone of the things that I tell
people isthere's a mindfulness that's so
different. I don't I don't justgo with the flow. When a you
know, something jumps up in theroad and it knocks me down.
There's a a I feel it. I let ithappen. It sucks. I go through
all of that. But then I make theconscious step or you know,
maybe it's a decision in themorning maybe it's the next
(39:53):
morning maybe it's in threedays. I don't know what it is,
but then there is the Okay, I'mready now. Like I've
Did I understood that I'm notjust ready? What am I going to
do next? And that's a sentencethat you have to, you know,
utter to yourself to do. And youknow, being resilient doesn't
mean that you're not affected byyou know, the crap that happens
(40:14):
to you. It's really it's thenext step you do after you feel
the feelings, you know, theanger, the you know, madness,
the grief, whatever the feelingmay be that, you know, knocks
you down a little bit. But youcome up with the, you know, up
for air and you're ready topaddle back to the shore, or
whatever it is that you want todo. And yeah, I think some
people think that you have to betough, and resilient isn't
(40:35):
tough. It's like I think wetalked about in the last
episode, it's actually theability to kind of be flexible,
like to take the shot and bounceit back. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. What
did they say on all of it?
Please, sir, could I have somemore?
Ronda Beaman (40:48):
But I think you made a really important point,
in that, you know, again, we'renot superhuman, we're not robots
we're not, we do have feelings.
And it may take,you know, depending on what it
is, and everybody's adversity isdifferent, right? Someone could
have, you know, just be wipedout by the fact that their
computer crashed, you know,whereas somebody else if it's
(41:11):
the death of a loved one, youknow, and it's not ours to judge
what someone else's adversityis, or the severity of it. But
sometimes, you know, you've gotto give yourself some time to
heal. And you're not just goingto automatically go, Oh, you
know, my friend was just put inthe hospital with botulism. And
(41:32):
she may die. Oh, well, I'm gonnaexplain to myself why this is
good. You can't do that. Soyou've got to sit down and lay
down and think and process. Andthere is no time limit. If it
takes you a year, it takes you ayear. But the important part, I
think, like you said, is what'snext now, you know, I've healed
(41:54):
I've understood, I've processed,I'm kind of tired of staying in
this dark place. What's next?
And how do I get there? That's,that's the resilient part. It's
not just go boom, I'm better.
No, no, no.
Amee Quiriconi (42:13):
Right. Right.
Right. And I think that makesresilience for people that have
struggled with it. You know,that that explanation, I think
is important, because it makesit show just it is more
achievable than maybe you thinkthat it is that it isn't, you
know, it's not measured by thequickness at which you do it.
It's measured by the fact thatyou do. And yeah.
It's not aswell. So now I want to give you
(42:35):
a chance to talk about your newbook, they just published this
year, my feets in these shoes.
And you have such the, you know,the best titles because your
other book is Little Miss meritbadge, which I totally love.
And, and so tell me, tell meabout this book that you did and
where it came from. And what canpeople expect when they read
through it,
Ronda Beaman (42:55):
you're very nice to bring it up my feet. So it's
f e A Ts, everybody who's inbroadcast land that can't see
it. It's my feets and issues. Sothe things that I accomplished,
or tried or didn't accomplish,as the case may be, and the
different shoes I wore, that gotme their shoes, or like the
first adult machine wereactually given, you know, to
(43:18):
operate. And so from baby shoeson through, I kind of go through
some of the stories, because somany of my
university students are alwaysasking me, you know, how do I
get a life like yours? And I'mlike, you don't want a life like
mine, you want your optimallife? You know, how do you do
that. So at the end of everychapter, so it's a memoir, but
(43:41):
it's also like an inspirationalguide, because at the end of
every chapter, I have a littlesection called Put yourself in
my shoes. And it's thedistillation of the lesson, you
know, of this thing that anyonecan take from this experience
that I had shared, and turn itinto their own, you know, life
(44:01):
and their own thoughts and theirown processes. So I'm really
proud of it, because I've triedto meld This is what I know, you
know, and this is how it couldhelp you. So I'm really excited
about it. Well, as a as aneducator at you know, I think
that the educators of the worldsare great, because you're able
to take the book and actuallyturn it into, you know, the, the
(44:23):
application, right. So, youknow, teaching isn't just the
standing up and talking atpeople, you know, you know, you
need to be able to come up,synthesize it in a way and give
people an opportunity to learnfrom it. Otherwise, you know,
you're just, yeah, otherwise,you know, doing all this. Right,
right, exactly. I had this, youknow, you were talking about
visions, and I had this littlestatement up on top of my
(44:45):
computer the whole time I waswriting that said, use your life
to illuminate others. You know,and that's the whole point.
Because if if you're not doingthat, it's just kind of a, you
know, anexercise in selfawareness.endorsement or
something? A little bit moreabout me. Okay.
(45:05):
So, so I think that that'simportant. I mean, that's what I
get from reading other people'sbiographies and memoirs and
stuff is, is like we weretalking about sometimes your
role models aren't ever going tobe people that you meet, but you
can learn from another person'slife and what they went through
and that kind of thing. So,yeah, I'm excited about it. Um,
(45:26):
and it comes out may 25. Andyeah, and I'm going to be
speaking at the publishersWeekly's book National Book
Fair, but it's virtual, but I'msharing the speaking honors with
Oh,
Amee Quiriconi (45:43):
no way. That is awesome. No, one of your
students are just like, how do Iget your life? Yeah, but I think
that, you know, I'm probablymaking Oprah really nervous.
Ronda Beaman (45:55):
Oh, I'm on with Rhonda. Oh, yeah.
Amee Quiriconi (45:59):
All right. Yeah.
Oh, my gosh, well, that'sawesome. Congratulations. And so
by the time anybody's listeningto this episode, the book will
be out. So you guys will be ableto grab a copy on Amazon, and
all that kind of good stuff.
Thanks. Well, there'll be anaudio book version of it. We're
working on that. I hope. So thatwould be really fun. I've never
done one of those. And I wouldreally enjoy doing that. So
(46:21):
yeah, they ended up doing one ofmy book and my editor had
pitched me to do the narratingbecause I podcasting mic is
perfect. But it didn't happenthat way. So they hired a dyno,
and it was like, oh, and butthey hired this woman, Megan
testing, who is a professionalnarrator. And it is so surreal
to listen to my words come outof someone else's mouth, but
(46:42):
she's also an actress. And soshe reads it just like exactly
the way it needs to be right,like the writer.
And I'm just like, Okay, thatwas the right call. That was
pretty cool. I mean, I wouldlike to narrate a book at some
point, but I am not disappointedin how well we are. Oh, good.
Yeah, like it is really, it'sreally fun. So well, I'll
remember that if I get luckyenough to get an audio book. And
(47:02):
because I think oh, I would liketo read it, but maybe it'll be
better somebody else does. Yeah,you know, I was like all about
that ego, like, Yeah, no, Itotally need to read my own
words. It can't come out ofsomeone else's mouth. And then
but it But again, it's like thesurreal pneus of hearing
something you said it almostdoesn't feel like your own words
when somebody else reads them.
And and so I've been listeningto my own book, and the first
time I think the first sectionof it, I cried, like I just was,
(47:22):
by the experience of it, I wasjust like, wow, yeah, so great.
Ronda Beaman (47:30):
And it's a very, it's a very good book, I have
read it, it's a good book. Soeveryone should get your book
and then when they're finished,they should go get my book and
there it is.
Amee Quiriconi (47:40):
Awesome. This has been exactly the
conversation I was hoping I wasgonna have with you. So I enjoy
you so much. I was such a, youknow, I feel so grateful, you
know, that reached out to youlast year and got a chance to be
able to talk with you and youknow, and to be connected with
you and everything that you do.
I mean, you're you know, thepositive energy that you have
the intelligence that you bringto the subject. And the
inspiration is just you know,off the charts and so I you
(48:01):
know, I like talking to youabout this because then when
people are searching forsomebody to be inspired by like
you are one of those add ins and
Ronda Beaman (48:11):
vice versa, vice versa. Friend, thank you so
much. I listen to dissipatingthis and enjoyed it just as much
as I thought I would. So thankyou for having me.
Amee Quiriconi (48:20):
Absolutely.
All right, everybody. Welcome back to the
show. Last year, I had a chanceto speak with my guest today,
Dr. Rhonda Beeman aboutresilience. And I wanted to come
back to this conversation again,because I believe this is one of
those subjects that you reallyjust can't overtalk there's, you
know, not enough of us havingthe discussion about what it
means to be resilient to becomeresilient strategies and
(00:22):
techniques we can employ. And Ihad a chance after I spoke with
Rhonda last summer, and thenpublished my episode on one
broken mom to actually integratepart of her conversation into
the book that I just publishedthis year, and in my chapter on
becoming unstoppable. And so Ithought it would be amazing to
actually bring her back andfocus more specifically on
talking about unstoppable, notto mention, she's super fun to
(00:44):
talk to you. And so it's alwaysgoing to be a good time. And
then she did last year, she'sactually published another book
called my feet in the shoes, andit's a memoir, and she shares
stories in there from otherpeople in what it was like,
making decisions and changes intheir life.
And so and what they decided todo with their some of their
dreams, and so I want a chancefor her to be able to tell us
(01:06):
about that. But first, I want tosay welcome back round. I'm
really excited. Hey, good to beback with you. And especially
I'm looking at you with no maskon. This is good news. This is
happy. Has this happinesshappening in the world right
now? Yes, yes. Well, I mean,it's been, you know, I have to
say that for a year, and I know,this has been a really hard year
for a lot of people. So I am notdiminishing or invalidating some
(01:29):
of the really like gnarlyexperiences people have had. But
you know, these are those yearswhere I feel like, being able to
wring out something positive.
That's just what one of mysuperhero strengths have always
been. And so, in the last 12months, you know, some really
cool achievements have happened.
And I'm, you know, I'm proud ofand and I know that, you know,
every time I run into some sortof a hurdle, there's, you know,
(01:52):
glass half full, what can Ilearn from this? How is your 12
months been since, like I said,it's been about a year since you
and I actually talked?
Ronda Beaman (02:00):
Yeah, I have to laugh because, you know, I'm not
even a half glass full or halfempty. I'm like, throw the glass
away.
Just me, you know, let's noteven measure it. Let's just keep
moving forward. So I rememberspecifically saying to all of my
students, all the people, Iteach fitness classes to anyone
(02:21):
that I would run into lastMarch, I was good. Come on,
people, we can do this. It'sthree weeks.
Hold on. Yeah. You know, it'sokay. So I'm not a real good
arbitrator of what's happening,but I'm still positive. And, you
know, here's the thing,throughout human history, these
(02:42):
things have happened. I wasreading here, I'm just gonna
drop Marcus Aurelius song. It'sa sound really smart. But um, I
was reading his meditations andsome of his history because the
whole stoic movement fascinatesme, and you know, how we've just
recycled their thinking from along time ago, and, and just
(03:03):
kind of updated at all alonghuman history, but they were the
original thinkers of thesethings. And it's fascinating to
me, but during his reign, therewas a 19 year pandemic
19 years, and it killedsomething like 5 million people,
which, you know, in today'snumbers is like, 50 million
(03:25):
people. And, and so it goesthrough human history, and the
people that end up, you know,okay, are the ones that
understand, it's not alwaysgonna be wonderful. And, and I
really love this too, you know,this two thirds rule, or the
rule of thirds, if you will,that I read the other day that a
(03:47):
third of life is great. It'sjust great. And I call it those
golden moments, you know,whether it's your graduation or
your wedding or somethingterrific. Life is great. For a
third of your time, life isgood, you know, not golden, but
hey, I'm healthy. I've got aroof over my head, God willing,
(04:07):
and, you know, life's prettygood. And then a third of it is
really terrible, just bad andtough and filled with depths of
sorrow and, and darkness. Andwhen you hit those moments, and
you will, I mean, if people arelistening to you on your podcast
(04:29):
and thinking you're alwayspositive, that's probably not
true. When people meet me, Ithink they think that I know my
students think that I crawl intoa
confident night like a vampire,you know, and I just wait for
the sun to come out and thenI'll come back and go, I'm
teaching today and then I goback, it was what they think.
(04:51):
But you know, I've got my 1/3 ofterrible stuff, too. Well, one
of the 1/3 of terrible stuffhappens. What's really, really
changedAnd what you can decide like
nobody else only you is holdingon to when it gets good again,
because it will, and holding onuntil it gets great again,
because it will. And it's justthis minor shift of your
(05:12):
attitude. And I think that isthe whole secret to everything.
And the only thing that you cancontrol, right, not the
circumstance, but your responseto the circumstance, not
thinking something's good orbad, but thinking makes it so
right. So understanding the kindof power you have. So, yeah,
(05:32):
tough gear for everyone. Butalso, like you said, some really
great Wake Up Calls and somereally great moments of
understanding some really
Amee Quiriconi (05:45):
fresh awakenings about where we're headed and how
we get there, and what'spossible, and what really
matters and what matters most.
Mm hmm. Absolutely. You know,you said good and bad. And that
made me think of when you popthat in there, the tendency that
we have to judge the experienceand like rate it on a score, you
know, on that spectrum of a goodgrade or, you know, terrible
(06:06):
experience. And, and I you know,and I think like you that when
we start judging them in thatway, we lose the ability, like,
how can I learn something from abad experience? Or is it you
know, and then you regret havingthem or, you know, you don't
learn enough from your goodexperiences, but, but what
you're saying is, don't don'treally judge it based on good or
(06:28):
bad pull out. It happened. It'sthe thing happens.
Ronda Beaman (06:34):
Yeah, you can't you can't deny that you can't,
like walk around going, I'mokay. Cuz everyone knows you're
not. And, but But what are youpulling out of it? And what are
you using? You know, I like, Ilike the whole analogy. I'm
getting into archery lately. Andnot because I needed to go
hunting for my own food duringthe pandemic, but I just, it was
(06:57):
something I could do in mybackyard. And I like the idea of
a quiver. Right, the quiver isthe thing that holds all these
arrows. And these arrows arethese things you pull out, and
and they take your target shoot.
And, you know, you either hit itor you miss it, or whatever the
case may be. But like everythingthat you learn, and every
experience that you have good,bad and ugly, every day that you
(07:20):
are given and do not forget youare given this day, right? No
promises that you'll be giventomorrow. Everything that you
can gather is like these quick,you know, these arrows in your
quiver. And you've got tons ofthem if you start collecting,
you know, every day with everyopportunity. And I really want
(07:41):
to make sure that anyonelistening understands because,
you know, I have students whotheir whole freshman year of
college has been online, ortheir whole college graduation
didn't happen, or you know,there's all this loss, loss
loss. And they look at me orthey look at someone like you
(08:04):
and think, well, it's easy foryou, you know, cuz you're an
optimist. Well, wait, just afreaking minute, right?
Nothing in your DNA makes you anoptimist makes you disciplined
makes you move forward, insteadof back. You choose ever better
you choose forward momentum. Andeveryone can do it. You know, it
(08:27):
doesn't. It's just again, thatshift in your mind, and everyone
could do it. But it's harder.
It's so much easier to sitaround and wallow and complain
and criticize. Anyone can dothat. That's easy. You know, but
being that, go ahead.
Amee Quiriconi (08:45):
I was gonna know, I was gonna say like,
you're, you know, I wanted toask that because it's easy. I
think you and I maybe make itlook really easy to do to make
those choices. And you know, andI sat and have contemplated on
myself, like, why me and how meright and maybe not why me, but
how me How am I this way? Andand I was going to ask like, you
(09:06):
know, you do leadershipdevelopment and resilience
development, you know, as a bigpart of your professional
career. You know, are therepeople that seem to be born with
an ability to be resilient orhave it come at us easier than,
you know, maybe other people?
Because I've seen people too,they're just like, you know, I
frustratingly like, just youknow, don't look at it that way.
Look at it this way. It's like,Okay, fair, she knows everybody
(09:27):
else.
Ronda Beaman (09:31):
No, and you just want to slap them. It's like,
you know, I Moonstruck snap outof it, but some people cannot.
You're absolutely right, thatthere are some people who, you
know, the more and more we'refinding out about our own bodies
and our own upbringings and allthe human, you know, experience,
the more we're finding out aboutthat, you know, we realize we're
(09:52):
just a big chemical cocktail,and some people got some really
good chemicals and some peopledid not and
So there is that as a factor.
But barring clinical issues,barring, you know, medically
diagnosed issues, the normalperson that isn't facing those
(10:13):
kinds of challenges that have todo with chemical imbalances and,
and drug use or abuse and thosekinds of things, that normal
average person, I guess youwould say, not normal, none of
us are normal, the averageperson, no matter what your
chemical cocktail can decide, Ihave a friend who's an MD, and
(10:35):
he said that he so many peoplecome into his office that are
pre diabetic, type two diabetes,haven't been taking care of
themselves, whatever the case,may be, and, you know,
overweight. And he says to them,Listen, you know, if you go out
and walk your block, once ortwice, any evening, just a
(10:59):
couple of times around theblock, it'll do as much for you
as this pill that I'm going togive you. And everyone takes the
pill.
Everyone, she's never hadanybody go really, I could
control it myself. Just give methe pill. And that happens to
(11:20):
with depression many times. Andso you know, we've got this
whole societal thing that thatsome external solution is going
to help us. And I really, youknow, Goldie Hawn is doing a
really great job, jewel is doinga really great job on creating
these programs that go intoelementary school, and start
(11:42):
teaching people about, you know,mine, your meditation skill, and
looking at the world as apositive place. And, you know,
all this, I think it has tostart, because so many of us
just replicate what we see athome, what we see, you know, in
other people's homes, orwhatever, and, you know, never
(12:03):
get the chance to reallyoptimize who and what we are,
because we're not taught thatstuff in school. You know, when
I go into these corporations,and I've got 40 year old people
who are sorry, they pick theprofession they did are sad. You
know, it's like, I think you andI talked about last time, you
know, most people park theircars where they're going to
(12:25):
work, and leave the window downa little bit so their soul can
breathe, while they go intowork. And Gosh, what a shame
what a, you know, how do you?
How do you fix that? I think wegot to go back to the very
beginning about how people areeducated about what we're
capable of, and what kind of,you know, chemicals we can call
upon, and that we createourselves, the dopamine, the
(12:48):
adrenaline, the endorphins,everything, we need to live a
positive, meaningful andpowerful life is already inside
us. We just need to know how totap into it.
Amee Quiriconi (13:01):
Yeah, yeah, definitely. And I think about,
you know, my, my drive that, youknow, spurs me to get back up
off the ground to do somethingis, is this partly competitive,
you know, like, I want to win,well, that's a dopamine like, I
want to reward. And I know, Ican't get rewarded, if I sit on
my button, I do nothing. And soI get the, you know, the
energetic, you know, refill ofmy battery of my battery comes
(13:25):
from going after it making it ifI don't make it, it hurts. I
mean, I'm a human being, butyet, I know that I process it on
how I can do it better so that Ican get it. And so I know that
for me that that that seems tobe a part of that, like, I'm
built to be fueled by thedopamine in the reward system of
you know, whether that's and I,you know, I view that as, like,
(13:46):
It's me, and I know, some peoplejust aren't driven in that in
that way. So there aredifferences out there. You know,
I think one of the things we didtalk about in the last time, and
I would like to talk about itagain, because I do, I do
structured in my book quite abit in when we talk about
resilience in abilities to havedeveloped the skills early and
you already just touched on it,you know, that there are skill
(14:06):
building activities that need tobe shown to us as children and
modeled and demonstrated for us.
And I think one of the thingsthat I had really taken when I
was studying on teachingresilience to people was the
power of the caring adults thatyou know, especially as a child,
the the person that made sure toreinforce in you that you
(14:27):
mattered, and it was worthgetting yourself back up again
and trying again. And that beinga really huge factor on maybe
sometimes the difference betweenchildren who grow up with a
little bit more of that grit andthose that don't maybe that that
could be a big factor. And Ithink you and I talked about
this because you had saidsomething like for you when I
said give me your tip on youknow what's the best thing to
(14:49):
build resilience and you hadsaid was find people like find
good people to surround yourselfin a year like we've had does
that still the like the bestadvice
To give out there, I mean, wouldyou go back to like, it's about
a support system?
Ronda Beaman (15:05):
Oh, everything right? Yeah. You know, I mean,
what's the, you know, latest bigpopular research that's quoted
everywhere you become the fivepeople that you hang out with
the most. And, you know, what'sso remarkable about being a
human being is we're so soadaptable that all it takes is
(15:28):
one positive role model. That'sall we need. We had one. And
that's the, that's what's sogreat about being an educator,
being an author, being a parent,you have a chance to be that
one, for somebody to be that onethat can turn a person's life
around. So yeah, it's great tohave five people that are your
role models, and but if you haveone, and I know people who use,
(15:51):
you know, people they don't evenknow. And also, if you see Eric
wine Meyer, and he's the blindguy that climbed Everest, and
you know, he climbed it, totallyblind with asthma, to the very
top, and you watch somethinglike that happen. And for you
can absorb that and go, lookwhat we can do. Look what a
(16:15):
human being can do. So itdoesn't even have to be somebody
you know, but you got to findsomebody who has done something
that you admire, and yourealize, wow, because I'm a big
proponentof the idea that if one of us
could do it, we could all do itwithin, you know, within reason.
I'm never gonna play on the NBA.
(16:37):
You know, that's not withinreason. But I could climb Mount
Everest if I really wanted to,you know, look at what Eric did.
Or I could, you know, I mean, itgoes on and on and on and on. So
yeah, I think role modeling is,you know, critical to human
optimal human performance, toknow what we're capable of doing
(16:58):
and being able to see someoneelse do it. Team Hoyt, have you
ever heard of them?
Team Hoyt, the dad just passedaway, but their son was born
with cerebral palsy. And thedoctor said, you know, he will
never have a normal life, youshould just put him in
institution. And they weren'tgoing to do that. And they
(17:21):
brought him home and raised himlike any other child. And, you
know, they're just extraordinarypeople. But one day, when he was
in the sixth grade, he wanted torun, he wanted to run in a race.
And by this time, he was alreadyin a wheelchair. And the dad who
had never run before was not anathlete. But he was powered by
(17:44):
love. said, Okay, let's let's godo this ray.
So he hooked up something and hepushed the wheelchair. And that
was the beginning of over 35marathons. Something like 15
Iron Man, I mean, two out theirwhole lives together till the
guy was almost at the Dallas,honestly, he would push, pull
(18:06):
the boat, you know, pull him ina wagon bicycling and these
marathon on believeable? If youhad asked him, Do you think you
could do that stuff you bettergotten No.
But powered by love powered by agoal powered by, you know,
liquid, just a normal guy coulddo. So again, all of us have
(18:29):
that in us. We so rarely tapeverything that's in us. And
it's, you know, I, I don't knowwhat the solution is. Because
it's not I mean, if we had beentalking to Ovid, in 800 BC, he
would be saying the same thing.
We're capable of more people.
Change the education system,let's change parenting, whatever
(18:52):
it is, you know, so we candiscover that and, and, but we
need to keep chipping awaychipping away at it, that's for
sure.
Amee Quiriconi (19:00):
Yeah, well, you know, one of the things that,
you know, is made a differencein my life, and when you kind of
look at success for otherpeople, especially when it comes
to like their professionallives. And entrepreneurship is,
you know, not so much beingattached to like the day to day
metrics, but actually beingattached to the possibilities
and the vision, you know, andactually setting for yourself
(19:21):
with, with the goal of whateverit is you're trying to do in
your career, in your life, youknow, with the business that you
want to start, that it's takingyou someplace, it's not just the
thing you show up and do everyday. And that once you really do
believe in that future vision,you know, for me, it is am I
doing something today that'sgoing to push that vision out
(19:41):
further or let it slip away. Andsometimes that thing that you
have to do is I got to get upand try something today. Like I
may not feel like it. I mightnot I might need to give myself
a break. That's a true thing.
But if if always taking anaction and I know we talked
about this last one, you knowconstantly taking a positive
actionThey don't have to be grant
like, you don't have to go forMount Everest, right? But every
(20:02):
time that positive action istaken, it helps reinforce and
strengthen that resiliencemuscle. And sometimes the anchor
or the Mount Everest in our lifeis simply this this vision for a
sales goal or a target or alifestyle that we want to be
able to have, right?
Ronda Beaman (20:20):
Or getting out of bed during a pandemic, when you
feel like Oh, man.
What's happening to our planet?
Get up, put your shoes on dowhat needs to be done for the
kids for the dog, you know,whatever it might be, and start
moving forward and all of asudden, you realize it feels
better than laying there andfeeling like I can't do
(20:41):
anything. Right. So yeah, it'sit's the day by day, you know,
life, at least like we talkedabout earlier in the, in the
broadcast. It's not the big itmoments, right. It's the
everydayness. You know, most ofits good. Some of its bad, some
of its great, but it's theeverydayness of being a champion
of your own life being awarrior, you know, having a
(21:08):
quiver full of different kindsof arrows when you need them.
And, you know, I just I lovehuman beings. I don't paint. I
don't saying I don't, I don'thave really any other talents.
But people are like, you know,my, my canvas, my art, I could
sit in an airport back when wecould go to airports, I could
(21:29):
sit at an airport and just watchpeople and think of their
stories and, you know, makestories up. And I honestly
believe most people are trying,but they just haven't had any,
you know, real guidance or, orare unclear. When you say the
word vision me how many peoplesit down and go, what is my
(21:50):
vision for my life? You know?
Amee Quiriconi (21:55):
Yeah, and I actually ever ran into people
that don't think that way. Butyou know, that I haven't I'm and
I'm surprised. Like I said, Ithink you and I are like, Yeah,
I would know what a vision is.
But I remember doing a businessmeeting. And the question was,
is, you know, what do you seefor yourself in 12 months, and
you know, and I it was like, twoout of the three people in the
room don't even think that way.
They don't even process life.
Ronda Beaman (22:15):
They're like, I'm like, crickets, right?
Amee Quiriconi (22:19):
You don't visions for yourself? And it's
just like, I just get up. Idon't think those people though,
are the entrepreneurs that willbe listening to the show and
thinking about that, but theyare in our companies, though,
right? Well, that's the thing.
You might be a greatentrepreneur, entrepreneur. But
unless you can find a lot ofpeople that, you know, join that
bandwagon with yet and give ittheir best, you're going to be
struggling. Right? So how do youget people to do that? So yeah.
(22:41):
Now, when we talk aboutresilience, I know the tendency
is to focus is on the building,right? Like, how do we add to it
and patch things on to make itstronger and stronger? But you
know, one of the questions thatI thought about today was,
sometimes our resilienceactually gets undermined, it
gets some things get taken awayfrom it that begin like a hidden
(23:01):
danger or something like that.
Is there you know, is there anyvampires out there that you
think people should be aware ofthat actually undermines our
resilience, and pokes holes init that we may not see coming
for us?
Ronda Beaman (23:16):
Well, it's so interesting, because there's,
you know, everybody's talkingabout gas lighting right now,
you know, being gaslighted. Andthat's certainly one of them.
Because, you know, when there'sthis, you know, clandestine
underneath the surface,minimizing of your contributions
and your talent, or your ideas,or whatever the case may be, it
(23:40):
would be a fairly spectacularFeat. Not to get in the car on
your way home and go, are theyright? You know, it? Am I am I
the things, you know, becausethey're planting the seed to
make you think that so, youknow, I think that there are,
you know, do you know, what awater bug is?
Amee Quiriconi (24:02):
Are they the skimmers?
Ronda Beaman (24:04):
Yeah, well, the big the big, like, they go under
the water, and they're like thisbig dark thing. These water
bugs, okay. So these water bugs,hang with me on this one,
there'sthese water bugs, you know, like
if you're sitting by a lake andyou see this big, black round
thing, go up to like lily padwhere a frog is, and if you
(24:26):
watch all of a sudden, that frogstarts to let get smaller. And
it's like watching a basketball,deflate, you know, it just gets
smaller and smaller, and thenit's like skin starts to droop
and you're like, Oh, my God,what is happening? And a
waterbug has thesetwo to, you know, things that
(24:49):
they stick into their prey andthey suck all their intestines
and outside insides out. So youthey weren't deflating? And
that's how they kill and that'show they feed and that's how
theyI am telling you there are water
bugs of life everywhere. Theywant to get their little
stingers into you, especially ifyou make yourself a target by
being optimistic, resilient,let's go team, there are water
(25:13):
bugs, who cannot take it. Andthey're gonna do everything they
can do to suck the marrow out ofyou. Right? And, and so vampires
is a very good description, Iuse waterbug, because it's just
sucking the life out of you. Andit's, it's so easy to look at
(25:34):
somebody like you are like me,we're blonde, we're optimistic
and just count us as DOM, youknow, count us as well, they
don't know what's going on. And,you know, question our
intelligence. And, and I wouldargue, and I do argue that it's
so much more difficult to lookat things that are going wrong,
things that need work, thingsthat are a little less than what
(25:57):
we would want them to be andsay, I think they can be fixed,
though. I think, you know, if weget together and think this
through, we could make itbetter. That's where
intelligence lies. Anyone cansay things are terrible, things
are bad. Yeah, awful, awful.
That's the that's, that's thepessimist and that they think
(26:20):
they're so smart. So you know,when you always are trying to
find the silver lining in theyou know, in the mud and gray
cloud.
People can discount you. Andit's, it's difficult to be the
cheerleader, it's difficult tobe the leader, it's difficult to
say, you know, come on team, andbe the one that everybody relies
(26:43):
on for that it's a heavy load.
But man, how do you want to liveyour life, you get to decide, do
you want to be that person orthe person that just you know,
has given up climbers? campersare quitters? Right? So yeah, so
yeah, you're gonna have thingsyou take away from you all
along, the older you get, thenit becomes your mobility, then
(27:03):
it becomes your eyesight, thenit becomes your, you know,
whatever it might be. It's ait's a gentle process of, of,
you know, degradation andminuses. And yet, have you met
these, you know, older peoplewho are 80-90 years old, and
just thrilled with the way theylive their lives thrilled that
they get a birthday cake with100 candles on it, even they
(27:24):
can't see it now, because that'sthe goal. That's the whole point
of being here for as short as weare. or so, you know, I think if
you can choose resilience,choose optimism choose being
unstoppable. That mentalattitude again, why would you
not choose it? And why would younot find another champion? to
(27:45):
pair up with you some friend,some colleague, somebody that
goes, let's, you know, let's maxout our life together? I mean,
why would you not do that? Whywould you not do that?
Amee Quiriconi (27:59):
Exactly. Yeah.
And I think for some people, youknow, again, if they if they
have found themselves in some ofthe emotional traps that come
with, that can slow you down,and have a hard time seeing, you
know, the positive sides, whichis, it's fair, you know, there
are people that have hadexperiences and this and have
been in communities or familiesor workplaces where like you had
said, even the most strong of usif we're gas lit or undermined
(28:21):
or whatever, it does wear onconfidence, because we're just
human beings. And so whensomebody had more of those
people in their life, it can bea little bit more difficult to,
to try to see the upside, youget too many bad lessons that
you know, you that people aregoing to let you down or, you
know, it's never going to goyour way or you get the feeling
of cursed. And, you know,sometimes, you know, if that's
(28:44):
you, you're listening to this,like you You feel that way. You
know, just getting somebody withyou who doesn't see the world
that way, will help in startingto shift your viewpoint, right.
Ronda Beaman (28:58):
Absolutely.
Absolutely. And, you know,again, I was not born this way.
I mean, I was born into adifficult household, I was born
to a difficult very criticaldad.
My, my sister just passed awaylast year from alcoholism just
drank herself to death. Mybrother is a recovering drug
(29:20):
addict who's been in federalprison. You know, I'm speaking
from a place of knowing that youcan look at what you were given
and go, I want more, I wantbetter. I want different, you
can do that. And the reason Iknow that is because I did it
and if I can do it with again,no particular talents, no
(29:44):
herculean, you know, strength.
No, I'm just a normal humanbeing who just really wants my
little trip on the planet to beas good as it can be. And you
know, if I can do this thing,Anyone can do it, you just have
to, here's the, here's the wholecrux of it, I think you have to
(30:05):
believe you're worth it.
You have to believe that you'reworth having a happy life.
Having you know the things inyour life that you want, you
have to believe that you'reworth fighting for. And that's
what resilience is, you know,that you're worth fighting for.
(30:25):
And so many people let thejudgment of others or their
backgrounds or whatever it mightbe,
make them think that they're notworth that. And, you know, once
you can look in the mirror, andreally look at yourself and go,
I love I love you, you you Ilike once you can do that,
(30:47):
everything else starts to fallinto place. Now, because because
you're going to treat thatperson that you love that person
that you like, that happens tobe you, you're going to treat
that person as well as you can.
And, you know, I don't again, Idon't know what the key or the
secret is, you know how we'regoing to do this in schools. For
(31:08):
all the people, like youmentioned, who don't have great
role models who don't haveopportunities who don't have the
golden ticket, you know, how doyou do it for normal kids? And
they're six years old, whoseparents are, you know, drug
addicts? And who, are thereshootings going on outside their
doors? And how do you do thatfor a kid? Man, I, you know,
(31:29):
that those are some of theissues that that I'm starting to
work on and tackle. Because ifwe can do that early,
Amee Quiriconi (31:39):
you know, we won't even need to talk about
how a person becomes resilient,you know, as an entrepreneur,
we'll have so many ideas andentrepreneurs and stuff going on
in the world and problems beinginstalled that, you know, it'll
be a whole new golden age forthe human race. Yeah, that would
be I mean, and that's kind of itfor, for people in the in the
(32:01):
sphere in the space, right,like, that's the goal, right is
break it as early as possible,you know, stop the, you know,
stop the momentum, you know,that as soon as you can
intervention in a child's life,the sooner the better. You know,
one of the things is, and I'vetalked about this on, you know,
the shows is like traumainformed schools, because
sometimes the parents capacityis limited to be able to do that
(32:24):
through their own traumaexperiences. And, you know, as I
sat in the last year, and youknow, and have reshaped, you
know, my, you know, mydirections always been the same,
but how to get there has been,you know, evolving in the last
12 months, you know, through thepandemic, and through other lot
of other things, my focus hasturned towards the, again, the
(32:44):
workplace environment, because Ialso see that, to me as being a
parent, and knowing how much,you know, a positive work
culture, a trauma sensitive workenvironment, building resilience
through the leadership in acompany that actually trickles
through every employee, and thenan employee then takes that home
(33:06):
with them. And it's good thatthey're taking home with them,
not the stress, the strain, thebullying, the, you know, the
compound of everything thathappened to them, and then
venting it out to their family.
Because if the kid goes and hasa great teacher, but comes home
to a mom, or a dad, who hasbeen, you know, bullied or put
down or something's happened atwork, or has too much going on,
and nobody, they're recognizingthat they're overwhelmed, you
(33:29):
know, they're it all it all,it'll push us at some point. And
I think there there's this, tome, this is my complex brain
going. I think there's everybodyat different places. And you
know, and I think that, youknow, organizations, to a large
extent need to be moreaccountable through their
leadership towards the type ofcultures, not just good work
cultures, but actually traumasensitive cultures, to know that
(33:50):
work doesn't just end at thethreshold at the office, it goes
home and home comes into work,and that there's this pervious
between those two, you know thatthat barrier is not a brick
wall.
Ronda Beaman (34:04):
Yes, you're right.
And it you know, it's when wefirst started our company peak
learning that was one of thethings that we realized was if
you can inoculate, if you will,there's I know there's a lot of
words like innoculate going onaround right now. But if you can
inoculate the main artery of,you know, civilization, which is
(34:24):
business, which is, you know,building, which is, you know,
creating, if you can inoculatethere, so let's say we can't get
them it's it's six years oldyet. And now they're in
companies we're in you'resitting in Deloitte and a big 14
storey building and or 40 storeybuilding in San Francisco, you
(34:46):
can do something into the mainvein of Deloitte, that helps
everyone become like you said,more resilient, more
unstoppable, more excited abouttheir own
potential and live if you cancreate that in a company and
throughout companies in theworld, now you're changing, you
(35:08):
know the engine. Now you'rechanging the engine. And
is it possible? Sure, hell yeah,it's possible.
But you just got to get outthere. And I think inoculating
is a really good word for it,because you are giving them the
antibodies, you are giving themthe, you know, fighting cells to
(35:30):
get out there and make theirHave you heard this one. Like,
the father gets yelled out atwork. Have you heard this one?
Oh, no, go ahead. I mean, I knowthe story, father gets yelled at
work, like,I don't know that work, comes
home and yells at the mother,the mother yells at the kid, the
kid kicks the dog, the dog barksat the cat, the pet cat wheeze
(35:51):
on the carpet, that his helmetgoes down through everybody's
house, right? If you can stopthat dad coming home or the mom
and havin yelling, and beingunhappy and thwarted, then no,
no pee on the rug, so to speak.
Up. Yeah, that's how it goes.
Amee Quiriconi (36:10):
Yeah, I'm yeah, I totally agree with you on
that. And now that makes me thatmakes me want to ask, you know,
we talked about building aresilient person and becoming
resilient ourselves. But how doyou do that with an organization
with a diversity? You know, whatare some of the the challenges
that are there? Because I think,you know, there are companies
that want to have resilientcompanies, you know, what is a
(36:31):
resilient company, you know,versus a resilient person, given
all the parts and pieces thatare moving around, right? Well,
you know, I have a bias. Firstof all, have you noticed how
everything is real resilient,now you have resilient shampoo,
yes, couches, and beds, anddeodorant.
Ronda Beaman (36:50):
Everything's resilient now. But when we
started peak learning it reallythe word resilience had only
been added to buildings, youknow, to whether something could
stand and stand the storm standto the you know, assaults and
all that kind of stuff. And, youknow, what, what our particular
(37:11):
goals and beliefs are, as wecreated this technology, that
it's a, it's based on cognitivetherapy. So if you circle back
the way we started thisbroadcast, you know, this
attitude shift this cognitivethought pattern, most people are
just replicating what they sawat home. So if your mother fell
(37:33):
apart when something badhappened, guess, guess what your
propensity is going to be fallapart. But if you can retrain
that, and so there's a wholeprocess that goes with that. But
if you can, and you can do this,you can, so we call it adversity
quotient, you can actuallychange someone's, you can't
change their IQ, but you canchange their aq in an afternoon.
(37:55):
And then and you know, if theystart practicing that, they
start teaching it, like yousaid, to their kids, to their
spouse, to the people on theirteam. And we've seen whole
companies inoculated, if youwill, with high Aqs, and sales
numbers go up, absenteeism goesdown, you know, health problems,
(38:16):
decrease, on and on, and on andon, because we rewired what they
thought was hardwired patternsof behavior. But that actually
can be rewired in a day or two,to help people become more
resilient. Will it solve all theproblems? No. Will it solve
everybody's problems? No, butit's a beginning. You know, it's
(38:37):
a place that people can learnabout their own brain and how
their brain works and how, youknow, to tap into what's an
incredible amount of power. Withthat little attitude shift
again, so.
Amee Quiriconi (38:49):
And for people that are listening, if you want
to hear more about it, I do knowyou and I talked about that you
broke down the core method inthe last interview so that
everybody that wants to get moreinto that will pop over to the
other interview that Rhonda andI did last season. And you can
get into it. And then I actuallydid also talk talk about that,
because it's it's it's been avery popular model written about
(39:10):
that you guys developedto do it. And so I included that
as an example in the book is oneof those ways of being able to
do it, because it is it is ait's a thought shift process.
And I know we're you again, youand I are the worst spokespeople
for it only in the sense that wedemonstrate it, but we make it
look like it's just so easy.
And so I think I think we bothcan agree that like there's
(39:32):
consciousness and I think that'sone of the things that I tell
people isthere's a mindfulness that's so
different. I don't I don't justgo with the flow. When a you
know, something jumps up in theroad and it knocks me down.
There's a a I feel it. I let ithappen. It sucks. I go through
all of that. But then I make theconscious step or you know,
maybe it's a decision in themorning maybe it's the next
(39:53):
morning maybe it's in threedays. I don't know what it is,
but then there is the Okay, I'mready now. Like I've
Did I understood that I'm notjust ready? What am I going to
do next? And that's a sentencethat you have to, you know,
utter to yourself to do. And youknow, being resilient doesn't
mean that you're not affected byyou know, the crap that happens
(40:14):
to you. It's really it's thenext step you do after you feel
the feelings, you know, theanger, the you know, madness,
the grief, whatever the feelingmay be that, you know, knocks
you down a little bit. But youcome up with the, you know, up
for air and you're ready topaddle back to the shore, or
whatever it is that you want todo. And yeah, I think some
people think that you have to betough, and resilient isn't
(40:35):
tough. It's like I think wetalked about in the last
episode, it's actually theability to kind of be flexible,
like to take the shot and bounceit back. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. What
did they say on all of it?
Please, sir, could I have somemore?
Ronda Beaman (40:48):
But I think you made a really important point,
in that, you know, again, we'renot superhuman, we're not robots
we're not, we do have feelings.
And it may take,you know, depending on what it
is, and everybody's adversity isdifferent, right? Someone could
have, you know, just be wipedout by the fact that their
computer crashed, you know,whereas somebody else if it's
(41:11):
the death of a loved one, youknow, and it's not ours to judge
what someone else's adversityis, or the severity of it. But
sometimes, you know, you've gotto give yourself some time to
heal. And you're not just goingto automatically go, Oh, you
know, my friend was just put inthe hospital with botulism. And
(41:32):
she may die. Oh, well, I'm gonnaexplain to myself why this is
good. You can't do that. Soyou've got to sit down and lay
down and think and process. Andthere is no time limit. If it
takes you a year, it takes you ayear. But the important part, I
think, like you said, is what'snext now, you know, I've healed
(41:54):
I've understood, I've processed,I'm kind of tired of staying in
this dark place. What's next?
And how do I get there? That's,that's the resilient part. It's
not just go boom, I'm better.
No, no, no.
Amee Quiriconi (42:13):
Right. Right.
Right. And I think that makesresilience for people that have
struggled with it. You know,that that explanation, I think
is important, because it makesit show just it is more
achievable than maybe you thinkthat it is that it isn't, you
know, it's not measured by thequickness at which you do it.
It's measured by the fact thatyou do. And yeah.
It's not aswell. So now I want to give you
(42:35):
a chance to talk about your newbook, they just published this
year, my feets in these shoes.
And you have such the, you know,the best titles because your
other book is Little Miss meritbadge, which I totally love.
And, and so tell me, tell meabout this book that you did and
where it came from. And what canpeople expect when they read
through it,
Ronda Beaman (42:55):
you're very nice to bring it up my feet. So it's
f e A Ts, everybody who's inbroadcast land that can't see
it. It's my feets and issues. Sothe things that I accomplished,
or tried or didn't accomplish,as the case may be, and the
different shoes I wore, that gotme their shoes, or like the
first adult machine wereactually given, you know, to
(43:18):
operate. And so from baby shoeson through, I kind of go through
some of the stories, because somany of my
university students are alwaysasking me, you know, how do I
get a life like yours? And I'mlike, you don't want a life like
mine, you want your optimallife? You know, how do you do
that. So at the end of everychapter, so it's a memoir, but
(43:41):
it's also like an inspirationalguide, because at the end of
every chapter, I have a littlesection called Put yourself in
my shoes. And it's thedistillation of the lesson, you
know, of this thing that anyonecan take from this experience
that I had shared, and turn itinto their own, you know, life
(44:01):
and their own thoughts and theirown processes. So I'm really
proud of it, because I've triedto meld This is what I know, you
know, and this is how it couldhelp you. So I'm really excited
about it. Well, as a as aneducator at you know, I think
that the educators of the worldsare great, because you're able
to take the book and actuallyturn it into, you know, the, the
(44:23):
application, right. So, youknow, teaching isn't just the
standing up and talking atpeople, you know, you know, you
need to be able to come up,synthesize it in a way and give
people an opportunity to learnfrom it. Otherwise, you know,
you're just, yeah, otherwise,you know, doing all this. Right,
right, exactly. I had this, youknow, you were talking about
visions, and I had this littlestatement up on top of my
(44:45):
computer the whole time I waswriting that said, use your life
to illuminate others. You know,and that's the whole point.
Because if if you're not doingthat, it's just kind of a, you
know, anexercise in selfawareness.endorsement or
something? A little bit moreabout me. Okay.
(45:05):
So, so I think that that'simportant. I mean, that's what I
get from reading other people'sbiographies and memoirs and
stuff is, is like we weretalking about sometimes your
role models aren't ever going tobe people that you meet, but you
can learn from another person'slife and what they went through
and that kind of thing. So,yeah, I'm excited about it. Um,
(45:26):
and it comes out may 25. Andyeah, and I'm going to be
speaking at the publishersWeekly's book National Book
Fair, but it's virtual, but I'msharing the speaking honors with
Oh,
Amee Quiriconi (45:43):
no way. That is awesome. No, one of your
students are just like, how do Iget your life? Yeah, but I think
that, you know, I'm probablymaking Oprah really nervous.
Ronda Beaman (45:55):
Oh, I'm on with Rhonda. Oh, yeah.
Amee Quiriconi (45:59):
All right. Yeah.
Oh, my gosh, well, that'sawesome. Congratulations. And so
by the time anybody's listeningto this episode, the book will
be out. So you guys will be ableto grab a copy on Amazon, and
all that kind of good stuff.
Thanks. Well, there'll be anaudio book version of it. We're
working on that. I hope. So thatwould be really fun. I've never
done one of those. And I wouldreally enjoy doing that. So
(46:21):
yeah, they ended up doing one ofmy book and my editor had
pitched me to do the narratingbecause I podcasting mic is
perfect. But it didn't happenthat way. So they hired a dyno,
and it was like, oh, and butthey hired this woman, Megan
testing, who is a professionalnarrator. And it is so surreal
to listen to my words come outof someone else's mouth, but
(46:42):
she's also an actress. And soshe reads it just like exactly
the way it needs to be right,like the writer.
And I'm just like, Okay, thatwas the right call. That was
pretty cool. I mean, I wouldlike to narrate a book at some
point, but I am not disappointedin how well we are. Oh, good.
Yeah, like it is really, it'sreally fun. So well, I'll
remember that if I get luckyenough to get an audio book. And
(47:02):
because I think oh, I would liketo read it, but maybe it'll be
better somebody else does. Yeah,you know, I was like all about
that ego, like, Yeah, no, Itotally need to read my own
words. It can't come out ofsomeone else's mouth. And then
but it But again, it's like thesurreal pneus of hearing
something you said it almostdoesn't feel like your own words
when somebody else reads them.
And and so I've been listeningto my own book, and the first
time I think the first sectionof it, I cried, like I just was,
(47:22):
by the experience of it, I wasjust like, wow, yeah, so great.
Ronda Beaman (47:30):
And it's a very, it's a very good book, I have
read it, it's a good book. Soeveryone should get your book
and then when they're finished,they should go get my book and
there it is.
Amee Quiriconi (47:40):
Awesome. This has been exactly the
conversation I was hoping I wasgonna have with you. So I enjoy
you so much. I was such a, youknow, I feel so grateful, you
know, that reached out to youlast year and got a chance to be
able to talk with you and youknow, and to be connected with
you and everything that you do.
I mean, you're you know, thepositive energy that you have
the intelligence that you bringto the subject. And the
inspiration is just you know,off the charts and so I you
(48:01):
know, I like talking to youabout this because then when
people are searching forsomebody to be inspired by like
you are one of those add ins and
Ronda Beaman (48:11):
vice versa, vice versa. Friend, thank you so
much. I listen to dissipatingthis and enjoyed it just as much
as I thought I would. So thankyou for having me.
Amee Quiriconi (48:20):
Absolutely.
Popular Podcasts
United States of Kennedy
United States of Kennedy is a podcast about our cultural fascination with the Kennedy dynasty. Every week, hosts Lyra Smith and George Civeris go into one aspect of the Kennedy story.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com