August 8, 2021 • 45 mins
Ameé speaks with Erik Allen, an entrepreneur, and podcaster about his trauma healing journey through his Christian faith
In this episode you will hear:
- Erik’s background with witnessing domestic violence and parental neglect growing up
- How being introduced to a Christian college event changed his life
- How shame kept him from sharing his story until he was 39
- The role of God, church, and spirituality in his healing journey
- Erik’s definition of walking with Christ and what that means as a guide for living a healthy, positive life
- Erik’s personal experience with the openness of men sharing their mental health stories
- How Erik got into the world of MMA (mixed martial arts) and combat sports and podcasting
- Him winning Ed Mylett’s Max Out Challenge in 2018 and spurring his entrepreneurial passions
- Erik’s advice for anyone thinking of considering going to church and joining a community there
Resources:
https://www.erikallenmedia.com/
Links to buy The Fearless Woman’s Guide to Starting a Business
Amazon (Audio, Print, Kindle Versions): https://amzn.to/3daO7nA
Barnes and Noble- https://bit.ly/FearlessWomansGuide
Bookshop- https://bit.ly/FearlessWomanBookshop
Visit https://www.ameequiriconi.com/ for more articles about self-help, healing from trauma, leadership, business, and more!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Amee Quiriconi (00:00):
Hey everybody, welcome back to this week's
episode, I'm going to veer off alittle bit from the normal of my
interviews that I do withtherapist, psychologist and
other mental healthprofessionals and bring us back
to something that I also alwaysdo on this show, which is to
share the story of survivors.
Now, survivor stories are veryimportant in this realm of
healing from trauma and becomingtrauma informed, because
(00:21):
surviving is where the rubbermeets the road, where the
techniques, the modalities, andthe therapy is actually tested
by the people that are, youknow, using it on a day to day
basis. And who we are is we'reall unique creatures, our lived
experiences are one of a kind,our DNA is one of a kind. And so
therefore, how we get frombroken to thriving is not going
(00:43):
to be the same for everyone. SoI have with me on the show
today, Eric Allen, and he's anentrepreneur and a podcaster,
who has a niche in the MMA,which is, I haven't talked about
that yet on the show. And heactually has two podcasts that
he does. One's called the EricAllen show, where he interviews
guests, and he shares theirjourneys. And he also has top
rated MMA, and we'll talk aboutthat in here, where you he gives
(01:05):
behind the scenes views of theseathletes that are actually in
the MMA. Now, what I'minterested in learning from
Eric, and I'm sharing with youguys is about his healing
journey through his Christianfaith. Because as you the
listeners may recall, some of ushave experienced trauma that
came from a religious backgroundor religious structure, either
(01:27):
in reinforcing shame or stigmas,or controlling behaviors, and
some people have chosen to leavethe religion behind in order for
them to move forward and heal.
But for Eric, it was staring inthe face that made the
difference. And so I want toshare that journey with you all,
too. And so welcome to the showtoday, Eric,
Erik Allen (01:46):
thank you so much.
This is awesome. Such a greatopportunity. I really appreciate
you.
Amee Quiriconi (01:50):
Oh, absolutely, absolutely. Well, you know, your
name popped up, you know, as I'malways keeping my eyes and ears
open for guests and people tobring on with the program. And I
you know, like I said, I do havepeople that sometimes reach out
to me that want to share theirstory. And my and we all have
great stories to share. And Iwish I could tell everybody's
journey, because I think thatwhen we're trauma survivors,
(02:11):
again, one of the effects ofthat is believing that we're
alone. And so when people have achance to, and want to honestly
put their their story out thereit is. It's it's therapeutic in
the sense. And I know, I knowthis from my own experience is
because it allows me to connectbecause part of the trauma is
(02:31):
not being able to connect withpeople, or being cut off or
neglected or whatever. And so,like I said, I wish I could tell
everybody's stories. And sosometimes people will send me
emails just to share theirstory, because it is a part of
us being able to heal inrelationships with other people
and validation, you know thatwhat happened to us wasn't our
mistake, it wasn't our fault,or, you know, whatever. But I do
(02:53):
want to always make sure thatwhen I do share a story, that
I'm bringing a new perspective,and that at the end of the
story, that this person'sjourney has something that
someone else will be able tocarry on in their life, meaning
that either they're, they'reproviding a service, or they
have another outlet or anoutreach or they they're,
they're intentionally buildingcommunity so that other people
(03:15):
can, can feel and come intothat. And so, you know, having
you on today, you're not atherapist, you don't do a bunch
of coaching programs for peoplehealing from you know, and I've
had those survivors on there,you've got a slightly different
way. But I think what you do andwhat you offer is just as you
know, as validating andimportant to So, thank you. So
let's start with your journey.
Let's start you're very open andupfront about coming from like a
(03:36):
really crappy childhood. Like alot of people. Totally Yeah, I
Erik Allen (03:43):
mean, I thought it was a normal childhood. You
know, it's a Sunday schoolplayed Little League, my dad
would take my best friend Dave,and I literally throw some
dumpsters behind, you know, bigstores. And that was a typical
Saturday morning, go findtreasure, you know, that was it.
But my parents got divorced at11 years old. I didn't even know
what a divorce was. I had noidea prior to that, you know,
what was going on. And my momgot together with a guy who was
(04:04):
very physically abusive almostimmediately. And I just thought
that was the weirdest thing thatshe would never press charges.
And then she continued to staywith him. So I remember like,
you know, being outside of thehouse peeking through their
window when they're arguing andhe'd be hitting or the cordless
phone, you know, it's just weirdto me. And she ended up getting
getting pregnant. And so theydid the smart thing. And they
moved all of us out fromWashington State out to small
(04:26):
town, stevensville Montanapopulation, 1200 people and five
acres beautiful property andthey rent to this house and this
house had three bedrooms.
There's room for them, and roomfor my brother who's just a
couple months old in a room formy sister. And they live as an
heir here live in the garage.
And so my garage, I mean, myroom literally had this black
tarp at the end of my bed thatseparated my bed from the truck
(04:47):
that pulled in my half of thegarage had a fireplace in it.
They kept me warm most of thenight during the winters when it
would get to negative degrees.
But yeah, that's where I lived.
And so I was 13 years old brushmy teeth one night they came
home Argan wasn't anythingDifferent than any other night.
But I believe that God wasspeaking to me in that moment as
I was brushing my teeth and he'slike, Man, you got to turn
around to go look around and seewhat's going on. And so the way
(05:09):
the house was set up was behindit was the kitchen to the pantry
to the garage door to that ledto my room. And so I kind of
turned around the corner and Isaw on top of my mom, just boom,
boom, boom, one shot after theother. Like, man, I gotta get
this guy off. So I stuck upbehind him and I grabbed a cast
iron pan, the big heavy dutyones you take with a camping and
I swung as hard as I could, andI split the back of his head
open. And it didn't knock himout. He turned around and he
(05:32):
said, What then is he said thatI took another swing and split
his forehead open. And in thatmoment, I'd hit him so hard, I'd
actually fallen over and he wasso drunk, it did not knock him
out. He was standing up over meat this point yelling, my mom
jumps up lands, like six punchesand road was faced blood splats
on the wall, cops came take himto jail for the night. Again, no
charges were pressed. I wasactually kicked out of the house
(05:54):
at that point at three monthsleft my freshman year high
school. So I just bounced aroundbetween friends, couches and
floors the next few monthsbefore moving back to Washington
State. And that led me on thispath of destruction for the next
10 years of my life.
Amee Quiriconi (06:06):
Yeah, I mean, I mean, of course, I mean, you
know, that's a that's a terriblething to have to deal with and
go through. And I mean, youknow, we think in the moment, I
remember this, and I've gotteenagers right now, I don't
know how old your kids are, butmine are 16. And, you know, My
son will be 19 in a couple ofweeks. And, you know, I remember
parenting them and at 13 yearsold, and you're just like,
(06:30):
they're not adults, yet. They'restill kids, they think they're
adults, right? Like, I rememberbeing 13 thing, and I know
everything I'm done, like, youknow, this adult thing, because
because we've grown in statureto an adult size. Right? And,
and our thoughts are changingand stuff like that. But the
reality is, is that that's aprime very important time, you
know, in a child's life, thatthey're still children and to be
(06:51):
to be put in a situation likethat, of seeing that violence
and to actually have to takeplace, you know, to be in the
violence. Yeah, it's not good onthe psyche, or the brain and
then to be rejected. And I'msurprised, you know, a lot of
times abusers don't show up asabusers right from the get go.
And so for this person to havethe audacity to start beating
everybody, like, you know,sooner than later is just that's
(07:14):
that's unsettling and shocking.
Yep. You know, in itself. So, Imean, you know, you end up being
kicked out of your house at 13years old. Couch Surfing around
the area, and then you come backto Washington to live with your
dad, right?
Erik Allen (07:29):
Yeah, yeah. Okay.
Yeah, he rented this house forhim and I and he would put 20
bucks in a cup for my lunchmoney for the week. And then
he'd fill the freezer withhunger, man meals and cereal
milk in the fridge. And then hegoes, stayed at night with his
girlfriend. And I would maybesee my dad a few times a month,
all through high school. Sosophomore through senior year,
that was the case. It rarely sawmy dad. And what that did was it
opened up, you know, the doorfor me to do get into drugs and
(07:51):
get an alcohol at noaccountability, no adult
supervision. I had a job atMcDonald's was my first job. But
like I you know, I was veryirresponsible at the time
looking back, I'm like, Alright,you know, it's fun times, but I
was getting high before schoolhide at lunch, I was getting
high after school, acidmushrooms, you know, weed,
whatever I could get my hands oneven to the point of taking
(08:12):
Dexter morphine, cough syrup,because it would give me the
same hallucinations that acidwould but it was half the cost.
You know, like, I've just gotdeep into it. And when I was 18
years old, I was a senior inhigh school and I got arrested
for having a bomb, which is nowlegal in the state of
Washington. But at the time, itwasn't. And I had to go to jail
and black and white Jing Changgang outfit on bright orange
slippers. You know, I wrote Iliterally wrote a note, hey,
(08:33):
staying at Danny's house to mydad, because I knew that he
would never check on me. So Iwent to jail Friday night check
myself and got out on Saturdaydidn't tell my dad for probably
10 years that I actually wasarrested, put in jail. But I put
me on probation for a year so Icould smoke pot for a year. But
what I did was enhanced mydrinking. And then two weeks
after I graduated high school, Iwoke up to note on my mirror
that said you can't comply withhouse rules, you have 48 hours
(08:55):
to get out. And so at thatpoint, I again kind of couch
surf between the ages of 18 and21. I moved to 21 different
places, moved to Seattle with$100 in my pocket, wanted to get
in the music business and landeda job with Universal Records
after a while and that justopened up the door more because
I was able to go to freeconcerts two to three concerts a
(09:15):
week had open tabs that this twoyear span or probably went to
about 175 concerts and just, youknow, live this crazy life. I
was living off of credit cards.
And by the time I'm 21 I was$20,000 in debt. You know, it's
pretty crazy.
Amee Quiriconi (09:29):
Yeah, that's a lot. You know. And I you know,
did you feel like you were inpain at that time? Or did you
feel like you were just like youhad a dream life because you got
to do whatever you want. Youdidn't have any parents in your
life and like, yeah, it's a bigparty. Yeah,
Erik Allen (09:44):
I felt like it was a big party for the longest time.
I really wasn't until I wasprobably about 23 years old. You
know, you know, when I was 21and had been that much doubt I
ended up filing bankruptcy. Butlike probably when I was 23
years old is when it reallystarted to hit like, Man, what
am I doing? I remember this Veryspecific moment, I was at a
concert at the showbox indowntown Seattle when it was
(10:04):
open, show it to us. And it'ssuch a great venue. And I was
working for universal. And I wasin my early 20s. And there was a
girl who was a music rep thatwas probably in her mid 30s. And
nothing wrong to her. But Iremember this moment looking at
going, I don't want to be herage, doing this every night away
from my family. And that was themoment that stuck in my head.
I'm like, Man, what am I doing.
And about probably six monthslater, I was laid off from
(10:26):
Universal Records. During theNapster days when it killed the
music industry. A lot of peopledon't realize that. But that was
I got laid off. And it kind ofput me in this depression where
I was working at Starbucks atnight. And I'd get off work I go
to, you know, the grocery store,grab a six pack of beer, go to
Hollywood video and grab me amovie. And then back to my
ghetto apartment across thestreet from where Jimi Hendrix
was buried out there in Rentonand would drink myself to sleep
(10:49):
every night. And one night thisgirl walked into Starbucks, who
doesn't drink coffee and said,Hey, we got this cool college
event down at our church, wouldyou be ever interested in going?
Me being depressed? Having nofriends in her very good
looking? Yeah, hey, absolutely.
I'm gonna go, you know, and Igot down there. And there's all
these guys that I knew from highschool like, man, I haven't seen
you for five years. I haven'tseen you in six years. You know,
(11:10):
like, this weird connection. Ithink God was kind of planting
seeds in that moment. And abouta month later is Easter 2004.
And I was managing a band, wewent out and played a concert
and woke up at Easter morningabout 5am my buddy's basements
run about probably 15 otherguys. And in that moment, I felt
God say, Man, you're done.
You're going down this road ofdestruction that's going to end
quickly if you don't startmaking some changes. And I gave
(11:30):
my life to Christ in thatbasement right there. And I quit
cold turkey drugs, drinkingcigarettes, everything from
there. And I called that girl upand I got her voicemail and I
just said, hey, maybe I'll seethe store. Thanks for inviting
coaches, but Happy Easter. Andabout a month later we're dating
and now we've been married foralmost 17 years.
Amee Quiriconi (11:46):
Oh, I just got goosebumps.
Erik Allen (11:52):
Were actually born in exactly 1:41pm documented our
birth certificates differentdays over years, but the exact
same minute.
Amee Quiriconi (11:59):
Oh, wow. That's pretty cool.
Erik Allen (12:02):
World Record I tried to see if it would be but it's
Amee Quiriconi (12:05):
there's nothing that that amazing about it.
Right? It's on as I'm listeningto you, I'm thinking about like,
You're such you've had such thequintessential like Seattle
experience Starbucks music,everything that's in like, the
Gen X realm of you know, becauseI moved out to Seattle, because
of music not 1000 like I wasn'tan artist or anything, but I
(12:27):
love it. The poster behind mefor people watching videos, an
homage to Bikini Kill, which isa you know, Riot girl act that
came out of the Seattle Olympiaarea. Yeah. And so you know, the
whole, like, going to all andseeing all the bands as they
came and went and stuff likethat, like, yeah, that's, uh,
that's pretty cool. And, uh, youknow, and I asked about the the
(12:49):
moment because I think thatsometimes when we look back in
time, you know, we, we don't, wedon't feel the pain that we were
clearly going through at thetime. I mean, when you look
back, like now at your age,right and my age, and we go,
Jesus, you're a 13 year old kid,you're struggling, you were
coping, you were, you know, andI'm not a therapist, everybody.
(13:09):
Y'all know that. But you know, Imean, we know, we know, we start
to learn ourselves, like, youknow, the dissociation, you
know, that we do the risk takingthat we take on, because we got
to feel something, right. Like,in the absence of loving
parents, you're just you'researching for feeling. And that
feeling is, I'm going to just gofor the most extreme things that
I can find. I'm either going toget it through drugs, or sex, or
(13:32):
music or alcohol or whatever,because I don't have anybody
around me right now, thatactually makes me feel like I
matter. You know. And that's, Imean, in the end, when you look
back, you're like, Man, I'm sadfor you. I'm sad for that. That
young man that you were in thatboy that you were in that's that
was the experience that you had.
Erik Allen (13:49):
I mean, it That's tough. It was crazy. I mean, I
looking back now I'm like, man,I would I don't regret going
through the things because Ithink it made me the man that I
am today. You know, like I guythat I follow and my life he
talks about, you know, lifehappens for us, not to us. And,
you know, I just think thatlooking back, yeah, it sucked in
those moments, but man rightnow, I definitely feel like I
don't think I would be the sameperson had I had a different
(14:10):
life.
Amee Quiriconi (14:11):
Yeah, absolutely. And then that's why,
you know, I that's what I loveabout you and your story. And
why well, we'll keep talking andsharing this with you is, is
that that's a huge benefit andvalue and resilience when you
can actually look and have peacewith the journey that we've been
on. Because it allows us to thenbe able to share and hopefully
help other people because noteverybody has such a peaceful
(14:32):
past, you know, or peace withtheir past. You know, they're
still beating themselves up andstruggling with it today and
still feeling shame. You know,for things that happened, like,
you know, did you drive your dadout of the house? Of course, you
didn't do that, right. But somepeople actually still believe
that their behaviors and theirmisbehaviors you know, are their
fault.
Erik Allen (14:51):
Yeah, shame is such a triggering thing. I think it
hurts so bad, like I'm 41. Now Ididn't share my story public.
clean towels 39. So I just heldon to that forever and just kind
of dealt with it and, and said,Oh, no, I'll just, you know,
shove it in the back of my mind.
And it didn't really affect meas an adult, or, you know, or
anything like that. But thenonce I released it when I was
39, man, it was such a hugeweight off my shoulders. But up
(15:14):
until that point, I was like,man, do I release this story? Do
I tell people about this? Right,you know, and, but I it's been
such a huge blessing that I wasable to release that. And I've
just gotten a lot of greatfeedback and be able to connect
with so many people due to that.
Amee Quiriconi (15:28):
So let's talk about then the, you know, again,
there's so many different waysthat people get to a place of
where they finally are able towork through and rewire you
know, and, and adopt differentbehaviors and belief systems
about themselves and stuff likethat. Like I said, some people
use cognitive behavioraltherapy, they go to therapy. For
(15:49):
you, it was giving into thisfeeling that you had in this, in
giving it to God and to Christ.
What What did you do then onceyou did that, like what what
were that? What were the stepson your journey that helped you
went cold turkey stay on thispath? feel like you're, you're
becoming whole, you know, again,as an adult?
Erik Allen (16:14):
Yeah, it's a great question. Because I think what
happened was I what I Well, Iknow what happened, what, but
what I did was I ended uptalking all my buddies, the band
manager, and all of the guysthat I was out partying with,
and I said, Hey, for me, I gotto take a step away from it's
not a healthy route for me to bein isn't an environment for me
to be in, that's going to keepme healthy, I'm going down a
really bad path, I needed tokind of take a break. And
(16:35):
surprisingly, all of them werelike, dude, get better get
better for yourself, like, youknow, get healthy. And when
you're ready, we're here. AndI'm still friends with those
guys today, which is reallycool. But I did, I took about a
six month break of hanging outwith guys who I was going to the
bar with hanging around or evencontacting anybody that I was
out in that environment with.
And what I did was I replacedthat with reading books, I'd
(16:56):
never really read books before Istarted reading, like crazy. I
was reading like a book a week,just on growing spirituality and
growing closer to God. Andwithout even realizing that I
was interviewing people, Istarted like finding people in
the church that had greatmarriages, and that had great
walks with Christ and, and wereliving the successful business
life and things like that. And Iwould take them out to coffee,
Hey, can I just take out tocoffee, I just want to like,
(17:17):
pick your brain and kind of findout the steps it took you to get
to where you're at today. And soI started doing that once a
week, I was taking someone elseout. And you know, I was taking
out youth pastors and pastorsand just take him out to coffee
and just really understandingthings of like, Alright, this is
the this is what I should bedoing to kind of realize that,
hey, this shame what happened inthe past, it doesn't have to
define my future. And I can makethis change at any point. And so
(17:39):
I really just deep dived inmentally to go, okay, whatever
happened in the past, it's over,I can't change it. But I can
change my future right now.
Starting today, boom, and thenjust started really just taking
notes and soaking up as much asI could.
Amee Quiriconi (17:54):
Right. Right. So using the people around you to
support you, but also as modelsso that you had something to
draw off of which clearly,again, going back through, you
know, your own childhood, youdidn't have a model yet until,
you know, you were able to findthem through I mean, the are the
models that you had weren't theones, you know, that were
working for you right, Totally,yeah. So to be you know, just to
(18:17):
make sure that we were coveringall of this, I will say my
experience with religion is notis not bad. So I'm not going to
you know, I don't have like a, Idon't have a hostile negative
mindset or anything towards it.
But it is limited. I have familythat, you know, my grandparents
went to church, you know, everySunday and had good friends that
were actually were Episcopal,which is like Catholicism light,
(18:37):
you know, it's I that's kind oflike, you know, anyways, so they
would go to church. My mom, onthe other hand, was the only go
to church on the holidays, andthen make like a huge deal of
it. And finally, I just was likesick of this hypocrisy, because
what I saw was I saw what wastalked about, and the the nature
of the words, you know, but thenI saw the the hypocrisy and the
(19:02):
conflict with people actuallyfollowing through. And to me, it
was like, Okay, I don't need toshow up and go to an organized
meeting, when you know, nobody'sreally I mean, this just feels
like we're filling in our timefor the, you know, hope that we
go to heaven or whatever otheryou know, eternal promise that
we have coming for us. But I gotbetter things to do with my
time. If it means living a goodperson, I'm going to go live a
good person, I don't need theconfines and the structure, you
(19:23):
know, of religion. So whenpeople talk about it, that it
becomes like a very deep part oftheir life on a day to day, I
have to admit, that's notsomething that I'm familiar
with. So when you you mentionedthe reason why I'm asking this,
as you mentioned, walking withChrist, what does that mean for
anybody else that's listening tothat, because when I hear that,
it just sounds like jargon.
Yeah. I mean, I could be talkingabout Microsoft's latest product
(19:45):
or Apple's latest product. Imean, those are just words,
right? Yeah, I know. It soundslike jargon. So describe it for
this person to understand thatthey're searching for community
and wondering if this might bethe community for them. What
does it mean when you say aperson He walks with Christ.
Erik Allen (20:01):
You know, I think for me, and it's different for
everybody. And I think as I'm aChristian nondenominational
church, but I think Christianscan be like you mentioned,
probably some of the biggesthypocrites and biggest judgers
I've ever seen or come across inmy life. And I think if people
just realize that hey, you knowwhat, we should just love people
where they're at. And then therest of God will take care of
(20:22):
the rest, you know, whatever,whatever their life is, like I
don't need to judge them forbased off political or sexual
preference or anything likethat. That's not my job. My job
is just to love people wherethey're at. And so I think when
when with the walk in Christ forme, it's when I wake up I open
my eyes, there's when rightthere I get to live another day,
there's when number one I jumpout of bed, I make my bed
there's two wins and 15 seconds,it's gonna be an awesome day.
(20:44):
And so then what I do is I havethis personal goal to make one
person smile virtually or inperson every single day. And so
I come upstairs after I youknow, do my shower thing and I
have this vision wall and I lookthrough my vision wall my goals,
my liquidation, my family, youknow what I want to be like
things like that. And then Iturn on some worship music. And
really worship music could befor anything like I there's
(21:05):
Christian bands that are likeheavy metal screamo bands, that
I love that I can really connectwith God listening to them. And
then there's like, the softlike, worship music. So for me,
Amee Quiriconi (21:14):
Stryper, I think is one of them, weren't they?
Right, yeah,
Erik Allen (21:18):
I actually saw those guys live back in the day my dad
took me to see it was amazing.
But you know, like, yeah, Imean, so I get up and I turn on
some worship music. And again,it could be for, you know,
whatever genre you want. But Ilike a lighter music in the
morning. And for me, I just haveto spend time, close my eyes.
And I'm like, Alright, God,thank you for this day, I think
and for my family, what I havehealth, blessings, all of that.
(21:39):
And for me, I don't really liketo spend a lot of time asking
for things. I just say, Hey,man, I'm thank you for this. I'm
thankful for this. And yeah, andI'll, you know, pray for some
health and other things likethat. But if I can be consistent
with that, I think that's whatthat walk in Christ means for me
is just being consistentlytouching base with God said,
Hey, man, thank you so much forwhat I've got, give me the
opportunities to be able toshare some love with people
(22:02):
today. For me, that's my, that'swhat walk in Christ is about.
Amee Quiriconi (22:08):
No, and that's fantastic. Because as I'm
listening to it, I'm hearing youknow, so many things that we
know actually are reallybeneficial to the human brain
and one of them is xebia abilityto express gratitude, that there
is a there is a neurobiology notto break down the wisdom in the
in the spirituality of it, butthere is a neurobiological
benefit when we can, when we canbring our thoughts to things
(22:31):
that we're thankful for thingsthat we're grateful for, it
actually spurs on more of thehappy chemicals literally in our
body, and to keep flooding uswith that. And that sometimes
that's what we have to practicewhen we're feeling particularly
low is that we have to think,man, you know, one thing I saw
on the show the secret, youknow, talks about, you know, the
great wisdom that's out there,but was a gratitude stone. And
(22:53):
so I have this little box ofstones where it's a reminder in
your pocket to when you feel it,to think of something you're
grateful for right now. Becauseit's really the It's a trick to
be able to get the biology to beable to produce the chemicals
that you need. And and those arereal honest, you know, things
that you know, definitely havebenefit. Yeah, um, you know, I,
(23:17):
I've met other people that don'tgo to church, but this, but have
a belief in a higher power. Andhere's the thing that were I, I
do I say, I leave space formiracles. Sure. So well, I don't
go to church, it's hard for meto not sit there and be grateful
for the, you know, the universe,karma, you know, some other
higher power that I, that I doactually like to believe exists
(23:40):
out there. And I and I thinkthat for me, it is this idea
that at the end of the day, Iwant to believe something out
there cares about my existence,wants me to be successful. And
even if I'm running intosomething that's hard, the
belief that there's a purpose tothat also, and like you said,
like our journeys, our journeys,and that there's a there's a
benefit to us that we will bewiser stronger, you know, more
(24:02):
loving, more empathetic, morecompassionate. And so I think
higher power is something thatpeople like to identify, like,
you know, yeah, you know,whether it's God or you know,
any other name that you want tobe able to put on it. Like I
said, I call it the universe,but I think we're talking about
the same thing.
Erik Allen (24:18):
Yeah, I agree. And you know, there's a book called
you're a badass and if peoplehaven't read that series that
they should definitely go checkthat out. But Jensen, Sarah, who
wrote those books, she talksabout the same thing. She's she
doesn't like the word God, butshe likes the word universe or
higher power or man upstairs,like she kind of rotates him
around. But I think she kind oftalks about the same stuff, you
know, but like I said, I thinkwhatever is is for each personal
(24:42):
person, like you want to callthem God or higher power,
whatever that is, I think, ifthat's what helps you kind of
get on this path of for your ownjourney. I think that's, that's
what's most important,
Amee Quiriconi (24:52):
for sure. Now, the other thing that I do like
also about the community of, youknow, of a church is that it's
community and And like I saidearlier, you know, we do heal in
relationships, even if we are,we've learned to be independent
people, you know, we reregulateeach other and the more positive
people that are doing the samethings or believe in sharing
(25:12):
that love back and forthactually does heal us even more.
So, then plowing through andgoing to therapy, you know, on a
weekly basis. Did you? Have youfound the same thing with you,
in your experience? And in yourchurch?
Erik Allen (25:24):
Yeah, I mean, I've gotten some some bills, gotten
to build some greatrelationships with other men in
our, in our church and justunderstand, like, you know,
their struggles as married men,and just a single guys, and
even, you know, just as, ascouples, you know, we've my
wife, and I've been in bothmen's groups, women's groups,
and then you know, a couple ofgroups and stuff like that. And
I think we've both growntremendously being in small
(25:46):
groups, that small community isgreat, I love going to like men
camp, it's, you know, men campover the weekend, and we go, you
know, throw axes and shoot guns,and go fishing and stuff like
that. And it's just this cooltime to connect with other guys.
And I built some greatrelationships, just doing
activities with other guys likethat. And so I think it is, it
is great to have that community.
Amee Quiriconi (26:06):
Know, I talk a lot about men's mental health on
the show, because men in the GenX generation are the largest
group of people that die bysuicide every year, and it's
growing. And, and some of thatis having a lack of support, you
know, either at home or at workor in their life of experiencing
traumas or anything like that,that may have happened in their
(26:28):
past and not having the abilityto have worked through it or
understood it or whatever. Whathave what's been your experience
with other men, like I love thefact that you like to, you know,
really spend some time withother men, but what do men think
when you talk about, you know,mental health? You know, is it
challenging?
Erik Allen (26:47):
I think it can be, I think a lot of guys, the
majority of guys, I personallyknow, they that are in that
church community, they arepretty open to it. But then you
talk to guys that are outside ofthe church community that there
may not, they may not be so opento sharing their stories. And
that's part of the thing with mypodcasts when I talk with folks
is, you know, like to ask themabout that, like, what was their
childhood? Like? Where did theygrow up? Things like that. And
(27:07):
most of them, probably, well,I've never had anybody say,
Well, I don't want to talk aboutthat. But you know, like, I've,
I like to kind of dig that outto them, because I dig that out
from them. Because a lot oftimes maybe they're not talking
too much about it and talk withfighters and entrepreneurs, you
hear guys talk about that, thatmental side, that mental
struggle of getting throughpain, getting through failure,
things like that feeling likewe're being judged. I think
(27:29):
that's a lot of everywhere andin the way that we get out of
that is in a community. So goand whether that's a church
community, our business networkcommunity, or, you know,
podcasting community orsomething like that, just being
around other people can reallylift you up, like Ed, my lead
says, you know, if you'rewalking around at five degrees,
go walk around with guys thatare walking around at 185. And
just being in their presence isgoing to lift you up and, and
(27:50):
boost your mentality and boostthat mental strength just being
in their presence. So, I mean, Ithink that's the way that that
that we get out of that as menand women.
Amee Quiriconi (27:58):
Yeah, I agree.
Um, you know, and thinking aboutthe fact that the more you know,
people, especially men thatspeak up, and it's safe to do
that, I think that, you know,again, there's, I'd like to
think that in this world,there's still fewer and fewer
people that feel like they needto shame other people for having
feelings, right? I mean, that'sone of the things that I mean,
we can all remember, you know,the idea of like, you know, men
being told not to be pussies,you know, to be tougher and
(28:22):
stronger by not crying by not,you know, and women on the other
hand, we've dealt with the sametypes of stereotypes that it's,
you know, very unladylike for usto be mad about something, you
know, one of the first things Ihad to tell people is I have a
right to be mad, like, it's avery honest, real feeling here.
And so let me let me be angry,you know, for a minute about
about this whole thing. Do youthink that, you know, the more
(28:44):
that you've been able to getother people open up that you've
seen more men being able to feellike that they can get past that
stigma? in the community? Do youstill see that there's, you
know, there's still people thatfeel like they're gonna be
shamed or bullied, you know, ifthey actually say I'm
struggling, or like, you know, Ihurt or I care about this.
Erik Allen (29:07):
Yeah, I think the majority of guys that I've
talked to, I'm probably actuallyall I would say is they're
really open to it. And I'veheard, you know, throughout
their business journey, or theirfighter journey, you know,
people are gonna judge me forgetting into a cage and going to
fight someone else, or isfalling gonna judge me if I
start this business? You know,it's funny, because, you know,
I've seen the thing like whenwhen you post on Facebook, that
(29:28):
you got this new job, you know,people were like, Yeah, but then
if you go to start this newbusiness, and you get like,
maybe four likes, and it's like,well, I don't really care about
that, and then you go to fail,and it's like, See, I told you
so. Right like that. That's sortof judgment and men, especially
if we want to hold back fromputting that out there
sometimes, like, hey, I've gotthis business idea because we do
feel that that we could bejudged. But I think at the same
(29:50):
time, like if men and themajority of them that I've
talked to you are open aboutthat, it encourages other men to
be open and hopefully we canbuild this community just in you
know, the people I've been on myshow and shows that I've been a
guest on hopefully men will lookat that go, man, maybe I should
open up. I don't need to be sorough and tough all the time
there can be these times whereI'm more open to just, you know,
(30:11):
hearing other conversations andsharing my story.
Amee Quiriconi (30:14):
Right, right.
Well, and for the listeners, ifyou're not actually watching the
video, Eric looks about as roughand tough as they get even
though he's not. But you know,and I think that, you know, of
course, we all judge him bias,you know, against people based
on you, we judge books by thecover, right? And so, you know,
I think that it's, it'sfascinating also that you're in
the the MMA fields, like did youever fight mixed martial arts?
Erik Allen (30:38):
I didn't, I did a little bit karate and boxing
when I was growing up. I nevercompeted or anything like that.
I just, man. Okay, I was gonna
Amee Quiriconi (30:45):
say what attracted to you? Yeah, so I
mean, tell me then how a non youknow, MMA fighter, though goes
like, I'm gonna totally just beinto this, like, you know, I
mean, like, I want to hear thattoo.
Erik Allen (30:54):
Well, I sort of grew up watching like pay per view,
Mike Tyson fights all the time,my dad would get those fights.
But the other cool thing my daddid was he would rent movies.
When I was a kid that were notEnglish. They were just just
ninja movies. And it was likecrazy ninjas. I didn't
understand what they're saying.
But it was just ninja moviesand, and just the action parts
of it and things. And then Ithink I was a ninja for
Halloween for like, 15 yearsstraight. Like, you know, I just
I've always been a fan of combatsports I've ever been a first
(31:17):
grade. And I never let my kidsdo this now. But you know, first
grade might be my cousin, smalltown Prosser, Washington, we'd
walk like a mile into town, andwe'd go rent UFC one and two on
VHS, and we'd go back to thehouse and watch that and really
early age. So I've just alwaysbeen this fan of the fight game.
And it's cool to see it'sevolved into more a much more
respectful sport than it wasback in the early days. So yeah,
(31:41):
that's that's kind of I think,what started my journey down
there. My dad always took me tolike WWF events when it was
actually called WTF. So youknow, a lot of wrestling and
Ninja and all that stuff. So Ithink that's what inspired me to
go this route.
Amee Quiriconi (31:54):
Well, cool.
Well, and so let's now talkabout then the the two shows
that you do. Because like Isaid, You've got two programs.
One is the top rated MMA and theother one is called the Eric
Allen show, what's thedifference between both of those
programs.
Erik Allen (32:06):
So top rated may actually started, I was an
apparel company in 2012, my wifeand I decided that we wanted to
try getting into the shirt gameof him amaze, which is during
the tapout days, and we didn'tput a business plan together, we
had no idea what we're doing. Wejust bought a bunch of inventory
and didn't sell it. And Ithought, hey, it'll be the next
biggest thing made it so much.
So many mistakes. I think Idonated probably 80 shirts to
Hurricane Katrina, victims wayback in the day. But you know,
(32:30):
so it started out as thisclothing company. And then in
2015, I got bored actually putan ad in Craigslist and said,
Who wants to buy this companyfor a few grand and this guy
called me up, it was gonna offerme I think 3000 for the name and
the followers and all that. Andin that call, I decided that I
wasn't ready to quit yet. So Ispent the next year kind of just
barely having the business upand running. And in 2017, I
launched the top rated apodcast, I had no idea what I
(32:53):
was doing. I just wanted to talkto guys and say, Why do you want
to get punched in the face. Andthat was my main objective for
starting the podcast. And I'veheard everything from I was in
karate in a transition to I havea felony offense, I can't get a
real job. But I go fight peopleput food on the table for my
kids. It was just cool. Andthat's sort of evolved into
Alright, now we're really wantto get these real fighters real
stories, like how did they getto the word that what's that
(33:15):
mental struggle that they haveto fight. And so now we're 238
episodes in humbly consideredthe number one MMA podcast out
here in the Northwest. And itcomes out every single Saturday.
And I talked with up and comingfighters from around the world.
And that, you know, some pros,but a lot of them are these
amateur fighters, early profighters just trying to get a
name for themselves.
Amee Quiriconi (33:37):
And I and I like that you do that? Because
that's, you know, that's one ofthe hardest things right is
exposure, and especially in asport where sponsors also play
into it, and fans grow you andeverything, you know, being able
to get your name out there. So Ithink that's really great that
you do that. And then you'reable to also, you know, like you
said, You know, sometimes we allhave these unders, you know, we
think we know the world justbecause we've seen a few clips
(33:57):
on, you know, the news orwhatever. And, you know, it can
be hard to understand why wouldsomebody choose to go in and
punish themselves and fight likethat. And we have, you know,
somebody can come up with, like,you know, they're violent
people, or they're whatever. Andso I love that you actually
share the stories so that weactually have an understanding
of the choices that people maketo do that, because it expands
our, our worldview of humans,you know, more just, yeah,
Erik Allen (34:21):
I was gonna say, I mean, I agree. I mean, I think
that in fighters, I've met a lotof fighters, both professional,
big names, small names, guys,like amateur guys, every single
fighter I've ever met as likethe nicest person ever in the
world. I mean, I've never met anicer person than a guy who can
really hurt me if I reallywanted them to. Right. Like,
they're the absolute nicestpeople I've ever met.
Amee Quiriconi (34:40):
Yeah, yeah. And again, that kind of just that
throws away any kind ofassumptions that we have about,
you know, about people that arethat are in the field. And I
think when you and I have talkedon our pre call, you know,
understanding again, the journeythat a lot of them have had and
they've been willing to kind of,you know, some of them have been
willing to be able to share whatthat journey is, and we start to
see just how often and how muchmore prevalent trauma is, and
(35:03):
most of our backgrounds in ourlives and guide us, you know, in
ways, you know, hopefully tobetter outcomes for ourselves
and for other people. But it'sreally, I think that's an
enriching part of it. Now, wheredoes the Eric Allen show them
fit into all of this? Like, whenand why did you decide to go in
that direction to?
Erik Allen (35:22):
Yeah, I've always had been an entrepreneurial guy,
I think I mean, 10 years old, Ihad my probably 10 lawn mowing
clients. And then 11 years old,had the same clients for two
years in a row. And I wasliterally, this is funny, but I
literally push a lot more uphillfor about a mile. And people
think I was joking, I had topush. You know, the furthest
guide I had, I started with himand work my way back. But he was
(35:43):
about a mile away. And he livedat the top of this hill. And so
that was I started early on. Andso I've always been intrigued by
entrepreneurs. You know, anearly night, you know, when I'm
early age, got to connect withdirect marketing and network
marketing and stuff like that.
And it wasn't for me, it is forsome people, it was for me. And
then in 2018, I came across guynamed Ed, my lead online, I was
like, holy crap, man, this guyis awesome. Whatever he's saying
(36:03):
is good. his guests, everythingwas just like hitting home for
me. And then he issued thischallenge in 2018. To Hey, if
you're following me, of my 1million followers, I want you to
submit a one minute story ofwhat passion, what's your
passion, what drives you? Why doyou want to be successful, and I
submitted this video. And twomonths later, he announced me as
the winner, I was the winner ofEd my let's max out challenge.
And so I got to have a phonecall with him. And it changed my
(36:25):
life forever. I got to itsupposed to be 20 minutes, we
talked for 30. And the guy islike down to earth, like shut
everything out, was very, veryintrigued in what I had going
on. He gave me some great tipsgave me some personal contacts
here in this area that I lovethat that he knows in. And it
just, that's what reallyinspired me to start my Eric
Allen shows, I want to talk withentrepreneurs, world changers
and success minded people andkind of tie in that show and I
(36:47):
want to know, I'm sure is gonnawant to get punched in the face,
hopefully not physically, butlike, we get nose we get
rejected, we get shut down allthe time. Why do we keep
fighting? Why do keep going forthat success?
Amee Quiriconi (36:58):
Yeah, that's fascinating. And I and I feel
like you I have been kind ofentrepreneurial minded, you
know, my whole, you know, mywhole life too. And I, you know,
and I reflect on it, you know,the differences between
entrepreneurs, you know,entrepreneurship is risky, it
requires a density. You know, Ithink that, you know, many of us
that have had these traumaticexperiences, to be honest with
(37:20):
you that have learned to fightand survive, and then realize
that we didn't die in theprocess. Yeah, makes us have the
stomach, you know, the iron gutto be able to go and go, I'm
gonna stick my neck out, I'mgonna buy 3000 shirts, and we're
gonna just see what happens. Andyou know, what, it didn't work
out. But that didn't mean Iquit, I'm going to try it and
reframe it. And, and I thinkthat, you know, that's one of
(37:43):
those upsides, you know, that ofour journeys, you know,
depending on what we've gonethrough, that really does, you
know, make us ripe for it. Andyou know, and what I've
discovered along my journey,though, however, is that because
we get so used to the redo, theredo the redo, we can sometimes
keep sabotaging ourselves,because of the quest for the
redo and the quest to survive,and the quest to win one more
(38:05):
thing, and I failed, but I'mcoming back. And that in itself
can be an addiction, you know,that can actually undermine, you
know, entrepreneurs and stuff.
Yep. But it is. You know, arethere entrepreneurs that come
from really functional homes andsafety and security? Yes, there
are those but man the hustlers,the hustlers, we've, you know,
we've been through some stuff,and we keep trying to and we
bring it out into, you know,into our businesses. Is that
(38:27):
some of what you've seen orexperienced with some of the
folks that you've talked to?
Erik Allen (38:32):
Totally, yeah, I mean, I rarely, like I talked to
entrepreneurs, a lot of them,they didn't come from rich
families, they didn't come fromthe successful, you know,
marriage or anything like thatthey grew up and they had these
stories that motivated them. Youknow, one of the things I have
my wall is the purpose of painis to move us into action. It's
not to make us suffer. And Ithink when they see that, or
(38:52):
they they realize that like,hey, this, is this something
that's helping me in my journey,then they're gonna keep
fighting. And yeah, I do seethat. And a lot of
entrepreneurs, you know, for me,like, I get up at 4am, six days
a week, you got to be consistentwith it, you got to you got to
make sure that you're alwaysfighting for my for your dreams
and things like that. So I thinkas entrepreneurs, one thing that
we have in common is, hopefullysuccessful entrepreneurs, we're
(39:13):
just always consistent ontowards working towards a goal.
Mm hmm.
Amee Quiriconi (39:17):
Yep, totally.
Now, as we're wrapping this uphere, what advice would you have
for somebody that's actuallylistening to the show that
hasn't considered faith is maybea piece to add into their life
and their journey? I mean, whatwould you say to somebody
that's, you know, again, like onthe fence, I can imagine some
people they're like, man, Iknow, I don't hear good things
(39:38):
about church. You know, I hearbad things about Christians,
Muslims, whatever it is thatthey may be experiencing. Sure.
You know, how would you talk tothem and give them some advice
on something to consider forthemselves and whether or not
maybe heading out because myshow is released on Sunday?
Yeah. So if somebody wanted tojust decide to go find the, you
know, what should they look for?
(39:58):
What kinds of questions shouldthey ask what should They be
thinking about, you know, I
Erik Allen (40:02):
think, put a grading scale together. And I say this
because it's what my wife and Idid when we church shocked, we
moved around Idaho, we startedgoing around to different
churches and kind of going,Okay, do we like that? What's
not? And I think if you'rethinking about going to church,
go to a church that feels right.
And I know that sounds like,Well, how do I know what to
write, you have to go and justcheck it out and your walk in
and immediately you'll know.
(40:23):
Yep, these guys actually are notbeing fake, or Yep, these guys
are kind of being fuzzy. I don'tknow if I want to be here. You
know, but I think if you want togrow in your faith, whether
whatever religion that is, dosome research, find out exactly
what the roots are of thatchurch, or what their, what
their beliefs are. And if thataligns with what you think
you've got going on, then gotest out, go to this church
(40:45):
route, this church route thisone, see what they feel like,
yeah, I think that you'reprobably going to run across
anybody at any church at anypoint, that's going to be
judgmental, and hypocritical.
And you got to go, okay, is thatperson the big picture? Or is
that person just somebody that'snot really there. So go find
some church, go find an area, gofind people that are living the
(41:06):
life that you want, whateverfaith that is, and see if you
can connect with them. Ifthey're aligning with you,
that's probably something that'scalling you to go that way.
Maybe like deep dive a littlebit more into it. But you're
gonna have to get uncomfortableto get comfortable in those
areas.
Amee Quiriconi (41:22):
Mm hmm. I agree.
I agree. And you actually go toa non denominational church,
which is actually this amazingchange in religion, right, which
isn't having it around thestrip, you know, the Scripture
and the structure of certaindenominations, that actually
kind of being more in touchwith, again, the bigger vision
of this higher power. And, youknow, and that the universal
message is really love. I mean,it's what I like to think of it
(41:44):
is like, that's a universalmessage is it is about
connection, and a positiveenergetic connections between
each of us. And we can call thatand define that as love.
Erik Allen (41:53):
Yep, I agree. Yep. I mean, again, love people where
they are they're at. And I thinkthat that what if everybody just
loved people, that man, theworld would be so much of a
better place?
Amee Quiriconi (42:03):
Absolutely.
Well, Eric, this has been anawesome conversation. I've
really enjoyed speaking with youand getting to know you and
hearing your stories of thePacific Northwest and the
Seattle area. During your time,where can everybody find you and
find your shows and reach out toyou if they want to get into
your circle or engage with youbecause you offer consulting,
you know, you offerentrepreneurial help? for
people, right?
Erik Allen (42:25):
Yeah, so I, anybody who's thinking about doing a
podcast, I run courses on reallystarting that idea of a podcast,
a launch in that podcast, and wecover everything, it's a live
training with myself that I do.
I'm going to be launchinganother course here very soon.
We just completed the last onehere just about a month ago. So
I'm prepping for the next one.
So anybody consideredconsidering doing that, but Eric
lm media calm is my website, I'mvery active on Instagram. It's
(42:46):
just Eric, Eri k. g. Allen. Andthat's, you know, I respond to
all comments, all the AMS, ifanybody has questions, they can
certainly shoot me a message onthere, and happy to kind of help
or point you in the rightdirection, if that's something
that's not in my wheelhousethere. But yeah, I just love
connect with people.
Amee Quiriconi (43:03):
Yeah, cool, awesome. And all the links will
be in the podcast notes. So ifyou didn't catch what he just
said, just go ahead and hit thatbutton. In your podcast notes,
and including links, it'll takeyou to his show. So you can
listen to his interviews that hedoes with other people and, and
get to hear other stories fromother people and what their
journeys are like to add intoour collective knowledge of of
what we know about humans andgrow in that way, right?
Erik Allen (43:24):
Yep. Absolutely. And I apologize, I forgot to say the
show's come out every Friday isthe Eric Allen show. And every
Saturday is the top rated a showand it goes out on all formats,
video and audio.
Amee Quiriconi (43:35):
Well, awesome.
That's great. Well, again, thishas been amazing. I really do
appreciate your time, Iappreciate you being able to be
a person who can step into theirpower and share their story with
others so that people can learnand I appreciate you talking
about you know, your journey andhow it was, you know, finding it
through Christ finding itthrough faith that allowed you
to be able to really grow and,and continue to grow right, like
(43:56):
we're always growing right? Yep.
So thank you.
Erik Allen (44:01):
Thank you so much.
This was a great, greatopportunity. I love your show.
You're very professional. Peopleneed to be listened to your
show. Definitely go check thisout.
Hey everybody, welcome back to this week's
episode, I'm going to veer off alittle bit from the normal of my
interviews that I do withtherapist, psychologist and
other mental healthprofessionals and bring us back
to something that I also alwaysdo on this show, which is to
share the story of survivors.
Now, survivor stories are veryimportant in this realm of
healing from trauma and becomingtrauma informed, because
(00:21):
surviving is where the rubbermeets the road, where the
techniques, the modalities, andthe therapy is actually tested
by the people that are, youknow, using it on a day to day
basis. And who we are is we'reall unique creatures, our lived
experiences are one of a kind,our DNA is one of a kind. And so
therefore, how we get frombroken to thriving is not going
(00:43):
to be the same for everyone. SoI have with me on the show
today, Eric Allen, and he's anentrepreneur and a podcaster,
who has a niche in the MMA,which is, I haven't talked about
that yet on the show. And heactually has two podcasts that
he does. One's called the EricAllen show, where he interviews
guests, and he shares theirjourneys. And he also has top
rated MMA, and we'll talk aboutthat in here, where you he gives
(01:05):
behind the scenes views of theseathletes that are actually in
the MMA. Now, what I'minterested in learning from
Eric, and I'm sharing with youguys is about his healing
journey through his Christianfaith. Because as you the
listeners may recall, some of ushave experienced trauma that
came from a religious backgroundor religious structure, either
(01:27):
in reinforcing shame or stigmas,or controlling behaviors, and
some people have chosen to leavethe religion behind in order for
them to move forward and heal.
But for Eric, it was staring inthe face that made the
difference. And so I want toshare that journey with you all,
too. And so welcome to the showtoday, Eric,
Erik Allen (01:46):
thank you so much.
This is awesome. Such a greatopportunity. I really appreciate
you.
Amee Quiriconi (01:50):
Oh, absolutely, absolutely. Well, you know, your
name popped up, you know, as I'malways keeping my eyes and ears
open for guests and people tobring on with the program. And I
you know, like I said, I do havepeople that sometimes reach out
to me that want to share theirstory. And my and we all have
great stories to share. And Iwish I could tell everybody's
journey, because I think thatwhen we're trauma survivors,
(02:11):
again, one of the effects ofthat is believing that we're
alone. And so when people have achance to, and want to honestly
put their their story out thereit is. It's it's therapeutic in
the sense. And I know, I knowthis from my own experience is
because it allows me to connectbecause part of the trauma is
(02:31):
not being able to connect withpeople, or being cut off or
neglected or whatever. And so,like I said, I wish I could tell
everybody's stories. And sosometimes people will send me
emails just to share theirstory, because it is a part of
us being able to heal inrelationships with other people
and validation, you know thatwhat happened to us wasn't our
mistake, it wasn't our fault,or, you know, whatever. But I do
(02:53):
want to always make sure thatwhen I do share a story, that
I'm bringing a new perspective,and that at the end of the
story, that this person'sjourney has something that
someone else will be able tocarry on in their life, meaning
that either they're, they'reproviding a service, or they
have another outlet or anoutreach or they they're,
they're intentionally buildingcommunity so that other people
(03:15):
can, can feel and come intothat. And so, you know, having
you on today, you're not atherapist, you don't do a bunch
of coaching programs for peoplehealing from you know, and I've
had those survivors on there,you've got a slightly different
way. But I think what you do andwhat you offer is just as you
know, as validating andimportant to So, thank you. So
let's start with your journey.
Let's start you're very open andupfront about coming from like a
(03:36):
really crappy childhood. Like alot of people. Totally Yeah, I
Erik Allen (03:43):
mean, I thought it was a normal childhood. You
know, it's a Sunday schoolplayed Little League, my dad
would take my best friend Dave,and I literally throw some
dumpsters behind, you know, bigstores. And that was a typical
Saturday morning, go findtreasure, you know, that was it.
But my parents got divorced at11 years old. I didn't even know
what a divorce was. I had noidea prior to that, you know,
what was going on. And my momgot together with a guy who was
(04:04):
very physically abusive almostimmediately. And I just thought
that was the weirdest thing thatshe would never press charges.
And then she continued to staywith him. So I remember like,
you know, being outside of thehouse peeking through their
window when they're arguing andhe'd be hitting or the cordless
phone, you know, it's just weirdto me. And she ended up getting
getting pregnant. And so theydid the smart thing. And they
moved all of us out fromWashington State out to small
(04:26):
town, stevensville Montanapopulation, 1200 people and five
acres beautiful property andthey rent to this house and this
house had three bedrooms.
There's room for them, and roomfor my brother who's just a
couple months old in a room formy sister. And they live as an
heir here live in the garage.
And so my garage, I mean, myroom literally had this black
tarp at the end of my bed thatseparated my bed from the truck
(04:47):
that pulled in my half of thegarage had a fireplace in it.
They kept me warm most of thenight during the winters when it
would get to negative degrees.
But yeah, that's where I lived.
And so I was 13 years old brushmy teeth one night they came
home Argan wasn't anythingDifferent than any other night.
But I believe that God wasspeaking to me in that moment as
I was brushing my teeth and he'slike, Man, you got to turn
around to go look around and seewhat's going on. And so the way
(05:09):
the house was set up was behindit was the kitchen to the pantry
to the garage door to that ledto my room. And so I kind of
turned around the corner and Isaw on top of my mom, just boom,
boom, boom, one shot after theother. Like, man, I gotta get
this guy off. So I stuck upbehind him and I grabbed a cast
iron pan, the big heavy dutyones you take with a camping and
I swung as hard as I could, andI split the back of his head
open. And it didn't knock himout. He turned around and he
(05:32):
said, What then is he said thatI took another swing and split
his forehead open. And in thatmoment, I'd hit him so hard, I'd
actually fallen over and he wasso drunk, it did not knock him
out. He was standing up over meat this point yelling, my mom
jumps up lands, like six punchesand road was faced blood splats
on the wall, cops came take himto jail for the night. Again, no
charges were pressed. I wasactually kicked out of the house
(05:54):
at that point at three monthsleft my freshman year high
school. So I just bounced aroundbetween friends, couches and
floors the next few monthsbefore moving back to Washington
State. And that led me on thispath of destruction for the next
10 years of my life.
Amee Quiriconi (06:06):
Yeah, I mean, I mean, of course, I mean, you
know, that's a that's a terriblething to have to deal with and
go through. And I mean, youknow, we think in the moment, I
remember this, and I've gotteenagers right now, I don't
know how old your kids are, butmine are 16. And, you know, My
son will be 19 in a couple ofweeks. And, you know, I remember
parenting them and at 13 yearsold, and you're just like,
(06:30):
they're not adults, yet. They'restill kids, they think they're
adults, right? Like, I rememberbeing 13 thing, and I know
everything I'm done, like, youknow, this adult thing, because
because we've grown in statureto an adult size. Right? And,
and our thoughts are changingand stuff like that. But the
reality is, is that that's aprime very important time, you
know, in a child's life, thatthey're still children and to be
(06:51):
to be put in a situation likethat, of seeing that violence
and to actually have to takeplace, you know, to be in the
violence. Yeah, it's not good onthe psyche, or the brain and
then to be rejected. And I'msurprised, you know, a lot of
times abusers don't show up asabusers right from the get go.
And so for this person to havethe audacity to start beating
everybody, like, you know,sooner than later is just that's
(07:14):
that's unsettling and shocking.
Yep. You know, in itself. So, Imean, you know, you end up being
kicked out of your house at 13years old. Couch Surfing around
the area, and then you come backto Washington to live with your
dad, right?
Erik Allen (07:29):
Yeah, yeah. Okay.
Yeah, he rented this house forhim and I and he would put 20
bucks in a cup for my lunchmoney for the week. And then
he'd fill the freezer withhunger, man meals and cereal
milk in the fridge. And then hegoes, stayed at night with his
girlfriend. And I would maybesee my dad a few times a month,
all through high school. Sosophomore through senior year,
that was the case. It rarely sawmy dad. And what that did was it
opened up, you know, the doorfor me to do get into drugs and
(07:51):
get an alcohol at noaccountability, no adult
supervision. I had a job atMcDonald's was my first job. But
like I you know, I was veryirresponsible at the time
looking back, I'm like, Alright,you know, it's fun times, but I
was getting high before schoolhide at lunch, I was getting
high after school, acidmushrooms, you know, weed,
whatever I could get my hands oneven to the point of taking
(08:12):
Dexter morphine, cough syrup,because it would give me the
same hallucinations that acidwould but it was half the cost.
You know, like, I've just gotdeep into it. And when I was 18
years old, I was a senior inhigh school and I got arrested
for having a bomb, which is nowlegal in the state of
Washington. But at the time, itwasn't. And I had to go to jail
and black and white Jing Changgang outfit on bright orange
slippers. You know, I wrote Iliterally wrote a note, hey,
(08:33):
staying at Danny's house to mydad, because I knew that he
would never check on me. So Iwent to jail Friday night check
myself and got out on Saturdaydidn't tell my dad for probably
10 years that I actually wasarrested, put in jail. But I put
me on probation for a year so Icould smoke pot for a year. But
what I did was enhanced mydrinking. And then two weeks
after I graduated high school, Iwoke up to note on my mirror
that said you can't comply withhouse rules, you have 48 hours
(08:55):
to get out. And so at thatpoint, I again kind of couch
surf between the ages of 18 and21. I moved to 21 different
places, moved to Seattle with$100 in my pocket, wanted to get
in the music business and landeda job with Universal Records
after a while and that justopened up the door more because
I was able to go to freeconcerts two to three concerts a
(09:15):
week had open tabs that this twoyear span or probably went to
about 175 concerts and just, youknow, live this crazy life. I
was living off of credit cards.
And by the time I'm 21 I was$20,000 in debt. You know, it's
pretty crazy.
Amee Quiriconi (09:29):
Yeah, that's a lot. You know. And I you know,
did you feel like you were inpain at that time? Or did you
feel like you were just like youhad a dream life because you got
to do whatever you want. Youdidn't have any parents in your
life and like, yeah, it's a bigparty. Yeah,
Erik Allen (09:44):
I felt like it was a big party for the longest time.
I really wasn't until I wasprobably about 23 years old. You
know, you know, when I was 21and had been that much doubt I
ended up filing bankruptcy. Butlike probably when I was 23
years old is when it reallystarted to hit like, Man, what
am I doing? I remember this Veryspecific moment, I was at a
concert at the showbox indowntown Seattle when it was
(10:04):
open, show it to us. And it'ssuch a great venue. And I was
working for universal. And I wasin my early 20s. And there was a
girl who was a music rep thatwas probably in her mid 30s. And
nothing wrong to her. But Iremember this moment looking at
going, I don't want to be herage, doing this every night away
from my family. And that was themoment that stuck in my head.
I'm like, Man, what am I doing.
And about probably six monthslater, I was laid off from
(10:26):
Universal Records. During theNapster days when it killed the
music industry. A lot of peopledon't realize that. But that was
I got laid off. And it kind ofput me in this depression where
I was working at Starbucks atnight. And I'd get off work I go
to, you know, the grocery store,grab a six pack of beer, go to
Hollywood video and grab me amovie. And then back to my
ghetto apartment across thestreet from where Jimi Hendrix
was buried out there in Rentonand would drink myself to sleep
(10:49):
every night. And one night thisgirl walked into Starbucks, who
doesn't drink coffee and said,Hey, we got this cool college
event down at our church, wouldyou be ever interested in going?
Me being depressed? Having nofriends in her very good
looking? Yeah, hey, absolutely.
I'm gonna go, you know, and Igot down there. And there's all
these guys that I knew from highschool like, man, I haven't seen
you for five years. I haven'tseen you in six years. You know,
(11:10):
like, this weird connection. Ithink God was kind of planting
seeds in that moment. And abouta month later is Easter 2004.
And I was managing a band, wewent out and played a concert
and woke up at Easter morningabout 5am my buddy's basements
run about probably 15 otherguys. And in that moment, I felt
God say, Man, you're done.
You're going down this road ofdestruction that's going to end
quickly if you don't startmaking some changes. And I gave
(11:30):
my life to Christ in thatbasement right there. And I quit
cold turkey drugs, drinkingcigarettes, everything from
there. And I called that girl upand I got her voicemail and I
just said, hey, maybe I'll seethe store. Thanks for inviting
coaches, but Happy Easter. Andabout a month later we're dating
and now we've been married foralmost 17 years.
Amee Quiriconi (11:46):
Oh, I just got goosebumps.
Erik Allen (11:52):
Were actually born in exactly 1:41pm documented our
birth certificates differentdays over years, but the exact
same minute.
Amee Quiriconi (11:59):
Oh, wow. That's pretty cool.
Erik Allen (12:02):
World Record I tried to see if it would be but it's
Amee Quiriconi (12:05):
there's nothing that that amazing about it.
Right? It's on as I'm listeningto you, I'm thinking about like,
You're such you've had such thequintessential like Seattle
experience Starbucks music,everything that's in like, the
Gen X realm of you know, becauseI moved out to Seattle, because
of music not 1000 like I wasn'tan artist or anything, but I
(12:27):
love it. The poster behind mefor people watching videos, an
homage to Bikini Kill, which isa you know, Riot girl act that
came out of the Seattle Olympiaarea. Yeah. And so you know, the
whole, like, going to all andseeing all the bands as they
came and went and stuff likethat, like, yeah, that's, uh,
that's pretty cool. And, uh, youknow, and I asked about the the
(12:49):
moment because I think thatsometimes when we look back in
time, you know, we, we don't, wedon't feel the pain that we were
clearly going through at thetime. I mean, when you look
back, like now at your age,right and my age, and we go,
Jesus, you're a 13 year old kid,you're struggling, you were
coping, you were, you know, andI'm not a therapist, everybody.
(13:09):
Y'all know that. But you know, Imean, we know, we know, we start
to learn ourselves, like, youknow, the dissociation, you
know, that we do the risk takingthat we take on, because we got
to feel something, right. Like,in the absence of loving
parents, you're just you'researching for feeling. And that
feeling is, I'm going to just gofor the most extreme things that
I can find. I'm either going toget it through drugs, or sex, or
(13:32):
music or alcohol or whatever,because I don't have anybody
around me right now, thatactually makes me feel like I
matter. You know. And that's, Imean, in the end, when you look
back, you're like, Man, I'm sadfor you. I'm sad for that. That
young man that you were in thatboy that you were in that's that
was the experience that you had.
Erik Allen (13:49):
I mean, it That's tough. It was crazy. I mean, I
looking back now I'm like, man,I would I don't regret going
through the things because Ithink it made me the man that I
am today. You know, like I guythat I follow and my life he
talks about, you know, lifehappens for us, not to us. And,
you know, I just think thatlooking back, yeah, it sucked in
those moments, but man rightnow, I definitely feel like I
don't think I would be the sameperson had I had a different
(14:10):
life.
Amee Quiriconi (14:11):
Yeah, absolutely. And then that's why,
you know, I that's what I loveabout you and your story. And
why well, we'll keep talking andsharing this with you is, is
that that's a huge benefit andvalue and resilience when you
can actually look and have peacewith the journey that we've been
on. Because it allows us to thenbe able to share and hopefully
help other people because noteverybody has such a peaceful
(14:32):
past, you know, or peace withtheir past. You know, they're
still beating themselves up andstruggling with it today and
still feeling shame. You know,for things that happened, like,
you know, did you drive your dadout of the house? Of course, you
didn't do that, right. But somepeople actually still believe
that their behaviors and theirmisbehaviors you know, are their
fault.
Erik Allen (14:51):
Yeah, shame is such a triggering thing. I think it
hurts so bad, like I'm 41. Now Ididn't share my story public.
clean towels 39. So I just heldon to that forever and just kind
of dealt with it and, and said,Oh, no, I'll just, you know,
shove it in the back of my mind.
And it didn't really affect meas an adult, or, you know, or
anything like that. But thenonce I released it when I was
39, man, it was such a hugeweight off my shoulders. But up
(15:14):
until that point, I was like,man, do I release this story? Do
I tell people about this? Right,you know, and, but I it's been
such a huge blessing that I wasable to release that. And I've
just gotten a lot of greatfeedback and be able to connect
with so many people due to that.
Amee Quiriconi (15:28):
So let's talk about then the, you know, again,
there's so many different waysthat people get to a place of
where they finally are able towork through and rewire you
know, and, and adopt differentbehaviors and belief systems
about themselves and stuff likethat. Like I said, some people
use cognitive behavioraltherapy, they go to therapy. For
(15:49):
you, it was giving into thisfeeling that you had in this, in
giving it to God and to Christ.
What What did you do then onceyou did that, like what what
were that? What were the stepson your journey that helped you
went cold turkey stay on thispath? feel like you're, you're
becoming whole, you know, again,as an adult?
Erik Allen (16:14):
Yeah, it's a great question. Because I think what
happened was I what I Well, Iknow what happened, what, but
what I did was I ended uptalking all my buddies, the band
manager, and all of the guysthat I was out partying with,
and I said, Hey, for me, I gotto take a step away from it's
not a healthy route for me to bein isn't an environment for me
to be in, that's going to keepme healthy, I'm going down a
really bad path, I needed tokind of take a break. And
(16:35):
surprisingly, all of them werelike, dude, get better get
better for yourself, like, youknow, get healthy. And when
you're ready, we're here. AndI'm still friends with those
guys today, which is reallycool. But I did, I took about a
six month break of hanging outwith guys who I was going to the
bar with hanging around or evencontacting anybody that I was
out in that environment with.
And what I did was I replacedthat with reading books, I'd
(16:56):
never really read books before Istarted reading, like crazy. I
was reading like a book a week,just on growing spirituality and
growing closer to God. Andwithout even realizing that I
was interviewing people, Istarted like finding people in
the church that had greatmarriages, and that had great
walks with Christ and, and wereliving the successful business
life and things like that. And Iwould take them out to coffee,
Hey, can I just take out tocoffee, I just want to like,
(17:17):
pick your brain and kind of findout the steps it took you to get
to where you're at today. And soI started doing that once a
week, I was taking someone elseout. And you know, I was taking
out youth pastors and pastorsand just take him out to coffee
and just really understandingthings of like, Alright, this is
the this is what I should bedoing to kind of realize that,
hey, this shame what happened inthe past, it doesn't have to
define my future. And I can makethis change at any point. And so
(17:39):
I really just deep dived inmentally to go, okay, whatever
happened in the past, it's over,I can't change it. But I can
change my future right now.
Starting today, boom, and thenjust started really just taking
notes and soaking up as much asI could.
Amee Quiriconi (17:54):
Right. Right. So using the people around you to
support you, but also as modelsso that you had something to
draw off of which clearly,again, going back through, you
know, your own childhood, youdidn't have a model yet until,
you know, you were able to findthem through I mean, the are the
models that you had weren't theones, you know, that were
working for you right, Totally,yeah. So to be you know, just to
(18:17):
make sure that we were coveringall of this, I will say my
experience with religion is notis not bad. So I'm not going to
you know, I don't have like a, Idon't have a hostile negative
mindset or anything towards it.
But it is limited. I have familythat, you know, my grandparents
went to church, you know, everySunday and had good friends that
were actually were Episcopal,which is like Catholicism light,
(18:37):
you know, it's I that's kind oflike, you know, anyways, so they
would go to church. My mom, onthe other hand, was the only go
to church on the holidays, andthen make like a huge deal of
it. And finally, I just was likesick of this hypocrisy, because
what I saw was I saw what wastalked about, and the the nature
of the words, you know, but thenI saw the the hypocrisy and the
(19:02):
conflict with people actuallyfollowing through. And to me, it
was like, Okay, I don't need toshow up and go to an organized
meeting, when you know, nobody'sreally I mean, this just feels
like we're filling in our timefor the, you know, hope that we
go to heaven or whatever otheryou know, eternal promise that
we have coming for us. But I gotbetter things to do with my
time. If it means living a goodperson, I'm going to go live a
good person, I don't need theconfines and the structure, you
(19:23):
know, of religion. So whenpeople talk about it, that it
becomes like a very deep part oftheir life on a day to day, I
have to admit, that's notsomething that I'm familiar
with. So when you you mentionedthe reason why I'm asking this,
as you mentioned, walking withChrist, what does that mean for
anybody else that's listening tothat, because when I hear that,
it just sounds like jargon.
Yeah. I mean, I could be talkingabout Microsoft's latest product
(19:45):
or Apple's latest product. Imean, those are just words,
right? Yeah, I know. It soundslike jargon. So describe it for
this person to understand thatthey're searching for community
and wondering if this might bethe community for them. What
does it mean when you say aperson He walks with Christ.
Erik Allen (20:01):
You know, I think for me, and it's different for
everybody. And I think as I'm aChristian nondenominational
church, but I think Christianscan be like you mentioned,
probably some of the biggesthypocrites and biggest judgers
I've ever seen or come across inmy life. And I think if people
just realize that hey, you knowwhat, we should just love people
where they're at. And then therest of God will take care of
(20:22):
the rest, you know, whatever,whatever their life is, like I
don't need to judge them forbased off political or sexual
preference or anything likethat. That's not my job. My job
is just to love people wherethey're at. And so I think when
when with the walk in Christ forme, it's when I wake up I open
my eyes, there's when rightthere I get to live another day,
there's when number one I jumpout of bed, I make my bed
there's two wins and 15 seconds,it's gonna be an awesome day.
(20:44):
And so then what I do is I havethis personal goal to make one
person smile virtually or inperson every single day. And so
I come upstairs after I youknow, do my shower thing and I
have this vision wall and I lookthrough my vision wall my goals,
my liquidation, my family, youknow what I want to be like
things like that. And then Iturn on some worship music. And
really worship music could befor anything like I there's
(21:05):
Christian bands that are likeheavy metal screamo bands, that
I love that I can really connectwith God listening to them. And
then there's like, the softlike, worship music. So for me,
Amee Quiriconi (21:14):
Stryper, I think is one of them, weren't they?
Right, yeah,
Erik Allen (21:18):
I actually saw those guys live back in the day my dad
took me to see it was amazing.
But you know, like, yeah, Imean, so I get up and I turn on
some worship music. And again,it could be for, you know,
whatever genre you want. But Ilike a lighter music in the
morning. And for me, I just haveto spend time, close my eyes.
And I'm like, Alright, God,thank you for this day, I think
and for my family, what I havehealth, blessings, all of that.
(21:39):
And for me, I don't really liketo spend a lot of time asking
for things. I just say, Hey,man, I'm thank you for this. I'm
thankful for this. And yeah, andI'll, you know, pray for some
health and other things likethat. But if I can be consistent
with that, I think that's whatthat walk in Christ means for me
is just being consistentlytouching base with God said,
Hey, man, thank you so much forwhat I've got, give me the
opportunities to be able toshare some love with people
(22:02):
today. For me, that's my, that'swhat walk in Christ is about.
Amee Quiriconi (22:08):
No, and that's fantastic. Because as I'm
listening to it, I'm hearing youknow, so many things that we
know actually are reallybeneficial to the human brain
and one of them is xebia abilityto express gratitude, that there
is a there is a neurobiology notto break down the wisdom in the
in the spirituality of it, butthere is a neurobiological
benefit when we can, when we canbring our thoughts to things
(22:31):
that we're thankful for thingsthat we're grateful for, it
actually spurs on more of thehappy chemicals literally in our
body, and to keep flooding uswith that. And that sometimes
that's what we have to practicewhen we're feeling particularly
low is that we have to think,man, you know, one thing I saw
on the show the secret, youknow, talks about, you know, the
great wisdom that's out there,but was a gratitude stone. And
(22:53):
so I have this little box ofstones where it's a reminder in
your pocket to when you feel it,to think of something you're
grateful for right now. Becauseit's really the It's a trick to
be able to get the biology to beable to produce the chemicals
that you need. And and those arereal honest, you know, things
that you know, definitely havebenefit. Yeah, um, you know, I,
(23:17):
I've met other people that don'tgo to church, but this, but have
a belief in a higher power. Andhere's the thing that were I, I
do I say, I leave space formiracles. Sure. So well, I don't
go to church, it's hard for meto not sit there and be grateful
for the, you know, the universe,karma, you know, some other
higher power that I, that I doactually like to believe exists
(23:40):
out there. And I and I thinkthat for me, it is this idea
that at the end of the day, Iwant to believe something out
there cares about my existence,wants me to be successful. And
even if I'm running intosomething that's hard, the
belief that there's a purpose tothat also, and like you said,
like our journeys, our journeys,and that there's a there's a
benefit to us that we will bewiser stronger, you know, more
(24:02):
loving, more empathetic, morecompassionate. And so I think
higher power is something thatpeople like to identify, like,
you know, yeah, you know,whether it's God or you know,
any other name that you want tobe able to put on it. Like I
said, I call it the universe,but I think we're talking about
the same thing.
Erik Allen (24:18):
Yeah, I agree. And you know, there's a book called
you're a badass and if peoplehaven't read that series that
they should definitely go checkthat out. But Jensen, Sarah, who
wrote those books, she talksabout the same thing. She's she
doesn't like the word God, butshe likes the word universe or
higher power or man upstairs,like she kind of rotates him
around. But I think she kind oftalks about the same stuff, you
know, but like I said, I thinkwhatever is is for each personal
(24:42):
person, like you want to callthem God or higher power,
whatever that is, I think, ifthat's what helps you kind of
get on this path of for your ownjourney. I think that's, that's
what's most important,
Amee Quiriconi (24:52):
for sure. Now, the other thing that I do like
also about the community of, youknow, of a church is that it's
community and And like I saidearlier, you know, we do heal in
relationships, even if we are,we've learned to be independent
people, you know, we reregulateeach other and the more positive
people that are doing the samethings or believe in sharing
(25:12):
that love back and forthactually does heal us even more.
So, then plowing through andgoing to therapy, you know, on a
weekly basis. Did you? Have youfound the same thing with you,
in your experience? And in yourchurch?
Erik Allen (25:24):
Yeah, I mean, I've gotten some some bills, gotten
to build some greatrelationships with other men in
our, in our church and justunderstand, like, you know,
their struggles as married men,and just a single guys, and
even, you know, just as, ascouples, you know, we've my
wife, and I've been in bothmen's groups, women's groups,
and then you know, a couple ofgroups and stuff like that. And
I think we've both growntremendously being in small
(25:46):
groups, that small community isgreat, I love going to like men
camp, it's, you know, men campover the weekend, and we go, you
know, throw axes and shoot guns,and go fishing and stuff like
that. And it's just this cooltime to connect with other guys.
And I built some greatrelationships, just doing
activities with other guys likethat. And so I think it is, it
is great to have that community.
Amee Quiriconi (26:06):
Know, I talk a lot about men's mental health on
the show, because men in the GenX generation are the largest
group of people that die bysuicide every year, and it's
growing. And, and some of thatis having a lack of support, you
know, either at home or at workor in their life of experiencing
traumas or anything like that,that may have happened in their
(26:28):
past and not having the abilityto have worked through it or
understood it or whatever. Whathave what's been your experience
with other men, like I love thefact that you like to, you know,
really spend some time withother men, but what do men think
when you talk about, you know,mental health? You know, is it
challenging?
Erik Allen (26:47):
I think it can be, I think a lot of guys, the
majority of guys, I personallyknow, they that are in that
church community, they arepretty open to it. But then you
talk to guys that are outside ofthe church community that there
may not, they may not be so opento sharing their stories. And
that's part of the thing with mypodcasts when I talk with folks
is, you know, like to ask themabout that, like, what was their
childhood? Like? Where did theygrow up? Things like that. And
(27:07):
most of them, probably, well,I've never had anybody say,
Well, I don't want to talk aboutthat. But you know, like, I've,
I like to kind of dig that outto them, because I dig that out
from them. Because a lot oftimes maybe they're not talking
too much about it and talk withfighters and entrepreneurs, you
hear guys talk about that, thatmental side, that mental
struggle of getting throughpain, getting through failure,
things like that feeling likewe're being judged. I think
(27:29):
that's a lot of everywhere andin the way that we get out of
that is in a community. So goand whether that's a church
community, our business networkcommunity, or, you know,
podcasting community orsomething like that, just being
around other people can reallylift you up, like Ed, my lead
says, you know, if you'rewalking around at five degrees,
go walk around with guys thatare walking around at 185. And
just being in their presence isgoing to lift you up and, and
(27:50):
boost your mentality and boostthat mental strength just being
in their presence. So, I mean, Ithink that's the way that that
that we get out of that as menand women.
Amee Quiriconi (27:58):
Yeah, I agree.
Um, you know, and thinking aboutthe fact that the more you know,
people, especially men thatspeak up, and it's safe to do
that, I think that, you know,again, there's, I'd like to
think that in this world,there's still fewer and fewer
people that feel like they needto shame other people for having
feelings, right? I mean, that'sone of the things that I mean,
we can all remember, you know,the idea of like, you know, men
being told not to be pussies,you know, to be tougher and
(28:22):
stronger by not crying by not,you know, and women on the other
hand, we've dealt with the sametypes of stereotypes that it's,
you know, very unladylike for usto be mad about something, you
know, one of the first things Ihad to tell people is I have a
right to be mad, like, it's avery honest, real feeling here.
And so let me let me be angry,you know, for a minute about
about this whole thing. Do youthink that, you know, the more
(28:44):
that you've been able to getother people open up that you've
seen more men being able to feellike that they can get past that
stigma? in the community? Do youstill see that there's, you
know, there's still people thatfeel like they're gonna be
shamed or bullied, you know, ifthey actually say I'm
struggling, or like, you know, Ihurt or I care about this.
Erik Allen (29:07):
Yeah, I think the majority of guys that I've
talked to, I'm probably actuallyall I would say is they're
really open to it. And I'veheard, you know, throughout
their business journey, or theirfighter journey, you know,
people are gonna judge me forgetting into a cage and going to
fight someone else, or isfalling gonna judge me if I
start this business? You know,it's funny, because, you know,
I've seen the thing like whenwhen you post on Facebook, that
(29:28):
you got this new job, you know,people were like, Yeah, but then
if you go to start this newbusiness, and you get like,
maybe four likes, and it's like,well, I don't really care about
that, and then you go to fail,and it's like, See, I told you
so. Right like that. That's sortof judgment and men, especially
if we want to hold back fromputting that out there
sometimes, like, hey, I've gotthis business idea because we do
feel that that we could bejudged. But I think at the same
(29:50):
time, like if men and themajority of them that I've
talked to you are open aboutthat, it encourages other men to
be open and hopefully we canbuild this community just in you
know, the people I've been on myshow and shows that I've been a
guest on hopefully men will lookat that go, man, maybe I should
open up. I don't need to be sorough and tough all the time
there can be these times whereI'm more open to just, you know,
(30:11):
hearing other conversations andsharing my story.
Amee Quiriconi (30:14):
Right, right.
Well, and for the listeners, ifyou're not actually watching the
video, Eric looks about as roughand tough as they get even
though he's not. But you know,and I think that, you know, of
course, we all judge him bias,you know, against people based
on you, we judge books by thecover, right? And so, you know,
I think that it's, it'sfascinating also that you're in
the the MMA fields, like did youever fight mixed martial arts?
Erik Allen (30:38):
I didn't, I did a little bit karate and boxing
when I was growing up. I nevercompeted or anything like that.
I just, man. Okay, I was gonna
Amee Quiriconi (30:45):
say what attracted to you? Yeah, so I
mean, tell me then how a non youknow, MMA fighter, though goes
like, I'm gonna totally just beinto this, like, you know, I
mean, like, I want to hear thattoo.
Erik Allen (30:54):
Well, I sort of grew up watching like pay per view,
Mike Tyson fights all the time,my dad would get those fights.
But the other cool thing my daddid was he would rent movies.
When I was a kid that were notEnglish. They were just just
ninja movies. And it was likecrazy ninjas. I didn't
understand what they're saying.
But it was just ninja moviesand, and just the action parts
of it and things. And then Ithink I was a ninja for
Halloween for like, 15 yearsstraight. Like, you know, I just
I've always been a fan of combatsports I've ever been a first
(31:17):
grade. And I never let my kidsdo this now. But you know, first
grade might be my cousin, smalltown Prosser, Washington, we'd
walk like a mile into town, andwe'd go rent UFC one and two on
VHS, and we'd go back to thehouse and watch that and really
early age. So I've just alwaysbeen this fan of the fight game.
And it's cool to see it'sevolved into more a much more
respectful sport than it wasback in the early days. So yeah,
(31:41):
that's that's kind of I think,what started my journey down
there. My dad always took me tolike WWF events when it was
actually called WTF. So youknow, a lot of wrestling and
Ninja and all that stuff. So Ithink that's what inspired me to
go this route.
Amee Quiriconi (31:54):
Well, cool.
Well, and so let's now talkabout then the the two shows
that you do. Because like Isaid, You've got two programs.
One is the top rated MMA and theother one is called the Eric
Allen show, what's thedifference between both of those
programs.
Erik Allen (32:06):
So top rated may actually started, I was an
apparel company in 2012, my wifeand I decided that we wanted to
try getting into the shirt gameof him amaze, which is during
the tapout days, and we didn'tput a business plan together, we
had no idea what we're doing. Wejust bought a bunch of inventory
and didn't sell it. And Ithought, hey, it'll be the next
biggest thing made it so much.
So many mistakes. I think Idonated probably 80 shirts to
Hurricane Katrina, victims wayback in the day. But you know,
(32:30):
so it started out as thisclothing company. And then in
2015, I got bored actually putan ad in Craigslist and said,
Who wants to buy this companyfor a few grand and this guy
called me up, it was gonna offerme I think 3000 for the name and
the followers and all that. Andin that call, I decided that I
wasn't ready to quit yet. So Ispent the next year kind of just
barely having the business upand running. And in 2017, I
launched the top rated apodcast, I had no idea what I
(32:53):
was doing. I just wanted to talkto guys and say, Why do you want
to get punched in the face. Andthat was my main objective for
starting the podcast. And I'veheard everything from I was in
karate in a transition to I havea felony offense, I can't get a
real job. But I go fight peopleput food on the table for my
kids. It was just cool. Andthat's sort of evolved into
Alright, now we're really wantto get these real fighters real
stories, like how did they getto the word that what's that
(33:15):
mental struggle that they haveto fight. And so now we're 238
episodes in humbly consideredthe number one MMA podcast out
here in the Northwest. And itcomes out every single Saturday.
And I talked with up and comingfighters from around the world.
And that, you know, some pros,but a lot of them are these
amateur fighters, early profighters just trying to get a
name for themselves.
Amee Quiriconi (33:37):
And I and I like that you do that? Because
that's, you know, that's one ofthe hardest things right is
exposure, and especially in asport where sponsors also play
into it, and fans grow you andeverything, you know, being able
to get your name out there. So Ithink that's really great that
you do that. And then you'reable to also, you know, like you
said, You know, sometimes we allhave these unders, you know, we
think we know the world justbecause we've seen a few clips
(33:57):
on, you know, the news orwhatever. And, you know, it can
be hard to understand why wouldsomebody choose to go in and
punish themselves and fight likethat. And we have, you know,
somebody can come up with, like,you know, they're violent
people, or they're whatever. Andso I love that you actually
share the stories so that weactually have an understanding
of the choices that people maketo do that, because it expands
our, our worldview of humans,you know, more just, yeah,
Erik Allen (34:21):
I was gonna say, I mean, I agree. I mean, I think
that in fighters, I've met a lotof fighters, both professional,
big names, small names, guys,like amateur guys, every single
fighter I've ever met as likethe nicest person ever in the
world. I mean, I've never met anicer person than a guy who can
really hurt me if I reallywanted them to. Right. Like,
they're the absolute nicestpeople I've ever met.
Amee Quiriconi (34:40):
Yeah, yeah. And again, that kind of just that
throws away any kind ofassumptions that we have about,
you know, about people that arethat are in the field. And I
think when you and I have talkedon our pre call, you know,
understanding again, the journeythat a lot of them have had and
they've been willing to kind of,you know, some of them have been
willing to be able to share whatthat journey is, and we start to
see just how often and how muchmore prevalent trauma is, and
(35:03):
most of our backgrounds in ourlives and guide us, you know, in
ways, you know, hopefully tobetter outcomes for ourselves
and for other people. But it'sreally, I think that's an
enriching part of it. Now, wheredoes the Eric Allen show them
fit into all of this? Like, whenand why did you decide to go in
that direction to?
Erik Allen (35:22):
Yeah, I've always had been an entrepreneurial guy,
I think I mean, 10 years old, Ihad my probably 10 lawn mowing
clients. And then 11 years old,had the same clients for two
years in a row. And I wasliterally, this is funny, but I
literally push a lot more uphillfor about a mile. And people
think I was joking, I had topush. You know, the furthest
guide I had, I started with himand work my way back. But he was
(35:43):
about a mile away. And he livedat the top of this hill. And so
that was I started early on. Andso I've always been intrigued by
entrepreneurs. You know, anearly night, you know, when I'm
early age, got to connect withdirect marketing and network
marketing and stuff like that.
And it wasn't for me, it is forsome people, it was for me. And
then in 2018, I came across guynamed Ed, my lead online, I was
like, holy crap, man, this guyis awesome. Whatever he's saying
(36:03):
is good. his guests, everythingwas just like hitting home for
me. And then he issued thischallenge in 2018. To Hey, if
you're following me, of my 1million followers, I want you to
submit a one minute story ofwhat passion, what's your
passion, what drives you? Why doyou want to be successful, and I
submitted this video. And twomonths later, he announced me as
the winner, I was the winner ofEd my let's max out challenge.
And so I got to have a phonecall with him. And it changed my
(36:25):
life forever. I got to itsupposed to be 20 minutes, we
talked for 30. And the guy islike down to earth, like shut
everything out, was very, veryintrigued in what I had going
on. He gave me some great tipsgave me some personal contacts
here in this area that I lovethat that he knows in. And it
just, that's what reallyinspired me to start my Eric
Allen shows, I want to talk withentrepreneurs, world changers
and success minded people andkind of tie in that show and I
(36:47):
want to know, I'm sure is gonnawant to get punched in the face,
hopefully not physically, butlike, we get nose we get
rejected, we get shut down allthe time. Why do we keep
fighting? Why do keep going forthat success?
Amee Quiriconi (36:58):
Yeah, that's fascinating. And I and I feel
like you I have been kind ofentrepreneurial minded, you
know, my whole, you know, mywhole life too. And I, you know,
and I reflect on it, you know,the differences between
entrepreneurs, you know,entrepreneurship is risky, it
requires a density. You know, Ithink that, you know, many of us
that have had these traumaticexperiences, to be honest with
(37:20):
you that have learned to fightand survive, and then realize
that we didn't die in theprocess. Yeah, makes us have the
stomach, you know, the iron gutto be able to go and go, I'm
gonna stick my neck out, I'mgonna buy 3000 shirts, and we're
gonna just see what happens. Andyou know, what, it didn't work
out. But that didn't mean Iquit, I'm going to try it and
reframe it. And, and I thinkthat, you know, that's one of
(37:43):
those upsides, you know, that ofour journeys, you know,
depending on what we've gonethrough, that really does, you
know, make us ripe for it. Andyou know, and what I've
discovered along my journey,though, however, is that because
we get so used to the redo, theredo the redo, we can sometimes
keep sabotaging ourselves,because of the quest for the
redo and the quest to survive,and the quest to win one more
(38:05):
thing, and I failed, but I'mcoming back. And that in itself
can be an addiction, you know,that can actually undermine, you
know, entrepreneurs and stuff.
Yep. But it is. You know, arethere entrepreneurs that come
from really functional homes andsafety and security? Yes, there
are those but man the hustlers,the hustlers, we've, you know,
we've been through some stuff,and we keep trying to and we
bring it out into, you know,into our businesses. Is that
(38:27):
some of what you've seen orexperienced with some of the
folks that you've talked to?
Erik Allen (38:32):
Totally, yeah, I mean, I rarely, like I talked to
entrepreneurs, a lot of them,they didn't come from rich
families, they didn't come fromthe successful, you know,
marriage or anything like thatthey grew up and they had these
stories that motivated them. Youknow, one of the things I have
my wall is the purpose of painis to move us into action. It's
not to make us suffer. And Ithink when they see that, or
(38:52):
they they realize that like,hey, this, is this something
that's helping me in my journey,then they're gonna keep
fighting. And yeah, I do seethat. And a lot of
entrepreneurs, you know, for me,like, I get up at 4am, six days
a week, you got to be consistentwith it, you got to you got to
make sure that you're alwaysfighting for my for your dreams
and things like that. So I thinkas entrepreneurs, one thing that
we have in common is, hopefullysuccessful entrepreneurs, we're
(39:13):
just always consistent ontowards working towards a goal.
Mm hmm.
Amee Quiriconi (39:17):
Yep, totally.
Now, as we're wrapping this uphere, what advice would you have
for somebody that's actuallylistening to the show that
hasn't considered faith is maybea piece to add into their life
and their journey? I mean, whatwould you say to somebody
that's, you know, again, like onthe fence, I can imagine some
people they're like, man, Iknow, I don't hear good things
(39:38):
about church. You know, I hearbad things about Christians,
Muslims, whatever it is thatthey may be experiencing. Sure.
You know, how would you talk tothem and give them some advice
on something to consider forthemselves and whether or not
maybe heading out because myshow is released on Sunday?
Yeah. So if somebody wanted tojust decide to go find the, you
know, what should they look for?
(39:58):
What kinds of questions shouldthey ask what should They be
thinking about, you know, I
Erik Allen (40:02):
think, put a grading scale together. And I say this
because it's what my wife and Idid when we church shocked, we
moved around Idaho, we startedgoing around to different
churches and kind of going,Okay, do we like that? What's
not? And I think if you'rethinking about going to church,
go to a church that feels right.
And I know that sounds like,Well, how do I know what to
write, you have to go and justcheck it out and your walk in
and immediately you'll know.
(40:23):
Yep, these guys actually are notbeing fake, or Yep, these guys
are kind of being fuzzy. I don'tknow if I want to be here. You
know, but I think if you want togrow in your faith, whether
whatever religion that is, dosome research, find out exactly
what the roots are of thatchurch, or what their, what
their beliefs are. And if thataligns with what you think
you've got going on, then gotest out, go to this church
(40:45):
route, this church route thisone, see what they feel like,
yeah, I think that you'reprobably going to run across
anybody at any church at anypoint, that's going to be
judgmental, and hypocritical.
And you got to go, okay, is thatperson the big picture? Or is
that person just somebody that'snot really there. So go find
some church, go find an area, gofind people that are living the
(41:06):
life that you want, whateverfaith that is, and see if you
can connect with them. Ifthey're aligning with you,
that's probably something that'scalling you to go that way.
Maybe like deep dive a littlebit more into it. But you're
gonna have to get uncomfortableto get comfortable in those
areas.
Amee Quiriconi (41:22):
Mm hmm. I agree.
I agree. And you actually go toa non denominational church,
which is actually this amazingchange in religion, right, which
isn't having it around thestrip, you know, the Scripture
and the structure of certaindenominations, that actually
kind of being more in touchwith, again, the bigger vision
of this higher power. And, youknow, and that the universal
message is really love. I mean,it's what I like to think of it
(41:44):
is like, that's a universalmessage is it is about
connection, and a positiveenergetic connections between
each of us. And we can call thatand define that as love.
Erik Allen (41:53):
Yep, I agree. Yep. I mean, again, love people where
they are they're at. And I thinkthat that what if everybody just
loved people, that man, theworld would be so much of a
better place?
Amee Quiriconi (42:03):
Absolutely.
Well, Eric, this has been anawesome conversation. I've
really enjoyed speaking with youand getting to know you and
hearing your stories of thePacific Northwest and the
Seattle area. During your time,where can everybody find you and
find your shows and reach out toyou if they want to get into
your circle or engage with youbecause you offer consulting,
you know, you offerentrepreneurial help? for
people, right?
Erik Allen (42:25):
Yeah, so I, anybody who's thinking about doing a
podcast, I run courses on reallystarting that idea of a podcast,
a launch in that podcast, and wecover everything, it's a live
training with myself that I do.
I'm going to be launchinganother course here very soon.
We just completed the last onehere just about a month ago. So
I'm prepping for the next one.
So anybody consideredconsidering doing that, but Eric
lm media calm is my website, I'mvery active on Instagram. It's
(42:46):
just Eric, Eri k. g. Allen. Andthat's, you know, I respond to
all comments, all the AMS, ifanybody has questions, they can
certainly shoot me a message onthere, and happy to kind of help
or point you in the rightdirection, if that's something
that's not in my wheelhousethere. But yeah, I just love
connect with people.
Amee Quiriconi (43:03):
Yeah, cool, awesome. And all the links will
be in the podcast notes. So ifyou didn't catch what he just
said, just go ahead and hit thatbutton. In your podcast notes,
and including links, it'll takeyou to his show. So you can
listen to his interviews that hedoes with other people and, and
get to hear other stories fromother people and what their
journeys are like to add intoour collective knowledge of of
what we know about humans andgrow in that way, right?
Erik Allen (43:24):
Yep. Absolutely. And I apologize, I forgot to say the
show's come out every Friday isthe Eric Allen show. And every
Saturday is the top rated a showand it goes out on all formats,
video and audio.
Amee Quiriconi (43:35):
Well, awesome.
That's great. Well, again, thishas been amazing. I really do
appreciate your time, Iappreciate you being able to be
a person who can step into theirpower and share their story with
others so that people can learnand I appreciate you talking
about you know, your journey andhow it was, you know, finding it
through Christ finding itthrough faith that allowed you
to be able to really grow and,and continue to grow right, like
(43:56):
we're always growing right? Yep.
So thank you.
Erik Allen (44:01):
Thank you so much.
This was a great, greatopportunity. I love your show.
You're very professional. Peopleneed to be listened to your
show. Definitely go check thisout.
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