What happens when generations of men are taught to suppress their emotions? Aaron Gambel knows firsthand. After a childhood marked by trauma and neglect, he built a successful 15-year career in Hollywood—using the high-stress environment to stay in "survival mode" rather than confronting deeper issues. Until it all came crashing down.
Five days before his 43rd birthday, Aaron found himself holding a bottle of pills, contemplating ending it all. The image of his children playing downstairs saved his life and launched him on a journey of profound transformation. His "mental health college experience"—30 days in treatment—gave him tools that would not only heal himself but also help other men struggling with emotional disconnection.
Aaron's story illuminates a silent crisis: suicide is now the second leading cause of death for men under 45. The root cause? Generations of men raised by war veterans, taught never to speak about their experiences or emotions. "You can't open up emotionally, you're not truly connecting with another human being," Aaron explains. This epidemic of loneliness is literally killing men.
Through his men's groups and life coaching, Aaron now helps others break these destructive patterns. He shares powerful insights about fatherhood, co-parenting after divorce, and the importance of modeling emotional intelligence for the next generation. His practical approach combines meditation, breathwork, and physical movement to help men "get out of their heads and into their hearts."
Aaron's vulnerability offers a roadmap for other men seeking authentic connection. Discover how creating safe spaces for brotherhood can transform lives, break generational trauma, and perhaps even save lives. Visit aarongambel.com to learn more about his work with men and fathers.
• Growing up with childhood trauma and neglect shaped Aaron's understanding of parenting and relationships
• Working in the film industry for 15 years kept Aaron in "survival mode" but ultimately distracted him from addressing deeper issues
• Men struggle with emotional presence because they're conditioned to "fix" rather than feel
• The alarming statistic that suicide is the second leading cause of death for men under 45
• How generational trauma creates patterns of emotional disconnection among men
• The power of brotherhood and men's groups in creating safe spaces for connection
• Aaron's mental breakdown and 30-day "mental health college experience" transformed his approach to life
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Gamble, life coach, men's groupfacilitator and former actor as
well.
This guy got a lot of layers tohim, man.
So good to have you in thehouse, aaron.
How are you man?
Speaker 2 (00:33):
So good, so good.
Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Oh man, it's my
pleasure.
Man, I'm excited to hear theheavy story get heard by
somebody other than myself.
So, all listeners and viewers,if you're watching us right now,
listening online social media,our YouTube channel, however,
you're hearing us.
If you've got a question forAaron or myself, drop it in the
live chat.
I have him answer it personallywhile he's here with us.
So any questions or thoughts,drop them in the chat and we'll
(00:57):
get into it.
But good to have you here, man.
So many awesome things Ilearned about you through our
pre-interview chat.
Hopefully and I always have tosay hopefully, because it never
works out quite the way I wantedto, but I wanted to get into
some of the details about thisman, but, as customary, I always
ask all about Jess.
First question out of the boxwhat's a brand like your
childhood?
(01:18):
Tell me about young Aaron andhis youth.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Oh, my childhood was
full of basketball, basketball,
basketball.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
Basketball.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
On the outside.
On the inside, if I'm going tobe very honest and open I've
talked about this quite a bit isI grew up in a very 80s and 90s
style childhood of a lot oftrauma and neglect.
To be honest, I've done a lotof work in processing that and
(01:49):
understand that.
You know my parents were doingthe best that they could with
what they had and it wasn't alot.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
When you say neglect,
are we talking about being a
latchkey kid like myself, or arewe talking about something a
little deeper than that?
Speaker 2 (02:04):
All of that Latchkey
kid.
Yes, of course I also was ared-headed stepchild, so all the
things that came with that.
You know I had a stepmom.
That wasn't the nicest to megrowing up.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
A male Cinderella
story.
Is that what we're doing rightnow?
That's who this is.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
It's my life, that's.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
I'm just speaking the
truth.
You didn't do it, brother.
Share it, man.
I want to hear it.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
You know it's I had a
pretty rough upbringing.
I didn't have the best parentalmodels growing up and if I'm
going to be very honest with yousome of my friends I'm very
grateful for them because youknow they opened their house up
for me and I was able to see howthey grew up and the love and
the care and the you know theintention that their parents put
(02:58):
into.
So that actually informs me now, as in my parenting, actually
informs me now as as in myparenting.
And you know I have two, twoyoung kids that are that are
eight and ten years old.
And I heard this amazing quotethat I think it was matthew
mcconaughey was talking abouthow he grew up and how his mom
grew up in in doing a podcastinterview about, uh, his book
(03:21):
that he had coming out and hesaid, know, his mom didn't
really have good models either,but she knew exactly what not to
do.
And I kind of take that myself.
It's like I don't.
I don't have great models.
I have some you know my friends, parents, things like that but
I know what not to do and I andI know what, what I experienced,
and I know how to not replicatethat for my kids.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
That's pretty deep,
man.
I mean, I have somewhat of asimilar story.
I hesitate to use the wordneglect because mom she did all
that she can do two jobs andgoing to school.
She was holding it down, so Ican't say that, but I was
definitely a latchkey kid.
At the same time, there werethings in my upbringing that I
didn't learn, that I'm trying towalk out now.
(04:06):
For example, marriage.
Next year is going to be our30th wedding anniversary.
I didn't have a model for thatanywhere ever at any point in
time, besides the Huxtables onthe Cosby Show.
That was my model for what amarriage looks like, not even
friends, household.
None of us had that kind ofexample.
But I'm still walking out, youknow, I guess, what not to do,
(04:29):
like, like he said.
So that's profound, man, that's.
That's great that you have aunderstanding of that.
Now, at this stage of your life, after going through all of
that trauma, you're able to kindof flip it, man.
So I commend you for that.
Man.
I love this man, I love this.
So you do a lot of things rightnow and oh, thank you, sir, you
do a lot of stuff, man I I wantto talk a little bit about.
(04:49):
It's probably gonna be thething to be talking about the
lease, so I want to get it outof the way.
You were a former actor outthere in hollywood.
You know holding it down.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
Tell us about that
yeah, well, go ahead, go ahead.
I'm so sorry, I gotta correct,no you wasn't an actor.
I worked.
I worked as a camera operatoryou said that.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
You said that.
You said though.
I'm sorry you just said that,so, former actor, erase that,
I'm not gonna edit it out.
It's a faux pas on my part, mybad, but you were.
You were in film work, so I doremember that part.
And you talked a lot about inour pre-interview chat about
your ability to kind of live inthe world of make-believe.
I think that's powerful.
If you were an actor, I'm sureyou can relate to that as well.
(05:30):
But talk to me about your timein film, what you learned about
you in the process and theindustry, and then the whole
make-believe deal that we talkedabout in our pre-interview chat
.
Go ahead and get into itbrother.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Yeah Well, I have
some pretty phenomenal stories.
I've spent 15 years working inthe film industry and I worked
on everything from big movies toTV shows, commercials some of
the stuff that you've seen everyday.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
I worked on every
part of it.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
And it's an
interesting world, you know, I
left it because I felt like itwasn't serving me in the most
positive, positive way.
I realized that I have aparticular purpose in this life
and and to get real deep in andsort of meta about it, you know
(06:20):
it was a part of my distraction,like I was, you know,
distracting myself from my ownpersonal problems by, you know,
working in an industry that thatyou work as hard as you
possibly can.
The average day in, you know,in the Hollywood or, you know,
in a movie, is 14 to 16 hours aday.
(06:41):
Wow, they schedule it for 12hours.
So, you know, one of thebiggest distractions that people
can actually do, aside fromalcohol and drugs or whatever it
may be, is being a workaholicand the film industry kind of
breeds that sort of energy,breeds, that that sort of energy
(07:10):
.
Um, so, you know, as I become aparent, I kind of realized like
this isn't actually serving meanymore, like who's actually
raising my kids?
Because it's not me.
I'm getting up at 5 am beforethey're, before my kids are
awake, to go to work, and cominghome at 11, 12, 12 o'clock at
night, you know, after they'reasleep.
So I just as much as there isamazing experiences and I got to
(07:31):
see the world and I've got tosee amazing places, you know,
around the country it also, youknow, was a part of that
distraction from actually facingsome of the, the, the traumas
and and the issues that I hadgoing on in my life.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
Wow, Wow.
Would you say that I always askit for somebody who's been in
an industry like this, had acouple of guests that I've asked
is do you feel like and this isyou know, this is purely
subjective, I get it Do you feelas though you could survive in
that world and still do the kindof thing that you talk about
(08:10):
doing, that that are purposeful,and do you feel like it's just
totally anti all you were tryingto accomplish or is there a way
to manage it?
Just kind of curious about that.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
My own personal
question in the in the way that
I want, in the way that I wantto live my life.
I don't think I can do thatanymore and that's the reason
why I left the film industry.
The film industry kind ofoperates on this fear and
anxiety and I think the reasonwhy I got into the film industry
, or one of the implicit reasonsthat I got into the film
(08:41):
industry, is that because of theway that I grew up, I'm very
comfortable in survival mode.
I can drop into action, you know, at the drop of a dime, because
I understand what it feels liketo not feel safe and to go into
protection mode.
If I made a different choice andbecame like a soldier or got
(09:03):
into the military, I would havebeen a phenomenal soldier.
Just to have that skill of youknow do or die and fully
stepping into in the fight orflight kind of idea.
Stepping into fight and gettingultra focused and getting
things done and in the filmindustry that's how it's
(09:23):
operated done and in the filmindustry that's how it's
operated.
I mean, you're spendingthousands of dollars per minute
to be in a location with thesehigh paid actors that have to
get all these lines done and allthese scenes filmed in a short
amount of time.
It creates a militaristicprecision that needs to happen
and I thrived in thatenvironment.
I also understood how much thatwasn't safe for me to be in and
(09:52):
I would take that sort of thatenergy into my home life and it
was kind of a nervous systemblaster that I now realize I'm
very comfortable in.
But it's not safe and healthyfor me, for my body, for my
mental health, for my kids, myfamily, for the people around me
.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
Amazing courage to do
that.
When you say it's not, let metry to rephrase my question a
little bit.
In my head it sounds great, butlet me make sure it sounds good
out here.
So when you're talking aboutthat kind of that rush or that,
uh, that that that drive to dowhat the actors are doing
(10:33):
translate into your household,is that kind of like, you kind
of like, does it mean you'rekind of pushing through things
in your life that you should beslowing down to enjoy, whether
it be time with your family,kind of just pushing through,
trying to get it done, almostlike a checklist?
Is that what you weredescribing, or am I missing it?
Speaker 2 (10:48):
Yeah, yeah,
definitely.
That's exactly what it is.
It's not able to slow down, notable to enjoy the moment I'm
still having this sort ofadrenaline rush that happens
with operating for 12, 14 hoursa day, monday through Friday.
Then you get to the weekend andyou still have that energy
where you're still kind ofpumped up and even a good
(11:10):
night's sleep isn't reallycalming that down and to be able
to, at least for me I can'tspeak for everyone, that's just
my own personal experience.
I had a lot of really hard timelike getting out of that mode
and you know so.
So between that kind of feelingand then not being around when
(11:32):
my kids are growing up, it was avery clear decision to me that
that this isn't the right, rightpath.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
And I need to find
more purpose and do something
that aligns more with my ownintegrity.
That's really the smartestsense.
We talked a little bit in ourpre-interview about kind of
being emotionally present.
I'm doing a lot more worksurrounding men's men issues.
I'm going to be doing a lotmore roundtables.
Potentially you can be a partof those too, but what I'm what
I heard is that you know there'sa big challenge for you as a
(12:09):
man specifically, uh, beingemotionally present.
Can you speak to that a littlebit more?
Can you flesh it out what thatmeans for all of our male
listeners and viewers?
Speaker 2 (12:17):
Yes, of course.
Um, you know, as men, we have atendency to fix.
It's in our DNA.
We are fixers.
We've got a problem?
We're going to fix it.
The faucet is leaking All right, let me get my tools.
We're going to fix it right.
We take that same mentalityinto our emotions and it's put
(12:39):
our emotions aside and fixwhatever the issue is and fix
whatever the issue is.
And so what I teach a lot inwhat I talk about a lot in my
men's groups is how what we needto do as men is to get out of
our heads, get out of that fixit mode and step into our hearts
and be present and feel.
And you know, I think this is abit of a generalization, but
(13:02):
I'm gonna go ahead and say it isthat the big difference between
men and women is that men havea hard time feeling and just
listening without having to fix,and women just want to feel and
you know it kind of goes tothat book of like men are from
Mars and women are from Venus.
And I believe that I believethat we, you know we, we can fix
(13:26):
all the problems, but reallysometimes what we need to do is
to just listen and feel what theproblem is.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
OK, you mentioned
your men's groups, and that's
something I definitely I'm astrong advocate of, especially
in these times.
How do you help somebody whohears what you're saying?
We need to learn how to feel.
And they're like man, thatsounds like babble.
I don't know how to do that.
How do you help, or how haveyou helped, someone on the road
(13:57):
to feeling, if you will?
Speaker 2 (14:00):
That is a great
question and I could, to be
honest with you I'm not sure howto answer that Most of the
(14:22):
people think just really justunderstanding and really putting
intention into that simple ideathat I explained earlier of get
out of our heads and into ourhearts.
You know, that's just a realsimple you can, you know, think
about how your intention is inyour head and really like
(14:42):
walking your, your conscious,your mind, into down your throat
, into your neck and gettinginto into your chest.
And when, once you really putthe intention into into your
chest, you're gonna feelsomething different.
There's a different presencethere.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
Okay, do you know?
Well, let's pivot a little bitthen, based on your answer.
On that one, Are you able toshare any testimonials?
Of course, privacy needs to beconfidentiality and everything.
Can you describe any storieswhere people explained in your
group that already came in readyto be that open?
Can you share how they got tothat place because of what they
(15:20):
share with you?
How did they get to the pointwhere they're ready to be open?
What would they want?
To choose specific componentsthat help them get to that place
where they can be a contributorin your group?
Can they already be open?
Speaker 2 (15:33):
Yeah, yes, you know.
First of all it's safetyunderstanding that you're in a
safe space, that this is a safespace to share.
And that's something that Ihave.
It's kind of a superpower ofmine of being able to sit with
somebody, have a conversationwith them and they feel seen and
heard and they feel safe toopen up and start actually
talking.
So safety is the number one.
(15:54):
Number two I'm a big advocateof meditation, even if it's just
a small little intentional,closing your eyes and thinking
about where you are in the space, the seat that you're sitting
in, the weight of your feet onthe ground.
A third one is breath.
Big advocate of breath work andintentional breath.
(16:16):
Really, you know feeling whatthat feels like to breathe in
through your nose and outthrough your mouth and all of
these, these things kind of leadinto sort of dropping into this
space of being open to toexpress breathing in particular.
I think we are men.
Men are, we're very physicalbeings.
(16:37):
Moving our bodies is important.
Um, you know, I I think a bigway to move through emotions is
to get out and move your body,whether it's a run or a walk or
doing some pushups or anything.
It helps us to get thoseendorphins moving in our bodies,
which then leads to, you know,hormones moving around in your
(17:02):
brain and get you to that space,to where you can actually like,
like be present in the momentokay, I love this.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
We got, uh, several
more things to get into and I'm
looking at the clock I'm like,okay, let's get it along.
But you talked a lot aboutbrotherhood and and the
importance of men's circles, butpeople who are listening who
are not men I don't want you toblank out on this, but I think
it's going to still be important, especially if there's a man in
your life in any way, whetherit be a brother, a son, a father
(17:32):
or a husband.
There's an importance to this.
But I want you to kind of shareabout why you think brotherhood
is so important, why youconsider it the missing link, if
you will and the power of men.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
So kind of talk to us
about that a little bit.
Yeah, I think we are actuallyin an epidemic right now of low
okay, uh, I did, uh I did a lotof studying on this and I I've,
I've, uh, I'm in the process ofwriting a speech, uh that that
hopefully I can get on ted talk,and in doing the research on
this, I found a staggeringstatistic that really kind of
blew me away as of 2022, thesecond leading cause of death
(18:12):
for men 45 and under is suicide.
That's the second leading causeof death and I think Repeat
that for me again Repeat thatagain.
Aaron, sorry me to change thatagain, so I repeat that again as
of 2022, the second leadingcause of death is suicide for
(18:34):
men under 45 years old and under.
Wow, the first cause of deathis unintentional injury, and
unintentional injury means thatyou could walk outside and get
hit by a car.
Something could fall out of thesky and hit you, you could fall
and crack your head.
You could do a million things.
Would be the reason why youdied would be unintentional
injury, and that's right here,and suicide is right there.
(18:57):
So when I heard that statistic,it really sat with me and I
couldn't understand why this issuch a big thing and it really
got me thinking of what ishappening with men in this day
and age, and loneliness is a,you know, a have.
(19:20):
I think it comes down to ageneration of, like our
generation.
We're very much in thatlatchkey, latchkey, kid
generation.
We were raised by, you know,generations of men who were war
veterans, who were raised bygenerations of men who were war
veterans, who were also raisedby war veterans, who were all
(19:42):
taught to never talk about thethings that they experienced
while they were at war.
So the microcosm of that is tonot talk about your emotions.
And if you're not talking aboutyour emotions and you don't
have a way to really connectother than talking about the
weather or the traffic, thenthat breeds loneliness.
(20:04):
You know, you can't open upemotionally, you're not truly
connecting with another humanbeing.
And I think that's where we'reat today, and I think that's why
men's books are so important tobe able to teach these men, who
were all taught not to expressthemselves emotionally, to be
able to open up and actuallytalk about the things that are
(20:26):
going on in their life, thetroubles that they're having,
the feelings that they'refeeling.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
That's powerful man.
You walked away from asuccessful 15-year career in
film.
You went into coaching andfatherhood.
Tell me the biggest challengeabout being a dad man?
I know it's a big joy for youfor you because we talked about
it in our just our pre-interviewdiscussion but what's the
biggest challenge for you to bea father, whether it be your,
(20:54):
the current climate that we'rein, maybe personal factors, what
you learned or didn't learn asa child?
Whatever you have, you want togo it, but what's your biggest
challenge in being a fatherright now?
Speaker 2 (21:05):
I have two of them.
My biggest, my first, biggestchallenge is not repeating the
same, the same things that Iexperienced growing up.
I'm a really big advocate ofparental modeling and our
subconscious minds are reallyinteresting little beings and we
we want to repeat the samethings that we experience as
(21:27):
children, subconsciously Likejust you're, without even really
thinking, you just slip intothe same patterns that were
taught to you as a child.
So my biggest fear really isnot repeating that generational
trauma that I experienced and Ido a lot of work on myself and I
carry that into the work that Ido with fathers and with other
(21:50):
men.
The second thing I'm actually aco-parent.
I'm divorced and I split mytime with my kids 50-50.
We have a great schedule.
So, because I have two kids,one of the hardest things that I
have, one of the biggestchallenges that I have, is
(22:13):
one-on-one time with eachindividual kid, because I'm only
one parent and there's two ofthem.
So feeling like they get equaltime or being able to spend
individual time together is mybiggest challenge and I have to
really be creative on how I makethat happen.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
Okay, no, that's
powerful.
You got two boys.
You got a boy and a girl.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
A boy and a girl,
yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
All right, so that
makes it even more challenging
because you're not taking bothof them out to go play football
at the same time.
Probably Exactly yeah, sothat's a lot of work.
Okay, you got to dodaddy-daughter dances.
This is okay.
This is interesting.
It is a challenge.
I can respect that.
Speaker 2 (23:03):
Any breakthroughs in
how you handle it or you still,
is it still a work in progress?
It's always a work in progress.
Uh, you know, like I get playdates, you know I'll get my son
to go to go hang out with withhis friends and that will give
me, you know, daddy, daughtertime, and I do the same thing
with with my, you know, with myum, okay, with my son.
Or, and you know, get mydaughter to go do a play date
and I get to spend one-on-onetime with him.
I work with their mom about,you know, getting get my
(23:23):
daughter to go do a play dateand I get to spend one-on-one
time with him.
I work with their mom about,you know, getting individual
time to where, so she can getsome one-on-one time with one
kid.
So we'll do, we'll do thingslike that, where mom will take,
you know, take my daughter andgo do something and me and my
son will, you know, go playbasketball or whatever, whatever
it may be.
So we try to make it work asbest we can.
Speaker 1 (23:43):
Okay, without getting
into too many of the gory
details, I'll leave that to youto share those.
I don't want to be pushy, butwe are.
We're not talking aboutsomething that casual this is.
We're talking about a divorceand the stories that we hear
about divorces are not as aspretty.
But in your estimation, in yourestimation from what you've
been seeing and the responsefrom the kids and how you think
(24:06):
they're adjusting how do youthink the whole arrangement is
going, everything you just laidout, do you feel like it's
working?
Do you feel like it's a goodmodel to share and teach,
because you're going to betalking about doing co-parent
therapy and you got someprograms you're thinking about
coming out with.
Do you feel like it's goingwell enough, enough effective
(24:30):
results to share that with otherpeople and say you know what
this worked for us, pastor, itworked for you.
How confident are you in that,in sharing that?
Speaker 2 (24:35):
I'm very confident.
You know, one of the big thingsthat I share in my coaching is
rewriting your story.
We all have these stories thatwe tell ourselves and it could
be, you know, that you're notenough or you're not loved, or
you know, whatever the story is,and one of the stories that I
(24:58):
would tell myself is that if Igot a divorce, I was a failure,
that I was failing as a husbandand that I was failing as a
father.
And it took me a really longtime to realize that two happy
homes are far better than atoxic home, than one toxic home,
(25:22):
and that was something that Ihad to really work on.
And, you know, understandingthat it was much better for us
individually to to be a part hasripple effects on our kids.
I mean, my kids are thrivingnow and we have a schedule for
them.
We, we are very intentional inin how we parent and how I
(25:43):
parent.
You know, their mom lives amile away and not far at all.
Sweet, great schedule.
So you know, I put a lot ofintention into my parenting and
how I model what a relationshipis, how I model conversating,
how I model kindness andcompassion toward other people
(26:05):
by doing Because I think thatkids learn they're just watching
all the time.
You could tell a kid, hey, youhave to be nice, but if you're
turning around and being rude tosomebody, that's what they're
learning.
Right, I have to embody what itmeans to be nice and to be kind
, because they're watching andthey're picking up on that
(26:27):
subconsciously.
So for me.
it's a lot of like in myparenting it's a lot of action
and there's words, but not a lotof words.
You know that, in terms ofactions over words, I try to
live that and I, I, really, I, Ibe, be the person that I want
to teach I get you and the kidsget two christmases, so bonus
(26:53):
that's right, I got a funny gofor it, brother, go for it.
Of course you can share it soone day, one day, I'm walking,
walking home from school with myson, who at that time was eight
years old and you know he's.
It was just after Christmas andwe're walking home and he asked
me you know where Santa, ifSanta gave any, any gifts to
(27:16):
drop any gifts off at my house?
And at the time he you knowSanta had gone to his
grandparents' house, where hewas for Christmas, and I told
him I said no, santa only dropspresents off where you're at and
he goes.
So all the presents that areunderneath your tree, where did
they come from?
And I said well, that's fromyour aunts and uncles and your
grandparents.
And he looked at me and he goes.
(27:39):
So we have two Christmases.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
Oh boy.
Speaker 2 (27:45):
I said, well, yeah,
sort of you kind of do.
Then this is the one thatkilled me.
He looked up at me and he goesDad, divorce is awesome.
Speaker 1 (27:59):
Don't print that
T-shirt out just yet.
Speaker 2 (28:04):
I couldn't help but
laugh.
But that's when I reallyrealized that what we're doing
is working.
It's a much better environmentfor my kids, because when my son
looks at it in that perspectivelike it's not so traumatic that
a divorce happened it showsthat he's really kind of
(28:26):
thriving and that he's enjoyingthe spoils of having two
households.
Speaker 1 (28:36):
I don't even want to
ask this next question because I
think I'm going to kill thebuzz, but I'm sorry, this is how
I think.
My apologies in advance.
Your situation is great.
I ain't trying to put a pipebomb in it.
It's not my intention, but lifedoes happen and I always think
about things that could happen.
So to put a pipe bomb in itit's not my intention, but life
does happen and I always thinkabout things that could happen
so I can prepare in ways for it.
Now, right now, to your sondivorce is awesome because he's
(28:59):
just bouncing between his momand his dad.
What happens when Aaron finds apotential spouse and they get
closer?
His mom gets a potential spouseand they decide to start going
to the next level in theirrelationship.
This gets a little bit moredicey because now it's two
(29:21):
unknowns as opposed to twoknowns that are rocking two
Christmases for them.
So this is working out well.
So perhaps that wasn't aquestion, maybe more like a
thought.
But here's my question whatwould a potential spouse get
from Aaron?
With all the growing you'redoing, all that you're learning
about yourself?
This is not.
(29:42):
I'm not sponsored by Tinder oranything.
Nobody's putting me in a datingspace.
But I'm just curious what doyou say would be the top two or
three things that a potentialspouse would get?
I don't know if they'rewatching or listening or not, I
have no idea, but what wouldthey get from Aaron, this new
Aaron?
Speaker 2 (30:22):
Well, to be honest, a
lot went down with the decision
to end my last marriage, so I'mvery fascinated with
communication.
So probably the biggest thingthat someone would get with me
is conscious communication and asense of safety in being able
to talk about whatever thingsare coming up.
My goal is to never have anyresentments, because resentment
(30:48):
is something that you're holdingon to that you haven't been
able to express and work out.
So I want to create a spacewhere, before there's even a
resentment, anything that comesup, that we can sit down and
talk about it and figure outwhat is going on.
There could be something that Imay be doing for that partner
(31:08):
that I'm doing unconscious and Idon't know that I'm doing it.
That's triggering her in acertain way, and if we can talk
about it, I can make a smallmicro adjustment that shifts
away from that trigger so thenit doesn't become a resentment,
and to be able to have that opencommunication.
I think that's like the goldfor relationships.
Speaker 1 (31:30):
No, I think so too.
We're kind of up against it.
So I got three more questions.
I want to try to see if I canget in here.
Let's go.
I know we will start off withthis and not get near the end of
the show having to talk aboutthis type of thing, but you
shared a very vulnerable and rawpersonal story with me and you
said you were open to share withour audience.
I'd love for you to do that.
(31:52):
I guess we can call it themental health college experience
.
I don't know if that's, uh, howyou want to describe it, but
please share that story.
I think people are listeningand watching will get value from
if you don't mind sharing thatyeah, of course.
Speaker 2 (32:04):
Um, well, all of this
starts.
First thing I'd like to say isthat I'm just an ordinary guy
who's gone through anextraordinary experience and I
am comfortable sharing thisstory because I think that if
somebody could hear this and itcould change their mind of
(32:25):
deciding whether or not they arein't, that they don't want to
be in anymore.
I hope that this would help.
But essentially, I had a mentalbreakdown.
Five days before my 43rdbirthday.
I had a fight with my nowex-wife, with my wife, and it
(32:46):
was a normal argument, andsomething cracked inside of me
and I walked up to my bedroomand I grabbed a bottle of Xanax
and I counted about 25 pillsinside and I thought to myself I
could just drink all of these,down all of these and never wake
up again.
And as I was raising thatbottle to my mouth, an image of
(33:15):
my two young kids popped into mybrain, laughing and playing uno
downstairs in the living room,and that image literally saved
my life, because I the nextthought I had after that was
that I wouldn't be able to seethem grow up and they wouldn't
have a father anymore to grow upwith.
(33:36):
And the next thing that I had todo after that was make one of
the biggest decisions that I'veever made as a man, and that was
to check myself into thehospital.
So I had a buddy Wow.
I called a friend, had him pickme up.
He drove me to UCLA MedicalCenter and I checked myself into
the behavioral health unit ofUCLA.
I spent five days in there andthen I spent 25 days in a
(34:05):
residential treatment center,which most people think of.
When they think of treatmentcenter, they think of rehab and
for some people it was rehab.
But for me, like you said in thetitle setting this up, I like
to consider it my mental healthcollege experience, because I
learned more about psychologythan I never knew prior to that.
I truly believe I got nearly amaster's in psychology and I
(34:28):
leaned in.
I woke up every morning andgrab a notebook and a pen and
walk down to this decrepit oldold living room couch that
served as our classroom, and forsix days a week, every hour on
the hour, from 9 am to 6 pm, welearned a new modality of
psychology.
I learned nearly every modalityof psychology in that time.
(34:51):
I can tell you more about CBT,act, dbt.
I could tell you about schema.
We also learned about emotionalregulation and gratitude and
yoga and meditation andmindfulness, meditation and
mindfulness and you know all ofthese things.
(35:11):
They now serve as a tool beltthat I use in my own emotional
regulation, but they serve astools that I take into the work
I do with people, my clients,who I coach.
You know able to.
I think emotional regulationand awareness of of your
(35:41):
yourself is is like the hugeststep in in going on a personal
journey being able to understandwhen you're feeling triggered
or when you're feeling likeyou're following a story that
you may be telling yourself.
That may not necessarily bewhat's actually happening, but
you're clicking into this trackof what you know.
You know it's all these toolsthat I've learned that I can
help other people to be able tostep out of that that thinking
(36:01):
out of that story, to be able torewrite your own story, and
that's that's really what I do.
Speaker 1 (36:07):
Okay, no, just thank
you for sharing that story, man.
That was awesome hearing it thefirst time.
It's even more awesome now, um,for all you guys that are
listening.
Aaron definitely has a storyand he has some insights.
So if you find his storyvaluable, we'll show you a way
to connect with him afterwardsand you can kind of hear more of
the story if you want to sharemore and perhaps you guys create
(36:29):
a dialogue that'll be helpfulto both of you.
Uh, next to last question here,this may be a little difficult
to kind of put into just onepoint, but if you're speaking to
new dads or people who are soonto be dads, how do you help
them prepare for fatherhood andkind of support and encourage
(36:51):
their growth as men with thekind of group that you have
available, how do you do that?
With we just just once, onesingle point, that or piece of
advice that you'd give to them,you'll be able to do both yeah,
um, I'll make it really quickand easy.
Speaker 2 (37:10):
It's not as scary as
you think it may be.
There's a lot of fear thatleads to a father.
There's a lot of fear thatcomes up, and I think the other
thing to say is and one of thebiggest points that I make in
what I do and what I teach in myfatherhood program is parental
modeling is incredibly important.
(37:32):
How you, how you show up as adad or how you show up as a
partner, directly relates to howyour parents modeled for you
and you're in in a.
In a general sense, you'regoing to do one of two things
You're going to unconsciouslyrepeat those same patterns or
you're going to do the opposite,based on how well you're aware
(37:55):
of how you grew up, or trauma,or whatever it may be.
So what I like to teach ishelping people figure out how to
communicate better through anunderstanding of how you grew up
and how you show up in theworld.
Speaker 1 (38:13):
I love it, man, I
love it.
This has been fantastic, man.
We are just about out of time,but, as customary with all of my
guests, I want to ask this lastquestion.
And they got to go deep intothe archives to get it.
I think I prepped you inadvance.
I don't normally do that, butin this case I had to make an
exception.
All right, so you're not doinganything in film, you're not
(38:35):
life coaching.
What is Aaron doing with hislife?
What's his vocation?
What does he have his hands inas a career or a mission?
He's not doing anything thathe's done so far.
Matter of fact, I should takepsychology off the table too.
Since you got an unofficialmaster's, I'm taking it off the
table too.
So you're not doing film work,you're not live coaching.
(38:56):
You're not going intopsychology.
What's Aaron doing?
Speaker 2 (39:01):
Honestly, probably a
podcast host Hosting a podcast.
I love conversations, man.
I love getting intoconversations with people.
I love getting deep.
I love conversations, man, Ilove I love getting into
conversations with people.
I love getting deep and it itit lights me up get into a
conversation that makes somebodyexcited, figuring out what
somebody else really likes andgets excited about and can be
(39:23):
joyful and spreading kindness,like that's.
That's me in an essence man.
So I think really just justtalking with people so what's
waiting for?
we're doing it right now.
It's starting now.
This is me guest.
Guest guesting on your show isthe beginning of this I'm
(39:44):
excited to see what's going tobe the uh.
Speaker 1 (39:45):
What's going to be,
uh, the next step, the next
phase of this, because I thinkyou'd be fantastic at it.
So, for all you guys that arelistening and watching, first
off, thank you for being a partof this conversation.
The idea of pain and thepurpose is not easy by any
stretch of the imagination, sohopefully we didn't make too
much light of it.
But his story is amazing andI'd love for you to check out
his website, wwwaarongamblecom.
(40:07):
It's not Gamble spelled in thetraditional way.
It Aaron gamblecom.
It's not gamble, so thetraditional way is G A, m, b, e
L.
So it's not early, but it's E,l very important.
Aaron gamblecom.
You can get all of hisinformation there.
I'm sure Opportunity to joinhis men's groups may be
available there as well, butdefinitely his story is going to
be laid out there and you cancontact him directly.
So, aaron, thank you for being apart of this conversation.
(40:28):
It.
So, aaron, thank you for beinga part of this conversation.
You've made our show better,what you shared, so thank you
for doing that.
I love the stories aboutmasculinity and emotional
mastery and stuff, and these areall things that we're going to
be doing in our upcoming serieson men and men's roundtables and
stuff.
So we'll be using that andperhaps connecting you and
looping you into all of thatstuff.
But thank you, man.
(40:50):
This has been great man.
We definitely appreciate youhaving you on.
Speaker 2 (40:52):
Thank you so much for
having me.
This was so great and I willcome on your show and do a round
table anytime Like this wassuch a great experience.
And you know me, man, I love totalk, so let's go.
Speaker 1 (41:05):
That's all good.
I do too for introverts Weird,but it's a real thing.
Thanks again for watching.
Listen for all you guys thatare following us on our YouTube
channel specifically I am goingto go into our YouTube channel
with episode is in the commentsection.
He'll drop his website there.
You can find him kind of easyIf you're not going to the
website directly, but all yourvision to be there after the
(41:27):
show and it's your followingthis to us on our social media
platforms and we're out of here.
Aaron and I are gone, but havea good day and thanks again for
watching and listening toone-on-one with mr you.