July 22, 2025 • 37 mins
Greg Stephens shares his journey from being a Southern Baptist minister's kid to becoming a communication consultant and executive coach specializing in restoring what seem like impossible relationships.
• Growing up with an extremely strict father who told him to leave home at 17 years old
• Transitioning from a 13-year pharmaceutical career to becoming an executive coach in 1999
• Struggling with communication patterns learned from childhood despite being a communication expert
• Finding that transparency about personal struggles creates better connection with clients
• Writing "Build New Bridges: The Art of Restoring Impossible Relationships" after cleaning up 36 past relationships
• Defining impossible relationships as those where we don't believe open, honest conversation can lead to good outcomes
• Taking responsibility with the principle: "Everything in my life I create, promote or allow"
• Helping clients practice difficult conversations to achieve breakthrough moments
• Balancing relationship restoration with appropriate boundaries
• Launching podcasts: "A Shot of Inspiration" and an upcoming show about spiritual journeys
If you've got a relationship that seems impossible, consider what might happen if you learned new skills and tried a different approach - you've got nothing to lose and everything to gain.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
welcome back to one-on-one with mr you.
Of course I am your host, mryou, in studio with us,
communication consultant,executive executive coach.
My guy, greg Stephens, is inthe house, author of Bill New
Bridges too.
He does a lot of differentstuff, man, but, greg, good to
have you in the house, man.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
How are you Great?
Mr Yu, thank you so much forhaving me on.
It's a real honor and aprivilege.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
Pleasure's mine, man.
We had such a greatpre-interview chat.
I want to let our listeners andviewers hear so much from you,
so hopefully we had the time toget it all in.
We'll do our best with it, man,but customarily I always have
our guests come in and kind ofshare a little bit about their
background and childhood, howthey grew up, how they got from
there to here.
So, briefly, share that with us.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Your upbringing man, your childhood share with us
yeah, I grew up as a as aSouthern Baptist minister's kid
and wow grimstone real, real,harsh and actually very strict.
My dad didn't want me to go toBaylor University.
When I decided to go to collegeYou'd think he'd want to, but
(01:19):
it's he felt Baylor was too wild.
So that gives you a littlebackground about if you ever saw
the movie, think about that.
John Lithgow's character timesbetween 10 and 100.
Pretty extreme.
My dad was the type that burnedbooks and records as I was
growing up.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
Oh, wow, he was curious.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
I went out.
I was on my own at 17.
My dad told me a week beforeWell, two days before I
graduated from high school.
He said, son, he said I wentinto the service when I was 17.
Your mom and I decided to leavethe church.
I'm going full time evangelismnext week.
He said we're moving from here.
(02:04):
You'll have a high schoolschool degree.
Here's five families that saidthey put you up for the summer.
You need to find a job.
Pay him rent, figure out whatyou're gonna do with your life.
Go in the military, get a job,go to college.
It's on.
You.
Don't ever make the mistake ofcalling me and asking me for
money.
It will never let you starve.
(02:24):
But never asked me for money.
So I had had $300 in my bankaccount and the clothes on my
back in a car and what I couldthrow in my car.
And that's what I went out withat 17 years old.
Put myself, put myself throughBaylor in four years and then
got out and found a couple ofdifferent jobs, finally got a
(02:46):
job with a pharmaceuticalcompany and had that for like 13
years and then ended up findinga second career later.
And that's what I do now since1999.
I'm an executive coach, atrainer.
I'm also a professionalmediator.
I specialize in many differentareas of communication,
(03:09):
specifically those areas of howto have the most difficult
conversations of your life.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
Ooh, I want to get into that and some of the work
that you're doing.
I want to ask you this questionBasically, you just shared with
us you know your resolution ofyour childhood and how you came
up.
What do you think is a presentchallenge for you now, today,
because of how you grew up?
Because a lot of times we andmyself I've been guilty of that,
myself included we want to putour childhood and all the bad
(03:36):
stuff behind us as if it doesn'texist.
But if we're honest about it,we're impacted by some things
still today.
So do you see a challenge youpresently deal with now because
of that upbringing?
Speaker 2 (03:48):
I can tell you right what it is.
I'm a communication coach and Istill have problems when I get
under pressure and I'm hot, I'mangry and I act like my father
does.
I'm hangry and I act like myfather does.
And the other day just give youan example I'm out working in a
(04:09):
really hot garage and my wifecame to me and said something
and I just cut her off.
And what I love about her, shecalls me on my stuff.
She said wow, you're beingnasty.
And I went like mean and I wentit caught me.
I was like, wow, I'm doing justwhat my dad did and I teach me
this all the time.
(04:29):
And here I am doing it and itwas great I didn't.
I didn't lash back, I juststopped.
And then, when I cooled down, Iwalked upstairs and said thanks
for waking me up to that.
I said I really don't want todo some of those things that my
dad did.
I really appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
No, that's that's.
That's that's.
Your wife's a saint, by the way, but I love that.
But one of the things that youmentioned it sparked something
for me because I know a lot ofour listeners and viewers are
professional people.
They might help people incertain genres and everything.
I know myself.
I do a lot of things too, butone of the things I do is a
(05:08):
coach and I think we all seem tostruggle, especially coaches
and podcasters, in that ilk.
We seem to struggle with beinga subject matter expert but
still not having it all together.
And it's just how you feelabout that personally and what
you've experienced in your liferegarding that, because it
sounds like you have had issueswith communicating, which we
(05:28):
have so many folks communicatingthings I've learned is to put
it out there I'm a human being.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
I don't have all the answers.
I have my answers that aregiven to me through getting
centered and my spiritual centerand I find those.
I help others not by givingthem advice, but by asking
questions, having them start tosee that.
But I think the biggest thingI've learned is when someone
told me one time when I was infront of a training class they
said oh, you don't need to tellpeople you make mistakes.
(06:10):
There's, you're the subjectmatter expert.
I was like no, no one wantssomeone who is perfect, because
we're not perfect.
And I find that when I'm honestabout my struggles, people
really relate to that and it'salso how I overcome the
struggles.
I'm open with them.
I say this has a hold on me andI have an ability to grow past
(06:33):
that, but I don't if I act likeI've got it handled.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
Yeah, message to all the coaches, mentors and such
out there.
Yeah, transparency is going tobe huge in your businesses.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
If you decide to, not do that.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
Forget about it.
This is not going to work outfor you very well.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
Well, I'm going to say if you can't be transparent,
it's manipulation.
Because when you can say whatthe underlying intent is around
things, you can actually beginto heal them, solve them.
But when you are trying toprove something, to manipulate
someone, to possibly hire you orsomething, and you're not
completely honest, that'smanipulation.
(07:11):
I have just as many problems asanyone else, even though I'm
teaching this and I've beendoing it.
So I love what I do, I lovehelping people, but it comes
from a place of I need as muchhelp as anyone else.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
No, I love that man.
That's refreshing man.
That's why you're on this show,man.
You got a lot of stuff likethat.
I want to get it all out of youas much as I can anyways, one
thing, too, that I think is deepand powerful on most of our
shows I talk a lot about faith,not so much my faith only, but
just faith in general andconfidence and believing in
yourself.
What gave you the courage toleave what I, what I view from
(07:47):
what I've seen from your resume,is a lucrative career slash
experience in business worlds,in, in corporate worlds,
corporate spaces.
What gave you the courage toleave the comfort of that?
Because a lot of folks that arelistening are probably looking
for, hoping for the next checkand and kind of banking on that
next check, showing up that thecomfort of the corporate world
(08:09):
kind of can give us.
Why did you do that?
Why did you have the couragewhere to come from, to lead that
and kind of venture out ontoyou know, on your own, so to
speak?
Speaker 2 (08:19):
yeah, it was hard.
Uh, mr you, because I had thegolden handcuffs on.
I had the job that everyonepharmaceutical rep back in the
80s and 90s.
I had been with them 13 years.
There's a lot of things I hadset up, you know.
It was hard to leave and then Iended up but I found I'd
(08:41):
outgrown where I was and I wasnot fulfilled in a job that just
didn't do it for me.
People say, wow, you shouldjust be happy.
And a friend of mine he did.
He said you know, greg, I lookat it like I do this for my
family and then I do the otherstuff for myself, and so I carve
(09:02):
out my vacation, I carve out myweekends and you've got that.
You don't even have to work asmuch, you've got your territory
done.
And he thought I was crazy.
We talked this weekend.
But it has been the best thingI've ever done, because life is
not lived until you step outinto the unknown.
(09:23):
In the comfort of where you are.
You know what's around thatcorner.
I mean, it's the same thing.
But when you have the abilityto step out, it's interesting
how things show up.
They typically don't show upthe way we want them to or in
the timeframe we think theyshould, but one of the things I
found, I believe you're alwayshonored when you step out.
(09:44):
It may not look like youthought it would.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
No, that makes a lot of sense.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
And I can tell you what I'm doing right now.
I never thought I'd be doingeven the part of I started out
just coaching.
I never really thought I'd betraining as much like I am, or
on stages with thousands ofpeople really, and that wasn't
my goal at first.
It was just to help some peopleand things have shown up.
(10:11):
But you're not the same personyou used to be.
You grow through all that andthat's just it.
You're comparing your future towho you are now.
You don't see who you're aboutto become when you step out
there.
Speaker 1 (10:23):
No, I love that.
I love this man.
What was the impetus for yournew book?
Build New Bridges the Art ofRestoring Impossible
Relationships?
I don't know who is tuning into us today right now I know
some, but who's going to watchthe replay later on?
Who's following via yourplatform?
But I'm positive that we allhave some kind of relationship
(10:45):
challenges that we can talkabout.
Why did you write that book?
What was the purpose of it?
Speaker 2 (10:52):
Yeah, Well, I didn't set out to write a book on it.
When I first started, I wasworking with man-woman
relationships, the differences,and then I ran into these
gentlemen who wrote a book thateventually became Crucial
Conversations Tools for Talkingwhen Stakes Are High, and so I
actually asked what soon to beauthors.
(11:14):
I asked hey, could I sell yourwork and train it and keep my
own independent status?
They had a program called anAssociates Program.
So I became one of theassociates as a 1099, but I
started teaching crucialconversations because it made
such a difference for me and asI started teaching it I thought
I want to be the type of leaderthat practices what they teach.
(11:37):
How can I show my participantswhen I'm teaching that I've done
this work?
And I had this crazy idea to goclean up all my past
relationships and I had a listof 36 people and it took nearly
two and a half years, and so onthat list I had old bosses, old
direct reports, old colleagues,I had a couple old professors,
(12:02):
some old college roommates, aton of ex-girlfriends, two
ex-wives.
It had all of it.
And that's what I tell peopleall the time.
People say why should we listento you?
You've been divorced twice.
Well, the thing is is I'vecleaned all of those up and if
you want to judge, that's up toyou.
But what I find one person toldme one time he goes, please
(12:25):
don't tell people you weredivorced twice.
At the beginning of your classesI said why not?
He said because he said I'vebeen married 40 years and I
thought you had nothing to teachme.
So he said I started reading abook and he said about two hours
in I heard something thatreally resonated.
I started listening.
He said this was the best classever, but I missed a couple of
(12:52):
hours.
Because you said that andhonestly, I judged you.
I said, well, I can't make thatpromise because I've got to
bring my real self to this, butcan I use your story?
He said yeah, why?
Here's why, just like you'veseen, I'm going to be honest
with my life.
This is who I am.
These are the struggles I'vebeen through and I even say it
in my book I I don't consider Ihad two failed marriages.
I had two successful marriagesthat ended and I had cleaned
(13:16):
things up with them and youwouldn't believe the stories
around it.
My wife cleaned up things withher ex-husband.
We have an amazing family nowand when people listen to what I
talk about, they're like how doyou do that?
Listen to what I talk about,they're like how do you do that?
That's what I try to teachpeople how to do is because I
(13:36):
went out and did this 36different times and then many
more since then.
But I've coached it, I've donethe work and that's why I put
the book together, because Ifelt, like people in Crucial
Conversations, the best trainingclass you'll ever take.
But what I've also found is youhave breakthroughs and aha
moments.
But those breakthroughs and ahamoments are not sustainable
(13:57):
until you practice over and overand over, until you master it.
You've got to get some level ofcompetency and people will say
you need to go have thisconversation.
Well, most of us don't know howto do it in a way that builds
the relationship.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
Oh no.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
We're also looking at what we did in the past, and
when you get new skills, whatyou did in the past, you're
probably not going to do it thesame way.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
No, absolutely not.
I love that man.
So define for me what is animpossible relationship.
I'm really intrigued by this.
Yeah, why do you think it'simpossible?
Why do you think it'simpossible?
Why do you think it's notimpossible?
Kind of explain your idea onthat.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
Yeah, it comes down to mindset.
An impossible relationship isdefined as a relationship we
don't think we can be open andhonest and talk and have a good
outcome, and so it's defined bywe've had a bad experience in
the past.
So we've had a bad experiencewith that person.
Both parties didn't have theskill sets they needed.
(14:58):
One or both parties, I'm goingto suggest, don't have that.
It's defined by explosiveemotions as well, and we just
don't know how to do it becausethat limiting belief is in our
brain because of that pastexperience.
So we tell ourselves there's nouse in trying.
I don't want to avoid that painat all costs, because it is
(15:22):
crazy to go back and do itunless you have a different set
of skills.
Speaker 1 (15:27):
I love that.
Love that An impossiblerelationship.
So that's what you're dealingwith.
I think many of us can agreethat we have some that we think
are just flat out impossible.
But you're definitely helpingwith that and I want to make
sure we kind of help you outwith getting some eyes on what
you're doing.
So put your link up All youguys are going to see it in the
(15:49):
comments section.
Book a free call with Greg.
He's able to help you out withgetting the process of restoring
today.
So it's Calendlycom forward.
Slash Greg hyphen Stevens.
Check him out.
I'm sure he'll be able to giveyou some insights on some things
regarding your impossiblerelationship.
I love that.
We talked also about kind ofjust some of the success stories
(16:12):
that you have personally andprofessionally, and we talked
about it off air.
You said you'd be happy to kindof share some of those.
I love doing that because I geta lot of experts that come on
the other side of this, thismicrophone, and they have a lot
to share, a lot to say, and Iwant people to hear what's what,
what, what, what went well,what didn't go so well, hear
(16:33):
what went well, what didn't goso well, where you see
opportunities and challengeswhere you pivoted and kind of
just give them an idea of whatit's like to work with you and
kind of, you know, follow upwith you and kind of see how
that looks.
So share some success stories,if you have, and you can share
personally, professionally oreven both, go ahead.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
Oh yeah.
Well, let's go professional,because and then I'll do a
personal one in a second aboutwhere I fail, but I'll tell you
a success I had with.
It's actually in the book.
It's the last chapter, it's thelast story I share, but I love
it, because a woman came to mein class and she said hey, I
want to work on one conversation.
(17:08):
We typically have more work onone conversation so they can
understand how it works and shesaid it's with my
ex-mother-in-law.
I said why do you want to dothat?
She goes.
Well, the last time I spokewith her was two and a half
years ago and we were cursing ateach other and I told her
she'll never see her grandkidsagain and she said I walked away
(17:31):
and I felt terrible.
And she said my kids are now atthe age they're asking where
grandma is doing.
You know all of that.
She goes.
I don't know how to repair it.
So we worked through thatconversation and we practiced it
a little and then typically Iwait till people call me.
I don't search them out.
And she said she'd call me backand she didn't call me a couple
(17:55):
of weeks past and I had hernumber.
So I thought I'll call her andsee and I said hey, this is Greg
.
I said I just wanted to touchbase.
Did you have the conversation?
If you did, how did it go?
She goes well.
No, I didn't.
I said well, it seemed likeyou're really excited.
We spent all that time.
Can I ask what changed?
(18:15):
She got real quiet.
I said you can tell me anything.
She said well, my friends toldme you gave me some bad advice,
that I probably had goodintentions, but they know the
situation and nothing good couldcome out of it.
And I told her.
I said you know what, next timeyou see your good friends, give
(18:35):
them a hug and a kiss and saythank you, because they're
looking out for you and, fromtheir perspective, they don't
want you to hurt and they don'tsee how this can work.
But they weren't in the classthat we sat in.
They didn't do the practice,they don't have the skill set
you now have.
Question really becomes, notwhether they want or I want.
(18:56):
None of that matters.
What do you want?
She got really quiet and Ithought she was going to say I
don't need to do it, like mostpeople.
And she said I really want tohave it.
I go, then let's practice again.
And we practiced and she wentand had it and she wrote me this
long email out about it and shesaid how we prepared for it.
And I told her this is what'sgoing to happen and I do have an
(19:19):
ability to do that kind of seewhat's going to happen and teach
people what to do in thatmoment and she said for her she
kept getting back to her bestintent She'd go.
You know this isn't going theway I wanted it to.
I didn't want to cause anyemotions.
Let's go back to my best intent.
I want to resolve this with you.
(19:40):
I want to do, and she said Ihad to do it more than 20 times,
she said, but by the end of itthere were tears, hugs and
healing.
And it took like two hours forher to get there and then at the
end of her email she said now Ineed to go throw up because
that's just it.
It is emotional, it is hard,but most people are questioning.
(20:01):
Most people don't mind reallysomething hard if it's worth it
at the end.
And what I found around thismost people will engage if they
believe it to be worth it aroundthis.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
Most people will engage if they believe it to be
worth it.
That is beautiful man,beautiful man.
I love the idea of creating andrebuilding relationships
because it's just so much thatevery I tell you what it's the
connective tissue for everysingle human being that's
walking the planet EarthRelationships and the damage and
destruction that we often findwithin those.
Sometimes nobody is okay, butit's race creed okay.
(20:36):
Where you come from, on asocio-economical scale,
everybody deals with the samething.
So I love what the kind of workthat you're doing.
Uh, I aspire to do some thingssimilar to that in what I'm
doing coaching, wise andeverything, but I love what
you're doing.
Man, I'd love to kind of hearfrom you, like, in order to kind
of improve the uh relationshipbuilding process.
(20:58):
Are there any kind of skillsthat you think people need to
hear or and walk in and exhibit,because you know, a lot of
times mentoring the coach orhaving everything behind the
paywall, they won't shareanything with you oh no, I'll
share it all because I'm nothiding it.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
I want it out there and it takes some handholding,
like we all know, to be able toget there and some work along
the way.
But one of the couple of thingsI'd say is the first thing
we've got to own and this is aquote I use in nearly everything
I do is everything in my life Icreate, promote or allow, let
(21:34):
that land a second.
Everything in my life I create,promote or allow, let that land
a second.
Everything in my life I createdit, I promote it or allow it.
That means I'm totallyresponsible.
So if my relationships don'twork, I've got to own.
Maybe I wasn't the bestcommunicator, maybe I didn't
show up as my best, not blamingthe other person, but owning my
part of the side of the street.
Now they don't have any.
(21:56):
They don't have any.
I'm not saying that they don'thave any responsibility as well,
but you have to take your own.
No, I have to take mine, andthat's just it.
We typically walk into theseblaming and pointing why the
other person did what they didand they're doing the same thing
.
We're looking in a mirror.
But when you own your part,your side of the street.
(22:18):
It allows a space for others todo that, and they may not do it
in that minute.
Many times I've seen peoplehave the difficult conversation,
but they've shown up strong andand in the end, when they
walked away, their behavior wasfine.
It was the other person andthey let that behavior sit there
.
So they walk away and say youknow what, if you're ever open
(22:42):
to having a conversation, I'dlove to talk to you.
And what happens is that lastinteraction is what goes through
that person's head and theystart to see wow, they didn't
react to this.
I was the one yelling, I wasthe one doing this.
They typically come back in ashort amount of time a couple of
weeks sometimes but they comeback and say you know what?
Let's talk?
(23:03):
Great, that's what I wanted.
But we typically don't show upwell and we want to blame the
other person.
That's why we don't get there.
So we've got to own our partfirst.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
I love that.
I love that that's hard.
That's a hard pill.
I know that.
Yes, it is.
I see people who are friends ofmine on social media platforms
and have all these disputes,usually over nonsense.
They give me like who's who'ssports team I like and what you
said about my team?
It's just nonsense.
And like whose sports team Ilike and what you said about my
team?
It's just nonsense.
And they fall out behind thatkind of stuff.
It's amazing but not so great.
(23:36):
But I love that you arededicated to helping to restore
relationships and you've beengiven the skills to help people
do that, because that's a hugedeal.
So definitely, you know.
I hope people check out yourwork.
Channelcom forward slash Greghyphen Stevens.
Listen to what he's saying.
He sounds like he knows whathe's talking about, so this is
(23:56):
definitely a good thing.
What kind of advice would yougive somebody who has messed up
a relationship and they not evensure they want to fix it?
What do you say to that person?
Speaker 2 (24:09):
Well, the question is , I ask, is why wouldn't you
want to fix it?
Because if it's bothering you,there's something there.
And how do I own that?
What do I do and why would youwant to?
Why would you want to?
Why wouldn't you want to?
And what I typically find isthere's some hurt you're holding
(24:32):
on to and people want to demandan apology.
Let me ask you is an apology, areal apology.
It is not, it is not, and whywould I ever demand it?
So what can I do?
As I go through this?
How could I get this back ontrack?
How could I show up as my best?
(24:54):
But sometimes, well, we've justbeen hurt too many times.
I understand and I need peopleto hear I would do exactly what
you're going to do.
To say I would do somethingdifferent is to say I'm less
than or I'm better than I'mneither.
I don't have your experience.
(25:16):
I don't have your heartache.
I had mine.
But what I did find is when Ihad the skills to do something
different, a different realityin life and relationship can
show up.
But it can't do it the same wayI've been doing it.
So the question is why wouldyou want to?
Well, because it lifts all thepain off your shoulders.
(25:39):
You don't walk aroundcomplaining.
You don't complain about peopleAll of a sudden.
What would it be like if, hey,my relationships I'm responsible
for.
They're where they are becauseof how I've created them?
It'd be a different thing ratherthan being done too, and so
it's really good.
Man, you have to have thatskill, and that's why I'm not
(26:01):
here to try to convince someone.
And here's the other thing,folks, there are boundaries.
Have you lovingly set thoseboundaries and lovingly held
people accountable to that?
There is a time to break off arelationship, but it's really
hard to know what that is.
When we show up as our worst,we don't know what it can look
(26:23):
like, but if we show up at ourbest, it's easy to close that
door and say this doesn't workfor me.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
That's profound.
I like that.
I like that I pivot a littlebit, becoming closer to the end
of our show and I want to try toget a couple more questions in.
One is just like it, just forme, but I'm positioning for
everybody else at the same time.
But tell us about your podcastwork, man.
You got some exciting thingsgoing on and even upcoming.
What Tell us about?
Speaker 2 (26:48):
your podcast work, man.
You got some exciting thingsgoing on and even upcoming.
What can you talk about?
Speaker 1 (26:52):
Well, I can talk about.
You're going to be on mypodcast tomorrow, so I'm excited
about that.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
So I've got a shot of inspiration and it's
inspirational stories aboutpeople I've met, their lives,
their businesses, whatever theywant to talk about.
I ask them what they would liketo talk about.
I just find people's stories asinspirational.
So I have that podcast and I'mabout to release a second one
(27:15):
I've been recording for the lasttwo years with a shot of
inspiration.
At the end of a shot ofinspiration I have people
because I found most peoplewanted to talk about their
spirituality.
I actually my second podcast isgoing to be called a spiritual
peace, like piece of the puzzle,or the peace that you feel.
I have both of those names, butmy guests have been on a shot of
(27:39):
inspiration right after I.
If they want to do that podcast, I say say I ask them two
questions Walk us through yourspiritual journey from childhood
to today.
And we've had atheists on there.
We've had agnostic, Buddhist,Mormon, Catholic, Baptist,
everything you can imaginePeople getting to talk about
(28:02):
their spiritual awareness, whatthey've learned.
And then the second question iswhat is your message to the
world?
So people get to share whattheir message would be to the
world around.
That it's interesting becauseso many of my guests from A Shot
of Inspiration.
They really enjoy doing thespiritual piece and we haven't
even released it yet.
I think I've got 80 somethingepisodes recorded on that.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
Oh goodness, that's fantastic man, Awesome work.
I'm definitely excited abouttomorrow, without question.
I can't wait.
I love having good talk withgood people.
So good stuff there.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
The good part tomorrow is I get to talk to you
, I get to hear your story.
Speaker 1 (28:40):
Yeah, I'm instantly uncomfortable with this, but
every time I'm a guest I getlike that it's always a great
review from the host.
They always have great thingsto say it was awesome, it was
powerful.
All these phrases I'm like youdon't know how I feel on the
inside, but I'm glad it alwaysturns out well, so that's a good
thing.
Before I get to our lastquestion of the show, I'm going
(29:03):
to throw this one in becauseit's kind of for me Just
thinking about it though.
But I am re-engaging into theworld of public speaking.
I've done it before.
I didn't realize that that'swhat I was doing.
I feel like I was just doing atask.
I didn't realize I was actuallyin the public speaking realm.
I'm about to engage in it to adifferent level, a more broader
(29:24):
national level.
To engage in it to a differentlevel, a more broader national
level, and I just love for youto speak to me and maybe
somebody else watching andlistening who is thinking about
public speaking.
But they see it dauntingbecause of the bigness of it,
the perception of it.
What do you think the price ofadmission is going to be to be a
public speaker?
Encourage us on that, and thenwe get to our last question, Go
(29:48):
ahead.
Speaker 2 (29:48):
Okay.
Well, the biggest thing is inpublic speaking is get out of
your head, because that's justit.
Everyone is thinking aboutthemselves.
They're really not thinkingabout you.
You're on there for just amoment.
Entertain me, or whatever it is.
Here's the second thing Don'tgive speeches, tell stories, and
(30:09):
so when you tell stories aboutyour life, you're the subject
matter expert.
No one can challenge that and,as you do that, just share.
Be vulnerable.
That's the hard thing, I think,for most speakers is to truly
be vulnerable.
It's interesting I'm trying toget some TEDx talks, but one of
(30:31):
the things it's always abouthere about the science.
But I love to open my heart upand move the audience.
My goal is to have the audiencetouch, moved and inspired, and
I love to see tears at the endof my conversation, not a
standing ovation, but tearsbecause they felt so much
through it.
And that's what I love, becausethat's what people are longing
for, not just this thing outthere, which is great
(30:54):
entertainment they're greattalks but I want to talk where I
open up my heart and I touch,move and inspire people.
So if you're going to be apublic speaker, I encourage you.
Look and see if you want to dothat.
I think it's much moreeffective and you don't have to
memorize a bunch of stuff,because it's your life you get
(31:16):
to talk about.
Speaker 1 (31:18):
I think it's beautiful.
I try to practice on theseshows like this, so hopefully
I'm doing well.
But first off, great to haveyou in here, brother.
For those that have beenwatching this or just joined
kind of late, canonlycom forwardslash Greg hyphen Stevens.
Great way to book your firstcall with Greg.
He's clearly an expert in notonly professional speaking but
(31:40):
also in relationships.
His insights have been gold onthis show today.
Book a free call with him.
There's no catch.
He just wants to help folks.
I've learned that already fromhim.
So countycom forward slashGreg-Stevens.
It's going to be in the shownotes as well as in the comments
section.
You can catch it before we gooff of the air.
(32:01):
But final question for you, manAccess to all of our guests is
always a tough one.
Even though you know in advance, I'm going to ask you.
It's still tough for themsometimes.
But I'm taking everything offof the table.
Your executive coaching, careercommunication consultant, your
working with executives andmaster training, corporate
(32:22):
trainer all those things are offof the table.
What is Greg Stevens mostlikely to be doing with his life
, career, wise, mission orvocation wise?
He's not doing any of thosethings.
What's he doing?
Speaker 2 (32:33):
It's interesting.
As I thought about this, itcame clear I always thought I'd
be a great talent agent.
I know talent when I see it andI love people who are talented.
I love hanging out withmusicians and people who know
how to write and really gettheir thoughts across.
Anyone who can get out therewho's a real talent.
(32:57):
I mean Justin Timberlake.
I think that guy is so talented.
Matthew McConaughey you look atthese people.
It's like who found them?
Well, matthew McConaughey wasfound having drinks at a bar
with a guy when he was here inAustin, texas, and I think
things like that are just soamazing.
I'd like to be someone that gotto go out and find a great
(33:20):
singer or find out a great actoror something like that.
Speaker 1 (33:24):
Man, that sounds amazing.
That's one of the best answersI heard in a while.
I'd love for you, man.
I hope you still desire toadvocate for people, because I
think you'd be really good at it.
You have to decide how thatlooks.
You may not be in the form of atalent agency, but I think, if
you're for a health post, be aconnector for people.
I mean, I think you'd be greatat that.
Speaker 2 (33:44):
Oh, thanks, yeah, I uh, I will say I've had a couple
of people.
When I hear their voice I'mlike you need to do voiceovers.
And actually three of them havetaken my advice and now they're
doing voiceovers full time now.
Speaker 1 (33:58):
Oh, come on, Look at that oh yeah, cause I hear it.
Speaker 2 (34:01):
It's like you need to find an agent, you need to do
this.
Here's the steps Go find it,because I have.
And then people who are greatpoets, writers of songs.
I love the lyrics of songs, soI can tell pretty quick by the
lyrics if someone's a reallygood songwriter.
Speaker 1 (34:18):
Oh wow, that's fantastic, man, Greg.
It's been a pleasure to haveyou on here, man.
This was a fantasticconversation, man.
Any closing thoughts for ourlisteners and viewers before we
sign off.
Speaker 2 (34:27):
Yeah, mr Yu, thank you again for having me.
And if you've got arelationship that you think is
impossible, think again what ifyou had the ability to go do
something?
Because you went and learnedsomething new, you tried
something different, you gotnothing else to lose and you may
have everything to gain.
Oh, man.
Speaker 1 (34:48):
Fantastic stuff, man.
Thank you so much for beinghere, man.
This was insightful.
I learned some stuff.
Hopefully I can be connectedand do some things too that I
know that only community canmake happen for us.
So I'm excited about this timetogether with you, brother, and
for all our listeners andviewers.
Check out gregcanleycom forwardslash greg-stevens and of
course, his show is a shot ofinspiration.
(35:09):
Please check it out.
It's a fantastic listen.
I hope I won't miss the show uptomorrow.
I'm excited about what's goingto take place For you guys
watching and listening.
Thank you again for making thispart of your week.
Greg and Mr Ewer out have agreat day, Thanks.
welcome back to one-on-one with mr you.
Of course I am your host, mryou, in studio with us,
communication consultant,executive executive coach.
My guy, greg Stephens, is inthe house, author of Bill New
Bridges too.
He does a lot of differentstuff, man, but, greg, good to
have you in the house, man.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
How are you Great?
Mr Yu, thank you so much forhaving me on.
It's a real honor and aprivilege.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
Pleasure's mine, man.
We had such a greatpre-interview chat.
I want to let our listeners andviewers hear so much from you,
so hopefully we had the time toget it all in.
We'll do our best with it, man,but customarily I always have
our guests come in and kind ofshare a little bit about their
background and childhood, howthey grew up, how they got from
there to here.
So, briefly, share that with us.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Your upbringing man, your childhood share with us
yeah, I grew up as a as aSouthern Baptist minister's kid
and wow grimstone real, real,harsh and actually very strict.
My dad didn't want me to go toBaylor University.
When I decided to go to collegeYou'd think he'd want to, but
(01:19):
it's he felt Baylor was too wild.
So that gives you a littlebackground about if you ever saw
the movie, think about that.
John Lithgow's character timesbetween 10 and 100.
Pretty extreme.
My dad was the type that burnedbooks and records as I was
growing up.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
Oh, wow, he was curious.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
I went out.
I was on my own at 17.
My dad told me a week beforeWell, two days before I
graduated from high school.
He said, son, he said I wentinto the service when I was 17.
Your mom and I decided to leavethe church.
I'm going full time evangelismnext week.
He said we're moving from here.
(02:04):
You'll have a high schoolschool degree.
Here's five families that saidthey put you up for the summer.
You need to find a job.
Pay him rent, figure out whatyou're gonna do with your life.
Go in the military, get a job,go to college.
It's on.
You.
Don't ever make the mistake ofcalling me and asking me for
money.
It will never let you starve.
(02:24):
But never asked me for money.
So I had had $300 in my bankaccount and the clothes on my
back in a car and what I couldthrow in my car.
And that's what I went out withat 17 years old.
Put myself, put myself throughBaylor in four years and then
got out and found a couple ofdifferent jobs, finally got a
(02:46):
job with a pharmaceuticalcompany and had that for like 13
years and then ended up findinga second career later.
And that's what I do now since1999.
I'm an executive coach, atrainer.
I'm also a professionalmediator.
I specialize in many differentareas of communication,
(03:09):
specifically those areas of howto have the most difficult
conversations of your life.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
Ooh, I want to get into that and some of the work
that you're doing.
I want to ask you this questionBasically, you just shared with
us you know your resolution ofyour childhood and how you came
up.
What do you think is a presentchallenge for you now, today,
because of how you grew up?
Because a lot of times we andmyself I've been guilty of that,
myself included we want to putour childhood and all the bad
(03:36):
stuff behind us as if it doesn'texist.
But if we're honest about it,we're impacted by some things
still today.
So do you see a challenge youpresently deal with now because
of that upbringing?
Speaker 2 (03:48):
I can tell you right what it is.
I'm a communication coach and Istill have problems when I get
under pressure and I'm hot, I'mangry and I act like my father
does.
I'm hangry and I act like myfather does.
And the other day just give youan example I'm out working in a
(04:09):
really hot garage and my wifecame to me and said something
and I just cut her off.
And what I love about her, shecalls me on my stuff.
She said wow, you're beingnasty.
And I went like mean and I wentit caught me.
I was like, wow, I'm doing justwhat my dad did and I teach me
this all the time.
(04:29):
And here I am doing it and itwas great I didn't.
I didn't lash back, I juststopped.
And then, when I cooled down, Iwalked upstairs and said thanks
for waking me up to that.
I said I really don't want todo some of those things that my
dad did.
I really appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
No, that's that's.
That's that's.
Your wife's a saint, by the way, but I love that.
But one of the things that youmentioned it sparked something
for me because I know a lot ofour listeners and viewers are
professional people.
They might help people incertain genres and everything.
I know myself.
I do a lot of things too, butone of the things I do is a
(05:08):
coach and I think we all seem tostruggle, especially coaches
and podcasters, in that ilk.
We seem to struggle with beinga subject matter expert but
still not having it all together.
And it's just how you feelabout that personally and what
you've experienced in your liferegarding that, because it
sounds like you have had issueswith communicating, which we
(05:28):
have so many folks communicatingthings I've learned is to put
it out there I'm a human being.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
I don't have all the answers.
I have my answers that aregiven to me through getting
centered and my spiritual centerand I find those.
I help others not by givingthem advice, but by asking
questions, having them start tosee that.
But I think the biggest thingI've learned is when someone
told me one time when I was infront of a training class they
said oh, you don't need to tellpeople you make mistakes.
(06:10):
There's, you're the subjectmatter expert.
I was like no, no one wantssomeone who is perfect, because
we're not perfect.
And I find that when I'm honestabout my struggles, people
really relate to that and it'salso how I overcome the
struggles.
I'm open with them.
I say this has a hold on me andI have an ability to grow past
(06:33):
that, but I don't if I act likeI've got it handled.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
Yeah, message to all the coaches, mentors and such
out there.
Yeah, transparency is going tobe huge in your businesses.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
If you decide to, not do that.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
Forget about it.
This is not going to work outfor you very well.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
Well, I'm going to say if you can't be transparent,
it's manipulation.
Because when you can say whatthe underlying intent is around
things, you can actually beginto heal them, solve them.
But when you are trying toprove something, to manipulate
someone, to possibly hire you orsomething, and you're not
completely honest, that'smanipulation.
(07:11):
I have just as many problems asanyone else, even though I'm
teaching this and I've beendoing it.
So I love what I do, I lovehelping people, but it comes
from a place of I need as muchhelp as anyone else.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
No, I love that man.
That's refreshing man.
That's why you're on this show,man.
You got a lot of stuff likethat.
I want to get it all out of youas much as I can anyways, one
thing, too, that I think is deepand powerful on most of our
shows I talk a lot about faith,not so much my faith only, but
just faith in general andconfidence and believing in
yourself.
What gave you the courage toleave what I, what I view from
(07:47):
what I've seen from your resume,is a lucrative career slash
experience in business worlds,in, in corporate worlds,
corporate spaces.
What gave you the courage toleave the comfort of that?
Because a lot of folks that arelistening are probably looking
for, hoping for the next checkand and kind of banking on that
next check, showing up that thecomfort of the corporate world
(08:09):
kind of can give us.
Why did you do that?
Why did you have the couragewhere to come from, to lead that
and kind of venture out ontoyou know, on your own, so to
speak?
Speaker 2 (08:19):
yeah, it was hard.
Uh, mr you, because I had thegolden handcuffs on.
I had the job that everyonepharmaceutical rep back in the
80s and 90s.
I had been with them 13 years.
There's a lot of things I hadset up, you know.
It was hard to leave and then Iended up but I found I'd
(08:41):
outgrown where I was and I wasnot fulfilled in a job that just
didn't do it for me.
People say, wow, you shouldjust be happy.
And a friend of mine he did.
He said you know, greg, I lookat it like I do this for my
family and then I do the otherstuff for myself, and so I carve
(09:02):
out my vacation, I carve out myweekends and you've got that.
You don't even have to work asmuch, you've got your territory
done.
And he thought I was crazy.
We talked this weekend.
But it has been the best thingI've ever done, because life is
not lived until you step outinto the unknown.
(09:23):
In the comfort of where you are.
You know what's around thatcorner.
I mean, it's the same thing.
But when you have the abilityto step out, it's interesting
how things show up.
They typically don't show upthe way we want them to or in
the timeframe we think theyshould, but one of the things I
found, I believe you're alwayshonored when you step out.
(09:44):
It may not look like youthought it would.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
No, that makes a lot of sense.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
And I can tell you what I'm doing right now.
I never thought I'd be doingeven the part of I started out
just coaching.
I never really thought I'd betraining as much like I am, or
on stages with thousands ofpeople really, and that wasn't
my goal at first.
It was just to help some peopleand things have shown up.
(10:11):
But you're not the same personyou used to be.
You grow through all that andthat's just it.
You're comparing your future towho you are now.
You don't see who you're aboutto become when you step out
there.
Speaker 1 (10:23):
No, I love that.
I love this man.
What was the impetus for yournew book?
Build New Bridges the Art ofRestoring Impossible
Relationships?
I don't know who is tuning into us today right now I know
some, but who's going to watchthe replay later on?
Who's following via yourplatform?
But I'm positive that we allhave some kind of relationship
(10:45):
challenges that we can talkabout.
Why did you write that book?
What was the purpose of it?
Speaker 2 (10:52):
Yeah, Well, I didn't set out to write a book on it.
When I first started, I wasworking with man-woman
relationships, the differences,and then I ran into these
gentlemen who wrote a book thateventually became Crucial
Conversations Tools for Talkingwhen Stakes Are High, and so I
actually asked what soon to beauthors.
(11:14):
I asked hey, could I sell yourwork and train it and keep my
own independent status?
They had a program called anAssociates Program.
So I became one of theassociates as a 1099, but I
started teaching crucialconversations because it made
such a difference for me and asI started teaching it I thought
I want to be the type of leaderthat practices what they teach.
(11:37):
How can I show my participantswhen I'm teaching that I've done
this work?
And I had this crazy idea to goclean up all my past
relationships and I had a listof 36 people and it took nearly
two and a half years, and so onthat list I had old bosses, old
direct reports, old colleagues,I had a couple old professors,
(12:02):
some old college roommates, aton of ex-girlfriends, two
ex-wives.
It had all of it.
And that's what I tell peopleall the time.
People say why should we listento you?
You've been divorced twice.
Well, the thing is is I'vecleaned all of those up and if
you want to judge, that's up toyou.
But what I find one person toldme one time he goes, please
(12:25):
don't tell people you weredivorced twice.
At the beginning of your classesI said why not?
He said because he said I'vebeen married 40 years and I
thought you had nothing to teachme.
So he said I started reading abook and he said about two hours
in I heard something thatreally resonated.
I started listening.
He said this was the best classever, but I missed a couple of
(12:52):
hours.
Because you said that andhonestly, I judged you.
I said, well, I can't make thatpromise because I've got to
bring my real self to this, butcan I use your story?
He said yeah, why?
Here's why, just like you'veseen, I'm going to be honest
with my life.
This is who I am.
These are the struggles I'vebeen through and I even say it
in my book I I don't consider Ihad two failed marriages.
I had two successful marriagesthat ended and I had cleaned
(13:16):
things up with them and youwouldn't believe the stories
around it.
My wife cleaned up things withher ex-husband.
We have an amazing family nowand when people listen to what I
talk about, they're like how doyou do that?
Listen to what I talk about,they're like how do you do that?
That's what I try to teachpeople how to do is because I
(13:36):
went out and did this 36different times and then many
more since then.
But I've coached it, I've donethe work and that's why I put
the book together, because Ifelt, like people in Crucial
Conversations, the best trainingclass you'll ever take.
But what I've also found is youhave breakthroughs and aha
moments.
But those breakthroughs and ahamoments are not sustainable
(13:57):
until you practice over and overand over, until you master it.
You've got to get some level ofcompetency and people will say
you need to go have thisconversation.
Well, most of us don't know howto do it in a way that builds
the relationship.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
Oh no.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
We're also looking at what we did in the past, and
when you get new skills, whatyou did in the past, you're
probably not going to do it thesame way.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
No, absolutely not.
I love that man.
So define for me what is animpossible relationship.
I'm really intrigued by this.
Yeah, why do you think it'simpossible?
Why do you think it'simpossible?
Why do you think it's notimpossible?
Kind of explain your idea onthat.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
Yeah, it comes down to mindset.
An impossible relationship isdefined as a relationship we
don't think we can be open andhonest and talk and have a good
outcome, and so it's defined bywe've had a bad experience in
the past.
So we've had a bad experiencewith that person.
Both parties didn't have theskill sets they needed.
(14:58):
One or both parties, I'm goingto suggest, don't have that.
It's defined by explosiveemotions as well, and we just
don't know how to do it becausethat limiting belief is in our
brain because of that pastexperience.
So we tell ourselves there's nouse in trying.
I don't want to avoid that painat all costs, because it is
(15:22):
crazy to go back and do itunless you have a different set
of skills.
Speaker 1 (15:27):
I love that.
Love that An impossiblerelationship.
So that's what you're dealingwith.
I think many of us can agreethat we have some that we think
are just flat out impossible.
But you're definitely helpingwith that and I want to make
sure we kind of help you outwith getting some eyes on what
you're doing.
So put your link up All youguys are going to see it in the
(15:49):
comments section.
Book a free call with Greg.
He's able to help you out withgetting the process of restoring
today.
So it's Calendlycom forward.
Slash Greg hyphen Stevens.
Check him out.
I'm sure he'll be able to giveyou some insights on some things
regarding your impossiblerelationship.
I love that.
We talked also about kind ofjust some of the success stories
(16:12):
that you have personally andprofessionally, and we talked
about it off air.
You said you'd be happy to kindof share some of those.
I love doing that because I geta lot of experts that come on
the other side of this, thismicrophone, and they have a lot
to share, a lot to say, and Iwant people to hear what's what,
what, what, what went well,what didn't go so well, hear
(16:33):
what went well, what didn't goso well, where you see
opportunities and challengeswhere you pivoted and kind of
just give them an idea of whatit's like to work with you and
kind of, you know, follow upwith you and kind of see how
that looks.
So share some success stories,if you have, and you can share
personally, professionally oreven both, go ahead.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
Oh yeah.
Well, let's go professional,because and then I'll do a
personal one in a second aboutwhere I fail, but I'll tell you
a success I had with.
It's actually in the book.
It's the last chapter, it's thelast story I share, but I love
it, because a woman came to mein class and she said hey, I
want to work on one conversation.
(17:08):
We typically have more work onone conversation so they can
understand how it works and shesaid it's with my
ex-mother-in-law.
I said why do you want to dothat?
She goes.
Well, the last time I spokewith her was two and a half
years ago and we were cursing ateach other and I told her
she'll never see her grandkidsagain and she said I walked away
(17:31):
and I felt terrible.
And she said my kids are now atthe age they're asking where
grandma is doing.
You know all of that.
She goes.
I don't know how to repair it.
So we worked through thatconversation and we practiced it
a little and then typically Iwait till people call me.
I don't search them out.
And she said she'd call me backand she didn't call me a couple
(17:55):
of weeks past and I had hernumber.
So I thought I'll call her andsee and I said hey, this is Greg
.
I said I just wanted to touchbase.
Did you have the conversation?
If you did, how did it go?
She goes well.
No, I didn't.
I said well, it seemed likeyou're really excited.
We spent all that time.
Can I ask what changed?
(18:15):
She got real quiet.
I said you can tell me anything.
She said well, my friends toldme you gave me some bad advice,
that I probably had goodintentions, but they know the
situation and nothing good couldcome out of it.
And I told her.
I said you know what, next timeyou see your good friends, give
(18:35):
them a hug and a kiss and saythank you, because they're
looking out for you and, fromtheir perspective, they don't
want you to hurt and they don'tsee how this can work.
But they weren't in the classthat we sat in.
They didn't do the practice,they don't have the skill set
you now have.
Question really becomes, notwhether they want or I want.
(18:56):
None of that matters.
What do you want?
She got really quiet and Ithought she was going to say I
don't need to do it, like mostpeople.
And she said I really want tohave it.
I go, then let's practice again.
And we practiced and she wentand had it and she wrote me this
long email out about it and shesaid how we prepared for it.
And I told her this is what'sgoing to happen and I do have an
(19:19):
ability to do that kind of seewhat's going to happen and teach
people what to do in thatmoment and she said for her she
kept getting back to her bestintent She'd go.
You know this isn't going theway I wanted it to.
I didn't want to cause anyemotions.
Let's go back to my best intent.
I want to resolve this with you.
(19:40):
I want to do, and she said Ihad to do it more than 20 times,
she said, but by the end of itthere were tears, hugs and
healing.
And it took like two hours forher to get there and then at the
end of her email she said now Ineed to go throw up because
that's just it.
It is emotional, it is hard,but most people are questioning.
(20:01):
Most people don't mind reallysomething hard if it's worth it
at the end.
And what I found around thismost people will engage if they
believe it to be worth it aroundthis.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
Most people will engage if they believe it to be
worth it.
That is beautiful man,beautiful man.
I love the idea of creating andrebuilding relationships
because it's just so much thatevery I tell you what it's the
connective tissue for everysingle human being that's
walking the planet EarthRelationships and the damage and
destruction that we often findwithin those.
Sometimes nobody is okay, butit's race creed okay.
(20:36):
Where you come from, on asocio-economical scale,
everybody deals with the samething.
So I love what the kind of workthat you're doing.
Uh, I aspire to do some thingssimilar to that in what I'm
doing coaching, wise andeverything, but I love what
you're doing.
Man, I'd love to kind of hearfrom you, like, in order to kind
of improve the uh relationshipbuilding process.
(20:58):
Are there any kind of skillsthat you think people need to
hear or and walk in and exhibit,because you know, a lot of
times mentoring the coach orhaving everything behind the
paywall, they won't shareanything with you oh no, I'll
share it all because I'm nothiding it.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
I want it out there and it takes some handholding,
like we all know, to be able toget there and some work along
the way.
But one of the couple of thingsI'd say is the first thing
we've got to own and this is aquote I use in nearly everything
I do is everything in my life Icreate, promote or allow, let
(21:34):
that land a second.
Everything in my life I create,promote or allow, let that land
a second.
Everything in my life I createdit, I promote it or allow it.
That means I'm totallyresponsible.
So if my relationships don'twork, I've got to own.
Maybe I wasn't the bestcommunicator, maybe I didn't
show up as my best, not blamingthe other person, but owning my
part of the side of the street.
Now they don't have any.
(21:56):
They don't have any.
I'm not saying that they don'thave any responsibility as well,
but you have to take your own.
No, I have to take mine, andthat's just it.
We typically walk into theseblaming and pointing why the
other person did what they didand they're doing the same thing
.
We're looking in a mirror.
But when you own your part,your side of the street.
(22:18):
It allows a space for others todo that, and they may not do it
in that minute.
Many times I've seen peoplehave the difficult conversation,
but they've shown up strong andand in the end, when they
walked away, their behavior wasfine.
It was the other person andthey let that behavior sit there
.
So they walk away and say youknow what, if you're ever open
(22:42):
to having a conversation, I'dlove to talk to you.
And what happens is that lastinteraction is what goes through
that person's head and theystart to see wow, they didn't
react to this.
I was the one yelling, I wasthe one doing this.
They typically come back in ashort amount of time a couple of
weeks sometimes but they comeback and say you know what?
Let's talk?
(23:03):
Great, that's what I wanted.
But we typically don't show upwell and we want to blame the
other person.
That's why we don't get there.
So we've got to own our partfirst.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
I love that.
I love that that's hard.
That's a hard pill.
I know that.
Yes, it is.
I see people who are friends ofmine on social media platforms
and have all these disputes,usually over nonsense.
They give me like who's who'ssports team I like and what you
said about my team?
It's just nonsense.
And like whose sports team Ilike and what you said about my
team?
It's just nonsense.
And they fall out behind thatkind of stuff.
It's amazing but not so great.
(23:36):
But I love that you arededicated to helping to restore
relationships and you've beengiven the skills to help people
do that, because that's a hugedeal.
So definitely, you know.
I hope people check out yourwork.
Channelcom forward slash Greghyphen Stevens.
Listen to what he's saying.
He sounds like he knows whathe's talking about, so this is
(23:56):
definitely a good thing.
What kind of advice would yougive somebody who has messed up
a relationship and they not evensure they want to fix it?
What do you say to that person?
Speaker 2 (24:09):
Well, the question is , I ask, is why wouldn't you
want to fix it?
Because if it's bothering you,there's something there.
And how do I own that?
What do I do and why would youwant to?
Why would you want to?
Why wouldn't you want to?
And what I typically find isthere's some hurt you're holding
(24:32):
on to and people want to demandan apology.
Let me ask you is an apology, areal apology.
It is not, it is not, and whywould I ever demand it?
So what can I do?
As I go through this?
How could I get this back ontrack?
How could I show up as my best?
(24:54):
But sometimes, well, we've justbeen hurt too many times.
I understand and I need peopleto hear I would do exactly what
you're going to do.
To say I would do somethingdifferent is to say I'm less
than or I'm better than I'mneither.
I don't have your experience.
(25:16):
I don't have your heartache.
I had mine.
But what I did find is when Ihad the skills to do something
different, a different realityin life and relationship can
show up.
But it can't do it the same wayI've been doing it.
So the question is why wouldyou want to?
Well, because it lifts all thepain off your shoulders.
(25:39):
You don't walk aroundcomplaining.
You don't complain about peopleAll of a sudden.
What would it be like if, hey,my relationships I'm responsible
for.
They're where they are becauseof how I've created them?
It'd be a different thing ratherthan being done too, and so
it's really good.
Man, you have to have thatskill, and that's why I'm not
(26:01):
here to try to convince someone.
And here's the other thing,folks, there are boundaries.
Have you lovingly set thoseboundaries and lovingly held
people accountable to that?
There is a time to break off arelationship, but it's really
hard to know what that is.
When we show up as our worst,we don't know what it can look
(26:23):
like, but if we show up at ourbest, it's easy to close that
door and say this doesn't workfor me.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
That's profound.
I like that.
I like that I pivot a littlebit, becoming closer to the end
of our show and I want to try toget a couple more questions in.
One is just like it, just forme, but I'm positioning for
everybody else at the same time.
But tell us about your podcastwork, man.
You got some exciting thingsgoing on and even upcoming.
What Tell us about?
Speaker 2 (26:48):
your podcast work, man.
You got some exciting thingsgoing on and even upcoming.
What can you talk about?
Speaker 1 (26:52):
Well, I can talk about.
You're going to be on mypodcast tomorrow, so I'm excited
about that.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
So I've got a shot of inspiration and it's
inspirational stories aboutpeople I've met, their lives,
their businesses, whatever theywant to talk about.
I ask them what they would liketo talk about.
I just find people's stories asinspirational.
So I have that podcast and I'mabout to release a second one
(27:15):
I've been recording for the lasttwo years with a shot of
inspiration.
At the end of a shot ofinspiration I have people
because I found most peoplewanted to talk about their
spirituality.
I actually my second podcast isgoing to be called a spiritual
peace, like piece of the puzzle,or the peace that you feel.
I have both of those names, butmy guests have been on a shot of
(27:39):
inspiration right after I.
If they want to do that podcast, I say say I ask them two
questions Walk us through yourspiritual journey from childhood
to today.
And we've had atheists on there.
We've had agnostic, Buddhist,Mormon, Catholic, Baptist,
everything you can imaginePeople getting to talk about
(28:02):
their spiritual awareness, whatthey've learned.
And then the second question iswhat is your message to the
world?
So people get to share whattheir message would be to the
world around.
That it's interesting becauseso many of my guests from A Shot
of Inspiration.
They really enjoy doing thespiritual piece and we haven't
even released it yet.
I think I've got 80 somethingepisodes recorded on that.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
Oh goodness, that's fantastic man, Awesome work.
I'm definitely excited abouttomorrow, without question.
I can't wait.
I love having good talk withgood people.
So good stuff there.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
The good part tomorrow is I get to talk to you
, I get to hear your story.
Speaker 1 (28:40):
Yeah, I'm instantly uncomfortable with this, but
every time I'm a guest I getlike that it's always a great
review from the host.
They always have great thingsto say it was awesome, it was
powerful.
All these phrases I'm like youdon't know how I feel on the
inside, but I'm glad it alwaysturns out well, so that's a good
thing.
Before I get to our lastquestion of the show, I'm going
(29:03):
to throw this one in becauseit's kind of for me Just
thinking about it though.
But I am re-engaging into theworld of public speaking.
I've done it before.
I didn't realize that that'swhat I was doing.
I feel like I was just doing atask.
I didn't realize I was actuallyin the public speaking realm.
I'm about to engage in it to adifferent level, a more broader
(29:24):
national level.
To engage in it to a differentlevel, a more broader national
level, and I just love for youto speak to me and maybe
somebody else watching andlistening who is thinking about
public speaking.
But they see it dauntingbecause of the bigness of it,
the perception of it.
What do you think the price ofadmission is going to be to be a
public speaker?
Encourage us on that, and thenwe get to our last question, Go
(29:48):
ahead.
Speaker 2 (29:48):
Okay.
Well, the biggest thing is inpublic speaking is get out of
your head, because that's justit.
Everyone is thinking aboutthemselves.
They're really not thinkingabout you.
You're on there for just amoment.
Entertain me, or whatever it is.
Here's the second thing Don'tgive speeches, tell stories, and
(30:09):
so when you tell stories aboutyour life, you're the subject
matter expert.
No one can challenge that and,as you do that, just share.
Be vulnerable.
That's the hard thing, I think,for most speakers is to truly
be vulnerable.
It's interesting I'm trying toget some TEDx talks, but one of
(30:31):
the things it's always abouthere about the science.
But I love to open my heart upand move the audience.
My goal is to have the audiencetouch, moved and inspired, and
I love to see tears at the endof my conversation, not a
standing ovation, but tearsbecause they felt so much
through it.
And that's what I love, becausethat's what people are longing
for, not just this thing outthere, which is great
(30:54):
entertainment they're greattalks but I want to talk where I
open up my heart and I touch,move and inspire people.
So if you're going to be apublic speaker, I encourage you.
Look and see if you want to dothat.
I think it's much moreeffective and you don't have to
memorize a bunch of stuff,because it's your life you get
(31:16):
to talk about.
Speaker 1 (31:18):
I think it's beautiful.
I try to practice on theseshows like this, so hopefully
I'm doing well.
But first off, great to haveyou in here, brother.
For those that have beenwatching this or just joined
kind of late, canonlycom forwardslash Greg hyphen Stevens.
Great way to book your firstcall with Greg.
He's clearly an expert in notonly professional speaking but
(31:40):
also in relationships.
His insights have been gold onthis show today.
Book a free call with him.
There's no catch.
He just wants to help folks.
I've learned that already fromhim.
So countycom forward slashGreg-Stevens.
It's going to be in the shownotes as well as in the comments
section.
You can catch it before we gooff of the air.
(32:01):
But final question for you, manAccess to all of our guests is
always a tough one.
Even though you know in advance, I'm going to ask you.
It's still tough for themsometimes.
But I'm taking everything offof the table.
Your executive coaching, careercommunication consultant, your
working with executives andmaster training, corporate
(32:22):
trainer all those things are offof the table.
What is Greg Stevens mostlikely to be doing with his life
, career, wise, mission orvocation wise?
He's not doing any of thosethings.
What's he doing?
Speaker 2 (32:33):
It's interesting.
As I thought about this, itcame clear I always thought I'd
be a great talent agent.
I know talent when I see it andI love people who are talented.
I love hanging out withmusicians and people who know
how to write and really gettheir thoughts across.
Anyone who can get out therewho's a real talent.
(32:57):
I mean Justin Timberlake.
I think that guy is so talented.
Matthew McConaughey you look atthese people.
It's like who found them?
Well, matthew McConaughey wasfound having drinks at a bar
with a guy when he was here inAustin, texas, and I think
things like that are just soamazing.
I'd like to be someone that gotto go out and find a great
(33:20):
singer or find out a great actoror something like that.
Speaker 1 (33:24):
Man, that sounds amazing.
That's one of the best answersI heard in a while.
I'd love for you, man.
I hope you still desire toadvocate for people, because I
think you'd be really good at it.
You have to decide how thatlooks.
You may not be in the form of atalent agency, but I think, if
you're for a health post, be aconnector for people.
I mean, I think you'd be greatat that.
Speaker 2 (33:44):
Oh, thanks, yeah, I uh, I will say I've had a couple
of people.
When I hear their voice I'mlike you need to do voiceovers.
And actually three of them havetaken my advice and now they're
doing voiceovers full time now.
Speaker 1 (33:58):
Oh, come on, Look at that oh yeah, cause I hear it.
Speaker 2 (34:01):
It's like you need to find an agent, you need to do
this.
Here's the steps Go find it,because I have.
And then people who are greatpoets, writers of songs.
I love the lyrics of songs, soI can tell pretty quick by the
lyrics if someone's a reallygood songwriter.
Speaker 1 (34:18):
Oh wow, that's fantastic, man, Greg.
It's been a pleasure to haveyou on here, man.
This was a fantasticconversation, man.
Any closing thoughts for ourlisteners and viewers before we
sign off.
Speaker 2 (34:27):
Yeah, mr Yu, thank you again for having me.
And if you've got arelationship that you think is
impossible, think again what ifyou had the ability to go do
something?
Because you went and learnedsomething new, you tried
something different, you gotnothing else to lose and you may
have everything to gain.
Oh, man.
Speaker 1 (34:48):
Fantastic stuff, man.
Thank you so much for beinghere, man.
This was insightful.
I learned some stuff.
Hopefully I can be connectedand do some things too that I
know that only community canmake happen for us.
So I'm excited about this timetogether with you, brother, and
for all our listeners andviewers.
Check out gregcanleycom forwardslash greg-stevens and of
course, his show is a shot ofinspiration.
(35:09):
Please check it out.
It's a fantastic listen.
I hope I won't miss the show uptomorrow.
I'm excited about what's goingto take place For you guys
watching and listening.
Thank you again for making thispart of your week.
Greg and Mr Ewer out have agreat day, Thanks.
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