April 30, 2025 • 42 mins
Nick shares his journey from military kid to service member to faith-based coach, revealing how global experiences shaped his view that people matter above all else.
• Growing up as a military dependent, moving internationally and gaining appreciation for diverse cultures
• Formative childhood experience in Peru witnessing extreme poverty that taught him to count his blessings
• Military service triggered by 9/11, serving 11 years active duty including combat deployments
• Distinguishing between healthy patriotism at its core versus misuse for personal gain
• Post-military identity struggles and finding new purpose through faith and community
• Difference between isolation (running from pain) and solitude (purposeful reflection)
• Importance of community for veterans and all men facing life transitions
• Brain health coaching approach that addresses physical brain health alongside mental wellness
• Encouragement for veterans to pursue VA benefits despite tedious processes
• Finding purpose through helping others and building meaningful connections
Find Nick at valorvisioncoaching.com and join his Men of Valor group for accountability, goal-setting, and community.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
All right, so here we go.
Welcome back to one-on-one withMr U.
(00:20):
Of course, I'm your host, mr U,in studio with us.
Nick Filoni, good friend ofmine and the founder of valor
and vision, coaching my brother,how are you?
Speaker 2 (00:29):
today, man, I am great man.
I'm uh extremely thankful to beon here, man same here, brother
, glad to have you on.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
We had some.
We had an awesome uhpre-interview chat and I want
the whole world to hear aboutwhat we were talking about.
Man, but let's kind of starthow we always do it, I guess
let's talk about your upbringingand your childhood.
What was it like for young Nick?
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Young Nick man.
You know I always said like oneof the hardest questions to
ever ask me is where you're from, because I was a military kid.
I moved around everywhere.
I was actually born in Germany,so I can't even read my birth
certificate except for my nameand the date.
So at least I know who I am andwhere I was when I was born.
And but no, it was as good asmy dad's tour in Germany at the
(01:16):
time.
During his time of service hewas in the Army.
West Point grad played footballfor West Point as well.
So big West Point grab playfootball for West Point as well.
So big go, army beat Navy.
And so any of my Army brothersout there are definitely excited
to hear that.
But yeah, good stuff, 27 yearshe did.
So we moved around.
(01:36):
He did not leave the Army untilI was a senior in high school,
so the whole time.
And then I went off to collegeand you know, after living all
over the place, and then Irealized I continuously needed
to have a change of scenery,have a change of place of where
(01:57):
I was at, because it was justthat's what I did.
Every two and a half years Onaverage, you move to a new
location, and so you know goodand bad out of that uh
definitely brought me up in anice way of well-roundedness, of
enjoying people of differentareas, different countries,
different cultures, differentpoints of view.
Uh, and it just it reallyhelped me have a perspective of
(02:20):
loving humanity, if you will, uh, no matter where you're from,
and uh, and enjoying thedifferences that we all get to,
no matter where you're from, andenjoying the differences that
we all get to have, no matterwhere we're at.
Went off to college 9-11happened while I was a sophomore
in college, and that remindedme of the patriotic bone in
which I was born with, and so Ijoined the military myself and
(02:43):
went off into that, as Ienlisted first, then finished
college, then also became anofficer myself and then did 11
years active duty.
Oh wow, thank you for yourservice.
Yeah, that was.
That was young me getting intothat.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
I got some questions about that time.
I moved around a good bit.
It wasn't the same as far asthe international part of it,
but I got some questions for youon here, Some perspective about
that.
But you mentioned about having,I guess, kind of gaining
appreciation for people.
What were your thoughts andassumptions about people in
general or in specifics beforeyou moved around and met people
(03:26):
from different cultures andlifestyles and such?
What were your thoughts andassumptions before that?
Speaker 2 (03:31):
um, I don't know because.
Even so, when I was a young kidI was around three, four years
old this is one of the fewmemories I have of when we were
living in peru and, uh, we livedin a really nice house American
dollar went far back then, itwas, you know, mid eighties at
that point and, uh, we lived inthis nice house and my mom I
(03:53):
remember her coming in and I wasgetting upset because she
started picking up older toysthat I had in my playroom and I
was like those are mine.
I just remember being mad thatshe was taking my stuff.
And she said it's okay, comewith me.
(04:14):
And she grabbed this big bag oftoys I wasn't playing with
anymore and grabbed my hand andtook me outside and went around
the back of the house and aroundthe back of the nice fence and
the backyard that we had andeverything, and right behind
where our house was and I didnot ever notice this until then
where kids living in cardboardboxes and metal huts and just,
you know this, this third worldimage of of this level of
(04:39):
poverty, that these kids didn'thave anything.
But yet, even though theydidn't have anything, they had a
smile on their face and I justremember being in shock as a
three or four year old Right,and just being in shock and
knowing that, oh my gosh, noteverybody has what I have, and I
(05:02):
just shut my mouth and Istarted handing, helping my mom
hand the toys out to other kidsand it and it remember that just
always, just letting me know,count your blessings, appreciate
what you have.
You know and realize that othersdon't always have that and and
we're also, if we're blessed,we're blessed to be a blessing
(05:25):
to others and that's just been.
I think that's been a thoughtof mine all throughout.
So I've never been one of thosepeople that kind of really
looked down on somebody becauseyou didn't have, or you didn't
have the stature of me orwhatever, and I believe that you
could be born in a lower area,but you can grow in in that with
(05:46):
hard work, perseverance, um,dedication, you know, right
mindset, like all those thingsthat we can have that are free.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
It's free to have dedication.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
It's free to have motivation, it's free to do all
those kinds of things and and doall of that.
And, uh, anybody can get better.
Anybody can grow, Anybody cando whatever Um things and and do
all of that.
And, uh, anybody can get better.
Anybody can grow.
Anybody can do whatever Um itmay it's not easy, but you can
do it, and I think that's what'spropelled me into where I'm
even at right now and believingin people, Um, you know, and
(06:18):
then, even with my faith now, Isay I believe in you and I don't
even need to know you, becauseI know who made you.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
That's good man.
So that location you weretalking about with the kids that
were living like that, wherewas that at?
Again?
Speaker 2 (06:30):
That was in Peru, right outside of Lima, peru, the
capital of Peru, down there,okay.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
I want to talk about a few things.
Thanks for sharing that story.
That's a showstopper rightthere, wow Okay.
That's a showstopper rightthere, wow Okay.
But when you hear the wordpatriotism these days, what's
the first thing that comes tomind?
Because a lot of times it'sused in certain circles.
It's almost used as a point ofleverage or as a tool to achieve
(06:57):
a certain end, as opposed towhat I think.
You see it, I heard my dad talkabout it when he was in the
military.
It had a different ring to itthan what I hear right now.
When you hear patriotism,what's that speak to you?
What's the first thing thatcomes to mind?
Speaker 2 (07:29):
core I believe is good.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
Okay, at its core, I believe it's good am I saying
that america has always done theright thing?
Absolutely not.
I mean, if you know, we can'tsay.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
We can't say that, sir, no, we can't, we can't we
can't say that, but I believe,at the core of what it was
initially meant to be as acountry, that it's a good thing,
right it, uh.
And so patriotism is believingin the core of what something is
wanting to promote it, help itgrow it, defend it.
(07:57):
All of those things.
I love that.
I love that.
Have people done bad thingswith good things?
Absolutely, uh, and that'sunfortunate and we need to call
those things out.
We need to say against thosethings.
But at the core, do you believethis is a good thing in here to
help people to grow people, tomotivate people, to defend
(08:17):
people?
That's what.
That's what I believepatriotism is.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
I love that.
I love that.
One thing I'm trying to get offtopic here because I got some
other stuff on my mind as well,but it's kind of tragic when
somebody goes through somethings and don't it doesn't
learn anything from it, andthat's something I see that very
, very often in certain circles.
You moved around a lot, livesin different places, was
(08:45):
acquainted with differentcultures.
Tell me what's two huge lifelessons you learned from all
that time of moving around andmeeting different people and
experiencing different culturesand life and people.
What's two huge life lessons tome that you pulled from that
that you can share with us?
Speaker 2 (09:03):
People matter, people matter, people matter, people
are, matter, people.
Everything you can say, well, Ido this for the greater of the
organization.
Well, an organization isnothing without its people.
That's, that's the truth.
You know.
What I mean, like on all ourorganization is is the
conglomerate of people goingafter a specific goal or task or
(09:23):
vision.
That's what an organization isNow.
Is it run this way, does it?
You know, a company goes afterand produces a product and the
people together that produce,manufacture, distribute, sell,
support that product, that isjust a group of people going
after a vision of having thatgreat company.
(09:44):
You know, whatever the case maybe, um, non-profit, same thing,
uh, any of any organization,it's all about people.
You can add ai and all thiskind of stuff, but still at the
back, the, at the button of ai,is still a person.
There's still a personoperating ai.
Ai has has not become, as faras I understand, and I hope it
(10:06):
doesn't become self-aware, andthen we're in a Terminator 2
kind of scenario.
Yeah, the AI robot era.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
Right, you know what?
Speaker 2 (10:15):
I mean, but ultimately it's about people,
and people matter.
People are that's what it's allabout and so you have to care
for them and you have to leadthem.
Well, if you're called to be aleader, if you're called to be a
follower, follow're brought upin.
People still drive towards goodleadership people that care for
(10:48):
them and people that know thatothers have their best interest
for them, no matter what.
Like that's kind of universalas some of the things that I've
learned.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
Okay, I love that, and we talked a lot about your
military service.
I kind of shared a little bitabout my pop experience that we
can get into some more details.
But you talked a lot about yourmilitary service.
I kind of shared a little bitabout my pop experience that we
can get into some more details.
But you talked a lot about yourmilitary time and identity.
So I want to ask you thisbefore you start sharing the
story your time in combat, yourtwo tours to Iraq and everything
(11:19):
and 11 years active Do youbelieve it's possible to have
long military service and comeout with no impact on identity?
Because there's obviously astigma about the military itself
that I hear coming out ofpeople's mouths my mother she
was not a fan.
The very idea of me going intothe military was she fought that
(11:42):
tooth and nail.
I think I understand why, morenow in my latter years than I
did at the time.
But do you believe it'spossible to have a long term
military service and not have animpact on your identity?
Because we talk about how weget built up to get broken down.
Help us out with that one.
Speak to that for us.
Speaker 2 (12:04):
Military or anything we talked about.
You know if you're, who you areand how you act and behave, and
all of those kinds of traits.
When you're 18 to when you're40, whether you're in military
or not, you were changed.
You're not as a 40 year old.
I hope you're not the exactsame person as you were as an
18-year-old.
(12:24):
I hope not, right?
I hope not.
I don't think you or I or manypeople would be doing what
they're doing if they were stillacting as if they were 18.
So life has a way of shaping us, molding us, and all of that
through the experiences that wehave.
And, of course, the military isno different, and you're going
(12:45):
to have immense experiences.
You're going to have immenseand intense times in there, by
design, because the military isdesigned to be the instrument of
defense for the nation, right,and so we have to be built to do
(13:06):
exactly that for the nation.
There's military is not anonprofit organization to to
hand out teddy bears, right.
Uh, military is there to makesure that, um, we are protected
and our freedoms are maintained.
That's ultimately what it'sthere for, and so the job of
doing that is.
That's why what happens atbasic training and other
(13:31):
military courses throughout yourtime.
They operate in a certain wayof tearing you down, making sure
you get rid of almost allhabits good or bad, right and
building you back up with properway of acting, um, motivating
you to uh instill certaincharacteristics in you that make
(13:53):
you function properly to doexactly the job that you signed
up to do within the organizationof the military.
You know um, and every one ofthem different.
If you went in as a mechanic,of course you're going to get uh
more detailed training on howto be a mechanic, how to take
care of the trucks and theHumvees and all the other
different equipment that we have.
(14:13):
Uh.
If you came in to be aninfantry soldier, absolutely
You're going to be gettinginfantry soldier training, uh,
and all of that, and that'sgoing to have an impact on you.
And then there's some basicstuff that military has,
regardless of what you did Be ontime, be courteous.
You know customs and courtesy,standing at attention.
You know all of these differentthings saluting yes sir, no sir
(14:36):
.
You know proper etiquette andrespect rank structure.
You know respecting authorityand also how to exude authority
when you have it as wellleadership, all of those
capabilities, and so of courseit's going to change you.
It's going to impact you, um,and the question is how do you
wield it?
(14:56):
Do you wield it with respecttowards others or do you wield
it for your own gain?
That's the common.
That's the problem is are you aveteran that takes those things
for your own purposes and yourown gain and your own notoriety,
or are you doing it for thebetterment of your soldiers
around you and other peoplearound you for a good reason and
(15:18):
to help others Makes sense?
Speaker 1 (15:21):
One final question about your time in service,
because I know that you'vedefinitely tried to still
maintain some of the disciplinesof being a soldier, but you're
kind of a woman in a differentway these days.
But one final question I wantyou to speak to our listeners
and viewers who may be ponderingthe idea of going into the
(15:43):
military.
What would you say to somebodywho's considering enlisting and
serving in a combat unit?
I know that I can trust youthat you're not going to try to
glamorize it and make it intosomething that is really not in
reality.
Speak to those people who maybe considering that.
Tell them what you experienced,tell them what you saw, what
you felt, what you even advisedsomebody who's on the other side
(16:05):
of it now, who's come out of itrelatively good my pops, he
didn't come out of it relativelygood, so he can't even speak to
us now, but you can.
You're here, so kind of.
Speak to those people who maybe thinking about enlisting and
serving in the combat unit.
What would you say to them?
What kind of advice would yougive?
Speaker 2 (16:23):
It's, it's both glamorized and it is also, um,
extremely difficult.
Okay, it's uh, it's bothrewarding, as it is traumatizing
.
It's, uh, it's all of it Right.
And if you do actually getdeployed and to put your the
(16:46):
skills that you were trained andtaught, uh, to use in an actual
combat scenario, uh, it can berough, but, on another end, is
it rewarding Absolutely, it'sboth.
Is it uh, difficult?
And um, am I going to say thateveryone comes out of it Perfect
(17:10):
and squeaky, clean and awesome?
And just this walking, uh,captain America hero?
Absolutely not.
Um, captain America hero?
Absolutely not.
And even the guys that,quote-unquote, look that way on
their social medias and all thatsome of the veterans that we've
seen that are a little bit morewell-known as far as their name
(17:30):
because they have podcasts andall these kinds of things they
openly talk about that.
They still deal with struggles,of what they went through and
the experiences that they've had.
But it's the same kind of thingif you're a police officer, if
you're a firefighter, if you'reeven an emt or any, any of those
that are doing domesticgoodness and serving and that's
(17:51):
part of the whole idea ofserving it's.
It's not a waiter at applebee's, you're serving in a in a
capacity.
That is absolutely somethingthat humanity needs when, uh,
when it's unfortunately neededright.
Paramedics come in and they goto an unfortunate scenario to
(18:14):
hopefully make it better.
Police officers show up on ascenario to hopefully make it
better.
Right.
Firefighters come to hopefullymake it better.
Police officers show up on ascenario to hopefully make it
better.
Right.
Firefighters come to hopefullyput out the problem and make it
better.
Right.
That's.
That's the overall core.
Again, just like patriotism, wetalk about what the core is.
That's the core of what all ofthese jobs are meant to do.
Will there be problems andpotential things and impacts on
(18:40):
us as people?
Yes, and so we talk about PTSD.
We do all these things.
But just as you came in and youdidn't fight a combat scenario
by yourself, you didn't go fighta fire by yourself.
Have backup and have theirbrothers in the blue that come
(19:00):
and help each other out uhparamedics and emts and doctors
and all of them, they don't workby themselves.
Don't do life after those jobsby yourself.
You know, in the military, whenyou exit dd214, that's a common
uh form that just says, hey,it's the completion and the
record of your service.
It is not a license for you todo life alone the moment you
(19:26):
leave.
It doesn't mean now you're onyour own.
It just means you need to finda new group of guys, of ladies,
of comrades, to circle aroundyourself and continue to do life
as a group.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
I want to come back to that too, but thank you for
the transparency there and theperspective.
Life as a group I want to comeback to that too, but thank you
for the transparency there andthe perspective.
I definitely appreciate that.
Shaquille's in the house.
Good chat, shaquille.
Thanks for watching andlistening.
Appreciate you so much and forsupporting the channel too.
Definitely appreciate that aswell.
If you have any questions orcomments for Nick, please drop
them in a quick chat.
Drop them in a live chat.
(19:58):
Definitely.
Questions or comments for Nick?
Please drop them in a quickchat.
Drop them in a live chat.
Definitely appreciate that.
And Nick, you're going to servein many different ways.
We talked about that a lotduring our pre-interview chat
what made you decide to startcoaching and what brought about
Valorant Vision.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
So when I got out of the military, I myself struggled
with who am I with um, who am I?
Okay?
I come with this idea thatanybody that was in any kind of
service military, fire, police,emt, doctors, right, you all, we
all put on some sort of uniform, a coat, a jacket, boots, hat,
(20:32):
something that says I do this.
And when others look at theyknow I'm in the military or I'm
in the, I'm a firefighter, I'm apolice officer, I'm a whatever.
In a subconscious way you putyour identity on.
Yeah, you wore it, and thenit's time to take that off.
(20:54):
And then now it's permanentlytaken off.
It's like I don't put that onit and yeah, I didn't need the
uniform to tell me who I am.
But there's a level of who am Ioutside of the organization now
that I'm not dressed in that?
and now I get to go to americaneagle or wherever to buy clothes
(21:17):
and all that kind of stuff.
That was the whole deal.
I'm not a stylist type dude.
I'm not like, oh man, all aboutstyle.
So I have no idea.
Speaker 1 (21:26):
I know that's right.
Speaker 2 (21:28):
She's like someday she's like, oh, that's a good
job.
And then other days she's likeI don't know what you thinking.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
Let her go to the store rather than go to American
Eagle by yourself.
This is let her go to the storerather than go to american
eagle by yourself.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
This is not.
Yeah, no, we're going to bedoing.
No, I um go with a friend thatknows what they're what was, but
but ultimately you lied in hereyeah, and uh, a couple years
later my wife and I were havingour first son and he came out
and then we got a house wherewe're outside of Philadelphia
and Southern New Jersey here and, um, I said, you know, I have
(22:04):
this feeling, I really want usto go to church with our
children.
You know, I want not just me,but I want another entity
basically to help with moralityfor my children.
Um, I don't want to be the onlysource.
And then I know society is notdoing the right thing and so we
started going to church.
And then that's when God reallysnatched me up, okay, and to
(22:31):
the point where I felt the calllater and I went, went to
seminary through Libertyuniversity and got a master's in
theology and it's kind ofredirected my course towards,
you know, christian leadership.
I worked for a church for twoyears at a new church now as the
(22:54):
men's director there, and soI've always had this belief that
people can be better and Istarted really learning and
understanding that I have kindof like a gift to be able to sit
down, work with people, helpthem, motivate them, encourage
them.
Uh, let them know that, hey,it's okay, we mess up, we can,
(23:14):
we can stand back up and we canmove forward and we can still do
better today, like let's dosomething today that tomorrow is
going to thank us for, you knowokay um, and so that's where
coaching kind of came in.
I had another veteran, a friendof mine, that is a counselor in
family life and marriagecounselor and he's like, brother
(23:35):
man, you, you sit down withpeople like like I've never seen
you're.
You, you sit down with peoplelike like I've never seen,
you're just really good withlike connecting with people.
Um, and I really attribute alot of my upbringing and
everything to having a lot ofthat Um, but God's just wired me
that way and I just he's justpromoted me for a couple of
years.
Amen.
I think coaching is a greatdirection for you because you're
(23:57):
great at helping peoplerecognize where they're at and
moving them forward.
And that's the biggestdifference between coaching and
counseling and therapy and allof that oh, you, betcha.
Counseling therapy, all of thatis looking backwards, at the
issues and traumas and problemsand maybe psychological issues
or whatever that's holding youback from moving forward,
psychological issues or whateverthat's holding you back from
moving forward.
(24:17):
And once we get to a healthyplace to go forward, that's
where coaching comes in is hey,we're here, what are the goals,
what are the action steps?
Let's go forward, let'saccomplish things, let's kick
butt at life, you know.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
I love it.
I love it.
There were a lot of things thatwe talked about, man.
I want to try to get as much aspossible, but we are up against
the clock.
We're going to move a littlebit more expeditiously.
I think some of this stuff isreally really good.
I don't want it to be left onthe table.
This is some really good stuff,especially for the brothers
that are watching and listeningtoday.
I think they'll get a lot outof this.
(24:55):
We talked earlier about goingthrough things and not learning
anything.
What would you say afterreturning from a long term of
service?
What would you say is the onething that was the best for you
to leave behind?
Because sometimes we don'talways have a good understanding
of we move on and we don'trealize that we're dragging a
whole bunch of baggage with ustoo, and we don't have to let it
(25:17):
go because it's like you said,it's a part of our identity.
What was the one thing youcould think of, if anything
comes to mind, that was the bestthing for you to leave behind
you after you left service andmoved into, I guess, the realm
of the civilian?
What was the best thing youleft behind, or the one thing
you had.
That was the best for you toleave behind.
Speaker 2 (25:37):
Okay, best thing to leave behind.
I would probably really kind ofgo with.
You need to analyze and go.
What were healthy traits andhabits and what are toxic ones?
What were the coping mechanismsthat are not going to help me
move forward in my life andaccomplish the goals that I need
to do?
And unfortunately, with thestressors of the military,
(26:01):
sometimes we fall into unhealthycoping mechanisms.
You know, which can be habitsor even turn into addictions and
those things get help.
Make sure that you leave thatbehind, Let it go, and if you're
doing any of those because ofunforgiveness, we need to
forgive.
We need to forgive.
(26:22):
That's good.
Speaker 1 (26:23):
I like that.
You talked about community andI feel like that's a really big
part of your journey.
It's definitely a big part ofmine and you and I connected on
that in our previous discussions.
Did you think it was easy inhindsight to locate a positive
community and to, I guess,really engage it fully?
(26:47):
I know, as men just take themilitary part out of it, just
the men part, we struggle.
Men have a bad rap out here inthe world.
People don't realize what wedeal with as a man, but one
thing we struggle with is thewillingness to connect with
other men.
Did you find it easy to locatea positive community?
(27:10):
How did you?
Did you engage that?
Well, try to answer thatbriefly as much as you can.
I got, I got more questions foryou, but how'd you, how'd you
handle finding that community?
And then you know, engaging itfully?
Speaker 2 (27:21):
Real quick answer is no, it was not easy.
No, it's not easy.
Um, it does take some effortbecause it's not like the
military or any of these whereyou're just put into a circle of
guys that are organic right.
A lot of times in our adultlife it's now your, your closest
friends, are really who youwork with because you see them
(27:42):
so often.
It's just, you know, friendshipor community by proximity is
really kind of how that works,and in all reality it's tough.
Now, thank the Lord in a certainway or to a degree, for social
media and things like that, andI'm able to keep up with friends
that have gone to manydifferent states and are doing
different things.
(28:03):
And I'm able to keep up withfriends that have gone to many
different states and are doingdifferent things, but it's kind
of hard for my buddy that'ssitting in Arizona for me to sit
down and, you know, have a mealwith him and a good chat.
You know I miss that.
There's something about humanproximity of literally sitting
(28:31):
in the same room together.
That is much, much differentthan anything that is trying to
supplement that.
Uh, and so really what's helpedme honestly was where do healthy
people or people that aretrying to be healthy at least.
Uh, cause, we're not allperfect right.
Nobody's perfect Right.
Where are they congregating?
And for me, it just became kindof clearly for me, to grow in
my faith, I need to be aroundother people that are growing in
their faith too, and that hashelped me tremendously with, you
(28:52):
know, trying to be the bestthat I can be throughout my life
.
That's really good man.
Speaker 1 (28:57):
I like that.
Community is a big deal, excuseme, sir, big deal, excuse me,
sir.
And also the importance offamily, especially in your
specific situation.
Uh, you can briefly share aboutyour family life, but what I
want to know, kind of more thanthat, is how specifically has
your family been supportive ofyou?
It's one, it's one thing.
(29:17):
I don't want to use tv andcinema to kind of tell me how
that looks.
I, I got a real life person whohas gone through hard things,
especially in this time ofservice, and now you're on the
other side of it.
What, what?
Uh, I'm trying to find theright way to answer, to ask this
question how specific, is yourfamily supportive of you?
I don't mean in my family.
(29:37):
I love them.
I, it's obvious.
I mean, I mean, what are the?
What do they have to do?
What I mean it's obvious.
I mean I mean, what are the?
What do they have to do?
What do they have to understandabout what you dealt with?
What kind of is it like?
A?
Is it that safeguards in placethat they know?
You know what dad is triggeredby a thing.
We need to help him here.
We need to do this right away.
Did that make sense, right?
Speaker 2 (29:56):
If you can help me with that, please, it does.
And I think that that was astruggle for my dad a little bit
At first, when I was in themilitary.
Of course, that's easy, right,he fully can identify gave me
tips.
Hey, man, this is what you needto do.
This is how you need toapproach the scenario.
Things like that was definitelya mentor throughout my military
(30:18):
time, but that was it.
And then after that, when itstarted going into seminary,
going to everything else, my dadwas like what, um?
Now, he wasn't against it, buthe just didn't know.
He's like this is not an area Ican mentor you through.
This is something I can justsay I support you, I love you,
(30:38):
I'm proud of you for followingthe calling on your life, um,
and that's.
I'm proud of you for followingthe calling on your life, and
that's it.
You know there's that.
I'm here for you.
And if you want to talk aboutsomething and I would say it's
(30:59):
gotten to a point now with youknow, having a degree in
theology and all of that Now myparents even actually start
coming to me about withreligious questions and growing
in their relationship with godand all that kind of stuff, and
at a point I got to baptize myown mom, and so that's amazing.
It is really cool that's reallycool.
so, um, it's just that love andsupport you know really, of just
being there for you and youknow that's it.
Speaker 1 (31:23):
Okay, no, no worries there.
You mentioned something calledbrain health coaching.
Can you briefly get into that?
What is brain health coachingand how does this apply to what
you're doing?
Speaker 2 (31:34):
Yeah, so I'm still in the middle of that class right
now as I'm growing in it.
It's a Dr Amen.
He has brain health clinicsactually across the United
States.
I know there's one in Miami,there's one in New York, I think
there's one in Denver, there'sa handful of them and he's the
(31:54):
one teaching this course and itreally kind of goes into the
actual health of the organ ofour brain, like the actual organ
itself.
Right, we can talk about, youknow, positive thinking and
affirmations and all these kindsof things, and he's shown
through brain scans thatactually those do have physical
(32:14):
good properties to the organthat is our brain.
And then how to and we canactually heal from physical
trauma that has happened, Likeif you've ever had a head injury
, hurt yourself in sports, anyof those kinds of things really
big on like hey, those thingscan heal through different types
of therapy lifestyle, diet,exercise, supplements.
(32:38):
He's really big on omega threes.
He's really big on omega-3s.
Omega-3s are huge for our brainand they can really help with
some personality issues andthings like that Definitely
really goes into a lot of ADDand how to really help with how
those work.
Speaker 1 (32:55):
Okay, I love this All right.
So one thing that is another.
I guess it'd be my last men'sissue type question thing.
That is another uh, I guessit'd be my last men's issue type
question, and that is about the, the destructive power of
isolation, if you will.
Oh yeah, I know I'm asking youto be brief because I got a few
more questions for you and theclock is against us.
(33:16):
But what would you say tosomebody who has become real
comfortable being in isolation?
If they're listening andwatching right now, what would
you say to them to encouragethem to find a different path,
if you will?
Speaker 2 (33:35):
We have two words we have isolation and we have
solitude right.
And what is the difference?
And we need to make sure that wedefine those two well, so then
we can identify the behavior inwhich we're doing.
If we are isolating, we arerunning from fear, we are
running from trauma, we'rerunning from anxiety, we're
running from whatever it is thatmakes us uncomfortable and we
(33:57):
think that being by ourselvesmakes us comfortable.
In all reality, it allows morefor our own negative thoughts to
start trying to take over, evenmore so, and then we keep
running and more isolation, andit just becomes an ugly cycle.
There's no real purpose otherthan just seeking comfort when
(34:18):
there really is not much comfortto be had in that there really
is not much comfort to be had inthat.
But in reverse, we're scared tocome out and talk to people
about and we think that we'realone in whatever.
The problem is that we're goinginto isolation over Solitude is
healthy.
That's where you're going in toa time of your of alone with a
(34:41):
purpose.
You're going to sit in thepresence of God.
You're going to reflect on howyou are and what's going on in
your life.
You're reflecting on how yourbehavior is towards situations
that have gone on, positive andnegative.
You're trying to seek wisdom.
You're trying to seek clarityin a situation.
You're trying to come to apoint where it's like there's
(35:04):
purpose driven in solitude, andso nothing wrong with being
alone.
But why are we running or arewe seeking and that's the
biggest difference right there?
And if we are running, run tosomebody, I'm telling you, more
people can identify with theproblems you're dealing with
(35:26):
then you know, seek help andpeople actually care.
If you actually bring it up.
The fact that you don't bringit up and you just think people
don't care, that's what'shurting you that's powerful.
Speaker 1 (35:39):
Yeah, that's powerful .
We talked, talked about that alittle bit because I think some
of your story it just resonatedand maybe just bring up some
good and some not so goodmemories about his life and his
health, post-military.
Now that you're on the otherside of things, are there any
opportunities for veterans nowthat you see you could advise or
(36:05):
want or speak to now?
Speaker 2 (36:07):
Opportunities for veterans.
I mean, one of the biggestthings I promote is absolutely I
know it's painful, I know it'sannoying and I know it's tedious
and you have to have patience,which veterans dealing with PTSD
don't have, because that's oneof the symptoms of PTSD is a
lack of patience.
Go to the VA and get your stuff.
You know you have to dig, youhave to understand what benefits
(36:31):
do you qualify for and go afterthem and get them.
Does it take maybe six monthsto a year to get it, or even
longer in some cases?
Yes, but those are for life.
So that year to two years is ablip on the map when it comes to
the rest of your life.
Do not negate those things,because really all you're doing
(36:51):
is just hurting yourself.
Number two get help if you needit, in whatever area it is, or
maybe it's just simple enough asget in community.
We have plenty of organizationsout there and groups and I see
so many guys on differentplatforms like TikTok and
(37:12):
Instagram and all thesedifferent things that are also
building smaller communities forveterans to come and check in
with each other.
Help each other.
Maybe it's even just just havea regular conversation about
what's going on in the day ortalk about sports and talk about
how the giants are doing, causeI know you're a big fan.
I can see it in the background.
(37:32):
Oh, don't go there.
Speaker 1 (37:35):
We don't have time.
We don't have time for that.
Speaker 2 (37:38):
No, but it's one of those things like getting a,
getting a group where a bunch ofguys if you're a sports guy, go
talk with other sports guys butthen when the conversation of
sports is kind of drying down,go hey, man, you know I'm
actually not doing too good inmy life.
And one of the other things is,you know, just turn around, say
you know what I got areas Istruggle to and you just start
(38:02):
opening up a conversation.
That can be absolutely healing.
Speaker 1 (38:07):
I love that.
Well, we're about out of time.
Now I want to ask you one finalquestion, and I have you all,
the listeners and viewers.
No way you can find all of yourwork in your coaching, in your
website and such.
I put you in advance becausethis is always a tough question
for folks In the military whatis Nick doing today?
Speaker 2 (38:31):
What is Nick doing today?
Speaker 1 (38:34):
No military no B&B coaching.
What are you doing as a career,as a long-term plan?
What are you doing?
A career as a long-term plan?
What are you doing?
Speaker 2 (38:45):
What I'm doing is one .
I'm just following where theLord is leading me.
Speaker 1 (38:53):
You ain't getting out of it that easy Buster.
I know I need to have a career.
Come on man.
Speaker 2 (39:02):
It's tough man, but it's got to be where I'm helping
people.
Maybe it's where I would gointo full-blown counseling, or I
would instead of being in themilitary.
I would have been a policeofficer or a firefighter, but I
want to help people.
I want to help people.
I want to make sure that peopleare taken care of.
(39:23):
You know, I want to help people.
I want to make sure that peopleare taken care of and I and I
want to infuse the belief intopeople that you can rise out of
whatever terrible situation oror funk that you think you're in
that's awesome, man, and I'llbe.
Speaker 1 (39:37):
I'll be honest.
No, I I host a lot of people,but this was a pleasure to meet
you, man, and get to know you.
I know we're going to stay intouch for several reasons that
we talked about online, but,yeah, I'm excited about people
hearing more of your story andengaging with valor and vision
coaching man.
Speaker 2 (39:52):
Tell me about where you can find your work at man,
and we'll go ahead and sign offthen after that yeah, so valor
vision coachingcom uh, rightthere I have the links for all
my other stuff on TikTok,instagram and all of those
socials as well, and we can doone on one coaching.
I have a group of community ofmen called Men of Valor.
(40:13):
You can be a part of there.
It's we check in once a weekand on top of it, we start
working on what are the goalsthat we need to go after and
making steps to accomplish thoseand holding each other
accountable and just uh, andbeing positive and believing
that we can win at life, and so,um, I love it.
I wish I could join that group.
Speaker 1 (40:32):
that'd be great you can, you absolutely can come on,
all right.
So we we're talking aboutoffline.
I want to go ahead and sign off, but thank you, nick, for this
time.
Brother, this was, this wasfantastic.
Speaker 2 (40:40):
Thank you, mr Yu.
I'm excited, thank you.
Speaker 1 (40:43):
Hope everybody heard your story and, if not, engaged
you offline and hear more ofyour story, could definitely be
more story to be told, but thiswas fantastic, man.
Thanks to everybody listeningand viewing today.
Hope you're having a great dayand you enjoyed this episode.
Please share it and please subus on our YouTube channel
youtubecom they call me Mr U.
Please hit the sub button.
It'll help us out a lot withputting out more quality content
(41:05):
like this.
So we thank you very much.
Have a great day, guys.
Nick and Mr U are out.
We'll see you next time.
All right, so here we go.
Welcome back to one-on-one withMr U.
(00:20):
Of course, I'm your host, mr U,in studio with us.
Nick Filoni, good friend ofmine and the founder of valor
and vision, coaching my brother,how are you?
Speaker 2 (00:29):
today, man, I am great man.
I'm uh extremely thankful to beon here, man same here, brother
, glad to have you on.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
We had some.
We had an awesome uhpre-interview chat and I want
the whole world to hear aboutwhat we were talking about.
Man, but let's kind of starthow we always do it, I guess
let's talk about your upbringingand your childhood.
What was it like for young Nick?
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Young Nick man.
You know I always said like oneof the hardest questions to
ever ask me is where you're from, because I was a military kid.
I moved around everywhere.
I was actually born in Germany,so I can't even read my birth
certificate except for my nameand the date.
So at least I know who I am andwhere I was when I was born.
And but no, it was as good asmy dad's tour in Germany at the
(01:16):
time.
During his time of service hewas in the Army.
West Point grad played footballfor West Point as well.
So big West Point grab playfootball for West Point as well.
So big go, army beat Navy.
And so any of my Army brothersout there are definitely excited
to hear that.
But yeah, good stuff, 27 yearshe did.
So we moved around.
(01:36):
He did not leave the Army untilI was a senior in high school,
so the whole time.
And then I went off to collegeand you know, after living all
over the place, and then Irealized I continuously needed
to have a change of scenery,have a change of place of where
(01:57):
I was at, because it was justthat's what I did.
Every two and a half years Onaverage, you move to a new
location, and so you know goodand bad out of that uh
definitely brought me up in anice way of well-roundedness, of
enjoying people of differentareas, different countries,
different cultures, differentpoints of view.
Uh, and it just it reallyhelped me have a perspective of
(02:20):
loving humanity, if you will, uh, no matter where you're from,
and uh, and enjoying thedifferences that we all get to,
no matter where you're from, andenjoying the differences that
we all get to have, no matterwhere we're at.
Went off to college 9-11happened while I was a sophomore
in college, and that remindedme of the patriotic bone in
which I was born with, and so Ijoined the military myself and
(02:43):
went off into that, as Ienlisted first, then finished
college, then also became anofficer myself and then did 11
years active duty.
Oh wow, thank you for yourservice.
Yeah, that was.
That was young me getting intothat.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
I got some questions about that time.
I moved around a good bit.
It wasn't the same as far asthe international part of it,
but I got some questions for youon here, Some perspective about
that.
But you mentioned about having,I guess, kind of gaining
appreciation for people.
What were your thoughts andassumptions about people in
general or in specifics beforeyou moved around and met people
(03:26):
from different cultures andlifestyles and such?
What were your thoughts andassumptions before that?
Speaker 2 (03:31):
um, I don't know because.
Even so, when I was a young kidI was around three, four years
old this is one of the fewmemories I have of when we were
living in peru and, uh, we livedin a really nice house American
dollar went far back then, itwas, you know, mid eighties at
that point and, uh, we lived inthis nice house and my mom I
(03:53):
remember her coming in and I wasgetting upset because she
started picking up older toysthat I had in my playroom and I
was like those are mine.
I just remember being mad thatshe was taking my stuff.
And she said it's okay, comewith me.
(04:14):
And she grabbed this big bag oftoys I wasn't playing with
anymore and grabbed my hand andtook me outside and went around
the back of the house and aroundthe back of the nice fence and
the backyard that we had andeverything, and right behind
where our house was and I didnot ever notice this until then
where kids living in cardboardboxes and metal huts and just,
you know this, this third worldimage of of this level of
(04:39):
poverty, that these kids didn'thave anything.
But yet, even though theydidn't have anything, they had a
smile on their face and I justremember being in shock as a
three or four year old Right,and just being in shock and
knowing that, oh my gosh, noteverybody has what I have, and I
(05:02):
just shut my mouth and Istarted handing, helping my mom
hand the toys out to other kidsand it and it remember that just
always, just letting me know,count your blessings, appreciate
what you have.
You know and realize that othersdon't always have that and and
we're also, if we're blessed,we're blessed to be a blessing
(05:25):
to others and that's just been.
I think that's been a thoughtof mine all throughout.
So I've never been one of thosepeople that kind of really
looked down on somebody becauseyou didn't have, or you didn't
have the stature of me orwhatever, and I believe that you
could be born in a lower area,but you can grow in in that with
(05:46):
hard work, perseverance, um,dedication, you know, right
mindset, like all those thingsthat we can have that are free.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
It's free to have dedication.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
It's free to have motivation, it's free to do all
those kinds of things and and doall of that.
And, uh, anybody can get better.
Anybody can grow, Anybody cando whatever Um things and and do
all of that.
And, uh, anybody can get better.
Anybody can grow.
Anybody can do whatever Um itmay it's not easy, but you can
do it, and I think that's what'spropelled me into where I'm
even at right now and believingin people, Um, you know, and
(06:18):
then, even with my faith now, Isay I believe in you and I don't
even need to know you, becauseI know who made you.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
That's good man.
So that location you weretalking about with the kids that
were living like that, wherewas that at?
Again?
Speaker 2 (06:30):
That was in Peru, right outside of Lima, peru, the
capital of Peru, down there,okay.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
I want to talk about a few things.
Thanks for sharing that story.
That's a showstopper rightthere, wow Okay.
That's a showstopper rightthere, wow Okay.
But when you hear the wordpatriotism these days, what's
the first thing that comes tomind?
Because a lot of times it'sused in certain circles.
It's almost used as a point ofleverage or as a tool to achieve
(06:57):
a certain end, as opposed towhat I think.
You see it, I heard my dad talkabout it when he was in the
military.
It had a different ring to itthan what I hear right now.
When you hear patriotism,what's that speak to you?
What's the first thing thatcomes to mind?
Speaker 2 (07:29):
core I believe is good.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
Okay, at its core, I believe it's good am I saying
that america has always done theright thing?
Absolutely not.
I mean, if you know, we can'tsay.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
We can't say that, sir, no, we can't, we can't we
can't say that, but I believe,at the core of what it was
initially meant to be as acountry, that it's a good thing,
right it, uh.
And so patriotism is believingin the core of what something is
wanting to promote it, help itgrow it, defend it.
(07:57):
All of those things.
I love that.
I love that.
Have people done bad thingswith good things?
Absolutely, uh, and that'sunfortunate and we need to call
those things out.
We need to say against thosethings.
But at the core, do you believethis is a good thing in here to
help people to grow people, tomotivate people, to defend
(08:17):
people?
That's what.
That's what I believepatriotism is.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
I love that.
I love that.
One thing I'm trying to get offtopic here because I got some
other stuff on my mind as well,but it's kind of tragic when
somebody goes through somethings and don't it doesn't
learn anything from it, andthat's something I see that very
, very often in certain circles.
You moved around a lot, livesin different places, was
(08:45):
acquainted with differentcultures.
Tell me what's two huge lifelessons you learned from all
that time of moving around andmeeting different people and
experiencing different culturesand life and people.
What's two huge life lessons tome that you pulled from that
that you can share with us?
Speaker 2 (09:03):
People matter, people matter, people matter, people
are, matter, people.
Everything you can say, well, Ido this for the greater of the
organization.
Well, an organization isnothing without its people.
That's, that's the truth.
You know.
What I mean, like on all ourorganization is is the
conglomerate of people goingafter a specific goal or task or
(09:23):
vision.
That's what an organization isNow.
Is it run this way, does it?
You know, a company goes afterand produces a product and the
people together that produce,manufacture, distribute, sell,
support that product, that isjust a group of people going
after a vision of having thatgreat company.
(09:44):
You know, whatever the case maybe, um, non-profit, same thing,
uh, any of any organization,it's all about people.
You can add ai and all thiskind of stuff, but still at the
back, the, at the button of ai,is still a person.
There's still a personoperating ai.
Ai has has not become, as faras I understand, and I hope it
(10:06):
doesn't become self-aware, andthen we're in a Terminator 2
kind of scenario.
Yeah, the AI robot era.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
Right, you know what?
Speaker 2 (10:15):
I mean, but ultimately it's about people,
and people matter.
People are that's what it's allabout and so you have to care
for them and you have to leadthem.
Well, if you're called to be aleader, if you're called to be a
follower, follow're brought upin.
People still drive towards goodleadership people that care for
(10:48):
them and people that know thatothers have their best interest
for them, no matter what.
Like that's kind of universalas some of the things that I've
learned.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
Okay, I love that, and we talked a lot about your
military service.
I kind of shared a little bitabout my pop experience that we
can get into some more details.
But you talked a lot about yourmilitary service.
I kind of shared a little bitabout my pop experience that we
can get into some more details.
But you talked a lot about yourmilitary time and identity.
So I want to ask you thisbefore you start sharing the
story your time in combat, yourtwo tours to Iraq and everything
(11:19):
and 11 years active Do youbelieve it's possible to have
long military service and comeout with no impact on identity?
Because there's obviously astigma about the military itself
that I hear coming out ofpeople's mouths my mother she
was not a fan.
The very idea of me going intothe military was she fought that
(11:42):
tooth and nail.
I think I understand why, morenow in my latter years than I
did at the time.
But do you believe it'spossible to have a long term
military service and not have animpact on your identity?
Because we talk about how weget built up to get broken down.
Help us out with that one.
Speak to that for us.
Speaker 2 (12:04):
Military or anything we talked about.
You know if you're, who you areand how you act and behave, and
all of those kinds of traits.
When you're 18 to when you're40, whether you're in military
or not, you were changed.
You're not as a 40 year old.
I hope you're not the exactsame person as you were as an
18-year-old.
(12:24):
I hope not, right?
I hope not.
I don't think you or I or manypeople would be doing what
they're doing if they were stillacting as if they were 18.
So life has a way of shaping us, molding us, and all of that
through the experiences that wehave.
And, of course, the military isno different, and you're going
(12:45):
to have immense experiences.
You're going to have immenseand intense times in there, by
design, because the military isdesigned to be the instrument of
defense for the nation, right,and so we have to be built to do
(13:06):
exactly that for the nation.
There's military is not anonprofit organization to to
hand out teddy bears, right.
Uh, military is there to makesure that, um, we are protected
and our freedoms are maintained.
That's ultimately what it'sthere for, and so the job of
doing that is.
That's why what happens atbasic training and other
(13:31):
military courses throughout yourtime.
They operate in a certain wayof tearing you down, making sure
you get rid of almost allhabits good or bad, right and
building you back up with properway of acting, um, motivating
you to uh instill certaincharacteristics in you that make
(13:53):
you function properly to doexactly the job that you signed
up to do within the organizationof the military.
You know um, and every one ofthem different.
If you went in as a mechanic,of course you're going to get uh
more detailed training on howto be a mechanic, how to take
care of the trucks and theHumvees and all the other
different equipment that we have.
(14:13):
Uh.
If you came in to be aninfantry soldier, absolutely
You're going to be gettinginfantry soldier training, uh,
and all of that, and that'sgoing to have an impact on you.
And then there's some basicstuff that military has,
regardless of what you did Be ontime, be courteous.
You know customs and courtesy,standing at attention.
You know all of these differentthings saluting yes sir, no sir
(14:36):
.
You know proper etiquette andrespect rank structure.
You know respecting authorityand also how to exude authority
when you have it as wellleadership, all of those
capabilities, and so of courseit's going to change you.
It's going to impact you, um,and the question is how do you
wield it?
(14:56):
Do you wield it with respecttowards others or do you wield
it for your own gain?
That's the common.
That's the problem is are you aveteran that takes those things
for your own purposes and yourown gain and your own notoriety,
or are you doing it for thebetterment of your soldiers
around you and other peoplearound you for a good reason and
(15:18):
to help others Makes sense?
Speaker 1 (15:21):
One final question about your time in service,
because I know that you'vedefinitely tried to still
maintain some of the disciplinesof being a soldier, but you're
kind of a woman in a differentway these days.
But one final question I wantyou to speak to our listeners
and viewers who may be ponderingthe idea of going into the
(15:43):
military.
What would you say to somebodywho's considering enlisting and
serving in a combat unit?
I know that I can trust youthat you're not going to try to
glamorize it and make it intosomething that is really not in
reality.
Speak to those people who maybe considering that.
Tell them what you experienced,tell them what you saw, what
you felt, what you even advisedsomebody who's on the other side
(16:05):
of it now, who's come out of itrelatively good my pops, he
didn't come out of it relativelygood, so he can't even speak to
us now, but you can.
You're here, so kind of.
Speak to those people who maybe thinking about enlisting and
serving in the combat unit.
What would you say to them?
What kind of advice would yougive?
Speaker 2 (16:23):
It's, it's both glamorized and it is also, um,
extremely difficult.
Okay, it's uh, it's bothrewarding, as it is traumatizing
.
It's, uh, it's all of it Right.
And if you do actually getdeployed and to put your the
(16:46):
skills that you were trained andtaught, uh, to use in an actual
combat scenario, uh, it can berough, but, on another end, is
it rewarding Absolutely, it'sboth.
Is it uh, difficult?
And um, am I going to say thateveryone comes out of it Perfect
(17:10):
and squeaky, clean and awesome?
And just this walking, uh,captain America hero?
Absolutely not.
Um, captain America hero?
Absolutely not.
And even the guys that,quote-unquote, look that way on
their social medias and all thatsome of the veterans that we've
seen that are a little bit morewell-known as far as their name
(17:30):
because they have podcasts andall these kinds of things they
openly talk about that.
They still deal with struggles,of what they went through and
the experiences that they've had.
But it's the same kind of thingif you're a police officer, if
you're a firefighter, if you'reeven an emt or any, any of those
that are doing domesticgoodness and serving and that's
(17:51):
part of the whole idea ofserving it's.
It's not a waiter at applebee's, you're serving in a in a
capacity.
That is absolutely somethingthat humanity needs when, uh,
when it's unfortunately neededright.
Paramedics come in and they goto an unfortunate scenario to
(18:14):
hopefully make it better.
Police officers show up on ascenario to hopefully make it
better.
Right.
Firefighters come to hopefullymake it better.
Police officers show up on ascenario to hopefully make it
better.
Right.
Firefighters come to hopefullyput out the problem and make it
better.
Right.
That's.
That's the overall core.
Again, just like patriotism, wetalk about what the core is.
That's the core of what all ofthese jobs are meant to do.
Will there be problems andpotential things and impacts on
(18:40):
us as people?
Yes, and so we talk about PTSD.
We do all these things.
But just as you came in and youdidn't fight a combat scenario
by yourself, you didn't go fighta fire by yourself.
Have backup and have theirbrothers in the blue that come
(19:00):
and help each other out uhparamedics and emts and doctors
and all of them, they don't workby themselves.
Don't do life after those jobsby yourself.
You know, in the military, whenyou exit dd214, that's a common
uh form that just says, hey,it's the completion and the
record of your service.
It is not a license for you todo life alone the moment you
(19:26):
leave.
It doesn't mean now you're onyour own.
It just means you need to finda new group of guys, of ladies,
of comrades, to circle aroundyourself and continue to do life
as a group.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
I want to come back to that too, but thank you for
the transparency there and theperspective.
Life as a group I want to comeback to that too, but thank you
for the transparency there andthe perspective.
I definitely appreciate that.
Shaquille's in the house.
Good chat, shaquille.
Thanks for watching andlistening.
Appreciate you so much and forsupporting the channel too.
Definitely appreciate that aswell.
If you have any questions orcomments for Nick, please drop
them in a quick chat.
Drop them in a live chat.
(19:58):
Definitely.
Questions or comments for Nick?
Please drop them in a quickchat.
Drop them in a live chat.
Definitely appreciate that.
And Nick, you're going to servein many different ways.
We talked about that a lotduring our pre-interview chat
what made you decide to startcoaching and what brought about
Valorant Vision.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
So when I got out of the military, I myself struggled
with who am I with um, who am I?
Okay?
I come with this idea thatanybody that was in any kind of
service military, fire, police,emt, doctors, right, you all, we
all put on some sort of uniform, a coat, a jacket, boots, hat,
(20:32):
something that says I do this.
And when others look at theyknow I'm in the military or I'm
in the, I'm a firefighter, I'm apolice officer, I'm a whatever.
In a subconscious way you putyour identity on.
Yeah, you wore it, and thenit's time to take that off.
(20:54):
And then now it's permanentlytaken off.
It's like I don't put that onit and yeah, I didn't need the
uniform to tell me who I am.
But there's a level of who am Ioutside of the organization now
that I'm not dressed in that?
and now I get to go to americaneagle or wherever to buy clothes
(21:17):
and all that kind of stuff.
That was the whole deal.
I'm not a stylist type dude.
I'm not like, oh man, all aboutstyle.
So I have no idea.
Speaker 1 (21:26):
I know that's right.
Speaker 2 (21:28):
She's like someday she's like, oh, that's a good
job.
And then other days she's likeI don't know what you thinking.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
Let her go to the store rather than go to American
Eagle by yourself.
This is let her go to the storerather than go to american
eagle by yourself.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
This is not.
Yeah, no, we're going to bedoing.
No, I um go with a friend thatknows what they're what was, but
but ultimately you lied in hereyeah, and uh, a couple years
later my wife and I were havingour first son and he came out
and then we got a house wherewe're outside of Philadelphia
and Southern New Jersey here and, um, I said, you know, I have
(22:04):
this feeling, I really want usto go to church with our
children.
You know, I want not just me,but I want another entity
basically to help with moralityfor my children.
Um, I don't want to be the onlysource.
And then I know society is notdoing the right thing and so we
started going to church.
And then that's when God reallysnatched me up, okay, and to
(22:31):
the point where I felt the calllater and I went, went to
seminary through Libertyuniversity and got a master's in
theology and it's kind ofredirected my course towards,
you know, christian leadership.
I worked for a church for twoyears at a new church now as the
(22:54):
men's director there, and soI've always had this belief that
people can be better and Istarted really learning and
understanding that I have kindof like a gift to be able to sit
down, work with people, helpthem, motivate them, encourage
them.
Uh, let them know that, hey,it's okay, we mess up, we can,
(23:14):
we can stand back up and we canmove forward and we can still do
better today, like let's dosomething today that tomorrow is
going to thank us for, you knowokay um, and so that's where
coaching kind of came in.
I had another veteran, a friendof mine, that is a counselor in
family life and marriagecounselor and he's like, brother
(23:35):
man, you, you sit down withpeople like like I've never seen
you're.
You, you sit down with peoplelike like I've never seen,
you're just really good withlike connecting with people.
Um, and I really attribute alot of my upbringing and
everything to having a lot ofthat Um, but God's just wired me
that way and I just he's justpromoted me for a couple of
years.
Amen.
I think coaching is a greatdirection for you because you're
(23:57):
great at helping peoplerecognize where they're at and
moving them forward.
And that's the biggestdifference between coaching and
counseling and therapy and allof that oh, you, betcha.
Counseling therapy, all of thatis looking backwards, at the
issues and traumas and problemsand maybe psychological issues
or whatever that's holding youback from moving forward,
psychological issues or whateverthat's holding you back from
moving forward.
(24:17):
And once we get to a healthyplace to go forward, that's
where coaching comes in is hey,we're here, what are the goals,
what are the action steps?
Let's go forward, let'saccomplish things, let's kick
butt at life, you know.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
I love it.
I love it.
There were a lot of things thatwe talked about, man.
I want to try to get as much aspossible, but we are up against
the clock.
We're going to move a littlebit more expeditiously.
I think some of this stuff isreally really good.
I don't want it to be left onthe table.
This is some really good stuff,especially for the brothers
that are watching and listeningtoday.
I think they'll get a lot outof this.
(24:55):
We talked earlier about goingthrough things and not learning
anything.
What would you say afterreturning from a long term of
service?
What would you say is the onething that was the best for you
to leave behind?
Because sometimes we don'talways have a good understanding
of we move on and we don'trealize that we're dragging a
whole bunch of baggage with ustoo, and we don't have to let it
(25:17):
go because it's like you said,it's a part of our identity.
What was the one thing youcould think of, if anything
comes to mind, that was the bestthing for you to leave behind
you after you left service andmoved into, I guess, the realm
of the civilian?
What was the best thing youleft behind, or the one thing
you had.
That was the best for you toleave behind.
Speaker 2 (25:37):
Okay, best thing to leave behind.
I would probably really kind ofgo with.
You need to analyze and go.
What were healthy traits andhabits and what are toxic ones?
What were the coping mechanismsthat are not going to help me
move forward in my life andaccomplish the goals that I need
to do?
And unfortunately, with thestressors of the military,
(26:01):
sometimes we fall into unhealthycoping mechanisms.
You know, which can be habitsor even turn into addictions and
those things get help.
Make sure that you leave thatbehind, Let it go, and if you're
doing any of those because ofunforgiveness, we need to
forgive.
We need to forgive.
(26:22):
That's good.
Speaker 1 (26:23):
I like that.
You talked about community andI feel like that's a really big
part of your journey.
It's definitely a big part ofmine and you and I connected on
that in our previous discussions.
Did you think it was easy inhindsight to locate a positive
community and to, I guess,really engage it fully?
(26:47):
I know, as men just take themilitary part out of it, just
the men part, we struggle.
Men have a bad rap out here inthe world.
People don't realize what wedeal with as a man, but one
thing we struggle with is thewillingness to connect with
other men.
Did you find it easy to locatea positive community?
(27:10):
How did you?
Did you engage that?
Well, try to answer thatbriefly as much as you can.
I got, I got more questions foryou, but how'd you, how'd you
handle finding that community?
And then you know, engaging itfully?
Speaker 2 (27:21):
Real quick answer is no, it was not easy.
No, it's not easy.
Um, it does take some effortbecause it's not like the
military or any of these whereyou're just put into a circle of
guys that are organic right.
A lot of times in our adultlife it's now your, your closest
friends, are really who youwork with because you see them
(27:42):
so often.
It's just, you know, friendshipor community by proximity is
really kind of how that works,and in all reality it's tough.
Now, thank the Lord in a certainway or to a degree, for social
media and things like that, andI'm able to keep up with friends
that have gone to manydifferent states and are doing
different things.
(28:03):
And I'm able to keep up withfriends that have gone to many
different states and are doingdifferent things, but it's kind
of hard for my buddy that'ssitting in Arizona for me to sit
down and, you know, have a mealwith him and a good chat.
You know I miss that.
There's something about humanproximity of literally sitting
(28:31):
in the same room together.
That is much, much differentthan anything that is trying to
supplement that.
Uh, and so really what's helpedme honestly was where do healthy
people or people that aretrying to be healthy at least.
Uh, cause, we're not allperfect right.
Nobody's perfect Right.
Where are they congregating?
And for me, it just became kindof clearly for me, to grow in
my faith, I need to be aroundother people that are growing in
their faith too, and that hashelped me tremendously with, you
(28:52):
know, trying to be the bestthat I can be throughout my life
.
That's really good man.
Speaker 1 (28:57):
I like that.
Community is a big deal, excuseme, sir, big deal, excuse me,
sir.
And also the importance offamily, especially in your
specific situation.
Uh, you can briefly share aboutyour family life, but what I
want to know, kind of more thanthat, is how specifically has
your family been supportive ofyou?
It's one, it's one thing.
(29:17):
I don't want to use tv andcinema to kind of tell me how
that looks.
I, I got a real life person whohas gone through hard things,
especially in this time ofservice, and now you're on the
other side of it.
What, what?
Uh, I'm trying to find theright way to answer, to ask this
question how specific, is yourfamily supportive of you?
I don't mean in my family.
(29:37):
I love them.
I, it's obvious.
I mean, I mean, what are the?
What do they have to do?
What I mean it's obvious.
I mean I mean, what are the?
What do they have to do?
What do they have to understandabout what you dealt with?
What kind of is it like?
A?
Is it that safeguards in placethat they know?
You know what dad is triggeredby a thing.
We need to help him here.
We need to do this right away.
Did that make sense, right?
Speaker 2 (29:56):
If you can help me with that, please, it does.
And I think that that was astruggle for my dad a little bit
At first, when I was in themilitary.
Of course, that's easy, right,he fully can identify gave me
tips.
Hey, man, this is what you needto do.
This is how you need toapproach the scenario.
Things like that was definitelya mentor throughout my military
(30:18):
time, but that was it.
And then after that, when itstarted going into seminary,
going to everything else, my dadwas like what, um?
Now, he wasn't against it, buthe just didn't know.
He's like this is not an area Ican mentor you through.
This is something I can justsay I support you, I love you,
(30:38):
I'm proud of you for followingthe calling on your life, um,
and that's.
I'm proud of you for followingthe calling on your life, and
that's it.
You know there's that.
I'm here for you.
And if you want to talk aboutsomething and I would say it's
(30:59):
gotten to a point now with youknow, having a degree in
theology and all of that Now myparents even actually start
coming to me about withreligious questions and growing
in their relationship with godand all that kind of stuff, and
at a point I got to baptize myown mom, and so that's amazing.
It is really cool that's reallycool.
so, um, it's just that love andsupport you know really, of just
being there for you and youknow that's it.
Speaker 1 (31:23):
Okay, no, no worries there.
You mentioned something calledbrain health coaching.
Can you briefly get into that?
What is brain health coachingand how does this apply to what
you're doing?
Speaker 2 (31:34):
Yeah, so I'm still in the middle of that class right
now as I'm growing in it.
It's a Dr Amen.
He has brain health clinicsactually across the United
States.
I know there's one in Miami,there's one in New York, I think
there's one in Denver, there'sa handful of them and he's the
(31:54):
one teaching this course and itreally kind of goes into the
actual health of the organ ofour brain, like the actual organ
itself.
Right, we can talk about, youknow, positive thinking and
affirmations and all these kindsof things, and he's shown
through brain scans thatactually those do have physical
(32:14):
good properties to the organthat is our brain.
And then how to and we canactually heal from physical
trauma that has happened, Likeif you've ever had a head injury
, hurt yourself in sports, anyof those kinds of things really
big on like hey, those thingscan heal through different types
of therapy lifestyle, diet,exercise, supplements.
(32:38):
He's really big on omega threes.
He's really big on omega-3s.
Omega-3s are huge for our brainand they can really help with
some personality issues andthings like that Definitely
really goes into a lot of ADDand how to really help with how
those work.
Speaker 1 (32:55):
Okay, I love this All right.
So one thing that is another.
I guess it'd be my last men'sissue type question thing.
That is another uh, I guessit'd be my last men's issue type
question, and that is about the, the destructive power of
isolation, if you will.
Oh yeah, I know I'm asking youto be brief because I got a few
more questions for you and theclock is against us.
(33:16):
But what would you say tosomebody who has become real
comfortable being in isolation?
If they're listening andwatching right now, what would
you say to them to encouragethem to find a different path,
if you will?
Speaker 2 (33:35):
We have two words we have isolation and we have
solitude right.
And what is the difference?
And we need to make sure that wedefine those two well, so then
we can identify the behavior inwhich we're doing.
If we are isolating, we arerunning from fear, we are
running from trauma, we'rerunning from anxiety, we're
running from whatever it is thatmakes us uncomfortable and we
(33:57):
think that being by ourselvesmakes us comfortable.
In all reality, it allows morefor our own negative thoughts to
start trying to take over, evenmore so, and then we keep
running and more isolation, andit just becomes an ugly cycle.
There's no real purpose otherthan just seeking comfort when
(34:18):
there really is not much comfortto be had in that there really
is not much comfort to be had inthat.
But in reverse, we're scared tocome out and talk to people
about and we think that we'realone in whatever.
The problem is that we're goinginto isolation over Solitude is
healthy.
That's where you're going in toa time of your of alone with a
(34:41):
purpose.
You're going to sit in thepresence of God.
You're going to reflect on howyou are and what's going on in
your life.
You're reflecting on how yourbehavior is towards situations
that have gone on, positive andnegative.
You're trying to seek wisdom.
You're trying to seek clarityin a situation.
You're trying to come to apoint where it's like there's
(35:04):
purpose driven in solitude, andso nothing wrong with being
alone.
But why are we running or arewe seeking and that's the
biggest difference right there?
And if we are running, run tosomebody, I'm telling you, more
people can identify with theproblems you're dealing with
(35:26):
then you know, seek help andpeople actually care.
If you actually bring it up.
The fact that you don't bringit up and you just think people
don't care, that's what'shurting you that's powerful.
Speaker 1 (35:39):
Yeah, that's powerful .
We talked, talked about that alittle bit because I think some
of your story it just resonatedand maybe just bring up some
good and some not so goodmemories about his life and his
health, post-military.
Now that you're on the otherside of things, are there any
opportunities for veterans nowthat you see you could advise or
(36:05):
want or speak to now?
Speaker 2 (36:07):
Opportunities for veterans.
I mean, one of the biggestthings I promote is absolutely I
know it's painful, I know it'sannoying and I know it's tedious
and you have to have patience,which veterans dealing with PTSD
don't have, because that's oneof the symptoms of PTSD is a
lack of patience.
Go to the VA and get your stuff.
You know you have to dig, youhave to understand what benefits
(36:31):
do you qualify for and go afterthem and get them.
Does it take maybe six monthsto a year to get it, or even
longer in some cases?
Yes, but those are for life.
So that year to two years is ablip on the map when it comes to
the rest of your life.
Do not negate those things,because really all you're doing
(36:51):
is just hurting yourself.
Number two get help if you needit, in whatever area it is, or
maybe it's just simple enough asget in community.
We have plenty of organizationsout there and groups and I see
so many guys on differentplatforms like TikTok and
(37:12):
Instagram and all thesedifferent things that are also
building smaller communities forveterans to come and check in
with each other.
Help each other.
Maybe it's even just just havea regular conversation about
what's going on in the day ortalk about sports and talk about
how the giants are doing, causeI know you're a big fan.
I can see it in the background.
(37:32):
Oh, don't go there.
Speaker 1 (37:35):
We don't have time.
We don't have time for that.
Speaker 2 (37:38):
No, but it's one of those things like getting a,
getting a group where a bunch ofguys if you're a sports guy, go
talk with other sports guys butthen when the conversation of
sports is kind of drying down,go hey, man, you know I'm
actually not doing too good inmy life.
And one of the other things is,you know, just turn around, say
you know what I got areas Istruggle to and you just start
(38:02):
opening up a conversation.
That can be absolutely healing.
Speaker 1 (38:07):
I love that.
Well, we're about out of time.
Now I want to ask you one finalquestion, and I have you all,
the listeners and viewers.
No way you can find all of yourwork in your coaching, in your
website and such.
I put you in advance becausethis is always a tough question
for folks In the military whatis Nick doing today?
Speaker 2 (38:31):
What is Nick doing today?
Speaker 1 (38:34):
No military no B&B coaching.
What are you doing as a career,as a long-term plan?
What are you doing?
A career as a long-term plan?
What are you doing?
Speaker 2 (38:45):
What I'm doing is one .
I'm just following where theLord is leading me.
Speaker 1 (38:53):
You ain't getting out of it that easy Buster.
I know I need to have a career.
Come on man.
Speaker 2 (39:02):
It's tough man, but it's got to be where I'm helping
people.
Maybe it's where I would gointo full-blown counseling, or I
would instead of being in themilitary.
I would have been a policeofficer or a firefighter, but I
want to help people.
I want to help people.
I want to make sure that peopleare taken care of.
(39:23):
You know, I want to help people.
I want to make sure that peopleare taken care of and I and I
want to infuse the belief intopeople that you can rise out of
whatever terrible situation oror funk that you think you're in
that's awesome, man, and I'llbe.
Speaker 1 (39:37):
I'll be honest.
No, I I host a lot of people,but this was a pleasure to meet
you, man, and get to know you.
I know we're going to stay intouch for several reasons that
we talked about online, but,yeah, I'm excited about people
hearing more of your story andengaging with valor and vision
coaching man.
Speaker 2 (39:52):
Tell me about where you can find your work at man,
and we'll go ahead and sign offthen after that yeah, so valor
vision coachingcom uh, rightthere I have the links for all
my other stuff on TikTok,instagram and all of those
socials as well, and we can doone on one coaching.
I have a group of community ofmen called Men of Valor.
(40:13):
You can be a part of there.
It's we check in once a weekand on top of it, we start
working on what are the goalsthat we need to go after and
making steps to accomplish thoseand holding each other
accountable and just uh, andbeing positive and believing
that we can win at life, and so,um, I love it.
I wish I could join that group.
Speaker 1 (40:32):
that'd be great you can, you absolutely can come on,
all right.
So we we're talking aboutoffline.
I want to go ahead and sign off, but thank you, nick, for this
time.
Brother, this was, this wasfantastic.
Speaker 2 (40:40):
Thank you, mr Yu.
I'm excited, thank you.
Speaker 1 (40:43):
Hope everybody heard your story and, if not, engaged
you offline and hear more ofyour story, could definitely be
more story to be told, but thiswas fantastic, man.
Thanks to everybody listeningand viewing today.
Hope you're having a great dayand you enjoyed this episode.
Please share it and please subus on our YouTube channel
youtubecom they call me Mr U.
Please hit the sub button.
It'll help us out a lot withputting out more quality content
(41:05):
like this.
So we thank you very much.
Have a great day, guys.
Nick and Mr U are out.
We'll see you next time.
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