May 21, 2025 • 50 mins
What happens when your children turn your household into a battleground? For Yusef Marshall, known as "The Incredible Mr. Yu," the solution came through a radical shift in perspective that transformed his family dynamics forever.
Join us for a candid, eye-opening conversation with a father of three grown daughters who made it through nearly 30 years of marriage by discovering the power of the united front. Mr. Yu shares the turning point when he and his wife realized they were "winging it" through parenthood and how their decision to prioritize their marriage above everything else changed everything.
"They can be a prince or princess, but they can't be the king or queen," Mr. Yu explains, challenging the common notion that children should be the center of family life. With remarkable honesty, he reveals how this commitment helped them weather manipulation attempts, intense resistance, and even moments when they wondered if their marriage would survive.
This episode offers practical wisdom about creating a family strategy instead of just reacting to daily challenges. You'll hear how establishing clear boundaries prevented their children from playing parents against each other and how maintaining unity provided stability through tumultuous times. For fathers who feel caught in the day-to-day struggles of parenting, Mr. Yu's perspective offers both encouragement and a roadmap.
Beyond parenting strategies, the conversation touches on the importance of community for fathers, the reality that loving your children doesn't always mean liking them in every moment, and how modeling a strong partnership sets children up for future relationship success.
Whether you're just starting your parenting journey or navigating the complexities of older children, this episode provides honest, sometimes uncomfortable truths about what it takes to build a family foundation that lasts. Connect with The Incredible Mr. Yu on his YouTube channel or through his website to continue the conversation and discover resources for strengthening your most important relationships.
• A united front between parents is crucial to effective parenting
• Prioritizing your marriage over your children creates a stronger family structure
• Children will naturally try to divide parents to get what they want
• Having a family strategy prevents "winging it" through challenging situations
• A healthy marriage provides modeling for children's future relationships
• Working through difficult parenting
Have a question for Mista Yu? Text the show and he’ll answer it personally.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Now, mr Yu, all dads have that story right.
Just like you think about it,you start smiling and it
sometimes only makes sense toyou.
But all dads have that story.
So what is your funny dad story?
Speaker 2 (00:18):
I think funny is relative, but this is one of
those things that my wife and Iwe talked about it once in a
while.
We kind of just chuckled at itnow In the moment.
It wasn't a funny story, excuseme, but we had a parent
teachers conference and we werein a district, an area of the
state I'm not going to point outwhere that is, to not purposely
(00:39):
offend anybody but we were in aparticular district that was
kind of known for not caringabout people of certain races
and creeds, it's pretty likethat.
And I was at a parentageconference for one of my
daughters and the teacher, theadministrator, she would not
acknowledge me.
She, my wife, is, looks thesame as me, but she wouldn't
(01:00):
acknowledge me at all.
We're just like, I guess, awoman-to-woman thing and the man
was not important.
So, and on top of that, therewas a little bit of a history of
fathers not showing up fortheir kids in this regard.
So it was out of the norm.
So I'm from New York City, man,I'm a street shooter, I talk
with a deer in the eye and weget down to business and put in
(01:23):
that work.
So for me I was there to takecare of the issues that was
going on with my child and Ididn't care about all of the
history, I didn't care about allof the peripheral stuff and she
would acknowledge me and shejust kept on.
She just kept kind of ignoringme and I did something that was
kind of a little bit out ofcharacter because I didn't want
(01:43):
to make a bad scene, but I putit in that place real good and I
told her.
I said you know, this is thisis my child.
You know.
She tried to make it about mebeing a step parent and how.
I didn't have a real say.
I said this is my daughter.
You ain't gonna tell me how torun my daughter's life and my
daughter, this is, this is ourthing, this is our thing.
You just teach her.
That's your assignment.
(02:04):
I raised her, I live with herTurned into a big thing.
I don't think we got anythingsettled.
I found out what I needed tofind out about my daughter and
her education and everything.
I thought it was funny becauseI didn't expect that from myself
, even though I got a history ofdealing with hard stuff and
(02:27):
hard ways, being from New York.
But it was funny, man, to comedown here to the South and had
to deal with something like thatand see how I handled it.
A lot of folks try toassimilate to the culture and do
what the Romans do, so to speak.
I'm like no, I'm going to dowhat me.
This is my family.
I got to fight for this.
My family is worth fighting forand I'll fight all of y'all to
defend my kids.
(02:48):
So it wasn't funny in the momentbecause I put kind of created a
repetition for us as parentsand we showed up.
Everybody was like you knowwhat?
Here they come, what's gettingready to happen now.
But my goal wasn't to have thatkind of rep.
It was just to make sure that Iestablished some boundaries
(03:08):
with these people who didn'tknow me and didn't really know
my daughter the way I do, andlet them know that we're real
parents and we're here for thelong haul and if you mess with
them, you mess with me.
I'm going to come and see you.
So I thought it was funny.
We laugh about it from time totime and it's a funny story that
we tell every once in a while,but I thought it was funny.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
Now I I actually find it highly amusing because I, a
lot of people haven't movedaround Like they.
They live in like one area oftheir whole lives and they don't
understand the culture shockwhen you go from one area of
this country to another.
And the culture shock when yougo from one area of this country
to another and, like people, dopeople treat you incredibly
differently based on theirexperiences.
Uh, just, you know, withoutadding anything else to it,
(03:55):
without adding race or anythingelse to it, like people are
going to treat you a certain waybased on their experiences.
Oh, yeah, funny, yeah, funny.
Like a teacher was that's.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
I think she used to be in the boss, and maybe she
was the boss in every area ofher life and I think she just it
was so natural to her.
I think that that's what shewas doing in every area of her
life.
I think these days you probablycall her a Karen, but that's
beside the point, but it just it, just it.
Just you just feel like that'swhat she was really comfortable
talking to me or or or talkingaround me in a certain way, and
(04:32):
I, I, I couldn't let that stand,man, sometimes I can't just let
stuff go and not, you know,make everything into a power
struggle.
But I couldn't do it this time.
Maybe I was too weak, maybe Iwas too strong, I don't know
which one it was but I couldn'tdo it.
I couldn't let her do that tome.
I asserted my authority, Iasserted my dominance.
(04:56):
In the situation where Ithought I had it, I just allowed
her to have it.
I set her straight.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
Hey, I'm up for it, man.
I put down who they are.
This is my kid.
Engage with me.
This is my kid.
Yeah, I love that you werefighting for your kids.
You just kind of spend timewith them.
They're mine.
Lay that claim.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
Yeah, it's been.
We got it rough man.
People don't think that, butthere's a lot of things that we
have to deal with.
It's not easy.
People think it's easy to be aman.
It's not.
The responsibilities are supergreat.
Speaker 1 (05:42):
My guest today, mr Yu , had some incredible insights
into the fact that life works awhole lot differently when you
come together with your spouse aunited front.
So today, on this episode ofthe Dad has Shenanigans podcast,
we're talking firsthand with aman who went from.
We have no plan on thisFirsthand with a man who went
(06:05):
from.
We have no plan on this.
We're just going to wing it towhat it looks like when you come
together with your spouse andthe difference that makes in
raising your kids, with somegreat stories, some great
insights and a great dad hatstory.
Guys, dig into this episodewith Mr you right after this
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I absolutely love it and Ithink you will too.
Now let's jump back into theshow with the incredible mystery
.
Welcome to the DadHashShenanigans podcast.
The unfiltered truth aboutbeing a dad, real dads, real
stories, unfiltered candidconversations on fatherhood.
(08:32):
I'm your host, brent Dallin.
Today, my guest is a man inmany hats himself, with one of
the most important being dadYusuf Marshall, but you might
know him more as his commonestnomenclature, aka the incredible
Mr you.
Mr you, welcome to Dad Hatchingin his podcast.
Thank you, man.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
Oh, I'm excited, man.
I got the dad part straight.
I think I got the hat.
I'm ready for it.
Let's go, man, I'm excited.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
You're having me on, man?
I've actually had people showup without hats, Like that's why
there's so much on that in ourconversation.
That's not a violation.
Right, it's the firstinstruction Bring a hat.
But hey, speaking of hat, okay,you're wearing a White Castle
ball cap.
Tell us the dad hat story.
What's up with the dad hat?
Speaker 2 (09:21):
Oh, it's funny.
To be be clear, I would neverhave bought this myself.
I have a long white castlehistory.
Uh, when I was a little kid Itold story to my daughter so
many times, I think it's how itgot started.
But growing up, uh, back in theold city, you know, I had time
for breakfast.
I had a one of those liveswhere I was like a latchkey kid
so I had to kind of do my ownthing, get out of the house and
(09:44):
had to go to a different boroughto go to school.
I had to take two trains and abus to go to high school.
So for me, the bus, the whitecaptain at the bus stop I had to
be at to get off the train, toget on the bus.
So it was natural breakfast andit became a thing all four
years, every day of schoolbreakfast I didn't get breakfast
(10:07):
at home because I was justrushing to get out of there to
get on the train.
You know the train is late,you're late for school, so it
was just me being early.
So White Castle was the option.
I ate White Castle for breakfastfor four years and you know
what it doesn't sound appetizing.
I got like a good breakfast,but it was the breakfast of
champions and I loved it and Iate it every single day and I
(10:27):
sometimes even had it for lunch.
I was that into it.
Sometimes dinner too.
I love White Castle.
After a while.
There's a reputation about theburgers, though.
You can't eat that stuff andnot pay a cost to eat this food,
just to put it like that,without getting gross on your
show.
But my daughter's heard thestory many times and I've been a
fan of the ones in the frozenvariety because I moved away
(10:51):
from where they were WhiteCastle restaurants so I couldn't
find that stuff where I lived.
I thought I had to live home inNew York, so they were bottles
for me.
I ran them out of thesupermarket and everything and
after a while I backed off.
But my grandkids wanted to giveme a Father's Day gift, so they
got me a cup that says you know, you're the best Popeye in the
world and all kinds of thegreatest Popeye and all kinds of
(11:11):
stuff.
And this hat was also in one ofthe gifts.
I'm like a White Castle hat.
It reminded me that they wereactually listening to my stories
and they actually heard me,because I didn't think they
would listen to me, but theyobviously heard me and they came
together and figured out that awhite castle hat would be an
awesome gift.
This is actually my first timewearing it.
Don't tell anybody because I'mnot gonna wear.
(11:34):
I'm not gonna wear it out onthe street, but I'm proud of my
gift.
It came from my kids and mygrandkids.
I'm with it, but this is myfirst time actually wearing this
.
I'm out trying to make it fitthis morning and everything but
great memories came from meputting it on my head today and
it's a good opportunity to evendo that.
This is really good.
I'm thinking about all kind ofcool stuff that happened that I
came with it.
So my father's day gift for mykids and my grandkids White
(11:57):
Castle here we go History.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
That's awesome.
Like some women don'tunderstand, like men, men have
hats that just like actualphysical hats.
Right, I?
I have a ball cap from the 91,92, 93 back-to-back rose bowl
championships for the, for thehuskies, okay, because it was a
(12:22):
really important time in my lifeand that was when, like, our
quarterback from that year wenton to play pro ball Uh, he was
the quarterback for Jacksonvillefor when they formed and so
like.
But I mean it is dirty andgross.
My wife's like throw it away,I'm like no, just wash it.
I'm afraid to wash that one itmight fall apart.
(12:44):
I think the oils hold.
Oh, wow, uh, yeah, it is.
I have that collection of hats,other than this fancy showy one
, but I love the white castlehat because there you have such
a story behind that, right thereso, and your kids were
listening, which is like evenbetter that they got it for you.
I'm amazed, yeah, how many kidsyou have kids and grandkids
(13:07):
that got that.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
Yeah, three grown daughters, six grandkids and we
found out about eight months agothat we have a great-grandchild
I haven't met yet.
Speaker 1 (13:17):
Oh, my goodness bro.
Speaker 2 (13:19):
I'm going to take a sip on that one.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
Yeah, yeah, for sure.
Cheers to a great-.
It's amazing, but Before we gotoo much farther, Mr Yu, tell us
about yourself.
For those who are joining ustoday who don't know you already
, you guys can catch me over onhis show and soon you'll catch
(13:43):
him on my other show.
But for people who don't knowMr Yu and you have not found one
of your fantastic podcasts orsome of your other adventures,
we'll call it adventures.
Tell us about you.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
Wow About me.
Like you said earlier, that'skind of how I describe myself
now.
I'm kind of ajack-of-all-trades and wear many
hats.
I've done so many things inlife that I mean I kind of talk
about it in the show, just kindof just put it out there where
it doesn't sound like it'sself-aggrandizing.
I kind of just talk about themany things that I got valuable
experiences from.
(14:16):
But currently I guess I can bedescribed as an ordained
minister, a podcaster.
As you well know, I'm thedirector of a new nonprofit.
That's kind of where all myenergy is going right now.
I mean, the husband-fatherpiece is always present.
But those are the things that Ido, I guess, in life, in the
(14:36):
world and stuff.
I mean I got a lot of things.
I was a singer and songwriterfor years.
I was an author of my firstbook.
I've done so many things.
I was a leader in industry,with the government, border
security and passports and stuff.
I mean I was doing a lot ofstuff.
So I guess I'm just, you know,trying to just live this purpose
(14:57):
out and be the best version ofmyself that I can be, and I'm
trying to find myself in thisworld of podcasting and media
and trying to be theprofessional and encourager if I
can be and I'm trying to findmyself in this world of
podcasting and media and andtrying to be the professional
and encourager If I can describemyself.
I guess that's what I am.
I'm a professional, encourager,professional friend.
That's what I'm trying to doright now.
So that's kind of my goal tohelp some folks out growing
(15:18):
their purpose and helping getsome answers to some lifelong
questions.
So that's the goal of thepodcast and that's the goal of
my private conversations withpeople and my consultations, et
cetera.
That's what I'm doing, man.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
So I love it.
I like the professionalencourager title that's.
There are a lot of people thesedays who could use
encouragement.
So I think you're doing greatthings there and I absolutely
love your show.
Oh, thank you, sir.
Like I said, guys, you can findme on his show, but find his
show because his show is a lotof fun.
(15:51):
He's got great conversationsgoing on with people.
I enjoy being on it, but I justlike after listening to it
getting ready to be on your show.
It's like you got a great show,man.
I love it.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
So fine.
Your episode was awesome too,man.
Your episode with us wasamazing man.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
I hope they catch that one of his shows because
you you have three.
Is it three or four?
Speaker 2 (16:12):
yeah, that's right well, you're just three.
Now.
One's a a sports show from forour hometown uh nfl team, but
the other two are justencouragement, teaching, purpose
, leadership, development.
That's what the other two showsare all about.
So that's all we're doing there.
But yeah, just one sports showabsolutely.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
I had to launch a third show just so I could keep
up with you bro go for it, manthis is that five.
I couldn't do it.
This is the third show, so, ohokay, after hanging out with you
on your show, I was like man,I'm dropping the ball, I'm not
doing enough.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
So I don.
So I hope I didn't send thatmessage, because that was not my
intention.
We used to have five.
I had to pull back and say thisis not I got.
I got to use my time wisely.
So that's why I pulled backfrom having five.
I'm like okay, I gotta befocused on what's the most
important goal here.
What am I trying to accomplish?
Do these other shows help meaccomplish that goal?
If they don't, they got to goOne of the shows, the most
(17:08):
popular one that we had.
We had 22,000 followers on onenetwork from that show.
We had to kill it, though.
It was my decision, thoughNobody forced me into that.
I just said you know what?
This is not going to help meget to the goal that I have.
So I love sports.
I talk about it pretty fluidly,but it wasn't worth investing
(17:31):
that kind of time into it.
So we put it to bed early thismonth, like.
I said man, I'm all aboutpurpose man.
Speaker 1 (17:39):
That's a whole other conversation we'll have to get
into on another day.
For sure, what's the best partabout being a dad, and now a
granddad like you?
You can.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
You can this one if you are well, the best part
about the granddad part is thatyou know you can hang out with
him and and send him back home.
That's the best part about thatpart.
As far as being a dad, though,I think the best part of just
knowing that you know what, youlearn how to sacrifice, and just
knowing that you know what youlearn how to sacrifice and I
(18:08):
know that people you know talkabout that council.
Some people go, some parents gooverboard where they begin to
worship their children and tryto live their lives through
their children, and the childrendon't want what they're trying
to live out through them.
It's ugly scene, but I thinkone of the biggest things for me
that I think is the best thing,it's the sacrifice part,
Because the world around us andI'm not trying to go political
(18:29):
or anything like that, just kindof just talking generally
speaking we forgot what honorand sacrifice look like and
we're out here trying to get,get, get and we don't realize
what it takes, what the cost isfor us to even have what we
actually do have, that we don'treally respect or that we don't
really cherish or honor, andbeing a father, it causes you to
learn sacrifice real quick.
(18:50):
You learn about you know what itmeans to give up what you want
and what your goal was in lifein order to make sure that
theirs comes true.
And that's not an easy thing todo as a parent, especially a
loving parent.
You have to give up some thingsthat you want in favor of
making sure that your childrenare taken care of.
(19:11):
So I had to learn.
Coming from the place where Icome from geographically, I
needed to learn that that wasimportant for me.
So being a dad was a blessing.
I think I would say it saved mylife, because I could have been
in a different place in somestuff, and being a father gave
(19:31):
me responsibilities off the bat.
I had to learn about you knowwhat it's ain't about you, this
whole thing's not about you andkind of help foster great things
in my kids so they can be thebest uh, them that it can be in
this crazy world.
So sacrifice for the biggestlesson, I think, is the best
thing that happened to mepersonally as a dad.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
So you know I love it .
It's I've I've listened toother men talk about, uh,
becoming fathers and howradically it changed their lives
, and I've heard more than oneexpress the idea that really
it's what saved me.
(20:10):
Like you think, like your kidsthink you're doing amazing
things for them, but honestly,like our kids do so much for us,
like my life is so much richerbecause of my daughters and
fuller like I, I laugh more, Ienjoy my life, more, I'm more
passionate about it, right?
(20:32):
So, no matter where you'recoming from, it's I've seen this
over and over again with a lotof dads like man, my kids have
no idea how much they saved me.
Like and and I love you know Iwant, I want to be Superman for
my kids, right?
So I, I want to set that barhigh and I want to be Superman,
but like I have to wait there,older is my you're the ones who
(21:05):
say me you know I can't tellabout you, you know.
No, it's gonna be a minute foryou to share that story.
It's gonna be.
It's gonna be a minute a littlebit, and, mr you, you wanted to
.
We talked about what we'regoing to talk about today and
kick some ideas around, and I'mreally like to this idea of
talking about the importance ofhaving a night in front with
your spouse or your partner inraising, because they will learn
(21:28):
ruthless precision, how toconquer and divide, divide and
conquer very quickly, like it'san instinctual thing.
So let's, let's talk abouthaving that united front when,
with your spouse, as you'reraising kids, and what that
means.
Speaker 2 (21:45):
Wow it was.
It played out almost like amovie.
And because I used to writescreenplays and write books and
manuscripts and that kind ofstuff, I get the art, the whole
creative side of movie.
I get into the, the plot twistsand that kind of stuff.
I get the whole creative sideof movies.
I get into the plot twists andthat kind of stuff.
Our life played out like thatbecause we went into this thing
(22:07):
happy, everybody was good, wewere excited about our situation
family-wise and everything.
It was just all good.
It started off flowers,rainbows, the whole deal,
peaches and puppies.
It was just great.
And then the bottom fell out.
People started, you know,different sides of the family
started getting involved in ourlife and speaking and trying to
(22:30):
manipulate our members of ourhome from the outside and trying
to just kind of stick theirnose in our family, business and
stuff.
And it turned into a thingwhere we had almost like every
day was a walking on the landtrying to avoid landmines in
your house, you know, and thatwas that's not, that's not.
It's not good in war, it's notgood in life either, in family,
(22:54):
and we we lived that for manyyears and it got to the point
where my wife and I were like Idon't think we said it out right
, but we wondered if we weregoing to make it, because it was
just too much stuff happeningand she was starting to have
pity for me.
It's all good, this is myproblem, not yours.
(23:14):
You're free to do whatever youwant.
I'm sorry to put all this stuffon you, and I told her to shut
her mouth.
I said that many times too.
I said shut your mouth, I'mhere with you.
Me and you made the commitmenthere.
You know what I'm saying.
I mean, people talk about wherethe kids should be in the
family dynamic, and that's adifferent conversation for a
(23:35):
different day.
But for me, we got to the placewhere we were literally at the
end of our ropes.
That's not hyperbole, that'sreally where we were and we were
like, okay, we got to dosomething.
And I don't know if it was anepiphany, it wasn't because of a
book that either of us werereading.
I don't know what happened andwhere it came from, but we
(23:56):
somehow it just clicked that.
You know what?
When these kids get older,they're not going to be here, so
all the damage that they'redoing right now, they're going
to leave us behind and we'regoing to be in the rubble of
this and they're going to go onto their lives.
They're going to go on and goto school and college, I guess,
whatever and get married and dotheir own thing in life, and
we'll still be here trying toclean up and we'll still be here
(24:18):
trying to clean up.
So what we figured out duringthat time was you know what?
It's time for a united front.
If nothing else matters, theonly thing that matters is our
relationship, you and I.
Now I'll tell you right nowthat didn't go over well with
people generally speaking,because they all think that
their kids are their world andthe kids is everything.
No offense to anybody that'slistening but they think that
(24:40):
the kids should be at thepriority.
As a matter of fact, they'resupposed to be the highest thing
on the food chain.
I don't agree with that.
For my wife and I, we said youknow what you and I are, the
relationship.
We got to maintain this aboveeverything else.
If our kids hate us and loatheus, which they did, that's fine.
Perhaps that'll change overtime.
(25:00):
They'll get past that Maybe.
Perhaps we'll have some kind ofJesus meeting, come to Jesus
meeting, and maybe we'll getthrough that.
But at the end of the day, mywife and I are the, we are the
union, we are the relationship.
Everything else is a componentof that or offshoot of that.
So when we figured that part out, it was a game changer for us.
(25:22):
We figured out you know whatit's, you and I.
We got to be in agreement.
They can't talk to you aboutone thing and tell me something
different.
They can't ask me for somethingthat you said no to already.
No, we got to be on the samepage.
And when we did that, it killeda whole lot of the machinations
that our kids had about tryingto divide and get their way with
(25:43):
some things want to go toparties that we wouldn't approve
of, be around folks that wedidn't like, that kind of stuff.
It killed all of that stuffbecause we had a united front
and it just kind of foreshadowedhow important unity is in a
marriage.
You can't give that up for yourkids, cause it will, it would
(26:03):
be, it would be the end of you.
You can't do it.
So when we figured that partout, we were stronger than we
ever have been before.
Next year we're going to becelebrating our 30th year in
marriage.
No, and neither one of usthought it was going to happen.
So that that's probably what myyou know.
I thought the United Front wasa powerful message to kind of
share today, because a lot ofpeople are not doing it.
(26:26):
I see it all the time.
I'm not pointing anybody outbecause I know they may be
watching this, but I see it allthe time.
The kids are the decision makersin the households.
If they scream loud enough fromWalmart and fall out, they get
that candy, they get that teddybear, they decide they move the
needle in their household.
And I'm sorry but that's justnot.
(26:47):
I don't care what the situationis.
That just cannot possibly Okay.
That child's a miracle child.
You didn't think they should behere, they should have died,
but they survived.
They still don't have the rightto ruin your whole household
and run your marriage.
I'm so sorry.
They just can't do that.
It's you and your spouse andthat's it.
Everybody else got to come inline with that fact.
(27:07):
That's the I mean from thebeginning of time.
It started off with that Maleand female husband and wife.
Everything else came from that.
So the child can't be the boss.
I'm so sorry.
The child can't be the queen.
She can be a princess but shecan't be the queen.
The son can be a prince, but hecan't be the king.
(27:27):
So for me and my wife, when wefigured that part out, it was a
game changer for us.
It changed everything.
The whole power dynamic shiftedand we still had some
challenges and stuff and we knewthat there were some things
that weren't quite right.
But we had that part down, pat.
We were together, we were in itfor the long haul we're going
(27:49):
for as many years as we're goingto be blessed to have on this
earth and we're going to do allof it being married and staying
married and staying in love witheach other.
When we decided that it was awrap, nothing could come between
us and people tried so manyhave tried to split us up.
We're still here almost 30years, brother.
Speaker 1 (28:13):
The power of unity.
Man.
Congratulations on almost 30years.
Thank you, sir.
So big these days.
We just celebrated our 24thanniversary last month.
Oh, sweet baby, that's good.
And like people like, oh my God,you guys have been married for
so long.
We, we people who have beenmarried like 50 plus years, and
(28:34):
it's horrifying to me that, likeyou know, people's expectations
have lowered so far when itcomes to couples staying
together.
But, let's know, people'sexpectations have lowered so far
when it comes to couplesstaying together.
But let's unpack this a littlebit, because I love what you
said.
In that moment you realized,hey, after they're gone, it's us
like they're, they're this muchand and I mean you have
(28:56):
grandkids now and and a greatgrandchild right, your kids are
always going to be part of yourlife or, hopefully, as a parent.
But we're working on it and thetime period where they're in
your house is a fragment ofwhat's to come right Of your
(29:17):
life together.
That dynamic changed thingsradically for you guys.
It's like, hey, it's us, right,we got to hold through this, no
matter what.
Oh, yeah, and you said therewas resistance from your kids on
this.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
Oh yeah, oh, absolutely.
I mean because they kind offelt like you know, I think, us,
(30:00):
you should understand why wewant to do this.
You should be on our side.
You know, us against the men.
You know, it wasn't the story II shared about the, uh, the
school administrator.
It's us, women against the men.
It's like men against powerstruggle.
I'm like, yeah, that doesn'twork in this kind of household,
the kind of household that we'retrying to forge and build, it
doesn't work.
(30:20):
So, yeah, there of household,the kind of household that we're
trying to forge and build, itdoesn't work.
So, yeah, there was a littlebit of a power struggle.
They were trying to get themhurt.
On their side come against atyrannical man, the father who
was laying down the law.
We must dethrone him.
It was ridiculous, but it's areal thing that happens in
households.
It's a real thing.
It was ridiculous, but it's areal thing that happens in
households.
Speaker 1 (30:40):
It's a real thing.
One of the earliestconversations I had with my
daughters about what they willactually be in trouble for,
right, the things that willactually get them in trouble in
our household.
One of the very first thingsthat my wife and I laid out is
(31:02):
if you come to one of us and askus something and get an answer
and then you don't like thatanswer, so you try and go to the
other one to get a differentanswer, without telling the
other one you already asked us.
Like, if you try and play usagainst each other, nothing
there, there's almost nothingelse that will escalate things
more quickly on the back end foryou guys.
Because we find out you'retrying to play each other, us
(31:22):
against each other, and, like I,I don't get angry.
Angry I I when I was younger Ihad anger issues.
I worked through those.
It takes a lot for me toactually like you know I I might
get a little louder, but Idon't actually get really angry
about things most of the timeanymore.
But it's like you.
You want to see me mad.
(31:43):
Let's not.
Let's not play mom and dad,because my wife and I both grew
up working with children andbeing around a lot of children.
Um, I have nieces who are alladults now, and so we, we
watched our like my siblings gothrough this and we watched
other friends, kids, play thisgame of playing mom against dad
(32:06):
and it's like, nope, that's nothappening, right?
I?
I'm amazed how many parentsdon't seem to understand that
that is going on in theirhousehold, right?
How many dads listening rightnow don't understand, because
(32:28):
you may be busy working orwhatever you're doing as the
father, as the dad and I knowyou're trying to be involved in
your kid's life, so you wouldn'tbe listening to a podcast like
this but how often is your kidgoing behind you and trying to
play your wife against you toget what they want?
Right?
(32:48):
And that's what my wife's firstresponse is.
Well, what'd your dad say?
And my first response is alwayswhat'd your mom say?
Because I just assume they wentto her first and they don't
always.
Like my kids have learned,they've been conditioned to this
point.
But that's that's our firstquestion, because, like, did you
(33:09):
talk to the other person incharge in this household?
And it changes yourrelationship with your kids.
Now I want to talk about theexample you're setting for your
children by having their nightin front.
How do you think that impactsthem going forward with their
relationships?
Speaker 2 (33:29):
I got a chance to see a really bad example played out
with one of my girls and, Ithink, one that somewhat decent
example, but what I think inhindsight, looking back at it,
(33:51):
what I think happened was Ishowed them an example of what a
healthy marriage should looklike.
We showed them an example ofwhat a healthy marriage should
look like In the moment.
That wasn't what our goal was.
We were just trying to survivethe onslaught.
It may sound dramatic andhyperbolic, but it was really
(34:11):
really hellish for us in a lotof different ways, but I think
what we tried to show them wasjust an example of what a
healthy marriage should looklike, what communication should
look like between spouses andparents of young children, what
it should look like to deal withconflict, conflict resolution
(34:33):
type stuff, and I hope that weshowed that.
I've seen, you know, one of mydaughters, the only one that has
actually married somebody.
They've dated and been withpeople, but they haven't.
My daughter, my youngest, isthe only one who's actually
married to somebody and it lookslike it's a pretty decent
relationship.
There's some enabling that goeson there and stuff.
(34:54):
That's a that's a side note,but you know.
But beside that, I think thatwe try to show them.
You know what it looks like totalk and be there for each other
.
I mean, if you take cues fromthe media and arts and
entertainment and that kind ofstuff, I mean, a healthy,
wholesome marriage is like it'skind of hard to find.
(35:16):
You got to go to certainnetworks to find this.
You know what I'm saying.
Even sometimes even that'ssuspect.
So it's like you really have todig deep to find anybody trying
to really do it right, at leastin those mediums anyway.
And in real life we know peopleare doing it all around the
world.
It's not that unique, it justappears to be that way because
of what we are fed.
(35:36):
But I try to be short on whatit looks like to be healthy
communicators, to be healthy indealing with adversity and how
we handle it.
You know, being more responsiveand not so reactive.
We've got to just teach themthat.
To be honest, man, I don't knowif they learn that.
I don't know if they got itdown.
(35:58):
I don't know if they got itdown.
I don't know if they pulledfrom it from time to time in
their relationships.
I really can't tell.
Sad to say, I don't have greatexamples of big wins.
Hey, man, look, we helped themget there.
I don't know, man, I hope.
I hope that we see that intimes to come.
There's been times where one ofmy daughters because she lived
(36:19):
with us, with her and her two orthree children for a little
while, so I got to hear some ofher thoughts and questions and
stuff I could tell even that Iguess I take that as a small win
.
The question that she asked uslet us know that she was paying
attention all those years, eventhough she was making her lives
hell, she was paying attentionto what was going on and she
(36:44):
kind of picked up on some thingsabout what a good relationship
should look like.
So I'll give, I'll give her,I'll celebrate that small W.
That's probably one of those.
I'll do that.
Speaker 1 (36:51):
You gotta take the wins where you can get them, man
.
You know kids see what you'redoing, so much more than what
you hear or what they what youtell them, I should say, um, so
modeling that in your ownmarriage, right, modeling that
it's us first.
We are the core of this family.
(37:12):
We are, we are the strength ofthis family.
And you said you found it likelife got easier as a parent when
you actually had this unitedfront with your wife.
Was it just more security?
How'd that play?
Speaker 2 (37:31):
I think it helped us formulate a plan.
This more to it than that.
But I'm going to try to breakit down best as I can without
being too clunky.
But we went into it.
We knew each other for threemonths before we got married and
we knew it was going to be areal thing for us.
(37:52):
We just kind of knew it.
I'm not going to say, oh, loveat first sight, I'm not going to
get cheesy about it, but wejust knew within that
three-month period you know what, this is my wife, this is my
husband this was going to happenand we honored that.
We went through with it and wedid it.
But I can't say we really had aplan.
We did premarital counselingand little things to help
(38:14):
ourselves.
We've been in marital workshopsand stuff, things to kind of
help educate us about what itlooks like to step into this.
But we didn't have a real planand I think we had to have that.
The moment before we had theUnited Front.
Well, the moments before itrevealed that we didn't have a
plan.
It revealed that we didn't havean idea where we were going to
go with this.
We knew we wanted to staymarried.
(38:35):
That wasn't really.
That's more of a hope.
It's not really a strategy.
So we didn't really have a planlike, hey, this is what's going
to happen, this is what we'reaiming for, this is how we're
going to do things in our housewhen it comes to raising our
children.
We didn't really formulate aplan.
We kind of said you know, we'regoing to just do this and we
were winging it.
We were winging it for severalyears.
To be honest about it, my wife,if she was here, she would
(38:57):
agree I ain't talking, I ain'tsaying anything that's out of
pocket.
We were winging it.
That being said, when we gotthat United Front, it made us
you know what?
It's time to start strategizing.
We kind of went to a war typementality.
It was really weird, but Iunderstand why.
But that's a side topic too.
(39:18):
We started making plans.
We started mapping stuff out,writing out plans and ideas.
Excuse me, this is what we'regoing to do, this is the
structure.
I mean, we started making, youknow, getting things in order,
and when you have a plan, man,you can do so many different
things.
We have a plan.
No plans change and lifechanges like life, be Life, be
life sometimes.
(39:38):
But it was so good that we had aplan and a strategy.
I think that was a game changerfor us, because did it make
things easier?
I think some things were alittle bit easier.
We knew that when people cameat us with the insults or try to
, you know, get personal becausethey couldn't have their way,
try to, you know, take deep digsat us we were able to deflect
(40:00):
it a whole lot better, like ahyeah, that's okay, the plan is
still going on.
If you want to be a part of it,you sure can.
If you want to stay on the ship, you sure can, but we're headed
in this direction.
If you don't want to be on here, your only recourse is to jump
(40:20):
off.
So this is kind of what we.
It made things a little biteasier.
We still had to go through somestruggles and some wars, and
they're very well documented.
But the bottom line With that,yeah, it helped us Having a
strategy, having a plan For ourlife and deciding what we were
going to do, or at least havingsome kind of goals 5, 10, 15
year goals.
It helped us.
It helped us recognize that youknow what this is about.
You and I, we got to live thislife out five, 10, 15-year goals
(40:40):
.
It helped us.
It helped us recognize that youknow what this is about.
You and I, we got to live thislife out.
We can't compromise it forpeople who aren't even going to
be here, who aren't even goingto be driving on this ship with
us.
They may be visitors, butthey're not going to be here.
You and I are going to be here.
Let's fight for our happinessand to walk in the blessings and
and be the the you and I thatwe're supposed to be.
Speaker 1 (41:02):
So I, I can I hope it does?
oh, it does.
I'm laughing because, like I, Ican literally hear the young
dads who have like just littleones right now listening to this
conversation being a littlefreaked out because my wife and
I we try and go and actuallylike do.
Uh, usually every year we tryand do like one like you know,
(41:26):
marriage seminar or class, andone is like we, we intentionally
try and go do somethingtogether.
Right, we find our church orone of the churches in the area
hosting the parenting class or amarriage class and we try and
put back into us every year.
But, like at the last parentingclass we were one of two
(41:48):
couples that had kids over theage of six.
Like the rest of them were likereally new parents, oh, wow,
and sarah and I would say thingsand the looks on some of their
faces, like my wife was like youknow, you love your children.
There are days you don't likethem and I just want to ring
their necks.
You love them.
You just really don't like whothey are right now.
(42:10):
And like I saw all these youngparents like just look horrified
that she would say, right, ifthere are days you don't like
your children, they're like youknow, you're like right.
And so I can hear the youngfathers now going wait, this,
this doesn't sound like afatherhood conversation.
He's talking about like goingto war and barely surviving and
(42:31):
being hellish.
Gentlemen, as your kids getolder, you're going to have
different phases of their livesand there there will be times.
It doesn't make it bad as faras, like you, you it does not
make fatherhood not worth it.
It just understand there willbe really rough times with your
(42:54):
children at times as they growthrough the different phases of
their life.
So for the young dads right nowwho are just holding like a
nine month old or something, ora one year old, trust me, you'll
get there, it's okay, andyou're still going to love that
kid.
But there will be times you'relike why did I do this?
What?
(43:15):
What was I thinking?
It's going to happen, but it'sokay, you got a dad joke for us.
Speaker 2 (43:25):
Yeah, this was a challenge to me because even
though I've been a dad for awhile, the dad joke trend I
never got involved with it, butI do have one.
You guys can decide if it'sgood or bad, I have no idea.
But here's my dad joke.
Do you know where all the dadjokes are kept?
Where in the database?
Speaker 1 (43:51):
fair play, fair play, definitely a dad joke.
That's one of the hard things.
A lot of dad jokes, those inthe moment things where you're
like right, because it plays inthe moment my daughter, she's 13
, my oldest daughter's 13, so Iget the eye roll with the puns.
Oh no, it's like I'm quick withthe puns and she's like really
(44:16):
dad, really you know I, I getthat look, but you know she is
supportive, she.
She got me this dad jokes bookfor the show.
So oh sweet just like hey, I getso much, so much grief when I
make a dad joke and you're likebut you give me a book.
She's like well, you knowyou're funny, so you need help
with the show.
Oh, wow.
Speaker 2 (44:40):
I wish she approved the jokes in the book, but I
guess that doesn't really matternow.
She doesn't even think you'refunny.
Speaker 1 (44:49):
Yeah, it's fair.
I'm not like the funniestperson in the world, so you know
.
I figure she's helping me onthis one.
Speaker 2 (44:55):
Okay, I hope she approves of your growth in this
area.
Speaker 1 (45:01):
Mr U, what is the one thing you really want people to
hear today?
Speaker 2 (45:13):
I think, since we're talking about dad, I'm kind of
just staying in the theme ofthis.
You know the fatherhood journey.
One thing is that, even thoughthe assignment is going to be
daunting a lot of the time, youknow, don't neglect the power of
community.
I've been sharing this for thepast three weeks on different
(45:35):
shows.
It's just something I'm reallypassionate about.
Don't neglect the importance ofcommunity, because the minute
you're in isolation and I'msaying it because I was actually
in it in these stories I wassharing with you that's where I
didn't have any other dadsupporting me.
I wasn't in any kind ofcommunities.
I was solo, trying to figure itout all in my head, based on my
(45:57):
own experiences and stuff theimportance of community.
It changed that for me and itwill change it for you too.
I mean, it's not going to makeeverything go away in your
household because you've got togo home, lock the door, you know
, close the blinds and stilllive in that situation.
I'm saying but the communitypart man.
Every time that I've seen thatwhen it's done right, it's a
(46:19):
beautiful thing and as men westruggle to connect a lot of the
time.
But we need to have thatcommunity.
So I would say embrace thatwherever you can find it.
You only find it in one or twopeople who you just trust to
talk to you about fatherhoodstuff, whether it be Brent, or
even if it's myself or both ofus.
If you just feel like you cantalk to us in a transparent way
(46:40):
and it's helpful for you andit's healthy for you, embrace it
.
That community is how we growthe most and it helps us to get
off of the ledge when we want tojump a lot of the time.
Speaker 1 (46:52):
So that's what I would say and gentlemen, if
you're struggling withconnecting with the people in
your life in a meaningful way,the people that really matter to
you, message me directly oninstagram or go to my website,
purposedrivenmancom.
There's a bubble down in thecorner.
When you click on it, you cansend mea video message, an audio
message, text message.
I'm super, super reachable andyou know, let's talk.
(47:15):
My relationship titans potprogram may be exactly what need
.
I know a lot of guys who gotreally busy trying to build kind
of let the relationship side oftheir life go.
If you're in that place withyour kids or with your spouse,
let's talk, maybe, maybe myprogram is right for you.
If not, I know some greatrelationship coaches besides
myself who would love to talk toyou and help you get back on
(47:37):
track with the people who trulymatter in your life.
Mr you, where is the best placefor people to connect with you?
Speaker 2 (47:46):
the best place I'll probably tell you.
Youtube channel, youtubecom at.
They call me mr you,m-i-s-t-a-y-u.
I probably say that probablythe best way.
Uh, on many of our show noteswe have Usually some links where
you can Kind of schedule aconsultation with me, a 30
minute free consultation.
I'm not sure if people are evenseeing this, so that's another
(48:08):
story, but that's available In alot of places too.
We can have a talk aboutpurpose, about fatherhood, just
about us as men just connectingand building community.
I'm a big advocate for that, sothe YouTube channel is the best
way to probably get me.
Speaker 1 (48:23):
Right now, though, and guys, as always, we'll have
Mr U's links all down in theshow notes.
The YouTube description RumbleWhere'd it go?
Also, on the page on my website, with this episode, we'll have
all the ways you can connectwith Mr U.
On the page on my website, withthis episode, we'll have all
the ways you can connect with MrYu, and some of our past
collaborations and the futurecollaborations will go there as
well, because this will not bethe last conversation we have.
Speaker 2 (48:45):
Oh gosh, I'm hoping that it's good.
Speaker 1 (48:47):
Guys, thanks for joining us today on the Dad
Hatchin' Indians podcast, acommunity of dads just
navigating life challengestogether.
Until next time, laugh, learnand live the dad life.
Now, mr Yu, all dads have that story right.
Just like you think about it,you start smiling and it
sometimes only makes sense toyou.
But all dads have that story.
So what is your funny dad story?
Speaker 2 (00:18):
I think funny is relative, but this is one of
those things that my wife and Iwe talked about it once in a
while.
We kind of just chuckled at itnow In the moment.
It wasn't a funny story, excuseme, but we had a parent
teachers conference and we werein a district, an area of the
state I'm not going to point outwhere that is, to not purposely
(00:39):
offend anybody but we were in aparticular district that was
kind of known for not caringabout people of certain races
and creeds, it's pretty likethat.
And I was at a parentageconference for one of my
daughters and the teacher, theadministrator, she would not
acknowledge me.
She, my wife, is, looks thesame as me, but she wouldn't
(01:00):
acknowledge me at all.
We're just like, I guess, awoman-to-woman thing and the man
was not important.
So, and on top of that, therewas a little bit of a history of
fathers not showing up fortheir kids in this regard.
So it was out of the norm.
So I'm from New York City, man,I'm a street shooter, I talk
with a deer in the eye and weget down to business and put in
(01:23):
that work.
So for me I was there to takecare of the issues that was
going on with my child and Ididn't care about all of the
history, I didn't care about allof the peripheral stuff and she
would acknowledge me and shejust kept on.
She just kept kind of ignoringme and I did something that was
kind of a little bit out ofcharacter because I didn't want
(01:43):
to make a bad scene, but I putit in that place real good and I
told her.
I said you know, this is thisis my child.
You know.
She tried to make it about mebeing a step parent and how.
I didn't have a real say.
I said this is my daughter.
You ain't gonna tell me how torun my daughter's life and my
daughter, this is, this is ourthing, this is our thing.
You just teach her.
That's your assignment.
(02:04):
I raised her, I live with herTurned into a big thing.
I don't think we got anythingsettled.
I found out what I needed tofind out about my daughter and
her education and everything.
I thought it was funny becauseI didn't expect that from myself
, even though I got a history ofdealing with hard stuff and
(02:27):
hard ways, being from New York.
But it was funny, man, to comedown here to the South and had
to deal with something like thatand see how I handled it.
A lot of folks try toassimilate to the culture and do
what the Romans do, so to speak.
I'm like no, I'm going to dowhat me.
This is my family.
I got to fight for this.
My family is worth fighting forand I'll fight all of y'all to
defend my kids.
(02:48):
So it wasn't funny in the momentbecause I put kind of created a
repetition for us as parentsand we showed up.
Everybody was like you knowwhat?
Here they come, what's gettingready to happen now.
But my goal wasn't to have thatkind of rep.
It was just to make sure that Iestablished some boundaries
(03:08):
with these people who didn'tknow me and didn't really know
my daughter the way I do, andlet them know that we're real
parents and we're here for thelong haul and if you mess with
them, you mess with me.
I'm going to come and see you.
So I thought it was funny.
We laugh about it from time totime and it's a funny story that
we tell every once in a while,but I thought it was funny.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
Now I I actually find it highly amusing because I, a
lot of people haven't movedaround Like they.
They live in like one area oftheir whole lives and they don't
understand the culture shockwhen you go from one area of
this country to another.
And the culture shock when yougo from one area of this country
to another and, like people, dopeople treat you incredibly
differently based on theirexperiences.
Uh, just, you know, withoutadding anything else to it,
(03:55):
without adding race or anythingelse to it, like people are
going to treat you a certain waybased on their experiences.
Oh, yeah, funny, yeah, funny.
Like a teacher was that's.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
I think she used to be in the boss, and maybe she
was the boss in every area ofher life and I think she just it
was so natural to her.
I think that that's what shewas doing in every area of her
life.
I think these days you probablycall her a Karen, but that's
beside the point, but it just it, just it.
Just you just feel like that'swhat she was really comfortable
talking to me or or or talkingaround me in a certain way, and
(04:32):
I, I, I couldn't let that stand,man, sometimes I can't just let
stuff go and not, you know,make everything into a power
struggle.
But I couldn't do it this time.
Maybe I was too weak, maybe Iwas too strong, I don't know
which one it was but I couldn'tdo it.
I couldn't let her do that tome.
I asserted my authority, Iasserted my dominance.
(04:56):
In the situation where Ithought I had it, I just allowed
her to have it.
I set her straight.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
Hey, I'm up for it, man.
I put down who they are.
This is my kid.
Engage with me.
This is my kid.
Yeah, I love that you werefighting for your kids.
You just kind of spend timewith them.
They're mine.
Lay that claim.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
Yeah, it's been.
We got it rough man.
People don't think that, butthere's a lot of things that we
have to deal with.
It's not easy.
People think it's easy to be aman.
It's not.
The responsibilities are supergreat.
Speaker 1 (05:42):
My guest today, mr Yu , had some incredible insights
into the fact that life works awhole lot differently when you
come together with your spouse aunited front.
So today, on this episode ofthe Dad has Shenanigans podcast,
we're talking firsthand with aman who went from.
We have no plan on thisFirsthand with a man who went
(06:05):
from.
We have no plan on this.
We're just going to wing it towhat it looks like when you come
together with your spouse andthe difference that makes in
raising your kids, with somegreat stories, some great
insights and a great dad hatstory.
Guys, dig into this episodewith Mr you right after this
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I absolutely love it and Ithink you will too.
Now let's jump back into theshow with the incredible mystery
.
Welcome to the DadHashShenanigans podcast.
The unfiltered truth aboutbeing a dad, real dads, real
stories, unfiltered candidconversations on fatherhood.
(08:32):
I'm your host, brent Dallin.
Today, my guest is a man inmany hats himself, with one of
the most important being dadYusuf Marshall, but you might
know him more as his commonestnomenclature, aka the incredible
Mr you.
Mr you, welcome to Dad Hatchingin his podcast.
Thank you, man.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
Oh, I'm excited, man.
I got the dad part straight.
I think I got the hat.
I'm ready for it.
Let's go, man, I'm excited.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
You're having me on, man?
I've actually had people showup without hats, Like that's why
there's so much on that in ourconversation.
That's not a violation.
Right, it's the firstinstruction Bring a hat.
But hey, speaking of hat, okay,you're wearing a White Castle
ball cap.
Tell us the dad hat story.
What's up with the dad hat?
Speaker 2 (09:21):
Oh, it's funny.
To be be clear, I would neverhave bought this myself.
I have a long white castlehistory.
Uh, when I was a little kid Itold story to my daughter so
many times, I think it's how itgot started.
But growing up, uh, back in theold city, you know, I had time
for breakfast.
I had a one of those liveswhere I was like a latchkey kid
so I had to kind of do my ownthing, get out of the house and
(09:44):
had to go to a different boroughto go to school.
I had to take two trains and abus to go to high school.
So for me, the bus, the whitecaptain at the bus stop I had to
be at to get off the train, toget on the bus.
So it was natural breakfast andit became a thing all four
years, every day of schoolbreakfast I didn't get breakfast
(10:07):
at home because I was justrushing to get out of there to
get on the train.
You know the train is late,you're late for school, so it
was just me being early.
So White Castle was the option.
I ate White Castle for breakfastfor four years and you know
what it doesn't sound appetizing.
I got like a good breakfast,but it was the breakfast of
champions and I loved it and Iate it every single day and I
(10:27):
sometimes even had it for lunch.
I was that into it.
Sometimes dinner too.
I love White Castle.
After a while.
There's a reputation about theburgers, though.
You can't eat that stuff andnot pay a cost to eat this food,
just to put it like that,without getting gross on your
show.
But my daughter's heard thestory many times and I've been a
fan of the ones in the frozenvariety because I moved away
(10:51):
from where they were WhiteCastle restaurants so I couldn't
find that stuff where I lived.
I thought I had to live home inNew York, so they were bottles
for me.
I ran them out of thesupermarket and everything and
after a while I backed off.
But my grandkids wanted to giveme a Father's Day gift, so they
got me a cup that says you know, you're the best Popeye in the
world and all kinds of thegreatest Popeye and all kinds of
(11:11):
stuff.
And this hat was also in one ofthe gifts.
I'm like a White Castle hat.
It reminded me that they wereactually listening to my stories
and they actually heard me,because I didn't think they
would listen to me, but theyobviously heard me and they came
together and figured out that awhite castle hat would be an
awesome gift.
This is actually my first timewearing it.
Don't tell anybody because I'mnot gonna wear.
(11:34):
I'm not gonna wear it out onthe street, but I'm proud of my
gift.
It came from my kids and mygrandkids.
I'm with it, but this is myfirst time actually wearing this
.
I'm out trying to make it fitthis morning and everything but
great memories came from meputting it on my head today and
it's a good opportunity to evendo that.
This is really good.
I'm thinking about all kind ofcool stuff that happened that I
came with it.
So my father's day gift for mykids and my grandkids White
(11:57):
Castle here we go History.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
That's awesome.
Like some women don'tunderstand, like men, men have
hats that just like actualphysical hats.
Right, I?
I have a ball cap from the 91,92, 93 back-to-back rose bowl
championships for the, for thehuskies, okay, because it was a
(12:22):
really important time in my lifeand that was when, like, our
quarterback from that year wenton to play pro ball Uh, he was
the quarterback for Jacksonvillefor when they formed and so
like.
But I mean it is dirty andgross.
My wife's like throw it away,I'm like no, just wash it.
I'm afraid to wash that one itmight fall apart.
(12:44):
I think the oils hold.
Oh, wow, uh, yeah, it is.
I have that collection of hats,other than this fancy showy one
, but I love the white castlehat because there you have such
a story behind that, right thereso, and your kids were
listening, which is like evenbetter that they got it for you.
I'm amazed, yeah, how many kidsyou have kids and grandkids
(13:07):
that got that.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
Yeah, three grown daughters, six grandkids and we
found out about eight months agothat we have a great-grandchild
I haven't met yet.
Speaker 1 (13:17):
Oh, my goodness bro.
Speaker 2 (13:19):
I'm going to take a sip on that one.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
Yeah, yeah, for sure.
Cheers to a great-.
It's amazing, but Before we gotoo much farther, Mr Yu, tell us
about yourself.
For those who are joining ustoday who don't know you already
, you guys can catch me over onhis show and soon you'll catch
(13:43):
him on my other show.
But for people who don't knowMr Yu and you have not found one
of your fantastic podcasts orsome of your other adventures,
we'll call it adventures.
Tell us about you.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
Wow About me.
Like you said earlier, that'skind of how I describe myself
now.
I'm kind of ajack-of-all-trades and wear many
hats.
I've done so many things inlife that I mean I kind of talk
about it in the show, just kindof just put it out there where
it doesn't sound like it'sself-aggrandizing.
I kind of just talk about themany things that I got valuable
experiences from.
(14:16):
But currently I guess I can bedescribed as an ordained
minister, a podcaster.
As you well know, I'm thedirector of a new nonprofit.
That's kind of where all myenergy is going right now.
I mean, the husband-fatherpiece is always present.
But those are the things that Ido, I guess, in life, in the
(14:36):
world and stuff.
I mean I got a lot of things.
I was a singer and songwriterfor years.
I was an author of my firstbook.
I've done so many things.
I was a leader in industry,with the government, border
security and passports and stuff.
I mean I was doing a lot ofstuff.
So I guess I'm just, you know,trying to just live this purpose
(14:57):
out and be the best version ofmyself that I can be, and I'm
trying to find myself in thisworld of podcasting and media
and trying to be theprofessional and encourager if I
can be and I'm trying to findmyself in this world of
podcasting and media and andtrying to be the professional
and encourager If I can describemyself.
I guess that's what I am.
I'm a professional, encourager,professional friend.
That's what I'm trying to doright now.
So that's kind of my goal tohelp some folks out growing
(15:18):
their purpose and helping getsome answers to some lifelong
questions.
So that's the goal of thepodcast and that's the goal of
my private conversations withpeople and my consultations, et
cetera.
That's what I'm doing, man.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
So I love it.
I like the professionalencourager title that's.
There are a lot of people thesedays who could use
encouragement.
So I think you're doing greatthings there and I absolutely
love your show.
Oh, thank you, sir.
Like I said, guys, you can findme on his show, but find his
show because his show is a lotof fun.
(15:51):
He's got great conversationsgoing on with people.
I enjoy being on it, but I justlike after listening to it
getting ready to be on your show.
It's like you got a great show,man.
I love it.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
So fine.
Your episode was awesome too,man.
Your episode with us wasamazing man.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
I hope they catch that one of his shows because
you you have three.
Is it three or four?
Speaker 2 (16:12):
yeah, that's right well, you're just three.
Now.
One's a a sports show from forour hometown uh nfl team, but
the other two are justencouragement, teaching, purpose
, leadership, development.
That's what the other two showsare all about.
So that's all we're doing there.
But yeah, just one sports showabsolutely.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
I had to launch a third show just so I could keep
up with you bro go for it, manthis is that five.
I couldn't do it.
This is the third show, so, ohokay, after hanging out with you
on your show, I was like man,I'm dropping the ball, I'm not
doing enough.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
So I don.
So I hope I didn't send thatmessage, because that was not my
intention.
We used to have five.
I had to pull back and say thisis not I got.
I got to use my time wisely.
So that's why I pulled backfrom having five.
I'm like okay, I gotta befocused on what's the most
important goal here.
What am I trying to accomplish?
Do these other shows help meaccomplish that goal?
If they don't, they got to goOne of the shows, the most
(17:08):
popular one that we had.
We had 22,000 followers on onenetwork from that show.
We had to kill it, though.
It was my decision, thoughNobody forced me into that.
I just said you know what?
This is not going to help meget to the goal that I have.
So I love sports.
I talk about it pretty fluidly,but it wasn't worth investing
(17:31):
that kind of time into it.
So we put it to bed early thismonth, like.
I said man, I'm all aboutpurpose man.
Speaker 1 (17:39):
That's a whole other conversation we'll have to get
into on another day.
For sure, what's the best partabout being a dad, and now a
granddad like you?
You can.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
You can this one if you are well, the best part
about the granddad part is thatyou know you can hang out with
him and and send him back home.
That's the best part about thatpart.
As far as being a dad, though,I think the best part of just
knowing that you know what, youlearn how to sacrifice, and just
knowing that you know what youlearn how to sacrifice and I
(18:08):
know that people you know talkabout that council.
Some people go, some parents gooverboard where they begin to
worship their children and tryto live their lives through
their children, and the childrendon't want what they're trying
to live out through them.
It's ugly scene, but I thinkone of the biggest things for me
that I think is the best thing,it's the sacrifice part,
Because the world around us andI'm not trying to go political
(18:29):
or anything like that, just kindof just talking generally
speaking we forgot what honorand sacrifice look like and
we're out here trying to get,get, get and we don't realize
what it takes, what the cost isfor us to even have what we
actually do have, that we don'treally respect or that we don't
really cherish or honor, andbeing a father, it causes you to
learn sacrifice real quick.
(18:50):
You learn about you know what itmeans to give up what you want
and what your goal was in lifein order to make sure that
theirs comes true.
And that's not an easy thing todo as a parent, especially a
loving parent.
You have to give up some thingsthat you want in favor of
making sure that your childrenare taken care of.
(19:11):
So I had to learn.
Coming from the place where Icome from geographically, I
needed to learn that that wasimportant for me.
So being a dad was a blessing.
I think I would say it saved mylife, because I could have been
in a different place in somestuff, and being a father gave
(19:31):
me responsibilities off the bat.
I had to learn about you knowwhat it's ain't about you, this
whole thing's not about you andkind of help foster great things
in my kids so they can be thebest uh, them that it can be in
this crazy world.
So sacrifice for the biggestlesson, I think, is the best
thing that happened to mepersonally as a dad.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
So you know I love it .
It's I've I've listened toother men talk about, uh,
becoming fathers and howradically it changed their lives
, and I've heard more than oneexpress the idea that really
it's what saved me.
(20:10):
Like you think, like your kidsthink you're doing amazing
things for them, but honestly,like our kids do so much for us,
like my life is so much richerbecause of my daughters and
fuller like I, I laugh more, Ienjoy my life, more, I'm more
passionate about it, right?
(20:32):
So, no matter where you'recoming from, it's I've seen this
over and over again with a lotof dads like man, my kids have
no idea how much they saved me.
Like and and I love you know Iwant, I want to be Superman for
my kids, right?
So I, I want to set that barhigh and I want to be Superman,
but like I have to wait there,older is my you're the ones who
(21:05):
say me you know I can't tellabout you, you know.
No, it's gonna be a minute foryou to share that story.
It's gonna be.
It's gonna be a minute a littlebit, and, mr you, you wanted to
.
We talked about what we'regoing to talk about today and
kick some ideas around, and I'mreally like to this idea of
talking about the importance ofhaving a night in front with
your spouse or your partner inraising, because they will learn
(21:28):
ruthless precision, how toconquer and divide, divide and
conquer very quickly, like it'san instinctual thing.
So let's, let's talk abouthaving that united front when,
with your spouse, as you'reraising kids, and what that
means.
Speaker 2 (21:45):
Wow it was.
It played out almost like amovie.
And because I used to writescreenplays and write books and
manuscripts and that kind ofstuff, I get the art, the whole
creative side of movie.
I get into the, the plot twistsand that kind of stuff.
I get the whole creative sideof movies.
I get into the plot twists andthat kind of stuff.
Our life played out like thatbecause we went into this thing
(22:07):
happy, everybody was good, wewere excited about our situation
family-wise and everything.
It was just all good.
It started off flowers,rainbows, the whole deal,
peaches and puppies.
It was just great.
And then the bottom fell out.
People started, you know,different sides of the family
started getting involved in ourlife and speaking and trying to
(22:30):
manipulate our members of ourhome from the outside and trying
to just kind of stick theirnose in our family, business and
stuff.
And it turned into a thingwhere we had almost like every
day was a walking on the landtrying to avoid landmines in
your house, you know, and thatwas that's not, that's not.
It's not good in war, it's notgood in life either, in family,
(22:54):
and we we lived that for manyyears and it got to the point
where my wife and I were like Idon't think we said it out right
, but we wondered if we weregoing to make it, because it was
just too much stuff happeningand she was starting to have
pity for me.
It's all good, this is myproblem, not yours.
(23:14):
You're free to do whatever youwant.
I'm sorry to put all this stuffon you, and I told her to shut
her mouth.
I said that many times too.
I said shut your mouth, I'mhere with you.
Me and you made the commitmenthere.
You know what I'm saying.
I mean, people talk about wherethe kids should be in the
family dynamic, and that's adifferent conversation for a
(23:35):
different day.
But for me, we got to the placewhere we were literally at the
end of our ropes.
That's not hyperbole, that'sreally where we were and we were
like, okay, we got to dosomething.
And I don't know if it was anepiphany, it wasn't because of a
book that either of us werereading.
I don't know what happened andwhere it came from, but we
(23:56):
somehow it just clicked that.
You know what?
When these kids get older,they're not going to be here, so
all the damage that they'redoing right now, they're going
to leave us behind and we'regoing to be in the rubble of
this and they're going to go onto their lives.
They're going to go on and goto school and college, I guess,
whatever and get married and dotheir own thing in life, and
we'll still be here trying toclean up and we'll still be here
(24:18):
trying to clean up.
So what we figured out duringthat time was you know what?
It's time for a united front.
If nothing else matters, theonly thing that matters is our
relationship, you and I.
Now I'll tell you right nowthat didn't go over well with
people generally speaking,because they all think that
their kids are their world andthe kids is everything.
No offense to anybody that'slistening but they think that
(24:40):
the kids should be at thepriority.
As a matter of fact, they'resupposed to be the highest thing
on the food chain.
I don't agree with that.
For my wife and I, we said youknow what you and I are, the
relationship.
We got to maintain this aboveeverything else.
If our kids hate us and loatheus, which they did, that's fine.
Perhaps that'll change overtime.
(25:00):
They'll get past that Maybe.
Perhaps we'll have some kind ofJesus meeting, come to Jesus
meeting, and maybe we'll getthrough that.
But at the end of the day, mywife and I are the, we are the
union, we are the relationship.
Everything else is a componentof that or offshoot of that.
So when we figured that part out, it was a game changer for us.
(25:22):
We figured out you know whatit's, you and I.
We got to be in agreement.
They can't talk to you aboutone thing and tell me something
different.
They can't ask me for somethingthat you said no to already.
No, we got to be on the samepage.
And when we did that, it killeda whole lot of the machinations
that our kids had about tryingto divide and get their way with
(25:43):
some things want to go toparties that we wouldn't approve
of, be around folks that wedidn't like, that kind of stuff.
It killed all of that stuffbecause we had a united front
and it just kind of foreshadowedhow important unity is in a
marriage.
You can't give that up for yourkids, cause it will, it would
(26:03):
be, it would be the end of you.
You can't do it.
So when we figured that partout, we were stronger than we
ever have been before.
Next year we're going to becelebrating our 30th year in
marriage.
No, and neither one of usthought it was going to happen.
So that that's probably what myyou know.
I thought the United Front wasa powerful message to kind of
share today, because a lot ofpeople are not doing it.
(26:26):
I see it all the time.
I'm not pointing anybody outbecause I know they may be
watching this, but I see it allthe time.
The kids are the decision makersin the households.
If they scream loud enough fromWalmart and fall out, they get
that candy, they get that teddybear, they decide they move the
needle in their household.
And I'm sorry but that's justnot.
(26:47):
I don't care what the situationis.
That just cannot possibly Okay.
That child's a miracle child.
You didn't think they should behere, they should have died,
but they survived.
They still don't have the rightto ruin your whole household
and run your marriage.
I'm so sorry.
They just can't do that.
It's you and your spouse andthat's it.
Everybody else got to come inline with that fact.
(27:07):
That's the I mean from thebeginning of time.
It started off with that Maleand female husband and wife.
Everything else came from that.
So the child can't be the boss.
I'm so sorry.
The child can't be the queen.
She can be a princess but shecan't be the queen.
The son can be a prince, but hecan't be the king.
(27:27):
So for me and my wife, when wefigured that part out, it was a
game changer for us.
It changed everything.
The whole power dynamic shiftedand we still had some
challenges and stuff and we knewthat there were some things
that weren't quite right.
But we had that part down, pat.
We were together, we were in itfor the long haul we're going
(27:49):
for as many years as we're goingto be blessed to have on this
earth and we're going to do allof it being married and staying
married and staying in love witheach other.
When we decided that it was awrap, nothing could come between
us and people tried so manyhave tried to split us up.
We're still here almost 30years, brother.
Speaker 1 (28:13):
The power of unity.
Man.
Congratulations on almost 30years.
Thank you, sir.
So big these days.
We just celebrated our 24thanniversary last month.
Oh, sweet baby, that's good.
And like people like, oh my God,you guys have been married for
so long.
We, we people who have beenmarried like 50 plus years, and
(28:34):
it's horrifying to me that, likeyou know, people's expectations
have lowered so far when itcomes to couples staying
together.
But, let's know, people'sexpectations have lowered so far
when it comes to couplesstaying together.
But let's unpack this a littlebit, because I love what you
said.
In that moment you realized,hey, after they're gone, it's us
like they're, they're this muchand and I mean you have
(28:56):
grandkids now and and a greatgrandchild right, your kids are
always going to be part of yourlife or, hopefully, as a parent.
But we're working on it and thetime period where they're in
your house is a fragment ofwhat's to come right Of your
(29:17):
life together.
That dynamic changed thingsradically for you guys.
It's like, hey, it's us, right,we got to hold through this, no
matter what.
Oh, yeah, and you said therewas resistance from your kids on
this.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
Oh yeah, oh, absolutely.
I mean because they kind offelt like you know, I think, us,
(30:00):
you should understand why wewant to do this.
You should be on our side.
You know, us against the men.
You know, it wasn't the story II shared about the, uh, the
school administrator.
It's us, women against the men.
It's like men against powerstruggle.
I'm like, yeah, that doesn'twork in this kind of household,
the kind of household that we'retrying to forge and build, it
doesn't work.
(30:20):
So, yeah, there of household,the kind of household that we're
trying to forge and build, itdoesn't work.
So, yeah, there was a littlebit of a power struggle.
They were trying to get themhurt.
On their side come against atyrannical man, the father who
was laying down the law.
We must dethrone him.
It was ridiculous, but it's areal thing that happens in
households.
It's a real thing.
It was ridiculous, but it's areal thing that happens in
households.
Speaker 1 (30:40):
It's a real thing.
One of the earliestconversations I had with my
daughters about what they willactually be in trouble for,
right, the things that willactually get them in trouble in
our household.
One of the very first thingsthat my wife and I laid out is
(31:02):
if you come to one of us and askus something and get an answer
and then you don't like thatanswer, so you try and go to the
other one to get a differentanswer, without telling the
other one you already asked us.
Like, if you try and play usagainst each other, nothing
there, there's almost nothingelse that will escalate things
more quickly on the back end foryou guys.
Because we find out you'retrying to play each other, us
(31:22):
against each other, and, like I,I don't get angry.
Angry I I when I was younger Ihad anger issues.
I worked through those.
It takes a lot for me toactually like you know I I might
get a little louder, but Idon't actually get really angry
about things most of the timeanymore.
But it's like you.
You want to see me mad.
(31:43):
Let's not.
Let's not play mom and dad,because my wife and I both grew
up working with children andbeing around a lot of children.
Um, I have nieces who are alladults now, and so we, we
watched our like my siblings gothrough this and we watched
other friends, kids, play thisgame of playing mom against dad
(32:06):
and it's like, nope, that's nothappening, right?
I?
I'm amazed how many parentsdon't seem to understand that
that is going on in theirhousehold, right?
How many dads listening rightnow don't understand, because
(32:28):
you may be busy working orwhatever you're doing as the
father, as the dad and I knowyou're trying to be involved in
your kid's life, so you wouldn'tbe listening to a podcast like
this but how often is your kidgoing behind you and trying to
play your wife against you toget what they want?
Right?
(32:48):
And that's what my wife's firstresponse is.
Well, what'd your dad say?
And my first response is alwayswhat'd your mom say?
Because I just assume they wentto her first and they don't
always.
Like my kids have learned,they've been conditioned to this
point.
But that's that's our firstquestion, because, like, did you
(33:09):
talk to the other person incharge in this household?
And it changes yourrelationship with your kids.
Now I want to talk about theexample you're setting for your
children by having their nightin front.
How do you think that impactsthem going forward with their
relationships?
Speaker 2 (33:29):
I got a chance to see a really bad example played out
with one of my girls and, Ithink, one that somewhat decent
example, but what I think inhindsight, looking back at it,
(33:51):
what I think happened was Ishowed them an example of what a
healthy marriage should looklike.
We showed them an example ofwhat a healthy marriage should
look like In the moment.
That wasn't what our goal was.
We were just trying to survivethe onslaught.
It may sound dramatic andhyperbolic, but it was really
(34:11):
really hellish for us in a lotof different ways, but I think
what we tried to show them wasjust an example of what a
healthy marriage should looklike, what communication should
look like between spouses andparents of young children, what
it should look like to deal withconflict, conflict resolution
(34:33):
type stuff, and I hope that weshowed that.
I've seen, you know, one of mydaughters, the only one that has
actually married somebody.
They've dated and been withpeople, but they haven't.
My daughter, my youngest, isthe only one who's actually
married to somebody and it lookslike it's a pretty decent
relationship.
There's some enabling that goeson there and stuff.
(34:54):
That's a that's a side note,but you know.
But beside that, I think thatwe try to show them.
You know what it looks like totalk and be there for each other
.
I mean, if you take cues fromthe media and arts and
entertainment and that kind ofstuff, I mean, a healthy,
wholesome marriage is like it'skind of hard to find.
(35:16):
You got to go to certainnetworks to find this.
You know what I'm saying.
Even sometimes even that'ssuspect.
So it's like you really have todig deep to find anybody trying
to really do it right, at leastin those mediums anyway.
And in real life we know peopleare doing it all around the
world.
It's not that unique, it justappears to be that way because
of what we are fed.
(35:36):
But I try to be short on whatit looks like to be healthy
communicators, to be healthy indealing with adversity and how
we handle it.
You know, being more responsiveand not so reactive.
We've got to just teach themthat.
To be honest, man, I don't knowif they learn that.
I don't know if they got itdown.
(35:58):
I don't know if they got itdown.
I don't know if they pulledfrom it from time to time in
their relationships.
I really can't tell.
Sad to say, I don't have greatexamples of big wins.
Hey, man, look, we helped themget there.
I don't know, man, I hope.
I hope that we see that intimes to come.
There's been times where one ofmy daughters because she lived
(36:19):
with us, with her and her two orthree children for a little
while, so I got to hear some ofher thoughts and questions and
stuff I could tell even that Iguess I take that as a small win
.
The question that she asked uslet us know that she was paying
attention all those years, eventhough she was making her lives
hell, she was paying attentionto what was going on and she
(36:44):
kind of picked up on some thingsabout what a good relationship
should look like.
So I'll give, I'll give her,I'll celebrate that small W.
That's probably one of those.
I'll do that.
Speaker 1 (36:51):
You gotta take the wins where you can get them, man
.
You know kids see what you'redoing, so much more than what
you hear or what they what youtell them, I should say, um, so
modeling that in your ownmarriage, right, modeling that
it's us first.
We are the core of this family.
(37:12):
We are, we are the strength ofthis family.
And you said you found it likelife got easier as a parent when
you actually had this unitedfront with your wife.
Was it just more security?
How'd that play?
Speaker 2 (37:31):
I think it helped us formulate a plan.
This more to it than that.
But I'm going to try to breakit down best as I can without
being too clunky.
But we went into it.
We knew each other for threemonths before we got married and
we knew it was going to be areal thing for us.
(37:52):
We just kind of knew it.
I'm not going to say, oh, loveat first sight, I'm not going to
get cheesy about it, but wejust knew within that
three-month period you know what, this is my wife, this is my
husband this was going to happenand we honored that.
We went through with it and wedid it.
But I can't say we really had aplan.
We did premarital counselingand little things to help
(38:14):
ourselves.
We've been in marital workshopsand stuff, things to kind of
help educate us about what itlooks like to step into this.
But we didn't have a real planand I think we had to have that.
The moment before we had theUnited Front.
Well, the moments before itrevealed that we didn't have a
plan.
It revealed that we didn't havean idea where we were going to
go with this.
We knew we wanted to staymarried.
(38:35):
That wasn't really.
That's more of a hope.
It's not really a strategy.
So we didn't really have a planlike, hey, this is what's going
to happen, this is what we'reaiming for, this is how we're
going to do things in our housewhen it comes to raising our
children.
We didn't really formulate aplan.
We kind of said you know, we'regoing to just do this and we
were winging it.
We were winging it for severalyears.
To be honest about it, my wife,if she was here, she would
(38:57):
agree I ain't talking, I ain'tsaying anything that's out of
pocket.
We were winging it.
That being said, when we gotthat United Front, it made us
you know what?
It's time to start strategizing.
We kind of went to a war typementality.
It was really weird, but Iunderstand why.
But that's a side topic too.
(39:18):
We started making plans.
We started mapping stuff out,writing out plans and ideas.
Excuse me, this is what we'regoing to do, this is the
structure.
I mean, we started making, youknow, getting things in order,
and when you have a plan, man,you can do so many different
things.
We have a plan.
No plans change and lifechanges like life, be Life, be
life sometimes.
(39:38):
But it was so good that we had aplan and a strategy.
I think that was a game changerfor us, because did it make
things easier?
I think some things were alittle bit easier.
We knew that when people cameat us with the insults or try to
, you know, get personal becausethey couldn't have their way,
try to, you know, take deep digsat us we were able to deflect
(40:00):
it a whole lot better, like ahyeah, that's okay, the plan is
still going on.
If you want to be a part of it,you sure can.
If you want to stay on the ship, you sure can, but we're headed
in this direction.
If you don't want to be on here, your only recourse is to jump
(40:20):
off.
So this is kind of what we.
It made things a little biteasier.
We still had to go through somestruggles and some wars, and
they're very well documented.
But the bottom line With that,yeah, it helped us Having a
strategy, having a plan For ourlife and deciding what we were
going to do, or at least havingsome kind of goals 5, 10, 15
year goals.
It helped us.
It helped us recognize that youknow what this is about.
You and I, we got to live thislife out five, 10, 15-year goals
(40:40):
.
It helped us.
It helped us recognize that youknow what this is about.
You and I, we got to live thislife out.
We can't compromise it forpeople who aren't even going to
be here, who aren't even goingto be driving on this ship with
us.
They may be visitors, butthey're not going to be here.
You and I are going to be here.
Let's fight for our happinessand to walk in the blessings and
and be the the you and I thatwe're supposed to be.
Speaker 1 (41:02):
So I, I can I hope it does?
oh, it does.
I'm laughing because, like I, Ican literally hear the young
dads who have like just littleones right now listening to this
conversation being a littlefreaked out because my wife and
I we try and go and actuallylike do.
Uh, usually every year we tryand do like one like you know,
(41:26):
marriage seminar or class, andone is like we, we intentionally
try and go do somethingtogether.
Right, we find our church orone of the churches in the area
hosting the parenting class or amarriage class and we try and
put back into us every year.
But, like at the last parentingclass we were one of two
(41:48):
couples that had kids over theage of six.
Like the rest of them were likereally new parents, oh, wow,
and sarah and I would say thingsand the looks on some of their
faces, like my wife was like youknow, you love your children.
There are days you don't likethem and I just want to ring
their necks.
You love them.
You just really don't like whothey are right now.
(42:10):
And like I saw all these youngparents like just look horrified
that she would say, right, ifthere are days you don't like
your children, they're like youknow, you're like right.
And so I can hear the youngfathers now going wait, this,
this doesn't sound like afatherhood conversation.
He's talking about like goingto war and barely surviving and
(42:31):
being hellish.
Gentlemen, as your kids getolder, you're going to have
different phases of their livesand there there will be times.
It doesn't make it bad as faras, like you, you it does not
make fatherhood not worth it.
It just understand there willbe really rough times with your
(42:54):
children at times as they growthrough the different phases of
their life.
So for the young dads right nowwho are just holding like a
nine month old or something, ora one year old, trust me, you'll
get there, it's okay, andyou're still going to love that
kid.
But there will be times you'relike why did I do this?
What?
(43:15):
What was I thinking?
It's going to happen, but it'sokay, you got a dad joke for us.
Speaker 2 (43:25):
Yeah, this was a challenge to me because even
though I've been a dad for awhile, the dad joke trend I
never got involved with it, butI do have one.
You guys can decide if it'sgood or bad, I have no idea.
But here's my dad joke.
Do you know where all the dadjokes are kept?
Where in the database?
Speaker 1 (43:51):
fair play, fair play, definitely a dad joke.
That's one of the hard things.
A lot of dad jokes, those inthe moment things where you're
like right, because it plays inthe moment my daughter, she's 13
, my oldest daughter's 13, so Iget the eye roll with the puns.
Oh no, it's like I'm quick withthe puns and she's like really
(44:16):
dad, really you know I, I getthat look, but you know she is
supportive, she.
She got me this dad jokes bookfor the show.
So oh sweet just like hey, I getso much, so much grief when I
make a dad joke and you're likebut you give me a book.
She's like well, you knowyou're funny, so you need help
with the show.
Oh, wow.
Speaker 2 (44:40):
I wish she approved the jokes in the book, but I
guess that doesn't really matternow.
She doesn't even think you'refunny.
Speaker 1 (44:49):
Yeah, it's fair.
I'm not like the funniestperson in the world, so you know
.
I figure she's helping me onthis one.
Speaker 2 (44:55):
Okay, I hope she approves of your growth in this
area.
Speaker 1 (45:01):
Mr U, what is the one thing you really want people to
hear today?
Speaker 2 (45:13):
I think, since we're talking about dad, I'm kind of
just staying in the theme ofthis.
You know the fatherhood journey.
One thing is that, even thoughthe assignment is going to be
daunting a lot of the time, youknow, don't neglect the power of
community.
I've been sharing this for thepast three weeks on different
(45:35):
shows.
It's just something I'm reallypassionate about.
Don't neglect the importance ofcommunity, because the minute
you're in isolation and I'msaying it because I was actually
in it in these stories I wassharing with you that's where I
didn't have any other dadsupporting me.
I wasn't in any kind ofcommunities.
I was solo, trying to figure itout all in my head, based on my
(45:57):
own experiences and stuff theimportance of community.
It changed that for me and itwill change it for you too.
I mean, it's not going to makeeverything go away in your
household because you've got togo home, lock the door, you know
, close the blinds and stilllive in that situation.
I'm saying but the communitypart man.
Every time that I've seen thatwhen it's done right, it's a
(46:19):
beautiful thing and as men westruggle to connect a lot of the
time.
But we need to have thatcommunity.
So I would say embrace thatwherever you can find it.
You only find it in one or twopeople who you just trust to
talk to you about fatherhoodstuff, whether it be Brent, or
even if it's myself or both ofus.
If you just feel like you cantalk to us in a transparent way
(46:40):
and it's helpful for you andit's healthy for you, embrace it
.
That community is how we growthe most and it helps us to get
off of the ledge when we want tojump a lot of the time.
Speaker 1 (46:52):
So that's what I would say and gentlemen, if
you're struggling withconnecting with the people in
your life in a meaningful way,the people that really matter to
you, message me directly oninstagram or go to my website,
purposedrivenmancom.
There's a bubble down in thecorner.
When you click on it, you cansend mea video message, an audio
message, text message.
I'm super, super reachable andyou know, let's talk.
(47:15):
My relationship titans potprogram may be exactly what need
.
I know a lot of guys who gotreally busy trying to build kind
of let the relationship side oftheir life go.
If you're in that place withyour kids or with your spouse,
let's talk, maybe, maybe myprogram is right for you.
If not, I know some greatrelationship coaches besides
myself who would love to talk toyou and help you get back on
(47:37):
track with the people who trulymatter in your life.
Mr you, where is the best placefor people to connect with you?
Speaker 2 (47:46):
the best place I'll probably tell you.
Youtube channel, youtubecom at.
They call me mr you,m-i-s-t-a-y-u.
I probably say that probablythe best way.
Uh, on many of our show noteswe have Usually some links where
you can Kind of schedule aconsultation with me, a 30
minute free consultation.
I'm not sure if people are evenseeing this, so that's another
(48:08):
story, but that's available In alot of places too.
We can have a talk aboutpurpose, about fatherhood, just
about us as men just connectingand building community.
I'm a big advocate for that, sothe YouTube channel is the best
way to probably get me.
Speaker 1 (48:23):
Right now, though, and guys, as always, we'll have
Mr U's links all down in theshow notes.
The YouTube description RumbleWhere'd it go?
Also, on the page on my website, with this episode, we'll have
all the ways you can connectwith Mr U.
On the page on my website, withthis episode, we'll have all
the ways you can connect with MrYu, and some of our past
collaborations and the futurecollaborations will go there as
well, because this will not bethe last conversation we have.
Speaker 2 (48:45):
Oh gosh, I'm hoping that it's good.
Speaker 1 (48:47):
Guys, thanks for joining us today on the Dad
Hatchin' Indians podcast, acommunity of dads just
navigating life challengestogether.
Until next time, laugh, learnand live the dad life.
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