Mista Yu on the Driven 2 Thrive Broadcast: "Beyond The American Dream"

Never stop seeking your purpose - that's the most critical lesson about purpose. The most distressed and distraught people are those who have stopped looking, settling into careers or talents while something dies inside them.

• The richest place in the world is the graveyard, filled with unwritten books and unrealized ideas
• Finding purpose requires ongoing self-reflection and evaluation
• Most men struggle with connection, being physically present but emotionally isolated
• There's a crucial difference between passion (which burns out) and purpose (which sustains)
• The "American Dream" should be a stepping stone to purpose, not the final destination
• Men need to assess their history, understand their motivations, and commit to authentic change
• Community is essential for finding purpose - men cannot successfully navigate this journey alone
• Everyone's ultimate purpose may be the same, though our paths to it differ greatly
• Self-reflection through journaling, reading, or spiritual practices creates space for purpose discovery
• Your gifts aren't just for your fulfillment but could impact generations to come

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     • YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Drive2ThriveBroadcast

     • Rumble: https://rumble.com/c/Driven2Thrive

 

Brent Dowlen Social Media Channels:

     • Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/davidbdowlen/

     • LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/david-b-dowlen/

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Mr Yu, right off the bat, what's the most profound
lesson you've been taught aboutpurpose?

Speaker 2 (00:08):
Most profound lesson regarding purpose Never stop
seeking it.
Everybody that I have aconversation with about purpose
and it's really been nearlyalmost a 30-year journey in this
, where I talk about thisparticular topic on multiple

(00:29):
occasions everywhere it seemslike the people who are the most
distressed and the mostdistraught are the ones that
have stopped looking.
They kind of settle into theircareers or some particular
talent they have and say, oh,this must be it, this must be
what's going to make me viableand relevant.
But when you stop seeking,something kind of dies inside.

(00:53):
So my lesson, I think, is neverstop seeking it.
It may not be what we thoughtit was, it may be something so
minuscule and so subtle that wedon't realize that it's that,
but always keep seeking andnever settle in for what the
world around us offers.
So this might be the biggestlesson for me regarding purpose.

Speaker 1 (01:17):
There's a lot of debate and confusion around the
topic of purpose.
In fact, one of the few thingspeople agree on is that life is
much better when you live with apurpose.
Maybe you haven't thought onyour purpose much.
Maybe you aren't quite surewhat your purpose is.
There's a lot of people in thatboat.
Actually, A lot of people thinkyou have one God-given purpose

(01:38):
and you'll eventually discoverit.
Just think about the story ofNoah building a boat for years
and years and years and peoplemaking fun of him because no one
understood what he was doing orwhat this huge thing was or why
you would need it until itstarted to rain, Kind of like
that.
Some people think you createyour own purpose.
But what if none of that isright?

(02:00):
I mean, that's why you're heretalking about purpose, because
you're not really sure.
I think you have a gift.
I think you have a gift that youcan use to serve a purpose.
Now I talk about purpose a lothere on this podcast, but what
if?
I'm wrong, what if?

(02:20):
Well, today we're talking toYusuf Marshall, aka the
incredible Mr you, who has beentalking about men and purpose
longer than I have even, andYusuf has a slightly different
take than even I have, and sincehe's been talking to men about

(02:41):
it a lot longer than I have.
I thought it would be valuablefor you guys, for us to deep
dive into men and purposetogether with someone who's been
talking about us even longerthan I have, so you can get his
point of view as well as mine.
We're going to get to know Mryou a little bit, and then we're
going to deep dive into men andpurpose right after this word

(03:01):
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Speaker 3 (04:48):
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the driven to thrive, broadcast,purpose growth and lasting
impact for men, helping men gofrom living to thriving,
purpose-filled, intentionallives.

Speaker 1 (05:04):
Welcome to the driven , thrive broadcast, purpose
growth and lasting impact formen.
I'm your host, Brent Dallen,and we help men go from living
to thriving, purpose-filled,intentional lives.
My guest today is a man of manytalents, Yusuf Marshall.
He's the founder of Mirror TimeMedia LLC and the host of
multiple shows, includingone-on-one with Mr Yu.
You may know him as theincredible Mr Yu.
Mr Yu.

Speaker 2 (05:28):
You may know him as the incredible Mr Yu.
Mr Yu, welcome to the Driven toThrive broadcast.
Well, thanks for having me,mcbrandon.
It's been so exciting already,so thanks for having me here.
Man, glad to be here with you.
Fantastic show, by the way.

Speaker 1 (05:37):
Thank you, I'm excited about this one.
This will be our thirdcollaboration over the breadth
of some of the work you and I do, and I'm really.
This is going to be anincredible conversation, but we
like to start out a little bitlight, so how is your trivia
skills?

Speaker 2 (05:52):
Trivia skills.
Well, they used to be reallygood because we're taking all
this mindless, uselessinformation and retain it to
memory.
But now I'm not sure how goodit is, but I guess we can find
out.

Speaker 1 (06:04):
Here we go, guys.
Trivia question of the show.
What country ranks first incereal consumption per capita?
Is it A the USA, b Italy, cIreland, d the Philippines or E
Australia?
Oh my goodness.

Speaker 2 (06:21):
I thought I saw a stat on this, which tells you
where my mind is going.
Already, gosh, I thought it sawa stat on this.
It tells you where my mind isgoing already, gosh, I thought
it was us, I thought it was USA,but now I'm hesitant.
Serial consumption.
So you said okay, usa, italy,australia is the last one I
heard.

Speaker 1 (06:40):
What were the two in between Ireland and the
Philippines?

Speaker 2 (06:44):
I feel like I'm ruling those two out.
My guess is USA.
I'm going to say Australia,though.

Speaker 1 (06:54):
Okay Now guys, you know the rules.
Don't cheat, don't look it up,make your guess, Write it down,
unless you're driving.
For God's sake, don't writewhile you're driving and we'll
come back to that later in theshow, because no one actually
cares.
Mr Yu, you wear so manydifferent amazing hats in all
the things you do.
I've loved getting to know youand just all the things you've

(07:15):
got going on, but today, in thismoment, all that aside, tell us
in your own words who is Mr YuOof.

Speaker 2 (07:25):
Try to keep it short Right now.
Like I said, I consider myselfa jack of all trades and wear
many hats and I have done a lotof things and fantastic
experiences in life stuff thatcame out of it.
I think right now, primarily, Iam a podcaster and content
creator.
I'm definitely an ordainedminister.

(07:48):
I use that in my everyday life.
I guess we can throw in coachand father in that, because
those are important roles for me.
That's who I am.
I think I can even add authorin there.
Those things are starting tocome back.
I was an author a long time agoand now it's beginning to
resurface again.

(08:09):
So that's who I am.
I'm all of those things andhopefully one thing I'd love to
be is walking to my gift as aprofessional friend.

Speaker 1 (08:24):
Maybe we could all use a few more friends, so that
that I like that.
That would be awesome.
Mr you, what do you do for aliving Actually?

Speaker 2 (08:40):
my entire, my entire, like every day, is is is
generally spent trying to buildon multiple opportunities for a
stream of income.
So right now I guess I'mconsidered unemployed, slash,
retired slash, you know, a stepaway from being a bum.

(09:03):
I mean, that's kind of wherethings are right now.
I spend every day essentiallyinterviewing people and trying
to build our podcast brandthat's what I do every day for
the most part and build anonprofit that we have just
started about three months ago.
Save the Children SC is anonprofit that we started for

(09:23):
children's advocacy, to teachlife skills and literacy to
children in our community whoare suffering with that, who are
being failed by the educationalsystem and by families too.
So that's what I do every day.
If it's not podcasts, I'mtrying to build a nonprofit.
Everything else that's going onoutside of that is just
opportunities that aredeveloping and growing.
But those are the two thingsI'm doing every single day.

(09:45):
That my living.

Speaker 1 (09:47):
For lack of a better word, I like it why do you
cringe at being called a coachor a mentor?

Speaker 2 (09:56):
I mean, look around, dude, everybody.
I don't care if it's in apodcast community like the ones
that we're in, and I'll talkabout it.
Man, just to be real man, I seeit in so many places, social
media especially.
It's a glut of that out there.
Everybody that has a story orhas something that they think is
significant in their lives,they automatically dub

(10:17):
themselves I knight myself coach, I knight myself mentor, and
it's like that means somethingto me.
More than that, because I wentthrough classes and courses and
got trained and certified to dothat, to have that title.
I thought that's what I wassupposed to do.
You guys out here doing itthemselves, I mean talking about

(10:38):
being an ordained minister.
People going out here onlineand getting it within seconds.
People that said they're aminister and they can go marry
somebody.
I'm out here taking classes andcourses for years to be able to
have the distinction of beingcalled a minister.
I'm like so I'm cringing when Isee somebody who's a coach and
a mentor, not because they'renot, it's just because I'm

(11:00):
already skeptical.
I'm like, okay, everybody doesthis and they call themselves.
I mean I interview people whocall themselves coaches and I
ask them why do you think you'requalified to.
I ask those questions on airBecause, even though my
certification probably haslapsed by now, I got a lot of
years of experience in doingthis and I'm like I don't take
it.

(11:20):
I don't take it lightly.
So now the market is sosaturated oversaturated, if you
will with coaches and mentorsand people who are putting
themselves in a spot where theycounsel people about their lives
and life stuff, and I don'tknow what kind of good to do a
good job or not.
I'm not speaking to that, Ihave no commentary there.
But I cringe because now I'mlike, when people know me as

(11:42):
that and they do throughouthistory know me as a mentor and
a coach, I almost don't want tobe associated.
I want a different title,something that makes me distinct
from everybody else, becauseit's so much better out there
and they're not really doing agood job.
So I want to try to get away.
I want to separate myself fromthem by having a different name,

(12:02):
something Get me out of thiscircle, because I don't like
what's happening.
So that's why I cringe, if thatmakes sense.

Speaker 1 (12:08):
No, it makes sense entirely.
Trust me, I was interviewing Idon't in all years now 370 some
odd episodes of just this show.
Congrats, brother, that'sawesome.
I have only had about threeinterviews I didn't air, that I
recorded and one of them wasthis 20-year-old life coach.

(12:33):
He was like 20 or 21.
And like I'm just talking toyou, Like, bro, you don't even
have enough life to coachanybody I mean 30 year olds what
they should do with their life.
You don't even know what you'redoing with your life.

(12:53):
What is one thing everybodyshould know about you before we
dig into purpose for men today,what should they know?

Speaker 2 (13:01):
about me for men today.
What should they know about me?
How do I say this withoutsounding self-aggrandizing?
I don't know how to word this.
It's going to sound pompous asall get out, but it's not.
I think what people should knowis that I mean, people describe

(13:34):
themselves this way and theylabel themselves as straight
shooters and say I'm honest, Idon't fluff and all that kind of
stuff, and they're just harshand crude and rude and arrogant
and they just talk to people anyway they want because for the
sake of being real, you know,but I'm just, I'm just.
I'm just me.
I don't.
I don't.
I don't try to lie to folks,that I don't try to get them to

(13:55):
do things I want them to do.
I'm just.
I mean I'm not going to sit andsay I'm the less honest man,
I'm not going to do all of that,but I'm just pretty honest
about where I am.
I don't lie to folks.
I don't say I'm going to dothis for you and I don't do it.
When I had you on the show, Itold you.
When you came on the show, Isaid the goal of the show is not

(14:17):
to boost my numbers.
I'm a different podcaster.
Those things are going tohappen.
In my mind, they have to happenThrough consistent progress and
consistency.
It has to happen.
So I'm not worried about that.
I don't need you to help mewith that part.
If you want to support me,that's great.
That's why I said well, my goalhere with this show and having
you on is to support you andboost your profile.

(14:38):
I told you that from the verybeginning it's really in the
pre-interview, and I said thatafter the show was done.
I'm going to be promoting yourshow, the episode, perpetually.
And I said that and I've beendoing it.
I've been promoting your showEvery time I get on my computer
and I see the episode.
I'm still sharing, I'm stillpushing it, I'm still adding new

(14:59):
captions.
I'm saying check the show out,check out my guy.
You'll love to hear what he hasto say and I've been doing that
, and that was months ago.
So I think, to answer yourquestion I hate the word honest
because I don't know whether youfind a different word I'm just
authentic about this.
If I say I'm going to help you,I'm going to serve you, it's

(15:19):
going to happen.
I'm not going to forget aboutit.
I'm not going to get so bigthat I forget where I came.
It's not happening.
I'm going to do what I said I'mgoing to do, but I write it
down.
I got it on index cards.
It's in my calendar.
I'm not going to forget and Ireally care about the people I'm
trying to help and you knowpeople don't get that.
They think it's a motive and anangle, or he wants likes trying

(15:49):
to get any.
I'm an introvert.
I shouldn't even be doing thisanyway.
I shouldn't be on any TV screenor laptop.
I shouldn't be doing this.
I want to get away from it.
I want to be in the light, soto speak.
I don't want it, but there's apurpose that's greater than me
and that's why I'm doing this.
So maybe that did I answer thequestion, cause I don't even
know if I did.
I'm just babbling at this point.
I have no idea what I wastalking about, but that's what I
, that's what I want you to know.

Speaker 1 (16:09):
Straight from the heart.
Man, we're good Guys.
We've been just a little bit oftime getting to know Mr you and
who he is, what he's about,where he's coming from and the
direction he's going.
And the next part of the showwe're going to go ahead and dive
into why men need their purpose, why it's so important to find
your purpose, and then later inthe episode we're going to start

(16:30):
heading towards helping youfind your purpose.
If this is something you'restruggling with now, there's I.
I I've been looking forward tothe conversation, man, because
this is like one of the mostconvoluted questions I ever get
asked and talked about.
Talk about, uh, is helpingpeople find their purpose, or

(16:53):
why, why they should pursuetheir purpose at all?
Right, I, I've met so many guyslike I was truly, truly sad.
I was talking to a guy one dayat a men's breakfast, right, and
uh, he was asking about myshirt.
I was wearing one of my podcastshirts and he was asking about
what I do when I talk about andI was like, well, you know I

(17:13):
help men move towards theirpurpose and, you know, go beyond
just living and you know, justbeing the breadwinner, right,
the whole protect, provide,preside kind of thing that you
hear talked about him in circlesand this guy was like and he's
easily in his 50s.

(17:34):
It's like what else is there?
And like my heart hurts being.
This is the reason we're havingthese conversations is there
are so many men who don'trealize there's so much more.
You know what?

(17:55):
Let's start with With theelephant in the room.
Why should men seek out abigger purpose in their life?

Speaker 2 (18:14):
One of the things that my old Deleted Party mentor
, dr Miles Monroe he was awell-known speaker, minister
author.
He was a well-known speaker,minister author.
His books and his teachingshave shaped my family's life and
one of his quotes but it's twoquotes I just love.
I always share them becausethey just hit me that way.

(18:38):
The short version of one ofthem is that the richest place
in the world isn't the oilfields of Saudi Arabia or Texas
or Fort Knox, it's the graveyard.
Books, poems, inventions,stories, ideas.
They rest there because theyweren't walked out, they weren't
lived out, and St Richard'sPlace in the entire world is the

(19:00):
graveyard.
And his other quote is you know,without the understanding of a
thing, abuse is inevitable, toparaphrase it.
And as men we are known to befixes and doers and, like you
said, providers and such.
But there's just so much moreto us than that.
We were created for a lot morethan just to be a husband over a

(19:24):
garden.
There's more to us than that.
We do more than that just beinga provider and to show up and
give our children the lastscraps, the last remnants of our
time because we're spent fromworking 16 hour days.
There's more to our life thanthat.
So I believe that men not menversus women, but just speaking

(19:47):
to men specifically we need toseek purpose because if we don't
, we would have lived a fulllife and never done and become
all that we're supposed to be.
And I use the word evolve notbecause we're talking evolution,
I mean for lack of a betterword we need to evolve into this
and we can't do that withoutbeing on this seeking journey of

(20:09):
trying to find purpose.
What we do is we'll settle ininto a temporary place and make
it permanent when it's supposedto be temporary and we start
camping out in a place that issupposed to just be passing
through, and we do that in life.
I've done it.
That's how I know.
Ask me how I know.
That's how I know Because Iwent to a place I should have
been passing through as asojourner and I camped out there

(20:31):
and hung out, put up a tent andsaid this is my house.
I started putting up signssaying this is my house, this is
not my house.
I thought we'd just be passingthrough it, moving on to the
next bigger, bigger and betterthing, but I didn't do that.
I didn't discern the times andthe seasons that I was in.
As men, we can't afford to dothat.
Look at the perception of mennow, whether it be in the media,

(20:53):
just around the world, even inbooks and stuff.
Some stuff is deserved, butoverall men get a bad rap and
people don't really take thetime to understand men.
Even men don't want tounderstand men because we have
an inability to connect or ourunwillingness to learn how to
connect with each other.
So nobody understands us.

(21:14):
We don't even understand usbecause we just come walking
around like zombies just doingthings that we think men are
supposed to do.
And there's just so much moreto us.
We have so much flavor, so muchcreativity, so much purpose
inside of us.
Gotta tap into it.
Who wants to see a bunch ofdead men that are supposed to be
leading homes and households,being the priests prophesying

(21:36):
kings in their household, andthey just don't care?
Pop on the couch, veg out andstop living.
Start in a slow death process.
Be over to ourselves to seekpurpose.

Speaker 1 (21:52):
There's a whole lot there, but I don't want to
derail my thought process justyet.
I'm sorry.
No, I'm sorry about that.
It's like, you know, as podcasthosts, right, someone says
something, it's something.
I'm, that's, you know, sittingon my my head about that going

(22:17):
to add to the conversation orfrom what was just said.
Right, yeah, yeah, I want todetract from what my guest said.
So let's push forward.
And, uh, how about this?
Right, you're in a place whereyou know that this is, this is
reality to you, that this isimportant.
So let's take a half step backand can you share a your

(22:41):
experience, your story on whatled you to discover your own
purpose in life, what pushed youthere?

Speaker 2 (22:53):
Yeah, this is a lot of different little factors that
kind of led to this.
I'm trying to just pinpoint onething where I just I just feel
like I just got here.
Uh, I don't know, I think, um,if I just pick one thing that
kind of just pops up, uh, I willprobably say in 2016 was

(23:16):
probably the year that thatreally became a life for me
personally.
Uh, I was coaching.
Before that, I even had my owncoaching practice.
I was having purposeconversations with people long
before 2016,.

(23:36):
But that was the year that Iwrote my first book and it
represented therapy for mebecause of some serious hangups
and some serious wounds that Ihad as being a son without a
father.
And in writing that book, likeI say, it was therapeutic.

(23:59):
To a degree, I got some healingout of that.
There was more that cameafterwards.
Like, to a degree, I got somehealing out of that.
There was more that cameafterwards, but to a degree.
To write that and put it out,there was healing for me To have
conversations about it, to haveto discuss it openly with

(24:20):
people who were reading the book.
It was powerful.
But in that I was like, okay,everybody that writes a book,
you know it doesn't mean thatyou need to continue to be an
author, but it just means thatyou know you had a story and you
were able to share it and itresonated with somebody.
But in writing I was like I gotso many questions and I even
began to reassess my own work.

(24:41):
I wrote the book but I wasstill in it.
I was still in the book eventhough I wrote it and it was
already published.
It was already out on Amazonand all these retailers.
But I was still processing thisbook and I'm like it made me
come to some questions aboutmyself.
There were some hard questionsthat were not in the book.
It made me wonder okay, so whoare you?
You spent this whole timewriting 194 pages in six weeks

(25:07):
about all your hurts and yourstruggles and the things that
you lacked and missed out inlife.
Who are you?
And it made me begin to startgetting into a journey.
That book helped me do that.
So I started taking a journeyto find out who I am.
So I think that year was pivotalfor that.
But it created some questions,because you know when we do

(25:29):
things and we think you knowwhat.
Okay, I did it Now.
What it made me just realizethat you know, there's so much
more.
There's areas and chambers ofour heart that we haven't even
touched yet.
There's so much more to usthat's valuable, so much more
that we've got to get out of us.
We've got the journey ofhealing and restoration.

(25:51):
It doesn't just start when wedo something good and we give
ourselves a pat on the back.
There's just so much more andit never ends.
When I figured that part out,that it doesn't end, I'm like,
oh my God, okay, so I shouldstill be doing some more work.
There should still be morejourney happening.
I thought I was going to be.
That was a hard stop.
I wrote the book.

(26:15):
I'm good, assignment done, youknow what I'm saying.
But there's just so much more.
And that's when I realized thatyou know what I got to do work
and it's perpetual.
It don't quit until I'm done,like.
I mean like as in end of lifedone or end of days done,
whichever one comes first.
That's what I realized.
You know what?
This is the journey.
I got to stay in it with asecret mentality and I've been
teaching that ever since thatyear About the secret mentality,

(26:37):
and we got to have it.
We need to foster that and notlet it go into your bureau
drawer on your nightstand.
We got to continue to keepdoing that, because we find
ourselves in that and I thinkeven we find God in that, when
we continue to say you know what?
I need help, I don't have thisdown pat.
I can't trust the media and TVshows to teach me stuff.

(26:57):
I can't even trust the nextpodcast extraordinaire to teach
me stuff.
I need to.
I need to continue to keepseeking and continue to keep
trying to find him and find meand find us and find we.
You know it's a process, it's ajourney.
So I'm pretty sure that Iforgot your entire question, but
forgive me, but that's where weare.

Speaker 1 (27:21):
So that's how you found your purpose.

Speaker 2 (27:23):
Yeah, I mean, that's how I found out that I need to
be on the journey towards that.
Honestly, when people talkabout purpose, I think they
always think about one singularthing, saying that that's bad.

(27:49):
But I just feel like in my caseit looks it's not, it's not
that, but all those things leadyou to it.
All those things it's almostlike, uh, like streams that lead
into you, know, into geographic, like a tributary, whatever it
is.
But you know, all these thingsthat I'm doing right now and I
didn't see this originally justbe just know all these things
that I'm doing right now and Ididn't see this originally, just
to be fair, all the things thatI'm doing right now even things
I couldn't even talk aboutearlier because they're still

(28:11):
being developed all those thingslead to the one singular thing
and for me, we can talk aboutwhat the purpose is if you're
willing to do that, whatever.
But you know, all those thingsthat I'm doing right now they
lead to that.
It's not about me getting likesand being famous and being on
platforms and billboards, excuseme, but they all lead to one

(28:33):
singular thing and I think, oncewe figure that part out because
a lot of the conversations Ihave with folks about this if
they're not so inclined as youand I are and they're not people
of faith, those conversationsthey can only go, but so far,
just to be honest.
So if people want to do freeconversations with me, I'm good
with it, but at some point wegot to get to the faith

(28:57):
component.
Because if you think you'rehere just because and somebody
popped you out, and they poppedyou out with no design in mind,
and you're just here, our convois going to go.
But so far we can have somegreat conversations about life
and experience and purpose, andI've done it, but at some point
in time we're not going to getto the graduation.

(29:19):
It's not going to happen.
We're going to get to the placewhere we're going to end up
being almost like at an impasse.
We may part ways, we may stayin touch and keep it friendly
and casual, but at some point wegot to touch on the whole
existential conversation.
We got to talk about it.
Why are you here?
Do you think you made yourself?
Why are you here?

(29:40):
We got to have the creationcreator conversation at some
point.
I think at that point we findout what the purpose actually is
.
And spoiler alert, I haven'tsaid this on anybody's podcast.
It's probably going to be thefirst time.
Spoiler alert everybody'spurpose is the same.
People don't want to hear that,I know that's not popular, but

(30:06):
everybody's purpose is the same.
It's not different, differentpaths to get to it, but the
purpose of all of us those thatare inclined, like you and I,
and those that are not.

Speaker 1 (30:18):
The purpose is exactly identical One purpose
you said that you know, as youdid your book, it became a form

(30:39):
of therapy and self-reflectionfor you to kind of point you in
the path that you ultimatelyfelt this is where I need to go.
This is the direction my lifeis moving.
Now, you know, obviously noteverybody's going to stop and
write a book and and kudos, bythe way, 193 pages in six weeks.

(31:00):
If you've never worked on abook, you have no idea how hard
that is.
Just, yeah, throwing that outthere.
Uh, I've started two books.
I'm working on one.
The other one I started ago andhaven't got past the first
hundred pages.
Well, I've written the first100 pages, I think three times,
and I just keep rewriting it.
The other one's only about 60pages in, but 193 pages in six

(31:26):
weeks.
It's a lot, guys.
It's working day in, day out onthat book for six weeks, every
day, but not everybody's goingto write a book.
Now I actually really think thata lot of people should kind of
even if they never publish itwrite their own memoir as almost
a form of journaling, becausewhen you actually start to like

(31:47):
write it out and think throughall those things, it really does
cause some serious, serious,deep self-reflection.
But do you think that thatself-reflection and however you
get there, whether it's throughwriting a book or maybe I don't
know, some people meditate orsomething like that right, I, I
always I was never a goodmeditation person.

(32:08):
I tried for a while like reallyI'm like squirrel, you know
it's right, right, oh, shiny, uh, yeah, you know I, I need like
a almost what's what's, one ofthose almost uh sensory
deprivation tank to be able tomeditate, otherwise my brain is

(32:31):
just like, um, it's like apinball machine.
I live with too many women.
I gotta put, I gotta put it instride so that maybe you could
try it out.

Speaker 2 (32:37):
It's like a pinball machine.
I live with too many women.
I got a buddy that's tryingsomething.
Maybe you could try it out.
It's a lot cheaper than asensory deprivation thing.
Sit in a dark closet, lightsout and put a blindfold on.
I thought the boy was crazy,but in hindsight it kind of
makes sense Because I'm the kindof person if I don't have a
blindfold on, I'm seeing thingslike oh my God, this carpet is

(32:58):
dirty.
I'm seeing all types of stuff.
I need clothes.
Why did I hang that back up?
It's not clean.
No, I'm seeing all kinds ofthings, but with the blindfold
on you don't see anything.
All you're doing.

Speaker 1 (33:08):
You kind of just you keeping in a deprivation tank?
For me it's got to block outthe sound.
Oh, okay, like I, I heareverything that happens in my
house, even in my sleep.
I hear all my girls turn overin their beds on the opposite
side of the house on twodifferent floors.

(33:29):
Like I, I don't sleep deeply,um, but how do you think it's
that self-reflection is reallycrucial for men to try and align
with their direction andpurpose?

Speaker 2 (33:44):
I know it is.
I hold a book whenever I go onshows and talk about men and I
don't.
I'm not trying to get free pub,but there's a book by John
Eldridge that I believe is thebook for any man If you want to
understand about purpose andself-reflection and stuff and
it's Wild at Heart.

Speaker 1 (34:05):
Great book.

Speaker 2 (34:06):
That book right there .
It has sharp edges, man.
I'm just telling you that upfront.
It's going to cut you in waysthat you haven't been cut, but
it's worth it.
The bloodshed is worth it, butthe self-reflection part I don't
know how we grow without it.

(34:27):
I mean, look at what men arelike.
Just generally speaking.
This is not for every man.
Please don't attack Brent ormyself because of this comment
I'm about to make, no, butgenerally speaking, we struggle
with connection.
We can be in a room full ofpeople and still be isolated.
I mean, we could be in a roomof 50 people and not know one

(34:50):
name of the person that peoplethat we're in the room with.
So we're in and we're present.
Hey, I came to the event, I'mhere, I'm at the breakfast, but
we don't connect, we don't knoweach other.
You're not in a dark room, butyou're still isolated.
It's not much different.
You just change locations, butthe mentality you brought into
the room is still the same.
And we struggle with connection.

(35:11):
We struggle with getting intouch with ourselves.
When we hear that kind of stuff, man, we laugh.
Get in touch with yourself.
What kind of hippie, new agecrap is this?
Get in touch with yourself.
What are we talking about here?
But as humans, just put the manapart for a second.
As humans, we need to have this.

(35:33):
One of the reasons why I evenstarted this podcast journey was
because of a revelation that Ipersonally received.
One of our mottos is that weare a weekly mirror check before
you go.
Change the world, and that'ssomething that I try to live by
with everything that we put outunder our brand, because I don't

(35:53):
know how we do anything.
I don't care if it'sentrepreneurship, I don't care
if it's podcasting full-time asa goal.
I don't care if it's you aresucceeding in the business world
or in a nonprofit space.
I don't care if it's you doingministry and teaching and
preaching around the world anddoing missions work.
I don't know how we do anythingof any kind.
Working at the constructioncompany, at the factory If

(36:16):
you're out here laying pipe, anykind of working at the
construction company, at thefactory, I don't, whatever.
If you are here laying pipe andwhatever you're doing, if
you're working in light andwater and energy, whatever
you're doing.
I don't know how we do any ofthat kind of stuff without some
level of self-evaluation.
We have bosses, that mentorthat may evaluate us and give us
tests and programs to make surethat we're following the

(36:37):
standards.
But at some point we got to dothat to ourselves and say this
is OK, this was the goal I have.
Where are we at with that?
How's this going?
I said I'm going to January 1st.
I had a New Year's resolutionthat I'm going to do this and do
this.
Ok, we're in August.
How are we doing?
We got to have evaluation onevery level.

(37:00):
Are we reading enough?
Are we taking the time toreflect on what we read, or are
we just reading so we can see ifwe did it and check it off?
Are we spending enough time,like you said, in meditation?
I mean I wasn't a big meditator,I thought it was like me.
The kids and my wife.
They laugh about that stuff allthe time.
I got daddy ears.

(37:21):
I hear the siren and it's milesaway and I can hear a siren and
my wife's like I don't hearanything.
I'm like a siren's coming watchand then after a few seconds or
a minute, she would hear itcome.
She should hear it come to.
Oh, my god, you got daddy ears.
I hear my daughters.
When they were living in thehouse I could hear all you say,
all kind of stuff.
I'm like, wow, I don't think Iwant the power of super hearing,

(37:42):
a lot of responsibility, but Icould hear it like that.
So I mean, for me meditationwasn't really a thing until
recently.
Now I'm in the space was like Iknow, I have to do it, I gotta
take the time to shut it down.
It's not easy.
I I take the time and listen tomyself, hear what's going on,
the thoughts that come up why isthat happening?

(38:02):
Why are these thoughts comingup above all the other ones?
And start dealing with me,start putting some work in,
because we work on everythingelse.
As men, we're worker bees.
We want to fix stuff, we wantto try to build and make things
go.
We want to fix stuff, we wantto try to build and make things
go and we neglect ourselves.
We do it all around us when itcomes to us.

(38:23):
We get uncomfortable.
When you have those men'sbreakfasts and ministry meetings
like what you were talkingabout earlier, that's what
happens.
We get in those spaces and wejust try to just get through
this.
Hopefully nobody will ask me tosay anything.
Hopefully they won't ask me tosay my name or share a story
about my life.
I just want to just get throughthis, eat these eggs and bacon

(38:44):
and get out of here and get inmy car and drive away as fast as
I can to go do whatever I wantto do Go fishing or hunting, or
go to the range or whatever.
And it's like we won't take thetime to stop and say, hey, man,
you need wholeness, you need it.
You can't do anything of anynote in the future, you can't

(39:05):
even be that for your sons anddaughters if you don't work on
progressive healing for yourself.
You know what I'm saying.
So to me, man, it's like thisis where it's at.
We have to do this, and it's anuncomfortable conversation, but
I'm excited about theopportunity to have it with
people.
I'm saying we have to do this.

(39:25):
We can't get around this.
Look at history, man.
I saw it going on a long time,man.
My apologies, man, but justlook at the history, man.
Look at what's been going on inour world, around us, man, you
can tell that a lot of peoplewho are in leadership don't have
a lot of self-reflection.
You can tell.
You can tell because I don'tknow what goes in, but you can

(39:46):
tell what's in there because ofwhat comes out.
And if we want to have value inthis life, if we want to be
successful, so to speak, asfathers and husbands and sons
and brothers, what we put inmakes a difference, because
that's what's going to come out.

Speaker 1 (40:07):
I love that.
I hate cliche phrases, right,and part of the reason I hate
them is some of them are so true, right, like no shade on Tony
Robbins, but he's like the kingof those like cliche
catchphrases that like are sorepeatable and they get in your.

(40:28):
They're like earworms, you'rejust like.
And a lot of them are reallytrue.
Like I said, no shade on TonyRobbins, no disrespect at all.
But I hate those cliche sayings.
Right, but it's that garbage in, garbage out.
I have a background in IT andthat terms you all the time,

(40:48):
right?
Oh man, garbage code will giveyou garbage right, correct,
don't always think about theintake.
It's one of the arguments.
Uh, you know I've talked inprevious shows and I've talked
with previous guests about likeporn addiction and stuff like
that.
Men don't understand.
It's garbage and garbage out.

(41:10):
You put garbage into your heart, you put garbage into your
brain.
It produces garbage in yourlife.
It's just how it is.
Yeah, yeah, and so honoring itis part of why I got into
personal development.
When I started, my own personaldevelopment journey was just
like I need to know what I'mputting in here is producing

(41:35):
value, right?
Uh, I, I was addicted to videogaming.
I played video games on almosta professional level.
I, I had the option to aprofessional level.
Um, but I, I, I lost threeyears of my life on one game,
like I actually calculated, andthat that's what actually set me

(41:56):
up, was I.
I realized I spent three years.
I could never get back on agame, that it was fun.
I made some great friendsplaying the game, who are still
friends now.
Yeah, like it did nothing formy physical life.
Men are often drawn to videogames because we can get those

(42:18):
big epic wins in video gamesthat we're missing in our lives.
Right, right, right, right.
But it was finally that clickof.
But I'm never going to getthose epic wins in my life if I
don't start putting better stuffinto here.
Right, if I don't startchanging the diet of what I'm
consuming, I can't expect agreat output.

(42:39):
So that's, it's one of thosecliche sayings.
It's like Garbage in, garbageout is so important, and you can
tell what a person is puttinginto their life by what's coming
out.
Oh, yeah, yeah, you're right.
In faith circles, we call thatproducing fruit.
Uh, outside of faith circles,it's really just garbage and

(43:05):
garbage out.
It's what you put into yourmind and into your heart.
That's, that's what comes outin your life yeah it's true, man
, it it plays so much into.
You know you're talking earlierabout the richest place is the
cemetery, and that is my fatherwas a minister and I, so I spent

(43:29):
a lot of time at funerals, yeah, and it gave me an interesting
perspective very young, becauseI started realizing what
actually mattered at the end ofthe road very early on.
I saw these amazing people, butI looked at them at the end of

(43:51):
their road and what did peopleactually say about them?
What stood out to people aboutthem?
What mattered, right, do theirkids talk about them?
I listened to their survivingspouses talk about them and it's
the sobering realization ofwhat actually carries weight

(44:16):
when this world ends for us,right, and so it put me early on
to.
This is like okay, what do Iwant my life to say at my
funeral?
What do I want people sayingabout me and how do I get there?
Yeah, yeah, right.
And so I started trying to lookat a bigger picture early on
now.
Now, that was a really crazylike situational thing when my

(44:41):
dad being a minister is like soI got this early exposure.
I, I, I sat with people in thehospital and listened to their
regrets, wow, as they were dying.
There's that incredible look II've only read excerpts of it.
A nurse wrote it.
It was like interviews.
She interviewed a she was ahospice nurse or something and
she interviewed all these peopleat the ends of their lives and

(45:04):
it was like the most commonregrets that humans have at the
end of their life.
I think people don'tnecessarily.
I think there don't necessarily.
I think there's a lot of weight.
If you can look at the end, itwill start driving you towards.

(45:26):
There's a meaning for anintention to my life, a purpose,
if you will, to my life that Ineed to get to.
When you start looking at itfrom the end perspective, sure,
uh, it starts to affect whatthat I need to get to.
When you start looking at itfrom the end perspective, sure,
uh, it starts to affect what,what carries weight in your life
.
But that's my own dreams aboutthat.

(45:49):
Yeah, how do you help peopleseparate the sub passions versus
purpose?
I think a lot of times we westart to talk about purpose and
we mistake some of our passionsalong the way and sometimes

(46:11):
sometimes they're aligned andsometimes they're not.
So how do you have thatconversation?

Speaker 2 (46:21):
Oh well, and sometimes they're not.
So how do you have thatconversation?
Well, when I hear the wordpassion, it emotes certain
images that come to mind, butgenerally speaking, passion is
burnout.
And when I talk to people aboutthings that they especially
young folks and I don't want touse generation to describe them,

(46:42):
I don't know what generationthey fall in, I can't think what
that is right now, but thisgeneration they talk a lot about
passion.
This is my passion, this iswhat I love to do, and but that
passion doesn't drive them toget out of bed before 10 o'clock
in the morning.
That passion doesn't drive themto be early for an appointment,

(47:07):
as opposed to being right ontime or just a few minutes late.
That passion doesn't drive themto stay up late studying,
reading how to do this passionbetter than it's been done, how
to go beyond the normalrequirements and the basics and

(47:34):
go beyond and go into the levelof advancing and excelling in
these areas.
But they want to sell us on howpassionate they are about
things.
I'm like, as a as, as an oldhead, I, I I'm pretty quick to
stamp out that part of theconversation.
I'm like, yeah, if you comeinto me for to me for help with

(47:58):
this.
You're coming to the wrongperson Because I've seen people
who are passionate that neveraccomplish anything.
You know of any kind of note.
It always burns out because youwere living on passion and when
you got purpose.
That's how stuff gets done.
That's how inventions get made.
That's how inventions get made.
That's how people who have longcareers and longevity in

(48:21):
certain areas, that's how theyaccomplish that.
They understand what the goalis from the beginning.
They begin with the end in mind.
They know what it is they'retrying to accomplish and for me
that's the difference.
So when I get in conversationsabout purpose versus passion, we
start off with passion a lot ofthe time.
But we can't end there At somepoint.

(48:42):
The way it burns off in yourlife you're going to burn out in
that conversation, in thatconsultation.
We can't spend time therebecause that's not going to,
that's not going to keep youmotivated to get out of bed at
three, four, five in the morningand go do this thing.
I've never seen that happen onpassion alone.
I've never seen it happen.

(49:03):
There's a certain level ofdesire and skill and
determination that comes withdoing anything of any kind of
note.
But that passion word.
It just hits me wrong.
I'm like, okay, yeah, this is,this is a.
I've never seen anybody whomade that, made that their thing
, their model and and they andthey've done something great.

(49:26):
I've never seen it happen yet.
Fair enough.

Speaker 1 (49:32):
What would you?
I know a lot of guys right,right, they start to key into
this idea of purpose in theirlife.
They start asking in fact, Ifound a lot of men don't start
asking those questions untilthey hit that quote-unquote
american dream.
Right, because life, you'retold to, you know, your job is

(49:53):
to provide and get the house andthe family and the dog and all
that.
Right, that's, that's the bigdream.
And then it's usually guys getthere, or closer there, they
start to go wait, it feels likethere should be more to this.
Right, this, this seems kind oflike I.
That was a daunting realizationfor me personally.

(50:14):
Right, cause I had that outthere and it's like, yeah, I've
got a great job and, uh, youknow, I've got the dog and the
kids and and my wife and I'vebeen married for years at that
point and we're just happy thatwe're still married because, you
know, we had the rough patchesthere, mainly because I'm an
idiot most of the time, but youknow my wife makes up for me a

(50:34):
lot but, um, I got there andit's like, huh, I don't, I don't
get it Like I, right, but so alot of times a lot of guys are
already carrying a lot of weight, or what uh on themselves at

(50:55):
the point where they start to goweight, or what uh on
themselves at the point wherethey start to go.
Maybe there's more to life thanthis, right?
So when you start to have thisconversation with them, it's
really difficult for a lot ofguys because, yeah, there's all
these expectations already waiton them.
So you know how how do we carrythat life?
We've built those expectations,that responsibility, and meet

(51:20):
those expectations, while stilltrying to find authentic
fulfillment and purpose.

Speaker 2 (51:31):
I think, if I heard the question correctly and it's
question, by the way, if I heard, if I heard it right, I think,
uh, the why is a big uh is avery important component in this
.
Uh, I think, as men, I don'tthink we struggle with that as
much.
You know, when somebody says weneed to do something, well,
maybe it's not all men this isprobably another general

(51:53):
statement, but whenever somebodytells me I speak for myself to
take it off everybody else.
If somebody asked me to dosomething, my first question is
why?
Why am I doing this?
Why do you want me to investthis level of time and
commitment to doing this?
Why?
Even when my girls were youngand they would ask me to do

(52:14):
stuff, my question to them waswhy and I know it gets
frustrating if you have to askwhy four or five times.
Oh, my God, you're draining me.
Just do it.
No, but the why is importantand in your scenario and the
question you laid out somassively, the why is important,
I mean that whole Americandream deal.

(52:35):
The why is important, I meanthat whole American dream deal.
I feel like that was just anopportunity.
It wasn't supposed.
I don't, I don't think that wasdesigned to be the end, and if
it was, it's a horrible dream.
If that's, if that's the case,where the only goal is a house
and a white picket fence and adog and a family and a good job.
If that's the goal, I'm like,oh my God, this dream is.

(52:56):
Either it's very awful and it'ssinister, or it was just
designed to just be a step intoopportunity, a step into
greatness, a step out ofobscurity and into relevance.
So I'm not quite sure.
Since I didn't invent the dream, I can't speak to what it was
supposed to be.
But as far as men go, I think weneed to understand the why of

(53:20):
why we're doing what we're doing.
Because if you're on a job 30,40 years and that's your why you
missed something along the way,because more after that,
because after you leave.
I mean I see some people whowork jobs for 40, 50 years even
I can't believe you could workat one place for 50 years, but
I've seen this and when theyretire, they're closer to

(53:43):
death's doorstep than they everwere in their entire life.
Why?
Because their whole life waswrapped up in that job and they
made that their why.
They made that the reason whythey were here to work for Acme
Incorporated.
And once they leave Acme or theyget laid off, like we saw five

(54:05):
years ago they plunge into afrenzy and don't know what to do
, like, wow, why am I here?
I'm going to kill myself.
They don't have any sense ofpurpose.
They don't understand whythey're even doing what they're
doing.
What was the point?
So that you can have a niceretirement?
Or do you want to start abusiness?
Or do you want to buildsomething in that that feeds

(54:27):
generations?
What was your goal?
So I guess, to answer yourquestion again, the why is super
important.
If we don't understand that allwe'll have is that dream, and
then if we don't understand thatall we'll have is that dream,
and then if we don't hit it,then we'll have to spare but how
do we get there?

Speaker 1 (54:44):
we've we've gotten there and gone.
There's more, but I've alreadygot to pay the bills.
I've already got to take careof my wife and kids.
How do I start maintain thislife I've built and what matters
in there?
Right, I got to keep paying thebills.
I got to keep taking my care ofmy family.
How do I start to explore thatidea of purpose and more to my

(55:10):
life, while I'm already tryingto balance all this?

Speaker 2 (55:16):
okay, I'm not going to say, go out and get a life
coach.
That's going to send us down arabbit hole that we don't need
to go down.
I'll tell you because, excuseme, what I don't want to do is
say anything that's going tosound formulaic, like do this
and it's going to turn out theway it did for me.
I won't do it, but what I'll dois I'll tell you what I did and

(55:42):
you can decide.
You can adapt it to your ownlife.
This is what I did.
I had the cushy job with thegovernment corporate job moved
up in the ranks, real fast,prominent position, nice pay,
stability, all of that stuff.
But I didn't feel like.
I felt like I was trappedinside myself, like there's

(56:03):
somebody in here who's notgetting a chance to shine in
this.
So one thing I did.
I did and this is just mypersonal testimony.
You guys can decide how youwant to do your thing, or you
want Brent or myself to help youwith doing what we did but I
really began to increase myseeking and my reading.

(56:24):
From a biblical standpoint,that's one of the first things I
did, because, in order tounderstand who I was, I needed
to understand who made me.
If I have a problem with a carand it's a Toyota brand car, I'm
not calling Hyundai to ask themhow to get this fixed.
I'm not going to callMitsubishi to find out how to
fix this Toyota.

(56:44):
That's not what they do.
They fix their own brand ofcars.
So I can't go to somebody whodoesn't know me, who hasn't
fashioned me in his own hands,out of his own hands, to ask
them for help.
So I clung a lot to scripture.
I dug into it to try to findanswers for myself and how to
get on that path you're talkingabout.
Along with that not in front ofit, but along with that I also

(57:14):
increased my reading period ontopics relating to this and,
like anything that you read, youneed to take the meat and throw
away the bones.
It's just sometimes when I readstuff it's like, yeah, that's
not going to fly and that's fair.
Everybody had their ownperspective about stuff and they
write about it and we buy thebooks and we read it.
So we've got to decide how toparse the things that are
weighted and matter to us andput the things to the side that

(57:36):
don't matter as much.
So that, along with it, I mademy script, my scriptural intake,
and then reading books aboutpurpose and life, stories and
and men's issues and things ofthat nature, and I began to
start building a library ofinformation.
What you said about journaling,that's spot on that, that that

(57:58):
opened things up, because whenyou start asking yourself those
deep questions, you'd besurprised by the answers you run
into over time.
So all those things I wasimplementing at the same time,
or at least concurrently, and Ibegan to start seeing some
things, I began to startrecognizing you know what my
perspectiveness has been kind ofoff and I got to build a life

(58:19):
outside of the one that I'vealready been building all this
time.
You know, and I'm still in thatjourney right now.
I haven't it's not years ago,this is like right now, that's
like today, like five secondsago.
It's still, this is stillhappening.
So I had this other life that Ibuilt, this other platform
network, and I got to buildanother one from scratch.

(58:39):
I got to tear down all the oldjunk that I was wasting my time
like you said, wasting yearsdoing and build the one that
matters, the one that haslongevity and value to it, the
one that can feed generationsand change lives forever.
So that was my best way toanswer that question.
I surely hope it was helpful,because you got some awesome

(59:01):
listeners and viewers and Idon't want to screw them up, so
hope that helped.

Speaker 1 (59:05):
Now, guys, if you're getting something out of this,
if this is ringing a bell foryou, be sure and like, share all
that good social media nonsensethat I hate and that I even
hate on air.
I hate the whole promotionalside of this crap.
I just want to make adifference in people's lives and
provide solid content for them,and having to play the social

(59:27):
media game and stuff to reachpeople is such a headache.
So, if this has really helpedbringing in for you guys, share
this with somebody who needs it.
That's like the biggestcompliment ever is when you
share this podcast with somebodywho needs it.
We got to start landing thisplane, not where we're getting
there, but if this is a newconversation for somebody, right

(59:51):
, they're talking about purpose.
They're hearing this say hey,there's more to your life,
there's more more to who you are.
Um, I, really I.
I love that example of thegraveyard because, like, there
is so many things that willnever ever come into existence
because a person didn't realize,wait, I got more in me than

(01:00:13):
that.
I got more to where I need togo and who I am.
And if this is a newconversation for somebody, what
are the first three stepssomeone can really start to take
into doing this.
So you know, and we're notgoing to say call it coach,
that's not the answer here.
What are?

(01:00:34):
You know?
Three steps, and you've alreadystarted that conversation with
what you did.
But if this is a newconversation for someone, where
is the starting point?
What are the first couple stepsso they can start on their own
journey?

Speaker 2 (01:00:49):
and this is and this is in reference to purpose,
right?
Yeah, uh, very first step.
I think the first step, if Iwas laying out a plan, having
done this in a while, haven'thad to.
I think it's coming, but I'mgoing to have to start doing it
again.
But I think the first thing isassessing the history.

(01:01:10):
What have you been doing up tothis point?
I mean, I think as a man, Ihave to go back.
Sometimes my wife reminds me ofstuff that I've done and I'm
like, oh, I did, I should haveforgot about that.
Because we don't want to writestuff down, we don't want to

(01:01:30):
take the time to get in touchwith ourselves, so we kind of
just we just drift through it,we do it and leave it in the
rear view and it's like, oh wow,there's no memory, there's no
memorial of it, there's nomarkers to show what happened.
We don't keep a snapshot of itin any way, shape or form,
physically or mentally.
There's no snapshot.
So, assessing okay, what haveyou been doing?

(01:01:53):
Because you're like 30, 40years old, what have you been
doing up to this point?
Maybe you're a 20-year-old lifecoach, what have you been doing
?
We assess that part first.
The second one is okay, whyhave you been doing this?
The second step is finding outthe why.
Why?
Because that motivation?
I see people who wereimpoverished and they won the

(01:02:18):
lottery.
Guess what happened to them?
Less than a year later they'reback in poverty, but now they
have massive debt attached to it.
So they weren't just poor, nowthey owe people.
I'm saying how'd that happen?
Because the motivation thatthey had the first time hadn't
been dealt with.
We haven't dealt with why youwere motivated to do that.
Where that come from, there's astory of a lady and they always

(01:02:39):
I don't know who she's beenattributed to this lady who, uh,
she was cooking with herdaughter for the holiday for
thanksgiving I think it was andshe would take parts of that ham
and she would cut it off, andthen she would throw a good
chunk of it in the trash and hermother's like why am I doing
that?
The mother asked the daughterasked her daughter why were you

(01:03:01):
doing it?
Why are you throwing away allthis meat?
And then she would say when wewere younger we had a really
small icebox, so we only hadenough room for a certain amount
, so we had to save some in theicebox and we had to throw the
rest of it away, which iswasteful.
That makes you cringe, but thatwas the thing.
She carried that on intoanother generation.
Her daughter started doing it,her granddaughter started doing

(01:03:22):
it.
It had to do with the motivationof why you were doing that, to
explain what's happening in youright now.
So the second one is explainingor assessing what the why is,
why you're doing what you'redoing.
And then the third one I thinkfor me is figuring out if you
want to actually have help.
I talk to folks all the timewho we can walk through that

(01:03:42):
step with.
But the third one is like youknow what?
Do you really want to betransparent?
Do you really want the kind ofcommunity that Brent talks about
?
That I'm talking about?
Do you really want to have that?
If you do, then we can moveforward.
But those first three steps,we've got to cover that.
First You've got to assess whatyou've been doing.
Get real about it.
In fact, get it on paper is thebest thing.
Write on paper what I've donewith multiple people, even some

(01:04:04):
couples that my wife and I havebeen working with.
What have you been doing up tothis point?
Write it down.
Secondly, why are you doing that?
Third, do you want to actuallychange this behavior or are you
so comfortable with it that youdon't want to change anything?
We can't assume if somebodywants to change it because we're
on a call, we're doing aconsultation.
That's an idiotic mistake.
It's a waste of our time.

(01:04:25):
We got to find out.
Do you actually want to changesomething?
Do you want the kind ofcommunity that we have access to
?
If you do, then we can go aheadand move forward and start
taking some steps and startdealing with some hard things.
But that third step you can't.
You can't skip the four.
That third step got to beundertaken.
So those are the best threesteps.
I probably, if I was creating aprogram and a plan again and

(01:04:47):
back into this coaching spaceagain, that's probably where I
would it's kind of how it wouldlook.

Speaker 1 (01:04:56):
What advice do you have for men who feel stuck in
their careers and their personallives where they're at, but
they're seeking something moremeaningful?

Speaker 2 (01:05:02):
They're seeking something more meaningful.
What are they?
What are they seeking?
What are they doing?
You said seeking something moremeaningful.

Speaker 1 (01:05:06):
Yeah, they're looking for more meaning.
They're, they're, they're,they're, they've hit this point
and they're looking for moremeaning, something that is
bigger than, oh, the house, thedog, the family, yay.

Speaker 2 (01:05:22):
I think I got kind of a two-part answer.
Hopefully this makes sense.
Whenever I interview somebody,one of the last questions I ask,
the second to last or the lastquestion I ask on the show,
every single time without fail.
If you were not in your currentvocation, doing what you're
doing now, what would you bedoing?

(01:05:42):
And what that causes our gueststo do is to kind of go back in
time a little bit, go back intothe time machine, look at the
things that they put into thebureau drawers, that they've
kind of put into a safe, to kindof hit it away.
Maybe society said it was a badidea.
Maybe your parents said youknow what?
They discouraged it.
It's like you can't do thatwith your life.
That's not a viable route.
Do something more stable, likego into engineering, do

(01:06:04):
something surrounding math,that's something creative, like
this idea, and they stamp it outand you get discouraged and you
put it away.
But in going back into that yourealize that those ideas may
not have been as bad as youthought.
They may have beenentrepreneurial, gold mines,
mines.
And now somebody else is doingit and you put it on the shelf

(01:06:24):
in favor of a cubicle instead.
So I think I would one.
I would want to assess no, whatdo you want to do?
And I did that with a couple ofpeople over the past maybe 20
years or so.
I would have them write downall the things that they're
passionate about.
And that's not easy for a mannumber one because that whole

(01:06:49):
passion thing again, I wouldhave them write maybe a top 10
list of all the things they'repassionate about and it would
take them forever to finish it.
I'm like, because they don'treally know how to get, they're
not even in touch with their ownselves.
But once they write that stuffdown, once we can get there,
which a lot of times it was rare, we struggled with that.
But once we got there I wasable to see I'm like, so most of

(01:07:10):
what's on this list you're notdoing it right now, why?
And then we find out.
You know out, you knowdifferent between you know hope
and dreaming versus obligationand responsibility and mandates
and pressure and all thesethings.

(01:07:31):
So I hope I answered that that'skind of where you want to start
because you're doing things.
It's not like you're not lazy,you're busy, you're doing things
, you're building something.
But deep down you want doingthings.
It's not like you're not lazy,you're busy, you're doing things
, you're building something, butdeep down, you want something
more.
You got to find out why.
Why do you want more?
What's wrong with what you'redoing?
You don't feel fulfilled.
I mean, I want to get intothose conversations.

(01:07:52):
I want to talk about that.
Why not?
The whole world is saying thatthese kinds of jobs are the
greatest things since slicedbread.
Do this and you build a careerand a life and a happy family.
Your wife's going to be happy,your kid's going to be happy,
you can go on vacations.
The world said this is it.
They said this is the answer.
You're telling me it's not theanswer.
Why do you think it's not theanswer?

(01:08:12):
We've got to get into it.
I get deep with it, man.
I want to find out what's goingon.
I don't want to be treating thesneeze.
I want to find out why you'resneezing.
You know yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:08:22):
I like it.
What's next for Mr K?

Speaker 2 (01:08:28):
There's some.
There's some things that I canshare.
There's some I can't not tosound mysterious, but that's not
my plan but the three areasthat I have like I just stated a
little bit ago that that I'vealways felt like I had an
affinity towards I put it on theshelf, three very specific

(01:08:49):
areas that I put on the shelf.
People out here doing it, youinterview them all the time and
they're doing one of those threethings, but I wasn't doing any
of them.
They're doing one of thosethree things but I wasn't doing
any of them, so I put it on theshelf where now an opportunity
has presented itself throughcommunity.
That's key.
Through community, I'm going tostart doing all three of those

(01:09:11):
things very, very soon, so I'mexcited about that.
I'm going to definitely sharesome of that with you, because
some of it is relevant to youand maybe we can talk about it
in a future discussion.
But those three things so Icall them the three pillars my
wife actually knows me todescribe it the three pillars
that I put on the show, thathave been in the draw for years.
They're about to come back outand I'm super excited about it.

Speaker 1 (01:09:34):
So you see, guys, we've been talking about this
the whole time.
Right, there's something he'sabsolutely passionate about.
It's there that he's had to putto the side for now, and even
now, right, he's going yeah it'sstill there and I'm coming for
it now.
It's time, it's time, it's time.
Where is the best place forpeople to find you and connect

(01:09:57):
with you?

Speaker 2 (01:09:59):
They call me mru dot buzzsproutcom.
You can find all of our socialsthere.
You can find the work on all ofthe episodes that we've been
doing for the past five years.
I highly recommend our firstthree seasons powerful stuff, so
you can find all the episodesthere Best way to contact me.
And, of course,theycallmemisteru at gmailcom.

(01:10:22):
I don't mind getting emails.
If it's spam, I put it where itbelongs, so I'm good with it,
but those are the best ways toreach me.
And, of course, our YouTubechannel, our youtubecom at
theycallmemisteru.
A lot of recent stuff, a lot ofaudio and video stuff as well,
but not a bad way to reachpeople.
The first two are probably thebest route and hopefully they're
going to be in your show notes.
They can access that reallyquickly, but yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:10:43):
And we'll.
I just like to have people sayit for our audio listeners.
You know it's.
It will be in the show.
Notes are in the YouTubedescription of rumble or
whatever.
Joining us for this episode onguy, of course, we will make
sure, and it will be.
All his links will be on theactual page for this episode as
well on the website, as well asconnections to other projects

(01:11:04):
we've worked on together,because this is, I think, the
third collaboration together.
Yeah, so, and I'm excited toshare all those with you guys.
By the time you hear this,you'll.
Two of them are already out, soour will have already been out
Now.
I know all of you are reallyworried about cereal consumption

(01:11:24):
, and the biggest cerealconsumption per capita is, oh
man, with australia and my gut,my gut didn't say that, but yeah
the answer is ireland.
What, yeah, crazy right.
Apparently they like theirlucky charms.
I'm sure that was that wasprobably the answer is Ireland.
What?
Yeah, crazy right, apparentlythey like their Lucky Charms.
I'm sure that was probably likeracist or something.

(01:11:45):
Sorry guys, oh wow.
That was just like the firstIrish cereal we could make.
They might be delicious.
Sorry guys, no shade.
I've got Irish family.
Wow, hopefully came out wrongand we're done.
I'm getting.
I'm getting deplatformed againall right, oh no, that's funny

(01:12:10):
that's funny though, mr you, if,if the people listening today
heard absolutely nothing elsefrom this conversation.
What is the most importantthing you want anybody here
today?
Here's this.

Speaker 2 (01:12:28):
Embrace community man .
I don't mean just the guys thatlike, look up to you and like
what you have to talk about, somany people who would challenge
you, that won't give you ahandout, but give you a hand up
and pull you up to where theyare and you guys grow in success
together.
Us men we need that.
I mean I know women need it aswell and I respect that and I

(01:12:51):
understand that.
But as men we need that andit's a hard fight.
It's a battle To get out of ourcomfort zones, of the couch or
the man cave and to step out anddo things with other men.
It's not easy.
It's a struggle.
Ask me again how.
I know it's a struggle but it'sworth it because we find

(01:13:13):
purpose in that community, wefind compassion, we find
understanding, we find wisdom inthat community.
Embrace it.
If you don't know where to findthat kind of stuff and you've
been listening to Brent and hiswork on his podcast work, which
is fantastic, by the way reachout to him.
If he wants to reach out to meor others that he thinks are a

(01:13:35):
match, let him be a connectorman, because by yourself I mean.
Look, you've been doing it byyourself for a while you think
it's really good.
I mean, if you think it's great, then you know, don't bother.
But if you think there's roomfor growth, that you think
there's room for someopportunity, you feel like it's
not quite.
You know there's a void there.
Reach out to this brother manand let him direct you in the

(01:13:57):
right way.
Man, get your best interest atheart, man.
So this is my best takeawayEmbrace community, embrace.
This show Driven to Thrive isan incredible podcast, so
embrace that and keep listening.
You're definitely going tolearn something every single
time.

Speaker 1 (01:14:12):
Wow, I can't even trump that.
Thanks.
Thank you for that, cher.
You can try.
No, no, hey, I'll that share.

Speaker 2 (01:14:22):
You can try.
No, no, I was like, hey, I'lltake an endorsement.
At the end that that'sbeautiful.

Speaker 1 (01:14:24):
Thank you, it's a great show man.
Yeah, mr you, I appreciate youjumping on today and hanging out
with us during with us.
Uh, I love bringing just thebest people to my community, so
thank you for being part of that.
Thank you, and guys connect.
He's so right.
Like this is something that Iwas struggled with for so many

(01:14:45):
years and was so bad aboutworking out in my life is just
embracing community.
I've always gone it alone, soI'm I'm trying to grow in that
area of my life as well.
Right, connecting better withpeople and having that community
.
I'm great at like relationships, actually having like a tight
knit community and still workingon that in my own personal life

(01:15:08):
.
So really valuable insightsright there, guys, for me.
Mr you, thanks for hanging outwith us today.
Thanks for listening.
Thank you Share this withsomebody who needs it and be
better tomorrow because of whatyou do today.

Speaker 3 (01:15:23):
The driven to thrive broadcast purpose, growth and
lasting impact for men, helpingmen go from living to thriving,
purpose-filled, intentionallives.

Speaker 1 (01:15:33):
Affiliate disclaimer.
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Because of the extended lifecycle of a podcast, the
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