June 17, 2025 • 42 mins
Have you ever achieved success but secretly felt like you don't deserve it? That nagging voice suggesting you're not quite good enough despite evidence to the contrary? You're far from alone.
Dr. Tara Halliday, expert imposter syndrome coach and bestselling author, reveals that an astonishing 70% of high achievers experience imposter syndrome. This isn't just affecting newcomers – it impacts professionals in their 40s, 50s, and 60s at the pinnacle of their careers across every industry from business to athletics, acting, and beyond.
What makes imposter syndrome so insidious is its ability to hide in plain sight. Despite outward confidence, many successful people carry this burden silently, believing it's a personal weakness rather than a common experience. The physiological stress, mental distraction, and self-limiting behaviors it triggers – perfectionism, procrastination, overthinking – actively undermine your potential.
The most illuminating revelation? Imposter syndrome isn't about personality or confidence. It stems from a fundamental belief formed in early childhood that your worth as a person depends on what you do. This unconscious trigger lives in your brain's fear center, making it impossible to simply "think your way out" of these feelings.
For content creators and podcasters, this often manifests as constant comparison, endless editing, and the exhausting pursuit of perfection. Dr. Halliday offers practical strategies, including a powerful reframe for comparison: instead of focusing on differences between yourself and others, deliberately identify similarities and shared experiences to foster belonging.
Through compelling success stories, Dr. Halliday demonstrates how addressing imposter syndrome at its root transforms professional performance – from a hedge fund COO who went from dreading board meetings to proactively leading them, to a medical software representative who shifted from defensive reactions to calm confidence under pressure.
Discover if imposter syndrome is impacting your life by taking the free assessment at completesuccessco.uk/quiz and start your journey toward authentic confidence today.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
welcome back to one-on-one with mr you.
Of course, I'm your host, Mr U,In studio with us today.
Tara Halliday, expert impostersyndrome coach and author of
bestselling books OutsmartImposter Syndrome and Unmasking
the Coach's Guide to ImposterSyndrome.
Tara, how are you today?
Great to have you back, Awesome, awesome, so excited to have
(00:39):
this conversation.
We had so much fun in ourpre-interview chat, talked about
so much stuff and we gotdelayed a little bit, but now
we're finally here.
So I'm excited to have thisconversation with you and have
you talk to our listeners andviewers about imposter syndrome
and so much more.
So let's get into it.
Customarily, I always ask ourguests the first question
(01:00):
Describe your upbringing, yourchildhood, where you're from,
what life was like for you asyoung Tara?
Speaker 2 (01:06):
Help us out with that .
Young Tara.
Yeah, so my childhood, myparents split up when I was
seven and actually that wasquite a defining time for me and
I think what it gave me was asense of independence.
You know, you kind of have toput yourself up by your own
(01:27):
socks if you like, and that waspretty good.
It made me feel very able tostep out into the world.
One of the things my motheralways used to say to me was the
world is your oyster, and thatis really empowering, really
uplifting.
So, yeah, I left home when Iwas 16 to go to college in
Canada.
(01:47):
That's how adventurous andexciting the world was for me.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
If I understand right , you went to Canada and then
you went to Boston as well,right?
Speaker 2 (01:58):
Yeah, I lived nine years in Boston, Massachusetts.
Yeah, I got that was mytransition, because I started my
career in engineering and I gotkind of headhunted to a
software company over in Bostonand while I was there I changed
from that to starting mytraining as a holistic therapist
(02:18):
and getting back to the workthat I wanted to do originally,
which was working with peopleand helping them through all
sorts of problems and crises.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
Okay, I love this.
You've been to a lot ofdifferent places.
I mean England, Canada andBoston are dramatically
different.
I think only two of thoseplaces have real snow.
Yes, very true, you must haveenjoyed the snow to stay in
Canada and Boston.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
That long I think it might have driven me away.
Actually, I think that's one ofthe things I missed about the
UK is that you can go outsideand your skin doesn't freeze.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
You know little luxuries.
Many a person like you has beenworn off by the snow.
It's not uncommon.
I moved from the northeast butit wasn't because of snow.
But I'm not going to say Idon't miss my hands being frozen
.
I can't feel my fingers.
I don't miss that part.
But I miss the other beautifulaspects of it though, but not
(03:21):
that.
What would you say and this is apersonal question.
I was always going to ask youthis what would you say is the
one food that you miss most fromeach place England, canada and
Boston?
I think you're back in Englandnow, if I understand the story
right, but what's a food thatyou love the most in England and
which food do you miss the mostin Canada and in Boston?
(03:43):
You spent so much time there,you had to have something that
was like you know.
It became a favorite.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
Years and nights you had to have some kind of food
that was the favorite.
What was those?
Speaker 2 (03:54):
Yeah, so in England I didn't realize, I missed it
until I moved away there's aspecial kind of baked beans that
we have and it's not.
It's not like the southernamerican baked beans, it's very
different heinz baked beans.
So I missed those when I was,when I was in canada from canada
I, I was in um on vancouverisland in british columbia, and
(04:18):
they had this wonderfulchocolatier that made these
chocolate cream, flavoured creamlike orange cream, strawberry
creams covered in chocolate.
Oh, they were heavenly.
So I've missed those ever since.
Never found any so good, and inBoston, strange to say.
Well, really not strange, thelobster was really good.
(04:40):
The lobster was really reallygood in Boston.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
I'm surprised by all of these answers Big Beans in
England, lobster in Canada andLobster in Boston.
I've never heard any of thosethings associated with each
other before.
This is amazing.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
Okay, I'm intrigued.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
The lobster came from Maine, associated with each
other before this is amazing.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
Okay, well, I'm sure I'm intrigued.
Lobsters came from maine.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
I would guarantee that, but I've never heard those
two.
I told you, rachel, that's,that's, that's outstanding.
Okay, good, let's get into ourcombo now.
So imposter syndrome issomething I've been talking
about and doing episodes on, forI, I guess about the past three
months or so.
So it's a real thing and wedon't really deal with it, which
is a larger problem.
(05:31):
But tell our audience what isimposter syndrome.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
Yeah, imposter syndrome is the secret feeling
of being a fraud when you're nota fraud, and the fear of being
found out.
So it's a self-doubt, it's anagging feeling that you're not
quite good enough wow.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
Who does that impact?
Speaker 2 (05:53):
yeah, it affects over 70 percent of high achievers at
some point in their career.
So you go to top level and thisis across all industries, so
it's acting, it's athletics,it's business, it's even
parenting, it's absolutelyeverywhere.
(06:14):
And so 70%.
So you look at a group of 10people in any of those places
and seven of them have thisnagging self-doubt that they're
not quite good enough, eventhough they're performing at
their top level.
Speaker 1 (06:33):
That's a high number.
Tell us what imposter syndromeis not, because I've heard
something that, yes, people havesome minds that it is, but
they're kind of totally offabout it.
What is what is impostersyndrome not?
Or what is not impossible thatwe're seeing?
Speaker 2 (06:51):
yeah.
So it is not being a beginner.
It is not that you have littleexperience and you're learning
stuff now.
That's uncomfortable as welland that can cause you to feel
like you're doubting yourselfand not quite good enough, but
that's not the same as impostersyndrome.
This is why people in their 40s, 50s and even 60s at the top of
their game still feel impostersyndrome.
(07:13):
It's also not a women's issue.
So there were early studies done.
It was first identified in 1978.
And the original studies weredone on female graduate students
and it was thought at the timeto be a women's issue because
the surveys showed that womenidentified imposter syndrome
more than men.
(07:34):
It took maybe 15 years untilresearch finally was made
completely anonymous and thenthe numbers came out equal.
So what this research hadcaptured was a cultural trend
right across the world where menwere less willing, less able to
(07:54):
express or reveal what theythought to be a weakness in
themselves.
So it's split equally betweenmen and women.
And yeah, and finally, it's notyou, it's not your personality.
There's no imposter syndromepersonality profile.
(08:18):
Researchers were trying foryears to figure out what type of
person got imposter syndrome.
It's nothing to do with that.
It's a belief that's embeddedquite deeply in your brain, in
the fear center of your brain,that you're not quite good
enough.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
So is it wise for us to separate that from somebody
who has low self-esteem alreadyor somebody who has a lack of
confidence because maybe theyhad a rough childhood and they
weren't encouraged in certainways?
Should we separate that fromimposter syndrome?
How do we do that?
Because sometimes people mightthink it's too hard to
understand.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
Absolutely so.
If you had low self-esteem, itwould show up in all areas of
your life.
It would be a general thing, itwas a way that you would feel
about yourself.
Imposter syndrome can be quitenarrow, like you might do a
range of things that you'recapable, you're confident with,
and yet there's one thing thattrips you up.
(09:17):
Right, so it might be, you know, in business, a whole bunch of
you know you can do themanagement part, you can do the
project part, you can do theleading part, but the financials
are like, oh, you don't want totouch those and it generates
this resistance, this fear.
You'd be good, fight, flightfreeze.
It really triggers you and sothat's imposter syndrome.
(09:38):
So it's not everything.
And confidence also.
You know people with impostersyndrome.
They're generally confident,they're not unconfident people,
but when they have, when I havethis feeling of not being quite
good enough, it feels like atemporary lack of confidence,
but it absolutely isn't.
Speaker 1 (09:59):
Wow.
So what actually triggers it?
I mean, I feel like, personally, my, my understanding of it,
which is not super broad, but Iknow I've experienced it,
especially recently, but I knowI've experienced it especially
recently.
So it's not I'm not, I'm notimmune to it, but what actually
triggers imposter syndrome inyour opinion?
(10:19):
Love to hear your assessment onthat yeah, so.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
So there are several things that triggers that
trigger it.
So the what triggers itspecifically will be very
personal to you.
Um, underlying it is basicallythe root cause of imposter
syndrome is a belief that yourworth as a person depends on
what you do.
So you haven't separated outyour actions from your worth and
(10:46):
that's where it comes up.
So something will kind of pokethat belief and that will
trigger it for you and it'sdifferent for everyone.
So you know there's different,different profiles, different
symptoms of imposter syndromedifferent people have because
we're very different.
But root of it is that ourworth depends on what we do.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
Okay, I want to get into a couple of other other
areas here, but you mentionedsomething about high challenge
and low support.
Hold on to that for a second.
I want to give a shout out toour listeners and viewers that
are watching and listening.
If you have a question for tarain regards to imposter syndrome
or a story you want to share,by all means please drop it into
the live chat.
Drop it in the comment section,wherever you view in the
(11:31):
episode.
We'll jump into it as soon aswe can maybe even have tara
answer it directly to you.
So send your comments andquestions and your thoughts in.
We answer those as soon as wecan.
So, tara, I'll ask you abouthigh challenge and low support,
as I guess as triggers, explainthat to us a little bit better,
please yeah, so.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
So if you're in the situation high pressure, high
stakes, high challenge situationand you do have no support,
then the gap between those twomakes you more susceptible to
this self-doubt, this, this, amI good enough?
Or the the belief gettingtriggered so you can.
What can help is to to build upmore support.
(12:15):
Now, that can sometimes bedifficult because a lot of
people with imposter syndromethey don't like asking for help.
They feel like it's cheating orit's unacceptable or they
should be strong enough to do itall themselves.
It's a very common feeling.
So so, yeah, so, if you canbuild up the support, um, what
(12:35):
some people do is they try andreduce the challenge so they
don't go for the next promotion.
They hide their ideas.
Yes to to to feel morecomfortable, reduce the
challenge, but then, of course,they end up with regret.
You know, know, these verycapable, competent people are
not shining to their fullabilities.
(12:57):
They're not, they're notworking at the best level that
they can, and it's disappointing.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
Well, that is disappointing, I think.
I think I've done it to myselfor allowed it to be done to
myself several times in mycorporate career, so it is
regrettable.
Tell me now.
It sounds like one of thecauses of this is kind of a
surround around, a false beliefabout what our worth and our
(13:27):
value is right.
Where does that belief comefrom, in your opinion?
Where do you think that comesfrom?
Speaker 2 (13:33):
right.
Where does that belief comefrom, in your opinion?
Where do you think that comesfrom?
Yeah, well, this was from workdone in the 1950s by the
granddaddy of personalpsychology, carl Rogers.
And so, basically, when ababy's born, there's all this
information coming in throughtheir senses, like the sight,
sound, taste, touch, and thebrain has no structure for it.
(13:54):
It can't identify it, it's justexperiencing things.
And as a child grows, the brainstarts to put labels and boxes
and structures and frameworks soit understands what's going on.
And between 18 months and threeyears old, one of the things
(14:15):
structures the brain puts inplace is the sense of self, who
I am.
I'm actually a separate person.
I'm not the.
I'm not.
I'm different from the dog, I'mdifferent from the table, I'm
different from different from mybrother.
So so that's in.
And at that point it would havebeen the perfect point to
separate out this idea that yourworth as a human being depends
(14:38):
on what you do.
But for the vast majority ofpeople and this is 99.999% of
people, most people thatdistinction was never made, that
separation was never made.
So you'll see, it was nevermade.
That separation was never made.
So you'll see it.
People are told good girl, goodboy, bad girl, bad boy, right.
(14:59):
So they are bad because of whatthey've done, and so that's why
it never gets separated out.
So it's not like even we werespecifically taught this, but we
were never taught how tounlearn that and separate it out
.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
Wow, I want to get into some of the symptoms and
also deal with some of thetriggers and eliminating those.
But we've got a question comingin from a friend of the show
from the Back it Up Bingepodcast.
My guy, jb, has a question foryou.
He says how many people doesTower Think has some form of
imposter syndrome?
Seems more common than peoplethink when they hear the term.
(15:38):
What do you think about thatTower?
You can answer that right away.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
Yeah, 70%, 7-0, which is a huge number 7 out of 10 in
any group, particularly ahigh-performance group that you
go into.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
Are we national Tower or are we talking about
globally that's, 70% globally,worldwide or national?
Speaker 2 (15:59):
It's global.
It's global, so they've donestudies all over the world and
it comes out very consistent.
You know, there are somestudies that go as high as 82%
as well.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
Wow, Good morning.
Triple B's in the house.
Good morning guys.
So when you say 82%, where didthat figure come from?
Is that under a differentcircumstance than the 70?
Speaker 2 (16:23):
It's just a different research study.
So the research studies, theykind of come out around about
70%, but some go as high as goas high as 82 percent wow,
that's incredible.
Speaker 1 (16:35):
That's incredible.
This is the.
This is the real thing.
I don't know if I think we'reenlightening people today,
because I don't think peopleunderstand.
This is a.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
This is a problem you know, because because people
are starting to become moreaware of it.
From 1978 to 2015, pretty muchnobody was aware of it.
Nobody identified it.
2015, it started.
Google shows that it started tobecome more and people are
talking about it and it's grown.
(17:06):
So more and more people areaware of it, but still a lot of
people don't talk about it.
They think, wrongly, that it'sa weakness or a flaw and and so
they don't want to talk about it.
They're ashamed of it.
Um, but it's nothing to do withyour personality.
So this is why people getsurprised when they say it's
(17:26):
this many, because everyonethinks oh, it's just me and
you're really not alone wow,this, this is, this is.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
I hope we have enough time to get into all the
questions that I have for you,because this is a lot going on
here.
But what are some of thesymptoms?
I guess, maybe two or three,that you have symptoms of
imposter syndrome.
What are those?
Speaker 2 (17:47):
Yeah.
So there's three types ofsymptoms.
One's the thoughts, and thethoughts are self-doubt,
self-criticism, overthinking,feeling you're not good enough,
thinking you just got lucky andyou'll never be able to repeat
that performance.
So that's the thoughts thatdrives the nervous system.
So the nervous system getstriggered.
So the second set of symptomsis physiological.
(18:10):
We go into a nervous systemstate of fight, flight and
freeze, which is the body's kindof survival mode.
It's what it does in a crisis.
Um, it creates tension.
You might have poor sleep,anxiety, overwhelm, and then to
try and cope with that stress,which is basically what it is
(18:30):
then there are typicalbehavioral responses like coping
responses like perfectionismover preparing, comparing that,
not going for promotions or notspeaking up enough that I
mentioned, feeling like you haveto push through, feeling like
you don't have enoughqualifications when you really
(18:51):
do, and and pushing through moreprocrastination is a big one as
well I mean, I can hear whythis is the problem, but maybe
just because I've done researchon it myself and I've done some
episodes on it.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
I've even done a talk on it recently.
So I guess I I get it, but forour listeners and viewers that
may not get why this is aproblem.
Can you kind of explain in moredetail why this is a problem?
I know we're talking aboutthings regarding focus and
productivity and stuff, butthere seems to be so much more
to it that makes it a problemfor anybody that's trying to
(19:28):
accomplish anything.
Can you kind of dig a little?
Can you burrow a little deeperinto why imposter syndrome was a
problem that we need toidentify number one and then
start dealing with the processof eliminating it?
Go ahead.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Yeah, yeah.
So the problem is, you know so,the symptoms, the thinking
symptoms.
They're distracting, they'redemoralizing, they're
disempowering and they make youmore reactive, you say of
emotional response, you make youmore reactive, defensive, and
(20:02):
they just take so much mentalenergy, particularly churn, that
rumination where you'rethinking things over and over
and over again.
And then the physiologicalstress symptoms.
That's just exhausting, andchronic stress can lead to
chronic illnesses as well.
It lowers your immune system,it drags your energy down,
(20:24):
you're less able to focus.
And then the behaviors, likethe procrastination, the
perfectionism.
They're just the opposite ofwhat you want to do.
When you want to be productive,when you want to operate at
your best, you're not able to beso creative because you're
bogged down and your time issuch.
It takes up all of this timeand energy and attention in
(20:49):
yourself that you're not fullypresent with the people around
you because it's so, sodistracting wow.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
I wonder people even realize this has been going on
over this time.
This is, this is this isastounding because anybody's a
creative person like myself Idon't even haven't even
connected the dots, that's.
You know.
This is the reason why I'mdistracted, I'm losing focus and
I can't function in thiscreative space, and I didn't put
those two things together.
So this is like this isincredible.
(21:19):
A lot of your work tower isabout eliminating triggers.
What is a trigger actually, andhow do you eliminate that with
your work and what you're doing?
Speaker 2 (21:29):
yeah, so so, um, the brain has a series of triggers
that it's looking out fordangers, right?
So there's a part of your braincalled the amygdala, the fear
center of the brain, and it'sbasically got a list of things
that are dangerous, and if thesituation looks like it matches
this list, then it triggers yournervous system and then you
(21:51):
react with the stress, with theimposter syndrome behaviors or
all of this.
So, um, the the work that I dois removing that one list item,
which is my worth depends onwhat I do, and we do that in a
very systematic way, and so andI think it has to be said we're
(22:13):
working at the unconscious levelhere, because these are
automatic triggers.
They've been set upautomatically by the brain.
It's not a mindset solution.
We're not thinking our way outof it.
We actually have to removethose triggers.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
I love that part about not thinking your way out
of it, because that's what Iwould try to do.
Speaker 2 (22:38):
I love that.
Thank you, yeah, I mean some.
Some people say, well, stand infront of the mirror and tell
yourself you're, you're enough,and it's like well, no, cause
you've got a brain going.
Oh, no, no, you don't.
We're not going to let goBecause the brain is very highly
tuned to keep you alive andit's not going to let go of its
(22:58):
list of dangers unless you do avery specific process.
Speaker 1 (23:04):
Wow, that is incredible.
One of the things that, firstof all, I want to hear some
victories from stories of peoplewho have been on your program
that have seen dramatic changes.
Hopefully you can share some ofthose for us.
But I want to ask about thisMany of our listeners are
podcasters and content creatorsreally good friends of mine.
(23:26):
Many of them, and I've kind ofseen them, go through the ups
and downs when it comes to beingcreative and focusing and
staying on it, on a consistentprogram of recording and putting
out content, just beingconsistent and engaging with
their listeners and viewers, etcetera, so that content creators
and podcasters go through allthe time and many of them are
(23:47):
listening now or will belistening to the replay.
How would you advise us aboutimposter syndrome, specifically
because of what we do?
How would you help us out?
Speaker 2 (23:57):
Yeah, so some of the things that I see with
podcasters is certainlycomparing right, which is one of
one of them you can play thatpart again.
Speaker 1 (24:08):
That might be.
That might be the uh, the micdrop of the day.
Say that part again.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
So it's comparing.
It's comparing what you've doneand subtext who you are with
all these other fantasticpodcasters and they're looking
great, right, so they only poston the socials fantastic and
everything like that, and itlooks like everyone else is
doing really well and they lookconfident and capable and and
(24:36):
you're and you've got thisself-doubt am I, am I good
enough?
It was that show good enough?
And you might then spend, youknow, five hours editing your
podcast show to try and make itperfect.
You might re-record yourintroduction 17 times just to
get it just perfect.
Um, you know, this is, this, isyou is.
(24:58):
You might have spent two daysresearching those one guest.
So you're asking just the rightquestions.
So you can hear how exhaustingthat is right and they're just-,
it sounds like.
I'm exhausted.
Yeah, they're common ones.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
Oh my goodness.
Well, I hope everybody heardthat got some help with that one
.
That's incredible One thing.
I always Sorry Go ahead.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
I was going to say that you know most of the work
that I do I mean, as I'vedescribed is, you know it's a
90-day program, it's deep workto you know, remove these
triggers from the unconsciousbrain.
But there is one thing that youcan do that help with comparing
(25:45):
, and this I think people willlike.
So if you notice yourselfcomparing, right, you're not
going to stop comparing.
People say stop comparing.
You can't do that because yourbrain's wired to look for
differences, just in casethere's a danger there.
So you know you're drivingalong past a field of cows,
there's a bright purple cow,right, your brain's going to go
oh, what's that?
Just to check out is notdangerous.
So you can't stop yourselfcomparing.
(26:06):
But when you notice yourselfcomparing, what you can do
instead is you can stop lookingfor the differences and start
looking for the similarities,consciously, deliberately saying
how am I the same as thatperson?
What experiences do we have incommon?
What values do we have incommon?
What connections do we have?
And the more you do that youcan make a list, the more you
(26:28):
will feel like them, the moreyou'll feel like you belong, and
that really helps.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
I love that.
That's a great.
Looking for the similaritiesand not the differences.
Okay, I love that, that'sreally great.
I'm looking for thesimilarities and not the
differences.
I love that, that's really good.
Thank you, tara.
One thing I always do whenanybody comes on our show and
they know to get ready, I prepthem in advance.
If they call themselves a coach, mentor or expert in any way,
I'm going to, to some degree,challenge them a little bit and
(26:55):
said you know what, in order foryou to be a coach in this area
or a mentor leader in this area,you had to have experienced it
yourself.
So I wanted to ask you did youhave imposter syndrome yourself?
Speaker 2 (27:06):
I did.
I didn't recognize it asimposter syndrome, but I did.
When I just left university, Iapplied to join a graduate
trainee program.
This was in engineering, agraduate trainee program with
General Electric, ge, you know,big global company and they did
psychometric tests of all theirgraduate trainees.
(27:26):
And so they did my test andthey came back and they said I'm
sorry, we're not going to offeryou a graduate trainee position
.
Oh, I say no, they said becauseyour profile shows, you know,
it's quite unusual, it's what wecommonly see in our top leaders
.
So we'd like to offer you afast track management position
(27:49):
to kickstart your career with us.
So you would think, and everyoneI tell this to, I've got oh wow
, that's amazing.
No, internally I'm like, oh'samazing.
No, internally I'm like oh, no,no, no, no, no, no.
Oh yeah, it sounded to me likean invitation to fail.
It sounded to me like it wouldbe so exposing for them to.
(28:11):
And then what if I wasn't agood leader?
What is a fail?
This is all unconscious.
I just told myself that soundsboring, which it didn't.
But I told myself it soundsboring.
And I went back to universityand I did my phd because that
was my comfort zone, because Iknew I was learning.
So very big change in my entirelife path there, huge, you know,
(28:38):
and that is impossible andthat's the kind of thing that
that can, can happen every timefrom imposter syndrome.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
Wow, what a story you missed out on something big huh
.
Yeah, help us, uh, to somedegree maybe.
Try to be detectives, because Ifeel like imposter syndrome is
so big I'm not sure that thisshort episode is going to cover
it all this.
Just try to be detectives,because I feel like imposter
syndrome is so big I'm not surethat this short episode is going
to cover it all.
There just seem to be so manylayers to this thing, just going
(29:06):
into the details, but theproductivity and the creativity
and just the thing to hold usback, lowering our focus.
There's so much here.
Help us kind of be detectives,if you don't mind.
Can you spot imposter syndromein other people and how can we
spot it in ourselves or inothers?
Speaker 2 (29:24):
right, it's really hard to spot imposter syndrome
in other people.
Um, because people don't shareit and because they they're
looking capable and confident,then they're not revealing any
of this doubt, or very little ofthis doubt.
So it's very hard to see.
You might notice if somebody'sa little bit perfectionist or
does a little bitprocrastination.
(29:44):
You might notice, but it won'tstand out to you as, oh, that
person has imposter syndrome.
It's not going to be like that.
So it's really hard to see inanyone else.
So if you're leading a team,it's hard to see in your team.
Speaker 1 (30:00):
You very likely won't be able to see it in your team.
Oh, I was hoping I could.
Speaker 2 (30:05):
I need for my teams, oh, my goodness, okay you know,
you know, I think this was oneof the there's a lot of research
being done on personalityprofiles and imposter syndrome
and I think it's for exactlythat reason the idea that, oh,
if we can weed it out, we justwon't hire people with imposter
syndrome.
And I think it's for exactlythat reason, the idea that, oh,
if we can weed it out, we justwon't hire people with imposter
syndrome.
It's like no, no, can't do that, and it's not the personality,
(30:25):
yeah, so what you can do foryourself, the easiest, fastest,
easiest thing to do is there isa quiz it's kind of like gold
standard quiz of you knowimposter syndrome behaviors, and
we can put a link in the notesto um to that quiz.
Speaker 1 (30:42):
And people already done oh yeah, I'm ready.
I got your back.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
Brilliant, brilliant.
So so the quiz if you get over50%, then imposter syndrome is
is significant in your life.
If you get over 62% this isanother piece of research then
it's having a significant impactin your life.
If you get over 62% this isanother piece of research then
it's having a significant impactin your life and that is really
it'd be.
Don't ignore it.
It'd be something to look at.
There are a bunch of differentapproaches to imposter syndrome.
(31:11):
There's coaching, not reallytherapy.
It's not a mental dysfunction,so it's not a psychological
dysfunction, but so not reallytherapy.
But there's some coaching, sometraining that you can do, or
the work, like mine, to get ridof the root cause of it, which
then is gone forever.
Speaker 1 (31:29):
I love that.
I make sure this can be in thenotes on all of our socials as
well.
But before we close out, I'dlove for you to share at least
two or three success storiesfrom your program.
If you can do that, I'd love totalk about what we're talking
about because it matters.
It's definitely impacted mepersonally.
I still battle with it.
I think a lot of my friends andassociates and cohorts do too.
(31:52):
If we're being honest, I'd loveto hear success stories.
That's kind of inspiring Greatway to close the show out.
I think it's kind of inspiring.
Yeah, stories from people whohave walked through your program
and the results they've seen.
Love to hear that, please.
Speaker 2 (32:06):
So there's one guy I'll call him Brian who was the.
He was a chief operatingofficer in a multi-billion
dollar hedge fund in amulti-billion dollar hedge fund.
So we're talking very, veryhigh profile, very high
performer, high stakesenvironment.
And he was promoted to CEO whena new board came in.
(32:31):
There was a buyout, new boardcame in, but he was their second
choice and that crushed him,because his first choice was the
lead.
Their first choice was the leadtrader.
And then the shareholdersrebelled and they said no, no,
we don't put the best trader in,let's put somebody who's more
of a manager type person.
(32:51):
And so he would dread the boardmeetings.
Every three months they hadthese board meetings and he
would dread them.
So he would lose two nights ofsleep, he would procrastinate
and he'd bring his report like anaughty schoolboy with his
homework.
That's late, you know.
He had that feeling.
It certainly wasn't empowered.
(33:11):
So he was a third of the waythrough the program, through our
90-day program, and he changedhow he approached the board
meeting.
So he stopped procrastinating,which was great.
He was fine to sleep and so hewent into that meeting feeling
(33:32):
like he was a peer right.
So this is a good place to be.
Well, it didn't stop therebecause after the program it was
a month before his next boardmeeting when he finished.
Now he was doing it evendifferent.
So now he was contacting theboard members proactively,
discussing things, lining thingsup, getting all the comments
(33:54):
and objections and argumentsahead of time.
So he was really comments andobjections and arguments ahead
of time.
So he was really leading theboard and that was for him the
most exciting, empowering change.
And we hadn't done anythingabout his skills.
We hadn't done anything abouthis mindset or techniques,
anything.
We just got rid of thatimposter syndrome.
Speaker 1 (34:14):
Wow, no, that's amazing.
I love his success stories likethat.
You have any more that you wantto share?
Speaker 2 (34:21):
yeah.
So um, uh, one, um, uh let'scall him peter, so peter,
because obviouslyconfidentiality um so, um, peter
had a problem with reactivity.
Right, he, he would go into,you know, fight flight.
He would go into fight, flight,freeze, he would go into fight
mode.
(34:41):
So he was in a medical softwaresupply company.
So he'd go into the hospitalsto meet with the consultants,
the very high-level consultantswithin the medical world, and
selling them this brilliantsoftware revolutionary and a lot
(35:03):
of them were, you know,characters, and they would argue
with him and if someone startedarguing with him, it would
trigger him into fight, he wouldget defensive and it would
start off a row.
It would start off not aphysical fight, but you know.
So these meetings would justfall apart and of course he lost
, you know, respect, credibilityand didn't make the sales.
(35:25):
So the shift for him was thathe was no longer after the
program, he was no longerreactive.
Speaker 1 (35:36):
So when one of these consultants started arguing with
him.
Speaker 2 (35:37):
He was just calm, under pressure, he didn't take
it personally.
He actually could stay therepresent and, you know, negotiate
and answer back and it and itchanged because he was a a lead
in his company.
It changed the the wholebusiness his ability to remain
(35:58):
who he really was and with allhis capabilities.
Speaker 1 (36:04):
Oh, I love that.
I love that.
This is fantastic.
I'm so glad that you were herewith us to share this.
This has been insightful.
I expect that the next timeyou're doing more books that you
want to come back on to ourshow.
What you brought has been superinsightful and I'm so grateful
for it.
If you guys are thinking abouttaking the free imposter
(36:26):
syndrome quiz, which I highlyrecommend, it has a personalized
report with it.
It's wwwcompletesuccesscoukforward slash quiz.
It's right here on the screen.
It's also in the show notes andin the comments section so you
can find it very, very easilywwwcompletesuccesscouk forward
slash quiz.
I have one final question foryou.
(36:47):
All of our guests get thisquestion.
It's usually the toughestquestion of the show for some
people, but I put it in here.
If you were not doing theauthoring of books and being an
expert coach in impostersyndrome, what is Tara doing?
I've already heard the answerfrom our chat, but I'd love for
you to share it with ourlisteners and viewers what?
Speaker 2 (37:08):
would you be doing?
Oh my gosh, Because I'm doingright now what my dream job is,
basically.
Speaker 1 (37:18):
No, no, no, You're all out on the table right now.
What I, what my dream job isbasically so so all right.
Speaker 2 (37:24):
So when I was born, my father had this vision of me
as an opera singer.
He said you know with with, youknow a viking.
You know a Viking helmet withhorns and rawr.
So I have recently discovered,after all my life thinking that
(37:48):
I was a bad singer, that Icouldn't sing I have recently,
just 18 months ago discoveredthat I'm not a bad singer.
I'm actually just not a soprano, I'm an alto, which is the
lower range, so I can't hit thehigh notes, and I always thought
that I couldn't sing because Icouldn't hit the high notes.
So now I'm in a choir and twoweeks ago we were singing in
(38:13):
Salisbury Cathedral.
I mean, it was just incredible.
So that is something which isreally heartfelt and for me.
I don't think I could ever bean opera singer.
I'm not that good, but at leastI can sing in a choir and I'm
loving that.
Speaker 1 (38:27):
I love that.
I love the story you sharedabout that pivotal moment when
you're 11 years old and andsinging, and you love the music
and how it's grown.
I'm excited that we're going tobe in touch with each other.
I want you to send me videos ofyou singing.
I want to hear it and see itand kind of celebrate with you.
But go ahead.
(38:48):
What do you want to say?
Go ahead.
Speaker 2 (38:50):
No, no, we have some.
I can say I will send it to you.
Speaker 1 (38:55):
I think we're already connected on social media.
If we're not, let's please getthere.
But thank you, tyler, this isfantastic.
I believe that if anybody waslistening and watching intently,
you got something out of thisreal-life imposter syndrome and
you might have gotten yourselfsome help, I know I did.
Thanks again for all of yourthoughts here and the comments
(39:15):
and the questions coming in fromyou guys.
Thanks for watching andlistening.
Speaker 2 (39:22):
Tyler, any closing thoughts before we, uh, close
the episode down?
Yeah, three things.
It's.
It's not you right, it's notyour personality, you're not
alone and there is something youcan do about it, so don't just
put up with it I love it.
Speaker 1 (39:35):
Thank you, that was that's all good advice.
The show has been fantastic.
If you're watching andlistening, of course, please
subscribe to our YouTube channel, youtubecom, at
theycallmemisteryou.
Of course, you can find us onall of our social media
platforms our website,theycallmemisteryoubuzzsproutcom
.
We'll give you access to all ofour social media links.
If you can find me, send me,shout out messages or just
(39:58):
follow our work, and you canfollow tara.
All the information is going tobe in the show notes and, of
course, on our youtube channelin the comment section.
You can find all of her workthere and her uh websites and
you can kind of uh be able.
I also forgot almost forgotthat you also are booking a 15
minute call with anybody fromour audience that wants to maybe
have some help.
You still doing that from yourwebsite yeah, absolutely so.
Speaker 2 (40:20):
There's a book, a call button on the website, and
you know it's completely freeand we'll have a chat that's the
same website.
Speaker 1 (40:28):
Complete success right complete success, yeah,
very, very good.
Thank you very much for joiningus, tara and mr you, we're out
of here.
Thanks again for watching andlistening.
Have a great day.
welcome back to one-on-one with mr you.
Of course, I'm your host, Mr U,In studio with us today.
Tara Halliday, expert impostersyndrome coach and author of
bestselling books OutsmartImposter Syndrome and Unmasking
the Coach's Guide to ImposterSyndrome.
Tara, how are you today?
Great to have you back, Awesome, awesome, so excited to have
(00:39):
this conversation.
We had so much fun in ourpre-interview chat, talked about
so much stuff and we gotdelayed a little bit, but now
we're finally here.
So I'm excited to have thisconversation with you and have
you talk to our listeners andviewers about imposter syndrome
and so much more.
So let's get into it.
Customarily, I always ask ourguests the first question
(01:00):
Describe your upbringing, yourchildhood, where you're from,
what life was like for you asyoung Tara?
Speaker 2 (01:06):
Help us out with that .
Young Tara.
Yeah, so my childhood, myparents split up when I was
seven and actually that wasquite a defining time for me and
I think what it gave me was asense of independence.
You know, you kind of have toput yourself up by your own
(01:27):
socks if you like, and that waspretty good.
It made me feel very able tostep out into the world.
One of the things my motheralways used to say to me was the
world is your oyster, and thatis really empowering, really
uplifting.
So, yeah, I left home when Iwas 16 to go to college in
Canada.
(01:47):
That's how adventurous andexciting the world was for me.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
If I understand right , you went to Canada and then
you went to Boston as well,right?
Speaker 2 (01:58):
Yeah, I lived nine years in Boston, Massachusetts.
Yeah, I got that was mytransition, because I started my
career in engineering and I gotkind of headhunted to a
software company over in Bostonand while I was there I changed
from that to starting mytraining as a holistic therapist
(02:18):
and getting back to the workthat I wanted to do originally,
which was working with peopleand helping them through all
sorts of problems and crises.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
Okay, I love this.
You've been to a lot ofdifferent places.
I mean England, Canada andBoston are dramatically
different.
I think only two of thoseplaces have real snow.
Yes, very true, you must haveenjoyed the snow to stay in
Canada and Boston.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
That long I think it might have driven me away.
Actually, I think that's one ofthe things I missed about the
UK is that you can go outsideand your skin doesn't freeze.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
You know little luxuries.
Many a person like you has beenworn off by the snow.
It's not uncommon.
I moved from the northeast butit wasn't because of snow.
But I'm not going to say Idon't miss my hands being frozen
.
I can't feel my fingers.
I don't miss that part.
But I miss the other beautifulaspects of it though, but not
(03:21):
that.
What would you say and this is apersonal question.
I was always going to ask youthis what would you say is the
one food that you miss most fromeach place England, canada and
Boston?
I think you're back in Englandnow, if I understand the story
right, but what's a food thatyou love the most in England and
which food do you miss the mostin Canada and in Boston?
(03:43):
You spent so much time there,you had to have something that
was like you know.
It became a favorite.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
Years and nights you had to have some kind of food
that was the favorite.
What was those?
Speaker 2 (03:54):
Yeah, so in England I didn't realize, I missed it
until I moved away there's aspecial kind of baked beans that
we have and it's not.
It's not like the southernamerican baked beans, it's very
different heinz baked beans.
So I missed those when I was,when I was in canada from canada
I, I was in um on vancouverisland in british columbia, and
(04:18):
they had this wonderfulchocolatier that made these
chocolate cream, flavoured creamlike orange cream, strawberry
creams covered in chocolate.
Oh, they were heavenly.
So I've missed those ever since.
Never found any so good, and inBoston, strange to say.
Well, really not strange, thelobster was really good.
(04:40):
The lobster was really reallygood in Boston.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
I'm surprised by all of these answers Big Beans in
England, lobster in Canada andLobster in Boston.
I've never heard any of thosethings associated with each
other before.
This is amazing.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
Okay, I'm intrigued.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
The lobster came from Maine, associated with each
other before this is amazing.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
Okay, well, I'm sure I'm intrigued.
Lobsters came from maine.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
I would guarantee that, but I've never heard those
two.
I told you, rachel, that's,that's, that's outstanding.
Okay, good, let's get into ourcombo now.
So imposter syndrome issomething I've been talking
about and doing episodes on, forI, I guess about the past three
months or so.
So it's a real thing and wedon't really deal with it, which
is a larger problem.
(05:31):
But tell our audience what isimposter syndrome.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
Yeah, imposter syndrome is the secret feeling
of being a fraud when you're nota fraud, and the fear of being
found out.
So it's a self-doubt, it's anagging feeling that you're not
quite good enough wow.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
Who does that impact?
Speaker 2 (05:53):
yeah, it affects over 70 percent of high achievers at
some point in their career.
So you go to top level and thisis across all industries, so
it's acting, it's athletics,it's business, it's even
parenting, it's absolutelyeverywhere.
(06:14):
And so 70%.
So you look at a group of 10people in any of those places
and seven of them have thisnagging self-doubt that they're
not quite good enough, eventhough they're performing at
their top level.
Speaker 1 (06:33):
That's a high number.
Tell us what imposter syndromeis not, because I've heard
something that, yes, people havesome minds that it is, but
they're kind of totally offabout it.
What is what is impostersyndrome not?
Or what is not impossible thatwe're seeing?
Speaker 2 (06:51):
yeah.
So it is not being a beginner.
It is not that you have littleexperience and you're learning
stuff now.
That's uncomfortable as welland that can cause you to feel
like you're doubting yourselfand not quite good enough, but
that's not the same as impostersyndrome.
This is why people in their 40s, 50s and even 60s at the top of
their game still feel impostersyndrome.
(07:13):
It's also not a women's issue.
So there were early studies done.
It was first identified in 1978.
And the original studies weredone on female graduate students
and it was thought at the timeto be a women's issue because
the surveys showed that womenidentified imposter syndrome
more than men.
(07:34):
It took maybe 15 years untilresearch finally was made
completely anonymous and thenthe numbers came out equal.
So what this research hadcaptured was a cultural trend
right across the world where menwere less willing, less able to
(07:54):
express or reveal what theythought to be a weakness in
themselves.
So it's split equally betweenmen and women.
And yeah, and finally, it's notyou, it's not your personality.
There's no imposter syndromepersonality profile.
(08:18):
Researchers were trying foryears to figure out what type of
person got imposter syndrome.
It's nothing to do with that.
It's a belief that's embeddedquite deeply in your brain, in
the fear center of your brain,that you're not quite good
enough.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
So is it wise for us to separate that from somebody
who has low self-esteem alreadyor somebody who has a lack of
confidence because maybe theyhad a rough childhood and they
weren't encouraged in certainways?
Should we separate that fromimposter syndrome?
How do we do that?
Because sometimes people mightthink it's too hard to
understand.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
Absolutely so.
If you had low self-esteem, itwould show up in all areas of
your life.
It would be a general thing, itwas a way that you would feel
about yourself.
Imposter syndrome can be quitenarrow, like you might do a
range of things that you'recapable, you're confident with,
and yet there's one thing thattrips you up.
(09:17):
Right, so it might be, you know, in business, a whole bunch of
you know you can do themanagement part, you can do the
project part, you can do theleading part, but the financials
are like, oh, you don't want totouch those and it generates
this resistance, this fear.
You'd be good, fight, flightfreeze.
It really triggers you and sothat's imposter syndrome.
(09:38):
So it's not everything.
And confidence also.
You know people with impostersyndrome.
They're generally confident,they're not unconfident people,
but when they have, when I havethis feeling of not being quite
good enough, it feels like atemporary lack of confidence,
but it absolutely isn't.
Speaker 1 (09:59):
Wow.
So what actually triggers it?
I mean, I feel like, personally, my, my understanding of it,
which is not super broad, but Iknow I've experienced it,
especially recently, but I knowI've experienced it especially
recently.
So it's not I'm not, I'm notimmune to it, but what actually
triggers imposter syndrome inyour opinion?
(10:19):
Love to hear your assessment onthat yeah, so.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
So there are several things that triggers that
trigger it.
So the what triggers itspecifically will be very
personal to you.
Um, underlying it is basicallythe root cause of imposter
syndrome is a belief that yourworth as a person depends on
what you do.
So you haven't separated outyour actions from your worth and
(10:46):
that's where it comes up.
So something will kind of pokethat belief and that will
trigger it for you and it'sdifferent for everyone.
So you know there's different,different profiles, different
symptoms of imposter syndromedifferent people have because
we're very different.
But root of it is that ourworth depends on what we do.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
Okay, I want to get into a couple of other other
areas here, but you mentionedsomething about high challenge
and low support.
Hold on to that for a second.
I want to give a shout out toour listeners and viewers that
are watching and listening.
If you have a question for tarain regards to imposter syndrome
or a story you want to share,by all means please drop it into
the live chat.
Drop it in the comment section,wherever you view in the
(11:31):
episode.
We'll jump into it as soon aswe can maybe even have tara
answer it directly to you.
So send your comments andquestions and your thoughts in.
We answer those as soon as wecan.
So, tara, I'll ask you abouthigh challenge and low support,
as I guess as triggers, explainthat to us a little bit better,
please yeah, so.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
So if you're in the situation high pressure, high
stakes, high challenge situationand you do have no support,
then the gap between those twomakes you more susceptible to
this self-doubt, this, this, amI good enough?
Or the the belief gettingtriggered so you can.
What can help is to to build upmore support.
(12:15):
Now, that can sometimes bedifficult because a lot of
people with imposter syndromethey don't like asking for help.
They feel like it's cheating orit's unacceptable or they
should be strong enough to do itall themselves.
It's a very common feeling.
So so, yeah, so, if you canbuild up the support, um, what
(12:35):
some people do is they try andreduce the challenge so they
don't go for the next promotion.
They hide their ideas.
Yes to to to feel morecomfortable, reduce the
challenge, but then, of course,they end up with regret.
You know, know, these verycapable, competent people are
not shining to their fullabilities.
(12:57):
They're not, they're notworking at the best level that
they can, and it's disappointing.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
Well, that is disappointing, I think.
I think I've done it to myselfor allowed it to be done to
myself several times in mycorporate career, so it is
regrettable.
Tell me now.
It sounds like one of thecauses of this is kind of a
surround around, a false beliefabout what our worth and our
(13:27):
value is right.
Where does that belief comefrom, in your opinion?
Where do you think that comesfrom?
Speaker 2 (13:33):
right.
Where does that belief comefrom, in your opinion?
Where do you think that comesfrom?
Yeah, well, this was from workdone in the 1950s by the
granddaddy of personalpsychology, carl Rogers.
And so, basically, when ababy's born, there's all this
information coming in throughtheir senses, like the sight,
sound, taste, touch, and thebrain has no structure for it.
(13:54):
It can't identify it, it's justexperiencing things.
And as a child grows, the brainstarts to put labels and boxes
and structures and frameworks soit understands what's going on.
And between 18 months and threeyears old, one of the things
(14:15):
structures the brain puts inplace is the sense of self, who
I am.
I'm actually a separate person.
I'm not the.
I'm not.
I'm different from the dog, I'mdifferent from the table, I'm
different from different from mybrother.
So so that's in.
And at that point it would havebeen the perfect point to
separate out this idea that yourworth as a human being depends
(14:38):
on what you do.
But for the vast majority ofpeople and this is 99.999% of
people, most people thatdistinction was never made, that
separation was never made.
So you'll see, it was nevermade.
That separation was never made.
So you'll see it.
People are told good girl, goodboy, bad girl, bad boy, right.
(14:59):
So they are bad because of whatthey've done, and so that's why
it never gets separated out.
So it's not like even we werespecifically taught this, but we
were never taught how tounlearn that and separate it out
.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
Wow, I want to get into some of the symptoms and
also deal with some of thetriggers and eliminating those.
But we've got a question comingin from a friend of the show
from the Back it Up Bingepodcast.
My guy, jb, has a question foryou.
He says how many people doesTower Think has some form of
imposter syndrome?
Seems more common than peoplethink when they hear the term.
(15:38):
What do you think about thatTower?
You can answer that right away.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
Yeah, 70%, 7-0, which is a huge number 7 out of 10 in
any group, particularly ahigh-performance group that you
go into.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
Are we national Tower or are we talking about
globally that's, 70% globally,worldwide or national?
Speaker 2 (15:59):
It's global.
It's global, so they've donestudies all over the world and
it comes out very consistent.
You know, there are somestudies that go as high as 82%
as well.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
Wow, Good morning.
Triple B's in the house.
Good morning guys.
So when you say 82%, where didthat figure come from?
Is that under a differentcircumstance than the 70?
Speaker 2 (16:23):
It's just a different research study.
So the research studies, theykind of come out around about
70%, but some go as high as goas high as 82 percent wow,
that's incredible.
Speaker 1 (16:35):
That's incredible.
This is the.
This is the real thing.
I don't know if I think we'reenlightening people today,
because I don't think peopleunderstand.
This is a.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
This is a problem you know, because because people
are starting to become moreaware of it.
From 1978 to 2015, pretty muchnobody was aware of it.
Nobody identified it.
2015, it started.
Google shows that it started tobecome more and people are
talking about it and it's grown.
(17:06):
So more and more people areaware of it, but still a lot of
people don't talk about it.
They think, wrongly, that it'sa weakness or a flaw and and so
they don't want to talk about it.
They're ashamed of it.
Um, but it's nothing to do withyour personality.
So this is why people getsurprised when they say it's
(17:26):
this many, because everyonethinks oh, it's just me and
you're really not alone wow,this, this is, this is.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
I hope we have enough time to get into all the
questions that I have for you,because this is a lot going on
here.
But what are some of thesymptoms?
I guess, maybe two or three,that you have symptoms of
imposter syndrome.
What are those?
Speaker 2 (17:47):
Yeah.
So there's three types ofsymptoms.
One's the thoughts, and thethoughts are self-doubt,
self-criticism, overthinking,feeling you're not good enough,
thinking you just got lucky andyou'll never be able to repeat
that performance.
So that's the thoughts thatdrives the nervous system.
So the nervous system getstriggered.
So the second set of symptomsis physiological.
(18:10):
We go into a nervous systemstate of fight, flight and
freeze, which is the body's kindof survival mode.
It's what it does in a crisis.
Um, it creates tension.
You might have poor sleep,anxiety, overwhelm, and then to
try and cope with that stress,which is basically what it is
(18:30):
then there are typicalbehavioral responses like coping
responses like perfectionismover preparing, comparing that,
not going for promotions or notspeaking up enough that I
mentioned, feeling like you haveto push through, feeling like
you don't have enoughqualifications when you really
(18:51):
do, and and pushing through moreprocrastination is a big one as
well I mean, I can hear whythis is the problem, but maybe
just because I've done researchon it myself and I've done some
episodes on it.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
I've even done a talk on it recently.
So I guess I I get it, but forour listeners and viewers that
may not get why this is aproblem.
Can you kind of explain in moredetail why this is a problem?
I know we're talking aboutthings regarding focus and
productivity and stuff, butthere seems to be so much more
to it that makes it a problemfor anybody that's trying to
(19:28):
accomplish anything.
Can you kind of dig a little?
Can you burrow a little deeperinto why imposter syndrome was a
problem that we need toidentify number one and then
start dealing with the processof eliminating it?
Go ahead.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Yeah, yeah.
So the problem is, you know so,the symptoms, the thinking
symptoms.
They're distracting, they'redemoralizing, they're
disempowering and they make youmore reactive, you say of
emotional response, you make youmore reactive, defensive, and
(20:02):
they just take so much mentalenergy, particularly churn, that
rumination where you'rethinking things over and over
and over again.
And then the physiologicalstress symptoms.
That's just exhausting, andchronic stress can lead to
chronic illnesses as well.
It lowers your immune system,it drags your energy down,
(20:24):
you're less able to focus.
And then the behaviors, likethe procrastination, the
perfectionism.
They're just the opposite ofwhat you want to do.
When you want to be productive,when you want to operate at
your best, you're not able to beso creative because you're
bogged down and your time issuch.
It takes up all of this timeand energy and attention in
(20:49):
yourself that you're not fullypresent with the people around
you because it's so, sodistracting wow.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
I wonder people even realize this has been going on
over this time.
This is, this is this isastounding because anybody's a
creative person like myself Idon't even haven't even
connected the dots, that's.
You know.
This is the reason why I'mdistracted, I'm losing focus and
I can't function in thiscreative space, and I didn't put
those two things together.
So this is like this isincredible.
(21:19):
A lot of your work tower isabout eliminating triggers.
What is a trigger actually, andhow do you eliminate that with
your work and what you're doing?
Speaker 2 (21:29):
yeah, so so, um, the brain has a series of triggers
that it's looking out fordangers, right?
So there's a part of your braincalled the amygdala, the fear
center of the brain, and it'sbasically got a list of things
that are dangerous, and if thesituation looks like it matches
this list, then it triggers yournervous system and then you
(21:51):
react with the stress, with theimposter syndrome behaviors or
all of this.
So, um, the the work that I dois removing that one list item,
which is my worth depends onwhat I do, and we do that in a
very systematic way, and so andI think it has to be said we're
(22:13):
working at the unconscious levelhere, because these are
automatic triggers.
They've been set upautomatically by the brain.
It's not a mindset solution.
We're not thinking our way outof it.
We actually have to removethose triggers.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
I love that part about not thinking your way out
of it, because that's what Iwould try to do.
Speaker 2 (22:38):
I love that.
Thank you, yeah, I mean some.
Some people say, well, stand infront of the mirror and tell
yourself you're, you're enough,and it's like well, no, cause
you've got a brain going.
Oh, no, no, you don't.
We're not going to let goBecause the brain is very highly
tuned to keep you alive andit's not going to let go of its
(22:58):
list of dangers unless you do avery specific process.
Speaker 1 (23:04):
Wow, that is incredible.
One of the things that, firstof all, I want to hear some
victories from stories of peoplewho have been on your program
that have seen dramatic changes.
Hopefully you can share some ofthose for us.
But I want to ask about thisMany of our listeners are
podcasters and content creatorsreally good friends of mine.
(23:26):
Many of them, and I've kind ofseen them, go through the ups
and downs when it comes to beingcreative and focusing and
staying on it, on a consistentprogram of recording and putting
out content, just beingconsistent and engaging with
their listeners and viewers, etcetera, so that content creators
and podcasters go through allthe time and many of them are
(23:47):
listening now or will belistening to the replay.
How would you advise us aboutimposter syndrome, specifically
because of what we do?
How would you help us out?
Speaker 2 (23:57):
Yeah, so some of the things that I see with
podcasters is certainlycomparing right, which is one of
one of them you can play thatpart again.
Speaker 1 (24:08):
That might be.
That might be the uh, the micdrop of the day.
Say that part again.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
So it's comparing.
It's comparing what you've doneand subtext who you are with
all these other fantasticpodcasters and they're looking
great, right, so they only poston the socials fantastic and
everything like that, and itlooks like everyone else is
doing really well and they lookconfident and capable and and
(24:36):
you're and you've got thisself-doubt am I, am I good
enough?
It was that show good enough?
And you might then spend, youknow, five hours editing your
podcast show to try and make itperfect.
You might re-record yourintroduction 17 times just to
get it just perfect.
Um, you know, this is, this, isyou is.
(24:58):
You might have spent two daysresearching those one guest.
So you're asking just the rightquestions.
So you can hear how exhaustingthat is right and they're just-,
it sounds like.
I'm exhausted.
Yeah, they're common ones.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
Oh my goodness.
Well, I hope everybody heardthat got some help with that one
.
That's incredible One thing.
I always Sorry Go ahead.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
I was going to say that you know most of the work
that I do I mean, as I'vedescribed is, you know it's a
90-day program, it's deep workto you know, remove these
triggers from the unconsciousbrain.
But there is one thing that youcan do that help with comparing
(25:45):
, and this I think people willlike.
So if you notice yourselfcomparing, right, you're not
going to stop comparing.
People say stop comparing.
You can't do that because yourbrain's wired to look for
differences, just in casethere's a danger there.
So you know you're drivingalong past a field of cows,
there's a bright purple cow,right, your brain's going to go
oh, what's that?
Just to check out is notdangerous.
So you can't stop yourselfcomparing.
(26:06):
But when you notice yourselfcomparing, what you can do
instead is you can stop lookingfor the differences and start
looking for the similarities,consciously, deliberately saying
how am I the same as thatperson?
What experiences do we have incommon?
What values do we have incommon?
What connections do we have?
And the more you do that youcan make a list, the more you
(26:28):
will feel like them, the moreyou'll feel like you belong, and
that really helps.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
I love that.
That's a great.
Looking for the similaritiesand not the differences.
Okay, I love that, that'sreally great.
I'm looking for thesimilarities and not the
differences.
I love that, that's really good.
Thank you, tara.
One thing I always do whenanybody comes on our show and
they know to get ready, I prepthem in advance.
If they call themselves a coach, mentor or expert in any way,
I'm going to, to some degree,challenge them a little bit and
(26:55):
said you know what, in order foryou to be a coach in this area
or a mentor leader in this area,you had to have experienced it
yourself.
So I wanted to ask you did youhave imposter syndrome yourself?
Speaker 2 (27:06):
I did.
I didn't recognize it asimposter syndrome, but I did.
When I just left university, Iapplied to join a graduate
trainee program.
This was in engineering, agraduate trainee program with
General Electric, ge, you know,big global company and they did
psychometric tests of all theirgraduate trainees.
(27:26):
And so they did my test andthey came back and they said I'm
sorry, we're not going to offeryou a graduate trainee position
.
Oh, I say no, they said becauseyour profile shows, you know,
it's quite unusual, it's what wecommonly see in our top leaders
.
So we'd like to offer you afast track management position
(27:49):
to kickstart your career with us.
So you would think, and everyoneI tell this to, I've got oh wow
, that's amazing.
No, internally I'm like, oh'samazing.
No, internally I'm like oh, no,no, no, no, no, no.
Oh yeah, it sounded to me likean invitation to fail.
It sounded to me like it wouldbe so exposing for them to.
(28:11):
And then what if I wasn't agood leader?
What is a fail?
This is all unconscious.
I just told myself that soundsboring, which it didn't.
But I told myself it soundsboring.
And I went back to universityand I did my phd because that
was my comfort zone, because Iknew I was learning.
So very big change in my entirelife path there, huge, you know,
(28:38):
and that is impossible andthat's the kind of thing that
that can, can happen every timefrom imposter syndrome.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
Wow, what a story you missed out on something big huh
.
Yeah, help us, uh, to somedegree maybe.
Try to be detectives, because Ifeel like imposter syndrome is
so big I'm not sure that thisshort episode is going to cover
it all this.
Just try to be detectives,because I feel like imposter
syndrome is so big I'm not surethat this short episode is going
to cover it all.
There just seem to be so manylayers to this thing, just going
(29:06):
into the details, but theproductivity and the creativity
and just the thing to hold usback, lowering our focus.
There's so much here.
Help us kind of be detectives,if you don't mind.
Can you spot imposter syndromein other people and how can we
spot it in ourselves or inothers?
Speaker 2 (29:24):
right, it's really hard to spot imposter syndrome
in other people.
Um, because people don't shareit and because they they're
looking capable and confident,then they're not revealing any
of this doubt, or very little ofthis doubt.
So it's very hard to see.
You might notice if somebody'sa little bit perfectionist or
does a little bitprocrastination.
(29:44):
You might notice, but it won'tstand out to you as, oh, that
person has imposter syndrome.
It's not going to be like that.
So it's really hard to see inanyone else.
So if you're leading a team,it's hard to see in your team.
Speaker 1 (30:00):
You very likely won't be able to see it in your team.
Oh, I was hoping I could.
Speaker 2 (30:05):
I need for my teams, oh, my goodness, okay you know,
you know, I think this was oneof the there's a lot of research
being done on personalityprofiles and imposter syndrome
and I think it's for exactlythat reason the idea that, oh,
if we can weed it out, we justwon't hire people with imposter
syndrome.
And I think it's for exactlythat reason, the idea that, oh,
if we can weed it out, we justwon't hire people with imposter
syndrome.
It's like no, no, can't do that, and it's not the personality,
(30:25):
yeah, so what you can do foryourself, the easiest, fastest,
easiest thing to do is there isa quiz it's kind of like gold
standard quiz of you knowimposter syndrome behaviors, and
we can put a link in the notesto um to that quiz.
Speaker 1 (30:42):
And people already done oh yeah, I'm ready.
I got your back.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
Brilliant, brilliant.
So so the quiz if you get over50%, then imposter syndrome is
is significant in your life.
If you get over 62% this isanother piece of research then
it's having a significant impactin your life.
If you get over 62% this isanother piece of research then
it's having a significant impactin your life and that is really
it'd be.
Don't ignore it.
It'd be something to look at.
There are a bunch of differentapproaches to imposter syndrome.
(31:11):
There's coaching, not reallytherapy.
It's not a mental dysfunction,so it's not a psychological
dysfunction, but so not reallytherapy.
But there's some coaching, sometraining that you can do, or
the work, like mine, to get ridof the root cause of it, which
then is gone forever.
Speaker 1 (31:29):
I love that.
I make sure this can be in thenotes on all of our socials as
well.
But before we close out, I'dlove for you to share at least
two or three success storiesfrom your program.
If you can do that, I'd love totalk about what we're talking
about because it matters.
It's definitely impacted mepersonally.
I still battle with it.
I think a lot of my friends andassociates and cohorts do too.
(31:52):
If we're being honest, I'd loveto hear success stories.
That's kind of inspiring Greatway to close the show out.
I think it's kind of inspiring.
Yeah, stories from people whohave walked through your program
and the results they've seen.
Love to hear that, please.
Speaker 2 (32:06):
So there's one guy I'll call him Brian who was the.
He was a chief operatingofficer in a multi-billion
dollar hedge fund in amulti-billion dollar hedge fund.
So we're talking very, veryhigh profile, very high
performer, high stakesenvironment.
And he was promoted to CEO whena new board came in.
(32:31):
There was a buyout, new boardcame in, but he was their second
choice and that crushed him,because his first choice was the
lead.
Their first choice was the leadtrader.
And then the shareholdersrebelled and they said no, no,
we don't put the best trader in,let's put somebody who's more
of a manager type person.
(32:51):
And so he would dread the boardmeetings.
Every three months they hadthese board meetings and he
would dread them.
So he would lose two nights ofsleep, he would procrastinate
and he'd bring his report like anaughty schoolboy with his
homework.
That's late, you know.
He had that feeling.
It certainly wasn't empowered.
(33:11):
So he was a third of the waythrough the program, through our
90-day program, and he changedhow he approached the board
meeting.
So he stopped procrastinating,which was great.
He was fine to sleep and so hewent into that meeting feeling
(33:32):
like he was a peer right.
So this is a good place to be.
Well, it didn't stop therebecause after the program it was
a month before his next boardmeeting when he finished.
Now he was doing it evendifferent.
So now he was contacting theboard members proactively,
discussing things, lining thingsup, getting all the comments
(33:54):
and objections and argumentsahead of time.
So he was really comments andobjections and arguments ahead
of time.
So he was really leading theboard and that was for him the
most exciting, empowering change.
And we hadn't done anythingabout his skills.
We hadn't done anything abouthis mindset or techniques,
anything.
We just got rid of thatimposter syndrome.
Speaker 1 (34:14):
Wow, no, that's amazing.
I love his success stories likethat.
You have any more that you wantto share?
Speaker 2 (34:21):
yeah.
So um, uh, one, um, uh let'scall him peter, so peter,
because obviouslyconfidentiality um so, um, peter
had a problem with reactivity.
Right, he, he would go into,you know, fight flight.
He would go into fight, flight,freeze, he would go into fight
mode.
(34:41):
So he was in a medical softwaresupply company.
So he'd go into the hospitalsto meet with the consultants,
the very high-level consultantswithin the medical world, and
selling them this brilliantsoftware revolutionary and a lot
(35:03):
of them were, you know,characters, and they would argue
with him and if someone startedarguing with him, it would
trigger him into fight, he wouldget defensive and it would
start off a row.
It would start off not aphysical fight, but you know.
So these meetings would justfall apart and of course he lost
, you know, respect, credibilityand didn't make the sales.
(35:25):
So the shift for him was thathe was no longer after the
program, he was no longerreactive.
Speaker 1 (35:36):
So when one of these consultants started arguing with
him.
Speaker 2 (35:37):
He was just calm, under pressure, he didn't take
it personally.
He actually could stay therepresent and, you know, negotiate
and answer back and it and itchanged because he was a a lead
in his company.
It changed the the wholebusiness his ability to remain
(35:58):
who he really was and with allhis capabilities.
Speaker 1 (36:04):
Oh, I love that.
I love that.
This is fantastic.
I'm so glad that you were herewith us to share this.
This has been insightful.
I expect that the next timeyou're doing more books that you
want to come back on to ourshow.
What you brought has been superinsightful and I'm so grateful
for it.
If you guys are thinking abouttaking the free imposter
(36:26):
syndrome quiz, which I highlyrecommend, it has a personalized
report with it.
It's wwwcompletesuccesscoukforward slash quiz.
It's right here on the screen.
It's also in the show notes andin the comments section so you
can find it very, very easilywwwcompletesuccesscouk forward
slash quiz.
I have one final question foryou.
(36:47):
All of our guests get thisquestion.
It's usually the toughestquestion of the show for some
people, but I put it in here.
If you were not doing theauthoring of books and being an
expert coach in impostersyndrome, what is Tara doing?
I've already heard the answerfrom our chat, but I'd love for
you to share it with ourlisteners and viewers what?
Speaker 2 (37:08):
would you be doing?
Oh my gosh, Because I'm doingright now what my dream job is,
basically.
Speaker 1 (37:18):
No, no, no, You're all out on the table right now.
What I, what my dream job isbasically so so all right.
Speaker 2 (37:24):
So when I was born, my father had this vision of me
as an opera singer.
He said you know with with, youknow a viking.
You know a Viking helmet withhorns and rawr.
So I have recently discovered,after all my life thinking that
(37:48):
I was a bad singer, that Icouldn't sing I have recently,
just 18 months ago discoveredthat I'm not a bad singer.
I'm actually just not a soprano, I'm an alto, which is the
lower range, so I can't hit thehigh notes, and I always thought
that I couldn't sing because Icouldn't hit the high notes.
So now I'm in a choir and twoweeks ago we were singing in
(38:13):
Salisbury Cathedral.
I mean, it was just incredible.
So that is something which isreally heartfelt and for me.
I don't think I could ever bean opera singer.
I'm not that good, but at leastI can sing in a choir and I'm
loving that.
Speaker 1 (38:27):
I love that.
I love the story you sharedabout that pivotal moment when
you're 11 years old and andsinging, and you love the music
and how it's grown.
I'm excited that we're going tobe in touch with each other.
I want you to send me videos ofyou singing.
I want to hear it and see itand kind of celebrate with you.
But go ahead.
(38:48):
What do you want to say?
Go ahead.
Speaker 2 (38:50):
No, no, we have some.
I can say I will send it to you.
Speaker 1 (38:55):
I think we're already connected on social media.
If we're not, let's please getthere.
But thank you, tyler, this isfantastic.
I believe that if anybody waslistening and watching intently,
you got something out of thisreal-life imposter syndrome and
you might have gotten yourselfsome help, I know I did.
Thanks again for all of yourthoughts here and the comments
(39:15):
and the questions coming in fromyou guys.
Thanks for watching andlistening.
Speaker 2 (39:22):
Tyler, any closing thoughts before we, uh, close
the episode down?
Yeah, three things.
It's.
It's not you right, it's notyour personality, you're not
alone and there is something youcan do about it, so don't just
put up with it I love it.
Speaker 1 (39:35):
Thank you, that was that's all good advice.
The show has been fantastic.
If you're watching andlistening, of course, please
subscribe to our YouTube channel, youtubecom, at
theycallmemisteryou.
Of course, you can find us onall of our social media
platforms our website,theycallmemisteryoubuzzsproutcom
.
We'll give you access to all ofour social media links.
If you can find me, send me,shout out messages or just
(39:58):
follow our work, and you canfollow tara.
All the information is going tobe in the show notes and, of
course, on our youtube channelin the comment section.
You can find all of her workthere and her uh websites and
you can kind of uh be able.
I also forgot almost forgotthat you also are booking a 15
minute call with anybody fromour audience that wants to maybe
have some help.
You still doing that from yourwebsite yeah, absolutely so.
Speaker 2 (40:20):
There's a book, a call button on the website, and
you know it's completely freeand we'll have a chat that's the
same website.
Speaker 1 (40:28):
Complete success right complete success, yeah,
very, very good.
Thank you very much for joiningus, tara and mr you, we're out
of here.
Thanks again for watching andlistening.
Have a great day.
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