July 30, 2025 • 44 mins
What happens when your deepest fear becomes reality? When the one person who promised to love you forever betrays that trust completely?
After discovering my wife's affair, I faced a devastating choice that would forever change my understanding of God's love. Standing in my living room, hyperventilating with grief, I heard God whisper an invitation not to justified anger, but to something far more difficult – and ultimately transformative.
Marriage isn't ultimately about our happiness, but something far greater. It's the most intimate picture we have of Christ's relationship with his church, designed to reveal how God loves us unconditionally. This perspective revolutionizes how we approach our relationships, whether married, single, or healing from past wounds.
Drawing from Colossians and 1 Corinthians, we explore biblical marriage as other-focused rather than self-focused. When spouses love each other not because they've earned it, but because God loves them, marriage becomes a powerful channel of healing. Conversely, when we focus primarily on getting our own needs met, we unintentionally destroy the fabric of our relationships.
My journey through betrayal, single fatherhood, and eventual redemption reveals how God works through our deepest pain to show us His character. Six boys under six, a two-bedroom apartment, and two broken people with mountains of baggage – not exactly a fairy tale beginning. Yet God used this unlikely new marriage to demonstrate His faithfulness and restore what seemed irreparably damaged.
Whether you're navigating the challenges of marriage, healing from divorce, or seeking God's design for relationships, this message offers hope that no matter what you've experienced or what you've done, God is not finished with your story. His redemptive power can transform even our most painful chapters into testimonies of His grace.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Let's pray.
Father, we thank you for yourlove.
We thank you that you restoreus when we mess up, that you
have grace and mercy for us.
You never are embarrassed by usand the mess that we've made of
our lives.
You never are intimidated bywhat we have going on.
But, father, you are a truefather of love, and so, god, we
(00:23):
pray that you would help ustoday to understand your truth
and give us eyes to see and aheart to be able to sense what
your truth is and the healingpower that's in your love and in
your hands.
Jesus, I pray you'd meet ushere today, because I think
there's a lot of people who havebeen through some difficult
(00:44):
times in their lives inregarding to marriage and love,
and what we're going to talkabout today, I think, will be
really healing for us, jesus,and so I ask that you would give
a special blessing to all thathear this message today.
Amen, alright, so we're goingto talk about today's sermon is
called Love and Marriage.
(01:04):
Love and Marriage.
You remember that that show?
I wasn't allowed to watch itwhen I was a kid.
All right, so get ready for aneasy conversation that we're all
super comfortable having.
Let's talk about sex, supercomfortable having.
(01:28):
Let's talk about sex.
Oh, speaking of beinguncomfortable, have you ever had
a masseuse that made you feelweird?
They just rubbed you the wrongway.
Boo, I get a boo on that one.
(01:48):
Joseph Stalin, you remember him?
The Russian dictator JosephStalin was giving a speech to
his army.
You know, they were all linedup in their rows, you know, and
he's speaking to his army.
If you know that and you speakRussian, that's funny.
And he's speaking to his army.
Jizik swizik, jadejil lafantanavadkupil.
(02:08):
If you know that and you speakRussian, it's funny.
For all my Russian-speakingjoke listeners that killed, but
none of you, I see, speakRussian.
Well, he's speaking to his armywhen all of a sudden, right at
the height of his speech, he'spounding the table.
(02:29):
Someone sneezed.
Hachu the uncomfortableness.
He stops his speech.
Who sneezed?
He says Nobody says everybody'ssuper uncomfortable.
(02:51):
Nobody says a word.
Sweat started to fall down someforeheads, so he points and his
guards shoot the first row ofpeople.
They die.
Oh now then he asks again whosneezed?
(03:16):
And he tells his guards getready to shoot again.
And one guy in the fourth rowsays it was me.
It was me, I sneezed.
And one guy in the fourth rowsays it was me.
It was me, I sneezed.
And Stalin looks at him very,very intensely and says bless
you, see, you don't have to beuncomfortable, it's okay.
(03:46):
Well, I hope you're blessed alsoas we talk about love and
marriage today, because a lotcan go wrong with love and
marriage.
How many of you haveexperienced divorce or been
impacted by divorce?
Okay, we're going to be talkinga little bit about that today,
and the Bible has a lot to sayabout marriage.
(04:07):
You know, god created it.
It has a purpose and, at thedeepest spiritual levels,
marriage is actually the mostintimate glimpse that we have
into our spiritual union withChrist.
We've been talking a lot aboutour identity and our union with
Christ, haven't we?
Over the past 12 weeks, we havejust hammered our union with
(04:27):
Christ identity, and so that'swhat marriage is all about.
And so in this world, everymarriage actually is a picture
of how much God loves his people, the union of Christ with his
church.
It doesn't matter if they'rebelievers or not believers.
Every marriage at some level isa picture of that, and I love
(04:51):
to talk about that when I doweddings, because it gives
people an understanding thattheir marriage really isn't
about them, which we'll get intoAll right.
Well, let's start reading in 1Corinthians 7.
It says this On the screen isgoing to be in New King James,
which is a great version, butI'm actually going to read it
out of New Living Translationjust to kind of give you another
(05:13):
idea of how it sounds.
It says now, regarding thequestions you asked in your
letter yes, it is good toabstain from sexual relations,
but because there is so muchsexual immorality, each man
should have his own wife andeach woman should have her own
husband.
So if you were here last week,you know that we talked about
sexual immorality and Paul saidflee sexual immorality.
(05:36):
And it's really reallydangerous.
It's like fire when youparticipate in sex outside of
marriage.
It's really really dangerous,it's scary and it can burn you.
And because I love you, fleesexual immorality.
So the church was probably like,oh my gosh, if this is so
dangerous, why don't we just beabstinent altogether?
And Paul's like I mean, okay,but that's really not the design
(06:00):
either, that's not the point.
So they probably figured thatif sexuality was such a danger,
they could be more pure byabstaining from it altogether.
Even in marriage, let's justnot do it at all, you know, and
that's like Paul's going tocorrect that, because that's
like over-exaggerating theproblem.
It's over-correcting right.
(06:21):
It's like people sayingdrowning is bad, so let's get
rid of all the water on earth.
Or fire burns people, so let'sget rid of all the electric
power plants.
Or ice cream gives me a brainfreeze, so no one gets ice cream
.
No fun people.
(06:41):
There is a reason for sex, okay,and it's good, it's important,
but it will burn you if youtouch it outside of the safe way
that it's been designed for.
So for us to understand sexualrelationships and how they work,
we need to back up a little andsee how marriage works in the
(07:01):
first place.
Okay, so in Colossians, chapter3, verse 18, it says this this
is the most clear, simple way.
It says wives submit to yourown husbands, as is fitting in
the Lord.
What does this mean?
It means honor your husbandbecause God loves him and has a
plan for your act of love, thisact of love that you're going to
(07:24):
do by honoring him, not becausehe's earned it.
Okay.
So you look at your husband andyou're like but I'm not going
to honor him, I'm not going torespect him because he hasn't
earned it.
He's a goofball, he's a goober.
You don't know the goobernessthat I have to live with.
And so the temptation is no,I'm not going to honor this guy
(07:44):
because he's a jerk.
But God says, do it because Ilove him, love him because I
love him, all right.
And then it says, husbands,love your wives and do not be
bitter towards her.
So what does that mean?
It means, husbands, you'resupposed to love her, not
because she's earned it, butbecause God has a plan for that
(08:08):
in her life.
God loves her and he's going touse your love to bless her,
heal her, take care of her, notbecause she's earned it, but
because that's his heart for thesuccess of this person.
So, husbands and wives, it isvital that we understand that's
how marriage works.
You're married not for you.
Your marriage is not about you.
(08:29):
You're married to serve andlove the person that you are
married to.
You're married to meet theirneeds.
So when a marriage looks likethis, our hearts easily trust
one another.
When a marriage looks like thisand we learn that, we can pour
out love on each other.
But when we focus on ourselves,we destroy the fabric of that
(08:53):
union.
So when we become self-focused,remember others focused.
You know, when you're focusedon your spouse, that's true love
.
Self-focused is lust and itdoesn't work.
That's the flesh.
Okay, giving is love, takingfor selfish reasons is lust.
That's how God has made it.
(09:16):
So why is this all so important?
Because your marriage, everymarriage, is really a display of
the possible union that peoplehave with Christ and the church,
with us and Jesus.
Because your marriage reallyisn't about you.
That's why we have to talkabout this.
Your sex life isn't about you.
(09:36):
It's about Jesus and his church.
That's why God inventedmarriage in the first place.
It was his plan, his idea.
We just participate in hisinvention of marriage.
Why do we have to be faithfulto one person?
Because God is faithful to us.
Not because it's the rightthing to do, not because you'll
(10:01):
get in trouble if you don't, butbecause God is faithful to us,
so we are called to be faithfulto him.
That's why faithfulness mattersin marriage.
We can't be messing around withother gods.
Just like.
There's one husband for onewife.
You're to honor and love thatrelationship and that's it.
(10:26):
If you want to get more completein your definition of marriage,
then you'd read Ephesians 5,verses 15 through 33.
We don't have time for thattoday, but I wanted to throw it
out there.
If you want to really dig intoit, it's great.
Back in 1 Corinthians 7, verse3, it says the husband should
fulfill the wife's sexual needs.
In Greek it means have dueaffection for his wife and the
(10:50):
wife should fulfill herhusband's needs.
The wife gives authority overher body to her husband and the
husband gives authority over hisbody to his wife.
Now, guys, this is not aboutslavery.
This is about trust andoffering.
You know, trusting each otherand offering yourself to each
other.
And this points us it's notabout you again.
(11:12):
This points us to how we offerourselves to God and say I want
God to fill my heart and my lifewith his life.
In Romans, chapter 6, it saysthis Romans, chapter 6, 12.
Therefore, do not let sin reignin your mortal body, that you
should obey its lusts, and donot present your members as
(11:34):
instruments of unrighteousnessto sin, but present yourselves
to God as being alive from thedead and your members as
instruments of righteousness toGod, for sin shall not have
dominion over you, for you arenot under the law but under
grace.
So we have a relationship oflove with God that's based on
(11:56):
grace, not rules.
It's not the lust ofself-focused living.
And this is how we respond tothe gospel.
So you hear that God loves youand has grace for you.
And so the how we respond is wehear the gospel, then we
believe it and then we offerourselves to him.
(12:18):
And if you think about marriage, that's kind of you hear that
he loves you, you discover thatyou love each other.
Then you make a covenant,that's kind of you hear that he
loves you, you discover that youlove each other.
Then you make a covenant, acommitment to one another, and
then you're able to offeryourselves to each other in
intimacy.
And that's where that intimacycomes from.
So when you think about we'resupposed to offer ourselves to
(12:40):
God every day that's our dailyresponse to the gospel.
God every day, that's our dailyresponse to the gospel you ask
what are we supposed to do?
It's not about good works, it'snot about all the laws and
keeping the rules.
That's not how to respond tothe gospel, saying I need to do
better, I need to try harder.
That's not what it's about.
It's about offering yourself,giving your heart to Jesus.
(13:01):
Saying Jesus, here's my heart.
Giving your heart to Jesus.
Saying Jesus, here's my heart,here's my hands, here's my feet,
here's my mouth, here's my mind, all the parts that are in my
body I offer as instruments foryou to live through.
And that removes all thepressure in the relationship,
because now you're just like, Igive myself completely to you.
(13:23):
I don't have to be in control.
I don't have to be in controlNow.
That instantly causes a lot ofstress to us, because at times
in our life when we haven't beenin control, people have hurt us
, people have harmed us, andthat's where we have to learn
that God is not people.
God is never going to hurt you.
(13:45):
God is never going to treat youin any way except perfect love
and as a perfect heavenly Father, and that's where we're
learning to trust Him.
Okay, so that's what this isall, how it spiritually matters
to our lives.
So he says do not deprive eachother of sexual relations unless
(14:06):
you both agree to refrain fromsexual intimacy for a limited
time so that you can giveyourself more completely to
prayer, and afterward you shouldcome together again so that
Satan won't be able to tempt youbecause of your lack of
self-control.
So the principle in this passageis really important.
God makes it clear, there'snothing wrong and everything
right about sex in marriage.
(14:28):
Okay, so Satan's great strategywhen it comes to sex is to do
everything he can to encourageyou to have sex outside of
marriage and then, when you getmarriage, to discourage you from
having any sex at all.
It's an equal victory for Satanon either side.
That's what his goal is.
(14:48):
Notice that Satan.
He just twists sex to hurt.
That's what his whole plan is.
God wants it to be a blessing.
Jesus has blessed it.
He's a big fan of healthy,love-filled marriage.
Because he invented it, heknows that this is the best
(15:08):
thing for us.
And so Paul's going to talk nowabout a few specific situations
when it comes to marriage.
So he says, number one, thefirst thing he's going to talk
about, probably another questionthey had to him singleness can
work too if you have the giftfor it.
So that's what this nextsection is about.
He says I say this as aconcession, not as a command,
(15:29):
but I wish everyone were singlejust as I am.
Yet each person has a specialgift from God of one kind or
another.
So I say to those who aren'tmarried and to the widows it's
better to stay unmarried, justas I am.
But if they can't controlthemselves, they should go ahead
and marry.
It is better to marry than toburn with lust.
So what he's saying is that thephysical desire for sex is not
(15:53):
wrong per se.
We all desire to be loved andshare an intimate relationship,
but some can go without havingthat desire met.
But some can go without havingthat desire met because they
have a gift.
God has enabled them to be ableto be satisfied in their
relationship with God alone, andthey don't need that.
(16:16):
But for most people it's betterto get married, because then
you get to participate in thispicture for the world of how
marriage is our relationshipwith God, of that love and
safety and intimacy.
So significantly Paul, heregards both marriage and
singleness as a gift from God.
(16:36):
So if you're married, that's agift from God.
If you're single, that's also agift from God.
And Satan also twists that tobe like I'm missing something,
I'm in the wrong situation.
The grass is always greener inthe other field, right.
And so Satan will constantlyplant in these seeds.
(16:59):
If you're single, oh, if youwere married, everything would
be perfect, you would haveeverything that you need, and
married people are like no.
But when you're married, satandoesn't do that.
He plants the other seed thatsays you know, if you were
(17:21):
single or if you had a differentspouse, everything would be
better, so that single is fine,but you don't have to be single.
That's the lesson there.
Second lesson he says, numbertwo divorce sucks.
You can write that down.
But for those who are married,I have a command that comes not
(17:41):
from me but from the Lord A wifemust not leave her husband, but
if she does leave him, let herremain single or else be
reconciled to him, and a husbandmust not leave his wife.
So as you study this wasanswering their specific
question but as you study all ofthe Bible, you see that there
are two exceptions to this rule.
The first exception isunfaithfulness.
(18:02):
If there's been unfaithfulness,with your spouse cheating on
you, then divorce is allowed andyou're allowed to get married
to somebody else.
Secondly, abandonment.
If your spouse is just likescrew you, I'm out of here and
they take off and they're goneforever, you're not bound to
that.
But if that's not the situation, you're in.
(18:23):
Divorce isn't.
The answer is what he's saying,because a lot of times we think
again divorce is something thatwe could go through.
Or a lot of times again, all ofus have experienced divorce.
Our nation has been ravaged byit.
Our families have beendestroyed by it.
Why does God say it's not ideal?
(18:46):
Because God is working in thismarriage to show you something.
Okay, marriage to show yousomething.
Okay, you could be an exampleof his enduring love to this
world.
You could.
You could serve.
(19:07):
In that way, you could learnhow faithful God is to you and
how he can answer prayers thatseem completely impossible like.
Change this situation.
Meet me here, transform me.
Help my spouse to discover yourlove, your identity.
Don't give up, is what he'ssaying.
You don't have to give up.
Surround yourself with brothersand sisters who will pray with
(19:28):
you and help you to love moreand give more.
Okay, we're going to come backto this topic, but just the main
lesson there is divorce sucks.
Okay.
This isn't meant to condemn you.
We're gonna see that God isgonna transform it in just a
minute.
But hang on, let that just hangthere.
Number three the third lessonwe have is missionary marriage.
(19:50):
If you're in that situation Now, I'll speak to the rest of you,
though I do not have a directcommand from the Lord.
If a Christian man has a wifewho is not a believer and she's
willing to continue living withhim, he must not leave her.
And if a Christian woman has ahusband who's not a believer and
is willing to continue livingwith her, she must not leave him
.
For the Christian wife bringsholiness to her marriage and the
(20:11):
Christian husband bringsholiness to his marriage
Otherwise to her marriage.
And the Christian husbandbrings holiness to his marriage.
Otherwise your children wouldnot be holy.
But now they are holy.
But if the husband or wife whoisn't a believer insists on
leaving, let them go.
In such cases, christianhusband or wife is no longer
bound to the other, for God hascalled you to live in peace.
Don't you wives realize thatyour husbands might be saved
(20:35):
because of you?
And don't you husbands realizethat your husbands might be
saved because of you?
And don't you husbands realizethat your wives might be saved
because of you?
So again, if you're in thissituation where it's a mixed,
you know, half believer, halfunbeliever, then love is still
the answer to that situation.
God says it can still be used.
It's just like missionarydating.
Now, if you're a believer inhere and you're just dating,
(20:58):
don't go date an unbeliever.
This doesn't give youpermission to.
I'm going to go lead all thewomen on the island to the Lord.
It's not how it works, becausethey're going to bring you down.
That's not an ideal situation,he says Paul is acknowledging it
would be easier for you to justleave, but God has given you a
specific person now that you'rebound to, that you could show
(21:19):
his love to, and so we're goingto dive into that.
Okay, so divorce sucks.
Unfaithfulness really hurts.
I'm going to share with you mystory and get ready, let's go.
So when I was in college, Ishowed up at college and, like
(21:45):
any 18-year-old kid, I thoughtin college, you know, it's a
ring by spring or your money.
Back at the Bible college Iwent to.
So I show up and I'm excited.
I'm definitely like want tofind just a wife, a believing
wife.
I came from a family of divorceand it really hurt.
(22:06):
So I was like, oh my gosh, Iwant to find a wife that really
loves me.
And one thing I was most afraidof being hurt by divorce, by
unfaithfulness.
That was what I was most afraidof because of, I think, some
really deep down wounds that Ihad from my own parents getting
a divorce at two years old, andso I grew up in that family and
(22:28):
it was painful.
And so I go to college and Imeet a girl and instantly, you
know, she's leading worship andsinging.
And I was like, oh my gosh,this is what else could you want
, right?
So I start dating her and soand Bible college was powerful
for me.
I was growing in the Lord and Iwas like, okay, god, I was
learning about this thing calledgrace that I had never really
(22:51):
understood before, and so Godwas just really moving in my
life and teaching me about grace.
And I remember I was having aBible study with my roommates
and so there's several guys Timand a bunch of other guys here,
and we were praying for eachother.
And then one of the guys saidyou know what?
(23:12):
The Lord has just put somethingon my heart, and it was 1 Peter
4.1.
And I was like, okay, and he'slike for you, sean.
So we were just praying foreach other and when they got to
me, tim was like here I havethis verse that God has given me
for you.
And I was like, okay, what'sGod?
You know what kind of blessingis this going to be?
He's going to, you know, moveto Africa or something crazy.
(23:41):
And he read it and it says, gosh, I'm having a brain fade right
now.
I have it memorized, but youknow what happens when you're
prideful.
It says, therefore, sinceChrist has suffered in the flesh
, arm yourself with the samemind, for he who has suffered
(24:02):
from the flesh has ceased fromsin.
And so I was like great.
So you're telling me my callingin life is to suffer, that
there's going to be this bigsuffering thing coming up in my
life, but it's going to be howGod's going to use me.
It's going to be how God, whatGod, uses in my life to really
(24:22):
set me free from, you know, somethings that were hurting me.
And so I was like okay, so Ijust got to be ready to suffer.
But I had no idea how bad thatwould be Foreshadow.
I had no idea how painful itwould be.
So I moved back to Colorado.
(24:43):
I get engaged, get married.
We moved to Colorado and I'mjust as happy as a clam.
We're like young, I'm a janitorat the church, we're doing
little bio studies and singing,doing worship and stuff, and
everything just seemed great.
So we have our first boy, simon, and you know, pretty
(25:07):
miraculous, how God saved him,because my wife had appendicitis
while she was in labor, so theyhad to do an emergency
C-section and so God reallysaved his life.
And then God was just reallyblessing and I was like, oh my
gosh.
And then so a year later wemoved down to Colorado Springs
because I got a job as the youthpastor of this really large
church down there.
So, man, things were justrocking then.
(25:30):
I mean, I was teaching seventimes a week, so we had
Wednesday night, two Saturdaynights, three Sunday mornings
and a Sunday night and I wasteaching all those.
So we had like 450 kids in myyouth group and it was just
rocking.
And so I was like really,really busy.
So obviously I wasn't really,and I was 22, you know 23.
(25:53):
I wasn't mature, so I wasn'treally spending a lot of time
with my wife and wasn't reallyinvesting in that relationship.
There's a lot of things that Idid wrong in this situation, but
in my mind I'm like I'm doingeverything right.
I was pure.
When I got married I was, andthat for me, counted for a lot
Because I was a teenage boy.
(26:14):
Can you imagine?
I said no to all of thatgrowing up and I was like I have
earned God's blessings and look, he's given me a wife.
And look, it's so great.
Okay, but that see, thatattitude is what God was about
to deal with.
All right, so things are justrocking.
(26:34):
We have another boy, ezekiel,and man, it's just going great.
And I'm leading mission trips toRussia and I'm leading mission
trips to Peru.
And I'm on a mission trip toPeru and I come home and I
realize that, or I come home, mywife wasn't even there and I
was like she told me she's outwith some friends and I was like
(26:55):
, okay, and so I get on thecomputer and I discover in a
Facebook message that she washaving an affair.
And I was so shocked, I was sodevastated.
I could have died right there.
I absolutely thought aboutgoing running into traffic.
(27:18):
In fact, I went running downstreets just because I had no
idea what to do.
I was completely devastated.
I had never had an unfaithfulthought about my wife.
I wanted us to be togetherforever.
I was completely in love, andhere she was proclaiming her
love to another guy and it wasvery clear that they had already
(27:41):
done everything that I mostgreatly feared.
And this was the thing that Imost greatly feared.
And so this made me question somany things just in that moment.
It made me question God, do youlove me?
Because if you loved me, howcould you let this happen?
(28:03):
Because this is literally theonly thing I was afraid of.
I wasn't afraid of dying.
I wasn't afraid of my kidsdying.
I wasn't afraid of death.
Obviously, I wasn't afraid ofbeing poor.
I wasn't afraid of anythingexcept this one thing, because
(28:24):
this was the one thing that Iwas hurt by when I was a child.
And so, as I'm just processingthis and she hasn't even come
home yet, I'm having thisconversation with God and I'm
like God, what do I do?
What do I do?
And I'm just weeping and I'msaying God, how do I even
(28:50):
breathe?
I was hyperventilating, I wastruly having panic and God, like
, spoke to my heart and he'ssaying listen, you have every
right to leave.
You can leave if you want, butif you want to discover this
grace that you've been learningabout in your head, if you want
(29:15):
it to move down into your heart,I'm going to ask you to do
something.
I want you to forgive her andlove her.
And I was like are you sure?
Am I got the right number here?
I don't know if I'm hearing youright, but in my heart I
absolutely knew that was theLord, and he made no promises to
me about how any of it wouldturn out, he just said.
(29:40):
The promise he made to me in myheart was, if I did this, I
would understand him better, Iwould know him better.
So I chose to forgive her andas she came home I was like,
okay, I've discovered this.
And what the F?
Like how is this possible?
(30:00):
Like come on right, but I'mgoing to forgive you and I want
to work on this.
And she had no idea how torespond to that, because she
thought there would be anger andstuff like that and it didn't
go well.
So she wouldn't admit, shewouldn't confess, she wouldn't
(30:24):
repent, she would lie and thenevery night be gone all night
long.
And when I ask, where are you,it doesn't matter, I'm just out
alone.
All just lies and lies and lies.
And she was drinking andgetting drunk every night and I
was like we had never drankanything in our entire lives.
(30:47):
I was like who are you?
How did this happen?
Where did my wife go?
And so, god, I was alone onthese nights taking care of my
two boys, and so I would youknow when you're desperate.
I didn't even have friends,because the church was a big
help and they just fired me.
You guys ever been hurt bychurch before?
(31:11):
Yeah, so now I'm broke, poor,devastated.
My parents were all gone Oneset was in Russia, the other was
very far away and it was like Ihad nobody to turn to.
It was almost like God put me inthis isolated room and said I
am going to be the only thingyou have.
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So I had my Bible and I wouldjust play songs and I would just
cry and I would just read myBible and I would talk to Jesus
through these nights and I'mtalking two months, three months
, four months of complete andutter devastation.
And every night, when she wouldcome home, the Lord would say
(31:53):
go clean her up, wash her cleanand forgive her.
And I was like, how long, ohLord, how long.
And it was so.
But it got to the point where,when I would take that first
step of faith to just speak akind word, he would fill me with
love, he would fill me withkindness that I did not contain
(32:17):
inside me and I had compassionon her and I was like, oh my, I
don't understand this, but GodJesus was living in me and
through me and he would speak tomy heart and he would call me
and he would provide me with hisspirit.
That told me that he loved meand that's been something that
(32:41):
changed my life completely, andso I just want to bring you into
the story.
I know that you guys havestories like this of people
harming you, but God's abilityto transform these things and
redeem these things is sopowerful and you would never
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understand how powerful and howloving he is until you let him
be all that you have, until youlet him fill you and meet your
needs.
So my wife is going out all thetime.
She starts putting on a littleweight and I was like, are you
(33:28):
pregnant?
And she's like I don't know.
And I was like, okay, well, weshould probably find out.
And then we found out yes, shewas pregnant and I knew I wasn't
(33:50):
the dad, and so she was justgoing to have an abortion.
And she's still like, hangingaround, not wanting to leave,
because she didn't have anyother options and none of the
guys she was with even caredabout her, so she couldn't go.
Stay with them.
It was brutal, so she was goingto do this and I said, please
don't do that, just come home.
We'll move to Denver to getaway from your scene here and
(34:13):
we'll have that baby and he'llbe our baby and God's power.
She actually agreed to that.
She was like, okay, let's dothat.
So we moved up to Denver and wehad my third son and you know
we were starting to try to putthe pieces back together, but
she still was like saying I'mnot a believer anymore, and so
(34:36):
it was like that situation.
But she wasn't leaving.
So I was like, okay, lord, I'mgoing to obey this scripture,
I'm going to, in faith, I'mgoing to believe that you are
going to maybe lead her to theLord through my love.
And so I was just loving her,loving her, we were taking care
of the new baby.
And then, six months later, shedid it again, and this time the
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Lord in my heart said you'refree and I didn't.
He didn't require me to gothrough it anymore, and this
time he put it in her heart orwhatever.
She just left for good and shewas gone.
So I was a single dad of threeboys at 25 years old, 26.
(35:21):
Maybe my career in ministry hadbeen taken away from.
You know, I was like God.
What did I do to deserve this?
That was the flesh I wasstruggling with.
God, I've been gifted by you,I've chosen to serve you, I've
chosen to love, and now I'malone.
(35:42):
I'm alone and no woman is evergoing to want to date me with
three boys and a crazy ex-wife.
So what are you doing with menow, god?
But God wants to restore andGod wants to redeem.
(36:07):
So I asked God and I said God,I'm too tired, I'm too broken to
do anything to date.
I'm not going to date.
I'm going to wait here.
I'm going to ask you to give mea wife that's going to be
faithful, that has been throughthe same thing.
I've been through that.
I already know.
(36:27):
I asked him for someone that Ialready knew.
I didn't even want to meetsomeone new.
That's how broken my heart was.
And God took that prayer and thenext morning I had a message in
my MySpace inbox and you know Igot this message and it said is
(36:53):
this the Sean that I grew upwith?
And I was like, yes, it is.
Yeah, this is how I type, likeBruce Almighty.
So I had a message.
Like Bruce Almighty.
So I had a message and it wasDana, and she was a single mom
(37:15):
of three boys and going throughher own divorce.
And God, I knew at that momentthat God had answered my prayer
and I never had to look for awife.
Woo-hoo is right.
God answered my prayer and wewere married nine months later.
Six boys, six and under.
(37:35):
When we got married in atwo-bedroom apartment, it was
insane.
And then, yeah, we got marriedand we both had tremendous
baggage.
We were so hurt.
We had so much, our faith hadbeen wounded, our hearts had
(37:58):
been broken.
But God used this marriage andGod used her love for me to
build me back up and to show mehow faithful he is to me.
Like when I look at my wife,it's a picture of God's
faithfulness to me that I don'tdeserve to have her, but he
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pours out love on me through theway that she treats me, the way
that she honors me, and sothat's and I hope I do the same
to you.
We are not perfect.
You should see our fights.
They are legendary.
If you think you guys havefought, we have fought harder.
(38:46):
She is not shy, and I can bequite the undercutting jerk, so
we've just been just as broken,but God has been restoring and
restoring and restoring ourlives so that our eyes could be
on him and we could receive thatpowerful love that he has for
(39:11):
us.
And so when I look at her, Idon't even really see her as
much as I see God's love for me.
And I only say that to tell youthat God has a plan for you to
be able to receive His love.
And if you're married, it'sthrough that person.
But if you've been through adivorce and maybe you caused the
divorce, maybe you were thehateful, terrible person that
(39:34):
caused your divorce it does notchange one thing about how much
God loves you and how much graceand mercy he has for your life.
God still says I'm not donewith you yet.
Your marriage may have crumbledand you might have hurt your
(39:55):
children and you might have hurtyour spouse and you may have
gotten hurt, but I am not donewith you yet.
Seek his face, bring your painto him.
He will heal you, he willdeliver you and he will provide
(40:15):
what you need, and maybe he'llbring a Dana into your life Not
my Dana.
Yeah, father, we are unworthy ofsuch great love and to know
that you have been intimatelyinvolved in every part of our
(40:35):
marriage, our marriages, ourfailed marriages, our broken
relationships, our messed upthings.
You have been so involved, ourmessed up things.
You've been so involved and,god, you design these things to
be a blessing and I pray thatyour blessings would flourish in
(40:58):
our lives, not because we earnthem, not because we earn them,
but because you simply are goodto us.
So if there's people in heretoday that need some healing
from the past, hurt that they'vegone through or that they've
(41:18):
caused, lord, we call unto youand say Jesus, help us, jesus,
save us, jesus, save us, jesus,forgive me, jesus, heal me,
because I want to know the lovethat's been given to me.
I want to know what the valueof my life is, what the value of
(41:42):
my love is.
I want to know your plan for me.
And if there's anyone in herethat has been convicted by this
and realizes that they havefailed to measure up to God's
standard which we all havefailed to measure up to your
standard, god but if there'sanyone in here who wants to be
(42:03):
cleansed of all their sin, it isoffered as a free gift today
and all we have to do is sayJesus, I trust in you.
I believe that you died on thecross for me, that you are God,
that you were raised to new lifefor me and that you live in
heaven offering to forgive me ofall my sin and to live your
(42:26):
life through me.
All sin will be forgiven, allhealing will be given to you.
Everything that you need willbe provided through your
relationship with God.
So begin that relationship bycrying out to Jesus, placing
your hope fully in Jesus, andsometimes it takes us to go
(42:47):
through incredible pain tofinally get to the end of
ourselves where we'll say fine,god, I need you.
I'm gonna surrender everythingto you.
I'm sorry for being the personthat was self-centered and
trying to control my own life.
I give my life to you.
I accept your grace.
Jesus, I pray that you wouldsave souls today.
(43:15):
I pray that we would whoever inhere that needs you would cry
out to you and discover that youwill always answer anyone who
cries out to you.
Jesus, you alone are the Saviorand we cry out to you In Jesus'
name.
We pray Amen.
Let's pray.
Father, we thank you for yourlove.
We thank you that you restoreus when we mess up, that you
have grace and mercy for us.
You never are embarrassed by usand the mess that we've made of
our lives.
You never are intimidated bywhat we have going on.
But, father, you are a truefather of love, and so, god, we
(00:23):
pray that you would help ustoday to understand your truth
and give us eyes to see and aheart to be able to sense what
your truth is and the healingpower that's in your love and in
your hands.
Jesus, I pray you'd meet ushere today, because I think
there's a lot of people who havebeen through some difficult
(00:44):
times in their lives inregarding to marriage and love,
and what we're going to talkabout today, I think, will be
really healing for us, jesus,and so I ask that you would give
a special blessing to all thathear this message today.
Amen, alright, so we're goingto talk about today's sermon is
called Love and Marriage.
(01:04):
Love and Marriage.
You remember that that show?
I wasn't allowed to watch itwhen I was a kid.
All right, so get ready for aneasy conversation that we're all
super comfortable having.
Let's talk about sex, supercomfortable having.
(01:28):
Let's talk about sex.
Oh, speaking of beinguncomfortable, have you ever had
a masseuse that made you feelweird?
They just rubbed you the wrongway.
Boo, I get a boo on that one.
(01:48):
Joseph Stalin, you remember him?
The Russian dictator JosephStalin was giving a speech to
his army.
You know, they were all linedup in their rows, you know, and
he's speaking to his army.
If you know that and you speakRussian, that's funny.
And he's speaking to his army.
Jizik swizik, jadejil lafantanavadkupil.
(02:08):
If you know that and you speakRussian, it's funny.
For all my Russian-speakingjoke listeners that killed, but
none of you, I see, speakRussian.
Well, he's speaking to his armywhen all of a sudden, right at
the height of his speech, he'spounding the table.
(02:29):
Someone sneezed.
Hachu the uncomfortableness.
He stops his speech.
Who sneezed?
He says Nobody says everybody'ssuper uncomfortable.
(02:51):
Nobody says a word.
Sweat started to fall down someforeheads, so he points and his
guards shoot the first row ofpeople.
They die.
Oh now then he asks again whosneezed?
(03:16):
And he tells his guards getready to shoot again.
And one guy in the fourth rowsays it was me.
It was me, I sneezed.
And one guy in the fourth rowsays it was me.
It was me, I sneezed.
And Stalin looks at him very,very intensely and says bless
you, see, you don't have to beuncomfortable, it's okay.
(03:46):
Well, I hope you're blessed alsoas we talk about love and
marriage today, because a lotcan go wrong with love and
marriage.
How many of you haveexperienced divorce or been
impacted by divorce?
Okay, we're going to be talkinga little bit about that today,
and the Bible has a lot to sayabout marriage.
(04:07):
You know, god created it.
It has a purpose and, at thedeepest spiritual levels,
marriage is actually the mostintimate glimpse that we have
into our spiritual union withChrist.
We've been talking a lot aboutour identity and our union with
Christ, haven't we?
Over the past 12 weeks, we havejust hammered our union with
(04:27):
Christ identity, and so that'swhat marriage is all about.
And so in this world, everymarriage actually is a picture
of how much God loves his people, the union of Christ with his
church.
It doesn't matter if they'rebelievers or not believers.
Every marriage at some level isa picture of that, and I love
(04:51):
to talk about that when I doweddings, because it gives
people an understanding thattheir marriage really isn't
about them, which we'll get intoAll right.
Well, let's start reading in 1Corinthians 7.
It says this On the screen isgoing to be in New King James,
which is a great version, butI'm actually going to read it
out of New Living Translationjust to kind of give you another
(05:13):
idea of how it sounds.
It says now, regarding thequestions you asked in your
letter yes, it is good toabstain from sexual relations,
but because there is so muchsexual immorality, each man
should have his own wife andeach woman should have her own
husband.
So if you were here last week,you know that we talked about
sexual immorality and Paul saidflee sexual immorality.
(05:36):
And it's really reallydangerous.
It's like fire when youparticipate in sex outside of
marriage.
It's really really dangerous,it's scary and it can burn you.
And because I love you, fleesexual immorality.
So the church was probably like,oh my gosh, if this is so
dangerous, why don't we just beabstinent altogether?
And Paul's like I mean, okay,but that's really not the design
(06:00):
either, that's not the point.
So they probably figured thatif sexuality was such a danger,
they could be more pure byabstaining from it altogether.
Even in marriage, let's justnot do it at all, you know, and
that's like Paul's going tocorrect that, because that's
like over-exaggerating theproblem.
It's over-correcting right.
(06:21):
It's like people sayingdrowning is bad, so let's get
rid of all the water on earth.
Or fire burns people, so let'sget rid of all the electric
power plants.
Or ice cream gives me a brainfreeze, so no one gets ice cream
.
No fun people.
(06:41):
There is a reason for sex, okay,and it's good, it's important,
but it will burn you if youtouch it outside of the safe way
that it's been designed for.
So for us to understand sexualrelationships and how they work,
we need to back up a little andsee how marriage works in the
(07:01):
first place.
Okay, so in Colossians, chapter3, verse 18, it says this this
is the most clear, simple way.
It says wives submit to yourown husbands, as is fitting in
the Lord.
What does this mean?
It means honor your husbandbecause God loves him and has a
plan for your act of love, thisact of love that you're going to
(07:24):
do by honoring him, not becausehe's earned it.
Okay.
So you look at your husband andyou're like but I'm not going
to honor him, I'm not going torespect him because he hasn't
earned it.
He's a goofball, he's a goober.
You don't know the goobernessthat I have to live with.
And so the temptation is no,I'm not going to honor this guy
(07:44):
because he's a jerk.
But God says, do it because Ilove him, love him because I
love him, all right.
And then it says, husbands,love your wives and do not be
bitter towards her.
So what does that mean?
It means, husbands, you'resupposed to love her, not
because she's earned it, butbecause God has a plan for that
(08:08):
in her life.
God loves her and he's going touse your love to bless her,
heal her, take care of her, notbecause she's earned it, but
because that's his heart for thesuccess of this person.
So, husbands and wives, it isvital that we understand that's
how marriage works.
You're married not for you.
Your marriage is not about you.
(08:29):
You're married to serve andlove the person that you are
married to.
You're married to meet theirneeds.
So when a marriage looks likethis, our hearts easily trust
one another.
When a marriage looks like thisand we learn that, we can pour
out love on each other.
But when we focus on ourselves,we destroy the fabric of that
(08:53):
union.
So when we become self-focused,remember others focused.
You know, when you're focusedon your spouse, that's true love
.
Self-focused is lust and itdoesn't work.
That's the flesh.
Okay, giving is love, takingfor selfish reasons is lust.
That's how God has made it.
(09:16):
So why is this all so important?
Because your marriage, everymarriage, is really a display of
the possible union that peoplehave with Christ and the church,
with us and Jesus.
Because your marriage reallyisn't about you.
That's why we have to talkabout this.
Your sex life isn't about you.
(09:36):
It's about Jesus and his church.
That's why God inventedmarriage in the first place.
It was his plan, his idea.
We just participate in hisinvention of marriage.
Why do we have to be faithfulto one person?
Because God is faithful to us.
Not because it's the rightthing to do, not because you'll
(10:01):
get in trouble if you don't, butbecause God is faithful to us,
so we are called to be faithfulto him.
That's why faithfulness mattersin marriage.
We can't be messing around withother gods.
Just like.
There's one husband for onewife.
You're to honor and love thatrelationship and that's it.
(10:26):
If you want to get more completein your definition of marriage,
then you'd read Ephesians 5,verses 15 through 33.
We don't have time for thattoday, but I wanted to throw it
out there.
If you want to really dig intoit, it's great.
Back in 1 Corinthians 7, verse3, it says the husband should
fulfill the wife's sexual needs.
In Greek it means have dueaffection for his wife and the
(10:50):
wife should fulfill herhusband's needs.
The wife gives authority overher body to her husband and the
husband gives authority over hisbody to his wife.
Now, guys, this is not aboutslavery.
This is about trust andoffering.
You know, trusting each otherand offering yourself to each
other.
And this points us it's notabout you again.
(11:12):
This points us to how we offerourselves to God and say I want
God to fill my heart and my lifewith his life.
In Romans, chapter 6, it saysthis Romans, chapter 6, 12.
Therefore, do not let sin reignin your mortal body, that you
should obey its lusts, and donot present your members as
(11:34):
instruments of unrighteousnessto sin, but present yourselves
to God as being alive from thedead and your members as
instruments of righteousness toGod, for sin shall not have
dominion over you, for you arenot under the law but under
grace.
So we have a relationship oflove with God that's based on
(11:56):
grace, not rules.
It's not the lust ofself-focused living.
And this is how we respond tothe gospel.
So you hear that God loves youand has grace for you.
And so the how we respond is wehear the gospel, then we
believe it and then we offerourselves to him.
(12:18):
And if you think about marriage, that's kind of you hear that
he loves you, you discover thatyou love each other.
Then you make a covenant,that's kind of you hear that he
loves you, you discover that youlove each other.
Then you make a covenant, acommitment to one another, and
then you're able to offeryourselves to each other in
intimacy.
And that's where that intimacycomes from.
So when you think about we'resupposed to offer ourselves to
(12:40):
God every day that's our dailyresponse to the gospel.
God every day, that's our dailyresponse to the gospel you ask
what are we supposed to do?
It's not about good works, it'snot about all the laws and
keeping the rules.
That's not how to respond tothe gospel, saying I need to do
better, I need to try harder.
That's not what it's about.
It's about offering yourself,giving your heart to Jesus.
(13:01):
Saying Jesus, here's my heart.
Giving your heart to Jesus.
Saying Jesus, here's my heart,here's my hands, here's my feet,
here's my mouth, here's my mind, all the parts that are in my
body I offer as instruments foryou to live through.
And that removes all thepressure in the relationship,
because now you're just like, Igive myself completely to you.
(13:23):
I don't have to be in control.
I don't have to be in controlNow.
That instantly causes a lot ofstress to us, because at times
in our life when we haven't beenin control, people have hurt us
, people have harmed us, andthat's where we have to learn
that God is not people.
God is never going to hurt you.
(13:45):
God is never going to treat youin any way except perfect love
and as a perfect heavenly Father, and that's where we're
learning to trust Him.
Okay, so that's what this isall, how it spiritually matters
to our lives.
So he says do not deprive eachother of sexual relations unless
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you both agree to refrain fromsexual intimacy for a limited
time so that you can giveyourself more completely to
prayer, and afterward you shouldcome together again so that
Satan won't be able to tempt youbecause of your lack of
self-control.
So the principle in this passageis really important.
God makes it clear, there'snothing wrong and everything
right about sex in marriage.
(14:28):
Okay, so Satan's great strategywhen it comes to sex is to do
everything he can to encourageyou to have sex outside of
marriage and then, when you getmarriage, to discourage you from
having any sex at all.
It's an equal victory for Satanon either side.
That's what his goal is.
(14:48):
Notice that Satan.
He just twists sex to hurt.
That's what his whole plan is.
God wants it to be a blessing.
Jesus has blessed it.
He's a big fan of healthy,love-filled marriage.
Because he invented it, heknows that this is the best
(15:08):
thing for us.
And so Paul's going to talk nowabout a few specific situations
when it comes to marriage.
So he says, number one, thefirst thing he's going to talk
about, probably another questionthey had to him singleness can
work too if you have the giftfor it.
So that's what this nextsection is about.
He says I say this as aconcession, not as a command,
(15:29):
but I wish everyone were singlejust as I am.
Yet each person has a specialgift from God of one kind or
another.
So I say to those who aren'tmarried and to the widows it's
better to stay unmarried, justas I am.
But if they can't controlthemselves, they should go ahead
and marry.
It is better to marry than toburn with lust.
So what he's saying is that thephysical desire for sex is not
(15:53):
wrong per se.
We all desire to be loved andshare an intimate relationship,
but some can go without havingthat desire met.
But some can go without havingthat desire met because they
have a gift.
God has enabled them to be ableto be satisfied in their
relationship with God alone, andthey don't need that.
(16:16):
But for most people it's betterto get married, because then
you get to participate in thispicture for the world of how
marriage is our relationshipwith God, of that love and
safety and intimacy.
So significantly Paul, heregards both marriage and
singleness as a gift from God.
(16:36):
So if you're married, that's agift from God.
If you're single, that's also agift from God.
And Satan also twists that tobe like I'm missing something,
I'm in the wrong situation.
The grass is always greener inthe other field, right.
And so Satan will constantlyplant in these seeds.
(16:59):
If you're single, oh, if youwere married, everything would
be perfect, you would haveeverything that you need, and
married people are like no.
But when you're married, satandoesn't do that.
He plants the other seed thatsays you know, if you were
(17:21):
single or if you had a differentspouse, everything would be
better, so that single is fine,but you don't have to be single.
That's the lesson there.
Second lesson he says, numbertwo divorce sucks.
You can write that down.
But for those who are married,I have a command that comes not
(17:41):
from me but from the Lord A wifemust not leave her husband, but
if she does leave him, let herremain single or else be
reconciled to him, and a husbandmust not leave his wife.
So as you study this wasanswering their specific
question but as you study all ofthe Bible, you see that there
are two exceptions to this rule.
The first exception isunfaithfulness.
(18:02):
If there's been unfaithfulness,with your spouse cheating on
you, then divorce is allowed andyou're allowed to get married
to somebody else.
Secondly, abandonment.
If your spouse is just likescrew you, I'm out of here and
they take off and they're goneforever, you're not bound to
that.
But if that's not the situation, you're in.
(18:23):
Divorce isn't.
The answer is what he's saying,because a lot of times we think
again divorce is something thatwe could go through.
Or a lot of times again, all ofus have experienced divorce.
Our nation has been ravaged byit.
Our families have beendestroyed by it.
Why does God say it's not ideal?
(18:46):
Because God is working in thismarriage to show you something.
Okay, marriage to show yousomething.
Okay, you could be an exampleof his enduring love to this
world.
You could.
You could serve.
(19:07):
In that way, you could learnhow faithful God is to you and
how he can answer prayers thatseem completely impossible like.
Change this situation.
Meet me here, transform me.
Help my spouse to discover yourlove, your identity.
Don't give up, is what he'ssaying.
You don't have to give up.
Surround yourself with brothersand sisters who will pray with
(19:28):
you and help you to love moreand give more.
Okay, we're going to come backto this topic, but just the main
lesson there is divorce sucks.
Okay.
This isn't meant to condemn you.
We're gonna see that God isgonna transform it in just a
minute.
But hang on, let that just hangthere.
Number three the third lessonwe have is missionary marriage.
(19:50):
If you're in that situation Now, I'll speak to the rest of you,
though I do not have a directcommand from the Lord.
If a Christian man has a wifewho is not a believer and she's
willing to continue living withhim, he must not leave her.
And if a Christian woman has ahusband who's not a believer and
is willing to continue livingwith her, she must not leave him
.
For the Christian wife bringsholiness to her marriage and the
(20:11):
Christian husband bringsholiness to his marriage
Otherwise to her marriage.
And the Christian husbandbrings holiness to his marriage.
Otherwise your children wouldnot be holy.
But now they are holy.
But if the husband or wife whoisn't a believer insists on
leaving, let them go.
In such cases, christianhusband or wife is no longer
bound to the other, for God hascalled you to live in peace.
Don't you wives realize thatyour husbands might be saved
(20:35):
because of you?
And don't you husbands realizethat your husbands might be
saved because of you?
And don't you husbands realizethat your wives might be saved
because of you?
So again, if you're in thissituation where it's a mixed,
you know, half believer, halfunbeliever, then love is still
the answer to that situation.
God says it can still be used.
It's just like missionarydating.
Now, if you're a believer inhere and you're just dating,
(20:58):
don't go date an unbeliever.
This doesn't give youpermission to.
I'm going to go lead all thewomen on the island to the Lord.
It's not how it works, becausethey're going to bring you down.
That's not an ideal situation,he says Paul is acknowledging it
would be easier for you to justleave, but God has given you a
specific person now that you'rebound to, that you could show
(21:19):
his love to, and so we're goingto dive into that.
Okay, so divorce sucks.
Unfaithfulness really hurts.
I'm going to share with you mystory and get ready, let's go.
So when I was in college, Ishowed up at college and, like
(21:45):
any 18-year-old kid, I thoughtin college, you know, it's a
ring by spring or your money.
Back at the Bible college Iwent to.
So I show up and I'm excited.
I'm definitely like want tofind just a wife, a believing
wife.
I came from a family of divorceand it really hurt.
(22:06):
So I was like, oh my gosh, Iwant to find a wife that really
loves me.
And one thing I was most afraidof being hurt by divorce, by
unfaithfulness.
That was what I was most afraidof because of, I think, some
really deep down wounds that Ihad from my own parents getting
a divorce at two years old, andso I grew up in that family and
(22:28):
it was painful.
And so I go to college and Imeet a girl and instantly, you
know, she's leading worship andsinging.
And I was like, oh my gosh,this is what else could you want
, right?
So I start dating her and soand Bible college was powerful
for me.
I was growing in the Lord and Iwas like, okay, god, I was
learning about this thing calledgrace that I had never really
(22:51):
understood before, and so Godwas just really moving in my
life and teaching me about grace.
And I remember I was having aBible study with my roommates
and so there's several guys Timand a bunch of other guys here,
and we were praying for eachother.
And then one of the guys saidyou know what?
(23:12):
The Lord has just put somethingon my heart, and it was 1 Peter
4.1.
And I was like, okay, and he'slike for you, sean.
So we were just praying foreach other and when they got to
me, tim was like here I havethis verse that God has given me
for you.
And I was like, okay, what'sGod?
You know what kind of blessingis this going to be?
He's going to, you know, moveto Africa or something crazy.
(23:41):
And he read it and it says, gosh, I'm having a brain fade right
now.
I have it memorized, but youknow what happens when you're
prideful.
It says, therefore, sinceChrist has suffered in the flesh
, arm yourself with the samemind, for he who has suffered
(24:02):
from the flesh has ceased fromsin.
And so I was like great.
So you're telling me my callingin life is to suffer, that
there's going to be this bigsuffering thing coming up in my
life, but it's going to be howGod's going to use me.
It's going to be how God, whatGod, uses in my life to really
(24:22):
set me free from, you know, somethings that were hurting me.
And so I was like okay, so Ijust got to be ready to suffer.
But I had no idea how bad thatwould be Foreshadow.
I had no idea how painful itwould be.
So I moved back to Colorado.
(24:43):
I get engaged, get married.
We moved to Colorado and I'mjust as happy as a clam.
We're like young, I'm a janitorat the church, we're doing
little bio studies and singing,doing worship and stuff, and
everything just seemed great.
So we have our first boy, simon, and you know, pretty
(25:07):
miraculous, how God saved him,because my wife had appendicitis
while she was in labor, so theyhad to do an emergency
C-section and so God reallysaved his life.
And then God was just reallyblessing and I was like, oh my
gosh.
And then so a year later wemoved down to Colorado Springs
because I got a job as the youthpastor of this really large
church down there.
So, man, things were justrocking then.
(25:30):
I mean, I was teaching seventimes a week, so we had
Wednesday night, two Saturdaynights, three Sunday mornings
and a Sunday night and I wasteaching all those.
So we had like 450 kids in myyouth group and it was just
rocking.
And so I was like really,really busy.
So obviously I wasn't really,and I was 22, you know 23.
(25:53):
I wasn't mature, so I wasn'treally spending a lot of time
with my wife and wasn't reallyinvesting in that relationship.
There's a lot of things that Idid wrong in this situation, but
in my mind I'm like I'm doingeverything right.
I was pure.
When I got married I was, andthat for me, counted for a lot
Because I was a teenage boy.
(26:14):
Can you imagine?
I said no to all of thatgrowing up and I was like I have
earned God's blessings and look, he's given me a wife.
And look, it's so great.
Okay, but that see, thatattitude is what God was about
to deal with.
All right, so things are justrocking.
(26:34):
We have another boy, ezekiel,and man, it's just going great.
And I'm leading mission trips toRussia and I'm leading mission
trips to Peru.
And I'm on a mission trip toPeru and I come home and I
realize that, or I come home, mywife wasn't even there and I
was like she told me she's outwith some friends and I was like
(26:55):
, okay, and so I get on thecomputer and I discover in a
Facebook message that she washaving an affair.
And I was so shocked, I was sodevastated.
I could have died right there.
I absolutely thought aboutgoing running into traffic.
(27:18):
In fact, I went running downstreets just because I had no
idea what to do.
I was completely devastated.
I had never had an unfaithfulthought about my wife.
I wanted us to be togetherforever.
I was completely in love, andhere she was proclaiming her
love to another guy and it wasvery clear that they had already
(27:41):
done everything that I mostgreatly feared.
And this was the thing that Imost greatly feared.
And so this made me question somany things just in that moment.
It made me question God, do youlove me?
Because if you loved me, howcould you let this happen?
(28:03):
Because this is literally theonly thing I was afraid of.
I wasn't afraid of dying.
I wasn't afraid of my kidsdying.
I wasn't afraid of death.
Obviously, I wasn't afraid ofbeing poor.
I wasn't afraid of anythingexcept this one thing, because
(28:24):
this was the one thing that Iwas hurt by when I was a child.
And so, as I'm just processingthis and she hasn't even come
home yet, I'm having thisconversation with God and I'm
like God, what do I do?
What do I do?
And I'm just weeping and I'msaying God, how do I even
(28:50):
breathe?
I was hyperventilating, I wastruly having panic and God, like
, spoke to my heart and he'ssaying listen, you have every
right to leave.
You can leave if you want, butif you want to discover this
grace that you've been learningabout in your head, if you want
(29:15):
it to move down into your heart,I'm going to ask you to do
something.
I want you to forgive her andlove her.
And I was like are you sure?
Am I got the right number here?
I don't know if I'm hearing youright, but in my heart I
absolutely knew that was theLord, and he made no promises to
me about how any of it wouldturn out, he just said.
(29:40):
The promise he made to me in myheart was, if I did this, I
would understand him better, Iwould know him better.
So I chose to forgive her andas she came home I was like,
okay, I've discovered this.
And what the F?
Like how is this possible?
(30:00):
Like come on right, but I'mgoing to forgive you and I want
to work on this.
And she had no idea how torespond to that, because she
thought there would be anger andstuff like that and it didn't
go well.
So she wouldn't admit, shewouldn't confess, she wouldn't
(30:24):
repent, she would lie and thenevery night be gone all night
long.
And when I ask, where are you,it doesn't matter, I'm just out
alone.
All just lies and lies and lies.
And she was drinking andgetting drunk every night and I
was like we had never drankanything in our entire lives.
(30:47):
I was like who are you?
How did this happen?
Where did my wife go?
And so, god, I was alone onthese nights taking care of my
two boys, and so I would youknow when you're desperate.
I didn't even have friends,because the church was a big
help and they just fired me.
You guys ever been hurt bychurch before?
(31:11):
Yeah, so now I'm broke, poor,devastated.
My parents were all gone Oneset was in Russia, the other was
very far away and it was like Ihad nobody to turn to.
It was almost like God put me inthis isolated room and said I
am going to be the only thingyou have.
(31:33):
So I had my Bible and I wouldjust play songs and I would just
cry and I would just read myBible and I would talk to Jesus
through these nights and I'mtalking two months, three months
, four months of complete andutter devastation.
And every night, when she wouldcome home, the Lord would say
(31:53):
go clean her up, wash her cleanand forgive her.
And I was like, how long, ohLord, how long.
And it was so.
But it got to the point where,when I would take that first
step of faith to just speak akind word, he would fill me with
love, he would fill me withkindness that I did not contain
(32:17):
inside me and I had compassionon her and I was like, oh my, I
don't understand this, but GodJesus was living in me and
through me and he would speak tomy heart and he would call me
and he would provide me with hisspirit.
That told me that he loved meand that's been something that
(32:41):
changed my life completely, andso I just want to bring you into
the story.
I know that you guys havestories like this of people
harming you, but God's abilityto transform these things and
redeem these things is sopowerful and you would never
(33:04):
understand how powerful and howloving he is until you let him
be all that you have, until youlet him fill you and meet your
needs.
So my wife is going out all thetime.
She starts putting on a littleweight and I was like, are you
(33:28):
pregnant?
And she's like I don't know.
And I was like, okay, well, weshould probably find out.
And then we found out yes, shewas pregnant and I knew I wasn't
(33:50):
the dad, and so she was justgoing to have an abortion.
And she's still like, hangingaround, not wanting to leave,
because she didn't have anyother options and none of the
guys she was with even caredabout her, so she couldn't go.
Stay with them.
It was brutal, so she was goingto do this and I said, please
don't do that, just come home.
We'll move to Denver to getaway from your scene here and
(34:13):
we'll have that baby and he'llbe our baby and God's power.
She actually agreed to that.
She was like, okay, let's dothat.
So we moved up to Denver and wehad my third son and you know
we were starting to try to putthe pieces back together, but
she still was like saying I'mnot a believer anymore, and so
(34:36):
it was like that situation.
But she wasn't leaving.
So I was like, okay, lord, I'mgoing to obey this scripture,
I'm going to, in faith, I'mgoing to believe that you are
going to maybe lead her to theLord through my love.
And so I was just loving her,loving her, we were taking care
of the new baby.
And then, six months later, shedid it again, and this time the
(34:58):
Lord in my heart said you'refree and I didn't.
He didn't require me to gothrough it anymore, and this
time he put it in her heart orwhatever.
She just left for good and shewas gone.
So I was a single dad of threeboys at 25 years old, 26.
(35:21):
Maybe my career in ministry hadbeen taken away from.
You know, I was like God.
What did I do to deserve this?
That was the flesh I wasstruggling with.
God, I've been gifted by you,I've chosen to serve you, I've
chosen to love, and now I'malone.
(35:42):
I'm alone and no woman is evergoing to want to date me with
three boys and a crazy ex-wife.
So what are you doing with menow, god?
But God wants to restore andGod wants to redeem.
(36:07):
So I asked God and I said God,I'm too tired, I'm too broken to
do anything to date.
I'm not going to date.
I'm going to wait here.
I'm going to ask you to give mea wife that's going to be
faithful, that has been throughthe same thing.
I've been through that.
I already know.
(36:27):
I asked him for someone that Ialready knew.
I didn't even want to meetsomeone new.
That's how broken my heart was.
And God took that prayer and thenext morning I had a message in
my MySpace inbox and you know Igot this message and it said is
(36:53):
this the Sean that I grew upwith?
And I was like, yes, it is.
Yeah, this is how I type, likeBruce Almighty.
So I had a message.
Like Bruce Almighty.
So I had a message and it wasDana, and she was a single mom
(37:15):
of three boys and going throughher own divorce.
And God, I knew at that momentthat God had answered my prayer
and I never had to look for awife.
Woo-hoo is right.
God answered my prayer and wewere married nine months later.
Six boys, six and under.
(37:35):
When we got married in atwo-bedroom apartment, it was
insane.
And then, yeah, we got marriedand we both had tremendous
baggage.
We were so hurt.
We had so much, our faith hadbeen wounded, our hearts had
(37:58):
been broken.
But God used this marriage andGod used her love for me to
build me back up and to show mehow faithful he is to me.
Like when I look at my wife,it's a picture of God's
faithfulness to me that I don'tdeserve to have her, but he
(38:22):
pours out love on me through theway that she treats me, the way
that she honors me, and sothat's and I hope I do the same
to you.
We are not perfect.
You should see our fights.
They are legendary.
If you think you guys havefought, we have fought harder.
(38:46):
She is not shy, and I can bequite the undercutting jerk, so
we've just been just as broken,but God has been restoring and
restoring and restoring ourlives so that our eyes could be
on him and we could receive thatpowerful love that he has for
(39:11):
us.
And so when I look at her, Idon't even really see her as
much as I see God's love for me.
And I only say that to tell youthat God has a plan for you to
be able to receive His love.
And if you're married, it'sthrough that person.
But if you've been through adivorce and maybe you caused the
divorce, maybe you were thehateful, terrible person that
(39:34):
caused your divorce it does notchange one thing about how much
God loves you and how much graceand mercy he has for your life.
God still says I'm not donewith you yet.
Your marriage may have crumbledand you might have hurt your
(39:55):
children and you might have hurtyour spouse and you may have
gotten hurt, but I am not donewith you yet.
Seek his face, bring your painto him.
He will heal you, he willdeliver you and he will provide
(40:15):
what you need, and maybe he'llbring a Dana into your life Not
my Dana.
Yeah, father, we are unworthy ofsuch great love and to know
that you have been intimatelyinvolved in every part of our
(40:35):
marriage, our marriages, ourfailed marriages, our broken
relationships, our messed upthings.
You have been so involved, ourmessed up things.
You've been so involved and,god, you design these things to
be a blessing and I pray thatyour blessings would flourish in
(40:58):
our lives, not because we earnthem, not because we earn them,
but because you simply are goodto us.
So if there's people in heretoday that need some healing
from the past, hurt that they'vegone through or that they've
(41:18):
caused, lord, we call unto youand say Jesus, help us, jesus,
save us, jesus, save us, jesus,forgive me, jesus, heal me,
because I want to know the lovethat's been given to me.
I want to know what the valueof my life is, what the value of
(41:42):
my love is.
I want to know your plan for me.
And if there's anyone in herethat has been convicted by this
and realizes that they havefailed to measure up to God's
standard which we all havefailed to measure up to your
standard, god but if there'sanyone in here who wants to be
(42:03):
cleansed of all their sin, it isoffered as a free gift today
and all we have to do is sayJesus, I trust in you.
I believe that you died on thecross for me, that you are God,
that you were raised to new lifefor me and that you live in
heaven offering to forgive me ofall my sin and to live your
(42:26):
life through me.
All sin will be forgiven, allhealing will be given to you.
Everything that you need willbe provided through your
relationship with God.
So begin that relationship bycrying out to Jesus, placing
your hope fully in Jesus, andsometimes it takes us to go
(42:47):
through incredible pain tofinally get to the end of
ourselves where we'll say fine,god, I need you.
I'm gonna surrender everythingto you.
I'm sorry for being the personthat was self-centered and
trying to control my own life.
I give my life to you.
I accept your grace.
Jesus, I pray that you wouldsave souls today.
(43:15):
I pray that we would whoever inhere that needs you would cry
out to you and discover that youwill always answer anyone who
cries out to you.
Jesus, you alone are the Saviorand we cry out to you In Jesus'
name.
We pray Amen.
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