February 25, 2025 • 45 mins
I'm sharing a topic that's near and dear to my heart, one I've mentioned in previous episodes, Sacred Sexuality. What the heck is it, why is it important, and how can you get started.
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Get started with my breast massage course, Heart Magick: https://selfexpressedbabe.com/breast-massage-course-for-women/
Your free 7-day sensuality journal: https://selfexpressedbabe.myflodesk.com/dq3aecwy1t
xoxo,
Cilia
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Today we are talking about a topic that is so close to my heart because this is something that will help you
(00:06):
Reclaim your radiance as a woman. It is something that helps you digest and release sexual shame and
It is something that
Will really transform all of the areas of your life
Because I think it's because you are working at
at self-love at the most deep and intimate level and that is
(00:30):
Sacred sexuality we're gonna be talking all about unlocking the power of sacred sexuality today
So go ahead and grab a drink or grab a snack and get cozy with your headphones
And we are going to dive right in
(01:13):
Okay
So firstly if you are new here welcome to openly spoken
My name is CIlia and openly spoken is the podcast to help you show up speak out and be seen in healthy relationships
And I am a certified sex love and relationship coach
(01:33):
I also just like to call myself a self-love and relationship coach because I think sexuality
falls into both categories and with sacred sexuality, it's definitely
Like the deepest form of self-love. So sexuality is like
underneath the umbrella of self-love and of relationships and
(01:55):
If this is not your first time here and you have not done so already
Please give the podcast a rating and a review on apple podcasts or on my podcast
Or wherever it is that you might be listening because this really helps us
Spread to more people that need the messages on this show
(02:15):
Okay
so
If you've ever felt trapped in your head, which I know a lot of us ambitious women
A lot of us ambitious women with also a history of toxic relationships. We kind of learned that it's
unsafe
to exist in our bodies and so we get into this habit of feeling like we're trapped in our head we get into like
(02:41):
productivity
So if you've felt that way if you felt disconnected
From your body and unsure of what it really means to embrace your sensuality
Then uh, this episode is for you my friend
Okay
and
Yeah, so i'm going to talk about why sacred sexuality is important what it truly is
(03:05):
What's possible when you lean into it and how you can start on your own journey?
And at the end i'm going to share a little free gift I have for you
Which is a seven-day journal to help you connect to your sensuality that will be in the show notes below
Okay, so let's first dive into
Why is sacred sexuality important?
(03:28):
So why does it matter?
I think the number one though number one kind of like reason of why it matters is
Simply because our world is so
fast paced at the moment
It's faster than it's faster pace than it's ever been before
and many of us especially us ambitious women are taught to live in our heads
(03:54):
Where we're rewarded for our productivity what we get done what we achieve or rewarded for our intellect
and um
That all contributes to us living in our heads and
Where does that lead us to live in our heads?
That all contributes to us living in our heads and where does that leave our bodies?
(04:19):
Where does that leave our emotions? Where does that leave our sense of pleasure we kind of?
Get cut off from those things and
From experiencing this myself and also helping many many clients one-on-one
This makes us feel less alive
(04:40):
And that's why it just like breathes new life into us when we lean into
sacred sexuality
The sacred sexuality is about
Reclaiming those parts of ourself that society has taught us to suppress or ignore
It's about recognizing that our sexuality is not just physical
(05:03):
It's emotional. It's deeply spiritual. It's creative
It's creative
It's so creative
And when you live disconnected from your sexuality you miss out on an essential part of who you are
You can also um
Have creativity blocks
(05:25):
you can uh,
Yeah, so this like
disconnection of
Who you are and and missing out on this essential part of who you are
Can manifest as burnout
Lack of joy or motivation
It can make you feel very unfulfilled in your relationships
Including the relationship with yourself
(05:49):
So this is some very very important stuff
And some very some of my favorite authors that write about female sexuality
Are uh, sherry winston and emily negowski. So sherry winston wrote
She's the author of women's anatomy of arousal
And in that book she describes that a woman's sexual energy is intricately connected to her vitality
(06:15):
She says that it's the same energy that fuels our creativity
Our self-expression and even our ability to love ourselves and others deeply
And then emily negowski
She wrote come as you are she also wrote a book called burnout that I think is really
There's another book that very recently came out. I can't think of the um
(06:38):
Title right now, but it's more about relationships and emily negowski in come as you are
She highlights how stress and shame block our access to pleasure
And when we lean into sacred sexuality, we get to dismantle those blocks
We get to create space for self-love for joy and for connection
so
(06:59):
So kind of in summary of this one little section of why sacred sexuality is important
It's like motorcycles
Speeding around outside. I don't know. I don't know if the microphone's picking it up
But sacred sexuality is important because it's a pathway to feeling whole
(07:20):
It's a way to come home to yourself. It's a way to come home to your body. I think it really
Relieves the nervous system from all of the things that your body is carrying
all of the past experiences feelings of feeling, um
(07:40):
Like unsafe in your body feeling shame about your body
I think when you lean into sacred sexuality, you really
It's such a spiritual experience to really realize
How magical?
your body and your
built in capacity to access pleasure really is
(08:02):
and um
I would say it's this like deep spiritual awakening if you've had a spiritual awakening before
and you want
Another spiritual awakening that's deeper. I mean once you've had one spiritual awakening you're bound to have many many more
But if sacred sexuality isn't something you've dove into before and you want a deeper
(08:26):
spiritual awakening
This is definitely something to lean into
So what does sacred sexuality actually mean? Like what is it?
In my opinion the way I would describe
sacred sexuality is
treating your
Sexuality as if it was something that was very sacred that was worthy of reverence
(08:49):
and um
that is worthy of you
taking the time as a woman to
Make space to experience it on your own
Rather than waiting to do that with a partner
So it's not about
performance
(09:10):
It's not about pleasing other people
It's not about fitting into
society's definition of what is sexy
It's about
Like it's not about following a specific practice
Or a specific belief system. It's a very personal journey
about exploring your own relationship to your body
(09:34):
To your pleasure and your unique expression of sensuality
And what's so beautiful
About our bodies as women is there's so much variety when it comes to sensuality
And sexuality there's so much variety. There's so much variety in
What we even look like anatomy wise there's so much variety on what can
(10:01):
Um
What we can do to receive pleasure. There's so much variety in what we enjoy what we don't enjoy
And so sacred sexuality really is about creating that deep loving connection with yourself
I'd like to describe it as
Becoming your own lover
So like I said earlier, you're not waiting
(10:22):
to receive pleasure from a partner you're becoming your own
lover and that really sets the tone for
relationships with others when it comes to intimacy
and uh
And uh, if that if that's something that's like completely new to you
I would recommend to join my breast massage course heart magic
(10:44):
As of the time of this recording it is on waitlist
But in heart magic it is a breast massage course
but it is also
really set up for you to
Dive into breast massage if it's something you've never ever done before
And what I mean by that there's a lot of things in there to resource you
There's a lot of mindfulness practices
(11:07):
embodiment practices
To really help you grow your capacity to have more intimacy with yourself
and um, I think breast massage is a really
Kind of like less intimidating practice to start out with
rather than doing like a yoni egg practice or
(11:28):
Dearmoring or any of that other stuff. We'll we'll get into some practices later on
um, okay
So sacred sexuality is
It really is a powerful source of pleasure and of wisdom
so I mentioned earlier that um
It's uh sacred sexuality can can really help you with your creativity
(11:51):
and I think this wisdom piece is why when you
When you do a sacred sexuality practice
It drops you out of your head. It gets you into your body and you get into this state where you're very open
for
Intuition to really drop in and that is our deepest wisdom, right our intuition
(12:13):
And so what I found over the years as I I first started
Leaning into sacred sexuality practices in 2021
And I found that these practices really helped me
Be able to have so like a well of creativity to write stuff
Uh at that time I was showing up very regularly on instagram
(12:35):
and um
Anytime I would have some sort of creative block. I would lean into a sacred sexuality practice
And right after the practice, I would just just ideas will be flowing through me
I I always had to have a journal for afterwards and I would just write
Five pages straight was it was really really cool
So it can sacred sexuality really is a sacred powerful source
(13:00):
Of connecting to your own wisdom and your own intuition your own creativity
So, um, yeah for me this whole journey
Really began with um
wanting to be more present when it came to intimacy and um
(13:22):
realizing that I would go into my head
and really wanting to
Yeah, just basically drop more into my body and be more present
so one of the first uh
things that I went into was this book called
From madness to mindfulness
and it's by uh
(13:43):
Jennifer gonzalez. I think I think she's actually doctor. Jennifer gonzalez. Let me look her up
Gonzal and she spells gonzalez like so uniquely
Yes, dr. Jen gonzalez, Jennifer gonzalez phd. So in her book madness to mindfulness
(14:06):
She encourages you to bring mindfulness into sexuality
Which basically is the essence of sacred sexuality like it doesn't you don't need to call it sacred sexuality
I think it really is just like
How would I describe this so
If you're we're all familiar at this point most of us with mindful practices with yoga with meditation
(14:32):
think so think of sacred sexuality as
yoga for
your sexual side because mindfulness is um
Kind of more focused on you know, like meditation and breath work is a little bit more focused on
The mind and observing your mind
(14:54):
With sacred sexuality, you are still observing the mind in a sense, but you're also observing
What sensations do you feel?
What desires do you have?
And then there's also the mind part in it of like what are your thoughts
Around your body like what are your thoughts and beliefs?
(15:18):
About what your body looks like. What are your thoughts and beliefs of
Self-pleasure like do you think it's something that is sinful? Do you think it's something that is bad?
Um, that's a very common. It's very also common for
Like i've had a few clients that
Feel that it's their beliefs are like, oh, it's gross. It's not something that you I should be doing because it's gross
(15:44):
So there is that part of mindfulness with looking at
What do you think about certain things and also just looking at
What you think so what your thoughts are
Around sex in general like what does sex mean to you? What did you learn?
About what sex is or or like what sexual?
(16:05):
Expectations are expected of you
from media from
you know, um
Sex education at school or maybe a lack of sex education
at school, um, what did you learn about sex sexuality?
From you know, your family your friends growing up. It really is there really is a big
(16:31):
mindset piece about it to realize like what are the beliefs that you are carrying
and however sacred sexuality
It's not you're not really going into the depths if you just stay at the mindfulness level because your sexuality
Is an embodied thing. It's it's a primal energy in your body. It's not
(16:57):
It's not cerebral
and um
It could be cerebral for some reason
It's not cerebral and um, it could be cerebral for you right now because you're having a hard time being stuck in your head, baby
but cerebral
(17:18):
Experiences with sexuality don't allow us that freedom to really let go to really feel
because when we are stuck in our heads we're cut off from sensations and there
There could be touches in certain parts of our body that we don't even
Notice or realize or feel because we're so consumed with what's going on in our in our heads
(17:41):
So when we bring mindfulness to our sexuality we start to see it as this really potent place to
Really heighten our self-worth
To really step into setting powerful boundaries. I think that's one of my favorite things about sacred sexuality
it really
(18:01):
empowers you to
step into your voice and your truth in a way that
You might have never even done before and i've experienced that personally myself
Which is why I decided to become certified as a sex love relationship coach. Like that was one of the biggest
things
things where I was like, whoa, like this is the thing to make women self-expressed and
(18:27):
My business is called self-expressed babe, and that's what i'm here to do
so it can also be a very big potent place to really just
Feel joy in the mundane moments
because
When we bring mindfulness into sexuality
we really learn
(18:48):
how to
slow down in the moment that we're in
And notice every little thing that we feel
like you could even do that now as you're listening just
Noticing what?
What do you feel on the surface of your skin right now? Maybe you feel the air
(19:09):
In the room that's around you
Maybe if you're driving you can feel a breeze on your skin. Maybe you can feel the warmth of the sunlight on your skin
sacred sexuality
Really helps you stop and slow down with all of those sensations
and I think
The reason why that helps you
(19:29):
expand your capacity for joy is because you realize that
Life is so abundant and you have so much
Pleasure and so much goodness to be grateful for at any moment
Just by existing in your own body
Yeah, so
Sacred sexuality is a practice of self-discovery basically the deepest
(19:56):
The deepest self-discovery in my opinion and the deepest form of self-love because it's
So intimate it's the most intimate you can get with yourself
and um
These practices which i'll get into more examples later on but the practices will look different for everybody
(20:17):
Like it doesn't
Have to involve sex toys at all. It can be like dancing naked in your bedroom
It can be like skinny dipping in the jacuzzi. It can be journaling about
what things you
What beliefs you picked up in your uh, as you were
In your upbringing and then what beliefs you want instead like there's so much variety
(20:40):
and um
There's so much variety and there's also
So much um, what's the word i'm looking for?
What i'm trying to say is
Because of the variety you don't want to
Push yourself into a practice
(21:02):
That feels
Too much for your nervous system
So you don't want to go straight into working with a yoni egg if you've never done that before like there are ways to ease into it
and um an example of how to
ease into practice
I'll just pull from my like honestly personal experience
(21:24):
so in
in
2021 I joined a yoni egg course and um
When I got the I used a borosilicate glass another, you know kind of um
What is that called unpopular opinion that I have is don't use any kind of crystals
(21:50):
That's just my personal preference because crystals have micro cracks
And crystals, um, it's very hard to really source where they come from and because of that
There is the risk that there could be lead in your crystal. So please don't use
Any kind of crystal sex toys like I am fully against that
(22:12):
Um, okay, so when I got that glass yoni egg in the mail
When it finally arrived I was like, oh my god
I am not putting this in my body
and um
I listened to that. I didn't force anything
And with prac with the practices so the course that I was in had practices that were
(22:34):
Um like audio files
And I give this advice as well in my heart magic breast massage course
with the audio files
At first I would just listen to them
Without following along
That way the next time I listened to it
I knew what to expect. So it felt safer for me to
(22:59):
Um, it feels safer to follow along with the practice when you know, what's going to happen
Rather than if it's a complete mystery and you already have some resistance to that practice because sacred sexuality practices
Can be very scary when when you're diving into it for the first time, especially with um
(23:20):
Women who and I myself am one of those women who have grown up being taught that sex and sexuality is something bad
and uh, naughty and shameful
So it can be very like terrifying to dive into that so
Listening to the audience
(23:41):
Listening to the audio
Is one thing another thing
That I also tell people is when you are following along with the practice, let's say you're listening to the audio
It's the second time you're listening to it
And you're finally practicing along with it
If at any time you notice that
(24:02):
It's a little too much or you're going in your head rather than being in your sensations
Stop what you're doing
You can turn the audio off if you want or you can just stop following along and continuing to listen to the audio
so it really is about
giving yourself
the
permission
(24:23):
to do what it is that you need to do
to honor your
Integrity yourself love to honor what is actually true in your body rather than
Trying to push your way through it and I think that's a big challenge for us ambitious women. We're so used to
(24:44):
Hustling and pushing through but sacred sexuality
Really gives us that opportunity to
soften
and
What's so beautiful about that? Like I mentioned earlier in this episode that sacred sexuality really transforms the rest of your life
For us ambitious women who are used to that hustle when we lean into sacred sexuality practices
(25:09):
Just like with yoga how you notice yoga showing up for you off of the mat sacred sexuality is the exact same
We start to then
With our goals instead of hustling and pushing through
we find a little bit more of a balanced way to
To
(25:30):
Move and to take action in our journeys to reach our goals
so we learn how to
Have a little bit more balance between work and play work and personal time
When we lean into sacred sexuality
Yeah, and then it can also be very helpful
(25:52):
When it's new this is this is just like the one last thing that I'll that I'll give for
Things you can do to really ease into it. It could be very helpful to have extra support like a coach or a therapist
just to have someone to
Really hash things out with and someone to have on your side just for that extra level of support
(26:14):
Okay, so
Next i'll talk a little bit more about what's possible when you lean into sacred sexuality
We talked
A little bit about this already but let's take a moment to really just dream
And to see what is actually possible. So
(26:35):
Imagine that you wake up in the morning
And you feel completely at home in your body
You're completely just at ease
You you look in the mirror and you love what you see
You see someone that is radiant that is magnetic
someone that you
(26:57):
When you catch her eyes in the mirror, you just smile and you're like good morning beautiful
And this person is someone that you deeply adore
That deep self-love
Is what's possible you start to
notice your body not as something to criticize or
Not as a clay to mold to fit the current beauty standards
(27:20):
You start to see your body as something to celebrate
something to honor
something that
You can be so grateful for because this body is
What gives you
the
ability to experience all of life
(27:42):
And
I have goosebumps as I speak to this because it really is the deepest
deepest deepest deepest
Level of self-love you can experience
directly from leaning into
sacred sexuality or
(28:04):
mindful sexual practices with yourself
Another thing that is possible when you embrace sacred sexuality
Is like I said earlier empowered boundaries
You get to become more in tuned with what feels good for you
so
You also
(28:25):
Notice like what you like and what you don't like so something that's a very common
struggle with some of my clients is
They don't know how to tell their partner what they like because they're so used to
You know that history of toxic relationships where they've had partners who just kind of
Take the lead in the bedroom without asking. What do you like? What what do you not like? They just
(28:49):
they just go and
Yeah, so leaning into sacred sexuality gives you
that
Like personal knowledge of what it is that you enjoy in the bedroom and then you become more in tuned
Of what feels good for you both physically emotionally and also energetically
(29:10):
And you really gain that confidence to say yes or no from a place of love
and
I think the reason why that yes and no
That like confidence to say yes and no
Really arises is because you learn from a very subtle level what your body is a yes
(29:31):
And a no to so what I mentioned earlier about easing into the sacred sexuality practices where
I said you can listen to an audio without following along or you can stop mid practice
that is
A practice in honoring your no
And when you can honor what you are a no to
(29:54):
Then what you are a yes to
Has space to show up
And I think it's because at the very deep level
Your body is learning to trust
You your body is learning to trust your brain
and
Yeah, that that just like deeper knowledge of yourself comes up
(30:15):
And then another thing that is possible when you lean into sacred sexuality is probably one of my favorites
Is deeper relationships
and this is both in friendship and also in romance because
Your capacity for intimacy expands because in your personal relationship with yourself
(30:37):
There is more intimacy present. So that's like that thing where they say
Fill your cup and then the overflow is available for other people
When you have more intimacy for yourself
You have an abundance of intimacy and that's what you're going to see
You have an abundance of intimacy and you are able to have intimacy
(30:58):
with other people
and intimacy
Just in case there's some people listening who think that I like some people think that intimacy means sex and it does not mean sex
Intimacy means just being able to have really deep closeness with people. So with your friendships
when you notice
your capacity for intimacy growing you will notice that you are able to
(31:22):
Get more vulnerable and really have deeper conversations and stuff like that. You get to
Show up more fully you'll take up more space without being scared and you have more trust in the relationships that you have
it's kind of like
The complete opposite of codependency like as far away from codependency as you can get
(31:47):
Okay
Okay. Another thing that is possible when you embrace sacred sexuality. This is also one that we mentioned before is creative freedom
So your sexual energy is also your creative energy
with sexual energy
That's how we create humans
and um from an energetic level
(32:08):
um
Just bringing out my past yoga teacher here the second chakra the sacral chakra is the chakra that is
in charge of both sexuality and
Creativity so it's definitely very linked energetically
And when you tap into it
You might find yourself
(32:28):
writing like how I mentioned with
The practices that I would do I would have to have a journal and just write five pages all at once
You also might find yourself
painting or
What's also really fun is you can
realize new possibilities in your life, so
(32:49):
You can get creative about beliefs
And what I mean about that is um, you might go into a practice
with the intention of
digesting a limiting belief
or
Feeling into the emotions underneath the limiting belief and then after a practice
(33:10):
This new kind of truth intuitively comes in and it's like well actually
this
thing here is also possible is also true and um
Yeah, I think the mindset work can definitely be
a cre- it's definitely a creative thing and I don't really hear people talking about how that's a
(33:33):
Like tapping into creativity
So one more thing that I will mention about what's possible when you embrace sacred sexuality
Is just this deep sense of freedom because sacred sexuality practices
Really help you digest shame. It helps you release shame. It helps you
(33:55):
um
Reclaim your radiance. It helps you step into your magnetism
and step into your power
because in these practices you are
practicing showing up for yourself in a way that really honors all parts of you
And then that just really fills you with so much confidence to then
(34:16):
Show up in the world as your truest self and it really
releases so much societal expectation and conditioning and it's just
It's the absolute best so
The best so
This journey really is more than it's so much more than just sex. It's it's about
(34:40):
Reclaiming your innate worthiness that you were born with it's about reclaiming your wholeness
It's about stepping back into
How radiant and magnetic
You were always meant to be and you always were
there was just this
layer
(35:01):
Kind of like on top of you that made you forget it
I like to say that with this work that
my favorite thing is to
Help women step into
a new identity
That isn't actually new because it's who they were the entire time
(35:22):
And that really is the essence of what?
Sacred sexuality can do for you
I have goosebumps again. This is such powerful stuff
so
Let's dive into a little bit on how you can get started on your sacred sexuality journey
Um, I hope that so far you have felt inspiration to
(35:46):
Really get started and dive into these things. So
step one is to connect with your body and
Start small so this can be
If you're not someone that already does mindfulness practices, it can be leaning into mindfulness practices
Finally and doing them regularly doing them daily the the magic really is in the daily
(36:12):
so it's much better to
Do breath work for like two minutes every single day
Than it is to do breath work for 10 minutes once a week
It's the daily practice that is going to help you fill your cup and have spillover so that that spillover can then
Transform all of the other areas of your life so that you can have that
(36:34):
like off the mat experience of a mindfulness practice
And what I say what I mean off the mat that's like
I don't know if that's something that only yoga teachers say
But off the mat when a yoga teacher says off the mat
we really just mean how the
The mindfulness that we are purposely practicing on a yoga mat
(36:58):
Then starts to be something that we kind of uh habitually do
Without purposely doing it in our everyday life
and um
The off the mat moments are really moments that you
Where you really feel like oh wow like
my life is changing from this practice so
(37:21):
Yeah, I could go down a whole tangent there. So connecting with your body can also be
Doing uh some slow
Central movement so like putting on a song that helps you that makes you feel sexy and just like moving really slow to it
um
It can be something like
(37:42):
Um, it can be something like
Stretching it could be something like just
When you do the movement and then like to a song
Seeing if you can slow that movement down
And seeing how slow you can go and how much you can pay attention
(38:07):
To every movement
I'm like slowly swaying as I say that
Okay step two after connecting with your body
Is to explore self-touch
And self-touch does not have to be sexual it can be something as simple as massaging your hands
massaging your feet
(38:28):
Placing your hands over your heart as you take a deep breath
It can be one of my favorites is just taking your fingertips and very very lightly
Touching your arms or your legs or going through your entire body with a very light touch
And really breathing and being very present with it
(38:49):
And the goal of self-touch
Is to build that loving relationship with your body
So then when when you are ready to move into something more sexual if self-touch isn't something that is
Regular like a regular thing that you're doing
I would again recommend breast massage and I will put the link to heart magic in the caption
(39:16):
And I will also say
Even if self-touch or masturbation is something that you already regularly do
I think the magic with diving into sacred sexuality
Is that if we already have a self-touch practice
We learn how to make that practice
(39:38):
More mindful we learn how to slow down we learn how to not be
Super fast because I think in media
Sexuality is really based on male sexuality
And it's not based on female sexuality so you'll see like heterosexual couples in shows like bridgerton is coming to mind where
(40:03):
They're just like kissing and then like suddenly they're just like ready and like within five minutes. It's done
Like that's not really realistic for female sexuality
Yes, that can happen sometimes but
That's the only
Example given in media and that's just like
And so even if uh pleasure practices
(40:26):
Are something that is already uh regular for you. It's something that you already do
I would really recommend leaning into
slowing it down
With sacred sexuality practices, so that's how you can
Get started on this journey with this step two of self-touch
Even if self-touch is something that you already regularly do
(40:49):
You can still do that even if you're not doing it
You can still do that even if you're not doing it
You can still do that even if you're not doing it
And then the third step is to
Start with a self-touch
Even if self-touch is already something that you're doing
Okay, step three would be to journal about your desires
(41:14):
So really asking yourself what brings me pleasure?
So step four is to journal about things you want to celebrate
From your self-touch
Practices and even from your practices of connecting to your body
after each practice
Take a moment to go your to your journal and think of three things that you are celebrating for the practice today
(41:38):
I feel like that really adds
Motivation to go back in and do the practices again
Step four is to educate yourself
Our society is so uneducated about the female body and female sexuality and a very great book
I think the best book that I have read so far
(42:00):
To educate yourself on female sexuality
Is women's anatomy of arousal and it's by sherry winston
uh, there's there's a ton of stuff in there that
When I was in my sex love and relationships coaching certification
We had to read this book and then right after the live cohort ended
(42:20):
Me and like five other women
We read the book again together with an online book club
and all of us were
There was one girl that was younger than me, but only by like six months
So that means all of us were at least 34 years old all the way up to
like
40 early 40s and every single one of us learned something new about our bodies
(42:45):
We all were like, wow, I didn't know that that was a thing. And so I really really highly recommend
Picking up women's anatomy of arousal
And if you've already read it, I recommend if you have a partner that is not a woman if you have a partner that's a man
Make him read that book so that he knows how he knows more about your body
(43:07):
And he knows how to be the best lover to you
Okay
Step five is a little bit similar to the connecting with your body, but it's practicing mindfulness. So again leaning into
meditation leaning into yoga
Leaning into really paying attention to all five senses all five of your senses throughout your day
(43:30):
And um, this is going to be a very great tool to stay present in your body
and
Step six is
joining a community or finding some sort of support so working with a coach like me
working with a sex therapist
or getting together a group of girlfriends that have the same goal of wanting to
(43:56):
reconnect to their radiance and
Dismantle shame like the more women that you have to talk to about these things
It really amplifies your progress in this journey
Um, another good thing is you could do a book club. Like I said about women's anatomy of arousal
Doing a book club that is themed around books that will educate you about female sexuality is also a really
(44:23):
great way to go because it fosters
conversations and um
It really helps you like
Know that you're not alone in this journey. It's it's very helpful when you learn something new
Do you know that there are other women out there who also didn't know that thing?
Because sometimes it can feel a little bit like oh, how can I not know this?
(44:46):
so
Yeah, I hope that all of these tips can really help you get started on that female sexuality journey to
really dive into sacred sexuality
And to reclaim your radiance to release all of that shame
And if this episode resonated with you
(45:06):
I will pop in the caption or the show notes a free seven-day journal
That's designed to help you reconnect to your sensuality
And um, it's full of prompts and exercises in there and it's specifically designed for busy women
So if that calls to you, you can download that free the link is in the description
(45:27):
That is all I have for today. And if you love this episode, I'd be so grateful if you would share it with a friend
And leave a review. All right, we will see you next time. Bye
Today we are talking about a topic that is so close to my heart because this is something that will help you
(00:06):
Reclaim your radiance as a woman. It is something that helps you digest and release sexual shame and
It is something that
Will really transform all of the areas of your life
Because I think it's because you are working at
at self-love at the most deep and intimate level and that is
(00:30):
Sacred sexuality we're gonna be talking all about unlocking the power of sacred sexuality today
So go ahead and grab a drink or grab a snack and get cozy with your headphones
And we are going to dive right in
(01:13):
Okay
So firstly if you are new here welcome to openly spoken
My name is CIlia and openly spoken is the podcast to help you show up speak out and be seen in healthy relationships
And I am a certified sex love and relationship coach
(01:33):
I also just like to call myself a self-love and relationship coach because I think sexuality
falls into both categories and with sacred sexuality, it's definitely
Like the deepest form of self-love. So sexuality is like
underneath the umbrella of self-love and of relationships and
(01:55):
If this is not your first time here and you have not done so already
Please give the podcast a rating and a review on apple podcasts or on my podcast
Or wherever it is that you might be listening because this really helps us
Spread to more people that need the messages on this show
(02:15):
Okay
so
If you've ever felt trapped in your head, which I know a lot of us ambitious women
A lot of us ambitious women with also a history of toxic relationships. We kind of learned that it's
unsafe
to exist in our bodies and so we get into this habit of feeling like we're trapped in our head we get into like
(02:41):
productivity
So if you've felt that way if you felt disconnected
From your body and unsure of what it really means to embrace your sensuality
Then uh, this episode is for you my friend
Okay
and
Yeah, so i'm going to talk about why sacred sexuality is important what it truly is
(03:05):
What's possible when you lean into it and how you can start on your own journey?
And at the end i'm going to share a little free gift I have for you
Which is a seven-day journal to help you connect to your sensuality that will be in the show notes below
Okay, so let's first dive into
Why is sacred sexuality important?
(03:28):
So why does it matter?
I think the number one though number one kind of like reason of why it matters is
Simply because our world is so
fast paced at the moment
It's faster than it's faster pace than it's ever been before
and many of us especially us ambitious women are taught to live in our heads
(03:54):
Where we're rewarded for our productivity what we get done what we achieve or rewarded for our intellect
and um
That all contributes to us living in our heads and
Where does that lead us to live in our heads?
That all contributes to us living in our heads and where does that leave our bodies?
(04:19):
Where does that leave our emotions? Where does that leave our sense of pleasure we kind of?
Get cut off from those things and
From experiencing this myself and also helping many many clients one-on-one
This makes us feel less alive
(04:40):
And that's why it just like breathes new life into us when we lean into
sacred sexuality
The sacred sexuality is about
Reclaiming those parts of ourself that society has taught us to suppress or ignore
It's about recognizing that our sexuality is not just physical
(05:03):
It's emotional. It's deeply spiritual. It's creative
It's creative
It's so creative
And when you live disconnected from your sexuality you miss out on an essential part of who you are
You can also um
Have creativity blocks
(05:25):
you can uh,
Yeah, so this like
disconnection of
Who you are and and missing out on this essential part of who you are
Can manifest as burnout
Lack of joy or motivation
It can make you feel very unfulfilled in your relationships
Including the relationship with yourself
(05:49):
So this is some very very important stuff
And some very some of my favorite authors that write about female sexuality
Are uh, sherry winston and emily negowski. So sherry winston wrote
She's the author of women's anatomy of arousal
And in that book she describes that a woman's sexual energy is intricately connected to her vitality
(06:15):
She says that it's the same energy that fuels our creativity
Our self-expression and even our ability to love ourselves and others deeply
And then emily negowski
She wrote come as you are she also wrote a book called burnout that I think is really
There's another book that very recently came out. I can't think of the um
(06:38):
Title right now, but it's more about relationships and emily negowski in come as you are
She highlights how stress and shame block our access to pleasure
And when we lean into sacred sexuality, we get to dismantle those blocks
We get to create space for self-love for joy and for connection
so
(06:59):
So kind of in summary of this one little section of why sacred sexuality is important
It's like motorcycles
Speeding around outside. I don't know. I don't know if the microphone's picking it up
But sacred sexuality is important because it's a pathway to feeling whole
(07:20):
It's a way to come home to yourself. It's a way to come home to your body. I think it really
Relieves the nervous system from all of the things that your body is carrying
all of the past experiences feelings of feeling, um
(07:40):
Like unsafe in your body feeling shame about your body
I think when you lean into sacred sexuality, you really
It's such a spiritual experience to really realize
How magical?
your body and your
built in capacity to access pleasure really is
(08:02):
and um
I would say it's this like deep spiritual awakening if you've had a spiritual awakening before
and you want
Another spiritual awakening that's deeper. I mean once you've had one spiritual awakening you're bound to have many many more
But if sacred sexuality isn't something you've dove into before and you want a deeper
(08:26):
spiritual awakening
This is definitely something to lean into
So what does sacred sexuality actually mean? Like what is it?
In my opinion the way I would describe
sacred sexuality is
treating your
Sexuality as if it was something that was very sacred that was worthy of reverence
(08:49):
and um
that is worthy of you
taking the time as a woman to
Make space to experience it on your own
Rather than waiting to do that with a partner
So it's not about
performance
(09:10):
It's not about pleasing other people
It's not about fitting into
society's definition of what is sexy
It's about
Like it's not about following a specific practice
Or a specific belief system. It's a very personal journey
about exploring your own relationship to your body
(09:34):
To your pleasure and your unique expression of sensuality
And what's so beautiful
About our bodies as women is there's so much variety when it comes to sensuality
And sexuality there's so much variety. There's so much variety in
What we even look like anatomy wise there's so much variety on what can
(10:01):
Um
What we can do to receive pleasure. There's so much variety in what we enjoy what we don't enjoy
And so sacred sexuality really is about creating that deep loving connection with yourself
I'd like to describe it as
Becoming your own lover
So like I said earlier, you're not waiting
(10:22):
to receive pleasure from a partner you're becoming your own
lover and that really sets the tone for
relationships with others when it comes to intimacy
and uh
And uh, if that if that's something that's like completely new to you
I would recommend to join my breast massage course heart magic
(10:44):
As of the time of this recording it is on waitlist
But in heart magic it is a breast massage course
but it is also
really set up for you to
Dive into breast massage if it's something you've never ever done before
And what I mean by that there's a lot of things in there to resource you
There's a lot of mindfulness practices
(11:07):
embodiment practices
To really help you grow your capacity to have more intimacy with yourself
and um, I think breast massage is a really
Kind of like less intimidating practice to start out with
rather than doing like a yoni egg practice or
(11:28):
Dearmoring or any of that other stuff. We'll we'll get into some practices later on
um, okay
So sacred sexuality is
It really is a powerful source of pleasure and of wisdom
so I mentioned earlier that um
It's uh sacred sexuality can can really help you with your creativity
(11:51):
and I think this wisdom piece is why when you
When you do a sacred sexuality practice
It drops you out of your head. It gets you into your body and you get into this state where you're very open
for
Intuition to really drop in and that is our deepest wisdom, right our intuition
(12:13):
And so what I found over the years as I I first started
Leaning into sacred sexuality practices in 2021
And I found that these practices really helped me
Be able to have so like a well of creativity to write stuff
Uh at that time I was showing up very regularly on instagram
(12:35):
and um
Anytime I would have some sort of creative block. I would lean into a sacred sexuality practice
And right after the practice, I would just just ideas will be flowing through me
I I always had to have a journal for afterwards and I would just write
Five pages straight was it was really really cool
So it can sacred sexuality really is a sacred powerful source
(13:00):
Of connecting to your own wisdom and your own intuition your own creativity
So, um, yeah for me this whole journey
Really began with um
wanting to be more present when it came to intimacy and um
(13:22):
realizing that I would go into my head
and really wanting to
Yeah, just basically drop more into my body and be more present
so one of the first uh
things that I went into was this book called
From madness to mindfulness
and it's by uh
(13:43):
Jennifer gonzalez. I think I think she's actually doctor. Jennifer gonzalez. Let me look her up
Gonzal and she spells gonzalez like so uniquely
Yes, dr. Jen gonzalez, Jennifer gonzalez phd. So in her book madness to mindfulness
(14:06):
She encourages you to bring mindfulness into sexuality
Which basically is the essence of sacred sexuality like it doesn't you don't need to call it sacred sexuality
I think it really is just like
How would I describe this so
If you're we're all familiar at this point most of us with mindful practices with yoga with meditation
(14:32):
think so think of sacred sexuality as
yoga for
your sexual side because mindfulness is um
Kind of more focused on you know, like meditation and breath work is a little bit more focused on
The mind and observing your mind
(14:54):
With sacred sexuality, you are still observing the mind in a sense, but you're also observing
What sensations do you feel?
What desires do you have?
And then there's also the mind part in it of like what are your thoughts
Around your body like what are your thoughts and beliefs?
(15:18):
About what your body looks like. What are your thoughts and beliefs of
Self-pleasure like do you think it's something that is sinful? Do you think it's something that is bad?
Um, that's a very common. It's very also common for
Like i've had a few clients that
Feel that it's their beliefs are like, oh, it's gross. It's not something that you I should be doing because it's gross
(15:44):
So there is that part of mindfulness with looking at
What do you think about certain things and also just looking at
What you think so what your thoughts are
Around sex in general like what does sex mean to you? What did you learn?
About what sex is or or like what sexual?
(16:05):
Expectations are expected of you
from media from
you know, um
Sex education at school or maybe a lack of sex education
at school, um, what did you learn about sex sexuality?
From you know, your family your friends growing up. It really is there really is a big
(16:31):
mindset piece about it to realize like what are the beliefs that you are carrying
and however sacred sexuality
It's not you're not really going into the depths if you just stay at the mindfulness level because your sexuality
Is an embodied thing. It's it's a primal energy in your body. It's not
(16:57):
It's not cerebral
and um
It could be cerebral for some reason
It's not cerebral and um, it could be cerebral for you right now because you're having a hard time being stuck in your head, baby
but cerebral
(17:18):
Experiences with sexuality don't allow us that freedom to really let go to really feel
because when we are stuck in our heads we're cut off from sensations and there
There could be touches in certain parts of our body that we don't even
Notice or realize or feel because we're so consumed with what's going on in our in our heads
(17:41):
So when we bring mindfulness to our sexuality we start to see it as this really potent place to
Really heighten our self-worth
To really step into setting powerful boundaries. I think that's one of my favorite things about sacred sexuality
it really
(18:01):
empowers you to
step into your voice and your truth in a way that
You might have never even done before and i've experienced that personally myself
Which is why I decided to become certified as a sex love relationship coach. Like that was one of the biggest
things
things where I was like, whoa, like this is the thing to make women self-expressed and
(18:27):
My business is called self-expressed babe, and that's what i'm here to do
so it can also be a very big potent place to really just
Feel joy in the mundane moments
because
When we bring mindfulness into sexuality
we really learn
(18:48):
how to
slow down in the moment that we're in
And notice every little thing that we feel
like you could even do that now as you're listening just
Noticing what?
What do you feel on the surface of your skin right now? Maybe you feel the air
(19:09):
In the room that's around you
Maybe if you're driving you can feel a breeze on your skin. Maybe you can feel the warmth of the sunlight on your skin
sacred sexuality
Really helps you stop and slow down with all of those sensations
and I think
The reason why that helps you
(19:29):
expand your capacity for joy is because you realize that
Life is so abundant and you have so much
Pleasure and so much goodness to be grateful for at any moment
Just by existing in your own body
Yeah, so
Sacred sexuality is a practice of self-discovery basically the deepest
(19:56):
The deepest self-discovery in my opinion and the deepest form of self-love because it's
So intimate it's the most intimate you can get with yourself
and um
These practices which i'll get into more examples later on but the practices will look different for everybody
(20:17):
Like it doesn't
Have to involve sex toys at all. It can be like dancing naked in your bedroom
It can be like skinny dipping in the jacuzzi. It can be journaling about
what things you
What beliefs you picked up in your uh, as you were
In your upbringing and then what beliefs you want instead like there's so much variety
(20:40):
and um
There's so much variety and there's also
So much um, what's the word i'm looking for?
What i'm trying to say is
Because of the variety you don't want to
Push yourself into a practice
(21:02):
That feels
Too much for your nervous system
So you don't want to go straight into working with a yoni egg if you've never done that before like there are ways to ease into it
and um an example of how to
ease into practice
I'll just pull from my like honestly personal experience
(21:24):
so in
in
2021 I joined a yoni egg course and um
When I got the I used a borosilicate glass another, you know kind of um
What is that called unpopular opinion that I have is don't use any kind of crystals
(21:50):
That's just my personal preference because crystals have micro cracks
And crystals, um, it's very hard to really source where they come from and because of that
There is the risk that there could be lead in your crystal. So please don't use
Any kind of crystal sex toys like I am fully against that
(22:12):
Um, okay, so when I got that glass yoni egg in the mail
When it finally arrived I was like, oh my god
I am not putting this in my body
and um
I listened to that. I didn't force anything
And with prac with the practices so the course that I was in had practices that were
(22:34):
Um like audio files
And I give this advice as well in my heart magic breast massage course
with the audio files
At first I would just listen to them
Without following along
That way the next time I listened to it
I knew what to expect. So it felt safer for me to
(22:59):
Um, it feels safer to follow along with the practice when you know, what's going to happen
Rather than if it's a complete mystery and you already have some resistance to that practice because sacred sexuality practices
Can be very scary when when you're diving into it for the first time, especially with um
(23:20):
Women who and I myself am one of those women who have grown up being taught that sex and sexuality is something bad
and uh, naughty and shameful
So it can be very like terrifying to dive into that so
Listening to the audience
(23:41):
Listening to the audio
Is one thing another thing
That I also tell people is when you are following along with the practice, let's say you're listening to the audio
It's the second time you're listening to it
And you're finally practicing along with it
If at any time you notice that
(24:02):
It's a little too much or you're going in your head rather than being in your sensations
Stop what you're doing
You can turn the audio off if you want or you can just stop following along and continuing to listen to the audio
so it really is about
giving yourself
the
permission
(24:23):
to do what it is that you need to do
to honor your
Integrity yourself love to honor what is actually true in your body rather than
Trying to push your way through it and I think that's a big challenge for us ambitious women. We're so used to
(24:44):
Hustling and pushing through but sacred sexuality
Really gives us that opportunity to
soften
and
What's so beautiful about that? Like I mentioned earlier in this episode that sacred sexuality really transforms the rest of your life
For us ambitious women who are used to that hustle when we lean into sacred sexuality practices
(25:09):
Just like with yoga how you notice yoga showing up for you off of the mat sacred sexuality is the exact same
We start to then
With our goals instead of hustling and pushing through
we find a little bit more of a balanced way to
To
(25:30):
Move and to take action in our journeys to reach our goals
so we learn how to
Have a little bit more balance between work and play work and personal time
When we lean into sacred sexuality
Yeah, and then it can also be very helpful
(25:52):
When it's new this is this is just like the one last thing that I'll that I'll give for
Things you can do to really ease into it. It could be very helpful to have extra support like a coach or a therapist
just to have someone to
Really hash things out with and someone to have on your side just for that extra level of support
(26:14):
Okay, so
Next i'll talk a little bit more about what's possible when you lean into sacred sexuality
We talked
A little bit about this already but let's take a moment to really just dream
And to see what is actually possible. So
(26:35):
Imagine that you wake up in the morning
And you feel completely at home in your body
You're completely just at ease
You you look in the mirror and you love what you see
You see someone that is radiant that is magnetic
someone that you
(26:57):
When you catch her eyes in the mirror, you just smile and you're like good morning beautiful
And this person is someone that you deeply adore
That deep self-love
Is what's possible you start to
notice your body not as something to criticize or
Not as a clay to mold to fit the current beauty standards
(27:20):
You start to see your body as something to celebrate
something to honor
something that
You can be so grateful for because this body is
What gives you
the
ability to experience all of life
(27:42):
And
I have goosebumps as I speak to this because it really is the deepest
deepest deepest deepest
Level of self-love you can experience
directly from leaning into
sacred sexuality or
(28:04):
mindful sexual practices with yourself
Another thing that is possible when you embrace sacred sexuality
Is like I said earlier empowered boundaries
You get to become more in tuned with what feels good for you
so
You also
(28:25):
Notice like what you like and what you don't like so something that's a very common
struggle with some of my clients is
They don't know how to tell their partner what they like because they're so used to
You know that history of toxic relationships where they've had partners who just kind of
Take the lead in the bedroom without asking. What do you like? What what do you not like? They just
(28:49):
they just go and
Yeah, so leaning into sacred sexuality gives you
that
Like personal knowledge of what it is that you enjoy in the bedroom and then you become more in tuned
Of what feels good for you both physically emotionally and also energetically
(29:10):
And you really gain that confidence to say yes or no from a place of love
and
I think the reason why that yes and no
That like confidence to say yes and no
Really arises is because you learn from a very subtle level what your body is a yes
(29:31):
And a no to so what I mentioned earlier about easing into the sacred sexuality practices where
I said you can listen to an audio without following along or you can stop mid practice
that is
A practice in honoring your no
And when you can honor what you are a no to
(29:54):
Then what you are a yes to
Has space to show up
And I think it's because at the very deep level
Your body is learning to trust
You your body is learning to trust your brain
and
Yeah, that that just like deeper knowledge of yourself comes up
(30:15):
And then another thing that is possible when you lean into sacred sexuality is probably one of my favorites
Is deeper relationships
and this is both in friendship and also in romance because
Your capacity for intimacy expands because in your personal relationship with yourself
(30:37):
There is more intimacy present. So that's like that thing where they say
Fill your cup and then the overflow is available for other people
When you have more intimacy for yourself
You have an abundance of intimacy and that's what you're going to see
You have an abundance of intimacy and you are able to have intimacy
(30:58):
with other people
and intimacy
Just in case there's some people listening who think that I like some people think that intimacy means sex and it does not mean sex
Intimacy means just being able to have really deep closeness with people. So with your friendships
when you notice
your capacity for intimacy growing you will notice that you are able to
(31:22):
Get more vulnerable and really have deeper conversations and stuff like that. You get to
Show up more fully you'll take up more space without being scared and you have more trust in the relationships that you have
it's kind of like
The complete opposite of codependency like as far away from codependency as you can get
(31:47):
Okay
Okay. Another thing that is possible when you embrace sacred sexuality. This is also one that we mentioned before is creative freedom
So your sexual energy is also your creative energy
with sexual energy
That's how we create humans
and um from an energetic level
(32:08):
um
Just bringing out my past yoga teacher here the second chakra the sacral chakra is the chakra that is
in charge of both sexuality and
Creativity so it's definitely very linked energetically
And when you tap into it
You might find yourself
(32:28):
writing like how I mentioned with
The practices that I would do I would have to have a journal and just write five pages all at once
You also might find yourself
painting or
What's also really fun is you can
realize new possibilities in your life, so
(32:49):
You can get creative about beliefs
And what I mean about that is um, you might go into a practice
with the intention of
digesting a limiting belief
or
Feeling into the emotions underneath the limiting belief and then after a practice
(33:10):
This new kind of truth intuitively comes in and it's like well actually
this
thing here is also possible is also true and um
Yeah, I think the mindset work can definitely be
a cre- it's definitely a creative thing and I don't really hear people talking about how that's a
(33:33):
Like tapping into creativity
So one more thing that I will mention about what's possible when you embrace sacred sexuality
Is just this deep sense of freedom because sacred sexuality practices
Really help you digest shame. It helps you release shame. It helps you
(33:55):
um
Reclaim your radiance. It helps you step into your magnetism
and step into your power
because in these practices you are
practicing showing up for yourself in a way that really honors all parts of you
And then that just really fills you with so much confidence to then
(34:16):
Show up in the world as your truest self and it really
releases so much societal expectation and conditioning and it's just
It's the absolute best so
The best so
This journey really is more than it's so much more than just sex. It's it's about
(34:40):
Reclaiming your innate worthiness that you were born with it's about reclaiming your wholeness
It's about stepping back into
How radiant and magnetic
You were always meant to be and you always were
there was just this
layer
(35:01):
Kind of like on top of you that made you forget it
I like to say that with this work that
my favorite thing is to
Help women step into
a new identity
That isn't actually new because it's who they were the entire time
(35:22):
And that really is the essence of what?
Sacred sexuality can do for you
I have goosebumps again. This is such powerful stuff
so
Let's dive into a little bit on how you can get started on your sacred sexuality journey
Um, I hope that so far you have felt inspiration to
(35:46):
Really get started and dive into these things. So
step one is to connect with your body and
Start small so this can be
If you're not someone that already does mindfulness practices, it can be leaning into mindfulness practices
Finally and doing them regularly doing them daily the the magic really is in the daily
(36:12):
so it's much better to
Do breath work for like two minutes every single day
Than it is to do breath work for 10 minutes once a week
It's the daily practice that is going to help you fill your cup and have spillover so that that spillover can then
Transform all of the other areas of your life so that you can have that
(36:34):
like off the mat experience of a mindfulness practice
And what I say what I mean off the mat that's like
I don't know if that's something that only yoga teachers say
But off the mat when a yoga teacher says off the mat
we really just mean how the
The mindfulness that we are purposely practicing on a yoga mat
(36:58):
Then starts to be something that we kind of uh habitually do
Without purposely doing it in our everyday life
and um
The off the mat moments are really moments that you
Where you really feel like oh wow like
my life is changing from this practice so
(37:21):
Yeah, I could go down a whole tangent there. So connecting with your body can also be
Doing uh some slow
Central movement so like putting on a song that helps you that makes you feel sexy and just like moving really slow to it
um
It can be something like
(37:42):
Um, it can be something like
Stretching it could be something like just
When you do the movement and then like to a song
Seeing if you can slow that movement down
And seeing how slow you can go and how much you can pay attention
(38:07):
To every movement
I'm like slowly swaying as I say that
Okay step two after connecting with your body
Is to explore self-touch
And self-touch does not have to be sexual it can be something as simple as massaging your hands
massaging your feet
(38:28):
Placing your hands over your heart as you take a deep breath
It can be one of my favorites is just taking your fingertips and very very lightly
Touching your arms or your legs or going through your entire body with a very light touch
And really breathing and being very present with it
(38:49):
And the goal of self-touch
Is to build that loving relationship with your body
So then when when you are ready to move into something more sexual if self-touch isn't something that is
Regular like a regular thing that you're doing
I would again recommend breast massage and I will put the link to heart magic in the caption
(39:16):
And I will also say
Even if self-touch or masturbation is something that you already regularly do
I think the magic with diving into sacred sexuality
Is that if we already have a self-touch practice
We learn how to make that practice
(39:38):
More mindful we learn how to slow down we learn how to not be
Super fast because I think in media
Sexuality is really based on male sexuality
And it's not based on female sexuality so you'll see like heterosexual couples in shows like bridgerton is coming to mind where
(40:03):
They're just like kissing and then like suddenly they're just like ready and like within five minutes. It's done
Like that's not really realistic for female sexuality
Yes, that can happen sometimes but
That's the only
Example given in media and that's just like
And so even if uh pleasure practices
(40:26):
Are something that is already uh regular for you. It's something that you already do
I would really recommend leaning into
slowing it down
With sacred sexuality practices, so that's how you can
Get started on this journey with this step two of self-touch
Even if self-touch is something that you already regularly do
(40:49):
You can still do that even if you're not doing it
You can still do that even if you're not doing it
You can still do that even if you're not doing it
And then the third step is to
Start with a self-touch
Even if self-touch is already something that you're doing
Okay, step three would be to journal about your desires
(41:14):
So really asking yourself what brings me pleasure?
So step four is to journal about things you want to celebrate
From your self-touch
Practices and even from your practices of connecting to your body
after each practice
Take a moment to go your to your journal and think of three things that you are celebrating for the practice today
(41:38):
I feel like that really adds
Motivation to go back in and do the practices again
Step four is to educate yourself
Our society is so uneducated about the female body and female sexuality and a very great book
I think the best book that I have read so far
(42:00):
To educate yourself on female sexuality
Is women's anatomy of arousal and it's by sherry winston
uh, there's there's a ton of stuff in there that
When I was in my sex love and relationships coaching certification
We had to read this book and then right after the live cohort ended
(42:20):
Me and like five other women
We read the book again together with an online book club
and all of us were
There was one girl that was younger than me, but only by like six months
So that means all of us were at least 34 years old all the way up to
like
40 early 40s and every single one of us learned something new about our bodies
(42:45):
We all were like, wow, I didn't know that that was a thing. And so I really really highly recommend
Picking up women's anatomy of arousal
And if you've already read it, I recommend if you have a partner that is not a woman if you have a partner that's a man
Make him read that book so that he knows how he knows more about your body
(43:07):
And he knows how to be the best lover to you
Okay
Step five is a little bit similar to the connecting with your body, but it's practicing mindfulness. So again leaning into
meditation leaning into yoga
Leaning into really paying attention to all five senses all five of your senses throughout your day
(43:30):
And um, this is going to be a very great tool to stay present in your body
and
Step six is
joining a community or finding some sort of support so working with a coach like me
working with a sex therapist
or getting together a group of girlfriends that have the same goal of wanting to
(43:56):
reconnect to their radiance and
Dismantle shame like the more women that you have to talk to about these things
It really amplifies your progress in this journey
Um, another good thing is you could do a book club. Like I said about women's anatomy of arousal
Doing a book club that is themed around books that will educate you about female sexuality is also a really
(44:23):
great way to go because it fosters
conversations and um
It really helps you like
Know that you're not alone in this journey. It's it's very helpful when you learn something new
Do you know that there are other women out there who also didn't know that thing?
Because sometimes it can feel a little bit like oh, how can I not know this?
(44:46):
so
Yeah, I hope that all of these tips can really help you get started on that female sexuality journey to
really dive into sacred sexuality
And to reclaim your radiance to release all of that shame
And if this episode resonated with you
(45:06):
I will pop in the caption or the show notes a free seven-day journal
That's designed to help you reconnect to your sensuality
And um, it's full of prompts and exercises in there and it's specifically designed for busy women
So if that calls to you, you can download that free the link is in the description
(45:27):
That is all I have for today. And if you love this episode, I'd be so grateful if you would share it with a friend
And leave a review. All right, we will see you next time. Bye
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