March 25, 2025 • 35 mins
In your journey of healing, self love, and ending the cycle of toxic relationships, you might eventually (or might have already) come across some spiritual practices that make you feel at home. I think these tools are beautiful and can help us know ourselves more deeply, AND I see a lot of women giving their power away to these tools by treating them as ultimate, literal Truth.
In this episode, I share my candid thoughts on this with the intention of helping you stand in your power and be grounded along your path of self discovery, self love, and relationships. I got tired of witnessing women give their power away to things like crystals, cards, astrology, etc and so this episode is me saying something about it.
Watch this episode on Youtube: https://youtu.be/Y2aHlE-i6JU
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
When you are on the path of self-love and on the path of healing, maybe you're healing
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from a breakup, maybe you're healing from your past, whatever it may be, chances are
that eventually you might come across certain spirituality and new age type of practices
and tools which are all great and wonderful and I love them.
However, in this episode, we are going to be talking about having discernment with what
(00:29):
tools you choose because I think what I see is pretty common and something that I've definitely
done myself is that when you start to identify yourself as someone who is witchy or someone
who is spiritual, it can come with this belief that, oh, because I'm witchy or spiritual,
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I have to like all of these things that fall under the umbrella of witchy and spiritual.
Like I have to get astrology readings now, I have to know what my human design is, I
have to know all these things and it's not only like I have to know all these things,
I have to listen to those things because those are absolute truths and I am tired of seeing
a lot of women give their power away to these external tools.
(01:17):
So that is basically what this episode is going to be about.
Welcome to Openly Spoken, the podcast to help you show up, speak out, and be seen in healthy
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relationships.
On this show, we talk about self-love, sexuality, relationship tips, including ending the cycle
of toxic relationships, and healing and thriving after heartbreak.
Hi, I'm your host Cilia and I'm a certified sex, love and relationship coach helping ambitious
women with a history of toxic relationships feel deeply connected in healthy love.
(02:05):
These are such important topics that every woman deserves.
So if you could leave this show a rating and a review on Apple podcasts or Spotify to help
more women find this, it would mean the absolute world to me.
Thank you so much for being here today.
Now let's dive into the show.
(02:36):
This is definitely very near and dear to my heart because I think, you know, being empowered
as women and as people is just the absolute best thing, not just for yourself, but for
everyone around you because of what you get to create, because of the types of relationships
you get to have.
And so I think it's very important to not just blindly subscribe to everything within
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the spirituality realm.
And for those of us who are on a healing journey, spirituality can feel like a big warm welcoming
hug.
I know that when I started going to yoga and yoga is still something I practice, like that's
part of my spirituality practice for sure.
When I first started going to yoga, it felt like I finally had a place where I belonged.
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You know, growing up, I didn't come from a family that went to church every Sunday or
went to some sort of temple or did anything ritualistic, which usually for a lot of us,
the rituals will come from religion.
My parents are not religious.
My grandparents are not religious.
And so finding yoga and belonging to this yoga studio that I went to, like the first
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studio that I really fit and clicked with, felt like, for lack of better words, it felt
like, oh, I found my church.
Like it felt like I found my community.
And that is great.
And we are also social creatures that when we find that community that we belong with
and we notice like everyone in that community is practicing numerology or they're interested
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in like what their astrological sign means about whatever, then it can be hard to not
also follow that thing because we are social creatures and we want to belong.
And so this episode is really to give you the permission slip that you are allowed to
have different opinions of people within your conscious community, which in your spiritual
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community, within your witchy community.
Like we can still get along if we're not using the same tools.
Like just because I don't follow my astrology to a T doesn't mean I can be friends with
someone who's into that.
We just have to have the agreement that's like, I don't want you projecting like, oh,
you're doing this because you're a Sagittarius and your moon sign is in Capricorn, which
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are both true.
Those are true signs of mine.
So I know my signs and I used to be more into astrology.
I used to read a little bit more into it.
And as I've gotten older, I've just been like, this just doesn't resonate with me and that's
okay.
And that's what I want to give you the permission to do.
What resonates with you and what doesn't.
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So I wrote a little bit of notes before because there are just a couple of things that I want
to make sure that I cover.
So firstly, it's been really nice to see that this like spirituality and witchiness has
been something that has gotten more popular.
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And what I also found very interesting is I looked up on Google the definition of witch.
And I think the definition of witch really shows why it is so powerful for women to really
claim like, yeah, I'm a witch.
Like to really take that back because the definition kind of has a negative connotation
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to it.
And so when we reclaim certain words that have a negative connotation to it, like we
take our power back in my opinion.
And so the definition from Google, it says it's from, does Google say like what dictionary
they use?
It says Oxford languages, definitions from Oxford languages.
So I guess that's what they use.
(06:28):
Okay, so there are a couple of definitions.
I will read all of them to you.
The first one, which is the one that I said has a negative connotation, witch, noun, a
person thought to have magical powers, especially evil ones, particularly, particularly depicted
as a woman wearing a black coat and her pointed hat and flying on a broomstick.
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So she has evil powers.
That's the negative connotation.
Find that very interesting.
Definition number two, there's like a warning on here.
This is a surrogatory and I have to click something to see.
An ugly or unpleasant woman.
Another negative definition.
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An ugly or unpleasant woman.
And then this one, definition three says a woman who is bewitchingly attractive.
So if she's ugly or unpleasant and has evil powers, what does bewitchingly attractive
mean?
Hold on.
Let's look this up.
(07:32):
Definition of bewitchingly powerfully or seductively attractive or charming.
Yeah, it doesn't make sense based on these previous definitions.
Like that doesn't make sense to me.
And then number four, the fourth definition of witch is an edible North Atlantic flatfish
that is of some commercial value.
(07:54):
Okay.
I was today years old.
I didn't see that definition before I started recording.
But interesting.
Anyways, I feel like there are, there's definitely a power towards like reclaiming a definition
or like a word or a description that has these negative qualities because when someone calls
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you that, you don't contract or you don't feel small.
So I thought it was very interesting to look up the definition and to see how like, in
my opinion, how wonderful that is that we're like embracing that more as a culture.
Yeah.
So for a lot of us, myself included, these like witchy tools are a really great way to
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discover who we are.
They are like the gatekeepers to deep self discovery.
And that's what I think is so beautiful about them.
However, I don't think that those, the tools you use are what has the answer.
I think that the tools help you find the answers that are already within you yourself.
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The tools are just tools and something I find particularly alarming about people who are
very into astrology.
And again, I'm not knocking astrology like what I practice as a witchy spiritual person
is not the right way or the wrong way.
Like I am, I just want to give that disclaimer that you don't have to agree with my opinion.
(09:27):
And if you are an astrologer person and you are listening to this, I would love to invite
you if you're watching on YouTube to come and respond to what I'm about to say.
Or if you're listening to app on Apple or Spotify, there's a link in the show notes
for the YouTube video version of this.
Go in and leave a comment about what I'm about to say.
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So what concerns me about astrologers is when they read a chart or like this is a reading
for today, when they read that and they take that literally word for word without stopping
and being like, okay, what do I feel?
Like what is my intuitive reaction to this message?
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Because I think the intuitive reaction is what is true.
And the thing that you have received as a reading is just a tool to get that response
out.
That's my opinion.
And another thing like related to that is if someone is reading your chart for you,
my red flags really go up when people are like, yeah, this is what your chart says.
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So this is who you are.
I think it would be way more helpful for women to be able to still stand in their power and
not give their powers away to these external tools.
If someone reading your chart was like, this is what I'm getting.
Like this is the message I'm getting based on your chart.
What resonates with you?
Like what do you think?
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What comes up in your heart and your soul and your intuition as a response?
I think that would be way more helpful.
Okay.
Something else I wrote in my notes that I think is very important is the whole, okay,
how do I want to say this?
The whole Mercury is in retrograde thing.
I think it is complete, I think it's a complete mind trick that if you believe Mercury is
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in retrograde is going to do something, then that's why it does something.
I myself have never believed that Mercury in retrograde means anything.
I don't even know when Mercury is ever in retrograde.
I don't pay attention to that.
If I ever learn about it, it's because my neighbor just drove by with a really weird
vehicle.
It looked like a homemade go-kart.
That was distracting.
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But the only time I've ever learned about Mercury being in retrograde is if it come
up a lot on social media feeds, which I haven't really been on social media much in the last
year.
Even then I'm like, whatever, it doesn't mean anything.
But I feel like when I notice it, the world around me, everyone else is like, the world
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is burning and it's chaos.
That just makes me think, why don't it be more helpful to believe that Mercury in retrograde
means nothing?
Don't we all say that mindset is very important and if you believe something, it will happen.
How is believing Mercury is in retrograde means that all these communication issues
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are going to happen?
How is that helping me?
I don't understand.
Or even another thing I saw in my notes is thinking that a relationship is incompatible
because of your astrology sign, come on.
The astrology sign, first of all, it's made up.
Second of all, your astrology sign is just like this.
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When we say astrology sign, the astrology sign we're talking about is only your sun
sign.
But there are all these other signs.
There's moon sign.
I mean, if that wall was real.
There are all these other signs.
So why are you lumping everyone who is a sun sign in Aries in one box when every single
person who is in Aries, according to astrology, has all these different other signs?
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And even not according to astrology, all humans are multifaceted and super different.
And so I think that is where the discernment really needs to happen is when you make these
big conclusions based on these external rules.
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And I really do think that that is the true definition of what a witch is, is she is someone
who will say fuck it to the rules.
She is someone who will be like, oh, okay, it's that way.
But I'm really not feeling that.
So I'm going to do this thing instead.
This is what my intuition is telling me to do.
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Like it's about really being in your own power and really being grounded in your own power
and really being grounded in truth, capital T truth, whatever that means to you.
So your power does not come from your birth chart, from your astrology chart, from your
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human design, from your crystals, from your tarot cards, from what else is there?
And just so you know, some of these things that I'm mentioning, like tarot cards, crystals,
those are some things that I do use.
However, I use them in a way where they are just tools to help me find what is already
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inside of me.
They are not the end all be all of huge decision making things for me.
I could use them for some inspiration if I'm having a hard time making a decision, but
I'm never going to be like, yeah, I sold my house because my tarot cards told me to like,
that's ridiculous.
Okay.
So I made a couple of notes about how we give our power away so that we can unpack this
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further because this is, this is the like overarching thing that I see is that we're
giving our power away to these external things.
The first is we don't trust ourselves and a lot of us grew up in environments where
our needs, our emotions and our voices weren't valued.
So we never learned to trust ourselves and we learned to rely on external validation.
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And so if that is you, I like, I think the best thing you can do to start to learn to
trust yourself is a honor your word, like whatever comes out of your mouth, whatever
you say you're going to do, do that thing.
Cause that will show you that you are someone to be trusted and you will trust yourself.
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So be very careful with what words you speak out loud, especially when you say to a friend
or to yourself that I'm going to do this thing.
Because when you say it, actually do those things.
That is something that will help you trust yourself.
Another thing that can help you trust yourself is to take a pause in the morning, first thing
in the morning before you're interacting with the external world.
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So before you open up the phone and scroll or before you even open up a book, before
you even open up a journal too, because journaling is going into that kind of like mental state
rather than being grounded and being like connected to your intuition.
I mean, writing can also be channeled and unintuitive, but I think there's a element
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of journaling that can put us into our heads.
So even before your journaling, like really take that time to just pause with your own
breath, with your own body and listen, listen to what is, what's happening within.
Is there a question that bubbles up when you take silence?
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Is there a reminder of like, oh, there was this idea I came up with.
Let me write that down.
And like, maybe, you know, if you are someone that journals, I myself love journaling.
Having that journal next to you while you meditate, so you can write a couple of things
out as they come up in the silence.
But then after you write that thing, stop and pause again and really make that space
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for that internal voice to feel safe to come out.
So those are just a couple of ways off the top of my head that you can learn to trust
yourself.
So back to how we give away our power.
Number one, we don't trust ourselves.
Number two, spirituality feels safer than self accountability.
And I'm thinking of like those funny memes where it's like, I'm not being a bitch.
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It's because the moon is full.
It's a lot easier to blame this like cosmic force for a bad day or for a breakup because
then we're not stopping and asking what is my role in this?
And you know, on the show, I talk a lot about breaking that cycle of toxic relationships.
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And in toxic relationships, it takes two to be toxic.
And so a very big pivotal point in you ending the cycle of toxic relationships is when you
get to the point where you have the capacity to not just focus on how your ex-partners
have toxic traits, but you have the capacity to pause and stop and say, how am I contributing
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to a toxic relationship or this toxic dynamic?
Like what are my own toxic habits?
Moving on, how do we give away our power?
Number one, we don't trust ourselves.
Number two, spirituality feels safer than self accountability.
And number three, these tools, these spiritual tools, the crystals, the tarot cards, the
astrology, the human design, the light language, all the things, they are usually marketed
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or shared as something that is an ultimate truth.
And when we think that something is an ultimate truth, I mean, it's pretty self-explanatory
that we're giving our power away because instead of us making the decision, we're allowing
this external thing to make a decision.
And it's really ironic when, you know, this is a very niche example, but maybe there's
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at least one person here that will resonate with it.
It's very ironic when someone who had a very religious upbringing, maybe even so religious
to the point where they came from a cult and then they, you know, they get out of it and
they got really into these spiritual practices.
And then it's that same thing of like this external thing, whatever the practices that
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they're doing is the ultimate truth.
So they're kind of like in a way creating that same culty thing that they escaped from.
And, you know, I get that.
Like I get why it is so comforting to have an external thing as something that's like,
this is the ultimate truth.
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Especially as I've gotten older, I really feel like I'm understanding more and more
the older I get of like, it's so much easier to have this external thing, I mean, easier
in quotes, as something that's the ultimate truth because existence is scary.
I mean, we live on a rock, on a little blue rock that's spinning around a ball of fire.
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Like that is, that is a reality that like we like to just ignore.
And it feels, I'm sure it feels terrifying for a lot of people that we like exist in
this vast universe.
And we're just like a speck of a speck.
And we really want to make meaning and we really like that's just how we are.
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That's just how our minds are making that meaning and having this like illusion of control
makes us feel grounded in a way it makes us feel safer.
And so I am not saying again, I am not saying that any of the tools that I mentioned astrology,
human design, whatever I've mentioned is wrong to do.
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This whole conversation is just to invite you to really have discernment, to really
question how it is you are using these tools.
Like are you using them to uncover a truth that is already within you or are you using
them as these things are the ultimate truth?
Because you are not a one size, like we're not one size fits all people.
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Just because human design really works for one person doesn't mean it'll work for you.
I personally like when I found human design originally, I was like, wow, I feel really
seen by you know, I'm a what am I in human design, something generator, it wasn't manifested.
I think it was pure generator, whatever that means.
I remember feeling very seen by it.
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And I like said to my sister and I was like, what time are you born?
Let me look yours up.
And like for a little bit, we were both kind of like, wow.
And it was just this like, huge rabbit hole that I got to a point where I was like, I'm
gonna let other people do this rabbit hole digging because like my time is precious to
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me and I would rather use it on other things like I don't want to go down that rabbit hole.
And I've had someone like a long time ago on this podcast to talk about human design.
And something that stood out to me in that conversation and in learning more about it
is that human design is like based on your DNA.
And I'm like, I don't remember ever giving a DNA sample to anyone to tell me what my
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human design is.
So that like basically shattered my own like belief and trust in the whole human design
process.
Because yeah, that's just those are just my like honest opinions.
Again, if you follow human design, and it resonates for you keep doing that.
This conversation again is just to invite you to have discernment.
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Okay, so these tools, we really want to use them as bridges, not bosses.
When you pull a tarot card, for example, instead of asking the tarot card like what should
I do or you know, even if you do ask the tarot card, what should I do and then you get this
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message of like this thing, I think you should always follow it up with a question of like,
what is this bringing up in me?
What is arising in me as a response?
Or like when you read about your astrology reading for the day, instead of thinking like
this is my fate and I can't do anything to change it.
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Maybe you can say, okay, how can I use this perspective to help me reflect on the week
I have and inspire me to take specific actions rather than, okay, like this thing is just
gonna happen.
Like, really, really have discernment like this bothers me so much to see like, okay,
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the idea of this episode really came up when I was in my coaching certification program
last year.
I am certified as a sex, love and relationship coach and I signed up for that certification
at the end of October of 2022.
And I was gonna say at the end of 2022.
So I signed up in October of 2022 and I officially finished in November of 2024.
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And in that process, before I could practice on external clients and work with external
clients, I had to practice with peers.
And because this group was a very witchy group, a very spiritual group, I got exposed to a
lot of different women.
And I remember having this practice session with someone who was in the program with me.
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And it was just a session about, it was a goal setting session and a session like session
number one to get all your goals out, get all of your desires out and I found it so
frustrating that every time I would ask this person, okay, I'm hearing that you have this
desire and I would repeat the desire back to her.
Why do you want that?
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What would you receive from that?
What would shift in your life?
And I kid you not, every single time I would ask her questions to try and dig deeper.
My response was always something like, well, my human design and my Venus in this moon
or whatever it was that she was saying, it made me so sad because I just felt like she
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was giving all of her power away and allowing all these external things to control her life.
And what I find so ironic about that is to me, that is the complete opposite of what
a witch really is.
Like the modern day witch is a woman who does not allow the external world to dictate how
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she lives her life.
The modern day witch is a woman who gets inspiration from the external world and that inspiration
can come from getting inspired by the flowers that she smelled or the nature she walked
in or the astrology, whatever the astrology sign that the moon is today.
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She will get inspiration from those things, but then those things will help her connect
with her own intuition and help her find the answer that was already within her.
The answer was already within her.
The answer was not in the tarot card, not in the moon.
It was not in the trees.
It was within her the entire time.
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I hope that makes sense.
So your takeaways for this episode is number one, pause and check in with any tool that
you are using.
Pause and check in.
Ask yourself, what does this arise within me?
What of this resonates with me and what does not resonate with me?
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It's okay to be into, I'll use the example of tarot cards because I've been recently
getting into tarot cards.
I really like oracle cards as well.
And with tarot cards or oracle cards or honestly any tool, it's okay to like that tool and
to have certain things within that tool that doesn't resonate with you.
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Like even within the tools that you enjoy, have discernment.
You don't have to take the entire thing as ultimate truth.
Number two, stay grounded in your body.
Stay grounded in your body.
Something that I perceive a lot.
I don't know if this is my own perception, but I perceive that a lot of witchy people
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who take all of these external things as ultimate truth are not very grounded.
And this is coming from like, hold on, I need some water.
This is coming from my perspective as someone who believes energy is real and believes that
the chakras are real.
Like the chakras are just energy in our body.
I don't necessarily believe like the throat chakra has to be blue.
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Like I feel like the energy systems are real.
Like we do have a collection of energy and of nerves within, you know, our throat center,
our stomach center, our sacral center.
I believe all of those are real.
And I do subscribe to the, you know, the root chakra being what grounds us.
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That is something that I've really studied extensively as a yogi.
And what I perceive is that when we are not grounded and when we are taking all of these
external things as ultimate truth, we are very much up in our heads because we're using
all this external information.
And when we are using all this external information, there is no grounding.
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There is no pause because every pause and every moment of silence, there's like this
need to fill that pause with the external information.
I hope that that makes sense.
So stay grounded in your body and really like not allowing yourself to get lost in the head.
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Which I know is very hard as an ambitious woman.
It's very fun to learn about new tools and new practices and what all these tools think
about, you know, love and relationships.
And these tools will help you the most if you can remind yourself to be grounded and
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to pause and to ask yourself what resonates with me, what doesn't.
Okay.
The last one that I want to say of like how you can cultivate like your takeaways is to
question everything.
Question like if a belief or tool or practice is not feeling empowering for you, let it
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go.
You are allowed to evolve.
You are allowed to like if you have a certain tool in your spiritual practice that you've
been using for years and it seems to not resonate with you anymore, that's fine.
You're allowed to let it go.
You are allowed to let it go.
So I hope that this episode really helps you define witchiness for yourself.
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And maybe it will be helpful if I share what witchiness is to me.
And again, I'm sharing this with like just because this is what witchiness is for me
doesn't mean I think you are wrong if witchiness is different for you.
I'm just sharing this again to really drive that point home so that you can have discernment
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and not give your power away to external tools.
So for me, witchiness really comes through in honoring nature and being connected with
nature.
And to me that means I know when the moon is full, when the moon is new, when the moon
is in half moon and I am aware of that and I'm honoring that.
And at the same time, I know when my inner moon cycles are happening.
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I know when I'm in my alludial phase.
I know when I'm in my follicular phase, ovulating, menstruation and I'm changing my schedule
and not changing, I'm creating my schedule to really honor these cycles.
And another way that I use nature is really taking the time to make meals from scratch
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and have it be a meditative experience.
And like there's really a lot of love put into the food I make.
I eat like 99% of my meals are meals that I cook at home because that is a part of my
spiritual practice is cooking at home.
How else do I honor nature and my witchy practices?
I love to have rich make rituals on my own when it is the fall equinox, the summer solstice,
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spring equinox.
I like to honor all of those like different transition points in the seasons.
And I like to also again, create my schedule based on those seasons.
So in the winter, there's a lot more reflection, there's a lot more spaciousness in my schedule.
I'm taking a lot less clients in the winter.
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It's way more like about that slowness, having slow mornings, sleeping a little bit in more
in the mornings.
And yeah, those are just some ideas.
And for me, this type of witchiness like really resonates for me because it's, I'm getting
goosebumps.
Oh, I have goosebumps.
It's who I have always remembered myself to be.
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Like as a kid, I spent a lot of time outside in nature, like picking flowers and like getting
a big leaf and poking holes in that leaf and like putting the flowers through and just
like making art with nature and really just being connected with nature.
And I am very, very connected with nature.
When I go for a walk, I'm saying hi to the bushes, I'm saying hi to the trees.
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I'm very connected with animals like that.
That is me.
And that is what I want to encourage you.
That's what I want to encourage you to find is like what type of spiritual practice really
connects you to who you know yourself to be and who you've known yourself to always be.
And I think connecting with your inner child is going to help you remember who that is
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because the person that you have always been, you were already that person when you were
a child.
You already, we are so grounded and intuitively connected and creative and imaginative when
we are children.
I think we are, we're very witchy when we're children technically.
Like we're very spiritual.
(34:13):
We just came from wherever it is that we all come from, we're still fresh and that like
external conditioning hasn't really set in yet.
And so the truth of who we are is what's really present before our environment around us has
had the chance to really change that.
And yeah, the most powerful witches don't follow trends.
(34:36):
They don't follow a practice because other people told them to practice it.
They marched to the beat of their own drum.
And I hope that this was helpful for you.
And that is all I have to say.
If you enjoyed this episode, please share this with a friend, please subscribe to the
show and I thank you so much for being here.
All right.
Thanks very much.
When you are on the path of self-love and on the path of healing, maybe you're healing
(00:06):
from a breakup, maybe you're healing from your past, whatever it may be, chances are
that eventually you might come across certain spirituality and new age type of practices
and tools which are all great and wonderful and I love them.
However, in this episode, we are going to be talking about having discernment with what
(00:29):
tools you choose because I think what I see is pretty common and something that I've definitely
done myself is that when you start to identify yourself as someone who is witchy or someone
who is spiritual, it can come with this belief that, oh, because I'm witchy or spiritual,
(00:52):
I have to like all of these things that fall under the umbrella of witchy and spiritual.
Like I have to get astrology readings now, I have to know what my human design is, I
have to know all these things and it's not only like I have to know all these things,
I have to listen to those things because those are absolute truths and I am tired of seeing
a lot of women give their power away to these external tools.
(01:17):
So that is basically what this episode is going to be about.
Welcome to Openly Spoken, the podcast to help you show up, speak out, and be seen in healthy
(01:40):
relationships.
On this show, we talk about self-love, sexuality, relationship tips, including ending the cycle
of toxic relationships, and healing and thriving after heartbreak.
Hi, I'm your host Cilia and I'm a certified sex, love and relationship coach helping ambitious
women with a history of toxic relationships feel deeply connected in healthy love.
(02:05):
These are such important topics that every woman deserves.
So if you could leave this show a rating and a review on Apple podcasts or Spotify to help
more women find this, it would mean the absolute world to me.
Thank you so much for being here today.
Now let's dive into the show.
(02:36):
This is definitely very near and dear to my heart because I think, you know, being empowered
as women and as people is just the absolute best thing, not just for yourself, but for
everyone around you because of what you get to create, because of the types of relationships
you get to have.
And so I think it's very important to not just blindly subscribe to everything within
(03:03):
the spirituality realm.
And for those of us who are on a healing journey, spirituality can feel like a big warm welcoming
hug.
I know that when I started going to yoga and yoga is still something I practice, like that's
part of my spirituality practice for sure.
When I first started going to yoga, it felt like I finally had a place where I belonged.
(03:26):
You know, growing up, I didn't come from a family that went to church every Sunday or
went to some sort of temple or did anything ritualistic, which usually for a lot of us,
the rituals will come from religion.
My parents are not religious.
My grandparents are not religious.
And so finding yoga and belonging to this yoga studio that I went to, like the first
(03:49):
studio that I really fit and clicked with, felt like, for lack of better words, it felt
like, oh, I found my church.
Like it felt like I found my community.
And that is great.
And we are also social creatures that when we find that community that we belong with
and we notice like everyone in that community is practicing numerology or they're interested
(04:16):
in like what their astrological sign means about whatever, then it can be hard to not
also follow that thing because we are social creatures and we want to belong.
And so this episode is really to give you the permission slip that you are allowed to
have different opinions of people within your conscious community, which in your spiritual
(04:40):
community, within your witchy community.
Like we can still get along if we're not using the same tools.
Like just because I don't follow my astrology to a T doesn't mean I can be friends with
someone who's into that.
We just have to have the agreement that's like, I don't want you projecting like, oh,
you're doing this because you're a Sagittarius and your moon sign is in Capricorn, which
(05:04):
are both true.
Those are true signs of mine.
So I know my signs and I used to be more into astrology.
I used to read a little bit more into it.
And as I've gotten older, I've just been like, this just doesn't resonate with me and that's
okay.
And that's what I want to give you the permission to do.
What resonates with you and what doesn't.
(05:25):
So I wrote a little bit of notes before because there are just a couple of things that I want
to make sure that I cover.
So firstly, it's been really nice to see that this like spirituality and witchiness has
been something that has gotten more popular.
(05:46):
And what I also found very interesting is I looked up on Google the definition of witch.
And I think the definition of witch really shows why it is so powerful for women to really
claim like, yeah, I'm a witch.
Like to really take that back because the definition kind of has a negative connotation
(06:07):
to it.
And so when we reclaim certain words that have a negative connotation to it, like we
take our power back in my opinion.
And so the definition from Google, it says it's from, does Google say like what dictionary
they use?
It says Oxford languages, definitions from Oxford languages.
So I guess that's what they use.
(06:28):
Okay, so there are a couple of definitions.
I will read all of them to you.
The first one, which is the one that I said has a negative connotation, witch, noun, a
person thought to have magical powers, especially evil ones, particularly, particularly depicted
as a woman wearing a black coat and her pointed hat and flying on a broomstick.
(06:52):
So she has evil powers.
That's the negative connotation.
Find that very interesting.
Definition number two, there's like a warning on here.
This is a surrogatory and I have to click something to see.
An ugly or unpleasant woman.
Another negative definition.
(07:12):
An ugly or unpleasant woman.
And then this one, definition three says a woman who is bewitchingly attractive.
So if she's ugly or unpleasant and has evil powers, what does bewitchingly attractive
mean?
Hold on.
Let's look this up.
(07:32):
Definition of bewitchingly powerfully or seductively attractive or charming.
Yeah, it doesn't make sense based on these previous definitions.
Like that doesn't make sense to me.
And then number four, the fourth definition of witch is an edible North Atlantic flatfish
that is of some commercial value.
(07:54):
Okay.
I was today years old.
I didn't see that definition before I started recording.
But interesting.
Anyways, I feel like there are, there's definitely a power towards like reclaiming a definition
or like a word or a description that has these negative qualities because when someone calls
(08:17):
you that, you don't contract or you don't feel small.
So I thought it was very interesting to look up the definition and to see how like, in
my opinion, how wonderful that is that we're like embracing that more as a culture.
Yeah.
So for a lot of us, myself included, these like witchy tools are a really great way to
(08:43):
discover who we are.
They are like the gatekeepers to deep self discovery.
And that's what I think is so beautiful about them.
However, I don't think that those, the tools you use are what has the answer.
I think that the tools help you find the answers that are already within you yourself.
(09:05):
The tools are just tools and something I find particularly alarming about people who are
very into astrology.
And again, I'm not knocking astrology like what I practice as a witchy spiritual person
is not the right way or the wrong way.
Like I am, I just want to give that disclaimer that you don't have to agree with my opinion.
(09:27):
And if you are an astrologer person and you are listening to this, I would love to invite
you if you're watching on YouTube to come and respond to what I'm about to say.
Or if you're listening to app on Apple or Spotify, there's a link in the show notes
for the YouTube video version of this.
Go in and leave a comment about what I'm about to say.
(09:49):
So what concerns me about astrologers is when they read a chart or like this is a reading
for today, when they read that and they take that literally word for word without stopping
and being like, okay, what do I feel?
Like what is my intuitive reaction to this message?
(10:13):
Because I think the intuitive reaction is what is true.
And the thing that you have received as a reading is just a tool to get that response
out.
That's my opinion.
And another thing like related to that is if someone is reading your chart for you,
my red flags really go up when people are like, yeah, this is what your chart says.
(10:36):
So this is who you are.
I think it would be way more helpful for women to be able to still stand in their power and
not give their powers away to these external tools.
If someone reading your chart was like, this is what I'm getting.
Like this is the message I'm getting based on your chart.
What resonates with you?
Like what do you think?
(10:57):
What comes up in your heart and your soul and your intuition as a response?
I think that would be way more helpful.
Okay.
Something else I wrote in my notes that I think is very important is the whole, okay,
how do I want to say this?
The whole Mercury is in retrograde thing.
I think it is complete, I think it's a complete mind trick that if you believe Mercury is
(11:23):
in retrograde is going to do something, then that's why it does something.
I myself have never believed that Mercury in retrograde means anything.
I don't even know when Mercury is ever in retrograde.
I don't pay attention to that.
If I ever learn about it, it's because my neighbor just drove by with a really weird
vehicle.
It looked like a homemade go-kart.
That was distracting.
(11:44):
But the only time I've ever learned about Mercury being in retrograde is if it come
up a lot on social media feeds, which I haven't really been on social media much in the last
year.
Even then I'm like, whatever, it doesn't mean anything.
But I feel like when I notice it, the world around me, everyone else is like, the world
(12:07):
is burning and it's chaos.
That just makes me think, why don't it be more helpful to believe that Mercury in retrograde
means nothing?
Don't we all say that mindset is very important and if you believe something, it will happen.
How is believing Mercury is in retrograde means that all these communication issues
(12:31):
are going to happen?
How is that helping me?
I don't understand.
Or even another thing I saw in my notes is thinking that a relationship is incompatible
because of your astrology sign, come on.
The astrology sign, first of all, it's made up.
Second of all, your astrology sign is just like this.
(12:52):
When we say astrology sign, the astrology sign we're talking about is only your sun
sign.
But there are all these other signs.
There's moon sign.
I mean, if that wall was real.
There are all these other signs.
So why are you lumping everyone who is a sun sign in Aries in one box when every single
person who is in Aries, according to astrology, has all these different other signs?
(13:20):
And even not according to astrology, all humans are multifaceted and super different.
And so I think that is where the discernment really needs to happen is when you make these
big conclusions based on these external rules.
(13:42):
And I really do think that that is the true definition of what a witch is, is she is someone
who will say fuck it to the rules.
She is someone who will be like, oh, okay, it's that way.
But I'm really not feeling that.
So I'm going to do this thing instead.
This is what my intuition is telling me to do.
(14:03):
Like it's about really being in your own power and really being grounded in your own power
and really being grounded in truth, capital T truth, whatever that means to you.
So your power does not come from your birth chart, from your astrology chart, from your
(14:23):
human design, from your crystals, from your tarot cards, from what else is there?
And just so you know, some of these things that I'm mentioning, like tarot cards, crystals,
those are some things that I do use.
However, I use them in a way where they are just tools to help me find what is already
(14:45):
inside of me.
They are not the end all be all of huge decision making things for me.
I could use them for some inspiration if I'm having a hard time making a decision, but
I'm never going to be like, yeah, I sold my house because my tarot cards told me to like,
that's ridiculous.
Okay.
So I made a couple of notes about how we give our power away so that we can unpack this
(15:09):
further because this is, this is the like overarching thing that I see is that we're
giving our power away to these external things.
The first is we don't trust ourselves and a lot of us grew up in environments where
our needs, our emotions and our voices weren't valued.
So we never learned to trust ourselves and we learned to rely on external validation.
(15:34):
And so if that is you, I like, I think the best thing you can do to start to learn to
trust yourself is a honor your word, like whatever comes out of your mouth, whatever
you say you're going to do, do that thing.
Cause that will show you that you are someone to be trusted and you will trust yourself.
(15:56):
So be very careful with what words you speak out loud, especially when you say to a friend
or to yourself that I'm going to do this thing.
Because when you say it, actually do those things.
That is something that will help you trust yourself.
Another thing that can help you trust yourself is to take a pause in the morning, first thing
in the morning before you're interacting with the external world.
(16:20):
So before you open up the phone and scroll or before you even open up a book, before
you even open up a journal too, because journaling is going into that kind of like mental state
rather than being grounded and being like connected to your intuition.
I mean, writing can also be channeled and unintuitive, but I think there's a element
(16:41):
of journaling that can put us into our heads.
So even before your journaling, like really take that time to just pause with your own
breath, with your own body and listen, listen to what is, what's happening within.
Is there a question that bubbles up when you take silence?
(17:05):
Is there a reminder of like, oh, there was this idea I came up with.
Let me write that down.
And like, maybe, you know, if you are someone that journals, I myself love journaling.
Having that journal next to you while you meditate, so you can write a couple of things
out as they come up in the silence.
But then after you write that thing, stop and pause again and really make that space
(17:29):
for that internal voice to feel safe to come out.
So those are just a couple of ways off the top of my head that you can learn to trust
yourself.
So back to how we give away our power.
Number one, we don't trust ourselves.
Number two, spirituality feels safer than self accountability.
And I'm thinking of like those funny memes where it's like, I'm not being a bitch.
(17:52):
It's because the moon is full.
It's a lot easier to blame this like cosmic force for a bad day or for a breakup because
then we're not stopping and asking what is my role in this?
And you know, on the show, I talk a lot about breaking that cycle of toxic relationships.
(18:13):
And in toxic relationships, it takes two to be toxic.
And so a very big pivotal point in you ending the cycle of toxic relationships is when you
get to the point where you have the capacity to not just focus on how your ex-partners
have toxic traits, but you have the capacity to pause and stop and say, how am I contributing
(18:34):
to a toxic relationship or this toxic dynamic?
Like what are my own toxic habits?
Moving on, how do we give away our power?
Number one, we don't trust ourselves.
Number two, spirituality feels safer than self accountability.
And number three, these tools, these spiritual tools, the crystals, the tarot cards, the
astrology, the human design, the light language, all the things, they are usually marketed
(19:01):
or shared as something that is an ultimate truth.
And when we think that something is an ultimate truth, I mean, it's pretty self-explanatory
that we're giving our power away because instead of us making the decision, we're allowing
this external thing to make a decision.
And it's really ironic when, you know, this is a very niche example, but maybe there's
(19:25):
at least one person here that will resonate with it.
It's very ironic when someone who had a very religious upbringing, maybe even so religious
to the point where they came from a cult and then they, you know, they get out of it and
they got really into these spiritual practices.
And then it's that same thing of like this external thing, whatever the practices that
(19:48):
they're doing is the ultimate truth.
So they're kind of like in a way creating that same culty thing that they escaped from.
And, you know, I get that.
Like I get why it is so comforting to have an external thing as something that's like,
this is the ultimate truth.
(20:09):
Especially as I've gotten older, I really feel like I'm understanding more and more
the older I get of like, it's so much easier to have this external thing, I mean, easier
in quotes, as something that's the ultimate truth because existence is scary.
I mean, we live on a rock, on a little blue rock that's spinning around a ball of fire.
(20:33):
Like that is, that is a reality that like we like to just ignore.
And it feels, I'm sure it feels terrifying for a lot of people that we like exist in
this vast universe.
And we're just like a speck of a speck.
And we really want to make meaning and we really like that's just how we are.
(20:56):
That's just how our minds are making that meaning and having this like illusion of control
makes us feel grounded in a way it makes us feel safer.
And so I am not saying again, I am not saying that any of the tools that I mentioned astrology,
human design, whatever I've mentioned is wrong to do.
(21:18):
This whole conversation is just to invite you to really have discernment, to really
question how it is you are using these tools.
Like are you using them to uncover a truth that is already within you or are you using
them as these things are the ultimate truth?
Because you are not a one size, like we're not one size fits all people.
(21:42):
Just because human design really works for one person doesn't mean it'll work for you.
I personally like when I found human design originally, I was like, wow, I feel really
seen by you know, I'm a what am I in human design, something generator, it wasn't manifested.
I think it was pure generator, whatever that means.
I remember feeling very seen by it.
(22:04):
And I like said to my sister and I was like, what time are you born?
Let me look yours up.
And like for a little bit, we were both kind of like, wow.
And it was just this like, huge rabbit hole that I got to a point where I was like, I'm
gonna let other people do this rabbit hole digging because like my time is precious to
(22:24):
me and I would rather use it on other things like I don't want to go down that rabbit hole.
And I've had someone like a long time ago on this podcast to talk about human design.
And something that stood out to me in that conversation and in learning more about it
is that human design is like based on your DNA.
And I'm like, I don't remember ever giving a DNA sample to anyone to tell me what my
(22:48):
human design is.
So that like basically shattered my own like belief and trust in the whole human design
process.
Because yeah, that's just those are just my like honest opinions.
Again, if you follow human design, and it resonates for you keep doing that.
This conversation again is just to invite you to have discernment.
(23:11):
Okay, so these tools, we really want to use them as bridges, not bosses.
When you pull a tarot card, for example, instead of asking the tarot card like what should
I do or you know, even if you do ask the tarot card, what should I do and then you get this
(23:31):
message of like this thing, I think you should always follow it up with a question of like,
what is this bringing up in me?
What is arising in me as a response?
Or like when you read about your astrology reading for the day, instead of thinking like
this is my fate and I can't do anything to change it.
(23:54):
Maybe you can say, okay, how can I use this perspective to help me reflect on the week
I have and inspire me to take specific actions rather than, okay, like this thing is just
gonna happen.
Like, really, really have discernment like this bothers me so much to see like, okay,
(24:20):
the idea of this episode really came up when I was in my coaching certification program
last year.
I am certified as a sex, love and relationship coach and I signed up for that certification
at the end of October of 2022.
And I was gonna say at the end of 2022.
So I signed up in October of 2022 and I officially finished in November of 2024.
(24:46):
And in that process, before I could practice on external clients and work with external
clients, I had to practice with peers.
And because this group was a very witchy group, a very spiritual group, I got exposed to a
lot of different women.
And I remember having this practice session with someone who was in the program with me.
(25:07):
And it was just a session about, it was a goal setting session and a session like session
number one to get all your goals out, get all of your desires out and I found it so
frustrating that every time I would ask this person, okay, I'm hearing that you have this
desire and I would repeat the desire back to her.
Why do you want that?
(25:29):
What would you receive from that?
What would shift in your life?
And I kid you not, every single time I would ask her questions to try and dig deeper.
My response was always something like, well, my human design and my Venus in this moon
or whatever it was that she was saying, it made me so sad because I just felt like she
(25:51):
was giving all of her power away and allowing all these external things to control her life.
And what I find so ironic about that is to me, that is the complete opposite of what
a witch really is.
Like the modern day witch is a woman who does not allow the external world to dictate how
(26:17):
she lives her life.
The modern day witch is a woman who gets inspiration from the external world and that inspiration
can come from getting inspired by the flowers that she smelled or the nature she walked
in or the astrology, whatever the astrology sign that the moon is today.
(26:38):
She will get inspiration from those things, but then those things will help her connect
with her own intuition and help her find the answer that was already within her.
The answer was already within her.
The answer was not in the tarot card, not in the moon.
It was not in the trees.
It was within her the entire time.
(27:00):
I hope that makes sense.
So your takeaways for this episode is number one, pause and check in with any tool that
you are using.
Pause and check in.
Ask yourself, what does this arise within me?
What of this resonates with me and what does not resonate with me?
(27:23):
It's okay to be into, I'll use the example of tarot cards because I've been recently
getting into tarot cards.
I really like oracle cards as well.
And with tarot cards or oracle cards or honestly any tool, it's okay to like that tool and
to have certain things within that tool that doesn't resonate with you.
(27:43):
Like even within the tools that you enjoy, have discernment.
You don't have to take the entire thing as ultimate truth.
Number two, stay grounded in your body.
Stay grounded in your body.
Something that I perceive a lot.
I don't know if this is my own perception, but I perceive that a lot of witchy people
(28:10):
who take all of these external things as ultimate truth are not very grounded.
And this is coming from like, hold on, I need some water.
This is coming from my perspective as someone who believes energy is real and believes that
the chakras are real.
Like the chakras are just energy in our body.
I don't necessarily believe like the throat chakra has to be blue.
(28:34):
Like I feel like the energy systems are real.
Like we do have a collection of energy and of nerves within, you know, our throat center,
our stomach center, our sacral center.
I believe all of those are real.
And I do subscribe to the, you know, the root chakra being what grounds us.
(28:55):
That is something that I've really studied extensively as a yogi.
And what I perceive is that when we are not grounded and when we are taking all of these
external things as ultimate truth, we are very much up in our heads because we're using
all this external information.
And when we are using all this external information, there is no grounding.
(29:18):
There is no pause because every pause and every moment of silence, there's like this
need to fill that pause with the external information.
I hope that that makes sense.
So stay grounded in your body and really like not allowing yourself to get lost in the head.
(29:39):
Which I know is very hard as an ambitious woman.
It's very fun to learn about new tools and new practices and what all these tools think
about, you know, love and relationships.
And these tools will help you the most if you can remind yourself to be grounded and
(30:00):
to pause and to ask yourself what resonates with me, what doesn't.
Okay.
The last one that I want to say of like how you can cultivate like your takeaways is to
question everything.
Question like if a belief or tool or practice is not feeling empowering for you, let it
(30:22):
go.
You are allowed to evolve.
You are allowed to like if you have a certain tool in your spiritual practice that you've
been using for years and it seems to not resonate with you anymore, that's fine.
You're allowed to let it go.
You are allowed to let it go.
So I hope that this episode really helps you define witchiness for yourself.
(30:45):
And maybe it will be helpful if I share what witchiness is to me.
And again, I'm sharing this with like just because this is what witchiness is for me
doesn't mean I think you are wrong if witchiness is different for you.
I'm just sharing this again to really drive that point home so that you can have discernment
(31:08):
and not give your power away to external tools.
So for me, witchiness really comes through in honoring nature and being connected with
nature.
And to me that means I know when the moon is full, when the moon is new, when the moon
is in half moon and I am aware of that and I'm honoring that.
And at the same time, I know when my inner moon cycles are happening.
(31:32):
I know when I'm in my alludial phase.
I know when I'm in my follicular phase, ovulating, menstruation and I'm changing my schedule
and not changing, I'm creating my schedule to really honor these cycles.
And another way that I use nature is really taking the time to make meals from scratch
(31:53):
and have it be a meditative experience.
And like there's really a lot of love put into the food I make.
I eat like 99% of my meals are meals that I cook at home because that is a part of my
spiritual practice is cooking at home.
How else do I honor nature and my witchy practices?
I love to have rich make rituals on my own when it is the fall equinox, the summer solstice,
(32:19):
spring equinox.
I like to honor all of those like different transition points in the seasons.
And I like to also again, create my schedule based on those seasons.
So in the winter, there's a lot more reflection, there's a lot more spaciousness in my schedule.
I'm taking a lot less clients in the winter.
(32:40):
It's way more like about that slowness, having slow mornings, sleeping a little bit in more
in the mornings.
And yeah, those are just some ideas.
And for me, this type of witchiness like really resonates for me because it's, I'm getting
goosebumps.
Oh, I have goosebumps.
It's who I have always remembered myself to be.
(33:01):
Like as a kid, I spent a lot of time outside in nature, like picking flowers and like getting
a big leaf and poking holes in that leaf and like putting the flowers through and just
like making art with nature and really just being connected with nature.
And I am very, very connected with nature.
When I go for a walk, I'm saying hi to the bushes, I'm saying hi to the trees.
(33:26):
I'm very connected with animals like that.
That is me.
And that is what I want to encourage you.
That's what I want to encourage you to find is like what type of spiritual practice really
connects you to who you know yourself to be and who you've known yourself to always be.
And I think connecting with your inner child is going to help you remember who that is
(33:52):
because the person that you have always been, you were already that person when you were
a child.
You already, we are so grounded and intuitively connected and creative and imaginative when
we are children.
I think we are, we're very witchy when we're children technically.
Like we're very spiritual.
(34:13):
We just came from wherever it is that we all come from, we're still fresh and that like
external conditioning hasn't really set in yet.
And so the truth of who we are is what's really present before our environment around us has
had the chance to really change that.
And yeah, the most powerful witches don't follow trends.
(34:36):
They don't follow a practice because other people told them to practice it.
They marched to the beat of their own drum.
And I hope that this was helpful for you.
And that is all I have to say.
If you enjoyed this episode, please share this with a friend, please subscribe to the
show and I thank you so much for being here.
All right.
Thanks very much.
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