June 14, 2025 • 50 mins
Artie Lange, Gilbert Gottfried and Robert Kelly 3/8
The final year of my radio journey holds a special place in my heart, made even more poignant by the loss of my cherished friends, Carl Ruiz and Vic Henley. Reflecting on that time, I rediscovered the pure passion and exhilaration that drew me to radio in the first place. Amidst the chaos and challenges, we found endless moments of hilarity and camaraderie. Alongside Carl, Vic, and Sherrod Small, we shared unforgettable experiences both on and off the airwaves, our tight-knit bond shining through every episode. That year also marked Carl Ruiz's meteoric rise to stardom, inspiring me to launch the Opie Radio podcast with him. I'm immensely grateful to Erock, Clubsoda Kenny, Paul, and Louis for joining us on this wild ride. Get ready to dive into the rollercoaster of emotions—the highs, the lows, and the laugh-out-loud moments—that defined my last year in radio.
The final year of my radio journey holds a special place in my heart, made even more poignant by the loss of my cherished friends, Carl Ruiz and Vic Henley. Reflecting on that time, I rediscovered the pure passion and exhilaration that drew me to radio in the first place. Amidst the chaos and challenges, we found endless moments of hilarity and camaraderie. Alongside Carl, Vic, and Sherrod Small, we shared unforgettable experiences both on and off the airwaves, our tight-knit bond shining through every episode. That year also marked Carl Ruiz's meteoric rise to stardom, inspiring me to launch the Opie Radio podcast with him. I'm immensely grateful to Erock, Clubsoda Kenny, Paul, and Louis for joining us on this wild ride. Get ready to dive into the rollercoaster of emotions—the highs, the lows, and the laugh-out-loud moments—that defined my last year in radio.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hopie is here and his show starts.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
You like that one, Bob Kelly, International Woman's Day, Little
John Lennon Action.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
I'm not going to say the title of the song.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
My god one member said the world International Woman's Day.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
That's my favorite Beatles song. You have you have Beetles? Yeah,
he jo.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
International Woman's Day, Like I Like's Day, I.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
Like Sergeant let A bet No, I like the Lone
(00:58):
and Windy Hey.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
Hopefully he'll drive to the Black Guy hoping. Are you
quitting today? Are you dumb? This is it? You know,
I can't wait. What's your name? Buddy? That's what I
can't luish me and Gilbert and the human resources together.
It's a comedy bits a pie or second album.
Speaker 4 (01:21):
It's a comedy bit from the twenty Yeah, you're missing
your black bags.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
This is working out perfectly, Bobby. That's exactly what I
was hoping. The Boston rode we got Bob Kelly a
beetle so she loves Yeah, that would be she sad love. Yeah,
(01:53):
that was not a good shot to kick off with.
I don't think it's ever been playing on the radio,
Like I wond know. Gilbert goes on like corporate like
politicians were a FedEx commercial. Ye, you can start vacuum
in the bathroom. Man, do you want some more?
Speaker 2 (02:11):
You know? Hey, Jude, I don't want to be down, alight,
don't let me down.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
Here comes the I'm glad it's march. It's a pipe.
He wading. Hope he's in. How they went on, Kelly's
bringing back to the next show. You got a kid,
(02:41):
Kelly should do anything. I'm going to die alone. Got
a Sheridan in Awaukee and we leve that linger bit
a well, let the rush you up some penophillins. I
love that it's in the Sheridan. What are the chances
I'm not going to die of Sheridan? Thank God? In
the same room. John Pannette, John Pett John Pannette died
(03:05):
at the Sheridan in Pittsburgh. Could you imagine a more
depressing change? God Like, he's sure he's reaching for the
maneole they kept, but they kept the table roone just
out of his reach. Ship. Yeah, we can go home already.
(03:30):
He threw up. He threw up pancakes and coast which
I had, which I kept telling that you lose weight
if you got out the pancake, you're doing cocaine wrong.
I like cocaine toasting wick things. I liked whoop cram on.
(04:06):
Oh my god, what am I doing? What am I doing?
He's the only impression I do. When I get to
be fatter, I have to make myself fatter. Oh my god,
my Buddy's Club. Oh my god. Well that's all the
(04:29):
web start show. Yeah perfectly. Did you really die in
the Sheridan in Pittsburgh, Yes, he did. Yeah, next to
the Old Funny Bone. Yeah. Yeah, that's where he died,
right there, boy fun That's right. That's why I almost
died about ten times. He was on the phone. He's
(04:49):
on the phone with Jeff Schneider. Why do you think
a bit about the corn on the coffin work? I
don't know what I coil trip already nailed it. Twenty
fourteen at the Sheridan Station Square Hotel in Pittsburgh, I
happened to I can't keep close check on fact comedians
to die away two thirty in the afternoon. I was
(05:14):
I went to the comedy show on that night that
we lost John today and then as he's a bumpy
for a three hour shot, he's running it for Wembley Stadium.
Speaker 4 (05:28):
That's a shitty time to die too. What was it
two thirty, two thirty in the afternoon.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
I know for it couldn't be April Fools. He's too
late for April Fools four days.
Speaker 3 (05:36):
This is real that at least if he had died
later after the show cold or they would have had
to cold the room.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
And find out. But he's flying there dead. Yeah, that's
a pissed off made They surely had it. Yes, they
should take a picture of him lying on that floor
and show with every young comic. That's not always time fell.
This is success to This guy had a boat. This
(06:09):
guy made a health benefits every year. And the radio
was on, what was playing Beautiful Beetle. He was listening
to something. I don't you don't make any sense? Helped.
I need help. I hope, hope they find me to
(06:36):
share it on it. You do have nothing to lose.
Speaker 4 (06:39):
We have a lot to lose, Bobby. Let's say we
have a little model not too much. Yeah, we have children,
career will have children.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
We should be fucking saying the N words. We should
be saying the N word. I just realized I used
to be on HBO. All Sudden Crash was canceled. You're
kidding you, John? What you just taking me? What he said?
He said, you're fired now, he said, try yesterday, Jesus away.
(07:17):
He just josh, it's great. Tell tell Bob, can you
do an impressure you for sell him? Do it? It's great.
I can't do it. Come on, yeah, hopey, what's up?
(07:39):
Power are you? Yeah?
Speaker 4 (07:41):
I can't do it. I'm gonna I gotta take me
a minute. I'm gonna scrape the back of my hand. Yeah, yeah, hey,
you knowing it's already lang.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
How are you from Jersey? My my father fell? Now
you that was? That was god? You know, I can't
wait to watch the show though. I'm so excited crashing
on HBO's great. It flies by. But because you're not
(08:12):
in the next two episodes, what the fuck? Well me?
Now you steal something that could be kids?
Speaker 2 (08:29):
That was like the penguins got a broken foot to
broken foot?
Speaker 1 (08:39):
Well, you know football, he's gonna remaking my left foot?
Speaker 4 (08:43):
Yeah, how do you break your foot?
Speaker 1 (08:47):
I've always seen you. You're very slow. You know you
don't I got up from a chair. Oh my god,
I got up from a chair. My foots up came.
Why would you get up from a chair. You made
it to a chair. Enjoy it. That's all that happened,
(09:08):
just getting up out of a chair. I feel like
David Beckham's in the nextico if you're fat in Italian.
So I got the Beatles catalog here again, go back
to that Michael Jackson here, I want to sell it
(09:30):
back and do you Oh Jesus, now is you what
if somebody just tuned in?
Speaker 4 (09:44):
I wonder what they're gonna name this this segment on
YouTube day everybody's fired the day before.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
I hope he starts a podcast. Well he's okay, we're letting.
Oh what are you gonna do? Happy Anthony is right now?
A bit? Yeah, I know, We're still not an Anthony territory,
just like a church. So call compared to him with
(10:15):
a couple of pops in the Times Square, a camera
nine millime, a couple of beers, Well, there you go.
But I defended it. It's fun defending the Well, we've
all drank. I've been all night years, we've all taken
ecstasy and recited mind come from ship.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
So we got Gilbert Gottfried and already Lang and Bob Kelly.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
Oh my god, what a start. Yes, sir, this is
a good lineup, man, It's all right.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
I'm gonna start with Larady with the crashing that the
fucking show is good already.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
I was telling him before the actings. Great man, great actor.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
And then I find out episode three, you're not in it,
but you're coming back.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Well it's like, yeah, they they that's there's only one
regular that's on everyone that's Pete, Like that's what they
do now, you know. But I so I'm in. The
audition was for another guy. I was playing a fictitious
guy and uh, Judd has my books, which I didn't know,
and he just yelled out tell storytionary books, which gave
me a good advantage over Dan Naterman. I was judge said,
(11:33):
tell a wild story from the road. Here was Naderman's
wild story from He was at the Kansas City, uh Stanford,
z on and we all know that place, and this
is the wild story from that place. He got in
the car and the guy driving them said the N
word without asking permission, and he was all offended. And
that's how it ended. I said, that offended you Why
(11:53):
he goes, well, that's offensive, you know, and I was
offended by it. You're offended if you're alone with a
white guy and he says work and uh, he said yeah,
And I said, well, remind me not to invite you
over for thanksgivings. A bet on it. But that was
(12:14):
the wild story from that, Oh my god. And I said,
well you can leave that that. I'm gonna beat that.
So is that how you got the part? You had
to tell stories? Yeah? Stories from the road. What was
the story? What was one of the stories? God? Uh,
well for that place, well, you probably had to tone
it down for jud Apatow went all in. Yeah. Uh,
(12:38):
because he's known for toning it down. Well. At a club,
a club once a guy picked me up with one
of those those ankle bracelets for.
Speaker 4 (12:45):
The for the Kansas City, Right, Kansas City. Yeah, maybe
someone had to pick you up.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
At the airport, drop you off halfway cause it can
only go certain amount. Well, okay, this happened to you. Okay,
he's got the bracelet on it right now. I'm late,
of course, and I'm headlining, and the guy there's hotel.
I can see the Sheridan when I'm going to die.
I can see John Pinet getting dressed. So he stops,
(13:13):
he stops, and he goes a different way. Go what
are you doing? He goes, I got the bracelete. I go, yeah,
He goes, I can't leave the county. What are you
talking about? He goes, they rezoned the county line and
like straight ahead, will leave the county for like two
seconds on a swat team. We'll come boys on the car.
I said, well, that's kind of good. I can open
with that. So he takes a different route. We hit
like construction. It takes her half an hour to give
(13:35):
it a fuck. I dress in the lobby and I
go to the club. There's a bathroom. There's one bathroom.
I got to take a leak before I go on stage.
And this cook says to me a waitress in there
who's not in a good mood all the time. The
cook says to me, I'm the headliner. He says to me, now,
I don't piss off r On that she's in bad mood.
I said, what does that mean? I'm the headliner. I
gotta get on stage for like ten minutes, she's not responding. Finally,
(13:58):
this is the exact Caiten. She uses Matthew Perry sarcastic
cat and she goes like this, I'm taking a dump.
Just the minimal she's taking. I'm taking a dumb you know.
(14:18):
Matthew Perry goes and I care about you? Why And uh.
She finally got out of and absolutely did not wash
her hands. I did not hear her. The water run
toilet flush right into coming out, like, no chance of
washing hands. Buffalo wings. She was washing his bracelets. I
(14:42):
took a leak and then went in there and uh,
there's still bullet holes there where a guy sprayed the
club with bullet fire. I think while Lewis Black.
Speaker 4 (14:50):
Was Lewis Blacke was gonna say I came the week
after and they were, they wouldn't have been like this.
Speaker 1 (14:54):
Reilly half of Yeah, someone drove by. What happens political
during the day.
Speaker 4 (15:02):
It's a very touristy type of place. But at a
certain time around ten o'clock, like Ebor City in Tampa,
it just turns and it gets very dangerous.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
It's dark out. Yeah, the second show. When you go
in the first show, it's.
Speaker 4 (15:17):
Nice, the wine tastings, this festivals, cheese sample Jesus. Yeah,
when you come out, it's just hip hop. And I
never lost.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
I never had an owner say I can't leave the county.
Speaker 4 (15:30):
So I've never started cop with a leather vest on
and a badge on a chain, so I'm taking I
actually had a guy on this lady got no fight.
She was being told to shut the fuck up by
the host. The host, she wouldn't shut the fuck up.
She just kept talking.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
He's like, he goes, shut the fuck up, bitch.
Speaker 4 (15:51):
She took a beer stein, one of those big throw
it from the back of the room to the front
of the stage, missed.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
His head by like just inches.
Speaker 4 (16:00):
She's in jail, still smashed on the wall, hit the
guy's ship in front row open and then they were
dragging her out by her by her weave. They're dragging
her out by her hair, and the host goes like this,
let's give it up for Robert Kelly.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
Right on I get on stage.
Speaker 4 (16:21):
Ago he's bleeding. There was a guy like really bleeding.
He's like, I'm okay. I'm like, you're not.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
That's telling me that's how much that guy like you
there while he's bleeding. Crazy. But why did they spray
the club when Lewis Black was there?
Speaker 4 (16:35):
There was h well, I think it was a hand
but it was because it wasn't because of him, Yeah, exactly.
The club turns into a dance club after the second shot.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
It's like the four old guys from Casino were having
a meeting in the back. I like, we kill Allen kid.
That's the place. Remember the time I told you the poortst.
I was there and she was gonna.
Speaker 4 (16:54):
She was into licking ass and I was sitting there.
She's like, I lock your ass, like not even like
you ass.
Speaker 1 (17:00):
I don't care. So I went back to the hotel early.
That's lead enclosure. You can wave pleasure, Kelly. You're doing
my shirt on the road. I kept. I ran back
to the hotel early, and I cleaned my ass out.
Speaker 4 (17:14):
I was waiting on the bed all night. I kept
having to go clean it out because I kept getting hot.
Speaker 1 (17:18):
Why did you clean it? I can make a lot
of bucking money. I could go back to college.
Speaker 4 (17:24):
But she never came. I just I just woke up
the next day on the bed naked.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
Uh, your asshole was never cleaner. I felt reverse ranked
sooner get your ass up in the air waiting and
she never cared. I was so excited speed dialing the
better business period, Gilbert, you ever get your ass heat? No,
(17:50):
those kids aren't tring enough.
Speaker 3 (17:53):
But we once had a doctor on the show called
in who said, from at eating you can't get no, no, no,
you couldn't answer, what is that called TV?
Speaker 1 (18:11):
No?
Speaker 3 (18:11):
No, Michael Douglas, you no, no that oh hepatitis, hepatitis,
she can get hepatitis.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
Someone's I have that? Not for meeting Assa. I wish
you'd told me this before. I didn't get it from
meeting Pam Anderson, as I got it from sharing a
cocaine strow with my cousin. Ed So, I got at
the West Glamors and you said, the bullet holes is
(18:45):
still there? Of course you got you got move. It's
forgot to lead the bullet holes if that happens, don't
you say? The first time I played there, the guy said,
the kids said to me, one of the brothers said
that Stanford is on. I said, yeah, he goes get it.
I don't mean get it, he goes get it. I
go you mean Sanford? And oh yeah, yeah, I get it.
You said get it. I got it.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
And you're wearing your bunny wrench T shirt today they're
already but for a woman, you're betting right.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
It's for women today. It's for the chick I gave appatitis.
And why would you say women are into the world.
Of course they're niggers. I want to hear Sean Lennon
explain that song. Well, like you know, I don't know.
(19:33):
How is the bunny ranch? It's amazing? Is that's all
you hear about? Is amazing? It's uh? And what's lamar
Odam's there? Then it's fucking enough of pop rock?
Speaker 2 (19:40):
Right?
Speaker 1 (19:41):
But you do you pick a girl? It's like like
you're lying on the sirenetti you go, I want hurt,
but you pick you pick a thing to don't you
a girl? The personal place? A thing?
Speaker 4 (19:54):
Let's do an improv. Don't you pick a move or
a thing? Is there an no, no, no, plumber, you're
there's a menu.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
Of what you can do with them. I'm the owner
of Stanford and yes, yes, absolutely, Pittsburgh platter all that stuff. Yeah,
what is it? I don't know? Is that what? John?
You just eat until you die? Well, Sheridan. When I
was there was the anniversary of the invention of the
blumpkin h a heroin dealer with with with you know
was horny and uh? And who are with Crohn's disease,
(20:31):
and the blumpkin was invented that weekend that I was there,
So they celebrate that, and my joke of it's a
sickle celebration of the mark. So you pick a chick and
you could do with a straight sex. There's a blow
job or what you know, I'm gonna want both of
those and chicken fingers. What's what the chicken fingers? They're better?
(20:57):
Is that when the crack horse your fingers? When's the
last time you shipped out crack at gun points? Shitty?
There's no drugs. You're very proud of that. You have
to bring them. That's b y O D No, it's great,
it's it's what's clean. They're all clean, like you you
can get like a certificate of the of them being
(21:19):
clean if they look there you go, see today's lines,
today's lineup. So I go her, probably right, I would
go her.
Speaker 4 (21:28):
I like to with the hat. I like the hat,
like the one with the eyes too. Right to the left,
right there, right there, right there, Wait that chick, that's
the chick I gave money from. Blow No Ivy Thorn.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
I wonder if that's your real name. Uh, there you go.
She plays guitar. Did you like Can't You See You?
Play Beetles? Can't You See by the Marshall Tucker Band
while I got addressed? Oh my, what was that? That's
(22:05):
there's a magazine called Assholes and Pussies there used to be. Yeah,
and it's just that. If you open it, it's exactly
it's named exactly right, That's all there is. It's the
earbook for the next How long do you stay there
and how do you get back to? As long as
you want? But how it's in the middle of nowhere
to really Okay, it's you know, it's not far. I
(22:25):
always heard it was in the middle of nowhere. It is,
you know, it's not down not Vegas' kind of bustling downtowns.
It's outside of Vegas because the laws are different outside
of it. How far from Vegas? What's it like? It's
like an hour an hour, No, it's longer than that.
I took a helicopter. I took the money copter. I'm
sure I think you are. That's where we stop talking. Yeah,
(22:46):
i'd answer.
Speaker 4 (22:46):
You, but I think you have a guy that googles
that ship, so I don't want to step on his
fucking nerd.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
Toes. No, it's a yeah, you can take a helicopter there.
I was with somebody more famous than me put it
that way. Uh, and he wasn't Jewish. Can we can
we try to guess he's doing it right?
Speaker 2 (23:06):
Here's the guy who wrote here yesterday six hours what
six hours from Vegas?
Speaker 1 (23:12):
Yeah? Six hours? Oh it's an hour helicopter right, yeah, yeah,
I gotcha. If you're on Molly, it's a quick ride. Yeah.
But the girls, I will The girls won't even partake there.
They're all clean. Like if you try to gig them stuff,
they won't do it. I've tried. Now, if you blow
your nut right away, you still hang there? Do you
have to get up and get ready?
Speaker 2 (23:31):
Well?
Speaker 1 (23:32):
To Pensivania know how she's doing it? To Bry I
usually go, and then Tom Megan walks out of the side.
You've killed this girl. Now, all that matters is our friendship.
There's no way I could have killed that girl. She
was giggling. I've done it before. No, you could go, Yeah,
(23:52):
I usually go. I don't want to talk to them,
you know, so we don't want to talk to me.
Speaker 4 (23:55):
So when you're done, you're done. You go back out
to the bar. Where do you go up to the girl?
Speaker 1 (24:00):
I want to make a bar to one. I go home?
But is it you get to jump on a helicopter.
I get right back on the copter. Just go back
to Yeah, me and Chris Harder get back on the copper.
Is there like a lounge or anything where you can
hang out? Yeah? Yeah, Yeah, there's a bus, there's a bar,
there's a little bar, a little pool table. It's very
similar to those ones we went to in Brazil. The
(24:20):
term did you make one of those trips there? Who
was on that trip?
Speaker 4 (24:24):
Patrice, Jimmy, anybody living there is a list of guys
who are are about to die, are really trying hard
to die.
Speaker 1 (24:41):
Those trips were legendary for you guys. Yeah, what did
you do there? Yeah? That was very similar. Though it's
the same.
Speaker 4 (24:45):
I think I would imagine that he he got the
same type of thing that they did because it was
very It was very well run, no problem.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
But is it a nice one? You have to girl?
The one there?
Speaker 4 (24:58):
You get a bracelet with a number on it, so
you have thirty six, you're eleven, you're twelve, but it's
got La County and no money's exchanged. Everything goes on
your number, and then when you leave, you just they
just they they swipe your credit card.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
So how many times did you catch Patri's looking at
your number? Seven? Well that's shore you got three whirly birds.
That's the funny part in this one.
Speaker 4 (25:19):
You get you get to hang at the bar and
you close and go into room and your naked. That one,
you have to go into a locker room, take your
clothes off, put on a robe.
Speaker 1 (25:25):
Of cops.
Speaker 4 (25:27):
So we're all hanging out in robes and we all
took viagra, so we're all just rocking rods in rows.
Speaker 1 (25:33):
So you had a boner with Norton, Yeah, well yeah,
none of us.
Speaker 4 (25:37):
First of all, none of us satisficking very big. Keith
was the only one where you could notice everyone else.
It was just just like having a robe, bobyn.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
Keith looks like he was trying to steal stuff. Man,
I'm wearing a roll, I got a lamp. Bobby.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
You gotta tell him about the briefcase with the dildo
with Oh, he wasn't a briefcas it was a duffel bag.
Speaker 1 (26:03):
Because he was started doing so much.
Speaker 4 (26:04):
That he didn't want to bang anymore. He just wanted
to make him come, so he why I don't know.
He just got into a dildo.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
I've never been in the same room as a woman
when they've come. I don't know what happens. I don't care.
Speaker 2 (26:18):
He brought a briefcase in here once and it was
glass till it was every type of glass, showing he
was he was walking us through all his hilldo what
each one does.
Speaker 4 (26:30):
Brooks goes foot massages, but basically what he had, okay
and glass till dos. And they came in these velvety,
really great looking mystical pouches.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
Right.
Speaker 4 (26:40):
He had a Duffel bag and every I would love
when you go through security and you see him put
that bag through the the ex ray machine. He would
just look right at the guy's face and then as
soon as he looked at him and go he just
shrug his shoulders and like, all right, whatever, because there
was nineteen dildos.
Speaker 1 (26:55):
In there, Ah, just waiting for the reaction. We called
them doctor do. Yeah, he taught us. He taught a
class one night. Yeah, we're looking for the pictures. He
taught a class how to make a hooker. Yeah, why
don't we just blow past that? What do you mean
he taught one night in his room. We were all
hanging out and there was a hooker there. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (27:15):
He's like, we're all busting his balls about his still
he goes, man, he was a man hooker.
Speaker 1 (27:19):
Yeah, guy Frank. He was from Jersey. He was, he was,
he was. He was doing a chef in turned.
Speaker 4 (27:25):
Down there one of the steakhouse now and he was like,
he was like, I can make her coming. And he
was just like watch this, and he showed us there's
a picture of Norton just looking like just like a yeah,
just like a science.
Speaker 1 (27:39):
Yeah, if only can make an audience come funny.
Speaker 4 (27:45):
He used to take him shop down like he would
take he would take him shopping.
Speaker 1 (27:51):
He bought one of them a TV. George take a
hooker shopping? Oh man, he bought him a TV. He
didn't want to take a girl shopping if she has
a tattoo of her dead brother on her neck, well
look at that. Oh my god, I know. Well that's
it's getting get choices. Well this is Brazil.
Speaker 3 (28:10):
Now.
Speaker 4 (28:11):
You see the one to the right that was what
do you mean, right see the right that one right there?
That yeah, that see that's what you go to it
there's like a room upstairs and all the girls are
like that really just hat just like that, but in
eh heels and and and bikinis.
Speaker 1 (28:25):
That looks like Row Boulevard every Saturday morning. Look at that.
Look at that ass.
Speaker 4 (28:29):
So you'd be upstairs and there was like a disco
tech and they have food and drinks.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
Yah, there's gotta be one that's just not picked a lot.
What happens to that now?
Speaker 4 (28:43):
No, no, because I mean it's a big it's big money. Yeah,
you know they're not gonna put That's like deja vus
in Vegas. Remember their slogan, we have one hundred pretty
girls and two ugly ones.
Speaker 1 (28:54):
And you walk in You're like, oh my god, it's
fucking true. Rushing with a mole would come over to you.
Do you want to I'm good? Hell, and you realize
I never went over lent. We'll continue that. Look at
those heels I got away. Those heels, how embarrassing. Look
at the times of this brode heels. You's got legs
like Greg, that's a little too like gluts there for man,
(29:17):
I don't know. Yeah, your young header locklayer, I think
so you got to walk.
Speaker 4 (29:24):
Up up the streets of the ffella and those heels,
your legs get strong.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
I know you're walking too much. Wheatie, you don't want
to see the separation of I should become a hooker
in Brazil. I fucking lose some weight, some nice lot
like that. What are you look at? Your girlfriend is
up here, she stayed up. People become a chacutary and
you're like, how's the hooker in Brazil thing going? They
make a lot of money. No, man, I bet right now.
I mean like I'm shopping for I don't know.
Speaker 4 (29:50):
Just everybody did their own thing. Everybody did their like
we called it the Matrix. But Norton would only come
out when the sun went down, like no Sparatu. We
would be by the pool all day, hanging out all
day long, at the at the Sheridan, hanging out women.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
What happens at the beach is out of the shed.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
It's a pool relatively like normal or yeah, the pool
is normal because there's a lot of security.
Speaker 1 (30:16):
You can't the pool was a little farther out from
the city. Is that a country where you get like
Mexico CITLD you get kidnaped, Yeah, you get killed, right,
you get Yeah, you get kidnapped too. I guess that's scary.
Speaker 4 (30:25):
Usually they yeah, you have to hire. We hired somebody
to hang with us, though, Did you have a boner?
Did by the end of the night.
Speaker 1 (30:33):
So you guys got this weekend free? What was the
American Comedy Awards two weeks? Week? Two weeks? They were
all middlers. You guys went down there for two weeks.
That's insane. So the money was two to one? We met. Wait,
let me get these dates right, No, of course not
(30:54):
how many times I made a mistake. I was there
and I overlapped. No, I was not. It was it
was not married at the time. Were you guys out
of your minds? After two weeks? So did you want
to come home early? Or you wanted to live there?
Did you? Yeah?
Speaker 4 (31:06):
You had these eleven going Bobby, you know, go to
a Medica you stay, Bobby Bluetoo. All right, I'm hanging
out with a chick I would never get back in
America and she check her for your name, stayed Bobby, Bravo, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:16):
Because me cause me three dollars a day for her.
You gotta be careful. You think she'd have the same
attitude if you brought her back to the States.
Speaker 4 (31:22):
No, she'd leave me in two seconds to gil she
gets back up. She saw Gilbert's fucking website.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
As soon as you get back here. She got it.
She gotta, she got to cross the class. Yeah, y,
she got a new trip bullet with Kale coming. Can
you introduce me to Dan's cook please as Oh my god,
that looks like the uh the eyes wide shut parties
watch the other password. She's got a dumpy. That's a
(31:49):
big ass.
Speaker 4 (31:50):
I think that's a smushdown shot though you think, yeah
that that is not a because he made it big
on that TV.
Speaker 1 (31:58):
It's a little smosh This does not look like a
trun prevent.
Speaker 2 (32:00):
Yeah, we're trying to find the pictures of the glass
dildos from that day when Patrice came in and.
Speaker 1 (32:07):
Google Patris glass dildos.
Speaker 2 (32:09):
You know we're going to our archivery find it for you, guys.
Ship We might find it right on the internet.
Speaker 1 (32:16):
Talking about what if the picture him Todd Glass, We'll
find it. Gilbert's playing Caroline starting what.
Speaker 2 (32:33):
What?
Speaker 1 (32:34):
I'm just trying to get you in the conversation. Yes,
Caroline starting tomorrow night. I heard they're gonna play Norwegian Wood.
There yeah, version, and what would that one be? Yeah?
A little wordy, little little And how's the podcast going?
Speaker 3 (32:55):
On? The podcast Gilbert Gotfread's Amazing Colossal podcast subscribed by
I just don't piss off his host.
Speaker 1 (33:03):
And my story.
Speaker 3 (33:04):
There no documentary about me, Gilbert's gonna be at.
Speaker 1 (33:10):
How are we out of Creamer's Greek guy? How are
we out of Kreamer? No? But butter, so you got
your own documentary? Yeah? How many guys you have to
call over that? No? That is I mean you are
(33:33):
Come on, you're a legend, Gilbert.
Speaker 3 (33:34):
Right, I guess this this it was this guy's idea.
Speaker 1 (33:38):
Yeah, so what is it? So what you want to
side alive? Ah? That must be a long segment. No,
but you're like, do we go through your childhood? And
where does the documentary? People like photos of my child
to child him. I found out what Gilberts old man
did for a living, I know for twenty I fot
you found out that? Do you cover that what he
does for Yeah? He has found Yeah.
Speaker 3 (34:01):
It was a hardware store he had Coney Island really yeah,
and we lived in the apartment above the hardware store.
Speaker 1 (34:11):
Did you ever do anything in the store? You know
you were making a header.
Speaker 3 (34:21):
He would have me down there every now and then,
allegedly working, But I never did a thing there.
Speaker 1 (34:29):
Just off, he said to his wife, we're out of wood.
You ever walked out with a were out of two
by fours? Would you shield from your father like nails
whatever they have?
Speaker 2 (34:45):
That's so old joyces running a hardware store as you
guys are living upstairs.
Speaker 1 (34:49):
Oh yeah? Was he ever? Was the ever home? Or
was he always just downstairs aboarding you guys? I think
nothing screamed new school about the drowsy how how how
long did he own it for?
Speaker 3 (35:00):
Oh god, for a number of years? And I never
saw any real customers in there.
Speaker 1 (35:10):
Uh no. But you know what was funny?
Speaker 3 (35:13):
He had he he an hour ago he had.
Speaker 1 (35:22):
One model airplane. He had a model airplane in a box. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (35:30):
And back then everyone all these kids were sniffing glue,
so they passed.
Speaker 1 (35:37):
A long boy.
Speaker 3 (35:38):
Yeah, they passed a law that in order to buy glue,
you have to also buy a model. Sure, and my
father would sell his model airplane.
Speaker 1 (35:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (35:54):
No, he would sell it like a few times a
day because they would buy it and throw out in
the garbage and.
Speaker 1 (36:02):
Like go take it out of the garbage, dust it off.
So it's one hundred percent proud. I'm trying to you,
but I don't know what just came, you know, what
happened how China Town? So in the dumpster? Did he
see all his model airplanes at the end of that
(36:23):
he had one? Yeah, he was always they would buy
it and you look like Lloyd Bridges an airplane?
Speaker 2 (36:29):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (36:30):
Was was he onto it? Or did he just think
that people really liked model? There? He was on? He
would was he when they bought that? And the glue?
Speaker 3 (36:40):
He would like count to seven and I want to
revise again and then go outside, put his hand into
the trash can outside and dust it off and put
the model airplane back.
Speaker 1 (36:53):
He was truly selling that, the same one over and
over again. Yeah. So did you try the glue? Thank you?
I never tried sniffing glue. That to me. Did you
ever do any drugs?
Speaker 3 (37:07):
I you know, I used to smoke grass years.
Speaker 1 (37:13):
Everybody says that that is it now? Weed? Is it
weed now? Or it's whatever? It's whatever, you know, like
Hannamontan of tweets that day, Oh yes, I'm smoking the Marajucci.
Did you like the marijuana.
Speaker 3 (37:30):
Marijuana, I would feel like when I first smoked it,
I feel incredibly happy, and then I go what am
I so happy about? And then I get depressed? Thing,
and I'd be thinking everyone walking down the street is
staring at me, and.
Speaker 1 (37:50):
You should never the meso paranoia and rip your face off.
Speaker 3 (37:56):
Absolutely, And if I was talking to some I think,
have I been talking for two seconds or five hours?
Speaker 1 (38:06):
Well? Do you want to know what this sea is like?
Speaker 2 (38:07):
Yes, we got to get Gilbert Hsin. Yes, that guy
got a lot of pussy back then, Right, Gilbert, you.
Speaker 1 (38:27):
Look a good looking guy. He looked like all the sweathogs.
Gilbert's mother. Look at that one? Which one? What nationality
are you? Gilbert? You look Indian? I know I back
then everyone thought I was Puerto Rican. What are you
just a Jew? Russian Jew? Yeah? Russian? You staying with
(38:51):
this big for a while that I got to know
you on MTV? Is that you? He's a young boy.
Who's that young boy? I don't know who? Yeah? This
is uh what that's nice? Who'd you follow that? Nice?
Tim Allen's coke dealer? Look at that? Is that real? Makeup?
(39:11):
What we're looking at? What is that? That that looks
like they painted it on the peak chair. Is that
you were in the Insane Clown Posse? I was on
this show. Yeah, I did their show one. They have
a show they did.
Speaker 4 (39:26):
I did it too. You just sat with him and
went over videos. Oh yeah, Shaggy Tunes goes over his felonies.
Speaker 1 (39:31):
And then I did what did I do that? That
other thing? Yeah? What's that? Did? How was that? Surprisingly?
I did? Okay? I think they would love you over there, Yeah,
because I mean people have had like razors. Did you
get hit with a bottle of Fago? They have that
(39:53):
bottle of a white trash sort of a cola and
they launched it out into the crowd without telling people
and it hit a woman who wasn't looking, and they
she sued them on The Stern Show. Shaggy to Dublin.
She was in a coma. She was in a coma
for due. They didn't says you were gonna hit with
(40:14):
a twenty liter bottle Fago. There is Fago, that's ther
that's your thing. What does it taste like? Tastes I
never tried it, but it tastes like Detroit. It tastes
like the flint water supply that's why didn't you open
up a water park in Flint? Gilbert taking a bath
with that one? Who have you had on the podcast lately?
Speaker 4 (40:38):
Me?
Speaker 2 (40:39):
Yes, well yeah, but he goes old timers man, What
do you mean he goes real old in Hollywood Van Dyke?
Speaker 1 (40:46):
We had a Yeah, he is. That's all the kids
of the Scape plus Skateboard Park talk about. Is that
an interview Bruce Stern? Oh, he's great, He's awesome. We
had him. How was Nick Van Dyke? I also right?
I mean he was the biggest thing in the world
for a long time.
Speaker 4 (41:03):
Yeah, I mean dance, sing, comedy, TV movies.
Speaker 1 (41:08):
That's all they talked about.
Speaker 3 (41:09):
One four cast members of the original Batman, Adam West,
Burt Ward, and two of the catwomen, Julie Newmar and
Lee merry Weather.
Speaker 1 (41:19):
How do they look? Did subscriptions fly up everywhere? Burt
Wood's brother even canceled. Who's the one with the big dick,
is it? Burt Ward? Oh? Yeah, Burke, Ann Harriet, there
(41:41):
you go. That's your coach star, right, No, that's I
we gliash. Is that the glass door alone? Yeah? Dick
Van Dyke? Did he tell you a car story? Car?
Crash or something like that. No, watch this one. He
told the story that was funny in nineteen thirty eight.
I'm trying to remember something. Yeah, but I got into
(42:03):
a car craft. I'm trying to I was rich and little.
Oh that was good.
Speaker 4 (42:09):
Do you think he's a good impressionist?
Speaker 3 (42:17):
I saw I saw a poster when I was working
in Vegas of Rich Little a Night with Jimmy Stewart.
Speaker 1 (42:28):
I want to see Jimmy Steward.
Speaker 3 (42:31):
It's like without seeing it. I know it worked for
words without seeing a script, without seeing the because it
would be well like while on but I worked with
John Wayne Hey Pilgrim.
Speaker 1 (42:49):
For a bo Yeah. What about you see Fred traveling
the wridding wood half over the well time the first
time he was on Carson. Yeah. Fred Travelina used to
do a bit about if Charles Nelson Riley were Fredo
and the GODSMA like, why were you looked over? I
(43:11):
don't know. I guess I'm just different.
Speaker 3 (43:15):
Fred Fred Travelina did.
Speaker 1 (43:19):
This was one of those nut there.
Speaker 3 (43:22):
Fred Travelina was one Timeline Mike Douglas do you want.
Speaker 1 (43:26):
A crow bar? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (43:28):
And the Batman movie was out where Jack Nicholson was
the joke so he decides to do the entire interview
in full Batman Fred Travelina as Nicholson as Batman, as
Nicholson as the.
Speaker 1 (43:46):
Joker, the full outfit on the big white.
Speaker 3 (43:50):
Brim and it was obvious like in the first two
seconds this was a mistake. But by now he can't
he can't go oh and and now he's burnt Lancaster.
Speaker 1 (44:04):
He can't do that. He's in the full outfit. It
was so married to that, and he stuck in it
for how long like the entire segment. Oh, and then there.
Speaker 3 (44:18):
Was another time that show, uh Friday Night Videos where
they would get to uh.
Speaker 1 (44:26):
You know, you know you should say after that story.
And then there was another.
Speaker 3 (44:29):
Time and they had on it was Louisander saying, I
forget they had some girl mimic like maybe Louise.
Speaker 1 (44:50):
So she in the segment.
Speaker 3 (44:55):
Segment would come out as a different singer, like she'd
be dressed up as Sis and.
Speaker 1 (45:05):
Trance.
Speaker 3 (45:08):
She she comes out in one segment as share the
typical thing, slapping the hair back out of her face
and you know.
Speaker 1 (45:20):
And again and I'm gonna share if I could turn
back time.
Speaker 3 (45:30):
So Louis Anderson is plugging his book in that segment
how his father was also who would beat his mother.
And so he's there going, yeah, I mean fine my money,
and and I would cry and bed and wish that
(45:51):
my father would die.
Speaker 1 (45:53):
And she is stuck as share. So she's trying of
so she's.
Speaker 3 (45:58):
Going, yo, really she's trying to be sincere.
Speaker 1 (46:05):
You wish she was? My question, where's the bed you
can fit on this? That's the love you true ship.
You didn't have the story. Bullshit you on a bed
(46:29):
the crane of the port that she was a share
to the whole. Yeah, that ship going to moonstruck pitch.
Speaker 4 (46:43):
Poor louis under a bed, geze under a bed, two
legs of the better off the ground.
Speaker 1 (46:50):
Are you telling me there's a guy on to that bed?
Is it a sea sawrow bed? You're telling me the
preman comic that Jesus, Oh my god, I love you,
I love you? You share this an Indian guy. I
gotta be a slurping alright, I have I have Rodney
(47:14):
modern Rodney for like uh like the terrorists, like his act.
Now she was known as a tuber, little birk hers fellow.
All right, we have to take a break.
Speaker 3 (47:31):
We yeah, we really do for your mind. Did anybody
here ever see b Less Bless God? That was on
TV God that when you were growing up?
Speaker 4 (47:42):
No?
Speaker 1 (47:42):
No, the movie Burlesque with Chare and Christina the new version. Yeah,
why the jaw dropping? How about about what made it
jaw dropping? So bad? Okay, so awful? Right, have a
this Let's go out with this song, paperback that song perfectly? Boy? Hey,
(48:17):
I told the guys now, don't leave that song alone.
Don't worry about Yeah, all.
Speaker 2 (48:20):
Right, we got already line Gilbert Gottfried and Bob Kelly.
Speaker 1 (48:23):
Who needs a plug? Let's start with alty. What do
you got already crashing on HBO? I got a bunch
of stan crashing on HBO. I got a bunch of
stand up coming up. I'm actually friding on. I'm in
Detroit at the Motor City Casino, and then I'm at
the Funny Borne in Saint Louis. Uh So I'm going
backwards in my career. A week later shows What Tell
(48:48):
What You're Gonna Die? Which, Yeah, Sheridan, I'll be gonna
get sweet. It's just a figure of him on the floor.
Speaker 2 (49:06):
And Gilbert where I'm You're gonna be at Caroline's Thursday
through Saturday here in New I am right.
Speaker 1 (49:13):
I don't know. I thought it was. Oh, we assume
that he is a Carolina. If you want to hear
the share story again my mo on tomorrow, Yeah, Friday,
I said, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Just Thursday, Thursday.
Speaker 3 (49:28):
Just Thursday, Jo My podcast, Gilbert got Pread's amazing, colossal podcast, myke.
Speaker 1 (49:35):
Who does just Thursday, just Thursdays a little weird. My
website Gilbert gottfree dot com. And my documentary Why are
you doing just Thursday? I don't know, I've always done
it that.
Speaker 3 (49:47):
My documentary is Gilbert and it's opening at Tribeca.
Speaker 4 (49:53):
Nice congratulations and Bob Kelly, it's been a while, Bobby.
Speaker 1 (49:57):
I'm in San Francisco Thursday, No Friday, Saturday, Sunday. I'm
at Cobbs in San Francis. That's a great club.
Speaker 4 (50:05):
And then I'm at uhself by Southwest doing shows with
the laugh Button with everybody al magical, uh Tim Dillon
napergats We're doing a big show. I'm doing my podcast
live out there, doing the podcast live. I'm doing a
show out there. I'm doing voss is gonna be out there.
I'm gonna do his show.
Speaker 1 (50:22):
I'm gonna be the guest whatever that fuck the guest THERAPISTNA,
you're gonna be busy The Beatles cover of Johnny Because.
Speaker 4 (50:30):
Good.
Speaker 1 (50:31):
And then I'm all over the place. Check out Robert
at live dot com. We're gonna take a quick breaks there.
Hopie is here and his show starts.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
You like that one, Bob Kelly, International Woman's Day, Little
John Lennon Action.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
I'm not going to say the title of the song.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
My god one member said the world International Woman's Day.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
That's my favorite Beatles song. You have you have Beetles? Yeah,
he jo.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
International Woman's Day, Like I Like's Day, I.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
Like Sergeant let A bet No, I like the Lone
(00:58):
and Windy Hey.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
Hopefully he'll drive to the Black Guy hoping. Are you
quitting today? Are you dumb? This is it? You know,
I can't wait. What's your name? Buddy? That's what I
can't luish me and Gilbert and the human resources together.
It's a comedy bits a pie or second album.
Speaker 4 (01:21):
It's a comedy bit from the twenty Yeah, you're missing
your black bags.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
This is working out perfectly, Bobby. That's exactly what I
was hoping. The Boston rode we got Bob Kelly a
beetle so she loves Yeah, that would be she sad love. Yeah,
(01:53):
that was not a good shot to kick off with.
I don't think it's ever been playing on the radio,
Like I wond know. Gilbert goes on like corporate like
politicians were a FedEx commercial. Ye, you can start vacuum
in the bathroom. Man, do you want some more?
Speaker 2 (02:11):
You know? Hey, Jude, I don't want to be down, alight,
don't let me down.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
Here comes the I'm glad it's march. It's a pipe.
He wading. Hope he's in. How they went on, Kelly's
bringing back to the next show. You got a kid,
(02:41):
Kelly should do anything. I'm going to die alone. Got
a Sheridan in Awaukee and we leve that linger bit
a well, let the rush you up some penophillins. I
love that it's in the Sheridan. What are the chances
I'm not going to die of Sheridan? Thank God? In
the same room. John Pannette, John Pett John Pannette died
(03:05):
at the Sheridan in Pittsburgh. Could you imagine a more
depressing change? God Like, he's sure he's reaching for the
maneole they kept, but they kept the table roone just
out of his reach. Ship. Yeah, we can go home already.
(03:30):
He threw up. He threw up pancakes and coast which
I had, which I kept telling that you lose weight
if you got out the pancake, you're doing cocaine wrong.
I like cocaine toasting wick things. I liked whoop cram on.
(04:06):
Oh my god, what am I doing? What am I doing?
He's the only impression I do. When I get to
be fatter, I have to make myself fatter. Oh my god,
my Buddy's Club. Oh my god. Well that's all the
(04:29):
web start show. Yeah perfectly. Did you really die in
the Sheridan in Pittsburgh, Yes, he did. Yeah, next to
the Old Funny Bone. Yeah. Yeah, that's where he died,
right there, boy fun That's right. That's why I almost
died about ten times. He was on the phone. He's
(04:49):
on the phone with Jeff Schneider. Why do you think
a bit about the corn on the coffin work? I
don't know what I coil trip already nailed it. Twenty
fourteen at the Sheridan Station Square Hotel in Pittsburgh, I
happened to I can't keep close check on fact comedians
to die away two thirty in the afternoon. I was
(05:14):
I went to the comedy show on that night that
we lost John today and then as he's a bumpy
for a three hour shot, he's running it for Wembley Stadium.
Speaker 4 (05:28):
That's a shitty time to die too. What was it
two thirty, two thirty in the afternoon.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
I know for it couldn't be April Fools. He's too
late for April Fools four days.
Speaker 3 (05:36):
This is real that at least if he had died
later after the show cold or they would have had
to cold the room.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
And find out. But he's flying there dead. Yeah, that's
a pissed off made They surely had it. Yes, they
should take a picture of him lying on that floor
and show with every young comic. That's not always time fell.
This is success to This guy had a boat. This
(06:09):
guy made a health benefits every year. And the radio
was on, what was playing Beautiful Beetle. He was listening
to something. I don't you don't make any sense? Helped.
I need help. I hope, hope they find me to
(06:36):
share it on it. You do have nothing to lose.
Speaker 4 (06:39):
We have a lot to lose, Bobby. Let's say we
have a little model not too much. Yeah, we have children,
career will have children.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
We should be fucking saying the N words. We should
be saying the N word. I just realized I used
to be on HBO. All Sudden Crash was canceled. You're
kidding you, John? What you just taking me? What he said?
He said, you're fired now, he said, try yesterday, Jesus away.
(07:17):
He just josh, it's great. Tell tell Bob, can you
do an impressure you for sell him? Do it? It's great.
I can't do it. Come on, yeah, hopey, what's up?
(07:39):
Power are you? Yeah?
Speaker 4 (07:41):
I can't do it. I'm gonna I gotta take me
a minute. I'm gonna scrape the back of my hand. Yeah, yeah, hey,
you knowing it's already lang.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
How are you from Jersey? My my father fell? Now
you that was? That was god? You know, I can't
wait to watch the show though. I'm so excited crashing
on HBO's great. It flies by. But because you're not
(08:12):
in the next two episodes, what the fuck? Well me?
Now you steal something that could be kids?
Speaker 2 (08:29):
That was like the penguins got a broken foot to
broken foot?
Speaker 1 (08:39):
Well, you know football, he's gonna remaking my left foot?
Speaker 4 (08:43):
Yeah, how do you break your foot?
Speaker 1 (08:47):
I've always seen you. You're very slow. You know you
don't I got up from a chair. Oh my god,
I got up from a chair. My foots up came.
Why would you get up from a chair. You made
it to a chair. Enjoy it. That's all that happened,
(09:08):
just getting up out of a chair. I feel like
David Beckham's in the nextico if you're fat in Italian.
So I got the Beatles catalog here again, go back
to that Michael Jackson here, I want to sell it
(09:30):
back and do you Oh Jesus, now is you what
if somebody just tuned in?
Speaker 4 (09:44):
I wonder what they're gonna name this this segment on
YouTube day everybody's fired the day before.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
I hope he starts a podcast. Well he's okay, we're letting.
Oh what are you gonna do? Happy Anthony is right now?
A bit? Yeah, I know, We're still not an Anthony territory,
just like a church. So call compared to him with
(10:15):
a couple of pops in the Times Square, a camera
nine millime, a couple of beers, Well, there you go.
But I defended it. It's fun defending the Well, we've
all drank. I've been all night years, we've all taken
ecstasy and recited mind come from ship.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
So we got Gilbert Gottfried and already Lang and Bob Kelly.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
Oh my god, what a start. Yes, sir, this is
a good lineup, man, It's all right.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
I'm gonna start with Larady with the crashing that the
fucking show is good already.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
I was telling him before the actings. Great man, great actor.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
And then I find out episode three, you're not in it,
but you're coming back.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Well it's like, yeah, they they that's there's only one
regular that's on everyone that's Pete, Like that's what they
do now, you know. But I so I'm in. The
audition was for another guy. I was playing a fictitious
guy and uh, Judd has my books, which I didn't know,
and he just yelled out tell storytionary books, which gave
me a good advantage over Dan Naterman. I was judge said,
(11:33):
tell a wild story from the road. Here was Naderman's
wild story from He was at the Kansas City, uh Stanford,
z on and we all know that place, and this
is the wild story from that place. He got in
the car and the guy driving them said the N
word without asking permission, and he was all offended. And
that's how it ended. I said, that offended you Why
(11:53):
he goes, well, that's offensive, you know, and I was
offended by it. You're offended if you're alone with a
white guy and he says work and uh, he said yeah,
And I said, well, remind me not to invite you
over for thanksgivings. A bet on it. But that was
(12:14):
the wild story from that, Oh my god. And I said,
well you can leave that that. I'm gonna beat that.
So is that how you got the part? You had
to tell stories? Yeah? Stories from the road. What was
the story? What was one of the stories? God? Uh,
well for that place, well, you probably had to tone
it down for jud Apatow went all in. Yeah. Uh,
(12:38):
because he's known for toning it down. Well. At a club,
a club once a guy picked me up with one
of those those ankle bracelets for.
Speaker 4 (12:45):
The for the Kansas City, Right, Kansas City. Yeah, maybe
someone had to pick you up.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
At the airport, drop you off halfway cause it can
only go certain amount. Well, okay, this happened to you. Okay,
he's got the bracelet on it right now. I'm late,
of course, and I'm headlining, and the guy there's hotel.
I can see the Sheridan when I'm going to die.
I can see John Pinet getting dressed. So he stops,
(13:13):
he stops, and he goes a different way. Go what
are you doing? He goes, I got the bracelete. I go, yeah,
He goes, I can't leave the county. What are you
talking about? He goes, they rezoned the county line and
like straight ahead, will leave the county for like two
seconds on a swat team. We'll come boys on the car.
I said, well, that's kind of good. I can open
with that. So he takes a different route. We hit
like construction. It takes her half an hour to give
(13:35):
it a fuck. I dress in the lobby and I
go to the club. There's a bathroom. There's one bathroom.
I got to take a leak before I go on stage.
And this cook says to me a waitress in there
who's not in a good mood all the time. The
cook says to me, I'm the headliner. He says to me, now,
I don't piss off r On that she's in bad mood.
I said, what does that mean? I'm the headliner. I
gotta get on stage for like ten minutes, she's not responding. Finally,
(13:58):
this is the exact Caiten. She uses Matthew Perry sarcastic
cat and she goes like this, I'm taking a dump.
Just the minimal she's taking. I'm taking a dumb you know.
(14:18):
Matthew Perry goes and I care about you? Why And uh.
She finally got out of and absolutely did not wash
her hands. I did not hear her. The water run
toilet flush right into coming out, like, no chance of
washing hands. Buffalo wings. She was washing his bracelets. I
(14:42):
took a leak and then went in there and uh,
there's still bullet holes there where a guy sprayed the
club with bullet fire. I think while Lewis Black.
Speaker 4 (14:50):
Was Lewis Blacke was gonna say I came the week
after and they were, they wouldn't have been like this.
Speaker 1 (14:54):
Reilly half of Yeah, someone drove by. What happens political
during the day.
Speaker 4 (15:02):
It's a very touristy type of place. But at a
certain time around ten o'clock, like Ebor City in Tampa,
it just turns and it gets very dangerous.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
It's dark out. Yeah, the second show. When you go
in the first show, it's.
Speaker 4 (15:17):
Nice, the wine tastings, this festivals, cheese sample Jesus. Yeah,
when you come out, it's just hip hop. And I
never lost.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
I never had an owner say I can't leave the county.
Speaker 4 (15:30):
So I've never started cop with a leather vest on
and a badge on a chain, so I'm taking I
actually had a guy on this lady got no fight.
She was being told to shut the fuck up by
the host. The host, she wouldn't shut the fuck up.
She just kept talking.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
He's like, he goes, shut the fuck up, bitch.
Speaker 4 (15:51):
She took a beer stein, one of those big throw
it from the back of the room to the front
of the stage, missed.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
His head by like just inches.
Speaker 4 (16:00):
She's in jail, still smashed on the wall, hit the
guy's ship in front row open and then they were
dragging her out by her by her weave. They're dragging
her out by her hair, and the host goes like this,
let's give it up for Robert Kelly.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
Right on I get on stage.
Speaker 4 (16:21):
Ago he's bleeding. There was a guy like really bleeding.
He's like, I'm okay. I'm like, you're not.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
That's telling me that's how much that guy like you
there while he's bleeding. Crazy. But why did they spray
the club when Lewis Black was there?
Speaker 4 (16:35):
There was h well, I think it was a hand
but it was because it wasn't because of him, Yeah, exactly.
The club turns into a dance club after the second shot.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
It's like the four old guys from Casino were having
a meeting in the back. I like, we kill Allen kid.
That's the place. Remember the time I told you the poortst.
I was there and she was gonna.
Speaker 4 (16:54):
She was into licking ass and I was sitting there.
She's like, I lock your ass, like not even like
you ass.
Speaker 1 (17:00):
I don't care. So I went back to the hotel early.
That's lead enclosure. You can wave pleasure, Kelly. You're doing
my shirt on the road. I kept. I ran back
to the hotel early, and I cleaned my ass out.
Speaker 4 (17:14):
I was waiting on the bed all night. I kept
having to go clean it out because I kept getting hot.
Speaker 1 (17:18):
Why did you clean it? I can make a lot
of bucking money. I could go back to college.
Speaker 4 (17:24):
But she never came. I just I just woke up
the next day on the bed naked.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
Uh, your asshole was never cleaner. I felt reverse ranked
sooner get your ass up in the air waiting and
she never cared. I was so excited speed dialing the
better business period, Gilbert, you ever get your ass heat? No,
(17:50):
those kids aren't tring enough.
Speaker 3 (17:53):
But we once had a doctor on the show called
in who said, from at eating you can't get no, no, no,
you couldn't answer, what is that called TV?
Speaker 1 (18:11):
No?
Speaker 3 (18:11):
No, Michael Douglas, you no, no that oh hepatitis, hepatitis,
she can get hepatitis.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
Someone's I have that? Not for meeting Assa. I wish
you'd told me this before. I didn't get it from
meeting Pam Anderson, as I got it from sharing a
cocaine strow with my cousin. Ed So, I got at
the West Glamors and you said, the bullet holes is
(18:45):
still there? Of course you got you got move. It's
forgot to lead the bullet holes if that happens, don't
you say? The first time I played there, the guy said,
the kids said to me, one of the brothers said
that Stanford is on. I said, yeah, he goes get it.
I don't mean get it, he goes get it. I
go you mean Sanford? And oh yeah, yeah, I get it.
You said get it. I got it.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
And you're wearing your bunny wrench T shirt today they're
already but for a woman, you're betting right.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
It's for women today. It's for the chick I gave appatitis.
And why would you say women are into the world.
Of course they're niggers. I want to hear Sean Lennon
explain that song. Well, like you know, I don't know.
(19:33):
How is the bunny ranch? It's amazing? Is that's all
you hear about? Is amazing? It's uh? And what's lamar
Odam's there? Then it's fucking enough of pop rock?
Speaker 2 (19:40):
Right?
Speaker 1 (19:41):
But you do you pick a girl? It's like like
you're lying on the sirenetti you go, I want hurt,
but you pick you pick a thing to don't you
a girl? The personal place? A thing?
Speaker 4 (19:54):
Let's do an improv. Don't you pick a move or
a thing? Is there an no, no, no, plumber, you're
there's a menu.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
Of what you can do with them. I'm the owner
of Stanford and yes, yes, absolutely, Pittsburgh platter all that stuff. Yeah,
what is it? I don't know? Is that what? John?
You just eat until you die? Well, Sheridan. When I
was there was the anniversary of the invention of the
blumpkin h a heroin dealer with with with you know
was horny and uh? And who are with Crohn's disease,
(20:31):
and the blumpkin was invented that weekend that I was there,
So they celebrate that, and my joke of it's a
sickle celebration of the mark. So you pick a chick and
you could do with a straight sex. There's a blow
job or what you know, I'm gonna want both of
those and chicken fingers. What's what the chicken fingers? They're better?
(20:57):
Is that when the crack horse your fingers? When's the
last time you shipped out crack at gun points? Shitty?
There's no drugs. You're very proud of that. You have
to bring them. That's b y O D No, it's great,
it's it's what's clean. They're all clean, like you you
can get like a certificate of the of them being
(21:19):
clean if they look there you go, see today's lines,
today's lineup. So I go her, probably right, I would
go her.
Speaker 4 (21:28):
I like to with the hat. I like the hat,
like the one with the eyes too. Right to the left,
right there, right there, right there, Wait that chick, that's
the chick I gave money from. Blow No Ivy Thorn.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
I wonder if that's your real name. Uh, there you go.
She plays guitar. Did you like Can't You See You?
Play Beetles? Can't You See by the Marshall Tucker Band
while I got addressed? Oh my, what was that? That's
(22:05):
there's a magazine called Assholes and Pussies there used to be. Yeah,
and it's just that. If you open it, it's exactly
it's named exactly right, That's all there is. It's the
earbook for the next How long do you stay there
and how do you get back to? As long as
you want? But how it's in the middle of nowhere
to really Okay, it's you know, it's not far. I
(22:25):
always heard it was in the middle of nowhere. It is,
you know, it's not down not Vegas' kind of bustling downtowns.
It's outside of Vegas because the laws are different outside
of it. How far from Vegas? What's it like? It's
like an hour an hour, No, it's longer than that.
I took a helicopter. I took the money copter. I'm
sure I think you are. That's where we stop talking. Yeah,
(22:46):
i'd answer.
Speaker 4 (22:46):
You, but I think you have a guy that googles
that ship, so I don't want to step on his
fucking nerd.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
Toes. No, it's a yeah, you can take a helicopter there.
I was with somebody more famous than me put it
that way. Uh, and he wasn't Jewish. Can we can
we try to guess he's doing it right?
Speaker 2 (23:06):
Here's the guy who wrote here yesterday six hours what
six hours from Vegas?
Speaker 1 (23:12):
Yeah? Six hours? Oh it's an hour helicopter right, yeah, yeah,
I gotcha. If you're on Molly, it's a quick ride. Yeah.
But the girls, I will The girls won't even partake there.
They're all clean. Like if you try to gig them stuff,
they won't do it. I've tried. Now, if you blow
your nut right away, you still hang there? Do you
have to get up and get ready?
Speaker 2 (23:31):
Well?
Speaker 1 (23:32):
To Pensivania know how she's doing it? To Bry I
usually go, and then Tom Megan walks out of the side.
You've killed this girl. Now, all that matters is our friendship.
There's no way I could have killed that girl. She
was giggling. I've done it before. No, you could go, Yeah,
(23:52):
I usually go. I don't want to talk to them,
you know, so we don't want to talk to me.
Speaker 4 (23:55):
So when you're done, you're done. You go back out
to the bar. Where do you go up to the girl?
Speaker 1 (24:00):
I want to make a bar to one. I go home?
But is it you get to jump on a helicopter.
I get right back on the copter. Just go back
to Yeah, me and Chris Harder get back on the copper.
Is there like a lounge or anything where you can
hang out? Yeah? Yeah, Yeah, there's a bus, there's a bar,
there's a little bar, a little pool table. It's very
similar to those ones we went to in Brazil. The
(24:20):
term did you make one of those trips there? Who
was on that trip?
Speaker 4 (24:24):
Patrice, Jimmy, anybody living there is a list of guys
who are are about to die, are really trying hard
to die.
Speaker 1 (24:41):
Those trips were legendary for you guys. Yeah, what did
you do there? Yeah? That was very similar. Though it's
the same.
Speaker 4 (24:45):
I think I would imagine that he he got the
same type of thing that they did because it was
very It was very well run, no problem.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
But is it a nice one? You have to girl?
The one there?
Speaker 4 (24:58):
You get a bracelet with a number on it, so
you have thirty six, you're eleven, you're twelve, but it's
got La County and no money's exchanged. Everything goes on
your number, and then when you leave, you just they
just they they swipe your credit card.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
So how many times did you catch Patri's looking at
your number? Seven? Well that's shore you got three whirly birds.
That's the funny part in this one.
Speaker 4 (25:19):
You get you get to hang at the bar and
you close and go into room and your naked. That one,
you have to go into a locker room, take your
clothes off, put on a robe.
Speaker 1 (25:25):
Of cops.
Speaker 4 (25:27):
So we're all hanging out in robes and we all
took viagra, so we're all just rocking rods in rows.
Speaker 1 (25:33):
So you had a boner with Norton, Yeah, well yeah,
none of us.
Speaker 4 (25:37):
First of all, none of us satisficking very big. Keith
was the only one where you could notice everyone else.
It was just just like having a robe, bobyn.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
Keith looks like he was trying to steal stuff. Man,
I'm wearing a roll, I got a lamp. Bobby.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
You gotta tell him about the briefcase with the dildo
with Oh, he wasn't a briefcas it was a duffel bag.
Speaker 1 (26:03):
Because he was started doing so much.
Speaker 4 (26:04):
That he didn't want to bang anymore. He just wanted
to make him come, so he why I don't know.
He just got into a dildo.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
I've never been in the same room as a woman
when they've come. I don't know what happens. I don't care.
Speaker 2 (26:18):
He brought a briefcase in here once and it was
glass till it was every type of glass, showing he
was he was walking us through all his hilldo what
each one does.
Speaker 4 (26:30):
Brooks goes foot massages, but basically what he had, okay
and glass till dos. And they came in these velvety,
really great looking mystical pouches.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
Right.
Speaker 4 (26:40):
He had a Duffel bag and every I would love
when you go through security and you see him put
that bag through the the ex ray machine. He would
just look right at the guy's face and then as
soon as he looked at him and go he just
shrug his shoulders and like, all right, whatever, because there
was nineteen dildos.
Speaker 1 (26:55):
In there, Ah, just waiting for the reaction. We called
them doctor do. Yeah, he taught us. He taught a
class one night. Yeah, we're looking for the pictures. He
taught a class how to make a hooker. Yeah, why
don't we just blow past that? What do you mean
he taught one night in his room. We were all
hanging out and there was a hooker there. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (27:15):
He's like, we're all busting his balls about his still
he goes, man, he was a man hooker.
Speaker 1 (27:19):
Yeah, guy Frank. He was from Jersey. He was, he was,
he was. He was doing a chef in turned.
Speaker 4 (27:25):
Down there one of the steakhouse now and he was like,
he was like, I can make her coming. And he
was just like watch this, and he showed us there's
a picture of Norton just looking like just like a yeah,
just like a science.
Speaker 1 (27:39):
Yeah, if only can make an audience come funny.
Speaker 4 (27:45):
He used to take him shop down like he would
take he would take him shopping.
Speaker 1 (27:51):
He bought one of them a TV. George take a
hooker shopping? Oh man, he bought him a TV. He
didn't want to take a girl shopping if she has
a tattoo of her dead brother on her neck, well
look at that. Oh my god, I know. Well that's
it's getting get choices. Well this is Brazil.
Speaker 3 (28:10):
Now.
Speaker 4 (28:11):
You see the one to the right that was what
do you mean, right see the right that one right there?
That yeah, that see that's what you go to it
there's like a room upstairs and all the girls are
like that really just hat just like that, but in
eh heels and and and bikinis.
Speaker 1 (28:25):
That looks like Row Boulevard every Saturday morning. Look at that.
Look at that ass.
Speaker 4 (28:29):
So you'd be upstairs and there was like a disco
tech and they have food and drinks.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
Yah, there's gotta be one that's just not picked a lot.
What happens to that now?
Speaker 4 (28:43):
No, no, because I mean it's a big it's big money. Yeah,
you know they're not gonna put That's like deja vus
in Vegas. Remember their slogan, we have one hundred pretty
girls and two ugly ones.
Speaker 1 (28:54):
And you walk in You're like, oh my god, it's
fucking true. Rushing with a mole would come over to you.
Do you want to I'm good? Hell, and you realize
I never went over lent. We'll continue that. Look at
those heels I got away. Those heels, how embarrassing. Look
at the times of this brode heels. You's got legs
like Greg, that's a little too like gluts there for man,
(29:17):
I don't know. Yeah, your young header locklayer, I think
so you got to walk.
Speaker 4 (29:24):
Up up the streets of the ffella and those heels,
your legs get strong.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
I know you're walking too much. Wheatie, you don't want
to see the separation of I should become a hooker
in Brazil. I fucking lose some weight, some nice lot
like that. What are you look at? Your girlfriend is
up here, she stayed up. People become a chacutary and
you're like, how's the hooker in Brazil thing going? They
make a lot of money. No, man, I bet right now.
I mean like I'm shopping for I don't know.
Speaker 4 (29:50):
Just everybody did their own thing. Everybody did their like
we called it the Matrix. But Norton would only come
out when the sun went down, like no Sparatu. We
would be by the pool all day, hanging out all
day long, at the at the Sheridan, hanging out women.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
What happens at the beach is out of the shed.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
It's a pool relatively like normal or yeah, the pool
is normal because there's a lot of security.
Speaker 1 (30:16):
You can't the pool was a little farther out from
the city. Is that a country where you get like
Mexico CITLD you get kidnaped, Yeah, you get killed, right,
you get Yeah, you get kidnapped too. I guess that's scary.
Speaker 4 (30:25):
Usually they yeah, you have to hire. We hired somebody
to hang with us, though, Did you have a boner?
Did by the end of the night.
Speaker 1 (30:33):
So you guys got this weekend free? What was the
American Comedy Awards two weeks? Week? Two weeks? They were
all middlers. You guys went down there for two weeks.
That's insane. So the money was two to one? We met. Wait,
let me get these dates right, No, of course not
(30:54):
how many times I made a mistake. I was there
and I overlapped. No, I was not. It was it
was not married at the time. Were you guys out
of your minds? After two weeks? So did you want
to come home early? Or you wanted to live there?
Did you? Yeah?
Speaker 4 (31:06):
You had these eleven going Bobby, you know, go to
a Medica you stay, Bobby Bluetoo. All right, I'm hanging
out with a chick I would never get back in
America and she check her for your name, stayed Bobby, Bravo, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:16):
Because me cause me three dollars a day for her.
You gotta be careful. You think she'd have the same
attitude if you brought her back to the States.
Speaker 4 (31:22):
No, she'd leave me in two seconds to gil she
gets back up. She saw Gilbert's fucking website.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
As soon as you get back here. She got it.
She gotta, she got to cross the class. Yeah, y,
she got a new trip bullet with Kale coming. Can
you introduce me to Dan's cook please as Oh my god,
that looks like the uh the eyes wide shut parties
watch the other password. She's got a dumpy. That's a
(31:49):
big ass.
Speaker 4 (31:50):
I think that's a smushdown shot though you think, yeah
that that is not a because he made it big
on that TV.
Speaker 1 (31:58):
It's a little smosh This does not look like a
trun prevent.
Speaker 2 (32:00):
Yeah, we're trying to find the pictures of the glass
dildos from that day when Patrice came in and.
Speaker 1 (32:07):
Google Patris glass dildos.
Speaker 2 (32:09):
You know we're going to our archivery find it for you, guys.
Ship We might find it right on the internet.
Speaker 1 (32:16):
Talking about what if the picture him Todd Glass, We'll
find it. Gilbert's playing Caroline starting what.
Speaker 2 (32:33):
What?
Speaker 1 (32:34):
I'm just trying to get you in the conversation. Yes,
Caroline starting tomorrow night. I heard they're gonna play Norwegian Wood.
There yeah, version, and what would that one be? Yeah?
A little wordy, little little And how's the podcast going?
Speaker 3 (32:55):
On? The podcast Gilbert Gotfread's Amazing Colossal podcast subscribed by
I just don't piss off his host.
Speaker 1 (33:03):
And my story.
Speaker 3 (33:04):
There no documentary about me, Gilbert's gonna be at.
Speaker 1 (33:10):
How are we out of Creamer's Greek guy? How are
we out of Kreamer? No? But butter, so you got
your own documentary? Yeah? How many guys you have to
call over that? No? That is I mean you are
(33:33):
Come on, you're a legend, Gilbert.
Speaker 3 (33:34):
Right, I guess this this it was this guy's idea.
Speaker 1 (33:38):
Yeah, so what is it? So what you want to
side alive? Ah? That must be a long segment. No,
but you're like, do we go through your childhood? And
where does the documentary? People like photos of my child
to child him. I found out what Gilberts old man
did for a living, I know for twenty I fot
you found out that? Do you cover that what he
does for Yeah? He has found Yeah.
Speaker 3 (34:01):
It was a hardware store he had Coney Island really yeah,
and we lived in the apartment above the hardware store.
Speaker 1 (34:11):
Did you ever do anything in the store? You know
you were making a header.
Speaker 3 (34:21):
He would have me down there every now and then,
allegedly working, But I never did a thing there.
Speaker 1 (34:29):
Just off, he said to his wife, we're out of wood.
You ever walked out with a were out of two
by fours? Would you shield from your father like nails
whatever they have?
Speaker 2 (34:45):
That's so old joyces running a hardware store as you
guys are living upstairs.
Speaker 1 (34:49):
Oh yeah? Was he ever? Was the ever home? Or
was he always just downstairs aboarding you guys? I think
nothing screamed new school about the drowsy how how how
long did he own it for?
Speaker 3 (35:00):
Oh god, for a number of years? And I never
saw any real customers in there.
Speaker 1 (35:10):
Uh no. But you know what was funny?
Speaker 3 (35:13):
He had he he an hour ago he had.
Speaker 1 (35:22):
One model airplane. He had a model airplane in a box. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (35:30):
And back then everyone all these kids were sniffing glue,
so they passed.
Speaker 1 (35:37):
A long boy.
Speaker 3 (35:38):
Yeah, they passed a law that in order to buy glue,
you have to also buy a model. Sure, and my
father would sell his model airplane.
Speaker 1 (35:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (35:54):
No, he would sell it like a few times a
day because they would buy it and throw out in
the garbage and.
Speaker 1 (36:02):
Like go take it out of the garbage, dust it off.
So it's one hundred percent proud. I'm trying to you,
but I don't know what just came, you know, what
happened how China Town? So in the dumpster? Did he
see all his model airplanes at the end of that
(36:23):
he had one? Yeah, he was always they would buy
it and you look like Lloyd Bridges an airplane?
Speaker 2 (36:29):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (36:30):
Was was he onto it? Or did he just think
that people really liked model? There? He was on? He
would was he when they bought that? And the glue?
Speaker 3 (36:40):
He would like count to seven and I want to
revise again and then go outside, put his hand into
the trash can outside and dust it off and put
the model airplane back.
Speaker 1 (36:53):
He was truly selling that, the same one over and
over again. Yeah. So did you try the glue? Thank you?
I never tried sniffing glue. That to me. Did you
ever do any drugs?
Speaker 3 (37:07):
I you know, I used to smoke grass years.
Speaker 1 (37:13):
Everybody says that that is it now? Weed? Is it
weed now? Or it's whatever? It's whatever, you know, like
Hannamontan of tweets that day, Oh yes, I'm smoking the Marajucci.
Did you like the marijuana.
Speaker 3 (37:30):
Marijuana, I would feel like when I first smoked it,
I feel incredibly happy, and then I go what am
I so happy about? And then I get depressed? Thing,
and I'd be thinking everyone walking down the street is
staring at me, and.
Speaker 1 (37:50):
You should never the meso paranoia and rip your face off.
Speaker 3 (37:56):
Absolutely, And if I was talking to some I think,
have I been talking for two seconds or five hours?
Speaker 1 (38:06):
Well? Do you want to know what this sea is like?
Speaker 2 (38:07):
Yes, we got to get Gilbert Hsin. Yes, that guy
got a lot of pussy back then, Right, Gilbert, you.
Speaker 1 (38:27):
Look a good looking guy. He looked like all the sweathogs.
Gilbert's mother. Look at that one? Which one? What nationality
are you? Gilbert? You look Indian? I know I back
then everyone thought I was Puerto Rican. What are you
just a Jew? Russian Jew? Yeah? Russian? You staying with
(38:51):
this big for a while that I got to know
you on MTV? Is that you? He's a young boy.
Who's that young boy? I don't know who? Yeah? This
is uh what that's nice? Who'd you follow that? Nice?
Tim Allen's coke dealer? Look at that? Is that real? Makeup?
(39:11):
What we're looking at? What is that? That that looks
like they painted it on the peak chair. Is that
you were in the Insane Clown Posse? I was on
this show. Yeah, I did their show one. They have
a show they did.
Speaker 4 (39:26):
I did it too. You just sat with him and
went over videos. Oh yeah, Shaggy Tunes goes over his felonies.
Speaker 1 (39:31):
And then I did what did I do that? That
other thing? Yeah? What's that? Did? How was that? Surprisingly?
I did? Okay? I think they would love you over there, Yeah,
because I mean people have had like razors. Did you
get hit with a bottle of Fago? They have that
(39:53):
bottle of a white trash sort of a cola and
they launched it out into the crowd without telling people
and it hit a woman who wasn't looking, and they
she sued them on The Stern Show. Shaggy to Dublin.
She was in a coma. She was in a coma
for due. They didn't says you were gonna hit with
(40:14):
a twenty liter bottle Fago. There is Fago, that's ther
that's your thing. What does it taste like? Tastes I
never tried it, but it tastes like Detroit. It tastes
like the flint water supply that's why didn't you open
up a water park in Flint? Gilbert taking a bath
with that one? Who have you had on the podcast lately?
Speaker 4 (40:38):
Me?
Speaker 2 (40:39):
Yes, well yeah, but he goes old timers man, What
do you mean he goes real old in Hollywood Van Dyke?
Speaker 1 (40:46):
We had a Yeah, he is. That's all the kids
of the Scape plus Skateboard Park talk about. Is that
an interview Bruce Stern? Oh, he's great, He's awesome. We
had him. How was Nick Van Dyke? I also right?
I mean he was the biggest thing in the world
for a long time.
Speaker 4 (41:03):
Yeah, I mean dance, sing, comedy, TV movies.
Speaker 1 (41:08):
That's all they talked about.
Speaker 3 (41:09):
One four cast members of the original Batman, Adam West,
Burt Ward, and two of the catwomen, Julie Newmar and
Lee merry Weather.
Speaker 1 (41:19):
How do they look? Did subscriptions fly up everywhere? Burt
Wood's brother even canceled. Who's the one with the big dick,
is it? Burt Ward? Oh? Yeah, Burke, Ann Harriet, there
(41:41):
you go. That's your coach star, right, No, that's I
we gliash. Is that the glass door alone? Yeah? Dick
Van Dyke? Did he tell you a car story? Car?
Crash or something like that. No, watch this one. He
told the story that was funny in nineteen thirty eight.
I'm trying to remember something. Yeah, but I got into
(42:03):
a car craft. I'm trying to I was rich and little.
Oh that was good.
Speaker 4 (42:09):
Do you think he's a good impressionist?
Speaker 3 (42:17):
I saw I saw a poster when I was working
in Vegas of Rich Little a Night with Jimmy Stewart.
Speaker 1 (42:28):
I want to see Jimmy Steward.
Speaker 3 (42:31):
It's like without seeing it. I know it worked for
words without seeing a script, without seeing the because it
would be well like while on but I worked with
John Wayne Hey Pilgrim.
Speaker 1 (42:49):
For a bo Yeah. What about you see Fred traveling
the wridding wood half over the well time the first
time he was on Carson. Yeah. Fred Travelina used to
do a bit about if Charles Nelson Riley were Fredo
and the GODSMA like, why were you looked over? I
(43:11):
don't know. I guess I'm just different.
Speaker 3 (43:15):
Fred Fred Travelina did.
Speaker 1 (43:19):
This was one of those nut there.
Speaker 3 (43:22):
Fred Travelina was one Timeline Mike Douglas do you want.
Speaker 1 (43:26):
A crow bar? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (43:28):
And the Batman movie was out where Jack Nicholson was
the joke so he decides to do the entire interview
in full Batman Fred Travelina as Nicholson as Batman, as
Nicholson as the.
Speaker 1 (43:46):
Joker, the full outfit on the big white.
Speaker 3 (43:50):
Brim and it was obvious like in the first two
seconds this was a mistake. But by now he can't
he can't go oh and and now he's burnt Lancaster.
Speaker 1 (44:04):
He can't do that. He's in the full outfit. It
was so married to that, and he stuck in it
for how long like the entire segment. Oh, and then there.
Speaker 3 (44:18):
Was another time that show, uh Friday Night Videos where
they would get to uh.
Speaker 1 (44:26):
You know, you know you should say after that story.
And then there was another.
Speaker 3 (44:29):
Time and they had on it was Louisander saying, I
forget they had some girl mimic like maybe Louise.
Speaker 1 (44:50):
So she in the segment.
Speaker 3 (44:55):
Segment would come out as a different singer, like she'd
be dressed up as Sis and.
Speaker 1 (45:05):
Trance.
Speaker 3 (45:08):
She she comes out in one segment as share the
typical thing, slapping the hair back out of her face
and you know.
Speaker 1 (45:20):
And again and I'm gonna share if I could turn
back time.
Speaker 3 (45:30):
So Louis Anderson is plugging his book in that segment
how his father was also who would beat his mother.
And so he's there going, yeah, I mean fine my money,
and and I would cry and bed and wish that
(45:51):
my father would die.
Speaker 1 (45:53):
And she is stuck as share. So she's trying of
so she's.
Speaker 3 (45:58):
Going, yo, really she's trying to be sincere.
Speaker 1 (46:05):
You wish she was? My question, where's the bed you
can fit on this? That's the love you true ship.
You didn't have the story. Bullshit you on a bed
(46:29):
the crane of the port that she was a share
to the whole. Yeah, that ship going to moonstruck pitch.
Speaker 4 (46:43):
Poor louis under a bed, geze under a bed, two
legs of the better off the ground.
Speaker 1 (46:50):
Are you telling me there's a guy on to that bed?
Is it a sea sawrow bed? You're telling me the
preman comic that Jesus, Oh my god, I love you,
I love you? You share this an Indian guy. I
gotta be a slurping alright, I have I have Rodney
(47:14):
modern Rodney for like uh like the terrorists, like his act.
Now she was known as a tuber, little birk hers fellow.
All right, we have to take a break.
Speaker 3 (47:31):
We yeah, we really do for your mind. Did anybody
here ever see b Less Bless God? That was on
TV God that when you were growing up?
Speaker 4 (47:42):
No?
Speaker 1 (47:42):
No, the movie Burlesque with Chare and Christina the new version. Yeah,
why the jaw dropping? How about about what made it
jaw dropping? So bad? Okay, so awful? Right, have a
this Let's go out with this song, paperback that song perfectly? Boy? Hey,
(48:17):
I told the guys now, don't leave that song alone.
Don't worry about Yeah, all.
Speaker 2 (48:20):
Right, we got already line Gilbert Gottfried and Bob Kelly.
Speaker 1 (48:23):
Who needs a plug? Let's start with alty. What do
you got already crashing on HBO? I got a bunch
of stan crashing on HBO. I got a bunch of
stand up coming up. I'm actually friding on. I'm in
Detroit at the Motor City Casino, and then I'm at
the Funny Borne in Saint Louis. Uh So I'm going
backwards in my career. A week later shows What Tell
(48:48):
What You're Gonna Die? Which, Yeah, Sheridan, I'll be gonna
get sweet. It's just a figure of him on the floor.
Speaker 2 (49:06):
And Gilbert where I'm You're gonna be at Caroline's Thursday
through Saturday here in New I am right.
Speaker 1 (49:13):
I don't know. I thought it was. Oh, we assume
that he is a Carolina. If you want to hear
the share story again my mo on tomorrow, Yeah, Friday,
I said, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Just Thursday, Thursday.
Speaker 3 (49:28):
Just Thursday, Jo My podcast, Gilbert got Pread's amazing, colossal podcast, myke.
Speaker 1 (49:35):
Who does just Thursday, just Thursdays a little weird. My
website Gilbert gottfree dot com. And my documentary Why are
you doing just Thursday? I don't know, I've always done
it that.
Speaker 3 (49:47):
My documentary is Gilbert and it's opening at Tribeca.
Speaker 4 (49:53):
Nice congratulations and Bob Kelly, it's been a while, Bobby.
Speaker 1 (49:57):
I'm in San Francisco Thursday, No Friday, Saturday, Sunday. I'm
at Cobbs in San Francis. That's a great club.
Speaker 4 (50:05):
And then I'm at uhself by Southwest doing shows with
the laugh Button with everybody al magical, uh Tim Dillon
napergats We're doing a big show. I'm doing my podcast
live out there, doing the podcast live. I'm doing a
show out there. I'm doing voss is gonna be out there.
I'm gonna do his show.
Speaker 1 (50:22):
I'm gonna be the guest whatever that fuck the guest THERAPISTNA,
you're gonna be busy The Beatles cover of Johnny Because.
Speaker 4 (50:30):
Good.
Speaker 1 (50:31):
And then I'm all over the place. Check out Robert
at live dot com. We're gonna take a quick breaks there.
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