Don't Joke About Trump - Live at Gebhards

Join Opie for a wild and hilarious episode of the Opie Radio podcast, broadcast live from Gebhards in the heart of New York City! This time, Opie is joined by comedian Chris Ferretti, aka Jersey Ferretti, for a no-holds-barred conversation that dives into UFO conspiracies, questionable Trump merchandise, and cringe-worthy childhood stories. From Matt's mysterious disappearance in a black van to Chris's tales of smoking at nine and his parents' wildly different approaches to "the talk," this episode is packed with laughs, nostalgia, and plenty of off-the-wall moments. Plus, hear about ZZ Top's epic after-party, questionable fashion choices, and why belts were a teenage necessity. Tune in for a raucous good time with Opie and Chris at Gebhards!

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
There we are. What's going on? What's going on? Is right?

Speaker 2 (00:03):
We are live at deb Hot, the.

Speaker 1 (00:06):
Heart of New York City.

Speaker 2 (00:08):
And this isn't Matt, the owner of Debt, the on
version of the Wish version.

Speaker 1 (00:17):
Yeah, Matt's not here. Man, very sad he was. He
was taking away in a black van.

Speaker 2 (00:22):
He's got uf UFO footage from upstate that he's been
bragging about and showing everybody, and uh and uh, all
of a sudden, the authorities are like, we're interested in
you and your UFO footage. So they they pulled up
to get parts and they threw him in a black van.
And we haven't seen him in what two or three
days now.

Speaker 1 (00:40):
So so you know, our life goes on.

Speaker 2 (00:43):
So I decided, you know what, I might as well
invite uh one of our new friends, comedian Chris Ferretti,
also known as Jersey for Red.

Speaker 1 (00:51):
What's going on? Everybody?

Speaker 2 (00:53):
He's a pumpkin spice latte guy.

Speaker 1 (00:57):
You're tight.

Speaker 2 (00:59):
The day that passes, Sarah, I'll have you know, lower
your mic there, Chris Freddie. You don't wanna, you don't
wanna blow the ears of all the people out there
checking out our live drink from Death parts.

Speaker 1 (01:09):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:09):
He likes tight Hawaiian Uh, they're getting. He loves showing
chest hair. Look, I could show some chest hairy chest hair.

Speaker 1 (01:19):
Huh, what do you shave your chest hair?

Speaker 3 (01:21):
No?

Speaker 1 (01:21):
Absolutely not. You gotta let it fly, man.

Speaker 2 (01:23):
I have to shave my chest hair or it's some
kind of I don't know, it's some kind of birth defect.

Speaker 1 (01:29):
My chest hair would grow out to you, it just
continues to grow. Got a five o'clock shadow on your chest.

Speaker 2 (01:36):
No man like long chest like wiry, and it would
literally be out to hear.

Speaker 1 (01:42):
No problem, no problem.

Speaker 2 (01:43):
So I have to I do what's called the uh,
the summer shave down.

Speaker 1 (01:50):
Yeah. Uh does your wife shave your body for you?

Speaker 4 (01:53):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (01:54):
My god, Jesus you yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:55):
Yeah, Well I well, you know, I also have back
hair that gets a little out of control and I
I uh and my my uh, my armpits.

Speaker 1 (02:05):
The hair would literally beat down a here. I'm not joking.

Speaker 2 (02:08):
So so every summer I shave a swimmer. You just
fucking shave yourself all the way down. I don't go
skin though, by shave it. I shave it nice. I
can do my arms, I can do my chest, I
can do my legs.

Speaker 3 (02:19):
I can do my taint, enjoy that in the chat,
enjoy that, enjoy that image.

Speaker 1 (02:27):
I can welcome for that. No, I don't do my
light in the air shaving. No, I don't do my tink.

Speaker 2 (02:35):
But uh, the hard to reach area is my back,
and my back hair gets kind of gnarmally. So we
go on the top deck of my my house out east,
and then she shaves down my back and the hair.
Because it's once a year, the hair has huge clumps
and it just starts floating because it's nice and breezy
out there. And I swear you'll see the birds flying

(02:58):
back towards us with some of the hair in their beaks.

Speaker 1 (03:02):
Makes a nice little nest. Yeah, so they can, so
they can build a nest for themselves.

Speaker 2 (03:06):
Yes, nice little But you you don't have to shave
your chest hair.

Speaker 1 (03:10):
No, I don't know. You you gotta leave it out.

Speaker 2 (03:13):
Do you like showing off your your chest showing off
with your with your Italian chain? What you kind of
stereotypical a little bit with the chest hair and the
Italian chain?

Speaker 1 (03:24):
Is there a horn? Are you aroused? Where you keep
going out this thing for? Were you just leaving alone?
I'm not used to guys showing off their chest hair.

Speaker 3 (03:32):
That's all man, this is twenty twenty five. We got
to bring back a little masculinity.

Speaker 2 (03:36):
All right, it's all good, brother, But I'm more worried
about you and your your pumpkin spice Lotte.

Speaker 1 (03:41):
Oh, I don't drink that ship. Why.

Speaker 3 (03:43):
Usually stick with water and just like you know, some expresso. Actually,
oh you do a little express, a little espresso. You
do the sambuca and espresso. No, not a big drink
or so don't drink I do, uh do it like
a little cappuccino sometimes, but normally espresso, a little crappucino,
a little because that ship could.

Speaker 1 (04:04):
Roll right through you, rolling, rolling, rolling.

Speaker 2 (04:07):
Oh yeah, but we're here to get hots. I'm uh,
I'm having a I'm having what is this skyt Watson.
It's just called garage. It's garage something on the on
the menu. All right, So, uh, here's the Matt. I
hope the authorities uh bring him back to us soon.
I hope not neuralized. But who knows? The UFO phenomenon

(04:33):
is out of fucking control. Do you know anything about
the UFOs? Do you know anything about three I at lists?
Do you know anything about the the organism that's growing
in Panama off the media righte that the guy found
that I don't know you saw.

Speaker 4 (04:45):
I just saw it this morning was pretty funky. They
started growing something on meteorite.

Speaker 2 (04:50):
Supposedly the guy found a media orite, and then it
was an organism and it has been growing and uh,
it's alive.

Speaker 1 (04:54):
And then he's trying to tell the world there's for
entertainment purposes.

Speaker 2 (04:57):
But now he's telling the world that the authorities hold
him it was for entertainment purposes because I think his
numbers dropped and he like dropped, so he's.

Speaker 1 (05:07):
Like, no, no, actually they can't.

Speaker 2 (05:10):
No, dude, if this thing was a real organism from
a meteorite that's growing in front of your eyes, they
would take you, the media and the organism and you
would never be found again.

Speaker 1 (05:21):
Right in the jail cell right next to Matt get Pat.

Speaker 2 (05:24):
By the way, this is a Trump free zone because
we don't want to get in trouble with the Trump.
We don't want to be thrown into black vans for
making fun of Trump.

Speaker 1 (05:32):
So this is a Trump free zone. This afternoon, you
got Trump sneaking.

Speaker 2 (05:40):
Trump sneakers, Do you really what do they look like
are they They're they're very orange right now, they're very white.

Speaker 1 (05:45):
They're very white, blue and red, white and blue. Do
they have Nike? Do they have the Maga thing on them? No?
Magat I think they do. Is your Trump close to you? Oh?
Go get your fucking Trump.

Speaker 2 (05:56):
Sneakers don't Chris Chris, Chris, No, no, no Trump a little?

Speaker 1 (06:04):
No, Trump doesn't just a little. Trump doesn't like joke,
doesn't like it. You don't like it. I don't like
sneakers very nice. Don't make fun of the Trump. No,
we're not making fun of him. We're not making fun
all right. Well Trump, then let me ask you. I
forgot all right, I want to hear it. What's your
thoughts on Well, I have to tell you.

Speaker 3 (06:27):
I think we all shot coming. We all show you know,
he's he's very divisive, not like me. I bring everyone together. Sure,
he's very divisive. You're you're the You're our lord and savior.
So I want to thank you for that. But yeah,
you're you seem pretty happy that the Kimmel is no more.

Speaker 1 (06:45):
Well, you know we are. We knew that it was coming.

Speaker 3 (06:48):
We all show it happening, much like Matt getting pulled
away in a black man shot coming it was gonna happen.

Speaker 2 (06:53):
Yeah, why did you take our our mat away from us?
Because I think you're responsible for everything.

Speaker 1 (06:58):
I thought that. I thought I was doing your favorite.

Speaker 3 (07:00):
I thought I was gonna give you a break, you know,
just give me a little break from Matt, a little
bit of like, maybe tone it down a little bit
with the mushrooms.

Speaker 1 (07:08):
Stop watching the universe being born inside of a tent.

Speaker 3 (07:12):
Time to pull it back a little bit, to take
It's time for back to pull it back a little bit.

Speaker 1 (07:16):
I think a little bit. I think it's I think
it's time.

Speaker 3 (07:18):
You know, he's the only person I know that went
to Area fifty one and got blocked.

Speaker 1 (07:22):
Okay, yeah, we've had enough. We don't want him there anymore.
You're you're done with the shrooms? Yeah? Did you ever
do shrooms? Trump Oh, let me tell you show you've done.
Of course.

Speaker 3 (07:37):
I'm sorry, mister Trumpet, sorry that it made fun of you.

Speaker 1 (07:41):
I'm sorry we're having a guy imitate you today. Please
please leave me alone. I hope he was having a flashback,
just to ignore that for once.

Speaker 2 (07:47):
Well, he called me and Anthony slops back in the day,
so well, I mean, like you know, you gotta call
a slop.

Speaker 3 (07:53):
You gotta call it the way you see it. You
gotta call it. I mean, everyone knows.

Speaker 2 (07:57):
Do you remember, do you remember calling the slops? Well,
I mean, I don't have to came on our show.
Tell me the story.

Speaker 1 (08:03):
Sorry, you came on our show to go after Rosie O'donnald.
That is true. You and her have been battling it out.
She's a fat pig. We all know that she's a
fat pig. Continue, so far, so good.

Speaker 2 (08:14):
And you were on our show and uh and we
allowed you to, you know, go after the Rosie on
the world famous Opien Anthony shown me and Anthony jokes
this was That is the alarm.

Speaker 1 (08:26):
That is the alarm. You're about to say something very
nasty about man saying nasty things about me. Start the alarm. Now, no, no,
this is what I've been saying on my Oh I
forgot our our new sponsor Fedexes.

Speaker 5 (08:39):
Thank you or fair fee fair Fat. Our sponsor today
is fat Fair Iron on the periodic table.

Speaker 3 (08:50):
We are sponsored by Iron is fi Iron.

Speaker 1 (08:53):
Yeah, I didn't know if he was Iron. That's very cool.

Speaker 2 (08:55):
So you know Trump was on the Opien Anthony show
beating the ship out of Roseanne.

Speaker 1 (08:59):
It was a lot of fun.

Speaker 2 (09:01):
Next day, me and Anthony joked joke that Trump needed
our big, huge audience to get the word out on
Rosie O'Donnell right, And uh, he.

Speaker 1 (09:12):
Got so mad by that, even though it was a joke,
and he called the slobs.

Speaker 2 (09:15):
And I actually have an article from the New York
Post where it says Trump called Open Anthony slobs.

Speaker 3 (09:21):
I mean I was gonna call you degenerates. I mean
I thought slabs was an improvement. I thought I was like,
you know, I thought I was doing kid gloves. I
thought I was being nice. You weren't being nice.

Speaker 1 (09:30):
I thought it was being nice. Uh, oh, Matt's here, Yes,
what the fuck Matt's here?

Speaker 2 (09:38):
Oh thanks CHRISO Fhreddie. It's been wonderful, take care, good night,
get your plugs in. It's been wonderful.

Speaker 3 (09:45):
I know.

Speaker 2 (09:46):
Scott Watson is here and he uh it's showing tell
on this on the live stream today.

Speaker 1 (09:52):
Uh, these are here, give them a mic. These are legit. See, man,
you know we all got one.

Speaker 2 (09:59):
I got one his David Scott Watson, he's got a
dose shirt.

Speaker 1 (10:02):
That's kind of already getting good looks for this one.
Look at the.

Speaker 2 (10:06):
Dose shirt that get all the way, that's already old.
That's already old. Yeah, and now and it's Trump's this.
This is a life man. You got some you got
some back.

Speaker 3 (10:19):
Hair like freedom. Look at that. Oh my god, American
freedom I'm giving away.

Speaker 1 (10:25):
Smell lit no freedom. Get in there. You don't wear
them at lower the mic there, missus, drop lower the mic,
lower the mic, lower the mic. I thought you would.
I thought you got taken away. You're still gonna do
it without me? Well, I'm sorry you should be, but
I feel so uninvited. You you're invited.

Speaker 2 (10:47):
They were taken away by a black man because of
your UFO footage.

Speaker 1 (10:51):
That's what the people are saying. There's mad here he is.
I got out of the van. They didn't get me
too far. Wait are you joining us? I'm working and
I could you your for at few minutes. Come on in,
be a subtle little bit. Matt's not's here all right?
There he goes, Look at how great of a prison?

(11:12):
And I am I released him? Here, give me your sneaker?

Speaker 6 (11:14):
Did you see he wanted he got Trump sneakers? The
pillow this is are you go? Oh my god, you
can water ski with those things.

Speaker 2 (11:28):
Chris Faretti, you better get all your stuff in because
you know I'm about to tell you to beat it.

Speaker 1 (11:32):
All right, great, so I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I guess
I'm getting out of here. I'm kidding. Uh. How you been,
Chris FERRETTI good, it's been good man.

Speaker 3 (11:42):
You know, I gotta tell you a lot of people
think I'm a bad president. Look how great of a
guy I am. You said you didn't you didn't like Matt.
I got rid of Matt. Then you said you want
him back. I bring him back. Now you just you're
like a spoiled child. Hey, I give you what you want.
You still can blame and I love you anyway. The
slap that you are I disgusting slap, but I love slaps.
You don't know that I love slab. Look at Chris Christie.
Think I want somebody. I love a slab. A lot

(12:04):
of people don't realize I love a slab. I love
a good slab. Chris Christy is kind of slobby.

Speaker 1 (12:11):
I like a slab. You know. Yeah, he's got problems.
Anyone that has to pull their pants up to their nipples.

Speaker 2 (12:20):
They got problems, they got problems.

Speaker 1 (12:23):
It's pretty big.

Speaker 2 (12:24):
Don't you go suspenders at that point, because the suspenders
kind of.

Speaker 1 (12:28):
Make you look kind of cool. Right.

Speaker 3 (12:30):
You know a lot of people think that that disgusting
air quality problem we had, they thought that it was
because of the Canadian wildfires.

Speaker 1 (12:37):
But that's actually a cover story.

Speaker 3 (12:38):
The road stories is that Chris Christie had a little
broccoli the night before and then.

Speaker 1 (12:42):
He just destroyed the air. Horrible but a terrible guy,
and I covered for him. I covered slob.

Speaker 2 (12:49):
But mister Trump, some people say you shouldn't be making
fun of Chris Christy because you're not in the best
shape either.

Speaker 3 (12:53):
First of all, I'm not saying I didn't say that.
That is not true say that. Look at these six
pack fabs. These are incredible.

Speaker 1 (13:01):
Wow. I have one pack, just just one. I'm working
on the other five, but I have one open, all right,
I'm working on. My god, can we bring Christopher ready
back before we get in trouble for and scene exactly?

Speaker 3 (13:16):
Maddie, Oh please back from the black fan Come in here, sir,
I'm Maddi.

Speaker 2 (13:22):
Oh my god, Well Chris just gives up the scene.

Speaker 1 (13:31):
Oh my god, how you been mad? No, Chris, come in.
I was joking. Oh bye Chris, Oh my god, Christ,
we're back doing this, bitch? How you been all right?
All right? How about you? Good man? How's life? How's life?
How's life?

Speaker 7 (13:48):
Is it good?

Speaker 1 (13:48):
Huh? How's your tranny?

Speaker 3 (13:50):
VI?

Speaker 1 (13:51):
Trinity? You're tranny? Yeah? Training should be just fine. And
have you been in a tent lately checking out the
birth of the un No? No tense, no tense. You
saw the birth again? But no, I'm writing that thing.
What do you mean perfectly unblown? T Oh, that's that's it.
It's all back together. You're one. Oh that's the other one.

(14:13):
I don't know. I can't. That's my side. Oh you
got a little side piece that you ride around? All right?
She did? But that's it for life. What's going on?
Working man? Working quite a bit. It's my mom's birthday
on Saturday.

Speaker 2 (14:32):
You didn't get her any I didn't, dude. She wants
something dinner. How about you get her flowers? Or how
about you get her get her one of those fruit
things that looked like flowers, edie, edible arrangements?

Speaker 1 (14:45):
Could she still handle fruit? Actually? I got an exterminator.
You got it? You got her an exterminator.

Speaker 8 (14:53):
There's a new being in the house and she doesn't
know what it is.

Speaker 1 (14:57):
So her birthdayator. Oh, it's for her house. Okay, it's
worry about little nibblers. What do you think it is?
So is it? Because it's not a mouse, but it
choos like a mounse? That could be right? Wait where
she lives a world up state, so it could be.

Speaker 2 (15:16):
No, there's not a lot of rats up there, right,
it could be a Chipmunk's possible. How about a chipmunk.

Speaker 1 (15:24):
A chipmunk could be It could definitely be that. I
hope it is. It could be wrong. The sawdust to night.
So are they Are they trying to trap this thing?
I hope so. But they said everybody's got to get
out of the house for an hour and a half.

Speaker 8 (15:41):
So I'm like, they're gonna go in swat style, some
flash bangs, covering fire.

Speaker 1 (15:48):
They just don't want you to know that you yeah,
we got the termites. Yeah, they don't want you to
know that you paid good money.

Speaker 2 (15:54):
They're gonna go in there with pots and pants and
they're gonna smoke weed.

Speaker 1 (15:58):
Yeah, exactly, it's fine. You're just imagine.

Speaker 2 (16:00):
Yeah, I think we got him, We got him? What
happened the flashbacks? Oh damn, that's that's that's hard.

Speaker 1 (16:12):
The old coming out already. He's breaking them out early,
for sure. That's some v f W humor. Got a
little v f W humor fut humor too.

Speaker 2 (16:26):
Hey, here you go, there they're watching. I thought ez
Top last night we had a in here. It's it's
only z Top. Now it's only z Top. Yeah, who's
the new The new guy was one of their guitar
texts right right that they put in the main spot
now right, Yeah.

Speaker 1 (16:45):
I guess Dusty.

Speaker 2 (16:45):
Uh.

Speaker 8 (16:46):
Dusty Hill on his deathbed said, uh that he wanted
what's his name?

Speaker 1 (16:51):
I don't want ah man, No, I don't show the people.

Speaker 2 (16:57):
Let's keep inflating her. Mate, That knee and arm should
pop right out with a bit more air. God, damn,
you must be a hoot around joke. Who doesn't like
a good PSI joke?

Speaker 1 (17:14):
Though nobody doesn't like that. I love PSI jokes. I
could tell PSI jokes all day long. Uh so what
doesn't now? Dusty Hill on his deathbed said, give it
to this guy? Yeah it was his name. I don't
know his name. Oh, he'll come to me thanks to me.
It doesn't matter. Does he sound uh great, he's great.
Do they sound like zz Top? He do? I mean
you played the bass like you played the basis, right? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (17:36):
And he watched he watched Dusty play the bass for
forty years or something.

Speaker 1 (17:40):
And does he didn't sing that much?

Speaker 2 (17:41):
Right? A little bit, a little uh like a little
harmonizing fifty Yeah?

Speaker 1 (17:46):
Did he do that? Did he do the.

Speaker 3 (17:48):
I'm man, why after what we've been looking for?

Speaker 1 (17:55):
Because the Beacon doesn't do so many rock shows anymore.

Speaker 8 (17:58):
So we're stuck with science and they're not going pregaming
or post gaming after Neil the Gas, So we need.

Speaker 1 (18:05):
A little bit of rock shows around the corn oh
to help the bar?

Speaker 3 (18:08):
Right?

Speaker 1 (18:09):
Great? Wait, so you have this zz top crew in here? Oh? Nice?
They should have showed up. Does Billy Gibbons look old
as dirt? Now? He is? But he moves, he moves.
He's got to be come on, man, he's older than that. No,
I don't think so. Seventy five is still doing all right?

Speaker 2 (18:27):
He looks seventy five when I he always looks seventy five.

Speaker 1 (18:30):
I met him on the second album.

Speaker 2 (18:32):
I met him briefly backstage at a show in Buffalo,
and he looks seventy five back then.

Speaker 1 (18:37):
And this is no joke. It's got to be thirty.
It's got to be at least thirty years ago, at least. Yeah,
So what's your favorite ZZ? Top song? Might be brown sugar?
Oh you turned me on a brown sugar?

Speaker 2 (18:52):
Yeah, and it's not the Stones, man, it's off the
first album.

Speaker 1 (18:55):
I rolled through that because of you. It's so good.
Holy did well.

Speaker 2 (19:02):
The Stones can't The Stones can't do brown sugar anymore.
He's seventy five years old. Stones can't do brown sugar anymore. No, Nope,
too racist. Oh yeah, all of a sudden, it's too racist.
I told them they Trump, it was Trump.

Speaker 1 (19:21):
It was Trump.

Speaker 2 (19:21):
He's like Trump said, no more Kimmel and no more
brown sugar. Oh, Ship, don't joke about Trump. I don't
want to get Don't joke about the Trump for real. Man,
they will pull you away.

Speaker 1 (19:33):
Listen. Everyone's getting a pair of sneakers. You can know that.

Speaker 3 (19:36):
Everyone that doesn't joke about me, it's a bear of sneakers.
That's what's gonna happen. Scott, He's first on the list.

Speaker 1 (19:41):
We got a fan writer. Yeah, sure, I set this
ship up. Hold on, let's uh there you go. Wait,
who are you bro? John? I'm uh oh, you don't
want to be honest? Then well we're kind of live
stream John, there you go. How many people are watching?

(20:08):
A million? Yeah? About twelve? I don't know.

Speaker 2 (20:14):
Thanks John, We got we got a dord thing, all right.

Speaker 1 (20:21):
I can, I could, I could use the eight dollars
all right. We're wearing the shoe over is a tip jark?
Oh are those official Trump sneakers? Trump himself? Which money
could fit in there?

Speaker 4 (20:33):
They're fifteen, so you put a lot Trump merchandise though TikTok.

Speaker 1 (20:39):
You got from TikTok.

Speaker 2 (20:44):
Oh, Man, TikTok is going nowhere.

Speaker 1 (20:49):
They're making a deal with the TikTok. It's not going anywhere.
So this easy Top show is good, very good. How's
the family? Family's good? Yeah? Yeah, all day to Matt's son,
he's talking a lot now, he's no. No, I left
I just left that to Millie.

Speaker 8 (21:10):
Yeah, And I said she was She was unscrewing one
of her toys to put into battery. And they said
you got to push down otherwise you'll strip it. And
I got scared that she was gonna say because she
didn't even look out. Oh my god, maybe maybe she
already forgot about strippers.

Speaker 1 (21:26):
So likely. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (21:27):
Matt's daughter three and a half ish.

Speaker 1 (21:31):
One of her new words is stripper. She loves the
words strippermmy and daddy and just and stripper.

Speaker 2 (21:40):
So did did you get the birds and the bees
talk the sex talk when you're growing up?

Speaker 1 (21:48):
Or did? Or did you have? I got two separate
ones because my parents split right around story.

Speaker 6 (21:53):
Yeah, and if you compare them, they're they're way different,
That's what he says.

Speaker 1 (21:59):
Just start. So for me, man, I got my parents
split when I was four. How old were you? Well?
All right?

Speaker 3 (22:05):
So for me, I kind of grew up with them split,
so I was used to it and the first so yeah,
it was great, you know it was.

Speaker 1 (22:14):
Uh we put the fun in dysfunction. It was fucking great.

Speaker 3 (22:17):
So I would say, yeah, bitch, So I got the
sex talk right, And my mom is.

Speaker 1 (22:27):
Like, listen, Christopher, come into the kitchen. All right, you're
five now, all right? No, I was seventeen. I was seventeen.
They told you at seven, told me. My mom told
me at seventeen.

Speaker 7 (22:37):
Come catchen Christopher.

Speaker 1 (22:38):
All right, listen, and this is a condom too. She
ripped open the wrapper, she took it. She blew up.
The condom blowed up like a blown animal. Right, and
you put it over your willing, because that's what she
called it. She called it. Will you put it over
your willing that we'll protect you from age? Right?

Speaker 3 (22:57):
And then I was like, all right, o't care. Then
she threw it on the ground and gave it of
the cats and they were just like spotting at it.
So that was my mom and then my dad.

Speaker 1 (23:04):
Wait, your cats got to your cat's. I think it
was dry. It was like powder. Your cat's got to
play with the flotation device.

Speaker 2 (23:11):
From the airplane, I mean the menus from out back steakhouse,
and and used blown up.

Speaker 1 (23:19):
You put on a little cat nip in it. And
it was a pre used condom. Ye save it, save
its your father, foil.

Speaker 2 (23:34):
What were you doing at seventeen that she decided I
gotta I gotta talk to this guy about Magic Johnson.

Speaker 1 (23:40):
It was because Magic Johnson aids.

Speaker 2 (23:44):
And she, oh, when Magic Johnson, Matt's gotta go.

Speaker 1 (23:49):
But I want to hear your story really fast about
the version. Yeah, mom versus dead. Yeah, well so mom
was the.

Speaker 3 (23:59):
She was carrying, and she's like, you know, honey, if
you love someone, you want to share that love with
that person, no matter who it is, a boy or girl.

Speaker 1 (24:10):
I mean she had suspicions, she had some successions, and
then you really love him. You know, he makes some
choices and decisions.

Speaker 2 (24:17):
And you you know, you just have to be careful,
to be careful.

Speaker 1 (24:21):
And then it was like the next week, dad shows
up and throws a condiment at me. Be careful. You
don't want to ruin your baseball career. Oh really, Oh
you went to high school baseball career. I forgot you
had a baseball career. Ruined it and then you ruined it.
Hod you ruin your baseball career? Was it an injury

(24:41):
or was it a no, my dad ruined it. That
was too short? Oh you didn't get the height. You
didn't get you didn't get the height you were drafting. Wish,
I wish. Oh that's I gotta run down there, all right, man,
you guys, all right? Good see him?

Speaker 3 (24:59):
Bro.

Speaker 1 (24:59):
See you come back for beer the day before we
get out of here. Beer of the week.

Speaker 2 (25:03):
If you got time, We're only doing another like half
half hour or so. All right, we got comedian Chris Faretti.
And that's how your mom told you about sex. Right,
she blew up econdom like a balloon animal. What kind
of balloon animals could she make out of the condo?

Speaker 1 (25:19):
If she's just go draft.

Speaker 2 (25:21):
That she just a docs and a do just lower
your mic, lower your mic.

Speaker 1 (25:26):
You're coming in a little hot, Chris, A little hot.
Get you in here, a little hot Chris worries about
everybody else?

Speaker 2 (25:31):
I could I could sniff out in an enabler, like
like no one's business.

Speaker 1 (25:37):
They're in the neighborer. Aren't an includer? You called it
an includer. I'm including it. I can't include him. He's
on the show. He's right here. And he said he
already gave us the hands. Come up. We saw a
hand in his shoe.

Speaker 2 (25:49):
He already he already gave us the best stuff with
the Scott the Trump sneakers. All right, So then how
did your dad tell you about the birds and the bans?

Speaker 1 (25:59):
Christopher? Come in my office? All right? Uh, you hand
me that set of golf clubs? Where the is this going?
What was his handicap me? I'm handing.

Speaker 7 (26:12):
You on your stand down, your stand in your act.

Speaker 1 (26:22):
That's funny. What's your dad's handicap me? So? Uh, you know,
he was like, you know, hand me the four iron, Like,
where the is this going? So he takes the fore iron.
He goes, all right, hand me a condom, Christopher.

Speaker 3 (26:35):
He takes it, opens up the condom, puts it over
the golf club, ties the bottom of it. He says,
this is how you have safe sex. It's like, oh, really,
this is how you do He goes, I don't know,
I never used these things.

Speaker 1 (26:46):
What club? Was it? Four iron? Four iron? So he
didn't think you were well and down? Was the chef like, no,
I didn't think you were welling down.

Speaker 2 (26:55):
If he thought you had something going on, he would
have taken out that big headed, fucking dry would have.

Speaker 1 (26:59):
Taken out of traffic. Traffic. But that's how your dad said, Yeah,
that's how he said. How about you? And how old
were you with the dad? Seventeen? What? Oh? Because the
man magic and they all flipped out from magic. All right,
Well how about you?

Speaker 2 (27:13):
Well, when I got uh, when I got down out
of the apple tree, okay, my dad finally sat me down,
and for some reason he started with my mom's tits.

Speaker 1 (27:31):
Too much information, Dad, too much information. Usually there's too
much information, too much information.

Speaker 2 (27:41):
Now basically, are you old enough where they showed you
the film school?

Speaker 1 (27:47):
Now? There was nothing in school? I got nothing? Absolutely well,
what happened? What did he say? What he said? He
looks like a fat great geraldo oh.

Speaker 3 (27:54):
Ship, thank you Christopher reading here, Thank you Internet, and yeah,
and he has a little already lang to him too,
a little already lang.

Speaker 1 (28:05):
All right, I have, but you have a full nose.
You're right, yeah, thank thank you, thank you, thank you.

Speaker 2 (28:11):
It looked like arii lang, but not the already lang
where he looks like he's pushed up against the glass.

Speaker 1 (28:16):
All the time.

Speaker 2 (28:17):
So I'm old enough where you go to school one
day sixth grade and they take us to the gym.

Speaker 1 (28:25):
Boys on this side, girls.

Speaker 2 (28:26):
On this side, the partition down the fucking middle of
the gym, and we heard about this day.

Speaker 1 (28:32):
We heard about it. And then you're gonna be You're
gonna start.

Speaker 2 (28:36):
Growing hair in places you weren't expected.

Speaker 1 (28:40):
You'll be saving it years later later, you'll have your
wife for summer shape. It's a different video for a
different time. Because you can't reach your back and then
they show you the fucking film.

Speaker 3 (28:55):
Dude.

Speaker 1 (28:56):
The film, it's like, it's pretty graphic.

Speaker 2 (28:58):
I don't remember exactly because there's a million years ago,
but I remember being insanely uncomfortable. And then the lights
go on in the gym and we're all looking at
each other, giggling and stuff because you know, we weren't
mature enough for this shit. And then it was the
end of the day because you can't go back to
class after that, and the teacher goes, uh, and.

Speaker 1 (29:17):
We've instructed your parents. Then you saw the film today
and they should talk to you today. I'm like, oh no.

Speaker 2 (29:24):
So my grammar school was pretty close to my house.
I ran home, I ran in the house. My dad
was waiting. It was obviously he was waiting. He goes, Greg,
how was school today? I went ah, ran outside, and
I climbed up an apple tree and I stayed up there.

Speaker 4 (29:43):
Bro.

Speaker 1 (29:44):
I wasn't ready. I wanted to still play with my
baseball cards.

Speaker 2 (29:47):
I wanted to jump on my tent speed bike, play
a little fucking asses up handball with my friends.

Speaker 1 (29:58):
You never played asses up handball? Keep going, man, all right?
What you all sorts of? What do you? What do you,
what do you? What? Are you straight out there? You're
welcome for the setup.

Speaker 3 (30:11):
You can use that on your old on your stand.

Speaker 2 (30:17):
So my dad comes down and I'm like, I ain't
coming down and I ain't coming out of this tree.
And then he's like, it's going to be okay, It's
going to be okay.

Speaker 1 (30:25):
And then we walked inside and he gave me the
fucking talk.

Speaker 2 (30:28):
But he absolutely mentioned my mom's big fucking uh torpedoes.

Speaker 1 (30:34):
But what did he saying that? I don't remember.

Speaker 2 (30:36):
I just remember he was talking about body parts in
general and what they all did and uh.

Speaker 1 (30:44):
And that's how that's how it went down.

Speaker 2 (30:46):
But I had I had to get out of the
the apple tree.

Speaker 1 (30:51):
And did your mom say anything after? God? My mom?
She showed my mom my mom has my mom had
sex five times and she got six kids out of it.
So sure one of them are twins.

Speaker 2 (31:09):
Oh no, she now she avoided the sex shit like
she was convinced we're all gonna get girls pregnant when
we're twelve thirteen, so we weren't really allowed to have girlfriends.

Speaker 1 (31:19):
Scott, what about you? What is your birds and bees talk? Oh?
But it was good. It was until I was getting
ready for prom. Prom. So you were.

Speaker 2 (31:29):
Sixteen seventeen eighteen.

Speaker 1 (31:33):
Yea.

Speaker 4 (31:33):
I know we're sitting there getting them in my tucks.
You know, I'm sitting there talking my dad. My dad
calls me over. He goes, hey, you know, girls kind
of get a little you know, touchy feely, you know,
friendly problem, like goes do you you know to do
what everything?

Speaker 1 (31:46):
I was thord Dad, I got I already got it covered.
He just looked at me like, you're an asshole. I
already got it on, dude. He got all figured out.
Yeah he was. He was none too happy, but did
laugh after. That was amazing, thank you. Huh he died.
Oh then he died.

Speaker 2 (32:04):
That's that's fun right in a lot of at the funeral, okay,
Oh my god. I I I went to Prolem with
this girl that wasn't allowed to stay out all night. Okay,
So all my friends went down to Robert Moses Ocean
Beach stay there all night and we were allowed to.

(32:27):
I was allowed I had to get her home by
I want to say, midnight, and I was allowed to.
I was allowed to pick her back up when the
sun started coming up. So I just laid in my
bed waiting for this, Like, what the fuck is the card?
This is my fucking rock card. So I laid in
my bed rock hard.

Speaker 9 (32:48):
I'm gonna do you proud Dad. I'm gonna pass on
the tradition, would dad. I'm gonna do you proud sous.
I see the sun rise, shoot some crois and roofs.

Speaker 2 (33:00):
Those, and then I picked her up as the sun
was coming up to go meet our friends, and she
runs out of the house. We we go down to
the beach, and you could I mean the girls had
seaweed in their hair.

Speaker 1 (33:11):
I mean it was like a mess what they were
doing all night for them.

Speaker 2 (33:17):
Sure we were, you know, but they Yeah, they looked
like they had quite the time at the at the
ocean beach.

Speaker 1 (33:26):
Nice. We were ringing the prom pulling hair. You know
why I discovered belts. No, it's not because my ass.
My ass isn't hanging out. Oh I gotta post that video.
My ass is not hanging out today, So there you go.
Yeah for once.

Speaker 2 (33:44):
No, because like when you hit puberty, you know, you
get a lot of those boners out.

Speaker 1 (33:49):
Of nowhere right nowhere? Do you remember getting boners out
of nowhere?

Speaker 2 (33:53):
And you're looking around like there's nothing going there's nothing
going on around me?

Speaker 1 (33:56):
Wow? Why Wow? So I discovered uh belts so I
could strap them down.

Speaker 3 (34:07):
Really, that's the only reason you're packing that kind of
heat where you had to actually get a belt.

Speaker 1 (34:12):
Well yeah, yeah, yeah, it was my way of.

Speaker 2 (34:17):
It was my way of like making sure everyone knows
that I, yeah, I got a piece.

Speaker 1 (34:23):
No I I that's that's when I start wearing belts.
You just like, just so you know, this is not
to pull up my paint. Well, it's tied down my heart. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (34:31):
The problem was we we had loose ship when I
was growing up too, so you were tinting like a mother.
So the only way to take care of that was
to kind of, you know, wear your pants a little low.

Speaker 1 (34:40):
You had to. You had to do the soccer measurements.

Speaker 2 (34:43):
Thank you, eighth grade math and then uh and then
you would you know, and then you were strapping down.
You have for the uh for the video that you
put up tomorrow, and you put up a picture of
you as a teenager with a loose with the.

Speaker 1 (34:57):
Acne and the mousey red hair. Sure I could do
tight pants with the belt. Yeah you were smoking at nine.

Speaker 3 (35:04):
Yeah, I got caught smoking at nine, which I'm told
was young.

Speaker 1 (35:08):
What do you mean you were told you were young?
I mean nine is young for smoking.

Speaker 7 (35:12):
Oh you know.

Speaker 3 (35:13):
You tell other people of this and they're like, wow,
that's young. I'm like, is it it's young?

Speaker 1 (35:16):
You had no idea that smoking at I was young.

Speaker 3 (35:19):
There were people I know that were smoking younger than that.
I feel like I got in there late to the game.
So nine, Wait, where'd you grow up? Then?

Speaker 1 (35:25):
I grew up in Bayn, New Jersey, So that was
very blue collar town. Lot of people like.

Speaker 2 (35:30):
Smoking, smoking and drinking with their pops. Yeah, so No,
nine's insanely young to be.

Speaker 7 (35:35):
Well, I was.

Speaker 3 (35:35):
Getting hold of my mom's parliament cigarettes. So I just think,
as a kid, you don't ever want to be looked
at as a kid. You want to be looked at
as an adult, right, And so you're kind of walking around.
I just remember I had like a cigarette hanging out
of my mouth, walking around the.

Speaker 1 (35:48):
House, being like, yeah, this mortgage is fucking killing me.

Speaker 2 (35:51):
And man, I got to take Denise to the corner
of the ladyship, always breaking my balls.

Speaker 7 (35:56):
You want to get that milk? He you know what
I tell you? Can you know I would have broken
off with Denise a long time ago.

Speaker 3 (36:02):
I would have broken off, you know, if we didn't
get that stupid ferred together in kindergarten.

Speaker 1 (36:06):
He said, ain't a ferret that's keeping us together, you know.
And so you know, if you walk around like your
mother caught me. My mom caught me, Well, how did
you catch you? Well, she was like, what the fucking
my cigarettes?

Speaker 3 (36:19):
I just bought a pack, right, And so I was rifling,
you know, threw his cigarettes.

Speaker 1 (36:23):
And then she caught me. Was like, you want to
smoke some fucking bad You're gonna have to smoke the
whole pack.

Speaker 3 (36:30):
So I was smoking the whole pack, and my mom
did this thing like after she would whoop me, she
would make me stand in the corner, like the last
five minutes of Blair Witch right, right, So I'm standing
in the corner and people would come over like why
is there a child standing in.

Speaker 1 (36:42):
The corner smoking and crying? Like what is going on?
Bade you smoke all the cigarette? I smoked all the cigarette.
I'm sitting there in the corner and being like, hey,
can I ask this thing?

Speaker 7 (36:49):
This thing is getting really fucking along?

Speaker 1 (36:51):
Can I get an ash tree sent it real quick,
and so that was it.

Speaker 3 (36:54):
So you smoked, and then I was on two packs
a day until I So you.

Speaker 1 (36:59):
Had no supervision growing up, No, no, there was.

Speaker 2 (37:02):
Uh dude, we couldn't even walk in our house with
just a little touch of alcohol on our breath.

Speaker 1 (37:07):
At fifteen, we were I would have lost my fucking teeth.
I was smoking at nine and then uh, you know,
I try to hard locked after hardlining by twelve.

Speaker 3 (37:18):
So you can use that with your standing here you So, yeah,
I was smoking you like you're smoking my mom's cigarettes.

Speaker 1 (37:24):
It was the only guy and balance looking like Parliament
one hundreds, so skin skinning just walking around.

Speaker 2 (37:32):
You were smoking, girl, you were smoking girls cigarettes at nine.

Speaker 3 (37:35):
Yeah, Parliament one hundreds. Not the Virginia Slims. Not the
Virginia Slims. Not the slims though, Oh yeah, because that
would be uh, that'd be that'd be yea like ass
up handball, you know it's very No, there's gotta be
there's gotta be a penalty if you fucking lose the
handball game.

Speaker 1 (37:51):
But what you do shake hands and go good game.

Speaker 2 (37:54):
No, we had to get our asses up against the
wall and everyone got a fucking shot everyone, and you
would have to you would have to cover your fucking
in the back of the ball back especially, and then
and then you realize who was like we used to
call him funny back in the day.

Speaker 1 (38:09):
You realize who was funny and who wasn't. Because next
thing you know, they're suggesting, well, could we do it
with the pants down that? No, yeah, we're not doing
with the pants down. No, we did that. We had
a game like that, but it wasn't him ball.

Speaker 3 (38:18):
It was just throwing the ball up against what executioner
and if you dropped it then you would get fucking
cracked right there.

Speaker 2 (38:23):
Yeah, ours, I mean we would play for like change
and then also you lost your change and you had
to go up against the wall and everyone got one shot.

Speaker 1 (38:32):
Yeah, we had something similar to that. Executioner. Executioner, that's
what they called it. And beyond beyond New Jersey on
the mean streets and play execution guys.

Speaker 7 (38:48):
You hurry up, hurry up, it's.

Speaker 1 (38:53):
Any smokes. Smokes.

Speaker 2 (38:58):
You should have been taken away by the authority.

Speaker 1 (39:01):
Yeah, you should have. No, they couldn't. Were you drinking
at an early age? No, I didn't.

Speaker 3 (39:06):
I didn't start drinking until like like We're on like
eighteen nineteen, and then I really.

Speaker 1 (39:10):
Went hard at that point. Oh same, yeah, I mean
I was. I was a late bloomer, I think like
senior year.

Speaker 2 (39:16):
I finally and my dad, uh, my dad picked me
up from my friend John's house and we get we
got pretty fucked up, and we were wrestling, and uh,
oh wow, this doesn't sound good.

Speaker 1 (39:28):
Thanks going all right?

Speaker 3 (39:29):
We were we were trying to show you a real
sex tape.

Speaker 1 (39:34):
We're gonna show you the live version open. We were drinking,
we were listening to Black Sabbath. I was Zeppelin, he
was Sabbath. He was trying to get me into more
Sabbath than Zeppelin.

Speaker 2 (39:44):
We were we were rifling through his dad's playboys upstairs
and drinking, wrestling Black Sabbath and playboys.

Speaker 1 (39:51):
That was a hell of an afternoon. And uh, I
was supposed to be playing uh baseball that day.

Speaker 2 (39:57):
And then my dad came and picked me up, and
h you know, every time he picked me up, I
jump in the front with him.

Speaker 1 (40:02):
Right this day, I was pretty fucked up.

Speaker 2 (40:04):
So I jumped in the back, jump in the back seat.
What a fucking rookie movie, he goes, ah nah na,
he knew right away how many I was pretty fucked up,
and all of a sudden he drove around the block
to get a strategy because he knew my mom would
literally take my teeth. All right, we're not gonna tell
your mom. We gotta figure out how to get you
in the fucking house. You're gonna go up fucking stairs.

(40:26):
You're gonna go and shower, you're gonna brush your fucking teeth.
You're gonna hang out there until dinner, and then you
come down and hope, and we'll hope for the best,
because at that point my my dad was scared of
my mom that she's gonna lose her ship. Dad was
cool that way because he knew, he knew his time
for all that ship.

Speaker 3 (40:42):
You gotta go upstairs, avoid your mother, give her a
quick motor boat, and then you're just gonna go right.

Speaker 1 (40:50):
I gotta tell you that those are great, titch. Wow,
those are By the way, did you bring any of
those plate boys home for the old maid for the
old maids? No, those are the ones buried in the woods. Dad.
Oh yeah, did you bury porn on the woods?

Speaker 2 (41:06):
No, you're young, you're young. No, you're young, you're from
another generation. You're from that generation that doesn't like going outside.

Speaker 3 (41:13):
No, we got the porn that you would get would
be like whatever you could get your hands on. So
there was a guy at school that had porn and
you kind of like rented it out. It was kind
of like block must Yeah, all right, VHS DHS DS.

Speaker 1 (41:27):
Literally you just gave him a couple of bucks and
you're rented it the first one I got, you fuck
fucking VHS porn to your house. I was smoking at nine.
There wasn't a ton of supervision. I mean, if you
haven't put that together yet. No.

Speaker 2 (41:41):
We uh we had their early cable boxes with the
long wire and the long remote, and some asshole figured
out how to unscramble the porn.

Speaker 1 (41:51):
And yeah we have to.

Speaker 2 (41:53):
And my friend John Ewing, God bless you John, wherever
the fuck you are, he fucking had a key and
all we had to do was wait for my parents
to go to bed, and sometimes they stayed up late,
and you could just feel the excitement in the air
with John and the key. That's gonna now unscramble all
the hard hard art channel Cinemax, I think or somebody.

Speaker 1 (42:16):
Yeah, oh yeah, so we had that.

Speaker 3 (42:18):
We had life between channels one and zero, it would
have like it would jump a little bit, you could
see just a nipple for a half a second, and
then it would go back.

Speaker 1 (42:26):
We didn't have the key you had. You had a
snow nile that count still in there. This is why
my eyes don't open to this day. Because we figured out,
like if you squid.

Speaker 3 (42:35):
Like you gotta squeeze where it's just a slip and
all sudden, all of a sudden, the scramble is not
a scramble.

Speaker 1 (42:42):
An We figured it all out.

Speaker 7 (42:43):
Man.

Speaker 3 (42:44):
Yeah, it was all kind of like lopsided to and
like you would see the legs up here, but like
the hair down there.

Speaker 1 (42:48):
My whole uh over here. Yeah, my whole generation suffers
from epilepsy. So how did you get a hold of it?

Speaker 3 (42:54):
Like because everyone had like a story, like hey, then
where the are you getting? Not not playboys, but like
the actual v Just No I never did, no, man, No, no,
I couldn't. I couldn't take that chance. No.

Speaker 2 (43:07):
I worked at a video store so I could grab
porno when I was in college. Yeah, I got fired
from a video God, this is too old now, this
was even before Blockbuster. This guy in Geneseo had a
little video store and he had all he had an
X rated section and uh, and he had two VCRs
they could rent out.

Speaker 1 (43:27):
No one had VCRs renting a VCR, so my.

Speaker 2 (43:32):
My fraternity brothers would come in and take the VCR
so no one could run them for like a month
at a time.

Speaker 1 (43:37):
So that was the first flag of the owner. He's like,
why isn't anyone running.

Speaker 2 (43:42):
My goddamn VCRs, you know, And then my fraternity brothers
would come in and just throw a hardcore porn on
the on the TVs and then you know, families walking.

Speaker 3 (43:52):
I would have to quickly turning off and uh, I'm
just giving me a sex talk to these.

Speaker 2 (43:58):
Unfortunately my unfortunately, my turney was just coming in and
just robbing me blind.

Speaker 1 (44:02):
But they're like, we ain't paying for shit, and they would.

Speaker 2 (44:04):
Walk out with like they walk out with not just
porno anything like all the comedies, everything a huge stack.
And then the guy drove all away from uh, not
that it's far, but he drove.

Speaker 1 (44:16):
All away from Syracuse to fire my ass.

Speaker 2 (44:20):
Because he finally figured out that there's something with this
new employee that's not But it wasn't my fault.

Speaker 1 (44:25):
I couldn't tell these guys to pay, So I think
that that's like a thing, that's like a rite of passage.

Speaker 3 (44:30):
Though, like you know, in terms of like hooking up
your friends wherever you work at, right, like you just
have to hook them up. Like I was bartending for
a long time, I ended up getting fired for the
same reason. I gave all all my friends all free drinks,
you know, free cigarettes, everything. I mean, I was taking
a couple from myself, you know, yeah, I can smoke
it since not.

Speaker 1 (44:45):
I mean, I you know, I had like a free
packa day habit at that point.

Speaker 3 (44:49):
But you know, so they're like, listen, ever since you
started working here, I don't know where are all the
camel cigarettes. I'm like, I don't know, like I was,
because you would give cigarettes and nobody wanted like those
unfiltered camels right right, Yeah, but.

Speaker 1 (45:01):
God even the marine dude, unfiltered.

Speaker 3 (45:04):
Cattle filtered camels were wrong. Yeah, but nobody was buying it.
That's why I was giving up to my friends. I
was a I was a lame ass bar smoker. I
was the asshole that looked like he thought he was
cool in the bar. Oh I looked like an idiot,
but I was trying to look cool. I never liked
it when you love I remember when I was was bartending.

(45:31):
I just remember, like, how coming to arrest you because
you did that Trump ship bring it out and told you.

Speaker 2 (45:37):
I told we'll make fun of the Trump. He's gonna
I'm gonna tell you your life a living high. I
love Chris brend I love him. It's gonna go.

Speaker 1 (45:46):
A great guy. Wow, look at him, big gay ochres shin.
I love him so much. Look at him. He looks
like a round nose already laying. I love him so much.
Look at him fat break or aldo? Oh are they
doing the noises? Yeah? The comments are so far away.

Speaker 2 (46:03):
Because I got the I got the other camera again today,
and thank you for the super chats that came in.

Speaker 1 (46:09):
I appreciate it for real. What were you saying though?

Speaker 3 (46:11):
What I was saying is that like because you bartending
as well, you were just hanging out in the bars.

Speaker 1 (46:15):
Well at Geneseo, I was.

Speaker 2 (46:22):
I was the DJ at the at the bars, and
I did a very very good job. And I only
say that because it's true, and it wouldn't allow me
to bartend where all the fucking money was being made, and.

Speaker 1 (46:33):
I finally pulled Basher aside.

Speaker 2 (46:35):
I'm like, Basher, my my friends are making stupid money.
As a college kid. These guys were walking, you know,
out of there with a couple hundred dollars cash with
back then was a lot of fucking money. And he
was giving me a flat rate of fifty dollars a
night something stupid like that. I'm like, come on, man,
So he finally I finally made a deal with him
where I could bartend one or two nights a week

(46:55):
and I would have to DJ.

Speaker 1 (46:56):
The rest of them.

Speaker 2 (46:57):
So, yeah, I was, I was bartending, and yeah, to
get you had to give away everything.

Speaker 3 (47:01):
Do you remember any like the wild Stitches? I remember
I would seem like what I was bartending, I would
see like there was always hilarious drunk stories. I was
just curious to see if you saw any like really
insane drunks.

Speaker 1 (47:10):
It beyond like the pale. Well, there was a guy.

Speaker 2 (47:13):
That, uh, this is probably my funniest one. There was
a guy that was, you know, he liked this fi
lamb uh serati girl. Okay, and he's like, you know what,
I'm gonna fucking dance with this uh this this this girl.
She's hot as fuck, and uh, the guy didn't know
that the girl had a boyfriend that happened to be
in the bar. Okay, so the uh, the boyfriend decided

(47:35):
fuck that, and he uh he picked up one of
those thick old school thick glass pictures. You gotta be
old enough to understand those giant, thick glass beer pictures,
and he uh he proceeded to fucking slam the picture
on the side of the face of the guy, and
the guy almost bled out in front of all of us.

(47:56):
So that's that's a fun story for everybody, right, And
then the guy came back the next year, and we
all had to make believe he didn't have a scar
from Oh no, he was done for like six months,
but he came back. God bless him with the the
this scar took over the entire side of his face
and for real, he was dying, he was bleeding out,

(48:18):
and Basher packed his uh thank god. We went to
school in western New York. He packed his face in
the literal snow outside the bar until help came.

Speaker 1 (48:28):
Nice.

Speaker 2 (48:29):
Yeah, and that guy went to prison. So you know,
stuff like that, just cute fun stories like that.

Speaker 1 (48:35):
Or the other guy who went to prison.

Speaker 2 (48:37):
The scar Yeah, the scar guy or the other guy
with the glass picture and the glass went everywhere.

Speaker 1 (48:43):
People were picking out a glass out of their hair
all over the bar. This thing shattered on the side
of the guy's head. Oh yeah. And then we uh,
you know, we we would uh.

Speaker 2 (48:53):
Make everyone do the you know, the bar rag shots
stuff like that, you know, including the bar rag that
you that you cleaned up puke because some of my
on the bar. So this thing was gnarly, and people
by the end of the night they're like, line up,
we want six, you want six, Yes, here's ten dollars.
We were charging people sorry, and then you would ring
out the bar rag.

Speaker 3 (49:16):
I remember the bar that I was working at in
Rhode Island. I was going to undergrad at the University
of Rhode Island. I was working at a place called
Bobby Gee's, which was a fisherman's bar, right, and there
was a woman, one of the fishermen's wives.

Speaker 1 (49:31):
She threw up all.

Speaker 3 (49:32):
Over the bar and uh, I was like, Jesus, Mary,
that's that's wow.

Speaker 1 (49:36):
And she goes to me, fair, can I get that
bloody marry to go? Here's a pack up camera unfiltered
all right, good, I have a good ride. Oh right,
you're gonna stop you that. Let me just get one,
Let me get a but the uh, I'm hanging out
with two of my oldest friends this weekend.

Speaker 2 (49:57):
I met him when I was eighteen, and I think
we're gonna live stream and we'll have we'll have some
good uh college slash slash bar stories.

Speaker 1 (50:06):
Oh yeah, but did you, Scott, did you do anything
like any bar? Because I bounced, bounced. Of course he
was a bouncer.

Speaker 4 (50:16):
No, I bounced in Nayak. I bounced while I started
bouncing when I was seventeen at the Laurel.

Speaker 1 (50:21):
What were some what were something like the crazy stories
you saw as a bouncer.

Speaker 4 (50:24):
Oh, my buddy Dusty launched the guy from about the
fourth step up through the door.

Speaker 1 (50:29):
I was I was doing.

Speaker 4 (50:30):
I was checking Id's and all of a sudden, I
just hear her and I see kids fly hit the
car and I went I had to be Dusty turned
around and he's smiling.

Speaker 1 (50:40):
He tried tripping and walking down the stairs.

Speaker 3 (50:42):
I was waiting and to say, like I have one
of my best friends smashed a glass picture into my
friend's faces.

Speaker 4 (50:48):
It was that was a couple of conkling boys that was, uh,
pepper Mills. Pepper Mills come in. They they'd always want
to fight whoever was there. Yeah, I love them too,
are dead, got blisters, but uh, they always just started fighting.

Speaker 1 (51:05):
So we did in in the bar.

Speaker 4 (51:07):
We were at at a restaurant, so they'd always end
up on the restaurant side.

Speaker 1 (51:11):
And there was always those big pepper mills.

Speaker 4 (51:13):
So somebody grabbed that a couple of times and you'll
see him every once in a while.

Speaker 1 (51:17):
They were like duct tape back together.

Speaker 3 (51:19):
So like you know, but there are people that came
in though that were like I want to I'm not
here to have fun, I'm not here to drink.

Speaker 1 (51:24):
I'm here to fight the bouncer. It was like, oh
yeah we did. They tried fighting us all the time,
like roadhouse. Yeah, it was like they really like and
we just beat the ship out of were like a
Hank Hill, Patrick Swayzey guys.

Speaker 4 (51:33):
A couple of guys did it so often, like just
come in and as soon as you come in, we're
gonna beat the ship at you.

Speaker 1 (51:39):
Oh yeah, we know when I threw it up the street.

Speaker 4 (51:42):
We're just gonna do at my every second time, we're
just gonna be the bunk and uh.

Speaker 2 (51:46):
At the bar I worked at for a long time
the end between, there were fights everywhere.

Speaker 1 (51:51):
I mean multiple fights every fucking weekend. Yeah yeah, because
the fraternities all had their spot in the bar.

Speaker 3 (51:56):
And then one be like fuck that, yeah, that shit, that.

Speaker 1 (52:06):
Was mine, She's mine.

Speaker 2 (52:08):
And then, of course, because it then even stupid shit,
thenfortnity like yo, yo, you can't be here, right.

Speaker 1 (52:17):
I can't be it, bro, you can't be here.

Speaker 2 (52:19):
And then next thing you know, it was an all
out fucking brawl in the bar every weekend.

Speaker 1 (52:24):
This happened every weekend. It was crazy. And then I
was the DJ, so I was up hie, so I
could see the whole fucking place.

Speaker 2 (52:31):
I had power because all I had to do was
go bouncers to the right back if I said that,
I mean, I had to use this power very carefully
because as soon as I said that, they weren't fucking around.

Speaker 1 (52:46):
They were getting there immediately.

Speaker 2 (52:48):
And this bar was the type of bar where, no joke,
it could take you a half hour to go to
the other side of the bar.

Speaker 1 (52:55):
You couldn't fucking move. So when I used to say
something like uh, you know bouncers right back.

Speaker 2 (53:00):
They would literally be running on people's heads to get there.

Speaker 1 (53:04):
To break up fights. It was crazy. I'm sure it
was crazy.

Speaker 3 (53:08):
Like this is like way back in the day where
like people actually got into fights versus like just recording it.

Speaker 1 (53:13):
They just sat there running. I'm before the recording generation.

Speaker 2 (53:17):
So yeah, as well's but I mean we think, you know,
the bars thought it was a good idea to have, like, uh,
what was I don't even think it's five dollars, but
let's say it was five dollars right before let's say
Thanksgiving break, five dollars all you could drink, and they
gave everybody with their five dollars literally this a glass mug.

Speaker 1 (53:38):
So all you had to do for your five dollars
is just put it on the bar. And it was
our job as.

Speaker 2 (53:43):
The bartenders to knock these fuckers out as fast as
possible because it was insane.

Speaker 1 (53:48):
So like if they're if they're asking for an Alabama slammer.

Speaker 2 (53:51):
It was so much alcohol in that to get them,
get them done, get them done.

Speaker 1 (53:56):
And then the bars were.

Speaker 2 (53:57):
In main Street on Main Street and Genesee basically, and
the dorms were you know, a nice walk from there.
You'd walk back to your dorm after one of these
all you could drink nights and people would be fucking
passed out everywhere.

Speaker 1 (54:11):
It was just a different time, dude.

Speaker 3 (54:13):
I remember I was bartending in Newport, right, just like
a catering job on the weekend, make a little extra bread.
And it was this big wedding, and everybody got fucking annihilated.

Speaker 1 (54:23):
I did my job right. And I remember this was
right after the wedding. This is like the reception. Everyone's
pretty fucking smashed.

Speaker 3 (54:31):
And I saw right in front of me, right this
couple and this guy gets down on one knee. Leo, Stacy,
I've been with you for a long time, but tonight,
Tonight's tonight.

Speaker 1 (54:44):
We're gonna make it real. She's like, oh my god,
I can't believe it.

Speaker 3 (54:49):
No at someone else's wedding, and I just remember looking
on seeing the bride turn. It looks could kill no.
You he got down there, he didn't have a ring.

Speaker 1 (55:01):
Oh no. He's like, why are you down there? Are
you gonna tie your shoes while you down there? Tommy?
This is this is the Stacey would you forever?

Speaker 10 (55:08):
Bro? And she's like, you know, she's really, I thought
you'd be I love Tommy. I thought she would be
the one realizing realizing this is a bad time.

Speaker 1 (55:20):
No, no, no, And then he's like, why it was great?

Speaker 4 (55:25):
Man?

Speaker 3 (55:25):
I just remember that was like everyone there and they
had like the loose clap, like the clapterr.

Speaker 1 (55:30):
H god, this is great, not good. It's a couple
of wild stories. All right. I think I want to go.

Speaker 2 (55:39):
Unless anybody, anyone else have anything anything from a super chat,
I couldn't.

Speaker 1 (55:44):
I couldn't see that any super positive comments as usually
from the chat from.

Speaker 2 (55:49):
These wonderful people, from these from these lovely people. Uh,
usually a bald guy is coming in all right, wait
wait wait, oh Bi, did you ever play pool with
another man's head? I don't get that. Usually a ball,
I don't get that. What bars and nayak that don't matter.

(56:10):
And Melody just laughing.

Speaker 1 (56:13):
Oh that's my friend, Melody. Thank you, thanks for checking
us out and any violence. So I sorry I didn't
get to the chat today. What are you gonna do?
I think we did it.

Speaker 2 (56:23):
Let's get the funk out of here, man, I got
I gotta, I gotta, I gotta get come on, let's
got five more beers all right, well we'll hang out
and have a beer.

Speaker 1 (56:32):
We do, I'll watch. I think we did it.

Speaker 2 (56:35):
If we continue, we're gonna talk about like Jimmy Kimmel
and Trump, and then Trump's gonna have us arrested.

Speaker 1 (56:40):
It's gonna be just ugly. It's just gonna be crazy time.
It's a very crazy time right now, is it. I
said everything I had to say in the last episode
of the podcast.

Speaker 11 (56:51):
Go go go go listen to that talk about that's true.

Speaker 1 (56:56):
We haven't talked about Ron's bed, which he has not
put in yet. For the new people around the waiter.
One of our guys his bed. He showed. He showed
his bed on the on the live stream. It's a
saggy bed. That's I think pizza is thicker than this
fucking mattress. Right. I don't like him talking about the Jews, like.

(57:17):
I don't like it.

Speaker 3 (57:18):
He's one of mine, he's one of my people, Opie,
I don't like it.

Speaker 1 (57:22):
It's in the alarm. I don't like it. Oh we
got some action. Oh full fireshruck going up the road.

Speaker 2 (57:31):
So his mattress as hell, he doesn't have sheets on it,
and he has a he has like a like a
throat pillow from the couch that he has fucking pancaked
a long time ago.

Speaker 1 (57:42):
This thing is, it's not even a fucking throat pillow anymore.
So we talked about it.

Speaker 2 (57:47):
We showed it on the live stream, and uh, some
very nice person, uh Santa Mattress, and then a nicer person,
this would be Chris Faretti carry the fucking thing home
to a story queens and gave it to Ron.

Speaker 1 (58:02):
Ron's now had it for over a week and he
still hasn't fucking uh.

Speaker 3 (58:07):
It might be coming up on two weeks, all right,
So he's had it for two weeks and he still
hasn't used it.

Speaker 1 (58:12):
It's still in a box in his house. I also
bought him two brand new pillows, which he has not used.
This is something wrong with that guy, right. He had said, Hey, listen,
I need pillow cases. What I would look like an animal?

Speaker 7 (58:21):
What do you like?

Speaker 1 (58:22):
Ron?

Speaker 3 (58:23):
You use laundry as your sheets? I mean, like, here
are the pillows, here's a mattress. Start to live like
a normal human. You gotta make Ron Berman's bed normally again.

Speaker 1 (58:31):
Normally, get the son's alive.

Speaker 3 (58:35):
I'm trying to guilt him into acting normal and just
sleeping like a normal person.

Speaker 1 (58:39):
So he's just one.

Speaker 2 (58:40):
Of those guys. Man, he's helpless. I think Ron's one
of those helpless guys. We're gonna get you on the track.
We're not gonna get out on you.

Speaker 1 (58:47):
I am. I'm not shave his We're gonna get you
in the right track. Oh I was. I was all
in with the enabling. Not anymore a fuck, no therapy,
thank you therapy. So Ron's Ron's on his own. Good luck,
all right, Oh damn, oh my god, we got there.

(59:10):
We go. We leave you with the uh, with the uh, the.

Speaker 2 (59:16):
The uh, the sights of New York City.

Speaker 1 (59:20):
We leave you on this Thursday afternoon. Hi. We're saying
hi to you, just saying hello, A man doing okay.
You're having a good day today, all right?

Speaker 2 (59:37):
Yeah, we had fun today. We had fun Todays. I's
gonna ask U. I was gonna ask for.

Speaker 1 (59:48):
One of those pretzels she had.

Speaker 2 (59:49):
Uh.

Speaker 1 (59:51):
I want to hear about herr best talk intertwined in
her hair.

Speaker 11 (59:56):
That might be the first, the original. I think that
would Whitney Houston. I think Whitney Houston still after oh
my god, you said, after the what we're gonna go.
We're gonna go, guys. We came so close to not
getting canceled.

Speaker 2 (01:00:12):
Chris Ferretti on all the social media. Yes, unless it's
Jersey Ferretdi. I can't be bothered tagging you anymore because
I don't know he's not.

Speaker 1 (01:00:21):
He doesn't want to tag. Why are you an enabler?

Speaker 3 (01:00:26):
I mean, I'm not an a neighbler. I thought we
were just like, you know, supporting each other.

Speaker 2 (01:00:30):
It's a fine line between being an enabler and being
a good guy.

Speaker 1 (01:00:33):
Are you just a good guy? I don't know.

Speaker 3 (01:00:36):
I mean I think that line is different for everyone, right, Yeah,
I'm asking.

Speaker 1 (01:00:39):
I think I'm a good guy. But I also was
a fucking enabler because I learned it from you, Dad,
I learned it from you.

Speaker 3 (01:00:47):
Tits so much beautifully perfect.

Speaker 1 (01:00:54):
So yeah, you guys, she beent down.

Speaker 2 (01:00:55):
To uh to tye my younger brother's shoes. When we're
living in Cutchhog for the summer, we were having our
house read on because all of a sudden they decided
to have too many kids and now we had to
fucking figure out where to put them. So we knocked
down the second level, and you know, we we built
it twice as big, so we had to live in

(01:01:16):
Cutchog and.

Speaker 1 (01:01:18):
My mom bent over to uh tim my brother's shoes.

Speaker 2 (01:01:21):
That is a bed that I decide not to look away.

Speaker 3 (01:01:26):
Oh that's my momy.

Speaker 1 (01:01:33):
John Courts gave us five dollars. All right, guys, thank you, Johnny, cheers,
cop blast man. That's it now.

Speaker 3 (01:01:40):
If you guys want to follow me, you can follow
me on YouTube at Chris Ferretti and on Instagram. I
post all of my live shows. Come out support, have
some fun. You can follow me on Instagram at Jersey Freddie. Otherwise,
I love each and every single one of you.

Speaker 1 (01:01:53):
Bro. You don't want to love every every one of
these people? Yes I do. That's where here's I love
your fucking assholes in this chat. You know what, man,
there are no assholes, only friends you haven't met yet.
Oh damn, that's deep.

Speaker 3 (01:02:08):
Bro's you guys come out have some fun.

Speaker 1 (01:02:12):
Otherwise?

Speaker 3 (01:02:13):
Oh, thanks so much for man always a pusure hanging Scott.
All right, I'm gonna watch you guys get ship faced
on the bat.

Speaker 1 (01:02:18):
On the bats. All right. Thank you, Thank you, Scott Watson.
Thank you to Matt who's working down there.

Speaker 2 (01:02:25):
Chris Faretti and uh and no plugs because they don't
work by