Three husbands break the silence surrounding miscarriage, sharing their unique perspectives on pregnancy loss and the impact it had on their marriages and faith journeys. Chris (Nancy's husband) hosts this special 100th episode featuring brothers-in-law Jeff and Chance as they discuss their experiences supporting their wives through miscarriage while processing their own grief.
• Jeff shares his regret about missing the doctor's appointment where they discovered their baby had no heartbeat
• The men discuss the disconnect they felt during miscarriage since their bodies weren't physically experiencing the changes
• Chance explains how a special church service for miscarriage parents helped provide meaning and closure
• Chris recounts the terrifying experience of his wife's ectopic pregnancy and emergency surgery
• All three men admit they've never previously discussed their miscarriage experiences with other men
• The conversation shifts to practical ways they work to strengthen their marriages after these shared traumas
• Jeff and Chance emphasize the importance of prioritizing time together and maintaining communication
• The men reflect on true wealth being found in strong family relationships rather than material success
We're continuing with Ordinary People Extraordinary Things! Our 101st episode will drop next Sunday, so we'll see you in just one week.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Nancy Bruscher (00:01):
Happy Easter.
Matthew 28, 5 says but theangel said to the women Do not
be afraid, for I know that youseek Jesus, who was crucified.
He is not here, for he hasrisen, as he said.
So, happy Easter.
I hope that this day brings youpeace and hope of what God did
(00:26):
for us on the cross and thenrising from the dead.
We are also celebrating our100th episode today.
I am so excited and I'm sothankful that you've been on
this journey with us.
With Ordinary People,extraordinary Things.
I am actually not the host forthis episode.
My husband, chris, surprised meand did this episode that I
(00:50):
have been wanting to do forabout two years.
So he surprised me and was thehost for this episode with my
brother, jeff, and mybrother-in-law, chance.
It is a fantastic episode.
I'm so excited to bring it toyou today.
Stay tuned for the end of theepisode, as we'll talk about
what happens after our 100thepisode.
Chris Bruscher (01:12):
Welcome to Ordinary People, extraordinary
Things.
I am Chris.
I'll be your host today, or youcan call me Nancy's husband.
I'll be your host for thisepisode and I'm joined with
Jeffrey Dinas and Chance Wells.
You guys are super excitedabout this episode, right?
Absolutely.
Jeff Redenius (01:29):
You bet.
Chris Bruscher (01:30):
I can hear the excitement in your voices.
This episode is like acontinuation of episode 34,
where our wives all got togetherand talked about miscarriages,
and I thought it would be goodif we can talk about it from the
guys perspective, from thehusband's, as we all all three
went through that.
(01:51):
So, jeff, just a littleexplanation he's Jenny's husband
and chances Lori's husband, sothese are my two brother-in-laws
, and thank you so much for forjoining us tonight.
With that being said, jeff, canyou share a couple words that
describe you?
Jeff Redenius (02:08):
yeah, I would say kind of, first and foremost, my
primary objectives as as a guyis to be a father and a husband.
I am also a business owner inin rural iowa but most important
jobs I have is to be a fatherto my kids and get them set up
for life, and uh husband tojenny and sleep sometimes right,
(02:32):
not very little bit yeah, andchance what?
Chris Bruscher (02:38):
what about you?
What are all that?
Chance Wells (02:40):
I wish I would have went first, because he took
what I was going to say.
Jeff Redenius (02:44):
Great minds think alike.
Chance Wells (02:46):
To piggyback off that father figure is huge for
us.
I feel like it's my job to getmy kids to heaven, and same with
my wife.
She builds me as where we aretoday, building each other in
faith, and I try doing the same,just trying to get each of us
to heaven and being ahard-working individual to
(03:08):
support them.
Chris Bruscher (03:09):
All nice, and I agree with that both, both of
you a ton.
So I 100% agree, and you bothhave amazing kids.
So thank you for being dads andfor stepping into that.
For myself, too, I'm the sameway, father foremost.
I have two wonderful kids.
I would say I am very loyal, so, and what I mean by that is
(03:34):
just I make friends with peopleand I just stick by them, and
that includes my wife.
So, yeah, so today we just kindof want to dive in a little bit
more about the experiences thatwe have and do you feel
comfortable going first, kind oftalking through your story,
hopefully, listeners?
That was episode 34.
(03:54):
I don't know if I said thatbefore, but that's some of the
context behind it.
And, jeff, if you don't mind,kind of going with your side of
the story.
Jeff Redenius (04:02):
We had a miscarriage after Allie.
So she well, we we say Gracie,but I mean we really don't know
if it was a boy or girl wasgoing to be after Allie, who was
our second to oldest.
Maybe we jumped the gun, kindof making it public, but we were
really.
My grandmother, uh, donitaShrod, was in the hospital and
(04:24):
was not doing well, so we reallywanted to tell her that and we
could see just the absolute joywhen we told her and then it
just kind of went from there.
Jenny did have a miscarriage,so it would have been around,
you know, 2020, 2021, to thisday.
I, when, when sam and ally wereborn, it was just kind of, you
(04:45):
know, I just stayed working.
I was busy at the clinic, youknow.
Jenny was going to all thedoctor's visits.
I was like, let's just, I wasjust kind of writing them off as
like, oh, these are just waysfor the hospital to just kind of
upcharge and we'll see youevery three weeks or whatever.
And I was like I can't make itto these appointments or
whatever, whatever.
And I was like I can't make itto this appointment, whatever.
(05:07):
And they all just seemed prettynormal for the first two.
Like you know, everything'sprogressing along and then.
So I wasn't going and uh, sothen I felt horrible, and still
to this day, when Jenny was withthe doctor and found out that
there was no heartbeat and I Iwas like why wasn't I there?
You know, I was putting money,I was putting business before
(05:30):
family and so that was a wake-upcall for me that, like you know
, there's more important thingsto then seeing.
I'm a chiropractor.
There's more important thingsthan seeing patients.
Maybe I should have been apatient with my wife at the
doctor's office I'm achiropractor.
There's more important thingsthan seeing patients.
(05:51):
Maybe I should have been apatient with my wife at the
doctor's office a little bitmore and after that definitely
was more involved with those.
We named her Gracie.
The kids all know Jenny had amiscarriage, you know, never
forgotten.
We don't dwell on it a lot, butthe kids are aware there is
kind of a silhouette picture wehave, you know, of all the kids
(06:11):
but and then like a baby beingheld by Jesus and all of us in
there, we planted the tree, justkind of like you know something
that'll grow, something thatwhen we pick you know an apple
off of it, you know we justalways have that little kind of
thought.
It's just kind of like areality check that we are not in
control as much as we think weare.
We we definitely are not haveto learn how to hit a curveball
and and just keep going step bystep, as far as being husband
(06:36):
and in it I didn't go through alot of it, you know, just
because I, I I mean I was sad,obviously, but my body didn't
change.
I wasn't dealing with with trulylosing physically a baby.
So you can't help but be kindof disconnected, and I don't
mean that lightly, but yet kindof disconnected, and so it's
(07:00):
just, you know, I'm just tryingto be there in every way I can.
You know, my, my, my hormonesdidn't fluctuate.
I was, you know more so kind offlatlined as far as that.
So you're just trying to giveas much support as you
absolutely can and be strong foryour wife and for your kids
(07:20):
that are home trying to figureout.
You know they're trying tofigure out what's going on, and
so you're just trying to figureout.
You know they're trying tofigure out what's going on, and
so you're just trying to be aneven keel through it so that
there's normalcy through thishard time for the kids, always
trying to remember that we'renot in control.
You know, every time we see arainbow, we just kind of do that
initial, just kind of let gothere's, you know there's love
(07:41):
in the world and there's alwaysa lot of good, but uh, there's
always curveballs that you haveno control of a couple things on
there.
Chris Bruscher (07:49):
I really like that you talked about the, the
physical changes like my wifehad to go through during that
time.
As a guy you don't go throughthat and and I don't know if
that makes it feel moredisconnected or not or what, but
I totally hear you when you'resaying that is, you feel so bad
(08:14):
and you try to support in anyway you can.
But how do you do that when youknow you physically your body
hasn't done the changes and whatdoes that look like from a
support side?
I want to circle back around alittle bit, though, on the fact
that you kind of said that youfelt bad because you weren't
(08:35):
there and you kind of stepped in.
How have you kind of dealt withthat and how have you gotten
past that?
Was that a conversation you andJenny had, or was that lots
conversation you and jenny had,or is that lots of prayers or no
?
Jeff Redenius (08:47):
I mean, jenny was never like you know, why
weren't you there?
You know, because it was justwe were both just kind of like,
oh, I'm just gonna go, you know,see, this visit wasn't like,
hey, jeff, are you coming?
And I said, no, it was just wewere.
We were both kind of it's justanother visit, whatever.
So it was an unspokenconversation.
(09:07):
I just was more involved withthose appointments and we really
are very in tuned about this,about just being together and
doing things.
Right now, I feel like we areliving two separate lives.
Jenny's dad has been dealingwith some health things, and so
Jenny's been running to waterlooquite a bit, and so I'm home
with the kids, or we're bothgoing, or I'm on the school
(09:29):
board.
So, like, when jenny's not inwaterloo, I don't have a school
board meeting.
And tonight she had a ptomeeting, tomorrow I have a
meeting, and it's just weird.
It's like two separate livesright now.
So it's like I told her like weneed to like make sure we're
there for each other, like Iknow, we're just got a lot going
on right now and we'll getthrough it, but we can't allow
this to become our new normaland you know she's talking about
.
She has a doctor visit in march.
(09:51):
Well, I guess it is march uhsometimes coming coming up and I
was like I would like to bethere.
You should not be at thatappointment alone.
I don't want you there alone.
I'll take the day, like let'sgo together.
It was just like an unwrittenconversation.
We don't want you there alone.
I'll take the day, let's gotogether.
It was just like an unwrittenconversation.
We don't need to be goingthrough those things alone
anymore.
Chris Bruscher (10:08):
More in tune with making sure you guys are
together and sharing that.
Yeah, nice, I like that.
So Chance, what about you?
Can you give a little storyabout yours?
Chance Wells (10:18):
For us, it was the first one off the bat, 2010,.
Lori was a middle schoolteacher at St Mary's in Sturmey
and, like I said, this is ourfirst one Found out.
We were expecting, and alongthe same lines as Jeff you know
first couple of Dodgersappointments you know went well
(10:39):
and it was kind of one of thosethings, you know I was doing my
own thing also, and I think itwas a third or fourth
appointment.
We were a month or two into thisand she went in after school
and they couldn't find theheartbeat what's going on here,
you know.
And they were doing a scan onher and they still couldn't find
(11:01):
it.
And I can remember that phonecall after her walking out and I
just felt helpless, like I wishI was there, and you know.
I wasn't expecting this onething.
How we kind of coped with it is, uh, my mother-in-law bless her
heart.
You know she always finds thethe good and in the bad.
(11:21):
I would say that right.
It was about two monthsafterwards she called us and
says I think there's this churchin sioux city that once a year
they have masses for miscarriageparents and I think it'd be
good for you guys to go to that,and we kind of talked about it.
So we ended up going.
It was pretty neat.
We walked in and they gave us acandle and we got to light that
(11:43):
the front of the church andthat just kind of gave us a
little ease with the wholesituation leading up to that.
There that there'sconversations.
Are we going to be that couplethat we're going to have
problems from here on out?
Second, guess yourself.
And that's what helped usthrough it.
Chris Bruscher (11:57):
We also named.
Chance Wells (11:57):
It was Blair, not knowing if it was a boy or a
girl.
We find ourselves at times too,with our kids when we pray at
night before bedtime.
That name will get mentionedquite a lot.
The kids know about it.
I'll just never forget going inthat church.
When we walked in and leavingwith that candle, I felt like we
had something, you know ameaning and just made us kind of
(12:21):
feel a little bit better aboutthe situation.
Jeff Redenius (12:23):
I would agree with you, james.
We did that for the first time,I guess last year, 2024.
It was very powerful.
We kind of utilized it as afuneral in some ways.
That was really that gave us alot of closure.
Chance Wells (12:37):
Absolutely and, like I said, I'm glad we
stumbled onto that or led ontothat, you know, I don't know if
that's something we would havefound on our own.
But that has been a huge partin the steps through it all you
you know and leading up to wherewe're at now, even with four
kids.
We talk about it quite a lot.
The kids ask questions and it'ssomething I'll never forget
(12:58):
it's very, very powerful for us.
Chris Bruscher (13:00):
In our story.
We didn't do the naming, wehaven't done that candle and
lighting as well, so maybethat's something that we should
be really thinking andconsidering about.
What about you chance onsupporting lori?
How did you feel on that?
Were you kind of in the sameboat of trying to just be there
because obviously you had otherkids and and how's that?
Chance Wells (13:22):
at the time, we didn't have any other kids.
Chris Bruscher (13:24):
This is the first one, that first okay yeah,
it kind of set me back too.
Chance Wells (13:28):
it's like you take everything for granted, you
think everything's going tohappen just because that's the
motions in life and it set meback we can put all this time
and effort into our jobs and thework and things that really
don't matter.
Her and I at the time after wewere married I was gone with the
(13:52):
trucking business and probablywas not there when I should have
been for her and looking backon that, some of the things she
had to deal with on her own Ijust wish I could go back in
time and be there for her.
I'm not saying it wasn't hardfor me going through it, but I
think for the women it's quite abit harder feeling obviously
they have with they go through.
like I said, if I could go backand go to maybe a few more of
those doctor's appointments offthe get-go, Because I know if
something is going to happenit's going to happen in the
(14:13):
first few weeks or first fewmonths.
And being there for thatunexpected news.
Chris Bruscher (14:19):
Yeah, I totally agree For my situation.
She was having a lot of painand talked to the midwives to
find out what they recommendedto do.
They immediately said you needto go to the ER and figure out
what's going on.
So she gave me a call and I mether there and David stayed with
(14:40):
us as we're waiting for thedoctor and once we were able to
get into the room they did somestuff and they're like this is a
miscarriage and that's the wayit happens and it's painful and
and we're sorry but there's notmuch we can do and you just need
(15:02):
to go home and after a few daysit'll pass.
She relayed that to themidwives and they said well, we
want to come in and see youanyways.
So she went in a few days laterand saw them and they're like
this is not right.
Something else is still wrong,you need to go back to the ER.
(15:24):
So we went back to the ER andthis time I called my dad to
come pick David up.
So we're sitting there andeventually got into the room and
that's where they said stillmiscarriage.
We know it's bad, but if youreally want to do this other
test, we will do this other scanor something.
(15:46):
And the only caveat is is, ifit isn't a miscarriage, that it
for sure the baby will be deadafter this.
And that just kind of gave mepause and nancy paused too, I
think, and we just were thinkingabout all those stories where,
(16:07):
hey, the doctor said this andactually ended up being just
fine and the baby survived andmy kids, you know, older, and
everything's good.
So we're sitting there tryingto figure out, like, do we do
this, do we not do this?
And all of a sudden they cameinto the room and took her and
it's like that's kind of weird.
(16:29):
And they ran the test andapparently the blood test came
back saying yes, it was, youknow, a miscarriage.
And so they wanted to go inthere and find out what else was
going on.
At that same point there's ashift change, so we got a new
doctor and, to her credit, sheactually had worked with
(16:51):
midwives before and was veryreceptive to their knowledge and
to their expertise and tooktheir advice and he did their
advice.
And I just remember coming backand she's like hey, this is
really serious, there's a bunchof stuff going on and they're
bleeding here and we need totake her in right now.
And I just remember my headspinning like here I am trying
(17:16):
to figure out do we run thistest in case the baby's still
alive, or to the baby's gone,has passed away, it's stuck in
the tube and cannot get out andit's about ready to burst and
your wife's bleeding to deathand we need to take her into
surgery right now.
And we will be up in this roomand I just my head's spinning
(17:39):
and I'm trying to figure outwhat is going on and how can
this all happen so quickly?
I remember she went up into thesurgery and it was tough.
Just lots of things goingthrough your mind.
You're like losing a baby andthen your wife is going into
surgery right now.
They don't even want to talk toyou, they're just they got to
(18:00):
get in there and get in therenow.
I remember still it was later,later at night by that time and
I just remember I was sitting upon this mezzanine level all by
myself up there and justthinking and praying.
God, what's going on?
24 hours ago they said nothingwas wrong.
How could I not push more?
(18:21):
Why did it come to this?
And as a husband and a father,at that time you feel worthless,
like there's nothing I can doexcept for just sit here and
pray.
I remember I was just sittingthere and my dad walked him up
the stairs and I just remembercoming up and he's all happy and
I'm just thinking to myself God, please, please, get her
(18:41):
through this surgery, because Icannot do this alone.
I am not strong enough for this, I cannot do this, I'm not
prepared for this, and kind ofselfishly praying just, please,
don't do this to my son or to me.
That sense of hopelessness andbeing scared of you know, is my
wife going to make it through.
At that point we knew the babywouldn't survive, even no matter
(19:06):
what.
That made it hard, nancy.
Just she went through a lotduring that time.
It was very, very sad and verydepressed and I guess for me
that's where I really felt likea failure as a husband, because
I didn't really.
We never really talked about itmuch.
I guess for me it was selfishly.
I was more thinking about manI'm so grateful that she is
(19:28):
alive, that I didn't evenrealize how much pain she was
going through because of thatmiscarriage.
Now, looking back, I'm like, ohman, that was super selfish and
that was so wrong.
But we've talked about it nowand tried to deal with it and
that's my story and our storyand we're continuing to work
through that and find ways tomake sure that I am supporting
(19:51):
her and making sure that moreopen about that, about
miscarriages and I find myselfnot talking with very many guys
about it.
I don't know if you guys havehad any conversations with other
husbands or not.
Jeff Redenius (20:05):
No, honestly, this is the most I've ever spoke
about it, you know by by by far.
Yeah, I've never actuallyspoken with a husband.
I actually had a another friendof ours she had a miscarriage
who actually did help me,because I was kind of just
feeling horrible about not beingthere when jenny found out she
lost the baby, because the sameexact scenario happened with her
(20:27):
and her husband, where hewasn't there.
So she was like don't beatyourself up too much, you know,
it's like you're not a badperson, like everyone just
starts thinking thateverything's just fine, like
chance was saying, and all of asudden it's not.
Chris Bruscher (20:39):
She's like you're, you're not the only one
you're not out of the norm onthat one.
Yeah, it's definitelyinteresting because I've had
conversations with other womenthat have had miscarriages.
You know, like they mightmention, oh, my daughter, or
something like that.
I've had open conversationswith that.
But yeah, until now I'm withyou guys I haven't talked to
(21:01):
another male about miscarriagesat all.
I don't know, maybe that, maybethat's something that needs to
change, or or maybe that's finetoo.
I don't know, I don't know thatanswer yeah's something that
needs to change, or maybe that'sfine too.
I don't know.
Jeff Redenius (21:10):
I don't know that answer.
Yeah, it's kind of like anunwritten rule that usually it's
like you just say we had onemess carriage and you just kind
of move on.
You know, maybe you don't wantto dwell on on something that's
sad, you know, like what yousaid, though, like you know,
sometimes it's good to talk.
Maybe always people want tojust talk about happy, happy and
(21:30):
they just want to.
You know, move over to that, Idon't know.
Chance Wells (21:34):
Yeah, you know sitting here listening to you
guys.
You know I'm trying to thinklike conversations I've had with
my friends and I don't know.
I know there's a couple of themthat have happened, but it's
not a topic that gets talkedabout, but there are definitely
feelings that go with it.
So you don't know how to wordit, or they don't know how to
(21:55):
word it.
It just does not get talkedabout.
Jeff Redenius (21:57):
I'm remembering pretty vividly now, chris, when
you started explaining whathappened.
I don't know if I just kind ofblocked it out of my memory or I
don't know, but all of a suddenyou started describing what
happened and all of a sudden Iremember exactly where I was and
on what street in downtownDavenport and in front of what
pizza place, when I was talkingto Nancy about ectopic
(22:17):
pregnancies because it wassomething that I was literally
just got done with.
That class, like I was prettysharp on the whole.
Oh my gosh, that just cameflooding back to me.
I was like, oh, I completelykind of blocked that out of my
brain until just now and all ofa sudden everything came back.
Chris Bruscher (22:33):
I think that happens too for me.
Sometimes you don't want toremember, oh, I was not good in
that circumstance or that wastoo scary.
I don't really want to livethat one again.
But how have you guys workedthrough marriage stuff too now
now to move on with themiscarriage stuff and trying to
(22:53):
be the best husbands that we canbe?
Obviously, during these timeswe we found that there's some
areas that we improve.
What are, what are some of the,the tricks that you're doing
right now just to help make surethat your marriages are strong
and that communication staysopen?
Chance Wells (23:07):
I think communication, like what you
said, chris, is the number onepriority.
It's getting on the same page.
Jeff, you can relate to this.
With four kids it's very hecticand you find yourself going
when you're coming and comingwhen you're going, just at the
end of the day, taking time foreach other.
Once the kids go to bed, I findmyself not taking the time that
(23:28):
I should and talking to her,but as years go on, I'm trying
to get better about that andmaking her feel involved in my
outside decisions that I make inmy job, having more of a
conversation and making her feelthe other half of me Truly not
getting focused on the wrongaspects of life.
Jeff Redenius (23:47):
I have too many friends and too many successful
people around me that it's justall about money, money, money,
money.
And on the outside it lookslike they're just blowing me out
of the water and all I see issomething I don't want anything
to do with.
You know, it's like what istrue wealth Is true wealth?
(24:11):
$3 million?
Then I guess I'm not wealthy.
Or is wealth having a greatmarriage where the person loves
you and is backing you 100% Istrue happiness with your wife
driving a hundred thousanddollar suburban or driving a
minivan with high miles?
You know, with a lot ofmemories, you know and you see a
(24:31):
lot of people driving up anddown with like, upgrading every
year, with the big fancy rims,and it's like, oh, they got it
figured out.
And then it's like, are theyjust putting these you know
objects into them, trying tofill a void?
I don't want anything to do it.
I'd never want to just coexistwith Jenny.
I've seen that before.
You're there, but yet you'renot.
Maybe, I annoy Jenny, but I'malways trying to go and get a
(24:53):
hug.
So just like, let's just, youknow, just that little thing,
you know, if you just kind ofstop doing that all of a sudden,
it's like okay, then do youeven say good morning.
If you know, I was just tryingto keep back.
I'm always just trying to goback to the basics.
Back to the basics what'simportant, what's important?
Yeah, I like that.
Chance Wells (25:10):
I think that's key yeah, the same thing on basic
is just trying to set aside acouple nights a month, or even
if it's one night a month, to goout on a date and keep that
spark alive between what it'ssupposed to be and having that
excitement for one another.
I think that's very importantfor taking the time Just for the
(25:30):
two of you and leaving the kidsat home and just building off
that.
We try to do it once a month.
In the winter it could be acouple times or once a week if
we have time, we're not going tobasketball games or kids events
.
But that's very important takingthe time for each other.
I'm getting out and going anddoing something and laughing and
(25:52):
talking about the old times anddating.
I think that's very importantmeeting each other and just
keeping the fire lit.
Jeff Redenius (26:00):
Yeah, you guys are doing a really good job of
that.
I would say Jenny and I arefailing at that right now, 100%
failing.
We got work to do on that and Iwant to do that.
I love that.
I want to do that.
Chris Bruscher (26:12):
It's hard, nancy and I.
We went a long stretch where weweren't really doing that and
as we get older and get to knoweach other well, I can kind of
tell when things aren't, youknow, as good as they should be.
And then I'm like, okay, it'stime for a date night.
Now I'm like, why do I keepwaiting till it's starting on
the edge of bad to go do it?
(26:33):
So, so, uh, this last couplemonths we've been really trying
to make sure that we have aplanned date, like you were
saying.
Chance of here's our time.
And this is when we're going totake it Because, like you said,
it's key to talk about.
You know what's the future looklike together, what's now look
like, what are the decisions weneed to make now?
(26:55):
Also, looking back on the past,of where have we been you know,
where have we struggled, wherecan we improve?
So I think all those things aregood.
I just want to give a shout outto Jeff, to your parents.
They've really modeled and madea huge impression on me as far
as the marriage, because Nancytells me stories all the time
(27:16):
about how much they would likego out together and it probably
wasn't all that much, but as akid maybe it seemed like more,
but just the focus and theystill have that focus of time
together and I think I don'tknow.
I'm like that's, that's what Iwant still to be, that that
together and that close evenafter those years, even though
(27:37):
it's only probably been 20 yearsthat they've been married,
right right yeah, they're alwayslooking for a good excuse to go
out to eat.
Jeff Redenius (27:46):
I guess I was there for this date, so I guess
it wasn't a true date when I wasa kid.
But we went all the way tookoboji to eat mexican once, and
which is two hours one way, butit was fun.
I mean, we just chatted thewhole time before smartphones,
you know love it, I love it.
Chance Wells (28:03):
My father-in-law and I'm gonna build on that just
a little bit.
He's taught me along the way.
You know, I grew up in ahousehold when it came for
valentine's day, birthdays andstuff growing up my dad never
really went out of his way tolike bring in a bouquet of
flowers or some balloons orsomething, very easily and so
(28:23):
small.
I never saw that growing up andI know, the first few years of
our marriage I should have knownbetter, you know, and I was at
fault, you know, maybe not goingthat extra step and I just step
back and I look at myfather-in-law and he's taught me
not not telling me, butwatching his actions is what
he's done, and that's kind ofhelped me be a better man, a
(28:46):
better husband just doing littlethings for them, you know, on
the special days, I think that'sso key too.
Chris Bruscher (28:53):
Like you said, he's never came and said hey,
you suck, or hey, you should dothis better?
Nancy Bruscher (28:59):
Absolutely not.
Chris Bruscher (29:01):
He just models it so well.
A man of very few words.
He should be on the podcast 30seconds later over.
Well, guys, any words of wisdomor final thoughts, as we kind
of close out.
Jeff Redenius (29:16):
I wasn't nervous for this.
I also didn't know.
I honestly thought this wasgoing to last five minutes, to
be 100% honest, because I waslike, well, I've never really
talked about this, so how mucham I going to talk?
You know, I thought that wasgreat.
Chance Wells (29:29):
Yeah, I was a little bit nervous about it.
I'm not a big.
Share my story, A couple thingskeep faith and close to you and
just keep working hard andcommunication is huge and you
have a successful marriage, Ibelieve agreed.
Chris Bruscher (29:44):
Yes, sir, amen to that.
Well, thank you guys so much.
I really do appreciate youhelping us out having this
conversation being open, beingable to talk more than five
minutes on this and I love the,the ending wisdom around the,
the marriage, as I truly feelhonored to be with you guys and
and see your families and seehow you love your wives and your
(30:04):
kids and I just reallyappreciate both of you and
thanks so much again for beingon the podcast, look forward to
seeing and talk to you and doyou guys soon.
Nancy Bruscher (30:14):
I hope this 100th episode with Chris as your
host has been impactful.
Thank you for being on thisjourney of 100 podcasts about
faith and hope.
We are going to continue.
We're going to keep on rollingwith Ordinary People,
Extraordinary Things and our101st episode will drop next
(30:35):
Sunday, so we will see you injust one week.
Thank you for listening andthank you for sharing.
Happy Easter.
Matthew 28, 5 says but theangel said to the women Do not
be afraid, for I know that youseek Jesus, who was crucified.
He is not here, for he hasrisen, as he said.
So, happy Easter.
I hope that this day brings youpeace and hope of what God did
(00:26):
for us on the cross and thenrising from the dead.
We are also celebrating our100th episode today.
I am so excited and I'm sothankful that you've been on
this journey with us.
With Ordinary People,extraordinary Things.
I am actually not the host forthis episode.
My husband, chris, surprised meand did this episode that I
(00:50):
have been wanting to do forabout two years.
So he surprised me and was thehost for this episode with my
brother, jeff, and mybrother-in-law, chance.
It is a fantastic episode.
I'm so excited to bring it toyou today.
Stay tuned for the end of theepisode, as we'll talk about
what happens after our 100thepisode.
Chris Bruscher (01:12):
Welcome to Ordinary People, extraordinary
Things.
I am Chris.
I'll be your host today, or youcan call me Nancy's husband.
I'll be your host for thisepisode and I'm joined with
Jeffrey Dinas and Chance Wells.
You guys are super excitedabout this episode, right?
Absolutely.
Jeff Redenius (01:29):
You bet.
Chris Bruscher (01:30):
I can hear the excitement in your voices.
This episode is like acontinuation of episode 34,
where our wives all got togetherand talked about miscarriages,
and I thought it would be goodif we can talk about it from the
guys perspective, from thehusband's, as we all all three
went through that.
(01:51):
So, jeff, just a littleexplanation he's Jenny's husband
and chances Lori's husband, sothese are my two brother-in-laws
, and thank you so much for forjoining us tonight.
With that being said, jeff, canyou share a couple words that
describe you?
Jeff Redenius (02:08):
yeah, I would say kind of, first and foremost, my
primary objectives as as a guyis to be a father and a husband.
I am also a business owner inin rural iowa but most important
jobs I have is to be a fatherto my kids and get them set up
for life, and uh husband tojenny and sleep sometimes right,
(02:32):
not very little bit yeah, andchance what?
Chris Bruscher (02:38):
what about you?
What are all that?
Chance Wells (02:40):
I wish I would have went first, because he took
what I was going to say.
Jeff Redenius (02:44):
Great minds think alike.
Chance Wells (02:46):
To piggyback off that father figure is huge for
us.
I feel like it's my job to getmy kids to heaven, and same with
my wife.
She builds me as where we aretoday, building each other in
faith, and I try doing the same,just trying to get each of us
to heaven and being ahard-working individual to
(03:08):
support them.
Chris Bruscher (03:09):
All nice, and I agree with that both, both of
you a ton.
So I 100% agree, and you bothhave amazing kids.
So thank you for being dads andfor stepping into that.
For myself, too, I'm the sameway, father foremost.
I have two wonderful kids.
I would say I am very loyal, so, and what I mean by that is
(03:34):
just I make friends with peopleand I just stick by them, and
that includes my wife.
So, yeah, so today we just kindof want to dive in a little bit
more about the experiences thatwe have and do you feel
comfortable going first, kind oftalking through your story,
hopefully, listeners?
That was episode 34.
(03:54):
I don't know if I said thatbefore, but that's some of the
context behind it.
And, jeff, if you don't mind,kind of going with your side of
the story.
Jeff Redenius (04:02):
We had a miscarriage after Allie.
So she well, we we say Gracie,but I mean we really don't know
if it was a boy or girl wasgoing to be after Allie, who was
our second to oldest.
Maybe we jumped the gun, kindof making it public, but we were
really.
My grandmother, uh, donitaShrod, was in the hospital and
(04:24):
was not doing well, so we reallywanted to tell her that and we
could see just the absolute joywhen we told her and then it
just kind of went from there.
Jenny did have a miscarriage,so it would have been around,
you know, 2020, 2021, to thisday.
I, when, when sam and ally wereborn, it was just kind of, you
(04:45):
know, I just stayed working.
I was busy at the clinic, youknow.
Jenny was going to all thedoctor's visits.
I was like, let's just, I wasjust kind of writing them off as
like, oh, these are just waysfor the hospital to just kind of
upcharge and we'll see youevery three weeks or whatever.
And I was like I can't make itto these appointments or
whatever, whatever.
And I was like I can't make itto this appointment, whatever.
(05:07):
And they all just seemed prettynormal for the first two.
Like you know, everything'sprogressing along and then.
So I wasn't going and uh, sothen I felt horrible, and still
to this day, when Jenny was withthe doctor and found out that
there was no heartbeat and I Iwas like why wasn't I there?
You know, I was putting money,I was putting business before
(05:30):
family and so that was a wake-upcall for me that, like you know
, there's more important thingsto then seeing.
I'm a chiropractor.
There's more important thingsthan seeing patients.
Maybe I should have been apatient with my wife at the
doctor's office I'm achiropractor.
There's more important thingsthan seeing patients.
(05:51):
Maybe I should have been apatient with my wife at the
doctor's office a little bitmore and after that definitely
was more involved with those.
We named her Gracie.
The kids all know Jenny had amiscarriage, you know, never
forgotten.
We don't dwell on it a lot, butthe kids are aware there is
kind of a silhouette picture wehave, you know, of all the kids
(06:11):
but and then like a baby beingheld by Jesus and all of us in
there, we planted the tree, justkind of like you know something
that'll grow, something thatwhen we pick you know an apple
off of it, you know we justalways have that little kind of
thought.
It's just kind of like areality check that we are not in
control as much as we think weare.
We we definitely are not haveto learn how to hit a curveball
and and just keep going step bystep, as far as being husband
(06:36):
and in it I didn't go through alot of it, you know, just
because I, I I mean I was sad,obviously, but my body didn't
change.
I wasn't dealing with with trulylosing physically a baby.
So you can't help but be kindof disconnected, and I don't
mean that lightly, but yet kindof disconnected, and so it's
(07:00):
just, you know, I'm just tryingto be there in every way I can.
You know, my, my, my hormonesdidn't fluctuate.
I was, you know more so kind offlatlined as far as that.
So you're just trying to giveas much support as you
absolutely can and be strong foryour wife and for your kids
(07:20):
that are home trying to figureout.
You know they're trying tofigure out what's going on, and
so you're just trying to figureout.
You know they're trying tofigure out what's going on, and
so you're just trying to be aneven keel through it so that
there's normalcy through thishard time for the kids, always
trying to remember that we'renot in control.
You know, every time we see arainbow, we just kind of do that
initial, just kind of let gothere's, you know there's love
(07:41):
in the world and there's alwaysa lot of good, but uh, there's
always curveballs that you haveno control of a couple things on
there.
Chris Bruscher (07:49):
I really like that you talked about the, the
physical changes like my wifehad to go through during that
time.
As a guy you don't go throughthat and and I don't know if
that makes it feel moredisconnected or not or what, but
I totally hear you when you'resaying that is, you feel so bad
(08:14):
and you try to support in anyway you can.
But how do you do that when youknow you physically your body
hasn't done the changes and whatdoes that look like from a
support side?
I want to circle back around alittle bit, though, on the fact
that you kind of said that youfelt bad because you weren't
(08:35):
there and you kind of stepped in.
How have you kind of dealt withthat and how have you gotten
past that?
Was that a conversation you andJenny had, or was that lots
conversation you and jenny had,or is that lots of prayers or no
?
Jeff Redenius (08:47):
I mean, jenny was never like you know, why
weren't you there?
You know, because it was justwe were both just kind of like,
oh, I'm just gonna go, you know,see, this visit wasn't like,
hey, jeff, are you coming?
And I said, no, it was just wewere.
We were both kind of it's justanother visit, whatever.
So it was an unspokenconversation.
(09:07):
I just was more involved withthose appointments and we really
are very in tuned about this,about just being together and
doing things.
Right now, I feel like we areliving two separate lives.
Jenny's dad has been dealingwith some health things, and so
Jenny's been running to waterlooquite a bit, and so I'm home
with the kids, or we're bothgoing, or I'm on the school
(09:29):
board.
So, like, when jenny's not inwaterloo, I don't have a school
board meeting.
And tonight she had a ptomeeting, tomorrow I have a
meeting, and it's just weird.
It's like two separate livesright now.
So it's like I told her like weneed to like make sure we're
there for each other, like Iknow, we're just got a lot going
on right now and we'll getthrough it, but we can't allow
this to become our new normaland you know she's talking about
.
She has a doctor visit in march.
(09:51):
Well, I guess it is march uhsometimes coming coming up and I
was like I would like to bethere.
You should not be at thatappointment alone.
I don't want you there alone.
I'll take the day, like let'sgo together.
It was just like an unwrittenconversation.
We don't want you there alone.
I'll take the day, let's gotogether.
It was just like an unwrittenconversation.
We don't need to be goingthrough those things alone
anymore.
Chris Bruscher (10:08):
More in tune with making sure you guys are
together and sharing that.
Yeah, nice, I like that.
So Chance, what about you?
Can you give a little storyabout yours?
Chance Wells (10:18):
For us, it was the first one off the bat, 2010,.
Lori was a middle schoolteacher at St Mary's in Sturmey
and, like I said, this is ourfirst one Found out.
We were expecting, and alongthe same lines as Jeff you know
first couple of Dodgersappointments you know went well
(10:39):
and it was kind of one of thosethings, you know I was doing my
own thing also, and I think itwas a third or fourth
appointment.
We were a month or two into thisand she went in after school
and they couldn't find theheartbeat what's going on here,
you know.
And they were doing a scan onher and they still couldn't find
(11:01):
it.
And I can remember that phonecall after her walking out and I
just felt helpless, like I wishI was there, and you know.
I wasn't expecting this onething.
How we kind of coped with it is, uh, my mother-in-law bless her
heart.
You know she always finds thethe good and in the bad.
(11:21):
I would say that right.
It was about two monthsafterwards she called us and
says I think there's this churchin sioux city that once a year
they have masses for miscarriageparents and I think it'd be
good for you guys to go to that,and we kind of talked about it.
So we ended up going.
It was pretty neat.
We walked in and they gave us acandle and we got to light that
(11:43):
the front of the church andthat just kind of gave us a
little ease with the wholesituation leading up to that.
There that there'sconversations.
Are we going to be that couplethat we're going to have
problems from here on out?
Second, guess yourself.
And that's what helped usthrough it.
Chris Bruscher (11:57):
We also named.
Chance Wells (11:57):
It was Blair, not knowing if it was a boy or a
girl.
We find ourselves at times too,with our kids when we pray at
night before bedtime.
That name will get mentionedquite a lot.
The kids know about it.
I'll just never forget going inthat church.
When we walked in and leavingwith that candle, I felt like we
had something, you know ameaning and just made us kind of
(12:21):
feel a little bit better aboutthe situation.
Jeff Redenius (12:23):
I would agree with you, james.
We did that for the first time,I guess last year, 2024.
It was very powerful.
We kind of utilized it as afuneral in some ways.
That was really that gave us alot of closure.
Chance Wells (12:37):
Absolutely and, like I said, I'm glad we
stumbled onto that or led ontothat, you know, I don't know if
that's something we would havefound on our own.
But that has been a huge partin the steps through it all you
you know and leading up to wherewe're at now, even with four
kids.
We talk about it quite a lot.
The kids ask questions and it'ssomething I'll never forget
(12:58):
it's very, very powerful for us.
Chris Bruscher (13:00):
In our story.
We didn't do the naming, wehaven't done that candle and
lighting as well, so maybethat's something that we should
be really thinking andconsidering about.
What about you chance onsupporting lori?
How did you feel on that?
Were you kind of in the sameboat of trying to just be there
because obviously you had otherkids and and how's that?
Chance Wells (13:22):
at the time, we didn't have any other kids.
Chris Bruscher (13:24):
This is the first one, that first okay yeah,
it kind of set me back too.
Chance Wells (13:28):
it's like you take everything for granted, you
think everything's going tohappen just because that's the
motions in life and it set meback we can put all this time
and effort into our jobs and thework and things that really
don't matter.
Her and I at the time after wewere married I was gone with the
(13:52):
trucking business and probablywas not there when I should have
been for her and looking backon that, some of the things she
had to deal with on her own Ijust wish I could go back in
time and be there for her.
I'm not saying it wasn't hardfor me going through it, but I
think for the women it's quite abit harder feeling obviously
they have with they go through.
like I said, if I could go backand go to maybe a few more of
those doctor's appointments offthe get-go, Because I know if
something is going to happenit's going to happen in the
(14:13):
first few weeks or first fewmonths.
And being there for thatunexpected news.
Chris Bruscher (14:19):
Yeah, I totally agree For my situation.
She was having a lot of painand talked to the midwives to
find out what they recommendedto do.
They immediately said you needto go to the ER and figure out
what's going on.
So she gave me a call and I mether there and David stayed with
(14:40):
us as we're waiting for thedoctor and once we were able to
get into the room they did somestuff and they're like this is a
miscarriage and that's the wayit happens and it's painful and
and we're sorry but there's notmuch we can do and you just need
(15:02):
to go home and after a few daysit'll pass.
She relayed that to themidwives and they said well, we
want to come in and see youanyways.
So she went in a few days laterand saw them and they're like
this is not right.
Something else is still wrong,you need to go back to the ER.
(15:24):
So we went back to the ER andthis time I called my dad to
come pick David up.
So we're sitting there andeventually got into the room and
that's where they said stillmiscarriage.
We know it's bad, but if youreally want to do this other
test, we will do this other scanor something.
(15:46):
And the only caveat is is, ifit isn't a miscarriage, that it
for sure the baby will be deadafter this.
And that just kind of gave mepause and nancy paused too, I
think, and we just were thinkingabout all those stories where,
(16:07):
hey, the doctor said this andactually ended up being just
fine and the baby survived andmy kids, you know, older, and
everything's good.
So we're sitting there tryingto figure out, like, do we do
this, do we not do this?
And all of a sudden they cameinto the room and took her and
it's like that's kind of weird.
(16:29):
And they ran the test andapparently the blood test came
back saying yes, it was, youknow, a miscarriage.
And so they wanted to go inthere and find out what else was
going on.
At that same point there's ashift change, so we got a new
doctor and, to her credit, sheactually had worked with
(16:51):
midwives before and was veryreceptive to their knowledge and
to their expertise and tooktheir advice and he did their
advice.
And I just remember coming backand she's like hey, this is
really serious, there's a bunchof stuff going on and they're
bleeding here and we need totake her in right now.
And I just remember my headspinning like here I am trying
(17:16):
to figure out do we run thistest in case the baby's still
alive, or to the baby's gone,has passed away, it's stuck in
the tube and cannot get out andit's about ready to burst and
your wife's bleeding to deathand we need to take her into
surgery right now.
And we will be up in this roomand I just my head's spinning
(17:39):
and I'm trying to figure outwhat is going on and how can
this all happen so quickly?
I remember she went up into thesurgery and it was tough.
Just lots of things goingthrough your mind.
You're like losing a baby andthen your wife is going into
surgery right now.
They don't even want to talk toyou, they're just they got to
(18:00):
get in there and get in therenow.
I remember still it was later,later at night by that time and
I just remember I was sitting upon this mezzanine level all by
myself up there and justthinking and praying.
God, what's going on?
24 hours ago they said nothingwas wrong.
How could I not push more?
(18:21):
Why did it come to this?
And as a husband and a father,at that time you feel worthless,
like there's nothing I can doexcept for just sit here and
pray.
I remember I was just sittingthere and my dad walked him up
the stairs and I just remembercoming up and he's all happy and
I'm just thinking to myself God, please, please, get her
(18:41):
through this surgery, because Icannot do this alone.
I am not strong enough for this, I cannot do this, I'm not
prepared for this, and kind ofselfishly praying just, please,
don't do this to my son or to me.
That sense of hopelessness andbeing scared of you know, is my
wife going to make it through.
At that point we knew the babywouldn't survive, even no matter
(19:06):
what.
That made it hard, nancy.
Just she went through a lotduring that time.
It was very, very sad and verydepressed and I guess for me
that's where I really felt likea failure as a husband, because
I didn't really.
We never really talked about itmuch.
I guess for me it was selfishly.
I was more thinking about manI'm so grateful that she is
(19:28):
alive, that I didn't evenrealize how much pain she was
going through because of thatmiscarriage.
Now, looking back, I'm like, ohman, that was super selfish and
that was so wrong.
But we've talked about it nowand tried to deal with it and
that's my story and our storyand we're continuing to work
through that and find ways tomake sure that I am supporting
(19:51):
her and making sure that moreopen about that, about
miscarriages and I find myselfnot talking with very many guys
about it.
I don't know if you guys havehad any conversations with other
husbands or not.
Jeff Redenius (20:05):
No, honestly, this is the most I've ever spoke
about it, you know by by by far.
Yeah, I've never actuallyspoken with a husband.
I actually had a another friendof ours she had a miscarriage
who actually did help me,because I was kind of just
feeling horrible about not beingthere when jenny found out she
lost the baby, because the sameexact scenario happened with her
(20:27):
and her husband, where hewasn't there.
So she was like don't beatyourself up too much, you know,
it's like you're not a badperson, like everyone just
starts thinking thateverything's just fine, like
chance was saying, and all of asudden it's not.
Chris Bruscher (20:39):
She's like you're, you're not the only one
you're not out of the norm onthat one.
Yeah, it's definitelyinteresting because I've had
conversations with other womenthat have had miscarriages.
You know, like they mightmention, oh, my daughter, or
something like that.
I've had open conversationswith that.
But yeah, until now I'm withyou guys I haven't talked to
(21:01):
another male about miscarriagesat all.
I don't know, maybe that, maybethat's something that needs to
change, or or maybe that's finetoo.
I don't know, I don't know thatanswer yeah's something that
needs to change, or maybe that'sfine too.
I don't know.
Jeff Redenius (21:10):
I don't know that answer.
Yeah, it's kind of like anunwritten rule that usually it's
like you just say we had onemess carriage and you just kind
of move on.
You know, maybe you don't wantto dwell on on something that's
sad, you know, like what yousaid, though, like you know,
sometimes it's good to talk.
Maybe always people want tojust talk about happy, happy and
(21:30):
they just want to.
You know, move over to that, Idon't know.
Chance Wells (21:34):
Yeah, you know sitting here listening to you
guys.
You know I'm trying to thinklike conversations I've had with
my friends and I don't know.
I know there's a couple of themthat have happened, but it's
not a topic that gets talkedabout, but there are definitely
feelings that go with it.
So you don't know how to wordit, or they don't know how to
(21:55):
word it.
It just does not get talkedabout.
Jeff Redenius (21:57):
I'm remembering pretty vividly now, chris, when
you started explaining whathappened.
I don't know if I just kind ofblocked it out of my memory or I
don't know, but all of a suddenyou started describing what
happened and all of a sudden Iremember exactly where I was and
on what street in downtownDavenport and in front of what
pizza place, when I was talkingto Nancy about ectopic
(22:17):
pregnancies because it wassomething that I was literally
just got done with.
That class, like I was prettysharp on the whole.
Oh my gosh, that just cameflooding back to me.
I was like, oh, I completelykind of blocked that out of my
brain until just now and all ofa sudden everything came back.
Chris Bruscher (22:33):
I think that happens too for me.
Sometimes you don't want toremember, oh, I was not good in
that circumstance or that wastoo scary.
I don't really want to livethat one again.
But how have you guys workedthrough marriage stuff too now
now to move on with themiscarriage stuff and trying to
(22:53):
be the best husbands that we canbe?
Obviously, during these timeswe we found that there's some
areas that we improve.
What are, what are some of the,the tricks that you're doing
right now just to help make surethat your marriages are strong
and that communication staysopen?
Chance Wells (23:07):
I think communication, like what you
said, chris, is the number onepriority.
It's getting on the same page.
Jeff, you can relate to this.
With four kids it's very hecticand you find yourself going
when you're coming and comingwhen you're going, just at the
end of the day, taking time foreach other.
Once the kids go to bed, I findmyself not taking the time that
(23:28):
I should and talking to her,but as years go on, I'm trying
to get better about that andmaking her feel involved in my
outside decisions that I make inmy job, having more of a
conversation and making her feelthe other half of me Truly not
getting focused on the wrongaspects of life.
Jeff Redenius (23:47):
I have too many friends and too many successful
people around me that it's justall about money, money, money,
money.
And on the outside it lookslike they're just blowing me out
of the water and all I see issomething I don't want anything
to do with.
You know, it's like what istrue wealth Is true wealth?
(24:11):
$3 million?
Then I guess I'm not wealthy.
Or is wealth having a greatmarriage where the person loves
you and is backing you 100% Istrue happiness with your wife
driving a hundred thousanddollar suburban or driving a
minivan with high miles?
You know, with a lot ofmemories, you know and you see a
(24:31):
lot of people driving up anddown with like, upgrading every
year, with the big fancy rims,and it's like, oh, they got it
figured out.
And then it's like, are theyjust putting these you know
objects into them, trying tofill a void?
I don't want anything to do it.
I'd never want to just coexistwith Jenny.
I've seen that before.
You're there, but yet you'renot.
Maybe, I annoy Jenny, but I'malways trying to go and get a
(24:53):
hug.
So just like, let's just, youknow, just that little thing,
you know, if you just kind ofstop doing that all of a sudden,
it's like okay, then do youeven say good morning.
If you know, I was just tryingto keep back.
I'm always just trying to goback to the basics.
Back to the basics what'simportant, what's important?
Yeah, I like that.
Chance Wells (25:10):
I think that's key yeah, the same thing on basic
is just trying to set aside acouple nights a month, or even
if it's one night a month, to goout on a date and keep that
spark alive between what it'ssupposed to be and having that
excitement for one another.
I think that's very importantfor taking the time Just for the
(25:30):
two of you and leaving the kidsat home and just building off
that.
We try to do it once a month.
In the winter it could be acouple times or once a week if
we have time, we're not going tobasketball games or kids events
.
But that's very important takingthe time for each other.
I'm getting out and going anddoing something and laughing and
(25:52):
talking about the old times anddating.
I think that's very importantmeeting each other and just
keeping the fire lit.
Jeff Redenius (26:00):
Yeah, you guys are doing a really good job of
that.
I would say Jenny and I arefailing at that right now, 100%
failing.
We got work to do on that and Iwant to do that.
I love that.
I want to do that.
Chris Bruscher (26:12):
It's hard, nancy and I.
We went a long stretch where weweren't really doing that and
as we get older and get to knoweach other well, I can kind of
tell when things aren't, youknow, as good as they should be.
And then I'm like, okay, it'stime for a date night.
Now I'm like, why do I keepwaiting till it's starting on
the edge of bad to go do it?
(26:33):
So, so, uh, this last couplemonths we've been really trying
to make sure that we have aplanned date, like you were
saying.
Chance of here's our time.
And this is when we're going totake it Because, like you said,
it's key to talk about.
You know what's the future looklike together, what's now look
like, what are the decisions weneed to make now?
(26:55):
Also, looking back on the past,of where have we been you know,
where have we struggled, wherecan we improve?
So I think all those things aregood.
I just want to give a shout outto Jeff, to your parents.
They've really modeled and madea huge impression on me as far
as the marriage, because Nancytells me stories all the time
(27:16):
about how much they would likego out together and it probably
wasn't all that much, but as akid maybe it seemed like more,
but just the focus and theystill have that focus of time
together and I think I don'tknow.
I'm like that's, that's what Iwant still to be, that that
together and that close evenafter those years, even though
(27:37):
it's only probably been 20 yearsthat they've been married,
right right yeah, they're alwayslooking for a good excuse to go
out to eat.
Jeff Redenius (27:46):
I guess I was there for this date, so I guess
it wasn't a true date when I wasa kid.
But we went all the way tookoboji to eat mexican once, and
which is two hours one way, butit was fun.
I mean, we just chatted thewhole time before smartphones,
you know love it, I love it.
Chance Wells (28:03):
My father-in-law and I'm gonna build on that just
a little bit.
He's taught me along the way.
You know, I grew up in ahousehold when it came for
valentine's day, birthdays andstuff growing up my dad never
really went out of his way tolike bring in a bouquet of
flowers or some balloons orsomething, very easily and so
(28:23):
small.
I never saw that growing up andI know, the first few years of
our marriage I should have knownbetter, you know, and I was at
fault, you know, maybe not goingthat extra step and I just step
back and I look at myfather-in-law and he's taught me
not not telling me, butwatching his actions is what
he's done, and that's kind ofhelped me be a better man, a
(28:46):
better husband just doing littlethings for them, you know, on
the special days, I think that'sso key too.
Chris Bruscher (28:53):
Like you said, he's never came and said hey,
you suck, or hey, you should dothis better?
Nancy Bruscher (28:59):
Absolutely not.
Chris Bruscher (29:01):
He just models it so well.
A man of very few words.
He should be on the podcast 30seconds later over.
Well, guys, any words of wisdomor final thoughts, as we kind
of close out.
Jeff Redenius (29:16):
I wasn't nervous for this.
I also didn't know.
I honestly thought this wasgoing to last five minutes, to
be 100% honest, because I waslike, well, I've never really
talked about this, so how mucham I going to talk?
You know, I thought that wasgreat.
Chance Wells (29:29):
Yeah, I was a little bit nervous about it.
I'm not a big.
Share my story, A couple thingskeep faith and close to you and
just keep working hard andcommunication is huge and you
have a successful marriage, Ibelieve agreed.
Chris Bruscher (29:44):
Yes, sir, amen to that.
Well, thank you guys so much.
I really do appreciate youhelping us out having this
conversation being open, beingable to talk more than five
minutes on this and I love the,the ending wisdom around the,
the marriage, as I truly feelhonored to be with you guys and
and see your families and seehow you love your wives and your
(30:04):
kids and I just reallyappreciate both of you and
thanks so much again for beingon the podcast, look forward to
seeing and talk to you and doyou guys soon.
Nancy Bruscher (30:14):
I hope this 100th episode with Chris as your
host has been impactful.
Thank you for being on thisjourney of 100 podcasts about
faith and hope.
We are going to continue.
We're going to keep on rollingwith Ordinary People,
Extraordinary Things and our101st episode will drop next
(30:35):
Sunday, so we will see you injust one week.
Thank you for listening andthank you for sharing.
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