Getting Unstuck: The Power of Asking Yourself The Right Questions

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#286 - What if the key to unlocking your potential lies in the questions you ask yourself? Discover how to transform your inner dialogue and banish negative self-talk by focusing on empowering, solution-oriented questions. In this episode, I share personal experiences and practical strategies that have helped me and my clients break free from mental ruts and make progress in our personal and professional lives. 

We'll explore how the right questions can shift your mindset, influence your actions, and align those actions with your goals to significantly reduce overwhelm. Tune in to learn how fostering curiosity over self-doubt can lead to profound personal growth and improved well-being. Whether you're navigating challenges in your relationships, business, or self-care, this episode offers actionable insights to help you take control and thrive amidst the chaos.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:09):
Hey, my name is Teresa Hildebrand and this is
Organized Chaos.
We take a deep dive into livingwith intentionality, focusing
on what's important in our livesso we can truly feel our best.
It may feel chaotic at times,but with a little organization,
the right mindset and a ton ofself-love, we can still thrive.
Join me as we talk to otherbusy moms and experts who will

(00:31):
share tips and strategies tohelp you reach your goals.
Hope you enjoy this episode ofOrganized Chaos.
Now on to the show.
Hey friends, welcome to thisepisode of Organized Chaos.
I'm so glad you're here.
If you're new here, welcome.
I hope you enjoy the show.
I'm actually going to be talkingabout a topic that has really

(00:51):
been a game changer for me andfor a lot of people that I coach
, because it's really aboutgetting unstuck, using the power
of asking yourself the rightquestions.
Now you're probably thinkingokay, what does that even mean
and why is it important for usto ask ourselves the right
questions?
So of course, we have thisinner dialogue.

(01:11):
Sometimes we have an inner meangirl or like this, you know,
really negative internaldialogue and it's okay.
I mean, we all kind of have it,but it's all about becoming
aware of what that or how thatis affecting us and being able
to reframe that into somethingthat is actually going to help

(01:32):
us create momentum and moveforward and actually help us
even make better decisions.
So why am I really talkingabout this?
It's really kind of like thatthing where we have so many
thoughts in our head and some ofthese things can really creep
in and we don't even realize howmuch it's impacting us in a
negative way.

(01:52):
So I just want to shine a lighton this and also kind of give
you some examples of how you canapply this in your life so that
you can start getting unstuck.
So what's the differencebetween a wrong question and a
right question?
So a wrong question, in my eyes, is one that is more problem

(02:14):
based.
It's really focusing more onwhat's going wrong or what's
broken or missing, and a rightquestion is an empowering
question and something that ismore focused on the solution.
So just think about it.
Like, if you start to askyourself questions that are more
empowering and that focus onthe things that you have control

(02:38):
over and more solution-based,how do you think that's going to
change your life?
Well, maybe you're already likethis and you probably can kind
of see the effects of this.
But I want to really kind ofhone in on this because it's
really something that can make ahuge impact in our lives, not

(02:59):
just in our business, but in ourrelationships and even with our
own wellbeing.
So let's first talk about kindof like the role of this and the
role of asking ourselves theright questions.
It's really about personaldevelopment, it's personal
growth, it's being aware of ourthoughts and how those thoughts

(03:22):
are leading to our behavior.
Because whatever we think aboutreally aligns with our actions,
and if we're trying to getsomewhere, if we're trying to
achieve certain goals, ouractions have to align with that.
But our actions don't justdon't come out of nowhere.
They come from the thoughtsthat we have, and sometimes

(03:43):
those thoughts are questions.
So we want to ask ourselvesquestions that are going to lead
to better and more alignedactions.
This is also a really great wayto reduce our overwhelm and it
helps us focus on what reallymatters.

(04:04):
Like I said, the right questionsare more solution-based.
So it's kind of allowingourselves to think about like,
what do I have control over andwhat kind of actions can I take?
So it's also a way to kind oflike be more curious than you
know, allowing more self-doubtto creep in.
So that's what's reallyimportant about this, right?

(04:28):
Because you know.
Just imagine someone else,someone who you look up to,
someone who you know is a fewsteps ahead of you, and you know
you're telling them, you knowsome of the things that you're
struggling with, and you knowthat person is not going to ask
you well, why are you a failure?
Why do you keep doing this toyourself?

(04:50):
That person is probably goingto ask you well, okay, what are
some of the things that you cando, or what has helped you in
the past?
Those are a little bit moreempowering questions.
Now, this is about reallyhoning in on how you can use
this for yourself.
You be that person in thatinner dialogue so that you can

(05:13):
move forward.
So how does this actually applyin our lives, in different
areas of our lives?
So I'll give you an example ofa few.
So, let's say, this is more inyour career.
So, instead of asking yourself,well, so stagnant in my career,
you can ask yourself insteadwhat steps can I take to advance

(05:35):
my career today?
Now, this does a couple ofthings, right, because you go
from, oh, this is a problem, I'mstagnant to okay, well, what
can I do and what can I startdoing today?
And that really focuses more on, like the small steps that you
can take so it's lessoverwhelming.
So when you're thinking about,oh, my career is stagnant,

(05:57):
you're kind of thinking aboutthe future and like the worst
case scenario and with thisparticular question, you're
thinking more of what can I donow?
Like I'm in the present moment,what is it that I can do today?
And it makes it a little lessoverwhelming.
So the reframing can actuallylead to more actionable steps

(06:18):
and also kind of like thisrenewed motivation, like, oh,
okay, you know I can do this,it's not so bad.
And when it comes torelationships, like you know,
some of the questions that weask ourselves is, you know,
maybe we have someone in ourlife who kind of like some of
the questions that we askourselves is, you know, maybe we
have someone in our life whokind of like upsets us or, you
know, gets on our nerves, andmaybe we're thinking like, why
does this person alwaysfrustrate me?

(06:39):
No, that's not going to lead toa positive answer, and we could
say instead or what you can askyourself instead is what
boundaries do I need to set toprotect my peace.
Now this is, you know, the waythat I see this is like we can't
control anybody else.
We can't control their behavior.

(07:00):
We can only control how we showup, and that can actually lead
to influencing others.
So it goes from you know lessabout control and more about how
do I want to show up.
This can also kind of transformyour relationships because
you're maybe less defensive.

(07:22):
So I want to share somethingwith you that happened last week
.
I had a coaching session with aone-on-one client and she was
feeling really overwhelmed withthe start of the new school year
.
You know she's, you know's inher full-time job, she has two
kids and she felt like herpartner just wasn't helping out
and this was creating a lot ofstress on her mentally and

(07:44):
physically, because it's thestart of all the new routines
and the added responsibilitieswith extracurricular activities
and all of that the addedresponsibilities with, like,
extracurricular activities andall of that.
So, like the questions that shewas asking was why doesn't he
just know how to do this, or whydo I have to tell him to do
this?
So all of these questions, likeyeah, like I understand that

(08:11):
those are some of the questionsthat will pop up, because we do
feel frustrated and we just feellike this is the way to
approach it, but it's not goingto allow you to actually find a
solution to this.
Now, like I said, we can'tcontrol anybody, but we can
influence them.
So I did an exercise with herand it was really about kind of

(08:33):
reframing the way that she wasapproaching this and we came up
with a statement for her.
She actually came up with astatement, but this can also
become a question.
So her statement was I'm beingproactive and protecting my own
energy, so this is what she hascontrol over.
This is what she has controlover.
Now a question or saying thisin a question in the form of a

(08:57):
question is how can I beproactive and protect my own
energy?
So now she's looking at itthrough the lens of okay, how
can I work with this and find asolution without having to feel
like someone else has to changein order for me to be happy?
Now we went through thatexercise in the session.
She was feeling a little bitbetter.
She didn't make any changesother than reframing her

(09:20):
thoughts around it.
Now I got a message from herthe next day stating that of
course, she didn't really doanything, but her husband did
something different.
He offered to take on aresponsibility that allowed her
to actually go home and rest andfeel refreshed for the next day

(09:41):
.
And there was also like abetter conversation that they
had, where there was anotherparticular issue that she was
struggling with and her partneractually acknowledged that.
And, you know, it was just kindof funny in a way, because it's
almost like you know, you putit out there in the universe and
like it actually happened.

(10:02):
It doesn't always happen thatway, of course, because now she
can see, oh, this is actuallyworkable, we can actually do
this.
And it was all about kind ofreframing her mind and her
thoughts around it and how shecan show up.

(10:22):
So I want to kind of do this alittle bit more in the general
sense, like some of the generalquestions that might pop up and
how you can transform it intoright versus wrong question.
So sometimes we'll have athought like why am I failing?
So this is kind of leading moretowards a victim mentality and

(10:44):
it doesn't really offer a wayforward.
Now the right way to ask aquestion would be what can I
learn from this setback?
So this is more growth orientedand you're learning from your
mistakes and creating a path toimprove.
So it's way different.
There's a way different energy.
Another question is why don't Ihave enough time?

(11:05):
So this is really disempoweringbecause you feel like, well, I
don't have control over my timeand it often leads to kind of
like this sense of helplessness.
So the right question you canask is how can I prioritize my
tasks to make the most of mytime?
Now you're reframing it to amore empowering way and taking

(11:26):
control of your time and it'lleven increase your productivity,
because now you're thinking ofthe solutions.
Another question is why can Iever get it right?
So maybe you have kind of likethis inner critic, that or this
thought that you're like notgood enough and you're like why
can I ever get this right?
So it's just reinforcingself-doubt and negative

(11:47):
self-talk.
The right question could bewhat small steps can I take to
improve?
Now, again, this is going backto the beginning, when I talked
about, like the taking the smallsteps.
Today, this is breaking thingsup into more manageable steps,
but it's also removing thatnegativity where you're not

(12:08):
stuck in why can't I?
You're like, well, how can I?
So it encourages more progressand it'll build confidence over
time.
Now this is more of awareness,right, and be more mindful about
how we ask questions ofourselves daily.
So I want to give you ahomework assignment, and this is

(12:30):
really simple and it's just sothat you become aware of what's
going on in your head so thatyou can make a different or have
a different approach to it.
So write down three quoteunquote wrong questions that you
often ask yourself and thenreframe them or try to reframe
them into quote right questionsand see how that turns out.

(12:51):
You can journal it, you cantype it up on your phone, but
just keep track of how it isthat you're talking to yourself
and see what the impact is ofthese new questions and a new
way of approaching this and seeif this actually kind of changes
the actions that you take andhelps you move forward.

(13:11):
All right, that's all I havefor you today.
I hope that was helpful and Ihope you have a great rest of
your day and I'll see you againnext week.