October 23, 2024 • 14 mins
#294 - Ever wonder if midlife is a crisis or simply a fascinating chapter of transformation? I peel back the layers of my own journey through my forties, challenging the notion of a "midlife crisis" and instead embracing this time as one of profound change and reflection. From navigating the emotional and biological shifts brought on by perimenopause to juggling the demands of the "sandwich generation," I share candid insights into how these transitions impact identity and mood. We'll contemplate whether the thirties were indeed the pinnacle of life or just another stage with its unique hurdles and joys, paving the way for growth and reinvention in midlife.
Feeling isolated during these changes? You're not alone, and I emphasize the critical role of community and support in finding your way through life's unpredictable transitions. This episode underscores the power of sharing stories and connecting with others in similar life stages, fostering a sense of belonging. I also consider bringing in experts to shed light on specific topics like perimenopause, offering practical advice that can help you through your journey. Together, we'll explore the ways to move forward with resilience and hope, reminding you that transformation is not only possible but also a shared experience.
If you love listening to this podcast, please consider leaving a rating & review in Apple Podcasts. On iTunes, go to the show and scroll to the bottom underneath Ratings & Reviews and click on Write a Review. Thanks for listening and tune in to our next episode!
Connect with Teresa on: Instagram or Podcast Website
Want to bring more clarity & growth to your coaching business?
The Coach Accelerator gives you the strategy and support to grow your coaching business with clarity and confidence. Join the waitlist to be the first to know when doors open! Join the waitlist here!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
Hey, my name is Teresa Hildebrand and this is
Organized Chaos.
We take a deep dive into livingwith intentionality, focusing
on what's important in our livesso we can truly feel our best.
It may feel chaotic at times,but with a little organization,
the right mindset and a ton ofself-love, we can still thrive.
Join me as we talk to otherbusy moms and experts who will
(00:31):
share tips and strategies tohelp you reach your goals.
Hope you enjoy this episode ofOrganized Chaos.
Now on to the show.
Hey friends, welcome to thisepisode of Organized Chaos.
So I actually had an entirelydifferent topic to record, but I
decided I was going to changemy mind last minute and talk
(00:51):
about this particular topic,just because I feel like I
needed to kind of get it off mychest.
So have you ever caughtyourself thinking is this a
midlife crisis?
I mean, maybe you ask yourselfthis because you're in your 40s
and you're suddenly questioningeverything.
And I just want to say thatsometimes this quote unquote
(01:14):
crisis is just because there'slike this significant time where
things are changing and it'stime for a reflection, and it
doesn't necessarily mean it's acrisis, although it may kind of
feel that way, just becausethings just feel discombobulated
and it's really about likehaving a big opportunity for
(01:38):
growth and, I don't know,sometimes like reinvention.
So there's a lot of things thatwe go through and I'm
experiencing that right now whenyou start to go into a
different decade, right, and itcan feel, like I said, like a
crisis, but it's really aboutunderstanding that this is just
(01:58):
maybe a transition period foryou and just embracing the
season as a time to transformand not necessarily like break
down.
So why do we even call it amidlife crisis, right?
Like I would always think abouta midlife crisis as something
that men would go through, wherethey would get like these crazy
(02:22):
sports cars or have like a likea drastic career change or just
have like impulsive decisionsthat they've made.
I would never really thinkabout it in terms of women, and
I mean that might be true forsome men, but I think it really
(02:42):
looks different for women somemen, but I think it really looks
different for women.
So this is really aboutbreaking down and not
necessarily in a bad way, Kindof like maybe breaking down
norms, reflecting and sometimesfeeling a little lost.
So it could be positive ornegative, but it's just change,
(03:07):
and what I'm going through rightnow is like several different
things, but it just it feels offbecause this is something that
I haven't experienced.
I'm in my forties now, so I'mgoing through these biological
changes which also affectemotional changes, Like
perimenopause, for example.
I don't know if I'm goingthrough these biological changes
which also affect emotionalchanges, Like perimenopause, for
(03:27):
example.
I don't know if I'm actuallygoing through perimenopause, but
it really does feel like itwhen I read about it and try to
learn more about it, and yourhormones are shifting and that
also affects your mood and itsometimes may increase your
anxiety or just you have theseidentity shifts.
(03:48):
I mean, it makes sense Likeyour body is going through a
change.
It's going from hey, you'remaking babies to okay, now, like
let's slow this down and gointo this next phase, and at the
same time, you may be actuallygoing through a different phase
in parenting, Like our kids arenow in high school now and
(04:09):
pretty soon they may not even bearound as much.
So there's all of thesedifferent changes, there's
changes in dynamics and it justmakes you feel off.
And there's also something thatI've been hearing a lot about
this term of the sandwichgeneration, where you find
(04:30):
yourself taking care of agingparents but still, at the same
time, taking care of your kidsbecause they're not out of the
house yet.
So it's like you're in thissandwich of having these
different responsibilities ontop of everything else that
you're going through.
So there's these real changesthat come up at this time of
(04:55):
your life.
And it's funny because I was outwith my cousins for a birthday
and one of our cousins justturned 30.
And she was talking about youknow, I keep hearing that your
30s are like the best time ofyour life.
And I stopped for a second.
And I stopped for a second andbefore I agreed or disagreed
(05:30):
with her, I thought about itlike, hmm, was that the best
time of my life?
And I mean, you could arguethat it's different, right, and
depends on you know what you'redoing at that time and you feel
fulfilled there and you'reclimbing the corporate ladder.
If that's what you want to do,or maybe that's when you're you
know you have kids and your kidsare at a certain age, that's
like really fun, or maybe it'sreally difficult.
So I guess it's a case by casebasis, right, but there's always
(05:51):
these you know generalitiesthat pop up and when I think
about my time in my 30s like,yeah, it was really awesome
Because the kids were, you know,they were growing.
But also I started to shift myfocus on what was really
(06:11):
important and some of that hadto do with my own physical
health.
So I felt really goodphysically because I was taking
care of myself, I started towork out consistently, I started
to eat better.
So there was a big chunk of my30s where I went through this
(06:33):
transition and it changed mylife because I started to have
better habits and like this, youknow, transition from working
in the corporate world tostaying at home and running a
business.
So, yeah, I would say that thatwas a really great time in my
life, but there's still more tocome.
(06:54):
Right, We'll talk more aboutthat later.
But as far as like physicalchanges, so there's like these
hormonal shifts that we're goingthrough, especially during
perimenopause.
There's, you know, energylevels that are changing.
There's weight gain or weightloss.
There's sleep disturbances.
Like man, I don't know what isgoing on with my sleep and it's
(07:16):
funny because it's like, okay, Ihave to get enough sleep and I
know that for me it's betweenseven and a half to eight hours
and I try my best to do that,and even though I can sometimes
be in bed for that long, I findmyself now waking up in the
middle of the night many times,which wasn't the case before.
(07:37):
My problem was I wasn't gettingenough sleep, like actually in
bed for enough time, but nowit's like I'm waking up, and for
no apparent reason.
So all of these differentchanges are happening, right,
but another thing that'shappening is the shift in our
own self image, where we're kindof looking at ourselves a
(07:59):
little bit differently.
It could be in a good way, orit could be in a oh my God,
what's happening?
Look at all these gray hairs,right, and for me, I have had
gray hairs for a few years now,but they were very, very sparse,
but now it's like my roots arekind of like I dye my hair, so
like my roots are coming out andit's like oh, like I could see,
(08:20):
like not just one here andthere, it's like it's a whole
row.
I'm like what is going on whichyou know you could see from the
perspective of ooh, like I'mgetting older but wiser, right,
but then it can also feel likeyou know discomfort and you feel
insecure.
So there's there's thesedifferent ways that you can
(08:44):
actually approach this and it,you know, depends on how you
want to see it right.
It's all about perspective.
But I know that there arecertain things now where I was
doing in my 30s that I was doingfine, where I was like I was
eating well and I was, you know,I had a lot more activity.
(09:05):
And now I still try and eatwell and I am active, but it's
not working the same way.
It's like I have to change.
I have to change a routinewhere what was working before
isn't working now, which, again,I can take as okay.
I just have to make someswitches, find what works best
for me now and be consistentwith that.
(09:25):
But then you can also see it aslike oh man, this is like
another hump, this is somethingdifferent, this is something
scary.
So it really all depends on howyou see it.
Scary.
So it really all depends on howyou see it.
But you also kind of maybe comeinto some of like the shift in
identity where it's like youstart to question like who am I
(09:46):
Like?
This is a huge question thatpops up in your 40s, especially
as, like, your kids become, like, more independent.
Or maybe you know your careeris just not what it felt like
before and you're not evenexcited about climbing the
corporate ladder, so to speak,and you start to feel maybe a
(10:06):
little bit disconnected.
Maybe you don't have as manyfriends as you used to, Because
I remember in our 30s and whenour kids were small, we had a
group of friends where we wouldhang out because, like, the kids
were the same age.
And now it's kind of likethere's a more of a disconnect
and it may feel lonely a littlebit or you just like completely
(10:27):
you know lose a friendship.
So that starts to mess withyour head a little bit and
there's like it's increased inmaybe anxiety or even depression
.
That can be like a common thingthat pops up in this phase of
life, but it's important to likereally like normalize those
feelings rather than brush themaside.
Like I'm currently goingthrough therapy for a specific
(10:49):
thing and I'm finding myselflike really digging into things
that I hadn't before.
Like I won't go into detail oranything, but I'm starting to
find that I'm going through thiskind of like a butterfly phase,
where it's like I'm sheddingthe old and like coming into
(11:10):
kind of like this new phase ofmyself and really letting go of
things that have really held meback, that I didn't know were
holding me back.
So that's really kind ofuncovering, like some things
that just don't serve me anymoreand being okay with that.
(11:30):
It could be something personal,like a relationship, or it
could be a way of thinkingpersonal like a relationship, or
it could be a way of thinking,and for me it's like thinking
about how some things in mychildhood were holding me back,
things that I didn't know, thatthey were very, very deep under
the surface, that have come upto the light now that I can be
(11:52):
like huh, okay, I'm not going toput myself down for it, or I'm
not going to regret having thisanchor because I didn't know
that it was there, but now I canbe okay with huh, okay, I can
move on, I can let go of that.
So there are just some thingsthat I have been thinking about,
(12:14):
but I wanted to see if maybethis could resonate with you,
and maybe this is a period ofyour life that you're going
through right now and you don'tknow what the heck is going on.
I almost dropped an F-bomb, butyou don't know what's going on
and you feel lost.
But just know that you can seethis more of a transition and
(12:36):
dig into what that means.
What does this mean to you,what's going on?
And you can see it as a way oflike shedding that, like old
habits or you know old thoughtsthat may be holding you back,
and just focusing on, like whattruly makes me happy.
(12:57):
What do I want more of in mylife?
Do I want more joy?
Do I want more peace?
Do I have to set moreboundaries, Like what do I need
to let go of?
All right, I just want you toponder on that and I won't like
dive into anything more that isgoing on.
I just wanted to put it outthere just so that you know
(13:19):
you're not alone.
So, if you're feeling like this,you know there's millions of
other women that are feelinglike this and I just wanted to
put it out there just to let youknow that there may be even a
community out there that canhelp support you and you can
bounce ideas off of.
Or, you know, just talk, right,Because sometimes it's just
(13:40):
better to talk, and that is kindof like.
What I'm doing right now islike I'm just talking about it
out loud, and maybe I'm justlike talking into the void or
maybe this is resonating withyou, but I hope that was a
little bit helpful.
And I don't know, maybe I'llbring in an expert to talk about
, maybe, specificallyperimenopause, Maybe that's
(14:02):
something that you know might behelpful or something else just
talking about transitions inlife, right?
So anyway, hope that washelpful.
I hope you have an amazing dayand I will see you next week.
Hey, my name is Teresa Hildebrand and this is
Organized Chaos.
We take a deep dive into livingwith intentionality, focusing
on what's important in our livesso we can truly feel our best.
It may feel chaotic at times,but with a little organization,
the right mindset and a ton ofself-love, we can still thrive.
Join me as we talk to otherbusy moms and experts who will
(00:31):
share tips and strategies tohelp you reach your goals.
Hope you enjoy this episode ofOrganized Chaos.
Now on to the show.
Hey friends, welcome to thisepisode of Organized Chaos.
So I actually had an entirelydifferent topic to record, but I
decided I was going to changemy mind last minute and talk
(00:51):
about this particular topic,just because I feel like I
needed to kind of get it off mychest.
So have you ever caughtyourself thinking is this a
midlife crisis?
I mean, maybe you ask yourselfthis because you're in your 40s
and you're suddenly questioningeverything.
And I just want to say thatsometimes this quote unquote
(01:14):
crisis is just because there'slike this significant time where
things are changing and it'stime for a reflection, and it
doesn't necessarily mean it's acrisis, although it may kind of
feel that way, just becausethings just feel discombobulated
and it's really about likehaving a big opportunity for
(01:38):
growth and, I don't know,sometimes like reinvention.
So there's a lot of things thatwe go through and I'm
experiencing that right now whenyou start to go into a
different decade, right, and itcan feel, like I said, like a
crisis, but it's really aboutunderstanding that this is just
(01:58):
maybe a transition period foryou and just embracing the
season as a time to transformand not necessarily like break
down.
So why do we even call it amidlife crisis, right?
Like I would always think abouta midlife crisis as something
that men would go through, wherethey would get like these crazy
(02:22):
sports cars or have like a likea drastic career change or just
have like impulsive decisionsthat they've made.
I would never really thinkabout it in terms of women, and
I mean that might be true forsome men, but I think it really
(02:42):
looks different for women somemen, but I think it really looks
different for women.
So this is really aboutbreaking down and not
necessarily in a bad way, Kindof like maybe breaking down
norms, reflecting and sometimesfeeling a little lost.
So it could be positive ornegative, but it's just change,
(03:07):
and what I'm going through rightnow is like several different
things, but it just it feels offbecause this is something that
I haven't experienced.
I'm in my forties now, so I'mgoing through these biological
changes which also affectemotional changes, Like
perimenopause, for example.
I don't know if I'm goingthrough these biological changes
which also affect emotionalchanges, Like perimenopause, for
(03:27):
example.
I don't know if I'm actuallygoing through perimenopause, but
it really does feel like itwhen I read about it and try to
learn more about it, and yourhormones are shifting and that
also affects your mood and itsometimes may increase your
anxiety or just you have theseidentity shifts.
(03:48):
I mean, it makes sense Likeyour body is going through a
change.
It's going from hey, you'remaking babies to okay, now, like
let's slow this down and gointo this next phase, and at the
same time, you may be actuallygoing through a different phase
in parenting, Like our kids arenow in high school now and
(04:09):
pretty soon they may not even bearound as much.
So there's all of thesedifferent changes, there's
changes in dynamics and it justmakes you feel off.
And there's also something thatI've been hearing a lot about
this term of the sandwichgeneration, where you find
(04:30):
yourself taking care of agingparents but still, at the same
time, taking care of your kidsbecause they're not out of the
house yet.
So it's like you're in thissandwich of having these
different responsibilities ontop of everything else that
you're going through.
So there's these real changesthat come up at this time of
(04:55):
your life.
And it's funny because I was outwith my cousins for a birthday
and one of our cousins justturned 30.
And she was talking about youknow, I keep hearing that your
30s are like the best time ofyour life.
And I stopped for a second.
And I stopped for a second andbefore I agreed or disagreed
(05:30):
with her, I thought about itlike, hmm, was that the best
time of my life?
And I mean, you could arguethat it's different, right, and
depends on you know what you'redoing at that time and you feel
fulfilled there and you'reclimbing the corporate ladder.
If that's what you want to do,or maybe that's when you're you
know you have kids and your kidsare at a certain age, that's
like really fun, or maybe it'sreally difficult.
So I guess it's a case by casebasis, right, but there's always
(05:51):
these you know generalitiesthat pop up and when I think
about my time in my 30s like,yeah, it was really awesome
Because the kids were, you know,they were growing.
But also I started to shift myfocus on what was really
(06:11):
important and some of that hadto do with my own physical
health.
So I felt really goodphysically because I was taking
care of myself, I started towork out consistently, I started
to eat better.
So there was a big chunk of my30s where I went through this
(06:33):
transition and it changed mylife because I started to have
better habits and like this, youknow, transition from working
in the corporate world tostaying at home and running a
business.
So, yeah, I would say that thatwas a really great time in my
life, but there's still more tocome.
(06:54):
Right, We'll talk more aboutthat later.
But as far as like physicalchanges, so there's like these
hormonal shifts that we're goingthrough, especially during
perimenopause.
There's, you know, energylevels that are changing.
There's weight gain or weightloss.
There's sleep disturbances.
Like man, I don't know what isgoing on with my sleep and it's
(07:16):
funny because it's like, okay, Ihave to get enough sleep and I
know that for me it's betweenseven and a half to eight hours
and I try my best to do that,and even though I can sometimes
be in bed for that long, I findmyself now waking up in the
middle of the night many times,which wasn't the case before.
(07:37):
My problem was I wasn't gettingenough sleep, like actually in
bed for enough time, but nowit's like I'm waking up, and for
no apparent reason.
So all of these differentchanges are happening, right,
but another thing that'shappening is the shift in our
own self image, where we're kindof looking at ourselves a
(07:59):
little bit differently.
It could be in a good way, orit could be in a oh my God,
what's happening?
Look at all these gray hairs,right, and for me, I have had
gray hairs for a few years now,but they were very, very sparse,
but now it's like my roots arekind of like I dye my hair, so
like my roots are coming out andit's like oh, like I could see,
(08:20):
like not just one here andthere, it's like it's a whole
row.
I'm like what is going on whichyou know you could see from the
perspective of ooh, like I'mgetting older but wiser, right,
but then it can also feel likeyou know discomfort and you feel
insecure.
So there's there's thesedifferent ways that you can
(08:44):
actually approach this and it,you know, depends on how you
want to see it right.
It's all about perspective.
But I know that there arecertain things now where I was
doing in my 30s that I was doingfine, where I was like I was
eating well and I was, you know,I had a lot more activity.
(09:05):
And now I still try and eatwell and I am active, but it's
not working the same way.
It's like I have to change.
I have to change a routinewhere what was working before
isn't working now, which, again,I can take as okay.
I just have to make someswitches, find what works best
for me now and be consistentwith that.
(09:25):
But then you can also see it aslike oh man, this is like
another hump, this is somethingdifferent, this is something
scary.
So it really all depends on howyou see it.
Scary.
So it really all depends on howyou see it.
But you also kind of maybe comeinto some of like the shift in
identity where it's like youstart to question like who am I
(09:46):
Like?
This is a huge question thatpops up in your 40s, especially
as, like, your kids become, like, more independent.
Or maybe you know your careeris just not what it felt like
before and you're not evenexcited about climbing the
corporate ladder, so to speak,and you start to feel maybe a
(10:06):
little bit disconnected.
Maybe you don't have as manyfriends as you used to, Because
I remember in our 30s and whenour kids were small, we had a
group of friends where we wouldhang out because, like, the kids
were the same age.
And now it's kind of likethere's a more of a disconnect
and it may feel lonely a littlebit or you just like completely
(10:27):
you know lose a friendship.
So that starts to mess withyour head a little bit and
there's like it's increased inmaybe anxiety or even depression
.
That can be like a common thingthat pops up in this phase of
life, but it's important to likereally like normalize those
feelings rather than brush themaside.
Like I'm currently goingthrough therapy for a specific
(10:49):
thing and I'm finding myselflike really digging into things
that I hadn't before.
Like I won't go into detail oranything, but I'm starting to
find that I'm going through thiskind of like a butterfly phase,
where it's like I'm sheddingthe old and like coming into
(11:10):
kind of like this new phase ofmyself and really letting go of
things that have really held meback, that I didn't know were
holding me back.
So that's really kind ofuncovering, like some things
that just don't serve me anymoreand being okay with that.
(11:30):
It could be something personal,like a relationship, or it
could be a way of thinkingpersonal like a relationship, or
it could be a way of thinking,and for me it's like thinking
about how some things in mychildhood were holding me back,
things that I didn't know, thatthey were very, very deep under
the surface, that have come upto the light now that I can be
(11:52):
like huh, okay, I'm not going toput myself down for it, or I'm
not going to regret having thisanchor because I didn't know
that it was there, but now I canbe okay with huh, okay, I can
move on, I can let go of that.
So there are just some thingsthat I have been thinking about,
(12:14):
but I wanted to see if maybethis could resonate with you,
and maybe this is a period ofyour life that you're going
through right now and you don'tknow what the heck is going on.
I almost dropped an F-bomb, butyou don't know what's going on
and you feel lost.
But just know that you can seethis more of a transition and
(12:36):
dig into what that means.
What does this mean to you,what's going on?
And you can see it as a way oflike shedding that, like old
habits or you know old thoughtsthat may be holding you back,
and just focusing on, like whattruly makes me happy.
(12:57):
What do I want more of in mylife?
Do I want more joy?
Do I want more peace?
Do I have to set moreboundaries, Like what do I need
to let go of?
All right, I just want you toponder on that and I won't like
dive into anything more that isgoing on.
I just wanted to put it outthere just so that you know
(13:19):
you're not alone.
So, if you're feeling like this,you know there's millions of
other women that are feelinglike this and I just wanted to
put it out there just to let youknow that there may be even a
community out there that canhelp support you and you can
bounce ideas off of.
Or, you know, just talk, right,Because sometimes it's just
(13:40):
better to talk, and that is kindof like.
What I'm doing right now islike I'm just talking about it
out loud, and maybe I'm justlike talking into the void or
maybe this is resonating withyou, but I hope that was a
little bit helpful.
And I don't know, maybe I'llbring in an expert to talk about
, maybe, specificallyperimenopause, Maybe that's
(14:02):
something that you know might behelpful or something else just
talking about transitions inlife, right?
So anyway, hope that washelpful.
I hope you have an amazing dayand I will see you next week.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.