September 4, 2024 • 25 mins
#287 - Can clutter in your mind and space really hold you back from reaching your full potential? Join us for an enlightening episode of Organized Chaos as my husband, Marc, and I uncover the profound impact of a tidy environment on mental and physical productivity. I'll be sharing my best-kept secrets for maintaining an organized workspace, streamlining your daily tasks, and keeping essential items within easy reach. Meanwhile, Marc provides a deep dive into the unique challenges that clutter presents and offers proactive strategies to conquer potential distractions. Together, we paint a clear picture of how an organized life can lead to better focus, efficiency, and overall well-being.
Ready to transform your relationships and communication skills? In the latter half of our conversation, we delve into the art of active listening and authentic communication. We discuss the transformative power of truly hearing others out and breaking away from the habitual 'fix-it mode.' I'll share personal anecdotes and practical techniques like pattern interrupts to foster deeper connections with loved ones and clients. We also reflect on our personal growth journeys in parenting and marriage, emphasizing the importance of recognizing and celebrating progress. Finally, discover how the Modern Leadership Inner Circle can provide tailored support for achieving success in various facets of life, from business to family connections. Tune in for an episode packed with insights to help you cultivate a balanced and fulfilling lifestyle.
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Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Teresa (00:09):
Hey, my name is Teresa Hildebrand and this is Organized
Chaos.
We take a deep dive into livingwith intentionality, focusing
on what's important in our livesso we can truly feel our best.
It may feel chaotic at times,but with a little organization,
the right mindset and a ton ofself-love, we can still thrive.
Join me as we talk to otherbusy moms and experts who will
(00:31):
share tips and strategies tohelp you reach your goals.
Hope you enjoy this episode ofOrganized Chaos.
Now on to the show.
All right, everyone, welcomeback to another episode of
Organized Chaos.
I have a little bit of adifferent episode today.
I actually have my husband here.
Mark, say hello.
Hello Mark because we'reanswering questions.
(01:08):
So, if you guys don't know, weactually have a YouTube channel
called Modern Leadership and weco-host that channel and we talk
to family-driven entrepreneursand it revolves a lot around
family, health and business andhow we can actually really work
or have those work in synergy.
So we do get questions from ourmembers.
(01:31):
So we have a membership inModern Leadership called the
Inner Circle and they will askus questions every now and then
and we answer them, sometimes onYouTube.
However, we wanted to bring acouple of those questions over
to Organized Chaos because wehave many audience members who
(01:53):
can relate to both of ourchannels here.
So, anyway, we're going toanswer some questions here and I
wanted to start off with onethat really is something that
has helped me a lot, bothmentally and physically, and
this question is what tips doyou have for decluttering both
(02:17):
the physical space that you haveand your mind to improve focus
and efficiency?
Now, I think that yourenvironment is really important
in setting up the space forproductivity, efficiency and
just getting you to feel moreclarity and feel less
(02:40):
overwhelmed, because ourphysical surroundings really
kind of play into some of themindset tricks that we sometimes
can get into.
So the way that I like to do itis I like to keep kind of like
a place that's not just likeclutter free, because sometimes
we will have clutter.
(03:01):
However, I try not to keep itthat way and I try to keep
things in their place Because itdoes a couple of things.
One, when you see yourenvironment is chaotic or messy
or cluttered, that can affectyour mindset, for one, it will
distract you.
(03:22):
You'll always be thinking aboutI have to pick this up or this
doesn't go here and I have to,and you start collecting it,
maybe like on your stairs orsomeplace where you feel like
you need to put it away, andthat like eats into your like
space to really think aboutthings and have clarity for your
(03:43):
business or just for thingsthat you want to do.
So having a clear space orhaving a space that things are
orderly and you can actuallyfind things then you don't have
to go scrambling and trying tofind things that you really need
.
Like you know, having yourlaptop or your desktop and
having the things that you'regoing to need on a day-to-day
basis when you're working yourbusiness, like having them at
(04:05):
arm's reach, is really a greatway to keep the space
decluttered, but also help youfocus on the things that you
really need to do, becausehaving things all over the place
and just feels messy andchaotic, that's what we're
trying to reduce.
So that's my answer to thequestion.
(04:25):
I don't know, mark, if you haveanything.
Marc (04:28):
Can I just say yes, and then we move?
Teresa (04:31):
on.
Marc (04:32):
I absolutely do.
I absolutely do.
Yeah, when I think about, like,the whole idea of like
decluttering probably alsobecause I have OCD this is also
like an even more importantsubject to kind of talk about.
But one of the things that comeup for me is why it's so easy
to be distracted with everythingthat we have going on, right.
So you see a pile of laundry oryou see something that's not
(04:56):
clean, or you see dishes on thecounter or you see, I kind of
tend to see how easily it isthat I can get distracted and
that just puts me off track.
It makes me not be able tonecessarily finish what I
started.
But also when you're switchingbetween tasks like that and
you're thinking about all thethings you have to do after
you're working or all the thingswhen you're with family that
you have to do in your business,it creates like this and you're
(05:20):
not intentional, right, likeyou always talk about on this,
this podcast, and reallyeverything that we do has a lot
to do with that intentionality,right, and it's very easy to get
off track nowadays becausewe're full of distractions.
I mean marketing things infront of us, all the things we
have to do, all the differenthats we have to wear.
It's very easy to go down thatpath and I can only imagine what
(05:41):
it's like for a mom to be ableto go down that path and seeing
all those kind of things on topof all the things that you're
doing in business and, you know,trying to keep me alive and all
that good stuff.
So when I think about that, Ithink about, like, how each one
of us is wired a littledifferently.
(06:06):
Some of the things that I havelearned about myself.
It is seeing what causes me tobe distracted and then doing
whatever I can to solve thatproblem in advance.
So if I'm like, let's say,we're doing our lives, which we
do from YouTube, we dodownstairs, right, and I can see
while I'm there that there'ssome dishes that the kids left
out, I literally it's like hardfor me to focus because I'm like
, okay, I need to do that assoon as we get done.
And I find that that if I cansolve that problem in advance,
(06:30):
for example, like doing thosedishes, putting them out of way
or just even moving to adifferent room to record the
videos Now I have more intentionand I can be focused on the
thing.
And there's two reasons why.
Number one is because I can getdone the thing faster that way.
But number two is I'm all inand it's always my best work
when I'm all in and when I'm notdistracted.
(06:55):
So and how I got there is not ajust you know.
All of a sudden, one dayeverything fell into alignment.
It was like I was taking thecues of when I would get off
track and I would ask myself howcan I make sure I don't get off
track next time?
And then it was this process ofbeing able to go back and
reverse engineer what I wasdoing to make it so that I
wasn't so distracted and that Iwas present in no matter what
situation I was in.
So obviously we have differentrooms for different things that
(07:16):
we do.
When it comes to watching TVand doing our work in business
and doing our live streams, like, being able to do that, like
you said, kind of havingseparate spaces really does help
, but so does solving thoseproblems in advance.
Teresa (07:31):
Does that make sense?
Yeah, it does, and I mean it's.
It's really about, like, when Ithink about it, you have, like
these dedicated spaces for otherareas of your life, right?
So we have our bedroom and,like that space is specifically
for sleeping.
Like in our situation, we haveto have our our workspace there
(07:54):
too, because we just don't havea lot of space.
But if you think about it, like,if you have a dedicated space
in an environment that isspecifically for that task,
whether it's work, whether it'sfor, you know, taking care of
yourself, all of that stuffplays into how focused and how
productive you're going to be,because that space is just for
that.
And I think that it also goesto you know whatever you're
(08:17):
doing on the computer, like withtabs and things like that, like
if you have it set so that youknow your habits.
So if you have it where you getdistracted with all of the tabs
open, then there's ways tomitigate that to have less tabs
open and to be more focused, orto have timers.
So there's many different waysto do this, you know, to have
(08:38):
your physical space be thatenvironment that is conducive to
having focus and beingproductive.
It just depends on, like, howyou operate right.
Marc (08:50):
Yeah, yeah, and can I?
Can I hit on that real quick,because what you just talked
about was a little bit more ofthe mental piece, the mental
aspect of the game.
So I was talking to one of ourclients and and I know Teresa
kind of talked about this, aboutour inner circle, and we really
want to show you some of thethings you guys are missing,
because when we can dive intothese questions and help
personalize it for you, itreally is a game changer.
(09:11):
So so there was somebody whoreached out to me and was like
Mark, like um, I'm followingthis person.
I really love what they do.
They're so powerful, they're soinfluential, like I want to be
like them, but every time theycome across my newsfeed, I feel
less than I feel like I'm notdoing enough, I feel like maybe
I got to do what she's doing.
And one of the things that Ilearned early on and I make sure
(09:33):
I remind my clients about thisall the time is we're all
different and if we find thatthere's something that distracts
us or puts us into thatnegative mindset, we can do one
of two things.
Okay, a lot of coaches outthere are like, hey, let's
reframe it, let's think about itdifferently.
Let's change the way that youhave that relationship with her.
So when you see her pop up,you're excited and motivated
rather than being uninspired andlike you're not good enough.
(09:56):
But here's what I have to say,here's the performance part of
me and the human part of me, andthat is like, if you have to do
that for every single personyou see on social media, you're
not going to win the game.
You're going to lose it becauseyou're not setting yourself up
for success.
So, yes, we can have that fight, but what happens when we're
fighting between that and we'refighting between, um, uh, the
(10:18):
kids need to be picked up.
How do I need to get through?
Like I need to.
I need to send this invitemessage, I need to put together
this email, I need to do this.
And now we have all of theseother fights that we're trying
to reframe and we just have toomany irons in the fire and
instead we need to ask ourselvesis that really worth fighting
right now?
And if it is, go all in.
I want you to fight it.
But if it's not, how about youlike hide or unfollow, or like
(10:41):
get the, not to see that personcoming up for right now and
revisit that three or six monthsdown the road Maybe, when you
don't have a million things thatare going on and and like, when
you have these kinds of likeconversations and you get to see
you know what, I'm not a badperson if I don't, if I unfollow
her or if I don't lean into herand her program and what she's
doing.
(11:04):
It's just now is not the righttime to do that, because I want
to use my time and my energy tobe a producer, not a consumer.
It's the difference betweenbeing a leader and a follower.
And when you can actually leanin and say you know what?
This is not the time for me tofight that fight.
I have all of these otherfights that I have to fight
right now instead.
Then you can start to eliminatesome of that noise.
And so when you unfollow thatperson, when you don't look at
(11:28):
their stuff, you would be amazedat how much more stuff you get
done because you're not beingdistracted and you're solving
the problem in advance, ratherthan thinking you're a bad
person because you unfollowedthis person.
If they're your friend orthey're whatever right, it's all
about doing it in a way thathelps serve you and your greater
good, while in the end not likehaving to reframe that every
single time you see her come up.
(11:49):
Does that make sense?
Teresa (11:50):
Yeah, I love that, I love that.
Okay, let's move on to anotherquestion, and I think you have
one in mind?
Marc (11:58):
I don't, but I'm going to pick one right now.
Okay, so let's talk about thewhole active listening.
So we had a Zoom call for InnerCircle and one of the things
that they asked us about we'regoing to actually take a full
dive into this whole idea ofwhat's called active listening.
But one of the things they weretalking about was when they're
having conversations with theirsignificant other, with their
kids.
A lot of times they get intofix-it mode and, instead of like
(12:20):
listening to what the otherperson's saying, they hear a
little bit in the beginning andthen they start processing what
they're gonna say, how they'regonna stay it, the three tips,
the three problems, the threeways they can solve this, and
then they start going into thisfix-it mode and we do that a lot
in business too where insteadof actually getting to hear
where the person is and gettingto the root of their problems
(12:40):
which is what we teach inside ofour Life and Performance
Training Academy instead ofdoing that, we kind of like hear
the first thing and then we go,oh, so they need to do this and
this and this and this, and weget into the you know, we call
it coaching the action line.
Teresa (12:51):
And then everything else that's come after that.
It's like we don't even hear it.
Marc (12:54):
We don't even pretend like it exists, because that's what
our brain does.
It's like oh, this is it.
Let me lean into that, Right.
So so, when we think about thiswhole idea of active listening,
like I said, we're going to puttogether an entire training for
inner circle to be able to showthem how to do this.
Yes, For their, for theirclients, but honestly, what I
believe is even more importantis for your family.
Um, but I'm curious, like, whatyour thoughts are about.
(13:15):
Like how do you get yourself toactively listen and not kind of
like shut out the rest and justwait for them to stop so you
can respond and instead be fullypresent so you can hear it all
and really get them to feel likeyou know you're listening,
you're actually giving them yourtime and your attention.
How do you do that?
Teresa (13:35):
Yeah, and I think this has been a process for me,
because I didn't realize I wastrying to go into fix it mode.
Right, there was a lot ofmentoring involved at the
beginning, because that's what Ithought was helpful for people.
They wanted to hear my tips,they wanted me to tell them what
it is that they needed to do.
But as a coach, that's not whatwe do.
(13:57):
We listen, and active listeningis, you know, that that's what
it is right.
You have to be active and bepresent in what they are telling
you and I think for me it'swhatever they tell me at the
beginning.
I have to.
It's something that I process,right, because when you're
listening you're processing thisinformation.
But, like Mark said, it's notabout holding on to that
(14:20):
particular thing that has caughtyour attention and then start
trying to find the solution forthat.
It's still about continuing tolisten, because at the beginning
people will give you surfacelevel stuff and then once they
start talking and they keepgoing, then that's when like the
really juicy stuff starts tohappen and they start to say,
(14:41):
like the really, like importantstuff, and then you know, as the
conversation is going, then youcan kind of see like the bigger
picture, because you have beenlistening and you know whatever
happened at the beginning.
Yeah, maybe it is relevant, butit turns into something else at
the end.
So so for me it's about okay,whatever they start with, I can
(15:05):
hear it, I can start processingit.
However, as they keep talking,I really have to find, like the
nuggets in there and kind oflike find the patterns and
things like that, to reallyidentify how I can help them or
if I need to ask more questions,because it's not always about,
hey, they're going to tell mewhat's going on and I have to
(15:27):
find the solution to theirproblem.
It's like, no, this is anongoing process and I need more
information sometimes.
So it's not about hey, I justneed to have something prepared
for them, because I've beenprocessing this as they're
talking.
It's no like, what moreinformation do I need?
What is a question that I canask?
Or we can get a little bitdeeper into it.
Marc (15:49):
I love it.
I love it and for anybody whois in our Life Coach
certification, you know thatTeresa is a master coach, so
she's always going to start withthe stories that she tells
herself to make sure that shecan regain the focus while she's
having that conversation, right.
So what she just planted rightnow is she planted a seed of a
different belief about.
In the beginning you getsurface level, but later on is
(16:09):
when you get the real deep stuff.
So what you're able to do is,when you believe what she just
said, you will get yourself toshift the focus, to paying
attention for the entire thing.
Right.
One of the things that comesfor me so that is a story is
what Teresa talked about, butthe tactics part of it is
something that we're going towhat I'm going to teach inside
of the Inner Circle call, andthat has to do with what's
(16:31):
called a pattern interrupt andwhat a pattern interrupt is.
It's something that's not justimportant in this space but also
in other spaces.
When you find yourself reacting, when you get angry, when you
just like immediately, withoutthinking, do that thing, say
that thing, and you know youhave to apologize later.
There's a process that we teachthat's called a pattern
interrupt, which is how youinterrupt your normal behavior
(16:52):
so that you can create adifferent behavior in and of
itself, and that's a processthat we're actually going to
have to take people through.
It's not something we cannecessarily do in like five or
10 minutes on a podcast, butwhen you have that skill of
being able to pattern interrupt,now it's just a matter of you
know getting the other person tosee.
Number one, that this isimportant to you to be able to
(17:13):
be an active listener, listen towhat they're saying from the
beginning to the end, andgetting them to um or to asking
them if they can help provideyou feedback in the process,
right?
So one of these things, one ofthe one of the best ways to like
have a conversation about this,is like hey, listen, I know I
don't do a good job of listeningto you and I love you so much.
I want to listen to you andevery word you say, but as soon
(17:36):
as you start talking and startsharing things, this is on me.
I start going into what can Ido to help her or help you, help
him, or whatever, and I knowthat's not the best way.
So I'm in the process oflearning a different tool to be
able to make sure that I'm fullypresent here, because that's
what you deserve.
You deserve a fully presenthusband.
But I would love to get somefeedback if I do go into fix it
mode, if I do go into, and I'mnot just asking you questions.
(17:59):
So if that happens, can youplease call me out on it,
because I want to get better foryou right and for the kids.
And when you have thisconversation, not only is it a
connection moment, but it alsowill help you to hold you
accountable to being present.
Does that make sense?
Teresa (18:14):
Yeah, you know, I was just thinking.
You know how many marriages canbe improved with just that one
thing that you just said?
Marc (18:21):
Mm-hmm.
Teresa (18:22):
About how you can say, like, how can I be fully present
and not just go into fix-itmode?
And I know it's like sometimeswe tend to think that like the
you know, in a like it's likethe, the, the male, um, in the
relationship will be more of thefix it type person.
Marc (18:44):
yeah, we want to go into fix it mode, um, but sometimes
it could be the female but, um,I don't know, just like that one
tip can be like a game changerin a relationship yeah, yeah,
and as you kind of like say,that one of the things that we
always, um ask our to do,whether they're trying to
improve their relationship,improve their sales and business
, improve, like their health andfitness is to call out the
(19:06):
elephant in the room, becausewhen you pretend like it's not
there, when you pretend like Idon't, like, this is going to
mean that I'm going to have totell my wife or my kids that I
suck and I failed and I'm, I'm,you know, not as good.
And and the actual opposite istrue, because usually, a lot of
times, people are afraid to havethose conversations and to say
(19:26):
those things, but afterwards,like when you feel how connected
you are, it is a true gamechanger.
Um, I remember the first timethis idea was put, um was told
to me it was about six years ago, when I first joined the Dad
Edge, and one of the things theywere talking about is like do
you tell your kids that you'relearning how to become a better
(19:47):
father and your wife that you'relearning to become a better
husband, right?
And so they're like why don'tyou use that as a connection
moment, right?
So when the kids are like hey,dad, can we play.
Can we do this?
And I'm like, hey, it's Friday,it's time for my daddy class
and my husbanding class and itjust gives you an opportunity of
(20:09):
going.
You know what?
I went to the police academy andI spent 997 hours learning how
to be a police officer and thenthey put me out on the street
and I still didn't know what Iwas doing.
So I had a training officer fora year to be able to show me
that, and in relationships theydon't teach you anything.
When you get a kid, they don'tteach you anything.
It's like, oh hey, here's thekid, oh hey, here's your wife or
(20:29):
your husband and you don't haveany teaching and training.
So I decided I'm going to changethat and I'm going to take my
relationships and being a parentand being a husband just as
important as learning how togrow my business, learning how
to be on Facebook, learning howto be a police officer, and
think about the connectionmoments that you get when you're
real and authentic that way.
(20:50):
And, like you said, you'd besurprised what happens when the
conversations change around.
This right, I mean, I've seennot only marriages repaired but
businesses thrive because youhave the relationship piece
under control.
Now you don't have to worryabout it anymore.
Like you work through thethings that you might not think
are holding you back becausethey're not directly related to
(21:11):
business, but they 100% could beholding you back right, and
it's all about that.
Calling out the elephant in theroom.
Teresa (21:17):
Yeah, and there's a level of self-awareness and
ownership that's involved inthis, because you're saying,
okay, I need to grow in thisarea.
I'm I'm going to find theresources to be able to do that,
and I'm also going to tell theyou know my family that that I'm
going to be working on this,that I'm a work in progress,
(21:42):
right?
So lots of you know looking inthe mirror and realizing that
you know it's okay where youpresently are, but you want to
be in a better place and you'regoing to learn how to get there
100%.
Yeah, okay, I think I think wecovered a couple of really good
questions, but we do this a lotin our Modern Leadership channel
(22:03):
within the Inner Circle.
So, mark, if someone'sinterested in finding out more
about that, where can they go?
Marc (22:11):
Yeah, so if you pop open YouTube and you go to Modern
Leadership, you're going to seea bunch of videos with me and
Teresa.
So what we typically do is wehave videos that we release on
Monday, which are shorter videos, that we answer some of the
questions that people give usinside of the inner circle, just
like how we did here on thepodcast.
And then on Saturdays, everyother Saturday, we have a deeper
dive into a very specific topicthat people are wanting to
learn.
In those three areas, we havethree pillars, and that is
(22:34):
creating a business like a supersuccessful business that you
love, connecting deeper withyour family and getting into the
best shape of your life, and sowe hit up one of those three
areas every other Saturday.
Now how the Inner Circle comesinto play is every other
Saturday.
So in between those Saturdayworkshops that we have live on
YouTube, we have very specificcontent that we teach, where we
(22:54):
take a deeper dive into more ofthe how of putting all this
stuff together.
We actually just got off thatZoom call and on the Zoom call
we actually find out what peopleare personally struggling with
in the inner circle, and then wetake the skills which, when we
think about the hundreds ofthousands of dollars that we've
spent on our business, on ourskills, the books we've read,
and we take as much as we canand we bring it into a training
(23:17):
that's personalized for peopleso they can learn that skill in
an hour, which, in turn,sometimes taken us years to be
able to learn, like the peoplein there see results extremely
fast because, number one,they're willing to jump into
something like that and willingto ask those questions, but also
because we want to do whateverwe can to really serve the
members of the inner circle.
(23:38):
Now another program might soundlike it's thousands of dollars
and maybe at some point we willchange that to be thousands of
dollars, but it's $10 a monthright now.
We're trying to keep it asaffordable as possible.
So, as many people as possiblewhether you're an entrepreneur
or not, whether you're abusiness owner or not, whether
you're currently have a familyor you're starting a family we
want to make sure that everybodyhas the resources they need to
(23:59):
be able to dive into the topicsimilar to what we talked about
today, and that's really whatour channel is all about.
If you're looking to learnabout, you know what it's like
to be a part of the inner circle.
If you go to Modern Leadershipon YouTube, you can click on the
Join button on our channel andit'll bring up a quick video to
describe what it is and what'sincluded.
But even if you decide not tobe a part of the membership,
(24:20):
joining us every other Saturday,where we have a live stream for
everyone on YouTube it's onSaturday mornings is a game
changer and you can find out thenext workshop that we have
coming up.
You can find out by going toModern Leadership on YouTube.
Teresa (24:33):
Yeah, so definitely go and check out the resources that
we have for you there, andthank you so much for tuning in
and listening to us kind oframbling on and on about a
couple of questions, but wereally did want to just come on
here and share some of thisinformation with you.
(24:53):
So I hope you all have anamazing rest of your day and
I'll see you next week.
Marc (24:59):
Bye everybody.
Hey, my name is Teresa Hildebrand and this is Organized
Chaos.
We take a deep dive into livingwith intentionality, focusing
on what's important in our livesso we can truly feel our best.
It may feel chaotic at times,but with a little organization,
the right mindset and a ton ofself-love, we can still thrive.
Join me as we talk to otherbusy moms and experts who will
(00:31):
share tips and strategies tohelp you reach your goals.
Hope you enjoy this episode ofOrganized Chaos.
Now on to the show.
All right, everyone, welcomeback to another episode of
Organized Chaos.
I have a little bit of adifferent episode today.
I actually have my husband here.
Mark, say hello.
Hello Mark because we'reanswering questions.
(01:08):
So, if you guys don't know, weactually have a YouTube channel
called Modern Leadership and weco-host that channel and we talk
to family-driven entrepreneursand it revolves a lot around
family, health and business andhow we can actually really work
or have those work in synergy.
So we do get questions from ourmembers.
(01:31):
So we have a membership inModern Leadership called the
Inner Circle and they will askus questions every now and then
and we answer them, sometimes onYouTube.
However, we wanted to bring acouple of those questions over
to Organized Chaos because wehave many audience members who
(01:53):
can relate to both of ourchannels here.
So, anyway, we're going toanswer some questions here and I
wanted to start off with onethat really is something that
has helped me a lot, bothmentally and physically, and
this question is what tips doyou have for decluttering both
(02:17):
the physical space that you haveand your mind to improve focus
and efficiency?
Now, I think that yourenvironment is really important
in setting up the space forproductivity, efficiency and
just getting you to feel moreclarity and feel less
(02:40):
overwhelmed, because ourphysical surroundings really
kind of play into some of themindset tricks that we sometimes
can get into.
So the way that I like to do itis I like to keep kind of like
a place that's not just likeclutter free, because sometimes
we will have clutter.
(03:01):
However, I try not to keep itthat way and I try to keep
things in their place Because itdoes a couple of things.
One, when you see yourenvironment is chaotic or messy
or cluttered, that can affectyour mindset, for one, it will
distract you.
(03:22):
You'll always be thinking aboutI have to pick this up or this
doesn't go here and I have to,and you start collecting it,
maybe like on your stairs orsomeplace where you feel like
you need to put it away, andthat like eats into your like
space to really think aboutthings and have clarity for your
(03:43):
business or just for thingsthat you want to do.
So having a clear space orhaving a space that things are
orderly and you can actuallyfind things then you don't have
to go scrambling and trying tofind things that you really need
.
Like you know, having yourlaptop or your desktop and
having the things that you'regoing to need on a day-to-day
basis when you're working yourbusiness, like having them at
(04:05):
arm's reach, is really a greatway to keep the space
decluttered, but also help youfocus on the things that you
really need to do, becausehaving things all over the place
and just feels messy andchaotic, that's what we're
trying to reduce.
So that's my answer to thequestion.
(04:25):
I don't know, mark, if you haveanything.
Marc (04:28):
Can I just say yes, and then we move?
Teresa (04:31):
on.
Marc (04:32):
I absolutely do.
I absolutely do.
Yeah, when I think about, like,the whole idea of like
decluttering probably alsobecause I have OCD this is also
like an even more importantsubject to kind of talk about.
But one of the things that comeup for me is why it's so easy
to be distracted with everythingthat we have going on, right.
So you see a pile of laundry oryou see something that's not
(04:56):
clean, or you see dishes on thecounter or you see, I kind of
tend to see how easily it isthat I can get distracted and
that just puts me off track.
It makes me not be able tonecessarily finish what I
started.
But also when you're switchingbetween tasks like that and
you're thinking about all thethings you have to do after
you're working or all the thingswhen you're with family that
you have to do in your business,it creates like this and you're
(05:20):
not intentional, right, likeyou always talk about on this,
this podcast, and reallyeverything that we do has a lot
to do with that intentionality,right, and it's very easy to get
off track nowadays becausewe're full of distractions.
I mean marketing things infront of us, all the things we
have to do, all the differenthats we have to wear.
It's very easy to go down thatpath and I can only imagine what
(05:41):
it's like for a mom to be ableto go down that path and seeing
all those kind of things on topof all the things that you're
doing in business and, you know,trying to keep me alive and all
that good stuff.
So when I think about that, Ithink about, like, how each one
of us is wired a littledifferently.
(06:06):
Some of the things that I havelearned about myself.
It is seeing what causes me tobe distracted and then doing
whatever I can to solve thatproblem in advance.
So if I'm like, let's say,we're doing our lives, which we
do from YouTube, we dodownstairs, right, and I can see
while I'm there that there'ssome dishes that the kids left
out, I literally it's like hardfor me to focus because I'm like
, okay, I need to do that assoon as we get done.
And I find that that if I cansolve that problem in advance,
(06:30):
for example, like doing thosedishes, putting them out of way
or just even moving to adifferent room to record the
videos Now I have more intentionand I can be focused on the
thing.
And there's two reasons why.
Number one is because I can getdone the thing faster that way.
But number two is I'm all inand it's always my best work
when I'm all in and when I'm notdistracted.
(06:55):
So and how I got there is not ajust you know.
All of a sudden, one dayeverything fell into alignment.
It was like I was taking thecues of when I would get off
track and I would ask myself howcan I make sure I don't get off
track next time?
And then it was this process ofbeing able to go back and
reverse engineer what I wasdoing to make it so that I
wasn't so distracted and that Iwas present in no matter what
situation I was in.
So obviously we have differentrooms for different things that
(07:16):
we do.
When it comes to watching TVand doing our work in business
and doing our live streams, like, being able to do that, like
you said, kind of havingseparate spaces really does help
, but so does solving thoseproblems in advance.
Teresa (07:31):
Does that make sense?
Yeah, it does, and I mean it's.
It's really about, like, when Ithink about it, you have, like
these dedicated spaces for otherareas of your life, right?
So we have our bedroom and,like that space is specifically
for sleeping.
Like in our situation, we haveto have our our workspace there
(07:54):
too, because we just don't havea lot of space.
But if you think about it, like,if you have a dedicated space
in an environment that isspecifically for that task,
whether it's work, whether it'sfor, you know, taking care of
yourself, all of that stuffplays into how focused and how
productive you're going to be,because that space is just for
that.
And I think that it also goesto you know whatever you're
(08:17):
doing on the computer, like withtabs and things like that, like
if you have it set so that youknow your habits.
So if you have it where you getdistracted with all of the tabs
open, then there's ways tomitigate that to have less tabs
open and to be more focused, orto have timers.
So there's many different waysto do this, you know, to have
(08:38):
your physical space be thatenvironment that is conducive to
having focus and beingproductive.
It just depends on, like, howyou operate right.
Marc (08:50):
Yeah, yeah, and can I?
Can I hit on that real quick,because what you just talked
about was a little bit more ofthe mental piece, the mental
aspect of the game.
So I was talking to one of ourclients and and I know Teresa
kind of talked about this, aboutour inner circle, and we really
want to show you some of thethings you guys are missing,
because when we can dive intothese questions and help
personalize it for you, itreally is a game changer.
(09:11):
So so there was somebody whoreached out to me and was like
Mark, like um, I'm followingthis person.
I really love what they do.
They're so powerful, they're soinfluential, like I want to be
like them, but every time theycome across my newsfeed, I feel
less than I feel like I'm notdoing enough, I feel like maybe
I got to do what she's doing.
And one of the things that Ilearned early on and I make sure
(09:33):
I remind my clients about thisall the time is we're all
different and if we find thatthere's something that distracts
us or puts us into thatnegative mindset, we can do one
of two things.
Okay, a lot of coaches outthere are like, hey, let's
reframe it, let's think about itdifferently.
Let's change the way that youhave that relationship with her.
So when you see her pop up,you're excited and motivated
rather than being uninspired andlike you're not good enough.
(09:56):
But here's what I have to say,here's the performance part of
me and the human part of me, andthat is like, if you have to do
that for every single personyou see on social media, you're
not going to win the game.
You're going to lose it becauseyou're not setting yourself up
for success.
So, yes, we can have that fight, but what happens when we're
fighting between that and we'refighting between, um, uh, the
(10:18):
kids need to be picked up.
How do I need to get through?
Like I need to.
I need to send this invitemessage, I need to put together
this email, I need to do this.
And now we have all of theseother fights that we're trying
to reframe and we just have toomany irons in the fire and
instead we need to ask ourselvesis that really worth fighting
right now?
And if it is, go all in.
I want you to fight it.
But if it's not, how about youlike hide or unfollow, or like
(10:41):
get the, not to see that personcoming up for right now and
revisit that three or six monthsdown the road Maybe, when you
don't have a million things thatare going on and and like, when
you have these kinds of likeconversations and you get to see
you know what, I'm not a badperson if I don't, if I unfollow
her or if I don't lean into herand her program and what she's
doing.
(11:04):
It's just now is not the righttime to do that, because I want
to use my time and my energy tobe a producer, not a consumer.
It's the difference betweenbeing a leader and a follower.
And when you can actually leanin and say you know what?
This is not the time for me tofight that fight.
I have all of these otherfights that I have to fight
right now instead.
Then you can start to eliminatesome of that noise.
And so when you unfollow thatperson, when you don't look at
(11:28):
their stuff, you would be amazedat how much more stuff you get
done because you're not beingdistracted and you're solving
the problem in advance, ratherthan thinking you're a bad
person because you unfollowedthis person.
If they're your friend orthey're whatever right, it's all
about doing it in a way thathelps serve you and your greater
good, while in the end not likehaving to reframe that every
single time you see her come up.
(11:49):
Does that make sense?
Teresa (11:50):
Yeah, I love that, I love that.
Okay, let's move on to anotherquestion, and I think you have
one in mind?
Marc (11:58):
I don't, but I'm going to pick one right now.
Okay, so let's talk about thewhole active listening.
So we had a Zoom call for InnerCircle and one of the things
that they asked us about we'regoing to actually take a full
dive into this whole idea ofwhat's called active listening.
But one of the things they weretalking about was when they're
having conversations with theirsignificant other, with their
kids.
A lot of times they get intofix-it mode and, instead of like
(12:20):
listening to what the otherperson's saying, they hear a
little bit in the beginning andthen they start processing what
they're gonna say, how they'regonna stay it, the three tips,
the three problems, the threeways they can solve this, and
then they start going into thisfix-it mode and we do that a lot
in business too where insteadof actually getting to hear
where the person is and gettingto the root of their problems
(12:40):
which is what we teach inside ofour Life and Performance
Training Academy instead ofdoing that, we kind of like hear
the first thing and then we go,oh, so they need to do this and
this and this and this, and weget into the you know, we call
it coaching the action line.
Teresa (12:51):
And then everything else that's come after that.
It's like we don't even hear it.
Marc (12:54):
We don't even pretend like it exists, because that's what
our brain does.
It's like oh, this is it.
Let me lean into that, Right.
So so, when we think about thiswhole idea of active listening,
like I said, we're going to puttogether an entire training for
inner circle to be able to showthem how to do this.
Yes, For their, for theirclients, but honestly, what I
believe is even more importantis for your family.
Um, but I'm curious, like, whatyour thoughts are about.
(13:15):
Like how do you get yourself toactively listen and not kind of
like shut out the rest and justwait for them to stop so you
can respond and instead be fullypresent so you can hear it all
and really get them to feel likeyou know you're listening,
you're actually giving them yourtime and your attention.
How do you do that?
Teresa (13:35):
Yeah, and I think this has been a process for me,
because I didn't realize I wastrying to go into fix it mode.
Right, there was a lot ofmentoring involved at the
beginning, because that's what Ithought was helpful for people.
They wanted to hear my tips,they wanted me to tell them what
it is that they needed to do.
But as a coach, that's not whatwe do.
(13:57):
We listen, and active listeningis, you know, that that's what
it is right.
You have to be active and bepresent in what they are telling
you and I think for me it'swhatever they tell me at the
beginning.
I have to.
It's something that I process,right, because when you're
listening you're processing thisinformation.
But, like Mark said, it's notabout holding on to that
(14:20):
particular thing that has caughtyour attention and then start
trying to find the solution forthat.
It's still about continuing tolisten, because at the beginning
people will give you surfacelevel stuff and then once they
start talking and they keepgoing, then that's when like the
really juicy stuff starts tohappen and they start to say,
(14:41):
like the really, like importantstuff, and then you know, as the
conversation is going, then youcan kind of see like the bigger
picture, because you have beenlistening and you know whatever
happened at the beginning.
Yeah, maybe it is relevant, butit turns into something else at
the end.
So so for me it's about okay,whatever they start with, I can
(15:05):
hear it, I can start processingit.
However, as they keep talking,I really have to find, like the
nuggets in there and kind oflike find the patterns and
things like that, to reallyidentify how I can help them or
if I need to ask more questions,because it's not always about,
hey, they're going to tell mewhat's going on and I have to
(15:27):
find the solution to theirproblem.
It's like, no, this is anongoing process and I need more
information sometimes.
So it's not about hey, I justneed to have something prepared
for them, because I've beenprocessing this as they're
talking.
It's no like, what moreinformation do I need?
What is a question that I canask?
Or we can get a little bitdeeper into it.
Marc (15:49):
I love it.
I love it and for anybody whois in our Life Coach
certification, you know thatTeresa is a master coach, so
she's always going to start withthe stories that she tells
herself to make sure that shecan regain the focus while she's
having that conversation, right.
So what she just planted rightnow is she planted a seed of a
different belief about.
In the beginning you getsurface level, but later on is
(16:09):
when you get the real deep stuff.
So what you're able to do is,when you believe what she just
said, you will get yourself toshift the focus, to paying
attention for the entire thing.
Right.
One of the things that comesfor me so that is a story is
what Teresa talked about, butthe tactics part of it is
something that we're going towhat I'm going to teach inside
of the Inner Circle call, andthat has to do with what's
(16:31):
called a pattern interrupt andwhat a pattern interrupt is.
It's something that's not justimportant in this space but also
in other spaces.
When you find yourself reacting, when you get angry, when you
just like immediately, withoutthinking, do that thing, say
that thing, and you know youhave to apologize later.
There's a process that we teachthat's called a pattern
interrupt, which is how youinterrupt your normal behavior
(16:52):
so that you can create adifferent behavior in and of
itself, and that's a processthat we're actually going to
have to take people through.
It's not something we cannecessarily do in like five or
10 minutes on a podcast, butwhen you have that skill of
being able to pattern interrupt,now it's just a matter of you
know getting the other person tosee.
Number one, that this isimportant to you to be able to
(17:13):
be an active listener, listen towhat they're saying from the
beginning to the end, andgetting them to um or to asking
them if they can help provideyou feedback in the process,
right?
So one of these things, one ofthe one of the best ways to like
have a conversation about this,is like hey, listen, I know I
don't do a good job of listeningto you and I love you so much.
I want to listen to you andevery word you say, but as soon
(17:36):
as you start talking and startsharing things, this is on me.
I start going into what can Ido to help her or help you, help
him, or whatever, and I knowthat's not the best way.
So I'm in the process oflearning a different tool to be
able to make sure that I'm fullypresent here, because that's
what you deserve.
You deserve a fully presenthusband.
But I would love to get somefeedback if I do go into fix it
mode, if I do go into, and I'mnot just asking you questions.
(17:59):
So if that happens, can youplease call me out on it,
because I want to get better foryou right and for the kids.
And when you have thisconversation, not only is it a
connection moment, but it alsowill help you to hold you
accountable to being present.
Does that make sense?
Teresa (18:14):
Yeah, you know, I was just thinking.
You know how many marriages canbe improved with just that one
thing that you just said?
Marc (18:21):
Mm-hmm.
Teresa (18:22):
About how you can say, like, how can I be fully present
and not just go into fix-itmode?
And I know it's like sometimeswe tend to think that like the
you know, in a like it's likethe, the, the male, um, in the
relationship will be more of thefix it type person.
Marc (18:44):
yeah, we want to go into fix it mode, um, but sometimes
it could be the female but, um,I don't know, just like that one
tip can be like a game changerin a relationship yeah, yeah,
and as you kind of like say,that one of the things that we
always, um ask our to do,whether they're trying to
improve their relationship,improve their sales and business
, improve, like their health andfitness is to call out the
(19:06):
elephant in the room, becausewhen you pretend like it's not
there, when you pretend like Idon't, like, this is going to
mean that I'm going to have totell my wife or my kids that I
suck and I failed and I'm, I'm,you know, not as good.
And and the actual opposite istrue, because usually, a lot of
times, people are afraid to havethose conversations and to say
(19:26):
those things, but afterwards,like when you feel how connected
you are, it is a true gamechanger.
Um, I remember the first timethis idea was put, um was told
to me it was about six years ago, when I first joined the Dad
Edge, and one of the things theywere talking about is like do
you tell your kids that you'relearning how to become a better
(19:47):
father and your wife that you'relearning to become a better
husband, right?
And so they're like why don'tyou use that as a connection
moment, right?
So when the kids are like hey,dad, can we play.
Can we do this?
And I'm like, hey, it's Friday,it's time for my daddy class
and my husbanding class and itjust gives you an opportunity of
(20:09):
going.
You know what?
I went to the police academy andI spent 997 hours learning how
to be a police officer and thenthey put me out on the street
and I still didn't know what Iwas doing.
So I had a training officer fora year to be able to show me
that, and in relationships theydon't teach you anything.
When you get a kid, they don'tteach you anything.
It's like, oh hey, here's thekid, oh hey, here's your wife or
(20:29):
your husband and you don't haveany teaching and training.
So I decided I'm going to changethat and I'm going to take my
relationships and being a parentand being a husband just as
important as learning how togrow my business, learning how
to be on Facebook, learning howto be a police officer, and
think about the connectionmoments that you get when you're
real and authentic that way.
(20:50):
And, like you said, you'd besurprised what happens when the
conversations change around.
This right, I mean, I've seennot only marriages repaired but
businesses thrive because youhave the relationship piece
under control.
Now you don't have to worryabout it anymore.
Like you work through thethings that you might not think
are holding you back becausethey're not directly related to
(21:11):
business, but they 100% could beholding you back right, and
it's all about that.
Calling out the elephant in theroom.
Teresa (21:17):
Yeah, and there's a level of self-awareness and
ownership that's involved inthis, because you're saying,
okay, I need to grow in thisarea.
I'm I'm going to find theresources to be able to do that,
and I'm also going to tell theyou know my family that that I'm
going to be working on this,that I'm a work in progress,
(21:42):
right?
So lots of you know looking inthe mirror and realizing that
you know it's okay where youpresently are, but you want to
be in a better place and you'regoing to learn how to get there
100%.
Yeah, okay, I think I think wecovered a couple of really good
questions, but we do this a lotin our Modern Leadership channel
(22:03):
within the Inner Circle.
So, mark, if someone'sinterested in finding out more
about that, where can they go?
Marc (22:11):
Yeah, so if you pop open YouTube and you go to Modern
Leadership, you're going to seea bunch of videos with me and
Teresa.
So what we typically do is wehave videos that we release on
Monday, which are shorter videos, that we answer some of the
questions that people give usinside of the inner circle, just
like how we did here on thepodcast.
And then on Saturdays, everyother Saturday, we have a deeper
dive into a very specific topicthat people are wanting to
learn.
In those three areas, we havethree pillars, and that is
(22:34):
creating a business like a supersuccessful business that you
love, connecting deeper withyour family and getting into the
best shape of your life, and sowe hit up one of those three
areas every other Saturday.
Now how the Inner Circle comesinto play is every other
Saturday.
So in between those Saturdayworkshops that we have live on
YouTube, we have very specificcontent that we teach, where we
(22:54):
take a deeper dive into more ofthe how of putting all this
stuff together.
We actually just got off thatZoom call and on the Zoom call
we actually find out what peopleare personally struggling with
in the inner circle, and then wetake the skills which, when we
think about the hundreds ofthousands of dollars that we've
spent on our business, on ourskills, the books we've read,
and we take as much as we canand we bring it into a training
(23:17):
that's personalized for peopleso they can learn that skill in
an hour, which, in turn,sometimes taken us years to be
able to learn, like the peoplein there see results extremely
fast because, number one,they're willing to jump into
something like that and willingto ask those questions, but also
because we want to do whateverwe can to really serve the
members of the inner circle.
(23:38):
Now another program might soundlike it's thousands of dollars
and maybe at some point we willchange that to be thousands of
dollars, but it's $10 a monthright now.
We're trying to keep it asaffordable as possible.
So, as many people as possiblewhether you're an entrepreneur
or not, whether you're abusiness owner or not, whether
you're currently have a familyor you're starting a family we
want to make sure that everybodyhas the resources they need to
(23:59):
be able to dive into the topicsimilar to what we talked about
today, and that's really whatour channel is all about.
If you're looking to learnabout, you know what it's like
to be a part of the inner circle.
If you go to Modern Leadershipon YouTube, you can click on the
Join button on our channel andit'll bring up a quick video to
describe what it is and what'sincluded.
But even if you decide not tobe a part of the membership,
(24:20):
joining us every other Saturday,where we have a live stream for
everyone on YouTube it's onSaturday mornings is a game
changer and you can find out thenext workshop that we have
coming up.
You can find out by going toModern Leadership on YouTube.
Teresa (24:33):
Yeah, so definitely go and check out the resources that
we have for you there, andthank you so much for tuning in
and listening to us kind oframbling on and on about a
couple of questions, but wereally did want to just come on
here and share some of thisinformation with you.
(24:53):
So I hope you all have anamazing rest of your day and
I'll see you next week.
Marc (24:59):
Bye everybody.
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