January 24, 2025 • 31 mins
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Have you ever found yourself face-to-face with a snake in your chicken coop, and wondered what parenting and farming have in common? Get ready for a rollercoaster ride as we recount our snake saga—complete with startled kids and a paper-bagged snake in our living room. This amusing adventure is just one colorful page in our family's story of homeschooling six kids while juggling two businesses. Listen in as we tackle the chaos of homestead life and ponder whether we’re truly cut out for the farming world.
Looking to reignite the spark in your relationship? Discover how our "we Retreat" concept can help you and your partner reconnect and realign your future goals. We share how stepping away from the daily grind for some intentional couple time has transformed our marriage. From long car rides to structured retreats, find out how carving out these moments has enhanced our clarity and connection amidst life's whirlwind, offering insights that could enrich your own partnership.
On a mission for shared success, we delve into the art of setting "we goals" and aligning them with our financial plans for the future. Learn how regular check-ins and a sprinkle of faith have kept our family vision on track. As we share our journey, we encourage you to embrace your own beautiful mess alongside us—and maybe even find a little blessing in the chaos.
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Your Listening to our 1 blessed mess, with ben and liz
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Liz (00:07):
welcome to our one blessed mess where ben and liz and we
are raising six kids which wehad in eight years,
homeschooling and a dualentrepreneurial home.
So two businesses and keepingit exciting while having four
teenagers soon to be five, andwe also have eight.
Ben (00:29):
Did you mention the chickens?
Liz (00:30):
No, no, we also have eight chickens and two dogs, and also
we have a story about a snake inthe chicken coop.
I feel like we should talkabout that for a second, because
that's quite.
Ben (00:40):
That's a good story.
So we had this snake and he gotinto the chicken coop.
Liz (00:46):
He got into the chicken coop.
Ben (00:48):
And we found out about it because one of our kids came
running inside screaming ahthere's a snake.
There's a snake in the chickencoop.
Liz (00:53):
Yes.
Ben (00:54):
I can't remember who it was .
Liz (00:55):
There was a lot of commotion.
I don't remember either, but itwas quite the excitement, not
to mention quite the heartattack for me.
Ben (01:02):
Yeah, because Not to mention quite the heart attack
for me, yeah Right, because theway that we built the chicken
coop is like you have to lift upthe little door.
Liz (01:10):
Flat door, like flat door thing To get to the eggs To see
the eggs.
Ben (01:13):
But it's about eye level.
So when you open it up you kindof have to like stick your head
in and look down.
Liz (01:20):
Oh my gosh.
Ben (01:21):
Thankfully, you know, the snake wasn't in that coop at the
time.
It was in a different coop,since we no longer use that one.
But anyways, that's besides thepoint.
We were thankful that we didn'thave a surprise snake in the
face.
Liz (01:35):
Yeah, that's kind of what I'm getting at, yeah.
Ben (01:37):
But instead we found this snake in our other little coop
that we no longer use, and itwas unique because the snake had
four, four eggs.
Liz (01:50):
So it looked like.
Ben (01:51):
In its body.
Liz (01:52):
In its body.
So when you looked at the snakeliterally when you looked at
the snake it looked like abeaded necklace.
It was like a beaded necklace,yeah.
Or like you know how.
There's that hairstyle whereyou put your hair in a ponytail
and they put like pony tailsaround it and it like, yeah,
like puffs.
It looked like that it wasfreaky, deaky.
Ben (02:07):
And it wasn't moving very fast.
Liz (02:08):
No, I mean that snake must have been real hungry, because
it was like it was like Pac-Man,but with our eggs, and so this,
this snake, gets a bunch of oureggs and it was scary as heck
for me.
Ben's like ah, it's just a ratsnake, which you know.
Okay, I just don't like snakes.
Yeah, I don't like snakes, Right, they're not poisonous, so I'm
(02:29):
like you have to get rid of thesnake, because now the snake
knows how to get into our coop,which we're not really sure how
it got on, and then also knowswhere the goods are.
Ben (02:47):
So we've got to went and got the snake, which he was
pretty easy to get he wasn'tmoving fast and I put him in the
brown paper bag, uh, but theissue was I had to go to work
and there was some client thinggoing on and I had to, you know,
I had to go make sure it wasgetting taken care of.
So I left the snake in thebrown paper bag and I thought it
(03:08):
was pretty secure because I hadstapled the brown paper bag
together.
Liz (03:13):
But I'm in the house.
Okay, I've already seen thesnake.
I don't really want to see thesnake.
Take care of the snake.
So I go into the house and thisis Ben's plan is to put it in a
brown paper bag stapled, andthen proceeds to bring it into
the house and brings it into ourbedroom, where I am, and he's
like hey, here's the snake, whatare you doing?
It wasn't going to hurt you,why is it in our?
(03:35):
house.
Why is it in my bedroom?
Why is it in a brown paper bag?
He's like I stapled it.
Ben (03:40):
What who cares?
It was a Trader Joe's bag.
It's high quality.
Liz (03:45):
Who cares?
We need to trade that somewhereelse, anywho.
So he's like well, I don't havetime.
I got to jump on this meeting.
And he's like I'll get rid ofit later.
Ben (03:53):
I kind of forgot about it.
Liz (03:54):
And then he forgot about it .
But you know where?
He put that brown paper bag?
Right inside our door in ourhouse.
By the door going outside hesets it down right there.
Now I have to homeschool thekids.
I still have business meetingsthat I'm going to be jumping on
for my business and I'm thinkingwhat if the snake gets out of
the paper bag?
(04:15):
Nah, he wasn't coming out, well, okay.
So the day goes on andunfortunately everybody forgot
about the snake.
Ben (04:21):
Everybody forgot.
It just stayed there.
It just stayed there Right atthe front of the house and then
by the time I got off work I waslike, oh crap, I gotta, I gotta
, take care of that thing, yougotta go dispose of it.
Liz (04:30):
So oh, I didn't kill it, no , you didn't, but you had to get
it away because it wasn't a, soyou just took it to another
part of our neighborhood near agrassy knoll right and a lake.
Ben (04:45):
I just rolled down the window, opened up the bag and
just let him out.
Liz (04:49):
Let him out.
And that snake was a happysnake.
Ben (04:52):
Well, hopefully.
Liz (04:52):
It had a well.
It slithered away, it had itsbreakfast, lunch and dinner and
the next meal.
And the next meal.
And so yeah, that's what it'slike having chickens.
I mean, we got lots of storiesand I just don't know if I've
been cut out to be a farmer'swife.
Ben (05:10):
Well, you're doing a good job.
Liz (05:11):
Well, thank you, I just aye , aye, aye, aye, aye I don't
know if I'm cut out to be afarmer.
Well, Farmer Ben, you're doingpretty good, in my opinion.
Ben (05:29):
I think you're great.
We have lots of stories ofhatching eggs and getting
incubator and it's really fun.
And a dog that ate chickens,which, yeah, which we had to
take care of, yeah, that'sanother.
Liz (05:33):
Yeah, that that dog we had to give away.
Ben (05:35):
What are we talking about today?
That was a rabbit trail man.
Liz (05:37):
These rabbit trails they sneak up on well, but that's a
good story it is I mean, it's agood story about how you brought
a snake in a paper bag, a bigsnake in our bedroom.
Ben (05:46):
That's a good size, yeah, yeah.
Liz (05:48):
Okay, so this is the topic we're diving in today and we're
going to be having aconversation about, and it's a
pretty good one.
I love this topic.
In fact, ben is wearing hisfestive shirt because it's
festive jazz hands, because he'slike oh, we're talking about
our we retreat.
We did a we retreat and it waspretty awesome.
Ben (06:10):
I wanted to go to Hawaii for our we retreat, but we
couldn't quite make that happen.
Liz (06:14):
Not yet.
Ben (06:14):
Maybe a future.
We retreat, we will do Anotheranniversary trip.
Liz (06:19):
Yeah, there you go so that's our topic.
Ben (06:20):
today is a we retreat and we got to go on a we retreat
recently.
Liz (06:27):
Yep.
Ben (06:28):
So we're going to share a little bit about that, but first
we're gonna talk about what itis All right.
So what is a?
We retreat Liz.
Liz (06:33):
So, basically, it's time that you get away with your
spouse and you go through somelike goal setting.
You spend time with the Lord,spend time with each other, and
it's just a really great retreatto get on the same page,
because you're an individual,I'm an individual and we've got
(06:54):
things that are going on.
We're raising a family, a veryactive, busy, crazy full life
and so sometimes we need to getaway and pause, to just come
together, and that's what thiswe Retreat is all about.
Actually, how we came up withit was I saw a post somewhere I
don't even know who said it, butthey coined it we Retreat, and
so we've just adopted that name.
(07:15):
It's like a reboot.
Ben (07:17):
It's like a reboot.
Liz (07:18):
Yeah, I've seen a download and reboot, you know, or goal
weekend, something like that.
But we, you know, we value thatand we just, you know, wanted
to share that with you becauseit was so, it's been so
effective for us that we want topass on the goods.
That's what our one blessedmess is like.
Whatever we found that works,it's like, hey, we want to let
(07:41):
you know so, yeah, so that'swhat it is.
Ben (07:44):
Cool, and so I think you talked about kind of why it was
important a little bit.
But one of the things that werealized and this is when we
were doing our we Retreat werealized that we actually had
been doing like a really basicform of this for years.
And I'll talk just a little bitabout that.
Liz (08:04):
But we Probably since we were married.
Ben (08:06):
Yeah, I mean really.
Liz (08:07):
Yeah, so for over 20 years, so for over 20 years.
Ben (08:10):
We would go to this conference and it stopped right
around the new year and it was aconference of ours that we were
involved in at one point intime and then we took our kids
to and it was just a cool placeto hang out and get refreshed
and whatnot, and so we werecoming back and we would always
travel pretty good distance fromfrom this conference in the car
(08:32):
, in the car because flying withthat many kids, that many
littles was way too expensive,yeah, so we would have the kids
strapped in their car seats um,you know, eating snacks and or
sleeping or watching a movie,because it's a long it is a long
trip.
Liz (08:46):
I mean we're talking like 18 hours and we just do it in
one drive for that family, butit would give us time to like
kind of reflect the previousyear and then also kind of set
goals and hear each other'sheart for the next year.
Ben (09:00):
Yeah, we weren't going anywhere for 18 hours, like we
were strapped in and we were upin the front seat.
The kids were mostly good inthe back.
And so we just took that timeto ask each other questions and
figure out what we wanted to dofor the year, because it was
always that conferenceterminated right at the end of
the year, so it felt like it wasjust our time to plan and set
vision, yeah, and figure outwhat we wanted to do differently
(09:21):
and stuff, and so that's a lotof the same point, and even why
to do it and what's why it'simportant with this we retreat.
It felt like the same thing, butjust a lot more intense, and it
was great that we weren't in acar for three days.
Liz (09:36):
Yeah, so this one that we just did, like we actually had
fun for three days.
Yeah, for three days we actuallyplanned it, got away.
You know the kids were takencare of and we went into it with
you know we're going to be notin a car, sleeping in a bed.
You know we decided to go tothe beach because it's beautiful
and inspiring.
We both enjoy the coastline, umcoastal line, and we both enjoy
(10:00):
, you know, just being inspiredin beauty.
And we, you know, have a beliefin this part of our marriage
that every couple of monthswe've been doing this for
probably gosh 10, 15 years.
I mean it has to be where, everycouple of months, we try to get
away.
Yes, it's costly.
Yes, it takes planning.
Yes, we have to get systems inplace to be able to leave our
(10:24):
kids to go away.
Now, our kids, you know, in thebeginning was a little bit
harder because they were tinier.
Um, but as the older they havegot, the older they have gotten,
the easier it is to take off,because the older self, the
youngers and you know, we're ina great place to be able to do
that.
I should say 10, 15 years we'vebeen doing this, not getting
away every quarter.
As the kids have gotten older,we've implemented it in the last
(10:45):
maybe, I don't know five or sixyears, where we try to get away
every three months or so.
So anyway, this was reallyawesome because the whole point
and focus of it was for goalsetting.
It was to hear each other'shearts.
And when we get away, I justwant to say this little
commercial when we get awayevery quarter, we don't get away
(11:07):
for multiple days.
We try to, we would like to,but sometimes we just get away
for one night, like we'll headout to a B&B, bed and breakfast
that's not too far from us,maybe in a near town, or we'll
even get like a hotel room,local, and you know, have a
grandparent come and stay withthe kids, or the kids go to the
grandparent's house and we justtreasure that time to be able to
(11:29):
pause, reconnect, remember,remember why we're married, who
this individual is, because whenyou get in the rat race of life
, sometimes this person gets alittle blurry, and so when we
pause and we take time, it getsclear again, right?
Yeah, it's true.
Ben (11:47):
Yeah, it's true.
So we just did that.
We just came back about a weekor so ago from our we Retreat
and we wanted to just share alittle bit about that experience
and what we got out of it.
And we just talked about kindof like what it is and then,
specifically, we did ours forthree days but then like even
more into what we did day to day.
(12:08):
So the first day, unfortunately, I couldn't take off the full
day for work on the first day,but the other two I was able to,
so I had to do a little bit ofwork, but it was still nice to
be at the beach and just relaxand look out the window and see
the waves and let all of yourfellow workers that you work
with be jealous at your view andyou know all my zoom call and
(12:29):
show them my real background atthe beach.
Liz (12:31):
Yeah, it was beautiful.
I mean, honestly, we we found alittle Airbnb, it wasn't a bad
price and and booked it at agreat beach and, um, you know,
one of the things that was greatis it just takes it.
Sometimes it takes time to dialdown to dial down.
Yeah, and so even though yeah,even though you had to work you
were beautiful and able to startdialing down, yeah, and what I
(12:52):
was doing while he was working.
I was actually answering somequestions that both of us ended
up answering at different times.
But I really took the time,took a notebook and went through
all these questions and we'llpost these down below in a
document so that you can takethem too.
We think that they'll behelpful for you.
We actually got them fromanother couple.
Their names are escaping meright now, but they're legit
(13:15):
people.
Ben (13:15):
We should yeah, we should find out.
We need to attribute it becauseit was worth attributing to.
Liz (13:20):
Yeah, and they're great and they have a wonderful ministry
about helping families andeverything.
So they were doing a free Zoomand so we went through these
questions and we'll link theirinformation in this as well.
So if you're wanting to jumpinto that, I definitely would
listen to them.
They're fantastic.
They give a lot of wonderfulgodly insight to families and
marriage and raising kids andadult children and all those
(13:44):
finances.
They're pretty cool.
So, anyway, I went throughtheir questions and it was all
about like wrapping up 2024 tobe able to get ready for this
next new year, and I'm so glad Idid it because it brought a lot
of healing for me.
So, even though Ben had to workand do his things, it was like
the Lord hemmed me in to kind ofget me ready for what he has in
(14:05):
store, because this last yearhas been a little intense in my
life.
Ben (14:09):
Understatement.
Liz (14:09):
Understatement a little bit , and so this was just like to
me it felt like a kiss from Godthat these questions came at the
time that they did, because wejumped on a Zoom with this
couple.
Ben (14:19):
Do you wanna do like a couple questions?
Liz (14:20):
Yeah, sure, so like what was something that stole your
joy this year, talking aboutthis past year?
What has stole your joy thisyear talking about this past
year?
Um, what has blocked community?
Um, what was a hindranceconcerning your health or
physical well-being?
Um, what has been the biggestdistraction from being your best
self?
Um, something that I alsothought was really great was is
(14:45):
there any area you need togrieve before you leave 2024?
And then the last question wasdo I need to forgive myself?
So these were, like you know,really good introspective
questions and it was just reallyhelpful.
Ben (15:02):
It's interesting, though, that it kind of focused on some
of like maybe, what we wouldconsider not the positive things
, but almost some of thenegative things, because we felt
like it was a great way toactually like, bring closure to
2024.
You know, not that you have tofocus on the negative all the
time no but it was a great wayto like.
(15:23):
In our goal setting, typically,what we try to do is we try to
fix things that aren't in theright order or they're not
dialed in just right.
So that's what our goal is isto get to a better place, a
healthier place.
By us taking the time to kindof think through and digest 2024
, we're able to help set thegoals for 2025.
Liz (15:44):
Yeah, and it just prepped us, so we'll post that, so you
guys can go through it too.
And it just prepped us, sowe'll post that, so you guys can
, you know, go through it too,and it doesn't matter what year
it is.
And I also just want to saythis we retreat does not have to
happen at the beginning or thethe end of a year.
Like it can be any time really,it can be any time, um, but
it's just.
It's just to get convenient.
Ben (16:02):
Yeah, that's convenient.
Liz (16:04):
I mean, you may be having a baby, there may be a sick
family member we don't knowwhat's going on in your life,
right?
But if you make it a priority,you're going to get the results.
And we, we, we are so thankful.
Ben (16:14):
Yeah, so OK.
So what do we do day two then?
Liz (16:17):
So that was day one.
Ben (16:19):
And then day two we kind of actually jumped more into the
goal setting piece of it.
Goal setting, piece of it.
Yep, all right.
And so talk about that a littlebit, about how we started off
individually and then kind ofgot to our together goals.
Liz (16:34):
Okay, so we took lots of walks because we were at the
beach and we walked to a coffeeshop every morning.
It was like the best, it wasthe best, it was so good it just
.
I mean all that sea air anyway,it's just so good for your lungs
and it was just, it was reallygood to um, especially after the
holidays, to kind of just likehave a reprieve, um, cause our,
(16:56):
our home is usually the hostinghome for our very large, large
family and our family's alreadylarge, but like the extended
family.
So you know it was a lot ofChristmas, um, but anyway.
So we took that time and had awhole list of different topics
and after we went for a walk andhad our coffee and we're back
and we've both had our quiettime.
(17:16):
We're back at the Airbnb.
We set a timer and we made alist of topics that we felt were
important to us and I'll tellyou our topics in just a second.
But with the timer we did likemaybe five minutes and we really
didn't need the five minutes,the full five minutes.
Ben (17:30):
On some of them.
Yeah, some of them we breezedthrough the other ones and some
of them we actually did need thefive minute timer because some
will go a little long.
But yeah, so we split up asindividuals, right.
And then we timed and so wetook a look at these topics, and
the topics are wide rangingtopics and the topics are wide
ranging.
Liz (17:48):
You want to go through a couple of them, sure.
So we have like finances,travel, family, um, kids, and we
did our kids and each and everysingle name.
Yeah, each kid because eachkid's in a different stage and
we see different things.
And you know all this stuff, um, we did marriage, um, friends
for me, friends for ben.
Uh, we did business, we diddifferent streams of income.
(18:09):
Philanthropy I always say thatword philanthropy.
Ben (18:12):
Thank you, philanthropy, giving what we want to do, to be
, you know, better stewards ofthe resources that we've been
given, especially as it relatesto other people right, our home.
Liz (18:21):
Um, we have a camper, so we put that on there.
Um, health and fitness.
My goals, ben's goals, becausethey're not the same.
He has a different goal thanwhat I do.
Oh, imagine that right Mules.
I did put mules on therebecause we kind of needed to get
on the same page for that.
We did faith for Ben, faith forme, and then personal for Ben
and personal for me.
So those were our big topicsand then we each had our own
(18:47):
list.
So five minutes for each one,five minutes on each one and you
just basically don't want tospend a lot of time.
Ben (18:51):
It's like a dump list.
Liz (18:52):
Yeah, it's like a dump, Because if you spend too much
time then you can get in theweeds.
You kind of only work quickly,get through it.
So we did.
Ben (18:59):
How long did that take us?
Liz (19:01):
I mean, for all of these maybe 30 minutes, maybe 40
minutes.
Ben (19:09):
I feel like it was a little longer than that, but maybe,
yeah, okay, that's okay but thebut, what took the longest that?
Day.
So we should say that this ishow you start right individually
.
And then the next part of thisexercise was coming together,
talking through our individualgoals and simultaneously forming
(19:30):
our together goals our, wegoals Okay.
So this was the real crux ofwhat we were trying to get to
the real crux.
Liz (19:39):
It was we, our we-ness, our we goals.
So this was the we retreatpiece, the we yeah, so this was
a big deal because you deal,because it took about five hours
people, it was a while.
Ben (19:53):
From start to finish, it was five hours.
Liz (19:54):
Yeah, and we didn't really feel like it would take that
long.
Ben (19:57):
No, we were blindsided.
I thought we would be done inlike an hour.
Nope, no way.
We got a few that were like, ohshoot, we're not on the same
page, and so we had to try tocome and come to compromises,
and it wasn't too hard, honestly, but it was very detailed.
Like there were some things thatwe had to really work through
to figure out what the actualcompromise would be, and not
(20:19):
that it was hard, but it wasjust.
It was like a lot ofinformation to process,
especially when you had adifferent perspective.
I had a different perspective,and then we were trying to
figure out just how to see thatperspective as it relates to
whether it was kids or financeor even just physical goals, so
it was really interesting tryingto find that common ground.
Liz (20:38):
So, if you know anything about Strength Finders, which I
love, strength Finders weactually Gallup, right.
Gallup Strength Finders.
Pretty brilliant.
Costs money to take the test,but highly recommend it.
A lot of corporations use it.
It's basically focusing on yourstrengths, so there's 34
strengths and when you take thetest you can unlock your top
(21:00):
five strengths and then, if youwant, you pay a little more
money and then you hear and findall 34.
And it starts from one beingyour highest and 34 being your
least.
And the idea is that you'relooking at your strengths and
how God has made you and notlooking at your weaknesses and
trying to change those.
Ben (21:17):
I mean just operating in, your operating in your strengths
Right.
Liz (21:20):
So we pulled up our strength finders because in our
goal setting we are, we think,different.
Like isn't that the beauty ofmarriage?
Like you have two completelydifferent individuals coming
together.
And something about Ben is hehas a strength called ideation.
Ben (21:38):
Are you excited about that strength of mine?
Liz (21:42):
That one is some and if you know about ideation.
It's a really great strength tohave.
But I didn't realize my husbandreally operated in that.
Ben (21:51):
So what is ideation?
Liz (21:53):
It's where you have lots of ideas.
Yeah, he has a lot of ideas,and here's the beautiful thing
about Ben he has great ideas andhe likes to research everything
out.
He also has a strength calledintellection, so he really likes
to learn, and that's really him.
That's why, when we're doingthese podcasts, he knows the
facts, he knows where it's going, because he's done the study to
(22:16):
be able to talk about it.
He's learned it and so, withideation, he has lots of great
ideas, lots of great ideas.
But what we had to realize iswhich ones are we going to work
on?
Because he has so many ideas.
Ben (22:30):
Sometimes I present them in a shotgun format and you don't.
Liz (22:35):
I don't know.
Ben (22:35):
You don't receive the shotgun format very well.
Liz (22:38):
So I just start blocking him.
No, no, no, no.
And I don't want to shut himdown, right, I don't want to
shut him down because his ideasare great, you do?
Ben (22:45):
But I have to be a little bit perceptive as to which ones
I share and which ones areimportant enough for me to focus
on with you.
Right Because otherwise I canoverwhelm.
Liz (22:58):
Well, and that's your responsibility.
I think that's what wediscovered in the we retreat
that his responsibility is tolike.
He may have 15 ideas and I'mnot kidding, okay, about
something, and you're laughing,but it's true and so he has a
lot of ideas and then he needsto pare it down to like three
and then the one.
So you know, I'm a doer.
Ben (23:21):
It's true, and that's what probably overwhelms you is
because you start to think okay,if we actually do all 15 of
these we're going to be spent.
Liz (23:37):
I'm already spent just talking about them.
I'm tired, liz is tired, soanyway.
So it was really interesting,you know, I mean, but it it
wasn't like bad.
I think the beautiful thingcoming away from this like was
looking at what's in your heartand what you want to do and like
being able to champion you onto pursue whatever's in your
heart.
Like, for an example, ben has adesire to read 12 books a year,
(23:59):
one a month, okay, and he lovesto read.
He's so into books and I lovethat about him.
And you like the real scienceyones that are thick with lots
and lots of statistics.
I'm like put me to bed,calloway.
What is it, calloway?
Take me away the bath, okay, itdoesn't matter Anyway, but
(24:20):
y'all know what I'm talkingabout.
So now I can be like hey, howare you doing on your book?
Like, you know which one areyou reading this month?
How's?
Ben (24:33):
Yeah, and I know that you know you've got other goals too,
and through talking about itand figuring out, like you know,
I can see that your heart is inwith the kids specifically,
like you had really detailedgoals for each of the kids and
you know I can see how much youlove them and how much you you
are shepherding their hearts,and so that was actually
(24:56):
inspirational for me, and notthat I didn't have those goals.
Liz (24:59):
I was going to say I think you're really good into our kids
, like I thought what you havefor the kids honest.
Ben (25:05):
Well, just bless me, because it's like man, yeah,
you've got so much insight, youknow I felt that way about you.
Liz (25:09):
It's kind of funny we're talking about that.
Ben (25:10):
There you go On the same page.
Hey, hey, hey.
Same page On the same page Okay, high five.
So, anyways, being able to findthe commonality in the goals
and then come away with acorporate or I guess you can
call it a we goal list rightwhen it's both individuals
(25:31):
together coming and saying thisis what we really want to focus
on on 2025.
And we took it one step forward.
We actually then started lookingat our budget and then try to
figure out how those goals matchup with our budget and how to
prioritize those goals based onour budget and our finances and
things like that.
So that was another step and ifyou've got the time, great to
(25:51):
do it, if that stresses you outand doing budget the same time,
you're doing goals may not besmart.
I'm just saying you know thatmight not work for you.
Liz (26:03):
Schedule it in.
Schedule it in that you'regoing to get that done.
Yeah, so that you're like okay,next Saturday we're going to
meet for breakfast and we'regoing to like be at a restaurant
having breakfast with cup ofcoffee and like hammer this out,
you know figure it out so yeah,and, and here's the thing, you
guys like we spent time on ourwe goals, uh, but we know we're
not going to hit all of them.
It's just, it's a target to aimtowards and to just get clarity
(26:27):
with each other, because I thinkwhen we look at marriages and
we have friends that are inmarriages they're not on the
same page, you know they're.
They're not communicatingenough and, like you know, I
want you to hear my heart.
Ben (26:40):
I want to hear your heart Right.
Liz (26:42):
And so this is a pause.
Ben (26:43):
Well, and we can also hold each other accountable too, Like
if we have this common set ofgoals that we're both trying to
get to.
Like we can look at one anotherand say, hey, how are we doing
our goals?
You know we have check-in,regular check-ins, and that was
part of it.
Liz (26:54):
We scheduled that.
Ben (26:55):
Let's figure out how to actually act on these goals,
activate them, and now we havedecided that on Sundays we're
going to take a look at our goalsheet and figure out how we're
doing and week to week we canmake some adjustments and figure
out how to prioritize othergoals and maybe deprioritize
some.
But that's the idea is like wewant to have a plan.
(27:16):
We want to, we want to bediligent, we want to do our best
and we want to do our part.
We realize that it needs to beflexible, and the other thing,
too is like we realize that theGod's got to be in it.
You know, so it's.
It's definitely not just a we,me and you, but also a we with
him, and so all three of uscoming together and figuring out
(27:36):
what's the plan for the family.
I think that's the importantpart.
Right Is to make sure it's athree-strand cord and that God
is invited and has complete ruleover the plans, because they
can change Depending onsituations.
They might need to change Evenin the middle of the year who
knows?
Liz (27:53):
Yeah, so what do?
Ben (27:58):
you think we'll do different next time.
Oh, what would we do differentnext?
Oh, that's right.
Okay, so what we would dodifferently next time is I
definitely would take off work.
I wouldn't try to fit in theday.
Liz (28:07):
I like it.
I think it's good because itwas.
Ben (28:09):
it wasn't that it was bad and I needed to do it,
especially because I had takensome time off already for um, I
was gonna say thanksgiving, thatwasn't Thanksgiving it was
Christmas.
Liz (28:17):
It was a different holiday.
Yeah, they're all blendedtogether.
They all came together.
Ben (28:20):
Anyway, so I would take off work.
I would just dedicate theentire time to doing this goal
setting and finding out aboutyou and you know what, what
didn't go right in 2024, whatyou want to see differently in
2025.
And um, another thing I thinkthat we would do differently is
we would try to experiencesomething new together.
(28:42):
I think that would be nice tolike, you know, while we're
doing this, to also maybe do alittle adventure or something we
haven't done before together.
Liz (28:50):
I love it yeah.
Ben (28:51):
Just kind of keep it exciting.
Liz (28:52):
Like, do a cooking class or Something.
Yeah, something Wherever we'relocated, just find something
cool to do.
I love that.
I think that's a great idea.
Yeah, put that in there.
Great idea.
So our blessing is in the midstof us meeting, am I right?
Yeah?
Ben (29:09):
Yeah, it was awesome, um, being able to just hang out and
you know goal set with you, andit was encouraging to see kind
of like your passions andfinding out what you wanted to
do, where you wanted the familyto go, and I know you felt that
way about me too, and so it wasjust exciting to be able to set
some vision for the year.
And some verses come to mindProverbs 21.5,.
(29:31):
The plans of the diligent leadsurely to abundance, but
everyone who is hasty comes onlyto poverty.
So that's kind of aninteresting verse.
Being diligent and planning, Ithink, can be a blessing, can
lead to abundance, abundance.
And on top of that, a littlebit before that passage in
(29:52):
Proverbs 16, 9, it says theheart of a man plans his way,
but the Lord establishes hissteps, and so that was what
we're talking about, that thirdpiece like making sure that
God's a part of your plans.
He's the one that makes ithappen.
You know we can do our best,but without him, um yeah, it's
not blessed.
Liz (30:11):
It's not.
It's not and we definitely havea mess.
Yes, we do, and so we just wantto say thanks for being a part
of our One Bless Mess today.
Also our fun acronym that Benalways says Go ahead, Ben.
What is it?
Ben (30:25):
A 1BM.
Liz (30:26):
A 1BM, or I say our 1BM Because, again, here we are, but
don't forget to subscribe andshare like heart, whatever
platform you're listening tothis on or watching, and also to
share us with your friends Ifyou think that there's somebody
out there that would benefitfrom what we have to share.
You know especially about thewe Retreat.
(30:48):
We did a we Retreat and youknow, again, follow us on
Instagram.
Our one blessed mess is ourhandle.
Of course, it's the numeric one, but until next time we just
want to say embrace yourbeautiful mess, because if our
mess is blessed, then we know,so can yours.
welcome to our one blessed mess where ben and liz and we
are raising six kids which wehad in eight years,
homeschooling and a dualentrepreneurial home.
So two businesses and keepingit exciting while having four
teenagers soon to be five, andwe also have eight.
Ben (00:29):
Did you mention the chickens?
Liz (00:30):
No, no, we also have eight chickens and two dogs, and also
we have a story about a snake inthe chicken coop.
I feel like we should talkabout that for a second, because
that's quite.
Ben (00:40):
That's a good story.
So we had this snake and he gotinto the chicken coop.
Liz (00:46):
He got into the chicken coop.
Ben (00:48):
And we found out about it because one of our kids came
running inside screaming ahthere's a snake.
There's a snake in the chickencoop.
Liz (00:53):
Yes.
Ben (00:54):
I can't remember who it was .
Liz (00:55):
There was a lot of commotion.
I don't remember either, but itwas quite the excitement, not
to mention quite the heartattack for me.
Ben (01:02):
Yeah, because Not to mention quite the heart attack
for me, yeah Right, because theway that we built the chicken
coop is like you have to lift upthe little door.
Liz (01:10):
Flat door, like flat door thing To get to the eggs To see
the eggs.
Ben (01:13):
But it's about eye level.
So when you open it up you kindof have to like stick your head
in and look down.
Liz (01:20):
Oh my gosh.
Ben (01:21):
Thankfully, you know, the snake wasn't in that coop at the
time.
It was in a different coop,since we no longer use that one.
But anyways, that's besides thepoint.
We were thankful that we didn'thave a surprise snake in the
face.
Liz (01:35):
Yeah, that's kind of what I'm getting at, yeah.
Ben (01:37):
But instead we found this snake in our other little coop
that we no longer use, and itwas unique because the snake had
four, four eggs.
Liz (01:50):
So it looked like.
Ben (01:51):
In its body.
Liz (01:52):
In its body.
So when you looked at the snakeliterally when you looked at
the snake it looked like abeaded necklace.
It was like a beaded necklace,yeah.
Or like you know how.
There's that hairstyle whereyou put your hair in a ponytail
and they put like pony tailsaround it and it like, yeah,
like puffs.
It looked like that it wasfreaky, deaky.
Ben (02:07):
And it wasn't moving very fast.
Liz (02:08):
No, I mean that snake must have been real hungry, because
it was like it was like Pac-Man,but with our eggs, and so this,
this snake, gets a bunch of oureggs and it was scary as heck
for me.
Ben's like ah, it's just a ratsnake, which you know.
Okay, I just don't like snakes.
Yeah, I don't like snakes, Right, they're not poisonous, so I'm
(02:29):
like you have to get rid of thesnake, because now the snake
knows how to get into our coop,which we're not really sure how
it got on, and then also knowswhere the goods are.
Ben (02:47):
So we've got to went and got the snake, which he was
pretty easy to get he wasn'tmoving fast and I put him in the
brown paper bag, uh, but theissue was I had to go to work
and there was some client thinggoing on and I had to, you know,
I had to go make sure it wasgetting taken care of.
So I left the snake in thebrown paper bag and I thought it
(03:08):
was pretty secure because I hadstapled the brown paper bag
together.
Liz (03:13):
But I'm in the house.
Okay, I've already seen thesnake.
I don't really want to see thesnake.
Take care of the snake.
So I go into the house and thisis Ben's plan is to put it in a
brown paper bag stapled, andthen proceeds to bring it into
the house and brings it into ourbedroom, where I am, and he's
like hey, here's the snake, whatare you doing?
It wasn't going to hurt you,why is it in our?
(03:35):
house.
Why is it in my bedroom?
Why is it in a brown paper bag?
He's like I stapled it.
Ben (03:40):
What who cares?
It was a Trader Joe's bag.
It's high quality.
Liz (03:45):
Who cares?
We need to trade that somewhereelse, anywho.
So he's like well, I don't havetime.
I got to jump on this meeting.
And he's like I'll get rid ofit later.
Ben (03:53):
I kind of forgot about it.
Liz (03:54):
And then he forgot about it .
But you know where?
He put that brown paper bag?
Right inside our door in ourhouse.
By the door going outside hesets it down right there.
Now I have to homeschool thekids.
I still have business meetingsthat I'm going to be jumping on
for my business and I'm thinkingwhat if the snake gets out of
the paper bag?
(04:15):
Nah, he wasn't coming out, well, okay.
So the day goes on andunfortunately everybody forgot
about the snake.
Ben (04:21):
Everybody forgot.
It just stayed there.
It just stayed there Right atthe front of the house and then
by the time I got off work I waslike, oh crap, I gotta, I gotta
, take care of that thing, yougotta go dispose of it.
Liz (04:30):
So oh, I didn't kill it, no , you didn't, but you had to get
it away because it wasn't a, soyou just took it to another
part of our neighborhood near agrassy knoll right and a lake.
Ben (04:45):
I just rolled down the window, opened up the bag and
just let him out.
Liz (04:49):
Let him out.
And that snake was a happysnake.
Ben (04:52):
Well, hopefully.
Liz (04:52):
It had a well.
It slithered away, it had itsbreakfast, lunch and dinner and
the next meal.
And the next meal.
And so yeah, that's what it'slike having chickens.
I mean, we got lots of storiesand I just don't know if I've
been cut out to be a farmer'swife.
Ben (05:10):
Well, you're doing a good job.
Liz (05:11):
Well, thank you, I just aye , aye, aye, aye, aye I don't
know if I'm cut out to be afarmer.
Well, Farmer Ben, you're doingpretty good, in my opinion.
Ben (05:29):
I think you're great.
We have lots of stories ofhatching eggs and getting
incubator and it's really fun.
And a dog that ate chickens,which, yeah, which we had to
take care of, yeah, that'sanother.
Liz (05:33):
Yeah, that that dog we had to give away.
Ben (05:35):
What are we talking about today?
That was a rabbit trail man.
Liz (05:37):
These rabbit trails they sneak up on well, but that's a
good story it is I mean, it's agood story about how you brought
a snake in a paper bag, a bigsnake in our bedroom.
Ben (05:46):
That's a good size, yeah, yeah.
Liz (05:48):
Okay, so this is the topic we're diving in today and we're
going to be having aconversation about, and it's a
pretty good one.
I love this topic.
In fact, ben is wearing hisfestive shirt because it's
festive jazz hands, because he'slike oh, we're talking about
our we retreat.
We did a we retreat and it waspretty awesome.
Ben (06:10):
I wanted to go to Hawaii for our we retreat, but we
couldn't quite make that happen.
Liz (06:14):
Not yet.
Ben (06:14):
Maybe a future.
We retreat, we will do Anotheranniversary trip.
Liz (06:19):
Yeah, there you go so that's our topic.
Ben (06:20):
today is a we retreat and we got to go on a we retreat
recently.
Liz (06:27):
Yep.
Ben (06:28):
So we're going to share a little bit about that, but first
we're gonna talk about what itis All right.
So what is a?
We retreat Liz.
Liz (06:33):
So, basically, it's time that you get away with your
spouse and you go through somelike goal setting.
You spend time with the Lord,spend time with each other, and
it's just a really great retreatto get on the same page,
because you're an individual,I'm an individual and we've got
(06:54):
things that are going on.
We're raising a family, a veryactive, busy, crazy full life
and so sometimes we need to getaway and pause, to just come
together, and that's what thiswe Retreat is all about.
Actually, how we came up withit was I saw a post somewhere I
don't even know who said it, butthey coined it we Retreat, and
so we've just adopted that name.
(07:15):
It's like a reboot.
Ben (07:17):
It's like a reboot.
Liz (07:18):
Yeah, I've seen a download and reboot, you know, or goal
weekend, something like that.
But we, you know, we value thatand we just, you know, wanted
to share that with you becauseit was so, it's been so
effective for us that we want topass on the goods.
That's what our one blessedmess is like.
Whatever we found that works,it's like, hey, we want to let
(07:41):
you know so, yeah, so that'swhat it is.
Ben (07:44):
Cool, and so I think you talked about kind of why it was
important a little bit.
But one of the things that werealized and this is when we
were doing our we Retreat werealized that we actually had
been doing like a really basicform of this for years.
And I'll talk just a little bitabout that.
Liz (08:04):
But we Probably since we were married.
Ben (08:06):
Yeah, I mean really.
Liz (08:07):
Yeah, so for over 20 years, so for over 20 years.
Ben (08:10):
We would go to this conference and it stopped right
around the new year and it was aconference of ours that we were
involved in at one point intime and then we took our kids
to and it was just a cool placeto hang out and get refreshed
and whatnot, and so we werecoming back and we would always
travel pretty good distance fromfrom this conference in the car
(08:32):
, in the car because flying withthat many kids, that many
littles was way too expensive,yeah, so we would have the kids
strapped in their car seats um,you know, eating snacks and or
sleeping or watching a movie,because it's a long it is a long
trip.
Liz (08:46):
I mean we're talking like 18 hours and we just do it in
one drive for that family, butit would give us time to like
kind of reflect the previousyear and then also kind of set
goals and hear each other'sheart for the next year.
Ben (09:00):
Yeah, we weren't going anywhere for 18 hours, like we
were strapped in and we were upin the front seat.
The kids were mostly good inthe back.
And so we just took that timeto ask each other questions and
figure out what we wanted to dofor the year, because it was
always that conferenceterminated right at the end of
the year, so it felt like it wasjust our time to plan and set
vision, yeah, and figure outwhat we wanted to do differently
(09:21):
and stuff, and so that's a lotof the same point, and even why
to do it and what's why it'simportant with this we retreat.
It felt like the same thing, butjust a lot more intense, and it
was great that we weren't in acar for three days.
Liz (09:36):
Yeah, so this one that we just did, like we actually had
fun for three days.
Yeah, for three days we actuallyplanned it, got away.
You know the kids were takencare of and we went into it with
you know we're going to be notin a car, sleeping in a bed.
You know we decided to go tothe beach because it's beautiful
and inspiring.
We both enjoy the coastline, umcoastal line, and we both enjoy
(10:00):
, you know, just being inspiredin beauty.
And we, you know, have a beliefin this part of our marriage
that every couple of monthswe've been doing this for
probably gosh 10, 15 years.
I mean it has to be where, everycouple of months, we try to get
away.
Yes, it's costly.
Yes, it takes planning.
Yes, we have to get systems inplace to be able to leave our
(10:24):
kids to go away.
Now, our kids, you know, in thebeginning was a little bit
harder because they were tinier.
Um, but as the older they havegot, the older they have gotten,
the easier it is to take off,because the older self, the
youngers and you know, we're ina great place to be able to do
that.
I should say 10, 15 years we'vebeen doing this, not getting
away every quarter.
As the kids have gotten older,we've implemented it in the last
(10:45):
maybe, I don't know five or sixyears, where we try to get away
every three months or so.
So anyway, this was reallyawesome because the whole point
and focus of it was for goalsetting.
It was to hear each other'shearts.
And when we get away, I justwant to say this little
commercial when we get awayevery quarter, we don't get away
(11:07):
for multiple days.
We try to, we would like to,but sometimes we just get away
for one night, like we'll headout to a B&B, bed and breakfast
that's not too far from us,maybe in a near town, or we'll
even get like a hotel room,local, and you know, have a
grandparent come and stay withthe kids, or the kids go to the
grandparent's house and we justtreasure that time to be able to
(11:29):
pause, reconnect, remember,remember why we're married, who
this individual is, because whenyou get in the rat race of life
, sometimes this person gets alittle blurry, and so when we
pause and we take time, it getsclear again, right?
Yeah, it's true.
Ben (11:47):
Yeah, it's true.
So we just did that.
We just came back about a weekor so ago from our we Retreat
and we wanted to just share alittle bit about that experience
and what we got out of it.
And we just talked about kindof like what it is and then,
specifically, we did ours forthree days but then like even
more into what we did day to day.
(12:08):
So the first day, unfortunately, I couldn't take off the full
day for work on the first day,but the other two I was able to,
so I had to do a little bit ofwork, but it was still nice to
be at the beach and just relaxand look out the window and see
the waves and let all of yourfellow workers that you work
with be jealous at your view andyou know all my zoom call and
(12:29):
show them my real background atthe beach.
Liz (12:31):
Yeah, it was beautiful.
I mean, honestly, we we found alittle Airbnb, it wasn't a bad
price and and booked it at agreat beach and, um, you know,
one of the things that was greatis it just takes it.
Sometimes it takes time to dialdown to dial down.
Yeah, and so even though yeah,even though you had to work you
were beautiful and able to startdialing down, yeah, and what I
(12:52):
was doing while he was working.
I was actually answering somequestions that both of us ended
up answering at different times.
But I really took the time,took a notebook and went through
all these questions and we'llpost these down below in a
document so that you can takethem too.
We think that they'll behelpful for you.
We actually got them fromanother couple.
Their names are escaping meright now, but they're legit
(13:15):
people.
Ben (13:15):
We should yeah, we should find out.
We need to attribute it becauseit was worth attributing to.
Liz (13:20):
Yeah, and they're great and they have a wonderful ministry
about helping families andeverything.
So they were doing a free Zoomand so we went through these
questions and we'll link theirinformation in this as well.
So if you're wanting to jumpinto that, I definitely would
listen to them.
They're fantastic.
They give a lot of wonderfulgodly insight to families and
marriage and raising kids andadult children and all those
(13:44):
finances.
They're pretty cool.
So, anyway, I went throughtheir questions and it was all
about like wrapping up 2024 tobe able to get ready for this
next new year, and I'm so glad Idid it because it brought a lot
of healing for me.
So, even though Ben had to workand do his things, it was like
the Lord hemmed me in to kind ofget me ready for what he has in
(14:05):
store, because this last yearhas been a little intense in my
life.
Ben (14:09):
Understatement.
Liz (14:09):
Understatement a little bit , and so this was just like to
me it felt like a kiss from Godthat these questions came at the
time that they did, because wejumped on a Zoom with this
couple.
Ben (14:19):
Do you wanna do like a couple questions?
Liz (14:20):
Yeah, sure, so like what was something that stole your
joy this year, talking aboutthis past year?
What has stole your joy thisyear talking about this past
year?
Um, what has blocked community?
Um, what was a hindranceconcerning your health or
physical well-being?
Um, what has been the biggestdistraction from being your best
self?
Um, something that I alsothought was really great was is
(14:45):
there any area you need togrieve before you leave 2024?
And then the last question wasdo I need to forgive myself?
So these were, like you know,really good introspective
questions and it was just reallyhelpful.
Ben (15:02):
It's interesting, though, that it kind of focused on some
of like maybe, what we wouldconsider not the positive things
, but almost some of thenegative things, because we felt
like it was a great way toactually like, bring closure to
2024.
You know, not that you have tofocus on the negative all the
time no but it was a great wayto like.
(15:23):
In our goal setting, typically,what we try to do is we try to
fix things that aren't in theright order or they're not
dialed in just right.
So that's what our goal is isto get to a better place, a
healthier place.
By us taking the time to kindof think through and digest 2024
, we're able to help set thegoals for 2025.
Liz (15:44):
Yeah, and it just prepped us, so we'll post that, so you
guys can go through it too.
And it just prepped us, sowe'll post that, so you guys can
, you know, go through it too,and it doesn't matter what year
it is.
And I also just want to saythis we retreat does not have to
happen at the beginning or thethe end of a year.
Like it can be any time really,it can be any time, um, but
it's just.
It's just to get convenient.
Ben (16:02):
Yeah, that's convenient.
Liz (16:04):
I mean, you may be having a baby, there may be a sick
family member we don't knowwhat's going on in your life,
right?
But if you make it a priority,you're going to get the results.
And we, we, we are so thankful.
Ben (16:14):
Yeah, so OK.
So what do we do day two then?
Liz (16:17):
So that was day one.
Ben (16:19):
And then day two we kind of actually jumped more into the
goal setting piece of it.
Goal setting, piece of it.
Yep, all right.
And so talk about that a littlebit, about how we started off
individually and then kind ofgot to our together goals.
Liz (16:34):
Okay, so we took lots of walks because we were at the
beach and we walked to a coffeeshop every morning.
It was like the best, it wasthe best, it was so good it just
.
I mean all that sea air anyway,it's just so good for your lungs
and it was just, it was reallygood to um, especially after the
holidays, to kind of just likehave a reprieve, um, cause our,
(16:56):
our home is usually the hostinghome for our very large, large
family and our family's alreadylarge, but like the extended
family.
So you know it was a lot ofChristmas, um, but anyway.
So we took that time and had awhole list of different topics
and after we went for a walk andhad our coffee and we're back
and we've both had our quiettime.
(17:16):
We're back at the Airbnb.
We set a timer and we made alist of topics that we felt were
important to us and I'll tellyou our topics in just a second.
But with the timer we did likemaybe five minutes and we really
didn't need the five minutes,the full five minutes.
Ben (17:30):
On some of them.
Yeah, some of them we breezedthrough the other ones and some
of them we actually did need thefive minute timer because some
will go a little long.
But yeah, so we split up asindividuals, right.
And then we timed and so wetook a look at these topics, and
the topics are wide rangingtopics and the topics are wide
ranging.
Liz (17:48):
You want to go through a couple of them, sure.
So we have like finances,travel, family, um, kids, and we
did our kids and each and everysingle name.
Yeah, each kid because eachkid's in a different stage and
we see different things.
And you know all this stuff, um, we did marriage, um, friends
for me, friends for ben.
Uh, we did business, we diddifferent streams of income.
(18:09):
Philanthropy I always say thatword philanthropy.
Ben (18:12):
Thank you, philanthropy, giving what we want to do, to be
, you know, better stewards ofthe resources that we've been
given, especially as it relatesto other people right, our home.
Liz (18:21):
Um, we have a camper, so we put that on there.
Um, health and fitness.
My goals, ben's goals, becausethey're not the same.
He has a different goal thanwhat I do.
Oh, imagine that right Mules.
I did put mules on therebecause we kind of needed to get
on the same page for that.
We did faith for Ben, faith forme, and then personal for Ben
and personal for me.
So those were our big topicsand then we each had our own
(18:47):
list.
So five minutes for each one,five minutes on each one and you
just basically don't want tospend a lot of time.
Ben (18:51):
It's like a dump list.
Liz (18:52):
Yeah, it's like a dump, Because if you spend too much
time then you can get in theweeds.
You kind of only work quickly,get through it.
So we did.
Ben (18:59):
How long did that take us?
Liz (19:01):
I mean, for all of these maybe 30 minutes, maybe 40
minutes.
Ben (19:09):
I feel like it was a little longer than that, but maybe,
yeah, okay, that's okay but thebut, what took the longest that?
Day.
So we should say that this ishow you start right individually
.
And then the next part of thisexercise was coming together,
talking through our individualgoals and simultaneously forming
(19:30):
our together goals our, wegoals Okay.
So this was the real crux ofwhat we were trying to get to
the real crux.
Liz (19:39):
It was we, our we-ness, our we goals.
So this was the we retreatpiece, the we yeah, so this was
a big deal because you deal,because it took about five hours
people, it was a while.
Ben (19:53):
From start to finish, it was five hours.
Liz (19:54):
Yeah, and we didn't really feel like it would take that
long.
Ben (19:57):
No, we were blindsided.
I thought we would be done inlike an hour.
Nope, no way.
We got a few that were like, ohshoot, we're not on the same
page, and so we had to try tocome and come to compromises,
and it wasn't too hard, honestly, but it was very detailed.
Like there were some things thatwe had to really work through
to figure out what the actualcompromise would be, and not
(20:19):
that it was hard, but it wasjust.
It was like a lot ofinformation to process,
especially when you had adifferent perspective.
I had a different perspective,and then we were trying to
figure out just how to see thatperspective as it relates to
whether it was kids or financeor even just physical goals, so
it was really interesting tryingto find that common ground.
Liz (20:38):
So, if you know anything about Strength Finders, which I
love, strength Finders weactually Gallup, right.
Gallup Strength Finders.
Pretty brilliant.
Costs money to take the test,but highly recommend it.
A lot of corporations use it.
It's basically focusing on yourstrengths, so there's 34
strengths and when you take thetest you can unlock your top
(21:00):
five strengths and then, if youwant, you pay a little more
money and then you hear and findall 34.
And it starts from one beingyour highest and 34 being your
least.
And the idea is that you'relooking at your strengths and
how God has made you and notlooking at your weaknesses and
trying to change those.
Ben (21:17):
I mean just operating in, your operating in your strengths
Right.
Liz (21:20):
So we pulled up our strength finders because in our
goal setting we are, we think,different.
Like isn't that the beauty ofmarriage?
Like you have two completelydifferent individuals coming
together.
And something about Ben is hehas a strength called ideation.
Ben (21:38):
Are you excited about that strength of mine?
Liz (21:42):
That one is some and if you know about ideation.
It's a really great strength tohave.
But I didn't realize my husbandreally operated in that.
Ben (21:51):
So what is ideation?
Liz (21:53):
It's where you have lots of ideas.
Yeah, he has a lot of ideas,and here's the beautiful thing
about Ben he has great ideas andhe likes to research everything
out.
He also has a strength calledintellection, so he really likes
to learn, and that's really him.
That's why, when we're doingthese podcasts, he knows the
facts, he knows where it's going, because he's done the study to
(22:16):
be able to talk about it.
He's learned it and so, withideation, he has lots of great
ideas, lots of great ideas.
But what we had to realize iswhich ones are we going to work
on?
Because he has so many ideas.
Ben (22:30):
Sometimes I present them in a shotgun format and you don't.
Liz (22:35):
I don't know.
Ben (22:35):
You don't receive the shotgun format very well.
Liz (22:38):
So I just start blocking him.
No, no, no, no.
And I don't want to shut himdown, right, I don't want to
shut him down because his ideasare great, you do?
Ben (22:45):
But I have to be a little bit perceptive as to which ones
I share and which ones areimportant enough for me to focus
on with you.
Right Because otherwise I canoverwhelm.
Liz (22:58):
Well, and that's your responsibility.
I think that's what wediscovered in the we retreat
that his responsibility is tolike.
He may have 15 ideas and I'mnot kidding, okay, about
something, and you're laughing,but it's true and so he has a
lot of ideas and then he needsto pare it down to like three
and then the one.
So you know, I'm a doer.
Ben (23:21):
It's true, and that's what probably overwhelms you is
because you start to think okay,if we actually do all 15 of
these we're going to be spent.
Liz (23:37):
I'm already spent just talking about them.
I'm tired, liz is tired, soanyway.
So it was really interesting,you know, I mean, but it it
wasn't like bad.
I think the beautiful thingcoming away from this like was
looking at what's in your heartand what you want to do and like
being able to champion you onto pursue whatever's in your
heart.
Like, for an example, ben has adesire to read 12 books a year,
(23:59):
one a month, okay, and he lovesto read.
He's so into books and I lovethat about him.
And you like the real scienceyones that are thick with lots
and lots of statistics.
I'm like put me to bed,calloway.
What is it, calloway?
Take me away the bath, okay, itdoesn't matter Anyway, but
(24:20):
y'all know what I'm talkingabout.
So now I can be like hey, howare you doing on your book?
Like, you know which one areyou reading this month?
How's?
Ben (24:33):
Yeah, and I know that you know you've got other goals too,
and through talking about itand figuring out, like you know,
I can see that your heart is inwith the kids specifically,
like you had really detailedgoals for each of the kids and
you know I can see how much youlove them and how much you you
are shepherding their hearts,and so that was actually
(24:56):
inspirational for me, and notthat I didn't have those goals.
Liz (24:59):
I was going to say I think you're really good into our kids
, like I thought what you havefor the kids honest.
Ben (25:05):
Well, just bless me, because it's like man, yeah,
you've got so much insight, youknow I felt that way about you.
Liz (25:09):
It's kind of funny we're talking about that.
Ben (25:10):
There you go On the same page.
Hey, hey, hey.
Same page On the same page Okay, high five.
So, anyways, being able to findthe commonality in the goals
and then come away with acorporate or I guess you can
call it a we goal list rightwhen it's both individuals
(25:31):
together coming and saying thisis what we really want to focus
on on 2025.
And we took it one step forward.
We actually then started lookingat our budget and then try to
figure out how those goals matchup with our budget and how to
prioritize those goals based onour budget and our finances and
things like that.
So that was another step and ifyou've got the time, great to
(25:51):
do it, if that stresses you outand doing budget the same time,
you're doing goals may not besmart.
I'm just saying you know thatmight not work for you.
Liz (26:03):
Schedule it in.
Schedule it in that you'regoing to get that done.
Yeah, so that you're like okay,next Saturday we're going to
meet for breakfast and we'regoing to like be at a restaurant
having breakfast with cup ofcoffee and like hammer this out,
you know figure it out so yeah,and, and here's the thing, you
guys like we spent time on ourwe goals, uh, but we know we're
not going to hit all of them.
It's just, it's a target to aimtowards and to just get clarity
(26:27):
with each other, because I thinkwhen we look at marriages and
we have friends that are inmarriages they're not on the
same page, you know they're.
They're not communicatingenough and, like you know, I
want you to hear my heart.
Ben (26:40):
I want to hear your heart Right.
Liz (26:42):
And so this is a pause.
Ben (26:43):
Well, and we can also hold each other accountable too, Like
if we have this common set ofgoals that we're both trying to
get to.
Like we can look at one anotherand say, hey, how are we doing
our goals?
You know we have check-in,regular check-ins, and that was
part of it.
Liz (26:54):
We scheduled that.
Ben (26:55):
Let's figure out how to actually act on these goals,
activate them, and now we havedecided that on Sundays we're
going to take a look at our goalsheet and figure out how we're
doing and week to week we canmake some adjustments and figure
out how to prioritize othergoals and maybe deprioritize
some.
But that's the idea is like wewant to have a plan.
(27:16):
We want to, we want to bediligent, we want to do our best
and we want to do our part.
We realize that it needs to beflexible, and the other thing,
too is like we realize that theGod's got to be in it.
You know, so it's.
It's definitely not just a we,me and you, but also a we with
him, and so all three of uscoming together and figuring out
(27:36):
what's the plan for the family.
I think that's the importantpart.
Right Is to make sure it's athree-strand cord and that God
is invited and has complete ruleover the plans, because they
can change Depending onsituations.
They might need to change Evenin the middle of the year who
knows?
Liz (27:53):
Yeah, so what do?
Ben (27:58):
you think we'll do different next time.
Oh, what would we do differentnext?
Oh, that's right.
Okay, so what we would dodifferently next time is I
definitely would take off work.
I wouldn't try to fit in theday.
Liz (28:07):
I like it.
I think it's good because itwas.
Ben (28:09):
it wasn't that it was bad and I needed to do it,
especially because I had takensome time off already for um, I
was gonna say thanksgiving, thatwasn't Thanksgiving it was
Christmas.
Liz (28:17):
It was a different holiday.
Yeah, they're all blendedtogether.
They all came together.
Ben (28:20):
Anyway, so I would take off work.
I would just dedicate theentire time to doing this goal
setting and finding out aboutyou and you know what, what
didn't go right in 2024, whatyou want to see differently in
2025.
And um, another thing I thinkthat we would do differently is
we would try to experiencesomething new together.
(28:42):
I think that would be nice tolike, you know, while we're
doing this, to also maybe do alittle adventure or something we
haven't done before together.
Liz (28:50):
I love it yeah.
Ben (28:51):
Just kind of keep it exciting.
Liz (28:52):
Like, do a cooking class or Something.
Yeah, something Wherever we'relocated, just find something
cool to do.
I love that.
I think that's a great idea.
Yeah, put that in there.
Great idea.
So our blessing is in the midstof us meeting, am I right?
Yeah?
Ben (29:09):
Yeah, it was awesome, um, being able to just hang out and
you know goal set with you, andit was encouraging to see kind
of like your passions andfinding out what you wanted to
do, where you wanted the familyto go, and I know you felt that
way about me too, and so it wasjust exciting to be able to set
some vision for the year.
And some verses come to mindProverbs 21.5,.
(29:31):
The plans of the diligent leadsurely to abundance, but
everyone who is hasty comes onlyto poverty.
So that's kind of aninteresting verse.
Being diligent and planning, Ithink, can be a blessing, can
lead to abundance, abundance.
And on top of that, a littlebit before that passage in
(29:52):
Proverbs 16, 9, it says theheart of a man plans his way,
but the Lord establishes hissteps, and so that was what
we're talking about, that thirdpiece like making sure that
God's a part of your plans.
He's the one that makes ithappen.
You know we can do our best,but without him, um yeah, it's
not blessed.
Liz (30:11):
It's not.
It's not and we definitely havea mess.
Yes, we do, and so we just wantto say thanks for being a part
of our One Bless Mess today.
Also our fun acronym that Benalways says Go ahead, Ben.
What is it?
Ben (30:25):
A 1BM.
Liz (30:26):
A 1BM, or I say our 1BM Because, again, here we are, but
don't forget to subscribe andshare like heart, whatever
platform you're listening tothis on or watching, and also to
share us with your friends Ifyou think that there's somebody
out there that would benefitfrom what we have to share.
You know especially about thewe Retreat.
(30:48):
We did a we Retreat and youknow, again, follow us on
Instagram.
Our one blessed mess is ourhandle.
Of course, it's the numeric one, but until next time we just
want to say embrace yourbeautiful mess, because if our
mess is blessed, then we know,so can yours.
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