033.1 - Saying Goodbye To Grammy with Nick and Kim Gaylord

What if losing a grandparent is a journey of unexpected gratitude and comfort? Join me and my incredible wife, Kim, as we take a heartfelt journey honoring the life of my beloved grandmother, Jeanne Harris. We share our reflections on her remarkable legacy, from her nearly 70-year marriage to my grandfather, Stanley, to the cherished memories that continue to shape our lives. This episode offers a comforting connection for anyone navigating the unique grief that comes with bidding farewell to a cherished grandparent.

Take a nostalgic trip with us to an unforgettable lunch at Charlie's Restaurant on Long Island, a visit marked by Grammy's vibrant personality just before the world changed in 2020. Experience the warmth of family gatherings and the enduring influence of Grammy and Grampy, even through the challenges of Grammy's battle with COVID-19. We dive into the quirks of family traditions and the heartwarming anecdotes from childhood that highlight the strength of family bonds and the joy found in shared memories.

Through tales of WLNG radio playing from Grammy and Grampy's bathroom and the chaotic joy of Christmas gatherings, we celebrate the unique touches that made our family home so special. We express gratitude for the compassionate hospice care that supported Grammy in her final years, sharing stories of resilience and healing. This episode invites listeners to embrace their own stories of loss and love, and to find solace in the enduring power of family connections.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:17):
Hello and welcome to Our Dead Dads, the podcast where
we normalize talking about allkinds of grief, trauma, loss and
moving forward.
I'm your host.
My name is Nick Gaylord.
Thank you so much for listeningto the show and thank you for
making the show part of your day.
If you're new to the show anddon't know much about us, I'll
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(00:38):
Do that so that you don't evermiss any episodes.
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(00:58):
You can also follow the show onour social media pages on
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Most important, please spreadthe word about the show.
We dive deep into stories ofgrief, trauma and loss, and this
is to give everyone who has astory to share the chance to do
so.
And, equally as important, weare looking for everyone who has
a story and either hasn't begunprocessing their grief or

(01:18):
doesn't know how to begin.
Today's episode is an unplannedone, though I guess somehow I
knew it would happen eventually.
I'm postponing the originalepisode that I had planned for
this week to bring you sort of aspecial bonus episode, and for
the special bonus episode I'mjoined by the best co-host in
the business, my incredible wifeKim Hi.

Speaker 2 (01:35):
But I am not your co-host.
Well, this week you are.
I am a frequent guest.
How about that?
Okay?
Well, today you're my co-host.

Speaker 1 (01:46):
All right.
One week ago, my mother'smother and last living
grandparent, jean Harris, leftthis earth and was finally
reunited with my grandfather,Stanley, one of the two amazing
men who I am named after.
She was 94 years old and leftbehind one hell of a family
legacy.
Kim and I are here to reminisceabout some of the good times
and the fun times with Grammy,aunt Jean and Mom as she was
known to everybody in our family.
I'm fortunate beyond words thatI had a full set of

(02:09):
grandparents until age 42 andone grandparent until age 49.
I think that definitely says alot, right there.

Speaker 2 (02:13):
Well, yeah, I mean not about you necessarily.

Speaker 1 (02:16):
No, not about me, Because I mean all of my cousins
had a grandparent until sameage.

Speaker 2 (02:20):
Well, and not just that, a full set, but that they
were still together married.
How long were Grammy and Grampymarried?

Speaker 1 (02:26):
They were just short of 70 years yeah amazing.

Speaker 2 (02:29):
I remember one of the first things you told me about
them was the celebration thatyour family had for their 50th
anniversary.

Speaker 1 (02:36):
Yes, that was February of 1998.

Speaker 2 (02:40):
Yeah, so well before I came on, well before you came
into the picture, I think I madeit in time for the 60th right.

Speaker 1 (02:45):
You were around for 60.
That was 2008.
Yeah, so you were alreadyaround for about two years.
Yeah, we were already married.

Speaker 2 (02:50):
But I remember.
It's funny.
I don't think you and I talkedabout this actually since Grammy
died, but one of the things Iremember about the 50th is that
you told me that the song thatyou remember them dancing to was
Kenny Rogers.
Through the years, through theyears, and it's always been one
of my favorite songs.
It had always been the songthat I hoped I would ever be

(03:11):
lucky enough to have played atmy 50th anniversary or something
similar.
So when you told me that itstuck with me and it's become a
special song to us too, oh God,I'm going to cry.
Okay, that was unexpected.
You leave it to me.

Speaker 1 (03:25):
The music's gonna be what gets, yeah yeah, we're all
about talking about the hardthings here and yeah, yeah, I
mean.
Look, this wasn't a surprise toanybody, she was 94 years old.
Unfortunately, grammy has notbeen in the overall best health
for the last few years.

Speaker 2 (03:41):
Um man, she's been hanging.
She's been hanging on.
She's been hanging on or shewas hanging on?
Yeah, she had been hanging on.

Speaker 1 (03:48):
Again.
She left a hell of a legacy andI thought that it would be
appropriate to do this littleconversation today, put off the
regularly scheduled episode andjust have a little bit of fun.

Speaker 2 (03:59):
I think it's special, it's nice.
You'll have that to look backon.
I love that, yeah, and.

Speaker 1 (04:02):
I hope that the you know, our friends, family
everybody listens to this andgets to have a little bit of
enjoyment out of it.
I wish I could do a massivelive episode and get everybody's
contribution.

Speaker 2 (04:13):
With all the family.
Well, who knows, maybe you'llhave some of them on to discuss
their grief process, maybe wewill, but no, I mean it is an
interesting one because, likeyou said, you don't, like you
said, it's not that you don'texpect your grandparents to die,
so the grief is definitely muchdifferent than what you
normally speak to about withyour guests on this podcast, but
it's still grief, it's stillNonetheless.
She was still very important toyou, yeah, and to me as well,

(04:36):
and so, yeah, let's take aminute and talk about it and pay
tribute to her, and probably toboth of them, really, because
the podcast wasn't around whengrampy passed?

Speaker 1 (04:48):
yeah, the podcast was not around when grampy passed.
He passed in, uh, october of2017, just uh, nine days before
his what would have been his95th birthday, uh, so, yeah, we
we've done a lot since then.
Um, where do you want to start?

Speaker 2 (05:01):
well, the memory I mean I guess back to the well, I
mean since we're, you know,since this to start.
Well, memory I mean I guess,back to the.

Speaker 1 (05:05):
Well, I mean, since we're you know, since this is a
podcast about grief at all, Imean I guess I can start with a
little bit of mine.
I mean, I kind of feel in a waylike I've already processed a
lot of mine, kind of had alreadysaid you're advised to her,
kind of did.
Yeah, so one of my favoritestories well, we'll start with
the good story and then I'llkind of lead in.

(05:26):
One of my favorite stories thatyou and I have talked about
many times was the last day thatwe both got to spend with
Grammy, absolutely November of2019.

Speaker 2 (05:34):
We went out to.
We should preface that bysaying that was pre-COVID and
Grammy was quote unquote.
Fine, yeah, grammy, grampy hadpassed, but we went to see her
while we were visiting and tookher out.

Speaker 1 (05:47):
Yes, we frequently.

Speaker 2 (05:48):
We weren't living on Long Island anymore, so we you
and I weren't seeing her inperson on a regular basis Right
At that point.

Speaker 1 (05:54):
Right, we always made it a point to get out there
whenever we were up in New York,we same way that we went out
there to visit both of them whenwe were still living in New
York.
So, yes, we were visiting LongIsland in November of 2019, and
we made one of our regular tripsout there.
It was a cold, miserable rainy,disgusting windy day but.

(06:19):
Grammy wanted to go out to lunch.
Grammy wanted to go out tolunch.
We took her to Charlie'sRestaurant in South Hold.
For anybody who doesn't knowwhat we're talking about, we're
talking about the east end ofLong Island.

Speaker 2 (06:29):
The North, fork, the North.

Speaker 1 (06:30):
Fork, east end of Long Island.
So if you are so inclined, feelfree to pull it up on Google
Maps.
I wonder if Charlie's is stillthere.
Probably, oh, I haven't heardthat it's not.
I'll even put a link to oh youshould.
I link to, oh you should.
I'm pretty sure.
I know that there's a facebookpage and I don't know if there's
a website, but if there is, Iwill put it up there on the show
notes and if not, I will stillput the name, probably for

(06:50):
ordering for takeout orders.
More than likely.
Uh, yeah, this restaurant isincredible.
We've never had a bad mealthere and this was grammy's
favorite place to go.
So we went out to see her andshe didn't care about the
weather.
She was particularly happy thatday.
Yeah, she was in a good mood,for whatever reason.

Speaker 2 (07:07):
Yeah, she was in a really good mood which you know
it wasn't always the case atthat point, with Grampy having a
past Obviously heartbroken.

Speaker 1 (07:15):
Exactly Once Grampy was gone, she definitely had
more probably unhappy days thanhappy days, which is completely
understandable.
This was a really good day.
She wanted to go out to lunch,so we got the car.
Uh, I think we didn't.

Speaker 2 (07:31):
We originally, even like from the very beginning, we
had trouble finding a parkingspot or crowded.
Yeah, I remember again rainy,windy, disgusting, and I think
we, everybody, wanted like theum, the soup, the gumbo or the
uh, what's it called um?

Speaker 1 (07:42):
everybody wanted the bisque.
Um, pulleded up, let Grammy outand parked.
And she I don't remember whatshe got.
I think she might have gottensoup.
She got a sandwich or something.

Speaker 2 (07:52):
I remember what she got like a big meal of maybe it
was a soup and sandwich combo.
I think is what I got also.
I just remember she ateeverything.
She ate the whole thing, likeeight.

Speaker 1 (08:05):
She had the whole day , everything like you and I
didn't finish ours, no, andgrammy, it was, I mean, half of
my size, let alone half of yours.
Yeah, he was a tiny.
She was this tiny.
I mean, if she was five feettall 30 years ago, it was a lot.
Yeah, this tiny little womanjust found her appetite, she
destroyed it.

Speaker 2 (08:16):
Yeah, it was.
You know, when we talked.
I mean I, yeah, I can't say Iremember the specific details of
it beyond those images of justshe wanted to go.
It was cold and rainy.
She'd marched right across,right up into the restaurant, oh
, oh.
And then, of course, the thingis, everyone knows her cause.
She's lived in green part herwhole life, so she's like a
minor celebrity.
There she walks in and behindthe counter, they know her and

(08:38):
they're asking about uncle Peteand June and all of yeah.
So I, uncle Pete and Aunt June,and all of yeah.

Speaker 1 (08:43):
So I mean that was great, it was so good, that was
good.
We had the lunch, went back toher house, stayed there for a
little while and just continuedto talk and she was so talkative
that day and no complaints.
I didn't ever have anycomplaints about listening to
the two of them talk.

Speaker 2 (08:57):
Well, they could tell great stories.
Okay, certainly, when they weretogether, their storytelling
was epic because of and gosh, mygrandparents were so much like
this too that it just alwaysresonated with me and had
touched me in a way was thattheir versions of the same story

(09:19):
were oftentimes not the same.
Not the same their remembrancesof so to listen to them tell
the story and then to yell ateach other for telling it wrong,
they would get so snippy witheach other.
No, this is what happened.
Our dad, yeah, whatever she was, yeah, yeah, so that was great.
It was not that that happenedthat day, of course, but like it

(09:39):
was that she was just excuse me, she was just in a good place
and it was a great day, and sothen you know, if it's okay,
I'll say what happened.
Next is, of course, six monthslater, covid hit, and Grammy was
one of the first people to getCOVID and she was in the
hospital actually at the timefor something fairly minor, but

(09:59):
because she tested positive forCOVID and we didn't know
anything at that point, theywouldn't let her out.

Speaker 1 (10:05):
This was COVID version 1.0.

Speaker 2 (10:07):
Yeah, it was like March, right, like of 2020 or
February even.
Yeah, it was early, I think itwas March of 2020.

Speaker 1 (10:13):
Yeah, and she should have probably been there maybe a
day or two, and it ended upbeing like three weeks.

Speaker 2 (10:18):
I think it ended up being there?

Speaker 1 (10:20):
No, I think it was close to six weeks.
Six weeks, yeah, that's a longtime, and she did make it out,
though there were times when wedid not think she would.

Speaker 2 (10:27):
Not that she got sick from COVID, right, I mean she
had COVID, but I don't rememberher being particularly sick
Because remember they keptsaying like she's fine, but
she's still testing positive andthey just didn't.

Speaker 1 (10:40):
Well, she was fine eventually, but earlier on,
earlier on, yeah, yes, she wasreally sick.
But also another part of theproblem was for an 89-year-old
woman to basically be in bed,bed-bound, for six weeks and
nobody was allowed to visit.

Speaker 2 (10:50):
Nobody was allowed to visit.
We had to sneak.

Speaker 1 (10:53):
Somehow we got her somebody's old, I think Vanessa
snuck a phone in.

Speaker 2 (10:56):
Somehow they got a phone in that we could talk to
her like an iPhone, which ofcourse she didn't have, or that
kind of of smartphone, whatever.

Speaker 1 (11:03):
Yeah, but we were able to talk with her.
We were able to kind of thenurses helped I remember that
was really nice.

Speaker 2 (11:07):
So we were able to.
We were in Texas, of course, sowe were able to speak with her
once or twice during that periodof time.

Speaker 1 (11:14):
I remember having a conversation a few days in with
her, when she started getting alittle bit sicker and she was so
confused.
She didn't understand why nobodywas there, why, why aren't they
visiting me?
I told her about her mind wasstarting.
Her mind, unfortunately, wasstarting to get a little bit
clouded.

(11:35):
Um, I had asked her if sheremembered from the news hearing
about a virus that was going on, and she did remember.
She didn't know a lot about itbut she remembered.
And I told her this has becomevery widespread.
I said the hospital isbasically closed off to the
public.
I said nobody, unfortunately wecan't come see you, nobody is
allowed, and I remember that wasa little difficult for here and

(11:55):
I'm sure that I was probablynot the only person.

Speaker 2 (11:58):
I'm sure she was hearing the same thing from the
whole family.

Speaker 1 (12:00):
Yeah, the whole family and it was really hard to
say that, it was really hard tohave her hear that.
But again, we nobody could andthe entire world.

Speaker 2 (12:10):
I was gonna say, certainly, we all went on to
realize that she was just one ofmany, many people who went
through a similar situation overthe course of that.
But but to bring it back towhat we were talking about, so
then we of course didn't get totravel to new york for a long
time, and by the time we gotback to Long Island after travel
, I had gone up initiallybecause my mom was supposed to

(12:33):
have a medical procedure in Julyof 2020.

Speaker 1 (12:35):
that ended up getting postponed, but I was also
planning on seeing Grammy Duringthat time.
The family was concerned,obviously understandably.

Speaker 2 (12:45):
She had a home health care aid at that point.

Speaker 1 (12:47):
The aid was concerned , I did not get to see her.
I was really upset about it atthe time and at the same time I
completely understood thenervousness about it.
It sucked, it really did.
But I did get to talk to her onthe phone.
I called her when I knew that Iwasn't going to get to see her.

(13:07):
I basically left Long Island.

Speaker 2 (13:11):
And I started driving back and I called Grammy from.

Speaker 1 (13:13):
I think I was somewhere in New Jersey when I
had called her.
Just to make sure she understoodthat you wanted to be there and
this is when we were living inTexas, because, as everybody
knows, we're now living inCentral Florida.
But I was driving, I drove upfrom Texas to New York
specifically so that I couldavoid the airports, avoid people
, and it didn't happen.

(13:33):
It is what it is.
I remember that conversationthat I had with her on the phone
was one of the clearestconversations for her.
Like she understood everything.
She understood it.
She understood everything.
Uh, I, she understood it, sheunderstood everything.
I apologize so much that Ididn't get to see her.
I told her I really wanted to.
Uh, and you know it's okay.
And she said don't worry aboutit, it's fine, I understand, you

(13:55):
know it, it's fine.
And we had been talkingregularly anyway.
Like I called her once or twicea week and talked to her on the
phone before that and continuedto afterwards and later on,
toward as the year progressed,toward the end of the year.
That was really when thingswith her mind started to get
even worse.
Um, the last few conversationsthat I had with her, she was

(14:19):
very confused, she was gettingupset.
Um, at one point she called mekeith, which is my uncle, her
oldest son.

Speaker 2 (14:27):
Well, and her grandson and her great-grandson.

Speaker 1 (14:31):
Well, sure she thought she thought that I was
uncle keith.

Speaker 2 (14:34):
Yeah, um and you know I said grammy, yeah, and I know
your mom had said she wouldconfuse her with other people,
like it was just at that pointwhere it was more upsetting to
talk to her on the phone than itwas.

Speaker 1 (14:45):
I was, and you know unfortunately it was shades of
what happened with my greatgrandmother, with her mom, yeah,
and it was kind of happeningall over again and I had kept
calling, we kept talking, butthe more that it went on, the
more confused she would get withsome conversations and I could
tell that she was starting tojust get upset not mad at me, or

(15:07):
anything, it's frustration,yeah.
She wasn't fully aware of everydetail and at a certain the last
conversation that I had withher I mean, it was probably a 10
minute conversation, but I'mhonestly not entirely sure that
she even knew it was me Like shein the beginning, but then just
the as the call went on, itjust got more confusing for and

(15:28):
I felt horrible and at thatpoint I honestly, yeah, I made
the decision to stop callingbecause, not because I didn't
want to talk to her, it killedme to do that, but I was trying
to minimize the confusion forher, yeah, of course.
So whether it was the rightdecision, the wrong decision, I

(15:48):
don't know.

Speaker 2 (15:49):
There is no right and wrong in a situation like that.
I don't think, I don't reallythink there is.

Speaker 1 (15:53):
But I, you know, had to make that difficult decision.

Speaker 2 (15:57):
So I think that's your point about how you had
sort of already made your peacewith it.
I did this.
Grief is different in thatsense that you know we've been
expecting this for a while now.

Speaker 1 (16:06):
Yeah, I mean she's been on full-time, 24, seven
care, since she got out of thehospital with COVID, and that
was April of 2020.

Speaker 2 (16:13):
So closing in on five years, I mean it's amazing, she
really lived in it, she didit's unbelievable that she lived
this long.

Speaker 1 (16:19):
I mean, her body just kept on going Little energizer
bunny, she just kept on going.
Little energizer bunny, she justkept on her spirit, yeah yeah,
um, aunt june was telling me, uh, that the day before she died
she was, she was very talkative.
Uh, uncle pete was over there afew times and uh, the nurse was
trying to what she was.
She was giving her orange juicewith a spoon and and she said,

(16:41):
the grammy just took the glassout of her hand, start drinking
out of the glass, which is thefirst time in ages that she had
done that.
I love that.
And the nurse was like, allright, girl, this is what you're
going to do.
And everyone thought it was agood day.
And then later that evening thenurse had called Pete and said
her pulse was starting to godown a little bit.
But I guess I don't think theythought that it was that because

(17:02):
June had told me that theyobviously nobody was surprised
that she's passed, but theydidn't expect it that day.
Yeah, and so Pete went over tocheck on her and he called Aunt
June, said her pulse is droppinga little bit more.
So June said, all right, I'mgoing to come over.
And she told me that it waseight minutes from the time that
they talked that Juneune saidI'm coming over to when she was.

Speaker 2 (17:26):
They lived right down the road they were at like yeah
, maybe I don't even think itwas a mile apart, uh, and she
just went to sleep.

Speaker 1 (17:32):
Yeah, it was it was time.

Speaker 2 (17:34):
Well, certainly glad it was that peaceful for her.
After all those years shedeserved at least that much.
Absolutely believe in, you know, universe giving her what she
deserved at that point.
So, yeah, that, yeah, that was.
I was glad to hear that.

Speaker 1 (17:47):
I was definitely glad to hear that, that it was as
peaceful and as quick as it wasand that she had a really good I
mean as good as she could havehad.
But she had a good last day,yeah, yeah.
So, yeah, that's definitely.
You want to talk about a firstday?
Yeah, we will definitely talkabout the first day.
Yeah, that's kind of my story.
I was able to kind of makepeace with it a while ago and I

(18:09):
hated to do it, but at the sametime I am grateful beyond
description.

Speaker 2 (18:14):
Yeah, I think it would have been a lot different
if we were living close and youcould have gone to see her.
That would have been different,because I think in person it
makes a difference, but over thephone it just yeah.

Speaker 1 (18:22):
But that's why I hold on to, you know, the last day
that we saw her, and that wasjust the best day ever.

Speaker 2 (18:27):
Someone told me that years ago actually, I um in high
school.
If you don't mind for a quicksecond, I'll tangent.
In high school I had a teacherwho I was very close with, um,
basically, I mean all butdropped dead on the gym floor of
a aneurysm.
Very suddenly, yeah, verysuddenly, yeah, totally
unexpected.
He had actually just come backfrom a jog with some of the

(18:47):
other uh coaches and um students, right, they had gone for a run
and he was walking across thegym to go to the locker room um,
to change or a shower, I assumeand that he just collapsed and
um, they, you know, he was alivein the hospital for a few days
before the family made thedecision to stop life support
and during that time.

(19:11):
So he had children who were alsoin school with me at the time
in high school, and so therewere a select number of students
who, for whatever reason, wereable to visit Most obviously
were not.
I was one of the ones whodidn't and I was telling another
teacher, like a faculty advisortype of a mentor person, how

(19:32):
sad I was, that I wish I hadbeen able to see him in person
and say goodbye, and she saidjust hold on to the image that
you have of the last time youwere with him and be thankful
that the last image you have ofhim doesn't have to be seeing
him like this.

Speaker 1 (19:48):
Yeah, I mean think about all the people in the gym
that saw him collapse.

Speaker 2 (19:51):
Sure, those people, and then also, just had I been
able to visit him in thehospital, he would have been
hooked up to wires that youalready don't look like yourself
.
We've all had those moments andthose experiences, so, anyway,
it's something I always hold onto when somebody passes.
What was the last time I waswith them that they were in a
good place, and hold on to thatimage of them?

Speaker 1 (20:10):
Yeah, you and I have talked about that story when you
were in high school multipletimes and I agree, if I had my
choice, it wouldn't have beenthe last time I wanted to see
her.
Sure, of course you know it'sokay and see her, but at the
same time, you know it's okayand I did like I said, I did
make peace with that and I'mglad that the last time that I
got to see her was such aspecial day.
It was so much fun.

(20:31):
She was just she was on fire.

Speaker 2 (20:34):
Also, when you think about it, it was probably the
only time that you, she and I Idon't know if that's
grammatically correct were everalone just the three of us, I
think so Right.
I mean, we had spent time withfour of us when Grampy was still
alive, of course, but the vastmajority of it somebody else
would have been around your momor the rest of the extended
family, exactly.
So that was special in and ofitself.

(20:56):
That you and I had this dayalone with her, absolutely yeah,
much like that first day we hadalone when I first met them.
Well, why don't you?
talk about that my favorite daysever in life was getting to
meet Nick's grandparents thefirst day.
I mean, we'd probably only beendating for a short period of
time, but he'd been talkingabout me meeting them from day

(21:16):
one.
They were so special to him andthat's all you know.
He just wanted to get me outthere, quote unquote out there
to the East End to meet them.
And so, yeah it was.
I guess it was a weekend day,we weren't working, we drove out
there, Probably a Saturday orSunday, and you know it was.
So it was sort of like, ohthey'll, you know, we'll do
lunch, kind of thing.
And I don't know if you warnedme or not.
I think you must have Like,when Grammy says Grammy says

(21:47):
we're going to you lunch, don'texpect a tuna sandwich.
And it was not a tuna sandwich.
She, this woman, made a fullmeal.
I mean it was like a levelbelow thanksgiving or christmas,
but it was pretty close.
I mean it was pretty I was therea roast chicken, maybe instead
of a stuffing, and mashedpotatoes and vegetables and
rolls or biscuits or somethingthere was.

Speaker 1 (22:03):
It was a legit spread .

Speaker 2 (22:05):
It was like a military meal for, like the
three of us, for the four of us,uh, at lunch and just to set a
little context, these people, mygrandparents.

Speaker 1 (22:13):
They did not know how to cook small I mean that has
been passed on.

Speaker 2 (22:19):
Yes, it has definitely to your mother first
and now, and now to me and yourbrother and to Jack, something
I'm very proud of.

Speaker 1 (22:28):
No qualms about that at all.
We would have holiday dinners.
There would be between 15 and20 people in that house and
there was easily food for 40.
And everybody went home withfood.

Speaker 2 (22:38):
Well, and what always surprised me because it was
different than how my familywould do holidays is um, it
would be all served at once andthere would be multiple what you
would call like entrees.
Yes, so like it wouldn't justbe a turkey, it would be a
turkey and ribs, ribs and a ham,maybe a roast of some sort.
So and then all the sides grampymade those ribs on those ribs

(23:00):
on the grill.
Remember how, how good, yeah,yeah.
And the other thing that alwaysstruck me was the two of them
were a team in the kitchen.
My family, it would have beenmore the my grandmother did what
she did, which that he, so hewas in charge of that.
So if he was like roasting aleg of lamb, that was his deal,

(23:29):
and then he would carve it.
Grandma would do everythingelse and they didn't get in each
other's way.
Your grandparents just climbedover each other in their
relatively small kitchen to doeverything.
I mean, either she did it or hedid it.
They were fighting back andforth, but they were they
stepped at each other a littlebit.
They had their own language andtheir own way of doing it, and

(23:50):
they rarely wanted us to helpthem.

Speaker 1 (23:52):
Yeah, they did not.
Rarely, I mean every-.

Speaker 2 (23:55):
Toward the end.
I feel like, as they got older,their mom, my mom and my two
uncles, their three children.

Speaker 1 (24:00):
they would help out Sometimes.
Aunt June, aunt Kathy wouldhelp as well.

Speaker 2 (24:05):
Sure and the rest of us were A few.
People were sometimes allowedto go over early and help a
little bit, but my gut is thatthey really they also.
they would say like, let's say,christmas Eve.
We always went to their housefor Christmas Eve Right In the

(24:26):
years that I was part of thefamily at least and it was like,
okay, six o'clock, and in myfamily that would have been show
up at six and we'll probably beeating by eight.
No, at Grammys it meant show upat six and be ready to sit at
the table and don't be late,because now you're holding up
dinner.
So really you should have beeninvited for 5.
But we don't want you to showup at 530.
Show up at 6, be ready to eatand just shut up about it.

(24:46):
Yep, and we would.
As the years went on, therewould be text chains from
whoever was there first, likeall right, grim, it's five to
six, grammy's already wonderingwhere you are.
You're not here yet, you'relate, but you're not late.
You said six o'clock so wewould text.
You know, with one of thesisters-in-law or the
cousins-in-law or whatever itwas.
We're three blocks away, wejust turned off the main road.
So funny, yeah.
So that first day, that waslike the best.

(25:09):
And then I just remembersitting at the kitchen table,
the four of us, for hourshearing their stories.
I mean I remember Grammytalking about her mom.
I remember Grampy talking aboutgrowing up in a big family.
They just started.
They welcomed me right in andwanted me to know all the things
and I love that kind of stuff.

(25:31):
I'm always wanting to hear fromthe family about my family,
your family, everybody's family.
I love hearing family historyand all that, so I was like a
sponge, just soaking it all upand loving it.
Well, graham and Grampy werevery open and welcoming and
accommodating to everybody but Ithink they might've known that
you were probably going to hangaround for a little while oh,
yeah, cause we it's not like wewere like married or anything

(25:52):
yet no, not yet.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, but no,that's true.
So yeah, well, I assume youdidn't bring every girl you
started dating to meet them.

Speaker 1 (25:59):
Is that true?
No, not right away.

Speaker 2 (26:00):
Okay, not right away Not that quickly.
I mean, they met a few of them.
They met a few of your othergirlfriends, all right.

Speaker 1 (26:05):
But yeah, they knew.
No, they didn't spend any time.
They didn't spend time aroundany of them as much as they did
with you.
Well, fixture, because somebodyin my family is paying you and

(26:26):
I still haven't figured outwhat's happening.
19 years, by the way.
We just celebrated minianniversary, baby mini
anniversary.
We just celebrated 19 years ofthe first email, as I believe
I've talked about it here before.
I sent you an email on matchcomand well, the rest is history.
We'll talk about that anotherday.
Yeah, but yeah, it was.
That was a hell of a day.
Yeah, I know they made anincredible impression on you, as
you did on them no-transcript.

(27:27):
Yeah, that's definitely one of.
If I have any regrets in ourrelationship, it's that I didn't
get to meet your grandfather.
I did get to meet yourgrandmother and she was
wonderful to me and at the sametime she was, from all accounts,
not nearly as happy of a personas she was wonderful to me and
at the same time, she was, fromall accounts, not nearly as
happy of a person as she wasbefore he was, when he was still
here.

Speaker 2 (27:44):
Yeah, let's not go too far down that line.
I wouldn't necessarily say mygrandmother was an overly happy
person, Right?

Speaker 1 (27:49):
but she was less much less so without him.

Speaker 2 (27:53):
She was like your grandmother.
I mean, they lost their partnerand they just their light faded
.
And who?

Speaker 1 (27:58):
could blame them 65, 66 years something, their
partner and they just they'relight faded.
And who could blame them 65, 66or something like that?
Yeah, I don't do math, I don'tknow, sorry, math is numbers and
I don't numbers.

Speaker 2 (28:05):
They were married for their whole lives.
Let's just yeah, since theywere like eight.

Speaker 1 (28:08):
Yeah well, they grew up in the same village in in
italy, so they they didn't know.

Speaker 2 (28:12):
no, it wasn't the same village again, we digress,
but it was like neighboringvillages, oh kind of thing.
I let's call it that orsomething like that, but they
were still married by like eight.
No, they weren't.
Okay, we'll have a specialepisode one day about my
grandparents, all right.
I want to hear the story.
Let's give a little background.
So you for a short while.

(28:36):
I don't remember how long andyour mom and when you were young
lived with your grandparents.

Speaker 1 (28:40):
Yes, so, my, as I've talked about before, I am the
oldest of my father's sevenchildren that I know of and, um,
the oldest of my mother's twochildren, which I'm absolutely
certain of.
Uh, so, yeah, my parents weredivorced.
Uh, they split up very shortlyafter my brother jack was born.
He is 16 months younger than Iam, so probably by about a year

(29:03):
and a half old.
Somewhere around there, my momleaves and we, the three of us,
are living with Grammy andGrammy.
We moved in with Grammy andGrammy temporarily at probably a
year and a half old, and thenwe lived there for a couple of
years.

Speaker 2 (29:19):
And, of course, your mom was working full time.
She was working Grammy was verypresent in your day to day in
terms of taking care of you andhelping to raise you, and also
you might find this hard tobelieve our dead dad's podcast
audience.
Nick, used to apparently be apicky eater when he was a wee

(29:40):
lad.

Speaker 1 (29:41):
Well, as I've discussed at some point before,
you and I met, I wasn't really apicky eater, I just really
wasn't an expansive eater.
I didn't eat, I didn't have alot of things.

Speaker 2 (29:52):
But that's different than as a child.
Your grandmother oh right.

Speaker 1 (29:56):
As a child, she could not get me to eat, and my
grandmother has told me manystories about how the only way
she could get me to eat was byher making her from scratch
chocolate pudding, which it wasyou actually that figured out
where that recipe came from?
Yeah, and it came from theBetty.

Speaker 2 (30:13):
Crocker cookbook.
Well, I didn't figure it out.
I asked Grammy because I said,would you give me your chocolate
pudding recipe so I could makeit for Nick?
And she was like it's not myrecipe, it's Betty Crocker's,
you know, in her snarky kind ofway, right, but it's so funny
though, but yeah.

Speaker 1 (30:32):
So apparently I hated eating whatever food I was
supposed to be eating frequently, and the only way for her to
get me to eat my food was toalso give me a little dish of
chocolate pudding, whichexplains my chocolate addiction
for sure.
Well, it explains a lot,boyfriend.

Speaker 2 (30:42):
Well, it explains a lot.
Save that for another topic,that is also a whole other
episode.
Yeah, so I loved hearing that.
That was one of those storiesthat when you and I first
started dating that I rememberyou telling me, but what I was
actually talking about was whathappened when you grew up a
little bit and when you realizedyou were taller than her.
Oh, there's that story too.
This is one of my favorites.

Speaker 1 (31:03):
So I was, I want to say, either 11 or 12, somewhere
in that neighborhood.
Now again, as I said before, mygrandmother, if she was five
feet tall, it was a lot.
I don't think she was five feet0.1 inches, barely there, and
at some point I realized that Iwas taller than her.
And so, as a kid- and you wereprobably 11.
Yeah, I got 11, 12 years old,and when certain things happen

(31:25):
as a kid, it's an accomplishment, it's a big deal.
And I realized it one day, Ithink we were just walking past
each other Grammy was going toanswer the phone or something
like that, and I realized Ithink I'm a little taller than
her and so I kind of confirmedit before I said anything a
little later.
And then once I did, I said hey, grammy, guess what?
And she said what?
And I said I'm finally tallerthan you.

(31:46):
And I was sitting down at thispoint, I think, like out on
their patio, on their closed-in,screened-in patio porch,
whatever it was Three-seasonroom, yeah, three-season room.
And I said I in room, and Isaid I'm finally taller than you
.
She's like really, and I stoodup and I said yeah, look, and
I'm standing up and I'm probablyabout chest out all, just proud
of yourself puffed out and allproud of myself and I'm probably

(32:07):
like maybe a half an inchtaller than her, and she just
kind of looked for a second.
She's like, wow, you are,that's crazy.
And I said, yep, I'm tall.
Now and again, just like itmeant anything.

Speaker 2 (32:18):
It meant a damn thing .

Speaker 1 (32:21):
And she just kind of stood there admiring it for a
second and then she said butthere's something really
important that you need toremember.
I said what's that?
And she said no matter how oldyou get, no matter how big you
get or how tall you get, youwill never be too big or too old
for me to put you over my kneeand beat your ass.
And I just got to put my headdown.
I'm like no, I'm sorry,grammy's still in charge.

(32:42):
30 something years later shestill brought that story up.
I love it.
Love.
She loves that story.
Yeah, she did.
It was one of our favoritestories together and, uh, you
know something I'll never forgetand I will never forget her
like just barely looking up tome and saying I will still beat
your ass.
So fun gosh.

Speaker 2 (33:03):
I love it.
Oh my goodness, it wasincredible, the best I just
loved spending time at theirhouse.
Yeah, you know it was sospecial because, oh, we I don't
think we mentioned this theylived in that house, their
entire marriage, higher lives,yeah grampy and pop.

Speaker 1 (33:17):
my great-grandfather built that, that house For them
basically Like their maritalhouse.

Speaker 2 (33:22):
quote-unquote.

Speaker 1 (33:23):
So they got married in 1948.
So I guess it was probably in1948.
I don't think they had knowneach other for more than a
handful of months Right in thefamily, right.
I'm pretty sure they metsometime in mid to late 1947.
But I don't know if they movedto the house before or after

(33:43):
they got married.
But yeah, I would imagine aftergiven the time, yeah, I don't
think they were living togetherbefore they got married more
than likely um, yeah, grampy,and uh pop, my great-grandfather
gramby's father, right um, theybasically built the house and
talk about that for a second.

Speaker 2 (34:00):
Let me think about that for a second.
Building the house with yourfuture father-in-law.
That you're going to take hisdaughter home to, that even in
and of itself is kind of amazingstory, yeah so yeah, so yeah,
so I loved that house for itshistory.
Yeah, we didn't have that in myfamily because both of my
grandparents moved and even inour my own immediate family we
never had like that, likelifelong house.

(34:21):
So I always just loved that.
I loved um.
Oh gosh, all right, can I wow?
Okay, I, it's all.

Speaker 1 (34:28):
It's all going through my brain right now.

Speaker 2 (34:30):
Okay, well, the first thing I love that you and I had
talked about that I wanted tosay is I loved their staircase.
Yes, it had a wall of photos ofall the family members all up
it and it had pictures from whentheir three kids were young,
all the way through to the greatgrandchildren as the years went
on and so, as the new girl, Igot to look at all those
pictures and sort of connectdots and it was sort of like my

(34:53):
way of like, you know, learning.
And for the record, you knowboth of your uncles have been
married for gosh well over 40years now, I imagine, to their
wives, pete and June, I thinkare 53, coming up 53 years.

Speaker 1 (35:06):
I think Keith and Kathy are probably right, maybe
a little bit more.

Speaker 2 (35:10):
Pete is the youngest of the three Right, right, right
.

Speaker 1 (35:13):
Yeah, keith and Kathy .
Uncle Keith and Aunt Kathy haveprobably I mean, if I had to
guess, probably somewherebetween 50 and 55 years.

Speaker 2 (35:19):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (35:21):
Yeah, also for context.
So my cousins in my siblingsit's just me and Jack, Right,
Like all the other siblings, aresame father, different mothers,
but on my mom's side it's Jackand I have three first cousins
Keith, Cliff and Christina.
Keith and Cliff and I were allborn the same year.
We were all born in 75.

(35:42):
Him and Keith in March, Cliffand me in October.

Speaker 2 (35:46):
So yeah, so at one point for a couple of months
your grandparents went fromhaving no grandkids to having
three in one calendar, to havingthree within one calendar year.

Speaker 1 (35:52):
At one point, all three of them were pregnant at
the same time, and then, twoyears later, jack came, and then
a years later, jack came, andthen a year later, christy came.

Speaker 2 (35:59):
Yeah, and you always.
I mean that was one of thefirst things I remember.
It was almost like you had fivesiblings.
It was almost like you guyswere great because you were all
so close in age that you werealways sort of together and all
that.
But anyway so, yeah, all thosephotos up on the walls, so I

(36:21):
loved looking at that when wewere there at Christmastime.

Speaker 1 (36:23):
I loved their tree.
Looking at all the ornaments onthe tree, Some of them were,
you know, so old Grammy had somany ornaments At a certain
point you almost couldn't seeBranch.

Speaker 2 (36:28):
Yeah, no, there was a lot of ornaments.

Speaker 1 (36:29):
Every nook and cranny had an ornament and there were
so many beautiful ornaments thatthey had.

Speaker 2 (36:35):
The other thing about their house is it was very sort
of old school, traditional fora certain east end of Long
Island mindset or culture it'sgoing to be hard to describe,
but they had a basement whichthey called the cellar.
It was reachable through thehouse but they kept a lot down

(36:55):
there for storage purposes,right, yes, and they were very
traditional that they would likegrow fruits and vegetables in
the summer that they would thencan in the winter.
Am I Okay?
Sorry, we're having a side note, am?

Speaker 1 (37:07):
I supposed to be reading that.
No, no, no, I wrote somethingdown.

Speaker 2 (37:09):
Nick just scribbled something down and I didn't know
if I was supposed to be readingit or for his, for himself,
like in court when the lawyersright, so yeah.

Speaker 1 (37:15):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (37:16):
Um, yeah, so they would go down cellar, as they
would call it, and the thingsthat would come up.
I'm not sure I ever went downthere, maybe once, but the
things that would come up fromthe cellar over the course of an
evening, from tables to chairs,to food, to all these things.
So I loved that about them.
I also loved that Grammy fedthe deer in her backyard and

(37:38):
when I say fed, I mean theywalked up to her and ate carrots
out of her hand.
That was phenomenal to me.
But far and away the absolutebest thing about Grammy and
Grampy's house is the bathroom.
Okay, so the house.
You could kind of describe itas like what people would think
of as maybe a, not a craftsman,what am I trying to say?

(38:00):
A cape cod, where the secondlevel was just the bedrooms, no
real hallway.
You just got to the top and itwas what's it?
Three bedrooms, two bedrooms upthere.

Speaker 1 (38:09):
Yeah, you get to the top, and left is one bedroom
right.

Speaker 2 (38:12):
So the bathroom was on the main floor, right, um,
and it was.
Obviously it was a fullbathroom because it was the only
bathroom in the house.
But what I loved about it,other than it being a very
traditional grandparent bathroom, there was carpet on the floor,
there were curtains, there were, you know, all that stuff.
It hadn't been remodeled,probably in I don't know however
many years.
Yeah, so it had that vintagefeel, but the best part of it

(38:35):
was that Grampy, who was anengineer, hooked up a radio,
took a light switch so that whenyou turned the light on, the
radio started playing, and notjust any radio station.
It was the ultimate Long IslandEast End radio station that we
all grew up listening to.
Yes, me included, even though Ilived further west than you did

(38:57):
.
Yeah, probably reached backthen that far, but we certainly
I lived on the South Fork ofLong Island growing up, so it's
called WLNG, yep 92.1 FM WLNG onthe east end of Long Island.
And it is just thatquintessential old school radio
station.
They played oldies.
They had Swap and Shop.
Was that what it was called?
Oh my God, Swap and Shop.

(39:19):
I remember that, Before theinternet, before even it was the
first thing you used to be ableto buy stuff from people off of
.

Speaker 1 (39:28):
Well, not Craigslist.

Speaker 2 (39:38):
Yeah, craigslist.
Before even Craigslist, theyhad swap and shop where if you
had something you wanted to sell, you would call in during a
live show and you would.
I mean, I think my mom sold myfirst car that way, really like
I went to college and I thinkshe called up and said if
anybody's interested in this carbut that's how people would
sell it Everything from you knowfurniture to whatever was on
swap and shop.
So just the fact that you couldput, every time you turned on
that radio, that light switch inthe bathroom, the radio came on

(39:59):
.
It was my favorite thing in theentire world.

Speaker 1 (40:00):
That alarm clock must have been I don't know, 30 or
40 years old, who knows, but itwas one of those.
It was probably an early ondigital alarm clock.
When you turned it on, it wasas if you just plugged it in and
it blinked 12 o'clock.
Yes, yeah, and if you werequick then maybe you got out of
the bathroom before it turned tobe 1201.

Speaker 2 (40:19):
Otherwise, I don't even remember ever looking at
the clock, and yeah it wouldkeep going.
It was always 12 o'clock.

Speaker 1 (40:26):
It was always 12 o'clock.
It's 12 o'clock somewhere, 12o'clock somewhere that yeah,
that would be in Stan and Jean'sbathroom.
They get a clock, you turn offthe power, reset and then you go
back in the next time and it's12 o'clock again.
Oh God, yeah, that alarm clockwas my favorite part of that
bathroom too.

Speaker 2 (40:41):
Well, okay, the alarm clock wasn't my favorite part.
The WLNG was the favorite partYou're right.
For me, that was the fact thathe had wired it to turn on with
music whenever you went in there.
Do you know the back Like whatmade him think to do that?

Speaker 1 (40:55):
I really don't know.
I mean he when he was stillworking and he would get ready
and he would listen to him inthe morning and shower.

Speaker 2 (41:01):
He probably just wanted to listen to the radio,
sure, but most people would havejust turned the radio on.
The man went to the trouble ofhard wiring it into the
electrical outlet.

Speaker 1 (41:10):
I mean that's hard.
I mean it just plugged it in,but it was the.

Speaker 2 (41:14):
It was attached to the same outlet right.
It was attached to the sameoutlet right it was attached to
the same outlet.

Speaker 1 (41:17):
It had a little outlet on the side of the of the
light, yeah, and the alarmclock was perched on top of
whatever it was there's a littleshelf up there, yeah, yeah and
the radio was just permanentlyin, like the on position and the
volume was set, and so radio,the music would start playing
whenever you flipped well, Iguess I never asked too many
questions because I just lovedit so much that I just I just

(41:39):
loved it, I loved it so much,and I'm pretty sure wlng is
still around today.

Speaker 2 (41:44):
Haven't listened to it in a hot minute, but yeah,
I'm pretty sure my mom told meat some point they stopped doing
swap and shop.
Yeah, it's a little outdatednowadays or maybe they still do
it but not live or not asfrequently or something, but it
used to be on, like I want tosay, like every day, from like
four to seven, you could put iton and see what was available
and stuff.

Speaker 1 (42:03):
They used to listen to it all the time.
I feel old.
I know Grampy used to listen toit when he was out in the
garage had it on.
My mom used to listen to us.
Of course I used to listen.

Speaker 2 (42:11):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (42:11):
Yeah, crazy.

Speaker 2 (42:13):
That's funny.
I love it.
All right.
What else are we supposed toSpeaking of Christmas?

Speaker 1 (42:21):
I know I don't think the girls got to experience this
, but at least the boys did.
Every year it was.
There were two absolutecertainties that everybody was
going to get, all the men atleast, and again I, I.
Did you ever get these?

Speaker 2 (42:38):
you know this idea.

Speaker 1 (42:40):
Um, so we said we would go for Christmas Eve.
We would go for Christmas Eve.
Yeah, they did everything onChristmas Eve and then everybody
would just kind of do their ownthing on Christmas Day.
Everybody, everyone, from theadults to the kids always got an
envelope with cash in it, acard and cash, and all the guys
always got a big box of sockspairs of socks.

Speaker 2 (42:59):
This is like you and your cousins and stuff, not like
they didn't give their kidssocks.
I don't think like uncle p gotsocks, did he?
Who knows?
Maybe, maybe I don't remember.
I'd be curious to know that.
Yeah, I don't remember thegirls getting socks.
I think grammy would shop forthe girls, but maybe just with
the boys she would just go tolike bj's and buy the like you
know seven pack of socks 500pack and just divvy them up, so

(43:22):
she would basically give youunwrapped socks in a like dress
box.
Right, yeah, just you would openit up and they were in there.

Speaker 1 (43:30):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (43:30):
And we knew what it was.
I mean you and I.
I don't think I bought yousocks until we moved off Long
Island.
I think you just had an ongoingsupply.
We did Socks every year.
That was great.
We had socks for eight.
God, those Christmases werechaotic.
Oh, the other thing is sopicture, like Nick said,
probably about 15, 20 of us weresitting around the table.
They would set up a big, hugetable, a series of folding

(43:54):
tables.
It touched up against each otherwith tablecloths covering them.
It would take up the wholeliving room, basically, and then
it would be up against thetelevision and by that point
they had this huge television.
And it would be right upagainst the television and by
that point they had this hugetelevision, yeah, and it would
be right up against the TV, thetable, and it always had to have
Christmas Story playing, yeah,which was on 24-hour loop at
that point, right, yeah.

Speaker 1 (44:14):
TBS and TNT do the 24-hour Christmas Story marathon
and the volume never gotlowered.

Speaker 2 (44:18):
So we'd be eating Christmas Story.
Would be playing, be openingpresents, christmas story.

Speaker 1 (44:22):
be like we'd be having dessert christmas story
and me and my cousins and uh,jack, we're, we're all quoting
christmas story the whole time.
We knew the entire movie andI'm sure I could still quote the
entire movie.
Yeah, probably.
Uh, it was a blast yeah, goodtimes.

Speaker 2 (44:38):
I liked that.
They knew how to have a goodtime, I think did they ever?
you know they were also verymuch a part of their community.
They lived out there theirwhole lives.
They were very involved with.
You know, your grandmotherworked businesses.
She drove the school bus for awhile.
Grampy was involved with publicservice.
He did the fireworks, so theyknew everybody.

(45:00):
So whenever there was anoccasion the few that I was
involved in that were likefamily weddings, or when we had
grampy's um, was it his 90thbirthday?
Yes, that they had for him atlike a local, I think it was
townshend manor um, I mean justeverybody knew him.

Speaker 1 (45:15):
Everybody was there.
It wasn't just family,obviously media family, but
extended family and cousins andfriends.

Speaker 2 (45:22):
oh, that was a fun night.
Lots of dancing, lots ofdancing.

Speaker 1 (45:27):
That was a great night.

Speaker 2 (45:28):
Oh, do you want to say how did that?

Speaker 1 (45:29):
night end.
Oh, that night.
What a great memory.
I still cannot believe howfunny the ending of that night
was.
It was all over, it was late.
It was at least 11, 1130.

Speaker 2 (45:43):
I very much remember the.
So we like a room that theparty was in, yeah, and so they
were serving us and stuff inthere.
But then there was also a barin another room and I think by
this point whoever was left itsort of migrated to that area,
so it was mostly our people, butI remember very specifically
the restaurant and everybodyelse.
It was closed, like thebartender wanted to go home,

(46:03):
yeah, but we weren't done, weweren't anywhere close to done.

Speaker 1 (46:08):
Certainly who wasn't done.
Grammy and Grampy weren't done,and I don't remember.
Maybe it was Grammy, maybe itwas both of them, I don't
remember, but I know they bothwanted a drink.

Speaker 2 (46:18):
My recollection is that they, on their own, decided
to go to the bar and get adrink, and you and I just sort
of followed you and I justfollowed, and then the
congregation began around thebar.

Speaker 1 (46:29):
They went to the bar and they both ordered old
fashions.

Speaker 2 (46:33):
So good.

Speaker 1 (46:34):
And.

Speaker 2 (46:34):
I wasn't a big drinker back then, certainly not
hard liquor, like I would drinkwine and stuff, and I was like
if Grammy's having an oldfashioned, then that's what I
want, that's right.

Speaker 1 (46:46):
And it's been one of my drinks ever since, and it is,
yeah thank you, grammy.

Speaker 2 (46:49):
It is is frequently one of ours.

Speaker 1 (46:49):
Yeah, yeah it's one of our go-to drinks.
Yeah, um, we've said beforethat jack daniels is also one of
our go-tos, but so well, thatcomes from grampy too, doesn't
it?
Yeah, that comes from well,that comes from grampy, and that
also comes from the smiths.
Oh, that's true.
For anybody who doesn'tremember, that was but they
weren't.

Speaker 2 (47:04):
Your grandparents weren't big drinkers.
No, they were a specialoccasion drinker.
No, I remember like they didn'tserve wine at dinner, kind of
thing um, you kind of had tobring your own wine.

Speaker 1 (47:15):
People would bring wine and they had it, but they
didn't always.

Speaker 2 (47:19):
I don't remember them , so that was something newish
to me, yeah, and by that timeI'd been around for a while.

Speaker 1 (47:24):
It wasn't like yeah, well, that was 2012 oh yeah, so
we've been together for fiveyears, yeah yeah, yeah, um, but
it was just great that, first ofall, the fact that it was like
11 30 at night, which again Iknow some of you are saying, oh,
that's not that late they were90, I mean, yeah, I mean grampy
was 90, grammy was 82 and a goodportion of the crowd was in

(47:45):
their 70s and 80s and it hadbeen a very.

Speaker 2 (47:49):
It was a large event.
There was a lot going on.
There was multi-generationsthat were dancing.
It was very.
I wouldn't have been surprisedif he was tired.

Speaker 1 (47:55):
Right, it was a very active, engaging evening and at
the end of it they're like nope,they didn't want to go home.

Speaker 2 (48:01):
They wanted a drink.
They wanted to be the last onesthere and, man, I think the
four of us were the last onesthere.

Speaker 1 (48:06):
I'm pretty sure we ended up closing the place down.

Speaker 2 (48:09):
And I want to say we probably had more than one if I
had to guess.
Old fashioned.

Speaker 1 (48:12):
Oh, absolutely, we were careful.

Speaker 2 (48:15):
Don't worry, no, I'm not advocating for we're
probably mistelling, the storyand one of your uncles is going
to be like I was there too,because I drove them home of
them home, or I don't rememberall the details.

Speaker 1 (48:25):
That's just the visual I have is the four of us
sitting at the bar.

Speaker 2 (48:27):
I can picture the bar like it was yesterday and I
don't ever been there that onetime.
And the boy can picture thebartender.
He knew them, stanley and Jean.
You know he was like the son offriends or something.
You know, one of those things.
That was a great night too.
That was a really good.

Speaker 1 (48:43):
Yeah, next time we're up there, maybe we should uh
should we go check it out?
Towns and manor and see ifthey'll let us go there to the
bar and just have a drink.
I mean, I don't know if it'skind of like in a restaurant, if
it's an event place or yeah,I'm not really sure well, if
we're up there, if we're upthere, then we're gonna have to
go there and, uh, let's do that.
Have some old fashions forgrammy Grammy yeah.

Speaker 2 (49:04):
I like it.
Should we have one tonight too?
Oh, absolutely, I already madehim the chocolate pudding.
For those who are wondering yes, um went on.
We mentioned earlier it was ouruh, 19 year, first email
anniversary, so of course onecelebrates that.
So we had um last weekend, lastweek, on that.
Oh well, it's actually thenight before we I'm we made a
pizza together, because that'sone of our things we tend to do

(49:26):
on our anniversaries is make apizza, and I made the chocolate
pudding for nick that night andjust got look, I understand that
it's a straight up recipe outof the betty crocker book and
I'm sure that anybody could havemade it.

Speaker 1 (49:38):
but to you, always to me, I mean, you made it, and
look the fact that you are achef, which we have covered many
, many, many times in this showI didn't do anything.

Speaker 2 (49:47):
I just did what Betty Crocker told me to.

Speaker 1 (49:49):
Yeah, I know you did what Betty Crocker told you to,
but you did it and you got therecipe from Grammy, even though
it came also from the book you.
You found out where.

Speaker 2 (49:58):
I was expecting like a handwritten card.

Speaker 1 (50:00):
It was like yellow and age, and and when you told
me it was the Betty Crockerrecipe, I was like that's it.

Speaker 2 (50:05):
I mean, I could have been having it all along, I
could have had this all along.
Whenever I wanted it.
Yeah, that was probably bydesign that she didn't tell me
where she got it from.
Well, sure, once you started toget a little chubby, then all
of a sudden, she was going tojudge you and not let you eat
the chocolate pudding anymore.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (50:20):
Now, fortunately A little bit your fault, a little
bit your fault, started yourfault, but then when I could
have had self-control, whybother Anyway?
Rehab is for women.
That's nice, yeah, so good.

Speaker 2 (50:34):
Anything else that you wanted to.

Speaker 1 (50:36):
You know, one thing that I thought about and not
that this was a good story byany means, but maybe it explains
a few things by any means, butmaybe it explains a few things
Grammy had told me another storywhen we were recently not
recently after we had just movedback there, me and Jack and my
mom probably maybe a couple ofmonths or so after that, they

(50:58):
had the I don't know tile orwood floor or whatever in the
kitchen and after dinner Grammywould mop the floor and
sometimes she would wax thefloor.
And apparently there was onenight where I was, you know,
running around like a typicalone and a half two year old,
whatever tearing into thekitchen, had my socks on and
basically like, slid up my feetand then eventually went down

(51:19):
and just cracked my head on thefloor and ended up giving myself
a nice concussion.
Did you?
I sure did.

Speaker 2 (51:24):
Like they had to take you to the hospital.

Speaker 1 (51:29):
I'm pretty sure I don't think I've ever heard the
story.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure I had togo to the hospital and you know,
the first of severalconcussions in my life.

Speaker 2 (51:33):
This was pre, like baby gates and stuff like we oh
yeah it's kind of like you're onyour own.

Speaker 1 (51:37):
Be careful.
This was back in the days ofparents.
Are driving down the highway 75miles an hour.
Nobody in the car is wearing aseat belt.

Speaker 2 (51:44):
Yeah yeah, and nobody cared either.
Heck, you were probably in theback of the station wagon, so
you weren't even in a properseat you were in, like the
backpacks.

Speaker 1 (51:51):
I remember most frequently rode in the backs of
the state wagons and nobody hadseat belts on, nobody gave a
shit, and we just had fun.
We were just living our bestlives.
But yeah, I, when you weretalking about.
That's interesting when youwere talking about early on.
I remembered that story.

Speaker 2 (52:05):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (52:10):
Um, when Grammy had told me I think maybe I was a
year and a half two years oldand went flying in there, fell,
you know, slid on the floor,fell, cracked my head and gave
myself a concussion.

Speaker 2 (52:16):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (52:16):
Like I said, I'm sure it explains a few things.

Speaker 2 (52:18):
Cause you know the lingering effects of the
concussion.

Speaker 1 (52:21):
The lingering effects , as our good friends lisa and
mark would say, because you knowI'm a little bit, you know,
scrambled in the braindepartment.

Speaker 2 (52:31):
Yeah, I, I think I'd like to say on lisa's behalf
that she gets the credit for d2d, not mark, but well, I mean,
they actually got that from acomedian.
But oh, did they?
Yeah, okay, so I just thoughtlisa, that's lisa and you well,
that too, because we have a veryspecial relationship.

Speaker 1 (52:47):
Anyway, let's not digress too much now.

Speaker 2 (52:49):
But yes, I think yes, anyway, all right.
Well, I don't know about you.
I'm checking my list and Ithink we covered everything.
I don't want to.
You know, I'm sure we couldhave conversations for days and
weeks and months.
I think we've given Grammy thetribute that you wanted to give
her, definitely throwing in alittle grampy while we're at it,
yep, doing some grammy andgrammy, and I've said I told you

(53:13):
one more thing I want to sayokay, you finish.

Speaker 1 (53:15):
I've told you from the very beginning that they
have always been two of myabsolute favorite people in the
world, and I'm pretty sure Itold you at some point or very
early on that I had always hopedthat I would have the kind of
marriage that they had for 70years.
They didn't make it to their70th wedding anniversary, but
they did.

Speaker 2 (53:34):
We're not going to either.

Speaker 1 (53:35):
Whatever, I'm keeping you alive on machines.
I'm going to stick around untilyou're 103.
Woman, let's see.
All right, Well then I'd be ahundred.
And yeah, let's let.
Woman let's see.
Well then I'd be 100.
And yeah, let's see how theworld goes for the next 50 years
if we decide we want to be herefor another 50.
Yes, they were together for 70years and I can't say enough

(53:57):
incredible things about them,about their relationship, about
how they raised all of us andhad a hand in raising all of us.

Speaker 2 (54:12):
Just absolute gold, those two.
I was going to say you know itis a podcast about grief.
We did cover that part.
No, no, no, we did.
But I was going to say is partof the reality of grief is death
and dying, is that a lot ofpeople do end up needing hospice
care toward the end of theirlives.
And Grammy was fortunate enoughto be taken care of not just by
her three children but andtheir spouses, I should say.

(54:35):
But the number of home healthaid workers who slept there, who
fed her, who bathed her, whocommunicated with the family, I
mean, I remember back in theearly days of it, you were on a
one-on-one first name basis withthe woman who was first taking
care of her.
So I just want to say, for thatcommunity, the work they do is

(55:00):
truly a gift to be blessed withbeing able to take care of
another human being.
That isn't family that way, um,especially the very
underwhelming amount of moneythey make to do it, um, yeah,
yeah, I'm I'm really glad thatyou brought that up.

Speaker 1 (55:19):
Um, yeah, again, it was almost five years that she
was.
She wasn't on hospice for five.
No, no, no, not hospice, but shewas on at full time, 24 seven,
at home care since April of 2020.
And I'm not exactly sure howlong she was on hospice care for
, but I would like to throw thisout there and obviously don't

(55:39):
feel any obligation if you don'twant to.
But I would like to mention andalso send a huge thank you to
East End Hospice in West HamptonBeach, new York.
You can look them up online orI will also give you their
address.
It is 481 West HamptonRiverhead Road.
Well, if you want to know howto spell it, you probably have
to Google it.
You can post it, can't you?

(56:00):
Yeah, I will post a link in theshow notes.
East End sorry, in West HamptonBeach, new York.
They took care of Grammy forthe significant period of the at
the end of her life.

Speaker 2 (56:12):
And yeah, they're just If you're looking for a
good place to make a donation,if you're looking for a good
cause to make a donation.

Speaker 1 (56:18):
Yes, there or honestly Any yeah.
Your local, the one in yourcommunity, because someday it
could be you or yourgrandparents who need that care
Exactly, or any other familymember that anybody listening
might have.
So yeah, either donate to, ifyou're so inclined, donate to
East End Hospice or donate to alocal hospice organization in
your community.

Speaker 2 (56:38):
I mean truthfully.
The fact that that exists meantGrammy got to stay in the only
house she had ever lived in.
She was in that house.

Speaker 1 (56:45):
Assuming again, I don't know the exact date that
they moved into the house, buteven if you basically take it
from their wedding day, whichwas February 8th 1948, she was
in that house for 77 years, yeah, so the fact that we didn't
have to traumatize her by movingher out of it.
I shouldn't say we, gosh, butthe family didn't have to Thank
you, gosh, but the family didn'thave to Thank you, man, for all

(57:06):
of the incredible work that youdid early on to arrange it so
that she was able to stay inthat house.

Speaker 2 (57:12):
Yeah Well, and obviously you know they were
right down the road, so theywere the most present in the
daily taking care of them.

Speaker 1 (57:19):
But your mom drove out there all the time my mom
drove out there, all the timeUncle Keith and Aunt Kathy, like
everybody yeah.

Speaker 2 (57:27):
She was very blessed to have the family she had to
help Vanessa, cliff and Kelly,christy and Cameron.

Speaker 1 (57:32):
Everybody was very involved.

Speaker 2 (57:35):
Yeah, look we all, and she loves seeing the great
grandkids.
I know, yeah, she.
I mean we weren't one of theones who gave her any, but I
think everybody, everybody elsehas now her any, but I think
everybody everybody else has now, yeah, yeah, we're the only
ones who haven't.

Speaker 1 (57:49):
Yeah yeah, jack has two, keith has two, cliff and
Kelly have one and Christy and.
Cameron, yeah.

Speaker 2 (57:53):
So yeah, grammy has a Grammy and Grampy have six
great grandchildren who, youknow, most of them were lucky
enough to live nearby and shegot to, you know, see them and
you know to live nearby and shegot to.
You know see them and you knowlove that.
So yeah, great life, greatfamily, legacy.
Um, you know we're very lucky,I'm lucky to be a part of that
family Most of the time.

Speaker 1 (58:20):
Nope, it's okay.
Nick would say the same aboutmine.
That's totally healthy.

Speaker 2 (58:22):
I was going to say it about mine, but I wanted to.

Speaker 1 (58:23):
um, we, we both have incredible families and you know
I'm so happy that Grammy wasable to stay in that house.
To all of the family Again,what Andrew and Uncle Pete did
early on to ensure that shestayed there, what all of her
children and children in-lawsdid during the time, during the

(58:45):
four and a half, almost fiveyears that she was in there, it
was here.

Speaker 2 (58:48):
You know what?
I mean I have one last tributethat will wrap up how special
your grandparents were.
Both of them is I neverremember.

Speaker 1 (58:57):
They the ones paying you.
All these years They've beenthe ads, so that's why it's
coming to an end.

Speaker 2 (59:01):
No, I will say this this podcast is called Art of
Dad, so I'm going to bring itback to John Gaylord.
Never once did I see your dadwithout him asking you about
your grandparents.
Yeah, that's right.
They were his in-laws for allof three years and yet they had
that kind of an impact on him.
And he wasn't necessarily thatkind of a man who would ask

(59:23):
about others, yeah, but healways asked how are stanley and
gene?

Speaker 1 (59:28):
yep, always whenever I saw him.

Speaker 2 (59:30):
Yep, you know, my dad may not have at times been
their favorite person right, buthe always thought highly of
them and had respect alwaysloved and respected them, always
asked about them, yep, so thatsays a lot it does, and he, he,
um, uh, bestowed that to his uh,to rosemary and to the kids,

(59:52):
because they also always were,um, asking about your
grandparents.
Like it was.
It was a very sort oftight-knit family in that sense
that, like everybody knew eachother.
Um, you know, michael and andjoe and helene always asked
about your cousins and you know,and that just it's that legacy
of family that comes from those,that generation, that that's
what they gave us, that's a giftthey gave us all.

Speaker 1 (01:00:14):
So yeah, they, yeah, all of them.
They all knew and loved grammygrampy um one, uh one moment
that I we're not wrapping it upafter all, folks, sorry.
One thought that I just had wasat Grampy's Wake in 2017.
Rosemary and Joe and Mike andthey all came out there and I

(01:00:35):
had taken Michael over to say hito Grammy and I said, Grammy,
do you know who this is?
And she looked and I don't haveany idea.
I said this is my brother,Michael.
And she's like, oh my God, howdid you get so big?

Speaker 2 (01:00:49):
Yeah, Michael's the tall one.

Speaker 1 (01:00:50):
Yeah, michael is I think 6'3".
But I mean at that point he washow old is he?
I think he was 27.
And it had been a number ofyears.

Speaker 2 (01:01:00):
Yeah, she probably hadn't seen him since he was a
kid.
Yeah, but it would have beenmore once we're all grown up,
you know it wouldn't.
They wouldn't have crossedpaths necessarily, but not
nearly as much.

Speaker 1 (01:01:09):
Everybody knew and loved Grammy and Grampy and I am
just grateful and honored tohave had two people who
basically created this familyand I'm so grateful to be a part
of it.

Speaker 2 (01:01:24):
Me too.
Yeah, thanks for letting me in.

Speaker 1 (01:01:27):
Thanks for wanting to stick around.
I don't know, I still one ofthese days I'm going to figure
out who it has been all theseyears that's been paying you off
.
But whoever it is, I'm gratefulthat they did.
I love you, babe.
I love you too, and I thinkthat is going to do it for us
today.
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(01:01:49):
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(01:02:14):
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