March 5, 2025 • 38 mins
We continue our discussion with the Lovingier family discussing their perspectives on how God orchestrated their relationship. We emphasize the importance of individual spiritual preparation and seeking God's guidance before entering a relationship, highlighting the need to prioritize faith and personal growth before commitment and they recount their journey of personal transformation, navigating challenges, and developing a deeper reliance on God. Their experiences illustrate the idea that God prepares individuals for relationships in his timing, even amidst trials and doubts. They also talk about challenges that occurred in the first few years of their marriage and how they overcame them. They reflect on relying on the leading of their pastors and the importance of each growing into their role within the family.
"Message Our Father's Heart a Question or Response"
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (00:03):
The vision received was that of blood cells
traveling throughout the body,supplying the much needed oxygen
and other nutrients to thediffering members of the body to
fulfill their purpose.
Once the blood cells are spent,they must return back to the
heart to be refilled beforebeing sent out again and fulfill
their purpose and fulfill theirpurpose.
Scott Lovingier (00:30):
That's a side track.
I don't know where we weregoing with that.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (00:35):
I'll interject that it's fascinating
to hear the testimony because mywife can testify to this that
we have taught other coupleswe've taught our own children
that and it seems like that'swhat the Lord was doing with you
.
He didn't allow you to start arelationship when either of you
was not prepared for thatrelationship, and we've always
taught our children that if youseek the Lord and we've taught
(00:57):
other couples if you seek theLord and you put Him first and
you let him have his way withyou, He is going to bring you to
the person that he wants you tohave a relationship.
It's going to give you theopportunity to choose, but
you're going to be prepared forit and and and it looks like God
worked it out so that you wouldnot have a heart for him in
advance, because you could havedone something early on, before
(01:21):
your time, that could haveruined it.
Um, and then, and then he hehad to, He had to prepare him,
He had to get him his attention,get him, get him on board into
the yes, I am real and yes, I'mhere and I need you to start
listening to me.
And you had the mentor throughCarolyn, and then, all of a
sudden your heart clicked atsome point and changed, and then
(01:43):
that's when you were ready tocontinue on the relationship
together.
So it's it.
It it's confirming to me of thethings that we've taught others
that you know.
I take everybody back to Genesis.
I said Adam was alone, hedidn't have a help me for him.
But God made it so, um, that heprepared a wife just for him,
(02:07):
and then they had a relationship, then they could start off, you
know, on a proper footing.
And I think to me that is He'snot teaching, you know everyone
that this is how it is, but Ithink he's planting a seed just
by that Genesis account, thatwhen I do it, when I'm involved,
(02:28):
I prepare the man, I get himand I give him responsibility,
and then I prepare the woman forhim and bring her to him and
then they can start therelationship.
And so I see that as a principlein the scriptures and it seemed
I know it, we always testify ofit that you know she had a life
previous to me and God had towork with her, and I had a life
(02:50):
previous to her and God had towork with me, and when He
finally got us where we neededto be, that's when we met and
that's when the relationship,that's why it happened so
quickly for us, cause we kneweach other in December of 97 and
we were getting married Augustof 98, you know, and it was
(03:11):
friendship.
Patricia Ruiz (03:11):
Early on I was sort of like you, like I liked
him as a well, I liked him as afriend hanging out.
I knew he had a kind ofinterest, but but Jay's younger
than I am, it's like, and I hadalready gone through experiences
and I didn't want to get in achurch and start having another
problem.
So we were just friends.
But for him, you know, I thinkin hindsight God had been
(03:34):
speaking to me.
I waited a long time that Ieven fought with God, like, if
you don't, if marriage is notwhat you have for me, take it
out of my heart.
I don't want to even want it.
And then he just kept sayingI'm preparing someone for you.
Those very words, um, but Idoubted.
I wasn't.
I doubted.
I walked in a lot of doubt, andthen he had to deal with me
(03:56):
having a somewhat of a crush onsomeone else and, um, never
regarding him as anything otherthan a friend.
But in God's time, which is whatwe try to tell our kids, it's
not a Cinderella story.
It is what God wants to do,because he wants to bring
together those that are going towalk together in sync.
(04:17):
And it's really cool what I'mhearing from y'all cause for you
, you weren't even a believer,and so there was no way y'all
were going to.
You were going to be unequallyyoked if you entertained
anything, and God was not goingto have it that way.
Scott Lovingier (04:31):
And so the same thing if, if we would have
started dating right as I gotinto church too then, my focus
would have been on her.
Patricia Ruiz (04:38):
Right.
Scott Lovingier (04:39):
And I wouldn't have learned to have faith in
Jesus.
So I had to lean on, so I hadto lean on.
I had to lean on Jesus a lotduring that year.
You know, like of of.
You know where was my careergoing to be too.
You know, I, I and um, I gotkicked out of my house.
That's a whole other story aswell.
(05:00):
We don't have to get into thatone.
I've shared that a couple timesat church and.
But we could.
You know, and you know my dadthought I was throwing my life
away because I didn't go to thepolice academy, because that's
that was his dream, and so Iwasn't living his dream.
And now I'm going to church andhe had church hurt in his life.
So he just thought I'm goingdown this rabbit trail that was
(05:20):
just spiraling out of control.
So now I don't have my dad, whowas my rock, I don't have this
girl who was supposed to be mywife, and I don't know what I'm
going to do for a career and Iknow where to live I try to go
live with my mom, and thatdidn't work out.
So I mean, even part of yourstruggle too is I lived at your
house for a couple of weeks.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (05:41):
That's when you were kicked out of your
dad's house kicked out of yourdad's house.
Scott Lovingier (05:45):
Kicked out of my dad's house, I went to my mom
for maybe two to four weeks,somewhere in that range, and
they couldn't deal with metrying to go to church and
figure my life out For them it'sjust go get a job, go get a job
, go get a job.
Go get a job.
Wait a minute, I'm 25.
Let me try and figure what.
(06:08):
What's the next step in my life?
Um, so then that was going tochurch.
I was going to churchconferences, that was going to
everything church oriented, andthey just couldn't process that.
So I had to leave there becauseit was very toxic.
Yeah, um, and so I had to golive with the Money's for a
couple of weeks, I just crashedit on their couch and um, and
(06:30):
then you know, then God, this isafter God got a hold of you,
right?
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (06:33):
god got a hold of me.
Yeah, was this after it clickedfor her?
No, no, this is the way, stillbefore.
Scott Lovingier (06:38):
So, okay, I got uh, I started going to church
would have been november.
Kicked out of my dad's house inDecember, left my mom's house
in January.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (06:47):
Wow, so just so I'm three months of testing.
You know, I'm just going.
Scott Lovingier (06:51):
Yeah, it was, I was going through the fire,
yeah, you know.
And so I and I'm literally justleaning on Jesus with
everything I have, um, andpretty much telling Jesus like,
like you've got to proveyourself to me.
If you're real, you've got toprove yourself, because if you
(07:11):
don't, come and handle this, I'mnot going to make it, because I
just gave up my family for youand so it was pretty tough, and
so it was pretty tough.
But God reconciled my dad and Ithrough my pastor at the time
and talking with him, I kind ofcame to the realization that
(07:35):
teaching is something I'vealways had in my heart.
So how about I go back toschool, get my master's and my
teaching credential?
So now I'm enrolled in aprogram and now my dad my dad
can see okay, you're notthrowing your life away, there
is a plan, this looks like agood career path.
And then our relationship wasjust way stronger after that.
(07:57):
It was, you know, built more ontransparency and honesty.
And you know, I never I washiding all my like church things
around him because I didn'ttalk to him about it.
So then, so, then, um, so thatwas good.
So then I moved back in with mydad.
Um, so he just brought, hebrought all that around, made it
(08:17):
stronger, but still dealingwith Alycia, yeah, you know and
she's on the worship team so I'mthere, you know, worshiping,
and she's in the front and I'mjust, she's there, right there
in front of me every Sunday.
Yeah, you know it's hard.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (08:33):
Well, you know you've spoken a lot and it
brought to my mind your life andwhat we just said about the
Lord preparing each.
You know sex, you know the man,the husband, the wife, the male
, the female for each other.
Um, it reminds me of thisscripture.
It's in Psalm 105, uh, verse 17through 19.
(08:54):
It's talking about Joseph andwe know Joseph testimony.
He had these dreams and he'slike oh my gosh, everybody's
gonna bow down to me,everybody's gonna bow down to me
, and then, all of a sudden,instead of it coming to pass, he
gets thrown, he gets sold as aslave, he goes in the potter's
house and then he's got to go toprison, and then he's in prison
and he's got all these things.
But it says in Psalm 105, and Ijust bring that up to kind of
(09:17):
give context it says he sent aman before them, Joseph, who was
sold as a slave.
They hurt his feet with fetters, he was laid in irons.
All of that time he heard theword of the Lord, just like you
heard the word of the Lord.
That was going to be your wife.
You heard it and yet nothing ishappening.
She's hating on you, she'smistreating you, she's doing all
(09:38):
these things, fetters, irons,okay.
And then it says, regardingJoseph, until the time that his
word came to pass, the word ofthe Lord tried him.
And that's what the lord doeswith man.
Specifically, I think he doesthat with men because he's
preparing men by trying them,preparing them and you said you
(09:59):
just said the words I learned todepend upon him, I learned to
be seeking, and that's what aman needs If he's going to be
the head of his house, he'sgoing to be married.
He needs to learn to.
I need to seek him to, tounderstand how to even be a man,
how to even be a husband, howto even be a father, all of
these things.
I need to look toward Jesus.
I don't need to look towardwoman to save me and redeem me
(10:21):
and all of that stuff.
I need to look to him andthat's what he did with you.
So it's a fantastic testamentin the same thing I think was
happening with you.
He's changing your heart, he'smaking things like click and
you're fighting it because, well, the Lord didn't say that to me
.
He may have said it to my mom,he may have said to other people
, but he's saying it to me andI'm interested in these others
and it's amazing.
(10:42):
I just see that we live out theword of God to a greater extent
than we realize we really do.
There's nothing new under thesun, the things that were in the
past, in the ancient times.
We live those things if we'lljust have eyes to see.
Oh, God is working with me.
He is bringing me to the placethat I need to, if I just start
opening my eyes to see it.
(11:07):
So what happened that you got
Alycia Lovingier (11:11):
We kind of after, I guess, after we had
that conversation, uh, waitwhich one the conversation where
we're like texting back andforth.
I was in southern californiavisiting families during like
thanksgiving or something likethat okay um came back.
I think we kind of officiallykind of started dating um
(11:32):
beginning january.
I, okay, like, and I knew,after having that conversation,
the texting conversation, like Iknew that that was going to be
it, like, once I get into thisrelationship, it's going to be
over.
Patricia Ruiz (11:45):
It's over in the sense of like that's it.
Alycia Lovingier (11:49):
Like this is going to be it as far as you
know, my husband and all thatstuff.
I kind of I knew that that wasgoing to be it, so I was.
I was taking it extremely atthat point.
I was taking it extremelyseriously.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (12:02):
Did you have a talk?
Did he propose to you?
Alycia Lovingier (12:04):
How did all that take place?
No, we went.
Yeah, we were dating.
Scott Lovingier (12:11):
We pretty much started dating right away,
pretty right away after.
Alycia Lovingier (12:13):
I came back from Southern California.
Scott Lovingier (12:24):
We went through a little bit of like a you know
a testing of like I'm moreaffectionate than she is, and it
was kind of like a, You know,that breaks the stereotypes Okay
.
We got to, at least you know, wegot to hold hands, you know,
like, like there's gonna have tobe a little bit of you know,
like no show me you'reinterested.
Show me you're interested, yeahand that lasted for like a day
or two yeah, and then becausethat
(12:46):
because there was a moment I waslike man, this might not work
out, you know but I think itlasted like a day yeah and then.
So we, yeah, we just we were.
We were fully in a relationship.
Yeah, from that and that.
So that would have been January.
Um, I proposed in May, okay,and we did.
(13:07):
I would probably counsel peopleto get married quicker after
their engagement than we did,because we waited a full year,
so actually like 13 months.
I like planning the wedding andlooking back, knowing you know
we made it you know like wethat's like extreme delayed
gratification yeah you know, andwe were, we were faithful in
(13:31):
that regard yeah and um, westill live at our parents house.
We didn't.
We never lived with each other.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (13:39):
But yeah, I would counsel people get married
, get married quicker well,that's what happened to us
because, like I said, we met inDecember of 97, we talked in
June and we, after we talked it,was like, yeah, this, this is,
this is going to work out.
So we thought, well, school isabout to start.
We can't really make the plansenough for the wedding because
in Florida school startsmid-August, I think it was.
(14:00):
So we thought we'd wait tillDecember.
Nice two-long vacation.
We're in Miami, it's not goingto be winter weather, it's going
to be spine.
And then we spoke to our pastorand the whole church was all
for it, and they all would justwait, just wait.
I'm telling them, stay out ofit, stay out of it, stay out of
it.
But finally, when, when, when,when he had talked and put it
all together.
Our pastor said why are youwaiting so long?
(14:20):
Why don't you just get marriedbefore you, you go back to
school?
So in two months the whole.
The lady assistant pastor Ididn't want to get into details,
but she got it all together.
She planned, you know, a lot ofstuff and we just ended up
getting married sooner than thanexpected and I think that was
(14:42):
that was definitely for the bestCause, like why are we going to
wait eight months?
It's like eight months of we'renot going to be together.
She's going to go to work, I'mgoing to go to work.
So, yeah, I hear you, I hear you.
Yeah, I mean that's our storyof.
So you got married 13 monthslater in Northern California.
(15:03):
Yeah, yeah, okay, I guess Momand Dad were heavily involved
helped out on.
Both sides.
Was there any?
issues?
Any issues?
No, okay, so families were onboard?
Yeah, families were on board.
Church was on board because youwere going to the same church.
Alycia Lovingier (15:18):
Yeah.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (15:18):
Pastor was on board.
Alycia Lovingier (15:19):
Okay, he was definitely on board.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (15:21):
Okay.
Scott Lovingier (15:22):
I mean, I asked her dad, I asked the pastor and
I asked her brothers before Iproposed to her you did so.
I went through the wholegentlemanly steps.
Did anybody teach that to you?
Is that something you justthought was best?
your dad, I don't remember mydad ever saying that I think
it's just I had that inside ofme, okay of go through and make
(15:46):
sure that you're, you knowyou're, I'm not missing
something, you know so.
But I wasn't really worried,you know.
Obviously I knew her familyvery well.
I didn't know her brothers likeat all because they lived in
Georgia.
Alycia Lovingier (16:00):
Ah, they had already moved.
Scott Lovingier (16:01):
So I, I mean I had met them, but I didn't know
them.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (16:05):
Okay, so you were like an own child at the
time.
Yeah, only one in the house,both of them had.
Alycia Lovingier (16:08):
Yeah, they'd already both moved out, like my
oldest brother.
Okay, he was the second one.
The middle brother moved outhere first, okay.
And then the oldest brother.
He moved out.
I was still like in high school.
Yeah, I was in high schoolwhere I was just graduating.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (16:21):
When they moved out,
Alycia Lovingier (16:22):
when my oldest brother moved out,
oh wow.
He moved this way as well.
Okay, so it was pretty muchjust me at the house.
Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.
Yeah about him asking mybrothers, but kind of like, not
(16:43):
like a serious, like I don'tthink I was actually serious
about it, but you seem to dothat often.
Yeah, make these non-seriouscomments.
Yeah, it's like I'm like, I waslike, oh well, you know because
I have two older brothers andthe middle brother he's the very
much he's the protective olderbrother, like he's the one that
you know.
You know it's he's more, eventhough he wasn't there when I
was during my dating ages likeage um, which I'm kind of
grateful for.
Yeah, um, he was definitely themore protective older brother.
(17:05):
And then my oldest brother isway more like chill, just you
know.
Yeah, right, he was.
Yeah, he's just a more relaxedolder brother, so kind of you
know, I didn't actually think hewas going to do it, like,
obviously I didn't want him toask my Dad, obviously I wanted
him to ask my pastor, becausethey're two important like
leaders in my life right at thetime.
That was very important to me,but so everybody was on board.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (17:30):
You go into the marriage, you get married,
are you ?
Scott Lovingier (17:35):
No so okay, you got married in June.
I finished my program in May,so I just finished a program.
Is this your master's program?
Master's is a dual master's andcredential program, so I got
both the credential and themaster's in the same program.
(17:56):
Oh gotcha, okay, okay, um, so Ididn't have a job.
Um, yeah, so I mean we gotmarried, I still didn't have a
job and I was um just applying,did all the families chip in to
pay for the wedding?
Alycia Lovingier (18:12):
her parents paid for most of yeah, my
parents paid, paid for thewedding and then I think your,
your dad and mom, kind of Ithink, figure out rehearsal
dinner and all that stuff forthe most part yeah, my parents
paid for the wedding, okay yeahso you didn't have a job.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (18:27):
You were about to get a job.
What were you doing?
Alycia Lovingier (18:28):
I was nannying at the time just so I still was
yeah, I was kind of dedicatedas the one like family who I was
one of the girls who started mymom's daycare and then I kind
of started nannying her and hertwo older siblings and so that
was pretty much.
I mean, it was still.
It wasn't really full-time, itwas once they got out of school.
I was driving them, pickingthem up from school, driving
them to different activitiesthey did, whether it's soccer,
(18:50):
baseball, gymnastics, whateverthat kind of stuff gymnastics,
whatever that kind of stuff, soit was kind of still new to me
at that time.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (18:55):
So what were the first few years of marriage?
Like Was?
It everything you dreamed, Imean Were all your expectations
met?
Scott Lovingier (19:03):
I don't know.
I mean it was fine.
I mean, so we get married andyou know we you said we, you
were still living there.
We were still living there, butI moved in to her parents'
house.
They had a garage conversion sothat was like our suite and we
(19:26):
lived in their garage probablyfor four or five months.
So we got married in June Imoved in there.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (19:30):
Was that easy ?
No, okay, he said that quietly.
No, no, what was hard about it?
Scott Lovingier (19:38):
well you're.
You know you're newly marriedand you're living with your
in-laws.
You know it's okay is itbecause?
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (19:43):
is it just because of that, like I couldn't
take my wife out and live onher own, or is it because they
were involved in a way that no,shouldn't have been untrue or
anything?
Yeah, it's just awkward.
Alycia Lovingier (19:53):
I mean, you get married, okay you expect to
have the house and all thatstuff.
Scott Lovingier (19:57):
There's expectations that you think
life's going to be like afteryou get married.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (20:02):
Yeah.
Scott Lovingier (20:04):
And so during that time of applying to be a
teacher, we had a, so right nowwe have a teacher shortage.
That time we had a teachersurplus shortage.
That time we had a teachersurplus.
Oh I, you couldn't, you canfind a job, you couldn't find a
job.
I applied to five, probably 50different districts I'm not even
kidding like just all throughnorthern california just
(20:24):
applying everywhere.
Um, and then finally I got acall back at a continuation
school because the principal ofthat continuation school was the
principal at the high school.
I did my um, my studentteaching at, so she recognized
my name.
So I got a call back from there.
(20:47):
I get hired.
What do you mean?
She knew you.
What do you mean?
She was the principal when I didmy student teaching okay she
changed schools, oh okay so thenI applied to the continuation
school, so she knew who I wasokay okay, uh, interviewed, I
get hired.
I teach the first two weeksthere at this continuation
school.
I mean it's, it's a, it wasrough.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (21:08):
It's a rough school like gangs and what is a
continuation school incalifornia like a?
Scott Lovingier (21:13):
alternative school alternative school, oh
okay, so kids that are gonnaflunk out getting serious
behavioral problems and so rough.
Population very rough very ganguh, affiliation, you know,
throughout the whole, even innorthern california.
Oh yeah, no, yeah, it's it's,yeah, there's there's, there's a
lot going on there, yeah, um,and it's worth the first two
(21:35):
weeks thinking this is myclassroom, this is my job.
And then I get pulled into theprincipal's office and they're
like HR messed up.
And they didn't post the jobinternally first before they
posted it for the public to viewand the teachers union, so
(21:57):
California's big teacher unionthing, right.
So they had to post the jobinternally in the district for X
amount of days before they'reallowed to hire somebody outside
, and they violated that.
They violated that so theyfound out that somebody wanted
the job, who was already in thedistrict, who was displaced.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (22:15):
They wanted that rough population.
I guess they were justdesperate right?
Scott Lovingier (22:20):
Well, they had the teacher surplus, so teachers
are getting pink slipped everyyear.
Okay, so there were teacherswho didn't have a job, who are
still in the district part ofthe union, so they had first
dibs to just take that job.
Wow, so they took the job yeahand so here I am like man and I
work for free, like I didn't payyou.
(22:41):
I didn't get paid those firsttwo weeks.
I told you, because we're going, it's going through the
paperwork and the principals,like ahhh we're working on, I'm
like, I'm like I don't care,care, I don't care, I want the
job, I'll work for free, becausewhere else was I going to get a
job?
So then I don't have the joband a couple openings came up at
(23:06):
the school I did my studentteaching at, which is like the
best high school in the district.
So I went from the worst schoolin the district to best high
school in the district.
So I went from the worst schoolin the district to the best
school in the district and I Iwas able to get hired there.
The principal at thecontinuation school called the
district for me, called HR.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (23:23):
Gave you a word
Scott Lovingier (23:24):
and said this guy you want to hire.
We want this guy in our district.
Okay, please hire him.
So I went interviewed there andI worked there for 11 years.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (23:34):
That's very much like Joseph.
Again, it's crazy just faithfulin whatever position you're put
in, and it shows and favorsurrounds you yeah yeah, oh,
this is cool.
I I never thought scott had aJoseph kind of anointing on him,
because that's what I keepseeing.
Every time it's uncanny.
It really is.
Yeah, the dreams and everythingyeah, yeah, okay, so you, you,
(24:01):
uh, okay.
So you finally got a job.
You're not in the idealsituation or the ideal expected
situation, stereotypical.
You want to get out on your ownwith your wife, okay, and then,
so you get a job.
What happens?
Scott Lovingier (24:11):
yes, and now I have a real job and um when we
get an apartment?
Um in retrospect, we shouldhave stayed at her parents house
longer to save more money topay off, to pay off debt, you
know.
I guess we won't touch that one.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (24:32):
Hey, you know , wisdom is wisdom, yeah, so
continue.
Scott Lovingier (24:36):
But you know she's 20, 23.
Yeah, I'm 28.
It's hard to tell people intheir twenties you know things.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (24:45):
It's very hard and so some people did tell
you, but you were kind ofresistant.
Scott Lovingier (24:50):
I think her parents wanted us to.
Alycia Lovingier (24:52):
I think my parents would have been,
probably would have preferred.
Scott Lovingier (24:54):
They would have loved to stay there, for sure.
Alycia Lovingier (24:56):
Yeah, but they didn't say you should stay.
They never really asked, atleast not for me, but they
probably thought the wiserdecision would be to stay there
and pay off debt student loansstuff like that.
Scott Lovingier (25:08):
They probably could have and that would
probably really set us up forour future if we would have done
that.
Yeah, hindsight is always 2020right but we we get an apartment
.
It's a one bedroom apartment
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (25:19):
in the most expensive state in the union.
Scott Lovingier (25:21):
Yeah, but we're still very close to her, her
house, we're very close to myparents house like very close
we're like down the street.
Alycia Lovingier (25:28):
Yeah, so yeah cause when down the street, yeah
.
Scott Lovingier (25:31):
So, um, yeah, yeah, because when we got, like
you know, one apartment, we didlike three apartments, yeah,
before we moved out here okay,actually moved back with my dad.
That's when we got really wise,before we moved out here.
This is skipping ahead likeover a decade, but yeah, we did.
We did get wise and moved backin with my dad and we lived
there for two and a half yearsand paid off all of our debt
(25:53):
before we moved to Georgia.
Yeah, so that was pretty amazing
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (25:57):
How long after you got your job did that
happen?
Alycia Lovingier (25:59):
Ten.
Scott Lovingier (26:01):
Eight to ten years, yeah, so I taught in
California for 11 years
Alycia Lovingier (26:05):
Right before.
COVID
Scott Lovingier (26:07):
so
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (26:07):
You're talking about 2009 to 2020.
Approximately yeah, okay, anduh, was you know, as you grew up
as a young girl, was it alwaysyour uh, I don't know, did you
always envision that you weregoing to have kids and you were
going to have a big family, oranything like that?
What was your thoughts aboutit's?
Alycia Lovingier (26:27):
actually kind of funny.
Um, I was just telling uh,patricia we were talking about
before we started this that I'venever been that one girl that's
like, oh my gosh, like I needto have a baby to fulfill my
life, like I've never been thatperson.
That was like I.
You know, I was my mom.
Make the joke.
My mom raised.
I was raised in a daycare.
My mom went to daycare for 23years of my life, so I was
definitely like not wanting kidsimmediately um, really honestly
(26:53):
, if I was to be honest, I neverreally wanted kids because I
think that working in thedaycare just kind of I don't
want to say traumatize me.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (27:00):
You were overdosed with kids.
But once we started dating andI knew how serious it was
getting, I was like, well,there's no way that I'm not
going to have kids.
I actually said we will not getmarried if you don't agree that
we can have kids.
(27:21):
Like that was, that was like.
That was a deal breaker for meyeah.
Alycia Lovingier (27:25):
And so I was like okay, so I'm like that's,
that's fine, you know, I kneweventually I'm like I just need
time.
It's kind of why I said I'mlike I just need time to kind of
, you know, be out from awayfrom you know, get your kids and
all that stuff holding hands umneed to have kids in the future
.
Yeah, big steps for me.
Um, yeah, I don't even rememberwhat the question was um yeah,
(27:47):
so I've never been the onethat's like I need to have kids
to fulfill my life.
That's never been that personI've never been the one that's
like I need to have kids tofulfill my life.
That's never been.
that person I've never been theone that's like, oh, can I hold
your baby?
Like I'm not that person yeah,I, you know, even with family,
like I was not really thatperson.
I mean, obviously I felt alittle bit differently after my
brother had my first nephew.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (28:05):
Your niece and nephew.
Alycia Lovingier (28:06):
It was definitely a little, I felt a
little bit different after thatas far as, like you know, oh, I
can see how this could be howmany years into the marriage was
that?
that was actually probably alittle bit before I was before
you got writers 15 yeah andwe've been married 13 years yeah
, so it was right before okay uh, we're looking back and I can
see how that that changed alittle, because I'm like,
(28:28):
because they lived here, so whenwe came and visited, you know,
I definitely like I'm like, oh,like I don't, I don't really
came and visited.
You know, I definitely like I'mlike, oh, like I don't, I don't
really want to leave him.
You know that type of thing.
So I kind of felt like that,even though he's only my nephew,
I felt that little bit of abond.
So you know, I could see thatthat kind of turning into
something down the road.
But yeah, I mean, we were what?
Two years, two years into ourmarriage
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (28:53):
Is that right ?
I was two years, you're 30, 25.
Yeah.
How pressed were you to want tohave a baby?
Scott Lovingier (29:01):
Very pressed
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (29:02):
you were.
Scott Lovingier (29:03):
I've always felt like my.
You know, obviously I don'thave a biological clock, but I
always felt like my biologicalclock was ticking.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (29:10):
Hey, if Abraham did it at 99?
Alycia Lovingier (29:12):
you know, well , I do want to say like, kind of
before, that kind of a bigthing that happened to me, I
mean to us, but to me personallyis my.
We were married for about ayear okay and then my parents
decided they were going to movethis way to Georgia which.
I I had never not been with inthe same area as my parents like
(29:37):
I've never had the umbilicalcord.
Yeah, I've never been in thatlike time where I, like my
parents, have always been therelike they've always been.
You know, I lived with themuntil I got married.
I know it sounds it's kind ofcorny nowadays, but you know I I
had never not been without myparents here, so when they left
I kind of make the joke.
I'm like you're leaving me withhim.
Like I don't think I'm readyfor that.
(30:00):
Like.
I don't, you know, I just it wasdefinitely.
That was pretty hard for meBecause I, like I said, I was
born and raised in church andthey were always there, even if
it was not just my parents butlike spiritual mentors, as well.
They moved here which soundsbad when I say this, but them
leaving is probably the bestthing that happened to our
marriage, Because it helped mekind of cut that cord, so to
(30:23):
speak, that you mentioned.
From my parents and not beinglike Jim and Carolyn's daughter,
but to being Scott's wife.
And those are very different,like different roles different
roles and it's definitely whenthey were here, like, and we
were there, it was definitely.
I mean, there were some timeswhere it was hard.
You know, we definitelydisagreed on some things as I
(30:43):
was maturing with Scott andunder our pastor, um kind of
make establish my ownrelationship with God, not under
my parents, that kind of makessense.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (30:54):
That kind of makes sense.
Alycia Lovingier (30:56):
Um, so that was definitely kind of a big
moment for us, for me more solike, and it probably, I mean I
guess it kind of affected himtoo, but it was definitely I'm
like oh, I don't think I'm ready, like it hit me hard that they
were moving.
I don't think I'm ready, likeit hit me hard that they were
moving.
Yeah, so when they left, it waskind of like whoa, this is,
this is weird.
I'm like here.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (31:16):
Leaving and cleaving actually mean something
when you experience it.
Alycia Lovingier (31:20):
Yeah, it was definitely.
I mean, like his parents werestill in, you know, but it's
different.
It's just a differentrelationship with our parents,
with my his Dad and Mom.
So that also kind of helped, Ithink, grow our relationship
together, Because we're alsogrowing together under a pastor
and our pastor at the time wasreally mentoring us, kind of
(31:41):
like taking us under his wings,us and another couple who we're
so really close friends with,kind of taking us under his
wings and like basically pouringinto us all their knowledge and
their wisdom and, just like youknow, just mentoring us really
for those 10, what 10?
Years after my parents left.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (32:01):
What would you say the most important
aspects of your marriage grew,if you could categorize them.
Scott Lovingier (32:11):
With her parents leaving.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (32:13):
Yeah, yeah.
And then you said that I reallyhad to find my relationship not
as a daughter but as a wifeyeah.
And then you were being helpedby the pastor yeah.
What kind of categories ordynamics ?
Alycia Lovingier (32:26):
For me, like not always asking mom and dad
what do I do, but like what'sokay, like for my husband, like
when I'm like okay, for instance, you know, very raised, very,
very conservative, right, wearskirts all the time, you know.
And then um, after my parentsleft and this wasn't just my
parents it was just kind of awhole experience of studying the
(32:50):
Bible for myself and realizingthat's not how I, God, was
revealing scriptures to me thatwere previously taught on those
like that specific subject.
So we'll just say that firstinstance, um, it made me get to
the bible myself and help mekind of like learn tradition
versus what the bible says,because a lot of times church
(33:10):
can be two different things itcan be two.
You know they're not.
Ideally, you want to be thesame thing, yeah, but learning
how to go to my husband forthings instead of going to mom
and dad, going to my husbandlike hey, is this okay?
And and him being the spiritualleader, I guess, of the house
yeah is learning that he's aspiritual leader, and my mom and
(33:30):
dad that's not their roleanymore my in this time of my
life that I had to realize thathe was a spiritual mentor and a
spiritual authority in my life.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (33:39):
That's an important category.
Did that, did you sense thesame thing?
Was that you wish she wasleaning more toward you rather
than her parents.
Not that you resented theirparents, yeah.
Scott Lovingier (33:51):
I mean, it didn't affect me nearly as much
as it affected her.
Okay, you know, but Idefinitely could see that
happening, you know.
I mean it, it wrecked her whenthey, when they left, like I
mean it was, it was bad therewas.
There was.
There was a moment as a husbandwhere I my heart was broken for
her and I was pretty much tothe point like we're just gonna
(34:13):
move to Georgia because I haveto save my wife.
Like seriously, I was like wherewe we just have to move because
I can't, I can't, you can'tbear what she can't bear her
heartbrokenness.
I was so grieved for her.
Um, and you know, and this it'dbe very funny if Carolyn
listens to this podcast she, shehad a dream or a vision of her
(34:42):
entire family living in Georgia.
So her sons were already hereand obviously Alicia was in
California, but she had thisvision of everyone living in
Georgia.
Well, she tells us the visionright and we weren't rebellious
(35:02):
with it but we were also like.
God gave you that vision.
He didn't say nothing to us.
We're not held accountable tothat vision, right?
God showed you a future.
If he does that with us, he'lldeal with us.
Um, so here I have my wifegrieving and heartbroken, and
(35:27):
then I also have carolyn she shewas pretty bold a couple times,
like y'all are moving.
Alycia Lovingier (35:33):
You're going to be here.
Scott Lovingier (35:34):
You know, and so this is another moment of
Jesus speaking to me.
I'm in a staff meeting with 80to 100 teachers.
We have a pretty big school.
I'm in a staff meeting, theprincipal's up there talking and
(35:55):
and and and.
Um, I had been contemplatingwell, maybe I'll just go just
apply for jobs in Georgia, andif God opens the door, he opens
the door.
If he doesn't open the door, hedoesn't open the door.
But I can at least say to mymother-in-law I've been applying
, god closed the doors and I'min the staff meeting.
(36:16):
But I'm not even thinking aboutthat.
I'm literally just listening tothe principal talk, whatever
the staff meeting is about.
And the Holy Spirit hit me andspoke to me and said you can
find a job in your flesh,meaning I apply to jobs in
georgia.
But that would not be his willfor me to move to georgia.
(36:37):
That would have been me forcinghis hand as opposed to his
timing moving in my life.
So you know.
So I again I just I listened tohis voice and I said okay.
So I again I just I listened tohis voice and I said, okay, I'm
not applying to jobs in Georgia, it's not in my heart to move.
And I think you were kind ofcoming out of it at that point
(36:59):
where you know you weren't asheartbroken but so we did not
apply, you know, to move.
I listened to the voice of God.
I don't think I told Carolyn atthat moment I think I've told
her since then.
But that was God like warning me.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (37:25):
If you were blessed and appreciate listening
to this podcast and you like tosupport us in our efforts,
consider lifting us up in prayerfirst.
Then remember these four socialmedia buzzwords share, like,
subscribe or follow.
Share this podcast link withsomeone else by text, email or
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(37:45):
were Like by leaving a positiverating or review with whomever
you listen to our podcast with.
Subscribe to support the showmonetarily with the link in our
podcast description, follow uson all our social media
platforms.
May God bless you and make youprosperous in Him as you listen
and obey His voice.
The vision received was that of blood cells
traveling throughout the body,supplying the much needed oxygen
and other nutrients to thediffering members of the body to
fulfill their purpose.
Once the blood cells are spent,they must return back to the
heart to be refilled beforebeing sent out again and fulfill
their purpose and fulfill theirpurpose.
Scott Lovingier (00:30):
That's a side track.
I don't know where we weregoing with that.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (00:35):
I'll interject that it's fascinating
to hear the testimony because mywife can testify to this that
we have taught other coupleswe've taught our own children
that and it seems like that'swhat the Lord was doing with you
.
He didn't allow you to start arelationship when either of you
was not prepared for thatrelationship, and we've always
taught our children that if youseek the Lord and we've taught
(00:57):
other couples if you seek theLord and you put Him first and
you let him have his way withyou, He is going to bring you to
the person that he wants you tohave a relationship.
It's going to give you theopportunity to choose, but
you're going to be prepared forit and and and it looks like God
worked it out so that you wouldnot have a heart for him in
advance, because you could havedone something early on, before
(01:21):
your time, that could haveruined it.
Um, and then, and then he hehad to, He had to prepare him,
He had to get him his attention,get him, get him on board into
the yes, I am real and yes, I'mhere and I need you to start
listening to me.
And you had the mentor throughCarolyn, and then, all of a
sudden your heart clicked atsome point and changed, and then
(01:43):
that's when you were ready tocontinue on the relationship
together.
So it's it.
It it's confirming to me of thethings that we've taught others
that you know.
I take everybody back to Genesis.
I said Adam was alone, hedidn't have a help me for him.
But God made it so, um, that heprepared a wife just for him,
(02:07):
and then they had a relationship, then they could start off, you
know, on a proper footing.
And I think to me that is He'snot teaching, you know everyone
that this is how it is, but Ithink he's planting a seed just
by that Genesis account, thatwhen I do it, when I'm involved,
(02:28):
I prepare the man, I get himand I give him responsibility,
and then I prepare the woman forhim and bring her to him and
then they can start therelationship.
And so I see that as a principlein the scriptures and it seemed
I know it, we always testify ofit that you know she had a life
previous to me and God had towork with her, and I had a life
(02:50):
previous to her and God had towork with me, and when He
finally got us where we neededto be, that's when we met and
that's when the relationship,that's why it happened so
quickly for us, cause we kneweach other in December of 97 and
we were getting married Augustof 98, you know, and it was
(03:11):
friendship.
Patricia Ruiz (03:11):
Early on I was sort of like you, like I liked
him as a well, I liked him as afriend hanging out.
I knew he had a kind ofinterest, but but Jay's younger
than I am, it's like, and I hadalready gone through experiences
and I didn't want to get in achurch and start having another
problem.
So we were just friends.
But for him, you know, I thinkin hindsight God had been
(03:34):
speaking to me.
I waited a long time that Ieven fought with God, like, if
you don't, if marriage is notwhat you have for me, take it
out of my heart.
I don't want to even want it.
And then he just kept sayingI'm preparing someone for you.
Those very words, um, but Idoubted.
I wasn't.
I doubted.
I walked in a lot of doubt, andthen he had to deal with me
(03:56):
having a somewhat of a crush onsomeone else and, um, never
regarding him as anything otherthan a friend.
But in God's time, which is whatwe try to tell our kids, it's
not a Cinderella story.
It is what God wants to do,because he wants to bring
together those that are going towalk together in sync.
(04:17):
And it's really cool what I'mhearing from y'all cause for you
, you weren't even a believer,and so there was no way y'all
were going to.
You were going to be unequallyyoked if you entertained
anything, and God was not goingto have it that way.
Scott Lovingier (04:31):
And so the same thing if, if we would have
started dating right as I gotinto church too then, my focus
would have been on her.
Patricia Ruiz (04:38):
Right.
Scott Lovingier (04:39):
And I wouldn't have learned to have faith in
Jesus.
So I had to lean on, so I hadto lean on.
I had to lean on Jesus a lotduring that year.
You know, like of of.
You know where was my careergoing to be too.
You know, I, I and um, I gotkicked out of my house.
That's a whole other story aswell.
(05:00):
We don't have to get into thatone.
I've shared that a couple timesat church and.
But we could.
You know, and you know my dadthought I was throwing my life
away because I didn't go to thepolice academy, because that's
that was his dream, and so Iwasn't living his dream.
And now I'm going to church andhe had church hurt in his life.
So he just thought I'm goingdown this rabbit trail that was
(05:20):
just spiraling out of control.
So now I don't have my dad, whowas my rock, I don't have this
girl who was supposed to be mywife, and I don't know what I'm
going to do for a career and Iknow where to live I try to go
live with my mom, and thatdidn't work out.
So I mean, even part of yourstruggle too is I lived at your
house for a couple of weeks.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (05:41):
That's when you were kicked out of your
dad's house kicked out of yourdad's house.
Scott Lovingier (05:45):
Kicked out of my dad's house, I went to my mom
for maybe two to four weeks,somewhere in that range, and
they couldn't deal with metrying to go to church and
figure my life out For them it'sjust go get a job, go get a job
, go get a job.
Go get a job.
Wait a minute, I'm 25.
Let me try and figure what.
(06:08):
What's the next step in my life?
Um, so then that was going tochurch.
I was going to churchconferences, that was going to
everything church oriented, andthey just couldn't process that.
So I had to leave there becauseit was very toxic.
Yeah, um, and so I had to golive with the Money's for a
couple of weeks, I just crashedit on their couch and um, and
(06:30):
then you know, then God, this isafter God got a hold of you,
right?
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (06:33):
god got a hold of me.
Yeah, was this after it clickedfor her?
No, no, this is the way, stillbefore.
Scott Lovingier (06:38):
So, okay, I got uh, I started going to church
would have been november.
Kicked out of my dad's house inDecember, left my mom's house
in January.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (06:47):
Wow, so just so I'm three months of testing.
You know, I'm just going.
Scott Lovingier (06:51):
Yeah, it was, I was going through the fire,
yeah, you know.
And so I and I'm literally justleaning on Jesus with
everything I have, um, andpretty much telling Jesus like,
like you've got to proveyourself to me.
If you're real, you've got toprove yourself, because if you
(07:11):
don't, come and handle this, I'mnot going to make it, because I
just gave up my family for youand so it was pretty tough, and
so it was pretty tough.
But God reconciled my dad and Ithrough my pastor at the time
and talking with him, I kind ofcame to the realization that
(07:35):
teaching is something I'vealways had in my heart.
So how about I go back toschool, get my master's and my
teaching credential?
So now I'm enrolled in aprogram and now my dad my dad
can see okay, you're notthrowing your life away, there
is a plan, this looks like agood career path.
And then our relationship wasjust way stronger after that.
(07:57):
It was, you know, built more ontransparency and honesty.
And you know, I never I washiding all my like church things
around him because I didn'ttalk to him about it.
So then, so, then, um, so thatwas good.
So then I moved back in with mydad.
Um, so he just brought, hebrought all that around, made it
(08:17):
stronger, but still dealingwith Alycia, yeah, you know and
she's on the worship team so I'mthere, you know, worshiping,
and she's in the front and I'mjust, she's there, right there
in front of me every Sunday.
Yeah, you know it's hard.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (08:33):
Well, you know you've spoken a lot and it
brought to my mind your life andwhat we just said about the
Lord preparing each.
You know sex, you know the man,the husband, the wife, the male
, the female for each other.
Um, it reminds me of thisscripture.
It's in Psalm 105, uh, verse 17through 19.
(08:54):
It's talking about Joseph andwe know Joseph testimony.
He had these dreams and he'slike oh my gosh, everybody's
gonna bow down to me,everybody's gonna bow down to me
, and then, all of a sudden,instead of it coming to pass, he
gets thrown, he gets sold as aslave, he goes in the potter's
house and then he's got to go toprison, and then he's in prison
and he's got all these things.
But it says in Psalm 105, and Ijust bring that up to kind of
(09:17):
give context it says he sent aman before them, Joseph, who was
sold as a slave.
They hurt his feet with fetters, he was laid in irons.
All of that time he heard theword of the Lord, just like you
heard the word of the Lord.
That was going to be your wife.
You heard it and yet nothing ishappening.
She's hating on you, she'smistreating you, she's doing all
(09:38):
these things, fetters, irons,okay.
And then it says, regardingJoseph, until the time that his
word came to pass, the word ofthe Lord tried him.
And that's what the lord doeswith man.
Specifically, I think he doesthat with men because he's
preparing men by trying them,preparing them and you said you
(09:59):
just said the words I learned todepend upon him, I learned to
be seeking, and that's what aman needs If he's going to be
the head of his house, he'sgoing to be married.
He needs to learn to.
I need to seek him to, tounderstand how to even be a man,
how to even be a husband, howto even be a father, all of
these things.
I need to look toward Jesus.
I don't need to look towardwoman to save me and redeem me
(10:21):
and all of that stuff.
I need to look to him andthat's what he did with you.
So it's a fantastic testamentin the same thing I think was
happening with you.
He's changing your heart, he'smaking things like click and
you're fighting it because, well, the Lord didn't say that to me
.
He may have said it to my mom,he may have said to other people
, but he's saying it to me andI'm interested in these others
and it's amazing.
(10:42):
I just see that we live out theword of God to a greater extent
than we realize we really do.
There's nothing new under thesun, the things that were in the
past, in the ancient times.
We live those things if we'lljust have eyes to see.
Oh, God is working with me.
He is bringing me to the placethat I need to, if I just start
opening my eyes to see it.
(11:07):
So what happened that you got
Alycia Lovingier (11:11):
We kind of after, I guess, after we had
that conversation, uh, waitwhich one the conversation where
we're like texting back andforth.
I was in southern californiavisiting families during like
thanksgiving or something likethat okay um came back.
I think we kind of officiallykind of started dating um
(11:32):
beginning january.
I, okay, like, and I knew,after having that conversation,
the texting conversation, like Iknew that that was going to be
it, like, once I get into thisrelationship, it's going to be
over.
Patricia Ruiz (11:45):
It's over in the sense of like that's it.
Alycia Lovingier (11:49):
Like this is going to be it as far as you
know, my husband and all thatstuff.
I kind of I knew that that wasgoing to be it, so I was.
I was taking it extremely atthat point.
I was taking it extremelyseriously.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (12:02):
Did you have a talk?
Did he propose to you?
Alycia Lovingier (12:04):
How did all that take place?
No, we went.
Yeah, we were dating.
Scott Lovingier (12:11):
We pretty much started dating right away,
pretty right away after.
Alycia Lovingier (12:13):
I came back from Southern California.
Scott Lovingier (12:24):
We went through a little bit of like a you know
a testing of like I'm moreaffectionate than she is, and it
was kind of like a, You know,that breaks the stereotypes Okay
.
We got to, at least you know, wegot to hold hands, you know,
like, like there's gonna have tobe a little bit of you know,
like no show me you'reinterested.
Show me you're interested, yeahand that lasted for like a day
or two yeah, and then becausethat
(12:46):
because there was a moment I waslike man, this might not work
out, you know but I think itlasted like a day yeah and then.
So we, yeah, we just we were.
We were fully in a relationship.
Yeah, from that and that.
So that would have been January.
Um, I proposed in May, okay,and we did.
(13:07):
I would probably counsel peopleto get married quicker after
their engagement than we did,because we waited a full year,
so actually like 13 months.
I like planning the wedding andlooking back, knowing you know
we made it you know like wethat's like extreme delayed
gratification yeah you know, andwe were, we were faithful in
(13:31):
that regard yeah and um, westill live at our parents house.
We didn't.
We never lived with each other.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (13:39):
But yeah, I would counsel people get married
, get married quicker well,that's what happened to us
because, like I said, we met inDecember of 97, we talked in
June and we, after we talked it,was like, yeah, this, this is,
this is going to work out.
So we thought, well, school isabout to start.
We can't really make the plansenough for the wedding because
in Florida school startsmid-August, I think it was.
(14:00):
So we thought we'd wait tillDecember.
Nice two-long vacation.
We're in Miami, it's not goingto be winter weather, it's going
to be spine.
And then we spoke to our pastorand the whole church was all
for it, and they all would justwait, just wait.
I'm telling them, stay out ofit, stay out of it, stay out of
it.
But finally, when, when, when,when he had talked and put it
all together.
Our pastor said why are youwaiting so long?
(14:20):
Why don't you just get marriedbefore you, you go back to
school?
So in two months the whole.
The lady assistant pastor Ididn't want to get into details,
but she got it all together.
She planned, you know, a lot ofstuff and we just ended up
getting married sooner than thanexpected and I think that was
(14:42):
that was definitely for the bestCause, like why are we going to
wait eight months?
It's like eight months of we'renot going to be together.
She's going to go to work, I'mgoing to go to work.
So, yeah, I hear you, I hear you.
Yeah, I mean that's our storyof.
So you got married 13 monthslater in Northern California.
(15:03):
Yeah, yeah, okay, I guess Momand Dad were heavily involved
helped out on.
Both sides.
Was there any?
issues?
Any issues?
No, okay, so families were onboard?
Yeah, families were on board.
Church was on board because youwere going to the same church.
Alycia Lovingier (15:18):
Yeah.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (15:18):
Pastor was on board.
Alycia Lovingier (15:19):
Okay, he was definitely on board.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (15:21):
Okay.
Scott Lovingier (15:22):
I mean, I asked her dad, I asked the pastor and
I asked her brothers before Iproposed to her you did so.
I went through the wholegentlemanly steps.
Did anybody teach that to you?
Is that something you justthought was best?
your dad, I don't remember mydad ever saying that I think
it's just I had that inside ofme, okay of go through and make
(15:46):
sure that you're, you knowyou're, I'm not missing
something, you know so.
But I wasn't really worried,you know.
Obviously I knew her familyvery well.
I didn't know her brothers likeat all because they lived in
Georgia.
Alycia Lovingier (16:00):
Ah, they had already moved.
Scott Lovingier (16:01):
So I, I mean I had met them, but I didn't know
them.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (16:05):
Okay, so you were like an own child at the
time.
Yeah, only one in the house,both of them had.
Alycia Lovingier (16:08):
Yeah, they'd already both moved out, like my
oldest brother.
Okay, he was the second one.
The middle brother moved outhere first, okay.
And then the oldest brother.
He moved out.
I was still like in high school.
Yeah, I was in high schoolwhere I was just graduating.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (16:21):
When they moved out,
Alycia Lovingier (16:22):
when my oldest brother moved out,
oh wow.
He moved this way as well.
Okay, so it was pretty muchjust me at the house.
Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.
Yeah about him asking mybrothers, but kind of like, not
(16:43):
like a serious, like I don'tthink I was actually serious
about it, but you seem to dothat often.
Yeah, make these non-seriouscomments.
Yeah, it's like I'm like, I waslike, oh well, you know because
I have two older brothers andthe middle brother he's the very
much he's the protective olderbrother, like he's the one that
you know.
You know it's he's more, eventhough he wasn't there when I
was during my dating ages likeage um, which I'm kind of
grateful for.
Yeah, um, he was definitely themore protective older brother.
(17:05):
And then my oldest brother isway more like chill, just you
know.
Yeah, right, he was.
Yeah, he's just a more relaxedolder brother, so kind of you
know, I didn't actually think hewas going to do it, like,
obviously I didn't want him toask my Dad, obviously I wanted
him to ask my pastor, becausethey're two important like
leaders in my life right at thetime.
That was very important to me,but so everybody was on board.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (17:30):
You go into the marriage, you get married,
are you ?
Scott Lovingier (17:35):
No so okay, you got married in June.
I finished my program in May,so I just finished a program.
Is this your master's program?
Master's is a dual master's andcredential program, so I got
both the credential and themaster's in the same program.
(17:56):
Oh gotcha, okay, okay, um, so Ididn't have a job.
Um, yeah, so I mean we gotmarried, I still didn't have a
job and I was um just applying,did all the families chip in to
pay for the wedding?
Alycia Lovingier (18:12):
her parents paid for most of yeah, my
parents paid, paid for thewedding and then I think your,
your dad and mom, kind of Ithink, figure out rehearsal
dinner and all that stuff forthe most part yeah, my parents
paid for the wedding, okay yeahso you didn't have a job.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (18:27):
You were about to get a job.
What were you doing?
Alycia Lovingier (18:28):
I was nannying at the time just so I still was
yeah, I was kind of dedicatedas the one like family who I was
one of the girls who started mymom's daycare and then I kind
of started nannying her and hertwo older siblings and so that
was pretty much.
I mean, it was still.
It wasn't really full-time, itwas once they got out of school.
I was driving them, pickingthem up from school, driving
them to different activitiesthey did, whether it's soccer,
(18:50):
baseball, gymnastics, whateverthat kind of stuff gymnastics,
whatever that kind of stuff, soit was kind of still new to me
at that time.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (18:55):
So what were the first few years of marriage?
Like Was?
It everything you dreamed, Imean Were all your expectations
met?
Scott Lovingier (19:03):
I don't know.
I mean it was fine.
I mean, so we get married andyou know we you said we, you
were still living there.
We were still living there, butI moved in to her parents'
house.
They had a garage conversion sothat was like our suite and we
(19:26):
lived in their garage probablyfor four or five months.
So we got married in June Imoved in there.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (19:30):
Was that easy ?
No, okay, he said that quietly.
No, no, what was hard about it?
Scott Lovingier (19:38):
well you're.
You know you're newly marriedand you're living with your
in-laws.
You know it's okay is itbecause?
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (19:43):
is it just because of that, like I couldn't
take my wife out and live onher own, or is it because they
were involved in a way that no,shouldn't have been untrue or
anything?
Yeah, it's just awkward.
Alycia Lovingier (19:53):
I mean, you get married, okay you expect to
have the house and all thatstuff.
Scott Lovingier (19:57):
There's expectations that you think
life's going to be like afteryou get married.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (20:02):
Yeah.
Scott Lovingier (20:04):
And so during that time of applying to be a
teacher, we had a, so right nowwe have a teacher shortage.
That time we had a teachersurplus shortage.
That time we had a teachersurplus.
Oh I, you couldn't, you canfind a job, you couldn't find a
job.
I applied to five, probably 50different districts I'm not even
kidding like just all throughnorthern california just
(20:24):
applying everywhere.
Um, and then finally I got acall back at a continuation
school because the principal ofthat continuation school was the
principal at the high school.
I did my um, my studentteaching at, so she recognized
my name.
So I got a call back from there.
(20:47):
I get hired.
What do you mean?
She knew you.
What do you mean?
She was the principal when I didmy student teaching okay she
changed schools, oh okay so thenI applied to the continuation
school, so she knew who I wasokay okay, uh, interviewed, I
get hired.
I teach the first two weeksthere at this continuation
school.
I mean it's, it's a, it wasrough.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (21:08):
It's a rough school like gangs and what is a
continuation school incalifornia like a?
Scott Lovingier (21:13):
alternative school alternative school, oh
okay, so kids that are gonnaflunk out getting serious
behavioral problems and so rough.
Population very rough very ganguh, affiliation, you know,
throughout the whole, even innorthern california.
Oh yeah, no, yeah, it's it's,yeah, there's there's, there's a
lot going on there, yeah, um,and it's worth the first two
(21:35):
weeks thinking this is myclassroom, this is my job.
And then I get pulled into theprincipal's office and they're
like HR messed up.
And they didn't post the jobinternally first before they
posted it for the public to viewand the teachers union, so
(21:57):
California's big teacher unionthing, right.
So they had to post the jobinternally in the district for X
amount of days before they'reallowed to hire somebody outside
, and they violated that.
They violated that so theyfound out that somebody wanted
the job, who was already in thedistrict, who was displaced.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (22:15):
They wanted that rough population.
I guess they were justdesperate right?
Scott Lovingier (22:20):
Well, they had the teacher surplus, so teachers
are getting pink slipped everyyear.
Okay, so there were teacherswho didn't have a job, who are
still in the district part ofthe union, so they had first
dibs to just take that job.
Wow, so they took the job yeahand so here I am like man and I
work for free, like I didn't payyou.
(22:41):
I didn't get paid those firsttwo weeks.
I told you, because we're going, it's going through the
paperwork and the principals,like ahhh we're working on, I'm
like, I'm like I don't care,care, I don't care, I want the
job, I'll work for free, becausewhere else was I going to get a
job?
So then I don't have the joband a couple openings came up at
(23:06):
the school I did my studentteaching at, which is like the
best high school in the district.
So I went from the worst schoolin the district to best high
school in the district.
So I went from the worst schoolin the district to the best
school in the district and I Iwas able to get hired there.
The principal at thecontinuation school called the
district for me, called HR.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (23:23):
Gave you a word
Scott Lovingier (23:24):
and said this guy you want to hire.
We want this guy in our district.
Okay, please hire him.
So I went interviewed there andI worked there for 11 years.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (23:34):
That's very much like Joseph.
Again, it's crazy just faithfulin whatever position you're put
in, and it shows and favorsurrounds you yeah yeah, oh,
this is cool.
I I never thought scott had aJoseph kind of anointing on him,
because that's what I keepseeing.
Every time it's uncanny.
It really is.
Yeah, the dreams and everythingyeah, yeah, okay, so you, you,
(24:01):
uh, okay.
So you finally got a job.
You're not in the idealsituation or the ideal expected
situation, stereotypical.
You want to get out on your ownwith your wife, okay, and then,
so you get a job.
What happens?
Scott Lovingier (24:11):
yes, and now I have a real job and um when we
get an apartment?
Um in retrospect, we shouldhave stayed at her parents house
longer to save more money topay off, to pay off debt, you
know.
I guess we won't touch that one.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (24:32):
Hey, you know , wisdom is wisdom, yeah, so
continue.
Scott Lovingier (24:36):
But you know she's 20, 23.
Yeah, I'm 28.
It's hard to tell people intheir twenties you know things.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (24:45):
It's very hard and so some people did tell
you, but you were kind ofresistant.
Scott Lovingier (24:50):
I think her parents wanted us to.
Alycia Lovingier (24:52):
I think my parents would have been,
probably would have preferred.
Scott Lovingier (24:54):
They would have loved to stay there, for sure.
Alycia Lovingier (24:56):
Yeah, but they didn't say you should stay.
They never really asked, atleast not for me, but they
probably thought the wiserdecision would be to stay there
and pay off debt student loansstuff like that.
Scott Lovingier (25:08):
They probably could have and that would
probably really set us up forour future if we would have done
that.
Yeah, hindsight is always 2020right but we we get an apartment
.
It's a one bedroom apartment
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (25:19):
in the most expensive state in the union.
Scott Lovingier (25:21):
Yeah, but we're still very close to her, her
house, we're very close to myparents house like very close
we're like down the street.
Alycia Lovingier (25:28):
Yeah, so yeah cause when down the street, yeah
.
Scott Lovingier (25:31):
So, um, yeah, yeah, because when we got, like
you know, one apartment, we didlike three apartments, yeah,
before we moved out here okay,actually moved back with my dad.
That's when we got really wise,before we moved out here.
This is skipping ahead likeover a decade, but yeah, we did.
We did get wise and moved backin with my dad and we lived
there for two and a half yearsand paid off all of our debt
(25:53):
before we moved to Georgia.
Yeah, so that was pretty amazing
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (25:57):
How long after you got your job did that
happen?
Alycia Lovingier (25:59):
Ten.
Scott Lovingier (26:01):
Eight to ten years, yeah, so I taught in
California for 11 years
Alycia Lovingier (26:05):
Right before.
COVID
Scott Lovingier (26:07):
so
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (26:07):
You're talking about 2009 to 2020.
Approximately yeah, okay, anduh, was you know, as you grew up
as a young girl, was it alwaysyour uh, I don't know, did you
always envision that you weregoing to have kids and you were
going to have a big family, oranything like that?
What was your thoughts aboutit's?
Alycia Lovingier (26:27):
actually kind of funny.
Um, I was just telling uh,patricia we were talking about
before we started this that I'venever been that one girl that's
like, oh my gosh, like I needto have a baby to fulfill my
life, like I've never been thatperson.
That was like I.
You know, I was my mom.
Make the joke.
My mom raised.
I was raised in a daycare.
My mom went to daycare for 23years of my life, so I was
definitely like not wanting kidsimmediately um, really honestly
(26:53):
, if I was to be honest, I neverreally wanted kids because I
think that working in thedaycare just kind of I don't
want to say traumatize me.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (27:00):
You were overdosed with kids.
But once we started dating andI knew how serious it was
getting, I was like, well,there's no way that I'm not
going to have kids.
I actually said we will not getmarried if you don't agree that
we can have kids.
(27:21):
Like that was, that was like.
That was a deal breaker for meyeah.
Alycia Lovingier (27:25):
And so I was like okay, so I'm like that's,
that's fine, you know, I kneweventually I'm like I just need
time.
It's kind of why I said I'mlike I just need time to kind of
, you know, be out from awayfrom you know, get your kids and
all that stuff holding hands umneed to have kids in the future
.
Yeah, big steps for me.
Um, yeah, I don't even rememberwhat the question was um yeah,
(27:47):
so I've never been the onethat's like I need to have kids
to fulfill my life.
That's never been that personI've never been the one that's
like I need to have kids tofulfill my life.
That's never been.
that person I've never been theone that's like, oh, can I hold
your baby?
Like I'm not that person yeah,I, you know, even with family,
like I was not really thatperson.
I mean, obviously I felt alittle bit differently after my
brother had my first nephew.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (28:05):
Your niece and nephew.
Alycia Lovingier (28:06):
It was definitely a little, I felt a
little bit different after thatas far as, like you know, oh, I
can see how this could be howmany years into the marriage was
that?
that was actually probably alittle bit before I was before
you got writers 15 yeah andwe've been married 13 years yeah
, so it was right before okay uh, we're looking back and I can
see how that that changed alittle, because I'm like,
(28:28):
because they lived here, so whenwe came and visited, you know,
I definitely like I'm like, oh,like I don't, I don't really
came and visited.
You know, I definitely like I'mlike, oh, like I don't, I don't
really want to leave him.
You know that type of thing.
So I kind of felt like that,even though he's only my nephew,
I felt that little bit of abond.
So you know, I could see thatthat kind of turning into
something down the road.
But yeah, I mean, we were what?
Two years, two years into ourmarriage
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (28:53):
Is that right ?
I was two years, you're 30, 25.
Yeah.
How pressed were you to want tohave a baby?
Scott Lovingier (29:01):
Very pressed
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (29:02):
you were.
Scott Lovingier (29:03):
I've always felt like my.
You know, obviously I don'thave a biological clock, but I
always felt like my biologicalclock was ticking.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (29:10):
Hey, if Abraham did it at 99?
Alycia Lovingier (29:12):
you know, well , I do want to say like, kind of
before, that kind of a bigthing that happened to me, I
mean to us, but to me personallyis my.
We were married for about ayear okay and then my parents
decided they were going to movethis way to Georgia which.
I I had never not been with inthe same area as my parents like
(29:37):
I've never had the umbilicalcord.
Yeah, I've never been in thatlike time where I, like my
parents, have always been therelike they've always been.
You know, I lived with themuntil I got married.
I know it sounds it's kind ofcorny nowadays, but you know I I
had never not been without myparents here, so when they left
I kind of make the joke.
I'm like you're leaving me withhim.
Like I don't think I'm readyfor that.
(30:00):
Like.
I don't, you know, I just it wasdefinitely.
That was pretty hard for meBecause I, like I said, I was
born and raised in church andthey were always there, even if
it was not just my parents butlike spiritual mentors, as well.
They moved here which soundsbad when I say this, but them
leaving is probably the bestthing that happened to our
marriage, Because it helped mekind of cut that cord, so to
(30:23):
speak, that you mentioned.
From my parents and not beinglike Jim and Carolyn's daughter,
but to being Scott's wife.
And those are very different,like different roles different
roles and it's definitely whenthey were here, like, and we
were there, it was definitely.
I mean, there were some timeswhere it was hard.
You know, we definitelydisagreed on some things as I
(30:43):
was maturing with Scott andunder our pastor, um kind of
make establish my ownrelationship with God, not under
my parents, that kind of makessense.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (30:54):
That kind of makes sense.
Alycia Lovingier (30:56):
Um, so that was definitely kind of a big
moment for us, for me more solike, and it probably, I mean I
guess it kind of affected himtoo, but it was definitely I'm
like oh, I don't think I'm ready, like it hit me hard that they
were moving.
I don't think I'm ready, likeit hit me hard that they were
moving.
Yeah, so when they left, it waskind of like whoa, this is,
this is weird.
I'm like here.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (31:16):
Leaving and cleaving actually mean something
when you experience it.
Alycia Lovingier (31:20):
Yeah, it was definitely.
I mean, like his parents werestill in, you know, but it's
different.
It's just a differentrelationship with our parents,
with my his Dad and Mom.
So that also kind of helped, Ithink, grow our relationship
together, Because we're alsogrowing together under a pastor
and our pastor at the time wasreally mentoring us, kind of
(31:41):
like taking us under his wings,us and another couple who we're
so really close friends with,kind of taking us under his
wings and like basically pouringinto us all their knowledge and
their wisdom and, just like youknow, just mentoring us really
for those 10, what 10?
Years after my parents left.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (32:01):
What would you say the most important
aspects of your marriage grew,if you could categorize them.
Scott Lovingier (32:11):
With her parents leaving.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (32:13):
Yeah, yeah.
And then you said that I reallyhad to find my relationship not
as a daughter but as a wifeyeah.
And then you were being helpedby the pastor yeah.
What kind of categories ordynamics ?
Alycia Lovingier (32:26):
For me, like not always asking mom and dad
what do I do, but like what'sokay, like for my husband, like
when I'm like okay, for instance, you know, very raised, very,
very conservative, right, wearskirts all the time, you know.
And then um, after my parentsleft and this wasn't just my
parents it was just kind of awhole experience of studying the
(32:50):
Bible for myself and realizingthat's not how I, God, was
revealing scriptures to me thatwere previously taught on those
like that specific subject.
So we'll just say that firstinstance, um, it made me get to
the bible myself and help mekind of like learn tradition
versus what the bible says,because a lot of times church
(33:10):
can be two different things itcan be two.
You know they're not.
Ideally, you want to be thesame thing, yeah, but learning
how to go to my husband forthings instead of going to mom
and dad, going to my husbandlike hey, is this okay?
And and him being the spiritualleader, I guess, of the house
yeah is learning that he's aspiritual leader, and my mom and
(33:30):
dad that's not their roleanymore my in this time of my
life that I had to realize thathe was a spiritual mentor and a
spiritual authority in my life.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (33:39):
That's an important category.
Did that, did you sense thesame thing?
Was that you wish she wasleaning more toward you rather
than her parents.
Not that you resented theirparents, yeah.
Scott Lovingier (33:51):
I mean, it didn't affect me nearly as much
as it affected her.
Okay, you know, but Idefinitely could see that
happening, you know.
I mean it, it wrecked her whenthey, when they left, like I
mean it was, it was bad therewas.
There was.
There was a moment as a husbandwhere I my heart was broken for
her and I was pretty much tothe point like we're just gonna
(34:13):
move to Georgia because I haveto save my wife.
Like seriously, I was like wherewe we just have to move because
I can't, I can't, you can'tbear what she can't bear her
heartbrokenness.
I was so grieved for her.
Um, and you know, and this it'dbe very funny if Carolyn
listens to this podcast she, shehad a dream or a vision of her
(34:42):
entire family living in Georgia.
So her sons were already hereand obviously Alicia was in
California, but she had thisvision of everyone living in
Georgia.
Well, she tells us the visionright and we weren't rebellious
(35:02):
with it but we were also like.
God gave you that vision.
He didn't say nothing to us.
We're not held accountable tothat vision, right?
God showed you a future.
If he does that with us, he'lldeal with us.
Um, so here I have my wifegrieving and heartbroken, and
(35:27):
then I also have carolyn she shewas pretty bold a couple times,
like y'all are moving.
Alycia Lovingier (35:33):
You're going to be here.
Scott Lovingier (35:34):
You know, and so this is another moment of
Jesus speaking to me.
I'm in a staff meeting with 80to 100 teachers.
We have a pretty big school.
I'm in a staff meeting, theprincipal's up there talking and
(35:55):
and and and.
Um, I had been contemplatingwell, maybe I'll just go just
apply for jobs in Georgia, andif God opens the door, he opens
the door.
If he doesn't open the door, hedoesn't open the door.
But I can at least say to mymother-in-law I've been applying
, god closed the doors and I'min the staff meeting.
(36:16):
But I'm not even thinking aboutthat.
I'm literally just listening tothe principal talk, whatever
the staff meeting is about.
And the Holy Spirit hit me andspoke to me and said you can
find a job in your flesh,meaning I apply to jobs in
georgia.
But that would not be his willfor me to move to georgia.
(36:37):
That would have been me forcinghis hand as opposed to his
timing moving in my life.
So you know.
So I again I just I listened tohis voice and I said okay.
So I again I just I listened tohis voice and I said, okay, I'm
not applying to jobs in Georgia, it's not in my heart to move.
And I think you were kind ofcoming out of it at that point
(36:59):
where you know you weren't asheartbroken but so we did not
apply, you know, to move.
I listened to the voice of God.
I don't think I told Carolyn atthat moment I think I've told
her since then.
But that was God like warning me.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (37:25):
If you were blessed and appreciate listening
to this podcast and you like tosupport us in our efforts,
consider lifting us up in prayerfirst.
Then remember these four socialmedia buzzwords share, like,
subscribe or follow.
Share this podcast link withsomeone else by text, email or
word of mouth in the hopes thatthey might be uplifted, as you
(37:45):
were Like by leaving a positiverating or review with whomever
you listen to our podcast with.
Subscribe to support the showmonetarily with the link in our
podcast description, follow uson all our social media
platforms.
May God bless you and make youprosperous in Him as you listen
and obey His voice.
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