March 19, 2025 • 24 mins
In today’s emotional episode, we explore a couple's extraordinary decade-long journey toward starting a family. Reflecting on the ups and downs, their story is narrated through relatable metaphors and personal anecdotes, revealing the complexity of desiring children amidst the ever-present societal expectations. From their significant life change moving from Florida to Georgia, their candid conversations shed light on the multifaceted challenges they faced alongside the joy of anticipation. Each revelation builds upon the transformative experiences of navigating infertility, the accompanying emotional burden, and the light that faith provides through each trial.
They delve into the deep spiritual lessons woven throughout their time trials. Part of their journey was the decision to try fertility treatments, including IVF, and the unexpected twists and turns that came along the way.
Their reflections on their own struggles, clinging to hope will invite listeners to consider their own journeys of family genesis, emphasizing the importance of timing, faith, and love as we seek to embrace God's will for our lives.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (00:03):
The vision received was that of blood cells
traveling throughout the body,supplying the much needed oxygen
and other nutrients to thediffering members of the body to
fulfill their purpose.
Once the blood cells are spent,they must return back to the
heart to be refilled beforebeing sent out again and fulfill
their purpose and fulfill theirpurpose.
Scott Lovingier (00:28):
Yeah, that's kind of like how we moved here
from Florida.
Patricia Ruiz (00:29):
I was thinking there's a lot of parallels.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (00:31):
A little bit.
You know that lining up and allof that stuff.
Because we had to sell a houseover there a townhouse and we
had to buy a house over here.
Before Brooke was doing whatshe did with the videos, I was
walking through the houses in2006 and taking videos, sending
it to her.
Do you like this?
No, you like it no, and then wefound you know this one and um,
(00:54):
the day that we signed acontract to purchase this one
she called me afterward and saidthey found a buyer.
We're selling and we were ableto organize it to be able to
sell and buy pretty much withindays of each other, so we have
enough time to sell it overthere, drive up here and within
five days we were moving in here, so it all worked out amazingly
(01:16):
.
I was thinking, amongst all ofthe sharing that you've done,
that we kind of deviated, but Ithink that's where the story's
going to continue now that we'rein Georgia.
Um, that you wanted kids and itwas 30.
I remember saying 30 and 25, nono the whole thing is.
There's been a whole lot ofrevelations of things um, so it
(01:40):
was 30 and 25 when I last spokeabout he did really desired kids
.
Your heart was changing to kindof have kids and all of that
time you spent 10 years inCalifornia you didn't have any
kids.
Is that because you didn't wantthe kids or?
Scott Lovingier (01:56):
been 10 years ago.
So then you would be.
Alycia Lovingier (02:00):
It was two years into our marriage,
Scott Lovingier (02:05):
Two years into our marriage, that was when it
was like, okay, now would be anappropriate time to like
actively start trying to build afamily you know, we got the
career going.
You know, we got a place thatwe call our own.
Her parents are gone.
We got her marriage thing, youknow.
You know, working marriage wasgreat.
We've never had any problems inour marriage, um and like.
(02:28):
Okay, like we're at the age andthat's the next step you know
obviouslyfinancially.
We would have loved to havebeen in a better situation, but
I think everybody would love tobe better.
So, and I've always had peopletell me and now I tell other
people, if you're waiting forthe right time to have a kid is,
you're probably never, you'rejust gonna always wait you know,
and people have told me thatlike, so, just it, it's a good
(02:51):
thing to have kids.
You know, kids and and and lifecomes from God and he wants us
to have kids, he wants us tobuild a family.
So, like that's not somethingthat you should, you know, hide
or whatever anyways um so um, uh, we're like, okay, let's, let's
(03:12):
actively, you know, go throughthe steps and you know, and um
of having having a baby and um.
You know obviously this podcastlike spoiler alert.
It took us 10 years but but, andso I say, I say that so the
next part kind of makes sense.
(03:32):
You know because we're, you knowwhen, you when you make that
decision you think well, itcould happen any moment, you
know like so we're, we're likeokay we're having a baby and um,
you know, and I'll maybe letyou speak more on kind of the
spiritual things that werehappening during church services
(03:55):
and, um, even before we kind ofknew we were having trouble
conceiving, people were justpraying over Alycia's stomach.
Maybe you can talk more on that.
Alycia Lovingier (04:10):
I mean, it started fairly early on, Like we
had that close couple that wasreally close to us.
They were having kids, likeokay, well, you know, we know
it's going to take time.
We would have people come visitthe church.
They were very they're knownfor like speaking words of
knowledge and all that stuff andso like they pray and they I
remember specifically the wifesaid um, I don't I'm
(04:32):
paraphrasing because I don'tremember the exact words because
when you're in that moment, youdon't remember everything
specifically, but that it maynot happen right away, but it
will happen.
And so we're like, okay, well,you know, whatever you know.
We kind of took that as, likeyou know, you're getting ready
for the delay, right, exactly,we're like okay, well, you know,
whatever you know.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (04:46):
We kind of took that as, like you know,
you're getting ready for thedelay.
Alycia Lovingier (04:46):
Right, exactly Okay.
It wouldn't surprise us if itwas like you know, a couple
months, maybe a year or two.
You know it's fine, whatever.
And even at that time, like Iwas never like upset about not
having it Cause I knew like,okay, well, you know, it's just
not our time, like God just notwant.
It's hard to explain that,especially with like coworkers
and stuff.
They're like so when are youguys having babies?
(05:07):
You know, when you started withkids and I'm just like, oh, you
know it's going to happen, whenit's supposed to happen.
It's kind of hard to explainthe God factor with people who
don't necessarily believe inthat.
So I'm like you know, you know,like hey, like obviously, I'm
like God's gonna make it happenwhen it's supposed to happen,
like that's just and that's howI've always.
My brain has always registeredthings like it may not be the
(05:30):
brain out, but you know God saidit's gonna happen, it's gonna
happen.
He never gave us a timetable,technically, yeah.
So I mean, you know who's who'sto know,
Scott Lovingier (05:38):
So people, multiple times I mean three,
four times probably yeah that,and a lot of times it would be
people who were not part of ourchurch would just come and just
start praying over Alycia'sstomach, and the one lady was
saying you know, it's going tobe maybe a little difficult for
(05:59):
you all to conceive, and Goddoesn't ever tell you time.
God, God, is outside of time.
He very rarely tells you time,just ask Carolyn, how long it
took us to move, and so youdon't.
You don't think it's going tobe 10 years yeah, you weren't
expecting that, you don't you?
Don't think that.
Um so, after I don't what,three or four years probably.
(06:25):
Now it's like okay we're havingtrouble.
You know, maybe let's go getchecked out, let's go see, is
you know?
Is it her, Is it me?
You know where's the issue,because if you can find out what
the issue is, then you can tryto do something, try and fix the
issue and the doctor's just .
Alycia Lovingier (06:49):
Blood work came back normal.
Everything on me came backnormal.
Everything came back likenothing.
There's nothing.
Nothing was wrong with any ofus like either of us.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (06:55):
What did that do to your faith?
Alycia Lovingier (06:58):
So we're like okay.
Like for me that kind of, in away, it kind of confirms like
okay, well, this literally is agod thing like it's really just
it's God, we're waiting forsomething like to happen like
you know God's preparing us forsomething um.
Granted, we didn't think it'd bethat long, but we did kind of
go through some of the processof what's called an iui um,
(07:19):
which is it's a it's, it's veryit's a medical thing that they
do.
Pretty much it's right before astep, right before ivF, when
you go through in vitrofertilization.
It's kind of like a step.
They track everything and thenyou have to take medication and
then they come in and you know,just explain it other than you
know they have to mix everythingtogether and then I have to lay
(07:40):
there, you know, for a coupleof minutes and then wait for
everything to kind of, you know,chill out and I get to leave.
So basically kind of jumpstartthe process of you know, maybe
it's just the connecting was theproblem.
Everything connecting.
So we'll go okay, we did that acouple of times, nothing.
We did that three or four times.
(08:02):
The hormones were like horrificfor me, like I and I had like
work and I my job was veryphysical too at the time, so I'm
like I have no focus at work,but these medications were
definitely altering like how mybrain was processing things.
So we tried a couple times andthen they're like okay, well,
this is not working.
So the next step would be likethe injections and all that
stuff.
And then once I were like okay,so I went to the pharmacy, you
(08:24):
know, to kind of see it was like$500, $600, right, so insurance
did not cover.
Scott Lovingier (08:33):
California insurance did not cover the
insurance I had.
I don't understand what youmean.
The $500 or $600 for what?
For, like the injections?
Alycia Lovingier (08:37):
the injection portion of it the next step
would be the injections, theinjection portion of it.
The next step would be theinjections.
Okay, they're a little bit moreof a heavy medication and they
just insurance does not coverthat.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (08:48):
And that's the kickstart.
That's the kickstart, still thekickstart, yeah.
Alycia Lovingier (08:51):
So like the next step above, right before
IVF, but like it's kind of inbetween, and I was like we can't
.
It was like $500 or $600 forjust one round of that, and
who's to say it's going to beone round or it's from like 10.
Like we're like we can't, wecan't afford this.
Like we were, I mean, we werefine at the time in our life
(09:13):
where we were we're never.
We weren't like getting aheadbut we weren't like drowning
either.
We're kind of just, you know,breaking even, yeah.
So I'm like we can't, we can'tafford this.
Like this is like 20.
Scott Lovingier (09:26):
So I mean we're very much month to month you
know, so anything outside of abig hit out of your budget is is
a a big deal.
And again, how many times weever go after this every month
for a year, you know likewhere's the end to this?
So we did that a couple oftimes and then we just like,
okay, it was pull back this isyou know, basically, God, you
(09:52):
just have to show up.
If this is your will for ourlife, you're gonna have to do it
, and if it's not your will forour life, then you're gonna have
to work on our hearts and healus you know, because you know
this is obviously we want towant a child, we want a family.
At that point we were thinking,you know, we'd like to have a
couple kids and um, and.
(10:15):
And then you know, then you getto the point where it's now
been, you know, eight years andstill nothing's happened.
And you've been tested, andyou've done these other
medications and nothing'shappening.
Then you start going down somerabbit trails.
You know, for me it was like,well, maybe we're called to
(10:36):
adopt, maybe that's our path.
So you kind of look into that alittle bit.
Then you're like, man, this ismore expensive than medication.
It's actually insane howexpensive it is to adopt.
And you're like, well, I don'tknow how we're going to do that.
When you were looking.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (10:54):
What was that like $100K?
Scott Lovingier (10:56):
I don't think it's that much.
$20,000?
It's probably $20's still a lotof money we don't have that 20k
just sitting around to gothrough those steps.
And then my brain I'm like,well, maybe I'm just going to
have a bigger role as an uncle,maybe that's where my investment
goes into.
We just spend more time withnieces and nephews and invest in
(11:19):
their life, and that's kind ofwhere my brain was going.
But at the same time I'm stillholding on to the word of God's
going to give us a baby.
It's still going to happen.
So I'm still hanging on to that.
You know.
So you have there's.
You know your, your flesh istelling you things and you're,
(11:39):
but you're hanging on to theSpirit.
You know cause.
You're still human, I'm still.
I still have thoughts of doubt,I still have thoughts of sadness
and emotions and you know, youcan talk about how many people
around us were giving birth.
Alycia Lovingier (11:54):
Yeah.
You know, I mean even, honestly, it hit me more once, cause we
took a break after we, socouldn't afford that.
And then we kind of realizedthat's when we moved in with
parents and we're like, well,God saved us from having a kid
while living with parents.
So we knew like, okay, well,that really wouldn't have been
ideal.
Scott Lovingier (12:10):
COVID hits.
Alycia Lovingier (12:11):
Covid happened , so a lot of things kind of
happened in between that andthen moving here.
So we kind of took a breakduring that time and then we
knew we were moving.
So we're like, okay, once weget moved and we get settled,
then we can kind of start theprocess over again, start from
ground zero.
And so we moved here in likethe end of June and then we're
(12:32):
like, okay, once things getsettled down, we'll kind of
start at the beginning of theyear, basically like we're gonna
go full force and then, likeyou know, we'll start over again
.
You know, at this point, I'm 35, right, is that 35?
34, something like that?
Um, and then so I go 34 and I'dbe 39, yeah because in my brain
.
Scott Lovingier (12:52):
I'm like I'm gonna be 40 years old having a
baby.
You know I'm.
My biological clock again is,like you know, gone.
It's expired, so I went I wentto.
Alycia Lovingier (13:04):
Um, it's very different here in California,
like you have to have referralsto go to different things right,
so I just I and everything'sdifferent locations, um, so I
had to find an ob.
So I ob-gyn, um, and so we went, I did blood work and they do a
test, um, and this test issupposed to make sure
everything's kind of like my,you know, everything's open and
(13:26):
flowing, everything's supposedto be going like the way it's
supposed to you know.
So I get the test, did the testdone and I was extremely nervous
about it.
So, um, I was kind of like inthe pride.
It was painful.
I mean, if I'm completelyhonest, the test itself was
pretty painful.
I remember them saying somethings about oh, it's coming
back and like all these things.
So I'm like I'm not reallyprocessing what they're telling,
like what they're not saying itto me there.
(13:47):
I just heard them saying it,you're talking so I was like
okay so I was like I mean that'sweird but whatever, so I wait
and then, I said what like,because what they're doing is
they're pushing saline througheverything, but what were they
saying?
They're saying like the, thefluid was coming back they're
blocked basically yeah, likewhatever.
It's supposed to not go intowhere it's supposed to be going,
(14:07):
so it's coming instead of goingup through it's coming back
down gotcha, um, and it's funnybecause I didn't remember that
in the time that time.
But after looking back Iremembered that being said and I
was like, oh, that makes sensenow.
So well, kind of, so I get thetest results I don't know, it
was probably like a week and ahalf, maybe two weeks later and
(14:28):
it says fallopian tube blockageor blocked.
Okay, so I was like and I don'tknow a lot about the health
field, but I know enough to knowlike, okay, well, it means like
one of my fallopian tubes isblocked.
I mean, at least that's, wefound out what was going on,
right, we found out the concern.
So at that point I go in.
(14:49):
My mom was with me becauseScott had to work, and I'm
thinking like, okay, you know,one side's blocked, there's
still the other side right, andshe's like so both your
fallopian tubes are blocked.
And I was like what?
Like I didn't, I didn't process.
That was what I.
I knew like one was, but theytold me like both were.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (15:16):
Not to be scientific, but the fallopian
tubes is where the egg isreleased and stuff comes down
into the uterus so were youhaving periods?
Alycia Lovingier (15:29):
huh, like I had a little bit of trouble when
I was a teenager as far as likethat type of stuff, but once
that, like once I started youknow that sounds to you mine,
but, like you know, once Istarted I was like everything
was normal, like I could trackeverything, like everything
we're doing, we're doing allthat tracking you know we were
trying Um, and so I was like,and they kind of like it could
(15:51):
have just been me being in likemy emotional state at the time,
but I'm like so this is not tosay that you can't carry a child
, it just means that you knowthey're not the everything's not
able to connect, to form youknow an embryo.
(16:13):
And so I'm still like kind ofreeling from what she told me.
I'm still not processing it, soI'm like, well, that was very
she probably said it fine, butfor me, like I was in a hyper
emotional state at that timewhere I was like that's it, like
you're just gonna, I didn't saythat but I was thinking that in
my head.
I was like okay, so they sentme to a place Sandy Springs in
(16:37):
which is a specialist um, andso then we went there um you had
the same test same, the sametest.
They did.
This was a.
There's two different teststhat they can do to test this
thing, whether their fallopiantubes are open or not.
I did one in California, um,when we initially started the
process, and it came back normallike everything was fine.
(16:58):
So then this one the one that Idid here at my regular ob-gyn
said that it was.
They were blocked both blocked,right, okay.
So I was like okay.
So I'm like mentally likeprocessing as time goes on.
Mind you, when I found out thispart out, like within, like I
want to say it was like the sameweek we found out like someone
(17:18):
announced their pregnancy atchurch, I was like okay, like
that's kind of like.
That's when it started gettingmore emotional, emotionally hard
for me it's because you know, Ihad been diagnosed with this
specific issue and then all of asudden so, and so you know,
announces they're pregnant andit like it's kind of like a
sucker punched, you know, to mystomach.
(17:38):
I was like that was rough andpastor and Brooke knew kind of
what we're going through.
Them and my parents were kindof the only ones that really
knew at that moment.
So of course you know they wantto check in on me to make sure
I'm okay and obviously at thetime I really wasn't like super
okay, yeah, but I was like youknow, it is what it is right.
(17:58):
So I go, we go finally make theappointment to go to the
specialist, we both go get bloodwork and I get this other test
done that I when I got done inCalifornia.
It's a little more extensive,it's a better way to diagnose
the concern that they diagnosedme with, and so I'm in there and
I'd done the test before, so itwas not.
It's not a fun test to get done, um.
So I'm like and I'm watching,because you can watch everything
(18:21):
kind of go, they basically justlike dye, so they shoot dye
there and you kind of track thedie going through everything and
I'm watching it.
I'm like, okay, like I kind ofhave an idea what's going on, um
, and then the nurse or whoeverwas doing it, um, she's like so
I mean, I'm just like everythinglooks great, like everything's
flowing the way it's supposed to, and I'm kind of like what like
(18:42):
?
I'm like she's like are you,did you think something was
wrong?
I was told by my previousdoctor there's no consistency
here.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (18:48):
I want consistency.
Alycia Lovingier (18:49):
I was told my fallopian tubes were.
Both of them were blocke d Likeno everything's.
I mean everything's fine, likeeverything went the way it was
supposed to.
There's no blockages there.
And then she explained to methat the other test wasn't
necessarily the best form oftest to do to diagnose this
specific concern.
So I was like it was likewhiplash, because at the time
(19:09):
I'm laying there I like I'm I'mconfused because I'm like well,
what that other?
test was wrong.
Yeah, wait what I'm like butthis is still good news, because
there's nothing wrong but thenI'm like mad because that test I
had to do I had to pay for outof pocket, which was not cheap
by any means so I'm like theselike waves of, like emotions
(19:32):
were kind of going through allat one time.
I'm like what is happeningright now.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (19:37):
Were you alone all this time, or was he
with you During that?
Alycia Lovingier (19:39):
test.
He couldn't be there with me.
I don't think you.
I think you were there when Ihad the test done.
We did so many differentappointments.
Scott Lovingier (19:48):
I can't remember which ones are which.
Alycia Lovingier (19:55):
You were there when I had the test done
because I couldn, I couldn'tremember, I couldn't drive
because, they gave me amedication to kind of help relax
me, yeah, and so I couldn'tdrive and it was.
You know it's not super closedrive.
So he was, you were there forthe test, but, um, yeah, because
I remember driving home fromthere because I went got blood
work done too, yeah, so we werekind of getting all these tests
done, basically blood work, allthe tests already done at the
specialist.
They do like genetic testingwhen they go extensive into all
(20:16):
the tests and stuff so now thespecialist says you're good
right okay, so she's good.
Scott Lovingier (20:21):
I'm good, everything's good, so she's like
.
Alycia Lovingier (20:23):
She's like, and so we have like a
consultation once we get all theresults back.
She's like going over there.
She's like everything looksgreat.
So, based on your age you know,at the time I was 35 she's like
we could do um what's called aniui, which is the first test
that we did, or the first one wedid back in California.
That wasn't successful, rightshe's like, but since it didn't
work before.
We could just go jump straightto IVF which interviewer um
(20:46):
intro.
I can't think right now, sorrybut anyways, we go through, we
go through that process.
But the funny thing is thinkingback on it back in California,
like going through IVF is like$40,000, $50,000 per round Okay,
for just medications.
The whole process right.
(21:07):
No, guarantee no guaranteethat's even going to work Right.
So coming here, obviously weboth got jobs.
The job I got had just sohappened to get the insurance
that covers 90% of IVF.
Like the process not very.
It's expensive insurance, it'snot like every place gets this
insurance.
So the fact that like that, allkind of lined up, I'm like
(21:31):
that's insane's insane.
Like how that all played out,I'm like obviously I could see
you know God's kind of hand andgood.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (21:37):
Otherwise we wouldn't be able to afford that
Right.
Alycia Lovingier (21:39):
So I, you know , I get a call.
They're like okay, well, yourmedications are ready to start
the process, so you have to goto you know, go pick up the
medications.
And she's like we're goingthrough insurance.
(21:59):
Like yeah, go and run throughinsurance.
She's like okay.
So I was like because, justbecause I was curious, I knew
insurance, because I calledinsurance, asked like five
million times, do you guys cover?
this, are you sure?
Are you sure you cover this?
they're like yeah you know, they, they went there.
We covered 90% of it.
You know, obviously there'sstill stuff coming out of our
pockets.
But so I'm driving I remembervividly I'm driving home from
(22:20):
work and they call me, like okay, well, we're going ahead to
process everything.
You just want to confirmeverything.
And she's like, since you'regoing through insurance,
normally this would just oneround of medications was 22 000
for just the medications.
That's not like the process ofthem going in and retrieving the
(22:41):
eggs and you know, plantingeggs, all that stuff.
That's just the medications.
That's not going underanesthesia and all that stuff,
because you do have to go underthat as well.
After um, you kind of geteverything going, yeah.
So I was like holy cow, that'sexpensive.
And you know, but I'm like youknow thankfully God had provided
me a job to where it was stillnot cheap by any means, but it
(23:05):
was not $22,000 for medications.
So at that point I'm having totake medications three times a
day.
I'm having to take it at work,um just take a time out for a
second yeah.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (23:20):
Do you have any questions before we like go
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(23:43):
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May God bless you and make youprosperous in Him as you listen
(24:05):
and obey His voice.
The vision received was that of blood cells
traveling throughout the body,supplying the much needed oxygen
and other nutrients to thediffering members of the body to
fulfill their purpose.
Once the blood cells are spent,they must return back to the
heart to be refilled beforebeing sent out again and fulfill
their purpose and fulfill theirpurpose.
Scott Lovingier (00:28):
Yeah, that's kind of like how we moved here
from Florida.
Patricia Ruiz (00:29):
I was thinking there's a lot of parallels.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (00:31):
A little bit.
You know that lining up and allof that stuff.
Because we had to sell a houseover there a townhouse and we
had to buy a house over here.
Before Brooke was doing whatshe did with the videos, I was
walking through the houses in2006 and taking videos, sending
it to her.
Do you like this?
No, you like it no, and then wefound you know this one and um,
(00:54):
the day that we signed acontract to purchase this one
she called me afterward and saidthey found a buyer.
We're selling and we were ableto organize it to be able to
sell and buy pretty much withindays of each other, so we have
enough time to sell it overthere, drive up here and within
five days we were moving in here, so it all worked out amazingly
(01:16):
.
I was thinking, amongst all ofthe sharing that you've done,
that we kind of deviated, but Ithink that's where the story's
going to continue now that we'rein Georgia.
Um, that you wanted kids and itwas 30.
I remember saying 30 and 25, nono the whole thing is.
There's been a whole lot ofrevelations of things um, so it
(01:40):
was 30 and 25 when I last spokeabout he did really desired kids
.
Your heart was changing to kindof have kids and all of that
time you spent 10 years inCalifornia you didn't have any
kids.
Is that because you didn't wantthe kids or?
Scott Lovingier (01:56):
been 10 years ago.
So then you would be.
Alycia Lovingier (02:00):
It was two years into our marriage,
Scott Lovingier (02:05):
Two years into our marriage, that was when it
was like, okay, now would be anappropriate time to like
actively start trying to build afamily you know, we got the
career going.
You know, we got a place thatwe call our own.
Her parents are gone.
We got her marriage thing, youknow.
You know, working marriage wasgreat.
We've never had any problems inour marriage, um and like.
(02:28):
Okay, like we're at the age andthat's the next step you know
obviouslyfinancially.
We would have loved to havebeen in a better situation, but
I think everybody would love tobe better.
So, and I've always had peopletell me and now I tell other
people, if you're waiting forthe right time to have a kid is,
you're probably never, you'rejust gonna always wait you know,
and people have told me thatlike, so, just it, it's a good
(02:51):
thing to have kids.
You know, kids and and and lifecomes from God and he wants us
to have kids, he wants us tobuild a family.
So, like that's not somethingthat you should, you know, hide
or whatever anyways um so um, uh, we're like, okay, let's, let's
(03:12):
actively, you know, go throughthe steps and you know, and um
of having having a baby and um.
You know obviously this podcastlike spoiler alert.
It took us 10 years but but, andso I say, I say that so the
next part kind of makes sense.
(03:32):
You know because we're, you knowwhen, you when you make that
decision you think well, itcould happen any moment, you
know like so we're, we're likeokay we're having a baby and um,
you know, and I'll maybe letyou speak more on kind of the
spiritual things that werehappening during church services
(03:55):
and, um, even before we kind ofknew we were having trouble
conceiving, people were justpraying over Alycia's stomach.
Maybe you can talk more on that.
Alycia Lovingier (04:10):
I mean, it started fairly early on, Like we
had that close couple that wasreally close to us.
They were having kids, likeokay, well, you know, we know
it's going to take time.
We would have people come visitthe church.
They were very they're knownfor like speaking words of
knowledge and all that stuff andso like they pray and they I
remember specifically the wifesaid um, I don't I'm
(04:32):
paraphrasing because I don'tremember the exact words because
when you're in that moment, youdon't remember everything
specifically, but that it maynot happen right away, but it
will happen.
And so we're like, okay, well,you know, whatever you know.
We kind of took that as, likeyou know, you're getting ready
for the delay, right, exactly,we're like okay, well, you know,
whatever you know.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (04:46):
We kind of took that as, like you know,
you're getting ready for thedelay.
Alycia Lovingier (04:46):
Right, exactly Okay.
It wouldn't surprise us if itwas like you know, a couple
months, maybe a year or two.
You know it's fine, whatever.
And even at that time, like Iwas never like upset about not
having it Cause I knew like,okay, well, you know, it's just
not our time, like God just notwant.
It's hard to explain that,especially with like coworkers
and stuff.
They're like so when are youguys having babies?
(05:07):
You know, when you started withkids and I'm just like, oh, you
know it's going to happen, whenit's supposed to happen.
It's kind of hard to explainthe God factor with people who
don't necessarily believe inthat.
So I'm like you know, you know,like hey, like obviously, I'm
like God's gonna make it happenwhen it's supposed to happen,
like that's just and that's howI've always.
My brain has always registeredthings like it may not be the
(05:30):
brain out, but you know God saidit's gonna happen, it's gonna
happen.
He never gave us a timetable,technically, yeah.
So I mean, you know who's who'sto know,
Scott Lovingier (05:38):
So people, multiple times I mean three,
four times probably yeah that,and a lot of times it would be
people who were not part of ourchurch would just come and just
start praying over Alycia'sstomach, and the one lady was
saying you know, it's going tobe maybe a little difficult for
(05:59):
you all to conceive, and Goddoesn't ever tell you time.
God, God, is outside of time.
He very rarely tells you time,just ask Carolyn, how long it
took us to move, and so youdon't.
You don't think it's going tobe 10 years yeah, you weren't
expecting that, you don't you?
Don't think that.
Um so, after I don't what,three or four years probably.
(06:25):
Now it's like okay we're havingtrouble.
You know, maybe let's go getchecked out, let's go see, is
you know?
Is it her, Is it me?
You know where's the issue,because if you can find out what
the issue is, then you can tryto do something, try and fix the
issue and the doctor's just .
Alycia Lovingier (06:49):
Blood work came back normal.
Everything on me came backnormal.
Everything came back likenothing.
There's nothing.
Nothing was wrong with any ofus like either of us.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (06:55):
What did that do to your faith?
Alycia Lovingier (06:58):
So we're like okay.
Like for me that kind of, in away, it kind of confirms like
okay, well, this literally is agod thing like it's really just
it's God, we're waiting forsomething like to happen like
you know God's preparing us forsomething um.
Granted, we didn't think it'd bethat long, but we did kind of
go through some of the processof what's called an iui um,
(07:19):
which is it's a it's, it's veryit's a medical thing that they
do.
Pretty much it's right before astep, right before ivF, when
you go through in vitrofertilization.
It's kind of like a step.
They track everything and thenyou have to take medication and
then they come in and you know,just explain it other than you
know they have to mix everythingtogether and then I have to lay
(07:40):
there, you know, for a coupleof minutes and then wait for
everything to kind of, you know,chill out and I get to leave.
So basically kind of jumpstartthe process of you know, maybe
it's just the connecting was theproblem.
Everything connecting.
So we'll go okay, we did that acouple of times, nothing.
We did that three or four times.
(08:02):
The hormones were like horrificfor me, like I and I had like
work and I my job was veryphysical too at the time, so I'm
like I have no focus at work,but these medications were
definitely altering like how mybrain was processing things.
So we tried a couple times andthen they're like okay, well,
this is not working.
So the next step would be likethe injections and all that
stuff.
And then once I were like okay,so I went to the pharmacy, you
(08:24):
know, to kind of see it was like$500, $600, right, so insurance
did not cover.
Scott Lovingier (08:33):
California insurance did not cover the
insurance I had.
I don't understand what youmean.
The $500 or $600 for what?
For, like the injections?
Alycia Lovingier (08:37):
the injection portion of it the next step
would be the injections, theinjection portion of it.
The next step would be theinjections.
Okay, they're a little bit moreof a heavy medication and they
just insurance does not coverthat.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (08:48):
And that's the kickstart.
That's the kickstart, still thekickstart, yeah.
Alycia Lovingier (08:51):
So like the next step above, right before
IVF, but like it's kind of inbetween, and I was like we can't
.
It was like $500 or $600 forjust one round of that, and
who's to say it's going to beone round or it's from like 10.
Like we're like we can't, wecan't afford this.
Like we were, I mean, we werefine at the time in our life
(09:13):
where we were we're never.
We weren't like getting aheadbut we weren't like drowning
either.
We're kind of just, you know,breaking even, yeah.
So I'm like we can't, we can'tafford this.
Like this is like 20.
Scott Lovingier (09:26):
So I mean we're very much month to month you
know, so anything outside of abig hit out of your budget is is
a a big deal.
And again, how many times weever go after this every month
for a year, you know likewhere's the end to this?
So we did that a couple oftimes and then we just like,
okay, it was pull back this isyou know, basically, God, you
(09:52):
just have to show up.
If this is your will for ourlife, you're gonna have to do it
, and if it's not your will forour life, then you're gonna have
to work on our hearts and healus you know, because you know
this is obviously we want towant a child, we want a family.
At that point we were thinking,you know, we'd like to have a
couple kids and um, and.
(10:15):
And then you know, then you getto the point where it's now
been, you know, eight years andstill nothing's happened.
And you've been tested, andyou've done these other
medications and nothing'shappening.
Then you start going down somerabbit trails.
You know, for me it was like,well, maybe we're called to
(10:36):
adopt, maybe that's our path.
So you kind of look into that alittle bit.
Then you're like, man, this ismore expensive than medication.
It's actually insane howexpensive it is to adopt.
And you're like, well, I don'tknow how we're going to do that.
When you were looking.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (10:54):
What was that like $100K?
Scott Lovingier (10:56):
I don't think it's that much.
$20,000?
It's probably $20's still a lotof money we don't have that 20k
just sitting around to gothrough those steps.
And then my brain I'm like,well, maybe I'm just going to
have a bigger role as an uncle,maybe that's where my investment
goes into.
We just spend more time withnieces and nephews and invest in
(11:19):
their life, and that's kind ofwhere my brain was going.
But at the same time I'm stillholding on to the word of God's
going to give us a baby.
It's still going to happen.
So I'm still hanging on to that.
You know.
So you have there's.
You know your, your flesh istelling you things and you're,
(11:39):
but you're hanging on to theSpirit.
You know cause.
You're still human, I'm still.
I still have thoughts of doubt,I still have thoughts of sadness
and emotions and you know, youcan talk about how many people
around us were giving birth.
Alycia Lovingier (11:54):
Yeah.
You know, I mean even, honestly, it hit me more once, cause we
took a break after we, socouldn't afford that.
And then we kind of realizedthat's when we moved in with
parents and we're like, well,God saved us from having a kid
while living with parents.
So we knew like, okay, well,that really wouldn't have been
ideal.
Scott Lovingier (12:10):
COVID hits.
Alycia Lovingier (12:11):
Covid happened , so a lot of things kind of
happened in between that andthen moving here.
So we kind of took a breakduring that time and then we
knew we were moving.
So we're like, okay, once weget moved and we get settled,
then we can kind of start theprocess over again, start from
ground zero.
And so we moved here in likethe end of June and then we're
(12:32):
like, okay, once things getsettled down, we'll kind of
start at the beginning of theyear, basically like we're gonna
go full force and then, likeyou know, we'll start over again
.
You know, at this point, I'm 35, right, is that 35?
34, something like that?
Um, and then so I go 34 and I'dbe 39, yeah because in my brain
.
Scott Lovingier (12:52):
I'm like I'm gonna be 40 years old having a
baby.
You know I'm.
My biological clock again is,like you know, gone.
It's expired, so I went I wentto.
Alycia Lovingier (13:04):
Um, it's very different here in California,
like you have to have referralsto go to different things right,
so I just I and everything'sdifferent locations, um, so I
had to find an ob.
So I ob-gyn, um, and so we went, I did blood work and they do a
test, um, and this test issupposed to make sure
everything's kind of like my,you know, everything's open and
(13:26):
flowing, everything's supposedto be going like the way it's
supposed to you know.
So I get the test, did the testdone and I was extremely nervous
about it.
So, um, I was kind of like inthe pride.
It was painful.
I mean, if I'm completelyhonest, the test itself was
pretty painful.
I remember them saying somethings about oh, it's coming
back and like all these things.
So I'm like I'm not reallyprocessing what they're telling,
like what they're not saying itto me there.
(13:47):
I just heard them saying it,you're talking so I was like
okay so I was like I mean that'sweird but whatever, so I wait
and then, I said what like,because what they're doing is
they're pushing saline througheverything, but what were they
saying?
They're saying like the, thefluid was coming back they're
blocked basically yeah, likewhatever.
It's supposed to not go intowhere it's supposed to be going,
(14:07):
so it's coming instead of goingup through it's coming back
down gotcha, um, and it's funnybecause I didn't remember that
in the time that time.
But after looking back Iremembered that being said and I
was like, oh, that makes sensenow.
So well, kind of, so I get thetest results I don't know, it
was probably like a week and ahalf, maybe two weeks later and
(14:28):
it says fallopian tube blockageor blocked.
Okay, so I was like and I don'tknow a lot about the health
field, but I know enough to knowlike, okay, well, it means like
one of my fallopian tubes isblocked.
I mean, at least that's, wefound out what was going on,
right, we found out the concern.
So at that point I go in.
(14:49):
My mom was with me becauseScott had to work, and I'm
thinking like, okay, you know,one side's blocked, there's
still the other side right, andshe's like so both your
fallopian tubes are blocked.
And I was like what?
Like I didn't, I didn't process.
That was what I.
I knew like one was, but theytold me like both were.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (15:16):
Not to be scientific, but the fallopian
tubes is where the egg isreleased and stuff comes down
into the uterus so were youhaving periods?
Alycia Lovingier (15:29):
huh, like I had a little bit of trouble when
I was a teenager as far as likethat type of stuff, but once
that, like once I started youknow that sounds to you mine,
but, like you know, once Istarted I was like everything
was normal, like I could trackeverything, like everything
we're doing, we're doing allthat tracking you know we were
trying Um, and so I was like,and they kind of like it could
(15:51):
have just been me being in likemy emotional state at the time,
but I'm like so this is not tosay that you can't carry a child
, it just means that you knowthey're not the everything's not
able to connect, to form youknow an embryo.
(16:13):
And so I'm still like kind ofreeling from what she told me.
I'm still not processing it, soI'm like, well, that was very
she probably said it fine, butfor me, like I was in a hyper
emotional state at that timewhere I was like that's it, like
you're just gonna, I didn't saythat but I was thinking that in
my head.
I was like okay, so they sentme to a place Sandy Springs in
(16:37):
which is a specialist um, andso then we went there um you had
the same test same, the sametest.
They did.
This was a.
There's two different teststhat they can do to test this
thing, whether their fallopiantubes are open or not.
I did one in California, um,when we initially started the
process, and it came back normallike everything was fine.
(16:58):
So then this one the one that Idid here at my regular ob-gyn
said that it was.
They were blocked both blocked,right, okay.
So I was like okay.
So I'm like mentally likeprocessing as time goes on.
Mind you, when I found out thispart out, like within, like I
want to say it was like the sameweek we found out like someone
(17:18):
announced their pregnancy atchurch, I was like okay, like
that's kind of like.
That's when it started gettingmore emotional, emotionally hard
for me it's because you know, Ihad been diagnosed with this
specific issue and then all of asudden so, and so you know,
announces they're pregnant andit like it's kind of like a
sucker punched, you know, to mystomach.
(17:38):
I was like that was rough andpastor and Brooke knew kind of
what we're going through.
Them and my parents were kindof the only ones that really
knew at that moment.
So of course you know they wantto check in on me to make sure
I'm okay and obviously at thetime I really wasn't like super
okay, yeah, but I was like youknow, it is what it is right.
(17:58):
So I go, we go finally make theappointment to go to the
specialist, we both go get bloodwork and I get this other test
done that I when I got done inCalifornia.
It's a little more extensive,it's a better way to diagnose
the concern that they diagnosedme with, and so I'm in there and
I'd done the test before, so itwas not.
It's not a fun test to get done, um.
So I'm like and I'm watching,because you can watch everything
(18:21):
kind of go, they basically justlike dye, so they shoot dye
there and you kind of track thedie going through everything and
I'm watching it.
I'm like, okay, like I kind ofhave an idea what's going on, um
, and then the nurse or whoeverwas doing it, um, she's like so
I mean, I'm just like everythinglooks great, like everything's
flowing the way it's supposed to, and I'm kind of like what like
(18:42):
?
I'm like she's like are you,did you think something was
wrong?
I was told by my previousdoctor there's no consistency
here.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (18:48):
I want consistency.
Alycia Lovingier (18:49):
I was told my fallopian tubes were.
Both of them were blocke d Likeno everything's.
I mean everything's fine, likeeverything went the way it was
supposed to.
There's no blockages there.
And then she explained to methat the other test wasn't
necessarily the best form oftest to do to diagnose this
specific concern.
So I was like it was likewhiplash, because at the time
(19:09):
I'm laying there I like I'm I'mconfused because I'm like well,
what that other?
test was wrong.
Yeah, wait what I'm like butthis is still good news, because
there's nothing wrong but thenI'm like mad because that test I
had to do I had to pay for outof pocket, which was not cheap
by any means so I'm like theselike waves of, like emotions
(19:32):
were kind of going through allat one time.
I'm like what is happeningright now.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (19:37):
Were you alone all this time, or was he
with you During that?
Alycia Lovingier (19:39):
test.
He couldn't be there with me.
I don't think you.
I think you were there when Ihad the test done.
We did so many differentappointments.
Scott Lovingier (19:48):
I can't remember which ones are which.
Alycia Lovingier (19:55):
You were there when I had the test done
because I couldn, I couldn'tremember, I couldn't drive
because, they gave me amedication to kind of help relax
me, yeah, and so I couldn'tdrive and it was.
You know it's not super closedrive.
So he was, you were there forthe test, but, um, yeah, because
I remember driving home fromthere because I went got blood
work done too, yeah, so we werekind of getting all these tests
done, basically blood work, allthe tests already done at the
specialist.
They do like genetic testingwhen they go extensive into all
(20:16):
the tests and stuff so now thespecialist says you're good
right okay, so she's good.
Scott Lovingier (20:21):
I'm good, everything's good, so she's like
.
Alycia Lovingier (20:23):
She's like, and so we have like a
consultation once we get all theresults back.
She's like going over there.
She's like everything looksgreat.
So, based on your age you know,at the time I was 35 she's like
we could do um what's called aniui, which is the first test
that we did, or the first one wedid back in California.
That wasn't successful, rightshe's like, but since it didn't
work before.
We could just go jump straightto IVF which interviewer um
(20:46):
intro.
I can't think right now, sorrybut anyways, we go through, we
go through that process.
But the funny thing is thinkingback on it back in California,
like going through IVF is like$40,000, $50,000 per round Okay,
for just medications.
The whole process right.
(21:07):
No, guarantee no guaranteethat's even going to work Right.
So coming here, obviously weboth got jobs.
The job I got had just sohappened to get the insurance
that covers 90% of IVF.
Like the process not very.
It's expensive insurance, it'snot like every place gets this
insurance.
So the fact that like that, allkind of lined up, I'm like
(21:31):
that's insane's insane.
Like how that all played out,I'm like obviously I could see
you know God's kind of hand andgood.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (21:37):
Otherwise we wouldn't be able to afford that
Right.
Alycia Lovingier (21:39):
So I, you know , I get a call.
They're like okay, well, yourmedications are ready to start
the process, so you have to goto you know, go pick up the
medications.
And she's like we're goingthrough insurance.
(21:59):
Like yeah, go and run throughinsurance.
She's like okay.
So I was like because, justbecause I was curious, I knew
insurance, because I calledinsurance, asked like five
million times, do you guys cover?
this, are you sure?
Are you sure you cover this?
they're like yeah you know, they, they went there.
We covered 90% of it.
You know, obviously there'sstill stuff coming out of our
pockets.
But so I'm driving I remembervividly I'm driving home from
(22:20):
work and they call me, like okay, well, we're going ahead to
process everything.
You just want to confirmeverything.
And she's like, since you'regoing through insurance,
normally this would just oneround of medications was 22 000
for just the medications.
That's not like the process ofthem going in and retrieving the
(22:41):
eggs and you know, plantingeggs, all that stuff.
That's just the medications.
That's not going underanesthesia and all that stuff,
because you do have to go underthat as well.
After um, you kind of geteverything going, yeah.
So I was like holy cow, that'sexpensive.
And you know, but I'm like youknow thankfully God had provided
me a job to where it was stillnot cheap by any means, but it
(23:05):
was not $22,000 for medications.
So at that point I'm having totake medications three times a
day.
I'm having to take it at work,um just take a time out for a
second yeah.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz (23:20):
Do you have any questions before we like go
through the whole thing, or likeif you were blessed and
appreciate listening to thispodcast and you would like to
support us in our efforts,consider lifting us up in prayer
first.
Then remember these four socialmedia buzzwords share, like,
subscribe or follow.
Share this podcast link withsomeone else by text, email or
(23:43):
word of mouth in the hopes thatthey might be uplifted, as you
were Like by leaving a positiverating or review with whomever
you listen to our podcast.
With Subscribe to support theshow monetarily with the link in
our podcast description, followus on all our social media
platforms.
May God bless you and make youprosperous in Him as you listen
(24:05):
and obey His voice.
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