August 27, 2024 • 44 mins
In this powerful episode of Our Life Beyond, co-hosts Scott Dibben and Connie King sit down with their longtime friend, Brad, to explore his courageous journey from addiction to sobriety. Brad shares his deeply personal story of battling addiction for over three decades, surviving multiple overdoses, and ultimately finding a path to recovery. Through intense rehabilitation, unwavering family support, and a newfound spiritual connection, Brad has transformed his life, becoming a beacon of hope for others facing similar struggles.
Join us as we delve into the pivotal moments that led to Brad’s decision to seek help, the challenges he faced in recovery, and how he rebuilt his life from the ground up. This episode offers profound insights into the power of forgiveness, the importance of asking for help, and the resilience required to overcome life's darkest moments.
Whether you're grappling with your own challenges or supporting someone in their journey, Brad’s story is a testament to the human spirit’s ability to heal and thrive. Tune in for an inspiring conversation filled with wisdom, hope, and the message that it’s never too late to start anew.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Well, hello, hello, hello.
(00:09):
Welcome to our Life Beyond the podcast where we explore how to navigate and hopefully thrive
through some of life's biggest transitions.
I'm your co-host, Scott Dibben, and I've teamed up with my great friend and mentor,
Connie King, to share some stories, strategies, and insights that helped us adapt to the ever-changing
seasons of our life.
(00:30):
Whether your life transition is divorce, death of a loved one, switching careers, moving
to a new city, or just trying to figure out what the hell is next, we're with you every
step of the way.
But always remember, we're not therapists, just fellow travelers with a knack for finding
humor in the chaos and maybe some untraditional method of overcoming what life dishes out
(00:51):
to us.
Hopefully you'll have fun embarking on this journey.
So now, let's get started.
I want to give a special thank you to Habit Coffee for sponsoring us.
So if you're local to Springfield, you're probably aware of the miserable construction
at Highway 60 and Farm Road 125 heading into Rogersville.
(01:14):
Yeah, right in the midst of all that progress is the Habit Coffee Company, a fantastic local,
vagina-owned business.
They're more than just a coffee shop.
They serve delicious, scratch-made breakfast and lunch options.
They have a state and county-inspected kitchen, and they love catering events.
While it might take a bit of extra effort to reach them right now, they're excited
(01:37):
about the upcoming expansion when the highway reopens this fall.
Support the Habit Coffee Company and enjoy their incredible offerings today.
Thank you so much, Habit Coffee.
Hello, Connie.
Hello, Scott.
How are you?
I'm doing well.
How are you today?
I'm very excited today.
I'm thrilled about our guests.
(02:00):
Well tell me about them.
All right.
So today we have an old friend of ours.
We have known him for 40 years.
We all went to high school together.
His name is Brad.
Let me tell you a little bit about him.
He is here to share a very personal journey with addiction.
(02:21):
Brad is not only a well-respected member of several communities, but also a devoted father,
a genuinely kind-hearted individual who's made a huge impact on so many lives.
His story is one of resilience and transformation, and we're so honored to have him with us to
offer insight and hope for navigating similar challenges.
(02:45):
Brad's openness and courage in discussing his experiences make him a powerful voice
for change and understanding.
So without further ado, let's dive into this very, very important conversation with Brad.
Hello, Brad.
Well, good afternoon.
How are you guys today?
We're good.
How are you?
Well, thank you so much for coming on, Brad.
(03:06):
Glad to be here.
I love that intro.
I'm really impressed with myself, Connie.
Well, we've always been impressed with you.
So we're really excited to hear about your story and your journey, and I think it has
such beauty and importance in it.
So with that, do you want to kind of start off telling us a little bit about yourself
(03:33):
or where you are in your journey?
You tell us.
You lead this conversation.
So go ahead and tell us what you're thinking.
Sure, you know, I tell you, when we started talking about doing this, I first was like,
oh, absolutely not.
I just wanted to tell you guys that you were doing a great job.
But you know what I do, it's because it's different because you're from a time in life
(03:58):
and a place in life for me that I have left behind because of my addiction.
I found a new life, which I had to do.
So you know, it's a little nervous.
I'm a little nervous today, but I'm okay with it because I love telling my story because
part of what happens with people who are in recovery after any kind of addiction is you
(04:23):
have to tell the story in order to help somebody else that needs to hear what you have to say
or what you've been through.
Yeah.
And that's kind of what this whole podcast, our hope for it is, is to help others and
to let others not feel alone, whatever journey they're on.
That was our purpose of this.
So yeah, I appreciate it.
(04:43):
When I hear you say our life beyond, that's exactly some of the things that I say about
me where I am today in 2024.
You know, I'm sober from alcohol and drugs, but mostly drugs.
Now for four and a half years in February, I'll have five years of sobriety.
(05:05):
Congratulations.
Thanks.
You know, I can't, there's a part of me that really can't even believe those words.
You know, I grew up in a really safe environment, but it also had its problems.
You know, my family life was not what most people thought it was.
(05:28):
And I'm not going to dwell on that, but the point is this, that behind closed doors, the
experience of my family was very different from what most people saw publicly.
And I had a great mother, I had a great father.
They're both deceased now and I'm sad about that, but there's also a certain freedom
from it.
And as part of my recovery, to be honest with you, I've had to, you know, accept the fact
(05:54):
that along the way, I wasn't a very good son.
I wasn't a very good friend.
I was not a very good husband.
And I know I wasn't the best father, but I have somehow come out of this with two of
the most amazing, supportive and loving children that I could ever have hoped for.
(06:15):
I mean, they're just, they're amazing, but they've been part of it with me.
You know, they've struggled.
They've been hurt.
My family's been hurt.
You know, so it's part of the deal, but I, you know, I spent, I spent the better part
of 35 years hiding an addiction that eventually became so raging that it took me down.
(06:38):
And you know, I don't, I don't dwell on things that happened, but I'm lucky to be alive.
You know, I survived three overdoses, including one that very, very much, really I shouldn't
have come back from, to be honest with you.
I was in the hospital for a long time and most people didn't know that, you know, I
(07:02):
was good at hiding it and until I wasn't.
And then my sister and my brother and a few very close friends said, enough is enough.
We're done.
And you either go get this right this time after some failed attempts at getting sober,
(07:23):
or we don't want to know you anymore.
And the truth is that they were right.
And that was what saved me.
And so I came to a program in, in South Texas and I entered into what was a contract basically
for a year of intense recovery work, sobriety, full accountability, including the one-year
(07:46):
contract with myself, my family, and a treatment center in central Texas, South Central Texas.
And I moved to this, this farm out in the middle of nowhere where I cleaned toilets
and made food and did group sessions.
No TV, no phone calls, no phones, no music, no radio, but 30 minutes a week.
(08:11):
And I did that for four and a half months.
And then I left that program, that part of the program and went to an intensive, high
accountability, sober living situation that was just a little bit more freedom, i.e. I
could have a phone.
I could watch TV for a split amount of day, but I had to be outside of the house and I
had to get a job.
(08:32):
I worked at Lowe's and got, got awards and patches on my little, my little vest.
And I was so proud of that and rode the bus to work.
I had no car, but I can tell you that all of that happened to me when I was in, when
it was during COVID.
(08:52):
And if I had not had that experience there during COVID, I would not have survived.
There's absolutely no way I would have survived.
I, my, my level of life was absolutely zero and I would have ended up alone and dead.
And that's just the truth.
But after a year, I moved, you know, from sober living to a sober apartment, and then
(09:16):
I got to have an apartment by myself.
Sadly, at that point, kind of right at that point, my mother passed away.
I hadn't spoken to her in two years, which was by design.
My sister, my brother kept me away from her in order to save her from seeing what was
going on with me.
Eventually, my children came back into my life, but it was not immediate.
(09:38):
And now today, my sister, my brother, my children, everyone's back.
They trust me.
They love me.
They're supportive.
And it's all because of this program that I've found in this life in recovery.
Without that, I can't say I would have been able to survive.
(09:59):
Wow.
Wow.
Yeah.
So, Scott, me and Scott, our wheels are turning now.
So just why did COVID play such a big part?
You said, you know, if it hadn't been COVID, you don't think you would have survived.
What was it about COVID that played such a big part?
Well, if I had been still in a house in southwest Missouri using drugs the way I was using them
(10:26):
and isolated the way COVID isolated people, it would have been over.
And so for me, I was in this, I actually had very little idea of what was going on in the
world with COVID because I didn't have any experience.
I never left the property for four months.
So it was like, it was bizarre other than like letters I would get from the outside
(10:49):
world.
We really didn't know.
Interesting.
So how did that help you not having contact with the outside world?
What do you think the benefit was to you with that?
Well, so the program that I went through was a 12-step Alcoholics Anonymous based intensive
(11:11):
immersion program.
I worked a program of all 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous every single day in every aspect.
I did a lot of group sessions with the other men that I was with.
There were 30 other men there.
(11:32):
And we had chores to do and we learned how to deal with each other, but there were no
other outside distractions.
So taking away the phone, the news, the TV, the material parts of the world, and just
getting down to the bare bones of pen and paper and book and connection and finding
(11:53):
a faith that I clearly did not have and using a spiritual basis that pulled me into the
world of the living.
That's what it gave me.
And that's what happened there.
And something I want to emphasize here is I don't know if our listeners will understand
(12:13):
when you say, you know, I worked at Lowe's, I rode the bus.
So I'm going to kind of explain it from my viewpoint, okay, if you don't mind.
But Brad is from a very prominent family.
I don't like saying this because I know it's not always the truth, but I'm going to say
(12:38):
it so our listeners understand.
Brad probably came from a place of not really, I'm going to say, please forgive this, of
not wanting.
Like, you know, you had a car, you were blessed with, you know, things that a lot of people
(13:00):
may not understand.
You know,
Charlie, I'll say it was privilege.
You were very privileged.
But at the same time, you were such a kind guy.
Let's just face that.
So I don't want anybody to get that mixed up.
But for you to say, I went to Lowe's and I was so proud of the ribbons that I got.
And you know, I was riding the bus.
(13:22):
I think that really shows that you experienced what the hardships.
I mean, that's a hard thing for anybody to go through.
And then coming from privilege, it was probably very humbling.
Oh, yes.
Humbling.
And I'm not going to say that I don't want to downplay it because it was a very important
(13:46):
part of what happened to me.
But I also want to say so that people understand this, that what you're talking about, the
real parts of life, that's the most important thing that I learned.
And I was disconnected from that.
Not because I thought I was better, but because life just lent itself for things to be easier
(14:08):
for me.
And it had to be stripped of those easy things, that privilege.
You know, the fact that no matter what I did or didn't do professionally and whatever successes
I had, which I am proud to say I had some successes as a businessman in that town.
(14:29):
But I took it for granted.
And I knew that no matter how far I fell, I could probably get back up again until all
of a sudden the people around me very, very intelligently said, yeah, that's not going
to be that way anymore.
I got fired by my father.
And my wife said goodbye.
(14:52):
And there were a lot of things that happened over a period of six or seven years that made
me losing my grip.
And I wasn't going to survive.
Interesting.
But you did survive.
So can we kind of go past the point we're at?
(15:16):
And start moving forward.
Because this is the part that's so beautiful to me about this story.
So you are successful in your sobriety.
And now what do you do with it?
Well I made the decision.
I got approached while I was working at Lowe's by someone that I knew at the treatment center
(15:40):
that I worked with.
And they said, you know, your story is a little unique.
Your path is unique.
We think that you could help people.
And I said, I don't know.
I'm really doing everything right right now.
I don't want complication.
I don't want anything to knock me off the beam of success that I was on, which was very
(16:02):
simple success.
It was doing my meditation, staying sober, being drug tested twice a day, and working
and paying my own bills with what I was making.
And nothing else.
No help for my family or anyone else.
And so I thought, well maybe I can help people see that I'm a happy person.
(16:24):
And you know, that's kind of where I got that was amazing is I traded hate for love.
I traded doubt for faith.
I traded despair for hope.
I traded complete chaos for a piece that I had not ever known.
(16:44):
I didn't think it could exist.
So Brad, what did it take to get you to that point though?
I mean, because from the outside, I mean, you had a great life.
Everybody thought the world of you.
I remember you all the way through school.
But even later on, you said that you went through a couple overdoses, a few things went
(17:08):
on.
What was the turning point or what was that point that made you figure out that you had
to do something?
I had nothing left.
I was unhappy.
And the guy that you knew, I hate saying this, but the guy that you knew, although I appreciate
(17:30):
you saying I was nice and I think I was a nice human because I was always taught to
be that way, but I was intensely unhappy.
I had spent the better part of 49 years being intensely unhappy.
And I had to forgive myself for the mistakes I made in order to get to the point where
I could forgive anyone else in my life for anything that I may have thought that they
(17:55):
did that they may or may not have actually done to me or thought to me.
One of the greatest things that has come out of this for me is I live my life every day
saying what you think of me is none of my business.
The old Brad was so worried about what you thought of me that I was handicapped by that
(18:17):
every day.
Which I'm going to make a comment about that because I also, after Rob's death, you get
to this point where when you have nothing left and you are on the floor, when you start
rising above either your circumstances, your emotions, whatever it happens to be, that's
(18:41):
exactly what happens is you are more concerned with the spirituality of life or the higher
power.
It's like that's the thing that gets you through those things and what others say kind of falls
(19:04):
off.
It's just a natural transition I think that happens.
Yeah, and you know, I mean even going back to what you had said Brad, I wasn't in the
same circumstance but five years, six years ago I would have never done a podcast.
I would have been so concerned about what if I say something wrong?
(19:24):
What if I, you know, and somehow I've transformed myself and I have into I want to help others.
I want people to hear stories about other people and I just really want to be the best
person I can be going forward and it's like almost a switch that flips and when that happens,
(19:46):
such a relief for me.
It's a big relief and you know I talked a lot about peace and some of that is you know
like I had a sponsor that I worked with early on and he said to me, you need to shut up
and listen.
And at first I was like, well okay you can go fuck yourself but then I was like okay
(20:12):
maybe there's some truth in that and so I started really just listening to the people
around me and that is kind of like a concrete part of where I am today and that is you know
it's not up to me to change other people, to save them, to fix them but what I can do
(20:33):
is listen to them, I can be there for them and when asked I can give them the experience
that I have that changed my life, that moved me forward, that sustains me every day.
That faith and that spirituality that I've found which by the way has nothing to do with
conventional religion.
(20:54):
I want to make that very clear.
I am religious, I do believe in God but my faith and my spirituality are completely separate
from any kind of religion that I may or may not practice.
And this is kind of an offshoot.
How do you describe that to somebody because there's a lot of people who do not understand
it when they don't feel that.
(21:16):
You know they can say, well you're religious, what does that mean you're spiritual?
That just means you're religious.
You know could you hit on that topic just briefly?
You know spirituality is surrendering the fact that you cannot control everything that
happens to you in life.
Faith is believing that all those things that happen to you have a purpose and an ending.
(21:42):
Hope is what you get from putting spirituality and faith together and living a life based
on believing that what you need to do is surrender all of the control over to a higher power
of some sort whether it's you know God or a different entity that you believe in.
(22:03):
You have to have that connection with that higher power in order to do that.
You know I said earlier forgiveness is very important not only to other people but of
yourself.
Before I forgave myself for the things that I did wrong or the perceived things I did
(22:24):
wrong I had to figure out how to you know exist not believing that the center of the
universe was Brad.
You know I had to be able to say okay it's important that I know I am not the most important
thing in the world right now in front of every single person.
(22:46):
I'm just a person here.
I'm just a breathing human being in a world of people that are trying to get by and support
and help each other.
So do you think that part of your success is getting out of the Midwest area where we're
at moving and just almost reinventing yourself?
(23:08):
So you know Scott I appreciate you saying that and I want to be very careful with that
because I don't want to say that you have to leave everything.
I had to because I was addicted to drugs and I couldn't get away from the things that were
sucking me back in.
You know the disease of addiction knows no bounds.
(23:32):
It's just until you go to complete abstinence and until you get yourself right in your own
mind and make your body clean you can't get there.
So for me I had to leave.
Ultimately you know what happened for me is I found out that a lot of what was going on
with me and that was feeding my addiction was my unhappiness for who Brad was in that
(23:55):
area and who Brad was expected to be by family, by other people that I knew.
And I really I had to make the change to divorce myself of that person in that life in order
to become the person that I am supposed to be.
And I believe that we all have that person we're supposed to be.
And that's you know like what you guys talk about and how you have evolved to who you
(24:19):
are today through the experiences that you've had.
That's exactly the same thing as what I'm doing and anyone can do it wherever they are.
But you have to be aware of the things that hold you back and you have to be willing to
do what it takes to save yourself.
So who are you today?
Let's go to that piece.
(24:40):
Wow.
Well I'm a dog dad.
I think my children feel gets treated better than they do.
But no I'm you know what I'm a happy man is what I am.
I'm 53 years old.
I'm getting ready to go back to school and get a master's in social work.
(25:02):
I attend group meetings of some sort one to two times a day by choice.
I have an incredible partner that enriches my life and supports me and makes me happy.
I have you know my family back.
I'm sad you know I have no parents anymore.
(25:23):
My parents are both deceased and that's a that's just a hard thing to do.
And there's a lot of there's a lot built up in that as well.
I've had to go through a lot of therapy you know some trauma therapy that happened for
me and my family.
I don't speak for my sister or my brother but but there were some things that happened
in our family that really defined the trajectory of my life.
(25:47):
And I had to free myself of those things in order to say that I can be a healthy human
being now.
But my life is really full.
I'm like I have a lot of friends.
I have a lot of people that I love to come in contact with every day to help.
You know it's just it's good.
And how about your kids.
(26:08):
Do you have a relationship with them.
I do you know I'm not going to tell you that they weren't damaged by everything that happened
in our family with between me and their mother and my addiction and and some of the failures
that I had.
But I also feel honestly kind of they they are stronger human beings that you know they're
(26:33):
both in their early 20s.
You know they're they're good solid human beings and they help people.
My daughter works in a boys and girls club and just loves all of these kids everything
about him.
My son is is a he works in New Mexico in the forestry service and is happy and healthy.
(26:58):
And my daughter's getting married.
I'm going to be I'm going to have a father or son in law.
I'm going to be a father of all you know.
And that's that's all good.
I talk to both of them on a regular basis and and they've let me back into their life.
But it wasn't easy.
It's taken every bit of the last four years for us to get to the point where we are today.
It was not quick.
You know what's what's what's what I come away with from my divorce and a few other
(27:22):
things.
I thought I had to be the perfect parent so I tried to structure everything to shield
him from you know fights anything and everything.
But now where I'm at I'm and maybe it's because he's older.
Of course he's 26 but I feel like I am not only a parent but a friend now to him.
I mean I share every experience good or bad.
(27:45):
We talk about you know almost anything and I think by him knowing that I'm not perfect
now it makes his life a little easier because I think everybody you know whether you look
up to your your dad or something the person you're looking up to you're trying to be a
person similar to them and if you can show I'm not perfect I think it's better for our
(28:06):
kids.
You're human and that's you know I think we forget as as all humans that that we are not
perfect.
You know that we don't have to know everything.
We don't have to find out every answer.
There are some things we just may not ever know.
And that's a hard thing to learn ourselves.
(28:28):
And then you want your kids to have this like great life and then you realize they're not
perfect either.
And they have feelings and they have things that they go through that may be different
from what you're going through.
And I'll tell you something that's happened to me.
I learned from my kids.
It's not just me guiding them.
I learned from them.
(28:48):
My son like basically checks me weekly on things like water usage and how much I'm using
my car and you know what am I am I am I using a compost and things like that.
I never thought about things like that.
(29:09):
Here I am.
You know if I listen to what they have to say.
Isn't that funny how I have two things to say about that.
First of all kids are resilient.
I mean not only resilient but so forgiving especially of parents.
You know and that's the one thing I had to dole out forgiveness but it was the easiest
(29:33):
thing to do for my parents.
You know was to dole out that forgiveness because I wanted to.
And then the other thing is I remember it's kind of a story about kids checking you.
I had met this man who was a spy in World War Two and I'm thinking oh gosh he's going
to think this generation is just crap.
(29:56):
And I said what do you think of this generation.
He said you know what Connie every generation that comes up has something better than the
generation before.
Different but better.
And he said this generation is going to be just fine.
And I have said over and over my kids teach me on a daily basis every time I talk to them
(30:18):
they teach me how to see things differently.
You know and so I get that.
Kids are amazing.
So I think it's important for people to hear on a regular basis that you can break the
cycle you know just because your parents or grandparents or whatever were one type of
(30:43):
parent or they did or didn't do this or that you don't have to do it that way.
Organically living and listening and experiencing humanity with everyone around you especially
your children and family is hallmark to survival.
And I know so many people who cannot get past feeling like they have to do it exactly the
(31:08):
way their generation before them did it.
And breaking that cycle can be really difficult but once you do it opens up a whole new area
of you know of life and love and peace.
And I use those words constantly in my life and I do that because I didn't have any of
(31:29):
those things.
I had love.
I did.
But the love that I feel now is much deeper much more centered much more realistic and
the peace that I have sustained me.
It's crazy.
You know I don't I have zero capacity now to have an argument with someone.
(31:49):
I mean even I had somebody at the grocery store the other day they said hey I think
I was in line before you and you cut in front of me and I was like okay and I just backed
up and let him in.
Five years ago I would have been like excuse me.
You know I would have gone to town on those people.
(32:09):
Oh that's so funny.
I mean it's the transition is really cool actually interesting.
So what would you say to somebody who is it's I don't want to be cliche who's going through
addiction.
(32:30):
What would you say to anybody who is struggling right now.
Like what is your message to people.
My message is actually probably very clear and that is ask for help.
Seek help if it's medical help if it's you know guidance if it's spiritual help or you
(32:52):
know just you know ask a friend.
I think that we all every single person in this world has those moments where they're
they're they're too ashamed to ask for help.
And I constantly tell people if you don't ask for help you can't receive it.
(33:12):
And I believe if people can just open themselves up to seeing things that might be a little
bit different from what they are naturally you know taught or ingrained to think or see
there's a different life out there.
There's a different way of doing things that might give a seed of hope that keeps them
going and keeps them from moving backwards.
(33:34):
You know moving forwards is the only thing that will keep anyone from from being you
know standing still and moving nowhere.
You have to continue to change.
You have to continue to seek help and you have to continue to talk about it and listen
to the people around you.
I think one of the things that drives me nuts about the world we live in is everyone wants
(33:58):
to give their opinion.
They don't want to listen to what somebody else might be thinking.
It's they're so afraid that someone might not think the same thing as them that they
miss everything around them.
Wow that's so true.
So what about the people on the outside that's trying to help somebody that has an addiction?
Is there any words of wisdom for them as far as what can they do to help?
(34:23):
That's a tough one Scott because the truth is until someone is ready to get help no one
can help them efficiently.
I very specifically remember sitting in a vehicle with my brother and although everything
in me wanted him to go away I knew that the only chance of my survival at that point was
(34:49):
to go where he wanted me to go and to take me to get help.
And that's a point that some people don't get to Scott because it's too late before
they can get to that point.
But for those family members and people that want to help I say go seek your own help and
how to help that person until they're ready to let you in.
(35:14):
It's going to be a dance of beating your head against the floor and then the door frame
and the concrete.
So basically I'm just saying that you know when people are in need of help they have
to reach that point where they're willing to accept it.
And there are so many places for people to go and get help.
(35:36):
You know if someone is an alcoholic or even a drug addict you can go to Al-Anon meetings
and teenagers and children can go to al-ateen meetings.
There are all kinds of support groups for people who are in need.
But unfortunately it's hard to be the person that wants to save someone because most of
(35:58):
the time that's not going to work until that person wants to be saved and wants to have
help or has truly reached the bottom that is their bottom.
It's just not going to happen.
So you know talk about it.
Listen to people around you.
Take guidance.
That's what I would say.
You know I've never I've been fortunate I've never had anybody around me that's had to
(36:21):
go through this but I read the book and I think I may have even watched the movie Beautiful
Boy.
I don't know if you.
Yep.
Yeah and just.
Phenomenal book.
I'm watching what that dad went through because he tried to keep saving him.
Tried to you and I think you're right.
I think you you can almost you can't make them do anything.
(36:42):
You have to almost step back and let it happen and be there whenever they hit that bottom.
I think that's the only way to help them.
That is and one of the worst things and gosh I hate saying this and I'm sorry but one of
the worst things that is part of what I do in the world that I live in now is that I
see a lot of people go away for good.
(37:04):
But almost every single time after you know the person is gone the family that is left
has a piece because they realize that they could not have changed the outcome.
Yeah.
That what was going to happen was going to happen regardless of how much they participated
(37:26):
in what the process was.
And that's for good or bad.
You know that's that's family members and friends who who gave up and said I can't do
this anymore for my own good.
I have to walk away to the mom who continually tries to clean up the mess when it's over.
There's an overwhelming awareness there was nothing that they were going to be able to
(37:48):
do for this person.
Yeah.
Wow.
That is so powerful.
Who?
Dang.
Scott do you have any other questions because I think we're about out of time which I hate.
Yeah.
Well I do have a I think I've got a couple more questions.
Go for it.
So I know I know you're good today and I know that how do you convince the people around
(38:14):
you or does it get easier does it get easier for them to quit worrying.
How does that I can just imagine somehow they've got to believe that every day you're doing
what you need to do and that it's getting easier for you and that they don't have to
worry as much.
Well the only way for them to know that is for me to show them by staying clean by staying
(38:38):
on a good path by being rigorously honest about my life and where I am.
You know if you had asked me if you know 40 years ago if I would ever get on a podcast
and tell you that I'm a needle junkie that I was a drug addict the likes of which hung
out underneath a bridge with homeless people I would have been like you're crazy.
(39:01):
But now I say that not because I'm proud of it because it's just the truth and you know
I think I think that what we forget about is that we're all human and we're not perfect
and I've said that a couple of times in this but it's just that that's exactly what I think.
(39:22):
You know my truth is what sustains me and for those people that are nervous about me
going back I can't fix that it goes back to that thing I said what you think of me is
not my problem.
I can only do what I have to do for myself today but the proof is in the living it's
a it's a living proof by you seeing me and how I live my life and how I live with the
(39:45):
people around me and how I take care of myself.
Wow and one other question I'll let Connie jump in so is it easier now I mean can you
give somebody hope as far as if you go through all this every day gets easier or what does
that look like from your view?
Yeah every day does get easier Scott absolutely but I want to make it very clear that if I
(40:09):
don't stay on my program of recovery and if I don't continue to make myself better every
day and take care of my own personal mental health and spirituality I could easily go
back into those patterns.
The longer I am sober the more I can say I don't see that happening but I have to maintain
(40:35):
a connection to my sobriety and to my spirituality and to this program that I work every single
day if I allow that like if I go on a trip and I can't get to a meeting every day I
feel it you know I know I need to have that connection I know I need to be with those
people you know I love the fact that I have a place to go in every town I go to which
(40:59):
for me is AA but you can also get on a zoom meeting there's connection out there but it's
a program of work and experience you don't sit back and take it in you have to work it
you have to experience it you have to give back you have to communicate with other people
just like you otherwise it doesn't happen for many people.
(41:20):
Gotcha.
Wow well this has been extremely powerful and Brad I'm gonna say I am so proud of you
I'm sorry I am so proud of you and that you have been vulnerable in this and you know
(41:42):
I remember my friend from high school who was always happy and just I'm sorry that none
of us you know knew your struggles and even college you know but I'm really proud of you
for being vulnerable and for taking care of you that's what I'm really really proud of
(42:06):
so thank you for sharing your story yeah I'm happy to thank you for getting well well
thank you and and it giving me the chance to do this helps me stay well well I know
that's gonna help others when they hear this so can I leave you with a thought absolutely
(42:29):
the past is history the future is a mystery today is a present treated as a gift.
That's awesome yeah and and I just want to also say Brad I so appreciate you getting
on here and doing this this there is no way this could have been easy I know even my story
(42:52):
which you know your story goes so much deeper but my story was hard I can't even imagine
you doing this so I do think it'll help other people I think if they can take one one little
sentence from what you've said or one idea I think the amount of people it could help
is just endless so I really appreciate it.
No thank you there is hope out there and everybody can recover.
(43:17):
All right thank you.
Okay thank you so much for listening to this episode of our life beyond we really hope
that you found our discussion insightful and inspiring or at least brought a smile to your
day if you did enjoy this episode please consider subscribing to the podcast on your favorite
platform and leave us a review for more information resources or show notes visit our website
(43:40):
at our life beyond dot com you can also follow us on social media search for us on Facebook
at our life beyond we would love to hear from you our listeners so feel free to reach out
with your questions comments or suggestions through our contact us page at our life beyond
dot com or on social media and once again thank you for joining us on this journey till
(44:02):
next time remember life beyond any challenge is possible and we're here to navigate it
with you stay strong stay positive and keep moving forward.
Well, hello, hello, hello.
(00:09):
Welcome to our Life Beyond the podcast where we explore how to navigate and hopefully thrive
through some of life's biggest transitions.
I'm your co-host, Scott Dibben, and I've teamed up with my great friend and mentor,
Connie King, to share some stories, strategies, and insights that helped us adapt to the ever-changing
seasons of our life.
(00:30):
Whether your life transition is divorce, death of a loved one, switching careers, moving
to a new city, or just trying to figure out what the hell is next, we're with you every
step of the way.
But always remember, we're not therapists, just fellow travelers with a knack for finding
humor in the chaos and maybe some untraditional method of overcoming what life dishes out
(00:51):
to us.
Hopefully you'll have fun embarking on this journey.
So now, let's get started.
I want to give a special thank you to Habit Coffee for sponsoring us.
So if you're local to Springfield, you're probably aware of the miserable construction
at Highway 60 and Farm Road 125 heading into Rogersville.
(01:14):
Yeah, right in the midst of all that progress is the Habit Coffee Company, a fantastic local,
vagina-owned business.
They're more than just a coffee shop.
They serve delicious, scratch-made breakfast and lunch options.
They have a state and county-inspected kitchen, and they love catering events.
While it might take a bit of extra effort to reach them right now, they're excited
(01:37):
about the upcoming expansion when the highway reopens this fall.
Support the Habit Coffee Company and enjoy their incredible offerings today.
Thank you so much, Habit Coffee.
Hello, Connie.
Hello, Scott.
How are you?
I'm doing well.
How are you today?
I'm very excited today.
I'm thrilled about our guests.
(02:00):
Well tell me about them.
All right.
So today we have an old friend of ours.
We have known him for 40 years.
We all went to high school together.
His name is Brad.
Let me tell you a little bit about him.
He is here to share a very personal journey with addiction.
(02:21):
Brad is not only a well-respected member of several communities, but also a devoted father,
a genuinely kind-hearted individual who's made a huge impact on so many lives.
His story is one of resilience and transformation, and we're so honored to have him with us to
offer insight and hope for navigating similar challenges.
(02:45):
Brad's openness and courage in discussing his experiences make him a powerful voice
for change and understanding.
So without further ado, let's dive into this very, very important conversation with Brad.
Hello, Brad.
Well, good afternoon.
How are you guys today?
We're good.
How are you?
Well, thank you so much for coming on, Brad.
(03:06):
Glad to be here.
I love that intro.
I'm really impressed with myself, Connie.
Well, we've always been impressed with you.
So we're really excited to hear about your story and your journey, and I think it has
such beauty and importance in it.
So with that, do you want to kind of start off telling us a little bit about yourself
(03:33):
or where you are in your journey?
You tell us.
You lead this conversation.
So go ahead and tell us what you're thinking.
Sure, you know, I tell you, when we started talking about doing this, I first was like,
oh, absolutely not.
I just wanted to tell you guys that you were doing a great job.
But you know what I do, it's because it's different because you're from a time in life
(03:58):
and a place in life for me that I have left behind because of my addiction.
I found a new life, which I had to do.
So you know, it's a little nervous.
I'm a little nervous today, but I'm okay with it because I love telling my story because
part of what happens with people who are in recovery after any kind of addiction is you
(04:23):
have to tell the story in order to help somebody else that needs to hear what you have to say
or what you've been through.
Yeah.
And that's kind of what this whole podcast, our hope for it is, is to help others and
to let others not feel alone, whatever journey they're on.
That was our purpose of this.
So yeah, I appreciate it.
(04:43):
When I hear you say our life beyond, that's exactly some of the things that I say about
me where I am today in 2024.
You know, I'm sober from alcohol and drugs, but mostly drugs.
Now for four and a half years in February, I'll have five years of sobriety.
(05:05):
Congratulations.
Thanks.
You know, I can't, there's a part of me that really can't even believe those words.
You know, I grew up in a really safe environment, but it also had its problems.
You know, my family life was not what most people thought it was.
(05:28):
And I'm not going to dwell on that, but the point is this, that behind closed doors, the
experience of my family was very different from what most people saw publicly.
And I had a great mother, I had a great father.
They're both deceased now and I'm sad about that, but there's also a certain freedom
from it.
And as part of my recovery, to be honest with you, I've had to, you know, accept the fact
(05:54):
that along the way, I wasn't a very good son.
I wasn't a very good friend.
I was not a very good husband.
And I know I wasn't the best father, but I have somehow come out of this with two of
the most amazing, supportive and loving children that I could ever have hoped for.
(06:15):
I mean, they're just, they're amazing, but they've been part of it with me.
You know, they've struggled.
They've been hurt.
My family's been hurt.
You know, so it's part of the deal, but I, you know, I spent, I spent the better part
of 35 years hiding an addiction that eventually became so raging that it took me down.
(06:38):
And you know, I don't, I don't dwell on things that happened, but I'm lucky to be alive.
You know, I survived three overdoses, including one that very, very much, really I shouldn't
have come back from, to be honest with you.
I was in the hospital for a long time and most people didn't know that, you know, I
(07:02):
was good at hiding it and until I wasn't.
And then my sister and my brother and a few very close friends said, enough is enough.
We're done.
And you either go get this right this time after some failed attempts at getting sober,
(07:23):
or we don't want to know you anymore.
And the truth is that they were right.
And that was what saved me.
And so I came to a program in, in South Texas and I entered into what was a contract basically
for a year of intense recovery work, sobriety, full accountability, including the one-year
(07:46):
contract with myself, my family, and a treatment center in central Texas, South Central Texas.
And I moved to this, this farm out in the middle of nowhere where I cleaned toilets
and made food and did group sessions.
No TV, no phone calls, no phones, no music, no radio, but 30 minutes a week.
(08:11):
And I did that for four and a half months.
And then I left that program, that part of the program and went to an intensive, high
accountability, sober living situation that was just a little bit more freedom, i.e. I
could have a phone.
I could watch TV for a split amount of day, but I had to be outside of the house and I
had to get a job.
(08:32):
I worked at Lowe's and got, got awards and patches on my little, my little vest.
And I was so proud of that and rode the bus to work.
I had no car, but I can tell you that all of that happened to me when I was in, when
it was during COVID.
(08:52):
And if I had not had that experience there during COVID, I would not have survived.
There's absolutely no way I would have survived.
I, my, my level of life was absolutely zero and I would have ended up alone and dead.
And that's just the truth.
But after a year, I moved, you know, from sober living to a sober apartment, and then
(09:16):
I got to have an apartment by myself.
Sadly, at that point, kind of right at that point, my mother passed away.
I hadn't spoken to her in two years, which was by design.
My sister, my brother kept me away from her in order to save her from seeing what was
going on with me.
Eventually, my children came back into my life, but it was not immediate.
(09:38):
And now today, my sister, my brother, my children, everyone's back.
They trust me.
They love me.
They're supportive.
And it's all because of this program that I've found in this life in recovery.
Without that, I can't say I would have been able to survive.
(09:59):
Wow.
Wow.
Yeah.
So, Scott, me and Scott, our wheels are turning now.
So just why did COVID play such a big part?
You said, you know, if it hadn't been COVID, you don't think you would have survived.
What was it about COVID that played such a big part?
Well, if I had been still in a house in southwest Missouri using drugs the way I was using them
(10:26):
and isolated the way COVID isolated people, it would have been over.
And so for me, I was in this, I actually had very little idea of what was going on in the
world with COVID because I didn't have any experience.
I never left the property for four months.
So it was like, it was bizarre other than like letters I would get from the outside
(10:49):
world.
We really didn't know.
Interesting.
So how did that help you not having contact with the outside world?
What do you think the benefit was to you with that?
Well, so the program that I went through was a 12-step Alcoholics Anonymous based intensive
(11:11):
immersion program.
I worked a program of all 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous every single day in every aspect.
I did a lot of group sessions with the other men that I was with.
There were 30 other men there.
(11:32):
And we had chores to do and we learned how to deal with each other, but there were no
other outside distractions.
So taking away the phone, the news, the TV, the material parts of the world, and just
getting down to the bare bones of pen and paper and book and connection and finding
(11:53):
a faith that I clearly did not have and using a spiritual basis that pulled me into the
world of the living.
That's what it gave me.
And that's what happened there.
And something I want to emphasize here is I don't know if our listeners will understand
(12:13):
when you say, you know, I worked at Lowe's, I rode the bus.
So I'm going to kind of explain it from my viewpoint, okay, if you don't mind.
But Brad is from a very prominent family.
I don't like saying this because I know it's not always the truth, but I'm going to say
(12:38):
it so our listeners understand.
Brad probably came from a place of not really, I'm going to say, please forgive this, of
not wanting.
Like, you know, you had a car, you were blessed with, you know, things that a lot of people
(13:00):
may not understand.
You know,
Charlie, I'll say it was privilege.
You were very privileged.
But at the same time, you were such a kind guy.
Let's just face that.
So I don't want anybody to get that mixed up.
But for you to say, I went to Lowe's and I was so proud of the ribbons that I got.
And you know, I was riding the bus.
(13:22):
I think that really shows that you experienced what the hardships.
I mean, that's a hard thing for anybody to go through.
And then coming from privilege, it was probably very humbling.
Oh, yes.
Humbling.
And I'm not going to say that I don't want to downplay it because it was a very important
(13:46):
part of what happened to me.
But I also want to say so that people understand this, that what you're talking about, the
real parts of life, that's the most important thing that I learned.
And I was disconnected from that.
Not because I thought I was better, but because life just lent itself for things to be easier
(14:08):
for me.
And it had to be stripped of those easy things, that privilege.
You know, the fact that no matter what I did or didn't do professionally and whatever successes
I had, which I am proud to say I had some successes as a businessman in that town.
(14:29):
But I took it for granted.
And I knew that no matter how far I fell, I could probably get back up again until all
of a sudden the people around me very, very intelligently said, yeah, that's not going
to be that way anymore.
I got fired by my father.
And my wife said goodbye.
(14:52):
And there were a lot of things that happened over a period of six or seven years that made
me losing my grip.
And I wasn't going to survive.
Interesting.
But you did survive.
So can we kind of go past the point we're at?
(15:16):
And start moving forward.
Because this is the part that's so beautiful to me about this story.
So you are successful in your sobriety.
And now what do you do with it?
Well I made the decision.
I got approached while I was working at Lowe's by someone that I knew at the treatment center
(15:40):
that I worked with.
And they said, you know, your story is a little unique.
Your path is unique.
We think that you could help people.
And I said, I don't know.
I'm really doing everything right right now.
I don't want complication.
I don't want anything to knock me off the beam of success that I was on, which was very
(16:02):
simple success.
It was doing my meditation, staying sober, being drug tested twice a day, and working
and paying my own bills with what I was making.
And nothing else.
No help for my family or anyone else.
And so I thought, well maybe I can help people see that I'm a happy person.
(16:24):
And you know, that's kind of where I got that was amazing is I traded hate for love.
I traded doubt for faith.
I traded despair for hope.
I traded complete chaos for a piece that I had not ever known.
(16:44):
I didn't think it could exist.
So Brad, what did it take to get you to that point though?
I mean, because from the outside, I mean, you had a great life.
Everybody thought the world of you.
I remember you all the way through school.
But even later on, you said that you went through a couple overdoses, a few things went
(17:08):
on.
What was the turning point or what was that point that made you figure out that you had
to do something?
I had nothing left.
I was unhappy.
And the guy that you knew, I hate saying this, but the guy that you knew, although I appreciate
(17:30):
you saying I was nice and I think I was a nice human because I was always taught to
be that way, but I was intensely unhappy.
I had spent the better part of 49 years being intensely unhappy.
And I had to forgive myself for the mistakes I made in order to get to the point where
I could forgive anyone else in my life for anything that I may have thought that they
(17:55):
did that they may or may not have actually done to me or thought to me.
One of the greatest things that has come out of this for me is I live my life every day
saying what you think of me is none of my business.
The old Brad was so worried about what you thought of me that I was handicapped by that
(18:17):
every day.
Which I'm going to make a comment about that because I also, after Rob's death, you get
to this point where when you have nothing left and you are on the floor, when you start
rising above either your circumstances, your emotions, whatever it happens to be, that's
(18:41):
exactly what happens is you are more concerned with the spirituality of life or the higher
power.
It's like that's the thing that gets you through those things and what others say kind of falls
(19:04):
off.
It's just a natural transition I think that happens.
Yeah, and you know, I mean even going back to what you had said Brad, I wasn't in the
same circumstance but five years, six years ago I would have never done a podcast.
I would have been so concerned about what if I say something wrong?
(19:24):
What if I, you know, and somehow I've transformed myself and I have into I want to help others.
I want people to hear stories about other people and I just really want to be the best
person I can be going forward and it's like almost a switch that flips and when that happens,
(19:46):
such a relief for me.
It's a big relief and you know I talked a lot about peace and some of that is you know
like I had a sponsor that I worked with early on and he said to me, you need to shut up
and listen.
And at first I was like, well okay you can go fuck yourself but then I was like okay
(20:12):
maybe there's some truth in that and so I started really just listening to the people
around me and that is kind of like a concrete part of where I am today and that is you know
it's not up to me to change other people, to save them, to fix them but what I can do
(20:33):
is listen to them, I can be there for them and when asked I can give them the experience
that I have that changed my life, that moved me forward, that sustains me every day.
That faith and that spirituality that I've found which by the way has nothing to do with
conventional religion.
(20:54):
I want to make that very clear.
I am religious, I do believe in God but my faith and my spirituality are completely separate
from any kind of religion that I may or may not practice.
And this is kind of an offshoot.
How do you describe that to somebody because there's a lot of people who do not understand
it when they don't feel that.
(21:16):
You know they can say, well you're religious, what does that mean you're spiritual?
That just means you're religious.
You know could you hit on that topic just briefly?
You know spirituality is surrendering the fact that you cannot control everything that
happens to you in life.
Faith is believing that all those things that happen to you have a purpose and an ending.
(21:42):
Hope is what you get from putting spirituality and faith together and living a life based
on believing that what you need to do is surrender all of the control over to a higher power
of some sort whether it's you know God or a different entity that you believe in.
(22:03):
You have to have that connection with that higher power in order to do that.
You know I said earlier forgiveness is very important not only to other people but of
yourself.
Before I forgave myself for the things that I did wrong or the perceived things I did
(22:24):
wrong I had to figure out how to you know exist not believing that the center of the
universe was Brad.
You know I had to be able to say okay it's important that I know I am not the most important
thing in the world right now in front of every single person.
(22:46):
I'm just a person here.
I'm just a breathing human being in a world of people that are trying to get by and support
and help each other.
So do you think that part of your success is getting out of the Midwest area where we're
at moving and just almost reinventing yourself?
(23:08):
So you know Scott I appreciate you saying that and I want to be very careful with that
because I don't want to say that you have to leave everything.
I had to because I was addicted to drugs and I couldn't get away from the things that were
sucking me back in.
You know the disease of addiction knows no bounds.
(23:32):
It's just until you go to complete abstinence and until you get yourself right in your own
mind and make your body clean you can't get there.
So for me I had to leave.
Ultimately you know what happened for me is I found out that a lot of what was going on
with me and that was feeding my addiction was my unhappiness for who Brad was in that
(23:55):
area and who Brad was expected to be by family, by other people that I knew.
And I really I had to make the change to divorce myself of that person in that life in order
to become the person that I am supposed to be.
And I believe that we all have that person we're supposed to be.
And that's you know like what you guys talk about and how you have evolved to who you
(24:19):
are today through the experiences that you've had.
That's exactly the same thing as what I'm doing and anyone can do it wherever they are.
But you have to be aware of the things that hold you back and you have to be willing to
do what it takes to save yourself.
So who are you today?
Let's go to that piece.
(24:40):
Wow.
Well I'm a dog dad.
I think my children feel gets treated better than they do.
But no I'm you know what I'm a happy man is what I am.
I'm 53 years old.
I'm getting ready to go back to school and get a master's in social work.
(25:02):
I attend group meetings of some sort one to two times a day by choice.
I have an incredible partner that enriches my life and supports me and makes me happy.
I have you know my family back.
I'm sad you know I have no parents anymore.
(25:23):
My parents are both deceased and that's a that's just a hard thing to do.
And there's a lot of there's a lot built up in that as well.
I've had to go through a lot of therapy you know some trauma therapy that happened for
me and my family.
I don't speak for my sister or my brother but but there were some things that happened
in our family that really defined the trajectory of my life.
(25:47):
And I had to free myself of those things in order to say that I can be a healthy human
being now.
But my life is really full.
I'm like I have a lot of friends.
I have a lot of people that I love to come in contact with every day to help.
You know it's just it's good.
And how about your kids.
(26:08):
Do you have a relationship with them.
I do you know I'm not going to tell you that they weren't damaged by everything that happened
in our family with between me and their mother and my addiction and and some of the failures
that I had.
But I also feel honestly kind of they they are stronger human beings that you know they're
(26:33):
both in their early 20s.
You know they're they're good solid human beings and they help people.
My daughter works in a boys and girls club and just loves all of these kids everything
about him.
My son is is a he works in New Mexico in the forestry service and is happy and healthy.
(26:58):
And my daughter's getting married.
I'm going to be I'm going to have a father or son in law.
I'm going to be a father of all you know.
And that's that's all good.
I talk to both of them on a regular basis and and they've let me back into their life.
But it wasn't easy.
It's taken every bit of the last four years for us to get to the point where we are today.
It was not quick.
You know what's what's what's what I come away with from my divorce and a few other
(27:22):
things.
I thought I had to be the perfect parent so I tried to structure everything to shield
him from you know fights anything and everything.
But now where I'm at I'm and maybe it's because he's older.
Of course he's 26 but I feel like I am not only a parent but a friend now to him.
I mean I share every experience good or bad.
(27:45):
We talk about you know almost anything and I think by him knowing that I'm not perfect
now it makes his life a little easier because I think everybody you know whether you look
up to your your dad or something the person you're looking up to you're trying to be a
person similar to them and if you can show I'm not perfect I think it's better for our
(28:06):
kids.
You're human and that's you know I think we forget as as all humans that that we are not
perfect.
You know that we don't have to know everything.
We don't have to find out every answer.
There are some things we just may not ever know.
And that's a hard thing to learn ourselves.
(28:28):
And then you want your kids to have this like great life and then you realize they're not
perfect either.
And they have feelings and they have things that they go through that may be different
from what you're going through.
And I'll tell you something that's happened to me.
I learned from my kids.
It's not just me guiding them.
I learned from them.
(28:48):
My son like basically checks me weekly on things like water usage and how much I'm using
my car and you know what am I am I am I using a compost and things like that.
I never thought about things like that.
(29:09):
Here I am.
You know if I listen to what they have to say.
Isn't that funny how I have two things to say about that.
First of all kids are resilient.
I mean not only resilient but so forgiving especially of parents.
You know and that's the one thing I had to dole out forgiveness but it was the easiest
(29:33):
thing to do for my parents.
You know was to dole out that forgiveness because I wanted to.
And then the other thing is I remember it's kind of a story about kids checking you.
I had met this man who was a spy in World War Two and I'm thinking oh gosh he's going
to think this generation is just crap.
(29:56):
And I said what do you think of this generation.
He said you know what Connie every generation that comes up has something better than the
generation before.
Different but better.
And he said this generation is going to be just fine.
And I have said over and over my kids teach me on a daily basis every time I talk to them
(30:18):
they teach me how to see things differently.
You know and so I get that.
Kids are amazing.
So I think it's important for people to hear on a regular basis that you can break the
cycle you know just because your parents or grandparents or whatever were one type of
(30:43):
parent or they did or didn't do this or that you don't have to do it that way.
Organically living and listening and experiencing humanity with everyone around you especially
your children and family is hallmark to survival.
And I know so many people who cannot get past feeling like they have to do it exactly the
(31:08):
way their generation before them did it.
And breaking that cycle can be really difficult but once you do it opens up a whole new area
of you know of life and love and peace.
And I use those words constantly in my life and I do that because I didn't have any of
(31:29):
those things.
I had love.
I did.
But the love that I feel now is much deeper much more centered much more realistic and
the peace that I have sustained me.
It's crazy.
You know I don't I have zero capacity now to have an argument with someone.
(31:49):
I mean even I had somebody at the grocery store the other day they said hey I think
I was in line before you and you cut in front of me and I was like okay and I just backed
up and let him in.
Five years ago I would have been like excuse me.
You know I would have gone to town on those people.
(32:09):
Oh that's so funny.
I mean it's the transition is really cool actually interesting.
So what would you say to somebody who is it's I don't want to be cliche who's going through
addiction.
(32:30):
What would you say to anybody who is struggling right now.
Like what is your message to people.
My message is actually probably very clear and that is ask for help.
Seek help if it's medical help if it's you know guidance if it's spiritual help or you
(32:52):
know just you know ask a friend.
I think that we all every single person in this world has those moments where they're
they're they're too ashamed to ask for help.
And I constantly tell people if you don't ask for help you can't receive it.
(33:12):
And I believe if people can just open themselves up to seeing things that might be a little
bit different from what they are naturally you know taught or ingrained to think or see
there's a different life out there.
There's a different way of doing things that might give a seed of hope that keeps them
going and keeps them from moving backwards.
(33:34):
You know moving forwards is the only thing that will keep anyone from from being you
know standing still and moving nowhere.
You have to continue to change.
You have to continue to seek help and you have to continue to talk about it and listen
to the people around you.
I think one of the things that drives me nuts about the world we live in is everyone wants
(33:58):
to give their opinion.
They don't want to listen to what somebody else might be thinking.
It's they're so afraid that someone might not think the same thing as them that they
miss everything around them.
Wow that's so true.
So what about the people on the outside that's trying to help somebody that has an addiction?
Is there any words of wisdom for them as far as what can they do to help?
(34:23):
That's a tough one Scott because the truth is until someone is ready to get help no one
can help them efficiently.
I very specifically remember sitting in a vehicle with my brother and although everything
in me wanted him to go away I knew that the only chance of my survival at that point was
(34:49):
to go where he wanted me to go and to take me to get help.
And that's a point that some people don't get to Scott because it's too late before
they can get to that point.
But for those family members and people that want to help I say go seek your own help and
how to help that person until they're ready to let you in.
(35:14):
It's going to be a dance of beating your head against the floor and then the door frame
and the concrete.
So basically I'm just saying that you know when people are in need of help they have
to reach that point where they're willing to accept it.
And there are so many places for people to go and get help.
(35:36):
You know if someone is an alcoholic or even a drug addict you can go to Al-Anon meetings
and teenagers and children can go to al-ateen meetings.
There are all kinds of support groups for people who are in need.
But unfortunately it's hard to be the person that wants to save someone because most of
(35:58):
the time that's not going to work until that person wants to be saved and wants to have
help or has truly reached the bottom that is their bottom.
It's just not going to happen.
So you know talk about it.
Listen to people around you.
Take guidance.
That's what I would say.
You know I've never I've been fortunate I've never had anybody around me that's had to
(36:21):
go through this but I read the book and I think I may have even watched the movie Beautiful
Boy.
I don't know if you.
Yep.
Yeah and just.
Phenomenal book.
I'm watching what that dad went through because he tried to keep saving him.
Tried to you and I think you're right.
I think you you can almost you can't make them do anything.
(36:42):
You have to almost step back and let it happen and be there whenever they hit that bottom.
I think that's the only way to help them.
That is and one of the worst things and gosh I hate saying this and I'm sorry but one of
the worst things that is part of what I do in the world that I live in now is that I
see a lot of people go away for good.
(37:04):
But almost every single time after you know the person is gone the family that is left
has a piece because they realize that they could not have changed the outcome.
Yeah.
That what was going to happen was going to happen regardless of how much they participated
(37:26):
in what the process was.
And that's for good or bad.
You know that's that's family members and friends who who gave up and said I can't do
this anymore for my own good.
I have to walk away to the mom who continually tries to clean up the mess when it's over.
There's an overwhelming awareness there was nothing that they were going to be able to
(37:48):
do for this person.
Yeah.
Wow.
That is so powerful.
Who?
Dang.
Scott do you have any other questions because I think we're about out of time which I hate.
Yeah.
Well I do have a I think I've got a couple more questions.
Go for it.
So I know I know you're good today and I know that how do you convince the people around
(38:14):
you or does it get easier does it get easier for them to quit worrying.
How does that I can just imagine somehow they've got to believe that every day you're doing
what you need to do and that it's getting easier for you and that they don't have to
worry as much.
Well the only way for them to know that is for me to show them by staying clean by staying
(38:38):
on a good path by being rigorously honest about my life and where I am.
You know if you had asked me if you know 40 years ago if I would ever get on a podcast
and tell you that I'm a needle junkie that I was a drug addict the likes of which hung
out underneath a bridge with homeless people I would have been like you're crazy.
(39:01):
But now I say that not because I'm proud of it because it's just the truth and you know
I think I think that what we forget about is that we're all human and we're not perfect
and I've said that a couple of times in this but it's just that that's exactly what I think.
(39:22):
You know my truth is what sustains me and for those people that are nervous about me
going back I can't fix that it goes back to that thing I said what you think of me is
not my problem.
I can only do what I have to do for myself today but the proof is in the living it's
a it's a living proof by you seeing me and how I live my life and how I live with the
(39:45):
people around me and how I take care of myself.
Wow and one other question I'll let Connie jump in so is it easier now I mean can you
give somebody hope as far as if you go through all this every day gets easier or what does
that look like from your view?
Yeah every day does get easier Scott absolutely but I want to make it very clear that if I
(40:09):
don't stay on my program of recovery and if I don't continue to make myself better every
day and take care of my own personal mental health and spirituality I could easily go
back into those patterns.
The longer I am sober the more I can say I don't see that happening but I have to maintain
(40:35):
a connection to my sobriety and to my spirituality and to this program that I work every single
day if I allow that like if I go on a trip and I can't get to a meeting every day I
feel it you know I know I need to have that connection I know I need to be with those
people you know I love the fact that I have a place to go in every town I go to which
(40:59):
for me is AA but you can also get on a zoom meeting there's connection out there but it's
a program of work and experience you don't sit back and take it in you have to work it
you have to experience it you have to give back you have to communicate with other people
just like you otherwise it doesn't happen for many people.
(41:20):
Gotcha.
Wow well this has been extremely powerful and Brad I'm gonna say I am so proud of you
I'm sorry I am so proud of you and that you have been vulnerable in this and you know
(41:42):
I remember my friend from high school who was always happy and just I'm sorry that none
of us you know knew your struggles and even college you know but I'm really proud of you
for being vulnerable and for taking care of you that's what I'm really really proud of
(42:06):
so thank you for sharing your story yeah I'm happy to thank you for getting well well
thank you and and it giving me the chance to do this helps me stay well well I know
that's gonna help others when they hear this so can I leave you with a thought absolutely
(42:29):
the past is history the future is a mystery today is a present treated as a gift.
That's awesome yeah and and I just want to also say Brad I so appreciate you getting
on here and doing this this there is no way this could have been easy I know even my story
(42:52):
which you know your story goes so much deeper but my story was hard I can't even imagine
you doing this so I do think it'll help other people I think if they can take one one little
sentence from what you've said or one idea I think the amount of people it could help
is just endless so I really appreciate it.
No thank you there is hope out there and everybody can recover.
(43:17):
All right thank you.
Okay thank you so much for listening to this episode of our life beyond we really hope
that you found our discussion insightful and inspiring or at least brought a smile to your
day if you did enjoy this episode please consider subscribing to the podcast on your favorite
platform and leave us a review for more information resources or show notes visit our website
(43:40):
at our life beyond dot com you can also follow us on social media search for us on Facebook
at our life beyond we would love to hear from you our listeners so feel free to reach out
with your questions comments or suggestions through our contact us page at our life beyond
dot com or on social media and once again thank you for joining us on this journey till
(44:02):
next time remember life beyond any challenge is possible and we're here to navigate it
with you stay strong stay positive and keep moving forward.
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