Living Beyond Loss: Chet’s Story of Twin Bonds and Healing

In this emotional and deeply personal episode of Our Life Beyond, Connie King and Scott Dibben are joined by their friend Chet, who opens up about the heartbreaking loss of his twin brother, Chuck. Growing up as twins, Chet and Chuck shared an unbreakable bond—from childhood antics to adult adventures, their connection ran deeper than the typical sibling relationships.

Chet recounts the special moments they shared growing up, the struggles they faced together, and how they supported each other through life’s ups and downs. The loss of Chuck, a lifelong confidant, came as a devastating blow, and Chet shares his journey of learning to cope, grieve, and heal. This episode delves into the unique experience of losing a twin, the impact it has on one's identity, and the strength it takes to move forward while keeping the memory of a loved one alive.

Through this heart-wrenching yet inspiring story, Chet offers a message of hope, showing that even through life’s greatest losses, we can find ways to honor those we’ve lost and carry them with us in new and meaningful ways.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Well, hello, hello, hello.

(00:09):
Welcome to our Life Beyond the podcast where we explore how to navigate and hopefully thrive
through some of life's biggest transitions.
I'm your co-host Scott Dibben and I've teamed up with my great friend and mentor, Connie
King to share some stories, strategies and insights that helped us adapt to the ever-changing
seasons of our life.

(00:30):
Whether your life transition is divorce, death of a loved one, switching careers, moving
to a new city or just trying to figure out what the hell is next, we're with you every
step of the way.
But always remember we're not therapists, just fellow travelers with a knack for finding
humor in the chaos and maybe some untraditional method of overcoming what life dishes out

(00:51):
to us.
Hopefully you'll have fun embarking on this journey.
So now let's get started.
I want to give a special thank you to Habit Coffee for sponsoring us.
So if you're local to Springfield, you're probably aware of the miserable construction
at Highway 60 and Farm Road 125 heading into Rogersville.

(01:14):
Yeah, right in the midst of all that progress is the Habit Coffee Company, a fantastic local
vagina-owned business.
They're more than just a coffee shop, they serve delicious scratch-made breakfast and
lunch options, they have a state and county inspected kitchen, and they love catering
events.
While it might take a bit of extra effort to reach them right now, they're excited

(01:37):
about the upcoming expansion when the highway reopens this fall.
Support the Habit Coffee Company and enjoy their incredible offerings today.
Thank you so much, Habit Coffee.
Well, hello, Connie.
Hello, Scott.
How are you?
I'm doing well.
How are you?
I am good.
I'm excited about our guest today.
So am I.
Good.

(01:58):
Well, let me tell you a little bit about him.
Our guest is Chet.
He's a great friend of both of ours.
He's a remarkable guy that's faced unimaginable loss.
He lost his twin brother recently, and he's here to share his personal journey of coping
with such a profound loss and the way he's found to honor and remember Chuck.

(02:19):
And we will also talk about the emotions and adjustments that come with losing someone
that's such a big part of your life, especially a twin that wasn't just a sibling, but also
a lifelong confidant and companion.
He's also going to talk to us a little bit about keeping his brother's memory alive and

(02:40):
the lessons that he's learned just along the way on this journey.
So I feel like Chet's story is one of resilience, of love, and really the bond between siblings.
And I'm so, so grateful to have him with us today to offer some insight and some inspiration

(03:01):
to those who might be walking kind of a similar path.
Without further ado, let's welcome Chet to the show.
I look, yeah.
Thank you for doing this, Chet.
We really appreciate it.
I think it's an important message.
And honestly, we've heard a lot of good feedback from all of our episodes and I think this
one is going to impact a lot of people.

(03:21):
I know it's going to.
Hey, Chet.
Hey, hey, Connie.
Hi, Scott.
So let's start off, Chet.
Most of us that have never been a twin, of course, or really even experienced being in
a family like that, probably doesn't even understand the bonds that a twin has and from
that why it's so tough to get over something like that.

(03:44):
Do you want to start off by maybe talking about what it was like growing up with a twin?
Yeah, absolutely.
I think what the interesting part about it is, is you're born literally with your best
friend.
Yeah.
I mean, you have lots of friends and your family and sisters and you have three older
sisters and they're fantastic.

(04:05):
But what's interesting though is, so in our family, there was five of us.
So I had three older sisters and they were each a year apart.
They were like nine years, eight years, seven years, basically older than us.
And then Chuck and I were born.
And so I guess kind of in a way we had, with them being so much older, it was almost like
having a couple other moms in the household too.

(04:25):
They were always mothering us and taking care of us and being honoree to us in any way.
But it was really fun.
I would never trade what I think I have that I think most people will never actually experience.
So Chuck and I growing up, we basically did everything together.
And your twin, your mother and your father, they just, they do every, we do everything

(04:49):
together, right?
So they dress us alike, our clothes are the same.
We kind of went through that until, oh, I think until probably once we got in school,
I think even in kindergarten and first grade, and I don't know how long before we started
realizing that we don't need to keep dressing alike.
We maybe need to be individuals because the kids around us started kind of making, I don't

(05:13):
know, I wouldn't say they made fun of us, but I just remember we got a point now, well,
we need to change this to the point that I remember even picking out jeans for brands.
If he picked Levi's, I would wear Wranglers, right?
So we would just, would he wear Levi's?
It's the same or the same jeans, jean brands or places.
But I guess that was part of trying to become individuals because it seemed like for a long

(05:37):
time we were always just, it was Chuck and Chet.
And that's pretty much our whole life.
There's always Chuck and Chet and Chuck was always first, right?
I think because he was born first.
But yeah, no, it's so things that you, I don't know if some of my childhood friends will
remember this little story, but I'll tell this one.
I think it's a pretty good one.
So whenever, of course, Scott, you and I were in kindergarten together.

(06:01):
And then we went to, Chuck and I went to Mark Twain Elementary from first grade through
sixth grade.
And so they had two, two classes, two first grade classes, two second, two third, two
fourth, et cetera.
And so first through fourth, we both managed to go from each one of those grades with the
same group of kids.

(06:22):
And then I think it was fifth grade.
It seemed like her name might've been Mrs. Wade.
I don't know why it seems like that was my teacher.
But anyway, in fifth grade, we came to school and of course we didn't know who our, we just
knew our teacher was.
We'd get in their classrooms for the first day and we realized that we're with a different
set of kids.
He's with all, I'm with all of his friends and he's with all my friends.

(06:42):
So we got home and I talked about it.
Yeah.
And so the next day I went in as Chuck and he went in as a dad.
And so that lasted for a while.
Really?
How long did that last?
Oh, quite a while.
See the kids, the kids knew they were in on it.

(07:03):
And then eventually though we got caught and then we talked to the teacher about it and
they actually ended up officially switching us back to the same kids that we were used
to being with.
That's hilarious.
Yeah.
So there's something, not everybody has the opportunity to do unless you're just an identical
twin, right?
Right.
Yeah, no, that's for sure.

(07:25):
And I can tell you all the way even through junior high and high school, there was a lot
of people that didn't know you well, that just went to school with you that still had
problems trying to figure out who Chuck and Chet was differently.
That would be me.
I was that person.
Yeah.
Well, you know, and we definitely both developed our own personalities.

(07:48):
You know, Chuck, he was probably, I always considered him probably a little bit more
outgoing than me, I think.
But I think that's changed over time.
Then you kind of become your own person, but I was always okay with if we were in a group
setting and I was okay if he was the one talking and I was in the background, that was fine.
It didn't bother me.

(08:09):
That was okay with that.
And I'd speak up or be me when I needed to be, right?
But there again, it was always Chuck and Chet.
Yeah.
But we had a lot of fun growing up.
We grew up on a locale farm and it was, like I said, our sisters were older than us.

(08:31):
And so by the time we were nine or 10 years old, they were having kids.
So we were uncles at, I think, nine years old or somewhere along in there.
I also remember that you guys, even without knowing it, would dress enough alike that

(08:52):
if a person couldn't identify you by the facial recognition, I mean, they weren't going to
by clothes because honestly, you guys, even without knowing it, would end up dressing
the same.
Oh yeah, that even happened into our adulthood.
So if we were, man, I wouldn't see him for maybe a month or something.
And we were always trying to come up with the next event, the next traveling event or

(09:14):
vacation or where we were going to go.
We would literally, I kid you not, we would show up and maybe we'd be wearing the exact
same hat or the exact same shirt, bought the same shoes, something like that.
Even as adults, we had to kind of have the same taste.
And I have had literally the exact same truck that he has, like the same year, the same
make, bought it from the same person.

(09:34):
They built them both the same for us.
Our motorcycles were pretty close.
They're about the same.
They weren't far apart.
We both had black Jeeps.
We both, you know what I mean?
It's just sort of like that.
And later on in life, I mean, your crew choices were very similar.
Yeah.
So, you know, when I was 16, I went to work for Remus Supermarkets, which is now Price

(09:56):
Cutter and Chuck was in, uh, Lynn Lebanon.
He was working for Walmart and I actually tried to go to work for Walmart, but they
wouldn't hire relativists back then.
So I couldn't work there.
So I went to work for Remus.
And then, so when we graduated high school, my dad, uh, he took us to Springfield and
found a house and he put a down payment on the house.
And he moved us, soon as you graduate high school, in the summer, he moved us out and

(10:20):
moved us into that house.
And so here we are now on our own.
We enrolled in college at, back then SMS.
And so we, you know, we're kind of taking the same path there.
You know, I was working for Ramey still.
I transferred to Springfield.
He transferred to a Springfield Walmart and so now we're living together.
And anyway, we had a lot of fun.
So there was a, I could think of a couple of times, I don't, I don't know if my wife

(10:44):
knows this, but she'll, uh, she'll know now cause she'll listen to this.
But I, I remember this one time, so this is before I ever knew her, but I remember this
one time I had a, had a date scheduled and I don't know, somebody was trying to set me
up with somebody else.
So I had another date scheduled to come to, I forgot that they were both on the same night.
And I told Chuck, I was like, Hey, I need you to go out as me tonight with this girl.

(11:06):
And so he took her out as Chip.
And so, and I, anyways, that didn't work out by the way, good for either one of us.
They both, both, both of us, it was over.
But we could get by with that a little bit.
I know in college even we would, uh, if he couldn't make a class and he needed somebody
to take notes, I would pop in and sit in there in his spot and I would take notes and then

(11:29):
I'd pass them off to him and vice versa.
He'd do the same for me.
Oh, I can tell you a few other stories, I guess, about college that we did where, but
anyway, we had a lot of fun.
I can't even imagine that.
And I know of course, Connie probably can't either.
I had a large family, but I never had anybody that was that close.
Let me tell you, God knows what he's doing to not give me a twin.

(11:50):
Cause I'd be sitting around doing nothing, asking my twin to do everything for me.
Our DNA, you know, is, is a hundred percent the same, which is kind of strange.
So you know, several years ago we took that DNA ancestry test and he had taken it years,
a few years before I did and I took it and it came back that we were, that I'd taken
it before.

(12:10):
But of course I had to go in there and verify that it was me, you know, and that I was a
different person.
But that was because our DNA showed up as a hundred percent the same, which is kind
of, I never really thought about that.
You know, I mean, I knew, you know, well, well, it's, you know, it's one egg and once
were when it splits.
Yeah.
You know?
So anyway, so that was actually kind of surprising.

(12:31):
I didn't realize that, you know, so there was a, I'll tell you another funny story here
real quick.
So I don't, I don't know that he was even driving his own car, but he, but he, but he
got a parking ticket in Springfield.
This was when we were in college and probably, I don't know, probably 10, 15 years later,
that parking ticket never got paid and he didn't even know he had, I was, I was working.

(12:51):
I was living in Festus, Crystal city area, just south of St. Louis.
I was going home late from work one night.
It was probably 11 o'clock at night and I knew pretty much all the police officers.
I was a, back then I was a co-manager for the Walmart Supercenter there.
And so I knew most of the police officers, you know, in town cause they stopped in Walmart,
but this particular police officer pulled me over.

(13:12):
I didn't know him and man, he, he ran my license plate.
He ran my driver's license.
He came up to the window and he asked me to step out of the car and, uh, and now he's
got me out on the side of the road.
He said there was a warrant out for my arrest.
I'm like, what are you talking about?
I didn't do anything.
And so, uh, he calls Springfield and contacted them to see if they would come and pick me

(13:34):
up and they wouldn't come and pick me up.
So he ended up giving me a ticket and telling me that I need to call and find out what's
going on with this warrant, get it taken care of.
Well, the next day I called and tried to find out what was going on.
Well, it turned to come to find out it wasn't even me.
It was Chuck.
See our social security numbers are, they are really, really close together.
So our driver's license number or excuse me, our, uh, birth dates of course were the same

(13:58):
and our names are so close that they got us confused and they thought the warrant was
out for me and turned to come find out was Chuck.
So anyway, I, uh, I didn't get arrested and I told him about it.
No, I didn't pay it.
You know what he didn't either, but at that time he was living, I think I've been, I feel
like he was living in Kentucky or somewhere.
Oh no.

(14:18):
Uh, definitely Kentucky or Indiana.
I kind of lost track.
We moved around a lot.
And so he, I remember though later he was the store manager in Neoshell, Missouri and
he got pulled over and it caught up with him that that war had ended up popping up.
So he had to go take care of it.
It was no big deal.
You know, he just had to go pay the fine and get it off there.

(14:38):
But anyway, that drug around for probably 20 years.
That's hilarious.
So as far as the, as far as the job similarities, you said at some point up in Festus, you ended
up as a co-manager at Walmart.
And so is that where you guys kind of started doing the same thing?
Cause didn't he work for Walmart too?

(15:00):
Oh yeah, no, we started years before that.
So in 93, I went to work for Walmart.
Well, I was working, okay, here's what happened.
He was, he was in the assistant manager training program at Walmart.
I was now a co-manager, soon to be store manager at Pricecutter.
And he called me and said, Hey, you need to go talk to my, talk to my district manager.

(15:24):
Either the super centers are starting to open up everywhere.
And with your food background, you'd be great for this.
So I went and interviewed with his district manager.
And I remember he asked me, the first question he asked me was, how are you geographically?
I said, I'll move anywhere you want me to go.

(15:45):
I said, all right.
So we finished the interview and it was probably a couple of weeks.
And then I got selected to become an assistant manager on their training program.
So that was in the early nineties.
And so we now we're both working, we're both assistant managers.
I go through the training program.
He finished up the training program.
And about the same time we wrapped up the training program, he went to West Helena,
Arkansas, which was a kind of a rough little town.

(16:08):
And then, and then I ended up down in Hammond, Louisiana.
It was good, but we were doing the exact same thing.
So he was always, he was a little bit ahead of me.
He worked for Walmart a lot longer.
So when he became co-manager, I was still assistant.
And then I ended up becoming co-manager and then he became store manager.
And then behind him, I became store manager.
And then he moved on to market manager, which is what took him out to Oklahoma city.

(16:29):
And of course that's where he ended up finishing and living and raising his family.
And you know, his kids all, you know, started their lives there with, you know, having kids
themselves, you know.
So what, what did marriage look like then?
I mean, I can't even imagine.
I know, of course you married Amy and she knew you as twins.

(16:49):
Of course, of course, both of you.
But was, was there ever any jealousy or any, um, I mean, what was the thought as far as
marrying a twin?
Yeah.
So okay.
So there's, there's never a difference for me, right?
She knows, you know, it's like there's, they're not confusing us.
They know us very well.

(17:10):
Of course not.
Chuck's wife, Marianne, you know, knows Chuck really well.
But as far as, um, you know, our relationship, we were so close that Amy often would, would
kid around and say, you know, if they were, if, if she was in the lake drowning and Chuck
was there next to her, that I could save him instead of her.
Right.

(17:30):
Cause I said, no, I would save you both.
But yeah, she, she, she understood how close we are.
And you know, and so, uh, and we were always going to, so growing up, our kids growing
up were, we literally did every vacation together.
You know, I mean, that was that we were always planning, you know, what, what are we going
to do?
We would take the kids.

(17:51):
If we're going to Disney world, we, we, we went, went as, as a, you know, two families,
we always, two families going together, you know, on, on these vacations or Mexico, we'd
all go together or wherever we were traveling to.
Um, we, we just always tried to figure out a way to do it together.
And you know, we, we, we often had, had talked about sort of having, you know, we don't really

(18:11):
have regrets, right?
I mean, we both had our paths and they worked out, I think the way they're supposed to work
out, but we always had this conversation of, man, what would have happened if we would
have just stayed, you know, closer together and refuse to get on that path of moving from
town to town and state to state, you know, in, in Amy and I was first, I may have already
said this, but in our first 20 years of marriage, we moved 14 times.

(18:32):
Oh, wow.
And, you know, we, we would only be somebody set up somewhere about a year, year and a
half.
Well, Chuck was pretty much doing the same thing and there wasn't, wasn't too often that
we were even close together.
But we, we somehow managed to try to stay close together.
You know, it might be that we, we would talk on the phone every single day, multiple times
a day, usually, usually on the way to work, usually at lunch.

(18:53):
If you know, we'd go lunch and if he was at lunch, we'd catch each other.
And then even on the drive home or later that night, if we would talk on the phone, it was
just, we were just always connected.
And it probably helped a lot, both of you in the same profession or career because you
could bounce ideas off each other.
Of course it did.
You know, it really did.
So I'll tell you something real quick.

(19:13):
So one of my oldest, my oldest sister, she, I remember her saying this to me one time
that she, she's like, man, I really wish I had what you and Chuck had.
Oh, really?
And, you know, I never really thought about that.
For us, it was normal.
You know, that was just, that was our life.
We, you know, we, we did everything together and that doesn't, that doesn't mean we didn't
have friends around us, right?
Scott, cause you were around us, Connie.

(19:34):
Sure.
I mean, our friends are around us, but as much as possible, we'd be there together,
you know?
We had friends.
What's interesting, if I had friends that were doing something together that I started,
you know, just like us riding Harley, Harleys together, you know, I actually wrote Chuck
road, Chuck and his boys rode dirt bikes and motocross stuff like that.
And I really never got into that.

(19:55):
The one time that I went on a motocross track with, with Chuck, I rode one of his bikes.
I went down and I got ran over by the guy that was much better than me.
So he's like, you're right.
Yeah, I'm fine.
I jumped on the bike and I limped myself around to the trailer and got off.
And that was the last time one and over.
So I realized that wasn't for me.

(20:15):
But then the whole Harley experience, you know, I started having friends and people
that I was riding with on, on the Harley, then I ended up buying a different Harley
and I sold Chuck my Harley.
And then, so he started writing.
Well, that now he's now part of my friend group, right?
That, you know, and he's getting to know those friends.
And so we just pulled him in and then same thing in Oklahoma city, you know, where he
was living, you know, I've become part of his friend group.

(20:35):
And interesting enough, after his passing, I'm still, you know, I'm doing stuff with
some of his friends now that they weren't really even my friends until after he passed.
You know, they sort of befriended me.
Well, and I have two uncles, they were twins.
And my grandma used to say, you know, I didn't really have to worry about them because they

(20:56):
entertained each other like all their lives.
They were together.
I mean, as far as they might have been separate in where they lived or whatever in their families.
But it's true.
There's just such a remarkable bond between twins.
Like you said, we have the same DNA.
It's like just another me next to me.

(21:17):
Yeah.
Well, if you think about being even my kids, I mean, Chuck, Chuck treated my kids like
they were his own.
Oh, yeah.
Literally, and in essence, you know, 50% of them are.
Right.
Oh, interesting.
You don't think about that.
You don't think about that, but that's true.

(21:39):
If your kids would have done a DNA test, what would they have shown?
Chuck would show as their dad just as equal as I would.
Okay.
Wow.
Yeah.
Interesting.
So yeah, same for Chuck's kids.
I mean, I love his kids like they're my own.
I mean, not that I don't love my other nieces and nephews.
I do, but we just, we just, you know, they were just together with us all the time.

(22:00):
We did everything together.
And so, you know, I talked to Chuck's boys a lot and, you know, and, and his daughters
a little bit, not as much as daughters, as boys, I think, but, but I'm there for them
anytime they would need me to have one or anything for sure.
And they know that.
So, and I hope, I hope to stay that way, you know, and I think it will.

(22:21):
Yeah.
Well, he raised great kids.
I mean, I've, I've been fortunate to be around them and they've invited me to things, of
course.
And yeah, that's awesome.
So can we talk about you and Chuck?
I don't even know how to say it.
You guys were so, so close, so close.
And in fact, let's talk about the day of his passing.

(22:42):
I mean, you don't have to include anything you don't want to, but you guys were together
that day even.
Can you talk a little bit about that?
Yeah.
So, uh, so we had been, we'd started writing Harleys and we had some, a lot of close friends,
great friends that we did trips with every, usually twice a year.

(23:02):
Like in the spring, we would do a shorter trip, you know, it's a little cooler in the
spring.
So we might do, you know, like a Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday trip.
And then in the summer, usually August, late August, or, uh, maybe right after school starts,
just in case some of them have kids that are at school and they don't have to worry about
things with kids, you know.
Uh, then we would do a, probably a 10 day or nine or 10 or 12 day trip somewhere else.

(23:27):
Right.
And so we did that for years and in this particular year, and we loved it.
We love the trips.
I've got so many great memories of all the places that we went on our motorcycles.
And you know, I know they're, they're, you know, they're dangerous and we knew that.
And so, you know, I'll, uh, I'll tell a quick story, you know, about my, my motorcycle.
I very first brought, bought my first Harley.

(23:48):
I sort of always wanted one.
And you know, I'd written dirt bikes on trail rides and stuff like that as a kid and different
things and, and kind of had went a long time without having any motorcycles.
I decided I want to do it.
And I bought this road King.
And at this time, my dad was, was kind of ill and this was in 2013 and my dad was, uh,

(24:10):
head cancer and he was, he was not doing well.
And anyway, uh, I decided that I was, after I got that road King, I thought I'm going
to write it down and show it to my dad, you know?
And I got down there and parked it right in the driveway and we were sitting outside visiting
and, and then he didn't say anything about that motorcycle.
Holy cow.
You're not going to say that about my motorcycle.

(24:31):
And so, not a word.
So finally I'm getting ready to leave and I said, Hey, what do you think about my motorcycle?
And he just sort of sat there for a second.
He didn't say a whole lot.
He looked over, kind of leaned his head over and cocked it sideways a little bit.
He looked at me and he said, what color flowers do you like?
Yeah.
Oh no.
And I thought, huh, okay.

(24:53):
I didn't say anything.
I said, well, I gotta go.
You know, and so that's, that's in 2013.
And so I, I got on a bike and I rode home.
And so from that day forward, and this was early on, you know, I'd just taken the motorcycle
safety course.
I'd learned learning how to ride a big bike and you know, they weighed 900 pounds, Scott,
as you know.

(25:13):
Yeah.
So there wasn't a day that I got on that bike that I didn't think about that comment.
You know, I never told anybody about that comment.
I didn't tell my wife.
I didn't tell Chuck.
Really?
No, that's the one thing I always kept to myself.
And you know, and so I carried that in my mind every time I got on the bike.
And so, you know, I mean, I, I, I prayed every time I got on my bike too, but you know, keep

(25:39):
the safe, keep the riders on with safe, you know?
And so, and I know you, I know I bounced back a little bit, but I just thought I would tell
that story a little bit because that was pretty, uh, kind of a profound comment, you know,
to me in my life and it stuck with me.
And I always just was sort of fearful of that, you know, fearful of, you know, man, you know,

(26:00):
something happens.
And so then I'm going to fast forward to the day, you know, that Chuck was, uh, we planned
this ride and Chuck had a friend, uh, that was, that he rode with quite a bit, I think
in the Oklahoma city.
And he was, he was been on another trip with us at least one, if not two.
And he was supposed to come with Chuck on this particular trip.
And this was a Wednesday.

(26:22):
He was coming to my house.
We were going to leave out on Thursday and for whatever reason, his friend couldn't come
and I don't know what the deal was.
So he, so now Chuck's coming by himself and he gets to my house and well, I was actually
buying his boat.
So the, so on that Wednesday he got there, I, we had to have the title notarized in Oklahoma
city.
And I don't know if you have to have the title.

(26:43):
So we did the paperwork, signed off on that.
And then that night we got our, my house, we're getting our bikes ready.
And it just seemed like even packing our luggage was hard.
I don't know why it just seemed like we couldn't even, you know, it's like, couldn't figure
out how to get the stuff strapped on there where they're wanting to get loose.
And it just seemed like everything was not working out like it should, right?
Like we're forcing it.
Chuck was also in the process of getting a CHFC.

(27:03):
He was one, one exam away from getting his charter with financial consultant, which is,
by the way, I didn't mention what that we changed careers.
And when I changed careers, I went to work for state farm and became a state farm agent
back in 2011.
And then he actually ended up following suit and he'd actually went through the internship
and basically did the same thing.
So he was a state farm insurance agent, had an office also, but his was in Oklahoma city.

(27:28):
So I won't go into all that at the moment, but it was just another, one of those examples
of us doing the same thing, right?
Right.
So then Wednesday night we get our bikes ready and then, so we kind of got into a situation
and Thursday morning we get up and I, by the way, I started my motorcycle up and it ran
fine, but that morning, Thursday morning, we were getting ready to head out, hit the

(27:49):
starter on my bike and nothing, they wouldn't start.
It's like, what the heck?
And well, the battery is dead.
And I don't know if you, you've probably never, you know, and some people out here that will
listen to this will understand how hard it is to get a battery out of a street glide.
I mean, those things are in there.
So we're at the time we need to leave because we're meeting six other guys in Kabul and

(28:09):
now we can't leave and we're having to deal with this.
So I'm letting them know we're going to be late for them to just go on.
We'd catch up.
And so we go to O'Reilly's, we grab a battery and we're getting ready to leave.
And some guy had high centered his truck on the top of this concrete thing and he couldn't
get his truck off.
And so it's just another thing to slow us down.
It was like, okay, so I'm going to help him out.

(28:30):
I've got a winch on the front of my Jeep.
I hooked him up, drug him over it, you know, got him out of there.
And then so we get home and we get the bikes ready.
And so finally we get the battery in after watching a couple of YouTube videos showing
us how to shut the alarm off that wouldn't shut off.
So now we're on the road, we're headed there and we get to Kabul.
We catch up the guys.

(28:51):
They had just finished eating.
And so we're like, nah, don't worry about it.
We'll just, we'll just eat at the next stop.
We, you know, we didn't want to hold everybody up.
So we left and we go and it's kind of raining too, by the way, and that's the worst feeling
is, you know, it's one thing getting caught in the rain, but man, it's horrible when you
have to leave in the rain, but that's, you know, it's the way it was.

(29:11):
So we were, the weekend plan was we were going to stay in dot mill and this was going to
be just sort of a trip where we would go from mill to mill, just checking them out and you
know, so we were headed toward dot mill.
We got to dot mill that night, that Thursday night.
We hung out and Chuck and I, for whatever reason, everybody's hanging out.
We're like, kind of tired.

(29:31):
We're like, well, we'll just head back to the room, go to bed.
So we went back and went to the room and about nine o'clock actually.
And we went ahead and kind of organized things for the next day.
And we knew it was going to be raining the next morning until probably about 11.
And so we weren't going to leave until a little after that.
So we get in our, we get to go to bed and we get up the next morning and everything

(29:52):
finally clears out.
So now we're going to drive to Gainesville.
There was a little restaurant there that has pizza.
We're going to all be there and have pizza.
So we all rode together at pizza.
And then while we were there, Chuck was a big, you know, concert guy and I like concerts
too.
And he's on his phone.
He's like, Hey, there's an Aerosmith concert coming up.

(30:13):
You want to go to Aerosmith?
I'm like, heck yeah.
So he bought six tickets to Aerosmith while we're sitting there.
And then we, so now we're like, okay, cool.
And then so we get ready to leave and we head out.
And the next stop we had, there was a guy that, that was an agent, state farm agent
that lived down in that area.
And he was, he's leading the way.

(30:34):
And we go to Hodgkin's mill.
And if you've been to Hodgkin's mill, it's all just, it's, there's nothing really there.
There's no restaurant.
It's just basically old mill.
And it's really beautiful.
And if it's gravel, it's gravel and it's been raining, there's mud puddles, it's wet.
And these bikes, in my opinion, don't do well in gravel and they definitely don't do well
in mud.
You know, they're made for the street.

(30:54):
They weigh 900 pounds.
So at this point, after we grabbed a couple of pictures there, checked out the mill, we're
getting ready to head to Rockbridge, which is a, it's an old mill, but it's a hay fishing,
fishing trout park, if you will.
Um, I started to pull the bike up and I looked over there and I saw those guys sitting in

(31:19):
gravel and I thought, nope, I am not parking on that gravel.
So I parked on asphalt just right across from them and just really kind of in the road.
But I was like, no, my bike's nice and clean.
I want to keep it clean.
So after that, we go inside, we joined the other guys and it's Cinco de Mayo.
So it's May 5th and we've got some time.

(31:39):
So we don't drink and ride by the way, but, but we've got five or six hours.
We're going to be there a while.
And so we're like, well, we just have a margarita and celebrate, you know, here a little bit.
And so we go and we have margarita.
And so part of the, part of the story I didn't tell in 2011, October, 2011, Chuck was diagnosed
with, um, arena cell carcinoma, which is kidney cancer.

(32:01):
And so he goes through this all, you know, he had, he had an operation in, in, he went
to MD Anderson cancer center in Houston, Texas.
And, and he had an operation, had his right kidney taken out, the tumor taken out and,
uh, and a whole bunch of lymph nodes, things like that.
So, so literally, so for probably what it's been like 12 years at this point, you know,

(32:24):
roughly, and that he, every six months still getting checked, you know, and it's just,
they never really released him, you know, because they're still watching and he's
got these nodules on his lungs that they're always watching.
And so I guess part of me had already kind of grieved.
I mean, back when that happened, I mean, I was grieving then, you know, I was like, feeling
like, oh my gosh, I can lose my brother.
This is horrible, right?
And it's just, you know, that pain.

(32:47):
And by the way, a month later, my dad was diagnosed with bladder cancer after Chuck
was diagnosed with the, so now they're both going through this, right?
And he's, my dad's going through, I won't go through all the treatments and what all
they went through.
My dad ended up passing away from it a couple of years later.
So, so now, now after telling that part of the story, you know, everything he went through

(33:08):
with that now fast forward back to that day, we're sitting there having margaritas and
it's just Chuck and I, the other guys are wherever they're at, you know, looking at
people fishing or whatever they're doing, having a drink, I guess.
And I looked at Chuck and I just almost cried.
My heart was just welped up.
And so, so I looked at him and I said to myself, it wasn't audible.

(33:32):
It was just to myself.
I said, thank you God.
Yeah.
For these last 12 years that I've had with him, you know, and it was, it was just like
I said, it was just so heartfelt.
It was just a God moment, you know, and I just felt it.
And it was like, you know, anyway, so we finished up and I didn't say anything.

(33:54):
I was just really appreciative, you know, that the cancer didn't take him.
He didn't have to suffer.
Anyway we, so now we go inside and finish up, you know, hanging out with the guys until
it's time for dinner.
It's getting late, like, you know, we need to get going and get and eat.

(34:16):
So there's a restaurant there.
And so we go in the restaurant.
We're all, we couldn't get a reservation, I think, or we couldn't set up a table because
we didn't have a reservation.
So now we're all right up our, and I remember sitting there and I, of course it's not unusual
for one of us to take a selfie.
So I'm at the end.
So I took a selfie of me and Chuck and the other six guys.
And, you know, and I of course didn't know that was going to be the last picture I was

(34:36):
going to take with him, right?
But so we finished eating and Chuck in his fashion, you know, he, he always, he never
met a stranger.
And so we're, we're all checked out, paid, headed out and Chuck, he's the last one to
check out and you know, and he's, he's making another friend, you know, talking to somebody.

(34:58):
And so I'm, so he's a little bit late getting out there.
We're all already sitting on our motorcycles.
And I'm, of course, remember I'm off to the side, right?
I'm not even lined up.
So normally I would be beside Chuck and we'd be pulling out together.
And in this moment, you know, I'm not, it's not, I'm not in my kind of my normal spot.
And it, and mainly because my bike went down, you know, I had to just the happenings of
the, of the day.

(35:19):
And so Chuck comes walking out, everybody's sitting there and it was so funny, you know,
he's, I'll never forget this as long as I live.
He's walking across in front of everybody and he's just kind of doing this stride across
there and he's guys, you know, I get cold.
I'm going to have to throw my chaps on and he kind of chuckled, you know, and then he's
like, now I'll take one for the team, you know, cause it was almost dark and in May,

(35:39):
May 5th, early May and the evening, it's still getting pretty cool.
And he is, he was cold, cold nature for sure.
Um, but he didn't, he didn't put his chaps on.
So he's over there getting ready, getting his stuff on, getting his jacket on, getting
his helmet on gloves.
And so, so the leader, he pulls out and rose up and then the next guy pulls up, the next
guy pulls up and I'm right there.

(36:01):
So I pulled up and then, uh, we're not really leaving yet.
Two more guys pulled behind us.
Well there's one person still with him.
And so now what's happening is the leader, he starts going out of that.
It's just a little road that goes along the river.
If you've been to Bennett Springs or been to a trout park or a little river like that,
you know, you'll, you'll know how just the little windy road that runs along the river.

(36:22):
So that, so basically that's what that is if you've never been there.
So now we're at the road ready to leave.
And of course, for me, it's like, why are we leaving?
Everybody's not ready.
That's what's going on in my mind.
You know, I feel this little heart tug on my chest, you know, this is just really heavy.
And I'm thinking, hang on, this isn't right.
We shouldn't be leaving.
Well, we're actually at the road and I'm thinking, okay, I'm looking over my shoulder.
Where are the other two guys?

(36:43):
They're not there.
And I hear somebody honk a horn and I'm thinking, who's honking their horn?
I look back and there's nobody behind us except for the other two motorcycles.
Well then the leader, I guess he thought everybody was there.
I'm not sure.
But he pulls out and he's going down the road.
And as we're going down the road, I have the heaviest heartache that I've ever had in my

(37:04):
life.
It just doesn't feel right.
And so I'm thinking, hang on a minute, where are they at?
They're not here.
Really what I was thinking then was more of, hey, they're going to turn the wrong way,
right?
They're not going to know which way to go because we don't know that part of the country.
Well, I remember standing up driving my motorcycle, which is dangerous by the way.
I'm standing up with my head turned looking back so I could see as far back as I could

(37:26):
to see if they were behind us and they weren't.
So I sit down and I slam on the brakes and I stopped the bike in the middle of the road
and threw it in neutral so I could get my hand free.
And I got my phone and I texted Chuck and said, hey, we're stopped and wait.
Well there is no reply.
And I thought, huh.
So then one of the guys circles back and I think, okay, he's going to go find them.

(37:50):
So then he called one of the other guys behind me and the guy behind me yelled at me and
he said, hey, Chuck's been in a really bad accident.
We got to get back.
And I remember shouting out to the top of my lungs, that's why we wait on each other.
Because when you're riding motorcycles, you wait on everybody.
You leave together.
That way one person doesn't have to feel rushed.
And I'm just being truthful about what happened.

(38:12):
This is just the feeling of what I had.
And I just remember shouting that out really loud.
And we get back and we pull into the park and all I see is, I don't know how it happened
so fast.
I believe there's already a fire truck there.
Or just a small one, not like a full blown fire truck, like a fire.

(38:32):
And then there's two people with him, one on each side of him doing CPR.
And I'm thinking, oh my, what is going on here?
So I throw my bike stand down, like Jiffy stand down on my bike and I run up there and
he's laying there on his back dead.
And I'll be honest, I'm just in total disbelief.

(38:55):
I can't even imagine what's going on.
To the left of his hand, I see his helmet.
His helmet is off.
I could see that it was not taken completely off.
It was just pulled loose.
You know, like there's a strap in the D ring, it wasn't undone.
It was just pulled up to take it off his head.
So I think that maybe somebody took it off of him.
I later found out that nobody took it off of him.
When they got there, they don't know how his helmet came off.

(39:18):
And it was a three piece helmet and it was in all three pieces were broke apart.
But visually looking at him, I'm like, I don't really, you know, he does, his hands aren't
scuffed up, his knuckles aren't scratched, his bike looks terrible because they had just
been rolled.
So, you know, so at this point, we're in the middle of nowhere, it's too foggy in Springfield

(39:46):
for an Arabak helicopter to come out.
They won't lift off.
So we can't get out.
If Arabak had got there, they could have been in there probably 15 minutes.
We the for whatever reason, the fire department has no supplies.
The nurse and the so it was a nurse, by the way, that was in the restaurant and it was
a veterinarian.

(40:06):
And so we're talking about the doctor and we're talking about, you know, doctor, veterinary
medicine, but you know, she's she knows how to do CPR.
Right.
And then we've got a nurse that works in that knows how to, you know, do it as well.
And so we're pretty good hands, I feel, you know, and they're doing CPR.
And at this point, I'm laying there with him and all I could do is pray.

(40:32):
And so I'm doing that and I look up at those two people.
And I said, don't you quit.
She looked at.
Ah, she did.
Anyway, she looked at me and she said, I won't.
We won't quit.

(40:56):
But anyway, I learned later that they didn't have they needed a syringe to clear his airway
and a large syringe, and they didn't have it.
And so some of the supplies, they didn't have the device where you do the, you know, the
hard AED or I don't know if I have the correct name for that.
But anyway, the point of reason this little fire department didn't have that, they didn't
have any of the stuff that they needed.

(41:16):
And it was 45 minutes that they did CPR for the ambulance get there because it had to
come from West Plains.
And finally, when the ambulance got there, they they had, of course, obviously they have
everything they need.
And they now they now they take over and they're doing CPR.
And I remember watching the graph that shows his heartbeat.
And all of a sudden there it was.

(41:37):
Beat 80 90 heart beat.
Kind of bouncing back and forth.
I think I saw I hit 70 something.
It's like, oh my God, thank you so much.
And I had this we have this glimpse of hope, you know, that he's going to be OK.
But anyway, so they put him in the ambulance, they wouldn't let me go with them because

(41:58):
he was they were afraid that if he his heart stopped beating, they needed extra people
in there to switch off because it's about a 45 minute ride in the end.
It's back to the hospital.
So if I told I was like, I don't have I can't drive.
I can't ride my motorcycle.
Somebody's going to have to take and there was a fireman.
He said, don't my truck.
All right.

(42:20):
So now he jumps in my truck and what's bad is we have no signal.
I can't I can't call anybody.
I'm like, I need to call his family.
I need to call his wife.
And and I had to wait 30 some minutes before I could ever get a signal where we're close
enough to where I could actually make a phone call.
And it was definitely the hardest phone calls I've ever made.

(42:42):
You know, I made that phone call.
I called his wife and.
I called called his son-in-law.
And at this point, I'm just letting them know, you know what happened and that his that the
last time his heart was beating.
And so, you know, of course, they're now.
You know, a mess getting in their vehicle, heading heading our way.

(43:05):
And I told him where we're at.
They're literally, you know, eight hours, probably away, but they're going to care driving.
They're coming that way.
You know, I told him where we're going.
I told him, it seems like at the hospital.
I let him know what's going on.
And by the way, I remember one of my one of the guys that was with with me with us.
It was he was he was so kind.
He came down while I was sitting there with Chuck and he put his hand on my shoulder and

(43:31):
we just sat there and prayed together.
You know, it was nice of him.
It's it's it's awesome.
You did that.
It meant a lot to me.
Yeah.
So now we're headed to the hospital and we get there and.
You know, now I'm checking him in.
Of course, I know everything.
I mean, I've got his Social Security memorized.
You know, I know everything about him.

(43:51):
Right.
Of course.
And so before I could even get the paperwork finished, he was already there.
The ambulance ambulance beat us there.
And before I could get the paperwork finished, the nurse came out and said they were the
doctor was needing to see me.
And of course, my gut feeling, I already knew I knew what he was going to say.
And he called me back.
And so I get back there and there's him and a couple other I'm going to say nurses.

(44:13):
I don't know what their titles were.
And he just wanted to let me know that there was nothing they could that they did, everything
that they could possibly do.
And it's just look at it.
So you had to make the call then back to Mary Ann.
Yeah, I did eventually.
At this moment, I just I just said, where's he at?
He said, well, you probably you may not want to go in there.

(44:34):
And I was like, you don't understand.
Yeah, I'm going in there.
So you just go and and that's where you know.
So he took me in there.
And but yes, I did have to make that call.
That was one of the worst calls of anybody could make.
And I had to call my mother.
Oh, yeah.
And my sisters.

(44:56):
And so anyway, and I'm not the only one to ever go through that.
But it's the first time I've ever gotten through anything like this.
And so, yeah, it was definitely difficult and hard.
It's the hardest thing I've ever been through.
So anyway, so that's that's what happened.
And, you know, it just he what I found out later is when he left,
he literally only rode nine hundred and forty five feet.

(45:16):
There's a long skid mark.
I guess he just was trying to catch up.
You know, the the rest of the riders had already gone and he was stuck by himself.
And so when he missed so he you know, he just he he just I guess he just went out
too fast. I don't really know exactly what happened.
You know, because we were all in front of it.
Yeah. And so but he he he rode the bike and, you know, that was that happened.

(45:38):
So anyway, so that was that was the deal.
So, Chad, when you look back, some of the things that had happened before,
like you just looking at Chuck and being like, I'm so grateful that we've had the last 12 years
or just having the gut feeling.
Do you think those were God moments?

(45:59):
That's the only way I know how to put it.
Do you think those were moments that you were blessed with to have memory of of Chuck?
Or do you have you always had that kind of thing with him where, you know, just on a daily basis,
you might be like, oh, man, he's the greatest thing.
You know, he's my brother.
Yeah. Well, you know, that that particular moment, I would definitely call that, you know,

(46:23):
like the God moment. You know, that was I don't know how to describe it.
It was just right. It's overwhelming feeling that came over me.
I mean, but I always but I always felt that I always felt that for him.
I mean, yeah, I mean, there was there was it's it's you know, the only way to describe it is probably
like have the same feeling you have your kids.
You know, it's just a total unconditional love.

(46:45):
You love them from the moment of birth. Right.
And before birth. And and so it's it's just like that.
Got it. I understand. So after you were told he had passed and you had made the phone calls
and the funeral had happened and was over and, you know, what happened in your life?
Like, how did you start dealing with this?

(47:07):
What were the adjustments you had to make?
What were the hardest adjustments?
Talk a little bit about that.
Yeah. So I guess at the very beginning, I was, you know, I was a state farm agent.
He was a state farm agent.
So now we've got the matter of his wife, kids need help, you know, figuring out how to close out his office.

(47:27):
And it's got to transition to somebody else.
And so I stayed, I guess, start off with, I just stayed super busy.
Right. I mean, I was just like, OK, well, I went to Oklahoma City and I want to work in his office and help out wherever I can and help, you know, close, not really close it down, but transition it to another agent.
And so I just was committed to that.
And of course, we had to move.

(47:48):
It was pretty emotional because we had to move his stuff out.
You know, we're moving his stuff out of his office, his personal stuff.
Right. We're going through his drawers.
We're going through all of his stuff. And, you know, but we just put our game face on me and mainly one of his sons, his oldest son.
He he was there pretty much.
He and I together. And then and then the others were there a little bit, but but not as much.

(48:10):
Me and his oldest son just sort of handled everything.
Well, his oldest son also worked in his office quite a lot, quite a lot.
So so he knew what to do.
And so anyway, we closed all that down.
And like I said, so we just stayed busy getting him wrapped up and just I was, you know, just trying to do the best I could to make sure.
That they have whatever they need for me until they don't need it anymore.
You know what I'm saying? Yes.

(48:32):
And so I think that was that was just what I had to do.
And from there, I just emotionally, I I couldn't I couldn't sleep.
You know, I mean, if I'm being truthful, I was just sort of, you know, I'd wake up, I might sleep a little bit and I'd wake up and he's just constantly on my mind.
And there was and you know, you go start going through the grief grieving process.

(48:53):
And and what I've learned through the process is the grieving process is not the same.
I for everybody. I mean, I joined some network groups like, you know, there's a there's a Facebook page that's called TwinLess Twins.
So if there's any twins out there that will hear this, I mean, it's a great group to get on everybody on there.
There's thousands of them that have lost their twin.

(49:15):
And you can you can be completely candid. You can tell your story.
They can all relate to it.
So that that was that was pretty good, especially at first, because I could, you know.
Kind of talk back and forth with some of those folks, and so that was that was good.
And then, you know, for me, I, you know, I probably wasn't eating right.
You know, I lost part of the weight, you know, so but, you know, so I ended up joining my my wife and kids, both encouraged me to join a like that.

(49:46):
Not therapy, but like a counselor type group counseling, you know, for grieving people have lost somebody to join a group.
And so I did that for a while. And I'll be honest, the first first night I was there, I I was pretty much in the conclusion that I wasn't coming back.
I, you know, and then so like, I don't know if this is for me.
And then that's then I was like, OK, well, yeah, I've been around long enough and wise enough to know that you got to try something long enough to know if it's going to work or not.

(50:13):
So I went back and the following it was every two weeks.
And so I went back in the next two weeks. The next time it was OK, this isn't bad.
This is better. And then the more you do it, the more you start, you know, they listen to your story and you and you get a chance to tell, you know, and they have different exercises.
So I guess what I would say with that is I stuck with that.
And and I think it did help me. It doesn't make the pain go away.

(50:39):
I heard this video. Billy Bob Thornton lost his brother.
And I ran across this video of him speaking about that, and it really related, resonated with me.
He said, he said, I'm at any given moment, I'm 50 percent sad and 50 percent happy.
He said, I have to live the rest of my life that way. It's OK.

(51:05):
And, you know, I just and that little clips out there, YouTube, and find it.
And it's that's not exactly worth the word. I said that, you know, you can watch that.
But, you know, so now I just now I just.
I look for moments. I tell you what, one of the one of the things that I love about our friends, our friend group is and and Scott, if you want to tell who it was or whatever, that'd be fine, too.

(51:28):
But I'll just go ahead and tell what happened. I could not believe.
So my brother had this organization that he supported called Neverthirst.
And and so every time for years, if there was a fundraising, you know, national fundraising day or whatever, you know, it's on Facebook, he would go out there.
Hey, this is a great organization. Won't you donate somebody here?
He was always wearing these Never Never Thirst T-shirts.

(51:50):
And the purpose of that organization is they provide clean drinking water and in places like Africa and just different parts of the country where they have.
They don't have clean water and wells to drink, and they're having to pull water from streams that aren't necessarily sanitary.
And so he believed in that. And it's a it's a Christian based organization.

(52:15):
It's a missionary. And but.
So then our friend group that Chuck on his Facebook page after he passed, he had this shirt that he had on that said every story matters.
And how how fitting is that right?
Every story does matter. And so the friend group reaches out to Neverthirst and they had retired that shirt.

(52:40):
They didn't make it anymore. And they asked them if they would bring it back out and and all put on the sleeve in honor of Chuck Cornelsohn.
So people could buy that shirt and it had Chuck's actual signature on it.
He had this little smiley face he would always do at the end of his signature. And that was on the sleeve of that shirt.
And it sold enough shirts and raised enough money that it built a well in Cambodia in his honor.

(53:08):
And so I was so that's that's the type of legacy that you want to leave.
And is. Now, I'll tell you another quick story here about Chuck and things that happen that.
So when I left, I mentioned that I lived in Festus earlier.
So when I was leaving Festus to go to Kentucky in 1999, there was a pastor that lived right next door to me.

(53:32):
And I was he was in the yard. I went outside. I just let him know I was leaving.
And he reaches his pocket. He gave me this little cross, little pocket cross that you carry in your pocket.
I put that in my pocket and I carried that for probably 20 years.
And and I lost that cross after about 20 years after carrying it, it's like, oh, man, I like I mean, it's just it's just a good reminder of who I am and what I try to live for and live by.

(53:59):
And so I didn't tell anybody I lost the cross. I kid you not, it was probably a couple of months later.
Chuck, in the mail, I received this little envelope and I opened it up and it had a cross, pocket cross.
I took a picture of it and I texted to him and I said, hey, did I tell you about the cross that I carry that I lost?

(54:20):
And he's like, no. I said, well, wow, thank you.
And I couldn't believe it. And so it's like, why did he buy me that cross?
And I loved it. So I stuck it back in my pocket and I still carry it today.
And so it was so at his funeral, I was telling the story, I was telling the story that I just told.

(54:42):
And my mother is sitting there and my three sisters.
And after I got to tell the story, each one of them reached in their purses and they pulled out their cross.
And none of us knew that he had given us one, each one of us.
And apparently he'd given several of them to the preacher at his funeral.

(55:02):
That's one of the things he said. It was kind of funny.
He's like, one of the one of the things that I've heard about, he talked about the cross.
He said, one thing I'm aggravated about Chuck is he never gave me a cross.
Oh, honey.
But anyway, so how am I doing today?
So I think about him every day. I think that, you know, I'll do my best to.

(55:26):
So I find myself doing things that he loved.
I think, you know, he had a passion for he was going to, you know, start flying airplanes.
And there was a friend of his that was that pilot and he would go up with him.
He had got his medical and his medical, they call it third class.
And he had gotten that and was, you know, getting ready to start the process, trying to become a private pilot.

(55:48):
And I thought, you know, I've always kind of wanted to do that, too.
And Chuck and I talked about it. And so I so this last year, I thought, you know what, I'm doing it.
What the heck? So and Scott, you buddy, he's right there with me.
And you're doing it with me and getting your and getting your pilot's license.
I mentioned to Scott that I was thinking about doing it.
And and Scott was already thinking about doing it.
We're going to, you know, hopefully we finish that out.

(56:10):
But we're we're getting there and it's it's been a lot of fun.
And so I just feel like sometimes I get in that plane.
I sort of feel like I'm soaring and doing it for him a little bit, you know.
But that's something we wanted to do.
But, yeah, just things like that.
Well, I can tell you just from the outside, of course, and I was closer to you, Chad,

(56:31):
than I was Chuck, of course, because he was in Oklahoma City.
But all the things that you did after, you know, at the funeral, for the funeral,
I mean, the help that you gave Marianne and the family,
I know they appreciated it, but Chuck would have wanted that from nobody but you.
So kudos to you for being able to do that.

(56:52):
And you had a support family back here with Amy and the kids that,
you know, allowed you to do that, of course. I mean.
The circumstance was horrible and nobody, of course,
would have ever expected or wanted that.
But I don't think anybody could have done any better as far as making sure everything was OK

(57:12):
with his family and him, you know, everything he had set up in Oklahoma City.
And still today, you know, I know that you're, you know, you were helping to sell a Jeep,
a Hunter, his son, and buy a different car.
It's just so cool to see that you've stayed involved and, you know,
you are really helping Chuck live on through all of the stuff you're doing with the family.

(57:36):
So I hope you know that.
Yeah, absolutely.
Anyway, so it's it's it's it's part of my life that is the,
I would say, some of the best part of my life. Right.
And so it's still the best part of my life.
You know, or they're a large part of the best part of my life, I should say, you know.

(57:59):
But as far as. You know, why don't we tell people about grief?
And after going through this, I mean, I've lost I've lost my dad and, you know,
I thought he was he died of cancer and it was, you know, he was in a lot of pain.
And whenever you see that happen, it still hurts.
But when you lose somebody suddenly like that, it's it's different.

(58:19):
And it's just so unexpected.
You just don't even think that could ever happen.
It's not even the furthest thing from your mind that happening. Right.
And when that happens that way,
I mean, you do you do get through it,
but we all are going to get through it in a different way.
So I think I would tell everybody, don't try to don't worry about what everybody,
you know, else is saying and telling you what, you know,

(58:41):
what step of grief you should be in or shouldn't be in,
because it just sort of comes in moments and ways.
It just doesn't happen all at the same time for everybody the same way.
And so just.
And another thing is it really meant a lot to me
when people would go ahead and be brave enough to reach out,
because I think it's a lot of times people don't know what to say.

(59:03):
And you know what? You don't have to know what to say.
Call them, call them up, talk to them.
How's how you do anything I can do?
And maybe there's nothing and that's OK.
So. So don't be afraid to reach out.
They know what they went through, right?
I know what I went through.
But here's another thing, though, what for me,

(59:24):
I was getting pretty self absorbed in my own grief, right?
To the point that.
You know, I had somebody say, hey, I lost him, too.
So so I guess keep that in mind as well as you're going through it, you know,
because it kind of that was an eye opener to me.
I won't say who it was, but
that was not open to me because it was like, you know what?

(59:47):
You're right. You know, I'm not the only one that lost it.
And it's you know, it sort of feels like it when you're in that world, you know,
because I was probably the one that known him, knew him the best.
I know him the best, I would think, you know, from birth. Right.
And we just sort of did like together.
So but at the same time, there are a lot of other people around you that.

(01:00:09):
That are going through it as well. Yeah.
Now, take the time to.
You know, let them know that you care about them and and and and where they're
at in their level of their process of losing whoever it was to them, their dad,
their, you know, their uncle, their well, for my mother, their son.
Yeah. Right. Anyway.

(01:00:31):
Well, I definitely I appreciate the story.
Connie, you've got any last things to ask?
I I think the only thing I can add is
I don't think I can add anything, actually.
You know, Chet, you and I have talked about grief a little bit.
The part that is so beautiful in this story

(01:00:51):
is the magical bond you guys had have.
I'm not even going to say had.
I'm sorry. I think it's just still there.
And I appreciate you sharing that because it's so much clearer to me.
And I've been a part of this journey with you.
But to see just how magical
and what a blessing it is to have a brother like that is really, really beautiful.

(01:01:17):
And I'm so happy that you shared this story with us.
Thank you so much. I appreciate it.
Yeah, absolutely.
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(01:02:00):
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