October 29, 2024 • 53 mins
In this episode of Our Life Beyond, co-hosts Scott Dibben and Connie King take you on a rollercoaster ride through the ups and downs of modern dating! Connie interviews Scott about his post-divorce experiences navigating dating apps, sharing everything from awkward encounters to laugh-out-loud mishaps and surprising connections.
Scott reflects on the challenges of creating the perfect dating profile, dealing with ghosting, and figuring out what works (and what doesn’t) in the world of online dating. Whether you’re a veteran of dating apps or just getting started, you’ll find plenty of relatable stories, humor, and insights in this candid conversation.
Key Takeaways:
- Crafting the perfect dating profile to stand out
- Navigating safety and red flags in online dating
- Laugh-out-loud dating mishaps and awkward moments
- Insights into a man's perspective on dating apps
- Balancing fun and seriousness in your dating approach
Tune in for an episode packed with laughter, lessons, and real talk about dating in the digital age!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Well, hello, hello, hello. Welcome to Our Life Beyond the podcast where we explore how
(00:12):
to navigate and hopefully thrive through some of life's biggest transitions. I'm your
co-host Scott Dibben and I've teamed up with my great friend and mentor Connie King to
share some stories, strategies, and insights that helped us adapt to the ever-changing
seasons of our life. Whether your life transition is divorce, death of a loved one, switching
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careers, moving to a new city, or just trying to figure out what the hell is next, where
with you every step of the way. But always remember, we're not therapists, just fellow
travelers with a knack for finding humor in the chaos. And maybe some untraditional method
of overcoming what life dishes out to us. Hopefully you'll have fun embarking on this
(00:55):
journey. So now let's get started.
This episode of Our Life Beyond is proudly sponsored by Habit Coffee Company. Located
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(01:17):
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Make Habit Coffee your new habit today.
Hello, Connie.
Hello, Scott. How are you?
Well, I'm starting to feel better. How are you today?
I'm doing really well. I'm excited for today because this is kind of our origin story.
(02:00):
Yes, it is.
What we're talking about. So today we have a two-part series that we'll be talking about
well today and next week, where we'll be diving into the world of online dating. So this should
be really fun. You and I actually became incredible friends because of online dating.
(02:21):
Yes. Yes, we do.
So, yeah, I'm excited. Each of us will have a chance to tell our story. We'll talk about
the adventure we had with dating. We'll talk about unexpected connections, some funny mishaps,
and a few awkward encounters. We'll reflect on what we learned. And I think it's really
(02:42):
important for you and I to offer tips to others looking into diving into the dating scene because
you and I had each other.
Other people do not have that. So grab your favorite drink, get comfy, and let's explore
how online dating can lead to new adventures and self-discovery.
(03:03):
So Scott, this is so exciting for me because I feel like our dating stories are what started
this podcast actually because if you remember correctly, we would talk and then we would
talk to our friends and they would be like, oh, you guys have to tell these stories. And
you and I kind of decided we should do a podcast.
(03:25):
Yeah, we were a few years late on doing it, but yeah, you're exactly right. And I can
honestly tell you, Connie, that without you kind of guiding me, I wouldn't be the killed
two or three of the people or I might have died along the way because none of the shit
made sense. People are crazy.
I can tell you, I think you would have been the one to die based on you have much better
(03:48):
stories than I do. I will admit that yours are so much funnier than mine are.
It's because I went to volume play and hired a service to help. I mean, that's the only
reason.
Well, let's get into that. Let's kind of talk about our dating, Steph. And I think the best
way to do this is starting with, I'll ask you questions on the first part of the series.
(04:09):
You ask me questions on the second part of the series because I think it's really important
that people get a view from a male point of view and then from the female point of view
on online dating. Does that work for you?
Yeah, absolutely. And I think it makes a lot of sense because whenever me and you would
talk, we had different sides to it. So yeah.
All right. Well, are you ready to jump in?
(04:31):
Yeah, let's jump into it.
Okay. Here we go. What made you decide to try online dating?
So in the beginning, I didn't, of course, after getting divorced, it took me a little
bit to even date. I mean, I run around with a lot of friends and stuff, but people at
work whenever, and I think most people are going to find this if they get divorced and
have the same situation I did. When you're at work, you have a bunch of people at work
(04:56):
that like you or think you're a good person. The next thing you know, they'll try and fix
you up.
So I went out on a couple dates with people, but I can tell you that, I mean, it just didn't
work out. And you know what was odd is I kept thinking, well, if they're a good friend to
this person at work and I mess it up or they mess it up or whatever, you know, is there
going to be some awkwardness? So from all of that, and with the technology, the way it
(05:20):
is today, I mean, it just made sense to jump on a dating app because, you know, I'm thinking,
what's it going to hurt?
So then did you have concerns or reservations before you started?
Yes, I did. And that's why I chose a dating service. Let's talk about that. So my reservations
was I didn't really want to do it. You know, there's a lot of work to dating, especially
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dating apps. First thing you have to do is pick out good pictures. Second thing, you
got to have a profile. And then you've got to communicate back and forth with people.
And some of the services like, and we'll talk a little bit later, Bumble, they only give
you 24 hours. If somebody connects with you, if you don't want it within 24 hours, do something,
they go away. So I mean, they put pressure on you to stay on those dating apps. And if
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you're doing more than one, it's a lot more work. So I ended up going out and finding,
it was called a matchmaking services. It was a subscription every month paid for it. And
they actually, they did all of the ghostwriting of my profiles, the pictures that I sent in,
they're like, Nope, they made me go get professional pictures. And then I sent those in and they
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cleaned them up. And so someone professionally done all that. And then when I got out of the
matchmaking service, because I didn't keep it forever, that's not how I found Ellen,
I was able to keep those profiles. So I really, that was my biggest reservation is how do you set
this up and set it up to where it seems interesting. So that was one platform you used with the
(06:49):
dating service, correct? Yeah, I use the dating service. But what happens is that this dating
service, and it's interesting, they actually analyze your area and they pick out what dating apps
have the most people in your area attached to them. Bumble was one of them. They put me on
something called elite single. They put me on. Oh, what is the other big one? Connie, do you
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remember? There was match and match match. I never did hinge. They put me on those three. They want
to put you on more. And I said, no, just three. And now you have to pay for all of them. And I
can tell you elite single was 80 bucks a month, for instance, it wasn't cheap. And then you got
to pay for the matchmaking service, which if I told you how much it was, you would think I was
(07:37):
crazy. But so I was actually on the dating apps, but I wasn't, they set up all my profiles, my
pictures, they would send me all my possible connections, I guess, in spreadsheets. And I
would look through them and say, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, I picked them. And then from there,
they would go after their right up here alley. Oh my gosh, that cracked me up. That is so you.
(08:00):
And as soon as they got a connection, I still didn't message them. They messaged them with things
that I mean, it was quite a service with things that they thought I would say because they interviewed
me. I mean, they went through my closet, they did all sorts of things, but they interviewed me and
they would ask, where do you want to have drinks? Where would you have dinner? And I had to set up
a calendar with them, a Google calendar on days I was available. And I didn't have to do anything
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until they had me meeting someone somewhere. And at that point in time, they would say, print off
our chat and make sure you know the chat before you go get in front of them, because you're going
to look stupid. Because we've built you up really big. And now you've got to show that you are that
person. That's hilarious. But I did that for about seven months, six months. They tell you it only
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takes three to four. And then I got off of it just because the volume play, I mean, I was dating
21 times a month. I mean, I drove all the way, you had to put borders out there and everything
that you didn't want to go any farther than here. I ended up in Columbia one night at 6 p.m., which
meant I had to leave here at 3. I drove all the way up there to a lone Starstake house or something
(09:17):
like that. And I remember opening the door, walking in, hearing somebody at the bar cackle.
And I'm like, that's my fucking date, I bet you. And sure as shit it was. And I just drove three
hours to find her. So had you not talked to her previous or had you only talked to her online?
No, I that's the thing I didn't. The service did. I did nothing. They did all the messaging. They
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did everything. They contacted me. They would put an invite on my calendar and I'd look at it. And
then they would contact me and say, you've got a date with her at 6 p.m. at this place. Don't be
late, basically. So they were basically blind dates for you? Yeah, 21 times a month. Well,
15 to 21 times a month. I don't think I ever had under 14 dates a month. It was a volume play.
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Let me tell you, and I was wore out. Yeah, no kidding. That was expensive too. Not just because
you mentioned the platform was, but did you pay for all the dates too, for the most part? Oh,
yeah, absolutely. The platform cost you a, let's just say a good TV a month. Holy crap. So once
you've got off that platform, what did you, what platforms or what apps did you use? Which ones were
(10:32):
your main, the main ones you used? Yeah. So, so I ended up going to, or I stayed with Bumble. I
changed, I changed everything about it because I, it's not that I felt it was wrong, but I felt like,
all right, I need to be true about it now because it's not it, and it wasn't a game before, but
I don't know. I just got more serious about it. So I went in and cleaned my profile up. I left some
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stuff they had and pictures of course, but Bumble was a big one for me. And then I found one called
fitness singles that they didn't connect me with that I got on. And I did a couple dates from there
on fitness singles. Oh, okay. Got it. Which one of those was most effective? Do you think the,
for what you were looking for? Yeah. So for me, honestly, Bumble was much more, I, the person
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that I met on fitness singles, I ended up meeting them. Oh, I want to say, well, it may have been
in Columbia. I had a bad experience in Columbia apparently. But the thing with some of them that
you really have to watch especially like fitness single, it is geared towards fitness people,
which I'm like, I want somebody that, that's into some sort of fitness. I don't, I didn't care if
it's hiking or if it's running or cycling or didn't care. And that's a great platform for it.
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But living in a small town, Springfield, there was like two people in Springfield on the app.
I mean, you really had to, you know, really say you would go a lot farther out. So the person
that I talked to and dated was in Illinois. So I'm, you know, so it was a long, long drive.
Got it. So this is kind of a weird question because I think when we were doing these,
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this one was probably geared a little bit towards me, but did you feel safe using online dating
apps or what steps did you take to ensure the person you were meeting was safe, felt safe?
And that's an interesting question because I think guys don't worry about it. You know, we,
we just don't, we don't worry as much about the safety because we're, we don't think we're going
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to get physically hurt by that person. But I can see the other end of it. And, and where that really
kind of come into view for me, I had a date, but it was, it was during the 21 dates a month. So
it was in Rogers, Arkansas. Oh, okay. And so it, so it was a long drive. Yeah, they all
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ended up becoming a long drive, but I drove all the way down there and she decided where we were
going to eat. And we pull in the parking lot and she pulls in and the place is not open. So we
decide on a different place. And I told her, I said, if you want to just jump in my truck, we can,
we can take one car. And she's like, no, take my car. And that's when I'm like,
oh, that makes a lot of sense. I didn't think about that. But, you know, you do have to be very
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aware because you don't know who's on the dating apps. Right, right. I get that. So let's move on to
actually getting on the app, putting your profile out there. Let's start there. Okay. What role do
you think photos play in how you perceive potential matches? Okay, so I'm going to do this two ways.
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What, what do I think I would do to put mine on there and what I would expect out of a woman,
which is almost different. Okay. That's interesting. And once again, on this dating service or
matchmaking services, what it was called, they actually had me work with this coordinator that
talked about the photos. So there was a lot to that. And what, what she told me for a guy,
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which I would agree with, don't have a photo of yourself that's going to be on a dating website
that shows you holding a fish because every guy out there has it. Don't be holding a gun because
50% of the population will like it, 50% won't. And the 50% that like it don't really care that
you've got it. But guess what? The other, they don't want it. So don't be doing that. Nothing
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that's controversial. Don't have pictures on there with your shirt off and you're in a gym.
It's, you know, it's just don't do that. And not that at the age of 53, I would do that anyway,
but that is a lot of what guys do. So other than that, they want you in a professional environment.
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They want you doing a hobby, which like she said, do you want to be on a motorcycle? Cause I've got
a Harley. You want to, you know, maybe you finish in a race because I was doing a lot of running,
stuff like that is what I would put on there. Now I'm going to go to the other side, which is the,
what I noticed on the female side that I would say don't do in my opinion. And Connie challenged
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me on this, but I'm only one guy here, Mel, and this is only my opinion. It depends on what you're
looking for, but if you are not just looking for a one night stand, we don't need a picture of you
at a 30 degree angle above your head, a selfie with you looking up with a sports bra and yoga pants
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on. Does that happen a lot? Well, whenever the matchmaking service sent me the, all of
them, I could click through all of them very quick. I bet you, I bet you five out of 10 were like that.
I bet you 50% of them. And you know what? The thing is everybody does that. And that's one thing
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they told me is you don't want to be like everybody else. I mean, these dating apps,
as crazy as it sounds and as, and as almost shameful as it is, it is a volume play. Think of
how many people and you've got to stand out from those people. What was your thought when you would
see that? I'm not just the not standing out part, but did you get any kind of feeling like, oh gosh,
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she's going to be a one night stand or she's going to be more long term? Did you have, did you assign
any, what they were looking for to that at all? Well, it more of how much fun that person is
going to be in life because I wasn't looking for a one night stand. I wasn't looking for
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something that was just going to be fun for a couple of weeks. And it's not that I didn't
expect each one of them to be long term, but I wanted somebody I was going to enjoy being around.
And in my opinion, and I can say I went on a couple of these, if not 20, when you found those
people, those are the people that spent more money on makeup and shoes than I made in a year.
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I mean, they, they're high maintenance in my opinion. And that's what I would always,
you know, they're the one that would make $28,000 a year and somehow be driving a BMW and you're
like, holy shit, how are you doing that? I can't, but you can probably because I'm paying for a
fucking dating service. Go ahead. Are you angry about this dating service? Well, I should have
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been able to take it off on my taxes. That's all I'm saying. Okay. So what qualities were you
looking for in a potential partner? Now, I'm going to preface this because you have a really great
system or you had a great system. So can you kind of talk a little bit about that? Yeah. So when I
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was in therapy, I was trying to figure out what I needed out of somebody because I didn't want,
I didn't want to keep going through women and, you know, have bad experiences because
I knew I was getting to the age. I wanted to, to find who it was that was right for me. And I
started creating an Excel spreadsheet and anybody that, if Jeff's around, he would love this, you
(18:10):
probably won't Connie, but it was an Excel spreadsheet. And I would list out my needs. And,
you know, one of them, I mean, for obvious reasons here, Connie is they have to allow
me to have girls as friends. A lot of women do not like that. I mean, they just don't. One of them
was that they needed to be active. One of them was based around kids. Do I really want to raise
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a very young kid? I wanted them to be somewhat professional. They could have not had an education.
They, it didn't matter how much money I'm talking about professional because when I go to work and
I've got to work late or I've got to do something, understand why because they're a professional.
They, you know, I needed somebody and I had several other criteria in there. And then I would scale
(18:58):
them from one to 10. And there was a few other things in there. And I mean, you've got to be
attracted to them too. And I plotted it out and each person I'd go on a date with, which I was,
once again, it was volume. So I knew the questions I was going to ask. And I built out a spreadsheet
and everybody had a tab and I off of it, this radar chart. And I was trying to get all the fives
around all of them outside of 10s, whatever I'm. So yeah, I had a system. It's so analytical. And
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this is why you and I are friends because you are uber analytical and I have come to appreciate that.
And I am not as analytical as you in our personal life. And I love, you teach me so much with that
because I'm thinking, does that really work? And it really did. It worked for me. I have,
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I'm telling you right now, Ellen is the perfect person. She would score higher than anybody
on all of these. And, and I, she's perfect for me. And I can tell you, I've still got the chart.
Another thing that I will to just make online dating a little more, I don't know how to put it,
where you don't take it so seriously. One of the things that the dating experts told me is do not
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assign their real name to them to any of your friends. You have either a code name or a nickname
for them. And the code name or nickname, use things like their occupation, where they live,
you know, their origin, whatever, but don't assign real names to them because then it becomes too
personal. Give me three names that we assign to people just out there so people can hear.
(20:40):
Three names. Three. Yeah. Let's do three. Wow. I'm trying to think, well, first of all,
let me go back to, I can tell you how serious it was with Ellen when I met her. Her nickname,
and it still is today, and she makes fun of it, is Elaine. So close to being what it really is.
She even signs all of her cards, Elaine. So that was pretty good. Let's see, there was... I'll name
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some because I can think of some. Name them. DC Chick. Oh, I forgot about this. There was Australia.
Yeah. Which was not a name. No, Australia. It was not a person's... Yeah. And then... PT Chick.
PT Chick. Mary Kay. Yoga Chick. Yoga Chick. Yeah. We had all sorts. And then that went over to me.
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And we had like, yeah, we didn't have names. Now, you assign them whatever. And I mean,
the thing is, you have to be careful with that because if they become
long-term, whenever your friends are around them, they're like, which one is this?
That's too funny. Yeah. Like, for me, and this never would have started if it weren't for you.
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We had Little Rock. We had High School Conk. We had Nurse Jackie. Oh, I forgot about Nurse Jackie.
Yeah. Yeah. See? Oh my gosh. So, yes, assigning names later on, you will love it because you'll
think back and go, that was the funniest name we had for that person. Yeah. And the thing is,
you put it in your phone that way. I mean, it just... If you end up putting them in your phone,
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you put them in that way until it becomes something that's real because it's long away.
And that's the thing. When you're doing online dating, realize you're on your phone, on an app,
no different than Facebook. Do not take it that serious. If your life depends on you finding
somebody on these apps, you're in trouble. You really are. Yeah. I have fun with it.
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You're going to have a stressful life. It's got to be fun.
Well, with that being said, how do you balance being open-minded while staying true to your
preferences? Like, let's talk a little bit about that. You know, for me, open-minded and preferences,
there was such a blur there for a while because of that matchmaking service.
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You know, I told them what I was looking for and they would narrow it down and they would send me
a hundred candidates and I would look through those. And it got to where I was so selective that,
you know, I'm like, ah, man, look at her. That middle toe is a little longer than her big toe.
That's never going to work. Or, you know, I would go walk in and I'm like, ooh, she's one of those
(23:22):
that wears two different earrings, one in each ear is different. That's not going to work. So...
Wow.
Oh, it got really, really bad. Really close-minded. So, yeah. So what you have to do, in my opinion,
is you have to decide why you're dating. Are you dating for fun or are you dating for commitment?
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If you're dating for fun, have fun. Then you don't have to be open-minded. But if you're
dating for a commitment, be open-minded because I can tell you right now that as you talk to somebody,
after the second or third or fourth date, and sometimes, especially at our age, for me, it takes
a while because I still have a lot of, you know, I still have this, it's got to be a perfect situation
(24:10):
and it's not going to be perfect from the first date or the second date. So, you know,
if you're going to go for commitment, you're going to have to be a little open-minded. And if
that second toe is a little long, you're going to have to go, it's okay. I'm going to let that pass.
Goodness. Oh, my lens. All right. Well, and I think you bring up a point there.
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You do have to decide why you're dating. Are you dating to have fun and, you know, have a one-night
stand or are you dating to look for a commitment? And always be very honest because you're going to
find both of those things on dating apps, you know? And if you are looking for a one-night stand and
you run into somebody who wants a commitment, it's going to end up ugly at some point or not pleasant.
(24:54):
Well, on the dating apps, I don't remember Connie them, you know, having a question about something
like that. So the person that you're really getting ready to meet for, you know, a coffee that morning
or a drink that night or lunch, you don't really know what their expectations are.
Sometimes, but a lot of those in the profile, you start learning wording, you know?
(25:21):
Oh, can we go back? Can I go back to the photo for women thing just for a second? Okay. I'm sorry.
I missed this one. I've got so much baggage. Don't, how do I put this politically correct?
You got to put it normal like you and I would talk. We're not politically correct on this podcast.
Okay. I went on a dating app. I found someone and the pictures were very nice and I'm like,
(25:46):
this is, yes, this is going to be great. When I walked in, I looked at her and I'm like,
those pictures were from 2011 and I'm dating you at 2022. Do not put pictures in that are 11 years
out. Every one of them, every one of them, I promise you, they were, they were so, so much
(26:10):
different. Either that or maybe she just aged really bad in the last, but there's just no way.
There's no way. Along with that, I don't know what all these filters are, but if your face looks
perfect, I'm not dating you because it's not right. It's not true. And I mean the filters,
they would be absolutely perfect. And I'm like, no, I mean, for me, with Ellen's picture, she had one
(26:34):
of them up her or she was up on top of a mountain. I can tell you right now, if you climbed all the
way up, this is my thought. Now this is just me probably. If you've climbed all the way on top
of a mountain with a friend and they're taking your picture and somehow you put all these filters
on it to make yourself look good, kudos to you. You probably didn't climb for four hours to do that.
(26:57):
It was a real picture. And that's what I was looking for is what's real because there's
so little that's real out there. Yeah. And I, yep, that's one of the things. Don't do filters.
It's ridiculous. We can tell people you just get used to it. All right. Well, you're ready to move
on to how you would handle actually going on the date. You want to start? Oh yeah. I would love to.
(27:23):
Yeah. Tell me, which one? Well, let's start with, how do you approach a conversation? You find this
person, their picture is good. Now what? You want us to talk to them? Yeah. So another thing that I
was taught through the service was you have to stand out. Your profile cannot be the same.
(27:44):
Everybody wants to travel. I wanted to travel. I traveled a lot and I thought everybody would think
that I was, you know, if I talked about it, nope, that's what everybody, you have to stand out.
Same thing with your opening questions and just your conversation. You have to stand out. So
if you're on a dating app and you are remotely interested in somebody and they come to you
(28:09):
and say, hey, how are you? And you say, I'm doing good. How are you? I'm already losing interest.
Let's be honest because that's how everybody starts. So my opening was always something
completely off the wall because they're either going to like it or go away. And that was my two.
Quickest way to yes, I guess. So I remember one of them was if I was to walk into your kitchen
(28:32):
right now and open the refrigerator, name three things that I would find in there that's shocking.
That's an opening that everybody goes, oh, I got to think about that. And it actually draws them in.
Those are the kind of ways I would always start a conversation. And honestly, I have to say that
probably 70% of the time we would have a conversation at that point. And you could have the funniness
(28:57):
for, you know, the first three or four communications back and forth and then get into,
you know, figuring out whether it makes sense to have a drink or to go to lunch or whatever it would be.
The matchmaking service I had, they said, go as quick as you can from texting to getting in front
of that person because the longer you wait, they've got other people. And I mean, it's a game. It
(29:22):
really is a game. So it's the quickest way and how to stand out. Yeah, I loved your questions
because you actually helped me with that. Yeah, I had 10 of them. What's odd, they were on a spreadsheet
and it's the same 10 I used. And when they worked, I would give them a value if it didn't work. I mean,
we deleted them. And yeah, I mean, it's all a system. It is a system. And that's what I mean,
(29:44):
if you think about it, the apps, that's what it is. For you, it very much was. You're right.
So how did you handle setting updates? Like, what would you do? How would you handle it?
How many times did somebody ask you out before you asked them out?
Yeah, so, you know, going back to the apps for the women out there that are starting today,
(30:07):
Bumble's probably one of the best apps, just so you're aware, because they have to initiate first.
So no matter how many people you see, I think you can like them and they can like you, but they
have to initiate first. So safety, that's the best way to go. You asked about the first dates, right?
(30:29):
Right. How did you go about, like, did you have a system for setting that up? Did you know you
were going to meet somewhere? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like, tell me, like, just talk about that.
I drew that from, so whenever I had the matchmaking services, they sat down and they asked
profile and all of this. And what they asked me is, okay, we need to know a place that you would
(30:51):
typically have a drink, a place that you would typically have coffee, a place for lunch and a
place for dinner that's close to you. Whenever they would get ready to approach somebody about
meeting me, they always wanted to do a coffee or a drink because you can spend as little as 15 or
30 minutes and decide it's not right and leave to where if you go to a lunch or a dinner, you may
(31:15):
end up an hour or longer with that person and it may get very awkward. So the very first thing you
should do is do a coffee or a drink if at all possible. Got it. So that was your first time.
And then after that, it would just move forward. Yeah. And you know, it's very easy if you have
that ice breaking question that I talked about, which was something off the wall, you know,
(31:35):
what's your favorite yoga pose? Just something stupid. I mean, it probably wasn't one of mine,
but it was something just off the wall like that. And then you can get into a real conversation
within three or four messages. I mean, I automatically said, what do you think about coffee, you know,
this weekend or whatever it would be. That's how I tried to approach everything. Or do you want to
(31:57):
have a drink after work sometime? Nice. Yeah. I always loved that. And I can't wait to talk about
what I would do to people for expectations. But now we're getting into the dates. So this is where
the fun really starts. And it really for you and I started. So tell me some fun experiences
(32:20):
were positive experiences you had while dating. Oh, there was just enough positive experiences
to make me believe that it was worth continuing on. But yeah, there was a lot of fun. Besides,
so we're going to, we're going to get rid of Ellen as far as we know she's perfect. So,
(32:41):
and that's literally true. I'm not saying that to be ugly at all. But so she's not included in
this. Tell me what one of your most fun dates was and why. Okay. So one of my most fun dates, well,
I'm going to, I'm going to give you two, I think one of them was from Harris,
(33:06):
Arkansas or Harrison, Arkansas, I should say. I went all the way down there, had an absolute blast,
but communication was good. There was no chemistry whatsoever. Had so much fun. She talked about her
kids, showed me her kids. You know, it was almost like you was meeting an old friend,
if that makes sense to you, Connie. We just, we had this great time. And afterwards, I got home and
(33:33):
and it made me laugh. I got home and I just messaged her through that. And I said, I think it's,
I think I had a great time, you know, because she had sent something to me about, I hope you made
it home. All right. I said, I had a great time. I don't see this really going anywhere. I didn't
feel the chemistry, blah, blah, blah. And she goes, Oh, thank you so much for that. She goes,
I'm always so concerned about letting somebody down. She goes, but you want to get a burger next
(33:58):
time I'm in Springfield? And I'm like, yes. So that's fun. It was, it was a great story. And
we actually did. She comes to Springfield and we had a burger, you know, as a month or two later.
But that just, that was one of those that it felt so adult like. And it felt, it felt natural.
A second one invited me to Kansas City to go through one of those indoor skydiving things.
(34:23):
It was a blast. I go up there and I'm doing the indoor skydive. It was a great, great time.
Did it go anywhere? No, but it was so much fun. Oh, that would be fun. And I mean,
they thought of what to do, where to go, all of it. I ended up, I drove up there. I got a hotel
for the night. Now you know why you're dating so damn expensive. I got a hotel for the night.
(34:45):
I think, yeah, she got the tickets for the indoor skydiving. We had a great barbecue,
you know, it's just, it's one of those that was memorable because you don't do that very often.
Right. Right. So first, were you ever ghosted on any of your dates?
(35:05):
So, you know, not just ghosted on your dates, but were you ghosted ever? Like you thought you had
some really good chemistry with somebody and then you just never heard from them?
Yeah, I think that is probably real common because on the apps, it's so easy to disconnect with
somebody and they no longer can connect with, you know what I mean? When you're chatting,
(35:29):
all they have to do is say, I'm not interested anymore. They could have found somebody else,
they could be interested in 12 other people. You will get ghosted, in my opinion, all the time.
Now, I'm going to tell you a story, but it's more of me being stood up than ghosted, but
(35:49):
there was one woman that I agreed at 9 a.m. to end up, I think I'm just meeting her in
Joplin for coffee, which once again, coffee gets you, you know, gives you 30, 45 minutes at the
most. You can extend that, but it gives you that easy way out quick if it doesn't work out.
(36:10):
Yeah. So I messaged her on a Wednesday or Thursday, hey, is everything good? She goes,
yep, she lives somewhere in Arkansas, so we was kind of meeting in the middle.
I get up a little bit late on Saturday and didn't realize how far it was going to be,
and I drove like hell to get there. I ended up getting there just right on time,
(36:30):
and I'm sat in there, and I'm sat in there, and I'm sat in there, and 45 minutes go by,
and I'm like, so I start messaging her, and the only thing you can only message through the app,
you know, because of the way these are set up, which is a security,
me having a company phone forever, I didn't have that on my phone. I only have it on my iPad,
because you don't put stuff like that on a company phone. So I drag my iPad out, and I start
(36:55):
messaging her on it, and she's like, oh, yeah, I forgot about it. Can we do it some other time?
And oh, that pissed me off. You're like, fuck that. No, you can't even take the time to come.
One and done. Now, I drove over an hour to have a coffee with somebody, and the coffee was shitty,
and I had to drive back home. Now. So did you face any huge challenges or disappointments,
(37:21):
besides just those little ghostings, or was there anything that you were really just heartbroken over
or an experience that you were like, what in the hell? I've got a what in the hell. That's for sure.
Is this the one that was my fault, by the way? Was it your fault? Oh, I don't. I mean,
I blame you for most of them. Okay. I blame you for most of them. Now, so once again, make your
(37:47):
profile real. And I'm not saying this one wasn't, I don't know, but the profile looked good.
And I start messaging. And this is also guys, women, whoever. This is probably a big red flag.
And I was just too dumb to even be aware of it. This is probably a Wednesday or Thursday. And I'm
(38:08):
like, you want to, you want to get coffee or a drink sometime? Well, I'd rather do dinner. And
I'm like, ooh, okay, that's a commitment. I'll do it, I guess. It was in town. So I'm trying to
think, no, it wasn't in town. I had to drive and pick her up. Yes. It's all coming back to me now,
which is even worse. So yeah, so I had to drive quite a ways. I'm not going to say how far,
(38:31):
but it was, it was quite a ways to pick her up. And she wanted to come to somewhere in
Springfield, where I drove to was an apartment. And she wanted me to pick her up. And that's
the big red flag. If they want you to pick them up at their place, they're not concerned about
you knowing where they live, which is weird. Yeah, that's a weird thing. Yep. But I drove there,
(38:54):
I picked her up. She lived in an apartment, which I didn't realize until I got there. I pull in
in my truck and I see somebody sitting on a bench out front. And I'm like, that's probably her.
She gets up and she's got a cane and she's walking. And I'm not against a person having a cane.
You know, she could have had a bad back or something and, you know, whatever. But it wasn't
in any of her pictures. She had, she was very physical as far as activities, because that's
(39:20):
one of the things as I said, I wanted. So I got to pick her up. And she's like, it's probably
better if you bring the truck to me. And I'm like, holy shit, okay. So I go get the truck and I drive
it to her and I help her in the truck. And we drive in its 35 minutes, probably, maybe a little
longer to get to this restaurant. So we have quite the conversation in this truck of mine.
(39:41):
And she lets me know that she took the COVID vaccine and ever since then, she's having all these
problems. She can barely walk. She's lost all bladder function. And I'm like, whoa, time out,
time out. I'm like, do what? And she said, yeah, I've lost all bladder function. I can barely walk
now. And all I can think of, and I know shame on me is do not pee in the seat of my truck.
(40:05):
And you have a nice fucking truck too. That's what's so funny about this.
So I come right near the restaurant, which is downtown. I pull up and there's traffic in back
of me, but I'm like, we got to get her out of my truck just in case. I pull to the front door. I
stop, put my emergencies on. I come around and I let her out at the door. And she's walking to the
(40:31):
door. And I shut mine. I told her, I said, I'll park the truck because apparently she can't walk
very far. I get in the driver's seat and that's how good a person I am. I'm like, I should just go
home. I should go home. I should go home. I should go home. Of course I didn't. I can't do that to
anybody, especially somebody I just picked up from 30 miles away, 40, 45 miles away. So I go park
(40:52):
as slowly as I can because I'm not interested in this date any longer. And now I've got this whole
bad experience to figure out how to unravel without looking terrible. So I go into the restaurant
and we have a dinner and we talk about things and it just, it goes from bad to worse. I mean,
(41:12):
she tells me how, you know, her, she really thought she was a lesbian for a while and her
family wouldn't accept her being a lesbian. And I'm like, whoa, okay, okay. This is a first date,
Connie. First date. And we finally get done with dinner and I'm like, well, you know,
you're probably wanting to get home and everything. She goes, oh no, can we go to the bar next door?
(41:35):
I'm like, well, shit. Yes. I mean, it's probably the first time she's been out of her house in a
while. I should probably take her at least to that. So we go next door to the bar and we're
sitting there and I have a beer and she has a beer and she, she's sitting there talking and we're
chatting it up and she tells me, she said, I remember when I used to live in Springfield,
(41:58):
she said it was just a few years back. She said, I was downtown here and this is the reason I moved
from here. I was downtown and she said, I got mugged and a guy took my cell phone and I ended up
with herpes. And I'm like, where do I go from here? I promise you this. I couldn't make this shit up.
(42:19):
Did she mean she got raped or just from the phone? I don't understand.
Well, Connie, at this point, you know, I really wasn't that invested. I mean, I'm thinking that
maybe she was just trying to keep her phone and she was off. I don't know. I don't know. Maybe she
was offering that instead. I seriously, I promise you, I don't know, but that is what she told me. And
(42:41):
I'm like, you have the worst first date etiquette I have ever had in my life. So we had that drink,
I go get my truck, pull up, pick her up again. And I have never drove so fast in my life to get
somebody back home. Oh no. So that was the biggest disappointment. I mean, there was a lot of
(43:05):
disappointments. Don't get me wrong. With that online dating service that I did,
I mean, you can just expect with 21 dates a month. I mean, you walk in and you're like, oh my gosh,
let's have a quick coffee and let's go. Or you'd be sitting there talking to somebody and
and it's just dating's tough. And don't ever think that the person you're getting ready to go meet
(43:30):
is the one or you're going to be so disappointed. I mean, you've got to just, you've got to enjoy
meeting new people and just see it as a new experience.
You really do. And you were so good. You were such a mentor to me on dating. I do want to tell
one funny story. To me, it was fun. I don't know that it was as funny to you because
(43:54):
is this on me? Did I do? Yeah, this was. Remember the night we went to a concert? It was a bunch of us.
And anybody who knows me and if you don't, this is something I'll divulge is I'm not a big drinker,
but I love tequila. And anybody, if you go with me to a bar or to a concert or something,
(44:22):
I'm always going to buy one shot of tequila for the whole party.
Always. And that's all usually all I drink most of the time is the one shot. So Scott had brought
a date and we were there with a group of people actually. So I was like, okay, everybody shot
a tequila, shot a tequila. And I mean, we were asking. And I think she said, oh, I don't think so.
(44:49):
And I was like, oh, come on, you can do a shot of tequila with us, you know, and don't think.
I don't think a thing about it because I can't tell you how many people say, oh, no, I'm not doing
a shot of tequila, but I buy good tequila. And people always go, oh, that was good. So I love
that I get to share that experience. So I was like, oh, you know, and she was like, okay, I'll do it.
(45:11):
So we all did the shot. Life is going on in this concert. And it was packed.
Yes, it was so packed. And at one point, one of our party, like you and her had gone off to go
dancing or just get eaten up by the crowd. I don't know what was happening out there on the dance floor.
(45:34):
But one of our party comes back and goes, I think Scott's date is outside. And I was like, well,
where's Scott? You later come back to the table. I'm like, what are you doing? You're like,
I'm out there dancing. And I'm like, where's your date? You're like, I don't know.
I think you told me she went to the bathroom. It's like, Scott, she's not at the bathroom.
(45:56):
She's outside. And you're like, what the hell? And then the next morning, like she left, I guess,
did you leave that night alone or something? And the next morning-
Yeah, I still had her coat and something in the car.
And like, didn't she say something like, you forced me to drink tequila. And I was like,
Scott had won tequila all night from me. And it made me-
(46:21):
It was actually two tequilas because I ended up buying around. And it was that second tequila
that Tip did, I think. Got to her. Because she called somebody, I found out, yeah, she called
somebody to meet her in the parking lot because I was trying to get her drunk to take advantage of her.
And that made me mad because I know who you are, number one. And I knew what the circumstance was.
(46:48):
And I was like, okay, so one of the other things when you're dating, if you are feeling
overwhelmed like this girl possibly was, then leave. Or if you don't like the date, be honest with
them. Say, you know, I'm not having a good time. I'm going to go home. I'll get an Uber. You can
take me home, whatever. Be honest with people. You don't have to make stuff up to get out of the
(47:11):
dating world. And that's the one thing with ghosting that pisses me off too. It's like, we're adults,
you can handle it. Well, and I can tell you, I would have been probably a little more considerate
with this one as far as nurturing with, but we had, that was our third date. It wasn't the first
or second, that was our third time of dating. So I'm like, she knows who, you know what I mean,
(47:33):
it wasn't, it definitely wasn't a first date. Don't get me wrong. There was a period in time,
and you know this Connie, I got to the point that I was so done dating that I'm like, yeah,
I'm bringing, I'm bringing my friends on all first dates and I did. Yeah. Because I remember Amy
messaging me, I don't even know what to wear. This is, it's been so long since I've been on my first
(47:54):
date. So I would bring my first date to a group setting to have dinner. You did. We went on a
bunch of group dates before. So yeah. So do you feel, let's start wrapping this up. Do you feel
there are any misconceptions about people who use online dating? I think the misconception,
there's two. One misconception is that everybody's out there looking for a one night stand and it's
(48:17):
not the case. The second misconception is that you can't find somebody on a dating app. You can,
that's where I found Ellen. And yes, you absolutely can. The big thing is you have to make sure that
you are doing it for the right reasons and that you are in the right state of mind.
(48:39):
If you need somebody, don't get on a dating app because need should not be part of why you're on
that app. It should be a want to meet people to maybe find somebody because it is a process.
It is a long time. You're going to go through a lot of people and I think as a woman and Connie,
you may say I'm incorrect, but talking to a lot of the women, you're going to be overwhelmed as
(49:04):
women because you're going to get 300 likes and you're going to have to go through and go,
oh my gosh, I don't even know what to do with this. Yeah. If you are a people, please or don't get
on an app, don't do online dating. But I think that's the only thing. People think that everybody's
on a dating app for a one night stand and that's not necessarily in that everybody out there is
(49:25):
young under the age of 21. I mean, there's so many misconceptions and that's incorrect too.
You know, today it's an interesting statistic. They were talking about 35 years ago or I don't
know how many years ago now, they said that average person would end up marrying somebody from work,
they went to school with or someone in their community because those are the only people
you were ever around. With dating apps, you can set up, I mean, once again with the service that
(49:51):
I had, I dated everybody within three states if I wanted. I mean, think about that. You can meet
people, depending on how you want it set up, at least 50 miles, you can meet somebody that
you have never even considered going to that town. So for me, it was kind of intriguing because I love
meeting new people and understanding their experiences. But also I had to be very careful
(50:16):
because I made a lot of them very, very upset because I wasn't after the same thing they was.
I was, while I was out there to have fun and figure out if it was going to work,
they were there because they thought this was going to work this time. And they will show up
on your front door screaming in a ring doorbell while you're in Dallas, Texas.
(50:39):
Oh man.
Well, what else do you have to say about this? Are you getting ready to wrap it up?
No, let's wrap it up. If you're going to date as a guy, you don't have to be as careful as the
females do, of course, have fun with it. I had to understand the female side of it.
(51:00):
We aren't, as guys used to having to worry about safety, they do and they don't know who you are.
So don't push them to, hey, give me your cell phone number. A lot of them don't want to give
you their cell phone number until you meet once. They're not going to get in your car.
They're not going to do that. It's nothing against you, but safety is the biggest thing
that I think everybody, the guys should be kind and even offer it up. I don't need your cell phone
(51:25):
number. I don't need this. We can continue to do that, but be safe and have fun with it. If you're
single, you don't have to have somebody today. You don't have to have someone next week. My
therapist, one of the biggest things he said is, my goal will be to set you up that if in five years
you're not married, you're still okay with it. And I am, of course, or was.
(51:50):
Well, thank you for sharing your dating stories. I think all the words you said or all the advice
you gave were perfect. I mean, obviously I would because you led me through my dating life,
but absolutely. And I hope our listeners really pick up and get something out of it.
So thank you so much for sharing your story. No, I appreciated it was going down memory lanes,
(52:16):
scary at times, but no, it was fun. I am glad dating's over for me though. I will say that.
Right. Yep. I understand. Well, next week we'll talk about from a woman's point of view dating
and hope to see you at that podcast too. All right. Thank you. Talk to you soon.
(52:37):
Okay. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of our life beyond. We really hope that
you found our discussion insightful and inspiring or at least brought us milder your day. If you
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(53:00):
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(53:23):
life beyond any challenge is possible and we're here to navigate it with you. Stay strong,
stay positive and keep moving forward.
Well, hello, hello, hello. Welcome to Our Life Beyond the podcast where we explore how
(00:12):
to navigate and hopefully thrive through some of life's biggest transitions. I'm your
co-host Scott Dibben and I've teamed up with my great friend and mentor Connie King to
share some stories, strategies, and insights that helped us adapt to the ever-changing
seasons of our life. Whether your life transition is divorce, death of a loved one, switching
(00:34):
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of overcoming what life dishes out to us. Hopefully you'll have fun embarking on this
(00:55):
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Hello, Connie.
Hello, Scott. How are you?
Well, I'm starting to feel better. How are you today?
I'm doing really well. I'm excited for today because this is kind of our origin story.
(02:00):
Yes, it is.
What we're talking about. So today we have a two-part series that we'll be talking about
well today and next week, where we'll be diving into the world of online dating. So this should
be really fun. You and I actually became incredible friends because of online dating.
(02:21):
Yes. Yes, we do.
So, yeah, I'm excited. Each of us will have a chance to tell our story. We'll talk about
the adventure we had with dating. We'll talk about unexpected connections, some funny mishaps,
and a few awkward encounters. We'll reflect on what we learned. And I think it's really
(02:42):
important for you and I to offer tips to others looking into diving into the dating scene because
you and I had each other.
Other people do not have that. So grab your favorite drink, get comfy, and let's explore
how online dating can lead to new adventures and self-discovery.
(03:03):
So Scott, this is so exciting for me because I feel like our dating stories are what started
this podcast actually because if you remember correctly, we would talk and then we would
talk to our friends and they would be like, oh, you guys have to tell these stories. And
you and I kind of decided we should do a podcast.
(03:25):
Yeah, we were a few years late on doing it, but yeah, you're exactly right. And I can
honestly tell you, Connie, that without you kind of guiding me, I wouldn't be the killed
two or three of the people or I might have died along the way because none of the shit
made sense. People are crazy.
I can tell you, I think you would have been the one to die based on you have much better
(03:48):
stories than I do. I will admit that yours are so much funnier than mine are.
It's because I went to volume play and hired a service to help. I mean, that's the only
reason.
Well, let's get into that. Let's kind of talk about our dating, Steph. And I think the best
way to do this is starting with, I'll ask you questions on the first part of the series.
(04:09):
You ask me questions on the second part of the series because I think it's really important
that people get a view from a male point of view and then from the female point of view
on online dating. Does that work for you?
Yeah, absolutely. And I think it makes a lot of sense because whenever me and you would
talk, we had different sides to it. So yeah.
All right. Well, are you ready to jump in?
(04:31):
Yeah, let's jump into it.
Okay. Here we go. What made you decide to try online dating?
So in the beginning, I didn't, of course, after getting divorced, it took me a little
bit to even date. I mean, I run around with a lot of friends and stuff, but people at
work whenever, and I think most people are going to find this if they get divorced and
have the same situation I did. When you're at work, you have a bunch of people at work
(04:56):
that like you or think you're a good person. The next thing you know, they'll try and fix
you up.
So I went out on a couple dates with people, but I can tell you that, I mean, it just didn't
work out. And you know what was odd is I kept thinking, well, if they're a good friend to
this person at work and I mess it up or they mess it up or whatever, you know, is there
going to be some awkwardness? So from all of that, and with the technology, the way it
(05:20):
is today, I mean, it just made sense to jump on a dating app because, you know, I'm thinking,
what's it going to hurt?
So then did you have concerns or reservations before you started?
Yes, I did. And that's why I chose a dating service. Let's talk about that. So my reservations
was I didn't really want to do it. You know, there's a lot of work to dating, especially
(05:43):
dating apps. First thing you have to do is pick out good pictures. Second thing, you
got to have a profile. And then you've got to communicate back and forth with people.
And some of the services like, and we'll talk a little bit later, Bumble, they only give
you 24 hours. If somebody connects with you, if you don't want it within 24 hours, do something,
they go away. So I mean, they put pressure on you to stay on those dating apps. And if
(06:05):
you're doing more than one, it's a lot more work. So I ended up going out and finding,
it was called a matchmaking services. It was a subscription every month paid for it. And
they actually, they did all of the ghostwriting of my profiles, the pictures that I sent in,
they're like, Nope, they made me go get professional pictures. And then I sent those in and they
(06:27):
cleaned them up. And so someone professionally done all that. And then when I got out of the
matchmaking service, because I didn't keep it forever, that's not how I found Ellen,
I was able to keep those profiles. So I really, that was my biggest reservation is how do you set
this up and set it up to where it seems interesting. So that was one platform you used with the
(06:49):
dating service, correct? Yeah, I use the dating service. But what happens is that this dating
service, and it's interesting, they actually analyze your area and they pick out what dating apps
have the most people in your area attached to them. Bumble was one of them. They put me on
something called elite single. They put me on. Oh, what is the other big one? Connie, do you
(07:16):
remember? There was match and match match. I never did hinge. They put me on those three. They want
to put you on more. And I said, no, just three. And now you have to pay for all of them. And I
can tell you elite single was 80 bucks a month, for instance, it wasn't cheap. And then you got
to pay for the matchmaking service, which if I told you how much it was, you would think I was
(07:37):
crazy. But so I was actually on the dating apps, but I wasn't, they set up all my profiles, my
pictures, they would send me all my possible connections, I guess, in spreadsheets. And I
would look through them and say, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, I picked them. And then from there,
they would go after their right up here alley. Oh my gosh, that cracked me up. That is so you.
(08:00):
And as soon as they got a connection, I still didn't message them. They messaged them with things
that I mean, it was quite a service with things that they thought I would say because they interviewed
me. I mean, they went through my closet, they did all sorts of things, but they interviewed me and
they would ask, where do you want to have drinks? Where would you have dinner? And I had to set up
a calendar with them, a Google calendar on days I was available. And I didn't have to do anything
(08:27):
until they had me meeting someone somewhere. And at that point in time, they would say, print off
our chat and make sure you know the chat before you go get in front of them, because you're going
to look stupid. Because we've built you up really big. And now you've got to show that you are that
person. That's hilarious. But I did that for about seven months, six months. They tell you it only
(08:53):
takes three to four. And then I got off of it just because the volume play, I mean, I was dating
21 times a month. I mean, I drove all the way, you had to put borders out there and everything
that you didn't want to go any farther than here. I ended up in Columbia one night at 6 p.m., which
meant I had to leave here at 3. I drove all the way up there to a lone Starstake house or something
(09:17):
like that. And I remember opening the door, walking in, hearing somebody at the bar cackle.
And I'm like, that's my fucking date, I bet you. And sure as shit it was. And I just drove three
hours to find her. So had you not talked to her previous or had you only talked to her online?
No, I that's the thing I didn't. The service did. I did nothing. They did all the messaging. They
(09:42):
did everything. They contacted me. They would put an invite on my calendar and I'd look at it. And
then they would contact me and say, you've got a date with her at 6 p.m. at this place. Don't be
late, basically. So they were basically blind dates for you? Yeah, 21 times a month. Well,
15 to 21 times a month. I don't think I ever had under 14 dates a month. It was a volume play.
(10:06):
Let me tell you, and I was wore out. Yeah, no kidding. That was expensive too. Not just because
you mentioned the platform was, but did you pay for all the dates too, for the most part? Oh,
yeah, absolutely. The platform cost you a, let's just say a good TV a month. Holy crap. So once
you've got off that platform, what did you, what platforms or what apps did you use? Which ones were
(10:32):
your main, the main ones you used? Yeah. So, so I ended up going to, or I stayed with Bumble. I
changed, I changed everything about it because I, it's not that I felt it was wrong, but I felt like,
all right, I need to be true about it now because it's not it, and it wasn't a game before, but
I don't know. I just got more serious about it. So I went in and cleaned my profile up. I left some
(10:57):
stuff they had and pictures of course, but Bumble was a big one for me. And then I found one called
fitness singles that they didn't connect me with that I got on. And I did a couple dates from there
on fitness singles. Oh, okay. Got it. Which one of those was most effective? Do you think the,
for what you were looking for? Yeah. So for me, honestly, Bumble was much more, I, the person
(11:22):
that I met on fitness singles, I ended up meeting them. Oh, I want to say, well, it may have been
in Columbia. I had a bad experience in Columbia apparently. But the thing with some of them that
you really have to watch especially like fitness single, it is geared towards fitness people,
which I'm like, I want somebody that, that's into some sort of fitness. I don't, I didn't care if
it's hiking or if it's running or cycling or didn't care. And that's a great platform for it.
(11:46):
But living in a small town, Springfield, there was like two people in Springfield on the app.
I mean, you really had to, you know, really say you would go a lot farther out. So the person
that I talked to and dated was in Illinois. So I'm, you know, so it was a long, long drive.
Got it. So this is kind of a weird question because I think when we were doing these,
(12:10):
this one was probably geared a little bit towards me, but did you feel safe using online dating
apps or what steps did you take to ensure the person you were meeting was safe, felt safe?
And that's an interesting question because I think guys don't worry about it. You know, we,
we just don't, we don't worry as much about the safety because we're, we don't think we're going
(12:31):
to get physically hurt by that person. But I can see the other end of it. And, and where that really
kind of come into view for me, I had a date, but it was, it was during the 21 dates a month. So
it was in Rogers, Arkansas. Oh, okay. And so it, so it was a long drive. Yeah, they all
(12:51):
ended up becoming a long drive, but I drove all the way down there and she decided where we were
going to eat. And we pull in the parking lot and she pulls in and the place is not open. So we
decide on a different place. And I told her, I said, if you want to just jump in my truck, we can,
we can take one car. And she's like, no, take my car. And that's when I'm like,
oh, that makes a lot of sense. I didn't think about that. But, you know, you do have to be very
(13:16):
aware because you don't know who's on the dating apps. Right, right. I get that. So let's move on to
actually getting on the app, putting your profile out there. Let's start there. Okay. What role do
you think photos play in how you perceive potential matches? Okay, so I'm going to do this two ways.
(13:40):
What, what do I think I would do to put mine on there and what I would expect out of a woman,
which is almost different. Okay. That's interesting. And once again, on this dating service or
matchmaking services, what it was called, they actually had me work with this coordinator that
talked about the photos. So there was a lot to that. And what, what she told me for a guy,
(14:05):
which I would agree with, don't have a photo of yourself that's going to be on a dating website
that shows you holding a fish because every guy out there has it. Don't be holding a gun because
50% of the population will like it, 50% won't. And the 50% that like it don't really care that
you've got it. But guess what? The other, they don't want it. So don't be doing that. Nothing
(14:26):
that's controversial. Don't have pictures on there with your shirt off and you're in a gym.
It's, you know, it's just don't do that. And not that at the age of 53, I would do that anyway,
but that is a lot of what guys do. So other than that, they want you in a professional environment.
(14:49):
They want you doing a hobby, which like she said, do you want to be on a motorcycle? Cause I've got
a Harley. You want to, you know, maybe you finish in a race because I was doing a lot of running,
stuff like that is what I would put on there. Now I'm going to go to the other side, which is the,
what I noticed on the female side that I would say don't do in my opinion. And Connie challenged
(15:13):
me on this, but I'm only one guy here, Mel, and this is only my opinion. It depends on what you're
looking for, but if you are not just looking for a one night stand, we don't need a picture of you
at a 30 degree angle above your head, a selfie with you looking up with a sports bra and yoga pants
(15:35):
on. Does that happen a lot? Well, whenever the matchmaking service sent me the, all of
them, I could click through all of them very quick. I bet you, I bet you five out of 10 were like that.
I bet you 50% of them. And you know what? The thing is everybody does that. And that's one thing
(15:56):
they told me is you don't want to be like everybody else. I mean, these dating apps,
as crazy as it sounds and as, and as almost shameful as it is, it is a volume play. Think of
how many people and you've got to stand out from those people. What was your thought when you would
see that? I'm not just the not standing out part, but did you get any kind of feeling like, oh gosh,
(16:20):
she's going to be a one night stand or she's going to be more long term? Did you have, did you assign
any, what they were looking for to that at all? Well, it more of how much fun that person is
going to be in life because I wasn't looking for a one night stand. I wasn't looking for
(16:42):
something that was just going to be fun for a couple of weeks. And it's not that I didn't
expect each one of them to be long term, but I wanted somebody I was going to enjoy being around.
And in my opinion, and I can say I went on a couple of these, if not 20, when you found those
people, those are the people that spent more money on makeup and shoes than I made in a year.
(17:06):
I mean, they, they're high maintenance in my opinion. And that's what I would always,
you know, they're the one that would make $28,000 a year and somehow be driving a BMW and you're
like, holy shit, how are you doing that? I can't, but you can probably because I'm paying for a
fucking dating service. Go ahead. Are you angry about this dating service? Well, I should have
(17:28):
been able to take it off on my taxes. That's all I'm saying. Okay. So what qualities were you
looking for in a potential partner? Now, I'm going to preface this because you have a really great
system or you had a great system. So can you kind of talk a little bit about that? Yeah. So when I
(17:49):
was in therapy, I was trying to figure out what I needed out of somebody because I didn't want,
I didn't want to keep going through women and, you know, have bad experiences because
I knew I was getting to the age. I wanted to, to find who it was that was right for me. And I
started creating an Excel spreadsheet and anybody that, if Jeff's around, he would love this, you
(18:10):
probably won't Connie, but it was an Excel spreadsheet. And I would list out my needs. And,
you know, one of them, I mean, for obvious reasons here, Connie is they have to allow
me to have girls as friends. A lot of women do not like that. I mean, they just don't. One of them
was that they needed to be active. One of them was based around kids. Do I really want to raise
(18:35):
a very young kid? I wanted them to be somewhat professional. They could have not had an education.
They, it didn't matter how much money I'm talking about professional because when I go to work and
I've got to work late or I've got to do something, understand why because they're a professional.
They, you know, I needed somebody and I had several other criteria in there. And then I would scale
(18:58):
them from one to 10. And there was a few other things in there. And I mean, you've got to be
attracted to them too. And I plotted it out and each person I'd go on a date with, which I was,
once again, it was volume. So I knew the questions I was going to ask. And I built out a spreadsheet
and everybody had a tab and I off of it, this radar chart. And I was trying to get all the fives
around all of them outside of 10s, whatever I'm. So yeah, I had a system. It's so analytical. And
(19:25):
this is why you and I are friends because you are uber analytical and I have come to appreciate that.
And I am not as analytical as you in our personal life. And I love, you teach me so much with that
because I'm thinking, does that really work? And it really did. It worked for me. I have,
(19:49):
I'm telling you right now, Ellen is the perfect person. She would score higher than anybody
on all of these. And, and I, she's perfect for me. And I can tell you, I've still got the chart.
Another thing that I will to just make online dating a little more, I don't know how to put it,
where you don't take it so seriously. One of the things that the dating experts told me is do not
(20:15):
assign their real name to them to any of your friends. You have either a code name or a nickname
for them. And the code name or nickname, use things like their occupation, where they live,
you know, their origin, whatever, but don't assign real names to them because then it becomes too
personal. Give me three names that we assign to people just out there so people can hear.
(20:40):
Three names. Three. Yeah. Let's do three. Wow. I'm trying to think, well, first of all,
let me go back to, I can tell you how serious it was with Ellen when I met her. Her nickname,
and it still is today, and she makes fun of it, is Elaine. So close to being what it really is.
She even signs all of her cards, Elaine. So that was pretty good. Let's see, there was... I'll name
(21:04):
some because I can think of some. Name them. DC Chick. Oh, I forgot about this. There was Australia.
Yeah. Which was not a name. No, Australia. It was not a person's... Yeah. And then... PT Chick.
PT Chick. Mary Kay. Yoga Chick. Yoga Chick. Yeah. We had all sorts. And then that went over to me.
(21:31):
And we had like, yeah, we didn't have names. Now, you assign them whatever. And I mean,
the thing is, you have to be careful with that because if they become
long-term, whenever your friends are around them, they're like, which one is this?
That's too funny. Yeah. Like, for me, and this never would have started if it weren't for you.
(21:53):
We had Little Rock. We had High School Conk. We had Nurse Jackie. Oh, I forgot about Nurse Jackie.
Yeah. Yeah. See? Oh my gosh. So, yes, assigning names later on, you will love it because you'll
think back and go, that was the funniest name we had for that person. Yeah. And the thing is,
you put it in your phone that way. I mean, it just... If you end up putting them in your phone,
(22:18):
you put them in that way until it becomes something that's real because it's long away.
And that's the thing. When you're doing online dating, realize you're on your phone, on an app,
no different than Facebook. Do not take it that serious. If your life depends on you finding
somebody on these apps, you're in trouble. You really are. Yeah. I have fun with it.
(22:40):
You're going to have a stressful life. It's got to be fun.
Well, with that being said, how do you balance being open-minded while staying true to your
preferences? Like, let's talk a little bit about that. You know, for me, open-minded and preferences,
there was such a blur there for a while because of that matchmaking service.
(23:00):
You know, I told them what I was looking for and they would narrow it down and they would send me
a hundred candidates and I would look through those. And it got to where I was so selective that,
you know, I'm like, ah, man, look at her. That middle toe is a little longer than her big toe.
That's never going to work. Or, you know, I would go walk in and I'm like, ooh, she's one of those
(23:22):
that wears two different earrings, one in each ear is different. That's not going to work. So...
Wow.
Oh, it got really, really bad. Really close-minded. So, yeah. So what you have to do, in my opinion,
is you have to decide why you're dating. Are you dating for fun or are you dating for commitment?
(23:45):
If you're dating for fun, have fun. Then you don't have to be open-minded. But if you're
dating for a commitment, be open-minded because I can tell you right now that as you talk to somebody,
after the second or third or fourth date, and sometimes, especially at our age, for me, it takes
a while because I still have a lot of, you know, I still have this, it's got to be a perfect situation
(24:10):
and it's not going to be perfect from the first date or the second date. So, you know,
if you're going to go for commitment, you're going to have to be a little open-minded. And if
that second toe is a little long, you're going to have to go, it's okay. I'm going to let that pass.
Goodness. Oh, my lens. All right. Well, and I think you bring up a point there.
(24:31):
You do have to decide why you're dating. Are you dating to have fun and, you know, have a one-night
stand or are you dating to look for a commitment? And always be very honest because you're going to
find both of those things on dating apps, you know? And if you are looking for a one-night stand and
you run into somebody who wants a commitment, it's going to end up ugly at some point or not pleasant.
(24:54):
Well, on the dating apps, I don't remember Connie them, you know, having a question about something
like that. So the person that you're really getting ready to meet for, you know, a coffee that morning
or a drink that night or lunch, you don't really know what their expectations are.
Sometimes, but a lot of those in the profile, you start learning wording, you know?
(25:21):
Oh, can we go back? Can I go back to the photo for women thing just for a second? Okay. I'm sorry.
I missed this one. I've got so much baggage. Don't, how do I put this politically correct?
You got to put it normal like you and I would talk. We're not politically correct on this podcast.
Okay. I went on a dating app. I found someone and the pictures were very nice and I'm like,
(25:46):
this is, yes, this is going to be great. When I walked in, I looked at her and I'm like,
those pictures were from 2011 and I'm dating you at 2022. Do not put pictures in that are 11 years
out. Every one of them, every one of them, I promise you, they were, they were so, so much
(26:10):
different. Either that or maybe she just aged really bad in the last, but there's just no way.
There's no way. Along with that, I don't know what all these filters are, but if your face looks
perfect, I'm not dating you because it's not right. It's not true. And I mean the filters,
they would be absolutely perfect. And I'm like, no, I mean, for me, with Ellen's picture, she had one
(26:34):
of them up her or she was up on top of a mountain. I can tell you right now, if you climbed all the
way up, this is my thought. Now this is just me probably. If you've climbed all the way on top
of a mountain with a friend and they're taking your picture and somehow you put all these filters
on it to make yourself look good, kudos to you. You probably didn't climb for four hours to do that.
(26:57):
It was a real picture. And that's what I was looking for is what's real because there's
so little that's real out there. Yeah. And I, yep, that's one of the things. Don't do filters.
It's ridiculous. We can tell people you just get used to it. All right. Well, you're ready to move
on to how you would handle actually going on the date. You want to start? Oh yeah. I would love to.
(27:23):
Yeah. Tell me, which one? Well, let's start with, how do you approach a conversation? You find this
person, their picture is good. Now what? You want us to talk to them? Yeah. So another thing that I
was taught through the service was you have to stand out. Your profile cannot be the same.
(27:44):
Everybody wants to travel. I wanted to travel. I traveled a lot and I thought everybody would think
that I was, you know, if I talked about it, nope, that's what everybody, you have to stand out.
Same thing with your opening questions and just your conversation. You have to stand out. So
if you're on a dating app and you are remotely interested in somebody and they come to you
(28:09):
and say, hey, how are you? And you say, I'm doing good. How are you? I'm already losing interest.
Let's be honest because that's how everybody starts. So my opening was always something
completely off the wall because they're either going to like it or go away. And that was my two.
Quickest way to yes, I guess. So I remember one of them was if I was to walk into your kitchen
(28:32):
right now and open the refrigerator, name three things that I would find in there that's shocking.
That's an opening that everybody goes, oh, I got to think about that. And it actually draws them in.
Those are the kind of ways I would always start a conversation. And honestly, I have to say that
probably 70% of the time we would have a conversation at that point. And you could have the funniness
(28:57):
for, you know, the first three or four communications back and forth and then get into,
you know, figuring out whether it makes sense to have a drink or to go to lunch or whatever it would be.
The matchmaking service I had, they said, go as quick as you can from texting to getting in front
of that person because the longer you wait, they've got other people. And I mean, it's a game. It
(29:22):
really is a game. So it's the quickest way and how to stand out. Yeah, I loved your questions
because you actually helped me with that. Yeah, I had 10 of them. What's odd, they were on a spreadsheet
and it's the same 10 I used. And when they worked, I would give them a value if it didn't work. I mean,
we deleted them. And yeah, I mean, it's all a system. It is a system. And that's what I mean,
(29:44):
if you think about it, the apps, that's what it is. For you, it very much was. You're right.
So how did you handle setting updates? Like, what would you do? How would you handle it?
How many times did somebody ask you out before you asked them out?
Yeah, so, you know, going back to the apps for the women out there that are starting today,
(30:07):
Bumble's probably one of the best apps, just so you're aware, because they have to initiate first.
So no matter how many people you see, I think you can like them and they can like you, but they
have to initiate first. So safety, that's the best way to go. You asked about the first dates, right?
(30:29):
Right. How did you go about, like, did you have a system for setting that up? Did you know you
were going to meet somewhere? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like, tell me, like, just talk about that.
I drew that from, so whenever I had the matchmaking services, they sat down and they asked
profile and all of this. And what they asked me is, okay, we need to know a place that you would
(30:51):
typically have a drink, a place that you would typically have coffee, a place for lunch and a
place for dinner that's close to you. Whenever they would get ready to approach somebody about
meeting me, they always wanted to do a coffee or a drink because you can spend as little as 15 or
30 minutes and decide it's not right and leave to where if you go to a lunch or a dinner, you may
(31:15):
end up an hour or longer with that person and it may get very awkward. So the very first thing you
should do is do a coffee or a drink if at all possible. Got it. So that was your first time.
And then after that, it would just move forward. Yeah. And you know, it's very easy if you have
that ice breaking question that I talked about, which was something off the wall, you know,
(31:35):
what's your favorite yoga pose? Just something stupid. I mean, it probably wasn't one of mine,
but it was something just off the wall like that. And then you can get into a real conversation
within three or four messages. I mean, I automatically said, what do you think about coffee, you know,
this weekend or whatever it would be. That's how I tried to approach everything. Or do you want to
(31:57):
have a drink after work sometime? Nice. Yeah. I always loved that. And I can't wait to talk about
what I would do to people for expectations. But now we're getting into the dates. So this is where
the fun really starts. And it really for you and I started. So tell me some fun experiences
(32:20):
were positive experiences you had while dating. Oh, there was just enough positive experiences
to make me believe that it was worth continuing on. But yeah, there was a lot of fun. Besides,
so we're going to, we're going to get rid of Ellen as far as we know she's perfect. So,
(32:41):
and that's literally true. I'm not saying that to be ugly at all. But so she's not included in
this. Tell me what one of your most fun dates was and why. Okay. So one of my most fun dates, well,
I'm going to, I'm going to give you two, I think one of them was from Harris,
(33:06):
Arkansas or Harrison, Arkansas, I should say. I went all the way down there, had an absolute blast,
but communication was good. There was no chemistry whatsoever. Had so much fun. She talked about her
kids, showed me her kids. You know, it was almost like you was meeting an old friend,
if that makes sense to you, Connie. We just, we had this great time. And afterwards, I got home and
(33:33):
and it made me laugh. I got home and I just messaged her through that. And I said, I think it's,
I think I had a great time, you know, because she had sent something to me about, I hope you made
it home. All right. I said, I had a great time. I don't see this really going anywhere. I didn't
feel the chemistry, blah, blah, blah. And she goes, Oh, thank you so much for that. She goes,
I'm always so concerned about letting somebody down. She goes, but you want to get a burger next
(33:58):
time I'm in Springfield? And I'm like, yes. So that's fun. It was, it was a great story. And
we actually did. She comes to Springfield and we had a burger, you know, as a month or two later.
But that just, that was one of those that it felt so adult like. And it felt, it felt natural.
A second one invited me to Kansas City to go through one of those indoor skydiving things.
(34:23):
It was a blast. I go up there and I'm doing the indoor skydive. It was a great, great time.
Did it go anywhere? No, but it was so much fun. Oh, that would be fun. And I mean,
they thought of what to do, where to go, all of it. I ended up, I drove up there. I got a hotel
for the night. Now you know why you're dating so damn expensive. I got a hotel for the night.
(34:45):
I think, yeah, she got the tickets for the indoor skydiving. We had a great barbecue,
you know, it's just, it's one of those that was memorable because you don't do that very often.
Right. Right. So first, were you ever ghosted on any of your dates?
(35:05):
So, you know, not just ghosted on your dates, but were you ghosted ever? Like you thought you had
some really good chemistry with somebody and then you just never heard from them?
Yeah, I think that is probably real common because on the apps, it's so easy to disconnect with
somebody and they no longer can connect with, you know what I mean? When you're chatting,
(35:29):
all they have to do is say, I'm not interested anymore. They could have found somebody else,
they could be interested in 12 other people. You will get ghosted, in my opinion, all the time.
Now, I'm going to tell you a story, but it's more of me being stood up than ghosted, but
(35:49):
there was one woman that I agreed at 9 a.m. to end up, I think I'm just meeting her in
Joplin for coffee, which once again, coffee gets you, you know, gives you 30, 45 minutes at the
most. You can extend that, but it gives you that easy way out quick if it doesn't work out.
(36:10):
Yeah. So I messaged her on a Wednesday or Thursday, hey, is everything good? She goes,
yep, she lives somewhere in Arkansas, so we was kind of meeting in the middle.
I get up a little bit late on Saturday and didn't realize how far it was going to be,
and I drove like hell to get there. I ended up getting there just right on time,
(36:30):
and I'm sat in there, and I'm sat in there, and I'm sat in there, and 45 minutes go by,
and I'm like, so I start messaging her, and the only thing you can only message through the app,
you know, because of the way these are set up, which is a security,
me having a company phone forever, I didn't have that on my phone. I only have it on my iPad,
because you don't put stuff like that on a company phone. So I drag my iPad out, and I start
(36:55):
messaging her on it, and she's like, oh, yeah, I forgot about it. Can we do it some other time?
And oh, that pissed me off. You're like, fuck that. No, you can't even take the time to come.
One and done. Now, I drove over an hour to have a coffee with somebody, and the coffee was shitty,
and I had to drive back home. Now. So did you face any huge challenges or disappointments,
(37:21):
besides just those little ghostings, or was there anything that you were really just heartbroken over
or an experience that you were like, what in the hell? I've got a what in the hell. That's for sure.
Is this the one that was my fault, by the way? Was it your fault? Oh, I don't. I mean,
I blame you for most of them. Okay. I blame you for most of them. Now, so once again, make your
(37:47):
profile real. And I'm not saying this one wasn't, I don't know, but the profile looked good.
And I start messaging. And this is also guys, women, whoever. This is probably a big red flag.
And I was just too dumb to even be aware of it. This is probably a Wednesday or Thursday. And I'm
(38:08):
like, you want to, you want to get coffee or a drink sometime? Well, I'd rather do dinner. And
I'm like, ooh, okay, that's a commitment. I'll do it, I guess. It was in town. So I'm trying to
think, no, it wasn't in town. I had to drive and pick her up. Yes. It's all coming back to me now,
which is even worse. So yeah, so I had to drive quite a ways. I'm not going to say how far,
(38:31):
but it was, it was quite a ways to pick her up. And she wanted to come to somewhere in
Springfield, where I drove to was an apartment. And she wanted me to pick her up. And that's
the big red flag. If they want you to pick them up at their place, they're not concerned about
you knowing where they live, which is weird. Yeah, that's a weird thing. Yep. But I drove there,
(38:54):
I picked her up. She lived in an apartment, which I didn't realize until I got there. I pull in
in my truck and I see somebody sitting on a bench out front. And I'm like, that's probably her.
She gets up and she's got a cane and she's walking. And I'm not against a person having a cane.
You know, she could have had a bad back or something and, you know, whatever. But it wasn't
in any of her pictures. She had, she was very physical as far as activities, because that's
(39:20):
one of the things as I said, I wanted. So I got to pick her up. And she's like, it's probably
better if you bring the truck to me. And I'm like, holy shit, okay. So I go get the truck and I drive
it to her and I help her in the truck. And we drive in its 35 minutes, probably, maybe a little
longer to get to this restaurant. So we have quite the conversation in this truck of mine.
(39:41):
And she lets me know that she took the COVID vaccine and ever since then, she's having all these
problems. She can barely walk. She's lost all bladder function. And I'm like, whoa, time out,
time out. I'm like, do what? And she said, yeah, I've lost all bladder function. I can barely walk
now. And all I can think of, and I know shame on me is do not pee in the seat of my truck.
(40:05):
And you have a nice fucking truck too. That's what's so funny about this.
So I come right near the restaurant, which is downtown. I pull up and there's traffic in back
of me, but I'm like, we got to get her out of my truck just in case. I pull to the front door. I
stop, put my emergencies on. I come around and I let her out at the door. And she's walking to the
(40:31):
door. And I shut mine. I told her, I said, I'll park the truck because apparently she can't walk
very far. I get in the driver's seat and that's how good a person I am. I'm like, I should just go
home. I should go home. I should go home. I should go home. Of course I didn't. I can't do that to
anybody, especially somebody I just picked up from 30 miles away, 40, 45 miles away. So I go park
(40:52):
as slowly as I can because I'm not interested in this date any longer. And now I've got this whole
bad experience to figure out how to unravel without looking terrible. So I go into the restaurant
and we have a dinner and we talk about things and it just, it goes from bad to worse. I mean,
(41:12):
she tells me how, you know, her, she really thought she was a lesbian for a while and her
family wouldn't accept her being a lesbian. And I'm like, whoa, okay, okay. This is a first date,
Connie. First date. And we finally get done with dinner and I'm like, well, you know,
you're probably wanting to get home and everything. She goes, oh no, can we go to the bar next door?
(41:35):
I'm like, well, shit. Yes. I mean, it's probably the first time she's been out of her house in a
while. I should probably take her at least to that. So we go next door to the bar and we're
sitting there and I have a beer and she has a beer and she, she's sitting there talking and we're
chatting it up and she tells me, she said, I remember when I used to live in Springfield,
(41:58):
she said it was just a few years back. She said, I was downtown here and this is the reason I moved
from here. I was downtown and she said, I got mugged and a guy took my cell phone and I ended up
with herpes. And I'm like, where do I go from here? I promise you this. I couldn't make this shit up.
(42:19):
Did she mean she got raped or just from the phone? I don't understand.
Well, Connie, at this point, you know, I really wasn't that invested. I mean, I'm thinking that
maybe she was just trying to keep her phone and she was off. I don't know. I don't know. Maybe she
was offering that instead. I seriously, I promise you, I don't know, but that is what she told me. And
(42:41):
I'm like, you have the worst first date etiquette I have ever had in my life. So we had that drink,
I go get my truck, pull up, pick her up again. And I have never drove so fast in my life to get
somebody back home. Oh no. So that was the biggest disappointment. I mean, there was a lot of
(43:05):
disappointments. Don't get me wrong. With that online dating service that I did,
I mean, you can just expect with 21 dates a month. I mean, you walk in and you're like, oh my gosh,
let's have a quick coffee and let's go. Or you'd be sitting there talking to somebody and
and it's just dating's tough. And don't ever think that the person you're getting ready to go meet
(43:30):
is the one or you're going to be so disappointed. I mean, you've got to just, you've got to enjoy
meeting new people and just see it as a new experience.
You really do. And you were so good. You were such a mentor to me on dating. I do want to tell
one funny story. To me, it was fun. I don't know that it was as funny to you because
(43:54):
is this on me? Did I do? Yeah, this was. Remember the night we went to a concert? It was a bunch of us.
And anybody who knows me and if you don't, this is something I'll divulge is I'm not a big drinker,
but I love tequila. And anybody, if you go with me to a bar or to a concert or something,
(44:22):
I'm always going to buy one shot of tequila for the whole party.
Always. And that's all usually all I drink most of the time is the one shot. So Scott had brought
a date and we were there with a group of people actually. So I was like, okay, everybody shot
a tequila, shot a tequila. And I mean, we were asking. And I think she said, oh, I don't think so.
(44:49):
And I was like, oh, come on, you can do a shot of tequila with us, you know, and don't think.
I don't think a thing about it because I can't tell you how many people say, oh, no, I'm not doing
a shot of tequila, but I buy good tequila. And people always go, oh, that was good. So I love
that I get to share that experience. So I was like, oh, you know, and she was like, okay, I'll do it.
(45:11):
So we all did the shot. Life is going on in this concert. And it was packed.
Yes, it was so packed. And at one point, one of our party, like you and her had gone off to go
dancing or just get eaten up by the crowd. I don't know what was happening out there on the dance floor.
(45:34):
But one of our party comes back and goes, I think Scott's date is outside. And I was like, well,
where's Scott? You later come back to the table. I'm like, what are you doing? You're like,
I'm out there dancing. And I'm like, where's your date? You're like, I don't know.
I think you told me she went to the bathroom. It's like, Scott, she's not at the bathroom.
(45:56):
She's outside. And you're like, what the hell? And then the next morning, like she left, I guess,
did you leave that night alone or something? And the next morning-
Yeah, I still had her coat and something in the car.
And like, didn't she say something like, you forced me to drink tequila. And I was like,
Scott had won tequila all night from me. And it made me-
(46:21):
It was actually two tequilas because I ended up buying around. And it was that second tequila
that Tip did, I think. Got to her. Because she called somebody, I found out, yeah, she called
somebody to meet her in the parking lot because I was trying to get her drunk to take advantage of her.
And that made me mad because I know who you are, number one. And I knew what the circumstance was.
(46:48):
And I was like, okay, so one of the other things when you're dating, if you are feeling
overwhelmed like this girl possibly was, then leave. Or if you don't like the date, be honest with
them. Say, you know, I'm not having a good time. I'm going to go home. I'll get an Uber. You can
take me home, whatever. Be honest with people. You don't have to make stuff up to get out of the
(47:11):
dating world. And that's the one thing with ghosting that pisses me off too. It's like, we're adults,
you can handle it. Well, and I can tell you, I would have been probably a little more considerate
with this one as far as nurturing with, but we had, that was our third date. It wasn't the first
or second, that was our third time of dating. So I'm like, she knows who, you know what I mean,
(47:33):
it wasn't, it definitely wasn't a first date. Don't get me wrong. There was a period in time,
and you know this Connie, I got to the point that I was so done dating that I'm like, yeah,
I'm bringing, I'm bringing my friends on all first dates and I did. Yeah. Because I remember Amy
messaging me, I don't even know what to wear. This is, it's been so long since I've been on my first
(47:54):
date. So I would bring my first date to a group setting to have dinner. You did. We went on a
bunch of group dates before. So yeah. So do you feel, let's start wrapping this up. Do you feel
there are any misconceptions about people who use online dating? I think the misconception,
there's two. One misconception is that everybody's out there looking for a one night stand and it's
(48:17):
not the case. The second misconception is that you can't find somebody on a dating app. You can,
that's where I found Ellen. And yes, you absolutely can. The big thing is you have to make sure that
you are doing it for the right reasons and that you are in the right state of mind.
(48:39):
If you need somebody, don't get on a dating app because need should not be part of why you're on
that app. It should be a want to meet people to maybe find somebody because it is a process.
It is a long time. You're going to go through a lot of people and I think as a woman and Connie,
you may say I'm incorrect, but talking to a lot of the women, you're going to be overwhelmed as
(49:04):
women because you're going to get 300 likes and you're going to have to go through and go,
oh my gosh, I don't even know what to do with this. Yeah. If you are a people, please or don't get
on an app, don't do online dating. But I think that's the only thing. People think that everybody's
on a dating app for a one night stand and that's not necessarily in that everybody out there is
(49:25):
young under the age of 21. I mean, there's so many misconceptions and that's incorrect too.
You know, today it's an interesting statistic. They were talking about 35 years ago or I don't
know how many years ago now, they said that average person would end up marrying somebody from work,
they went to school with or someone in their community because those are the only people
you were ever around. With dating apps, you can set up, I mean, once again with the service that
(49:51):
I had, I dated everybody within three states if I wanted. I mean, think about that. You can meet
people, depending on how you want it set up, at least 50 miles, you can meet somebody that
you have never even considered going to that town. So for me, it was kind of intriguing because I love
meeting new people and understanding their experiences. But also I had to be very careful
(50:16):
because I made a lot of them very, very upset because I wasn't after the same thing they was.
I was, while I was out there to have fun and figure out if it was going to work,
they were there because they thought this was going to work this time. And they will show up
on your front door screaming in a ring doorbell while you're in Dallas, Texas.
(50:39):
Oh man.
Well, what else do you have to say about this? Are you getting ready to wrap it up?
No, let's wrap it up. If you're going to date as a guy, you don't have to be as careful as the
females do, of course, have fun with it. I had to understand the female side of it.
(51:00):
We aren't, as guys used to having to worry about safety, they do and they don't know who you are.
So don't push them to, hey, give me your cell phone number. A lot of them don't want to give
you their cell phone number until you meet once. They're not going to get in your car.
They're not going to do that. It's nothing against you, but safety is the biggest thing
that I think everybody, the guys should be kind and even offer it up. I don't need your cell phone
(51:25):
number. I don't need this. We can continue to do that, but be safe and have fun with it. If you're
single, you don't have to have somebody today. You don't have to have someone next week. My
therapist, one of the biggest things he said is, my goal will be to set you up that if in five years
you're not married, you're still okay with it. And I am, of course, or was.
(51:50):
Well, thank you for sharing your dating stories. I think all the words you said or all the advice
you gave were perfect. I mean, obviously I would because you led me through my dating life,
but absolutely. And I hope our listeners really pick up and get something out of it.
So thank you so much for sharing your story. No, I appreciated it was going down memory lanes,
(52:16):
scary at times, but no, it was fun. I am glad dating's over for me though. I will say that.
Right. Yep. I understand. Well, next week we'll talk about from a woman's point of view dating
and hope to see you at that podcast too. All right. Thank you. Talk to you soon.
(52:37):
Okay. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of our life beyond. We really hope that
you found our discussion insightful and inspiring or at least brought us milder your day. If you
did enjoy this episode, please consider subscribing to the podcast on your favorite platform and
leave us a review for more information, resources or show notes. Visit our website at our life beyond
(53:00):
dot com. You can also follow us on social media, search for us on Facebook at our life beyond.
We would love to hear from you or our listeners. So feel free to reach out with your questions,
comments or suggestions through our contact us page at our life beyond dot com or on social
media. And once again, thank you for joining us on this journey till next time. Remember
(53:23):
life beyond any challenge is possible and we're here to navigate it with you. Stay strong,
stay positive and keep moving forward.
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