April 9, 2023 • 38 mins
Get ready for a thought-provoking episode where Steven delves into the age-old question of what men and women really want. Our co-host Britt Nolan reminds us all that sometimes it's okay to take a break.Steven Daniel as Main HostBritt Nolan as Co-Host (What the Britt?!)Love Language Quiz: Click HereDonate to Tornado funds:Convoy of hopeRed crossSalvation armySouthern Baptist disaster reliefLocal news station with more infoListen to more episodes from Out of Place: Click Here
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Joey, how many times do I have to tell you you have to clean your room?
(00:04):
Kids, are you sick and tired of your parents telling you to clean up your room or take out the trash?
Well, you should try moving!
That's right, kids, simply gather all your sh- kiss and hug your parents goodbye and get the freak out!
Dad, did you find my chips?
No, I hate it here.
Have you tried moving?
(00:26):
Moving?
That's right, moving!
When moving, you never have to hear your parents bickering ever again.
If you choose to move today, you'll receive a lifetime supply of good luck.
Try moving!
(00:48):
Out of place, we ain't caring about your feelings, yeah
Anytime, anyplace, you can feel it here
Steven, Daniel, out of space, so we glitter, yeah
Any topic and it's safe, so just be prepared
Don't assume, keep it straight, we might keep it fair
The news, the page, we gon' keep it real
If you tune in, then you sick for real
Bluetooth, we took the ramp here
Every image on the video, talk about it
(01:09):
Different views on the subject, we might talk about it
At the end of the day, we just talking homie
Only me in the room, but it's like a party
Introducing, Steven Daniel
Author, artist, all around great guy
Hello, out of placers
I hope that you have all been great and if you haven't, no worries
(01:31):
I'm sending you good vibes your way
So, I just saw this video on TikTok that had me rolling my eyes so hard
I think I messed up something in my brain
It was this GenX mom complaining about how her adult children don't call her enough
And how millennials just don't respect their elders
News flash, lady, respect is a two-way street
(01:51):
But here's the thing, most of us millennials have no contact with both parents
And here's the reason
Turns out, our parents are emotionally immature and treat us like we're just an extension of themselves
Hello, we're human beings too with thoughts, feelings, and guess what, we have dreams of our own
But no, they just want unconditional love like we're their little puppy dogs or something
(02:17):
Sorry, parent of the millennial
But we're not gonna roll over and play dead just because you said so
What about this boob?
The TikTok ban
While our government is worried about some silly app
I'm here like we got real problems to deal with
Like, I don't know, world peace or some sh**
I personally don't like the thought of World War 3
(02:38):
So, do something to prevent that
Or how about feeding the homeless?
But nah, let's ban TikTok because it has access to our personal data
Well, guess what, so does every other social media platform out there
Facebook, Twitter, Google
They're all in bed with the government, selling our data to add companies for money
But there is a difference
(03:00):
They are Chinese
You have to be an American to spy on Americans
That's the rule
But apparently TikTok is the big bad wolf here
Congress is like, TikTok is filled with salacious content of adolescents being exploited
That is a bunch of boon
TikTok's algorithm is based on everything you engage with
Not some sinister plot to exploit kids
(03:20):
But you know what does exploit kids?
Facebook, they've been fined millions for leaking user data
Given access to Chinese companies that were flagged by the US intelligence
And even allowed terrorists and other f*****g people around to create pages
But sure, let's ban TikTok because a GenX mom is upset that her kid didn't call her enough
(03:42):
Sounds like a solid plan
Anyways, enough about that
Let's get this episode started
For the touchy topic, get ready for a thought provoking episode
That delves into the age old question of what men and women really want
Our co-host Britt Nolan reminds us all that sometimes it's okay to take a break
And our other co-host Alex Hopper has been busy doing some incredible work in his hometown in Arkansas
(04:05):
Helping his community recover from a devastating set of storms that tore through the area
If you haven't seen the videos or photos of the destruction, it's truly heart wrenching
It looks like a war zone
But the people of Arkansas are resilient and have been working tirelessly to rebuild their lives
Alex is calling on all of us to lend a hand by checking out the links in the description
(04:28):
Every little bit helps
And let's not forget to keep Arkansas in our thoughts and prayers as they begin their long journey toward recovery
So join us and out of place in making a difference
Time to get touchy, get ready to be triggered, sensitive topics, oh look they're about to cry
All consent so we'll see, nobody likes a snowflake, what is Steven's problem today?
(04:54):
What do women want? What do men want?
Today we're tackling those age old questions
The answers have eluded us for centuries
But Steven got your back as we dive into the research and experiences to uncover some common themes
That can help us understand what men and women really want in a partner
(05:15):
Whether you're single, in a relationship or somewhere in between
You'll want to pay attention to this segment
But before I jump into this, a quick disclaimer
While I can't speak for women, I can tell you that as an alien
And I say that because that's what I identify as
An alien because I always feel like I'm living on a different planet than everyone else
So as far as women goes, I will do my best based on what my wife has talked about
(05:39):
What my female friends have talked about
And family from a women's perspective
I'll do my best
With that said, let's get started
First, I'll say the list and then I'll go into each one
First up, women, here are the top 10 things that they want in a partner
And it's in no particular order
So number one, we got emotional support
Two is communication
(06:00):
Three is respect
Four is affection
Five is shared household responsibilities
Six is trust
Seven is support
Eight is sense of humor
Nine is maturity
And ten is sexual consideration
And now the top 10 things that men want in a partner
And also in no particular order
We got number one, peace
Two, positive affirmation and encouragement
(06:22):
Three, affection
Four, support
Five, loyalty
Six, food
Seven, sex
Eight, respect
Nine, trust
Ten, communication
There you have it, listeners
While the list may differ, there are some clear overlaps in what men and women want in a partner
So whether you're an emotional listener or a silent gamer
(06:42):
Or a lover of ashamed activities or a foodie
There is someone out there for everyone
Let's start breaking it down
Let's get the one that seems silly to many people but to men it's not that silly
You've always heard that saying
A way to a guy's heart is through his belly
So when it comes to food for the men
It's more about not necessarily women cooking
(07:06):
That's not what I'm talking about
What men love is just randomly making him food when he didn't expect it
It could be his favorite snack, it could be a beer
You want to know how you give a guy flowers, the equivalent to giving a woman flowers
It's giving him a plate of his favorite thing
Just whatever his favorite snack is
(07:27):
But for me it's like give me a sub with my favorite chips and my favorite drink on the side
And I'm on top of the world
And if you did it just because and I didn't ask for it, I didn't expect it
You're just like hey I made this for you, why did you do it?
Just because I was thinking about you
That right there is good
So without out of the way let's go to the more serious stuff
(07:49):
Let's talk about emotional support
As a husband I've learned that being there for my wife means being her sounding board
Whether she wants to vent about her boss or chat about her sugar cookie business
I am there to listen and offer my advice if she wants the advice
I'm just ready and waiting
And let me tell you it's done wonders for our relationship
(08:10):
But here's the thing, society hasn't exactly made it easy for men to be emotionally invulnerable
From a young age we are all taught to be strong, to suck it up and to never let anyone see us sweat
That kind of thinking can be very toxic because it can lead men to always bottle up their feelings
Until they inevitably explode like a shaken bottle of champagne
(08:34):
In the past this is how people would describe me, a champagne bottle
I would just dump all of those feelings in and then one day I would just burst out at something so dumb
So men don't be afraid to open up
Your partner wants to be there for you and trust me it will bring you closer together
And to all the ladies I urge you to be patient with your man
If he is not used to talking about his feelings it may take some time for him to open up
(08:59):
But with a little boost of encouragement and understanding
He will eventually realize that it is okay to cry, to complain and to face his fears
Let's move on to communication, let's start with the ladies
Yes, we men know you want to talk and of course we want to listen, well most of the time
But here's the thing, don't punish us if you don't like the answer
(09:22):
We are not mind readers, we are problem solvers
We have this dumb hero instinct that kicks in and we think you're in trouble and you need our help
It's kind of hard to turn that off and realize that you don't always need a knight in shining armor to come to your rescue
Sometimes you just want to vent, you don't want to hear advice, you don't want to hear devil advocate thing
No, that's not what you want and that's perfectly fine
(09:45):
Now fellas, it's time for some tough love
You want to solve a problem, that's great, but you have to learn to listen
Women want to have a real conversation, to spend some quality time with their partner and have a meaningful connection
And if you want to know what she wants, she's ready to tell you
All you have to do is, you guessed it, listen, she will tell you
(10:06):
You just have to pay attention and a lot of men don't pay attention
And it takes practice to be an intuitive and empathetic listener, but it's also worth it
So let's make a deal, ladies don't punish us if you don't like the answer
And fellas, put that hero instinct on hold and just listen
If we work on our communication skills, you would have a damn great relationship and who doesn't want that?
(10:27):
Let's move on to respect
It's no secret that women want to be treated with respect and kindness
If you take her for granted or treat her poorly, she's going to want to run out the door faster than you can say
True, and international pressure
And ladies, if you really want to know what kind of person you're dealing with, just watch how he treats others
Is he kind to his friends and family? Does he treat strangers with courtesy, like the wait staff at a restaurant?
(10:51):
And on the subject of respect, I want to talk about the M word, misogynist
It's a label that's thrown around a lot these days, but do people really know what it means? I don't think so
But here's what it means, a misogynist is someone who dislikes, despises, or is prejudiced against women
But what about misandry? That's the term for people who hate, despise, or are prejudiced against men
(11:13):
And here's the truth, these modern feminists are not feminists, they fall into that category
We need to stop with the man-hating and start advocating for equality
One thing men crave is acceptance, they want to be loved for who they are, flaws and all
So stop trying to change him and just love him for who he is
I feel like you're all pissed off because you picked wrong and you're stuck, it's not his fault
(11:37):
Like I said before, there's somebody out there that doesn't have to change and is perfect for you
So I'll say it again, stop trying to change him and just love him for who he is
And listeners, let's stop fighting dirty, I've seen some nasty arguments in my day
And the ones who fight dirty are usually the ones who are on the losing side
So pick your battles wisely and don't lose your cool over something trivial like a broken dish
(12:01):
Because dishes can be replaced, but a relationship that's been destroyed by disrespecting each other is much harder to fix
Let's move on to affection, women want to feel loved and appreciated
And it's not that hard to make him feel that way
Because sometimes all it takes is a simple I love you or a surprise gift to show your woman that you care
(12:23):
And don't forget about those romantic dinners, all of those things that seem little to you can be a game changer
So let's talk about something really important fellas, pursuing your partner
When you first started dating you did everything you could to win her over, right?
And then you suddenly stopped, hello McFly, she didn't want to stop being pursued
She chose you because of the attention and effort you put in, so why not keep it going?
(12:47):
And here's a little secret, be your partner's best friend, what do I mean?
Spend quality time together by doing something you both enjoy and watch your intimacies skyrocket
Plus it's just fun to have someone you can be silly with and share your weird quirks with
The big big big giant secret is that you have to learn the love language, which I'll cover in a little bit
It's like cracking the code to your partner's heart
(13:09):
So I'm gonna explain it to you in a little bit so that you can learn how your partner wants to receive love
So that you can give it to them in the way they want it, it will make a huge difference, so stay tuned for that
Let's move on to sharing household responsibilities
Gender roles have been around since God knows when, but let's be real, it's outdated as fuck
(13:30):
Men were expected to bring home the bacon to do a bunch of stuff around the house
While women are supposed to be homemakers and take care of the kids, but guess what?
It's 2023 and we're not living in a black and white world anymore
Couples come in all shapes and sizes and gender roles are no longer a thing you have to follow
Ladies, if you want a man to show you that he cares, ask him to pitch in with the household chores
(13:54):
Ask him, now don't play games, don't expect him to mind read, just say
Hey, can you help me with the laundry? Can you clean the toilet? Can you cook dinner once in a while?
Can you put the kids to bed? Can you help me with grown-ups?
And fellas, don't wait to be asked to do all of that
Be proactive and show your partner that you're not afraid to get your hands dirty
Because let's face it, nothing is sexier than a man who knows how to clean a kitchen properly
(14:19):
The key is to work together as a team, no matter how unconventional it may seem
So forget about what society tells you to do and focus on what works best for you and your partner
Let's move on to trust and honesty
When it comes to relationships, trust is important
A man who is trustworthy is more appealing to a woman
He has to be dependable, truthful, and genuine
(14:41):
Women want a partner who they can trust and rely on
And over time, trust will grow
And you have to remember, you gotta be realistic
You both are going to fuck up at some point
How do you get through it? By working on it so that you both can build a relationship
Where you both can speak freely without worrying
So when something does fuck up, it's not going to be as intense, it's not going to be as big
(15:05):
Now, when it comes to trust for men, it's not just about cheating and all that
Men want to know that their partner is going to be in it for the long run
Most breakups and divorces are initiated by women
Men tend to stick out a relationship longer
If a man loves his partner, he will more than likely be in it for the long run
All women have to do is to show their man that they won't leave
(15:26):
Simple
And of course, when you talk about trust, you have to talk about being faithful
So when it comes to cheating, there are many people who won't agree with me
And I'll tell you why
Number one, don't put yourself in a situation to begin with
I remember a while back when I was close to doing that
And I had a friend, his name was Willie
(15:47):
And he told me, how do you want to cheat? Don't put yourself in a situation
Because I gave him a scenario, hey, what if I go out and nothing happens
But he goes, well, don't put yourself in a situation
And I'm like, oh, what if I go out and I don't do anything
But that person kisses me, he's like, well, you put yourself in a situation
So that's number one
So before my oldest was born, we lived in Key West for a few years
(16:09):
And it was just us
Things were bad, still in the beginning of our marriage
And there was many opportunities to cheat
Very easy to just walk somebody
It was Key West, Florida
It's a land for adults
Think of the vibe in Vegas
And take away the casino and put it on the beach
That's on a small island
Key West can be very crazy and very easy
(16:31):
But you know what I did? I didn't want to put myself in a situation
So when I had the opportunity to go out
So when people like coworkers would invite me all the time
Hey, you want to go bar hopping? You want to go to this club?
You want to do that?
I would say, no, I would stay home
I would get chubby and be like, oh
Especially with my wife, she had duty a lot
When she had to spend the night at base
So I'm here by myself
(16:53):
And this was all the time
I had opportunities
But I remember what Willie said
Don't put yourself in a situation
So I never got in bed with anybody
I never went to a hotel to work somebody
I don't think I have the balls to do that
You know why? Because I'm an emotional lover
And I feel like I have to have a connection
I rarely made the first move
As a teenager and a young adult, I didn't have the balls to do it
(17:17):
I was scared of rejection
So I never had the balls to go all the way
I always felt like you have to get to know somebody
So I feel like if I had the opportunity
And there was a naked woman right in front of me
We're kissing
I don't think I could get a hard on to fuck somebody
So that's that
So now let's talk about jealousy, right?
It's okay to be jealous
Healthy jealousy
And please, I've seen this all around on social media
Don't make it a game
(17:38):
I've seen men who make their partners jealous
Just to get a reaction
And it almost always backfires
Don't play with emotions
As for me, when it comes to jealousy
I have to work extra hard as an introvert
To be friendly in social situations
It's exhausting
I would prefer to be by myself
And also, the closer I am to someone
The more comfortable I am
(17:59):
But when it's strangers
Even just talking on the phone is just exhausting for me
And many of you introverts will understand what I'm talking about
But every now and then, a woman will cross the line
And my wife will get a little jealous
And that's perfectly okay
As long as it's just a little jealousy
We all have our limits
So the important thing to do is to communicate and respect each other's boundaries
That's it
(18:20):
Let's move on to support
Support is a crucial element in any relationship
And it works both ways
When partners support each other and stand together
They create a strong bond that can get through anything
Men in particular often try to seem tough and independent
But deep down, they crave approval and admiration from their partners
Ladies, you fantastic, beautiful women
(18:42):
It's not that complicated
Just give your man a compliment every now and then
Trust me, it will make his day
Men want to feel noticed and appreciated
And a little bit of admiration can go a long way
But supporting each other goes beyond just giving compliments
Men also want their partners to believe in their dreams and cheer them on
Every man wants to know that their partner is by his side
(19:05):
Helping to reach that ultimate goal he has
And women have their own aspirations too
Which men should be there to support and encourage
Support and encourage each other to reach those dreams and goals
Stand together and you will both be unstoppable
Let's move on to sense of humor
Life can be serious at times
(19:27):
And that's where humor comes in
It's a great way to relieve stress and connect with others
Men have a knack for making women laugh
And it's one of the reasons why they are so appealing
But you don't have to be a professional comedian to make your partner laugh
And sometimes all it takes is a silly joke or a funny face to lighten the mood
The key is to let go of your inhibitions and just have fun
(19:49):
Women, I know you have a lot on your plate
But don't forget to take a break and have some laughs with your man
It will do wonders for your relationship
Men don't be afraid to be silly and let loose
Your partner will love you for it
And women, please let them be silly and let loose
In the beginning my wife would always roll her eyes when I was being silly
And for a while I'm like, oh well I can't really be silly in front of her
(20:11):
And then one day she changed her view on it
And she started enjoying seeing me as me
Me wanting to be silly because she saw me being silly with her brother
She saw me being silly with our kids
And she enjoyed it
Life can be tough, but that doesn't mean we can't enjoy ourselves
Remember to laugh and enjoy the little things in life
(20:32):
As the saying goes, laughter is the best medicine
Let's talk about maturity
Maturity is a tricky thing
It's not just about how old you are
But how you handle yourself
A man who is mature is like fine wine
He gets better with age
And women love wine
But seriously, maturity is about being responsible and able to handle your sh** when things get tough
(20:55):
It's about being able to communicate openly and honestly without being a d**k about it
And if you could do that, you'll be light years ahead of those th**k boys out there
Now, when it comes to women and maturity, owning up to your stuff is important
We all make mistakes
But it's how you handle those mistakes that really matter
Women, if you f**k up, just own up to it and make it right
(21:16):
Don't make the fight bigger than it needs to be because it's so damn exhausting
And let's not forget confidence
Confidence is a part of being mature
Women love a man who is confident, but not in an obnoxious Andrew Tate kind of way
It's about knowing who you are and what you want and going after it with a positive attitude
And if you could do that without being a total egomaniac, men you would be the perfect catch
(21:40):
So to all the men out there, if you want to be the kind of guy that women really want, focus on being mature, responsible, and confident
And if you can make our life along the way, even better
Now let's talk about sex
Intimacy is a beautiful thing, but let's be honest, sometimes it can be a little stale
So I want to spice things up a little bit
Gentlemen, if you want to keep the fire burning in the bedroom, it's time to step up your f**king game
(22:05):
No more laziness, no more half-assed attempts at pleasing your woman
Women want a man who pays attention to her body and their desires
And ladies, it's time to stop being so damn coy
If you want it, say it
If you want to try something new, suggest it
And you know what, there's many women out there who don't know how to tease a man, how to go about it, and that's fine
(22:29):
Not everybody knows, but I'll tell you one, a straight man loves those booty shorts with that ass crease
And to all the LGBT plus peeps who are offended by me saying straight guys, sorry, but not sorry
Y'all need straight people to make more of y'all
But let's not get caught up in semantics
We all need each other to keep this world turning, right?
You agree with me? I hope you do
(22:50):
Back to the topic at hand, here are five things that men want in bed
They want to be in control, they want you to dirty talk, they want you to moan
And if you have to fake it, fake it, but do a good job
Men want oral, and they want you to initiate, that's it
We all know men want physical intimacy, but there's nothing less sexy than begging
And fighting, oh, we don't have sex anymore, we haven't had sex, blah blah blah
(23:13):
Because now she's gonna go into it, getting all hot and ready, and guess what?
She's not really in the mood, she's not gonna be as wet, she's not gonna be into it
It's gonna take her forever to...
And you're sitting there, walking her, expecting her, wanting her to come
But she ain't gonna be there, she's not there, you want her to be present
So men, my recommendation, and it's gonna be hard, is to just wait for your women to initiate
(23:40):
This is when you work out to increase your endurance, your strength
So that when she's ready, you're there, you're game
You want her, during the session, or even afterwards, to think, why don't we f*** too often
And ladies, I'm going to say it again for the love of all that is wholly initiated
Your man will love you for it, but let's not get hung up on sex
(24:03):
Romance is just as important, it's the little things that count too
Leave a sexy note for your partner to find, give a gentle kiss on the cheek, or simply hold hands
It's these gestures of love that keep the passion burning, that keep you wanting more
Because you start using your imagination, you could be at work and be like, oh my goodness, he left me a note
(24:24):
Oh my goodness, she gave me that wink
Now you're thinking about that all day, and guess what?
At nighttime, sex will be even more passionate
So whether you're straight, gay, or somewhere in between
Keep the dialogue open and talk about what you want and need in the bedroom
Intimacy should never feel like a chore
It's about connecting with your partner on a deep emotional level
(24:48):
If you're lucky, you both will end up having a damn good time
Now, let's talk about peace
This was on the men's list, but both sides can benefit from peace
Because it's crucial for both men and women to have their own chill space
So they can regroup and relax
Nowadays you'll find many young men indulging in video games
While some women are quick to judge or nag about it
(25:11):
Saying shit like, do you really pay for skins in a video game?
And when I hear somebody say that, I just want to say, well, did you really pay for nails on nails?
But no judgment, we all have our thing
We shouldn't emotionally abuse our partners for finding solace in gaming
In fact, gaming has been shown to have numerous mental health benefits
And can be a great escape like I talked about in the last episode
(25:35):
So, if you're a woman, why not try playing alongside your partner?
Who knows, you might just enjoy it too
It's important for both partners to have their own interests and hobbies
To be alone
Taking an interest in your partner's hobbies can be a great way to understand them better
Don't just brush it off because it doesn't interest you
Remember, your partner still enjoys whatever it is that they do
So remember to take the time for yourself and pursue your passions
(25:59):
But also make an effort to learn about and appreciate your partner's hobbies
So that you can understand each other's space and respecting each other's interests
Can do wonders for a healthy relationship
So the list that I just gave you and all the little explanations
Are the things that people talk about that they want
But the big thing to know is that this list doesn't work for every single person
(26:21):
Every single beautiful person is different
And that's where love languages come in
So let's talk about that now
When it comes to love, there is no one-size-fits-all solution
It's not like how you can't give a toy poodle the same food as a great Dane
You can't show love to your partner the same way as you or anyone else
That's where the love languages come in
Think of it like a personalized love menu
(26:43):
There are five love languages, that's it, just five
One, quality time
This is all about giving the other person your undivided attention
Two is physical touch
This is for the people who think that nothing speaks more deeply than a physical touch
Three is receiving gifts
This is for people who love a heartfelt gift
This is what makes them feel loved
(27:05):
Four is acts of service
This love language is all about actions
Doing things without being told to do them
And the fifth one is words of affirmation
This is all about saying nice things
That's it
Now, let's say your partner's love language is acts of service
And you decide to give the physical touch
It will be like giving an annoying vegan a burger
It's just not going to hit the spot
(27:27):
Your partner, even though you're touching and you're kissing
And saying all the nice stuff
And buying all the nice gifts
Your partner still might feel neglected and unappreciated
Despite all of the good intentions
You often hear this complaint from men
I work all day, do all the yard work
And put a roof over her head
And do everything possible to make her happy
(27:48):
But she still complains that I don't love her
You see, he does not know and understand her love language
So how do you find out what your love language is?
All you have to do is take a small test
That will take you and your partner five minutes to do
The link of the test will be in the description
And when you take the test, just be honest with yourself and your partner
(28:09):
Don't try to game the system or you'll end up like one of those fake people who brag about their IQ score
The test is quick, easy and painless
Unlike your last trip to the dentist
Once you take the test, send the results to each other
And save it so that you can always remember how to love your partner properly
It was on point for me and my wife
Here's my results
(28:30):
Quality time was 33%
Physical touch 27%
Receiving gifts 20%
Acts of service 13%
Words of affirmation 7%
Right now I don't remember my wife's numbers
And I don't have my phone with me to tell you
But I remember that her top was acts of service
And her lowest, which was zero, was gifts
(28:51):
So the way I feel love is if my wife and I spend alone time together
I love going on dates, driving around, going to Disney, just us
I love it
She loves it when I take care of stuff around the house that needs to be done
Never having to ask me to do anything
Once you know your partner's love language is like having a cheat code for love
(29:13):
Suddenly you'll know exactly what to do to make them feel loved and appreciated
It's like being Neo in Matrix
Dodging bullets and shit
Except instead of bullets, you're dodging relationship problems
I don't care how corny that sounded
I love it
So go ahead, take the test that Dr. Gary Chapman created
Who knows, you might even learn something new about yourself
(29:37):
Let's wrap up this segment
In a word of modern romance, finding love is just a swipe away
It's like ordering pizza, but with the compalability quiz instead of toppings
Gone are the days of getting to know someone and working up the courage to ask them out
Now it's all about instant gratification
We all want answers and we want them now
So we turn to social media to ask the burning question
(30:00):
What do men want? What do women want?
It's like we're on a never-ending quest for the holy grail of relationships
As a man, I used to think women were an enigma
A puzzle that couldn't be solved
But the Holy Spirit showed me something I couldn't see before
It wasn't that women were complicated
It was that I was approaching them with the wrong mindset
(30:23):
I used to joke that men were simple creatures who just wanted sex, food, and encouragement
While women wanted the moon and the stars and all the passwords
But the truth is, we all want the same thing
We all want love and understanding
That's why understanding your partner's love language is so important
Once I started applying this concept to my relationship, everything changed
(30:46):
I no longer had to guess what my wife was thinking or feeling
I knew because I spoke her love language
I got lucky because the Holy Spirit gave me that information before I even heard of this test years ago
It wasn't always easy as I made it seem
Before the summer of 2015, my wife and I were constantly at odds
We will fight about everything from the dishes to work, everything
(31:10):
But one night, after attending an event, we found ourselves in a heated argument in the van
Right there, to myself, I prayed for guidance as I was driving back to the house
And then I had a revelation
I took my wife's hand and spoke to her calmly
And she felt the same connection I did
Instantly, we both realized that it was us against the world
(31:32):
And we needed to forgive each other so that we could move forward
If we had given into the hate, we probably would have ended up divorced
So if you're struggling in your relationship, take a step back
And try to understand your partner's love language
And remember, it's not about men versus women
It's about love and understanding
(32:19):
If you don't relax now, your body will pick a day for you
(32:47):
I read that quote about a month ago and I said, hmm, that makes a lot of sense
And then I proceeded to put the pedal to the metal and grind out a bunch of stuff across my to-do list
I am 30 weeks pregnant, I have a toddler, but I always feel like I'm lazy
My dad likes to remind me that ladies in third world countries go picking produce
(33:08):
And then they stop right in the middle of the field, they deliver their baby
And then they get right back to work
Even though I know that it's implausible, he still has a way of making me feel like I'm not doing enough
And my doctor even did that to me this morning by saying she is 33 weeks pregnant
And she's still checking on me
Way to go, me, being lazy in the nick of time
(33:31):
Anyways, I just drove 2,000 miles across the country from Las Vegas to Pensacola, Florida
And I did this two times within a span of a month, solo with a toddler in my backseat
And I'm still pregnant
On our way home, I get notified by the people watching our house that it is currently infested with fleas
(33:52):
Swarming everywhere and that I do not want to go inside
So I spend a couple days at my parents' house trying to figure out how I'm going to handle the fleas
Listening to them fight about tedious little BS things like wiping crumbs off the counter
Or, you know, you snore too loud
And it's stressful
They also are smokers and I am not, so you can see how the environment might not be the most kosher
(34:14):
Then I start to feel a familiar back pain
I call my midwife and I go in for a check
She confirms that I'm having contractions
She does the dreadful cervix check
I'm 4 cm dilated, 60% effaced, and only 31 weeks pregnant
Pre-me babies are babies that are born less than 35 weeks
(34:35):
Ideally, full term babies are 37 to 38 weeks
It really kind of depends on how your body works
But, you know, babies 35 weeks and less are pretty much guaranteed to be in the NICU
And I still have a month to go
So my midwife gives me TORTAL, which is a muscle relaxer
And my contractions pretty much instantly stop
(34:56):
But because I'm so dilated, I still end up getting admitted to the hospital
The first few days I'm drugged up
The drugs that they're giving me I'm not allowed to eat on
Not eating pretty much guarantees that you're kind of putting your body in a vulnerable state
And you might then go into premature labor, so
Anyways, what I'm saying is
Today I'm recording this sh** because I want to be a warning to you
(35:19):
It's true, your body has limits
Don't fool yourself thinking you can do it all
I'm pretty much bedridden until I go back into labor
And hopefully that's not for another 5 weeks
I don't want to have my new baby living in the NICU
So, if you pray, please pray for me
And pray for the fleas to leave my house
My husband's trying to get rid of them
But those pesky bitches are relentless
(35:41):
One flea lives several months with no food
And their food is blood
And there was no blood-ridden things hanging out in my house
But I still got fleas, it's like an act of God
I mean maybe somebody walked into my house
That was watching my house and got bit by a flea, dropped off the flea
And it just proceeded to whip out a bunch of eggs
(36:02):
But, you know, I don't want to point any fingers
There was multiple people helping me out during the time that I was away
It's life, when it rains it pours
This might be a tangent, but again
What I'm really trying to say is that it's okay to take a break
Don't let the world fool you into thinking that you're not allowed to slow down
You know, in my case, I'm kind of having to slow down because
(36:23):
If I don't, then I put another person, the person inside of me, at jeopardy
And that wouldn't be a very good introduction for my baby into the world
It wouldn't be a very good thing to do
My first present to my baby is a month's stay in a hospital
Hooked up to a bunch of cords, staring at bright lights in the ceiling
(36:45):
So I'm hanging on, hanging on by a thread
It could happen at any moment now
And I just have to wait it out and ask for a bunch of help that I'm not used to receiving
This is a very different episode for me for Out of Place
But I feel like it's fitting to just kind of cement this
And let you know that it's okay
(37:06):
It's okay to take a break
Even though I'm trying to convince myself of that right now
As I pretty much have done nothing but sleep and eat for the last few days
Thank you
(37:44):
Feel free to leave them in the comment section or on social media
We love hearing from our listeners
And we're always looking for new topics to explore
And if you enjoyed this episode, we also invite you to submit a rating on whatever you're listening to this episode on
Also, please share it with your friends and family
We'd love to reach even more people with our content
(38:05):
Thanks for tuning in and we'll be back next month with another episode
Listeners, remember that you matter
That you are loved
That you are unique
That you are the only you in the world
And I am so very grateful that you chose to hang out with us
We love you
We appreciate you
Goodbye
And always remember to smile
Joey, how many times do I have to tell you you have to clean your room?
(00:04):
Kids, are you sick and tired of your parents telling you to clean up your room or take out the trash?
Well, you should try moving!
That's right, kids, simply gather all your sh- kiss and hug your parents goodbye and get the freak out!
Dad, did you find my chips?
No, I hate it here.
Have you tried moving?
(00:26):
Moving?
That's right, moving!
When moving, you never have to hear your parents bickering ever again.
If you choose to move today, you'll receive a lifetime supply of good luck.
Try moving!
(00:48):
Out of place, we ain't caring about your feelings, yeah
Anytime, anyplace, you can feel it here
Steven, Daniel, out of space, so we glitter, yeah
Any topic and it's safe, so just be prepared
Don't assume, keep it straight, we might keep it fair
The news, the page, we gon' keep it real
If you tune in, then you sick for real
Bluetooth, we took the ramp here
Every image on the video, talk about it
(01:09):
Different views on the subject, we might talk about it
At the end of the day, we just talking homie
Only me in the room, but it's like a party
Introducing, Steven Daniel
Author, artist, all around great guy
Hello, out of placers
I hope that you have all been great and if you haven't, no worries
(01:31):
I'm sending you good vibes your way
So, I just saw this video on TikTok that had me rolling my eyes so hard
I think I messed up something in my brain
It was this GenX mom complaining about how her adult children don't call her enough
And how millennials just don't respect their elders
News flash, lady, respect is a two-way street
(01:51):
But here's the thing, most of us millennials have no contact with both parents
And here's the reason
Turns out, our parents are emotionally immature and treat us like we're just an extension of themselves
Hello, we're human beings too with thoughts, feelings, and guess what, we have dreams of our own
But no, they just want unconditional love like we're their little puppy dogs or something
(02:17):
Sorry, parent of the millennial
But we're not gonna roll over and play dead just because you said so
What about this boob?
The TikTok ban
While our government is worried about some silly app
I'm here like we got real problems to deal with
Like, I don't know, world peace or some sh**
I personally don't like the thought of World War 3
(02:38):
So, do something to prevent that
Or how about feeding the homeless?
But nah, let's ban TikTok because it has access to our personal data
Well, guess what, so does every other social media platform out there
Facebook, Twitter, Google
They're all in bed with the government, selling our data to add companies for money
But there is a difference
(03:00):
They are Chinese
You have to be an American to spy on Americans
That's the rule
But apparently TikTok is the big bad wolf here
Congress is like, TikTok is filled with salacious content of adolescents being exploited
That is a bunch of boon
TikTok's algorithm is based on everything you engage with
Not some sinister plot to exploit kids
(03:20):
But you know what does exploit kids?
Facebook, they've been fined millions for leaking user data
Given access to Chinese companies that were flagged by the US intelligence
And even allowed terrorists and other f*****g people around to create pages
But sure, let's ban TikTok because a GenX mom is upset that her kid didn't call her enough
(03:42):
Sounds like a solid plan
Anyways, enough about that
Let's get this episode started
For the touchy topic, get ready for a thought provoking episode
That delves into the age old question of what men and women really want
Our co-host Britt Nolan reminds us all that sometimes it's okay to take a break
And our other co-host Alex Hopper has been busy doing some incredible work in his hometown in Arkansas
(04:05):
Helping his community recover from a devastating set of storms that tore through the area
If you haven't seen the videos or photos of the destruction, it's truly heart wrenching
It looks like a war zone
But the people of Arkansas are resilient and have been working tirelessly to rebuild their lives
Alex is calling on all of us to lend a hand by checking out the links in the description
(04:28):
Every little bit helps
And let's not forget to keep Arkansas in our thoughts and prayers as they begin their long journey toward recovery
So join us and out of place in making a difference
Time to get touchy, get ready to be triggered, sensitive topics, oh look they're about to cry
All consent so we'll see, nobody likes a snowflake, what is Steven's problem today?
(04:54):
What do women want? What do men want?
Today we're tackling those age old questions
The answers have eluded us for centuries
But Steven got your back as we dive into the research and experiences to uncover some common themes
That can help us understand what men and women really want in a partner
(05:15):
Whether you're single, in a relationship or somewhere in between
You'll want to pay attention to this segment
But before I jump into this, a quick disclaimer
While I can't speak for women, I can tell you that as an alien
And I say that because that's what I identify as
An alien because I always feel like I'm living on a different planet than everyone else
So as far as women goes, I will do my best based on what my wife has talked about
(05:39):
What my female friends have talked about
And family from a women's perspective
I'll do my best
With that said, let's get started
First, I'll say the list and then I'll go into each one
First up, women, here are the top 10 things that they want in a partner
And it's in no particular order
So number one, we got emotional support
Two is communication
(06:00):
Three is respect
Four is affection
Five is shared household responsibilities
Six is trust
Seven is support
Eight is sense of humor
Nine is maturity
And ten is sexual consideration
And now the top 10 things that men want in a partner
And also in no particular order
We got number one, peace
Two, positive affirmation and encouragement
(06:22):
Three, affection
Four, support
Five, loyalty
Six, food
Seven, sex
Eight, respect
Nine, trust
Ten, communication
There you have it, listeners
While the list may differ, there are some clear overlaps in what men and women want in a partner
So whether you're an emotional listener or a silent gamer
(06:42):
Or a lover of ashamed activities or a foodie
There is someone out there for everyone
Let's start breaking it down
Let's get the one that seems silly to many people but to men it's not that silly
You've always heard that saying
A way to a guy's heart is through his belly
So when it comes to food for the men
It's more about not necessarily women cooking
(07:06):
That's not what I'm talking about
What men love is just randomly making him food when he didn't expect it
It could be his favorite snack, it could be a beer
You want to know how you give a guy flowers, the equivalent to giving a woman flowers
It's giving him a plate of his favorite thing
Just whatever his favorite snack is
(07:27):
But for me it's like give me a sub with my favorite chips and my favorite drink on the side
And I'm on top of the world
And if you did it just because and I didn't ask for it, I didn't expect it
You're just like hey I made this for you, why did you do it?
Just because I was thinking about you
That right there is good
So without out of the way let's go to the more serious stuff
(07:49):
Let's talk about emotional support
As a husband I've learned that being there for my wife means being her sounding board
Whether she wants to vent about her boss or chat about her sugar cookie business
I am there to listen and offer my advice if she wants the advice
I'm just ready and waiting
And let me tell you it's done wonders for our relationship
(08:10):
But here's the thing, society hasn't exactly made it easy for men to be emotionally invulnerable
From a young age we are all taught to be strong, to suck it up and to never let anyone see us sweat
That kind of thinking can be very toxic because it can lead men to always bottle up their feelings
Until they inevitably explode like a shaken bottle of champagne
(08:34):
In the past this is how people would describe me, a champagne bottle
I would just dump all of those feelings in and then one day I would just burst out at something so dumb
So men don't be afraid to open up
Your partner wants to be there for you and trust me it will bring you closer together
And to all the ladies I urge you to be patient with your man
If he is not used to talking about his feelings it may take some time for him to open up
(08:59):
But with a little boost of encouragement and understanding
He will eventually realize that it is okay to cry, to complain and to face his fears
Let's move on to communication, let's start with the ladies
Yes, we men know you want to talk and of course we want to listen, well most of the time
But here's the thing, don't punish us if you don't like the answer
(09:22):
We are not mind readers, we are problem solvers
We have this dumb hero instinct that kicks in and we think you're in trouble and you need our help
It's kind of hard to turn that off and realize that you don't always need a knight in shining armor to come to your rescue
Sometimes you just want to vent, you don't want to hear advice, you don't want to hear devil advocate thing
No, that's not what you want and that's perfectly fine
(09:45):
Now fellas, it's time for some tough love
You want to solve a problem, that's great, but you have to learn to listen
Women want to have a real conversation, to spend some quality time with their partner and have a meaningful connection
And if you want to know what she wants, she's ready to tell you
All you have to do is, you guessed it, listen, she will tell you
(10:06):
You just have to pay attention and a lot of men don't pay attention
And it takes practice to be an intuitive and empathetic listener, but it's also worth it
So let's make a deal, ladies don't punish us if you don't like the answer
And fellas, put that hero instinct on hold and just listen
If we work on our communication skills, you would have a damn great relationship and who doesn't want that?
(10:27):
Let's move on to respect
It's no secret that women want to be treated with respect and kindness
If you take her for granted or treat her poorly, she's going to want to run out the door faster than you can say
True, and international pressure
And ladies, if you really want to know what kind of person you're dealing with, just watch how he treats others
Is he kind to his friends and family? Does he treat strangers with courtesy, like the wait staff at a restaurant?
(10:51):
And on the subject of respect, I want to talk about the M word, misogynist
It's a label that's thrown around a lot these days, but do people really know what it means? I don't think so
But here's what it means, a misogynist is someone who dislikes, despises, or is prejudiced against women
But what about misandry? That's the term for people who hate, despise, or are prejudiced against men
(11:13):
And here's the truth, these modern feminists are not feminists, they fall into that category
We need to stop with the man-hating and start advocating for equality
One thing men crave is acceptance, they want to be loved for who they are, flaws and all
So stop trying to change him and just love him for who he is
I feel like you're all pissed off because you picked wrong and you're stuck, it's not his fault
(11:37):
Like I said before, there's somebody out there that doesn't have to change and is perfect for you
So I'll say it again, stop trying to change him and just love him for who he is
And listeners, let's stop fighting dirty, I've seen some nasty arguments in my day
And the ones who fight dirty are usually the ones who are on the losing side
So pick your battles wisely and don't lose your cool over something trivial like a broken dish
(12:01):
Because dishes can be replaced, but a relationship that's been destroyed by disrespecting each other is much harder to fix
Let's move on to affection, women want to feel loved and appreciated
And it's not that hard to make him feel that way
Because sometimes all it takes is a simple I love you or a surprise gift to show your woman that you care
(12:23):
And don't forget about those romantic dinners, all of those things that seem little to you can be a game changer
So let's talk about something really important fellas, pursuing your partner
When you first started dating you did everything you could to win her over, right?
And then you suddenly stopped, hello McFly, she didn't want to stop being pursued
She chose you because of the attention and effort you put in, so why not keep it going?
(12:47):
And here's a little secret, be your partner's best friend, what do I mean?
Spend quality time together by doing something you both enjoy and watch your intimacies skyrocket
Plus it's just fun to have someone you can be silly with and share your weird quirks with
The big big big giant secret is that you have to learn the love language, which I'll cover in a little bit
It's like cracking the code to your partner's heart
(13:09):
So I'm gonna explain it to you in a little bit so that you can learn how your partner wants to receive love
So that you can give it to them in the way they want it, it will make a huge difference, so stay tuned for that
Let's move on to sharing household responsibilities
Gender roles have been around since God knows when, but let's be real, it's outdated as fuck
(13:30):
Men were expected to bring home the bacon to do a bunch of stuff around the house
While women are supposed to be homemakers and take care of the kids, but guess what?
It's 2023 and we're not living in a black and white world anymore
Couples come in all shapes and sizes and gender roles are no longer a thing you have to follow
Ladies, if you want a man to show you that he cares, ask him to pitch in with the household chores
(13:54):
Ask him, now don't play games, don't expect him to mind read, just say
Hey, can you help me with the laundry? Can you clean the toilet? Can you cook dinner once in a while?
Can you put the kids to bed? Can you help me with grown-ups?
And fellas, don't wait to be asked to do all of that
Be proactive and show your partner that you're not afraid to get your hands dirty
Because let's face it, nothing is sexier than a man who knows how to clean a kitchen properly
(14:19):
The key is to work together as a team, no matter how unconventional it may seem
So forget about what society tells you to do and focus on what works best for you and your partner
Let's move on to trust and honesty
When it comes to relationships, trust is important
A man who is trustworthy is more appealing to a woman
He has to be dependable, truthful, and genuine
(14:41):
Women want a partner who they can trust and rely on
And over time, trust will grow
And you have to remember, you gotta be realistic
You both are going to fuck up at some point
How do you get through it? By working on it so that you both can build a relationship
Where you both can speak freely without worrying
So when something does fuck up, it's not going to be as intense, it's not going to be as big
(15:05):
Now, when it comes to trust for men, it's not just about cheating and all that
Men want to know that their partner is going to be in it for the long run
Most breakups and divorces are initiated by women
Men tend to stick out a relationship longer
If a man loves his partner, he will more than likely be in it for the long run
All women have to do is to show their man that they won't leave
(15:26):
Simple
And of course, when you talk about trust, you have to talk about being faithful
So when it comes to cheating, there are many people who won't agree with me
And I'll tell you why
Number one, don't put yourself in a situation to begin with
I remember a while back when I was close to doing that
And I had a friend, his name was Willie
(15:47):
And he told me, how do you want to cheat? Don't put yourself in a situation
Because I gave him a scenario, hey, what if I go out and nothing happens
But he goes, well, don't put yourself in a situation
And I'm like, oh, what if I go out and I don't do anything
But that person kisses me, he's like, well, you put yourself in a situation
So that's number one
So before my oldest was born, we lived in Key West for a few years
(16:09):
And it was just us
Things were bad, still in the beginning of our marriage
And there was many opportunities to cheat
Very easy to just walk somebody
It was Key West, Florida
It's a land for adults
Think of the vibe in Vegas
And take away the casino and put it on the beach
That's on a small island
Key West can be very crazy and very easy
(16:31):
But you know what I did? I didn't want to put myself in a situation
So when I had the opportunity to go out
So when people like coworkers would invite me all the time
Hey, you want to go bar hopping? You want to go to this club?
You want to do that?
I would say, no, I would stay home
I would get chubby and be like, oh
Especially with my wife, she had duty a lot
When she had to spend the night at base
So I'm here by myself
(16:53):
And this was all the time
I had opportunities
But I remember what Willie said
Don't put yourself in a situation
So I never got in bed with anybody
I never went to a hotel to work somebody
I don't think I have the balls to do that
You know why? Because I'm an emotional lover
And I feel like I have to have a connection
I rarely made the first move
As a teenager and a young adult, I didn't have the balls to do it
(17:17):
I was scared of rejection
So I never had the balls to go all the way
I always felt like you have to get to know somebody
So I feel like if I had the opportunity
And there was a naked woman right in front of me
We're kissing
I don't think I could get a hard on to fuck somebody
So that's that
So now let's talk about jealousy, right?
It's okay to be jealous
Healthy jealousy
And please, I've seen this all around on social media
Don't make it a game
(17:38):
I've seen men who make their partners jealous
Just to get a reaction
And it almost always backfires
Don't play with emotions
As for me, when it comes to jealousy
I have to work extra hard as an introvert
To be friendly in social situations
It's exhausting
I would prefer to be by myself
And also, the closer I am to someone
The more comfortable I am
(17:59):
But when it's strangers
Even just talking on the phone is just exhausting for me
And many of you introverts will understand what I'm talking about
But every now and then, a woman will cross the line
And my wife will get a little jealous
And that's perfectly okay
As long as it's just a little jealousy
We all have our limits
So the important thing to do is to communicate and respect each other's boundaries
That's it
(18:20):
Let's move on to support
Support is a crucial element in any relationship
And it works both ways
When partners support each other and stand together
They create a strong bond that can get through anything
Men in particular often try to seem tough and independent
But deep down, they crave approval and admiration from their partners
Ladies, you fantastic, beautiful women
(18:42):
It's not that complicated
Just give your man a compliment every now and then
Trust me, it will make his day
Men want to feel noticed and appreciated
And a little bit of admiration can go a long way
But supporting each other goes beyond just giving compliments
Men also want their partners to believe in their dreams and cheer them on
Every man wants to know that their partner is by his side
(19:05):
Helping to reach that ultimate goal he has
And women have their own aspirations too
Which men should be there to support and encourage
Support and encourage each other to reach those dreams and goals
Stand together and you will both be unstoppable
Let's move on to sense of humor
Life can be serious at times
(19:27):
And that's where humor comes in
It's a great way to relieve stress and connect with others
Men have a knack for making women laugh
And it's one of the reasons why they are so appealing
But you don't have to be a professional comedian to make your partner laugh
And sometimes all it takes is a silly joke or a funny face to lighten the mood
The key is to let go of your inhibitions and just have fun
(19:49):
Women, I know you have a lot on your plate
But don't forget to take a break and have some laughs with your man
It will do wonders for your relationship
Men don't be afraid to be silly and let loose
Your partner will love you for it
And women, please let them be silly and let loose
In the beginning my wife would always roll her eyes when I was being silly
And for a while I'm like, oh well I can't really be silly in front of her
(20:11):
And then one day she changed her view on it
And she started enjoying seeing me as me
Me wanting to be silly because she saw me being silly with her brother
She saw me being silly with our kids
And she enjoyed it
Life can be tough, but that doesn't mean we can't enjoy ourselves
Remember to laugh and enjoy the little things in life
(20:32):
As the saying goes, laughter is the best medicine
Let's talk about maturity
Maturity is a tricky thing
It's not just about how old you are
But how you handle yourself
A man who is mature is like fine wine
He gets better with age
And women love wine
But seriously, maturity is about being responsible and able to handle your sh** when things get tough
(20:55):
It's about being able to communicate openly and honestly without being a d**k about it
And if you could do that, you'll be light years ahead of those th**k boys out there
Now, when it comes to women and maturity, owning up to your stuff is important
We all make mistakes
But it's how you handle those mistakes that really matter
Women, if you f**k up, just own up to it and make it right
(21:16):
Don't make the fight bigger than it needs to be because it's so damn exhausting
And let's not forget confidence
Confidence is a part of being mature
Women love a man who is confident, but not in an obnoxious Andrew Tate kind of way
It's about knowing who you are and what you want and going after it with a positive attitude
And if you could do that without being a total egomaniac, men you would be the perfect catch
(21:40):
So to all the men out there, if you want to be the kind of guy that women really want, focus on being mature, responsible, and confident
And if you can make our life along the way, even better
Now let's talk about sex
Intimacy is a beautiful thing, but let's be honest, sometimes it can be a little stale
So I want to spice things up a little bit
Gentlemen, if you want to keep the fire burning in the bedroom, it's time to step up your f**king game
(22:05):
No more laziness, no more half-assed attempts at pleasing your woman
Women want a man who pays attention to her body and their desires
And ladies, it's time to stop being so damn coy
If you want it, say it
If you want to try something new, suggest it
And you know what, there's many women out there who don't know how to tease a man, how to go about it, and that's fine
(22:29):
Not everybody knows, but I'll tell you one, a straight man loves those booty shorts with that ass crease
And to all the LGBT plus peeps who are offended by me saying straight guys, sorry, but not sorry
Y'all need straight people to make more of y'all
But let's not get caught up in semantics
We all need each other to keep this world turning, right?
You agree with me? I hope you do
(22:50):
Back to the topic at hand, here are five things that men want in bed
They want to be in control, they want you to dirty talk, they want you to moan
And if you have to fake it, fake it, but do a good job
Men want oral, and they want you to initiate, that's it
We all know men want physical intimacy, but there's nothing less sexy than begging
And fighting, oh, we don't have sex anymore, we haven't had sex, blah blah blah
(23:13):
Because now she's gonna go into it, getting all hot and ready, and guess what?
She's not really in the mood, she's not gonna be as wet, she's not gonna be into it
It's gonna take her forever to...
And you're sitting there, walking her, expecting her, wanting her to come
But she ain't gonna be there, she's not there, you want her to be present
So men, my recommendation, and it's gonna be hard, is to just wait for your women to initiate
(23:40):
This is when you work out to increase your endurance, your strength
So that when she's ready, you're there, you're game
You want her, during the session, or even afterwards, to think, why don't we f*** too often
And ladies, I'm going to say it again for the love of all that is wholly initiated
Your man will love you for it, but let's not get hung up on sex
(24:03):
Romance is just as important, it's the little things that count too
Leave a sexy note for your partner to find, give a gentle kiss on the cheek, or simply hold hands
It's these gestures of love that keep the passion burning, that keep you wanting more
Because you start using your imagination, you could be at work and be like, oh my goodness, he left me a note
(24:24):
Oh my goodness, she gave me that wink
Now you're thinking about that all day, and guess what?
At nighttime, sex will be even more passionate
So whether you're straight, gay, or somewhere in between
Keep the dialogue open and talk about what you want and need in the bedroom
Intimacy should never feel like a chore
It's about connecting with your partner on a deep emotional level
(24:48):
If you're lucky, you both will end up having a damn good time
Now, let's talk about peace
This was on the men's list, but both sides can benefit from peace
Because it's crucial for both men and women to have their own chill space
So they can regroup and relax
Nowadays you'll find many young men indulging in video games
While some women are quick to judge or nag about it
(25:11):
Saying shit like, do you really pay for skins in a video game?
And when I hear somebody say that, I just want to say, well, did you really pay for nails on nails?
But no judgment, we all have our thing
We shouldn't emotionally abuse our partners for finding solace in gaming
In fact, gaming has been shown to have numerous mental health benefits
And can be a great escape like I talked about in the last episode
(25:35):
So, if you're a woman, why not try playing alongside your partner?
Who knows, you might just enjoy it too
It's important for both partners to have their own interests and hobbies
To be alone
Taking an interest in your partner's hobbies can be a great way to understand them better
Don't just brush it off because it doesn't interest you
Remember, your partner still enjoys whatever it is that they do
So remember to take the time for yourself and pursue your passions
(25:59):
But also make an effort to learn about and appreciate your partner's hobbies
So that you can understand each other's space and respecting each other's interests
Can do wonders for a healthy relationship
So the list that I just gave you and all the little explanations
Are the things that people talk about that they want
But the big thing to know is that this list doesn't work for every single person
(26:21):
Every single beautiful person is different
And that's where love languages come in
So let's talk about that now
When it comes to love, there is no one-size-fits-all solution
It's not like how you can't give a toy poodle the same food as a great Dane
You can't show love to your partner the same way as you or anyone else
That's where the love languages come in
Think of it like a personalized love menu
(26:43):
There are five love languages, that's it, just five
One, quality time
This is all about giving the other person your undivided attention
Two is physical touch
This is for the people who think that nothing speaks more deeply than a physical touch
Three is receiving gifts
This is for people who love a heartfelt gift
This is what makes them feel loved
(27:05):
Four is acts of service
This love language is all about actions
Doing things without being told to do them
And the fifth one is words of affirmation
This is all about saying nice things
That's it
Now, let's say your partner's love language is acts of service
And you decide to give the physical touch
It will be like giving an annoying vegan a burger
It's just not going to hit the spot
(27:27):
Your partner, even though you're touching and you're kissing
And saying all the nice stuff
And buying all the nice gifts
Your partner still might feel neglected and unappreciated
Despite all of the good intentions
You often hear this complaint from men
I work all day, do all the yard work
And put a roof over her head
And do everything possible to make her happy
(27:48):
But she still complains that I don't love her
You see, he does not know and understand her love language
So how do you find out what your love language is?
All you have to do is take a small test
That will take you and your partner five minutes to do
The link of the test will be in the description
And when you take the test, just be honest with yourself and your partner
(28:09):
Don't try to game the system or you'll end up like one of those fake people who brag about their IQ score
The test is quick, easy and painless
Unlike your last trip to the dentist
Once you take the test, send the results to each other
And save it so that you can always remember how to love your partner properly
It was on point for me and my wife
Here's my results
(28:30):
Quality time was 33%
Physical touch 27%
Receiving gifts 20%
Acts of service 13%
Words of affirmation 7%
Right now I don't remember my wife's numbers
And I don't have my phone with me to tell you
But I remember that her top was acts of service
And her lowest, which was zero, was gifts
(28:51):
So the way I feel love is if my wife and I spend alone time together
I love going on dates, driving around, going to Disney, just us
I love it
She loves it when I take care of stuff around the house that needs to be done
Never having to ask me to do anything
Once you know your partner's love language is like having a cheat code for love
(29:13):
Suddenly you'll know exactly what to do to make them feel loved and appreciated
It's like being Neo in Matrix
Dodging bullets and shit
Except instead of bullets, you're dodging relationship problems
I don't care how corny that sounded
I love it
So go ahead, take the test that Dr. Gary Chapman created
Who knows, you might even learn something new about yourself
(29:37):
Let's wrap up this segment
In a word of modern romance, finding love is just a swipe away
It's like ordering pizza, but with the compalability quiz instead of toppings
Gone are the days of getting to know someone and working up the courage to ask them out
Now it's all about instant gratification
We all want answers and we want them now
So we turn to social media to ask the burning question
(30:00):
What do men want? What do women want?
It's like we're on a never-ending quest for the holy grail of relationships
As a man, I used to think women were an enigma
A puzzle that couldn't be solved
But the Holy Spirit showed me something I couldn't see before
It wasn't that women were complicated
It was that I was approaching them with the wrong mindset
(30:23):
I used to joke that men were simple creatures who just wanted sex, food, and encouragement
While women wanted the moon and the stars and all the passwords
But the truth is, we all want the same thing
We all want love and understanding
That's why understanding your partner's love language is so important
Once I started applying this concept to my relationship, everything changed
(30:46):
I no longer had to guess what my wife was thinking or feeling
I knew because I spoke her love language
I got lucky because the Holy Spirit gave me that information before I even heard of this test years ago
It wasn't always easy as I made it seem
Before the summer of 2015, my wife and I were constantly at odds
We will fight about everything from the dishes to work, everything
(31:10):
But one night, after attending an event, we found ourselves in a heated argument in the van
Right there, to myself, I prayed for guidance as I was driving back to the house
And then I had a revelation
I took my wife's hand and spoke to her calmly
And she felt the same connection I did
Instantly, we both realized that it was us against the world
(31:32):
And we needed to forgive each other so that we could move forward
If we had given into the hate, we probably would have ended up divorced
So if you're struggling in your relationship, take a step back
And try to understand your partner's love language
And remember, it's not about men versus women
It's about love and understanding
(32:19):
If you don't relax now, your body will pick a day for you
(32:47):
I read that quote about a month ago and I said, hmm, that makes a lot of sense
And then I proceeded to put the pedal to the metal and grind out a bunch of stuff across my to-do list
I am 30 weeks pregnant, I have a toddler, but I always feel like I'm lazy
My dad likes to remind me that ladies in third world countries go picking produce
(33:08):
And then they stop right in the middle of the field, they deliver their baby
And then they get right back to work
Even though I know that it's implausible, he still has a way of making me feel like I'm not doing enough
And my doctor even did that to me this morning by saying she is 33 weeks pregnant
And she's still checking on me
Way to go, me, being lazy in the nick of time
(33:31):
Anyways, I just drove 2,000 miles across the country from Las Vegas to Pensacola, Florida
And I did this two times within a span of a month, solo with a toddler in my backseat
And I'm still pregnant
On our way home, I get notified by the people watching our house that it is currently infested with fleas
(33:52):
Swarming everywhere and that I do not want to go inside
So I spend a couple days at my parents' house trying to figure out how I'm going to handle the fleas
Listening to them fight about tedious little BS things like wiping crumbs off the counter
Or, you know, you snore too loud
And it's stressful
They also are smokers and I am not, so you can see how the environment might not be the most kosher
(34:14):
Then I start to feel a familiar back pain
I call my midwife and I go in for a check
She confirms that I'm having contractions
She does the dreadful cervix check
I'm 4 cm dilated, 60% effaced, and only 31 weeks pregnant
Pre-me babies are babies that are born less than 35 weeks
(34:35):
Ideally, full term babies are 37 to 38 weeks
It really kind of depends on how your body works
But, you know, babies 35 weeks and less are pretty much guaranteed to be in the NICU
And I still have a month to go
So my midwife gives me TORTAL, which is a muscle relaxer
And my contractions pretty much instantly stop
(34:56):
But because I'm so dilated, I still end up getting admitted to the hospital
The first few days I'm drugged up
The drugs that they're giving me I'm not allowed to eat on
Not eating pretty much guarantees that you're kind of putting your body in a vulnerable state
And you might then go into premature labor, so
Anyways, what I'm saying is
Today I'm recording this sh** because I want to be a warning to you
(35:19):
It's true, your body has limits
Don't fool yourself thinking you can do it all
I'm pretty much bedridden until I go back into labor
And hopefully that's not for another 5 weeks
I don't want to have my new baby living in the NICU
So, if you pray, please pray for me
And pray for the fleas to leave my house
My husband's trying to get rid of them
But those pesky bitches are relentless
(35:41):
One flea lives several months with no food
And their food is blood
And there was no blood-ridden things hanging out in my house
But I still got fleas, it's like an act of God
I mean maybe somebody walked into my house
That was watching my house and got bit by a flea, dropped off the flea
And it just proceeded to whip out a bunch of eggs
(36:02):
But, you know, I don't want to point any fingers
There was multiple people helping me out during the time that I was away
It's life, when it rains it pours
This might be a tangent, but again
What I'm really trying to say is that it's okay to take a break
Don't let the world fool you into thinking that you're not allowed to slow down
You know, in my case, I'm kind of having to slow down because
(36:23):
If I don't, then I put another person, the person inside of me, at jeopardy
And that wouldn't be a very good introduction for my baby into the world
It wouldn't be a very good thing to do
My first present to my baby is a month's stay in a hospital
Hooked up to a bunch of cords, staring at bright lights in the ceiling
(36:45):
So I'm hanging on, hanging on by a thread
It could happen at any moment now
And I just have to wait it out and ask for a bunch of help that I'm not used to receiving
This is a very different episode for me for Out of Place
But I feel like it's fitting to just kind of cement this
And let you know that it's okay
(37:06):
It's okay to take a break
Even though I'm trying to convince myself of that right now
As I pretty much have done nothing but sleep and eat for the last few days
Thank you
(37:44):
Feel free to leave them in the comment section or on social media
We love hearing from our listeners
And we're always looking for new topics to explore
And if you enjoyed this episode, we also invite you to submit a rating on whatever you're listening to this episode on
Also, please share it with your friends and family
We'd love to reach even more people with our content
(38:05):
Thanks for tuning in and we'll be back next month with another episode
Listeners, remember that you matter
That you are loved
That you are unique
That you are the only you in the world
And I am so very grateful that you chose to hang out with us
We love you
We appreciate you
Goodbye
And always remember to smile
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.