July 22, 2025 • 52 mins
When Brian Rizzo denied entry to an unstable man at a Portland strip club where he worked as a bouncer, he couldn't have known those seconds would forever divide his life into before and after. Moments later, that same man returned with a pistol and shot Brian in the head at point-blank range.
What followed defies medical explanation. Given less than a 1% chance of survival, Brian not only lived but emerged from a 31-day coma to begin a remarkable journey of recovery. The bullet had missed his brainstem by "the width of a hair," a margin so impossibly small it challenges our understanding of luck, fate, or divine intervention.
In this raw and powerful conversation, Brian takes us through his transformation from a man who once dealt drugs and steroids to someone who found profound purpose through faith. He describes the humbling reality of relearning basic functions, losing his independence, being denied disability benefits despite clear brain trauma, and eventually finding himself homeless and living in his truck during the pandemic.
Yet what resonates most is Brian's perspective on suffering. "God puts a mountain in front of everyone," he explains. "This is the mountain that was set in front of them. It's the one that He knows they can climb." He rejects the comparison of traumas, insisting that claiming "my mountain is harder than your mountain" helps no one. Instead, Brian now dedicates his life to inspiring others facing PTSD, traumatic brain injury, or depression—showing them they're not alone on their climb.
Whether you're struggling with your own seemingly impossible mountain or simply seeking perspective, Brian's extraordinary journey reminds us that sometimes our deepest purpose emerges from our darkest moments.
Follow Brian on Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/brizzo995
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Welcome to Out of the Blue, the podcast where real
people share the truth of whatthey've lived through, the kind
of truth that doesn't alwaysmake the headlines but leaves a
mark on the soul.
I'm your host, vernon West, andmy co-host for today's episode
is my son, vernon West III, who,along with being our logo
designer and writer of our themesong, is also a professional
(00:43):
musician.
Designer and writer of ourtheme song is also a
professional musician.
We want to thank especially you, our listeners, for joining us
and giving us your precious timeand attention, for we know just
how valuable that is.
And hey, don't forget to smashthat like button and hit
subscribe, because every littlebit helps us keep getting these
powerful stories out into theworld.
Today, we're honored to sharethe story of Brian Rizzo, a man
(01:06):
from Portland, oregon, whoselife changed in a single
unimaginable moment.
On January 11, 2014, whileworking as a bouncer at a strip
club in southeast Portland,brian denied entry to a man who
was clearly unstable.
Moments later, that manreturned with a nine millimeter
pistol and shot Brian in thehead.
(01:28):
But this story isn't just aboutwhat happened to Brian.
It's about what happened after.
It's about survival against allodds.
It's about trauma, faith,recovery and resilience.
It's about waking up every dayand still choosing to climb the
mountain in front of you, evenwhen the world says you
shouldn't even be standing.
From powerlifting as a teen torebuilding his life post-trauma,
(01:52):
from being denied disabilitybenefits to living out of his
truck while holding onto hope,brian's journey is raw, powerful
and deeply human.
Today, brian is aninspirational speaker and is
currently working on hisautobiography with Teresa Leroux
, award-winning author of myRock, my Hard Place.
(02:14):
His faith is unshaken.
His story isn't polished, butit is true and it is his.
This is Brian Rizzo and this ishis story, told from the heart,
right here on Out of the Blue,the podcast.
Hi, brian, and welcome to Outof the Blue, hello.
(02:35):
So, anyway, the immortalquestion that I ask everybody
when they come on what bringsyou to our podcast, brian?
What brings you to Out of theBlue?
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Well, just here to kind of share my story, help
other people who are sufferingfrom the effects from any kind
of PTSD or traumatic braininjury or anything like that.
It's really hard right now todeal with it.
Especially with the COVIDlockdown made it harder for
people to deal with the effectsfrom any kind of traumatic
experience.
Like you said, I bounced at astrip club in southeast Portland
and on January 11, 2014, Idenied entry to a man because he
(03:11):
was being disrespectful topeople and lying in front of him
coming into the club.
He was a homeless drug addictand he was there to meet a
dealer to get his fix for thenight.
So he went out to the car helived in, put on a mask, grabbed
a 9mm pistol, came back andopened the door and shot me in
the head.
He fired two other shots whichricocheted, hit a customer in
(03:31):
the leg and a waitress in thearm I believe is how it went,
and he went out into the parkinglot and a man named John Bear,
who was the other bouncer forthe night, who was a little
early for his shift, had anOregon concealed carry license,
shot the home span twice with a.45 ACP.
I collapsed to the floor and Iwas laying there spasming and
Jackie Winston, the bartenderwho was working that night she
(03:54):
and I both started working atthe club when it first opened
came over and put her armsaround me and I stopped shaking.
She held me until theparamedics came.
I was taken to Emanuel Hospital.
I was very blessed that DrAdler was on call for cases
similar to mine and the medicalstaff that was working that
night.
My parents were contacted, mysister was contacted and Bill
(04:18):
and Becca Spain, who at one timehad been roommates of mine Bill
had been head of security whenI worked was working at the club
and he's the one who taught mehow to do the job and they all
came to the hospital.
At first they were told that Iwasn't there because it's still
an open police case.
So they didn't want to get theinformation out because they had
no idea what it caused theshooting, if it was gang related
or anything like that.
So the police didn't want theinformation to go out until they
(04:40):
were able to communicate whothey were and.
And then they were taken to aside room and Dr Adler came in
and told them that I had beenshot in the head and I had less
than a 1% chance to live, and somy journey
began.
I was put into a chemicallyinduced coma, which is you're
not actually asleep.
The best way that I can, thebest thing I can compare it to,
(05:03):
is being like a blackout.
Drunk is when you're kind oflike between being awake and
being asleep, but you're notreally asleep to where you're
resting.
That's what it's kind of likewhen you're put into a
chemically induced coma.
I have a lot of dreams, uh,when I was in the coma, and
every single one of them Icouldn't stand up.
I couldn't sit up or stand up,but I had been having things
(05:24):
similar to seizures when I wasin the coma.
So they strapped me down to thebed because they had all these
wires attached to me to monitoranything you could possibly
think of.
It's amazing the technologythey have in hospitals.
Everything they monitor is sounbelievable.
21 days into the coma, uh, dradler decided to remove the
bullet from my head because ithadn't exited.
It stopped in the back of myhead because the first thing is
(05:47):
that lead poisoning was thefirst thing that he was worried
about and the second thing wasso they can do an MRI scan.
So he took the bullet out withno complications or problems.
I won't complain about it.
I feel like he did a prettygood job of getting it out of my
head, so he didn't cause anyproblems for a minute.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
Thank God for that doctor getting out of my head.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
So that's awesome.
Any problems coming?
Thank god for that doctor.
Yeah, he was very great doctor.
I mean he put so much effort.
I mean he would checkthroughout the night how I was
doing when, even when he wasn'tat the hospital, he was like
continually checking on me wowand when I say they monitor
everything, man like it isunbelievable.
The technology I mean this hasbeen 2014.
I don't even know what theyhave nowadays could even be
better now, but the technologythey had was unbelievable.
(06:26):
Everything that they couldmonitor like couldn't even get
into.
It is so many things.
That they monitor when you're,when you're in a coma, is
unbelievable.
When he took the bullet out,he's able to do the mri scan.
Everything changed.
The bullet had been a fullmetal jacket, not a hollow point
.
If it had been a hollow pointthere's, I would not have
survived no hollow point splitup right yeah, split up.
(06:49):
Yeah, in the smaller pieces likethat there's no way to survive,
since it's a full metal jacket.
In a way it was kind of ablessing, yeah.
Uh, the bullet did not gostraight through my head.
It moved in an arc around theleft side of my head and it went
slightly to the right side ofthe back of my head and it had
missed my brainstem, which, ifit had hit my whole brain, would
be dead right and it missed itby the width of a hair, and I
(07:13):
mean the width of a hair, man,for my is unbelievable that I
survived it.
I mean I I had less than justlike a one percent chance to
even live, so it's justunbelievable the width of a hair
like that is like tiny.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
you know, I mean, I, I, I, I myself was on uh, in an
induced coma for like 10 daysand I can tell you this was in
2017, 18 or whatever, and uhyeah, I know that what you're
saying about technology theymonitor every single thing.
It's amazing, it's reallyincredible.
(07:49):
But, boy oh boy, you were inthere for 21 days.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
Well, I mean when they took the bullet out and
then 10 days after that so I wasin a coma for 31 days is when I
came out of the coma.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
Whoa.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
So I woke up laying strapped in a bed and had no
idea where I was, and a nursetold me that I was at a manual
hospital.
I've been shot in the head,which is like the craziest thing
to hear when you like, I guess,call it wake up when you come
out of a coma.
Speaker 3 (08:19):
It's just unbelievable to hear then did
you think she was joking ormessing with you?
Speaker 2 (08:24):
uh, no, it was.
My brain was still superswollen like I was definitely
like not fully in it, so it wasjust a weird thing to hear when
you, when you wake up, I'll sayI could yeah, I don't even know
where you are like this roomyou've never seen before, and be
told that was just unbelievableyou said, you had dreams when
you were out.
Yeah, every since one of thedreams, like I said, I was
(08:46):
laying down somewhere, sincesomewhere and I couldn't get up.
Uh, bill, who is my best friend, I mean, he's the one who truly
taught me how to be a man andeverything I needed to know,
taught me how to do the jobcorrectly and a lot more in life
that I had personal issues thathe helped me get past and
things like that.
He was the only person thatthat, like I recognize it was in
one of the dreams that I had inthe coma, but he came and saw
(09:08):
me regularly when, when I was inthe coma and everything like
that.
So he's that was the only.
That's the dream that Iremember vividly was the one
that he was in, but he was theretalking to me all the time when
I was in a coma.
It's interesting.
Speaker 3 (09:20):
Yeah Well.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
Yeah, well, it's good to know that maybe some people
around those in a coma canpermeate that state and get
through to them somehow.
You know, it's funny becausewhen I had the dreams under that
state, I was in my dream.
I was laying in what I thoughtwas like a tube and I was
piloting a spaceship.
Was like a tube and I waspiloting a spaceship, okay, and
I had all these people around methat were like my crew members.
I didn't see them, but theywere buzzing around taking care
(09:57):
of my needs and I knew they was.
I even knew when they changedshifts.
Weirdly, I had a new crew Ijust knew.
And as I'm piloting thespaceship, in my dream I'm
piloting into what would looklike a spiral galaxy.
I'm going into the middle tofind the black hole.
I guess I don't know what I wasdoing, but in that dream I
(10:17):
suddenly thought, geez, thiswould make a great screenplay.
I got to tell Vernon about it.
This guy right here, my son,and the minute I thought that I
was out of it, all of a sudden Iwas in my body in a lot of pain
, like excruciating pain.
I was coming out of it and II'll.
(10:39):
The dream after that wasridiculously weird.
But um, all I'm saying is thatVernon did come to me in my
dream.
He was the one person thatappeared to me.
I thought, oh, I'm going totell him about this Next thing.
You know, I had to be awake.
I wanted to be alive because Ifelt so peaceful.
Going to that galaxy, it wasdefinitely like maybe death
(11:02):
calling you Don't go into thelight.
I didn't see the light, thoughI saw the spiral galaxy, but
anyway, you were saying that,before this all happened, your
life was entrenched in otherthings.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
Like you said, yeah, I mean my friend, Chris Thunder,
who did local pro wrestlingfrom the gym.
He's the one who opened theclub and he hired me at the gym.
I was two weeks shy.
I turned 22 was my first startbouncing.
It was like man.
You really start seeing likethe reality of the world.
I mean all different types ofpeople and I don't know if it is
(11:39):
anymore, but Oregon used tohave the most strip clubs per
capita in the world.
I don't know if it still doesafter COVID lockdown, everything
like that, but strip clubs arelike more common than just bars
and so you grow up in the areait's kind of like there was a
strip club just down the streetfrom the high school I went to.
So like strip clubs were kindof like a normal thing.
And in oregon, like soeverybody's there, man, all
different types of lives, butthen gang members are in there
(12:01):
dealing drugs and and, uh, youget sucked into it.
So it's hard to leave it.
When you, when you're makinggreat with single man in his 20s
making great money, majority incash, I mean it's hard to.
It's hard to leave that.
Speaker 3 (12:13):
Oh it's very addictive, very very much so
yeah, the whole lifestyle,including the sex and drugs,
very addictive.
How are you as a student inschool?
Were you kind of like fallingoff with grades and it kind of
led you into like certain crowdsor no, I did like I didn't go
to the high school I went towasn't very great.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
Um, my friend, I went to rex putnam high school,
which is in oak grove, which isan area just a little bit south
of portland, but uh, oxycontinran through my class like crazy.
I buried a friend who overdosedon Oxycontin my junior year of
high school.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
Whoa.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
And there's a lot of people that I hung out with that
dropped out of school, thatbecame addicted to Oxycontin.
It was like just I mean justran rampantly through the school
.
Speaker 3 (12:55):
My high school stint Oxycontin was also really big
and then like sort of ecstasybecame kind of like the cool new
thing.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
but yeah, oxycontin was a problem because it was
people were getting it, yeah,yeah so then when you say, when
this happened to you and youcome tell us what happened, the
at afterwards, now the Brianthat gets out of this condition
yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:22):
So I come out of the come out of the coma after 31
days and it's kind of a blur,like they were waking me up
every 30 minutes to every hour,telling me what time was and
what day was, just to make surethat I wasn't slipping back into
the coma.
So it's kind of like a blur oftime trying to remember because
you're like asleep and awake,and asleep and awake, like that,
(13:43):
you're not really like likesleeping for a while.
Then it's getting close to thetime where, like I was done at
the hospital, like everythingwas stabilizing and so they were
going to send me for torehabilitation.
I had lost, uh, close to 100pounds and I didn't have the
ability to stand up because I'vebeen in the cone for so long.
And so there's a place calledRio, which is the Emmanuel Good
(14:06):
Sand, which is a medical centerthat's close to the hospital
that I was in.
So I went to Rio and I startedworking out when I was 13 with a
wrestling coach in junior highand, like I told you, I had a
lot of friends who got I partieda ton in high school drinking.
I didn't really do anythingelse.
Then I had the front overdoseand Oxycontin my junior year.
(14:33):
So I got more serious aboutlifting, my goal being to go
compete in the Metrix World'sStrongest man.
Because I grew up watching it,it was like my dream to go and
do that.
I got into powerlifting becauseI was told that's a good place
to start when you get in.
I've had all kinds of injuries.
I've dislocated my shoulderbefore, I've separated my left
hip and I've torn my bicep andI've come back from that.
So I was looking at this.
It's kind of like the samething of like we've been coming
(14:55):
back from an injury, obviouslythis being far worse than any
other injury that I've hadbefore.
But uh, I get to rio and I tellmy dad that I'm gonna, I'm
going to be out of here in threeweeks.
My dad was like I don't knowwhy, take a little bit longer.
Like you just got to staydedicated, keep going.
I was like, no, I'll be out ofhere in three weeks.
And I was there for three weeksand two days.
I went from not being able.
(15:16):
I was being.
I went from not being able togo back to my life.
As long as I just go back tothe gym and get back in the
shape I was in before.
I'll be able to go and be theperson I was before all this
happened, but that's not evenclose to true.
(15:36):
I'll never be that person again, but that's it's not god's plan
for me to be that personanymore.
I got to where it was the lastof my time to be able to leave
Rio and they told me that Iwasn't medically cleared to be
able to go back to the gym,which was kind of irritating to
me because I really wanted to goback, but I actually still had.
(15:58):
When I first went to thehospital, my skull had been
fractured into a bunch of smallpieces where the bullet had
entered.
So they removed all the piecesof my skull and then any portion
of my brain that was dead,because if you don't remove dead
brain tissue, it actuallyspreads to the entire brain.
So to keep the brain from dying, they had to remove all the
(16:18):
dead brain tissue.
So there's actually a huge holein my skull at this time still,
because my brain was stillswollen.
They had to wait for theswelling to go down to a certain
amount before they could put aplastic piece in it.
So they didn't want me to goback to the gym because I had a
hole in my skull which was stillkind of irritating because I
wanted to go back, butunderstandable.
(16:40):
Understandable Well sort of Iguess maybe.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
Hindsight In hindsight, understand well sort
of.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
I guess maybe hindsight in hindsight, that's a
tough one, that's a tough one,yeah I, uh, I wasn't considered
mentally able to take care ofmyself, uh, so my parents took
responsibility and I was gonnahave to go live with them again,
which, uh, I moved out of myparents house when, when I was
19.
And I liked, enjoyed not livingwith them than I did living
with them.
So, but it is what it is.
(17:10):
I mean, I had nowhere else thatI could go, and they're often
willing to offer caretaking,which I needed, because there's
a lot of different thingsSwollen in my brain was starting
to go down.
I had to go back and see DrAdler, who was the who kept me
alive, and he's the one who puta huge amount of effort to take
care of me when I was in a coma,and the head of the team of
doctors that took the bullet outof my head.
(17:31):
He'll say that it was me, thathe didn't do anything, that it's
all me, but I don't know.
He put a huge amount of effortto keep me alive, man, seriously
.
Speaker 1 (17:39):
I hear you, but I don't doubt the fact that he's
telling the solid truth, that itwas you.
A lot of it is you, because Iknow from my own experience too,
doctors would tell me that allthe time they would see two
people with identical situationsthe one who made it versus the
one who didn't.
Had something in themselvesthat they really had that power
(18:02):
to really desire to survive, andand even maybe the connections
you know.
If I don't know, what do youthink helped you get through
that?
What do you think you had?
Why do you think you had thewill to survive?
What do you think did it?
Speaker 2 (18:16):
I have no idea, man.
Uh, I I'm not gonna get intomassive details.
A lot of issues from childhoodI'm not going to get into
massive details.
A lot of issues from childhoodthat I'm not going to get into.
Depression was something Ifought badly for a long time.
There were nights where I satin bed with a pistol in my hand
thinking about my own lifebecause I hated myself so badly
before all this happened.
So I really don't know, becausethen someone else ended up
(18:40):
shooting me in the head.
I didn't give up, so I don'tknow.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
Well, how ironic.
That is right, yeah, I mean,you know, it's like god saying,
well, this is what would havehappened, you know, if you had
done that, but at least I tookyou, took it out of your god,
took it out of your hands andmade it so that you know
whatever that thing is calledsuicide.
You didn't participate, but itwas a, it was a demonstration
(19:04):
kind of to you.
But I find, like that, there'ssomething about these things
that happened out of the blue,that happened to us out of the
blue.
I feel like there's a certaingood intention that comes out of
it.
I don't know if it's, I don'tknow if I would ascribe to my
higher power God, whoever theact of somebody shooting me or
(19:27):
hurting me or even gettingcancer.
But I do think the benevolencecomes from how we are able to
handle it.
Like, for some reason, youdon't get.
I've heard it said you don'tget more than you can handle and
that sort of sucks.
When you think about the thingswe're forced to handle, I mean
they're really pretty roughthings.
(19:47):
I mean that's what you wentthrough.
Oh, my goodness, that's rough,but you handled it and it
brought out of you.
There's something that'sbringing out of you.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
That, I think, is the upshot of it all, I think about
paul, because paul wasbasically going after christians
.
I mean, he wanted to usekilling christians until he had
his moment with with where hefinds jesus.
And then paul goes from someonewho's killing christians to the
I mean basically the top personto spread the, the presence of
(20:17):
jesus that's in other countries.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
Great analogy, great comparison.
Speaker 3 (20:22):
That's so right on yeah I believe he like suffered
pretty intensely too at thebeginning of his journey, right
like he was blind or something.
There was, yeah, an intenseburden he had to carry in in
like transitioning into thatlifestyle he was blind.
Speaker 2 (20:37):
he was blind until he talked to one of the disciples
I don't remember which one ofthe disciples it was and that's
when he got his sight back andthat's when he started his life
of spreading the word.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
That's an intense comparison, though it's really
amazing that you found thatcomparison too.
That says something.
Speaker 2 (20:56):
So I go to see Dr Adler so they can scan my head,
so they can make the plasticpiece to put in, and I go in.
They scan my head.
It was really nice.
I just laid down and there wasthis like half circle and like
the scanner ran over the halfcircle and then I was done Like
I thought it was gonna be like along time thing, but it was
probably like less than a coupleseconds before they had my head
(21:16):
fully scanned to make the piece, which was nice because I
thought I was gonna was gonna belaying there for a while to get
it all done oh man, thehospital trauma yeah, pretty
much.
So I go into the office to seeDr Adler and Dr Adler to ask me
how I was doing.
I was like I'm doing okay, drAdler, but I just I want to go
to the gym.
Dr Adler was like that's fine,you can go to the gym.
(21:38):
Just be smart with what you do.
Take it easy and you're.
Obviously I'm gonna have totake a break after I get the
plastic piece put in, but hecleared me that day to go back
to jimmy when I still had a holein my head and everything which
I was so happyyeah jim I was going to, which
is not open anymore because itgot hit by during the covid
lockdown.
The gym had been open in asmaller building in oregon city
(22:00):
in the mid 80s by billy jackhaynes, who at that time had
been like one of the topwrestlers and back when it was
wwf pro wrestling used to besuch a huge thing and in oregon
a long time ago.
And then the gym had changedowners, uh, to the nelson family
in the late 80s and they movedinto a bigger building in the
early 90s in oregon city, whichis the, the gym, the building
(22:21):
that I worked out at.
But it had been like the topgym to train out for
powerlifting, like I trainedwith adrian larson, who one time
had been the second bestbencher in the world at 220.
He benched 585 at 220 andcompetition.
I trained, I've trained withsome of the best powerlifters at
that gym because it was set upfor powerlifting 585, yeah, 220
at 220.
(22:42):
Man, that's like the, the, Idon't know.
Adrian larson has his own lifestory.
Adrian larson was born withboth his hips dislocated so his
legs didn't fully develop, so hebenches without his feet on the
ground like he's basicallylaying flat on the bench and hit
585 like.
You can find the video of himon youtube doing it, man,
because you can see him doing it.
It is unbelievable to work outwith that man.
Speaker 3 (23:04):
He's definitely like the king of benching the way
that he was able to do it do youthink that this had maybe an
influence on like your likedesire to like overcome a
physical ailment, to continue tolift?
Speaker 2 (23:17):
I think that's a huge inspiration story because, as I
said, I've had other injuriesI've had to come back from.
I think it's one of thosethings when there's like the
people who I say we're allmeatheads, it's like you're like
a true meathead then.
Like the gym is everything, nomatter what you like, even plan
your day out so you can makesure you get meals at the right
meal time, make sure you can getto bed at the right time, get
supplements in at the right time, like you plan your entire life
(23:40):
about it, just for the next dayto go to the gym, which a lot
of people don't understand.
But there are those who arelike the true diehard meatheads,
really understand what it is towhere it's.
Your entire life is the nextday in the gym.
You get like a community goingand you inspire each other.
Yeah, it's not just guys either.
There's a lot of I've met a lotof women who are the same way
super dedicated doing it.
(24:01):
Same same way super dedicateddoing it same thing, where they
plan their whole life around thesame thing.
Speaker 1 (24:04):
The timeline you're telling us, so full-file.
Now you've got the plasticpiece measured and the doctor
says you can go to the gym.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
So my dad, I go back to go home.
My dad drove me out to the gymand I was able to walk halfway.
Decent then, without the walker, I was definitely very slow.
Like I said, I had lost.
(24:37):
I had lost close to a hundredpounds, uh, when I was in a coma
.
But when I was able to starteating again, I put some weight
back on, but I was nowhere nearlike.
I was still very small comparedto what I was to the weight
floor.
So go down to the ramp.
I grabbed 30 pound dumbbells tolay down with them, to bench
them, and it was like a massivestruggle to bench them, but I
honestly did not care because Iwas so happy to be back in the
gym and, as I keep saying, like,I've had multiple injuries, so
I know where it is to come backfrom an injury.
So at least now I have astarting point like here's my
(24:59):
starting point and then I'll beable to like set goals, to keep
moving forward and my headthinking I'll be able to do what
, what I used to do, but I can'tdo what I used to do.
But that was at that time.
That's what I thought I wasgonna be able to do to get back
to, to the person I was before,before all this happened.
There's so many people at thegym that there were super
supportive of me that I'd knownLike I started working out with
(25:21):
you when I was 18 and I'm 26 atthis time that's how old I was
when I got shot.
So people I've known for solong been super supportive of me
and they were super supportiveof me and recovering from this
and it was it was that thatdefinitely helped a ton of of
not having people talk shit toyou the whole time that you're
in there.
Having people be supportive ofyou is definitely very helpful.
Oh, you're doing it.
Speaker 3 (25:42):
That'd be crazy if they talked shit.
I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
I have had people that on this journey, no matter
what you go through, if you, ifyou have any kind of traumatic
experience, you're going to havepeople that will talk shit to
you for it, and I have had thaton this journey for sure.
But it's when you start kind ofseeing who the true friends are
, who the people that are, andthis is what you're going to
find and as you're going along.
Speaker 1 (26:05):
When did major changes like your thinking as
far as who you are, brian?
Speaker 2 (26:13):
Well, everything kind of stabilized.
They got the plastic piece backin my head.
I had a seizure when I wasliving with my parents, so that
was another thing where they hadto get me on medication.
I had to learn the differentthings to do to keep chances of
a seizure when I was living withmy parents, so that was another
thing where they had to get meon medication.
I had to learn the differentthings to do to keep chances of
a seizure down.
As time went on, I had to seeless and less doctors.
I'm very blessed that workers'comp paid for everything,
(26:37):
because it was a work injury andthey never questioned anything.
As soon as the doctor told themthey paid for it, no matter
what.
I never had an issue withworkers comp.
I know there are people havehad issues with it, but my
injury being slightly abnormalcompared to other injuries, I'm
sure that they've had workerscomp.
But uh, it gets to a point whereyour your case with workers
comp ends and uh, normally youjust go see one doctor and they
(27:02):
kind of find out, like well,your handicap percentages.
I had to go see four differentdoctors, different specialists.
There's one that I had to gosee where I did eight hours of
brain tests to find out where mybrain damage or my brain was
damaged.
And the part of my brain thatis damaged is on the left side
and is the part of the brainthat's in charge of remembering
names.
(27:22):
The same part on the right sideis in charge of remembering
details.
You can see something, you cansay what it is, but what the
name of it is on the left side.
It's like it's not as bad as itused to be.
I can don't struggle to remembernames as badly as I used to,
but when I was my brain wasstill swollen.
I was going through Rio.
They'd show me flashcards andit'd be like a picture of a pig
(27:46):
and I'm sitting there staring atit.
I couldn't even I couldn't tellyou what it was called.
I could tell you what it is Afarm we eat.
It tastes pretty good.
I couldn't remember what it wascalled.
So it's just different thingsand in my experience of of
recurring from this, it kind ofstarts feeling like your brain
rewires where it's not workingthe same as it did before, but
it's working.
(28:07):
Yeah, like I said, I'mstruggling to remember names as
much as I used to, but sometimesit can be a struggle.
All depends on how tired I amtoo.
If I don't get enough sleep andthat kind of thing, then it
becomes more of a struggle to tobe able to remember names.
So I'd gone long enough withouta seizure where I got my
driver's license back and, uh,doctors signed all the paperwork
(28:28):
saying that I was now mentallyable to make my own horrible
life decisions.
Like everyone else, I, I boughta mobile home in Oregon City
and got away from living with myparents and I was living.
I had a dog, so me and the dogwere living there, and that's
kind of when I starteddepression being a big thing
having to come to terms with whoI was and different people who
(28:50):
say that they love me but theway they treated me when I was
recovering from it.
And there's still things that Ihave to scars from this whole
incident that I still have aproblem with.
And so I was sitting theretrying to figure out why I was
still alive, like, what am I?
Why am I alive?
Like I used to be able to takecare of myself, and now I have
to ask help from people forthings I could have done, as I
said, by myself before.
(29:11):
And then, as I was just talkingto God and building a
relationship with him, the wholeidea of just sharing my story
came to me, and that's when Igot into to trying to find or
find places to go speak at andshare what I've been through.
I've had, uh, two people wantto make a documentary about me.
(29:34):
Both of them approached me todo it and then they dropped out.
Uh, and then I've had peoplewho said they'd be agents for me
to help me find places to speakdropped out of doing that, so I
haven't do it for myself.
And then, as you said, I wasdenied I've been denied,
handicapped Social Security fourtimes, with no chance of
getting in, which was veryirritating.
I was all set up to go andstart speaking in a lot of
(30:00):
different places and the verynext week is when COVID lockdown
started.
Oh boy, and a lot of supportgroups are still not meeting
because of the COVID lockdown,because they do most stuff
(30:21):
online, which is really not verybeneficial because security.
I had a judge rule in my favoron my third application for it
and the federal government filedan appeal against it and then
the judge changed the ruling andthat's when I was denied.
That was the third time I wasdenied and then my attorney
applied for the fourth time andI was immediately denied without
chance of court.
So that was the last time thatI applied for it.
(30:43):
So here I had no money becausethe jobs that I was supposed to
go do were covered.
Lockdown hit it.
Uh, we're kind of past the timewhere I mean you have to pay,
start paying around again,because even I mean the covid
lockdown kind of let up but itstill wasn't opening up jobs for
everybody.
So I got evicted.
My dog and I uh I found a newgym to go train at.
(31:05):
They allowed me to live in mytruck in the parking lot there
uh, while, excuse me, still findfind places to go speak and
make something out.
What I've been through and itbecame uh, when you have, as you
said, like a mountain set infront of you.
There are going to be timeswhere it's an easy walk and
(31:25):
there's gonna be times whereit's a fight to gain ground and
there are gonna be times whereyou lose the ground that you
fought for.
And for me it was a reminderthat when you start building a
relationship with God, there aregoing to be all kinds of trials
are gonna be set in front ofyou that other people aren't
going to have Because they havenot given themselves to the lord
.
Then they're not going to haveanything to test them because
(31:48):
they're exactly where the devilwants them to be.
So you have to have anunderstanding that when you
start building a relationshipwith god, it does not mean the
life is going to be easier.
It's just having to understandthat you're not alone on it and
the good times are going to bebetter than anything that you
can imagine, because God's planfor you is far greater than any
goals or visions that you canhave, which is what I still
believe, because it's still I'mstill not at the point where
(32:11):
it's an easy walk and in thesunshine.
It is still a time fighting upthe mountain, but I do feel God
is with me on this, on thisclimb.
And a very, very uh a friendthat I've known since I was 19
or 20 found out that I washomeless and his wife had
competed as a figure fitnesscompetitor.
(32:34):
And a friend of hers, uh,theresa larue, who you mentioned
have been a female bodybuilderand wrote the book my rock, my
heart place, survivor, domesticviolence is the one starting to
write the book about me, andjust the vision of light and the
darkness is what I feel like iscoming on this journey that's
been set in front of me.
Speaker 1 (32:53):
I really love that.
Brian, that's the thing I was.
You know, as you were talking,I was thinking is this kind of
what you would say at one of aninspirational speaking?
Is this kind of what you're sayin one of an inspirational
speaking?
Is this kind of what you'retalking about?
This is your message, right?
What would you boil yourmessage down to if you had to
boil it down?
Speaker 2 (33:13):
God is with you, no matter who you are.
No matter who you are, if youjust look at the disciples, they
were not the best people untilJesus chose them to be.
They were not like the highclass citizens I mean, they were
kind of low class fishermen whodrank and gambled and probably
cussed and they weren't like thethe high.
But he chose them to to be thefollowers, and you have to
(33:36):
understand that it doesn'treally matter what you did
beforehand because, like I said,I mean I was.
I was one of the people who wasa regular at the club, was the
top coke dealer in portland.
Like even people would come tohim to get coke, would cut it to
deal.
I mean he was dealing a hugeamount of coke there and I was
helping traffic, uh, oxycontinand bike it in.
(33:57):
When people got prescriptionsthey'd come and sell it there
and and I myself was I ended uptaking over steroids.
The person that was dealingsteroids got fired from the job
and so I took over for him and Iwas dealing steroids for a
living and I was taking violenceupon people and hatred and
angry all the time and and so Iwas not like the best person and
(34:17):
truly just a dentist and Godstill decided my life was worth
something.
And there are so many peoplethat are struggling and it's
kind of changing now with theway society is.
But for quite a few years it'skind of made, like Christianity,
out to be this horrible thingwhere people are talked down to
for having a faith in it.
But I may not have as muchmoney as I used to have and I
(34:42):
may not have the best of lives,but I have a lot more happiness
now, when I started building arelationship with God.
I'm far happier than I wasbefore.
Speaker 1 (34:51):
I love it.
I love it.
You know, I just spoke tosomebody yesterday said almost
the same thing he said afterthis event had happened to him
and his was obviously not thesame, but he said he felt like
he had a second chance.
That was the biggest thing thathit him him personally that you
(35:12):
get a second chance to do it.
Who gets that?
No one gets a second chance.
So, like when you got thatsecond chance and then you
establish a relationship withgod, I mean, yeah, I do.
I do think that at that point,there you now are having, you're
opening the door to real, truejoy.
(35:33):
You know, you can expect, youknow the drugs and the booze and
the and the and the, everythingelse that goes with that scene.
Yeah, yeah, that brings youcertain pleasure but it doesn't
bring joy.
But you're now capable ofexperiencing joy, like that's
what I see.
Hear you now talking.
I thought that the other day,when I first met you, I thought
(35:56):
I looked in your face and I saidyou know he's feeling happiness
and joy in his life and I couldsee it in your eyes.
I honestly could, and that'ssomething you can't fake, you
know you.
So when you carry this messageto people in your inspirational
talks.
I mean, that's pretty much whatI think I'm getting out of your
inspirational thought talk thatI'm getting right now here at
(36:19):
this point in our interview.
I feel like you're bringingthat feeling of really happiness
that you were able to getanother chance and your life is
now building on these newfootings of a relationship with
your higher power, god, the Lord.
Well, out of the blue I don'tmean to say it's a, it's just
(36:43):
we're not preaching with out ofthe blue, but you can't help but
notice there's something goodout there in that out of the
blue stuff and everybody that'sexperienced these things can
tell you right away that theyget that second chance and then
they then something, that thisthing happens where they they're
(37:04):
.
Have you felt your appreciationlevel be high?
Are you more appreciative ofthings?
Speaker 2 (37:12):
Oh, absolutely.
Yeah you find that right.
Speaker 1 (37:17):
And do you have every once in a while, literally
explosions of gratitude in yourheart when you start thinking of
little things sometimes?
Speaker 2 (37:26):
throughout the day, throughout the day, thank god
for even the smallest things.
It's it's so amazing, the uh.
When you first start thisjourney and you try and find god
, you start finding godeverywhere, because he is
everywhere.
Everything was created by him.
You look around everything.
You just go outside and look atall these trees and plants in
(37:48):
the sky and even see, like this,the animals running around.
And god created all this and inone moment, god decided to
create you like there's a reasonfor you being alive.
Listen to a pastor calledpastor alan nolan, who has a lot
of videos on his youtubechannel, but he broke down the
book of genesis, which was veryinteresting to to learn about
(38:08):
the book of genesis.
Like I learned so much aboutthe book of Genesis that I that
I didn't even know about.
Speaker 1 (38:15):
There's two stories of creation.
Yeah, there's two distinctstories.
Speaker 2 (38:21):
Yeah, and then when he gets and talks about Abraham
too is another one where it'scrazy what Abraham went through.
And then yeah, there's a lot ofcrazy things in the book of
Genesis I didn't know about, butyou learn so much and you kind
of start seeing that peoplearen't perfect.
That's the thing.
Even like Abraham, who was likehe's not just worshiped by
(38:43):
Christians, he is by the Jewishand by Muslims to worship
Abraham, but he did a lot of it.
He wasn't perfect the wholetime.
So I have an understanding thatGod doesn't expect you to be
perfect, and they didn't haveany.
When Jesus died for our sins,it changed everything.
I mean, he's the one whobrought forgiveness for us for
the choices that we made,Because I don't.
(39:04):
I mean, I don't do.
I'm not involved in everythingI used to be involved in, but I
still do stupid stuff all thetime.
I'm not involved in everythingI used to be involved in, but I
still do stupid stuff all thetime.
Speaker 1 (39:13):
I'm not that smart, so I'm very blessed to find
forgiveness for it.
I hear you, I'm right with youon that, you know, when you were
talking.
It made me think of something Isaw on Groucho Marx you Bet
your Life.
I watch it late at nightsometimes when I want to go to
sleep and I put on Groucho Marxyou Bet your Life.
The other night I heard thisguy from 1952.
(39:36):
And this guy's on there, one ofthe guests, and Groucho's
questioning him saying how oldare you?
He goes I am 98.
He's 98.
He's tall and good-looking.
Strapping man Doesn't look 98.
Maybe's 98.
He's tall and good-looking.
Strapping man Doesn't look 98.
He maybe looks 60.
And Groucho's saying well, tellme about your life.
(39:57):
He tells him he starts as apaper boy.
He works until he becomes workson the printing press until he
ends up owning the newspaper andthen he comes out to California
, he's buying real estate and hemakes $1,000 a day or something
like that.
And Groucho's very impressed.
He says well, what do youattribute this to your life and
(40:19):
the success?
And he says I have a plaquethat I read every day in my
office, in front of my desk.
It says God and I are partnersin this business.
God is honor, and I am steward.
I got chills really.
I thought that was a greatthing.
That's how he was able toachieve, he says, this wonderful
(40:43):
life.
I mean, that really issomething to think about.
I remember when my kids weregoing to Sunday school there was
a statement that made me thinkof.
When you said God is everywhere, we used to tell the kids
there's not a spot where God isnot.
You know, really, think aboutit.
Right, that's backed up by theBible and everything and every
(41:05):
religion.
Speaker 3 (41:06):
Really, I mean God is infinite Bit of a double
negative there.
Speaker 1 (41:09):
Yeah, it's a little hard to understand when you're a
kid, you are, but it is truethough.
I mean it's just saying God iseverywhere.
I mean out of the blue iseverywhere.
That's what I, in a backhand,sort of a backdoor sideway,
trying to get people to thinkabout, that, you know, to think
about.
Where do we come from?
(41:29):
Where does it all come from?
What does it all mean?
I mean there's so much stuff,that pretty much.
What do we have control over?
Brian, right, you learn that wehave so little control over
really anything.
But what we do have control ofis how we feel about it, what we
think, what we choose to dowith it.
And I think you know whenhearing the way you're now using
(41:50):
this experience to share yourhope, share how you found your
guiding light, so to speak, thatis now helping your life move
forward in ways that you neverwould have imagined.
When this broadcast gets outout, we're going to promote it a
lot, you know, and and I thinkthat it will help even me if you
(42:14):
can reach one I look at it likethat if we can reach that one
person with a feeling of hope,it's worth every bit of struggle
, every bit of work it took toget there, and again, if you
look, if you look in the bible,this it's not just abraham.
Speaker 2 (42:29):
That wasn't perfect.
Maybe moses was just supposedto tap the rock for water, but
he smashes into it, which leadsto the Jews having what was it?
40 years of wandering beforethey get to the promised land.
And then you have David, whowas allowed, I mean when he was
given the courage and ability tostand against Goliath.
But even David wasn't perfectbecause he sent his friend to
(42:50):
die so that he could take hisfriend's wife.
I mean you have, you have thesecharacters in the bible that are
truly like, uh, human, yeah,they're saints, they're, they're
worshiped as, as members of, uh, uh, worshipers of god and
things like that.
But the only perfect one wasjesus.
He was the only one that wasperfect.
(43:11):
I mean he's the one who did nothave hatred and he didn't bring
revenge upon anybody.
I mean, he didn't do anythingwrong.
He's the one who truly walkedthe path that you're supposed to
walk.
And so you look at it and youhave to understand that you
don't have to be perfect.
Jesus died for our sins, thatwe would have the chance to get
to heaven, and understand thatyou're not going to be perfect
that when you're climbing themountain whatever the mountain
(43:33):
was that was set in front of youyou're probably going to do
horrible things on it.
You're going to make mistakes,which is human.
But I understand that, if youaccept Jesus as your savior,
that your entrance into heavenis guaranteed.
But you do.
It is a two-way street where youdo have to put effort into
being a better person.
Do it is a two-way street whereyou do have to put effort into
being a better person.
You can't just do whatever youwant and then just beg for
forgiveness and think thatyou're going to make it.
(43:54):
Some people think that you cando that.
I don't believe that.
I believe that you have to makeat least the majority of your
choices positive, the majorityof things you do in your life
positive, and maybe help aperson.
A chance that you can get, evenif it's just small things like
holding the door, just a smallthing in my mind ends up meaning
that you're following theteachings of jesus more than
someone who thinks that theyjust continually ask for
(44:15):
forgiveness, that they're goingto get farther there's a,
there's a strength in doingthese things for nobody but you
and your relation with your,like, higher power.
Speaker 3 (44:26):
You know, and if you, you, you leave with the reward
of that, nobody else I mean,obviously, maybe the person you
benefited but there's a, there'sa real, like personal
relationship with, like, uh,doing good for others.
That it can't be, it can't bein vain, you know, it has to be
(44:47):
genuine can't be in vain.
Speaker 1 (44:48):
That's really the thing right there.
A lot of vanity in the worldtoday, you know there's a lot of
everybody's a narcissist,everybody's, you know, building
their own brand on their phone.
I mean it's funny how that isnow, you know they say that.
I mean the numbers are sayingthat loneliness is increasing.
Like 33 or something, 34% ofthe people in the world are
(45:16):
lonely and that's because ofsocial media.
I mean you have all theseFacebook friends or the
Instagram followers, but they'renot your friends.
I mean, come on, they're notreally there for you, they're
remote.
You know the interpersonalrelationship in your actual life
that counts a lot.
Speaker 2 (45:32):
You know who you couldn't count as humans I think
one of the biggest thing thathas caused the issue, caused the
issue people have depression orloneliness is that our society
has moved away from like westernideologies, uh, where again,
where the church was the placeeveryone met and the church is
what provided everyone thethings to do we also had.
(45:53):
I mean, farming was like thebiggest thing.
You just look at oldergenerations.
I just think about my greatgrandmother, who was like one of
the nicest people I ever met inmy entire life.
She passed away years ago but Imean they had the Great
Depression they had to make itthrough and it was just people
were just way different thanthem, but you and it was just
people were just way differentthan, but you had the churches
and just your relationship withgod being the biggest things,
even just 100 years ago, 200years ago, where christianity
(46:15):
was a lot larger and so aspeople in the church sort of
move society forward, a betterliving environments for society,
which is what's being kind ofmoved away from where it's it's
mocked and criticized for forbeing christian yeah, I don't.
Speaker 1 (46:29):
you know, I don't think anybody should criticize
anybody's choice of religion.
I don't think we can gobackwards, so we have to go
forward.
So what we have to do is find away to bring people together on
the same ideals that the churchbrought people together with.
(46:50):
What it really is is peoplecome together and they take care
of each other.
The church was known for takingcare of each other and a lot of
churches still do that to thisday.
I mean, there are churches thatif you know you come up short
for your mortgage, they'll helpyou, you know, and they'll feed
you if you're hungry, you know.
Speaker 3 (47:06):
It sounds like the gym sorry, the gym that you were
part of, the guy who let yousleep in the parking lot.
This was a form of communion,like a form of like, maybe like
an intro into like a group ofpeople that you can spiritually
commune with, that are allworking toward the same goal.
(47:28):
That's like a healthy goal andit's supportive.
That feels like a form ofchurch.
It does, you know, just just indifferent clothes.
You know we find you, you foundchurch in a different sort of
flavor, but then you kind of getto the heart of the meat and
potatoes of your faith and wherethat comes from.
(47:49):
But but a community, I feel like, is maybe the most important
aspect of that.
And, like you said, society isfracturing, like we are not
together anymore.
So even just meeting once aweek, seeing these same people
catching up with them in person,connecting that to me is
(48:10):
something I deeply miss assomeone who kind of rebelled
against going to church as a kid.
Like I miss that ritual andthat like checking in and that
sort of like spiritualinspiration that you give each
other.
It's funny you can find that inmany places, yeah.
Speaker 1 (48:28):
So, now that you're doing your inspirational
speaking and writing the book,essentially what would you say
you're trying to do with that?
Speaker 2 (48:36):
uh, as I said at the the beginning of the episode,
really just help uh other peoplewith with ptsd, traumatic brain
injury and depression or anyother effects they have from
their traumatic experience.
Because it's just, it's such ahard thing to live with,
especially when you have, whenyou have uh people talking down
to you for whatever you're goingthrough.
Maybe you're having a momentwhere the weight of everything
(48:58):
you've been through has hit youand you're starting to break
down and instead of giving youjust a hug to help you out, they
yell at you for having thatkind of reaction.
What you've been through, it'sthings like that that have been
on my journey of having to dealwith it.
So have an understanding of, ofknowing that you're not alone
in it, because I know there areother people that have been
(49:19):
through, as I said, some kind oftraumatic experience or kind of
weight that they're carrying,that feel alone because they
don't know or understand.
Others have been throughsomething similar.
The thing I will.
I've talked to people who havehad traumatic experiences.
I will not say that I've beenthrough worse.
I can't stand people whenpeople do that.
I'm not going to say that whatI went through was worse because
it's as I said.
(49:40):
God puts a mountain in front ofeveryone.
This is the mountain that wasset in front of them.
It's the one that he knows thatthey can climb.
But to sit here and say that mymountain is harder than your
mountain, it's not going to behelpful, because they can climb
their mountain, but they'rehaving hard times with it and
they just need uh support anddoing it.
So there's no such thing assaying that you've been through
worse.
It's how you understand aperson is struggling on whatever
(50:01):
their journey is wow, I love it.
Speaker 1 (50:04):
Let's use that as our last.
That's the way to end thispodcast.
That's the final word.
Brian, you have a powerfulstory.
You have a powerful story.
I can't imagine you not beingable to help people with it.
I'm so grateful that you're outthere doing that and really,
really thank you.
We're very grateful for yousharing your time with us today,
brian.
So this is just the beginningof your relationship with Out of
(50:26):
the Blue.
You're in the family now, brian, and you know what that means.
Speaker 2 (50:30):
I appreciate the opportunity to share my story.
I do appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (50:34):
You're very welcome, really so grateful for you doing
that.
Speaker 3 (50:38):
Yeah, man seriously Thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (50:40):
Yeah, and I'm really grateful for this time we spent
together and I hope people outthere also enjoyed it with us
and inspired as well, and ifyou're that one person out there
who's, this is specifically foryou.
I hope you got it because we'rehere for you too.
Thank you so much, brian, forsharing your time today.
(51:02):
Thank you, vernon.
I'm Vernon West for Out of theBlue, the podcast saying thank
you very much for joining us onOut of the Blue, the podcast
saying thank you very much forjoining us on Out of the Blue,
the podcast with Brian Rizzo.
Out of the Blue, the podcast,hosted by me, vernon West,
(51:28):
co-hosted by Vernon West III,edited by Joe Gallo Music and
logo by Vernon West III.
Have an Out of the Blue storyof your own you'd like to share?
Reach us at info atoutoftheblue-thepodcastorg.
Subscribe to Out of the Blue onApple Podcasts, spotify or
(51:49):
wherever you get your podcasts,and on our website,
outoftheblue-thepodcastorg.
You can also check us out onPatreon for exclusive content.
Welcome to Out of the Blue, the podcast where real
people share the truth of whatthey've lived through, the kind
of truth that doesn't alwaysmake the headlines but leaves a
mark on the soul.
I'm your host, vernon West, andmy co-host for today's episode
is my son, vernon West III, who,along with being our logo
designer and writer of our themesong, is also a professional
(00:43):
musician.
Designer and writer of ourtheme song is also a
professional musician.
We want to thank especially you, our listeners, for joining us
and giving us your precious timeand attention, for we know just
how valuable that is.
And hey, don't forget to smashthat like button and hit
subscribe, because every littlebit helps us keep getting these
powerful stories out into theworld.
Today, we're honored to sharethe story of Brian Rizzo, a man
(01:06):
from Portland, oregon, whoselife changed in a single
unimaginable moment.
On January 11, 2014, whileworking as a bouncer at a strip
club in southeast Portland,brian denied entry to a man who
was clearly unstable.
Moments later, that manreturned with a nine millimeter
pistol and shot Brian in thehead.
(01:28):
But this story isn't just aboutwhat happened to Brian.
It's about what happened after.
It's about survival against allodds.
It's about trauma, faith,recovery and resilience.
It's about waking up every dayand still choosing to climb the
mountain in front of you, evenwhen the world says you
shouldn't even be standing.
From powerlifting as a teen torebuilding his life post-trauma,
(01:52):
from being denied disabilitybenefits to living out of his
truck while holding onto hope,brian's journey is raw, powerful
and deeply human.
Today, brian is aninspirational speaker and is
currently working on hisautobiography with Teresa Leroux
, award-winning author of myRock, my Hard Place.
(02:14):
His faith is unshaken.
His story isn't polished, butit is true and it is his.
This is Brian Rizzo and this ishis story, told from the heart,
right here on Out of the Blue,the podcast.
Hi, brian, and welcome to Outof the Blue, hello.
(02:35):
So, anyway, the immortalquestion that I ask everybody
when they come on what bringsyou to our podcast, brian?
What brings you to Out of theBlue?
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Well, just here to kind of share my story, help
other people who are sufferingfrom the effects from any kind
of PTSD or traumatic braininjury or anything like that.
It's really hard right now todeal with it.
Especially with the COVIDlockdown made it harder for
people to deal with the effectsfrom any kind of traumatic
experience.
Like you said, I bounced at astrip club in southeast Portland
and on January 11, 2014, Idenied entry to a man because he
(03:11):
was being disrespectful topeople and lying in front of him
coming into the club.
He was a homeless drug addictand he was there to meet a
dealer to get his fix for thenight.
So he went out to the car helived in, put on a mask, grabbed
a 9mm pistol, came back andopened the door and shot me in
the head.
He fired two other shots whichricocheted, hit a customer in
(03:31):
the leg and a waitress in thearm I believe is how it went,
and he went out into the parkinglot and a man named John Bear,
who was the other bouncer forthe night, who was a little
early for his shift, had anOregon concealed carry license,
shot the home span twice with a.45 ACP.
I collapsed to the floor and Iwas laying there spasming and
Jackie Winston, the bartenderwho was working that night she
(03:54):
and I both started working atthe club when it first opened
came over and put her armsaround me and I stopped shaking.
She held me until theparamedics came.
I was taken to Emanuel Hospital.
I was very blessed that DrAdler was on call for cases
similar to mine and the medicalstaff that was working that
night.
My parents were contacted, mysister was contacted and Bill
(04:18):
and Becca Spain, who at one timehad been roommates of mine Bill
had been head of security whenI worked was working at the club
and he's the one who taught mehow to do the job and they all
came to the hospital.
At first they were told that Iwasn't there because it's still
an open police case.
So they didn't want to get theinformation out because they had
no idea what it caused theshooting, if it was gang related
or anything like that.
So the police didn't want theinformation to go out until they
(04:40):
were able to communicate whothey were and.
And then they were taken to aside room and Dr Adler came in
and told them that I had beenshot in the head and I had less
than a 1% chance to live, and somy journey
began.
I was put into a chemicallyinduced coma, which is you're
not actually asleep.
The best way that I can, thebest thing I can compare it to,
(05:03):
is being like a blackout.
Drunk is when you're kind oflike between being awake and
being asleep, but you're notreally asleep to where you're
resting.
That's what it's kind of likewhen you're put into a
chemically induced coma.
I have a lot of dreams, uh,when I was in the coma, and
every single one of them Icouldn't stand up.
I couldn't sit up or stand up,but I had been having things
(05:24):
similar to seizures when I wasin the coma.
So they strapped me down to thebed because they had all these
wires attached to me to monitoranything you could possibly
think of.
It's amazing the technologythey have in hospitals.
Everything they monitor is sounbelievable.
21 days into the coma, uh, dradler decided to remove the
bullet from my head because ithadn't exited.
It stopped in the back of myhead because the first thing is
(05:47):
that lead poisoning was thefirst thing that he was worried
about and the second thing wasso they can do an MRI scan.
So he took the bullet out withno complications or problems.
I won't complain about it.
I feel like he did a prettygood job of getting it out of my
head, so he didn't cause anyproblems for a minute.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
Thank God for that doctor getting out of my head.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
So that's awesome.
Any problems coming?
Thank god for that doctor.
Yeah, he was very great doctor.
I mean he put so much effort.
I mean he would checkthroughout the night how I was
doing when, even when he wasn'tat the hospital, he was like
continually checking on me wowand when I say they monitor
everything, man like it isunbelievable.
The technology I mean this hasbeen 2014.
I don't even know what theyhave nowadays could even be
better now, but the technologythey had was unbelievable.
(06:26):
Everything that they couldmonitor like couldn't even get
into.
It is so many things.
That they monitor when you're,when you're in a coma, is
unbelievable.
When he took the bullet out,he's able to do the mri scan.
Everything changed.
The bullet had been a fullmetal jacket, not a hollow point
.
If it had been a hollow pointthere's, I would not have
survived no hollow point splitup right yeah, split up.
(06:49):
Yeah, in the smaller pieces likethat there's no way to survive,
since it's a full metal jacket.
In a way it was kind of ablessing, yeah.
Uh, the bullet did not gostraight through my head.
It moved in an arc around theleft side of my head and it went
slightly to the right side ofthe back of my head and it had
missed my brainstem, which, ifit had hit my whole brain, would
be dead right and it missed itby the width of a hair, and I
(07:13):
mean the width of a hair, man,for my is unbelievable that I
survived it.
I mean I I had less than justlike a one percent chance to
even live, so it's justunbelievable the width of a hair
like that is like tiny.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
you know, I mean, I, I, I, I myself was on uh, in an
induced coma for like 10 daysand I can tell you this was in
2017, 18 or whatever, and uhyeah, I know that what you're
saying about technology theymonitor every single thing.
It's amazing, it's reallyincredible.
(07:49):
But, boy oh boy, you were inthere for 21 days.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
Well, I mean when they took the bullet out and
then 10 days after that so I wasin a coma for 31 days is when I
came out of the coma.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
Whoa.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
So I woke up laying strapped in a bed and had no
idea where I was, and a nursetold me that I was at a manual
hospital.
I've been shot in the head,which is like the craziest thing
to hear when you like, I guess,call it wake up when you come
out of a coma.
Speaker 3 (08:19):
It's just unbelievable to hear then did
you think she was joking ormessing with you?
Speaker 2 (08:24):
uh, no, it was.
My brain was still superswollen like I was definitely
like not fully in it, so it wasjust a weird thing to hear when
you, when you wake up, I'll sayI could yeah, I don't even know
where you are like this roomyou've never seen before, and be
told that was just unbelievableyou said, you had dreams when
you were out.
Yeah, every since one of thedreams, like I said, I was
(08:46):
laying down somewhere, sincesomewhere and I couldn't get up.
Uh, bill, who is my best friend, I mean, he's the one who truly
taught me how to be a man andeverything I needed to know,
taught me how to do the jobcorrectly and a lot more in life
that I had personal issues thathe helped me get past and
things like that.
He was the only person thatthat, like I recognize it was in
one of the dreams that I had inthe coma, but he came and saw
(09:08):
me regularly when, when I was inthe coma and everything like
that.
So he's that was the only.
That's the dream that Iremember vividly was the one
that he was in, but he was theretalking to me all the time when
I was in a coma.
It's interesting.
Speaker 3 (09:20):
Yeah Well.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
Yeah, well, it's good to know that maybe some people
around those in a coma canpermeate that state and get
through to them somehow.
You know, it's funny becausewhen I had the dreams under that
state, I was in my dream.
I was laying in what I thoughtwas like a tube and I was
piloting a spaceship.
Was like a tube and I waspiloting a spaceship, okay, and
I had all these people around methat were like my crew members.
I didn't see them, but theywere buzzing around taking care
(09:57):
of my needs and I knew they was.
I even knew when they changedshifts.
Weirdly, I had a new crew Ijust knew.
And as I'm piloting thespaceship, in my dream I'm
piloting into what would looklike a spiral galaxy.
I'm going into the middle tofind the black hole.
I guess I don't know what I wasdoing, but in that dream I
(10:17):
suddenly thought, geez, thiswould make a great screenplay.
I got to tell Vernon about it.
This guy right here, my son,and the minute I thought that I
was out of it, all of a sudden Iwas in my body in a lot of pain
, like excruciating pain.
I was coming out of it and II'll.
(10:39):
The dream after that wasridiculously weird.
But um, all I'm saying is thatVernon did come to me in my
dream.
He was the one person thatappeared to me.
I thought, oh, I'm going totell him about this Next thing.
You know, I had to be awake.
I wanted to be alive because Ifelt so peaceful.
Going to that galaxy, it wasdefinitely like maybe death
(11:02):
calling you Don't go into thelight.
I didn't see the light, thoughI saw the spiral galaxy, but
anyway, you were saying that,before this all happened, your
life was entrenched in otherthings.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
Like you said, yeah, I mean my friend, Chris Thunder,
who did local pro wrestlingfrom the gym.
He's the one who opened theclub and he hired me at the gym.
I was two weeks shy.
I turned 22 was my first startbouncing.
It was like man.
You really start seeing likethe reality of the world.
I mean all different types ofpeople and I don't know if it is
(11:39):
anymore, but Oregon used tohave the most strip clubs per
capita in the world.
I don't know if it still doesafter COVID lockdown, everything
like that, but strip clubs arelike more common than just bars
and so you grow up in the areait's kind of like there was a
strip club just down the streetfrom the high school I went to.
So like strip clubs were kindof like a normal thing.
And in oregon, like soeverybody's there, man, all
different types of lives, butthen gang members are in there
(12:01):
dealing drugs and and, uh, youget sucked into it.
So it's hard to leave it.
When you, when you're makinggreat with single man in his 20s
making great money, majority incash, I mean it's hard to.
It's hard to leave that.
Speaker 3 (12:13):
Oh it's very addictive, very very much so
yeah, the whole lifestyle,including the sex and drugs,
very addictive.
How are you as a student inschool?
Were you kind of like fallingoff with grades and it kind of
led you into like certain crowdsor no, I did like I didn't go
to the high school I went towasn't very great.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
Um, my friend, I went to rex putnam high school,
which is in oak grove, which isan area just a little bit south
of portland, but uh, oxycontinran through my class like crazy.
I buried a friend who overdosedon Oxycontin my junior year of
high school.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
Whoa.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
And there's a lot of people that I hung out with that
dropped out of school, thatbecame addicted to Oxycontin.
It was like just I mean justran rampantly through the school
.
Speaker 3 (12:55):
My high school stint Oxycontin was also really big
and then like sort of ecstasybecame kind of like the cool new
thing.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
but yeah, oxycontin was a problem because it was
people were getting it, yeah,yeah so then when you say, when
this happened to you and youcome tell us what happened, the
at afterwards, now the Brianthat gets out of this condition
yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:22):
So I come out of the come out of the coma after 31
days and it's kind of a blur,like they were waking me up
every 30 minutes to every hour,telling me what time was and
what day was, just to make surethat I wasn't slipping back into
the coma.
So it's kind of like a blur oftime trying to remember because
you're like asleep and awake,and asleep and awake, like that,
(13:43):
you're not really like likesleeping for a while.
Then it's getting close to thetime where, like I was done at
the hospital, like everythingwas stabilizing and so they were
going to send me for torehabilitation.
I had lost, uh, close to 100pounds and I didn't have the
ability to stand up because I'vebeen in the cone for so long.
And so there's a place calledRio, which is the Emmanuel Good
(14:06):
Sand, which is a medical centerthat's close to the hospital
that I was in.
So I went to Rio and I startedworking out when I was 13 with a
wrestling coach in junior highand, like I told you, I had a
lot of friends who got I partieda ton in high school drinking.
I didn't really do anythingelse.
Then I had the front overdoseand Oxycontin my junior year.
(14:33):
So I got more serious aboutlifting, my goal being to go
compete in the Metrix World'sStrongest man.
Because I grew up watching it,it was like my dream to go and
do that.
I got into powerlifting becauseI was told that's a good place
to start when you get in.
I've had all kinds of injuries.
I've dislocated my shoulderbefore, I've separated my left
hip and I've torn my bicep andI've come back from that.
So I was looking at this.
It's kind of like the samething of like we've been coming
(14:55):
back from an injury, obviouslythis being far worse than any
other injury that I've hadbefore.
But uh, I get to rio and I tellmy dad that I'm gonna, I'm
going to be out of here in threeweeks.
My dad was like I don't knowwhy, take a little bit longer.
Like you just got to staydedicated, keep going.
I was like, no, I'll be out ofhere in three weeks.
And I was there for three weeksand two days.
I went from not being able.
(15:16):
I was being.
I went from not being able togo back to my life.
As long as I just go back tothe gym and get back in the
shape I was in before.
I'll be able to go and be theperson I was before all this
happened, but that's not evenclose to true.
(15:36):
I'll never be that person again, but that's it's not god's plan
for me to be that personanymore.
I got to where it was the lastof my time to be able to leave
Rio and they told me that Iwasn't medically cleared to be
able to go back to the gym,which was kind of irritating to
me because I really wanted to goback, but I actually still had.
(15:58):
When I first went to thehospital, my skull had been
fractured into a bunch of smallpieces where the bullet had
entered.
So they removed all the piecesof my skull and then any portion
of my brain that was dead,because if you don't remove dead
brain tissue, it actuallyspreads to the entire brain.
So to keep the brain from dying, they had to remove all the
(16:18):
dead brain tissue.
So there's actually a huge holein my skull at this time still,
because my brain was stillswollen.
They had to wait for theswelling to go down to a certain
amount before they could put aplastic piece in it.
So they didn't want me to goback to the gym because I had a
hole in my skull which was stillkind of irritating because I
wanted to go back, butunderstandable.
(16:40):
Understandable Well sort of Iguess maybe.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
Hindsight In hindsight, understand well sort
of.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
I guess maybe hindsight in hindsight, that's a
tough one, that's a tough one,yeah I, uh, I wasn't considered
mentally able to take care ofmyself, uh, so my parents took
responsibility and I was gonnahave to go live with them again,
which, uh, I moved out of myparents house when, when I was
19.
And I liked, enjoyed not livingwith them than I did living
with them.
So, but it is what it is.
(17:10):
I mean, I had nowhere else thatI could go, and they're often
willing to offer caretaking,which I needed, because there's
a lot of different thingsSwollen in my brain was starting
to go down.
I had to go back and see DrAdler, who was the who kept me
alive, and he's the one who puta huge amount of effort to take
care of me when I was in a coma,and the head of the team of
doctors that took the bullet outof my head.
(17:31):
He'll say that it was me, thathe didn't do anything, that it's
all me, but I don't know.
He put a huge amount of effortto keep me alive, man, seriously
.
Speaker 1 (17:39):
I hear you, but I don't doubt the fact that he's
telling the solid truth, that itwas you.
A lot of it is you, because Iknow from my own experience too,
doctors would tell me that allthe time they would see two
people with identical situationsthe one who made it versus the
one who didn't.
Had something in themselvesthat they really had that power
(18:02):
to really desire to survive, andand even maybe the connections
you know.
If I don't know, what do youthink helped you get through
that?
What do you think you had?
Why do you think you had thewill to survive?
What do you think did it?
Speaker 2 (18:16):
I have no idea, man.
Uh, I I'm not gonna get intomassive details.
A lot of issues from childhoodI'm not going to get into
massive details.
A lot of issues from childhoodthat I'm not going to get into.
Depression was something Ifought badly for a long time.
There were nights where I satin bed with a pistol in my hand
thinking about my own lifebecause I hated myself so badly
before all this happened.
So I really don't know, becausethen someone else ended up
(18:40):
shooting me in the head.
I didn't give up, so I don'tknow.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
Well, how ironic.
That is right, yeah, I mean,you know, it's like god saying,
well, this is what would havehappened, you know, if you had
done that, but at least I tookyou, took it out of your god,
took it out of your hands andmade it so that you know
whatever that thing is calledsuicide.
You didn't participate, but itwas a, it was a demonstration
(19:04):
kind of to you.
But I find, like that, there'ssomething about these things
that happened out of the blue,that happened to us out of the
blue.
I feel like there's a certaingood intention that comes out of
it.
I don't know if it's, I don'tknow if I would ascribe to my
higher power God, whoever theact of somebody shooting me or
(19:27):
hurting me or even gettingcancer.
But I do think the benevolencecomes from how we are able to
handle it.
Like, for some reason, youdon't get.
I've heard it said you don'tget more than you can handle and
that sort of sucks.
When you think about the thingswe're forced to handle, I mean
they're really pretty roughthings.
(19:47):
I mean that's what you wentthrough.
Oh, my goodness, that's rough,but you handled it and it
brought out of you.
There's something that'sbringing out of you.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
That, I think, is the upshot of it all, I think about
paul, because paul wasbasically going after christians
.
I mean, he wanted to usekilling christians until he had
his moment with with where hefinds jesus.
And then paul goes from someonewho's killing christians to the
I mean basically the top personto spread the, the presence of
(20:17):
jesus that's in other countries.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
Great analogy, great comparison.
Speaker 3 (20:22):
That's so right on yeah I believe he like suffered
pretty intensely too at thebeginning of his journey, right
like he was blind or something.
There was, yeah, an intenseburden he had to carry in in
like transitioning into thatlifestyle he was blind.
Speaker 2 (20:37):
he was blind until he talked to one of the disciples
I don't remember which one ofthe disciples it was and that's
when he got his sight back andthat's when he started his life
of spreading the word.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
That's an intense comparison, though it's really
amazing that you found thatcomparison too.
That says something.
Speaker 2 (20:56):
So I go to see Dr Adler so they can scan my head,
so they can make the plasticpiece to put in, and I go in.
They scan my head.
It was really nice.
I just laid down and there wasthis like half circle and like
the scanner ran over the halfcircle and then I was done Like
I thought it was gonna be like along time thing, but it was
probably like less than a coupleseconds before they had my head
(21:16):
fully scanned to make the piece, which was nice because I
thought I was gonna was gonna belaying there for a while to get
it all done oh man, thehospital trauma yeah, pretty
much.
So I go into the office to seeDr Adler and Dr Adler to ask me
how I was doing.
I was like I'm doing okay, drAdler, but I just I want to go
to the gym.
Dr Adler was like that's fine,you can go to the gym.
(21:38):
Just be smart with what you do.
Take it easy and you're.
Obviously I'm gonna have totake a break after I get the
plastic piece put in, but hecleared me that day to go back
to jimmy when I still had a holein my head and everything which
I was so happyyeah jim I was going to, which
is not open anymore because itgot hit by during the covid
lockdown.
The gym had been open in asmaller building in oregon city
(22:00):
in the mid 80s by billy jackhaynes, who at that time had
been like one of the topwrestlers and back when it was
wwf pro wrestling used to besuch a huge thing and in oregon
a long time ago.
And then the gym had changedowners, uh, to the nelson family
in the late 80s and they movedinto a bigger building in the
early 90s in oregon city, whichis the, the gym, the building
(22:21):
that I worked out at.
But it had been like the topgym to train out for
powerlifting, like I trainedwith adrian larson, who one time
had been the second bestbencher in the world at 220.
He benched 585 at 220 andcompetition.
I trained, I've trained withsome of the best powerlifters at
that gym because it was set upfor powerlifting 585, yeah, 220
at 220.
(22:42):
Man, that's like the, the, Idon't know.
Adrian larson has his own lifestory.
Adrian larson was born withboth his hips dislocated so his
legs didn't fully develop, so hebenches without his feet on the
ground like he's basicallylaying flat on the bench and hit
585 like.
You can find the video of himon youtube doing it, man,
because you can see him doing it.
It is unbelievable to work outwith that man.
Speaker 3 (23:04):
He's definitely like the king of benching the way
that he was able to do it do youthink that this had maybe an
influence on like your likedesire to like overcome a
physical ailment, to continue tolift?
Speaker 2 (23:17):
I think that's a huge inspiration story because, as I
said, I've had other injuriesI've had to come back from.
I think it's one of thosethings when there's like the
people who I say we're allmeatheads, it's like you're like
a true meathead then.
Like the gym is everything, nomatter what you like, even plan
your day out so you can makesure you get meals at the right
meal time, make sure you can getto bed at the right time, get
supplements in at the right time, like you plan your entire life
(23:40):
about it, just for the next dayto go to the gym, which a lot
of people don't understand.
But there are those who arelike the true diehard meatheads,
really understand what it is towhere it's.
Your entire life is the nextday in the gym.
You get like a community goingand you inspire each other.
Yeah, it's not just guys either.
There's a lot of I've met a lotof women who are the same way
super dedicated doing it.
(24:01):
Same same way super dedicateddoing it same thing, where they
plan their whole life around thesame thing.
Speaker 1 (24:04):
The timeline you're telling us, so full-file.
Now you've got the plasticpiece measured and the doctor
says you can go to the gym.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
So my dad, I go back to go home.
My dad drove me out to the gymand I was able to walk halfway.
Decent then, without the walker, I was definitely very slow.
Like I said, I had lost.
(24:37):
I had lost close to a hundredpounds, uh, when I was in a coma
.
But when I was able to starteating again, I put some weight
back on, but I was nowhere nearlike.
I was still very small comparedto what I was to the weight
floor.
So go down to the ramp.
I grabbed 30 pound dumbbells tolay down with them, to bench
them, and it was like a massivestruggle to bench them, but I
honestly did not care because Iwas so happy to be back in the
gym and, as I keep saying, like,I've had multiple injuries, so
I know where it is to come backfrom an injury.
So at least now I have astarting point like here's my
(24:59):
starting point and then I'll beable to like set goals, to keep
moving forward and my headthinking I'll be able to do what
, what I used to do, but I can'tdo what I used to do.
But that was at that time.
That's what I thought I wasgonna be able to do to get back
to, to the person I was before,before all this happened.
There's so many people at thegym that there were super
supportive of me that I'd knownLike I started working out with
(25:21):
you when I was 18 and I'm 26 atthis time that's how old I was
when I got shot.
So people I've known for solong been super supportive of me
and they were super supportiveof me and recovering from this
and it was it was that thatdefinitely helped a ton of of
not having people talk shit toyou the whole time that you're
in there.
Having people be supportive ofyou is definitely very helpful.
Oh, you're doing it.
Speaker 3 (25:42):
That'd be crazy if they talked shit.
I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
I have had people that on this journey, no matter
what you go through, if you, ifyou have any kind of traumatic
experience, you're going to havepeople that will talk shit to
you for it, and I have had thaton this journey for sure.
But it's when you start kind ofseeing who the true friends are
, who the people that are, andthis is what you're going to
find and as you're going along.
Speaker 1 (26:05):
When did major changes like your thinking as
far as who you are, brian?
Speaker 2 (26:13):
Well, everything kind of stabilized.
They got the plastic piece backin my head.
I had a seizure when I wasliving with my parents, so that
was another thing where they hadto get me on medication.
I had to learn the differentthings to do to keep chances of
a seizure when I was living withmy parents, so that was another
thing where they had to get meon medication.
I had to learn the differentthings to do to keep chances of
a seizure down.
As time went on, I had to seeless and less doctors.
I'm very blessed that workers'comp paid for everything,
(26:37):
because it was a work injury andthey never questioned anything.
As soon as the doctor told themthey paid for it, no matter
what.
I never had an issue withworkers comp.
I know there are people havehad issues with it, but my
injury being slightly abnormalcompared to other injuries, I'm
sure that they've had workerscomp.
But uh, it gets to a point whereyour your case with workers
comp ends and uh, normally youjust go see one doctor and they
(27:02):
kind of find out, like well,your handicap percentages.
I had to go see four differentdoctors, different specialists.
There's one that I had to gosee where I did eight hours of
brain tests to find out where mybrain damage or my brain was
damaged.
And the part of my brain thatis damaged is on the left side
and is the part of the brainthat's in charge of remembering
names.
(27:22):
The same part on the right sideis in charge of remembering
details.
You can see something, you cansay what it is, but what the
name of it is on the left side.
It's like it's not as bad as itused to be.
I can don't struggle to remembernames as badly as I used to,
but when I was my brain wasstill swollen.
I was going through Rio.
They'd show me flashcards andit'd be like a picture of a pig
(27:46):
and I'm sitting there staring atit.
I couldn't even I couldn't tellyou what it was called.
I could tell you what it is Afarm we eat.
It tastes pretty good.
I couldn't remember what it wascalled.
So it's just different thingsand in my experience of of
recurring from this, it kind ofstarts feeling like your brain
rewires where it's not workingthe same as it did before, but
it's working.
(28:07):
Yeah, like I said, I'mstruggling to remember names as
much as I used to, but sometimesit can be a struggle.
All depends on how tired I amtoo.
If I don't get enough sleep andthat kind of thing, then it
becomes more of a struggle to tobe able to remember names.
So I'd gone long enough withouta seizure where I got my
driver's license back and, uh,doctors signed all the paperwork
(28:28):
saying that I was now mentallyable to make my own horrible
life decisions.
Like everyone else, I, I boughta mobile home in Oregon City
and got away from living with myparents and I was living.
I had a dog, so me and the dogwere living there, and that's
kind of when I starteddepression being a big thing
having to come to terms with whoI was and different people who
(28:50):
say that they love me but theway they treated me when I was
recovering from it.
And there's still things that Ihave to scars from this whole
incident that I still have aproblem with.
And so I was sitting theretrying to figure out why I was
still alive, like, what am I?
Why am I alive?
Like I used to be able to takecare of myself, and now I have
to ask help from people forthings I could have done, as I
said, by myself before.
(29:11):
And then, as I was just talkingto God and building a
relationship with him, the wholeidea of just sharing my story
came to me, and that's when Igot into to trying to find or
find places to go speak at andshare what I've been through.
I've had, uh, two people wantto make a documentary about me.
(29:34):
Both of them approached me todo it and then they dropped out.
Uh, and then I've had peoplewho said they'd be agents for me
to help me find places to speakdropped out of doing that, so I
haven't do it for myself.
And then, as you said, I wasdenied I've been denied,
handicapped Social Security fourtimes, with no chance of
getting in, which was veryirritating.
I was all set up to go andstart speaking in a lot of
(30:00):
different places and the verynext week is when COVID lockdown
started.
Oh boy, and a lot of supportgroups are still not meeting
because of the COVID lockdown,because they do most stuff
(30:21):
online, which is really not verybeneficial because security.
I had a judge rule in my favoron my third application for it
and the federal government filedan appeal against it and then
the judge changed the ruling andthat's when I was denied.
That was the third time I wasdenied and then my attorney
applied for the fourth time andI was immediately denied without
chance of court.
So that was the last time thatI applied for it.
(30:43):
So here I had no money becausethe jobs that I was supposed to
go do were covered.
Lockdown hit it.
Uh, we're kind of past the timewhere I mean you have to pay,
start paying around again,because even I mean the covid
lockdown kind of let up but itstill wasn't opening up jobs for
everybody.
So I got evicted.
My dog and I uh I found a newgym to go train at.
(31:05):
They allowed me to live in mytruck in the parking lot there
uh, while, excuse me, still findfind places to go speak and
make something out.
What I've been through and itbecame uh, when you have, as you
said, like a mountain set infront of you.
There are going to be timeswhere it's an easy walk and
(31:25):
there's gonna be times whereit's a fight to gain ground and
there are gonna be times whereyou lose the ground that you
fought for.
And for me it was a reminderthat when you start building a
relationship with God, there aregoing to be all kinds of trials
are gonna be set in front ofyou that other people aren't
going to have Because they havenot given themselves to the lord
.
Then they're not going to haveanything to test them because
(31:48):
they're exactly where the devilwants them to be.
So you have to have anunderstanding that when you
start building a relationshipwith god, it does not mean the
life is going to be easier.
It's just having to understandthat you're not alone on it and
the good times are going to bebetter than anything that you
can imagine, because God's planfor you is far greater than any
goals or visions that you canhave, which is what I still
believe, because it's still I'mstill not at the point where
(32:11):
it's an easy walk and in thesunshine.
It is still a time fighting upthe mountain, but I do feel God
is with me on this, on thisclimb.
And a very, very uh a friendthat I've known since I was 19
or 20 found out that I washomeless and his wife had
competed as a figure fitnesscompetitor.
(32:34):
And a friend of hers, uh,theresa larue, who you mentioned
have been a female bodybuilderand wrote the book my rock, my
heart place, survivor, domesticviolence is the one starting to
write the book about me, andjust the vision of light and the
darkness is what I feel like iscoming on this journey that's
been set in front of me.
Speaker 1 (32:53):
I really love that.
Brian, that's the thing I was.
You know, as you were talking,I was thinking is this kind of
what you would say at one of aninspirational speaking?
Is this kind of what you're sayin one of an inspirational
speaking?
Is this kind of what you'retalking about?
This is your message, right?
What would you boil yourmessage down to if you had to
boil it down?
Speaker 2 (33:13):
God is with you, no matter who you are.
No matter who you are, if youjust look at the disciples, they
were not the best people untilJesus chose them to be.
They were not like the highclass citizens I mean, they were
kind of low class fishermen whodrank and gambled and probably
cussed and they weren't like thethe high.
But he chose them to to be thefollowers, and you have to
(33:36):
understand that it doesn'treally matter what you did
beforehand because, like I said,I mean I was.
I was one of the people who wasa regular at the club, was the
top coke dealer in portland.
Like even people would come tohim to get coke, would cut it to
deal.
I mean he was dealing a hugeamount of coke there and I was
helping traffic, uh, oxycontinand bike it in.
(33:57):
When people got prescriptionsthey'd come and sell it there
and and I myself was I ended uptaking over steroids.
The person that was dealingsteroids got fired from the job
and so I took over for him and Iwas dealing steroids for a
living and I was taking violenceupon people and hatred and
angry all the time and and so Iwas not like the best person and
(34:17):
truly just a dentist and Godstill decided my life was worth
something.
And there are so many peoplethat are struggling and it's
kind of changing now with theway society is.
But for quite a few years it'skind of made, like Christianity,
out to be this horrible thingwhere people are talked down to
for having a faith in it.
But I may not have as muchmoney as I used to have and I
(34:42):
may not have the best of lives,but I have a lot more happiness
now, when I started building arelationship with God.
I'm far happier than I wasbefore.
Speaker 1 (34:51):
I love it.
I love it.
You know, I just spoke tosomebody yesterday said almost
the same thing he said afterthis event had happened to him
and his was obviously not thesame, but he said he felt like
he had a second chance.
That was the biggest thing thathit him him personally that you
(35:12):
get a second chance to do it.
Who gets that?
No one gets a second chance.
So, like when you got thatsecond chance and then you
establish a relationship withgod, I mean, yeah, I do.
I do think that at that point,there you now are having, you're
opening the door to real, truejoy.
(35:33):
You know, you can expect, youknow the drugs and the booze and
the and the and the, everythingelse that goes with that scene.
Yeah, yeah, that brings youcertain pleasure but it doesn't
bring joy.
But you're now capable ofexperiencing joy, like that's
what I see.
Hear you now talking.
I thought that the other day,when I first met you, I thought
(35:56):
I looked in your face and I saidyou know he's feeling happiness
and joy in his life and I couldsee it in your eyes.
I honestly could, and that'ssomething you can't fake, you
know you.
So when you carry this messageto people in your inspirational
talks.
I mean, that's pretty much whatI think I'm getting out of your
inspirational thought talk thatI'm getting right now here at
(36:19):
this point in our interview.
I feel like you're bringingthat feeling of really happiness
that you were able to getanother chance and your life is
now building on these newfootings of a relationship with
your higher power, god, the Lord.
Well, out of the blue I don'tmean to say it's a, it's just
(36:43):
we're not preaching with out ofthe blue, but you can't help but
notice there's something goodout there in that out of the
blue stuff and everybody that'sexperienced these things can
tell you right away that theyget that second chance and then
they then something, that thisthing happens where they they're
(37:04):
.
Have you felt your appreciationlevel be high?
Are you more appreciative ofthings?
Speaker 2 (37:12):
Oh, absolutely.
Yeah you find that right.
Speaker 1 (37:17):
And do you have every once in a while, literally
explosions of gratitude in yourheart when you start thinking of
little things sometimes?
Speaker 2 (37:26):
throughout the day, throughout the day, thank god
for even the smallest things.
It's it's so amazing, the uh.
When you first start thisjourney and you try and find god
, you start finding godeverywhere, because he is
everywhere.
Everything was created by him.
You look around everything.
You just go outside and look atall these trees and plants in
(37:48):
the sky and even see, like this,the animals running around.
And god created all this and inone moment, god decided to
create you like there's a reasonfor you being alive.
Listen to a pastor calledpastor alan nolan, who has a lot
of videos on his youtubechannel, but he broke down the
book of genesis, which was veryinteresting to to learn about
(38:08):
the book of genesis.
Like I learned so much aboutthe book of Genesis that I that
I didn't even know about.
Speaker 1 (38:15):
There's two stories of creation.
Yeah, there's two distinctstories.
Speaker 2 (38:21):
Yeah, and then when he gets and talks about Abraham
too is another one where it'scrazy what Abraham went through.
And then yeah, there's a lot ofcrazy things in the book of
Genesis I didn't know about, butyou learn so much and you kind
of start seeing that peoplearen't perfect.
That's the thing.
Even like Abraham, who was likehe's not just worshiped by
(38:43):
Christians, he is by the Jewishand by Muslims to worship
Abraham, but he did a lot of it.
He wasn't perfect the wholetime.
So I have an understanding thatGod doesn't expect you to be
perfect, and they didn't haveany.
When Jesus died for our sins,it changed everything.
I mean, he's the one whobrought forgiveness for us for
the choices that we made,Because I don't.
(39:04):
I mean, I don't do.
I'm not involved in everythingI used to be involved in, but I
still do stupid stuff all thetime.
I'm not involved in everythingI used to be involved in, but I
still do stupid stuff all thetime.
Speaker 1 (39:13):
I'm not that smart, so I'm very blessed to find
forgiveness for it.
I hear you, I'm right with youon that, you know, when you were
talking.
It made me think of something Isaw on Groucho Marx you Bet
your Life.
I watch it late at nightsometimes when I want to go to
sleep and I put on Groucho Marxyou Bet your Life.
The other night I heard thisguy from 1952.
(39:36):
And this guy's on there, one ofthe guests, and Groucho's
questioning him saying how oldare you?
He goes I am 98.
He's 98.
He's tall and good-looking.
Strapping man Doesn't look 98.
Maybe's 98.
He's tall and good-looking.
Strapping man Doesn't look 98.
He maybe looks 60.
And Groucho's saying well, tellme about your life.
(39:57):
He tells him he starts as apaper boy.
He works until he becomes workson the printing press until he
ends up owning the newspaper andthen he comes out to California
, he's buying real estate and hemakes $1,000 a day or something
like that.
And Groucho's very impressed.
He says well, what do youattribute this to your life and
(40:19):
the success?
And he says I have a plaquethat I read every day in my
office, in front of my desk.
It says God and I are partnersin this business.
God is honor, and I am steward.
I got chills really.
I thought that was a greatthing.
That's how he was able toachieve, he says, this wonderful
(40:43):
life.
I mean, that really issomething to think about.
I remember when my kids weregoing to Sunday school there was
a statement that made me thinkof.
When you said God is everywhere, we used to tell the kids
there's not a spot where God isnot.
You know, really, think aboutit.
Right, that's backed up by theBible and everything and every
(41:05):
religion.
Speaker 3 (41:06):
Really, I mean God is infinite Bit of a double
negative there.
Speaker 1 (41:09):
Yeah, it's a little hard to understand when you're a
kid, you are, but it is truethough.
I mean it's just saying God iseverywhere.
I mean out of the blue iseverywhere.
That's what I, in a backhand,sort of a backdoor sideway,
trying to get people to thinkabout, that, you know, to think
about.
Where do we come from?
(41:29):
Where does it all come from?
What does it all mean?
I mean there's so much stuff,that pretty much.
What do we have control over?
Brian, right, you learn that wehave so little control over
really anything.
But what we do have control ofis how we feel about it, what we
think, what we choose to dowith it.
And I think you know whenhearing the way you're now using
(41:50):
this experience to share yourhope, share how you found your
guiding light, so to speak, thatis now helping your life move
forward in ways that you neverwould have imagined.
When this broadcast gets outout, we're going to promote it a
lot, you know, and and I thinkthat it will help even me if you
(42:14):
can reach one I look at it likethat if we can reach that one
person with a feeling of hope,it's worth every bit of struggle
, every bit of work it took toget there, and again, if you
look, if you look in the bible,this it's not just abraham.
Speaker 2 (42:29):
That wasn't perfect.
Maybe moses was just supposedto tap the rock for water, but
he smashes into it, which leadsto the Jews having what was it?
40 years of wandering beforethey get to the promised land.
And then you have David, whowas allowed, I mean when he was
given the courage and ability tostand against Goliath.
But even David wasn't perfectbecause he sent his friend to
(42:50):
die so that he could take hisfriend's wife.
I mean you have, you have thesecharacters in the bible that are
truly like, uh, human, yeah,they're saints, they're, they're
worshiped as, as members of, uh, uh, worshipers of god and
things like that.
But the only perfect one wasjesus.
He was the only one that wasperfect.
(43:11):
I mean he's the one who did nothave hatred and he didn't bring
revenge upon anybody.
I mean, he didn't do anythingwrong.
He's the one who truly walkedthe path that you're supposed to
walk.
And so you look at it and youhave to understand that you
don't have to be perfect.
Jesus died for our sins, thatwe would have the chance to get
to heaven, and understand thatyou're not going to be perfect
that when you're climbing themountain whatever the mountain
(43:33):
was that was set in front of youyou're probably going to do
horrible things on it.
You're going to make mistakes,which is human.
But I understand that, if youaccept Jesus as your savior,
that your entrance into heavenis guaranteed.
But you do.
It is a two-way street where youdo have to put effort into
being a better person.
Do it is a two-way street whereyou do have to put effort into
being a better person.
You can't just do whatever youwant and then just beg for
forgiveness and think thatyou're going to make it.
(43:54):
Some people think that you cando that.
I don't believe that.
I believe that you have to makeat least the majority of your
choices positive, the majorityof things you do in your life
positive, and maybe help aperson.
A chance that you can get, evenif it's just small things like
holding the door, just a smallthing in my mind ends up meaning
that you're following theteachings of jesus more than
someone who thinks that theyjust continually ask for
(44:15):
forgiveness, that they're goingto get farther there's a,
there's a strength in doingthese things for nobody but you
and your relation with your,like, higher power.
Speaker 3 (44:26):
You know, and if you, you, you leave with the reward
of that, nobody else I mean,obviously, maybe the person you
benefited but there's a, there'sa real, like personal
relationship with, like, uh,doing good for others.
That it can't be, it can't bein vain, you know, it has to be
(44:47):
genuine can't be in vain.
Speaker 1 (44:48):
That's really the thing right there.
A lot of vanity in the worldtoday, you know there's a lot of
everybody's a narcissist,everybody's, you know, building
their own brand on their phone.
I mean it's funny how that isnow, you know they say that.
I mean the numbers are sayingthat loneliness is increasing.
Like 33 or something, 34% ofthe people in the world are
(45:16):
lonely and that's because ofsocial media.
I mean you have all theseFacebook friends or the
Instagram followers, but they'renot your friends.
I mean, come on, they're notreally there for you, they're
remote.
You know the interpersonalrelationship in your actual life
that counts a lot.
Speaker 2 (45:32):
You know who you couldn't count as humans I think
one of the biggest thing thathas caused the issue, caused the
issue people have depression orloneliness is that our society
has moved away from like westernideologies, uh, where again,
where the church was the placeeveryone met and the church is
what provided everyone thethings to do we also had.
(45:53):
I mean, farming was like thebiggest thing.
You just look at oldergenerations.
I just think about my greatgrandmother, who was like one of
the nicest people I ever met inmy entire life.
She passed away years ago but Imean they had the Great
Depression they had to make itthrough and it was just people
were just way different thanthem, but you and it was just
people were just way differentthan, but you had the churches
and just your relationship withgod being the biggest things,
even just 100 years ago, 200years ago, where christianity
(46:15):
was a lot larger and so aspeople in the church sort of
move society forward, a betterliving environments for society,
which is what's being kind ofmoved away from where it's it's
mocked and criticized for forbeing christian yeah, I don't.
Speaker 1 (46:29):
you know, I don't think anybody should criticize
anybody's choice of religion.
I don't think we can gobackwards, so we have to go
forward.
So what we have to do is find away to bring people together on
the same ideals that the churchbrought people together with.
(46:50):
What it really is is peoplecome together and they take care
of each other.
The church was known for takingcare of each other and a lot of
churches still do that to thisday.
I mean, there are churches thatif you know you come up short
for your mortgage, they'll helpyou, you know, and they'll feed
you if you're hungry, you know.
Speaker 3 (47:06):
It sounds like the gym sorry, the gym that you were
part of, the guy who let yousleep in the parking lot.
This was a form of communion,like a form of like, maybe like
an intro into like a group ofpeople that you can spiritually
commune with, that are allworking toward the same goal.
(47:28):
That's like a healthy goal andit's supportive.
That feels like a form ofchurch.
It does, you know, just just indifferent clothes.
You know we find you, you foundchurch in a different sort of
flavor, but then you kind of getto the heart of the meat and
potatoes of your faith and wherethat comes from.
(47:49):
But but a community, I feel like, is maybe the most important
aspect of that.
And, like you said, society isfracturing, like we are not
together anymore.
So even just meeting once aweek, seeing these same people
catching up with them in person,connecting that to me is
(48:10):
something I deeply miss assomeone who kind of rebelled
against going to church as a kid.
Like I miss that ritual andthat like checking in and that
sort of like spiritualinspiration that you give each
other.
It's funny you can find that inmany places, yeah.
Speaker 1 (48:28):
So, now that you're doing your inspirational
speaking and writing the book,essentially what would you say
you're trying to do with that?
Speaker 2 (48:36):
uh, as I said at the the beginning of the episode,
really just help uh other peoplewith with ptsd, traumatic brain
injury and depression or anyother effects they have from
their traumatic experience.
Because it's just, it's such ahard thing to live with,
especially when you have, whenyou have uh people talking down
to you for whatever you're goingthrough.
Maybe you're having a momentwhere the weight of everything
(48:58):
you've been through has hit youand you're starting to break
down and instead of giving youjust a hug to help you out, they
yell at you for having thatkind of reaction.
What you've been through, it'sthings like that that have been
on my journey of having to dealwith it.
So have an understanding of, ofknowing that you're not alone
in it, because I know there areother people that have been
(49:19):
through, as I said, some kind oftraumatic experience or kind of
weight that they're carrying,that feel alone because they
don't know or understand.
Others have been throughsomething similar.
The thing I will.
I've talked to people who havehad traumatic experiences.
I will not say that I've beenthrough worse.
I can't stand people whenpeople do that.
I'm not going to say that whatI went through was worse because
it's as I said.
(49:40):
God puts a mountain in front ofeveryone.
This is the mountain that wasset in front of them.
It's the one that he knows thatthey can climb.
But to sit here and say that mymountain is harder than your
mountain, it's not going to behelpful, because they can climb
their mountain, but they'rehaving hard times with it and
they just need uh support anddoing it.
So there's no such thing assaying that you've been through
worse.
It's how you understand aperson is struggling on whatever
(50:01):
their journey is wow, I love it.
Speaker 1 (50:04):
Let's use that as our last.
That's the way to end thispodcast.
That's the final word.
Brian, you have a powerfulstory.
You have a powerful story.
I can't imagine you not beingable to help people with it.
I'm so grateful that you're outthere doing that and really,
really thank you.
We're very grateful for yousharing your time with us today,
brian.
So this is just the beginningof your relationship with Out of
(50:26):
the Blue.
You're in the family now, brian, and you know what that means.
Speaker 2 (50:30):
I appreciate the opportunity to share my story.
I do appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (50:34):
You're very welcome, really so grateful for you doing
that.
Speaker 3 (50:38):
Yeah, man seriously Thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (50:40):
Yeah, and I'm really grateful for this time we spent
together and I hope people outthere also enjoyed it with us
and inspired as well, and ifyou're that one person out there
who's, this is specifically foryou.
I hope you got it because we'rehere for you too.
Thank you so much, brian, forsharing your time today.
(51:02):
Thank you, vernon.
I'm Vernon West for Out of theBlue, the podcast saying thank
you very much for joining us onOut of the Blue, the podcast
saying thank you very much forjoining us on Out of the Blue,
the podcast with Brian Rizzo.
Out of the Blue, the podcast,hosted by me, vernon West,
(51:28):
co-hosted by Vernon West III,edited by Joe Gallo Music and
logo by Vernon West III.
Have an Out of the Blue storyof your own you'd like to share?
Reach us at info atoutoftheblue-thepodcastorg.
Subscribe to Out of the Blue onApple Podcasts, spotify or
(51:49):
wherever you get your podcasts,and on our website,
outoftheblue-thepodcastorg.
You can also check us out onPatreon for exclusive content.
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