Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Yeah. So in studying this, what I found out is that trauma and anxiety are actually genetic.
We think of our eye color and hair color as being inherited,
but it isn't until the last few decades that we've realized we inherit trauma and anxiety.
(00:20):
They studied this with descendants from Holocaust survivors,
where there's this hypervigilance to survival arrival when there's no presence
of that in their real life.
Music.
(00:46):
Welcome to Out of the Box with Christine. Are you willing to step into your
greatness? Are you ready to shine?
Well, get ready, Truth Seeker. You're in for an amazing ride.
And now, here's the host of the show, Christine Blosdale.
Music.
(01:10):
Welcome back to, excuse me, welcome back to Out of the Box with Christine.
I am your host, Christine Blosdale, your Expert Authority Business Coach,
helping entrepreneurs, solopreneurs, and just about everybody else get their
message out to the world in a fun, unusual way.
And I am super excited about today's show because a dear friend of mine is joining us.
(01:35):
And what she's doing for the world is so powerful. I had to have her back on
the show. She's been on the show before. You can look for that archive somewhere.
But today I've got on Laura Rhodes-Levin, who is a licensed marriage and family
therapist who specializes in anxiety, depression, and trauma.
She's also the brand new author of The Missing Peace (01:53):
Rewire Your Brain,
Reduce Anxiety, and Recreate Your Life.
And I am so happy to have you back, Laura Rhodes-Levin. Welcome.
So glad to be back. I am a Blosdale fan.
I drink so much joy and spontaneity to my life on a regular basis.
(02:18):
Whenever I see your face pop up on my screen, I, my eyeballs and ears open and I go for a little ride.
So thank you for making me part of one of the rides.
I, you know what, the time we've spent together and, and Laura was actually also one of my clients,
my podcast coaching clients, and she has
a podcast by the way also we'll make sure we put a link to
(02:38):
that in the show notes so people can can get access to that as well as a link
to get your book the missing piece but it's called the missing piece or anxiety
right so i'm just i'm so proud of you of all the stuff that you've been doing
and all the work that you've been doing it's it's amazing but welcome back to the show as well.
So you've been a little busy.
(03:00):
Why don't you tell our listeners a little bit about what you've got going on?
Sure. So I run an anxiety center called the Missing Peace Center for Anxiety.
And it's not like the Shel Silverstein piece. It's P-E-A-C-E, like peace of mind.
And I've also started a mental health charity that operates for the missing piece.
(03:25):
So for people who couldn't afford to come or didn't have the insurance,
and that's called the Few Foundation, Pathways for Health and and emotional wellness.
And as someone who's struggled deeply with anxiety since I was born, I've studied anxiety.
I've tried all sorts of things like drugs and alcohol that didn't work.
(03:48):
Well, they were temporarily, but certainly not long-term.
And in forming my center over the last decade, I have so many people say to
me, oh my God, there's nothing like this.
You should open one in New York or you should open one in Brentwood or you should.
And I'm like, I don't want to be borders.
I just want to be a little bookstore in Maine. You know, I can't teach people
(04:13):
how to manage their anxiety and then just totally spread myself thin.
So I thought, all right, if I wrote a book, if I wrote a book,
then the word could get out.
My tools and my ideas could be all
over the place while i sit comfortably in
my comfy office fireplace i
(04:34):
wrote the book right fireplace going all
that well and and as as a fellow author i know it's there's it's such a great
feeling yeah i don't because i like to create as you know i'm a creator right
yeah i I like to create podcasts and videos and TikToks and books and courses and all of that.
(04:57):
But once you do that book and when somebody reaches out to you who's read it and they say, I got you,
I got it, I understood what you were saying, or they'll refer to something that
you've written, that feeling is like, oh, my gosh, you got it.
You know, because as a writer or as a creator, you put it out there and you
(05:21):
hope people get it. Right.
But when they give you that feedback, it's just the best feeling in the world.
It is. And, you know, I get it in my younger years, I did comedy and,
you know, making someone laugh or having someone tell you, oh, my God, you crack me up.
Always. It was the greatest high I ever had.
And so I didn't actually think of that now until you just said it like someone
(05:43):
coming up and saying, wow, I read that chapter.
And wow, that's just such a wonderful, exciting idea.
Yeah well and especially since i mean this like the stuff i do on tiktok people
might say oh you made me laugh but the stuff you do really changes people's
lives i mean it's like we're dealing with some you know as the subtitle says
we rewire your brain reduce anxiety and recreate your life,
(06:07):
anxiety and depression man there's a lot of that it's a lot there is people
people are going through a lot.
And it's not something that's just temporary, not just, oh, it's from the COVID days.
We're talking about a lot of times people being born with anxiety,
(06:28):
like you were saying, being born or having those wires of anxiety since the
very earliest memories.
Can you talk a bit about that and your experience personally?
Yeah. So in studying this, what I found out is that trauma and anxiety are actually genetic.
We think of our eye color and hair color as being inherited,
(06:51):
but it isn't until the last few decades that we've realized we inherit trauma and anxiety.
They studied this with descendants from Holocaust survivors,
where there's this hypervigilance to survival when there's no presence of that in their real life.
(07:11):
And so I wonder why at four, I'm living, you know, in Tarzana in a suburb that
I thought there was a bear in the closet and that I was about to be kidnapped.
And, you know, just all these fears that developed in this really innocent brain.
And so I've had a chance to go back through my own family history.
(07:33):
And the first chapter is called the trauma baton. It's about how it just gets
passed along from generation to generation and then.
The buck really can stop where you are.
It doesn't have to be passed on over and over and over again because we can rewire our brains.
(07:56):
And so then we're rewiring what we're passing on.
And those neural pathways that are dug so deep, so that bear in the closet type
scenario, that we relive over and over and over and over again,
those canals get so deep that But that's the go to.
Right. So that if if if you're in traffic, if somebody honks at you,
(08:18):
there's the bear in the closet and that response, because it's that's where you go.
So how rewiring the brain, how do you do that?
Well, believe it or not, it's actually it's more about making a habit of rewiring your brain.
So our brains are very programmable. If you have to wake up at six in the morning
(08:40):
every day for work, you've got a new job. you have to wake up at six.
For the first few weeks, it's hard, but after a while on a Saturday, you're waking up at six.
You wired your brain to do that.
So recognizing how your brain goes to that negative bias, how it goes to worst
(09:01):
case scenarios automatically,
and then replacing it with different thoughts.
It's not enough to just say, don't think that. Don't think of the elephant.
Right. You can't just go, it's, there's no bear in the closet. Relax.
You have to say, listen to the music. Can you hear, you know,
(09:25):
the, the, can you feel the moonlight on your face?
Can you, can you hear your kitty cat purring? Like actually redirecting what
you're used to connecting with is what changes your experience in the world
and your frequency, right?
So you change your whole radio station and now you're getting life on a completely
(09:50):
different dimension than where you started off on.
And as we're talking about, especially with anxiety, there's,
you have the generational trauma, which I do want to come back to because She
goes, man, oh man, that's really big.
And I think nobody really pays attention to that or doesn't understand that that's what happens.
(10:10):
But also folks with neurodiversities, as far as ADHD and I know someone personally
with ADHD and anxiety is like her middle name, right?
But then also people with autism as well.
I mean, my goodness, do you have many clients that.
(10:32):
That are diagnosed with ADHD or autism and or autism?
So many, so many. And in fact, one of the best forms of equipment I have here
is called neurofeedback.
And neurofeedback is the number one recommended treatment by the American Pediatric
Academy for ADD and ADHD.
(10:52):
And the particular version that I use, the Offmer method, method was designed
by neuroscientists who had an autistic son and wanted to help him out.
And a lot of what we do at the center is rather than looking at any of these
as a, quote, disability, this is your special gift, man.
(11:16):
We just have to take that special energy.
And you can either go Jedi or you can go Darth Vader. And we're going Jedi.
The the planet creates us
to be exactly who we are because that's
what the planet needed and once we realize that
(11:37):
blending in is the last thing we need to do and when we take all our pain and
and we realize it seasons our
unique recipe then we can serve ourselves up with joy and and excitement,
and to people who really get it.
(11:57):
People who, you know, and not everyone's going to be your flavor,
but they're not your flavor either. So it works out really well.
So all these things that the big, big pharma wants to label us with and give
us pills for and medicate, that's just part of your special you.
And how does that work for you in society, as a person, in your heart, in your soul?
(12:24):
And that's the recreate your life part, right? Is finding your personal true purpose.
Because there's only one Christine Blasdale. That's right.
Only one. And we don't want 30.
We want you. We want to come to you specifically.
No one can be Christine Blasdale like you can.
(12:45):
And that's true of everyone in the
whole entire world yes and and
that is such a big and that is a challenge for those that
do have adhd or autism it's well with autism a lot of times it's that masking
to try and fit in and with adhd a lot of times that can be the comparing with
(13:06):
other people you know other people do this other people do that and you know
why am i struggling with this,
i've i've also with with folks with adhd i've i've heard it be compared to as
well like having you know on your computer when you have a lot of tabs open.
Right you're doing you're doing i always say
i think that multitasking is like an incredible talent because i i'm pretty
(13:31):
much i like to focus on one thing get it done and then go to the next thing
but i my wife has many tabs open and she can multitask like nobody's business
but But when you're in that self-critical phase,
that can be a detriment, right?
Or that can be seen as something that's not good.
(13:52):
So I love what you're talking about with this. It was a neural feedback.
Is that what you were saying it was? Neural feedback, EEG biofeedback.
That's a whole story. It's the opportunity for your brain to experience itself. self.
And it's a very brilliant technology that's used by NASA, the armed forces,
(14:16):
sports teams, you know, because when you're in your head, you can't make the shot.
But going back to what you said about multitasking, if I may.
I, you know, I'm always learning as I am teaching.
And I used to pride myself, I'm probably more like your wife of like,
oh, I can multitask, I can do this.
(14:37):
And what I'm realizing is that while I have the ability to do that,
I don't care for the energy in my body that it takes to do that.
Not speaking of your wife, but for me personally, I want to be calm and peaceful.
And that's part of the thing about having all the windows open.
(14:59):
What a great analogy, all the tabs open.
Another one of my chapters is true peace is learning what to ignore. Ah, yeah.
That's powerful. You can have a bunch of tabs open, but that doesn't mean you
have to attend to all of them at one time.
(15:20):
It's your grace. It's your right. right it's it's
your own inner peace to just focus in on what's what's
important to you in that moment and learn how to
quiet the noise from all the
other channels until until you're ready because then you're
really using 100 of your brain all the time right
(15:40):
you're doing three things at once you really are only
using 33.3 of your brain to do
each task it's and it and
then there's the pressure so there's the pressure to do it right and if you
don't do it right then that judgmental anxiety too that comes on as well it's
that's that's the challenge right because you're and the energy you have to
(16:03):
drum up to do it all yes yeah i makes me want to take a nap.
Exactly and sometimes that's what i do like if i'm overwhelmed like if there's
a situation i And I, I plot myself.
I'm the turtle, you know, I'm, I'm not the rabbit. I'm the turtle.
I'll, I'll, I'll plot myself out and I'll go, right. Okay.
(16:24):
I'll look at my day and I'll go, well, I have this. I can, oh,
that's, that's pretty jumbled. Okay.
We got a lot of stuff going on here,
but then I, it's not that I'll take a physical nap. Sometimes I will.
I'll just go, I gotta go lay down. I gotta go lay down. But,
but other times I'll take a mental nap.
And the mental nap is, look, I've got two hours in between this crazy stuff
(16:46):
and then this other somewhat crazy stuff.
And for those two hours, I am not going to do anything productive, whatever. Right.
So it might be I love I love going to the grocery store.
I go to the grocery store and I just walk down the aisles, you know,
and I and I shop because it's from COVID times because we weren't able to do anything. thing.
(17:09):
And so all I could do was go to the two grocery stores that we have here. And that was it.
It was like I was I was allowed to go to the grocery store.
So that's my treat is I'll go to the grocery store and I'll just like look around,
look at the products and look at the ingredients and go, is that really good for me?
Yeah. So that's my little mental nap that I do.
Well, and the tortoise in the story wins the race.
(17:31):
But I think that the hare could modify its
behavior and just like instead of running back and
forth like a lunatic just run ahead stop
hydrate meditate run some more
you know right your pace just just don't go back and forth right all over the
(17:53):
place to prove something yeah well yeah and that's what we have moment we all
have moments like that, I think.
We all have those moments where we push ourselves a bit too much.
Now, part of the puzzle is, of course, is the anxiety.
But another aspect of the generational trauma that we have is depression.
(18:18):
And I know that people younger and younger,
we're talking fucking teens preteens kids are depressed man and i don't remember
i hate to sound like my grandmother but i don't remember this happening when
i'm sure it was there you know what i'm saying i'm sure it was there.
(18:39):
But I don't remember it in the large amounts of what we have today,
especially with teenagers and preteens, teenagers with depression.
What's what's happening? What's going on, Laura? You know, our frontal cortex
and we revere it so much, that brilliant frontal cortex, our thinking part.
(19:03):
It has not had the
same chance to develop as much as the rest of
our brain and we think we're so modern on our hoverboards and we're you know
our phones and we're doing this and our brains are and our bodies have not caught
up with the lifestyle that we've created and especially
(19:27):
with, with younger people.
I mean, I don't know when, when I was little at like two, the big toy was the,
that little, that ball, that plastic ball that pulled apart and all the elements
came out and he put the shapes in like, Whoa.
And we have something called brain fog and that our brains just don't have a chance to rest anymore.
(19:54):
They're just constantly going. And like I was talking about with the multitasking,
it evokes that fight-flight response.
When you're trying to do all this stuff, you have to dump adrenaline and cortisol
into your body to keep up that kind of pace.
It's not good for our brains. It stops the manufacturing of dopamine and serotonin
(20:18):
and oxytocin and all those feel-good neurotransmitters.
And on top of it, our bodies are not experiencing, you know,
we used to have to like go out and collect lavender and hunt mammoth and do
all this stuff in our effort to become comfortable, which I'm guilty.
I love my couch. I love my TV.
(20:40):
I don't think there's anything wrong with it, but we're not naturally getting
those endorphins that we got from just being out in nature.
And the biggest piece, I think, is we are social beings.
One of the best neurotransmitters in the body is called oxytocin.
(21:01):
It's the love neurotransmitter.
It's what you get when you hug someone. It's what's exchanged between a mommy and a baby.
And you cannot get that through your phone. Oh, and it's why COVID had such
a drastic impact on people because we were isolated. Yeah.
(21:23):
And so we need each other. We need to dance and be in circles and laugh and just be together.
And so much of technology has created the illusion of togetherness,
but it's not the physical experience so
our brains and our emotions are just
(21:44):
they're not in sync anymore and it's
happening younger and younger and i noticed that too with with
with our our teenagers as well was that i could slowly well slowly quickly see
them just not not doing well and not just with the covid thing because everybody
(22:04):
was was panicking and freaking out and everything, right? Everybody.
But what happened was also was that all of their whole entire life was just
funneled through this thing.
So, school, social interactions, they thought that they knew people,
that they thought they had relationships with people that were on the screen, right?
(22:30):
Right. And so much to the point where it becomes an addiction that this cannot
be… Because that's the only dopamine you're getting. You're getting some rush. It's my drug.
So, I'm going to sleep with my drug. I'm going to wake up to my drug.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom with my drug gonna make
sure that i got my drug on you know if you've ever
(22:53):
got left the house and you don't have your phone on you right and i'm i'm almost
60 years old and i've i've i'm i'm a wise woman but man i'll tell you i go out
to my car and i don't have i'm like where'd it go so imagine a you know 15 16
year old because their whole world is in that That device.
Yes. And it's not, I think, more than even drug.
(23:17):
Because I think that's what's getting, it is, I need my neurotransmitters.
I need my feel-good connection to my brain.
And so it's not just the same as cocaine.
It's literally the feeling of connection.
And, you know, I've said this before, but for kids, teenagers,
(23:38):
you take them out of school for two years and they don't get a chance to grow
socially emotionally so you take a 14 year old you keep him at home for two
years now he's 16 you put him back in school but guess what he's still 14 yeah
he's still emotionally 14,
(23:58):
years old and expected to be you know ready to go to prom and it's like so.
I don't mean to sound like a nihilist either, because, yeah,
all this stuff is present, but there's still so much opportunity to connect to the earth,
(24:21):
to the planet, to your friends, to your family, to your true, true self.
And to have that as your goal, it's awesome.
And I think part of it, too,
is also being aware of the self-loathing, self-loathing, self-loathing,
self-hatred, self-loathing that is very prevalent.
(24:46):
And it's fueled a lot of times by the technology in the devices because also
there's that comparison model as well, right? Well, look at all these people.
They look like they're having fun. and why is my life boring or you know those
things yeah but there's also and and i think even,
even without the technology and you were talking about
(25:08):
this a little bit about that generational trauma that a
lot of us are born into a world of trauma and we've carried those generational
traumas so there is a bit of self-loathing it's not just fear it's not just
that fear it's also So I don't like who I am or what I am, right?
(25:29):
And not knowing why, really.
Right. And it comes from dysfunctional parenting that came from dysfunctional parenting.
I mean, with my grandmother, she was chased by Cossacks and her mother was killed in front of her.
And so she grabs my mother and won't let her out of her sight and hits her with
(25:52):
pots and pans every time she leaves the house.
So then my mother lets us know, oh, my God, there's kidnappers out there.
And she screams and yells and she hits with brushes instead of pots and pans.
So that's evolution, right?
It's all meant.
Believe it or not, from love. But it's just such an ignorant expression.
(26:15):
And self-actualization, like we've only in the last several decades got past survival.
We need a roof over our head. We need food and shelter.
And many of us are still struggling with that. But we want these dynamic relationships
full of love and understanding.
(26:37):
And most often we do not hear what other people say.
When I have couples on the couch, I'm like, oh, whoa, whoa, what did you hear when she said that?
Because I've had a couple come in and say, you know, he walks in and he's like,
oh, you look good in pink.
(26:57):
And she's like, I know. Thanks a lot. Nevermind that.
And I'm like, Like, whoa, what did you hear when he said you look good in pink?
And she said, he's mad I bought a blouse. And I was like, whoa, okay.
And so we do interpret things so. Through our own filters.
(27:17):
Another reason why I don't like texting is I'm okay in a text.
You don't know if that's I'm okay or I'm okay.
Those are very different things.
And so it is about reinterpreting what
our own inner critic is telling
(27:39):
us you know oh he looked at me oh I better look at my clothes I'm not good enough
I'm not whatever and probably that other person is looking and going oh she's
prettier than I am you know like all these little hurt feelings and emotions
are open wounds that people,
I shouldn't say emotions are open wounds,
(28:03):
emotional wounds are invisible. And so someone can brush by you and say something
that is completely traumatizing to you, but they can't see your emotional wounds.
And they just thought they walked by and the wind blew in your direction.
And you're like, oh, how could you do that?
So, you know, at the root of it, corny, it's true, self-love.
(28:30):
Boom. Shine your beautiful light and the people who are meant to bask in that
light will shine their beautiful lights back on you and avoid the energy suckers.
How do we how do we how do we spread that message of self-love,
Laura, other than people getting your book?
But seriously, we need to teach this. This is is this something we need to teach little kids?
(28:55):
Absolutely. It's not happening at home. We don't really understand what self-care is.
We don't really understand what mindfulness is.
And I hear so often people say with pride, I'm harder on myself than anyone. Why?
Please do not do that to yourself.
(29:17):
Again, one of my chapters is called The Inner Critic. and it's connected to
the outcast because we really primitively believe if we're cast out,
we will die. We need our clan to survive.
And so we're very critical of ourselves and it does not work, people. It doesn't.
(29:39):
It doesn't work. If you have a little kid next to you who can't do well in math,
you don't say, well, you're an idiot and you're never gonna get good at math.
So give it up now and, you know, Just call it a day, pal.
You need to say you're so close. You're going to get it. You're going to get it.
And saying this to yourself, because here's the thing, whatever you are thinking
(30:03):
about yourself, in whichever way you are judging yourself,
you are judging others and you believe they are judging you with the same voice that's in your head.
And that's the radio station that you're on. It sucks. It's music you don't
want to listen to. It's music.
I don't know what it is. It's like, eh, and it takes time, right? You're in that.
(30:28):
This is such an old school thing to say, because in the old days,
radios, you change stations and you heard like, that's the growing part.
But when you really do start being kind to yourself and you know how to be kind
to yourself, that's what comes into your life.
People are kind to you and because that's what you demand in the most loving
(30:53):
way and people who aren't you're like these are not the droids you're looking
for you just you just keep going yeah next.
That's what i say i'm next that yeah next
exactly and it is so much of that like you were saying that that well that signal
that you that you're sending out that's harsh self-critical self-loathing signal
(31:16):
it attracts it's it's a powerful energy energy is powerful and you can tell as soon as
soon as somebody comes in the door you can also as soon as somebody walks into
the door you can tell their energy they don't have to say anything it's the
energy yeah and so that's oh my goodness we have so much work to do laura to
(31:37):
heal the world that's the fun of it that's why we're here.
We're here to do this work.
We're, we're here to learn how to love this life and, and find joy in it.
And so if there were no work, you know, we'd,
it would be kind of boring. We, we get our light from our darkness.
(32:01):
And you know what I, I really, truly also really love about you is that you,
like me, you like to learn as you learn, you share those experiences with others.
So you're on a journey. You're not some holier than thou therapist who's like, okay, with the couch.
Tell me. you yes exactly how was
(32:23):
your childhood right you're like
you're like yeah you know what i've got a bear in my closet when i was a kid
and i you know you're you're you're i just love that you're co-creating and
you're co-healing with people with your beautiful clients right that it's a
journey that you're taking together instead of this authoritarian authoritarian
(32:44):
sort of thing.
It's just so beautiful. And more and more people should be doing that in their respective fields.
It doesn't matter if you're a teacher or if you're a therapist or you're a media coach.
Having that sort of journey and connection with people is so powerful.
I'm so happy for you. I'm so proud of you.
(33:05):
I'm just delighted that you've come on the the show today and that you've got this great new book.
So the, uh, the full title again is.
I'll show you. Can I do that? Yes. For those that are watching on YouTube, you can see this.
And if you're listening to the podcast, you can go to YouTube and you can actually
see the cover of the book, the missing piece.
(33:26):
Rewire Your Brain, Reduce Anxiety, and Recreate Your Life by Laura Rhodes Levin.
And if you are ordering on Amazon, it keeps changing piece, P-E-A-C-E to P-I-E-C-E.
So just put in my name, Laura Rhodes Levin, The Missing Piece,
(33:46):
and then the book will come up.
I'll put a link in the show notes. They don't even have to search.
All they have to do is click that link.
They'll get to you they'll get to you and also we'll
put a link to your website as well so people can find out more
about the the work that you do and get in touch
with you so thank you again laura thank you so much for being with me i adore
(34:07):
you i adore you too and thank you so much for having me and have a beautiful
everything thank you my love thank you and i want to thank you
wonderful listeners and viewers who are watching on YouTube.
If you want to subscribe to the podcast, you can on Apple Podcasts,
Spotify, all the major platforms, Audible, Amazon.
(34:30):
And I encourage you to also subscribe to the YouTube channel because then you
can see my lovely guest, Laura Rhodes-Levin, and all the great guests that we
have here on Out of the Box with Christine.
If you want more information about me and the coaching I do,
go to ChristineBlosdale.com. If you want more information about the show,
outoftheboxwithchristine.com.
(34:50):
All those links will be in the show notes, so you don't have to travel anywhere.
Just click those links and you'll get to where you want to go.
Oh my God, if you want to learn how to do a podcast, go to Christine.
I've got a good story to tell you about that. I'll tell you after we get off the show.
As I always say to wonderful listeners and subscribers, remember to always...
(35:13):
Music.