August 1, 2024 • 25 mins
Imagine having your child taken away while you're fighting to reclaim your life. That's the reality Sinceray McCullough, also known as Ray, faced when her son was wrongfully placed in foster care during her incarceration. In this powerful episode, Ray recounts her tumultuous upbringing in Chicago, filled with neglect, abuse, and the challenges of the foster care system. Her story is one of incredible resilience, as she finds the strength in her siblings and extended family to turn her pain into a purpose-driven movement called "I Want War."
Ray's journey to reunify with her son is fraught with obstacles, including the stringent requirements of anger management courses, parenting certificates, and psychological evaluations. She exposes the often adversarial relationship with social workers and the crushing timelines dictated by the 1522 law, which prioritizes departmental agendas over family unity. Ray offers an unfiltered look at the emotional and bureaucratic struggles many parents endure, highlighting the systemic flaws that make reunification grueling.
We also shine a light on Ray's relentless fight within the family court system, marred by a traumatic car accident Her transformation from a felon to a peer support specialist serves as a beacon of hope. Ray shares invaluable advice for individuals with criminal backgrounds seeking rehabilitation to enhance employment prospects. Her story underscores the power of legal representation, the necessity of a stable environment, and the unwavering strength of the human spirit in overcoming life's toughest challenges. Tune in for a poignant exploration of resilience, advocacy, and the fight for family.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
What's up everybody.
This is your host, dee Star,here with.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
Sincere McCullough Ray for short.
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
So for the people that don't know you, can you
tell us a little bit aboutyourself?
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Yes, I am a Chicagoan born and raised.
I am the eldest of fivesiblings.
Life has not always been thebest, but I made the best of it.
I come from a very broken, poorhome, neglect, abuse of every
kind projects South Side ofChicago, roseland Laughlin,
(00:33):
abandoned by the time I was six,left to be raised by grandma
and all of my aunts and uncles.
Shout out to my aunts anduncles they were the best
caregivers.
I love y'all.
Once things started to progress, they did not progress for the
best.
As life went on, I found myselfbeing tossed around from foster
(00:55):
home to foster home, to no faultof mine, but I have always been
a big advocate for my siblingsand I, so we never ended up
being split up.
We know each other.
I held them down at 12 yearsold.
I was calling shots in acourtroom to say, hey, if you
can't find a home for one of us,they can't take us all.
Eventually we ended up orphaned.
(01:17):
But even you know, in theorphanage we made the best of
our situation.
We made the best of oursituation.
My father, he was around, buthe was in and out of prison all
of my life for about 30 yearsRobbery, kidnap, murder, things
of that nature.
My mother was addicted to crackcocaine.
(01:39):
She came from that Reagan era,so we all feel victim to crack
cocaine.
Families' homes were broken up,so I was left without parents.
But while they were there, mymother did what she could.
She was a good mother.
My hair was always combed, myhouse was always clean, we did
(02:02):
have electricity and that's whythey were both active parents.
But you know, once the prisonsystem took over and drugs, you
know, took my mother from us.
Then we were put in the housewith grandma.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
The reason why we're here today is you've started a
movement based off of somethings that happened in your
life.
I Want War.
What is I Want War?
What is it about?
Speaker 2 (02:30):
The I Want War movement.
War is my son's initials,william Albert Reed III.
This is actually the third wargoing on right now for me.
My son very handsome little boy, smart, articulate my son was
taken and put in a foster home.
I never thought I would have toactually go to war about my son
(02:52):
, even though those are hisinitials.
I did not in a million yearsimagine my son going through
what I went through as a littlegirl being a dad.
He's never been molested, he'snever gone without food, he's
never experienced homelessness.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
So how did you lose your son?
Speaker 2 (03:12):
I was incarcerated at the time in 2015.
I had been arrested, sent backto prison.
I left my son with his fatherand while I was incarcerated,
his father had been stoppedcoming through Kenosha by the
police and they found my son.
He was five years old at thetime.
(03:34):
They found 17 grams of crackcocaine in the car, bullets in
the front seat.
My son had no seatbelt on.
This is the way I receive thereport verbatim from social
workers via US Postal Mail witha court date saying that you
have to come to court for yourson.
He's being placed in a fosterhome.
The father was taken intocustody.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
And, mind you folks, she wasn't the reason that her
son actually was taken away.
She wasn't incarcerated at thetime, so it wasn't like it was
something that she did for thissituation to happen.
I mean, there is some blamethere.
Of course, we always have totake responsibility for our
actions.
But you know, in the grandscheme of things, it was no
(04:15):
fault of your own that your sonwas removed when he was pulled
over.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
He told the police that I was dead.
And so my son heard that and itscared him and so he just woke
up and told the police my mom'snot dead, she's in jail.
And so when they ran my name,you know the police was kind of
upset about the lie.
I was just like you know.
Now we're not even going toallow a family member to come
and get him.
So Kenosha County came and patwithout a social worker being
(04:39):
present.
Came and pat without a socialworker being present.
They pat my son down, treatedhim and exposed him to the life
of a 23-year-old drug-dealingblack man.
They pat my son down, searchedhim as if he, you know, had
drugs on him and there was not asocial worker present.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
So, basically, you ended up losing custody of your
son and you get out of prison.
Take us through what life hasbeen like since you've been out
of prison fighting for your son.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
If anybody out there knows the Bible, there's a
scripture that says what wasmeant for your harm ultimately
turned out to be for your good,and that's the only way I could
look at the situation.
Had it not been for my sonending up in this situation in a
foster home, I probably wouldhave never gotten an associate's
degree.
(05:29):
I probably would have neverbecame a peer support specialist
with a peer support specialistcertification.
I probably never would haveobtained my CBRFs to work in
nursing homes and that's mypassion to work in nursing homes
and that's my passion.
Working with children probablywill still be living in hotels
(05:50):
or engaging in illegalactivities and being
incarcerated constantly.
I probably would have never gotoff probation.
And that's something that was abig accomplishment for me,
because after 21 years of andnot just being a ward of the
state all my life as anadolescent, but into my adult
years, after 21 years of beingon probation and parole, I
(06:14):
finally retired my DOC numberand I have been on and off and
up of completion for extendedsupervision.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
So congratulations on that and congratulations on all
of these awards andcertifications I have a huge
stack of them sitting here on mydesk from all of the places you
just said.
So you've really taken anegative and really turned it
into a positive something likeI've never seen before.
So I really want to commend youon that.
Something like I've never seenbefore.
So I really want to commend youon that.
(06:44):
So let's kind of take it stepby step.
What was the first thing thatyou did to get your son back?
Speaker 2 (06:56):
Everything that I just mentioned.
Then, out of jail, I havemaintained employment.
I did everything to meetreunification goals.
So reunification goals are set.
To say, hey, you know, you haveto do this in order to reunify
with your kid, to get yourcustody back of your kid, you
have to do X, Y and Z jumpthrough this hoop, jump through
that hoop.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
And you did that, you completed that.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
I did.
I did anger management twice.
I have two parentingcertificates.
I have undergone psychologicalevaluations.
Everything that I had to do, Idid.
I had a few bumps in the roaddue to conflicts of interest
with the father and his spouse,with probation and parole with
(07:38):
the social workers.
That's what it came down to thesocial workers.
Ultimately, the situationbecame personal and it just
became a sport.
In what way To take my son, wewould go to court.
They would bully me, they wouldsnarl at me when I say I'm
going to get my son back.
(07:59):
They would, you know, stare medown, give me nasty looks, very
combative, argumentative with meIf I had a good day in court,
they would, you know, dovindictive things and be petty
about my visits.
If there was concerns that myson had as far as abuse and
there was a lot of abuseallegations and there was actual
proof I showed the judge he'snow retired.
(08:20):
He retired after he allowedthem to take my son.
I showed the judge pictures ofblack eyes of my son and the
whole courtroom of people,foster homes or foster moms, the
social workers.
Nobody could give an account towhere the black eye came from
and he had been in their carefor quite some time.
(08:41):
My son would show up to myvisits in the prison when this
all first happened and he wouldhave warts.
My son had warts on his hands,on his ears, and the foster
parent claimed that she didn'tsee it, that she never noticed
it, and I would only get to seemy son at the prison once a
month or maybe twice out ofthree months.
(09:04):
And I just didn't understand,like how do you not see this,
when I noticed it right away andI don't see him as often as you
do, when I noticed it rightaway and I don't see him as
often as you do.
Like I said, if there wasconcerns that he had about abuse
, about being yelled at, if Iwanted to talk to him about
these types of things, or likethe car accident that he had,
(09:26):
the foster mother fell asleepbehind the wheel from exhaustion
and the car rolled over fivetimes with my son in the car.
My son was not taken to thehospital.
He was checked out by theemergency staff, the EMTs or EMS
.
He was checked out by thembecause at the time there was an
open case investigation forabuse.
(09:47):
At the time they didn't takehim to the hospital.
They didn't notify me until 11days later the mother was taken
to the hospital for concussionand temporary memory loss.
I did not get toxicologies.
I didn't get anything.
And when my son wanted to, whenhe expressed concerns about his
fear, his trauma and the wholeordeal, we were bullied and told
(10:10):
by social workers that you haveto change the subject.
Bullied and told by socialworkers that you have to change
the subject, and they did thatwith every conversation where my
son expressed his fears andanxiety and the abuse it was
always.
You can't talk about that.
You have to change the subjectand if you don't, we're going to
end the visits, because I was abig advocate for my son, just
(10:30):
like I was with my siblings.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
I know it's something else that you wanted to speak
on.
There's been a new law that'sbeen introduced that you wanted
to speak on.
Can you tell us a little bitabout that?
Speaker 2 (10:40):
So, the 1522 law and this is where I lose.
This is where I lose the battle.
This is where you know I losethe war.
This 1522 law was passedOctober 2022.
It was a bill that speaksagainst how long a parent has
before to people who havechildren who has been taken from
(11:03):
them, out of their custody.
Within the 22 months, you have15 of those months of
out-of-home care, have 15 ofthose months of out-of-home care
when the child is in a fosterhome.
You have 15 months to meet yourconditions of return, which
means you know you have to.
If the conditions of returnsays you need to take clean UAs,
(11:25):
you need to go to work, youneed to maintain employment, you
need to maintain housing.
If you have not done thosethings within 22 months out of
that 15 months, they can startthe process of, you know, taking
your parental rights.
That's what a TPR is.
When they TPR you, they takeyour parental rights and that
(11:45):
out of that 22 months, in that15 months.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
What does TPR stand for?
Speaker 2 (11:50):
Terminate Perennial Rights.
And this is where the illegalrailroading comes in, because
it's not the system doing like.
When I was in a foster home,they did what was best for us,
what we wanted.
Now they're doing what's bestfor the department.
And the most hurtful part aboutthis journey was every time we
(12:10):
stepped into the courtroom therewas no mercy for my feelings.
There was no mercy for mymental health or anything.
Whenever the judge questioned,why are we in a rush for the
next court date?
They were brutal, they werevicious about it when they just
threw it out there funding, andI had to swallow that every time
I heard the word.
And because I was a strongadvocate for my son, because I
(12:35):
stood up for him whenever hecomplained about abuse, about
being bullied by the five of hisfoster brothers who were five
years older than him and muchbigger than he was, or the
father Peter, who would screamand yell in his ear so loud to
as he explained it felt like hiseardrums would bust.
Or them just letting them beatmy son up because they were not
(12:57):
allowed to dish out corporalpunishment when they felt like
they wanted to strike him.
They would let the fosterbrothers who's five years older
and way bigger, dish out theabuse.
So he would have black eyes andthings like that.
And because I advocated and Istood up and I made a big fuss
and I fought really hard to getmy son back, they made a sport
(13:21):
out of taking my son.
It became personal.
I had social workers texting meafter 4.30.
These text messages the leadsocial worker, sarah McKenzie,
on the case.
She would text me until like6.30 at night telling me how
many ways my son is better offin the foster home than with me.
And I have presented all thisevidence to the judges.
(13:46):
Nia Trameo, this was one of thejudges.
She allowed it to happenbecause it was political.
She just got her seat as well.
She was actually sworn in byEverett Mitchell.
I had Everett Mitchell as ajudge, but the social workers
substituted him for a differentjudge.
So I ended up with the woman,the black lady, who allowed them
(14:07):
to take my son just to keep herseat.
And you know, I kind of thoughtthat was a sign from God.
Like you know, everything'sgoing to be okay.
I got a black lady.
She was sworn in the day ofyour son's birthday, but I don't
know what happened.
These people will call me atwork.
I had a client in the showerbefore who I had to be hands-on
with.
They're calling me saying, hey,we got court and I'm just like
(14:28):
I'm coming to court.
The father was never made toshow up to court.
The father never did, was nevermade to do anger management.
The father was never made to dopsychological evaluations.
The father was never made to doparenting classes.
The father never showed up forcourt.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
And the father gave away his rights also.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
Eventually he signed over his rights for whatever.
It was a bunch of reasons,child support being one of them,
thinking that, you know, if hesigned his rights away, he
wouldn't have to keep payingchild support.
Um, his new spouse was anotherreason.
So there was a lot of factors,but he pretty much put me in a
bad situation.
The social workers the biggestfactor as to why and I'm not
(15:08):
gonna make an excuse for him,but the social workers, uh, was
promising him, you know, prettymuch bargaining with him,
telling him like, if you putrestraining orders on her, we'll
give you your son back, as longas you know, you limit the
contact with her.
And so that's what he, you know, did.
And there was no such thing.
As you know, she's stalking me.
She's calling my house, she'scoming to my house, she's
(15:30):
calling the job.
She's calling my house, she'scoming to my house, she's
calling the job, she's coming tothe job, or she's calling my
girlfriend, or it was none ofthat.
They went on Facebook and madeit seem like I was a threat to
be around my son.
He lied and said that if he wasto get custody of my son and
had to share like visits, helied and said that in the
restraining order, lied and saidthat she may not give me my son
(15:51):
back when it's time to returnhim, and that's my fear.
So you know this is the reasonfor the restraining order when
really it was the social workerspulling that divide and conquer
thing and he fell for it.
And so when it didn't happenlike they told him it would, he
kind of ran out of his patienceand, yeah, he signed his rights
(16:13):
over and over and left me tofight by myself.
So when it came to me fightingto the bitter end, like I said,
I did X, y and Z and was willingto do everything and the only
thing when they TPR me, whenthey terminated my parental
rights.
The reason that they said thatthey did it was because I missed
a court date.
This court date was never.
I missed a court date.
(16:36):
This court date was never, andanybody who's going through this
.
I would like y'all to payattention to this part, because
when you have these types ofcourt dates, they're supposed to
be hand delivered, just like aneviction notice by a deputy, a
sheriff, or either it's supposedto be in certified mail where
you have to sign for this, andif it's not signed for it, it
will not be left there.
There's a notice that will beleft for you.
Neither three methods ofdelivery took place with this
(16:59):
court date that they claimedthat I missed.
My car flipped over on me fivetimes two years ago.
I had court debt.
These people did not let up onme, never gave me an excuse or
anything.
I was on Zoom in a hospital bednumerous times with COVID.
I lost a baby and I stillshowed up for court from a
(17:21):
hospital, but the father wasnever made to show up to that
courtroom and he was the causeof why my son was taken.
Because of that, they said thatit was grounds to TPR me when I
did an appeal, the appeal.
This is another vital thing thatI want to raise awareness about
Lawyers.
Everybody's probably wonderingwhy I didn't get a lawyer.
(17:41):
Well, my brother Kingston.
He's the owner of Holy Gods.
There was plenty of lawyersthat he paid for it.
Everything is out of my handsat this point.
Even he tried to do everythinghe could do, came to sell, got
out of the box.
He has searched and tried tomove mountains for me and my son
, for me and his nephew, andthis, right here, was the end
(18:05):
result, and I think this wasbetter than paying for the
lawyer.
I mean, he might not think sobecause he had to come out of
his pocket, but this was like me, getting my voice heard.
So shout out to Kingston HolyGod, I love you.
They took, they illegally tookmy son from me.
After I did everything that Iwas supposed to, I am in case
management now.
(18:26):
I went from being a four-timefelon to be working in case
management, being a peer supportat the Tolerian Behavioral
Health Support Services.
I'm one of the best that thereis out there, with lived
experiences and really workingto make change, who have the
heart to make change, and mymotto is it only takes a second
(18:47):
to care.
And even with you know the hurtthat I feel every day all day
long.
And even with you know the hurtthat I feel every day all day
long, this empty shell as ablack mother who had an
injustice happen to her with thesystem, I still have so much to
(19:08):
give to my community, so muchto give to the elderly community
that I love working with andwith the youth.
But I'm going to go back to theappeal.
When the appeal, when theappeal process, happens, that's
where you guys need to getlawyers, be it.
Go to the law library and getthe lawyers that they give you
down at the county if you cannotafford one, and make sure that
they help you put it together,because even with what I put
together, which was extensive,which was a lot, they have their
(19:29):
own attorneys who point out andpick through the transcripts
and point out everything badthat can incriminate you in the
appeal process.
So you guys need to watch outfor that and make sure you guys
get, you know, lawyered up andget some real legal advice when
it comes to the appeal process.
Speaker 1 (19:49):
If you had to give any advice to women that's just
coming out of prison, If you hadto give any advice to women
that's just coming out of prison, trying to get their kids back,
trying to do the right thing toget in their lives, what would
that be?
Speaker 2 (20:01):
Be patient.
Show that you can create astable and safe environment,
because that's the number onething with human services, with
social workers, they have tomake sure that they are
(20:21):
returning a child successfully,returning them back into a safe
environment.
Maintain your cool.
There are protocols.
When you feel an injustice isgoing on, there are reports that
you can write.
There are, you know, steps thatyou can take to get your voice
heard and to get justice.
You know for injustices that'sgoing on within the foster home.
So arm yourself with knowledgeis basically what you're trying
(20:44):
to say, and always harness youraggression, be calm and, you
know, just do what they go aboveand beyond, even if they don't
ask you to do it.
If it looks like it's somethingthat will help your case, do it
.
Go get educated, go takeclasses, go to school.
You know, show them that I amcapable.
(21:07):
Show them you don't give them aleg to stand on when it comes
to court.
Out of 100 percent of visits, Ihave a piece of paper that
states I was present for 86% ofthe time, and this has been
during COVID.
So a lot of the time thecommunication was cut off
because of COVID.
(21:27):
Make your visits.
Don't miss your visits.
I don't care what's going on.
If you don't have a validreason or valid excuse, don't
miss your visits.
That's the biggest key.
Make the visits.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
Absolutely.
I think that's really importantand thank you for sharing that
knowledge and thank you forgiving us that lived experience.
I think that is going to bevery valuable to a lot of people
that's going through this samesituation.
So how can people find you?
Speaker 2 (21:51):
I am.
You can find me on LinkedIn.
I'm Sincere McCullough.
You can find me on FacebookPorchlight.
If you guys are looking forpeer support specialists, I'm
one of them.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
Absolutely Well.
Thank you so much for coming.
I really appreciate it.
Speaker 2 (22:06):
Thank you for having me.
I really do appreciate thisopportunity.
Like I've been feeling so cagedin my mind I felt I've been
feeling silence, the child abuseand neglect that they put on my
background.
Another thing is ladies, men,whoever have these types of
things on their background,especially if there was an
injustice involved I need youguys to go through the
(22:27):
background rehabilitationthrough DHS and DCFS.
It is not the end of your lifebecause you have these felonies
and these child abuse cases.
Go and get rehabilitated sothat you can, you know, earn a
living and get a decent job andnot have to work at dead-end
jobs.
Martha Stacker, she's withDepartment of Human Services.
She's one of the people who hasbeen helping me, who helped me
(22:49):
go through that process.
After they took my son, Icouldn't get a job and it was
very depressing.
I went in $4,000 in debt withmy landlord.
Bills were sky high.
I couldn't get a job because Ididn't know that they put child
abuse and neglect on my recordand so it stopped me from
working in nursing homes andstuff like that, even after I
got an associate's degree.
So, yeah, y'all go throughthose background rehabilitations
(23:11):
if y'all got those child abuseand neglect on there.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
Absolutely.
I'm D-Star Until next time,guys.
Thank you, thank you.
What's up everybody.
This is your host, dee Star,here with.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
Sincere McCullough Ray for short.
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
So for the people that don't know you, can you
tell us a little bit aboutyourself?
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Yes, I am a Chicagoan born and raised.
I am the eldest of fivesiblings.
Life has not always been thebest, but I made the best of it.
I come from a very broken, poorhome, neglect, abuse of every
kind projects South Side ofChicago, roseland Laughlin,
(00:33):
abandoned by the time I was six,left to be raised by grandma
and all of my aunts and uncles.
Shout out to my aunts anduncles they were the best
caregivers.
I love y'all.
Once things started to progress, they did not progress for the
best.
As life went on, I found myselfbeing tossed around from foster
(00:55):
home to foster home, to no faultof mine, but I have always been
a big advocate for my siblingsand I, so we never ended up
being split up.
We know each other.
I held them down at 12 yearsold.
I was calling shots in acourtroom to say, hey, if you
can't find a home for one of us,they can't take us all.
Eventually we ended up orphaned.
(01:17):
But even you know, in theorphanage we made the best of
our situation.
We made the best of oursituation.
My father, he was around, buthe was in and out of prison all
of my life for about 30 yearsRobbery, kidnap, murder, things
of that nature.
My mother was addicted to crackcocaine.
(01:39):
She came from that Reagan era,so we all feel victim to crack
cocaine.
Families' homes were broken up,so I was left without parents.
But while they were there, mymother did what she could.
She was a good mother.
My hair was always combed, myhouse was always clean, we did
(02:02):
have electricity and that's whythey were both active parents.
But you know, once the prisonsystem took over and drugs, you
know, took my mother from us.
Then we were put in the housewith grandma.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
The reason why we're here today is you've started a
movement based off of somethings that happened in your
life.
I Want War.
What is I Want War?
What is it about?
Speaker 2 (02:30):
The I Want War movement.
War is my son's initials,william Albert Reed III.
This is actually the third wargoing on right now for me.
My son very handsome little boy, smart, articulate my son was
taken and put in a foster home.
I never thought I would have toactually go to war about my son
(02:52):
, even though those are hisinitials.
I did not in a million yearsimagine my son going through
what I went through as a littlegirl being a dad.
He's never been molested, he'snever gone without food, he's
never experienced homelessness.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
So how did you lose your son?
Speaker 2 (03:12):
I was incarcerated at the time in 2015.
I had been arrested, sent backto prison.
I left my son with his fatherand while I was incarcerated,
his father had been stoppedcoming through Kenosha by the
police and they found my son.
He was five years old at thetime.
(03:34):
They found 17 grams of crackcocaine in the car, bullets in
the front seat.
My son had no seatbelt on.
This is the way I receive thereport verbatim from social
workers via US Postal Mail witha court date saying that you
have to come to court for yourson.
He's being placed in a fosterhome.
The father was taken intocustody.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
And, mind you folks, she wasn't the reason that her
son actually was taken away.
She wasn't incarcerated at thetime, so it wasn't like it was
something that she did for thissituation to happen.
I mean, there is some blamethere.
Of course, we always have totake responsibility for our
actions.
But you know, in the grandscheme of things, it was no
(04:15):
fault of your own that your sonwas removed when he was pulled
over.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
He told the police that I was dead.
And so my son heard that and itscared him and so he just woke
up and told the police my mom'snot dead, she's in jail.
And so when they ran my name,you know the police was kind of
upset about the lie.
I was just like you know.
Now we're not even going toallow a family member to come
and get him.
So Kenosha County came and patwithout a social worker being
(04:39):
present.
Came and pat without a socialworker being present.
They pat my son down, treatedhim and exposed him to the life
of a 23-year-old drug-dealingblack man.
They pat my son down, searchedhim as if he, you know, had
drugs on him and there was not asocial worker present.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
So, basically, you ended up losing custody of your
son and you get out of prison.
Take us through what life hasbeen like since you've been out
of prison fighting for your son.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
If anybody out there knows the Bible, there's a
scripture that says what wasmeant for your harm ultimately
turned out to be for your good,and that's the only way I could
look at the situation.
Had it not been for my sonending up in this situation in a
foster home, I probably wouldhave never gotten an associate's
degree.
(05:29):
I probably would have neverbecame a peer support specialist
with a peer support specialistcertification.
I probably never would haveobtained my CBRFs to work in
nursing homes and that's mypassion to work in nursing homes
and that's my passion.
Working with children probablywill still be living in hotels
(05:50):
or engaging in illegalactivities and being
incarcerated constantly.
I probably would have never gotoff probation.
And that's something that was abig accomplishment for me,
because after 21 years of andnot just being a ward of the
state all my life as anadolescent, but into my adult
years, after 21 years of beingon probation and parole, I
(06:14):
finally retired my DOC numberand I have been on and off and
up of completion for extendedsupervision.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
So congratulations on that and congratulations on all
of these awards andcertifications I have a huge
stack of them sitting here on mydesk from all of the places you
just said.
So you've really taken anegative and really turned it
into a positive something likeI've never seen before.
So I really want to commend youon that.
Something like I've never seenbefore.
So I really want to commend youon that.
(06:44):
So let's kind of take it stepby step.
What was the first thing thatyou did to get your son back?
Speaker 2 (06:56):
Everything that I just mentioned.
Then, out of jail, I havemaintained employment.
I did everything to meetreunification goals.
So reunification goals are set.
To say, hey, you know, you haveto do this in order to reunify
with your kid, to get yourcustody back of your kid, you
have to do X, Y and Z jumpthrough this hoop, jump through
that hoop.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
And you did that, you completed that.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
I did.
I did anger management twice.
I have two parentingcertificates.
I have undergone psychologicalevaluations.
Everything that I had to do, Idid.
I had a few bumps in the roaddue to conflicts of interest
with the father and his spouse,with probation and parole with
(07:38):
the social workers.
That's what it came down to thesocial workers.
Ultimately, the situationbecame personal and it just
became a sport.
In what way To take my son, wewould go to court.
They would bully me, they wouldsnarl at me when I say I'm
going to get my son back.
(07:59):
They would, you know, stare medown, give me nasty looks, very
combative, argumentative with meIf I had a good day in court,
they would, you know, dovindictive things and be petty
about my visits.
If there was concerns that myson had as far as abuse and
there was a lot of abuseallegations and there was actual
proof I showed the judge he'snow retired.
(08:20):
He retired after he allowedthem to take my son.
I showed the judge pictures ofblack eyes of my son and the
whole courtroom of people,foster homes or foster moms, the
social workers.
Nobody could give an account towhere the black eye came from
and he had been in their carefor quite some time.
(08:41):
My son would show up to myvisits in the prison when this
all first happened and he wouldhave warts.
My son had warts on his hands,on his ears, and the foster
parent claimed that she didn'tsee it, that she never noticed
it, and I would only get to seemy son at the prison once a
month or maybe twice out ofthree months.
(09:04):
And I just didn't understand,like how do you not see this,
when I noticed it right away andI don't see him as often as you
do, when I noticed it rightaway and I don't see him as
often as you do.
Like I said, if there wasconcerns that he had about abuse
, about being yelled at, if Iwanted to talk to him about
these types of things, or likethe car accident that he had,
(09:26):
the foster mother fell asleepbehind the wheel from exhaustion
and the car rolled over fivetimes with my son in the car.
My son was not taken to thehospital.
He was checked out by theemergency staff, the EMTs or EMS
.
He was checked out by thembecause at the time there was an
open case investigation forabuse.
(09:47):
At the time they didn't takehim to the hospital.
They didn't notify me until 11days later the mother was taken
to the hospital for concussionand temporary memory loss.
I did not get toxicologies.
I didn't get anything.
And when my son wanted to, whenhe expressed concerns about his
fear, his trauma and the wholeordeal, we were bullied and told
(10:10):
by social workers that you haveto change the subject.
Bullied and told by socialworkers that you have to change
the subject, and they did thatwith every conversation where my
son expressed his fears andanxiety and the abuse it was
always.
You can't talk about that.
You have to change the subjectand if you don't, we're going to
end the visits, because I was abig advocate for my son, just
(10:30):
like I was with my siblings.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
I know it's something else that you wanted to speak
on.
There's been a new law that'sbeen introduced that you wanted
to speak on.
Can you tell us a little bitabout that?
Speaker 2 (10:40):
So, the 1522 law and this is where I lose.
This is where I lose the battle.
This is where you know I losethe war.
This 1522 law was passedOctober 2022.
It was a bill that speaksagainst how long a parent has
before to people who havechildren who has been taken from
(11:03):
them, out of their custody.
Within the 22 months, you have15 of those months of
out-of-home care, have 15 ofthose months of out-of-home care
when the child is in a fosterhome.
You have 15 months to meet yourconditions of return, which
means you know you have to.
If the conditions of returnsays you need to take clean UAs,
(11:25):
you need to go to work, youneed to maintain employment, you
need to maintain housing.
If you have not done thosethings within 22 months out of
that 15 months, they can startthe process of, you know, taking
your parental rights.
That's what a TPR is.
When they TPR you, they takeyour parental rights and that
(11:45):
out of that 22 months, in that15 months.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
What does TPR stand for?
Speaker 2 (11:50):
Terminate Perennial Rights.
And this is where the illegalrailroading comes in, because
it's not the system doing like.
When I was in a foster home,they did what was best for us,
what we wanted.
Now they're doing what's bestfor the department.
And the most hurtful part aboutthis journey was every time we
(12:10):
stepped into the courtroom therewas no mercy for my feelings.
There was no mercy for mymental health or anything.
Whenever the judge questioned,why are we in a rush for the
next court date?
They were brutal, they werevicious about it when they just
threw it out there funding, andI had to swallow that every time
I heard the word.
And because I was a strongadvocate for my son, because I
(12:35):
stood up for him whenever hecomplained about abuse, about
being bullied by the five of hisfoster brothers who were five
years older than him and muchbigger than he was, or the
father Peter, who would screamand yell in his ear so loud to
as he explained it felt like hiseardrums would bust.
Or them just letting them beatmy son up because they were not
(12:57):
allowed to dish out corporalpunishment when they felt like
they wanted to strike him.
They would let the fosterbrothers who's five years older
and way bigger, dish out theabuse.
So he would have black eyes andthings like that.
And because I advocated and Istood up and I made a big fuss
and I fought really hard to getmy son back, they made a sport
(13:21):
out of taking my son.
It became personal.
I had social workers texting meafter 4.30.
These text messages the leadsocial worker, sarah McKenzie,
on the case.
She would text me until like6.30 at night telling me how
many ways my son is better offin the foster home than with me.
And I have presented all thisevidence to the judges.
(13:46):
Nia Trameo, this was one of thejudges.
She allowed it to happenbecause it was political.
She just got her seat as well.
She was actually sworn in byEverett Mitchell.
I had Everett Mitchell as ajudge, but the social workers
substituted him for a differentjudge.
So I ended up with the woman,the black lady, who allowed them
(14:07):
to take my son just to keep herseat.
And you know, I kind of thoughtthat was a sign from God.
Like you know, everything'sgoing to be okay.
I got a black lady.
She was sworn in the day ofyour son's birthday, but I don't
know what happened.
These people will call me atwork.
I had a client in the showerbefore who I had to be hands-on
with.
They're calling me saying, hey,we got court and I'm just like
(14:28):
I'm coming to court.
The father was never made toshow up to court.
The father never did, was nevermade to do anger management.
The father was never made to dopsychological evaluations.
The father was never made to doparenting classes.
The father never showed up forcourt.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
And the father gave away his rights also.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
Eventually he signed over his rights for whatever.
It was a bunch of reasons,child support being one of them,
thinking that, you know, if hesigned his rights away, he
wouldn't have to keep payingchild support.
Um, his new spouse was anotherreason.
So there was a lot of factors,but he pretty much put me in a
bad situation.
The social workers the biggestfactor as to why and I'm not
(15:08):
gonna make an excuse for him,but the social workers, uh, was
promising him, you know, prettymuch bargaining with him,
telling him like, if you putrestraining orders on her, we'll
give you your son back, as longas you know, you limit the
contact with her.
And so that's what he, you know, did.
And there was no such thing.
As you know, she's stalking me.
She's calling my house, she'scoming to my house, she's
(15:30):
calling the job.
She's calling my house, she'scoming to my house, she's
calling the job, she's coming tothe job, or she's calling my
girlfriend, or it was none ofthat.
They went on Facebook and madeit seem like I was a threat to
be around my son.
He lied and said that if he wasto get custody of my son and
had to share like visits, helied and said that in the
restraining order, lied and saidthat she may not give me my son
(15:51):
back when it's time to returnhim, and that's my fear.
So you know this is the reasonfor the restraining order when
really it was the social workerspulling that divide and conquer
thing and he fell for it.
And so when it didn't happenlike they told him it would, he
kind of ran out of his patienceand, yeah, he signed his rights
(16:13):
over and over and left me tofight by myself.
So when it came to me fightingto the bitter end, like I said,
I did X, y and Z and was willingto do everything and the only
thing when they TPR me, whenthey terminated my parental
rights.
The reason that they said thatthey did it was because I missed
a court date.
This court date was never.
I missed a court date.
(16:36):
This court date was never, andanybody who's going through this
.
I would like y'all to payattention to this part, because
when you have these types ofcourt dates, they're supposed to
be hand delivered, just like aneviction notice by a deputy, a
sheriff, or either it's supposedto be in certified mail where
you have to sign for this, andif it's not signed for it, it
will not be left there.
There's a notice that will beleft for you.
Neither three methods ofdelivery took place with this
(16:59):
court date that they claimedthat I missed.
My car flipped over on me fivetimes two years ago.
I had court debt.
These people did not let up onme, never gave me an excuse or
anything.
I was on Zoom in a hospital bednumerous times with COVID.
I lost a baby and I stillshowed up for court from a
(17:21):
hospital, but the father wasnever made to show up to that
courtroom and he was the causeof why my son was taken.
Because of that, they said thatit was grounds to TPR me when I
did an appeal, the appeal.
This is another vital thing thatI want to raise awareness about
Lawyers.
Everybody's probably wonderingwhy I didn't get a lawyer.
(17:41):
Well, my brother Kingston.
He's the owner of Holy Gods.
There was plenty of lawyersthat he paid for it.
Everything is out of my handsat this point.
Even he tried to do everythinghe could do, came to sell, got
out of the box.
He has searched and tried tomove mountains for me and my son
, for me and his nephew, andthis, right here, was the end
(18:05):
result, and I think this wasbetter than paying for the
lawyer.
I mean, he might not think sobecause he had to come out of
his pocket, but this was like me, getting my voice heard.
So shout out to Kingston HolyGod, I love you.
They took, they illegally tookmy son from me.
After I did everything that Iwas supposed to, I am in case
management now.
(18:26):
I went from being a four-timefelon to be working in case
management, being a peer supportat the Tolerian Behavioral
Health Support Services.
I'm one of the best that thereis out there, with lived
experiences and really workingto make change, who have the
heart to make change, and mymotto is it only takes a second
(18:47):
to care.
And even with you know the hurtthat I feel every day all day
long.
And even with you know the hurtthat I feel every day all day
long, this empty shell as ablack mother who had an
injustice happen to her with thesystem, I still have so much to
(19:08):
give to my community, so muchto give to the elderly community
that I love working with andwith the youth.
But I'm going to go back to theappeal.
When the appeal, when theappeal process, happens, that's
where you guys need to getlawyers, be it.
Go to the law library and getthe lawyers that they give you
down at the county if you cannotafford one, and make sure that
they help you put it together,because even with what I put
together, which was extensive,which was a lot, they have their
(19:29):
own attorneys who point out andpick through the transcripts
and point out everything badthat can incriminate you in the
appeal process.
So you guys need to watch outfor that and make sure you guys
get, you know, lawyered up andget some real legal advice when
it comes to the appeal process.
Speaker 1 (19:49):
If you had to give any advice to women that's just
coming out of prison, If you hadto give any advice to women
that's just coming out of prison, trying to get their kids back,
trying to do the right thing toget in their lives, what would
that be?
Speaker 2 (20:01):
Be patient.
Show that you can create astable and safe environment,
because that's the number onething with human services, with
social workers, they have tomake sure that they are
(20:21):
returning a child successfully,returning them back into a safe
environment.
Maintain your cool.
There are protocols.
When you feel an injustice isgoing on, there are reports that
you can write.
There are, you know, steps thatyou can take to get your voice
heard and to get justice.
You know for injustices that'sgoing on within the foster home.
So arm yourself with knowledgeis basically what you're trying
(20:44):
to say, and always harness youraggression, be calm and, you
know, just do what they go aboveand beyond, even if they don't
ask you to do it.
If it looks like it's somethingthat will help your case, do it
.
Go get educated, go takeclasses, go to school.
You know, show them that I amcapable.
(21:07):
Show them you don't give them aleg to stand on when it comes
to court.
Out of 100 percent of visits, Ihave a piece of paper that
states I was present for 86% ofthe time, and this has been
during COVID.
So a lot of the time thecommunication was cut off
because of COVID.
(21:27):
Make your visits.
Don't miss your visits.
I don't care what's going on.
If you don't have a validreason or valid excuse, don't
miss your visits.
That's the biggest key.
Make the visits.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
Absolutely.
I think that's really importantand thank you for sharing that
knowledge and thank you forgiving us that lived experience.
I think that is going to bevery valuable to a lot of people
that's going through this samesituation.
So how can people find you?
Speaker 2 (21:51):
I am.
You can find me on LinkedIn.
I'm Sincere McCullough.
You can find me on FacebookPorchlight.
If you guys are looking forpeer support specialists, I'm
one of them.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
Absolutely Well.
Thank you so much for coming.
I really appreciate it.
Speaker 2 (22:06):
Thank you for having me.
I really do appreciate thisopportunity.
Like I've been feeling so cagedin my mind I felt I've been
feeling silence, the child abuseand neglect that they put on my
background.
Another thing is ladies, men,whoever have these types of
things on their background,especially if there was an
injustice involved I need youguys to go through the
(22:27):
background rehabilitationthrough DHS and DCFS.
It is not the end of your lifebecause you have these felonies
and these child abuse cases.
Go and get rehabilitated sothat you can, you know, earn a
living and get a decent job andnot have to work at dead-end
jobs.
Martha Stacker, she's withDepartment of Human Services.
She's one of the people who hasbeen helping me, who helped me
(22:49):
go through that process.
After they took my son, Icouldn't get a job and it was
very depressing.
I went in $4,000 in debt withmy landlord.
Bills were sky high.
I couldn't get a job because Ididn't know that they put child
abuse and neglect on my recordand so it stopped me from
working in nursing homes andstuff like that, even after I
got an associate's degree.
So, yeah, y'all go throughthose background rehabilitations
(23:11):
if y'all got those child abuseand neglect on there.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
Absolutely.
I'm D-Star Until next time,guys.
Thank you, thank you.
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