May 16, 2024 • 29 mins
Strap on your helmet for an insightful journey with Eugene Crisler. We swap tales from the road, where the rubber meets more than asphalt—it meets life's unpredictable challenges. Eugene's harrowing recount of his motorcycle accident is a stark reminder of how safety gear and training can be the fine line between life and death. But the conversation doesn't end with the thrill of the ride; Eugene opens up about his world beyond the bike, where he empowers fathers through his work with the Urban League of Greater Madison and Focus Interruption, fostering paths to employment and training.
As the miles roll by, we tackle the less-discussed role of African-American fathers in nurturing their children's mental health within sports and education. I share anecdotes highlighting the need for culturally informed mental health support and the lessons of resilience and identity. This heartfelt dialogue underscores the transformative effects of empathy and understanding in educational settings, ensuring African-American students have a solid support system to thrive against the odds.
The personal becomes universal as we navigate the complexities of cultural communication within our families, contemplating the contrast between our childhoods and those of our children. We underline the importance of embracing our kids' burgeoning interests and fostering an environment where they can explore their identities freely. In a world craving connection, the episode culminates with reflections on service, faith, and offering unwavering support to our children. Join us in this intimate conversation that transcends the open road and delves into the heart of family, identity, and community.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
what's up everybody?
This is your host d star herewith eugene chrisler eugene,
eugene, how you doing, brotherI'm doing good, brother.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
How about yourself?
I can't complain man.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
Yeah, I can't wait to take my bike out.
To be honest, man oh yeah I gota 2020 polaris slingshot okay,
the three-wheel joint so I neverget to ride it.
So it's like because, because Ilive in Wisconsin, it's either
winter too cold or way too hotor raining, so it's like I never
(00:31):
really get to enjoy it like Iwant to you know what I'm saying
.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Yeah, I was actually thinking about riding my classic
350 road infield up here today,but yeah, it's too cold for
that.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
Is it too cold?
Speaker 2 (00:46):
I want to.
It's like 40, right, but yeah,it's too cold for that.
Is it too cold?
I want to right, yeah, it's 40,and I was gonna bundle up and
be like forget it, let's just doit.
But you know I'm hiking like a51 minute ride.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
So and people don't understand.
Man, when you ride open air, ittakes a lot out of you it does
it really do like it'll take thewind out of your sails, like if
you ride like an hour or 45minutes by the time you get off
it's like ugh.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Yeah, and then not only that, you're very more
vigilant on the bike because one, you're on two wheels and you
have nothing protecting you.
You're outside right.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
So you really got to be paying attention.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
Yeah, really got to be paying attention, especially
from where I'm driving from.
You're looking for deer orraccoons.
I actually ran over a raccoon.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
How fast.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
Like 70 miles an hour .
Whoa, by the grace of the MostHigh, I just ran right over it.
My wife was behind me,following me behind another car,
and so I just kind of let theMost High just take care of it.
And I just rode right off.
Wow, didn't skip a beat.
Yeah, I was lucky yeah, I wasright.
Now there's a couple times,brother, I should have been dead
(01:52):
especially on a motorcycle.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
I can't even imagine, because I'm on three wheels and
if I hit a bump too hard I goflying, you know what I mean
like I'll catch air a little bitand then it's trying.
You know what I mean?
The I'll catch air a little bitand then it's trying.
You know what I mean?
The tracking, traction controlsstart to go in like so you kind
of swerve a little bit so I canjust imagine hitting a damn, uh
raccoon you know what I'msaying that'd be.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
That's crazy yeah, and the crazy thing is, before
that even happened a coupleyears before that.
That happened last year, but acouple years before that, about
2016 17 last year, but a coupleyears before that, about 2016,.
17,.
I was on a 92 750 crotch rocket.
It's a Honda and rush hour, 8o'clock in the morning, I'm
(02:36):
coming back home from a jujitsupractice and a car just jumps
right in front of me and hitsthe brake.
I panic, I hit my front braketoo hard and I flew off at 50
miles an hour.
Oh, my god did you have a helmeton, oh, helmet, gloves, jacket,
I I'm, I'm all the safety kindof guy, so, like, safety gear is
important.
I even had steel toe boots onand, uh, that saved me.
(02:58):
My gloves, my helmet, my jacket, my boots, that all saved me.
And uh, jujitsu saved me too,because I went over the
handlebars like an endo and Idid a forward roll in jujitsu,
that helps you to embrace andimpact for the fall.
And so I had a messed upclavicle.
That was about it.
Yeah, it was God's been in mylife the most God's been in my
(03:23):
life for a long time andblessing me to keep me here.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
So the third time you met OJ was Shout out to your
man what's his name DaveChappelle.
Right For the real so for thepeople that don't know you.
Can you tell us a little bitabout yourself?
Speaker 2 (03:42):
Yes, so I'm a father of five.
I work for um, the urban leagueof greater madison.
I also work with focus anddisruption.
As um for urban league, I domore of the fatherhood group, so
I facilitate a fatherhood groupand connect my fathers to
employment trainings, uh mockinterviews, uh services if they
(04:03):
want to get into other trade,electrical things like that.
We also have a cdl program.
We have a lot of things going onat the urban league, but my
main focus is with the fatheraccountability, responsibility,
accountability program I don'tlike calling it that.
So um, but that's just thetitle of it.
Um, we have a group of guysthat come in that I work with,
(04:23):
with the county or guys who walkin from off the, off the street
, and we just, really just havea group of guys that come in
that I work with with the countyor guys who walk in from off
the street, and we just, reallyjust have a group to talk about
things that we need to talkabout as fathers, as men,
especially as black men Some areincarcerated men and women and
so we try to just give them thetools to help out, especially
when they get recommendedthrough the courts for child
(04:43):
support services to help out,especially when they get
recommended through the courtsfor child support services.
I try to give them theopportunity and a chance to not
have to get themselves seethemselves incarcerated because
of not paying child support?
Speaker 1 (04:56):
Yeah, no, that's important.
So, as a Black father, why isit important for you to actively
consider and prioritize yourchildren's mental health within
the context of African-Americanupbringing?
Speaker 2 (05:11):
It's important to me because I know the people, as
when I was younger I couldn'tsee it, but as I'm an adult now
I saw how much they try to feedinto me mental health, support
and having that, but they didn'tlook like me.
There were people sitting in aroom trying to figure out or
help me figure out my emotions,but they didn't look like me so
(05:32):
they couldn't understand what Iwas going through.
And so for me as a black, as afather, I'm really mindful of my
son and my daughter's mentalhealth, because I know how
important and how fragile themind can be.
So it's really important tomake sure that, even in sports,
my child, both of my children,my 16-year-old son, he's in
(05:54):
wrestling.
My nine-year-old daughter,she's in wrestling.
They're doing great atwrestling and even in that mind
frame, that context, they lovesports, they love to win.
So how do I make sure that theyhave a level where when they
lose, they don't freak out right, it's okay to lose, you're
(06:15):
learning.
You know, the other day, my son,you know he fought his heart
out.
He lost, he was crying.
You know.
I go in the room, in the lockerroom, I say what are you crying
for?
Cause I lost, I said I excusemy french.
I said, son, I don't give adamn if you lost.
(06:36):
What I care about is that youbought your heart out.
You're learning, you're placing, meaning this is your first
year ever and you're a sophomoreand you're wrestling.
You're placing.
Other people or other kids arenot placing.
You're doing good.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
Not only that a lot of kids start when they like
seven eight yeah like they super, duper young and they come up
in it.
Um one, I grew up with thisdude.
Um.
So I grew up in stoughton andstoughton is like notorious, or
have been notorious for years uh, for their wrestling home of
(07:11):
the vikings yep, the vikings, uh, and their wrestling program is
, you know, legendary throughoutthe state.
So I actually came up with thisguy.
His name was Eddie Blumenthaland he was a monster, him and
his brother, all state championwrestlers.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, I understand.
You know it's a tough sport andmy brother wrestled too.
(07:33):
So, yeah, man, it's a really,really tough sport.
So how do you navigateconversations about race,
identity and mental health withyour African-American children,
especially in today's socialclimate?
Speaker 2 (07:45):
The school is made of two different towns Broadhead.
Judah and my son wrestled forthat team and there's literally
you can count on a hand, onehand how many black
(08:06):
African-Americans are in there.
Every day we're faced with that.
So I have to guide my son andtalk to him and have these
conversations, and he'll talk tome too, about you know what
he's dealing with, whether it bewith the principal, how the
principal acts, and there was aday, a couple, like a week ago,
where my son would.
We would have to have theseconversations on how we engage
(08:27):
with the teachers, how do weengage with friends and what's
going on in their situations,right, so like looking kind of
both angles, what it looks likefor us and what it looks like
for individuals that don't looklike us interacting with us, and
how they're supposed tocommunicate.
So I had to sit down with one ofthe teachers and a counselor is
(08:51):
frustrated because they alwayswant to point out what he's
doing wrong instead of how areyou communicating with my son,
because we might have adifferent way of communicating
and understanding, and you'resaying he may be being
disrespectful, but he's justexpressing himself, which he
should be able to do, and so howare you saying that he's not
(09:12):
going to get in trouble forsomething?
You're calling me becausesomething happened's?
Let's have a conversation onhow do we actually communicate
with each other and understand,instead of just saying that this
person or this child is doingsomething wrong when it has
nothing to do with that.
It's just a way they might viewhow they are dealt with, how
they deal with things because oftheir upbringing or the things
(09:33):
they've gone through, like theydidn't understand that my son
has mental you know, has beenhaving mental challenges because
he's had childhood trauma.
So I've had the conversationwith them and tell them, like
you need to probably be mindfulof that.
It's not just a behavioralthing, it's something that you
might be triggering him andthat's why this teacher is
(09:53):
having an issue with him,because all the other teachers
are not.
How is he passing all hisclasses but yours?
And I've understand that I haveto also tell my son.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
So that means that it has nothing to do with the
information, that he can'tprocess the information or he's
not getting it.
It's the delivery.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
It's the delivery.
It's definitely the delivery,and that's what, what.
And they thought I was going tocome in there.
This is probably why theprincipal didn't want to show up
, because they thought I wasgoing to come in there as a mad
black man and sit there and puffmy chest not coming there
talking intellectually, withrespect, yeah, you know, just
trying to get to the root of theproblem exactly which brings me
(10:36):
to my next question.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
It's like what role do you believe culture, heritage
and traditions play insupporting the mental health and
resilience of african-americanchildren?
now, that's, that's deep right,because essentially that's
that's what we're talking aboutright, you know it's like
there's a disconnect and maybethat disconnect is we just come
(10:58):
from two different types ofcultures, two different types.
You know, we speak that samelanguage, but our culture is so
different that there's adisconnect when it comes to
actually communicating with oneanother.
So what you would deem isdisrespectful, we would just
deem normal, or vice versa.
Trauma plays a big part in that.
So when you, when you'retalking to somebody um, some
(11:20):
people don't like.
When you yell at them, somepeople are fine with it.
You know, some people don'tlike.
When you get too animated, somepeople love that.
You know what I'm saying.
Like I always say you know, mywife is a loud woman, she's
Puerto Rican, she's super loud,but their culture is so close to
our culture that it's like it'sacceptable.
(11:41):
You know we all had aunts anduncles.
That's over the top loud.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
Super loud, and I'm a loud person too, so it's like
it's not a big deal to me, butto other people in other
cultures it might be somewhatoffensive.
Speaker 2 (11:55):
You know, I've had those situations happen too,
where they're like why are youspeaking so loud?
I'm not speaking loud.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
That's just how I am.
This is regular, right, I'mjust regular, or why are?
Speaker 2 (12:04):
you doing all this Because black people are
passionate about what they speakabout, and so now you're saying
that we're aggressive, butthat's not the case.
So then they talk about oh well, this is how you publicly speak
, right?
But like, how do we actuallybuild a camaraderie with the
people that we're actually, youknow, talking to or you're
talking for, buildingrelationship with?
(12:25):
Right, you got to understandwhere people's culture is, in
their background and theirupbringing or the, the way they
were taught, brought up, likelived experience, right, or what
they say, um, learn behaviors,right, we have these behaviors
that we learn and that becomesnormalized in the household.
And we're so diverse in wherewe live, right in the area of
(12:48):
Madison, right in Wisconsin,well, particularly Madison,
we're very diverse.
So you have different culturesand there's some cultures that,
like you said, are very similar,right, and we just talked about
it too, with our children.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
Like our children speak Spanish, they might
receive something different in adifferent language right, like
you tell her to come here inEnglish, she just might look at
you, she might come.
But like you tell her to comehere in english, she just might
look at you, she might come.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
But if you tell her to come here in spanish, then
she's gonna take it a little bitmore serious and she right, the
, the percentage, uh, thepercentile of her actually
coming if you say it in spanishis far greater than if you say
it in english, because I and I Ifeel like when you said that
reminds me what my, mydaughter's mom she she's from
Mexico and she explained to metoo, like there's sometimes when
(13:37):
things are said to her that shecan't register right away as
quick as she can if she'sspeaking in English or in
Spanish.
So I get that and that makestotal, complete sense, and
sometimes the brain just has toregister it a bit, especially if
you don't the the language thatwell no, no, it makes a hundred
percent sense, man, and I'm uh,I follow you.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
It's just funny to me , you know, to me, because the
way that my kids are growing upis so parallel to how I grew up.
You know what I mean.
It's it, it's parallel, butit's well.
I'm trying to teach them kindof like the way that I grew up,
you know.
So that's the tradition andculture, but the circumstances
are so much different.
(14:19):
I didn't grow up like this atall.
I grew up single parent, home,section 8, poor.
You know what I'm saying.
And fortunately my childrendon't have to grow up like that
and so.
But I think sometimes they misskey life lessons by not growing
up poor.
And maybe that's just my owntrauma, you know what I'm saying
(14:39):
.
Like, I'm thinking like if youhad it a little bit harder,
maybe you would value it alittle bit more, but you don't
know what you don't know.
Yeah, you telling me this, but I, you know, I don't, and I'm
sorry that you had to go throughthat dad, but I don't know what
you don't know.
Yeah, you telling me this, butI don't, and I'm sorry that you
had to go through that Dad, butI don't know nothing about that.
I wasn't raised like that.
And then I always tell themlike, hey, you got to appreciate
(15:00):
your father.
Man, I grew up without a father, so I know how it feels to not
have a father and I'm doing thebest that I can with no
experience and no one to evendraw any type of inspiration
from, because I didn't, I didn't, I don't even know what that
looks like.
So, but again, you don't knowwhat you don't know.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
So they all they know is you know, dad, you just
identify what most of probablyI'm.
I'm there with you.
I've been in a foster home.
I didn't have my father with me.
I had mentors that tried toplay that fatherly role, coaches
and stuff like that.
But you're right, like when yougrow up in poverty, you know, I
(15:40):
did that with my mom, my uncles.
We had to be in the same house,you know, cousins, we slept in
the same room, all that stuff.
We had to go that way, right,because then if we didn't,
somebody was homeless.
So family brought family in, andso, like I feel what you're
saying and I think what I do tohelp navigate that with my son,
(16:03):
so he can actually feel that isthat I have.
I have to let him choose.
I have to have him make achoice, like today.
I'm like son dang.
This would be a great time formy son to come with me to this
podcast because you know he canget one little bit of exposure
and then see more of what daddoes.
But he was like dad, I'm goingto go hang out with my friend.
Well, he just wrestled all dayyesterday, you know, and so I
(16:24):
have to.
I don't want to push my son todo something that he don't want.
Speaker 1 (16:30):
Because he's not going to get what you think he's
going to get out of it, becausehis heart ain't in it.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
His heart ain't in it and he don't just know yet
Right.
So I have to let him go throughwhatever he's going through.
So then when he can come to meand I have to build that
relationship with him because,mind you, a lot of people don't
know my son's 16.
I hadn't seen him since he wasfour, up until the time he was
(16:55):
14 years old.
So there was a 10 year gapthere for my oldest son and my
oldest daughter.
So I'm also getting to learnthat's trauma.
I'm also getting to learn myson more and also what he needs
and how I need to be able tonavigate his mental, you know,
and give him that space.
But I also need to make surethat he knows that who rules the
roost, you know whose home he'sin, so that he knows like this.
(17:18):
And now it took a while, butthe example and getting him, you
know, constantly getting on himabout chores, constantly making
sure that he understands whyhe's doing chores, constantly
understanding why it's importantto get good grades, constantly
making sure that if he wantsthis, this is what it takes.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
Right.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
And walk him through that.
I will drive an hour, two hoursaway and go see him wrestle.
I don't care if it's on theYouTube channel, I'll go see him
wrestle because I know fromwhat his coaches said and what
he says he wrestles better whenI'm around.
When you're there, so I makethat a point because I didn't
have that.
Exactly, I had two people in mylife, and that was my brother
(17:57):
and one of my foster dads thatactually came to my football
games when I was younger, but Ididn't have my uncles or my dad
or my mom anyone there.
So I'm trying to feel that I'mactually healing the little boy
that was trauma, that hadsuffered trauma.
I'm talking about me, mychildhood trauma, by making sure
that I'm there for my son so hedoesn't have to deal with that.
(18:20):
So I'm actually that's how I'mhealing myself.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
So how do you address systematic changes and racial
injustices with your childrenwhile also struggling their
mental health and emotionaldevelopment?
Speaker 2 (18:33):
I empathize with them , I try to ask them questions, I
give them outlets, I let themexpress to me what they are
going through, because then Ican actually help try to
navigate that.
So now I have someone that Ican talk to, that I know that is
a sports psychologist.
So I got my children connectedwith a sports psychologist.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
Now Wow, I never even knew that existed, but it makes
sense.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
Yeah, shout out to Carmen.
She's from the UW, she's asports psychologist and a
taekwondo instructor, so someworks that we've been doing in
the community together.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
Yeah, because I spoke to another guy His name is Roy
Boom and uh, he was telling meabout the transition from
playing you know sports toregular life.
You know, and how that, youknow, is a struggle.
He's used to being big man oncampus, he's used to playing an
NBA and you know living thatlifestyle.
(19:30):
You know working out all thetime and every.
His whole life is consumed withsports and now that's over,
that part of his life is overmaking that transition.
You know what I mean, so I cansee how a sports psychologist
would make sense.
So, as a black father, how doyou prioritize your own mental
(19:50):
health while balancing theresponsibilities of parenting
and addressing social pressures?
Speaker 2 (19:57):
I'm a big advocate of mental health services, so
self-care is important to me.
My self-care does involve megoing to the gym, hitting
somebody in the gym in acontrolled environment, but also
going through the ringer in thegym where we got these things
(20:18):
called shark bait.
So you're in the ring.
You got probably like 10 guysand you got to go through all of
them for five minutes.
So they might come in every 30seconds or there's five minutes.
So you got three rounds, threefive minute rounds.
All 10 of these guys are goingin a minute every time for those
(20:39):
three five minute rounds.
So that builds, right.
This is what um um pressuremakes diamonds, right?
So when you're mentally andphysically exhausted and you
know that you can't, the cage islocked and you're in here with
(21:00):
all these people men and womenwho got skills and all they're
waiting for you to be tired sothat you can't move as quick and
as strong as you could when youfirst started.
Now your mental has to startgoing in there.
Fight through this, fightthrough this, fight through this
.
Speaker 1 (21:16):
It's mental toughness right.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
How do you develop mental toughness?
Well, my mental toughness is togym me being able to talk to a
therapist or even a brother or amother, someone that I can
confide into, that doesn't havemental that I can actually just
kind of shut off their opinions,right, like my mother, she can
always have an opinion.
That's just a mom.
But having someone outside offamily that can actually, you
(21:40):
can just kind of like releaseand then you don't have to worry
about the backlash, right, andthen that's a journal.
This is quite a few things.
I go on my motorcycle becauseyou, although you're paying
attention, you're very vigilant,just like driving.
You're always thinking so likethat's my decompressed.
(22:02):
That's why I love living out,this outside of the city and
have that half hour, 45 minutedrive, because it's to yourself,
it's to myself, and now I canactually really kind of like
decompress and see everything asa big picture and question some
things that I might have.
You know that I have toquestion, I have to question
myself.
A wise man doubted often andchanged his mind because he
knows things change just as thetime change.
Speaker 1 (22:24):
You know they say this thing.
They say it's okay to talk toyourself, but it's not okay to
answer yourself.
I'm like, well, I must be doingsomething wrong because I talk
to myself and answer myself.
I'll be like man, should I dothat?
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (22:38):
I should do that.
So that's talking to yourself,and answering yourself, or do
you hear voices?
Speaker 1 (22:43):
I don't know.
I hear my voice I'm the onethat's saying it and I'll be in
the car by myself having fullconversations, going through it.
You know what I'm saying.
Like going through my day,going through, you know,
decisions that I made or maybeupcoming decisions that I need
to make, just really working itout.
You know, if I can't get incontact with my wife, then you
(23:05):
know I'm like, ok, I keep my owncounsel.
You know what I mean.
So you know.
With that said, it's like whatare some of the misconceptions
or stigmas surrounding mentalhealth within the
African-American community thatyou believe need to be addressed
?
Speaker 2 (23:21):
The stigma is that if I can't express to myself or I
can't come to a conclusion that,hey, I have, I'm suffering from
a mental breakdown, I'msuffering from PTSD and I need
help.
The stigma is that you'resupposed to just not talk to
nobody.
But we also understand thatwhen pressure comes, pressure
busts pipes.
If you don't have someone thatyou can confide into and say,
(23:44):
hey, this is what I'm goingthrough, it gets stigmatized.
Because then people are likeman, I don't want to hear that.
Man, I got my own problems.
Right and I got my own problems.
We all got my own problems.
You're soft Right and I got myown problems.
We all got our own problems.
But the thing is how I settlemy problems is by helping other
people settle their problems,like my mental health, because
it helps me and I'm sure you'rethe same way.
When you see somebody thatyou've helped or you see
(24:07):
somebody that you've talked toor spoken with or had an
interview with, and you see them, you know grow from that right
that in itself, just like anycoach, they feel a sense of
worth, they feel a sense ofaccomplishment, they feel a
sense of that gratification,that endorphins that come then
right, because you know that youhad just a little ounce and
(24:29):
it's addictive.
Speaker 1 (24:30):
Yes, once you help, like one person, it's like man
that felt you do it again.
You're like man, it felt justas good.
You know what I mean.
So it's like it's like a drug.
Like when you first take thedrug.
You never actually get as highas you ever did when the first
time you take it, but when youhelping people you get that same
feeling every single time.
(24:52):
Every single time you know it'slike you don't have to chase it
because you know it's there.
You know somebody say, hey, Ineed help with food, and you
give them the information to getinto a food pantry and now they
got food in the house.
You feel great, you know.
And if you do the same thingthe next day, you're going to
feel just as great as you didyesterday.
(25:13):
You know it doesn't like youdon't get numb to it.
You know my wife she's sheworks with homeless families.
Before that she was working atBig Brothers, big Sisters, so
she just helps.
You know families, you know inneed.
She's been doing it for over 10years now.
Speaker 2 (25:31):
Bless her heart for that.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
And she loves it.
You know what I mean.
She loves it.
She, her job, like her job,satisfaction is just through the
roof.
The, the power of service.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:42):
Right Servitude.
That's what we're doing.
We're serving right, we'reslaving, but we're doing it in
in a it, in a way that we aredoing it, want to do it right.
We're doing it for the mosthigh.
You know, our higher powertells us to right.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
You know what's crazy ?
I always tell people, man, I'mlike I help for my own selfish
reasons.
I say that because I get myblessings from God, because I
know that I'm helping somebody.
So, I try to help as manypeople as I can and try to give
out as much game as I possiblycan and do the right thing as
much as I possibly can, becauseI know God like it and he's
going to bless me for doing that.
(26:24):
So it's like I don't neednothing from you.
I'm trying to gain favor, youknow, with somebody else that
can give me way more than whatyou can ever imagine.
So it's like ever since I'vebeen down this path, I just
continue to keep getting blessed, blessed, blessed, blessed,
blessed.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
Yes, yes.
And then all of a sudden you'relike for me.
I say I question it.
You're like what?
Speaker 1 (26:48):
really why me Like that survivor's remorse?
Speaker 2 (26:51):
Yeah, and I'm like, is this a setup Right?
Is Like that survivor's remorse?
Yeah, and I'm like, is this asetup Right?
Is this real Right?
You know, and but I really wantto.
I want to touch base on thisreal quick too, because you
talked about how do I help mychildren pretty much navigate
their own mental health.
Right, and there's, there's.
I have five children, so everychild is totally different.
Right, one of my childrenidentifies as non-binary and I
(27:15):
know that, understanding themental health people who are in
that community suffer from a lotof mental health, and so you
know, mind you, my daughter, Ihadn't been in my daughter's
life up until two years ago, for10 years, and we built this
relationship.
And this is why I'm saying this, because it's important for a
parent to have an openrelationship with their children
(27:39):
, let them have that opencommunication and let the
children speak, because now mydaughter, instead of going to
her mom, she comes to me becauseI can listen and understand her
, although we may not have, youknow, agree on everything but
you're my daughter and I respectyou, no matter what.
(27:59):
Whether you're my daughter ornot, I'm going to respect you.
And we had that conversation,although it was uncomfortable.
You got to have uncomfortableconversations so that you can
get someplace right and we gotto a place where she can just
call me anytime she wants,facetime me and really cry on my
shoulder and say, dad, this iswhat I'm going through and I can
(28:20):
express to her that Iunderstand that and this is why
I understand that I might notagree with something.
You don't have to agree witheverything, but just be there
and being there is justlistening and being and learn
how to navigate the love thatyou have for your child without
having no opinions to it.
(28:40):
I really think I want to.
If I said anything today,that's one thing I definitely
want to make sure that I put outthere.
what's up everybody?
This is your host d star herewith eugene chrisler eugene,
eugene, how you doing, brotherI'm doing good, brother.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
How about yourself?
I can't complain man.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
Yeah, I can't wait to take my bike out.
To be honest, man oh yeah I gota 2020 polaris slingshot okay,
the three-wheel joint so I neverget to ride it.
So it's like because, because Ilive in Wisconsin, it's either
winter too cold or way too hotor raining, so it's like I never
(00:31):
really get to enjoy it like Iwant to you know what I'm saying
.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Yeah, I was actually thinking about riding my classic
350 road infield up here today,but yeah, it's too cold for
that.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
Is it too cold?
Speaker 2 (00:46):
I want to.
It's like 40, right, but yeah,it's too cold for that.
Is it too cold?
I want to right, yeah, it's 40,and I was gonna bundle up and
be like forget it, let's just doit.
But you know I'm hiking like a51 minute ride.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
So and people don't understand.
Man, when you ride open air, ittakes a lot out of you it does
it really do like it'll take thewind out of your sails, like if
you ride like an hour or 45minutes by the time you get off
it's like ugh.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Yeah, and then not only that, you're very more
vigilant on the bike because one, you're on two wheels and you
have nothing protecting you.
You're outside right.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
So you really got to be paying attention.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
Yeah, really got to be paying attention, especially
from where I'm driving from.
You're looking for deer orraccoons.
I actually ran over a raccoon.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
How fast.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
Like 70 miles an hour .
Whoa, by the grace of the MostHigh, I just ran right over it.
My wife was behind me,following me behind another car,
and so I just kind of let theMost High just take care of it.
And I just rode right off.
Wow, didn't skip a beat.
Yeah, I was lucky yeah, I wasright.
Now there's a couple times,brother, I should have been dead
(01:52):
especially on a motorcycle.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
I can't even imagine, because I'm on three wheels and
if I hit a bump too hard I goflying, you know what I mean
like I'll catch air a little bitand then it's trying.
You know what I mean?
The I'll catch air a little bitand then it's trying.
You know what I mean?
The tracking, traction controlsstart to go in like so you kind
of swerve a little bit so I canjust imagine hitting a damn, uh
raccoon you know what I'msaying that'd be.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
That's crazy yeah, and the crazy thing is, before
that even happened a coupleyears before that.
That happened last year, but acouple years before that, about
2016 17 last year, but a coupleyears before that, about 2016,.
17,.
I was on a 92 750 crotch rocket.
It's a Honda and rush hour, 8o'clock in the morning, I'm
(02:36):
coming back home from a jujitsupractice and a car just jumps
right in front of me and hitsthe brake.
I panic, I hit my front braketoo hard and I flew off at 50
miles an hour.
Oh, my god did you have a helmeton, oh, helmet, gloves, jacket,
I I'm, I'm all the safety kindof guy, so, like, safety gear is
important.
I even had steel toe boots onand, uh, that saved me.
(02:58):
My gloves, my helmet, my jacket, my boots, that all saved me.
And uh, jujitsu saved me too,because I went over the
handlebars like an endo and Idid a forward roll in jujitsu,
that helps you to embrace andimpact for the fall.
And so I had a messed upclavicle.
That was about it.
Yeah, it was God's been in mylife the most God's been in my
(03:23):
life for a long time andblessing me to keep me here.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
So the third time you met OJ was Shout out to your
man what's his name DaveChappelle.
Right For the real so for thepeople that don't know you.
Can you tell us a little bitabout yourself?
Speaker 2 (03:42):
Yes, so I'm a father of five.
I work for um, the urban leagueof greater madison.
I also work with focus anddisruption.
As um for urban league, I domore of the fatherhood group, so
I facilitate a fatherhood groupand connect my fathers to
employment trainings, uh mockinterviews, uh services if they
(04:03):
want to get into other trade,electrical things like that.
We also have a cdl program.
We have a lot of things going onat the urban league, but my
main focus is with the fatheraccountability, responsibility,
accountability program I don'tlike calling it that.
So um, but that's just thetitle of it.
Um, we have a group of guysthat come in that I work with,
(04:23):
with the county or guys who walkin from off the, off the street
, and we just, really just havea group of guys that come in
that I work with with the countyor guys who walk in from off
the street, and we just, reallyjust have a group to talk about
things that we need to talkabout as fathers, as men,
especially as black men Some areincarcerated men and women and
so we try to just give them thetools to help out, especially
when they get recommendedthrough the courts for child
(04:43):
support services to help out,especially when they get
recommended through the courtsfor child support services.
I try to give them theopportunity and a chance to not
have to get themselves seethemselves incarcerated because
of not paying child support?
Speaker 1 (04:56):
Yeah, no, that's important.
So, as a Black father, why isit important for you to actively
consider and prioritize yourchildren's mental health within
the context of African-Americanupbringing?
Speaker 2 (05:11):
It's important to me because I know the people, as
when I was younger I couldn'tsee it, but as I'm an adult now
I saw how much they try to feedinto me mental health, support
and having that, but they didn'tlook like me.
There were people sitting in aroom trying to figure out or
help me figure out my emotions,but they didn't look like me so
(05:32):
they couldn't understand what Iwas going through.
And so for me as a black, as afather, I'm really mindful of my
son and my daughter's mentalhealth, because I know how
important and how fragile themind can be.
So it's really important tomake sure that, even in sports,
my child, both of my children,my 16-year-old son, he's in
(05:54):
wrestling.
My nine-year-old daughter,she's in wrestling.
They're doing great atwrestling and even in that mind
frame, that context, they lovesports, they love to win.
So how do I make sure that theyhave a level where when they
lose, they don't freak out right, it's okay to lose, you're
(06:15):
learning.
You know, the other day, my son,you know he fought his heart
out.
He lost, he was crying.
You know.
I go in the room, in the lockerroom, I say what are you crying
for?
Cause I lost, I said I excusemy french.
I said, son, I don't give adamn if you lost.
(06:36):
What I care about is that youbought your heart out.
You're learning, you're placing, meaning this is your first
year ever and you're a sophomoreand you're wrestling.
You're placing.
Other people or other kids arenot placing.
You're doing good.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
Not only that a lot of kids start when they like
seven eight yeah like they super, duper young and they come up
in it.
Um one, I grew up with thisdude.
Um.
So I grew up in stoughton andstoughton is like notorious, or
have been notorious for years uh, for their wrestling home of
(07:11):
the vikings yep, the vikings, uh, and their wrestling program is
, you know, legendary throughoutthe state.
So I actually came up with thisguy.
His name was Eddie Blumenthaland he was a monster, him and
his brother, all state championwrestlers.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, I understand.
You know it's a tough sport andmy brother wrestled too.
(07:33):
So, yeah, man, it's a really,really tough sport.
So how do you navigateconversations about race,
identity and mental health withyour African-American children,
especially in today's socialclimate?
Speaker 2 (07:45):
The school is made of two different towns Broadhead.
Judah and my son wrestled forthat team and there's literally
you can count on a hand, onehand how many black
(08:06):
African-Americans are in there.
Every day we're faced with that.
So I have to guide my son andtalk to him and have these
conversations, and he'll talk tome too, about you know what
he's dealing with, whether it bewith the principal, how the
principal acts, and there was aday, a couple, like a week ago,
where my son would.
We would have to have theseconversations on how we engage
(08:27):
with the teachers, how do weengage with friends and what's
going on in their situations,right, so like looking kind of
both angles, what it looks likefor us and what it looks like
for individuals that don't looklike us interacting with us, and
how they're supposed tocommunicate.
So I had to sit down with one ofthe teachers and a counselor is
(08:51):
frustrated because they alwayswant to point out what he's
doing wrong instead of how areyou communicating with my son,
because we might have adifferent way of communicating
and understanding, and you'resaying he may be being
disrespectful, but he's justexpressing himself, which he
should be able to do, and so howare you saying that he's not
(09:12):
going to get in trouble forsomething?
You're calling me becausesomething happened's?
Let's have a conversation onhow do we actually communicate
with each other and understand,instead of just saying that this
person or this child is doingsomething wrong when it has
nothing to do with that.
It's just a way they might viewhow they are dealt with, how
they deal with things because oftheir upbringing or the things
(09:33):
they've gone through, like theydidn't understand that my son
has mental you know, has beenhaving mental challenges because
he's had childhood trauma.
So I've had the conversationwith them and tell them, like
you need to probably be mindfulof that.
It's not just a behavioralthing, it's something that you
might be triggering him andthat's why this teacher is
(09:53):
having an issue with him,because all the other teachers
are not.
How is he passing all hisclasses but yours?
And I've understand that I haveto also tell my son.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
So that means that it has nothing to do with the
information, that he can'tprocess the information or he's
not getting it.
It's the delivery.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
It's the delivery.
It's definitely the delivery,and that's what, what.
And they thought I was going tocome in there.
This is probably why theprincipal didn't want to show up
, because they thought I wasgoing to come in there as a mad
black man and sit there and puffmy chest not coming there
talking intellectually, withrespect, yeah, you know, just
trying to get to the root of theproblem exactly which brings me
(10:36):
to my next question.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
It's like what role do you believe culture, heritage
and traditions play insupporting the mental health and
resilience of african-americanchildren?
now, that's, that's deep right,because essentially that's
that's what we're talking aboutright, you know it's like
there's a disconnect and maybethat disconnect is we just come
(10:58):
from two different types ofcultures, two different types.
You know, we speak that samelanguage, but our culture is so
different that there's adisconnect when it comes to
actually communicating with oneanother.
So what you would deem isdisrespectful, we would just
deem normal, or vice versa.
Trauma plays a big part in that.
So when you, when you'retalking to somebody um, some
(11:20):
people don't like.
When you yell at them, somepeople are fine with it.
You know, some people don'tlike.
When you get too animated, somepeople love that.
You know what I'm saying.
Like I always say you know, mywife is a loud woman, she's
Puerto Rican, she's super loud,but their culture is so close to
our culture that it's like it'sacceptable.
(11:41):
You know we all had aunts anduncles.
That's over the top loud.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
Super loud, and I'm a loud person too, so it's like
it's not a big deal to me, butto other people in other
cultures it might be somewhatoffensive.
Speaker 2 (11:55):
You know, I've had those situations happen too,
where they're like why are youspeaking so loud?
I'm not speaking loud.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
That's just how I am.
This is regular, right, I'mjust regular, or why are?
Speaker 2 (12:04):
you doing all this Because black people are
passionate about what they speakabout, and so now you're saying
that we're aggressive, butthat's not the case.
So then they talk about oh well, this is how you publicly speak
, right?
But like, how do we actuallybuild a camaraderie with the
people that we're actually, youknow, talking to or you're
talking for, buildingrelationship with?
(12:25):
Right, you got to understandwhere people's culture is, in
their background and theirupbringing or the, the way they
were taught, brought up, likelived experience, right, or what
they say, um, learn behaviors,right, we have these behaviors
that we learn and that becomesnormalized in the household.
And we're so diverse in wherewe live, right in the area of
(12:48):
Madison, right in Wisconsin,well, particularly Madison,
we're very diverse.
So you have different culturesand there's some cultures that,
like you said, are very similar,right, and we just talked about
it too, with our children.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
Like our children speak Spanish, they might
receive something different in adifferent language right, like
you tell her to come here inEnglish, she just might look at
you, she might come.
But like you tell her to comehere in english, she just might
look at you, she might come.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
But if you tell her to come here in spanish, then
she's gonna take it a little bitmore serious and she right, the
, the percentage, uh, thepercentile of her actually
coming if you say it in spanishis far greater than if you say
it in english, because I and I Ifeel like when you said that
reminds me what my, mydaughter's mom she she's from
Mexico and she explained to metoo, like there's sometimes when
(13:37):
things are said to her that shecan't register right away as
quick as she can if she'sspeaking in English or in
Spanish.
So I get that and that makestotal, complete sense, and
sometimes the brain just has toregister it a bit, especially if
you don't the the language thatwell no, no, it makes a hundred
percent sense, man, and I'm uh,I follow you.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
It's just funny to me , you know, to me, because the
way that my kids are growing upis so parallel to how I grew up.
You know what I mean.
It's it, it's parallel, butit's well.
I'm trying to teach them kindof like the way that I grew up,
you know.
So that's the tradition andculture, but the circumstances
are so much different.
(14:19):
I didn't grow up like this atall.
I grew up single parent, home,section 8, poor.
You know what I'm saying.
And fortunately my childrendon't have to grow up like that
and so.
But I think sometimes they misskey life lessons by not growing
up poor.
And maybe that's just my owntrauma, you know what I'm saying
(14:39):
.
Like, I'm thinking like if youhad it a little bit harder,
maybe you would value it alittle bit more, but you don't
know what you don't know.
Yeah, you telling me this, but I, you know, I don't, and I'm
sorry that you had to go throughthat dad, but I don't know what
you don't know.
Yeah, you telling me this, butI don't, and I'm sorry that you
had to go through that Dad, butI don't know nothing about that.
I wasn't raised like that.
And then I always tell themlike, hey, you got to appreciate
(15:00):
your father.
Man, I grew up without a father, so I know how it feels to not
have a father and I'm doing thebest that I can with no
experience and no one to evendraw any type of inspiration
from, because I didn't, I didn't, I don't even know what that
looks like.
So, but again, you don't knowwhat you don't know.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
So they all they know is you know, dad, you just
identify what most of probablyI'm.
I'm there with you.
I've been in a foster home.
I didn't have my father with me.
I had mentors that tried toplay that fatherly role, coaches
and stuff like that.
But you're right, like when yougrow up in poverty, you know, I
(15:40):
did that with my mom, my uncles.
We had to be in the same house,you know, cousins, we slept in
the same room, all that stuff.
We had to go that way, right,because then if we didn't,
somebody was homeless.
So family brought family in, andso, like I feel what you're
saying and I think what I do tohelp navigate that with my son,
(16:03):
so he can actually feel that isthat I have.
I have to let him choose.
I have to have him make achoice, like today.
I'm like son dang.
This would be a great time formy son to come with me to this
podcast because you know he canget one little bit of exposure
and then see more of what daddoes.
But he was like dad, I'm goingto go hang out with my friend.
Well, he just wrestled all dayyesterday, you know, and so I
(16:24):
have to.
I don't want to push my son todo something that he don't want.
Speaker 1 (16:30):
Because he's not going to get what you think he's
going to get out of it, becausehis heart ain't in it.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
His heart ain't in it and he don't just know yet
Right.
So I have to let him go throughwhatever he's going through.
So then when he can come to meand I have to build that
relationship with him because,mind you, a lot of people don't
know my son's 16.
I hadn't seen him since he wasfour, up until the time he was
(16:55):
14 years old.
So there was a 10 year gapthere for my oldest son and my
oldest daughter.
So I'm also getting to learnthat's trauma.
I'm also getting to learn myson more and also what he needs
and how I need to be able tonavigate his mental, you know,
and give him that space.
But I also need to make surethat he knows that who rules the
roost, you know whose home he'sin, so that he knows like this.
(17:18):
And now it took a while, butthe example and getting him, you
know, constantly getting on himabout chores, constantly making
sure that he understands whyhe's doing chores, constantly
understanding why it's importantto get good grades, constantly
making sure that if he wantsthis, this is what it takes.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
Right.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
And walk him through that.
I will drive an hour, two hoursaway and go see him wrestle.
I don't care if it's on theYouTube channel, I'll go see him
wrestle because I know fromwhat his coaches said and what
he says he wrestles better whenI'm around.
When you're there, so I makethat a point because I didn't
have that.
Exactly, I had two people in mylife, and that was my brother
(17:57):
and one of my foster dads thatactually came to my football
games when I was younger, but Ididn't have my uncles or my dad
or my mom anyone there.
So I'm trying to feel that I'mactually healing the little boy
that was trauma, that hadsuffered trauma.
I'm talking about me, mychildhood trauma, by making sure
that I'm there for my son so hedoesn't have to deal with that.
(18:20):
So I'm actually that's how I'mhealing myself.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
So how do you address systematic changes and racial
injustices with your childrenwhile also struggling their
mental health and emotionaldevelopment?
Speaker 2 (18:33):
I empathize with them , I try to ask them questions, I
give them outlets, I let themexpress to me what they are
going through, because then Ican actually help try to
navigate that.
So now I have someone that Ican talk to, that I know that is
a sports psychologist.
So I got my children connectedwith a sports psychologist.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
Now Wow, I never even knew that existed, but it makes
sense.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
Yeah, shout out to Carmen.
She's from the UW, she's asports psychologist and a
taekwondo instructor, so someworks that we've been doing in
the community together.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
Yeah, because I spoke to another guy His name is Roy
Boom and uh, he was telling meabout the transition from
playing you know sports toregular life.
You know, and how that, youknow, is a struggle.
He's used to being big man oncampus, he's used to playing an
NBA and you know living thatlifestyle.
(19:30):
You know working out all thetime and every.
His whole life is consumed withsports and now that's over,
that part of his life is overmaking that transition.
You know what I mean, so I cansee how a sports psychologist
would make sense.
So, as a black father, how doyou prioritize your own mental
(19:50):
health while balancing theresponsibilities of parenting
and addressing social pressures?
Speaker 2 (19:57):
I'm a big advocate of mental health services, so
self-care is important to me.
My self-care does involve megoing to the gym, hitting
somebody in the gym in acontrolled environment, but also
going through the ringer in thegym where we got these things
(20:18):
called shark bait.
So you're in the ring.
You got probably like 10 guysand you got to go through all of
them for five minutes.
So they might come in every 30seconds or there's five minutes.
So you got three rounds, threefive minute rounds.
All 10 of these guys are goingin a minute every time for those
(20:39):
three five minute rounds.
So that builds, right.
This is what um um pressuremakes diamonds, right?
So when you're mentally andphysically exhausted and you
know that you can't, the cage islocked and you're in here with
(21:00):
all these people men and womenwho got skills and all they're
waiting for you to be tired sothat you can't move as quick and
as strong as you could when youfirst started.
Now your mental has to startgoing in there.
Fight through this, fightthrough this, fight through this
.
Speaker 1 (21:16):
It's mental toughness right.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
How do you develop mental toughness?
Well, my mental toughness is togym me being able to talk to a
therapist or even a brother or amother, someone that I can
confide into, that doesn't havemental that I can actually just
kind of shut off their opinions,right, like my mother, she can
always have an opinion.
That's just a mom.
But having someone outside offamily that can actually, you
(21:40):
can just kind of like releaseand then you don't have to worry
about the backlash, right, andthen that's a journal.
This is quite a few things.
I go on my motorcycle becauseyou, although you're paying
attention, you're very vigilant,just like driving.
You're always thinking so likethat's my decompressed.
(22:02):
That's why I love living out,this outside of the city and
have that half hour, 45 minutedrive, because it's to yourself,
it's to myself, and now I canactually really kind of like
decompress and see everything asa big picture and question some
things that I might have.
You know that I have toquestion, I have to question
myself.
A wise man doubted often andchanged his mind because he
knows things change just as thetime change.
Speaker 1 (22:24):
You know they say this thing.
They say it's okay to talk toyourself, but it's not okay to
answer yourself.
I'm like, well, I must be doingsomething wrong because I talk
to myself and answer myself.
I'll be like man, should I dothat?
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (22:38):
I should do that.
So that's talking to yourself,and answering yourself, or do
you hear voices?
Speaker 1 (22:43):
I don't know.
I hear my voice I'm the onethat's saying it and I'll be in
the car by myself having fullconversations, going through it.
You know what I'm saying.
Like going through my day,going through, you know,
decisions that I made or maybeupcoming decisions that I need
to make, just really working itout.
You know, if I can't get incontact with my wife, then you
(23:05):
know I'm like, ok, I keep my owncounsel.
You know what I mean.
So you know.
With that said, it's like whatare some of the misconceptions
or stigmas surrounding mentalhealth within the
African-American community thatyou believe need to be addressed
?
Speaker 2 (23:21):
The stigma is that if I can't express to myself or I
can't come to a conclusion that,hey, I have, I'm suffering from
a mental breakdown, I'msuffering from PTSD and I need
help.
The stigma is that you'resupposed to just not talk to
nobody.
But we also understand thatwhen pressure comes, pressure
busts pipes.
If you don't have someone thatyou can confide into and say,
(23:44):
hey, this is what I'm goingthrough, it gets stigmatized.
Because then people are likeman, I don't want to hear that.
Man, I got my own problems.
Right and I got my own problems.
We all got my own problems.
You're soft Right and I got myown problems.
We all got our own problems.
But the thing is how I settlemy problems is by helping other
people settle their problems,like my mental health, because
it helps me and I'm sure you'rethe same way.
When you see somebody thatyou've helped or you see
(24:07):
somebody that you've talked toor spoken with or had an
interview with, and you see them, you know grow from that right
that in itself, just like anycoach, they feel a sense of
worth, they feel a sense ofaccomplishment, they feel a
sense of that gratification,that endorphins that come then
right, because you know that youhad just a little ounce and
(24:29):
it's addictive.
Speaker 1 (24:30):
Yes, once you help, like one person, it's like man
that felt you do it again.
You're like man, it felt justas good.
You know what I mean.
So it's like it's like a drug.
Like when you first take thedrug.
You never actually get as highas you ever did when the first
time you take it, but when youhelping people you get that same
feeling every single time.
(24:52):
Every single time you know it'slike you don't have to chase it
because you know it's there.
You know somebody say, hey, Ineed help with food, and you
give them the information to getinto a food pantry and now they
got food in the house.
You feel great, you know.
And if you do the same thingthe next day, you're going to
feel just as great as you didyesterday.
(25:13):
You know it doesn't like youdon't get numb to it.
You know my wife she's sheworks with homeless families.
Before that she was working atBig Brothers, big Sisters, so
she just helps.
You know families, you know inneed.
She's been doing it for over 10years now.
Speaker 2 (25:31):
Bless her heart for that.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
And she loves it.
You know what I mean.
She loves it.
She, her job, like her job,satisfaction is just through the
roof.
The, the power of service.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:42):
Right Servitude.
That's what we're doing.
We're serving right, we'reslaving, but we're doing it in
in a it, in a way that we aredoing it, want to do it right.
We're doing it for the mosthigh.
You know, our higher powertells us to right.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
You know what's crazy ?
I always tell people, man, I'mlike I help for my own selfish
reasons.
I say that because I get myblessings from God, because I
know that I'm helping somebody.
So, I try to help as manypeople as I can and try to give
out as much game as I possiblycan and do the right thing as
much as I possibly can, becauseI know God like it and he's
going to bless me for doing that.
(26:24):
So it's like I don't neednothing from you.
I'm trying to gain favor, youknow, with somebody else that
can give me way more than whatyou can ever imagine.
So it's like ever since I'vebeen down this path, I just
continue to keep getting blessed, blessed, blessed, blessed,
blessed.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
Yes, yes.
And then all of a sudden you'relike for me.
I say I question it.
You're like what?
Speaker 1 (26:48):
really why me Like that survivor's remorse?
Speaker 2 (26:51):
Yeah, and I'm like, is this a setup Right?
Is Like that survivor's remorse?
Yeah, and I'm like, is this asetup Right?
Is this real Right?
You know, and but I really wantto.
I want to touch base on thisreal quick too, because you
talked about how do I help mychildren pretty much navigate
their own mental health.
Right, and there's, there's.
I have five children, so everychild is totally different.
Right, one of my childrenidentifies as non-binary and I
(27:15):
know that, understanding themental health people who are in
that community suffer from a lotof mental health, and so you
know, mind you, my daughter, Ihadn't been in my daughter's
life up until two years ago, for10 years, and we built this
relationship.
And this is why I'm saying this, because it's important for a
parent to have an openrelationship with their children
(27:39):
, let them have that opencommunication and let the
children speak, because now mydaughter, instead of going to
her mom, she comes to me becauseI can listen and understand her
, although we may not have, youknow, agree on everything but
you're my daughter and I respectyou, no matter what.
(27:59):
Whether you're my daughter ornot, I'm going to respect you.
And we had that conversation,although it was uncomfortable.
You got to have uncomfortableconversations so that you can
get someplace right and we gotto a place where she can just
call me anytime she wants,facetime me and really cry on my
shoulder and say, dad, this iswhat I'm going through and I can
(28:20):
express to her that Iunderstand that and this is why
I understand that I might notagree with something.
You don't have to agree witheverything, but just be there
and being there is justlistening and being and learn
how to navigate the love thatyou have for your child without
having no opinions to it.
(28:40):
I really think I want to.
If I said anything today,that's one thing I definitely
want to make sure that I put outthere.
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