January 23, 2025 • 32 mins
What if the trauma you've experienced no longer had the power to define you? Join Krystal Jae, The Empowerment Goddess, and Your Somatic Trauma Informed Coach, as we embark on a transformative journey of healing and self-discovery. We'll explore how to transition from feeling overwhelmed and numb to finding peace and clarity. Discover concepts like the Traffic Lights of Intolerance that help you recognize safety and embrace your authentic self while breaking free from the shackles of self-doubt and shame. With Krystal Jae's compassionate guidance, learn three actionable tools to recalibrate your nervous system and start living a life of worth and confidence.
We'll also equip you with invaluable resources for managing anxiety and fostering personal growth. Experience the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 grounding exercise, a simple yet effective method to center yourself in moments of stress. Reimagine your personal narrative and envision the life you aspire to lead by stepping out of survival mode and into intentional growth. Finally, dive into the "Breakthrough to Authenticity" program—a six-month journey designed to help you overcome barriers and uncover your true self. With accessible financing options, this transformative experience promises to elevate your life to new heights of purpose and joy. Don't miss out on reclaiming control and crafting the life you truly desire.
“You are not alone, and you are enough. When times get tough, pray, listen and follow through. God loves you and trust me when I say he is not your trauma.” ~Krystal Jae
“Believe in all that you are and know that you have this inner power that is greater than any obstacle.” ~Krystal Jae
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Krystal Jae (00:02):
Hey, hey, it's me, Krystal Jae, the Empowerment
Goddess, and your Somatic TraumaInformed Coach.
Now, today, we are going to betalking about healing the heart
and why trauma doesn't defineyou, and so one thing I want you
(00:23):
to remember today is thisquote: your trauma doesn't
define you.
Your courage to heal does Okaybecause you have that power in
you to heal, and I'm going togive you more resources and more
(00:46):
tools on your journey.
You see, I've worked withcountless individuals who
believed that their trauma wasthe end of their story, and it's
not what I mean by trauma beingthe end of your story.
I want to tell you this itmeans that trauma is literally
(01:11):
that, not the end of your story.
Trauma leaves behind theselimitations, these barriers.
It's that anxiousness, theoverwhelm, the feeling of being
stuck, confused, and wantingmore in your life and not
(01:32):
knowing how to get it.
It's the I don't even know whoI am realization, and once you
reach that moment, it is up toyou to decide if you're going to
stay in limbo or if you'regoing to take action.
That trauma, nor itslimitations, its barriers, its
(02:14):
overwhelm can hold you hostageany longer.
Yes, this is a process.
Healing is a process, but guesswhat you can do it.
I know this because I've beenthere.
I've been where you are, and myown healing journey my
(02:34):
empowered, transformationalhealing journey inspired me to
help others, to help you breakfree from the limitations that
trauma can impose and step intoyour authentic self.
(03:02):
It is time for you to unpackthe science behind trauma and
three actionable tools to startyour healing journey.
Okay, I'm going to empower youso your healing journey can be
(03:23):
transformational.
Are you ready?
You see?
More importantly, I'm going toshare these three again, three
actionable tools, and by the endof this episode, you'll see
(03:52):
that your story is far from over.
In fact, it's just thebeginning.
So I want you to take timeright now to share this episode
with a friend, a family member,a co-worker, someone who already
(04:12):
you're like man that reminds meof such and such.
Share this with this, with thatperson now.
In fact, take a moment todownload this, because when I
say, you're going to want toremember these tools and write
them down, if you're not in theplace to be able to write right
now, you're going to want to dothat.
And if you can write right now,go get a pen and paper and then
(04:35):
start this episode.
Hey, hey, welcome.
To Overcome Suffering in Silence, it's time for you to stop
people pleasing and create yourbetter life.
I am , the Empowerment Goddessand your Somatic,
trauma-informed Life Coach.
This season has already startedin a way I couldn't even
(04:55):
imagine.
Now, are you ready for somerealness, raw healing and a
glimpse into what it feels liketo walk in peace?
Healing and a glimpse into whatit feels like to walk in peace,
clarity and purpose, whiletruly knowing who you are?
If your answer is yes, thenyou've come to the right place.
For the past two decades, I'vebeen blessed to share my journey
with countless women and a fewmen, empowering them to overcome
(05:19):
the lingering shadows ofphysical, emotional,
psychological and sexual abuse.
Lingering shadows of physical,emotional, psychological and
sexual abuse.
Together, we confront thelimitations that hold us back,
like self-doubt, guilt, fear,shame and that pervasive sense
of unworthiness.
Dig deep to uncover the root ofthese feelings.
Break free from the inner painof suffering and silence.
(05:48):
Find faith, grow in that faithand embrace the life that is
meant for you.
Enjoy the real stories andpractical advice, life-enhancing
skills and spiritual wisdom toguide you from pain to purpose,
self-doubt to confidence andconfusion to clarity.
So let's leave the struggle busbehind and embark on this
journey to discover the freedom,beauty and strength that lies
(06:10):
within you.
Remember you are not alone andyou are enough.
When times get tough, pray,listen and follow through,
because God loves you, and trustme when I say he is not your
trauma.
Welcome to Overcome Sufferingin Silence with .
(06:32):
You see, trauma changes how werespond to the world, to our
community, to our the people inour homes, our family, to
ourselves.
It affects our brain and ournervous system.
It keeps us in a state of hyperalertness or, on the other hand
, just feeling completely numb.
(06:54):
Have you ever felt completelynumb?
Is that where you're at now?
This isn't your fault.
It's your body trying toprotect you.
But here's the good news Traumachanges your reactions, not
your identity.
I'm going to say that againTrauma changes your reactions,
(07:19):
not your identity.
Get it out, crystal, youridentity.
Get it out, crystal, now, whoyou are, at your core, inside
(07:41):
the person that you're like man.
I really wish I could.
You can, because it's stillthere, it's intact.
So I want you to think of yournervous system like a smoke
detector and after trauma, it'soverly sensitive and it's going
off even when there's no realfire.
Now our goal is to recalibrateit, to help your body recognize
(08:03):
that it's safe and what safetyfeels like.
Trauma changes how we react,but it doesn't change who we are
.
So today we're going to talkabout the traffic lights of
intolerance.
You may or may not have heardabout it.
I've spoken about it beforebriefly, right, and so in my
Breakthrough to Authenticityprogram, we really go really
(08:26):
deep into it and there'sexercises around it and
everything else.
So today we're just going to goand we're going to touch on it
surface level, okay.
So the Traffic Lights ofIntolerance it helps to explain
how our nervous system reacts tostress and trauma.
Okay, and here is how it works.
(08:49):
On a light level, I want you tothink of the traffic lights when
you're going to the store oryou're running errands or you're
going to work, whatever else.
We have the green, yellow, red,okay.
And so what I want you to thinkof is the green light, right,
the stoplight.
The green light means go,accelerate, right.
(09:12):
We like that, we love the greenlight, right.
And so with green light, we arecalm, we are engaged.
That's our safe zone.
That's our safe zone.
You will feel calm, present andopen to communicating and
(09:32):
connecting with others.
When you're in the green light,the safety zone, you can think
clearly, you can solve problemsand you can enjoy life.
The yellow light is caution,just like when we are driving
down and the light goes fromgreen to yellow.
We know we're supposed to slowdown and sometimes we slow down
(09:53):
and sometimes it's been on howclose we are to the yellow light
we might speed up a little bit.
Look, we just being honest here.
Okay, it means caution,hypervigilance, ooh, let's say
that word again hypervigilance.
That's our fight or flight.
What are we going to do?
Your heart races, you feelanxious, restless, and you may
(10:15):
feel a little bit irritable.
You may overthink situations orfeel like you need to control
everything.
Now that red light that's atthe stoplight when it turns red,
we stopped half the time.
We're like, oh my gosh, thislight is lasting forever, it
needs to hurry up.
And we're stuck.
(10:37):
We're just there, right, wecan't move, we can't do anything
because the red light, we runthe red light, we're getting a
ticket.
So a red light is your shutdown, it's the freeze.
You feel numb, you feeldisconnected, you done checked
out, it's hard to focus andeverything feels overwhelming or
(10:58):
everything feels hopeless.
Now, how this may present orlook like in your life is your
green light you're engaged in aconversation and you feel heard
and understood, and you'relaughing and you're just having
a good old time.
The yellow light you're likeman whatever.
(11:19):
You're overreacting to littlebitty mistakes and you're
feeling like it's the end of theworld or close to it.
You feel stopped.
Now that red light you're notgoing nowhere, you're not doing
anything, you ain't got time fornobody, you don't even want to
deal with your own stuff.
(11:39):
You cancel plans because eventhe simple things feel
impossible.
That is how our nervous systemworks.
So now what I want to give youis three tools, three actionable
, proven tools that work, thatwill help you to begin your
(12:02):
journey to healing, to heal yourheart, to overcome the
limitations, overcome thebarriers of trauma, to where you
can have your breakthrough, toauthenticity.
And I know these work because Imyself use these, my clients
use these.
And now it's time for you tolearn them and implement them.
(12:27):
And if you haven't shared thisepisode yet, share this with
someone.
I know you had a aha moment oran oh or oh, yeah, I'd be in
that.
Or today I'm in a green light,but the other day I was
definitely a yellow right.
So share this so we can empowernot just ourselves but the ones
(12:51):
around.
Okay Now, are you ready?
Do you have your pen?
Do you have your paper?
Are you taking notes on yourphone?
Have you downloaded thisepisode for later?
Because here comes the tools.
Okay, because you know me, Ibelieve in giving you tools for
(13:13):
your tool back.
You ready?
All right?
So tool number one is agrounding exercise.
I've used it for myself, I usedit for others.
I've used it while I was insessions with my clients.
I've used it with my children.
I've used it with my nephew.
(13:33):
I've used it with my nephew.
People don't have to know thatyou're grounding them, because
sometimes their mind just takesover and they don't realize that
they're maybe having an anxiousmoment and that their body is
just being overactive.
Parent, this can be to them.
They may see it as like a game,but you're kind of helping them
(13:56):
regulate and calm down.
I like to use it when I feellike my mind is starting to go
all over the place and I'm amultitasker, but sometimes I'm
just multitasking too much and Ijust can't.
Or it's good for when you'regoing to bed.
But here we go Now.
This one, as you see, is forwhen we feel overwhelmed.
(14:19):
Grounding brings us back to thepresent.
It will help calm us, and thissimple exercise is the 5, 4, 3,
2, 1.
I don't know how I did that,but whatever, if you watched the
video, you can be like what wasshe doing with her hand?
(14:41):
Because that countdown was man,four, three, two.
One technique, okay, I had tolook at the camera to make sure
I was doing it right, becausewhen I wasn't y'all, my finger
(15:02):
was doing its own thing.
Okay, but what it is is it'sfive things that you can see.
What is five things when youlook around that you can see?
What's four things that you cantouch, three things that you
(15:24):
can hear, two things that youcan smell, and one thing that
you can smell and one thing thatyou can taste.
Now, this shifts your focusfrom chaos to calm, reminding
your nervous system that you aresafe.
(15:48):
Tool two Now I hope you'rewriting these down or you saved
this so you can use these toolsfor your tool bag.
Tool two is rewriting yourstory.
You see, trauma can make usfeel stuck.
Right, we can be stuck in achapter of our life.
(16:12):
We can be stuck in an area ofpain, an area of shame, an area
of doubt, but you have the powerto write the next chapter, and
we're going to do that with thisexercise.
So get your paper out.
What you're going to do is ontop of a blank sheet of paper.
(16:34):
I want you to write your nameUnderneath it.
I want you to describe the lifethat you want.
What does healing look like?
What does not being in painlook like?
What does not being feelingshamed look like?
What does happiness look like?
What does a healthy you looklike?
(16:57):
What does a calm you look like?
What do you want to feel everyday?
So it's not just your goals orthe things you want to
accomplish.
It's everything you want torefresh.
You want to go your room atnight and lay down without your
mind running crazy.
(17:19):
You want to boundaries.
You want to tell this personthat the way that they speak to
you isn't okay.
You want to go for that new job.
You want to have a opencommunication with your spouse
or your significant other.
You want a healthy supportsystem.
All of those things.
(17:39):
Write them down, okay, and evenif it is, oh, I want to go back
to school and I want to get mymaster's degree, I want to get
my college degree, or I want togo get my nursing nursing degree
.
Or I want to start my ownbusiness, my own nonprofit, I
want to be a leader in my church, whatever it is, write it down.
(18:01):
The other day, I was actuallydoing this and, as I was reading
a book actually, and I stoppedbecause several different things
started coming, things like oh,I want to do this, I want to do
this, I want to feel this way,I want to think this way,
whatever.
And I started writing all thosethings down and I ended up
writing down a hundred things.
It didn't take long because itwas already just flowing through
(18:24):
.
So I want you to write all ofit down.
Whatever's on your mind, writeit down.
I like to do bullet points andnumbers.
Some people like to write it asa story.
Do it the way that feels bestfor you.
Now, this is an act ofenvisioning.
So, even if it feels far away,whatever you're putting down and
maybe you want to have somethings that are like oh, that's
(18:45):
easy.
Other things you're going to belike how am I going to get
there?
Write it all down, because whatthis is, this is an act of
envisioning.
This is the first step tomaking those things on the paper
real.
Okay, it's about reclaiming thepen of your life and writing a
story that serves you.
(19:08):
Now.
Tool three Are you ready?
Now?
Tool three Are you ready?
Tool three is embraceintentional growth.
Now, I want you to rememberthis Growth doesn't happen by
accident.
It is a decision you make everyday to step out of survival and
(19:33):
into possibility.
You are deciding to choose yourstrengths, to learn your
strengths, discover yourauthenticity, unlock the
potential of your life, and thensay yes, I'm going to do this.
You are saying yes to elevatingyour life, the life that you
(19:57):
want to live for you.
So, embracing intentionalgrowth means that you're taking
deliberate steps to heal andevolve.
It's about moving beyondreactive patterns.
Let's be honest, we havereactive patterns, okay, even I
(20:18):
have them.
It's about choosing actionsaligned with your goals, your
values and your purpose, andoften trauma keeps us stuck in
survival mode, reacting to liferather than creating it, and
intentional growth shifts thismindset.
(20:38):
Now, this isn't aboutperfection.
Okay, let's get that clear.
It's not about perfection, it'sabout progress.
Y'all, I'm telling you so.
I've been in my house for someyears now, and finally we had
some neighbors move in behind us.
Our dogs they're inside,outside dogs.
They only go outside to use thebathroom.
(20:58):
They may play a little bit.
Then they come back in thehouse, right, they're not
outside long at all.
In our neighborhood, everyhouse around us has dogs.
Well, we end up getting thesebackyard neighbors they have a
dog too, but they have a littlebitty dog that comes out and
goes straight back in the houseLike it don't play or nothing
outside.
They don't have friends with it.
(21:18):
And so these neighbors moved in.
They started calling the policeon all of their surrounding
neighbors.
So for a while there we wereall getting visits from police
officers several times a week.
And so then we got to the pointto where, like from for our
house I can only speak on whathappened with us, right, with
(21:41):
our house they was like oh,they're not feeding the dogs,
they're not doing whatever.
Our dogs eat inside.
So animal control was like hey,can we come over and look
whatever else could, justfibbing.
And so I guess they thoughtthat was going to be a way to
get the dogs taken away.
I don't know what they werethinking, honestly, because they
had already gotten into it withour other neighbors.
(22:03):
Like they're yelling across thefence line, everything else,
like it was a big thing.
And they come, everything getscleared.
They're like, oh no, your dogis healthy, like the animal
control officer was able to playwith our dogs.
All that like whatever.
So one day I come in, my husbandcome in and the kids had gotten
home before us so they had leftthe dogs out and so the dogs
(22:26):
had probably been out like 45minutes.
I come in, I go straight to theback door to let the dogs in
the house.
Well, the husband yells and hecalls me out, my name, and so,
being the person that I was thenand we ended up getting into
this huge thing, like we'reliterally getting into it
because one, you're not going tocall me out my name and I'm
(22:48):
trying to let my dogs in, I'mjust getting home and you want
to go left for what?
So yeah, but this time pleasecall all that kind of stuff,
please go and talk to them.
After that we didn't have noissues for a very long time, and
so they called one time afterthat, like months later, and
(23:11):
then after that they went silentagain Two days ago they went
silent again Two nights.
Two days ago it was snowing,and I'm in central Texas and so
we don't really get snow thatoften.
Right, texas shows downwhatever, so it's cold.
Kids, let the dogs out.
I'm upstairs here in the officeand I hear the dogs start
barking.
I was like somebody's outside,let me go downstairs and let
(23:32):
them in.
But I was like literally in themiddle of a brain dump so I
couldn't move.
As soon as I get done with this, I'm going to do it.
Tell me why they call thepolice, whatever Police come.
It was like, hey, it's officersuch and such, you know the
drill.
And we was like, yeah, theyalready inside.
And they were like, okay, cool,left.
(23:56):
Well, instead of me wanting togo off, I just want to like
sprinkle some holy oil over thefence line and just pray for
them.
Y'all, I've added them to myprayer corner.
So you know war room and theyhave like the prayer closet.
Right, I have a prayer cornerin my office.
I literally have my list of ahundred that I was just talking
about.
On it.
I have prayers from otherpeople on it that they've asked
me to pray about.
All of my prayer things is onthat wall and so, yeah, so now
(24:20):
they're on that wall too,because why?
Why, they don't stay out.
You know, come on, it's supercold outside.
The dogs wasn't even out 20minutes.
They were literally let out sothey can go use the bathroom.
So, yeah, that was a thing.
But that's the part of sayingit's not about perfection, it's
(24:41):
about progress, because I madeprogress in that situation.
That's one example.
You know, I didn't go off.
Instead of me going off, Iwanted to pray for them.
I didn't let them get me out ofcharacter.
When it comes to embracingintentional growth, I want to
give you three things.
I want to break this third tooldown into three other steps.
(25:05):
Okay, you ready.
So the first one is I want youto use the first tool, which is
the grounding exercise.
I want you to use that when youneed to Put it in your tool bag
, put it in your pocket, put itin your purse, put it in your
backpack, whatever it is, haveit, use it, because now you know
(25:27):
it, you use it.
It's going to be something thatyou don't have to be like oh,
what was the steps?
Again, because you know it andthey cannot be taken away from
you.
That's the point of havingthese tools that I give.
So use that grounding exercisewhen you need to, for yourself,
(25:48):
for others.
You have that tool.
Use it, okay.
Two of the embracing intentionalgrowth I want you to build a
healing plan from the story orfrom the list that you just
(26:08):
created in step two.
Whatever you just beganrewriting for yourself, I want
you to set clear intentions forStart small and work your way up
to the bigger things.
A good thing to start with isself-compassion showing yourself
grace.
That's a good place to start.
And if you need help building ahealing plan, how to take this
(26:32):
list and take it into actionablesteps along with tools, then
you can also just book aone-on-one session so we can
create a healing plan.
You can do that too.
You just go to my website,wwwkrystaljaecom, go to the
individualsone-R-Y-S-T-A-L-J-A-Ecom, go to
(26:54):
the individuals one-on-one andschedule your section.
So then the third one.
Are you ready for the third one?
This is the third of embracingintentional growth.
Learn from your challenges.
What did I just say?
Learn from your challenges, seethem as lessons and come up
with a plan to elevate, and atany time you can refine your
(27:19):
approach.
You may hear me say all thetime, I've been through some
mess, but at the end of the day,I don't regret things.
I see them as lessons to learnfrom, because if I didn't
experience them, then I wouldn'tknow how to be better or how to
protect myself or what lessonsI should teach my children.
(27:41):
So I want you to learn fromyour challenges.
See them as lessons, make anaction plan and you can grow
from that.
Okay Now, the science behindall of this is that it's
supported by neuroplasticity,right, the brain's ability to
rewire itself.
And when you choose agrowth-oriented behavior or
(28:05):
behaviors consistently, yourbrain creates new pathways,
making these positive patternseasier for you to repeat over
and over and over and, over andover and over again.
This rewiring shifts you fromthat survival mode, that
stuckness, from living in thered.
(28:27):
You're now able to live in thegreen.
You're now able to live in thegreen.
And so it's all about helpingyou to thrive, helping you to
live an elevated life, helpingyou to find success with
fulfillment.
It's empowering you to livewith purpose and authenticity.
And if there's one thing I wantyou to remember, it's this you
(28:53):
are not alone.
You are on an empowered,transformational healing journey
now, especially if you stick tome, stick with me.
You're on this journey toauthenticity, to purpose, to
healing, to wholeness.
Healing isn't about erasingwhat happened.
(29:16):
It's about learning to livefully again.
Now, if today's episoderesonated with you, I'd love to
invite you to my six-monthprogram, breakthrough to
Authenticity.
I have a few openings forJanuary.
(29:36):
I have a limited time offer andif you're worried about oh my
gosh, this would probably begreat for me, but I'm not sure,
or I can't afford it, then guesswhat?
There's financing.
If you are all in for you,where there's a will, there's a
way and yes, I know it's harder.
(29:57):
It's easier said than done.
But go to wwwcrystaljcom.
Forward, slash breakthrough andyou can learn so much about
this Breakthrough toAuthenticity program.
It has so much information onthat page for you to learn, for
(30:21):
you to see.
It gives you a sneak peek intowhat content is in the program,
what you will be learning,Because you see, this program is
designed and it's proven towork.
There's a method and it's tohelp you overcome barriers,
discover your authentic self andelevate your life to new levels
(30:44):
of purpose and joy.
Of course, it's for you, it'sfor one of your loved ones, it's
for a friend, it's for aco-worker.
So take time to go check it out, enroll and let's get you
(31:04):
started on breaking through toauthenticity Again.
That's wwwcrystaljcom forwardslash breakthrough.
That's K-R-Y-S-T-A-L-J-A-Ecomforward slash breakthrough.
Also, if you know someone whocould benefit from this episode,
(31:26):
please share this with them.
If you don't know someonedirectly or you're like, oh,
this would be good for thisperson, but I don't know how
they will take it, then guesswhat A lot of times your people
are on your Facebook or on yourInstagram or in your family
group chat or your friend groupchat.
Just share it to the group chat, just share it on your page,
(31:48):
because healing is powerful, butit's even more powerful when we
uplift each other, when weempower each other.
This has been Healing the Arts.
Why trauma doesn't define you.
See you later.
Hey, hey, it's me, Krystal Jae, the Empowerment
Goddess, and your Somatic TraumaInformed Coach.
Now, today, we are going to betalking about healing the heart
and why trauma doesn't defineyou, and so one thing I want you
(00:23):
to remember today is thisquote: your trauma doesn't
define you.
Your courage to heal does Okaybecause you have that power in
you to heal, and I'm going togive you more resources and more
(00:46):
tools on your journey.
You see, I've worked withcountless individuals who
believed that their trauma wasthe end of their story, and it's
not what I mean by trauma beingthe end of your story.
I want to tell you this itmeans that trauma is literally
(01:11):
that, not the end of your story.
Trauma leaves behind theselimitations, these barriers.
It's that anxiousness, theoverwhelm, the feeling of being
stuck, confused, and wantingmore in your life and not
(01:32):
knowing how to get it.
It's the I don't even know whoI am realization, and once you
reach that moment, it is up toyou to decide if you're going to
stay in limbo or if you'regoing to take action.
That trauma, nor itslimitations, its barriers, its
(02:14):
overwhelm can hold you hostageany longer.
Yes, this is a process.
Healing is a process, but guesswhat you can do it.
I know this because I've beenthere.
I've been where you are, and myown healing journey my
(02:34):
empowered, transformationalhealing journey inspired me to
help others, to help you breakfree from the limitations that
trauma can impose and step intoyour authentic self.
(03:02):
It is time for you to unpackthe science behind trauma and
three actionable tools to startyour healing journey.
Okay, I'm going to empower youso your healing journey can be
(03:23):
transformational.
Are you ready?
You see?
More importantly, I'm going toshare these three again, three
actionable tools, and by the endof this episode, you'll see
(03:52):
that your story is far from over.
In fact, it's just thebeginning.
So I want you to take timeright now to share this episode
with a friend, a family member,a co-worker, someone who already
(04:12):
you're like man that reminds meof such and such.
Share this with this, with thatperson now.
In fact, take a moment todownload this, because when I
say, you're going to want toremember these tools and write
them down, if you're not in theplace to be able to write right
now, you're going to want to dothat.
And if you can write right now,go get a pen and paper and then
(04:35):
start this episode.
Hey, hey, welcome.
To Overcome Suffering in Silence, it's time for you to stop
people pleasing and create yourbetter life.
I am , the Empowerment Goddessand your Somatic,
trauma-informed Life Coach.
This season has already startedin a way I couldn't even
(04:55):
imagine.
Now, are you ready for somerealness, raw healing and a
glimpse into what it feels liketo walk in peace?
Healing and a glimpse into whatit feels like to walk in peace,
clarity and purpose, whiletruly knowing who you are?
If your answer is yes, thenyou've come to the right place.
For the past two decades, I'vebeen blessed to share my journey
with countless women and a fewmen, empowering them to overcome
(05:19):
the lingering shadows ofphysical, emotional,
psychological and sexual abuse.
Lingering shadows of physical,emotional, psychological and
sexual abuse.
Together, we confront thelimitations that hold us back,
like self-doubt, guilt, fear,shame and that pervasive sense
of unworthiness.
Dig deep to uncover the root ofthese feelings.
Break free from the inner painof suffering and silence.
(05:48):
Find faith, grow in that faithand embrace the life that is
meant for you.
Enjoy the real stories andpractical advice, life-enhancing
skills and spiritual wisdom toguide you from pain to purpose,
self-doubt to confidence andconfusion to clarity.
So let's leave the struggle busbehind and embark on this
journey to discover the freedom,beauty and strength that lies
(06:10):
within you.
Remember you are not alone andyou are enough.
When times get tough, pray,listen and follow through,
because God loves you, and trustme when I say he is not your
trauma.
Welcome to Overcome Sufferingin Silence with .
(06:32):
You see, trauma changes how werespond to the world, to our
community, to our the people inour homes, our family, to
ourselves.
It affects our brain and ournervous system.
It keeps us in a state of hyperalertness or, on the other hand
, just feeling completely numb.
(06:54):
Have you ever felt completelynumb?
Is that where you're at now?
This isn't your fault.
It's your body trying toprotect you.
But here's the good news Traumachanges your reactions, not
your identity.
I'm going to say that againTrauma changes your reactions,
(07:19):
not your identity.
Get it out, crystal, youridentity.
Get it out, crystal, now, whoyou are, at your core, inside
(07:41):
the person that you're like man.
I really wish I could.
You can, because it's stillthere, it's intact.
So I want you to think of yournervous system like a smoke
detector and after trauma, it'soverly sensitive and it's going
off even when there's no realfire.
Now our goal is to recalibrateit, to help your body recognize
(08:03):
that it's safe and what safetyfeels like.
Trauma changes how we react,but it doesn't change who we are
.
So today we're going to talkabout the traffic lights of
intolerance.
You may or may not have heardabout it.
I've spoken about it beforebriefly, right, and so in my
Breakthrough to Authenticityprogram, we really go really
(08:26):
deep into it and there'sexercises around it and
everything else.
So today we're just going to goand we're going to touch on it
surface level, okay.
So the Traffic Lights ofIntolerance it helps to explain
how our nervous system reacts tostress and trauma.
Okay, and here is how it works.
(08:49):
On a light level, I want you tothink of the traffic lights when
you're going to the store oryou're running errands or you're
going to work, whatever else.
We have the green, yellow, red,okay.
And so what I want you to thinkof is the green light, right,
the stoplight.
The green light means go,accelerate, right.
(09:12):
We like that, we love the greenlight, right.
And so with green light, we arecalm, we are engaged.
That's our safe zone.
That's our safe zone.
You will feel calm, present andopen to communicating and
(09:32):
connecting with others.
When you're in the green light,the safety zone, you can think
clearly, you can solve problemsand you can enjoy life.
The yellow light is caution,just like when we are driving
down and the light goes fromgreen to yellow.
We know we're supposed to slowdown and sometimes we slow down
(09:53):
and sometimes it's been on howclose we are to the yellow light
we might speed up a little bit.
Look, we just being honest here.
Okay, it means caution,hypervigilance, ooh, let's say
that word again hypervigilance.
That's our fight or flight.
What are we going to do?
Your heart races, you feelanxious, restless, and you may
(10:15):
feel a little bit irritable.
You may overthink situations orfeel like you need to control
everything.
Now that red light that's atthe stoplight when it turns red,
we stopped half the time.
We're like, oh my gosh, thislight is lasting forever, it
needs to hurry up.
And we're stuck.
(10:37):
We're just there, right, wecan't move, we can't do anything
because the red light, we runthe red light, we're getting a
ticket.
So a red light is your shutdown, it's the freeze.
You feel numb, you feeldisconnected, you done checked
out, it's hard to focus andeverything feels overwhelming or
(10:58):
everything feels hopeless.
Now, how this may present orlook like in your life is your
green light you're engaged in aconversation and you feel heard
and understood, and you'relaughing and you're just having
a good old time.
The yellow light you're likeman whatever.
(11:19):
You're overreacting to littlebitty mistakes and you're
feeling like it's the end of theworld or close to it.
You feel stopped.
Now that red light you're notgoing nowhere, you're not doing
anything, you ain't got time fornobody, you don't even want to
deal with your own stuff.
(11:39):
You cancel plans because eventhe simple things feel
impossible.
That is how our nervous systemworks.
So now what I want to give youis three tools, three actionable
, proven tools that work, thatwill help you to begin your
(12:02):
journey to healing, to heal yourheart, to overcome the
limitations, overcome thebarriers of trauma, to where you
can have your breakthrough, toauthenticity.
And I know these work because Imyself use these, my clients
use these.
And now it's time for you tolearn them and implement them.
(12:27):
And if you haven't shared thisepisode yet, share this with
someone.
I know you had a aha moment oran oh or oh, yeah, I'd be in
that.
Or today I'm in a green light,but the other day I was
definitely a yellow right.
So share this so we can empowernot just ourselves but the ones
(12:51):
around.
Okay Now, are you ready?
Do you have your pen?
Do you have your paper?
Are you taking notes on yourphone?
Have you downloaded thisepisode for later?
Because here comes the tools.
Okay, because you know me, Ibelieve in giving you tools for
(13:13):
your tool back.
You ready?
All right?
So tool number one is agrounding exercise.
I've used it for myself, I usedit for others.
I've used it while I was insessions with my clients.
I've used it with my children.
I've used it with my nephew.
(13:33):
I've used it with my nephew.
People don't have to know thatyou're grounding them, because
sometimes their mind just takesover and they don't realize that
they're maybe having an anxiousmoment and that their body is
just being overactive.
Parent, this can be to them.
They may see it as like a game,but you're kind of helping them
(13:56):
regulate and calm down.
I like to use it when I feellike my mind is starting to go
all over the place and I'm amultitasker, but sometimes I'm
just multitasking too much and Ijust can't.
Or it's good for when you'regoing to bed.
But here we go Now.
This one, as you see, is forwhen we feel overwhelmed.
(14:19):
Grounding brings us back to thepresent.
It will help calm us, and thissimple exercise is the 5, 4, 3,
2, 1.
I don't know how I did that,but whatever, if you watched the
video, you can be like what wasshe doing with her hand?
(14:41):
Because that countdown was man,four, three, two.
One technique, okay, I had tolook at the camera to make sure
I was doing it right, becausewhen I wasn't y'all, my finger
(15:02):
was doing its own thing.
Okay, but what it is is it'sfive things that you can see.
What is five things when youlook around that you can see?
What's four things that you cantouch, three things that you
(15:24):
can hear, two things that youcan smell, and one thing that
you can smell and one thing thatyou can taste.
Now, this shifts your focusfrom chaos to calm, reminding
your nervous system that you aresafe.
(15:48):
Tool two Now I hope you'rewriting these down or you saved
this so you can use these toolsfor your tool bag.
Tool two is rewriting yourstory.
You see, trauma can make usfeel stuck.
Right, we can be stuck in achapter of our life.
(16:12):
We can be stuck in an area ofpain, an area of shame, an area
of doubt, but you have the powerto write the next chapter, and
we're going to do that with thisexercise.
So get your paper out.
What you're going to do is ontop of a blank sheet of paper.
(16:34):
I want you to write your nameUnderneath it.
I want you to describe the lifethat you want.
What does healing look like?
What does not being in painlook like?
What does not being feelingshamed look like?
What does happiness look like?
What does a healthy you looklike?
(16:57):
What does a calm you look like?
What do you want to feel everyday?
So it's not just your goals orthe things you want to
accomplish.
It's everything you want torefresh.
You want to go your room atnight and lay down without your
mind running crazy.
(17:19):
You want to boundaries.
You want to tell this personthat the way that they speak to
you isn't okay.
You want to go for that new job.
You want to have a opencommunication with your spouse
or your significant other.
You want a healthy supportsystem.
All of those things.
(17:39):
Write them down, okay, and evenif it is, oh, I want to go back
to school and I want to get mymaster's degree, I want to get
my college degree, or I want togo get my nursing nursing degree
.
Or I want to start my ownbusiness, my own nonprofit, I
want to be a leader in my church, whatever it is, write it down.
(18:01):
The other day, I was actuallydoing this and, as I was reading
a book actually, and I stoppedbecause several different things
started coming, things like oh,I want to do this, I want to do
this, I want to feel this way,I want to think this way,
whatever.
And I started writing all thosethings down and I ended up
writing down a hundred things.
It didn't take long because itwas already just flowing through
(18:24):
.
So I want you to write all ofit down.
Whatever's on your mind, writeit down.
I like to do bullet points andnumbers.
Some people like to write it asa story.
Do it the way that feels bestfor you.
Now, this is an act ofenvisioning.
So, even if it feels far away,whatever you're putting down and
maybe you want to have somethings that are like oh, that's
(18:45):
easy.
Other things you're going to belike how am I going to get
there?
Write it all down, because whatthis is, this is an act of
envisioning.
This is the first step tomaking those things on the paper
real.
Okay, it's about reclaiming thepen of your life and writing a
story that serves you.
(19:08):
Now.
Tool three Are you ready?
Now?
Tool three Are you ready?
Tool three is embraceintentional growth.
Now, I want you to rememberthis Growth doesn't happen by
accident.
It is a decision you make everyday to step out of survival and
(19:33):
into possibility.
You are deciding to choose yourstrengths, to learn your
strengths, discover yourauthenticity, unlock the
potential of your life, and thensay yes, I'm going to do this.
You are saying yes to elevatingyour life, the life that you
(19:57):
want to live for you.
So, embracing intentionalgrowth means that you're taking
deliberate steps to heal andevolve.
It's about moving beyondreactive patterns.
Let's be honest, we havereactive patterns, okay, even I
(20:18):
have them.
It's about choosing actionsaligned with your goals, your
values and your purpose, andoften trauma keeps us stuck in
survival mode, reacting to liferather than creating it, and
intentional growth shifts thismindset.
(20:38):
Now, this isn't aboutperfection.
Okay, let's get that clear.
It's not about perfection, it'sabout progress.
Y'all, I'm telling you so.
I've been in my house for someyears now, and finally we had
some neighbors move in behind us.
Our dogs they're inside,outside dogs.
They only go outside to use thebathroom.
(20:58):
They may play a little bit.
Then they come back in thehouse, right, they're not
outside long at all.
In our neighborhood, everyhouse around us has dogs.
Well, we end up getting thesebackyard neighbors they have a
dog too, but they have a littlebitty dog that comes out and
goes straight back in the houseLike it don't play or nothing
outside.
They don't have friends with it.
(21:18):
And so these neighbors moved in.
They started calling the policeon all of their surrounding
neighbors.
So for a while there we wereall getting visits from police
officers several times a week.
And so then we got to the pointto where, like from for our
house I can only speak on whathappened with us, right, with
(21:41):
our house they was like oh,they're not feeding the dogs,
they're not doing whatever.
Our dogs eat inside.
So animal control was like hey,can we come over and look
whatever else could, justfibbing.
And so I guess they thoughtthat was going to be a way to
get the dogs taken away.
I don't know what they werethinking, honestly, because they
had already gotten into it withour other neighbors.
(22:03):
Like they're yelling across thefence line, everything else,
like it was a big thing.
And they come, everything getscleared.
They're like, oh no, your dogis healthy, like the animal
control officer was able to playwith our dogs.
All that like whatever.
So one day I come in, my husbandcome in and the kids had gotten
home before us so they had leftthe dogs out and so the dogs
(22:26):
had probably been out like 45minutes.
I come in, I go straight to theback door to let the dogs in
the house.
Well, the husband yells and hecalls me out, my name, and so,
being the person that I was thenand we ended up getting into
this huge thing, like we'reliterally getting into it
because one, you're not going tocall me out my name and I'm
(22:48):
trying to let my dogs in, I'mjust getting home and you want
to go left for what?
So yeah, but this time pleasecall all that kind of stuff,
please go and talk to them.
After that we didn't have noissues for a very long time, and
so they called one time afterthat, like months later, and
(23:11):
then after that they went silentagain Two days ago they went
silent again Two nights.
Two days ago it was snowing,and I'm in central Texas and so
we don't really get snow thatoften.
Right, texas shows downwhatever, so it's cold.
Kids, let the dogs out.
I'm upstairs here in the officeand I hear the dogs start
barking.
I was like somebody's outside,let me go downstairs and let
(23:32):
them in.
But I was like literally in themiddle of a brain dump so I
couldn't move.
As soon as I get done with this, I'm going to do it.
Tell me why they call thepolice, whatever Police come.
It was like, hey, it's officersuch and such, you know the
drill.
And we was like, yeah, theyalready inside.
And they were like, okay, cool,left.
(23:56):
Well, instead of me wanting togo off, I just want to like
sprinkle some holy oil over thefence line and just pray for
them.
Y'all, I've added them to myprayer corner.
So you know war room and theyhave like the prayer closet.
Right, I have a prayer cornerin my office.
I literally have my list of ahundred that I was just talking
about.
On it.
I have prayers from otherpeople on it that they've asked
me to pray about.
All of my prayer things is onthat wall and so, yeah, so now
(24:20):
they're on that wall too,because why?
Why, they don't stay out.
You know, come on, it's supercold outside.
The dogs wasn't even out 20minutes.
They were literally let out sothey can go use the bathroom.
So, yeah, that was a thing.
But that's the part of sayingit's not about perfection, it's
(24:41):
about progress, because I madeprogress in that situation.
That's one example.
You know, I didn't go off.
Instead of me going off, Iwanted to pray for them.
I didn't let them get me out ofcharacter.
When it comes to embracingintentional growth, I want to
give you three things.
I want to break this third tooldown into three other steps.
(25:05):
Okay, you ready.
So the first one is I want youto use the first tool, which is
the grounding exercise.
I want you to use that when youneed to Put it in your tool bag
, put it in your pocket, put itin your purse, put it in your
backpack, whatever it is, haveit, use it, because now you know
(25:27):
it, you use it.
It's going to be something thatyou don't have to be like oh,
what was the steps?
Again, because you know it andthey cannot be taken away from
you.
That's the point of havingthese tools that I give.
So use that grounding exercisewhen you need to, for yourself,
(25:48):
for others.
You have that tool.
Use it, okay.
Two of the embracing intentionalgrowth I want you to build a
healing plan from the story orfrom the list that you just
(26:08):
created in step two.
Whatever you just beganrewriting for yourself, I want
you to set clear intentions forStart small and work your way up
to the bigger things.
A good thing to start with isself-compassion showing yourself
grace.
That's a good place to start.
And if you need help building ahealing plan, how to take this
(26:32):
list and take it into actionablesteps along with tools, then
you can also just book aone-on-one session so we can
create a healing plan.
You can do that too.
You just go to my website,wwwkrystaljaecom, go to the
individualsone-R-Y-S-T-A-L-J-A-Ecom, go to
(26:54):
the individuals one-on-one andschedule your section.
So then the third one.
Are you ready for the third one?
This is the third of embracingintentional growth.
Learn from your challenges.
What did I just say?
Learn from your challenges, seethem as lessons and come up
with a plan to elevate, and atany time you can refine your
(27:19):
approach.
You may hear me say all thetime, I've been through some
mess, but at the end of the day,I don't regret things.
I see them as lessons to learnfrom, because if I didn't
experience them, then I wouldn'tknow how to be better or how to
protect myself or what lessonsI should teach my children.
(27:41):
So I want you to learn fromyour challenges.
See them as lessons, make anaction plan and you can grow
from that.
Okay Now, the science behindall of this is that it's
supported by neuroplasticity,right, the brain's ability to
rewire itself.
And when you choose agrowth-oriented behavior or
(28:05):
behaviors consistently, yourbrain creates new pathways,
making these positive patternseasier for you to repeat over
and over and over and, over andover and over again.
This rewiring shifts you fromthat survival mode, that
stuckness, from living in thered.
(28:27):
You're now able to live in thegreen.
You're now able to live in thegreen.
And so it's all about helpingyou to thrive, helping you to
live an elevated life, helpingyou to find success with
fulfillment.
It's empowering you to livewith purpose and authenticity.
And if there's one thing I wantyou to remember, it's this you
(28:53):
are not alone.
You are on an empowered,transformational healing journey
now, especially if you stick tome, stick with me.
You're on this journey toauthenticity, to purpose, to
healing, to wholeness.
Healing isn't about erasingwhat happened.
(29:16):
It's about learning to livefully again.
Now, if today's episoderesonated with you, I'd love to
invite you to my six-monthprogram, breakthrough to
Authenticity.
I have a few openings forJanuary.
(29:36):
I have a limited time offer andif you're worried about oh my
gosh, this would probably begreat for me, but I'm not sure,
or I can't afford it, then guesswhat?
There's financing.
If you are all in for you,where there's a will, there's a
way and yes, I know it's harder.
(29:57):
It's easier said than done.
But go to wwwcrystaljcom.
Forward, slash breakthrough andyou can learn so much about
this Breakthrough toAuthenticity program.
It has so much information onthat page for you to learn, for
(30:21):
you to see.
It gives you a sneak peek intowhat content is in the program,
what you will be learning,Because you see, this program is
designed and it's proven towork.
There's a method and it's tohelp you overcome barriers,
discover your authentic self andelevate your life to new levels
(30:44):
of purpose and joy.
Of course, it's for you, it'sfor one of your loved ones, it's
for a friend, it's for aco-worker.
So take time to go check it out, enroll and let's get you
(31:04):
started on breaking through toauthenticity Again.
That's wwwcrystaljcom forwardslash breakthrough.
That's K-R-Y-S-T-A-L-J-A-Ecomforward slash breakthrough.
Also, if you know someone whocould benefit from this episode,
(31:26):
please share this with them.
If you don't know someonedirectly or you're like, oh,
this would be good for thisperson, but I don't know how
they will take it, then guesswhat A lot of times your people
are on your Facebook or on yourInstagram or in your family
group chat or your friend groupchat.
Just share it to the group chat, just share it on your page,
(31:48):
because healing is powerful, butit's even more powerful when we
uplift each other, when weempower each other.
This has been Healing the Arts.
Why trauma doesn't define you.
See you later.
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