October 28, 2025 • 36 mins
Shane's powerful story of transformation begins with a familiar struggle—that persistent internal voice whispering "you're not good enough." Despite a relatively normal childhood, this nagging self-doubt led him down a destructive path of alcoholism lasting over twenty years, leaving behind a trail of broken relationships, legal troubles, and deep shame.
The turning point came through an unexpected source—horses. After being thrown from a young colt and lying in the dirt blaming the animal, Shane heard the profound words that would change everything: "You did it to yourself." This moment of accountability sparked his journey toward recovery and self-acceptance.
What makes this conversation extraordinary is Shane's ability to articulate how our deepest beliefs about ourselves shape every aspect of our lives. He explains how horses became his greatest teachers, demonstrating authentic communication and true forgiveness. "If you come to the barn with a secret, you don't have a secret," Shane reveals, highlighting how horses' hyper-awareness of human emotional states makes them perfect mirrors for our inner worlds.
Shane challenges us to reconsider our relationship with difficult emotions. Rather than numbing discomfort through addiction or avoidance, he advocates feeling fully—even the painful parts—as essential for discovering lasting joy. "The most joy and happiness and peace that I've felt in my soul was a result of things that didn't feel good," he shares, offering a profound perspective on embracing life's full spectrum.
The most transformative insight comes when Shane discusses healing. "You can change the past," he asserts, not by altering circumstances, but by changing what those experiences mean about our worth. His powerful message resonates throughout: "Regardless of what you have done and regardless of what has been done to you, you are 100% invaluable, priceless, worthy."
Ready to transform your relationship with yourself? Try Shane's simple daily practice of monitoring negative self-talk, asking "Would I say this to someone I deeply love?" This five-minute habit could be your first step toward profound self-acceptance and the joy that follows.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hello there and welcome to the next episode of
Overcome Yourself, the podcast.
As you know, my name is Nicoleand I'm so excited to be here
today with Shane.
Now, shane, as you can tell, is, I guess, a cowboy Is that a
good way to put it?
You work with horses, so Ithink it's pretty official.
So please take it away, shane,and let us know a little bit
about who you are and who youhelp.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Yeah, thanks so much.
Yeah, I always wanted to be acowboy and do all the cool
things that cowboys do.
I was named after a Westernmovie way back and it came out
in the I don't know late 60s or70s.
I guess it came out in the late60s.
But anyway, and I've done a lotof those things, I've been
(00:46):
involved in the horse industryfor my entire career and that's
been quite a while now.
There was a good portion of mylife, you know, nicole, when I
was a young man, when I meanlike a teenager and even into my
early 20s, you know, I had thisnoise going on in my mind and
that noise was telling me prettyconsistently hey, you're,
(01:07):
you're not quite measure up,shane, you're not quite good
enough, you're a little bitdeficient there.
You're, you're not quite thesame, as something seems like
it's lacking.
And I wasn't fully aware ofthis, but I was aware of all the
discomfort that it brought meand what it felt like.
And super shy, you know, Ireally tried to fit in and I
(01:31):
tried to, you know, and I didpretty decent in sports, I did
okay in school.
I don't have a particular Ican't name a trauma.
You know a lot of us, a lot ofstories that I hear of people.
A lot of us go through somejust I mean some seriously
traumatic things and I don't inmy mind my experience was decent
(01:54):
family life, decent this, andthat.
Nothing really stands out aswhy I had this noise in my mind,
but as a result, primarily as aresult of that, it led me down
a road, and what I mean is whenI was about 16, I found the
solution to solve all thatdiscomfort.
(02:17):
I mean I experienced alcoholfor the first time, boom problem
solved and I mean I felt like areal problem solver there,
inhibitions gone, you know, andeventually, like I said, as in
part of that, that led me down aroad of drinking to excess on a
daily basis for over 20 years.
(02:37):
I left behind me moredestruction.
It's hard to even talk aboutsome of the things that can't be
mended or healed, of all thethe pain and suffering that
caused so many people ummultiple times in jail, prison
even.
Um divorce after 17 years, umclose up to suicide from people
(03:04):
that I was very close to justdiminished and dissolved
relationships with my kids and,you know, failed businesses and
all kinds of.
It's a bad time, it's a darktime and it's an ugly time and,
you know, I like to say, with,by the grace of God and with the
help of horses, I, you know, Ilike to say with by the grace of
(03:24):
God and with the help of horses, I, you know, broke out of my
cycle because the cycle that Iwas in fed the narrative that I
was deficient.
Somehow I felt bad, you know.
Just think of the cycle.
I feel bad about me, you know,and so I drink, I feel better
and then I do things that makeme feel worse.
So now I feel bad and it just,you know, it's this never ending
(03:45):
cycle.
It seemed like it was neverending and it wasn't for decades
, literally, I mean, it was adamn mess, let me tell you.
And, um, you know, gel's noplace to be and the things that
I've done are just, um, like Isaid, a lot of things can't be
healed and that's hard to.
That also feeds the cycle andthe cycle and it's like how the
(04:07):
hell do you break out of thisthing?
And a lot of people we get intothat and sometimes we don't
even know it to some degree.
But you know, as I, after Ifinally broke out and changed my
life and got squared away for alittle while, and you know,
I've studied human to develophuman behavior for a long time,
nicole.
I mean a mean a long time.
That's why I love your podcastand I'm happy to be here,
(04:29):
because I think that the biggestchallenge that we all have in
this lifetime is really to.
I think that our default is tothink that we're a little bit
defective and that we're justnot quite good enough and we're
all somewhere in a spectrum of.
You know, everything that we dois based on these core values
and I believe, unless we getintentional about what we
(04:51):
believe about ourselves, we'regoing to end up with these
noises that we might not beaware of oh, I should have done
this.
Oh, I'm not good at names.
Oh, I'm not good with numbers.
Oh, you know I'm, I'm not, Idon't, uh, I'm too nervous to
speak in front of people, or youknow what old people think if I
(05:11):
fell in my new business, andyou know all the things that
that are inside of us that makeus these unique, amazing
individuals that we aresubconsciously, this noise is
keeping us suppressed, you know,and I I think it's our default
because if, if you look around.
(05:33):
I mean, psych research has beentelling this, us this for
decades and decades and we allknow, hey, be confident like we
all know that, right, but Idon't know how much we really
fully prioritize it and how muchwe fully understand how much
impact it's having in our livesand all the people around us.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
We get stuck in a rut , right, and so we're just doing
what we're used to and we don'tthink about it.
Well, a long time ago time ago,luckily we broke free from that
.
You and I broke free of thatcycle.
We were like, hey, isn't thepoint of this?
Like you know this journey thatwe call life.
Like shouldn't I actually likethis?
Like shouldn't I be actually,like maybe you know having fun.
(06:19):
Like I shouldn't be draggingmyself through this?
Um, I mean, I don't know ifthat was what it was like for
you, but I want to hear moreabout the horses.
So can you talk to us about thetransition and how the horses
played a part in this amazingtransformation?
Because look at you now You'reout here speaking, you're doing
the work, so I'm proud of you.
So tell us about the horses.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
So I have so many things about horses, I've done
so many things and spent so muchtime, but they were really
instrumental.
I mean horses, you know, arethese just magnificent.
I think they're a God's gift.
You know, they're just thesemagnificent creatures that I've
had the chance to, to be able tospend time with and be around.
(07:03):
Um I, uh, back when I wasdrinking and kind of near the
end, I, I uh I was.
I've trained a lot of horses andI was riding a young Colt and I
ended up on the ground and itwasn't the first time that that
happened by any means but I waslaying there in a dirt and, uh,
coughing and choking andwondering if anything was broken
(07:23):
.
Um, the horse had justwandering around, like you know
what the hell is your problem,and he kind of came back over my
way after he jumped out fromunderneath me and and I said, uh
, I said you blankety blank,why'd you do that to me?
And either the horse, or God orsomebody, or made my own mind,
(07:43):
but I heard the words you did itto yourself.
And that that very moment was,was a moment for me, you know,
to start taking responsibilityfor me.
I didn't know what the hell,where the hell all that noise
came from.
I could have been that horse,but if I advertise that too much
, people wanted to to lock me up.
No, I'm just kidding.
But, um, but that did happen.
(08:07):
I mean I heard those words andI mean it didn't, it came from
somewhere.
And uh, so that moment Istarted, uh, you know, that kind
of was a little bit of atipping point right there.
I mean there was other waysthat I was ready, but that kind
of uh, but that kind of thatkind of began my, my change.
You know and and and you knowaddictions I'll come back to
(08:33):
horses in just a minute, in justa second.
But all of this behavior that wedo, it's it's just in an effort
to, because we're kind ofafraid of how we feel and we
don't know it's okay to feel bad.
You know, if I would have knownthat as a young person, I mean,
I don't, I don't.
I don't think the goal is to behappy all the time, to feel
(08:53):
good all the time At least.
It's certainly not to feel goodall the time, because here's
the bottom line on that thethings that have brought me the
most joy and peace and reallyhappiness.
Okay, and I'm not knockinghappiness, I'm just saying I
don't think the goal should beto feel good all the time,
because the most joy andhappiness and really peace that
(09:14):
I've felt in my soul was aresult of things that didn't
feel good.
Matter of fact, there was a lotof discomfort involved.
You know they were prettydiscomfort.
There was a lot of discomfortinvolved.
You know, like discipline is,is an is a perfect example.
We go through a little bit ofdiscomfort Most of it's mental,
some of it can be physical toget a bigger result in the end.
(09:34):
And so constantly going afterthis feel good all the time.
I think it's worth it, it'sworth to consider.
But I'm coming back to horses.
Horses, um, there's so manyparallels, and that's what we
teach in stable living.
Coaching is all the parallelsthat horses have with human
behavior, and I'll give you justa couple.
One is is that horses are justso in tune with us.
(10:00):
In other words, if you come tothe barn with a secret, you
don't have a secret.
I mean the word's out.
You think you're going to keepit under your hat and
everything's going to be fine.
They know.
They know what's going on.
You got a little bit of fear,you got a little bit of anger,
you got a little bit ofunresolved this and that and the
other.
It's going to come out.
(10:20):
They are so perceptive.
They don't have a brain, wedon't communicate in the same
way.
So they are so locked in on youor whoever they're interacting
with, just because of the natureof the way, of the beast that
they are, of the creature thatthey are, that they are in tune
with everything that's comingout of us, everything right.
(10:43):
And so a lot of times I thinkwe're not really aware that the
people in our lives, how muchreally they're picking up, we
don't know that they're pickingup what we're putting down
really, and it's a.
It's an interesting thing tothink about, because what truly
is inside of us, you know it'scoming out.
(11:03):
We might not think it is.
I used to.
I used to think it was a crockof shit, really, I'll tell you.
I used to think that, hey, itdoesn't matter what I think
about me, I can still treat youand the rest of the world the
way I want to.
I'm separating that.
I'm over here doing my ownthing and what I do out there is
separate.
Okay, I don't need to take careof this, right.
(11:27):
And I really rejected the ideathat I needed to like myself in
order to, you know, love theother people.
I'm like no, I don't.
And I couldn't grasp the ideathat I needed it.
How could I accept me when Iwasn't?
Really I felt like that waslike settling for not getting
the goal, you know.
And so that was a hard lessonto learn.
(11:54):
A hard lesson to learn, and itis for a lot of people to
understand that, to the degreethat that that we accept and
forgive ourselves is to thedegree that we can forgive and
accept and love other people,horses are these amazing
examples of of, uh, of trueforgiveness, of true forgiveness
, of true forgiveness.
And what I mean by that is whenI, or people or human beings,
(12:17):
interact with a horse.
That's a relationship, right,that's an interaction, that's a
relationship, and in arelationship, things are not
going to be perfect becausewe're human beings and they're
horses.
Or if it's me and a human being, certainly we all know that,
that everything, something's notgoing to go well.
Right, we're going to dosomething we wish we wouldn't
(12:38):
have With a horse.
Let's just say, for example,that I I'm either going to do
something that I wish I wouldn'thave because of I had a, I
reacted on an emotion and then Iregretted and I'm like I
shouldn't have done it quitethat way.
That wasn't a real thoughtfulthing.
I wish I would have done itdifferent.
(12:59):
Or a lot of times with horses,we do things we just don't
understand.
We think we're communicating,but they're just they don't get
it, and we're doing the bestthat they can, so sometimes it's
out of ignorance, the horse.
A lot of times we'll perceivethat to be unfair.
They're, they're confused,they're trying to figure it out,
I don't know what the hell'sgoing on, or regardless of which
(13:22):
way it comes, in other words,regardless it's a, it's a
reaction, cause you just youlost your temper or you got a
little bit impatient, or you'rejust doing the best you can and
you don't understand.
You don't, you're, you don'thave the knowledge to be able to
communicate.
Well, okay.
So as they perceive that to beunfair, they react to that.
(13:42):
They're not just going to rolldown, they're not going to.
They have a boundary.
Okay, they're not just going tothrow themselves in front of
the bus and just say, okay, justbe a doormat.
You know you can do whateverthe hell you want.
It doesn't matter.
That's not how they go about it.
They will.
They will try to defendthemselves and they'll try to
react.
In a way.
Here's the what I mean byforgiveness, the moment.
(14:04):
Okay, that I recognize Ichanged my knowledge to.
I'm like, oh, wow, no wonder hedidn't understand what I was
doing.
Now I can change what I wasdoing and go back and get a
clear communication, and thenthis whole interaction is going
to go better.
Or if I recognize, oh, you knowwhat, I got impatient, I acted
(14:25):
too fast, he couldn't assimilate, understand that.
At that rate, whatever the thingis, I try to fix it.
Okay, I go back and I fix it.
Now the horse is like last timeit didn't go this way.
He's like okay, you do soimmediate.
It doesn't happen immediately,okay, but one.
It doesn't take very long tobuild the trust back up with the
(14:45):
horse.
Usually it only takes aboutthree times.
Okay, in most cases it takesthree times.
I go back with the new thing andwhat happens after?
That is the magical part andthat is, it's gone.
In other words, there is noresidue.
There's no.
Hey, I remember that time, youknow that time five years ago
(15:06):
when you did that thing, and thething of it is is like we know
that we don't want to do that topeople, but a lot of times
we're doing the damn the samething to ourselves.
You know we, we have this stuffthat we've done, this shame
residue about things that we'vedone that we really haven't
fully resolved, that we're justkind of holding on to and it
(15:29):
still keeps coming out in littleways if we're not, you know, if
it isn't fully resolved and ifwe're not aware of it, and it it
comes out in ways it's soimportant.
It comes out in ways thataffect everything in our lives,
everything.
So, anyway, there's a coupleexamples.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
Anyway, examples, I think you touched on something
hugely important.
I talk about it in my book andit's the difference between
happiness and joy, because Iremember looking for happiness
Right and thinking I should behappy all the time.
Why am I not happy all the time?
And, as someone with depression, you know like that's, that's
(16:12):
the goal right, to be happy allthe time.
Why am I not happy all the time?
And as someone with depression,you know like that's that's the
goal right To be happy.
But I realized that happinessin itself is not a long-term
sustainable thing, because it'sa chemical reaction like
oxytocin, you know, goes off inyour brain serotonin, whatever
you know all the differentchemicals and boom.
That creates happiness.
And I realized that what I wasactually searching for was joy
(16:37):
in the sense of it being amindset versus an emotion, and
so that's what to me, that'swhat helped me get through, like
the discipline right and beinglike, even though things are,
you know, not going well rightnow.
Though things are, you know,not going well right now, they
can work out, there's hope.
At the end, there is something,and so, versus trying to be
(17:01):
happy and happy and happy andfeeling happy all the time, I
was able to, through gratitude,shift to a joy perspective, and
so I don't necessarily have tobe happy all the time.
But you're good Like, you'recontent, you're not sad, you're
not searching for something.
You're good, right, you'regrateful for what you have and
that makes a huge difference,right?
(17:22):
Because I asked in my book,like what is life all about?
Sex, drugs and rock and roll?
Like, no right.
Like are we just looking forhappiness at the bottom of a
bottle?
You and I both know thatdoesn't work.
And I grew up surrounded byalcoholics.
So, like, I've seen it in mygrandparents, my aunts, my dad,
like everyone, I had someexperiences with that.
(17:44):
And so I got to see probably alot of the things you're talking
about, you know, from a kid'sperspective, and I saw that
playing out in the adults and Iwas like, you know, these are
bad choices, these are badthings.
And so I had to learn.
And I had a choice.
I could either, because of thethings I endured with the
(18:04):
alcoholism, I could go andbecome an alcoholic.
I could start drinking to, youknow, drown out the noise, or I
could do the opposite, right,and I barely drink, like I don't
even like it, like hungover, Idon't want to be hungover, like
that sucks, you know, so itwasn't worth it to me.
So I'm like I don't even wantto have a drink because the
hangover is not worth it.
(18:25):
But just, you know, learningthose little things and and
really understanding joy not asan emotion.
That was so important for me,and I want to hear your
perspective on this.
Um, what do you think aboutthat?
Joy as a mindset versus anemotion like happiness?
Speaker 2 (18:43):
yeah, yeah, it's a great point.
I really appreciate that story.
It's so, it's interesting and Iagree with you a lot of things
in that that you know there's alot of things that, if you think
about it, we don't want to feelgood all the time.
Anyway, when somebody doessomething to me, that that is a
that I want to be angry aboutinjustice you know, and and I
(19:05):
want to feel grief and sad overloss and and things like that.
But until I become reallyconscious of that, I I think
it's just it's so important tobe the things that we're going
for that are hurting us.
We're going, we're doing thesethings to change how we feel and
(19:25):
how we fail.
To start with a lot of timesit's just not that bad.
It's worth like feeling lifeinstead of like numbing out and
trying not to.
You know, just to be present inlife, in that, in those what we
call negative emotions, andjust to feel it and be it and
(19:47):
realize.
You know, what I've come torealize is that emotions I mean,
um, most of them, they're justnot that bad.
You know the, the fear of themand the try to escape and the.
You know all those things thatlead up to how awful it's going
to be.
And then you know all thosethoughts, and then they add
(20:08):
thoughts and then feelings ontop of that, just trying to
escape, how this thing's goingto feel because it feels so bad.
And I'm like, when I havelearned, is that, you know,
first of all, I, I can expect to.
I want to be able to feel mylife, the good, the bad, the sad
, the happy, and and I thinkthat, um, and I know that joy
(20:29):
comes from the things thatreally bring us peace and
long-term joy in our lives Ithink it's just a step up.
It's kind of a state of beingin my mind that joy is more of a
long-term thing.
Happy is kind of a, like yousaid, a feeling thing, kind of
in the moment that's based on athought, and joy is also based
on a thought, but I think it'san upgrade feeling that we get
(20:54):
of pride and admiration andreally, at its core, what it's
coming from is the same, themost important thing that I talk
about, and that is what eachone of us truly believes to be
true about ourselves, aboutourselves.
(21:16):
What do you, what do you, as alistener to this show, believe
to be true about you?
What is like, who are you, what?
What are you at your core?
And if you don't know, it's areally good question to
contemplate, um, of of reallywhat you believe about you.
Because, like I said earlier,if you're not intentional about
and prioritizing beliefs becausehere's the thing, guess what I
(21:41):
mean what?
If you could believe anythingyou want to do about you?
I mean anything bar none.
And what if you could acceptthe idea that whatever that was
is going to have more impact onyour results and your outcomes
in this lifetime than any otherthing?
Because here's the thing I saidthis and here's what I mean.
(22:02):
I don't believe that committingto a loving relationship, an
unconditional lovingrelationship with yourself, is a
good idea.
I don't think it's a good idea.
I think it's our duty and ourresponsibility as human beings,
and here's why, unless we do, weare not going to be able to
(22:22):
have the capacity to fully giveand love the people that we
deeply care about and reach moreof our potential and make our
contribution to the world thatwe are here on this short time
to be able to give.
I think that committing andthinking about and being aware
of what we believe to be trueabout ourselves if you come down
(22:44):
to it, the things that youdon't like, that you're doing
about yourself right now, today,this week, last week, last
month and last year and fiveyears ago those things are
rooted in what you believe aboutyou.
A lot of it's rooted in shame.
A lot of it's just randomthoughts that got input into
your mind.
Some of it's trauma, and youknow what.
It doesn't really matter whereit comes from.
(23:04):
What matters is is you canchange what you believe.
We get to believe whatever wewant if we choose to, and my
deal is, and my program is, ishabits to develop beliefs that
you want to believe on purposein your lifetime so that you
enhance not only your life buteveryone you come in contact
(23:26):
with.
And that, I think, really isthe foundation and the core of
of personal development, and Ithink it's the most important
thing because it just it impactseverything else, and we get to
be able to change.
We can change it to be whateverwe want if we become aware of
it and decide to do somethingyeah, and that's going to bring
(23:48):
us joy.
By the way, long answer.
That's where the joy is goingto come from, because let me
just tell you something.
Let me last comment on this.
I'm sorry I did cut you off,but the thing is the more that I
here's what I used to hatemyself.
Okay, I used to despise me forthe things that I did.
I had so much shame, and we allget to experience shame.
(24:08):
We've all done some things.
Okay, we've done some stuff.
Okay, we've done, I've donesome stuff.
We're not going to talk aboutit all today.
Okay, you don't want to hear itand I don't want to say it
again.
Okay, but we, to some degree,we all have something.
You know, some of us have a lotand some of it's more egregious
and some of it's not.
But you know what we're makingmeaning, whether we're, whether
(24:31):
we know it or not.
We're making meaning about whatthat means, about us, things
that I have done, things thathave been done to me.
I'm making meaning about whathappens every day.
We all think that you knowconfidence.
Oh, yeah, I got that when I wasa young kid and I can prove it
because you see her over thereAll what she's doing and see how
she's bringing all thatattention to herself?
(24:52):
Low confidence, not me, I didthat.
This thing about confidence,it's happening right now to you
and me.
Okay, and here's how it goes.
I'm going through life.
Whoops, you said something tome.
What does that mean?
Oh, that didn't feel too good.
What does that mean about me?
Oh, somebody pat me on the back, or I did this and that at work
, or somebody you know whatever.
(25:13):
And we're constantly havingthis input throughout our
lifetime.
Ok, this constant input.
And if we're not intentionalabout deciding what it means
about us, it's being decided forus.
And here's the thing what it isbeing decided for us is not
what is serving us best for us.
And here's the thing what it isbeing decided for us is not
(25:34):
what is serving us best, forsure.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
Yes, I love that.
I love that.
And you know what, like yousaid, those emotions, those
feelings, those thoughts,they're still going to be there,
like if you drink or if you tryto numb them out.
They're still going to be there.
So the only way to get past itis to go through it.
And that's exactly what you'retalking about, so that you don't
(25:58):
have to numb yourself outanymore.
You know, and yeah, becausethey're there, they're just
waiting for you to come backaround.
And now you, like you said inthe beginning, now you have
compounding problems because youdid stuff that wasn't nice or,
you know, you push people away,you just you do terrible things
and and now you have more of aproblem.
(26:19):
So, yes, yeah, yeah, it's, it's, it's not as scary to stand.
I always like to think of it.
It looks like a wall and it's abig, scary wall, and you're
like I can't go through this.
But as soon as you touch it,you realize it's just a sheet
and it moves and then you can gothrough it, you know.
So it's just more intimidating.
It, those emotions can be likeright, because we built this up
(26:44):
in our head and then we actuallyconfront it and we're like you
know what?
I thought that was going to bea lot worse.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
Um, so yeah that is a great analogy of the and I'm in
my sheet that I just visualizedwhen I heard your story.
It has a bricks, bricks on itprinted on this sheet and I'm
looking at a brick wall.
There is no way I can't gothrough this.
You know there is no way.
When you talk about goingthrough I don't know, one of the
(27:21):
things that came to me that Ithought of was you know, we talk
about, talk about healing.
You know we we talk about goingthrough and we talk about
healing and the way that Idefine healing, the past.
Okay, trauma and trauma can beanything from you know, serious
abuse to you know something thatjust really hurt our feelings
(27:44):
and kind of change what wethought about ourselves could be
.
It doesn't have to be a felony.
You know what I'm saying.
Trauma is a little bitdifferent for different people.
I'm not, and so, trauma or not,the things that we make meaning
out of and healing and goingthrough, going through things to
(28:07):
me and coming out and changingto me what that means is my
definition of healing and goingthrough things is going back and
rewriting the past, because youcan change the past.
You can't change thecircumstances, but you can
change what that meant and, mostimportantly, you can change
what it meant about you.
You can change your meaning,what you made it mean.
(28:29):
Here's the thing that you know,like I said about that, we've
all have get to experience shame, which means shame, by the way,
means you did something thatyou're interpreting that means
that you are less than you didsomething.
(28:49):
That means that you aredeficient.
You did something that meansthat you are deficient, that you
are defective in some way, youare inferior because of what you
did, and that's why my habitsand my plea to commit to this
relationship really is based inthe idea that, and really my
(29:12):
message to the world and what Iwant to say to you and all your
listeners today is that,regardless of what you have done
and I, you hear me, I meanregardless of what you have done
, okay, regardless andregardless of what has been done
to you, regardless, you are100%, invaluable, priceless,
(29:51):
worthy, deserving of everything,all the bounty, all the
goodness, all the abundance ofeverything that's available in
this world, in this magnificentplace that we have for the short
time that we have to be here,and the more that you can really
know that and believe it andaccept it about yourself, the
better experience that you'regoing to have here.
And I'm telling you it's true,if you can't buy into it
(30:11):
yourself, just believe me andgive it a shot and consider it.
I'm just asking you to considerthe idea.
Speaker 1 (30:21):
I love that.
That is beautiful and it's sotrue and it's all, it's all in
our perspective, right?
Just all such important topics.
Like you, you are just agoldmine, like absolutely
amazing, shane.
Now, because you are a goldmine, people want to know how can
they stay in touch with you, andyou did mention you had a gift
(30:41):
for the listeners, so can youtell us a little bit about that?
Speaker 2 (30:44):
Yeah, thank you so much.
I really appreciate theopportunity to share this with
anybody who's interested.
Once a week I just have a shortit's like usually three to five
minutes max video.
We talk about horses and humans.
It's fun and it's inspiring,and so you can sign up for that
at.
It's called I call my weeklyvideo.
You Are Destined for Greatnessand you can sign up for you Are
(31:05):
Destined for Greatness.
It just shows up in your inbox.
Once a week Three minute video,totally free, no obligation.
Inbox once a week three minutevideo, totally free, no
obligation.
But, uh, check that out atstablelivingcoachingcom.
stable like stable yep stableliving coaching.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
Oh, like the little plaque on on the wall behind you
slc stable living coaching.
And that makes sense, right,because it's like it's almost
even like a dad joke, becauseit's stable, like your emotions
are stable, but also like ahorse stable.
Oh, that's smart.
That is pretty smart.
I love it.
How can we stay in touch withyou on social media?
Speaker 2 (31:43):
Yeah, we're everywhere.
Stable Living Coaching is onFacebook, instagram, tiktok and
YouTube.
Those are the best places.
If you don't like them, you cango to X and all the rest.
That is places.
If you don't like them, you cango to X and all the rest, that
is awesome.
Speaker 1 (31:55):
If you don't like them, well, there's tons of
options there.
So hopefully so they'll likeone of those options, right,
thank you so much, shane.
Now, final tip, although theone, the last one you just gave
us, I think might be the one,but do you have any final tips
for the audience as we'resigning off?
Speaker 2 (32:12):
I do.
I'm going to give you just one,okay, just one.
It's simple, you've heard it,but I'm going to make it a
little bit easier to do.
Okay, cause I talk about.
I have five main skills tolearn.
Okay, because changing yourbelief is a learnable skill.
You can learn to change, tobecome, to believe, truly
(32:32):
believe whatever you want toabout yourself.
And I'm going to give you theuh say, uh, an outline, a
skeleton, a short version of thefirst skill.
Okay, and the first skill is tothink and speak kindly about
yourself.
Okay, so the first step isnoticing um, such a.
(32:52):
I can't believe I did that.
I'm bad with names.
What's the matter with me?
I suck at this.
You know what I'm saying.
I can't hold my whatevertogether.
Whatever, it is okay.
It is just to become aware ofthings that you're saying, okay,
and to be aware of it, okay.
And then, when you, when, whenyou hear it, okay, so a thought
(33:16):
is a sentence or a phrase thatgoes through your mind.
It doesn't come out of yourmouth and you just think it.
Okay, that's a thought, asentence or a phrase that goes
through your mind If you, if youhear a thought inside your mind
, or if the words come out ofyour mouth and you're aware of
it, replace it with somethingthat is positive.
And here's how you determine ifit's good to keep or if it's
(33:39):
not.
Okay.
Here's your measure of is thisgood or bad or does it matter?
Here's how you know yourmeasure is.
Is this something that I wouldthink, that I would want to
think, or that I would want tosay to someone that I deeply
love?
Because here's the deal.
If you wouldn't, don't besaying they're thinking about
yourself.
Replace it with a new thought.
(34:00):
Okay, I like to keep a littlelist.
This is not a big project.
You can do this whole thing infive minutes a day.
I have a little list on myphone.
It's got pluses, it's got agreen and it's got minuses and a
red over here, and I just andit's just a few things a day.
If I, if I hear myself or same,I'm getting pretty good at it,
you know cause I like myselfmore of it and I make this list
(34:22):
of just a few things a day andat the end of the day, if the
red, if the negative is longer,I fill in the rest of the.
I come up with them, I makepositive statements.
And then I one up and I add onemore plus on the plus side.
Ok, just that habit alone willbegin to change what you believe
inside your core about you.
(34:42):
So just think about that.
Start there.
Speaker 1 (34:55):
I love that, and I usually talk about practicing
gratitude, but this is such aneat twist on that practice and
so I absolutely love it.
I think that it is.
That's just that's so fun, andreally it's all about
perspective, right, because,like we are amazing, we just
don't.
We don't give ourselves theopportunity to see it.
Speaker 2 (35:07):
Here's the deal.
There is one individual thatyou're going to spend more time
with than anyone else for yourremaining time here on Earth.
So why and it's you OK you'regoing to be spending all your
time with you more than anybodyelse, so why wouldn't you want
to have that a greatrelationship?
I highly recommend it.
Speaker 1 (35:30):
You know, I had to have that conversation with
myself too, as we're signing offhere.
One day I had that talk withmyself and I was like, if
somebody that you knew, if yourfriend, talked to you the way
that you're talking to yourselfright now, would you be friends
with them?
And I was like, no, and I'mlike, so you need to fix that.
Like, how do we fix that right?
(35:51):
And so, yeah, yeah, and so thatis.
That was where that journeystarted for me.
But, very similar to what yousaid, you know, if I love one,
would I say this to a loved one?
No, then why are you saying itto yourself?
You are your loved one.
Hello, your first loved one.
All right, well, thank you somuch for joining us, shane.
This has been an absolutelyamazing episode.
(36:11):
Uh, we appreciate yourvulnerability and your amazing
advice, because this has beenabsolutely great.
Like I said, you are anabsolute goldmine and we will
catch you guys next time on thenext episode of overcome
yourself.
Bye bye.
Speaker 2 (36:24):
Thank you, nicole thank you.
Hello there and welcome to the next episode of
Overcome Yourself, the podcast.
As you know, my name is Nicoleand I'm so excited to be here
today with Shane.
Now, shane, as you can tell, is, I guess, a cowboy Is that a
good way to put it?
You work with horses, so Ithink it's pretty official.
So please take it away, shane,and let us know a little bit
about who you are and who youhelp.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Yeah, thanks so much.
Yeah, I always wanted to be acowboy and do all the cool
things that cowboys do.
I was named after a Westernmovie way back and it came out
in the I don't know late 60s or70s.
I guess it came out in the late60s.
But anyway, and I've done a lotof those things, I've been
(00:46):
involved in the horse industryfor my entire career and that's
been quite a while now.
There was a good portion of mylife, you know, nicole, when I
was a young man, when I meanlike a teenager and even into my
early 20s, you know, I had thisnoise going on in my mind and
that noise was telling me prettyconsistently hey, you're,
(01:07):
you're not quite measure up,shane, you're not quite good
enough, you're a little bitdeficient there.
You're, you're not quite thesame, as something seems like
it's lacking.
And I wasn't fully aware ofthis, but I was aware of all the
discomfort that it brought meand what it felt like.
And super shy, you know, Ireally tried to fit in and I
(01:31):
tried to, you know, and I didpretty decent in sports, I did
okay in school.
I don't have a particular Ican't name a trauma.
You know a lot of us, a lot ofstories that I hear of people.
A lot of us go through somejust I mean some seriously
traumatic things and I don't inmy mind my experience was decent
(01:54):
family life, decent this, andthat.
Nothing really stands out aswhy I had this noise in my mind,
but as a result, primarily as aresult of that, it led me down
a road, and what I mean is whenI was about 16, I found the
solution to solve all thatdiscomfort.
(02:17):
I mean I experienced alcoholfor the first time, boom problem
solved and I mean I felt like areal problem solver there,
inhibitions gone, you know, andeventually, like I said, as in
part of that, that led me down aroad of drinking to excess on a
daily basis for over 20 years.
(02:37):
I left behind me moredestruction.
It's hard to even talk aboutsome of the things that can't be
mended or healed, of all thethe pain and suffering that
caused so many people ummultiple times in jail, prison
even.
Um divorce after 17 years, umclose up to suicide from people
(03:04):
that I was very close to justdiminished and dissolved
relationships with my kids and,you know, failed businesses and
all kinds of.
It's a bad time, it's a darktime and it's an ugly time and,
you know, I like to say, with,by the grace of God and with the
help of horses, I, you know, Ilike to say with by the grace of
(03:24):
God and with the help of horses, I, you know, broke out of my
cycle because the cycle that Iwas in fed the narrative that I
was deficient.
Somehow I felt bad, you know.
Just think of the cycle.
I feel bad about me, you know,and so I drink, I feel better
and then I do things that makeme feel worse.
So now I feel bad and it just,you know, it's this never ending
(03:45):
cycle.
It seemed like it was neverending and it wasn't for decades
, literally, I mean, it was adamn mess, let me tell you.
And, um, you know, gel's noplace to be and the things that
I've done are just, um, like Isaid, a lot of things can't be
healed and that's hard to.
That also feeds the cycle andthe cycle and it's like how the
(04:07):
hell do you break out of thisthing?
And a lot of people we get intothat and sometimes we don't
even know it to some degree.
But you know, as I, after Ifinally broke out and changed my
life and got squared away for alittle while, and you know,
I've studied human to develophuman behavior for a long time,
nicole.
I mean a mean a long time.
That's why I love your podcastand I'm happy to be here,
(04:29):
because I think that the biggestchallenge that we all have in
this lifetime is really to.
I think that our default is tothink that we're a little bit
defective and that we're justnot quite good enough and we're
all somewhere in a spectrum of.
You know, everything that we dois based on these core values
and I believe, unless we getintentional about what we
(04:51):
believe about ourselves, we'regoing to end up with these
noises that we might not beaware of oh, I should have done
this.
Oh, I'm not good at names.
Oh, I'm not good with numbers.
Oh, you know I'm, I'm not, Idon't, uh, I'm too nervous to
speak in front of people, or youknow what old people think if I
(05:11):
fell in my new business, andyou know all the things that
that are inside of us that makeus these unique, amazing
individuals that we aresubconsciously, this noise is
keeping us suppressed, you know,and I I think it's our default
because if, if you look around.
(05:33):
I mean, psych research has beentelling this, us this for
decades and decades and we allknow, hey, be confident like we
all know that, right, but Idon't know how much we really
fully prioritize it and how muchwe fully understand how much
impact it's having in our livesand all the people around us.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
We get stuck in a rut , right, and so we're just doing
what we're used to and we don'tthink about it.
Well, a long time ago time ago,luckily we broke free from that
.
You and I broke free of thatcycle.
We were like, hey, isn't thepoint of this?
Like you know this journey thatwe call life.
Like shouldn't I actually likethis?
Like shouldn't I be actually,like maybe you know having fun.
(06:19):
Like I shouldn't be draggingmyself through this?
Um, I mean, I don't know ifthat was what it was like for
you, but I want to hear moreabout the horses.
So can you talk to us about thetransition and how the horses
played a part in this amazingtransformation?
Because look at you now You'reout here speaking, you're doing
the work, so I'm proud of you.
So tell us about the horses.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
So I have so many things about horses, I've done
so many things and spent so muchtime, but they were really
instrumental.
I mean horses, you know, arethese just magnificent.
I think they're a God's gift.
You know, they're just thesemagnificent creatures that I've
had the chance to, to be able tospend time with and be around.
(07:03):
Um I, uh, back when I wasdrinking and kind of near the
end, I, I uh I was.
I've trained a lot of horses andI was riding a young Colt and I
ended up on the ground and itwasn't the first time that that
happened by any means but I waslaying there in a dirt and, uh,
coughing and choking andwondering if anything was broken
(07:23):
.
Um, the horse had justwandering around, like you know
what the hell is your problem,and he kind of came back over my
way after he jumped out fromunderneath me and and I said, uh
, I said you blankety blank,why'd you do that to me?
And either the horse, or God orsomebody, or made my own mind,
(07:43):
but I heard the words you did itto yourself.
And that that very moment was,was a moment for me, you know,
to start taking responsibilityfor me.
I didn't know what the hell,where the hell all that noise
came from.
I could have been that horse,but if I advertise that too much
, people wanted to to lock me up.
No, I'm just kidding.
But, um, but that did happen.
(08:07):
I mean I heard those words andI mean it didn't, it came from
somewhere.
And uh, so that moment Istarted, uh, you know, that kind
of was a little bit of atipping point right there.
I mean there was other waysthat I was ready, but that kind
of uh, but that kind of thatkind of began my, my change.
You know and and and you knowaddictions I'll come back to
(08:33):
horses in just a minute, in justa second.
But all of this behavior that wedo, it's it's just in an effort
to, because we're kind ofafraid of how we feel and we
don't know it's okay to feel bad.
You know, if I would have knownthat as a young person, I mean,
I don't, I don't.
I don't think the goal is to behappy all the time, to feel
(08:53):
good all the time At least.
It's certainly not to feel goodall the time, because here's
the bottom line on that thethings that have brought me the
most joy and peace and reallyhappiness.
Okay, and I'm not knockinghappiness, I'm just saying I
don't think the goal should beto feel good all the time,
because the most joy andhappiness and really peace that
(09:14):
I've felt in my soul was aresult of things that didn't
feel good.
Matter of fact, there was a lotof discomfort involved.
You know they were prettydiscomfort.
There was a lot of discomfortinvolved.
You know, like discipline is,is an is a perfect example.
We go through a little bit ofdiscomfort Most of it's mental,
some of it can be physical toget a bigger result in the end.
(09:34):
And so constantly going afterthis feel good all the time.
I think it's worth it, it'sworth to consider.
But I'm coming back to horses.
Horses, um, there's so manyparallels, and that's what we
teach in stable living.
Coaching is all the parallelsthat horses have with human
behavior, and I'll give you justa couple.
One is is that horses are justso in tune with us.
(10:00):
In other words, if you come tothe barn with a secret, you
don't have a secret.
I mean the word's out.
You think you're going to keepit under your hat and
everything's going to be fine.
They know.
They know what's going on.
You got a little bit of fear,you got a little bit of anger,
you got a little bit ofunresolved this and that and the
other.
It's going to come out.
(10:20):
They are so perceptive.
They don't have a brain, wedon't communicate in the same
way.
So they are so locked in on youor whoever they're interacting
with, just because of the natureof the way, of the beast that
they are, of the creature thatthey are, that they are in tune
with everything that's comingout of us, everything right.
(10:43):
And so a lot of times I thinkwe're not really aware that the
people in our lives, how muchreally they're picking up, we
don't know that they're pickingup what we're putting down
really, and it's a.
It's an interesting thing tothink about, because what truly
is inside of us, you know it'scoming out.
(11:03):
We might not think it is.
I used to.
I used to think it was a crockof shit, really, I'll tell you.
I used to think that, hey, itdoesn't matter what I think
about me, I can still treat youand the rest of the world the
way I want to.
I'm separating that.
I'm over here doing my ownthing and what I do out there is
separate.
Okay, I don't need to take careof this, right.
(11:27):
And I really rejected the ideathat I needed to like myself in
order to, you know, love theother people.
I'm like no, I don't.
And I couldn't grasp the ideathat I needed it.
How could I accept me when Iwasn't?
Really I felt like that waslike settling for not getting
the goal, you know.
And so that was a hard lessonto learn.
(11:54):
A hard lesson to learn, and itis for a lot of people to
understand that, to the degreethat that that we accept and
forgive ourselves is to thedegree that we can forgive and
accept and love other people,horses are these amazing
examples of of, uh, of trueforgiveness, of true forgiveness
, of true forgiveness.
And what I mean by that is whenI, or people or human beings,
(12:17):
interact with a horse.
That's a relationship, right,that's an interaction, that's a
relationship, and in arelationship, things are not
going to be perfect becausewe're human beings and they're
horses.
Or if it's me and a human being, certainly we all know that,
that everything, something's notgoing to go well.
Right, we're going to dosomething we wish we wouldn't
(12:38):
have With a horse.
Let's just say, for example,that I I'm either going to do
something that I wish I wouldn'thave because of I had a, I
reacted on an emotion and then Iregretted and I'm like I
shouldn't have done it quitethat way.
That wasn't a real thoughtfulthing.
I wish I would have done itdifferent.
(12:59):
Or a lot of times with horses,we do things we just don't
understand.
We think we're communicating,but they're just they don't get
it, and we're doing the bestthat they can, so sometimes it's
out of ignorance, the horse.
A lot of times we'll perceivethat to be unfair.
They're, they're confused,they're trying to figure it out,
I don't know what the hell'sgoing on, or regardless of which
(13:22):
way it comes, in other words,regardless it's a, it's a
reaction, cause you just youlost your temper or you got a
little bit impatient, or you'rejust doing the best you can and
you don't understand.
You don't, you're, you don'thave the knowledge to be able to
communicate.
Well, okay.
So as they perceive that to beunfair, they react to that.
(13:42):
They're not just going to rolldown, they're not going to.
They have a boundary.
Okay, they're not just going tothrow themselves in front of
the bus and just say, okay, justbe a doormat.
You know you can do whateverthe hell you want.
It doesn't matter.
That's not how they go about it.
They will.
They will try to defendthemselves and they'll try to
react.
In a way.
Here's the what I mean byforgiveness, the moment.
(14:04):
Okay, that I recognize Ichanged my knowledge to.
I'm like, oh, wow, no wonder hedidn't understand what I was
doing.
Now I can change what I wasdoing and go back and get a
clear communication, and thenthis whole interaction is going
to go better.
Or if I recognize, oh, you knowwhat, I got impatient, I acted
(14:25):
too fast, he couldn't assimilate, understand that.
At that rate, whatever the thingis, I try to fix it.
Okay, I go back and I fix it.
Now the horse is like last timeit didn't go this way.
He's like okay, you do soimmediate.
It doesn't happen immediately,okay, but one.
It doesn't take very long tobuild the trust back up with the
(14:45):
horse.
Usually it only takes aboutthree times.
Okay, in most cases it takesthree times.
I go back with the new thing andwhat happens after?
That is the magical part andthat is, it's gone.
In other words, there is noresidue.
There's no.
Hey, I remember that time, youknow that time five years ago
(15:06):
when you did that thing, and thething of it is is like we know
that we don't want to do that topeople, but a lot of times
we're doing the damn the samething to ourselves.
You know we, we have this stuffthat we've done, this shame
residue about things that we'vedone that we really haven't
fully resolved, that we're justkind of holding on to and it
(15:29):
still keeps coming out in littleways if we're not, you know, if
it isn't fully resolved and ifwe're not aware of it, and it it
comes out in ways it's soimportant.
It comes out in ways thataffect everything in our lives,
everything.
So, anyway, there's a coupleexamples.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
Anyway, examples, I think you touched on something
hugely important.
I talk about it in my book andit's the difference between
happiness and joy, because Iremember looking for happiness
Right and thinking I should behappy all the time.
Why am I not happy all the time?
And, as someone with depression, you know like that's, that's
(16:12):
the goal right, to be happy allthe time.
Why am I not happy all the time?
And as someone with depression,you know like that's that's the
goal right To be happy.
But I realized that happinessin itself is not a long-term
sustainable thing, because it'sa chemical reaction like
oxytocin, you know, goes off inyour brain serotonin, whatever
you know all the differentchemicals and boom.
That creates happiness.
And I realized that what I wasactually searching for was joy
(16:37):
in the sense of it being amindset versus an emotion, and
so that's what to me, that'swhat helped me get through, like
the discipline right and beinglike, even though things are,
you know, not going well rightnow.
Though things are, you know,not going well right now, they
can work out, there's hope.
At the end, there is something,and so, versus trying to be
(17:01):
happy and happy and happy andfeeling happy all the time, I
was able to, through gratitude,shift to a joy perspective, and
so I don't necessarily have tobe happy all the time.
But you're good Like, you'recontent, you're not sad, you're
not searching for something.
You're good, right, you'regrateful for what you have and
that makes a huge difference,right?
(17:22):
Because I asked in my book,like what is life all about?
Sex, drugs and rock and roll?
Like, no right.
Like are we just looking forhappiness at the bottom of a
bottle?
You and I both know thatdoesn't work.
And I grew up surrounded byalcoholics.
So, like, I've seen it in mygrandparents, my aunts, my dad,
like everyone, I had someexperiences with that.
(17:44):
And so I got to see probably alot of the things you're talking
about, you know, from a kid'sperspective, and I saw that
playing out in the adults and Iwas like, you know, these are
bad choices, these are badthings.
And so I had to learn.
And I had a choice.
I could either, because of thethings I endured with the
(18:04):
alcoholism, I could go andbecome an alcoholic.
I could start drinking to, youknow, drown out the noise, or I
could do the opposite, right,and I barely drink, like I don't
even like it, like hungover, Idon't want to be hungover, like
that sucks, you know, so itwasn't worth it to me.
So I'm like I don't even wantto have a drink because the
hangover is not worth it.
(18:25):
But just, you know, learningthose little things and and
really understanding joy not asan emotion.
That was so important for me,and I want to hear your
perspective on this.
Um, what do you think aboutthat?
Joy as a mindset versus anemotion like happiness?
Speaker 2 (18:43):
yeah, yeah, it's a great point.
I really appreciate that story.
It's so, it's interesting and Iagree with you a lot of things
in that that you know there's alot of things that, if you think
about it, we don't want to feelgood all the time.
Anyway, when somebody doessomething to me, that that is a
that I want to be angry aboutinjustice you know, and and I
(19:05):
want to feel grief and sad overloss and and things like that.
But until I become reallyconscious of that, I I think
it's just it's so important tobe the things that we're going
for that are hurting us.
We're going, we're doing thesethings to change how we feel and
(19:25):
how we fail.
To start with a lot of timesit's just not that bad.
It's worth like feeling lifeinstead of like numbing out and
trying not to.
You know, just to be present inlife, in that, in those what we
call negative emotions, andjust to feel it and be it and
(19:47):
realize.
You know, what I've come torealize is that emotions I mean,
um, most of them, they're justnot that bad.
You know the, the fear of themand the try to escape and the.
You know all those things thatlead up to how awful it's going
to be.
And then you know all thosethoughts, and then they add
(20:08):
thoughts and then feelings ontop of that, just trying to
escape, how this thing's goingto feel because it feels so bad.
And I'm like, when I havelearned, is that, you know,
first of all, I, I can expect to.
I want to be able to feel mylife, the good, the bad, the sad
, the happy, and and I thinkthat, um, and I know that joy
(20:29):
comes from the things thatreally bring us peace and
long-term joy in our lives Ithink it's just a step up.
It's kind of a state of beingin my mind that joy is more of a
long-term thing.
Happy is kind of a, like yousaid, a feeling thing, kind of
in the moment that's based on athought, and joy is also based
on a thought, but I think it'san upgrade feeling that we get
(20:54):
of pride and admiration andreally, at its core, what it's
coming from is the same, themost important thing that I talk
about, and that is what eachone of us truly believes to be
true about ourselves, aboutourselves.
(21:16):
What do you, what do you, as alistener to this show, believe
to be true about you?
What is like, who are you, what?
What are you at your core?
And if you don't know, it's areally good question to
contemplate, um, of of reallywhat you believe about you.
Because, like I said earlier,if you're not intentional about
and prioritizing beliefs becausehere's the thing, guess what I
(21:41):
mean what?
If you could believe anythingyou want to do about you?
I mean anything bar none.
And what if you could acceptthe idea that whatever that was
is going to have more impact onyour results and your outcomes
in this lifetime than any otherthing?
Because here's the thing I saidthis and here's what I mean.
(22:02):
I don't believe that committingto a loving relationship, an
unconditional lovingrelationship with yourself, is a
good idea.
I don't think it's a good idea.
I think it's our duty and ourresponsibility as human beings,
and here's why, unless we do, weare not going to be able to
(22:22):
have the capacity to fully giveand love the people that we
deeply care about and reach moreof our potential and make our
contribution to the world thatwe are here on this short time
to be able to give.
I think that committing andthinking about and being aware
of what we believe to be trueabout ourselves if you come down
(22:44):
to it, the things that youdon't like, that you're doing
about yourself right now, today,this week, last week, last
month and last year and fiveyears ago those things are
rooted in what you believe aboutyou.
A lot of it's rooted in shame.
A lot of it's just randomthoughts that got input into
your mind.
Some of it's trauma, and youknow what.
It doesn't really matter whereit comes from.
(23:04):
What matters is is you canchange what you believe.
We get to believe whatever wewant if we choose to, and my
deal is, and my program is, ishabits to develop beliefs that
you want to believe on purposein your lifetime so that you
enhance not only your life buteveryone you come in contact
(23:26):
with.
And that, I think, really isthe foundation and the core of
of personal development, and Ithink it's the most important
thing because it just it impactseverything else, and we get to
be able to change.
We can change it to be whateverwe want if we become aware of
it and decide to do somethingyeah, and that's going to bring
(23:48):
us joy.
By the way, long answer.
That's where the joy is goingto come from, because let me
just tell you something.
Let me last comment on this.
I'm sorry I did cut you off,but the thing is the more that I
here's what I used to hatemyself.
Okay, I used to despise me forthe things that I did.
I had so much shame, and we allget to experience shame.
(24:08):
We've all done some things.
Okay, we've done some stuff.
Okay, we've done, I've donesome stuff.
We're not going to talk aboutit all today.
Okay, you don't want to hear itand I don't want to say it
again.
Okay, but we, to some degree,we all have something.
You know, some of us have a lotand some of it's more egregious
and some of it's not.
But you know what we're makingmeaning, whether we're, whether
(24:31):
we know it or not.
We're making meaning about whatthat means, about us, things
that I have done, things thathave been done to me.
I'm making meaning about whathappens every day.
We all think that you knowconfidence.
Oh, yeah, I got that when I wasa young kid and I can prove it
because you see her over thereAll what she's doing and see how
she's bringing all thatattention to herself?
(24:52):
Low confidence, not me, I didthat.
This thing about confidence,it's happening right now to you
and me.
Okay, and here's how it goes.
I'm going through life.
Whoops, you said something tome.
What does that mean?
Oh, that didn't feel too good.
What does that mean about me?
Oh, somebody pat me on the back, or I did this and that at work
, or somebody you know whatever.
(25:13):
And we're constantly havingthis input throughout our
lifetime.
Ok, this constant input.
And if we're not intentionalabout deciding what it means
about us, it's being decided forus.
And here's the thing what it isbeing decided for us is not
what is serving us best for us.
And here's the thing what it isbeing decided for us is not
(25:34):
what is serving us best, forsure.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
Yes, I love that.
I love that.
And you know what, like yousaid, those emotions, those
feelings, those thoughts,they're still going to be there,
like if you drink or if you tryto numb them out.
They're still going to be there.
So the only way to get past itis to go through it.
And that's exactly what you'retalking about, so that you don't
(25:58):
have to numb yourself outanymore.
You know, and yeah, becausethey're there, they're just
waiting for you to come backaround.
And now you, like you said inthe beginning, now you have
compounding problems because youdid stuff that wasn't nice or,
you know, you push people away,you just you do terrible things
and and now you have more of aproblem.
(26:19):
So, yes, yeah, yeah, it's, it's, it's not as scary to stand.
I always like to think of it.
It looks like a wall and it's abig, scary wall, and you're
like I can't go through this.
But as soon as you touch it,you realize it's just a sheet
and it moves and then you can gothrough it, you know.
So it's just more intimidating.
It, those emotions can be likeright, because we built this up
(26:44):
in our head and then we actuallyconfront it and we're like you
know what?
I thought that was going to bea lot worse.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
Um, so yeah that is a great analogy of the and I'm in
my sheet that I just visualizedwhen I heard your story.
It has a bricks, bricks on itprinted on this sheet and I'm
looking at a brick wall.
There is no way I can't gothrough this.
You know there is no way.
When you talk about goingthrough I don't know, one of the
(27:21):
things that came to me that Ithought of was you know, we talk
about, talk about healing.
You know we we talk about goingthrough and we talk about
healing and the way that Idefine healing, the past.
Okay, trauma and trauma can beanything from you know, serious
abuse to you know something thatjust really hurt our feelings
(27:44):
and kind of change what wethought about ourselves could be
.
It doesn't have to be a felony.
You know what I'm saying.
Trauma is a little bitdifferent for different people.
I'm not, and so, trauma or not,the things that we make meaning
out of and healing and goingthrough, going through things to
(28:07):
me and coming out and changingto me what that means is my
definition of healing and goingthrough things is going back and
rewriting the past, because youcan change the past.
You can't change thecircumstances, but you can
change what that meant and, mostimportantly, you can change
what it meant about you.
You can change your meaning,what you made it mean.
(28:29):
Here's the thing that you know,like I said about that, we've
all have get to experience shame, which means shame, by the way,
means you did something thatyou're interpreting that means
that you are less than you didsomething.
(28:49):
That means that you aredeficient.
You did something that meansthat you are deficient, that you
are defective in some way, youare inferior because of what you
did, and that's why my habitsand my plea to commit to this
relationship really is based inthe idea that, and really my
(29:12):
message to the world and what Iwant to say to you and all your
listeners today is that,regardless of what you have done
and I, you hear me, I meanregardless of what you have done
, okay, regardless andregardless of what has been done
to you, regardless, you are100%, invaluable, priceless,
(29:51):
worthy, deserving of everything,all the bounty, all the
goodness, all the abundance ofeverything that's available in
this world, in this magnificentplace that we have for the short
time that we have to be here,and the more that you can really
know that and believe it andaccept it about yourself, the
better experience that you'regoing to have here.
And I'm telling you it's true,if you can't buy into it
(30:11):
yourself, just believe me andgive it a shot and consider it.
I'm just asking you to considerthe idea.
Speaker 1 (30:21):
I love that.
That is beautiful and it's sotrue and it's all, it's all in
our perspective, right?
Just all such important topics.
Like you, you are just agoldmine, like absolutely
amazing, shane.
Now, because you are a goldmine, people want to know how can
they stay in touch with you, andyou did mention you had a gift
(30:41):
for the listeners, so can youtell us a little bit about that?
Speaker 2 (30:44):
Yeah, thank you so much.
I really appreciate theopportunity to share this with
anybody who's interested.
Once a week I just have a shortit's like usually three to five
minutes max video.
We talk about horses and humans.
It's fun and it's inspiring,and so you can sign up for that
at.
It's called I call my weeklyvideo.
You Are Destined for Greatnessand you can sign up for you Are
(31:05):
Destined for Greatness.
It just shows up in your inbox.
Once a week Three minute video,totally free, no obligation.
Inbox once a week three minutevideo, totally free, no
obligation.
But, uh, check that out atstablelivingcoachingcom.
stable like stable yep stableliving coaching.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
Oh, like the little plaque on on the wall behind you
slc stable living coaching.
And that makes sense, right,because it's like it's almost
even like a dad joke, becauseit's stable, like your emotions
are stable, but also like ahorse stable.
Oh, that's smart.
That is pretty smart.
I love it.
How can we stay in touch withyou on social media?
Speaker 2 (31:43):
Yeah, we're everywhere.
Stable Living Coaching is onFacebook, instagram, tiktok and
YouTube.
Those are the best places.
If you don't like them, you cango to X and all the rest.
That is places.
If you don't like them, you cango to X and all the rest, that
is awesome.
Speaker 1 (31:55):
If you don't like them, well, there's tons of
options there.
So hopefully so they'll likeone of those options, right,
thank you so much, shane.
Now, final tip, although theone, the last one you just gave
us, I think might be the one,but do you have any final tips
for the audience as we'resigning off?
Speaker 2 (32:12):
I do.
I'm going to give you just one,okay, just one.
It's simple, you've heard it,but I'm going to make it a
little bit easier to do.
Okay, cause I talk about.
I have five main skills tolearn.
Okay, because changing yourbelief is a learnable skill.
You can learn to change, tobecome, to believe, truly
(32:32):
believe whatever you want toabout yourself.
And I'm going to give you theuh say, uh, an outline, a
skeleton, a short version of thefirst skill.
Okay, and the first skill is tothink and speak kindly about
yourself.
Okay, so the first step isnoticing um, such a.
(32:52):
I can't believe I did that.
I'm bad with names.
What's the matter with me?
I suck at this.
You know what I'm saying.
I can't hold my whatevertogether.
Whatever, it is okay.
It is just to become aware ofthings that you're saying, okay,
and to be aware of it, okay.
And then, when you, when, whenyou hear it, okay, so a thought
(33:16):
is a sentence or a phrase thatgoes through your mind.
It doesn't come out of yourmouth and you just think it.
Okay, that's a thought, asentence or a phrase that goes
through your mind If you, if youhear a thought inside your mind
, or if the words come out ofyour mouth and you're aware of
it, replace it with somethingthat is positive.
And here's how you determine ifit's good to keep or if it's
(33:39):
not.
Okay.
Here's your measure of is thisgood or bad or does it matter?
Here's how you know yourmeasure is.
Is this something that I wouldthink, that I would want to
think, or that I would want tosay to someone that I deeply
love?
Because here's the deal.
If you wouldn't, don't besaying they're thinking about
yourself.
Replace it with a new thought.
(34:00):
Okay, I like to keep a littlelist.
This is not a big project.
You can do this whole thing infive minutes a day.
I have a little list on myphone.
It's got pluses, it's got agreen and it's got minuses and a
red over here, and I just andit's just a few things a day.
If I, if I hear myself or same,I'm getting pretty good at it,
you know cause I like myselfmore of it and I make this list
(34:22):
of just a few things a day andat the end of the day, if the
red, if the negative is longer,I fill in the rest of the.
I come up with them, I makepositive statements.
And then I one up and I add onemore plus on the plus side.
Ok, just that habit alone willbegin to change what you believe
inside your core about you.
(34:42):
So just think about that.
Start there.
Speaker 1 (34:55):
I love that, and I usually talk about practicing
gratitude, but this is such aneat twist on that practice and
so I absolutely love it.
I think that it is.
That's just that's so fun, andreally it's all about
perspective, right, because,like we are amazing, we just
don't.
We don't give ourselves theopportunity to see it.
Speaker 2 (35:07):
Here's the deal.
There is one individual thatyou're going to spend more time
with than anyone else for yourremaining time here on Earth.
So why and it's you OK you'regoing to be spending all your
time with you more than anybodyelse, so why wouldn't you want
to have that a greatrelationship?
I highly recommend it.
Speaker 1 (35:30):
You know, I had to have that conversation with
myself too, as we're signing offhere.
One day I had that talk withmyself and I was like, if
somebody that you knew, if yourfriend, talked to you the way
that you're talking to yourselfright now, would you be friends
with them?
And I was like, no, and I'mlike, so you need to fix that.
Like, how do we fix that right?
(35:51):
And so, yeah, yeah, and so thatis.
That was where that journeystarted for me.
But, very similar to what yousaid, you know, if I love one,
would I say this to a loved one?
No, then why are you saying itto yourself?
You are your loved one.
Hello, your first loved one.
All right, well, thank you somuch for joining us, shane.
This has been an absolutelyamazing episode.
(36:11):
Uh, we appreciate yourvulnerability and your amazing
advice, because this has beenabsolutely great.
Like I said, you are anabsolute goldmine and we will
catch you guys next time on thenext episode of overcome
yourself.
Bye bye.
Speaker 2 (36:24):
Thank you, nicole thank you.
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