December 17, 2024 • 39 mins
What if turning 30 was just the beginning of a richer, more fulfilling life? Join us in an eye-opening conversation with Jane, a transformational coach for midlife women, who shares her compelling journey from a career in technology and education to finding her true calling in coaching. Jane introduces the "wheel of life" tool, revealing how it can help you prioritize and balance the various aspects of your life. She delves into the common struggles faced by midlife women, such as neurodivergency and noisy minds, and provides actionable insights for connecting mind and body to achieve a higher level of self-awareness.
Could living in the present moment unlock your greatest potential? We challenge the societal pressure of milestones like turning 30, suggesting that it's merely the start of an enriching new chapter. Discover how our 40s can be our prime years, combining the wisdom of experience, the thrill of growth, and financial stability. Jane brings the fascinating concept of quantum physics to the table, emphasizing that the present is all we truly have. She also shares book recommendations designed to help you embrace this mindset, including one that promises to bring calmness and clarity into your life.
How can surrendering to the universe transform your life? Explore the art of letting go with references to "The Surrender Experiment" and "The Prosperous Coach," as Jane discusses the transformative power of mindfulness, habits, and gratitude. Learn about "doorstep mindfulness" and other personal techniques that will help you stay grounded in the moment. Jane underscores the importance of small, consistent actions for overall well-being and offers resources available through her "Embracing your Second Spring" Facebook group. This episode is a treasure trove of practical advice and wisdom for anyone ready to embrace transformation and growth, no matter their stage in life.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Nicole Tuxbury (00:02):
bye and finally, welcome back to the next
episode of the Overcome Yourselfpodcast.
I am so excited to be heretoday with um today's guest.
Her name is Jane and Jane,welcome.
Tell us a little bit about you,um.
Tell us about you and yourawesomeness.
(00:23):
I can't wait to hear this right?
Jane Reason (00:26):
oh well, I've.
I'm Jane.
I'm a transformational coachfor midlife women and I come to
this with a long background inboth.
Uh, initially when I leftuniversity working in technology
communications technology as aresearch scientist, I moved from
that to being a full-time mumand from that into being a
(00:48):
teacher.
A science teacher very quicklymoved through to being a senior
leader and then a head teacherand finally an executive leader
within the education field.
And then burnout struck.
Yeah, and, and there's lots ofthings around my burnout I I
mean burnout was created throughchoices that I made.
Uh, with best intentions, butthat's what happened and and
(01:10):
from that I chose to leave.
I thought I can't do thisanymore.
I need to, I need to find a newway.
And, being almost 60, I took mypension early so this is a
couple years ago and I took mypension early.
And so this is a couple ofyears ago and I took my pension
early and didn't really have aplan for what I was going to do
post being a head teacher andexecutive leader.
(01:32):
And then this idea I've alwaysloved coaching.
I've always loved coaching.
It's been part of my life forsuch a long time and it has such
a transformational power forwomen and for anybody.
And it has such atransformational power for women
and for anybody and I thought,okay, I can do that, I can be a
coach.
So here I am I'm atransformational coach for
midlife women.
I run a Facebook group which iscalled Embracing your Second
(01:56):
Spring and that's for women andwomen kind of mid-30s upwards,
and in there I run a lot of freetraining on kind of mindset and
midlife and menopause.
Essentially, you know, beingthe master of your own life as
(02:18):
well and really doing that.
And yeah, that's who I am, aswell as coaching, and I
absolutely love coaching.
Nicole Tuxbury (02:26):
That's wonderful .
So tell me a little bit moreabout that.
Like what?
What's like the best advicethat you give your clients when
they come to you?
Like what's that theme thatalways seems to come up?
Jane Reason (02:42):
So one of the things that I noticed with many
of the women is they have lostthemselves in the middle of
doing this for somebody, doingthis for somebody trying to run
a business or try to be in abusiness, try to be the best
they can and and they kind of gowhere am I?
They're lost in, they're lostin the hustle and the best
(03:03):
advice I can I can give them iswhere in is that whole thing
around?
Where in this are you?
Let's find you.
Who are you and where are youand how are you taking care of
you?
Which is why one of the thingsthat that's in that free group
that I run is a document calledthe wheel of life, and it's such
(03:27):
a beautiful way for people tokind of look at the things that
are important to them in theirlife and I and assess how much
attention they give it, how muchtime it takes, and then if you
look at that and you go, this ishow much time it takes and yet
this is how important it is tome, they can often see that it's
(03:47):
as important and yet takestakes little time because they
haven't put the time into it.
Is it something like?
Nicole Tuxbury (03:54):
this, that's exactly it okay, so notice, if
you guys are watching this on onthe video, that that is
something that I do.
That is something that isincluded in my journal, so that
is a fantastic thing to have inthat group.
I do that every month and Itake a look at that, and so you
can go into Jane's group andgrab one of those and every
(04:17):
month for a year you can measurehow am I feeling about all
these different areas of my life.
That is amazing.
That is such a great gift forpeople.
Oh, my goodness, Jane.
Jane Reason (04:28):
And it's so enlightening for so many people
because they look at it and theygo, oh, oh, yeah, ok, this is
important, but I'm not spendingtime on it.
Or I'm spending all my timehere, or I'm just trying to fit
so much in and everything isbeing squeezed out, or I'm just
trying to fit so much in andeverything is being squeezed out
.
So, yeah, it's a really goodstarting point for many, many of
(04:48):
the women that I work with.
That's a good starting point.
What I've also noticed about alot of the women I work with
they're either recentlydiagnosed or considering
diagnosis for neurodivergencyand the commonality there is the
really noisy head, really noisyhead.
(05:10):
So so we look really carefullyat how we can, um, separate from
that noise.
You know, which is why thewheel of life is such a good
tool, because it's a practicaltool, but really then tuning
into self.
So the coaching is very muchabout connecting mind and body
(05:31):
together, because often we're inour heads and we're not in our
bodies at all and we don'tnotice or we discount what we
feel.
Nicole Tuxbury (05:40):
Oh, that's such a big deal, that is such a big
deal, absolutely.
Jane Reason (05:45):
So a common question for me to ask is I'm
seeing this.
Where are you feeling it?
You know, and this is what I'mhearing you say, where are you
feeling that in your body?
And that slows people down,which is such a beautiful thing
(06:05):
to do, because when we slow down, we can tune in to the
inspiration that comes in.
We can hear clearly that, that,that those ideas and those
thoughts, that, because we wereso in the noise we were unaware
of.
Nicole Tuxbury (06:24):
Yes, because the universe whispers, right?
So if we're calm enough, ifthere's too much noise we can't
hear, and then we feel lostbecause we're, we want, like
somewhere deep down inside of us, we want to hear the universe.
You know, whatever you call it,like I hear the voice of God or
hearing the universe, butthat's what we have to do.
Jane Reason (06:43):
It's a whisper, and so, like when everything else
is screaming, yes, yes,absolutely um and there's such a
beautiful quote in the start ofjames I think it's jamie
smart's book clarity, and hetalks at the start of that and
he and he starts with thissentence a muddy puddle will
will clear on own, but you can'tmake it.
(07:04):
And when we talk about hearingthat whisper too often, we're
trying to force that whisper tocome out.
So what we're doing is we'reshaking up that muddy puddle and
we're making it murkier and inthe murk we can't hear, we can't
see.
Nicole Tuxbury (07:29):
So we have to let it settle and then it comes
right.
It's like chasing happiness,like one of the things that I
learned is that you can't behappy all the time.
I wanted to be happy, right, Ididn't want to be sad anymore
and I thought that the oppositeof sad was being happy.
But if you're chasing happinessall the time, like it's
physically impossible to behappy all the time because
happiness is a chemical reactionthat happens in our brain,
(07:50):
right, we get like oxytocin orwe you know, like the dopamine,
like there's different thingsthat happen, and then there's
happiness.
And then you know, when youdon't have those things, you can
feel sad, right, but like youcan't live in happy all the time
, right, but like you can't livein happy all the time.
Sometimes we have to just letthings settle and what I learned
(08:14):
was living in joy.
You can enjoy all the time.
You don't have to be happy allthe time to be enjoyed, to be in
peace, right.
So so good.
You've said so many things thatare amazing, like one of the
things that I thought about inmy book and one of the things
you said so many things in ourlife are seasons and as women,
we hold on to those identities,like being a daughter and I'm
(08:37):
like I'm the best daughter,right, but then at some point in
our life that doesn't serve usanymore, because our biggest
role isn't being a daughter,just like when we wrap our whole
identity up and being a mother.
Well, what happens when thekids grow up and they leave the
house?
Now you're, you're empty andlike like you can't ask them to
come back because that's thenatural progression, right, and
(08:57):
so a lot.
Jane Reason (08:58):
I think that a lot of that happens is where you
know the party's over, as theysay, and you're all alone after
the party and you're lookingaround and now, now you've got
to deal with you, you fix, andthis is why I love that, because
this is why my Facebook groupis called Embracing your Second
Spring, because if we look atlife as a set of seasons, then
(09:21):
often we see as we head tomidlife, and particularly as we
head into perimenopause andmenopause, we kind of
conditioned to see that as thebeginning of the end, and yet
there's so much that happensbeyond that point.
Nicole Tuxbury (09:39):
And it's not the beginning of the end, it's the
start of a new season yes, buteven turning 30, there was a lot
of messaging that like yourlife is over.
Now you're 30, you'reofficially an old lady.
That's it like like your lifeis over, basically, and it's
kind of like hold on, this isjust the beginning.
Like like a comedian was like,think about your parents, your
(10:01):
parents and pictures.
They did.
The hottest, like you know,like era for them was their 40s.
If you look at their pictures,they were a mess in their 20s
and 30s.
So like the best is about to behere, like now is when you're
like you have experience, right,like you you're growing, like
you actually have an adult bodynow, right, and you have all of
these lessons.
(10:22):
And now you've got money toobecause you've been working,
you've got a career.
So like you're not like thatbroke 18 year old, right, um,
and so we get to be kids allover again if we wanted to,
right and this is where dreamscan have a challenge, isn't it?
Jane Reason (10:35):
because so often people get to a particular stage
and I saw this in a linkedinpost recently as well we get to
a particular age and we go oh, Ihad so many dreams I wish I had
.
And actually you know that thepast is history and history is
interesting, but doesn't tell usabout the now or the future.
(10:56):
And so you know, it's reallyimportant to live in the now.
So many of the women I talk toare constantly lost in the what
ifs and the then I must, andcontrolling every element.
And you know going well, I'lldo this tomorrow, but if it
rains, I'll do this, and if Ilive in the UK, if it rains is a
(11:17):
pretty common thing, andthey're so in that, trying to
control every element of theirlife, that they miss that life
is now, and the future that youwant is made up of a sequence of
nows you want is made up of asequence of nows.
Nicole Tuxbury (11:38):
Yes, yes, like quantum physics tells us there
is no such thing as the past,there is no such thing as the
future, and when you reallythink about it, those things
don't exist.
The only thing that existsliterally is right now, because
even in the future it's rightnow, now, right, because now
we're in the future, from when Ijust said that, so like there,
but that moment that I just saidit doesn't exist anymore and so
(11:59):
, yes, that's such a big dealCalling in those things and
understanding that it's alreadyyours, like I know that's diving
like way deep.
But I've been reading this book, which is something that I
wanted to ask you about, and I'mstudying, like these quantum
physics and I'm like, oh my god,it's like it's all making sense
(12:20):
, it's all clicking right, um,like down to like the molecular
level.
But I wanted to ask you, um,since this is what you do, tell
us about some good bookrecommendations.
Do you have, like maybe likethree books that are super?
Jane Reason (12:30):
yeah, well, this is .
There's a book right now thatis really calls in the calm for
me.
You know, like you know, thisthing around, we live a busy
life and we can get caught up inthe noise, and there's a book
right now that really pulls meinto that calm and and it's it's
uh, michael singer.
(12:52):
Okay, um, the under thesurrender experiment, and the
beauty I find in this one isit's the.
It's a really, reallyinteresting story about noticing
the noises in his head andsuddenly realizing that he was
listening to the noises, thevoices in his head, but he
(13:13):
wasn't the voices in his head.
He was separate to them andthen starting to see those
voices as noise and irritatingand wanting them to go away.
And so he went into this spacewhere he was constantly sort of
meditating to try and createcalm.
And then he started thisexperiment of surrendering to
(13:36):
whatever the universe put infront of him.
So, very much in the now, youknow, no forward planning at all
, just surrendering to what theuniverse puts in front of him.
And when you think about this,it's incredibly scary.
We're so caught up, aren't we?
In the?
Well, this is the line I'mgoing on and this is the now.
(13:56):
You know, I mean until Isuffered my burnout, you know I
had my journey planned out interms of my next stages in my
career.
This wasn't on that list andyet this is an amazing space to
be in.
I love it, and surrendering tothe universe so the universe
helps us make decisions isfantastic.
(14:17):
So I I would recommend that, andif there are any coaches
listening, a book I'd reallyrecommend any coach, or a
particularly any coach,considering going into being a
coach, an entrepreneur coach,and that's the Prosperous Coach
by Steve Chandler and RichLitvin, and that's a really
(14:41):
interesting way of looking atthings.
And particularly coaches go intothe business of coaching
because they love serving peopleand then they realize that
coaching is a business and sothere's a business side to it
and it can feel reallyuncomfortable.
You know, asking for money, itcan feel really uncomfortable,
(15:05):
but I love doing this.
Why should I ask for money?
And then it's that business andone of the key principles in
that book is that you come fromservice.
So when you're creating clients, it's coming from service.
You're enrolling clients intheir own growth and development
, and that was such a beautifulthing for me to read when I
(15:29):
first started this journey andkind of it's not a word I use
much now, but that permissionpiece around.
I can love the business sideand I can love the coaching side
and they are actually the samething.
You can get, you gain, clientsby coaching clients.
Yes, you know so you do what youlove doing and and you create
(15:51):
clients through creatingrelationships.
Yes, and I'm in the business ofrelationships.
Nicole Tuxbury (15:59):
Yes and when you get to do things, you get to go
out and go to dinner, or you goout, you pay for a vacation, or
you go out and you buy a newbra for yourself.
Jane Reason (16:13):
You don't expect to get a good price, do you?
Nicole Tuxbury (16:16):
No, no.
But I was going to say, whenyou do have those clients and
just taking a moment toappreciate and be like I get to
do this because my clients paidme.
That happens to me all the time.
I'm in awe of myself.
Sometimes I get to go out todinner right now because they
paid me.
They love me and I'm helpingthem and they love paying me.
(16:38):
That was a big switch for me,was one of my affirmations.
People love to pay me and giveme money, because when I used to
work in a restaurant, my moneyissues were so bad that I would
feel bad dropping off the checkof the restaurant Like you guys
ordered all this food, you choseit, you knew the prices.
This, but my money is so badthat even with that, I would
(17:01):
feel kind of weird, and so itwas really hard to come up to
someone and be like my servicesare thousands of dollars, yes,
but the transformation thatyou're gonna get is worth so
much more, so there's actually ascale.
Jane Reason (17:13):
There's something isn't there in the exchange of
money that creates both thecoach and the coachee showing up
differently.
Yes, yeah, that's what you mean.
There's an investment in it,isn't there?
You know, there's a real senseof duty, I guess, to self and to
(17:34):
client.
I need to show up as if theypaid me this money because they
have, and actually then, however, I'm actually going to show up
as if they paid me 10 times that, 20 times that, 100 times that,
and what does that look like?
There's a real privilege inbeing a coach.
I think the amazing.
There's a real privilege inbeing a coach.
(17:55):
I think I get to be part of andwitness these amazing insights
and transformations that thewomen that I work with have, and
wow, what a beauty that is.
Nicole Tuxbury (18:05):
Yes, and it's the little things Like.
That's the wonderful thing aboutwhat we do is that a lot of
people are like it seems so big,right, but we're working on
foundational things with people,we're uncovering layers, we're
just peeling back the onion,right, and we are holding their
hands while they're walkingthrough those challenges.
(18:26):
Because for me, I know, italways feels like there's this
wall, like, right, you know,like in a video game, right,
when you're about to get to thenext level, you gotta face the
big boss and there's like thiswall.
And a lot of times I I know,like in my story, in my life, I
would get to that wall and I getscared, right, because it's
scary, it's dark and it's it'smurky and you're like you don't
(18:48):
know what's gonna happen, and soyou turn around.
But what happens when you turnaround is that when you are
ready and you're like, okay, I'mgonna go to the next level, you
have to still get to that wall.
You have to get past that wall.
And so our job is to hold yourhand and be like, hey, it's not
actually a wall, it's a sheet.
All you got to do is push itand it's gonna dissolve and
there's nothing scary on theother end and if there is, I'm
(19:11):
holding your hand through it.
So we got this absolutely.
Jane Reason (19:14):
And there's this thing as well, isn't there that?
You know we talked earlierabout chemicals that there's the
chemicals in the brain, thatthat that shoot off.
You know, whenever it'ssomething unknown, there's a,
there's a trepidation, there's a, there's a fear, and that
triggers chemicals.
And then we attach thoughts tothat sensation in our body and
that sensation lasts 90 seconds.
(19:36):
It goes on when we attachthoughts to it, because each
time a thought goes oh, that'swhat it means it goes yeah, yeah
, I'll do more of that, and youknow so.
Then you go oh, yeah, you saythis is really scary.
Yeah, yeah, I'll make it feellike it's terrifying, you know,
to reinforce this negative.
(19:56):
So we and we're learning to sitwith that sensation and realize
it's extension is a thoughtcreation, because one of the
biggest things that I think istransformational for people is
noticing that actually we don'tsee the whole world.
We don't see the infinitepossibilities and opportunities
(20:19):
and differences and and and andeverything that and the beauty
that's in the world, because wesee it.
We see the world through thelens of lens of our hidden
beliefs, and that lens is going.
You look here because there'ssome evidence to prove it, but
don't look over there, becausethat doesn't prove it.
Nicole Tuxbury (20:37):
It's like those glasses from oh my god, was that
movie with nicholas cage wherethey steal the declaration of
independence national treasure?
Remember that they had thoseglasses and it had like a bunch
of different slides and so like,if the blue one was there they
couldn't see that part of themap.
But then if they moved it inthe red one, now you could right
, and so you could be looking atthe same thing and you just
(20:59):
have the wrong lens so you can'tsee the map absolutely, this is
it.
Jane Reason (21:04):
You know you, and when you open the eyes, you know
your eyes to the fact that thisis what is happening, and also
when you notice that a lot ofthose hidden beliefs were
created as a child, with achild's understanding of
whatever those words that weresaid or those actions or those
(21:26):
feelings that they had were.
So it's a child, maybe aseven-year-old's understanding
of the world that's created,this belief that's been with you
for your whole life and youknow, as an adult, you're
seeking evidence that it's true.
Nicole Tuxbury (21:42):
Yes, that's like wow, that's like a big aha
moment.
Oh, my goodness, I was tryingto look for the title of this
book because you're reminding mewhen you're talking about it.
I was trying to look for thetitle of this book because
you're reminding me when you'retalking about it.
I don't remember the title.
If I do remember, I will put itin the show notes for everyone.
But in this book it's talkingabout how we are not ourselves,
(22:06):
we are the observer of what'shappening to us, and so I think
it's what you're talking aboutis taking a step back and just
allowing yourself to observe.
So you see, that negativethought come and you can be like
well, where did that come from?
Right.
And then this happy one well,where did that one come from?
Let's go back and see if we canfind more.
(22:26):
Um, but I can't remember thename of the book.
If I do, I will.
I don't know the book.
Jane Reason (22:33):
However, there is another book that actually I
think is is a really interestingbook to read when, when you're
trying to, you're exploring thisidea of inspiration and calm,
and that's called clarity by byJamie Smart.
That's an incredible bookbecause it basically clear
(22:53):
thought comes from the absenceof noise, not from within the
noise, and those books reallykind of get you to look at
what's going on in your own headin such a different way and
learning to be able to notice.
I mean, not all of us have thiscontinuous dialogue in our
(23:15):
heads, but I certainly do, andwhat I noticed, at quite a young
age actually, was that I couldbe separate to the dialogue and
that when I sat back, I washearing both sides of an
argument and that when I'm in it, what I do is I choose one side
and I go.
That's the truth, you know.
(23:36):
But when you step back and yougo, oh, actually my brain is is
exploring both.
It doesn't want to be wrong, soit's going through both, and
these are just all thoughts andI can observe these thoughts.
So who am I?
That's doing the observing,essentially, but I'm doing the
observing.
So I have three choices whenI'm doing the observing.
(23:57):
One choice is to choose thatanswer.
The other is to choose thatanswer.
But there's a third choice,which is to go oh that was an
interesting thought and nottaking it in either answer.
And I remember being taughtmindfulness many, many, many
years ago and they're saying inthis, in this program you know,
(24:18):
if a thought comes in, notice itbut don't engage with it.
And it's just like sorry, if athought comes in, I am that
thought, but you're not, you areseparate to it and it's, it's,
it's not something you have tobe in yes, yeah, yeah, and most
(24:40):
people don't think about thesethings.
Nicole Tuxbury (24:43):
When you talk to the average person, they're not
thinking about what they'rethinking about.
So if you've, made it this farinto the episode, like you are
in, like this is the gold, thisis, this is where the magic
happens, right, like this isreally really deep coaching,
like you have to you gotta havea little bit of experience.
Yes, but, um, but it's so goodbecause it's so, so true, um,
(25:08):
and something that helped mewith that a lot was somebody
told me no one died and promotedyou to general manager of the
universe.
It is not your job to solve allthe problems.
So, you see a problem, you'llbe like I'm not the manager of
this problem, and then you walkaway right.
Jane Reason (25:26):
And also, you know this, this thing we have around
being lost in control and tryingto control for every
eventuality, and thereforeconstantly in our heads and
constantly, um, trying toexplore, you know, the what ifs
when we're not in the now thatwe talked about earlier, about
you know, the future is made bya sequence of nows, and how many
(25:48):
and I I can hold my hand up tothis how many of us genuinely
can't remember some reallyimpactful and important elements
of our life and and you know,maybe our own children's lives,
because we were so caught up inour heads that actually that
memory was not stored in astrong place, because we weren't
(26:11):
paying attention and being inthat memory.
And so you know, this is wherewe don't need to control things.
You know, it's not like we wakeup in the morning and we have
to make a decision what theweather is going to do.
We have no control of it.
(26:33):
You know so, and yet we getcaught up in oh my goodness, the
weather's not doing what Iwanted it to do or whatever it
is.
You know, as I say, I'm in theuk, so weather is a
preoccupation in the uk.
We are what, what the standarddecided this, you know,
description of a uk person is wetalk about the weather and and
yet, you know, just acceptingthe weather.
(26:54):
Okay, this is what theweather's doing today.
That's cool.
Nicole Tuxbury (26:57):
Okay, this is what I'll do then okay, yeah, I
gotta, I gotta wear this or Icannot wear that today, like, oh
, it's rainy, I was gonna wear awhite shirt, so I guess I have
to pick a new outfit, right andand yet you know where?
Jane Reason (27:12):
where is it?
Where we have to pre-considerwhat we're going to put on in
the morning.
What do you mean?
Well, this idea of we plan towhat we wear, I mean, that in
itself kind of is in our heads,isn't it?
It's like I need to plan whatI'm going to wear tomorrow.
Well, we don't, we can justchoose in the morning.
(27:34):
Yes, it's just the whole ideaabout the now.
Nicole Tuxbury (27:46):
On whether you're a night person or a
morning person, because I don'tlike to make decisions in the
morning.
Do?
Jane Reason (27:49):
you know what I read somewhere on that basis?
I read somewhere this thingaround if we create I think it
atomic habits oh, I love atomichabits, yes, in there where it's
kind of like if you createsomething whereby it's just a
pattern that you follow, there'sno decision to be made yes,
there.
Nicole Tuxbury (28:08):
Okay, there's a lot of.
There's a lot of controversyright now with that, because one
of the things that we'refinding is that those of us with
ADHD habits don't work quitethe same as someone who's not,
because we have to think aboutthings like I, I don't.
(28:30):
I have habits and I'veimplemented habits for myself,
but I still have to think aboutthem every single day.
Jane Reason (28:36):
It's not like this is an interesting one, because I
am ADHD myself and yet habitsreally help me because they take
away.
They take away some pressures.
Well, yes, and so I guess itdepends.
Nicole Tuxbury (28:51):
There's no decision to be made, but it it's
just.
It's not like am I going to dothis or not, I am going to do
this, but it's like kind oftelling myself it's time to do
this now.
Jane Reason (29:02):
Oh, that's ADHD and time.
Let's face it.
You know we have.
We have no concept of time.
We're aligned with the universe.
Time doesn't really exist,right, right.
And you know we and you know wecan have a short period of time
and think we've got loads.
We can have loads of time andthink we've got none.
Nicole Tuxbury (29:20):
Yes, yes, yes so , yes, I think habits are super,
super, super important, um, butit's just understanding that
they might not happen exactlythe same way for us as everyone
else oh, absolutely, we're alldifferent, you're going to have
to think about it, but it's youdecide.
Like that was really big for meis realizing that those tiny
(29:40):
decisions that you make everyday drinking water every day,
brushing your teeth every day,like doing these rudimentary,
like elementary kindergartenthings that we were taught they
add up and so it's it's notabout am I going to do this or
not.
It's like no bitch.
You're drinking water todaylike there is no if, ands or
buts.
You drink your coffee and thenyou're going to drink water and
(30:03):
so like automatically.
But I think about it, but likethis is what's happening right?
Jane Reason (30:07):
now yeah, that's the spoon theory thing, isn't it
as well?
And so much energy you can give, and I think this is where this
is where I'm noticing certainthings.
I think we need to also reallyplay to our strengths and notice
where we we can gain help fromothers.
(30:27):
So one of the things that helpsme is I have a husband who
loves patterns, so he loveshabits and routines, and so I
don't have to explore thethinking around that, because it
happens, because there's aroutine in place that he ensures
happens, and so that that issimple for me.
(30:48):
Um, and so, you know, thosesorts of partnerships are really
useful for us.
You Same in business and thingslike that as well.
There'll be things that you'regreat at, and then there'll be
things that drain you of energy,like in ADHD.
We've got this incredibleability to hyperfocus, but we
lose sight of the other things.
And so, creating routines wherethere's at least some
(31:14):
familiarity even though, youknow, I create a timetable for
myself and then deliberatelydon't follow it but at least I
know the things, at least I'vethought about the things that
were important to do so theprocess of creating the
timetable creates an element ofimportance to me, and then I
redo the timetable.
Nicole Tuxbury (31:33):
I still don't follow it, but again I'm
reassessing the importance well,you at least lay like a little
foundation, even if we don'tfollow it.
Um, I've learned to observe,like take inventory, like what
are you doing, naturally, andthen how can I fit something
(31:53):
else in here?
Because if I try to be likeyou're going to work out every
day at 10 in the morning and 10in the morning, like well, I
have a client call, or oh well,I'm hungry, or you know.
So it's not about getting itdone at 10 in the morning.
It's like, before client calls,you're going to hit the gym and
it's like, oh shit, I got tocall in an hour.
I guess I got to go, you know,and so it's like playing around.
Jane Reason (32:13):
Yeah, I get that Very loose and fun.
When I ever have physio to door anything like that, I add it
to the routine of brushing myteeth.
Yes, so if they say it needsdoing three times a day, well,
at least it's going to get donetwice, isn't it it because I
will do it when I brush my teeth, because I always brush my
(32:36):
teeth, therefore, I will alwaysdo the physio.
Nicole Tuxbury (32:39):
the rest of it and your habit stacking.
Jane Reason (32:41):
Yeah exactly, habit stacking makes life so much
easier.
Nicole Tuxbury (32:45):
Yes, and then it's like oh my god, like I'm
just killing it, like it took notime at all, because I did two
things at the same time, and soyou can't even get it and say,
oh, that's that's, that'sanother thing, that's that's
another thing in atomic habits,isn't it that habit stacking,
you know?
Jane Reason (33:02):
and it does make life so much simpler, but
there's so much as well that wetell ourselves that that creates
challenges.
So I was having a, you know,recent client who was constantly
telling herself she was tootired to, and then each time she
had this, each time a challengecame up, she'd go into this,
I'm too exhausted to do this,and she'd start yawning and
(33:23):
everything else.
And then we'd work through thatand she suddenly had loads of
energy.
And I kept saying this isthought created.
This tiredness is not real,it's thought created and kind of
, she's played with this andshe's gone.
Oh, my goodness, I have moreenergy than I thought.
I'm too tired to go to the gym,I need to stay in bed, but if
(33:43):
you get up and go to the gym,you've got the energy.
Do you know?
I mean, it's, it's, it's thatthing of of.
We can create so much in ourheads and once we're aware that
a lot of what happens in ourbodies we are generating, you
know, it's thought generated,it's thought created and that we
(34:03):
are in control of that, wedon't have to follow that
thought.
Nicole Tuxbury (34:08):
Wow, that's powerful it helps me to be like
future Nicole is going to bereally grateful that you did
this, and then I'll be like youknow what you're right she is,
and then I'll do it.
And then I get to the futureand I'm like past Nicole, you
were right.
I am so grateful that I hope todo this now and you know, and
that helps me a lot, you know,like doing little things like
that, like why am I gonna?
I don't want to do this now well, do you want to do it tomorrow?
Jane Reason (34:30):
no, then do it now and then tomorrow when you look
at it you'll be like, yay, I didit yesterday.
Yeah, I'm terrible, you know I.
Nicole Tuxbury (34:38):
I know that at times I've got stuck in that
there's always tomorrow trapyeah, and so we gotta, we gotta
like if our thoughts get us intoit.
Our thoughts have to help usget out of it.
Oh my god this has been soamazing.
I want you one, one final tipbefore we sign off here.
What would it be for ouraudience?
Jane Reason (35:00):
Pay attention to how your thoughts affect your
feelings in your body.
So when you, when you're inyour, when you're in your head
and you've got, you've gotsomething going on in your head,
connect to the feelings.
If you've got a problem solved,where are you feeling that
problem to solve?
(35:21):
For me, it's always herewhenever.
Whenever I say you know, I'masked to connect.
That's why here is, so we canhear it here.
Here is right in the middle ofmy chest, right in the middle.
That's where I feel it.
And the other thing that thencomes along with that, when I
noticed that I can body checkand I've learned to let things
(35:43):
go out of my fingertips, so Iput my hands down and I let the
tension drain out of myfingertips and it literally
moves away.
And so I created and this isthe technique, if you like,
create a doorstep mindfulness.
(36:04):
So literally, if you're goingfrom one room.
As a head teacher, I was oftengoing from my office to the
school or the school to myoffice, and there was a real
need to be in the moment, in thepresent in both cases.
And so what I would do is I'dcheck myself as I got to the
door Am I feeling tension.
What's going on in my head?
What's going on in my body?
(36:24):
Let it drain out my fingertipsand off I go.
Nicole Tuxbury (36:29):
That's wonderful .
Jane Reason (36:30):
And it really puts you in the moment.
So find what is your now to putyou in the moment.
I'm looking at the treesblowing in the wind right now,
and what a beautiful way toconnect to now yes, my thing.
Nicole Tuxbury (36:43):
What I always um recommend, my tip for everyone
to get into the now ispracticing gratitude.
So I'm just I'm so grateful forthe greenness of the trees.
I'm so grateful for the windblowing.
I'm so grateful for thegreenness of the trees, I'm so
grateful for the wind blowing,I'm so grateful for the rain the
rain that, like the animals andall the plants and like the
earth, needs so I can stay coolbecause God is hot, um, and you
know, and so finding littlethings to be grateful for, but I
(37:05):
love that, and just to bringyou into the now, like that is,
that's everything, um wonderful,and yes, and um, you mentioned
a free, so can you tell us alittle bit more about that?
Jane Reason (37:20):
OK, so going back to my Facebook group, I have a
Facebook group you can find withease Search Embracing your
Second Spring.
That's where it is.
It'll be in the show notes aswell.
Yeah, ok, and in there thereare various files, and that
includes the Wheel of Life,which is an incredible tool for
(37:43):
just paying attention to what'simportant to you and where
you're spending time, and thenfrom that you can work towards
changing that, if that's whatyou need to do.
Nicole Tuxbury (37:55):
Level one, taking inventory.
That's the first thing that Ialways absolutely.
Jane Reason (38:01):
Where am I now?
Nicole Tuxbury (38:02):
yeah, and then if the audience would love to
stay in touch with you I knowthey will because you're amazing
can you tell us how we canfollow you, like on social media
?
What's your website?
Anything else like that?
Jane Reason (38:12):
Okay, so my website is Jane Reason coachingmeuk, my
Instagram is currently JaneReason menopause coach
underscore menopause coach.
I may change that, but that'swhat it currently is, and my
Facebook is just Jane ReasonCoaching.
Nicole Tuxbury (38:31):
So Jane reason, everywhere we go, we can.
Jane Reason (38:34):
Absolutely.
Well, you know, my business isme, so why not put me at the
center of my business?
Yeah, and that's not an egothing, that's just a simplicity
thing.
Nicole Tuxbury (38:43):
No, absolutely no.
That makes total sense and like, it's your name, it's your
brand, and so, yeah, let's buildit out.
I love it, mine too.
Yeah, let's build it out.
I love it, mine too.
My website's NicoleTexburycom.
So, yeah, I get it all right.
Thank you so much for beinghere with us, Jane.
This has been absolutelyamazing and, um, I guess we will
see each other on social mediaand thank you, audience, for
(39:04):
being here with us.
Stay tuned for the next episodeof Overcome Yourself, the
podcast.
Bye.
bye and finally, welcome back to the next
episode of the Overcome Yourselfpodcast.
I am so excited to be heretoday with um today's guest.
Her name is Jane and Jane,welcome.
Tell us a little bit about you,um.
Tell us about you and yourawesomeness.
(00:23):
I can't wait to hear this right?
Jane Reason (00:26):
oh well, I've.
I'm Jane.
I'm a transformational coachfor midlife women and I come to
this with a long background inboth.
Uh, initially when I leftuniversity working in technology
communications technology as aresearch scientist, I moved from
that to being a full-time mumand from that into being a
(00:48):
teacher.
A science teacher very quicklymoved through to being a senior
leader and then a head teacherand finally an executive leader
within the education field.
And then burnout struck.
Yeah, and, and there's lots ofthings around my burnout I I
mean burnout was created throughchoices that I made.
Uh, with best intentions, butthat's what happened and and
(01:10):
from that I chose to leave.
I thought I can't do thisanymore.
I need to, I need to find a newway.
And, being almost 60, I took mypension early so this is a
couple years ago and I took mypension early.
And so this is a couple ofyears ago and I took my pension
early and didn't really have aplan for what I was going to do
post being a head teacher andexecutive leader.
(01:32):
And then this idea I've alwaysloved coaching.
I've always loved coaching.
It's been part of my life forsuch a long time and it has such
a transformational power forwomen and for anybody.
And it has such atransformational power for women
and for anybody and I thought,okay, I can do that, I can be a
coach.
So here I am I'm atransformational coach for
midlife women.
I run a Facebook group which iscalled Embracing your Second
(01:56):
Spring and that's for women andwomen kind of mid-30s upwards,
and in there I run a lot of freetraining on kind of mindset and
midlife and menopause.
Essentially, you know, beingthe master of your own life as
(02:18):
well and really doing that.
And yeah, that's who I am, aswell as coaching, and I
absolutely love coaching.
Nicole Tuxbury (02:26):
That's wonderful .
So tell me a little bit moreabout that.
Like what?
What's like the best advicethat you give your clients when
they come to you?
Like what's that theme thatalways seems to come up?
Jane Reason (02:42):
So one of the things that I noticed with many
of the women is they have lostthemselves in the middle of
doing this for somebody, doingthis for somebody trying to run
a business or try to be in abusiness, try to be the best
they can and and they kind of gowhere am I?
They're lost in, they're lostin the hustle and the best
(03:03):
advice I can I can give them iswhere in is that whole thing
around?
Where in this are you?
Let's find you.
Who are you and where are youand how are you taking care of
you?
Which is why one of the thingsthat that's in that free group
that I run is a document calledthe wheel of life, and it's such
(03:27):
a beautiful way for people tokind of look at the things that
are important to them in theirlife and I and assess how much
attention they give it, how muchtime it takes, and then if you
look at that and you go, this ishow much time it takes and yet
this is how important it is tome, they can often see that it's
(03:47):
as important and yet takestakes little time because they
haven't put the time into it.
Is it something like?
Nicole Tuxbury (03:54):
this, that's exactly it okay, so notice, if
you guys are watching this on onthe video, that that is
something that I do.
That is something that isincluded in my journal, so that
is a fantastic thing to have inthat group.
I do that every month and Itake a look at that, and so you
can go into Jane's group andgrab one of those and every
(04:17):
month for a year you can measurehow am I feeling about all
these different areas of my life.
That is amazing.
That is such a great gift forpeople.
Oh, my goodness, Jane.
Jane Reason (04:28):
And it's so enlightening for so many people
because they look at it and theygo, oh, oh, yeah, ok, this is
important, but I'm not spendingtime on it.
Or I'm spending all my timehere, or I'm just trying to fit
so much in and everything isbeing squeezed out, or I'm just
trying to fit so much in andeverything is being squeezed out
.
So, yeah, it's a really goodstarting point for many, many of
(04:48):
the women that I work with.
That's a good starting point.
What I've also noticed about alot of the women I work with
they're either recentlydiagnosed or considering
diagnosis for neurodivergencyand the commonality there is the
really noisy head, really noisyhead.
(05:10):
So so we look really carefullyat how we can, um, separate from
that noise.
You know, which is why thewheel of life is such a good
tool, because it's a practicaltool, but really then tuning
into self.
So the coaching is very muchabout connecting mind and body
(05:31):
together, because often we're inour heads and we're not in our
bodies at all and we don'tnotice or we discount what we
feel.
Nicole Tuxbury (05:40):
Oh, that's such a big deal, that is such a big
deal, absolutely.
Jane Reason (05:45):
So a common question for me to ask is I'm
seeing this.
Where are you feeling it?
You know, and this is what I'mhearing you say, where are you
feeling that in your body?
And that slows people down,which is such a beautiful thing
(06:05):
to do, because when we slow down, we can tune in to the
inspiration that comes in.
We can hear clearly that, that,that those ideas and those
thoughts, that, because we wereso in the noise we were unaware
of.
Nicole Tuxbury (06:24):
Yes, because the universe whispers, right?
So if we're calm enough, ifthere's too much noise we can't
hear, and then we feel lostbecause we're, we want, like
somewhere deep down inside of us, we want to hear the universe.
You know, whatever you call it,like I hear the voice of God or
hearing the universe, butthat's what we have to do.
Jane Reason (06:43):
It's a whisper, and so, like when everything else
is screaming, yes, yes,absolutely um and there's such a
beautiful quote in the start ofjames I think it's jamie
smart's book clarity, and hetalks at the start of that and
he and he starts with thissentence a muddy puddle will
will clear on own, but you can'tmake it.
(07:04):
And when we talk about hearingthat whisper too often, we're
trying to force that whisper tocome out.
So what we're doing is we'reshaking up that muddy puddle and
we're making it murkier and inthe murk we can't hear, we can't
see.
Nicole Tuxbury (07:29):
So we have to let it settle and then it comes
right.
It's like chasing happiness,like one of the things that I
learned is that you can't behappy all the time.
I wanted to be happy, right, Ididn't want to be sad anymore
and I thought that the oppositeof sad was being happy.
But if you're chasing happinessall the time, like it's
physically impossible to behappy all the time because
happiness is a chemical reactionthat happens in our brain,
(07:50):
right, we get like oxytocin orwe you know, like the dopamine,
like there's different thingsthat happen, and then there's
happiness.
And then you know, when youdon't have those things, you can
feel sad, right, but like youcan't live in happy all the time
, right, but like you can't livein happy all the time.
Sometimes we have to just letthings settle and what I learned
(08:14):
was living in joy.
You can enjoy all the time.
You don't have to be happy allthe time to be enjoyed, to be in
peace, right.
So so good.
You've said so many things thatare amazing, like one of the
things that I thought about inmy book and one of the things
you said so many things in ourlife are seasons and as women,
we hold on to those identities,like being a daughter and I'm
(08:37):
like I'm the best daughter,right, but then at some point in
our life that doesn't serve usanymore, because our biggest
role isn't being a daughter,just like when we wrap our whole
identity up and being a mother.
Well, what happens when thekids grow up and they leave the
house?
Now you're, you're empty andlike like you can't ask them to
come back because that's thenatural progression, right, and
(08:57):
so a lot.
Jane Reason (08:58):
I think that a lot of that happens is where you
know the party's over, as theysay, and you're all alone after
the party and you're lookingaround and now, now you've got
to deal with you, you fix, andthis is why I love that, because
this is why my Facebook groupis called Embracing your Second
Spring, because if we look atlife as a set of seasons, then
(09:21):
often we see as we head tomidlife, and particularly as we
head into perimenopause andmenopause, we kind of
conditioned to see that as thebeginning of the end, and yet
there's so much that happensbeyond that point.
Nicole Tuxbury (09:39):
And it's not the beginning of the end, it's the
start of a new season yes, buteven turning 30, there was a lot
of messaging that like yourlife is over.
Now you're 30, you'reofficially an old lady.
That's it like like your lifeis over, basically, and it's
kind of like hold on, this isjust the beginning.
Like like a comedian was like,think about your parents, your
(10:01):
parents and pictures.
They did.
The hottest, like you know,like era for them was their 40s.
If you look at their pictures,they were a mess in their 20s
and 30s.
So like the best is about to behere, like now is when you're
like you have experience, right,like you you're growing, like
you actually have an adult bodynow, right, and you have all of
these lessons.
(10:22):
And now you've got money toobecause you've been working,
you've got a career.
So like you're not like thatbroke 18 year old, right, um,
and so we get to be kids allover again if we wanted to,
right and this is where dreamscan have a challenge, isn't it?
Jane Reason (10:35):
because so often people get to a particular stage
and I saw this in a linkedinpost recently as well we get to
a particular age and we go oh, Ihad so many dreams I wish I had
.
And actually you know that thepast is history and history is
interesting, but doesn't tell usabout the now or the future.
(10:56):
And so you know, it's reallyimportant to live in the now.
So many of the women I talk toare constantly lost in the what
ifs and the then I must, andcontrolling every element.
And you know going well, I'lldo this tomorrow, but if it
rains, I'll do this, and if Ilive in the UK, if it rains is a
(11:17):
pretty common thing, andthey're so in that, trying to
control every element of theirlife, that they miss that life
is now, and the future that youwant is made up of a sequence of
nows you want is made up of asequence of nows.
Nicole Tuxbury (11:38):
Yes, yes, like quantum physics tells us there
is no such thing as the past,there is no such thing as the
future, and when you reallythink about it, those things
don't exist.
The only thing that existsliterally is right now, because
even in the future it's rightnow, now, right, because now
we're in the future, from when Ijust said that, so like there,
but that moment that I just saidit doesn't exist anymore and so
(11:59):
, yes, that's such a big dealCalling in those things and
understanding that it's alreadyyours, like I know that's diving
like way deep.
But I've been reading this book, which is something that I
wanted to ask you about, and I'mstudying, like these quantum
physics and I'm like, oh my god,it's like it's all making sense
(12:20):
, it's all clicking right, um,like down to like the molecular
level.
But I wanted to ask you, um,since this is what you do, tell
us about some good bookrecommendations.
Do you have, like maybe likethree books that are super?
Jane Reason (12:30):
yeah, well, this is .
There's a book right now thatis really calls in the calm for
me.
You know, like you know, thisthing around, we live a busy
life and we can get caught up inthe noise, and there's a book
right now that really pulls meinto that calm and and it's it's
uh, michael singer.
(12:52):
Okay, um, the under thesurrender experiment, and the
beauty I find in this one isit's the.
It's a really, reallyinteresting story about noticing
the noises in his head andsuddenly realizing that he was
listening to the noises, thevoices in his head, but he
(13:13):
wasn't the voices in his head.
He was separate to them andthen starting to see those
voices as noise and irritatingand wanting them to go away.
And so he went into this spacewhere he was constantly sort of
meditating to try and createcalm.
And then he started thisexperiment of surrendering to
(13:36):
whatever the universe put infront of him.
So, very much in the now, youknow, no forward planning at all
, just surrendering to what theuniverse puts in front of him.
And when you think about this,it's incredibly scary.
We're so caught up, aren't we?
In the?
Well, this is the line I'mgoing on and this is the now.
(13:56):
You know, I mean until Isuffered my burnout, you know I
had my journey planned out interms of my next stages in my
career.
This wasn't on that list andyet this is an amazing space to
be in.
I love it, and surrendering tothe universe so the universe
helps us make decisions isfantastic.
(14:17):
So I I would recommend that, andif there are any coaches
listening, a book I'd reallyrecommend any coach, or a
particularly any coach,considering going into being a
coach, an entrepreneur coach,and that's the Prosperous Coach
by Steve Chandler and RichLitvin, and that's a really
(14:41):
interesting way of looking atthings.
And particularly coaches go intothe business of coaching
because they love serving peopleand then they realize that
coaching is a business and sothere's a business side to it
and it can feel reallyuncomfortable.
You know, asking for money, itcan feel really uncomfortable,
(15:05):
but I love doing this.
Why should I ask for money?
And then it's that business andone of the key principles in
that book is that you come fromservice.
So when you're creating clients, it's coming from service.
You're enrolling clients intheir own growth and development
, and that was such a beautifulthing for me to read when I
(15:29):
first started this journey andkind of it's not a word I use
much now, but that permissionpiece around.
I can love the business sideand I can love the coaching side
and they are actually the samething.
You can get, you gain, clientsby coaching clients.
Yes, you know so you do what youlove doing and and you create
(15:51):
clients through creatingrelationships.
Yes, and I'm in the business ofrelationships.
Nicole Tuxbury (15:59):
Yes and when you get to do things, you get to go
out and go to dinner, or you goout, you pay for a vacation, or
you go out and you buy a newbra for yourself.
Jane Reason (16:13):
You don't expect to get a good price, do you?
Nicole Tuxbury (16:16):
No, no.
But I was going to say, whenyou do have those clients and
just taking a moment toappreciate and be like I get to
do this because my clients paidme.
That happens to me all the time.
I'm in awe of myself.
Sometimes I get to go out todinner right now because they
paid me.
They love me and I'm helpingthem and they love paying me.
(16:38):
That was a big switch for me,was one of my affirmations.
People love to pay me and giveme money, because when I used to
work in a restaurant, my moneyissues were so bad that I would
feel bad dropping off the checkof the restaurant Like you guys
ordered all this food, you choseit, you knew the prices.
This, but my money is so badthat even with that, I would
(17:01):
feel kind of weird, and so itwas really hard to come up to
someone and be like my servicesare thousands of dollars, yes,
but the transformation thatyou're gonna get is worth so
much more, so there's actually ascale.
Jane Reason (17:13):
There's something isn't there in the exchange of
money that creates both thecoach and the coachee showing up
differently.
Yes, yeah, that's what you mean.
There's an investment in it,isn't there?
You know, there's a real senseof duty, I guess, to self and to
(17:34):
client.
I need to show up as if theypaid me this money because they
have, and actually then, however, I'm actually going to show up
as if they paid me 10 times that, 20 times that, 100 times that,
and what does that look like?
There's a real privilege inbeing a coach.
I think the amazing.
There's a real privilege inbeing a coach.
(17:55):
I think I get to be part of andwitness these amazing insights
and transformations that thewomen that I work with have, and
wow, what a beauty that is.
Nicole Tuxbury (18:05):
Yes, and it's the little things Like.
That's the wonderful thing aboutwhat we do is that a lot of
people are like it seems so big,right, but we're working on
foundational things with people,we're uncovering layers, we're
just peeling back the onion,right, and we are holding their
hands while they're walkingthrough those challenges.
(18:26):
Because for me, I know, italways feels like there's this
wall, like, right, you know,like in a video game, right,
when you're about to get to thenext level, you gotta face the
big boss and there's like thiswall.
And a lot of times I I know,like in my story, in my life, I
would get to that wall and I getscared, right, because it's
scary, it's dark and it's it'smurky and you're like you don't
(18:48):
know what's gonna happen, and soyou turn around.
But what happens when you turnaround is that when you are
ready and you're like, okay, I'mgonna go to the next level, you
have to still get to that wall.
You have to get past that wall.
And so our job is to hold yourhand and be like, hey, it's not
actually a wall, it's a sheet.
All you got to do is push itand it's gonna dissolve and
there's nothing scary on theother end and if there is, I'm
(19:11):
holding your hand through it.
So we got this absolutely.
Jane Reason (19:14):
And there's this thing as well, isn't there that?
You know we talked earlierabout chemicals that there's the
chemicals in the brain, thatthat that shoot off.
You know, whenever it'ssomething unknown, there's a,
there's a trepidation, there's a, there's a fear, and that
triggers chemicals.
And then we attach thoughts tothat sensation in our body and
that sensation lasts 90 seconds.
(19:36):
It goes on when we attachthoughts to it, because each
time a thought goes oh, that'swhat it means it goes yeah, yeah
, I'll do more of that, and youknow so.
Then you go oh, yeah, you saythis is really scary.
Yeah, yeah, I'll make it feellike it's terrifying, you know,
to reinforce this negative.
(19:56):
So we and we're learning to sitwith that sensation and realize
it's extension is a thoughtcreation, because one of the
biggest things that I think istransformational for people is
noticing that actually we don'tsee the whole world.
We don't see the infinitepossibilities and opportunities
(20:19):
and differences and and and andeverything that and the beauty
that's in the world, because wesee it.
We see the world through thelens of lens of our hidden
beliefs, and that lens is going.
You look here because there'ssome evidence to prove it, but
don't look over there, becausethat doesn't prove it.
Nicole Tuxbury (20:37):
It's like those glasses from oh my god, was that
movie with nicholas cage wherethey steal the declaration of
independence national treasure?
Remember that they had thoseglasses and it had like a bunch
of different slides and so like,if the blue one was there they
couldn't see that part of themap.
But then if they moved it inthe red one, now you could right
, and so you could be looking atthe same thing and you just
(20:59):
have the wrong lens so you can'tsee the map absolutely, this is
it.
Jane Reason (21:04):
You know you, and when you open the eyes, you know
your eyes to the fact that thisis what is happening, and also
when you notice that a lot ofthose hidden beliefs were
created as a child, with achild's understanding of
whatever those words that weresaid or those actions or those
(21:26):
feelings that they had were.
So it's a child, maybe aseven-year-old's understanding
of the world that's created,this belief that's been with you
for your whole life and youknow, as an adult, you're
seeking evidence that it's true.
Nicole Tuxbury (21:42):
Yes, that's like wow, that's like a big aha
moment.
Oh, my goodness, I was tryingto look for the title of this
book because you're reminding mewhen you're talking about it.
I was trying to look for thetitle of this book because
you're reminding me when you'retalking about it.
I don't remember the title.
If I do remember, I will put itin the show notes for everyone.
But in this book it's talkingabout how we are not ourselves,
(22:06):
we are the observer of what'shappening to us, and so I think
it's what you're talking aboutis taking a step back and just
allowing yourself to observe.
So you see, that negativethought come and you can be like
well, where did that come from?
Right.
And then this happy one well,where did that one come from?
Let's go back and see if we canfind more.
(22:26):
Um, but I can't remember thename of the book.
If I do, I will.
I don't know the book.
Jane Reason (22:33):
However, there is another book that actually I
think is is a really interestingbook to read when, when you're
trying to, you're exploring thisidea of inspiration and calm,
and that's called clarity by byJamie Smart.
That's an incredible bookbecause it basically clear
(22:53):
thought comes from the absenceof noise, not from within the
noise, and those books reallykind of get you to look at
what's going on in your own headin such a different way and
learning to be able to notice.
I mean, not all of us have thiscontinuous dialogue in our
(23:15):
heads, but I certainly do, andwhat I noticed, at quite a young
age actually, was that I couldbe separate to the dialogue and
that when I sat back, I washearing both sides of an
argument and that when I'm in it, what I do is I choose one side
and I go.
That's the truth, you know.
(23:36):
But when you step back and yougo, oh, actually my brain is is
exploring both.
It doesn't want to be wrong, soit's going through both, and
these are just all thoughts andI can observe these thoughts.
So who am I?
That's doing the observing,essentially, but I'm doing the
observing.
So I have three choices whenI'm doing the observing.
(23:57):
One choice is to choose thatanswer.
The other is to choose thatanswer.
But there's a third choice,which is to go oh that was an
interesting thought and nottaking it in either answer.
And I remember being taughtmindfulness many, many, many
years ago and they're saying inthis, in this program you know,
(24:18):
if a thought comes in, notice itbut don't engage with it.
And it's just like sorry, if athought comes in, I am that
thought, but you're not, you areseparate to it and it's, it's,
it's not something you have tobe in yes, yeah, yeah, and most
(24:40):
people don't think about thesethings.
Nicole Tuxbury (24:43):
When you talk to the average person, they're not
thinking about what they'rethinking about.
So if you've, made it this farinto the episode, like you are
in, like this is the gold, thisis, this is where the magic
happens, right, like this isreally really deep coaching,
like you have to you gotta havea little bit of experience.
Yes, but, um, but it's so goodbecause it's so, so true, um,
(25:08):
and something that helped mewith that a lot was somebody
told me no one died and promotedyou to general manager of the
universe.
It is not your job to solve allthe problems.
So, you see a problem, you'llbe like I'm not the manager of
this problem, and then you walkaway right.
Jane Reason (25:26):
And also, you know this, this thing we have around
being lost in control and tryingto control for every
eventuality, and thereforeconstantly in our heads and
constantly, um, trying toexplore, you know, the what ifs
when we're not in the now thatwe talked about earlier, about
you know, the future is made bya sequence of nows, and how many
(25:48):
and I I can hold my hand up tothis how many of us genuinely
can't remember some reallyimpactful and important elements
of our life and and you know,maybe our own children's lives,
because we were so caught up inour heads that actually that
memory was not stored in astrong place, because we weren't
(26:11):
paying attention and being inthat memory.
And so you know, this is wherewe don't need to control things.
You know, it's not like we wakeup in the morning and we have
to make a decision what theweather is going to do.
We have no control of it.
(26:33):
You know so, and yet we getcaught up in oh my goodness, the
weather's not doing what Iwanted it to do or whatever it
is.
You know, as I say, I'm in theuk, so weather is a
preoccupation in the uk.
We are what, what the standarddecided this, you know,
description of a uk person is wetalk about the weather and and
yet, you know, just acceptingthe weather.
(26:54):
Okay, this is what theweather's doing today.
That's cool.
Nicole Tuxbury (26:57):
Okay, this is what I'll do then okay, yeah, I
gotta, I gotta wear this or Icannot wear that today, like, oh
, it's rainy, I was gonna wear awhite shirt, so I guess I have
to pick a new outfit, right andand yet you know where?
Jane Reason (27:12):
where is it?
Where we have to pre-considerwhat we're going to put on in
the morning.
What do you mean?
Well, this idea of we plan towhat we wear, I mean, that in
itself kind of is in our heads,isn't it?
It's like I need to plan whatI'm going to wear tomorrow.
Well, we don't, we can justchoose in the morning.
(27:34):
Yes, it's just the whole ideaabout the now.
Nicole Tuxbury (27:46):
On whether you're a night person or a
morning person, because I don'tlike to make decisions in the
morning.
Do?
Jane Reason (27:49):
you know what I read somewhere on that basis?
I read somewhere this thingaround if we create I think it
atomic habits oh, I love atomichabits, yes, in there where it's
kind of like if you createsomething whereby it's just a
pattern that you follow, there'sno decision to be made yes,
there.
Nicole Tuxbury (28:08):
Okay, there's a lot of.
There's a lot of controversyright now with that, because one
of the things that we'refinding is that those of us with
ADHD habits don't work quitethe same as someone who's not,
because we have to think aboutthings like I, I don't.
(28:30):
I have habits and I'veimplemented habits for myself,
but I still have to think aboutthem every single day.
Jane Reason (28:36):
It's not like this is an interesting one, because I
am ADHD myself and yet habitsreally help me because they take
away.
They take away some pressures.
Well, yes, and so I guess itdepends.
Nicole Tuxbury (28:51):
There's no decision to be made, but it it's
just.
It's not like am I going to dothis or not, I am going to do
this, but it's like kind oftelling myself it's time to do
this now.
Jane Reason (29:02):
Oh, that's ADHD and time.
Let's face it.
You know we have.
We have no concept of time.
We're aligned with the universe.
Time doesn't really exist,right, right.
And you know we and you know wecan have a short period of time
and think we've got loads.
We can have loads of time andthink we've got none.
Nicole Tuxbury (29:20):
Yes, yes, yes so , yes, I think habits are super,
super, super important, um, butit's just understanding that
they might not happen exactlythe same way for us as everyone
else oh, absolutely, we're alldifferent, you're going to have
to think about it, but it's youdecide.
Like that was really big for meis realizing that those tiny
(29:40):
decisions that you make everyday drinking water every day,
brushing your teeth every day,like doing these rudimentary,
like elementary kindergartenthings that we were taught they
add up and so it's it's notabout am I going to do this or
not.
It's like no bitch.
You're drinking water todaylike there is no if, ands or
buts.
You drink your coffee and thenyou're going to drink water and
(30:03):
so like automatically.
But I think about it, but likethis is what's happening right?
Jane Reason (30:07):
now yeah, that's the spoon theory thing, isn't it
as well?
And so much energy you can give, and I think this is where this
is where I'm noticing certainthings.
I think we need to also reallyplay to our strengths and notice
where we we can gain help fromothers.
(30:27):
So one of the things that helpsme is I have a husband who
loves patterns, so he loveshabits and routines, and so I
don't have to explore thethinking around that, because it
happens, because there's aroutine in place that he ensures
happens, and so that that issimple for me.
(30:48):
Um, and so, you know, thosesorts of partnerships are really
useful for us.
You Same in business and thingslike that as well.
There'll be things that you'regreat at, and then there'll be
things that drain you of energy,like in ADHD.
We've got this incredibleability to hyperfocus, but we
lose sight of the other things.
And so, creating routines wherethere's at least some
(31:14):
familiarity even though, youknow, I create a timetable for
myself and then deliberatelydon't follow it but at least I
know the things, at least I'vethought about the things that
were important to do so theprocess of creating the
timetable creates an element ofimportance to me, and then I
redo the timetable.
Nicole Tuxbury (31:33):
I still don't follow it, but again I'm
reassessing the importance well,you at least lay like a little
foundation, even if we don'tfollow it.
Um, I've learned to observe,like take inventory, like what
are you doing, naturally, andthen how can I fit something
(31:53):
else in here?
Because if I try to be likeyou're going to work out every
day at 10 in the morning and 10in the morning, like well, I
have a client call, or oh well,I'm hungry, or you know.
So it's not about getting itdone at 10 in the morning.
It's like, before client calls,you're going to hit the gym and
it's like, oh shit, I got tocall in an hour.
I guess I got to go, you know,and so it's like playing around.
Jane Reason (32:13):
Yeah, I get that Very loose and fun.
When I ever have physio to door anything like that, I add it
to the routine of brushing myteeth.
Yes, so if they say it needsdoing three times a day, well,
at least it's going to get donetwice, isn't it it because I
will do it when I brush my teeth, because I always brush my
(32:36):
teeth, therefore, I will alwaysdo the physio.
Nicole Tuxbury (32:39):
the rest of it and your habit stacking.
Jane Reason (32:41):
Yeah exactly, habit stacking makes life so much
easier.
Nicole Tuxbury (32:45):
Yes, and then it's like oh my god, like I'm
just killing it, like it took notime at all, because I did two
things at the same time, and soyou can't even get it and say,
oh, that's that's, that'sanother thing, that's that's
another thing in atomic habits,isn't it that habit stacking,
you know?
Jane Reason (33:02):
and it does make life so much simpler, but
there's so much as well that wetell ourselves that that creates
challenges.
So I was having a, you know,recent client who was constantly
telling herself she was tootired to, and then each time she
had this, each time a challengecame up, she'd go into this,
I'm too exhausted to do this,and she'd start yawning and
(33:23):
everything else.
And then we'd work through thatand she suddenly had loads of
energy.
And I kept saying this isthought created.
This tiredness is not real,it's thought created and kind of
, she's played with this andshe's gone.
Oh, my goodness, I have moreenergy than I thought.
I'm too tired to go to the gym,I need to stay in bed, but if
(33:43):
you get up and go to the gym,you've got the energy.
Do you know?
I mean, it's, it's, it's thatthing of of.
We can create so much in ourheads and once we're aware that
a lot of what happens in ourbodies we are generating, you
know, it's thought generated,it's thought created and that we
(34:03):
are in control of that, wedon't have to follow that
thought.
Nicole Tuxbury (34:08):
Wow, that's powerful it helps me to be like
future Nicole is going to bereally grateful that you did
this, and then I'll be like youknow what you're right she is,
and then I'll do it.
And then I get to the futureand I'm like past Nicole, you
were right.
I am so grateful that I hope todo this now and you know, and
that helps me a lot, you know,like doing little things like
that, like why am I gonna?
I don't want to do this now well, do you want to do it tomorrow?
Jane Reason (34:30):
no, then do it now and then tomorrow when you look
at it you'll be like, yay, I didit yesterday.
Yeah, I'm terrible, you know I.
Nicole Tuxbury (34:38):
I know that at times I've got stuck in that
there's always tomorrow trapyeah, and so we gotta, we gotta
like if our thoughts get us intoit.
Our thoughts have to help usget out of it.
Oh my god this has been soamazing.
I want you one, one final tipbefore we sign off here.
What would it be for ouraudience?
Jane Reason (35:00):
Pay attention to how your thoughts affect your
feelings in your body.
So when you, when you're inyour, when you're in your head
and you've got, you've gotsomething going on in your head,
connect to the feelings.
If you've got a problem solved,where are you feeling that
problem to solve?
(35:21):
For me, it's always herewhenever.
Whenever I say you know, I'masked to connect.
That's why here is, so we canhear it here.
Here is right in the middle ofmy chest, right in the middle.
That's where I feel it.
And the other thing that thencomes along with that, when I
noticed that I can body checkand I've learned to let things
(35:43):
go out of my fingertips, so Iput my hands down and I let the
tension drain out of myfingertips and it literally
moves away.
And so I created and this isthe technique, if you like,
create a doorstep mindfulness.
(36:04):
So literally, if you're goingfrom one room.
As a head teacher, I was oftengoing from my office to the
school or the school to myoffice, and there was a real
need to be in the moment, in thepresent in both cases.
And so what I would do is I'dcheck myself as I got to the
door Am I feeling tension.
What's going on in my head?
What's going on in my body?
(36:24):
Let it drain out my fingertipsand off I go.
Nicole Tuxbury (36:29):
That's wonderful .
Jane Reason (36:30):
And it really puts you in the moment.
So find what is your now to putyou in the moment.
I'm looking at the treesblowing in the wind right now,
and what a beautiful way toconnect to now yes, my thing.
Nicole Tuxbury (36:43):
What I always um recommend, my tip for everyone
to get into the now ispracticing gratitude.
So I'm just I'm so grateful forthe greenness of the trees.
I'm so grateful for the windblowing.
I'm so grateful for thegreenness of the trees, I'm so
grateful for the wind blowing,I'm so grateful for the rain the
rain that, like the animals andall the plants and like the
earth, needs so I can stay coolbecause God is hot, um, and you
know, and so finding littlethings to be grateful for, but I
(37:05):
love that, and just to bringyou into the now, like that is,
that's everything, um wonderful,and yes, and um, you mentioned
a free, so can you tell us alittle bit more about that?
Jane Reason (37:20):
OK, so going back to my Facebook group, I have a
Facebook group you can find withease Search Embracing your
Second Spring.
That's where it is.
It'll be in the show notes aswell.
Yeah, ok, and in there thereare various files, and that
includes the Wheel of Life,which is an incredible tool for
(37:43):
just paying attention to what'simportant to you and where
you're spending time, and thenfrom that you can work towards
changing that, if that's whatyou need to do.
Nicole Tuxbury (37:55):
Level one, taking inventory.
That's the first thing that Ialways absolutely.
Jane Reason (38:01):
Where am I now?
Nicole Tuxbury (38:02):
yeah, and then if the audience would love to
stay in touch with you I knowthey will because you're amazing
can you tell us how we canfollow you, like on social media
?
What's your website?
Anything else like that?
Jane Reason (38:12):
Okay, so my website is Jane Reason coachingmeuk, my
Instagram is currently JaneReason menopause coach
underscore menopause coach.
I may change that, but that'swhat it currently is, and my
Facebook is just Jane ReasonCoaching.
Nicole Tuxbury (38:31):
So Jane reason, everywhere we go, we can.
Jane Reason (38:34):
Absolutely.
Well, you know, my business isme, so why not put me at the
center of my business?
Yeah, and that's not an egothing, that's just a simplicity
thing.
Nicole Tuxbury (38:43):
No, absolutely no.
That makes total sense and like, it's your name, it's your
brand, and so, yeah, let's buildit out.
I love it, mine too.
Yeah, let's build it out.
I love it, mine too.
My website's NicoleTexburycom.
So, yeah, I get it all right.
Thank you so much for beinghere with us, Jane.
This has been absolutelyamazing and, um, I guess we will
see each other on social mediaand thank you, audience, for
(39:04):
being here with us.
Stay tuned for the next episodeof Overcome Yourself, the
podcast.
Bye.
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