December 16, 2025 • 33 mins
Every entrepreneur dreams of building a thriving business, but what happens when that success comes at the cost of your most important relationships? Jenny Townsend's powerful journey reveals exactly what's at stake when we focus solely on professional achievement while neglecting personal connections.
As founder and CEO of Music Compound, Jenny built an impressive music education company with 32 team members and growing success. Yet behind the scenes, her marriage was crumbling. The wake-up call came in 2018 when she discovered her husband's affair with a coworker. Rather than simply playing victim, Jenny took a remarkable approach: she owned her contribution to the breakdown.
"I had to say, 'Yes, I didn't care about our marriage. Yes, I worked until eight o'clock every night. Yes, I decided to work over spending quality time with family,'" Jenny reveals with striking candor. This accountability became the foundation for rebuilding not just her marriage but her entire approach to life and business.
What makes this conversation particularly valuable for entrepreneurs is Jenny's discovery that stepping away from her business actually improved it. When she followed her mentor's advice to walk away for a month, her team stepped up in extraordinary ways. "They totally took the company from red to black. They made it from old school to new school," she explains. This counterintuitive lesson—that rest is actually an income-producing activity—transformed how she approaches leadership.
Jenny shares practical wisdom for maintaining work-life balance, including the importance of clearly communicating your vision to your team, being transparent about challenges, and defining your role when transitioning between different levels of involvement in your business. She recommends all entrepreneurs periodically step away from their businesses to build team independence and gain fresh perspective.
The personal crisis inspired Jenny to create "The Stroke It Guide" book and podcast, where she explores how everyone needs to feel "stroked"—loved, validated, and appreciated—whether they're your spouse, your employees, or yourself. Her ground rules for relationship repair, particularly the crucial first step
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
hello there, guys, and welcome back to the next
episode of overcome yourself,the podcast.
As you know, my name is nicoleand I'm very excited to be here
today with jenny.
Now jenny works with coupleswho are building their
businesses, but I'm not going tochop it up anymore.
I'm going to go ahead and lether take the wheel here and let
(00:22):
us know, jenny, a little bitabout who you are and who you
help.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
Awesome.
Well, hello, everyone that'slistening.
Thank you so much for tuning in.
It's my pleasure to be herewith you today.
I want to encourage everyone totake ownership of their life,
and I only started doing thatseveral years ago when my
marriage fell apart.
During the same time, I wasbuilding my business.
So I am the CEO and founder ofa company called Music Compound.
(00:50):
We do music education all ages,any level, any interest.
I am not a musician nor aneducator, and, no, I am not a
mom either, but I get to changethe lives of tons of individuals
that come to my music schoolevery single week.
I manage a team of 32individuals, composing of
teachers, which are creativeartists, and I have a whole
(01:13):
front office team as well thathelps with building the business
and taking care of our clients.
I started the company in 2016,very excited, ready to risk it
all.
I had developed the businessplan in 2009 and the business
was booming and all that greatstuff.
Shortly after launching thebusiness in 2018 and discovered
(01:34):
that my husband was having anaffair with a co-worker.
Mom hit the hit, the hit my lifeand uh, anyways, I was able to,
through a lot of self-discoveryand therapy and work I was able
to find forgiveness for myself.
Then my husband and we were ableto rebuild our marriage and we
(01:57):
will be celebrating 12 years ofmarriage in May and we're super
excited about that.
For anyone that has experiencedthat, I want to just give you
hope that you can rebuild themarriage and the marriage can be
better than it ever was, myhusband, have more connection,
more intimacy, more love,passion and just overall, our
marriage is phenomenal and I'mso grateful for the challenges
(02:19):
and I'm even more grateful thatwe were able to overcome those
and really take our time beforethrowing in the towel so that we
had an opportunity to have abeautiful second marriage.
So that's the short story ofwhere I am currently, and it's
been a roller coaster.
If any of you are entrepreneurs, you can understand that
(02:39):
there's a lot of highs and lowsthat come with owning and
operating a business, and thenwe also have our personal life
to manage as well.
So it's really hard to juggleboth of them when you're so
passionate and involved in thesuccess of the company that
you're working so hard, and it'simportant to take time for the
personal life as well, so thatpeople will still be there when
you want them to be.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
That is such a big deal, a common theme and, by the
way, thank you for being sovulnerable and sharing that with
us, because that's, you know,that's a big deal, and so we
appreciate that.
When we talk about success, alot of people said they've come
on this podcast and they talkabout they made the six figures,
they bought their dream house,they had the dream job and it't
(03:25):
there wasn't.
It wasn't.
They weren't satisfied, theyweren't in joy, it was all kind
of empty Right.
And so I think that it's reallyimportant to think about those
relationships and I want to knowwhat advice do you have for us
as entrepreneurs as we'rebuilding our business?
How do we also stay focused onfamily so we don't end up in our
(03:47):
dream house alone?
Speaker 2 (03:50):
Yeah, so I was just 100%, completely fulfilled,
actually, with working all thetime.
I wasn't even paying myself,but the impact that I was making
every single day at the companywas so fulfilling.
It was so fulfilling that Ireally didn't need anyone or
anything else, and that's reallywhat hit home.
(04:11):
So I remember it was Septemberof 2017 and my husband and I
were on the couch and we weretalking and I remember saying to
him I don't need you.
And what I was saying was Idon't need you financially, I
don't need you as a man, I don'tneed you Like.
I'm an independent woman and Ican do all these things.
(04:33):
And his response to me was Iwant to be needed.
It feels good to be needed.
And in that moment I didn'tunderstand what he was saying,
and there were so many timeslooking back that I was like, oh
, the rain was on the wall,which I knew the rain was on the
wall.
I just really didn't care,really wasn't paying attention
to it.
But it got to a point, when Iwas faced with what had happened
(04:56):
, that I really had to say tomyself who am I, what do I want,
what do I want my future to beand who do.
I want to be in it as well.
I got married because I wantedto be married.
I wanted to share a life withhim.
However, when I was buildingthe business, I really forgot
about that and I didn't care andI was so fulfilled with the
company so, and I didn't reallyknow what all I was missing out
(05:19):
on.
I didn't know that I wasmissing out on all these hobbies
and all this time with friendsand family and all the quality
time that we have.
Now, looking back, I'm like, ohmy God, I can't believe.
I didn't desire that.
I really just didn't at thatpoint because I was so focused
on growing the business.
But I am really grateful thatthis tragedy did happen, because
I was able to discover who I amand the woman that I was
(05:43):
capable of being, not only formyself but for others, and
especially my husband.
My husband is amazing man andsometimes you don't realize what
you have until it's gone oryou're on the verge of losing it
, and so, um, I value that timespent now together and I value
the lessons that I've learnedwhen we were going through this
(06:06):
transition.
I always say it's fromdiscovery to recovery.
So during the recovery phase,we both read the book the Five
Love Languages by Gary Chapmanand that was a really impactful
book for us, understanding eachother's love languages and
understanding each other's needsand desires.
We grew up in very differenthomes, so understanding what
love meant was very differentand showing love was very
(06:28):
different from the way that ourparents showed us love.
So I think that was reallyeye-opening for both of us to
where I could learn how to lovehim and how to be present and
spend quality time with him.
That made a big impact on ourrelationship and I just value my
time with my friends and familynow, so I actually spend a lot
more time with them and lesswork these days.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
Good, well, that's exciting, and I'm glad that
you're enjoying it too, right,it's not that you're dragging
yourself to family dinners,because that's not the ideal
either.
Right, it's actually being withpeople that we love, enjoying
that time, and you touched on ita little bit.
But I'd like to hear a littlebit more about what part
gratitude played in this journey, because that's one of the
(07:13):
foundations of everything that Iteach in finding joy is
learning to practice gratitude,so talk to us about that.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
Yeah, so definitely practice a lot of gratitude.
I, you know, typically, at theend of the day, I always say,
okay, what am I thankful for?
And even when we were goingthrough the hard times in
marriage, you know, my husbandalways say, well, focus on what
we have today and who we aretoday, because it was, you know,
for two years I was still likeready to throw in the towel and
(07:41):
I had to really remind myself ofwho my husband was at that
moment, our relationship, how it, you know, transformed and
where we were at that point.
So giving gratitude to theprocess was really, really
important.
And then there was a time whereit was like I had to give
gratitude to the other woman,like she essentially was taking
care of my husband while I wasbuilding my business, which that
(08:02):
may sound really crazy to somepeople, but you know, I had to
give some thanks there because Iwas able just to be all in and
focus on what I was doing.
And there are times that thingshappened within the business
that I didn't realize werehappening, and then to later,
and then I was like, oh, I'mreally grateful that happened.
So one example that I'm reallygrateful for with the debacle
(08:25):
happening is in 2017, I had amentor of mine.
He didn't even know the wholestory, but he was just like you
need to walk out of yourbusiness December 1st 2017.
He's like your business isdrowning, your marriage is
falling apart and pretty soonyou're going to have nothing at
all.
And so I walked out of mybusiness and told them I'd see
(08:48):
them in January of 2018.
When I came back to work, therewas a new level of respect.
There was a new level ofgratitude for me as well, and
people figured out what wasworking within the business and
what wasn't working, and I hadan individual that was working
part-time, 20 hours, turn aroundand turn her role into a 40
hour, full-time job to betterthe company.
(09:10):
That would not have happened ifI wouldn't have taken that time
, and I'm so grateful that thatmentor gave me that insight.
It was February 2018, two monthslater when my world fell apart,
when I figured out my marriagewas falling apart, and because I
made the choice to focus on mymarriage, it took me out of my
business.
(09:31):
It took me off that hamsterwheel, and the people that I had
in place totally took thecompany from red to black.
They made it from old school tonew school and they really
stepped up and I'm so gratefulfor them, for taking ownership
of the company and taking it tothe next level when I wasn't
available or I could not bethere Until this day.
(09:52):
Those individuals are like mybest friends and key people,
like I'm just working on my willand stuff and my trust and I'm
like they're in it because I'mso grateful for the impact they
had not only on me but on thecompany during my time that I
needed away from the company.
So for me, I'm always findingthe opportunity and the obstacle
(10:14):
I really feel like leaning into.
That provides you theopportunity to be grateful for
you to discover new things, havea new way of thinking, you get
to redesign as well, and it alsomakes you humble within that
mindset too.
So I think just being gratefulfor the prayers answered and the
(10:35):
prayers unanswered just givesyou just a new approach and
outlook on life, which helpswith becoming happier and more
fulfilled.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
That is fantastic, so I'm glad that that happened.
It makes me think of how hardyou worked and the gap that
needed to be filled when youweren't there.
And we have this appreciationright, like like when your mom's
not doing stuff for you anymoreand you're like, oh man, like
she made this look easy.
I didn't realize she was doingso many things and so we have
(11:10):
this newfound appreciation.
So I'm glad.
And one thing my coach alwayssays that what you said made me
think about is rest is an incomeproducing activity, and I think
that this is such a good caseof that, where you let yourself
rest and you let your team dowhat you hired your team to do,
(11:32):
and they did it.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
Yeah, and I would say that during that time, their
confidence boosted, they wereable to be creative, they were
able to make decisions, theywere able to do what they felt
was best, and I had to trustthem.
And that allowed me to kind ofstep away even more and trust
myself and the process, which,as a business owner, you're
(11:58):
typically wanting to control allaspects and you're just it's
your way of thinking, and sothat allowed me to build a lot
of trust in them and myself, andthen, yeah, I mean it's just
the company blossomed after that.
So, if you are an entrepreneur,I would highly recommend
stepping out of your businessfor two weeks or a month if you
can.
December is a really greatmonth because, if you think
(12:20):
about it, there's so many eventshappening.
It's like a two-week month.
People are typically forgivingat that point.
They understand there's goingto be mishaps.
They understand people aregoing to be out.
It's the most forgiving month,for, if anything does happen, I
think it's great time for you tostep out and you're going to
see that the people that youhave in place are really going
to take ownership and they'rereally going to run with it.
(12:42):
One of the individuals I hiredin January of 2018, if I didn't
step out of the company, wewould have never worked together
, because I would have beenmicromanaging and he needed to
feel like he had authority.
And he ended up working with mefor two and a half years and we
still work together on otherprojects and everything.
So, as hard as it may be, Iwould say jump off the hamster
(13:03):
wheel, go find a hobby, go findsome time for yourself and, I
think, most entrepreneurs.
We have this grit in us wherewe don't know how to relax and
we don't know how to rest and,to your point, I have found that
rest energizes me.
It gives me so much clarity.
I'm a better leader and foryears I thought like laying
(13:24):
around was considered lazy, andnow I'm like no, no, no, I need
rest, I need a day on the couch,I need a day where I don't do
anything, I'm not checking boxesand I'm not having to produce.
That was a huge mindset shiftfor me.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
I love that and giving yourself time to hear the
whispers.
Right, because the universewhispers.
Chaos is screaming and we haveto be able to tune that out and
really listen to what theuniverse is trying to tell us.
Listen to our own brain, ourown soul, our own ideas, right?
And we can't do that if we're,like you said, busy checking
boxes and we're running andwe're running and we're trying
(14:03):
to manage everything, and that'sa recipe for burnout, as we all
know, if we're trying to manageit all, and then all the house
stuff too.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
Right and I would say , as a leader, when you get into
that mindset and you starttaking care of yourself and you
start taking time to rest,you're going to see how much of
an impact that has on you as aleader and your delivery and
your leadership style and yourmanagement.
And soon you'll startencouraging your team to do that
as well.
And that's gonna be really hardfor them to do, because you
have trained them and you'vebred them and you've developed
(14:36):
them to be like on all the time.
So it's a mindset shift forthem.
But I'll tell you we have justrestructured our entire
operation.
We've been working on it forthe past six to seven months,
but my main manager and I, lastweek or two weeks ago, we were
both out of the studio for anentire week.
We actually went out of thecountry and our entire operation
(14:56):
still thrived without us there.
And when you can get to thatpoint, that's an amazing feeling
and that's success to me.
When they aren't depending onme as the owner, as the founder,
as the leader, they're feelingaccomplished, they know what to
do and really that's when youstart building the business to
exit it or strategically sell itit accomplished.
They know what to do and reallythat's when you start building
the business to exit it orstrategically sell it, or you
(15:19):
just build the systems where youcan really step out and work on
the business and find maybe anew role within the company for
yourself, where you're not doingthat day to day because no one
wants to do that long term.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
Yeah, or even license it, because if you've got a
profitable system that'slicensable and you could be
helping students all over thecountry learn music right.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
Definitely.
Speaker 1 (15:43):
I love that.
Talk to me a little bit aboutthe reframe, so, like you come
back to work and you have thisnew perspective, you know like.
What tips do you have forentrepreneurs who want to
establish this work-life balanceand they're trying to start?
They don't know where to start.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
So I have stepped out of the business and back in the
business multiple times.
So you know, I came back intothe business probably 2019,
ready to support the individuals.
I came back, maybe working 25,30 hours a week.
I was there really as a supportsystem, a cheerleader, and I
was in the process of likereally doing a great job of
(16:24):
stroking our individuals, notliterally, but like mentally and
like supporting them.
And then 2020 happened, soCOVID happened and at that point
I had my staff pretty muchready to rock and roll, where I
didn't really have to work, butbecause of COVID, I stepped back
in.
We got very, very creative andwe were in Florida which is like
a free country during COVID.
(16:45):
So we were booming.
And then, by 2021, I was ableto step back out of the business
and work 15, 20 hours a week.
I was traveling every singlemonth.
I started playing tennis and itwas just phenomenal and I did
that through 2022.
And then, 2023, I started reallyworking on my book and my
(17:05):
podcast and people becamecomfortable within the company
and I wasn't there maybecheerleading them enough and I
didn't really have the rightsystems in place and we had some
people change over, but theydidn't have the same philosophy
as me or the people prior intothis position, so I had to come
back in in 2024 and redevelop,redesign.
(17:26):
We went through some expansion.
So the past past like sevenmonths has been really hard and
we've implemented EOS, which isoperating entrepreneur operating
systems from the book Traction.
So once again we're buildingthose systems back in place and
I suspect I'm going to be backout of the business by the end
of the year.
I will have all positionsfilled where I don't have to
(17:47):
actually work back in there.
So if you're going to come backin the business, I want to
encourage you to still havebalance with your employees,
with your time, your approach,because there was a lot of
resentment with me coming backin and I came back strong and I
wasn't as positive as maybe theyanticipated I was going to be.
(18:09):
However, I came back in becausenumbers were down, the quality
was down and for me to come backin and tell them that they
weren't doing a very good jobwas very hard for them to hear.
So if you're going to come backin, I would say gradually,
start moving back in a little bylittle and then bringing up
some things where there's alittle bit of accountability
(18:31):
versus just coming back in likea bulldog and being like you're
doing a crappy job or so.
I would say that deliveringapproach and the timing is key,
because I came back and I judgedon a lot of different things
that were happening when Ishould have just witnessed
happening, when I should havejust witnessed, soaked it in and
(18:52):
then brought up the concerns ata later time not in the moment,
face-to-face when they feltlike they were doing a really
great job.
So I would say proceed withcaution, take note of the time
and your delivery if you'regoing to come back in, and then
also to define your role whenyou're going to come in, what is
your role really going to be?
So I came back in as thefounder and like the everything,
when I should have just saidhey, I'm coming back in to
(19:15):
review our quality and I'm goingto be the quality control
manager.
So a lot of the things that I'mgoing to be bringing up are
based on the quality and thequality reason we want to make
that better is because you wantto earn more money, which means
we need to charge more, and ifwe're going to charge more, we
need to make sure that we canvalidate that with our parents.
So I think articulating that isreally really key and there'll
(19:37):
be more trust and there'll be Ithink, they're going to be more
open to receiving it versusbecoming really, really
defensive and not being asresentful and understanding what
the win is in it for them sothat you can all grow together.
And we've tried a lot ofdifferent things and we've had
to restructure and we've had toterminate people as well.
(19:59):
So there's so much that goesinto transitioning your team and
it can be really hard for youbecause I don't like conflict
and so I've had to have a lot ofconversations that involve
conflict.
So if you are a leader, I woulddefinitely read some books and
get some training on how toapproach that.
(20:19):
And then, once again, gettingthe right people in the right
seats.
We've had to shift a lot ofpeople's positions and
restructure.
Like I said, I highly recommendthe book Traction and the book
who.
I think the book who is a greatway to onboard and really
identify who is who you want inyour organization, doing what
(20:41):
roles.
And once again, it'll bechallenging and I'll say early
January I thought about throwingin the towel.
I was like I'm done.
I'm just, I'm really done, butwe were able to get through it
and I'm really grateful becausewe've got an amazing future
ahead of us and it's requiring alot of work.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
No, but that's amazing, and I love how you
focus on pivoting right.
So if this is not working, thatdoesn't mean, like you said,
you were like, well, we can justthrow the whole thing away.
But we don't have to.
We can pivot a little bit andthen maybe this role is not for
you, but you can thrive in thisrole.
Traction is a book that Irecommend as well, so that's a
(21:22):
fantastic, I think,recommendation, and it doesn't
matter what level of businessyou are in, whether you are
beginning or you're superadvanced.
Traction is going to be a reallyfantastic read and I love how
you said to define your role,because so many of us, even when
we're starting, we wear so manyhats.
There's so many Because notonly are you the boss, you're
(21:44):
the worker too right, becauseyou got to be like all right,
these are metrics and then yougot to go meet them.
And so understanding what roleyou are in when you are doing it
because some days you're goingto be wearing your IT hat, some
days you're wearing your CEO hat, some days you have to wear
your accountant hat andunderstanding what role that is,
whether it's as a beginner,like when you're wearing all the
(22:08):
hats, or you're coming in andyou're saying, well, this is
what I'm going to do right nowand I love how you defined it,
as I'm coming in, as qualitycontrol, because really you're
just specific Like, this is whatI'm here to do.
I'm just checking the qualityof everything, and so I think
that's really important.
Speaker 2 (22:23):
Yeah, and I just want to add on to that too.
I think having a conversationwith your team and being really
transparent and really open toidentifying the future and
giving them the snapshot of thefuture vision and the win in it
for them too, will help themwith being more receptive and
really jumping in the boat androwing with you versus against
(22:45):
you.
And that's where I failed, whereI came back in and I was like
what is going on and I was justreally critical and I didn't
really share the full vision oflike where we were going, why we
were doing it.
They saw the expansionhappening, but they had no idea
the financial stress that I wasunder, and so you know they
(23:05):
don't really know that I'vedecided not to take a loan and
I'm funding this all on myselfbecause I don't want to have a
high interest loan payment, andso I think also sharing that and
being really transparent isreally key.
Where they can, you know,connect with you and understand
where you're coming from?
And I think sometimes leader asleaders, you know we just come
(23:26):
in and we're like this is howwe're doing it, this is, this is
how we're doing it.
This is, this is what we'redoing.
So understanding the why isreally really important for them
, so that they can really leanin and really work with you,
because you can get the resultsmuch faster and you'll have
everybody flying your flag,versus having some naysayers or
(23:46):
the culture shifting to wheremaybe you have a bad hire and
that person just is really likeon flames because they don't
understand you.
And and two, it's really hardtoo when you bring in new people
and they don't understand thehistory of the company.
The most of the people thatwork for the company have no
idea what I've been throughpersonally and all of the,
everything that I've risked andeverything that I've lost over
(24:08):
the past 10 years.
They just see me showing up,they see me in my Audi, they see
me taking a month off ofvacation.
They just see all those things.
They have no idea thesacrifices, the pay cuts and the
times that I wasn't being paid,when all of them were being
paid too.
So, um, you know,entrepreneurship,
entrepreneurship is hard andleading people is even harder,
(24:29):
but we're all humans and we allhave our own desires and our own
needs and that can bechallenging if we're all not
aligned.
Speaker 1 (24:41):
No, but I love how you put that.
Anyway, I had like seventhoughts at the same time.
Sorry about that, but what Iwanted to ask you about now real
quick, was you mentioned yourbook and your podcast.
Can you tell us a little bitabout that?
Speaker 2 (24:56):
yeah.
So I have a book and a podcast.
They both are under the strokeit guide and the name was
inspired because somebody elsewas stroking my husband
emotionally, mentally andphysically.
And when we were in the processof having discussions of what
happened and in counseling, myhusband had indicated oh well,
(25:17):
she listened to me, she waspresent, she validated me, she
cared what I had to say, she was, you know, there filling a void
that you essentially were not.
And my response to him was ohso, she stroked you, and so that
is really what inspired thewhole book.
But when I think about thestroke it concept, really it
(25:37):
started with my spouse and I waslike oh well, you're right, I'm
not present, I'm not making youfeel like a man, I'm not
showing up as a good wife, likeI'm not even like home, and when
I am home, I'm not even payingattention to you.
Quality time is me on the couch, you on the other side or at
the same house, but not actuallyhaving meaningful conversation.
(25:58):
I was so high on my own horseand I was so busy talking that
my husband never could speak andI never asked him how he was.
It was all about me.
So I learned very quickly oh,I'm not stroking my husband.
And then I thought about myselfand I was like, well, I'm not
stroking myself either.
What do I do for myself?
All I do is work.
I mean, I don't work out, Idon't care for my body, I don't
(26:19):
have a hobby or I'm not lovingmyself.
And then I thought about myfriends and my family.
Like, oh, I've just basicallydismissed all of them and I
never text them, I never callthem, and if I do, it's all
about me.
And then I thought about oh,what about my employees?
Like, how am I retaining them?
How am I validating theirfeelings?
How am I making sure thatthey're happy?
And so I just started thinkingabout all the ways that people
(26:42):
want to be stroked, and we allwant to feel loved, validated
and appreciated, and so, anyways, that's where the whole stroke
of concept came from, which cameprobably a year after it came
in like 2018.
Originally, a lot of this stuffstarted, though, in 2018, when I
started journaling, when I wasgoing through all of the breakup
(27:03):
and the divorce and the wholething.
So the whole stroke of concept,basically 2019, I decided I was
going to write a book and shareall this knowledge with other
people and shortly after that, Istarted a podcast, and the
podcast features a variety ofdifferent guests as well, and
they're talking about threestakeholders so yourself, your
spouse, your employer, employer,friends, family.
(27:26):
And, because most people assumethe book is sexual, there is a
chapter for your pleasure, andso the podcast really features
personal and professional growthfrom myself and for other
professionals that havestruggled, that have failed,
that have a marriage that hasmaybe failed and wasn't able to
recover, some that haverecovered their marriages.
(27:47):
We have relationship coaches.
So it's just a really greatpodcast of development and, most
importantly, the message istake ownership of who you are,
what you need and speaking up.
One of the things that allowedme to find forgiveness for
myself and for my husband isthat I took ownership in my role
(28:08):
of our marriage falling apart.
I didn't just blame the fingers.
I had to say, yes, I didn'tcare about our marriage.
Yes, I worked until eighto'clock every night.
Yes, I decided to work overspending time with quality
family.
I had to take so much ownershipand I think if we own our role
and the failure of anyrelationship and it can be with
(28:31):
a friend or a parent you're ableto really start being really
honest with yourself andvalidating that other person's
feelings.
And once you start validatingthat other person's feelings,
then there's some kind ofconnection where you can
actually have honestconversations, to where you can
rebuild that relationship, andso I think that was really key
for us making our marriage workand making it a priority also.
(28:57):
So, once again, all of this isincluded in my book, which you
can get on Amazon.
If you want to get it from mywebsite as well, then I can send
it to you, I autograph it andgive you some really cool gifts,
but it's just a really greatresource for anyone that wants
to enhance their relationshipwith themselves, first and
foremost, and with others, and Itruly believe that you can
(29:18):
really mend any relationshipwith anyone with a few different
ground rules and, once again,just taking ownership.
Speaker 1 (29:27):
I love how you took something that was from probably
one of the hardest moments ofyour life and you turned it into
something that serves you.
That little moment that you hadwith him that was probably
really difficult, and then youput it on the cover of your book
.
So I commend you for that.
(29:47):
That is amazing.
Thank you, yeah, a cover ofyour book, so I commend you for
that.
That is amazing.
Speaker 2 (29:50):
Thank you.
Yeah, a lot of people told meto change the name and I thought
about it.
However, that inspiration isreally what created this whole
vision and this whole I don'tknow, it's like my passion
project now.
So, um, so I do.
I do love it.
Once again, a lot of people dothink it's, it's sexual.
(30:12):
So, um, it's not, even thoughthere is a chapter for your
pleasure, but we have a lot offun with it.
So on my podcast I havequickies on Tuesdays, so it's
like 20 minutes or less, andthen I have guest podcast as
well.
Speaker 1 (30:23):
Oh, cool, well, I love.
I love how you turned it allinto a brand and, like one of my
first episodes, turning yourmisery into gold.
And that's literally what youdid, because I can't imagine a
better example for that.
So thanks for sharing.
No, that's amazing and let usknow how we can stay in touch
with you.
And did you mention that youhave a gift for the audience?
Speaker 2 (30:43):
I do.
I do so.
Yes, you can definitely connectwith me on any social platform
as well.
If you go to my website,jennyalldaytownsendcom, you can
enter in to get a free giftright there.
That also will give you somereally great insights and tools
directly to your inbox.
You'll be able to download myfour ground rules which will
(31:05):
help you with any relationshipfour ground rules which will
help you with any relationship.
The first ground rule I want toleave you with is to accept, and
once you accept the facts, youaccept the apology, you will be
able to move forward.
Accept is a really really,really hard one, but it is
really really crucial, and welike to make up a lot of things
and we like to make up storiesand we want to know all the
(31:27):
details and we want to know allthe things, but sometimes we
just need to accept the factsfor what they are and you'll be
able to move forward.
So it's just one of theforeground rules.
Those four really really helpedme with transforming, turning
this obstacle into anopportunity and leading me to be
absolutely amazing and sograteful for the discovery and
(31:51):
the whole recovery process, andI and I wish that for all of you
that are listening today- Ilove that.
Speaker 1 (31:57):
That is amazing, thank you.
And social media how can wefollow you?
Speaker 2 (32:01):
so you mentioned it.
You spelled it out right oh,that's my website, but it's the
same thing for social media aswell.
I actually have like a personalsocial media, but then I have
like my brand social media,which is where all the Stroke it
concepts are.
That's Jenny Alday Townsend andthat's with one L.
And yeah, like I said, I'm onall the social platforms.
You can always email me,connect with me and, first and
(32:23):
foremost, go and download mypodcast.
That's like the easiest andbest way to start really
engaging with me.
Once again, that's the Strokeit Guide.
Speaker 1 (32:34):
It's on all streaming platforms.
Amazing Final tip, big tip thatyou share with your audience.
Speaker 2 (32:39):
Final tip would just take ownership.
Take ownership of your role,take ownership of your needs.
Speak up.
You only have one life.
Make it the best one yet.
Speaker 1 (32:50):
I love it.
Thank you so much for sharing,jenny.
This has been amazing.
Like I said, thanks again forbeing here and for being
vulnerable with us and sharingyour amazing advice, and we will
catch you guys next time on thenext episode of Overcome
Yourself, the podcast.
Bye.
hello there, guys, and welcome back to the next
episode of overcome yourself,the podcast.
As you know, my name is nicoleand I'm very excited to be here
today with jenny.
Now jenny works with coupleswho are building their
businesses, but I'm not going tochop it up anymore.
I'm going to go ahead and lether take the wheel here and let
(00:22):
us know, jenny, a little bitabout who you are and who you
help.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
Awesome.
Well, hello, everyone that'slistening.
Thank you so much for tuning in.
It's my pleasure to be herewith you today.
I want to encourage everyone totake ownership of their life,
and I only started doing thatseveral years ago when my
marriage fell apart.
During the same time, I wasbuilding my business.
So I am the CEO and founder ofa company called Music Compound.
(00:50):
We do music education all ages,any level, any interest.
I am not a musician nor aneducator, and, no, I am not a
mom either, but I get to changethe lives of tons of individuals
that come to my music schoolevery single week.
I manage a team of 32individuals, composing of
teachers, which are creativeartists, and I have a whole
(01:13):
front office team as well thathelps with building the business
and taking care of our clients.
I started the company in 2016,very excited, ready to risk it
all.
I had developed the businessplan in 2009 and the business
was booming and all that greatstuff.
Shortly after launching thebusiness in 2018 and discovered
(01:34):
that my husband was having anaffair with a co-worker.
Mom hit the hit, the hit my lifeand uh, anyways, I was able to,
through a lot of self-discoveryand therapy and work I was able
to find forgiveness for myself.
Then my husband and we were ableto rebuild our marriage and we
(01:57):
will be celebrating 12 years ofmarriage in May and we're super
excited about that.
For anyone that has experiencedthat, I want to just give you
hope that you can rebuild themarriage and the marriage can be
better than it ever was, myhusband, have more connection,
more intimacy, more love,passion and just overall, our
marriage is phenomenal and I'mso grateful for the challenges
(02:19):
and I'm even more grateful thatwe were able to overcome those
and really take our time beforethrowing in the towel so that we
had an opportunity to have abeautiful second marriage.
So that's the short story ofwhere I am currently, and it's
been a roller coaster.
If any of you are entrepreneurs, you can understand that
(02:39):
there's a lot of highs and lowsthat come with owning and
operating a business, and thenwe also have our personal life
to manage as well.
So it's really hard to juggleboth of them when you're so
passionate and involved in thesuccess of the company that
you're working so hard, and it'simportant to take time for the
personal life as well, so thatpeople will still be there when
you want them to be.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
That is such a big deal, a common theme and, by the
way, thank you for being sovulnerable and sharing that with
us, because that's, you know,that's a big deal, and so we
appreciate that.
When we talk about success, alot of people said they've come
on this podcast and they talkabout they made the six figures,
they bought their dream house,they had the dream job and it't
(03:25):
there wasn't.
It wasn't.
They weren't satisfied, theyweren't in joy, it was all kind
of empty Right.
And so I think that it's reallyimportant to think about those
relationships and I want to knowwhat advice do you have for us
as entrepreneurs as we'rebuilding our business?
How do we also stay focused onfamily so we don't end up in our
(03:47):
dream house alone?
Speaker 2 (03:50):
Yeah, so I was just 100%, completely fulfilled,
actually, with working all thetime.
I wasn't even paying myself,but the impact that I was making
every single day at the companywas so fulfilling.
It was so fulfilling that Ireally didn't need anyone or
anything else, and that's reallywhat hit home.
(04:11):
So I remember it was Septemberof 2017 and my husband and I
were on the couch and we weretalking and I remember saying to
him I don't need you.
And what I was saying was Idon't need you financially, I
don't need you as a man, I don'tneed you Like.
I'm an independent woman and Ican do all these things.
(04:33):
And his response to me was Iwant to be needed.
It feels good to be needed.
And in that moment I didn'tunderstand what he was saying,
and there were so many timeslooking back that I was like, oh
, the rain was on the wall,which I knew the rain was on the
wall.
I just really didn't care,really wasn't paying attention
to it.
But it got to a point, when Iwas faced with what had happened
(04:56):
, that I really had to say tomyself who am I, what do I want,
what do I want my future to beand who do.
I want to be in it as well.
I got married because I wantedto be married.
I wanted to share a life withhim.
However, when I was buildingthe business, I really forgot
about that and I didn't care andI was so fulfilled with the
company so, and I didn't reallyknow what all I was missing out
(05:19):
on.
I didn't know that I wasmissing out on all these hobbies
and all this time with friendsand family and all the quality
time that we have.
Now, looking back, I'm like, ohmy God, I can't believe.
I didn't desire that.
I really just didn't at thatpoint because I was so focused
on growing the business.
But I am really grateful thatthis tragedy did happen, because
I was able to discover who I amand the woman that I was
(05:43):
capable of being, not only formyself but for others, and
especially my husband.
My husband is amazing man andsometimes you don't realize what
you have until it's gone oryou're on the verge of losing it
, and so, um, I value that timespent now together and I value
the lessons that I've learnedwhen we were going through this
(06:06):
transition.
I always say it's fromdiscovery to recovery.
So during the recovery phase,we both read the book the Five
Love Languages by Gary Chapmanand that was a really impactful
book for us, understanding eachother's love languages and
understanding each other's needsand desires.
We grew up in very differenthomes, so understanding what
love meant was very differentand showing love was very
(06:28):
different from the way that ourparents showed us love.
So I think that was reallyeye-opening for both of us to
where I could learn how to lovehim and how to be present and
spend quality time with him.
That made a big impact on ourrelationship and I just value my
time with my friends and familynow, so I actually spend a lot
more time with them and lesswork these days.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
Good, well, that's exciting, and I'm glad that
you're enjoying it too, right,it's not that you're dragging
yourself to family dinners,because that's not the ideal
either.
Right, it's actually being withpeople that we love, enjoying
that time, and you touched on ita little bit.
But I'd like to hear a littlebit more about what part
gratitude played in this journey, because that's one of the
(07:13):
foundations of everything that Iteach in finding joy is
learning to practice gratitude,so talk to us about that.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
Yeah, so definitely practice a lot of gratitude.
I, you know, typically, at theend of the day, I always say,
okay, what am I thankful for?
And even when we were goingthrough the hard times in
marriage, you know, my husbandalways say, well, focus on what
we have today and who we aretoday, because it was, you know,
for two years I was still likeready to throw in the towel and
(07:41):
I had to really remind myself ofwho my husband was at that
moment, our relationship, how it, you know, transformed and
where we were at that point.
So giving gratitude to theprocess was really, really
important.
And then there was a time whereit was like I had to give
gratitude to the other woman,like she essentially was taking
care of my husband while I wasbuilding my business, which that
(08:02):
may sound really crazy to somepeople, but you know, I had to
give some thanks there because Iwas able just to be all in and
focus on what I was doing.
And there are times that thingshappened within the business
that I didn't realize werehappening, and then to later,
and then I was like, oh, I'mreally grateful that happened.
So one example that I'm reallygrateful for with the debacle
(08:25):
happening is in 2017, I had amentor of mine.
He didn't even know the wholestory, but he was just like you
need to walk out of yourbusiness December 1st 2017.
He's like your business isdrowning, your marriage is
falling apart and pretty soonyou're going to have nothing at
all.
And so I walked out of mybusiness and told them I'd see
(08:48):
them in January of 2018.
When I came back to work, therewas a new level of respect.
There was a new level ofgratitude for me as well, and
people figured out what wasworking within the business and
what wasn't working, and I hadan individual that was working
part-time, 20 hours, turn aroundand turn her role into a 40
hour, full-time job to betterthe company.
(09:10):
That would not have happened ifI wouldn't have taken that time
, and I'm so grateful that thatmentor gave me that insight.
It was February 2018, two monthslater when my world fell apart,
when I figured out my marriagewas falling apart, and because I
made the choice to focus on mymarriage, it took me out of my
business.
(09:31):
It took me off that hamsterwheel, and the people that I had
in place totally took thecompany from red to black.
They made it from old school tonew school and they really
stepped up and I'm so gratefulfor them, for taking ownership
of the company and taking it tothe next level when I wasn't
available or I could not bethere Until this day.
(09:52):
Those individuals are like mybest friends and key people,
like I'm just working on my willand stuff and my trust and I'm
like they're in it because I'mso grateful for the impact they
had not only on me but on thecompany during my time that I
needed away from the company.
So for me, I'm always findingthe opportunity and the obstacle
(10:14):
I really feel like leaning into.
That provides you theopportunity to be grateful for
you to discover new things, havea new way of thinking, you get
to redesign as well, and it alsomakes you humble within that
mindset too.
So I think just being gratefulfor the prayers answered and the
(10:35):
prayers unanswered just givesyou just a new approach and
outlook on life, which helpswith becoming happier and more
fulfilled.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
That is fantastic, so I'm glad that that happened.
It makes me think of how hardyou worked and the gap that
needed to be filled when youweren't there.
And we have this appreciationright, like like when your mom's
not doing stuff for you anymoreand you're like, oh man, like
she made this look easy.
I didn't realize she was doingso many things and so we have
(11:10):
this newfound appreciation.
So I'm glad.
And one thing my coach alwayssays that what you said made me
think about is rest is an incomeproducing activity, and I think
that this is such a good caseof that, where you let yourself
rest and you let your team dowhat you hired your team to do,
(11:32):
and they did it.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
Yeah, and I would say that during that time, their
confidence boosted, they wereable to be creative, they were
able to make decisions, theywere able to do what they felt
was best, and I had to trustthem.
And that allowed me to kind ofstep away even more and trust
myself and the process, which,as a business owner, you're
(11:58):
typically wanting to control allaspects and you're just it's
your way of thinking, and sothat allowed me to build a lot
of trust in them and myself, andthen, yeah, I mean it's just
the company blossomed after that.
So, if you are an entrepreneur,I would highly recommend
stepping out of your businessfor two weeks or a month if you
can.
December is a really greatmonth because, if you think
(12:20):
about it, there's so many eventshappening.
It's like a two-week month.
People are typically forgivingat that point.
They understand there's goingto be mishaps.
They understand people aregoing to be out.
It's the most forgiving month,for, if anything does happen, I
think it's great time for you tostep out and you're going to
see that the people that youhave in place are really going
to take ownership and they'rereally going to run with it.
(12:42):
One of the individuals I hiredin January of 2018, if I didn't
step out of the company, wewould have never worked together
, because I would have beenmicromanaging and he needed to
feel like he had authority.
And he ended up working with mefor two and a half years and we
still work together on otherprojects and everything.
So, as hard as it may be, Iwould say jump off the hamster
(13:03):
wheel, go find a hobby, go findsome time for yourself and, I
think, most entrepreneurs.
We have this grit in us wherewe don't know how to relax and
we don't know how to rest and,to your point, I have found that
rest energizes me.
It gives me so much clarity.
I'm a better leader and foryears I thought like laying
(13:24):
around was considered lazy, andnow I'm like no, no, no, I need
rest, I need a day on the couch,I need a day where I don't do
anything, I'm not checking boxesand I'm not having to produce.
That was a huge mindset shiftfor me.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
I love that and giving yourself time to hear the
whispers.
Right, because the universewhispers.
Chaos is screaming and we haveto be able to tune that out and
really listen to what theuniverse is trying to tell us.
Listen to our own brain, ourown soul, our own ideas, right?
And we can't do that if we're,like you said, busy checking
boxes and we're running andwe're running and we're trying
(14:03):
to manage everything, and that'sa recipe for burnout, as we all
know, if we're trying to manageit all, and then all the house
stuff too.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
Right and I would say , as a leader, when you get into
that mindset and you starttaking care of yourself and you
start taking time to rest,you're going to see how much of
an impact that has on you as aleader and your delivery and
your leadership style and yourmanagement.
And soon you'll startencouraging your team to do that
as well.
And that's gonna be really hardfor them to do, because you
have trained them and you'vebred them and you've developed
(14:36):
them to be like on all the time.
So it's a mindset shift forthem.
But I'll tell you we have justrestructured our entire
operation.
We've been working on it forthe past six to seven months,
but my main manager and I, lastweek or two weeks ago, we were
both out of the studio for anentire week.
We actually went out of thecountry and our entire operation
(14:56):
still thrived without us there.
And when you can get to thatpoint, that's an amazing feeling
and that's success to me.
When they aren't depending onme as the owner, as the founder,
as the leader, they're feelingaccomplished, they know what to
do and really that's when youstart building the business to
exit it or strategically sell itit accomplished.
They know what to do and reallythat's when you start building
the business to exit it orstrategically sell it, or you
(15:19):
just build the systems where youcan really step out and work on
the business and find maybe anew role within the company for
yourself, where you're not doingthat day to day because no one
wants to do that long term.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
Yeah, or even license it, because if you've got a
profitable system that'slicensable and you could be
helping students all over thecountry learn music right.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
Definitely.
Speaker 1 (15:43):
I love that.
Talk to me a little bit aboutthe reframe, so, like you come
back to work and you have thisnew perspective, you know like.
What tips do you have forentrepreneurs who want to
establish this work-life balanceand they're trying to start?
They don't know where to start.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
So I have stepped out of the business and back in the
business multiple times.
So you know, I came back intothe business probably 2019,
ready to support the individuals.
I came back, maybe working 25,30 hours a week.
I was there really as a supportsystem, a cheerleader, and I
was in the process of likereally doing a great job of
(16:24):
stroking our individuals, notliterally, but like mentally and
like supporting them.
And then 2020 happened, soCOVID happened and at that point
I had my staff pretty muchready to rock and roll, where I
didn't really have to work, butbecause of COVID, I stepped back
in.
We got very, very creative andwe were in Florida which is like
a free country during COVID.
(16:45):
So we were booming.
And then, by 2021, I was ableto step back out of the business
and work 15, 20 hours a week.
I was traveling every singlemonth.
I started playing tennis and itwas just phenomenal and I did
that through 2022.
And then, 2023, I started reallyworking on my book and my
(17:05):
podcast and people becamecomfortable within the company
and I wasn't there maybecheerleading them enough and I
didn't really have the rightsystems in place and we had some
people change over, but theydidn't have the same philosophy
as me or the people prior intothis position, so I had to come
back in in 2024 and redevelop,redesign.
(17:26):
We went through some expansion.
So the past past like sevenmonths has been really hard and
we've implemented EOS, which isoperating entrepreneur operating
systems from the book Traction.
So once again we're buildingthose systems back in place and
I suspect I'm going to be backout of the business by the end
of the year.
I will have all positionsfilled where I don't have to
(17:47):
actually work back in there.
So if you're going to come backin the business, I want to
encourage you to still havebalance with your employees,
with your time, your approach,because there was a lot of
resentment with me coming backin and I came back strong and I
wasn't as positive as maybe theyanticipated I was going to be.
(18:09):
However, I came back in becausenumbers were down, the quality
was down and for me to come backin and tell them that they
weren't doing a very good jobwas very hard for them to hear.
So if you're going to come backin, I would say gradually,
start moving back in a little bylittle and then bringing up
some things where there's alittle bit of accountability
(18:31):
versus just coming back in likea bulldog and being like you're
doing a crappy job or so.
I would say that deliveringapproach and the timing is key,
because I came back and I judgedon a lot of different things
that were happening when Ishould have just witnessed
happening, when I should havejust witnessed, soaked it in and
(18:52):
then brought up the concerns ata later time not in the moment,
face-to-face when they feltlike they were doing a really
great job.
So I would say proceed withcaution, take note of the time
and your delivery if you'regoing to come back in, and then
also to define your role whenyou're going to come in, what is
your role really going to be?
So I came back in as thefounder and like the everything,
when I should have just saidhey, I'm coming back in to
(19:15):
review our quality and I'm goingto be the quality control
manager.
So a lot of the things that I'mgoing to be bringing up are
based on the quality and thequality reason we want to make
that better is because you wantto earn more money, which means
we need to charge more, and ifwe're going to charge more, we
need to make sure that we canvalidate that with our parents.
So I think articulating that isreally really key and there'll
(19:37):
be more trust and there'll be Ithink, they're going to be more
open to receiving it versusbecoming really, really
defensive and not being asresentful and understanding what
the win is in it for them sothat you can all grow together.
And we've tried a lot ofdifferent things and we've had
to restructure and we've had toterminate people as well.
(19:59):
So there's so much that goesinto transitioning your team and
it can be really hard for youbecause I don't like conflict
and so I've had to have a lot ofconversations that involve
conflict.
So if you are a leader, I woulddefinitely read some books and
get some training on how toapproach that.
(20:19):
And then, once again, gettingthe right people in the right
seats.
We've had to shift a lot ofpeople's positions and
restructure.
Like I said, I highly recommendthe book Traction and the book
who.
I think the book who is a greatway to onboard and really
identify who is who you want inyour organization, doing what
(20:41):
roles.
And once again, it'll bechallenging and I'll say early
January I thought about throwingin the towel.
I was like I'm done.
I'm just, I'm really done, butwe were able to get through it
and I'm really grateful becausewe've got an amazing future
ahead of us and it's requiring alot of work.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
No, but that's amazing, and I love how you
focus on pivoting right.
So if this is not working, thatdoesn't mean, like you said,
you were like, well, we can justthrow the whole thing away.
But we don't have to.
We can pivot a little bit andthen maybe this role is not for
you, but you can thrive in thisrole.
Traction is a book that Irecommend as well, so that's a
(21:22):
fantastic, I think,recommendation, and it doesn't
matter what level of businessyou are in, whether you are
beginning or you're superadvanced.
Traction is going to be a reallyfantastic read and I love how
you said to define your role,because so many of us, even when
we're starting, we wear so manyhats.
There's so many Because notonly are you the boss, you're
(21:44):
the worker too right, becauseyou got to be like all right,
these are metrics and then yougot to go meet them.
And so understanding what roleyou are in when you are doing it
because some days you're goingto be wearing your IT hat, some
days you're wearing your CEO hat, some days you have to wear
your accountant hat andunderstanding what role that is,
whether it's as a beginner,like when you're wearing all the
(22:08):
hats, or you're coming in andyou're saying, well, this is
what I'm going to do right nowand I love how you defined it,
as I'm coming in, as qualitycontrol, because really you're
just specific Like, this is whatI'm here to do.
I'm just checking the qualityof everything, and so I think
that's really important.
Speaker 2 (22:23):
Yeah, and I just want to add on to that too.
I think having a conversationwith your team and being really
transparent and really open toidentifying the future and
giving them the snapshot of thefuture vision and the win in it
for them too, will help themwith being more receptive and
really jumping in the boat androwing with you versus against
(22:45):
you.
And that's where I failed, whereI came back in and I was like
what is going on and I was justreally critical and I didn't
really share the full vision oflike where we were going, why we
were doing it.
They saw the expansionhappening, but they had no idea
the financial stress that I wasunder, and so you know they
(23:05):
don't really know that I'vedecided not to take a loan and
I'm funding this all on myselfbecause I don't want to have a
high interest loan payment, andso I think also sharing that and
being really transparent isreally key.
Where they can, you know,connect with you and understand
where you're coming from?
And I think sometimes leader asleaders, you know we just come
(23:26):
in and we're like this is howwe're doing it, this is, this is
how we're doing it.
This is, this is what we'redoing.
So understanding the why isreally really important for them
, so that they can really leanin and really work with you,
because you can get the resultsmuch faster and you'll have
everybody flying your flag,versus having some naysayers or
(23:46):
the culture shifting to wheremaybe you have a bad hire and
that person just is really likeon flames because they don't
understand you.
And and two, it's really hardtoo when you bring in new people
and they don't understand thehistory of the company.
The most of the people thatwork for the company have no
idea what I've been throughpersonally and all of the,
everything that I've risked andeverything that I've lost over
(24:08):
the past 10 years.
They just see me showing up,they see me in my Audi, they see
me taking a month off ofvacation.
They just see all those things.
They have no idea thesacrifices, the pay cuts and the
times that I wasn't being paid,when all of them were being
paid too.
So, um, you know,entrepreneurship,
entrepreneurship is hard andleading people is even harder,
(24:29):
but we're all humans and we allhave our own desires and our own
needs and that can bechallenging if we're all not
aligned.
Speaker 1 (24:41):
No, but I love how you put that.
Anyway, I had like seventhoughts at the same time.
Sorry about that, but what Iwanted to ask you about now real
quick, was you mentioned yourbook and your podcast.
Can you tell us a little bitabout that?
Speaker 2 (24:56):
yeah.
So I have a book and a podcast.
They both are under the strokeit guide and the name was
inspired because somebody elsewas stroking my husband
emotionally, mentally andphysically.
And when we were in the processof having discussions of what
happened and in counseling, myhusband had indicated oh well,
(25:17):
she listened to me, she waspresent, she validated me, she
cared what I had to say, she was, you know, there filling a void
that you essentially were not.
And my response to him was ohso, she stroked you, and so that
is really what inspired thewhole book.
But when I think about thestroke it concept, really it
(25:37):
started with my spouse and I waslike oh well, you're right, I'm
not present, I'm not making youfeel like a man, I'm not
showing up as a good wife, likeI'm not even like home, and when
I am home, I'm not even payingattention to you.
Quality time is me on the couch, you on the other side or at
the same house, but not actuallyhaving meaningful conversation.
(25:58):
I was so high on my own horseand I was so busy talking that
my husband never could speak andI never asked him how he was.
It was all about me.
So I learned very quickly oh,I'm not stroking my husband.
And then I thought about myselfand I was like, well, I'm not
stroking myself either.
What do I do for myself?
All I do is work.
I mean, I don't work out, Idon't care for my body, I don't
(26:19):
have a hobby or I'm not lovingmyself.
And then I thought about myfriends and my family.
Like, oh, I've just basicallydismissed all of them and I
never text them, I never callthem, and if I do, it's all
about me.
And then I thought about oh,what about my employees?
Like, how am I retaining them?
How am I validating theirfeelings?
How am I making sure thatthey're happy?
And so I just started thinkingabout all the ways that people
(26:42):
want to be stroked, and we allwant to feel loved, validated
and appreciated, and so, anyways, that's where the whole stroke
of concept came from, which cameprobably a year after it came
in like 2018.
Originally, a lot of this stuffstarted, though, in 2018, when I
started journaling, when I wasgoing through all of the breakup
(27:03):
and the divorce and the wholething.
So the whole stroke of concept,basically 2019, I decided I was
going to write a book and shareall this knowledge with other
people and shortly after that, Istarted a podcast, and the
podcast features a variety ofdifferent guests as well, and
they're talking about threestakeholders so yourself, your
spouse, your employer, employer,friends, family.
(27:26):
And, because most people assumethe book is sexual, there is a
chapter for your pleasure, andso the podcast really features
personal and professional growthfrom myself and for other
professionals that havestruggled, that have failed,
that have a marriage that hasmaybe failed and wasn't able to
recover, some that haverecovered their marriages.
(27:47):
We have relationship coaches.
So it's just a really greatpodcast of development and, most
importantly, the message istake ownership of who you are,
what you need and speaking up.
One of the things that allowedme to find forgiveness for
myself and for my husband isthat I took ownership in my role
(28:08):
of our marriage falling apart.
I didn't just blame the fingers.
I had to say, yes, I didn'tcare about our marriage.
Yes, I worked until eighto'clock every night.
Yes, I decided to work overspending time with quality
family.
I had to take so much ownershipand I think if we own our role
and the failure of anyrelationship and it can be with
(28:31):
a friend or a parent you're ableto really start being really
honest with yourself andvalidating that other person's
feelings.
And once you start validatingthat other person's feelings,
then there's some kind ofconnection where you can
actually have honestconversations, to where you can
rebuild that relationship, andso I think that was really key
for us making our marriage workand making it a priority also.
(28:57):
So, once again, all of this isincluded in my book, which you
can get on Amazon.
If you want to get it from mywebsite as well, then I can send
it to you, I autograph it andgive you some really cool gifts,
but it's just a really greatresource for anyone that wants
to enhance their relationshipwith themselves, first and
foremost, and with others, and Itruly believe that you can
(29:18):
really mend any relationshipwith anyone with a few different
ground rules and, once again,just taking ownership.
Speaker 1 (29:27):
I love how you took something that was from probably
one of the hardest moments ofyour life and you turned it into
something that serves you.
That little moment that you hadwith him that was probably
really difficult, and then youput it on the cover of your book
.
So I commend you for that.
(29:47):
That is amazing.
Thank you, yeah, a cover ofyour book, so I commend you for
that.
That is amazing.
Speaker 2 (29:50):
Thank you.
Yeah, a lot of people told meto change the name and I thought
about it.
However, that inspiration isreally what created this whole
vision and this whole I don'tknow, it's like my passion
project now.
So, um, so I do.
I do love it.
Once again, a lot of people dothink it's, it's sexual.
(30:12):
So, um, it's not, even thoughthere is a chapter for your
pleasure, but we have a lot offun with it.
So on my podcast I havequickies on Tuesdays, so it's
like 20 minutes or less, andthen I have guest podcast as
well.
Speaker 1 (30:23):
Oh, cool, well, I love.
I love how you turned it allinto a brand and, like one of my
first episodes, turning yourmisery into gold.
And that's literally what youdid, because I can't imagine a
better example for that.
So thanks for sharing.
No, that's amazing and let usknow how we can stay in touch
with you.
And did you mention that youhave a gift for the audience?
Speaker 2 (30:43):
I do.
I do so.
Yes, you can definitely connectwith me on any social platform
as well.
If you go to my website,jennyalldaytownsendcom, you can
enter in to get a free giftright there.
That also will give you somereally great insights and tools
directly to your inbox.
You'll be able to download myfour ground rules which will
(31:05):
help you with any relationshipfour ground rules which will
help you with any relationship.
The first ground rule I want toleave you with is to accept, and
once you accept the facts, youaccept the apology, you will be
able to move forward.
Accept is a really really,really hard one, but it is
really really crucial, and welike to make up a lot of things
and we like to make up storiesand we want to know all the
(31:27):
details and we want to know allthe things, but sometimes we
just need to accept the factsfor what they are and you'll be
able to move forward.
So it's just one of theforeground rules.
Those four really really helpedme with transforming, turning
this obstacle into anopportunity and leading me to be
absolutely amazing and sograteful for the discovery and
(31:51):
the whole recovery process, andI and I wish that for all of you
that are listening today- Ilove that.
Speaker 1 (31:57):
That is amazing, thank you.
And social media how can wefollow you?
Speaker 2 (32:01):
so you mentioned it.
You spelled it out right oh,that's my website, but it's the
same thing for social media aswell.
I actually have like a personalsocial media, but then I have
like my brand social media,which is where all the Stroke it
concepts are.
That's Jenny Alday Townsend andthat's with one L.
And yeah, like I said, I'm onall the social platforms.
You can always email me,connect with me and, first and
(32:23):
foremost, go and download mypodcast.
That's like the easiest andbest way to start really
engaging with me.
Once again, that's the Strokeit Guide.
Speaker 1 (32:34):
It's on all streaming platforms.
Amazing Final tip, big tip thatyou share with your audience.
Speaker 2 (32:39):
Final tip would just take ownership.
Take ownership of your role,take ownership of your needs.
Speak up.
You only have one life.
Make it the best one yet.
Speaker 1 (32:50):
I love it.
Thank you so much for sharing,jenny.
This has been amazing.
Like I said, thanks again forbeing here and for being
vulnerable with us and sharingyour amazing advice, and we will
catch you guys next time on thenext episode of Overcome
Yourself, the podcast.
Bye.
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