What happens when you finally achieve everything you thought would make you happy, only to discover it's left you exhausted, guilty, and disconnected from yourself? That's exactly where Jo Stone found herself - Chief Marketing Officer for a listed company, mother of two, serving on a non-profit board, competing in triathlons, and living in the dream house she built from scratch. By all external measures, she'd succeeded brilliantly. Yet something was profoundly wrong.
Jo takes us on her courageous journey of what she calls "ego death" - selling her meticulously designed dream house (with its color-coded bookshelves and carefully researched water features), quitting her executive position, and essentially blowing up the life she'd built to discover what truly mattered. Through tears and fierce self-examination, she confronted the uncomfortable truth that much of what she'd been striving for wasn't actually bringing her joy or fulfillment.
Today, as founder of The Balance Institute, Jo helps ambitious women avoid the burnout path she experienced. She shares powerful insights about reconnecting with our authentic selves, practicing "micro-doses" of self-care instead of rare extravagant self-care days, and moving beyond superficial gratitude practices to genuine embodied joy. Her most liberating message? "You can have it all, but only once you work out what YOUR all is." This distinction frees us from chasing others' definitions of success and allows us to create lives that truly resonate with our deepest values.
Whether you're questioning your current path, feeling the weight of achievement that doesn't satisfy, or simply seeking more authenticity in your life, Jo's story offers both validation and practical wisdom. Connect with her through her podcast "Balance and Beyond" or visit balanceinstitute.com to discover how you might redefine success on your own terms.
Unlock the secrets to online business success with these FREE and low-cost resources from Nicole!
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Episode Transcript
hello and welcome back to the next episode of
overcome yourself, the podcast.
As you know, my name is nicoleand I'm so excited to be here
today with joe joe stone.
So, joe, um, take it away andplease introduce yourself and
let us know a little bit aboutwho you are, what you do and who
you help thanks for having me.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
If you couldn't tell from the accent, I'm an Aussie
and I help women who areambitious and want to juggle all
the things, and when I have itall, I help them better balance
life and avoid burnout.
And I have been doing this nowfor around six years with my
company, the Balance Institute,and am a living walking example
of my work, because I also havea husband and two kids who are
(00:45):
15 and 11.
So plenty to keep me occupiedand plenty of ways to continue
to learn, to grow my toolkit.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
I love that.
So tell me a little bit aboutthat journey and how you had to
overcome yourself to get towhere you are.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Well, there was a lot of overcoming along the way.
I was very much, I guess youwould say, had ticked a lot of
the boxes of corporate success.
So I was by my early 30s.
I was in the C-suite, so I wasa chief marketing officer for a
listed company with a regionalrole, staff in five countries,
and thought, right, I've made it.
From a career perspective, thatwas always my goal to get into
(01:22):
an executive team.
I had two young kids at the time, I was on a not-for-profit
board, I was running triathlonsand I had built my house from
scratch.
So I was like, oh my gosh, I'vedone everything that I thought
was going to make me happy andyet something was wrong.
Because I wasn't happy, I wasexhausted and I was guilty and I
was running between everythingand felt like an imposter and
(01:45):
thought, okay, something iswrong.
And, like all high achievers, Idecided to blow up my life.
Rather than not knowing how tohandle all of that, I sold the
house.
That was the first domino thatfell, which got me a bit more
financial freedom.
And then I ended up quitting myjob, starting my own business
and essentially rebuildingmyself from the ground up to
(02:06):
work out what pieces of whetheryou call it success or life or
conditioning were mine, and whatbeliefs and habits and things
were actually inherited fromsomeone else.
So a whole lot of overcoming ofwho I thought I was in order to
be who I really needed tobecome.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
That's amazing and like to sell the house that you
built.
That's quite right, that'squite an identity shift because
that's like the dream, right.
And then you get there and it'snot what you thought it was.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
No, no.
And I would have sworn.
I would have paid you a milliondollars if you'd said this
house is what you wanted.
And I thought that sworn.
I would have paid you a milliondollars if you'd said this
house is what you wanted.
And I thought that everythingwas going to be available to me
on the other side of that house.
That was going to be happiness.
It's what I always wanted.
My husband and I used to spendour date nights drawing plans on
a back of a napkin and it wasvery much part of the dream.
(03:00):
And then to realize that whenyou get the dream, it's not all
it's cracked up to be andthere's no magic rainbow of
happiness at the end of that wasa very big reality check, cause
I'd spent a lot of my lifewaiting until I will feel
successful when I'm on theexecutive team, or I will feel
like I've made it when I've gota board appointment, or I will.
And then I realized there was awhole lot of when thens that I
(03:22):
was attaching to giving myselfpermission to feel lovely and
empowering emotions.
You know, when the kids are inbed, then I'll have time for
myself.
It's like no, it doesn't workthat way um, tell me more.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
Tell me more about that and what shifted for you,
because I think that this is areally important point in
finding our own success andreally understanding what do we
want.
So can you tell me a littlemore and dig a little deeper for
us?
Speaker 2 (03:50):
Yeah.
So I still remember when myhusband and I started talking
about is this all there is?
We're stuck on this hamsterwheel keeping up with the
Joneses, and there has to bemore than life.
He was having health problemsand there has to be more than
life.
He was having health problems.
His mum had passed awaysuddenly.
Like this is not fun.
What are we doing this for?
(04:14):
And so I started doing a lot ofsoul searching, and it was when
I found myself in hospital withan autoimmune condition that I
thought was permanent and, atthe moment, uncurable.
Remember lying there, goingokay, my body is screaming at me
, even though I'm thankful inthat I have a body that I can
push a long way.
Eventually it just cracked andwent okay enough and forced me
(04:34):
to confront what am I reallydoing?
If I was to go tomorrow, wouldI say this was a life well-lived
, and on the surface you'd sayyes, but was it making me happy
and did I feel like my best self?
And the answer was I don'tthink so.
So I had to almost go through areally interesting ego death,
(04:55):
particularly with the house.
That was the first domino thatfell, and I still remember the
night before our auction, whenwe were hopefully going to sell
the house.
Everyone else had gone to bedand the house was immaculate.
We had all the importedfurniture in it and all the
books were, you know,colour-coded from top to bottom,
which was a nightmare.
With a what were they?
Sort of six and nine-year-oldtrying to keep a house to that
(05:16):
impeccable standard and lookingout over my water feature that
I'd spent thousands of hoursresearching and looking over
every plant that I had plantedin the garden and just sitting
there with tears rolling down myface, thinking am I really
giving this up?
This is everything I thought Iwanted.
This was my status, this was myway of showing the world that
(05:37):
I'd made it and we hadn't boughtanything else.
So at the same time, I had myparents.
I had lots of other peopledoing interventions, saying what
are you doing?
This has been your dream.
Why are you selling this houseand where are you going to live?
And you've got two kids.
This is very irresponsible.
So I triggered a lot of peoplearound me because I was getting
(06:00):
out of the race and they wereall stuck in it and the thought
of somebody tapping out who wasvery much leading the charge for
let's all go do this and let'sall go be successful was really,
really confronting.
So I had to actually sit withthat over many, many hours.
I don't think I went to bedthat night until about two in
the morning.
I was just playing music andbawling my eyes out and grieving
(06:20):
the life that I thought Iwanted, and realizing in that
moment that I actually valuedfreedom more.
I valued freedom of money, Ivalued freedom of becoming who I
wanted to be, freedom of beingable to live a life that felt
more authentic, and so I had tobe willing to almost burn
(06:41):
everything to the ground inorder to start again from a much
deeper place of authenticity.
Wow, that is quite back, peelingback the onion, right, and you
kind of just did it all at once,yeah well, if you're going to
(07:02):
go big, you know, go hard or gohome, may as well blow it all up
, yeah so talk to me about howthis ties into what you're doing
now and how you help youraudience, your clients.
Well, I found on that journeythat I wasn't the only one who
felt that way, that there are somany women who are exhausted
(07:25):
and chasing a version of successthat they thought they wanted.
And they tend to get in there,you know, late thirties, mid
forties, and start going.
Hang on, I've been doing thisfor 20 years now.
I'm exhausted.
What if I've still got another20 or 30 more to go?
I don't know if I want to keepgoing like this.
And usually their bodies arestarting to break, or their
(07:46):
relationships are starting tobreak or they're starting to
break.
They've completely disconnectedfrom who they are.
They don't recognize themselvesand they're asking themselves
there has to be more than this.
Especially, you know, they'reusually financially more secure
by now.
They're, in theory, successfulin their jobs and yet don't feel
like it.
That horrible feeling of youknow I'm always trying and yet I
(08:08):
never arrive.
So there is.
My purpose ended up becoming bycomplete accident, because I
didn't ever intend to become alife or executive coach is to
find and help other women whoare stuck on the treadmill, who
are wondering there has to bemore to life than this and deep
down know that they're made formore and that's more
(08:29):
authenticity, or maybe it's morejoy or more love or more fun.
Help them unlock that withouthaving to go through the journey
I did of blowing everything upBecause many women are thinking
about that and finding somebodywho can guide them through that,
without blowing everything upand taking years in the process.
I'm a big one for when I was incorporate.
(08:50):
My superpower is takingsomething that's really
complicated, pulling it apartand putting it back together
again in a way that makes sense,and so I did that with my life
and I help everybody else dothat with theirs.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
I love that.
So what advice do you have forus as we go through this process
?
Let's say that we are coming upon this wall and we're like,
what have I done?
But we don't necessarily wantto throw everything out the
window, I guess, as you alluded.
(09:23):
So what advice do you have forus now in helping us make this
transition, maybe, I guess, in aless scary way?
Speaker 2 (09:32):
Yeah, well, not everyone wants to blow up their
life, although I do joke thatI've had many clients who,
before they found me, blew uptheir life, you know, sold
everything looking forsimplicity, moved to the country
and buy a little antique store,only to find that within three
months, you know they've changedout the point of sale system,
they've gone global online,they're going to, you know,
china to buy new supplies and Ithink, hang on a second, I've
(09:55):
done exactly the same thing formy supposed simple life.
I and think, hang on a second,I've done exactly the same thing
for my supposed simple life,I've made it more complicated.
So the first thing I think thatis the most important thing is
to start to bring awareness towhat's actually going on inside
you.
So what are your thoughts, whatare your emotions and feelings?
Most women are pretty numb towhat's going on.
(10:15):
All they feel is guilt andexhaustion and resentment and
don't know how to access a lotof joy and have a huge amount of
recurring negative thoughtsthat are just running the show.
So, learning to take charge oftheir brain, learning to not be
hijacked by their body and theiremotions anymore and that
usually takes shifting a lot ofbeliefs and it can be tricky
(10:35):
when you are stuck on thehamster wheel with no time and
everything else going on to beable to do that.
So finding a little bit ofspace and I'm a big fan of micro
dosing so micro dosing yourself-care or micro dosing your
space, instead of believing thatyou have to go to the buffet
and spend a half day at the dayspa once every two months that's
(10:57):
not enough.
It's about those regularcheck-ins and usually once you
can start that process of seeingwhere you're at and what is
going on inside of me, then whenyou are able to get some tools
that help you slow down, theneverything starts to shift for
the better.
That doesn't mean it's not easy.
You usually end up my clientsand I we call it the poop pond,
(11:20):
when everything goes to pot andyou are stuck and it feels hard
and it's icky.
But the beauty is when you findthe right guide for you whether
that could be a therapist, itcould be a coach, it could be a
book that you found online or apodcast that we joke, that we
throw you a pina colada and aflamingo floaty and help you get
out of the poop pond and swimto the side and you do it in
(11:42):
style.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
I love that, and it makes me think of, like you know
, monica's closet, and if youfinally decide to open it and
clean it up, there's going to bea mess because there's a lot of
stuff in there.
It's all going to fall out, andso it's part of the process of
of, you know, like you said,taking something complicated,
breaking it down and then kindof reorganizing it right and
(12:07):
kind of getting rid of stuff wedon't need anymore.
Um, but I love the example, youknow, because, like I'm in
Miami, so, um, you know, floridais like the, the right.
Australia is like the Florida ofthe world, or whatever, like a
lot of people relate.
They're like, oh, you know,because of the gators, I guess,
I don't know, because it's hot,the beaches, anyway, sorry, ok.
(12:28):
So the next thing I was goingto ask you I was going to go,
but that's fine.
What I wanted to ask you,though, is because one of the
things that I teach, thefoundations of what I teach,
what I talk with my clientsabout what part do you find
gratitude plays in this processof unveiling what we want,
(12:50):
getting rid of what we don'twant and just rebuilding a life
that we love, that brings us joy.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
Yeah, great question.
I think gratitude is at theroot of many things, but I'm
sure you teach this to yourclients.
I find, for a lot of women whocome to me, finding gratitude
can become difficult becausethey're not actually connected
to it.
They're very intellectual andwhen they start a gratitude
journal it starts with a listand it's very superficial I'm
(13:20):
grateful for my house, I'mgrateful for my kids, I'm
grateful for the sun I'mgrateful for, and they're not
actually embodying thoseemotions and then they go.
It's not working.
But it isn't working, and so Iusually find that what is better
is even teaching them.
A lot of my clients end upkeeping a joy journal, or how do
you get them connected andlearning to connect with
(13:42):
something that perhaps is moreaccessible in the interim, and
once they've done that, thenthey can learn to be grateful
for the joy, because theyactually need to learn to feel
again.
And so the more we can get themembodied and have them
practising, whether even that'sfeeling their anger or actually
(14:03):
feeling something, because mostwomen spend a lot of time
suppressing or shoving rightdown, where the sun don't shine,
those emotions, because they'reterrified that their emotions
become like this huge damn walland if one little bit cracks
that, they're going to turn intoa ginormous puddle and not be
able to function.
So it's all about how do we letit out.
(14:24):
And gratitude is a fabulousgateway, particularly, you know,
knowing that gratitude is oftenmutually exclusive with things
like guilt, and it can be thisbeautiful, neutral landing place
for them to yeah, to reconnectto the truth of what actually is
here.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
I think that's so important, and I do also tie
gratitude into joy.
I think that's so important andI do also tie gratitude into
joy.
And it's like, even in ourbrain, right, when we haven't
actively practiced gratitude,there's areas of our brain that
are literally dedicated to that,but they're kind of dusty and
they're kind of abandoned andthey're behind Monica's closet.
(15:05):
Right, you got to clean out thecloset so you can clear it out
and be like, oh, let's put thisroom to use.
So I love that, I love how youphrase it.
And a joy list.
I think that is so fun and Ithink it's such a great way of
reframing right, because it isimportant how we're feeling, but
also how we see things right,because the gratitude helps us
(15:28):
just shift our perspective alittle bit, and the same thing
that we're looking at, we justsee it a little bit different,
and so I love how you bring thata joy list.
I think that kind of like wrapsit all up.
I think it's, it's wonderful, Ilove it.
Thank you for sharing that withus.
So talk to me about how we canstay in touch with you.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
Well, I have my own podcast, if you have podcast
fans, which is called Balanceand Beyond, and they can find me
on Spotify and iTunes and allthe places and also my website,
which is balanceinstitutecom.
I tend to run pretty regularchallenges and workshops and
leadership programs and all ofthe things.
So, yeah, they're welcome tocome and have a look and see
what we do and see what happensto be running at the time
(16:15):
they're browsing Awesome.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
And we will have those links available for you
down below in the comments or inthe show notes, wherever it is
that you're watching this.
So, as we're wrapping up, I'dlove to know what is the, that
one big tip that gives yourclients that big aha moment?
You know, like what's thatjuiciest tip that you can leave
the listeners with as they'retransforming into, to this
(16:43):
version of selves that theyactually want, now that they're
thinking about?
Speaker 2 (16:46):
it?
Yeah, great question.
I tend to find that many of ushave been brought up with this
assumption that we want to haveit all, and we're repeatedly
told that well, you can't haveit all at once, and I say they
lie, you can.
However, you have to decidewhat your all is, because
chances are, when you talk abouthave it all, you want to be a
(17:08):
1950s housewife.
You want to be the boss in theboardroom, the boss in the
bedroom.
You'll be the perfect daughter,the perfect friend, and that
usually is not all yours.
And so when you sift throughthis process, almost going
through the closet and saying,what do I actually like in here?
What do I, how do I want toconstruct my life?
And when you can do that, freeof the stuff that isn't actually
(17:29):
yours, the stuff that you don'tactually want, what you're left
with is this beautifully cleancloset of just the boots that
you love and just the jacketsthat you love, and suddenly it's
a lot more achievable.
So you can have it all, butonly once you work out what your
all is.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
I love that.
Yeah, in my book I talk aboutin success, defining our success
, and then I had mentionedsomething about a Ferrari and I
was like, do you even want aFerrari?
Right, cause, for a lot ofpeople a Ferrari might mean
success, but I would hurt myself, you know, like I don't want
any part of that, you know,cause I could really hurt myself
(18:07):
in one of those cars, right,cause I go so fast.
So I like I don't want any partof that, you know, because I
could really hurt myself in oneof those cars, right, because I
go so fast.
So I'm like, no, I'm good.
And so for me, success does notinclude a Ferrari, like maybe
riding one, like driving one,like on a race course, you know,
like a helmet and stuff, youknow.
So I think it's so important isreally understanding.
(18:27):
You know and I love the waythat you phrased it what is your
all Um, because all for youdoesn't have to include
everything in the entire world,but we do have to define what
that goalpost is, um, and thennot move it when we get there,
that's the other thing thatwe're really good at doing Very,
(18:49):
very good at that.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
yes, allow yourself to actually achieve something
and sit in the celebration andgratitude of that I love that.
Speaker 1 (18:56):
Thank you so much, joe, for being here with us
today.
This has been absolutelyfantastic and we will catch you
guys next time on the nextepisode of overcome yourself,
the podcast.
Bye thanks, having me.
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