September 30, 2025 • 30 mins
What if the promises we make to others should first be made to ourselves? Dr. Michelle Hannah joins us to reveal her groundbreaking "Self-Vows" concept that's transforming how people relate to themselves and others.
Drawing from traditional marriage vows, Dr. Michelle challenges us to examine whether we truly cherish ourselves as our most prized possession. "When you cherish something, you spend time with it, create boundaries around it, and guard it because it's so special to you," she explains. Her approach invites us to date ourselves intentionally—learning what brings us joy and what sets our soul on fire—before expecting romantic partners to fulfill these needs.
The conversation takes a powerful turn when Dr. Michelle shares her recent cancer diagnosis, which came just weeks after writing her eighth book, "Access Denied, Access Granted." In a remarkable twist of timing, this book became her blueprint for navigating a health crisis she hadn't anticipated. "I'm thankful for the hardest lessons because they're my greatest teachers," she shares vulnerably. "This experience is grooming me to a level of resilience I didn't know was possible."
Perhaps most striking is her candid admission about rest. Despite others consistently telling her to rest, Dr. Michelle confesses, "I don't know how to rest, not really." She distinguishes between simply sleeping and the deeper restoration our spirits crave—a lesson many high-achievers need to hear.
The episode concludes with Dr. Michelle's most impactful guidance: "Forgive quick and love harder." She clarifies that forgiveness doesn't always mean reconciliation, but rather freeing yourself while maintaining necessary boundaries. This philosophy of becoming love, rather than merely seeking it, transforms how we approach every relationship in our lives.
Ready to revolutionize your relationship with yourself? Connect with Dr. Michelle through her Self-Vows retreats, coaching programs, and books to begin your journey toward authentic self-commitment.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Yeah, let's go.
Hello and welcome back to thenext episode of Overcome
Yourself, the podcast.
As you know, my name is Nicoleand I'm so excited to be here
today with Dr Michelle, and DrMichelle has an incredible story
.
She is an author and she had toovercome herself as soon as her
(00:20):
book came out.
So, dr Michelle, please take itaway and tell us a little bit
about your story, about who youare and who you help.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Okay, so I actually am the originator of the
self-vows, the self-vows concept, the self-vows retreat, the
self-vows program, and sorecently, in November, recently,
in November, last November Iwent to Utah and I wrote another
book in three days.
So everybody writes differently, but in all the books that I
(01:03):
have written so this is theeighth book there are two that
just were so spirituallyconnected, and usually when it's
spiritually connected it justreally just kind of, it almost
just feels like it just falls,you know, out of me to a point
where I can't even sleep becauseI have to write, I have to get
it out.
And so this book that I justwrote in November was it's
called Access Denied, accessGranted, and that is for me the
(01:27):
now what to the self-files.
So self-files is a book thatjust keeps on giving, and but I
think that once you've taken theprogram so many times cause you
will do that Like theself-housing is for different,
you know, areas of your life anddifferent seasons of your life,
(01:49):
and so, but I think that afteryou get to a point where then
there is a now what?
And even though most of myclients are like I'm not there
yet, I'm not to that, now what,I'm still trying to get my head
wrapped around this self-helpconcept, but I was definitely at
that point and boy did I notknow what I was actually writing
(02:13):
and that really I was writingthe book for the blueprint for
the journey that I'm on now.
So for your audience that don'tknow what I'm saying self-vows
and I'm sure people are goingwhat is that?
What is self-vows?
So what I did was, you know thetraditional vows that you take
(02:34):
when you get married to have andto hold from this day forward,
for better, for worse, andsickness and health for richer,
for poorer, to love and tocherish words and sickness and
health for rich or for poor, tolove and to cherish um and uh.
To death do us part or as longas we shall live.
I took those vows and I brokethem down in a very unique way,
(02:57):
because what I realized is thatwe will show up and say those
vows to someone else and we havenot said them to ourselves.
So, for example, even you, know,to love and to cherish, which
is one of my favorites.
Do you really cherish yourself?
(03:18):
Are you really your most prizedpossession?
Is you just you, all of you,flaws and all everything that
connects to you?
Do you cherish that?
If you cherish something, youspend time with something, you
actually create boundariesaround it, you guard it because
(03:39):
that's so special to you.
And so when you think aboutthat, a lot of times, we always
think about how to cherishsomeone else, but we really
don't fill our own selves up inthat way.
To cherish ourselves first andto love, we're quick to say, oh
yes, I love myself.
But I believe that if we reallylove ourselves, we actually go
(04:04):
through the whole dating process, even with self.
When you're first datingsomeone, you want to get to know
them.
You want to know what makesthem happy, what gives them joy,
what they like to do, what aretheir values, what are their
morals and all of those things,what sets their soul on fire.
But we don't stop and say Ineed to go through that journey
(04:28):
with myself, right, even when wesay, oh no, I go out to eat by
myself.
But actually we're not eatingby ourselves and we're not
really enjoying the experiencebecause we're actually going out
on a date with our phone.
We're sitting there eating ourfood, but then we're looking at
our phone or we use that as atime to work.
(04:49):
Right, I'm eating but I'mworking and I'm like, oh, I'm
really getting some things done.
But it's not supposed to be forthat.
You're on a date with you.
You wouldn't be on your phonewhen somebody's in front of you.
You're just on your phone.
You're supposed to be on a date.
You know we we sometimes willput so much energy in dressing
(05:12):
up for a date.
Right, our room looks crazybecause we have all these
clothes everywhere, because wewant to wear the perfect thing
for that date.
But then when we go out withourselves, you know not saying
like you have to dress up allthe time going out with yourself
, but I'm saying like you knowto put that energy into that for
(05:32):
you, not really about whatsomebody is going to think or
the compliment that you'rehoping that they give you, but
you doing that for you, becauseif you do that for you, you
won't put so much responsibilityon others to do that for you,
(05:52):
and if you don't put that muchresponsibility, you won't be in
the position to be disappointedwhen they may not do it the way
you want to do it right.
So whatever you like to do, youdo that for you first.
So that's just one vow and I'monly going over a few little
(06:12):
things.
That breaks down those vows.
The questions in the book arenot yes or no.
You really have to dig deep.
Most people want to throw thebook at chapter seven.
That is usually the chapterthat everybody says I just want
to throw the book.
Some people did throw the book.
I've thrown the book at chapterseven because it really is just
(06:36):
no running from you.
You can move to a differentstate, but you cannot outrun
yourself, you can't outrun yourpain, you can't outrun the
things we need to heal over.
So I just think that the bookis such an intimate and
sometimes intense moment of justbeing with you and going
(06:59):
through that whole process sothat when you show up in the
world during your self-foweljourney because just because you
read the book, just because yougo to the program, you have to
actually implement this everyday.
And you know, and when you dothat, you find that the more
that you evolve, your vowsevolve too.
So that's a part of at leastthe core of what self-vows is.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
That is beautiful, and is cherish chapter seven?
Or is chapter seven somethingelse, the one that makes people
throw the book?
Speaker 2 (07:34):
Yeah, so chapter seven is about intimacy.
Oh, okay, so it's actually tolove and to cherish.
That's one chapter, and thenseven is to love and to cherish
through intimacy.
Right, so that then breaks itdown into the emotional, the
intellectual, the spiritual andthe physical.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
Yeah, and getting to know ourselves, sometimes being
intentional about getting toknow ourselves.
You know, sometimes we have tohave hard talks and sometimes we
throw the book and then we gotto go pick it up and then keep
reading and keep doing the work.
Right, it's part of the process.
But you mentioned that you hadgotten a very scary diagnosis
(08:19):
right after publishing your book, and so can you talk us a
little bit through about thatjourney and, I guess, how you
use that book to help yourselfthrough that season?
Speaker 2 (08:32):
So when I actually got the diagnosis was this past
December.
So I had actually wrote AccessDenied, access Granted, in
November.
And what's so funny about it isbecause I had just written two
other books.
I had written the Self-Foulsfor L and self-vows for teens,
and I was super excited becauseI was like, oh my gosh, now I
have a whole series for agegroups and had to say yes to in
(08:56):
sickness and in health.
And in December I was on my wayto a conference and, ironically
(09:17):
, the I fought for herconference and I didn't know
that that was going to besomething that I would then end
up saying to myself like girl,you got to fight, you got to
fight for yourself, you know.
So in going there, I know mybody, because I am a cancer
(09:38):
survivor and I suffer fromsomething called pedental
neuralgia once I decided to havea hysterectomy.
So it's rare, it's complex, andso I'm very in tune with my
body and I was feeling somethingthat did not quite feel like
nerve pain.
It felt like when I would touchthe skin it was very, was
(10:04):
tender and it was a bitdiscolored, not totally, but
just enough.
If you look at your body allthe time, you knew something was
different.
So I went to the doctor and mygyno, my gynecologist, and he
said we need to biopsy that area.
(10:26):
Now I wasn't really scaredabout that.
I've had biopsies before.
I said you know, no problem,I'll do it when I come back.
But then there were two otherareas that I was complaining
about and he said we need tobiopsy those areas too.
So then I thought, okay, well,I'll do it all when I get back.
(10:50):
He says, no, we need to do this, which was really going to be
in less than a week.
And I says, well, I'm going toAtlanta, I have to do the
surgery.
And this is how I really dothink.
(11:10):
I'm working on it, y'allworking on it.
I said, oh, I'll do the surgeryand then I'll just take a
flight that evening, becausewhen I commit to something, it's
hard for me, even for me, right?
That's why I said theself-files is forever, cause
even that part I was willing tosacrifice, me being totally
(11:31):
uncomfortable in pain, to justcommit.
So that was my thought.
He looks at me like I'm notagreeing with you, but okay, if
that's what you want to think,right?
So I get to the pre-op and he'snot even looking at me he has
his back turned and I thoughtthis is strange.
(11:55):
And then he says, well, thiswas there and I didn't know what
he was doing, but anyways, fromwhat he had had done, they
(12:17):
looked at it, you know, I guessunder the microscope or whatever
they did.
And he came back and he saidI'm almost ninety, nine point
nine, that this is, this iscancer.
And I thought, wait, what?
Like we were just talking abouta biopsy.
Huh, and then I started to getreally hot, like physically,
(12:40):
because I felt like this is nothappening again.
This is like been, you knowthis?
This, this happened first in2004, but I started to feel
symptoms in 2002 and theyfinally diagnosed in 2004.
So I'm thinking it's now, youknow, 2024.
(13:03):
How am I going through this?
What I just couldn't evenfathom it.
So at that point I go and I havethe surgery and when I come out
I'm in major pain, I'm inexcruciating pain.
And then he says well, I hopethat we got everything, but if
(13:30):
we didn't and it's outside ofthe margins you're going to have
to go to oncology Again.
It was like those words wereplaying in my head again.
I've been told that.
So within a week later, I can'treally walk that well, can't
really feed myself, can't do allthe things that we take for
granted.
(13:51):
I go back because my pathologyreport is in like a week earlier
and I'm going to tell yousomething Intuition when you
know.
You know I didn't want to know,but I knew, I knew it was going
to be outside the margins.
I knew it.
And so I go and he kind of patme on my back a bit and I knew I
(14:15):
literally my eyes started towell up with tears and he said
to me you have something rareand complex, have something rare
and complex.
That's a trigger for me, thewords rare and complex.
And I knew then that you don'twant to be something rare and
(14:39):
complex because that means theydon't have enough data for it.
So now I was on another type ofjourney that I did not see
coming.
So how does that connect withaccess?
Denied self-vows.
In that moment the only vowthat I could really commit to is
for better, for worse.
I couldn't even commit to insickness and in health because I
(15:03):
was scared, I was frustrated, Iwas angry.
But I knew I had to commit to,for better, for worse, no matter
what it was.
Like.
Michelle, I'm with you.
We're going to get through thistogether and, no matter what
happens, I'm going to have tosee this through itself right.
(15:23):
Access denied, access granted.
I really didn't know what I hadwrote.
I mean, I knew, but I hadn'treally read it because it was so
quick that it came out.
But then, during the time ofsix weeks of healing, I really
read my book and I thought, wow,this is the blueprint and how
(15:43):
to get through the journey.
This wasn't about me justwriting another book.
I didn't even think I was goingto release that book into two
years, but it was because I wasgoing to need it.
The universe will give you whatyou need.
So I knew that I was going toneed that.
Once I read it, I said, oh, itgives me chills right now.
(16:03):
That was the blueprint.
I knew I had to deny access topeople to projects that were not
supposed to be there or somewere in the wrong area.
Maybe you were intellectuallysupposed to have access to me,
but not emotionally.
So I went through that.
(16:25):
And then I had to figure outwhat aligned with me, even down
to a podcast, even your podcast.
It had to align with me, it hadto align with my assignment and
that's the access granted part.
There's a whole lot to get tothis point and I'm still working
(16:47):
through the access denied partbecause it is not easy.
This is not an easy exercise todo, but it's a gift to me.
It's it's been a gift and it'shelping me every day to now get
through this journey.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
Yeah, that is so, so, so powerful.
Michelle, like wow.
Um, thank you for sharing thatwith us.
Thank you for yourvulnerability.
Um, can you tell me what partgratitude played in all of this
journey of writing your books,of getting to where you are
right now?
I can't believe that almostmade me cry.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
No, it's okay, because it it, it, it.
The reason why the tears, I'msure, came is because it hits so
deep in terms of gratitude.
I'm thankful that of thehardest lessons, because they're
(17:57):
my greatest teachers, even now,in what I'm experiencing, this
lesson, it is grooming andevolving and growing me to a
place of elevation I didn't eventhink was possible.
(18:21):
I didn't even think that I knowI'm resilient, but this level
of resilience I did not knowthat I was this resilient.
And the word resilient is beingresilient or resilience is
(18:42):
silence, this much courage to besilent, to not be scared of
(19:04):
what the clarity looks like, andI'm thankful for that.
I'm thankful for the word no,I'm thankful for when you say no
, the one thing you will reallybe clear about is who really
(19:28):
cares about your well-being, andit will open the healthy part
of yes.
And sometimes, when you'resaying yes so much to things
that are not even healthy to youbut it benefits the other
person, you then are saying noto what is most healthy to you.
(19:54):
And when we say no, no spellbackwards is on.
We hit that on switch of whatwe need.
We become on to ourselves, tothe depths of our core.
So that is why I'm most mostgrateful that I love it.
Speaker 1 (20:18):
I love it.
And to bring it back to whatyou were saying earlier about,
like going on the date withyourself right, saying no to
work means saying yes toyourself, saying yes to rest,
saying yes to quality time, toletting your mind just do its
thing, to just enjoying yourfood, like you said, instead of
(20:40):
being on your phone.
Right, like we're just stuck inthe matrix all the time.
Like just participate in thereal world.
Right, I love to.
I love to, like go out and justbe in nature and just be
present, because we're so guiltyof that, right, and when we say
yes to our phones, when we sayyes to scrolling, we're saying
no to so many beautiful things.
(21:02):
I love that.
Yes, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (21:07):
Oh, yes, yes, Go ahead agreeing that you.
That's exactly what you aredoing.
You mentioned the word rest andI promise you that I have heard
rest from so many differentindividuals that don't even know
me, like I was in Europe,speaking, and, um, people would
(21:31):
literally just say, madam, youneed rest, need rest.
And I was like, wow, do I looktired?
I thought my outfit was kind ofcute.
What do you mean?
You know what do you mean bythat, but it was more of a
spiritual thing that they werein tuned and it was meant for
(21:51):
them to say that to me.
And so even a friend of minewho came to Venice because I
went to Venice too, and she cameto Venice and she said I wanted
to come to support you.
But the main thing I want totell you right now is your heart
needs to rest.
So you were just speaking rightnow and here's that word again
(22:16):
is rest, and what I've come to,the realization.
This is such a transparentmoment, but I don't know how to
rest, not really.
I know how to sleep, right, Iknow how to somewhat relax at
(22:38):
the spa, but the kind of restthat you are suggesting, the
kind of rest that others aresuggesting to me they don't even
know me right Is that it'sresting spiritually, it's
resting emotionally, it'sresting physically, not just
(23:02):
sleeping, but resting, sometimesjust resting and not doing
anything and sometimes you canfind rest in the things that
really set your soul on fire.
You find peace in that, in thethings that really set your soul
on fire.
You find peace in that.
So I am on that journey too ofhopefully you know that in the
(23:24):
next six months I can really sitand say no, no, no, I've
actually been resting, yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:30):
And my coach always says rest is an income producing
activity, because if you're notrested you're not at your best.
So you can't make it too muchmoney.
So go rest.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
That is absolutely true, because a lot of times we
make decisions when we are on ateam.
So when I make a decision fromfumes, you're going to get you
are going to get a decisionthat's made from fumes.
If I make a decision fromfrustration, you're going to get
the decision that's made fromfumes.
If I make a decision fromfrustration, you're going to get
the decision from thatfrustration.
So the best decisions is whenyou get a decision from rest and
(24:04):
you get a decision from a placeof peace.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
Yes, when you give yourself time to connect to the
source, right.
If you're always busy, youdon't have time to just connect
and hear the things that youcan't hear over the TV and the
alarms on your phone and all thechatter going on in the world
and the traffic.
You have to really beintentional and quiet and listen
(24:31):
and you feel it more than youhear it, more than you see it.
It's just something you feeland that's beautiful.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
Yes, intention, I love that, I love that.
Speaker 1 (24:41):
So how can we stay in touch with you?
Speaker 2 (24:45):
Okay, so let me just sorry about that.
I kind of forgot.
So here is the newest book,denied access granted.
Okay, so you can go to amazonor you can go to the
self-vowscom.
That's the self-vows,v-o-w-scom, that's everything,
(25:10):
self-vows, everything.
All my books are there.
Or you can go Amazon and evenif you just Google my name, dr
Michelle R Hanna, my books willcome up.
And then this I'm letting yousee, actually my book.
You can tell that it has been,it's been used.
I'm hoping that this won't,this little part won't fold up
(25:31):
because it has been used.
It's beautiful so that is forthe self vows, and you can also
go to Amazon or you can go tothe self vowscom.
So how to get in contact withme If you want to take the self
vows journey, again the selfvowscom, if you want to?
(25:53):
When I say self-hous journey, Imean the self-hous program, the
self-hous retreat.
We have an amazing retreat.
We do a couple of retreats ayear.
Oh my gosh, it's so amazing.
It's the pampering, the love,the spoiling, you, the
sisterhood, just the connection,the fun, the laughter, the
(26:14):
tears.
It's amazing.
Okay, so we do have one comingup in September.
So we have people that comefrom everywhere to come to the
self-vows retreat.
So and then, if you would liketo work with me in terms of in
sessions whether it's from apersonal perspective or whether
(26:34):
it's from a business perspective, because I do help small
businesses as well you can go toMikellLifeCoachingcom.
That's M-I-K-E-L.
Lifecoachingcom.
You can reach out to me byphone at 888-983-4446.
Or, lastly, you can email me atinfo at Michelle R Hannacom.
(26:59):
And I am on social media aswell.
So if you go to IG, you canjust say at the self-doubts
retreat, and I will come up.
Speaker 1 (27:10):
Yay, that is amazing.
And all of the links that shementioned, all of the
information is going to beavailable down in the show notes
, so it'll be very easy toaccess.
That is amazing.
One of my goals is to haveretreats, so I love it.
I think that is amazing.
And final tip so what's thatbig aha moment, like that big
juicy tip that you give yourclients, that they just love the
(27:32):
best?
Speaker 2 (27:36):
The biggest tip that they love the best.
I don't know if they love itthe best, but they get the most
from it.
Okay, and that is forgive quickand love harder.
Yeah, that is amazing, yeah,that is amazing, yeah, because
(27:58):
isn't it interesting how weforgive, then we got to love
harder.
Past the offense that justhappened.
That might be pretty big Right.
I think that is that's honestlybeing love, instead of looking
for it or doing whatever to tryto provide it.
(28:21):
If you become it, then theenergy is already there.
It just comes out as love.
Speaker 1 (28:29):
Yeah, imagine approaching all of our
interactions that way.
Approaching all of ourinteractions that way and it's
just love and forgivenessinstead of oh my, here comes my
teenager.
I was that teenager, right, butthey, you know, you put your
guard up.
And what if we just approacheverything brand new?
(28:49):
We forgive and we, just becauseeverybody has a bad day or a
bad decade, whatever.
Speaker 2 (28:58):
You can do that and just know that you still have to
have your boundaries.
See, if I forgive, that doesn'tnecessarily mean all the time
reconciliation.
That may just mean I forgivebecause I got to do this for me.
I cannot hold this.
I have to keep myself clear inpeace and love, right, but I
(29:20):
could also have boundaries,because maybe you showed me
something that I now know that Ihave to set a boundary for
where that is concerned.
But you are right, if we couldjust all get to that point, I
think we would just be so muchmore at peace with ourselves and
(29:40):
with even the things thathappen, that are not, that are
hard, that are not nice thing.
What I'm going through now it'snot easy, but my goal is is to
become love, not just to shareit but to become it.
Speaker 1 (29:58):
And you're doing just that with your books, with your
programs.
I mean the fact that you'respeaking out.
I know what you're goingthrough, I can't even imagine so
.
Again, I just want to thank youso much for being here with us
today.
This has been absolutelyincredible.
Make sure you go grab yourbooks, check out, out her
retreats and we will see youguys next time on the next
episode of overcome yourself,the podcast.
(30:19):
Bye.
Yeah, let's go.
Hello and welcome back to thenext episode of Overcome
Yourself, the podcast.
As you know, my name is Nicoleand I'm so excited to be here
today with Dr Michelle, and DrMichelle has an incredible story
.
She is an author and she had toovercome herself as soon as her
(00:20):
book came out.
So, dr Michelle, please take itaway and tell us a little bit
about your story, about who youare and who you help.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Okay, so I actually am the originator of the
self-vows, the self-vows concept, the self-vows retreat, the
self-vows program, and sorecently, in November, recently,
in November, last November Iwent to Utah and I wrote another
book in three days.
So everybody writes differently, but in all the books that I
(01:03):
have written so this is theeighth book there are two that
just were so spirituallyconnected, and usually when it's
spiritually connected it justreally just kind of, it almost
just feels like it just falls,you know, out of me to a point
where I can't even sleep becauseI have to write, I have to get
it out.
And so this book that I justwrote in November was it's
called Access Denied, accessGranted, and that is for me the
(01:27):
now what to the self-files.
So self-files is a book thatjust keeps on giving, and but I
think that once you've taken theprogram so many times cause you
will do that Like theself-housing is for different,
you know, areas of your life anddifferent seasons of your life,
(01:49):
and so, but I think that afteryou get to a point where then
there is a now what?
And even though most of myclients are like I'm not there
yet, I'm not to that, now what,I'm still trying to get my head
wrapped around this self-helpconcept, but I was definitely at
that point and boy did I notknow what I was actually writing
(02:13):
and that really I was writingthe book for the blueprint for
the journey that I'm on now.
So for your audience that don'tknow what I'm saying self-vows
and I'm sure people are goingwhat is that?
What is self-vows?
So what I did was, you know thetraditional vows that you take
(02:34):
when you get married to have andto hold from this day forward,
for better, for worse, andsickness and health for richer,
for poorer, to love and tocherish words and sickness and
health for rich or for poor, tolove and to cherish um and uh.
To death do us part or as longas we shall live.
I took those vows and I brokethem down in a very unique way,
(02:57):
because what I realized is thatwe will show up and say those
vows to someone else and we havenot said them to ourselves.
So, for example, even you, know,to love and to cherish, which
is one of my favorites.
Do you really cherish yourself?
(03:18):
Are you really your most prizedpossession?
Is you just you, all of you,flaws and all everything that
connects to you?
Do you cherish that?
If you cherish something, youspend time with something, you
actually create boundariesaround it, you guard it because
(03:39):
that's so special to you.
And so when you think aboutthat, a lot of times, we always
think about how to cherishsomeone else, but we really
don't fill our own selves up inthat way.
To cherish ourselves first andto love, we're quick to say, oh
yes, I love myself.
But I believe that if we reallylove ourselves, we actually go
(04:04):
through the whole dating process, even with self.
When you're first datingsomeone, you want to get to know
them.
You want to know what makesthem happy, what gives them joy,
what they like to do, what aretheir values, what are their
morals and all of those things,what sets their soul on fire.
But we don't stop and say Ineed to go through that journey
(04:28):
with myself, right, even when wesay, oh no, I go out to eat by
myself.
But actually we're not eatingby ourselves and we're not
really enjoying the experiencebecause we're actually going out
on a date with our phone.
We're sitting there eating ourfood, but then we're looking at
our phone or we use that as atime to work.
(04:49):
Right, I'm eating but I'mworking and I'm like, oh, I'm
really getting some things done.
But it's not supposed to be forthat.
You're on a date with you.
You wouldn't be on your phonewhen somebody's in front of you.
You're just on your phone.
You're supposed to be on a date.
You know we we sometimes willput so much energy in dressing
(05:12):
up for a date.
Right, our room looks crazybecause we have all these
clothes everywhere, because wewant to wear the perfect thing
for that date.
But then when we go out withourselves, you know not saying
like you have to dress up allthe time going out with yourself
, but I'm saying like you knowto put that energy into that for
(05:32):
you, not really about whatsomebody is going to think or
the compliment that you'rehoping that they give you, but
you doing that for you, becauseif you do that for you, you
won't put so much responsibilityon others to do that for you,
(05:52):
and if you don't put that muchresponsibility, you won't be in
the position to be disappointedwhen they may not do it the way
you want to do it right.
So whatever you like to do, youdo that for you first.
So that's just one vow and I'monly going over a few little
(06:12):
things.
That breaks down those vows.
The questions in the book arenot yes or no.
You really have to dig deep.
Most people want to throw thebook at chapter seven.
That is usually the chapterthat everybody says I just want
to throw the book.
Some people did throw the book.
I've thrown the book at chapterseven because it really is just
(06:36):
no running from you.
You can move to a differentstate, but you cannot outrun
yourself, you can't outrun yourpain, you can't outrun the
things we need to heal over.
So I just think that the bookis such an intimate and
sometimes intense moment of justbeing with you and going
(06:59):
through that whole process sothat when you show up in the
world during your self-foweljourney because just because you
read the book, just because yougo to the program, you have to
actually implement this everyday.
And you know, and when you dothat, you find that the more
that you evolve, your vowsevolve too.
So that's a part of at leastthe core of what self-vows is.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
That is beautiful, and is cherish chapter seven?
Or is chapter seven somethingelse, the one that makes people
throw the book?
Speaker 2 (07:34):
Yeah, so chapter seven is about intimacy.
Oh, okay, so it's actually tolove and to cherish.
That's one chapter, and thenseven is to love and to cherish
through intimacy.
Right, so that then breaks itdown into the emotional, the
intellectual, the spiritual andthe physical.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
Yeah, and getting to know ourselves, sometimes being
intentional about getting toknow ourselves.
You know, sometimes we have tohave hard talks and sometimes we
throw the book and then we gotto go pick it up and then keep
reading and keep doing the work.
Right, it's part of the process.
But you mentioned that you hadgotten a very scary diagnosis
(08:19):
right after publishing your book, and so can you talk us a
little bit through about thatjourney and, I guess, how you
use that book to help yourselfthrough that season?
Speaker 2 (08:32):
So when I actually got the diagnosis was this past
December.
So I had actually wrote AccessDenied, access Granted, in
November.
And what's so funny about it isbecause I had just written two
other books.
I had written the Self-Foulsfor L and self-vows for teens,
and I was super excited becauseI was like, oh my gosh, now I
have a whole series for agegroups and had to say yes to in
(08:56):
sickness and in health.
And in December I was on my wayto a conference and, ironically
(09:17):
, the I fought for herconference and I didn't know
that that was going to besomething that I would then end
up saying to myself like girl,you got to fight, you got to
fight for yourself, you know.
So in going there, I know mybody, because I am a cancer
(09:38):
survivor and I suffer fromsomething called pedental
neuralgia once I decided to havea hysterectomy.
So it's rare, it's complex, andso I'm very in tune with my
body and I was feeling somethingthat did not quite feel like
nerve pain.
It felt like when I would touchthe skin it was very, was
(10:04):
tender and it was a bitdiscolored, not totally, but
just enough.
If you look at your body allthe time, you knew something was
different.
So I went to the doctor and mygyno, my gynecologist, and he
said we need to biopsy that area.
(10:26):
Now I wasn't really scaredabout that.
I've had biopsies before.
I said you know, no problem,I'll do it when I come back.
But then there were two otherareas that I was complaining
about and he said we need tobiopsy those areas too.
So then I thought, okay, well,I'll do it all when I get back.
(10:50):
He says, no, we need to do this, which was really going to be
in less than a week.
And I says, well, I'm going toAtlanta, I have to do the
surgery.
And this is how I really dothink.
(11:10):
I'm working on it, y'allworking on it.
I said, oh, I'll do the surgeryand then I'll just take a
flight that evening, becausewhen I commit to something, it's
hard for me, even for me, right?
That's why I said theself-files is forever, cause
even that part I was willing tosacrifice, me being totally
(11:31):
uncomfortable in pain, to justcommit.
So that was my thought.
He looks at me like I'm notagreeing with you, but okay, if
that's what you want to think,right?
So I get to the pre-op and he'snot even looking at me he has
his back turned and I thoughtthis is strange.
(11:55):
And then he says, well, thiswas there and I didn't know what
he was doing, but anyways, fromwhat he had had done, they
(12:17):
looked at it, you know, I guessunder the microscope or whatever
they did.
And he came back and he saidI'm almost ninety, nine point
nine, that this is, this iscancer.
And I thought, wait, what?
Like we were just talking abouta biopsy.
Huh, and then I started to getreally hot, like physically,
(12:40):
because I felt like this is nothappening again.
This is like been, you knowthis?
This, this happened first in2004, but I started to feel
symptoms in 2002 and theyfinally diagnosed in 2004.
So I'm thinking it's now, youknow, 2024.
(13:03):
How am I going through this?
What I just couldn't evenfathom it.
So at that point I go and I havethe surgery and when I come out
I'm in major pain, I'm inexcruciating pain.
And then he says well, I hopethat we got everything, but if
(13:30):
we didn't and it's outside ofthe margins you're going to have
to go to oncology Again.
It was like those words wereplaying in my head again.
I've been told that.
So within a week later, I can'treally walk that well, can't
really feed myself, can't do allthe things that we take for
granted.
(13:51):
I go back because my pathologyreport is in like a week earlier
and I'm going to tell yousomething Intuition when you
know.
You know I didn't want to know,but I knew, I knew it was going
to be outside the margins.
I knew it.
And so I go and he kind of patme on my back a bit and I knew I
(14:15):
literally my eyes started towell up with tears and he said
to me you have something rareand complex, have something rare
and complex.
That's a trigger for me, thewords rare and complex.
And I knew then that you don'twant to be something rare and
(14:39):
complex because that means theydon't have enough data for it.
So now I was on another type ofjourney that I did not see
coming.
So how does that connect withaccess?
Denied self-vows.
In that moment the only vowthat I could really commit to is
for better, for worse.
I couldn't even commit to insickness and in health because I
(15:03):
was scared, I was frustrated, Iwas angry.
But I knew I had to commit to,for better, for worse, no matter
what it was.
Like.
Michelle, I'm with you.
We're going to get through thistogether and, no matter what
happens, I'm going to have tosee this through itself right.
(15:23):
Access denied, access granted.
I really didn't know what I hadwrote.
I mean, I knew, but I hadn'treally read it because it was so
quick that it came out.
But then, during the time ofsix weeks of healing, I really
read my book and I thought, wow,this is the blueprint and how
(15:43):
to get through the journey.
This wasn't about me justwriting another book.
I didn't even think I was goingto release that book into two
years, but it was because I wasgoing to need it.
The universe will give you whatyou need.
So I knew that I was going toneed that.
Once I read it, I said, oh, itgives me chills right now.
(16:03):
That was the blueprint.
I knew I had to deny access topeople to projects that were not
supposed to be there or somewere in the wrong area.
Maybe you were intellectuallysupposed to have access to me,
but not emotionally.
So I went through that.
(16:25):
And then I had to figure outwhat aligned with me, even down
to a podcast, even your podcast.
It had to align with me, it hadto align with my assignment and
that's the access granted part.
There's a whole lot to get tothis point and I'm still working
(16:47):
through the access denied partbecause it is not easy.
This is not an easy exercise todo, but it's a gift to me.
It's it's been a gift and it'shelping me every day to now get
through this journey.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
Yeah, that is so, so, so powerful.
Michelle, like wow.
Um, thank you for sharing thatwith us.
Thank you for yourvulnerability.
Um, can you tell me what partgratitude played in all of this
journey of writing your books,of getting to where you are
right now?
I can't believe that almostmade me cry.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
No, it's okay, because it it, it, it.
The reason why the tears, I'msure, came is because it hits so
deep in terms of gratitude.
I'm thankful that of thehardest lessons, because they're
(17:57):
my greatest teachers, even now,in what I'm experiencing, this
lesson, it is grooming andevolving and growing me to a
place of elevation I didn't eventhink was possible.
(18:21):
I didn't even think that I knowI'm resilient, but this level
of resilience I did not knowthat I was this resilient.
And the word resilient is beingresilient or resilience is
(18:42):
silence, this much courage to besilent, to not be scared of
(19:04):
what the clarity looks like, andI'm thankful for that.
I'm thankful for the word no,I'm thankful for when you say no
, the one thing you will reallybe clear about is who really
(19:28):
cares about your well-being, andit will open the healthy part
of yes.
And sometimes, when you'resaying yes so much to things
that are not even healthy to youbut it benefits the other
person, you then are saying noto what is most healthy to you.
(19:54):
And when we say no, no spellbackwards is on.
We hit that on switch of whatwe need.
We become on to ourselves, tothe depths of our core.
So that is why I'm most mostgrateful that I love it.
Speaker 1 (20:18):
I love it.
And to bring it back to whatyou were saying earlier about,
like going on the date withyourself right, saying no to
work means saying yes toyourself, saying yes to rest,
saying yes to quality time, toletting your mind just do its
thing, to just enjoying yourfood, like you said, instead of
(20:40):
being on your phone.
Right, like we're just stuck inthe matrix all the time.
Like just participate in thereal world.
Right, I love to.
I love to, like go out and justbe in nature and just be
present, because we're so guiltyof that, right, and when we say
yes to our phones, when we sayyes to scrolling, we're saying
no to so many beautiful things.
(21:02):
I love that.
Yes, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (21:07):
Oh, yes, yes, Go ahead agreeing that you.
That's exactly what you aredoing.
You mentioned the word rest andI promise you that I have heard
rest from so many differentindividuals that don't even know
me, like I was in Europe,speaking, and, um, people would
(21:31):
literally just say, madam, youneed rest, need rest.
And I was like, wow, do I looktired?
I thought my outfit was kind ofcute.
What do you mean?
You know what do you mean bythat, but it was more of a
spiritual thing that they werein tuned and it was meant for
(21:51):
them to say that to me.
And so even a friend of minewho came to Venice because I
went to Venice too, and she cameto Venice and she said I wanted
to come to support you.
But the main thing I want totell you right now is your heart
needs to rest.
So you were just speaking rightnow and here's that word again
(22:16):
is rest, and what I've come to,the realization.
This is such a transparentmoment, but I don't know how to
rest, not really.
I know how to sleep, right, Iknow how to somewhat relax at
(22:38):
the spa, but the kind of restthat you are suggesting, the
kind of rest that others aresuggesting to me they don't even
know me right Is that it'sresting spiritually, it's
resting emotionally, it'sresting physically, not just
(23:02):
sleeping, but resting, sometimesjust resting and not doing
anything and sometimes you canfind rest in the things that
really set your soul on fire.
You find peace in that, in thethings that really set your soul
on fire.
You find peace in that.
So I am on that journey too ofhopefully you know that in the
(23:24):
next six months I can really sitand say no, no, no, I've
actually been resting, yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:30):
And my coach always says rest is an income producing
activity, because if you're notrested you're not at your best.
So you can't make it too muchmoney.
So go rest.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
That is absolutely true, because a lot of times we
make decisions when we are on ateam.
So when I make a decision fromfumes, you're going to get you
are going to get a decisionthat's made from fumes.
If I make a decision fromfrustration, you're going to get
the decision that's made fromfumes.
If I make a decision fromfrustration, you're going to get
the decision from thatfrustration.
So the best decisions is whenyou get a decision from rest and
(24:04):
you get a decision from a placeof peace.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
Yes, when you give yourself time to connect to the
source, right.
If you're always busy, youdon't have time to just connect
and hear the things that youcan't hear over the TV and the
alarms on your phone and all thechatter going on in the world
and the traffic.
You have to really beintentional and quiet and listen
(24:31):
and you feel it more than youhear it, more than you see it.
It's just something you feeland that's beautiful.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
Yes, intention, I love that, I love that.
Speaker 1 (24:41):
So how can we stay in touch with you?
Speaker 2 (24:45):
Okay, so let me just sorry about that.
I kind of forgot.
So here is the newest book,denied access granted.
Okay, so you can go to amazonor you can go to the
self-vowscom.
That's the self-vows,v-o-w-scom, that's everything,
(25:10):
self-vows, everything.
All my books are there.
Or you can go Amazon and evenif you just Google my name, dr
Michelle R Hanna, my books willcome up.
And then this I'm letting yousee, actually my book.
You can tell that it has been,it's been used.
I'm hoping that this won't,this little part won't fold up
(25:31):
because it has been used.
It's beautiful so that is forthe self vows, and you can also
go to Amazon or you can go tothe self vowscom.
So how to get in contact withme If you want to take the self
vows journey, again the selfvowscom, if you want to?
(25:53):
When I say self-hous journey, Imean the self-hous program, the
self-hous retreat.
We have an amazing retreat.
We do a couple of retreats ayear.
Oh my gosh, it's so amazing.
It's the pampering, the love,the spoiling, you, the
sisterhood, just the connection,the fun, the laughter, the
(26:14):
tears.
It's amazing.
Okay, so we do have one comingup in September.
So we have people that comefrom everywhere to come to the
self-vows retreat.
So and then, if you would liketo work with me in terms of in
sessions whether it's from apersonal perspective or whether
(26:34):
it's from a business perspective, because I do help small
businesses as well you can go toMikellLifeCoachingcom.
That's M-I-K-E-L.
Lifecoachingcom.
You can reach out to me byphone at 888-983-4446.
Or, lastly, you can email me atinfo at Michelle R Hannacom.
(26:59):
And I am on social media aswell.
So if you go to IG, you canjust say at the self-doubts
retreat, and I will come up.
Speaker 1 (27:10):
Yay, that is amazing.
And all of the links that shementioned, all of the
information is going to beavailable down in the show notes
, so it'll be very easy toaccess.
That is amazing.
One of my goals is to haveretreats, so I love it.
I think that is amazing.
And final tip so what's thatbig aha moment, like that big
juicy tip that you give yourclients, that they just love the
(27:32):
best?
Speaker 2 (27:36):
The biggest tip that they love the best.
I don't know if they love itthe best, but they get the most
from it.
Okay, and that is forgive quickand love harder.
Yeah, that is amazing, yeah,that is amazing, yeah, because
(27:58):
isn't it interesting how weforgive, then we got to love
harder.
Past the offense that justhappened.
That might be pretty big Right.
I think that is that's honestlybeing love, instead of looking
for it or doing whatever to tryto provide it.
(28:21):
If you become it, then theenergy is already there.
It just comes out as love.
Speaker 1 (28:29):
Yeah, imagine approaching all of our
interactions that way.
Approaching all of ourinteractions that way and it's
just love and forgivenessinstead of oh my, here comes my
teenager.
I was that teenager, right, butthey, you know, you put your
guard up.
And what if we just approacheverything brand new?
(28:49):
We forgive and we, just becauseeverybody has a bad day or a
bad decade, whatever.
Speaker 2 (28:58):
You can do that and just know that you still have to
have your boundaries.
See, if I forgive, that doesn'tnecessarily mean all the time
reconciliation.
That may just mean I forgivebecause I got to do this for me.
I cannot hold this.
I have to keep myself clear inpeace and love, right, but I
(29:20):
could also have boundaries,because maybe you showed me
something that I now know that Ihave to set a boundary for
where that is concerned.
But you are right, if we couldjust all get to that point, I
think we would just be so muchmore at peace with ourselves and
(29:40):
with even the things thathappen, that are not, that are
hard, that are not nice thing.
What I'm going through now it'snot easy, but my goal is is to
become love, not just to shareit but to become it.
Speaker 1 (29:58):
And you're doing just that with your books, with your
programs.
I mean the fact that you'respeaking out.
I know what you're goingthrough, I can't even imagine so
.
Again, I just want to thank youso much for being here with us
today.
This has been absolutelyincredible.
Make sure you go grab yourbooks, check out, out her
retreats and we will see youguys next time on the next
episode of overcome yourself,the podcast.
(30:19):
Bye.
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