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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
now there, guys, and welcome back to the next episode
of overcome yourself, thepodcast.
As you know, my name is nicole.
I'm so excited I didn't ask youhow to pronounce your name
correctly, so we're just gonnago for it to gorilla close it
off to gorilla like perfect, oh,even better, okay, okay, that
makes more sense.
(00:23):
Well, welcome to Grilla.
My name, as you guys know, likeI said, is Nicole, and I'm just
going to go ahead and let youtake it away, because you told
me that you one of the thingsyou do is helping people
befriend their limiting beliefs.
Everybody wants to hear whatthat means, so take it away.
Tell us who you are, who youhelp, and then let us know about
(00:43):
Befriending Our LimitingBeliefs.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Yeah, hi, super, super happy, super excited to be
here.
So I am a nature-inspiredmentor and a certified life
coach and really what I do morethan anything is help people
feel, especially people whoreally feel like they can't
accomplish anything.
They have so many ideas.
I mean, I work mainly withcreative multi-potentialites and
(01:07):
I help them then find a way tointerconnect all of the passions
that they have into onethriving life.
And the way I do this is I workvery closely with plants'
intelligence and with plants ingeneral.
So plants are really my guidesthe working with nature and
beings of nature and recognizingourselves as a being of nature,
so that you can stopquestioning the things that are
(01:30):
going on in your life andrecognize that, if I'm a natural
being, this means that whateverit is that I'm experiencing is
absolutely natural.
So it's more of shifting thanthe perspective into what is it
that I actually want toaccomplish, how can I work with
this, how can I use everythingthat I am to the best of my
abilities?
So that's the big piece toshift you from feeling like
(01:54):
something is wrong I'm aprocrastinator, I'm not somebody
who knows how to do things andinstead recognize that you have
these unconventional ideas,these really multiple ways of
doing things, and that you.
It's about finding the way toweave these all together to
create the life that you reallywant.
And one of the things that came,you know, in this work working
(02:16):
so closely with plants is theconcept of the fact that we tend
to think of our limitingbeliefs as something that we
need to get rid of, something Ineed.
You know all the vocabulary ishow do you, you know, let go or
release, or, you know, change ortransform?
And our limiting beliefs are,in reality, I think of them as
big bodyguards, their bodyguardsthat we placed in front of a
(02:39):
set of talents and skills thatwe didn't know how to use, and
so in the past, they createdsome kind of problem for us.
So maybe you have this fear ofmoney, but it's because your
parents.
You grew up hearing from yourparents that people who have a
lot of money are corrupt andtherefore you were afraid that
your skills at making moneywould make you corrupt.
(02:59):
So what do you do?
You take this big bodyguard,you put this bodyguard on the
door and you say to thisbodyguard do not let me make
money, because if I make moneyI'm going to become corrupt.
And so this bodyguard, who'skind of, you know, super
powerful but kind of dumb, saysOkay, I'm just going to stand
there.
And so every time you try tomake money, this bodyguard says
(03:20):
Nope, nope, and is guarding thatdoor and is saying the talents
and skills that I have insidethere I'm not going to let you
access.
And so it really is aboutrecognizing that this bodyguard
was somebody you put in place,was a part of you that you put
in place because somethinghappened.
It's not a fake thing.
You really did believe at somepoint in your life that you
(03:42):
would become greedy and that youwould become somebody corrupt
if you had a lot of money.
So it's about going up to thatbodyguard and saying, hey, by
the way, why did I put you here?
What are you protecting me from?
What is it that I can?
You know that has changed in mylife so that you no longer have
to protect me.
And that doesn't mean gettingrid of the bodyguard.
On the contrary, saying hey,bodyguard, okay, I told you that
(04:06):
I would become corrupt.
Here's all the ways in my lifethat I have grown, evolved,
changed, learned.
So I am very confident now thatI'm not going to be corrupted
by money.
So you and I are friends.
Here's the deal.
I won't become corrupt.
If I do become corrupt, youblock my money thing again.
Like I'm giving you permission.
But now that I'm aware of thereason I put you there, I'm
(04:29):
telling you that you have mypermission also to step aside,
unless what it is that I wasstill afraid of comes back for
whatever reason.
So it's about going up to all ofthese limiting beliefs and
looking at them and saying youand I are friends and rather
than me blindly putting you here, I want to work with you so
that the trauma or the incidentor the fear doesn't come back.
(04:52):
But also I want to be able tohave a conversation with you
that says here are all thethings I've done in my life so
that you don't have to block meanymore, you don't have to be
there and I can actually accessthe talents that are there.
So that's really the heart ofthe process of befriending that
limiting belief, of looking atthat limiting belief as an
important bodyguard, of reallyunderstanding that you put them
(05:13):
there for a good reason and thenalso working with the bodyguard
to understand that that reasonis no longer valid.
There's no need for thatbodyguard to still be there to
block it.
I used to work when I went backway, way back in the days when
I actually lived in SouthFlorida and in Miami.
I was a bodyguard for a whileand I had done it also in
Seattle when I used to produceevents and I was a person who
(05:36):
worked the door.
The guard at the door is superimportant, but it doesn't mean
they don't let people in.
The best bodyguards know who tolet in, people who are safe,
people who are going to help youget ahead, who are going to
help you move in the direction,and they also know when to block
.
And what we want to do bycreating this relationship is to
recognize and be able to beconscious of and aware of when
(06:02):
to let through and access thosetalents and those skills and
when to block.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
That is so, so, so good, like fantastic.
It's such great imagery to helpus like.
Immediately I thought of do youremember the Mario movie, the
one like the one back in the 90s, right with john leguizamo, and
those big, those those bigturtle things.
(06:29):
You know, they did such not agood job of making these
characters, but those big guys,that's what I thought of, that
they're really big and they'rejust kind of like I'm just gonna
stand here because that's whatthey told me to do exactly
exactly, and that's it.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
We don't realize that we did it on purpose.
Like we always think that ourlimiting beliefs are about
something that's irrational orsuch.
But there was a time when itwas totally rational.
And even some of our biggestyou know, our biggest limiting
beliefs, like I, feel unworthyOftentimes.
Oftentimes those were createdto protect us from something
(07:06):
else.
Like maybe we had unwantedattention that we didn't know
how to deal with, right?
So by making myself feelunworthy, I keep away the
attention of somebody that Idon't know how to control.
Or maybe something I did have atrauma that happened to me,
like my you know, my family.
There was some kind of abuse orsomething.
So by saying I'm unworthy, Imake myself small and I make
(07:27):
myself invisible.
There are lots of reasons whythese traumas or these
experiences, but we work on them, but then we forget to talk to
the limiting belief.
We forgot to say, hey, I am adifferent person today than when
I put you here, so you don'thave to protect me anymore from
this, from this, from this andthis.
(07:47):
But if this thing happens again, you sure as hell should
protect me.
Look you make sure you stand up,nice and big and strong, you
put those wings out.
You just block everything thatcomes in.
But now, rather than me,because when I was younger and I
probably created this limitingbelief, I did it in a moment of
fear.
I did it in a moment of, youknow, some kind of not feeling
(08:09):
safe or not feeling like I couldbe whatever it is that I needed
to be.
So I give you a broad mandate.
I just said block everything.
Now that I know myself, that Ihave worked on myself, that I
understand my talents, my skillsand maybe those things that
you're holding on to I can dealwith and I can work with.
So let's give you a very narrowrange.
(08:32):
Let's just say, in thesecircumstances, block me.
In these circumstances, shut itdown, but also warn me.
That way I can work on it.
So it's not about at allgetting rid of, it's not about
letting go.
It's about working with.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
I love that.
So you're not firing them,you're changing their assignment
.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
And you're saying, hey, I have a different job for
you Exactly.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
That's pretty cool.
That's pretty cool.
And I came into this, Istumbled into this.
I remember I don't rememberwhat it was, but I remember
having to have a talk withmyself and being like thank you
for keeping me safe.
You have kept me safe up tothis point, and the reason that
you are not letting me makemoney like to, to, to get off
(09:16):
your example, um is becauseyou're trying to keep me safe.
Money means a lot of things.
Money can mean, like peoplecould take it away, corruption,
it can mean all these things,but now, in this moment of my
life, what is going to keep ussafe in your example is making
more money, and so now we needto focus on that, because money
(09:37):
is what's going to help us.
You know, in in in this, in thesense of safety, money will
help us, like that's the onlything that's going to pay all
the things, and keep us saferight.
We've got food and we've got allthe things.
It's shifting that and givingit a different assignment.
Because because it's not thatyou won't make the money, you
(10:01):
can make the money, but you willspend it all immediately.
It will be gone before you knowit and you will be like what
happened and that is yourlimiting belief keeping you safe
.
So you have to deal with thesethings.
You can't say, oh, I'll dealwith it when I make a hundred
grand.
No, bro, it's going to suck,because just a little bit after
you make that hundred grand,you're going to be like where
(10:22):
did it go?
And you'd be like, oh shit, Ihave to deal with all of these
things so that I can actuallykeep it.
So that's such such a big deal.
So tell me, what are some tipsthat you have?
We've been talking about thisfear of money.
So what are some tips that youhave to help us overcome this?
I guess there's another one ofthose, one of those words you
(10:46):
know in this process.
Right, because we have to.
We have to establish boundaries, we have to start getting
healthy, we have to set ourvalues so that we don't become
corrupt.
Right, like this is.
This is the line of where I'mwilling to go.
So can you give us some tipsalong those lines of how we
carry this out in our day to day?
Speaker 2 (11:03):
Yeah, absolutely, I mean.
So, really, when we're workingfrom the perspective of our
limiting beliefs, we want tocreate what, what I think of as
an ecosystem.
So I work a lot with plants andI look and I and I observe, and
I spend a lot of time withplants and the thing about
plants that's amazing is theirability to be an ecosystem.
Right, it's kind of like I'msolo, I'm an independent, but
(11:24):
I'm also always connected toeverything around me, and those
relationships are really whatkeeps us the healthiest right
the understanding that I am aninterrelated being.
I'm always interrelating withother people.
So when I go up to thatlimiting belief and I say, okay,
what are you holding me backfrom?
What is it that you're actuallyblocking me from?
(11:45):
You're blocking me from myabilities to make money, let's
say we're talking about it and,like you said, then it's a
matter of going up and saying Doyou remember what the hell I
was like, worried about?
Like what?
Where did I?
What was it that I was, what Iwas creating, like that that had
made me scared about the ideaof my ability to make money.
And so let's say that they saythat, like you, when you get
(12:07):
money, you spend it.
And then what happens is that,rather than letting you spend it
and just feel the whole, Idon't even let you make it
because you might get us intotrouble, right, you might end up
buying a house, that then welose our house and by that point
we don't have any money andtherefore you're out on the
street.
So I can't allow that to happen, so I block you at all.
So working, and then it's aboutlooking at OK, now I have to
(12:32):
evolve, like you said, thataspect of myself.
So if I think about it from aplant's perspective and I think,
ok, how do I create theecosystem?
What is the support system thatI have to create around myself
to understand how to deal withthat real problem that it is
Like the fact that I have thisrelationship with money, that I
(12:52):
might spend it, and then again,what is it that I'm spending it
from?
Like, why is it that I'm doingall these different things?
So a lot of this is about knowthyself.
Right, we always talk aboutthis, but not looking at
yourself as something that'swrong with you, which I think is
our issue but it's aroundgetting to that core fear and
(13:13):
creating the environment aroundmyself where that fear gets
supported, so that I canactually look at it with you
know, deep self-honesty,self-trust, and I can then work
on it.
So what do I need around me inorder to ensure that, for
example, when I do get money, Idon't just spend it away?
(13:33):
Like there has to be somethingthat I'm missing in the
ecosystem.
That takes me into this otherdirection.
So working very closely withyour limiting belief is not just
a matter of get out of the way,but it's more like, okay, like
you said, okay, dude, I put youhere.
So, now that I've put you here,please tell me why I put you
(13:55):
here.
Like, did I tell you at all?
And then, okay, don't block me,don't unblock me.
Yet I still have things that Ineed to work on.
So, in the practical sense, it'sabout also not going too fast
and allowing yourself to go instages to say, okay, you were
worried about this piece, I havetaken care of this piece.
This is how I have created asupport system.
(14:17):
So, for example, if I do wastemoney and that's my big thing I
might go to a good friend ofmine and say, hey, you are
somebody that I love and I trust.
So if I start to get myself introuble with my spending.
You have my permission to tapme on the shoulder and say yo,
what's going on here?
If, instead, it's a differenttype of problem relating to it,
(14:41):
like, maybe I become mean, maybeI become selfish, okay, where
did that come from?
And who can I work with to helpme and support me through that?
So it is about preemptively,before you even take the block
out of the way, cause oftentimes, when we work with limiting
beliefs, we think the mostimportant part is to remove the
block, and it's like no, theblock has its purpose.
(15:05):
What's more important is did Icreate the ecosystem, the actual
support system?
Do I have the relationships inplace?
I'll give you a differentexample.
That's not the money example,but that often happens.
Many people who have, forexample, imposter syndrome is
because there could be multipledifferent areas of sources to
(15:26):
that.
One could be the soul wound ofhumiliation, right, I'm afraid
that if I put myself out there Iam going to be humiliated.
So all of my talents that showhow smart I am or how athletic I
am or how great I am, I hidebehind this imposter syndrome
because I am worried that if Imake a mistake I am going to be
(15:48):
humiliated and if I have thissoul wound of humiliation then
I'm never going to recover.
The humiliation is worse thanstaying small.
So now I say, okay, I haven'teven looked at that.
What do I need in order to besomebody who can make mistakes
in public and not feel bad aboutit, like feel really happy
(16:09):
about it, and then you startworking kind of backwards.
So that's why I say it's allabout the relationship and the
support system around you andrecognizing that if I create,
like I might say to thatlimiting belief, okay, in this
case, I'm okay with making apublic mistake, I don't actually
care.
So let's unblock that piece,but over here, don't unblock it
(16:32):
in another way.
So it is a sort of almostsurgical response.
Right, I'm now looking and I'mcreating and I'm having this
relationship where I am lookingat different ways to work with
my own talents and to understandwhat my talents are in that
aspect.
Another way that this manifestsitself and that you can work on
(16:55):
is many times the things we'reblocking from are actually
things that society might havetold us are a problem but in
reality are a strength, and sothat's the other piece, the way
to work on it.
For example, I'm an extremelycritical person.
I'm critical.
I can like break up somethingdown.
I've used it for some horriblethings in my life.
(17:15):
I have to admit that I have cutpeople down and judge them and
done all kinds of differentthings when I was younger.
So I put a block in there thatmeant I didn't allow myself,
like I became this pushover.
That had to be super sweet,because I was afraid that if I
tried to, you know, show you theproblems of a project or of
(17:36):
something you were working on,it was going to come out in a
way that I broke.
You know, I just broke it andpeople were going to tell me
you're just mean and you're abitch, you're all these types of
things.
So what did I have to do?
I had to work first of all onmy communication skills, like do
I know how to give constructivecriticism?
I had to recognize that thefact that I break things down
(17:58):
isn't always bad.
Sometimes it's so important.
Somebody who can look at aproject and show you all the
problems with the project, thatis a massive skill that saves
people money and time and energy.
Now I can't say you're an idiotbecause you didn't get it.
If I recognize that what I haveis a superpower, then I realize
(18:18):
, oh my goodness, you can't seethis, of course.
Then I realized, oh my goodness, you can't see this, of course.
Oh no, no, not a problem, letme just show you, let me help
you solve it, because I see it.
So then I can go to thelimiting belief and be like oh,
this criticism, I know now howto talk to people in a way
that's encouraging and excitingand fun and I can make them see
(18:39):
that they made a mistake butthat that's a learning
experience, instead of tellingthem that they're morons, which
is something I would have donein the past without any doubt,
so then I can go work on it.
So it's not always somethinglike sometimes it is from a
trauma, sometimes it's apersonality characteristic that
society has put a label on andthat you have to recognize what
(19:02):
it is, that, how it can beuseful.
And then you go to the block andyou say unblock me, because now
I know how to be criticalwithout being demeaning or
judgmental or rush or anybodythat would hurt others, but
instead I can use this as asuperpower itself and now give
me access to my ability to besuper critical, because I've
(19:25):
worked on my communicationskills and on my self-worth so
that, therefore, my criticalitynow becomes an asset, which is
what happened to me.
And now people look for mebecause they want me to work on
their projects, because theyknow that I'm going to give them
the truth and I'm going to helpthem see how to fix their
projects and I'm going to helpthem, you know, look at how
they're working and the thingsthat they want to accomplish in
(19:45):
life.
But I say it in a way that'sabout enthusiasm, about
curiosity, about I had to findall of those other
characteristics that complementmy personality of criticism,
rather than highlight thenegativity of it, but instead
bring out that negative part ofcriticism with so many good
(20:05):
traits that you want to go intothat negative piece, because
that negative piece helps me seethings that I am missing for
certain other parts.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
I love that.
I love that so much.
I love how you broke that downand you know that's one of the
big themes in my book.
Is what is that thing that youconsider your weakness?
That everybody told you was aweakness, that what was written
on your report cards, Right Toomuch, was one of?
Speaker 2 (20:32):
mine.
I always grasp concepts easilyand then talks too much.
That was it.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
I mean, she gets a better test, but she doesn't do
her homework.
It doesn't matter where I puther, she talks to everybody,
like it was just always right.
Speaker 2 (20:51):
I got put against the board.
I literally got put at the veryfront of the class against the
actual blackboard.
Back then we had blackboards.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
So that's great.
I remember being in class whenthe construction workers came to
take down the blackboards andput up whiteboards that's so
funny and then they switched tothe markers.
But I remember having to gooutside and dust.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
Just a random question Are you of Cuban
descent?
Of course, of course, yes, ofcourse we.
We are very harsh and it's noton purpose and like it just the
way that it transits, right,because in Spanish, like, like
in Cuban families, at least inmy Cuban families what I've
noticed is that whatever yourbiggest insecurity is, that's
(21:40):
what your nickname becomes.
I was gordo, right, if you havea big head, your kind, was
cotorra cotorra right, becauseyou talk.
You talk a lot right so yourbiggest insecurity, like when
you make a mistake.
You're you know, I grew up withmy great grandparents because my
mom died when I was little, solike I would make a mistake,
exactly right.
Like are you?
Are you?
(22:01):
It doesn't translate very welllike are?
Are you a sheet eater or what'swrong with you?
But it just means like are younot paying attention?
But it's so harsh.
And so when we translate thatto English and we bring that
same pizzazz, like oh my God,you're such a bitch, like I'm
just, I'm just being Cuban, soI'll give you.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
I'll give you a great story about that, because going
to this communication issue.
So I realized exactly whatyou're saying.
So when I moved away from Miami, I went to live in Seattle
before I left the country, andnow I live in Italy in one of
the largest spiritualcommunities in the world.
But when I left and went toSeattle, I had exactly that
problem you're talking about,where I was, of course,
(22:40):
translating in my head from theway that we spoke in Spanish,
which was it is.
It's constructed in thenegative, like aren't you blah,
blah blah, rather than are you,and then it has this harsh, even
even though my mother is verypolite, but it still has this
like pierce to go throughcertain things.
It's part of the culture.
So I realized that for me, inorder to be successful after I
(23:03):
had been unsuccessful in certainbusiness things because of it,
I had to work on my vocabulary,so much so that I remember this.
I was driving, I was talking onthe phone with my mother.
As I was driving, I had her onmy like you know, like you know,
wired in her ear thing, and Iwas talking to her and she was
saying something to me and Ilooked at her and I'm like mommy
, I love you, but I need a monthwhere I can't talk to you and
(23:26):
she was like what do you mean?
I'm like it has nothing to dowith you.
I have to change my vocabularyand I have to learn how to speak
with what I really mean,Because what I'm saying right
now is a translation and, likeyou said, that translation
doesn't work in this, and so youcan say all these things to one
(23:49):
another and we all laugh aboutit and you know, you kind of get
the sense of oh, you're justteasing me into this and all of
that comes across.
But in my culture of that I'min right now, my work culture
and my friendship culture, theydon't speak that way and I need
to learn how to speak.
So this is a great example of Idid put that limiting belief
(24:09):
there, that bodyguard in place,and I said please don't let me
access this, because what'shappening is I'm creating, you
know, I'm creating moments ofuncomfortableness and all these
things, and I literally spent amonth without talking to my
mother.
As much as that was hard,because I love her and I talked
to her all the time because Iknew that I needed time to
(24:31):
rewire and to expand myvocabulary so that it wasn't
limited to pulling from Spanishand pulling from English, the
funny part was I did.
This work changed so manyaspects of my life when I went
to live in Spain.
I had to do the work in Spanishbecause the Spanish culture
wasn't the same as the Cubanculture and I was having the
(24:51):
same problem because I hadworked on it in English, but I
hadn't worked on it in Spanish.
So my Spanish it's a totallydifferent and my Spanish was
tied to the way I was thinkingwhen I was you know, when I go
back to Miami and it was reallya fascinating work because I had
done it.
I did it partially.
Then I went to live in Italy,which is where I live.
(25:12):
So I was, I was I mainly speakItalian.
Now a days this just happenedto me, so it's beautiful that
you bring it up.
About a month ago, I wastalking to a girlfriend of mine
who lives here, who's Spanish.
We're working on a projecttogether and she is Spanish, so
we only speak in Spanish.
And I went back to that oldpattern and I had to call her
(25:33):
one day after we had had aconversation and I said to her
Oye, I am so sorry, I do not, Idid not mean to say this in this
way.
And she's like oh no, but Iknow you're Cuban.
And I was like yes, but that'snot the Spanish I want to be
speaking.
Like it's one thing if it's withmy brothers or with my mother,
but that is not the Spanish.
I want to be speaking when I'mout in public.
And it's not that I know myintentions on what I was saying
(25:56):
to you.
She's like I knew them and Iwas like, yes, but that's
because you love me as a goodgirlfriend, but if you were just
some person, I went back tothat old pattern and so the
block came up.
It blocked me from being able toaccess certain skills, and I
recognized it immediately, thatit was a language issue.
And so this is a great exampleof things that I had worked on
(26:18):
in one language, had partiallyworked on in another, had worked
on in the third language that Ispeak, and yet I went back to
the second one and I was like,oh my goodness, I never finished
the work.
So the block was still there,but it wasn't in the other
languages.
So don't be also surprised thata limiting belief and a block
could be connected to a culturalcontext, a certain work
(26:41):
environment, a certain language.
It is not something that isuniversal across anything, and
sometimes you have to learn howto deal with it within a certain
context and it doesn't come upin other contexts.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
That's, that's so important and that's so
interesting in the differentlanguages, how it's just you're,
you know, just showing thedifferent layers.
So little funny anecdote thathappened to me because I moved
to Georgia and so the majorityof the Spanish speakers there
were Mexican and so it's atotally different Spanish and so
(27:15):
, like they said differentthings.
But one day I was speaking tosomeone that didn't speak
Spanish at all, but we, as youknow, like as the children of
the Spanish speakers, we'vetranslated a lot of our things
and in Miami they make perfectsense in English, right, like
everybody's like oh, that's fire, it's a fuego, it's a candela.
Yeah, that's from us, right?
(27:36):
You know, we've been sayingthat forever.
But I called somebody one day,or they called me, I don't know,
and we got on the phone Likewhat are you doing?
I was like, oh, eating shit,and you, and they stopped.
And they stopped and they weresilent and I was like hello, and
they're like literally.
And I was like no, exactly, andI was like, oh my God, I
(28:01):
thought that was like a worldly.
You know just something.
People said eating shit, and itjust meant I'm not doing
anything.
It's like oh, no, no, no, likenothing, like I'm just wasting
time, and they did not know whatthat meant, and so for like
five seconds they thought I wasliterally eating shit.
And so you don't think aboutthose things until until you
know you're out in public andsomebody looks at you like you
(28:23):
have three heads.
What do you mean?
Um?
okay, so that is that every wayyou've just shown is just such a
great example.
I realized you know um, youcan't kiss people on the cheeks.
Speaker 2 (28:32):
Why are you trying to kiss me Like.
Speaker 1 (28:35):
I was just saying hi, like that's just how we say hi
in Miami.
You guys, like I wasn't tryingto make out with you, I'm sorry,
never again.
Speaker 2 (28:41):
You know I had to stop and so many of these things
, like when I moved to Italy.
There was a whole series ofthese things that I became, I
realized.
It took me a few years before Irealized I had created limiting
beliefs around certainbehaviors that it was because,
in this cultural context, areconsidered bad.
They're considered like youknow, something you don't do,
(29:05):
it's you're disrespectful whenyou do them.
And so I went through a periodof time, and this especially
happened to me when I was inSeattle, which you know.
You think I'm American, right,I grew up in the United States.
No, you, didn't.
We grew up in North Cuba, and soin North Cuba there are
behaviors that for us are 100%normal and I didn't realize
(29:26):
until years had passed that Ihad slowly, like completely
blocked myself from parts andaccess of myself because the
cultural norm was different andtherefore it made it even more
difficult to access those parts,because I didn't realize that
it wasn't that I didn't believein these characteristics of
(29:48):
myself, it was that the culturalnorm didn't believe in them and
I was taking on.
Cultural norm didn't believe inthem and I was taking on
something that wasn't mine.
So when you start to approachthese things as no, no, no, let
me go ask the block itself what,what, what the hell was I
thinking?
And they say, oh, you put mehere to do this and you're like,
oh wow, I didn't even know thatwas bad.
(30:12):
But apparently a part of methought it was bad, yeah, and
it's really a fascinating.
And when you look at that andyou say to the bodyguard well,
thank you, because I wouldn'thave made any friends here had I
not done that.
Sure, did it hurt me, yeah, butit also helped me.
And I think that the otherthing is being really grateful,
especially for some blocks thathelp block you from traumas or
(30:36):
from really negative situations.
I've had clients that have toldme about stories of what is a
belief today, but that it wasreally what protected them from
damaging their psyche severely,based on the way that they were
raised and things that werehappening in their home.
And so sometimes we need to besuper grateful to these limiting
(30:56):
beliefs because they haveprotected us from worse damage.
They sure have held us backfrom accessing talents and
skills that we have, but in thewrong context, those talents and
skills would have created majortrauma rather than, you know,
just just for lack of a betterterm the trauma of the limiting
(31:19):
belief, instead of a massivetrauma that would have come had
I tried to access those in.
You know like, oh, this issomething I'm good at and the
context is like, absolutely nottype of thing.
So we have to be really.
There's a lot of gratitude tothe limiting belief for what
you've been helping me with anda lot more of the Okay, thank
(31:42):
you.
I have grown, and alsogratitude and appreciation for
yourself, for the fact that nowyou can have this conversation
with the limiting belief andmove the limiting belief out of
the way and say thank you somuch.
But now you can have thisconversation with the limiting
belief and move the limitingbelief out of the way and say
thank you so much.
But now you can stand downbecause I know who I am and I
can access all those talents andskills that are hiding behind
you.
Speaker 1 (32:02):
Oh my gosh, I love that so much.
That's what I like, myfoundation of teaching gratitude
.
So I love that you brought itup without me having to even ask
, and I love the specifics ofbeing grateful for those blocks,
because you know, we startedthe conversation.
Most people talk about gettingrid of them.
Well, what if we were gratefulfor you?
What if we said thank you forkeeping me safe?
(32:25):
And when we started from that?
You know, just so different.
All right, how?
Speaker 2 (32:30):
can we stay in touch with you.
So I'm super easy having a veryunusual name Tigria Gardenia so
you can just look me up onanything.
I am TigriaGardeniacom atTigria Gardenia on every
platform you could probablyimagine, except for TikTok.
I never got into TikTok, but Igot into everything else, so you
can find me.
I also have a podcast myself,reconnect with plant wisdom, and
(32:53):
so you can find me just aboutanywhere.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
That is amazing.
And then did you have a gift.
I forgot to ask you in thebeginning.
Speaker 2 (33:01):
So I have a wonderful , a wonderful quiz that is on my
website to to identify thenumber one limiting belief
that's holding you back.
So it's just tigriagardeniacomslash quiz, super easy to find,
and it will help you identifyone of the four top blocks that
are limiting beliefs that arereally holding us and then it'll
(33:24):
walk you through a plantinspired, you know path to help
you start this relationship,create this relationship with
that block.
Speaker 1 (33:34):
That is fantastic.
Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
And now, as we're signing off, any final tips you
have for the audience, yourbiggest juiciest tip I would say
that the biggest juiciest tipis to recognize that everything
about you, even the thing thattoday you hate you hate quote,
unquote the most about you isprobably useful in the right
context.
In other words, hate, quote,unquote the most about you is
probably useful in the rightcontext.
In other words, this isn'tabout, just as we were talking
(33:57):
about, the language you don'tstop talking about, come mía das
, you just use it in the rightcontext with the right people.
In other words, it's all aboutthe dosage.
In other words, how much of itdo you use, when do you use it
and how do you use it.
Once you figure that out, eventhe thing that today you think
you hate the most about yourself, I guarantee you is a useful
(34:19):
trait once you figure out where,when and how much of it to use.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
That is fantastic, and you know what?
To your point, I think today isthe first time I ever said come
mierda on my podcast.
And so there you go, there yougo, the perfect example of the
right context.
This was totally the rightcontext to be able to say that.
Speaker 2 (34:42):
Right, it's funny that you say it, because I
actually I was just in Miamivisiting my family and I
actually used it also and I waslike I never say that word, but
it was true, it was the perfect.
And I was like I never say thatword, but it was true, it was
the perfect context.
I was talking to my motherabout something.
I'm like, oh yeah, my motherjust looked at me.
She's like I know, right, Iknow Makes sense to say it with
her.
Speaker 1 (35:02):
Yes, exactly, oh, my God, I love it so much.
Thank you so much for joiningus.
This has been absolutelywonderful and we will catch you
guys next time on the nextepisode of Overcome Yourself,
the podcast.
now there, guys, and welcome back to the next episode
of overcome yourself, thepodcast.
As you know, my name is nicole.
I'm so excited I didn't ask youhow to pronounce your name
correctly, so we're just gonnago for it to gorilla close it
off to gorilla like perfect, oh,even better, okay, okay, that
makes more sense.
(00:23):
Well, welcome to Grilla.
My name, as you guys know, likeI said, is Nicole, and I'm just
going to go ahead and let youtake it away, because you told
me that you one of the thingsyou do is helping people
befriend their limiting beliefs.
Everybody wants to hear whatthat means, so take it away.
Tell us who you are, who youhelp, and then let us know about
(00:43):
Befriending Our LimitingBeliefs.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Yeah, hi, super, super happy, super excited to be
here.
So I am a nature-inspiredmentor and a certified life
coach and really what I do morethan anything is help people
feel, especially people whoreally feel like they can't
accomplish anything.
They have so many ideas.
I mean, I work mainly withcreative multi-potentialites and
(01:07):
I help them then find a way tointerconnect all of the passions
that they have into onethriving life.
And the way I do this is I workvery closely with plants'
intelligence and with plants ingeneral.
So plants are really my guidesthe working with nature and
beings of nature and recognizingourselves as a being of nature,
so that you can stopquestioning the things that are
(01:30):
going on in your life andrecognize that, if I'm a natural
being, this means that whateverit is that I'm experiencing is
absolutely natural.
So it's more of shifting thanthe perspective into what is it
that I actually want toaccomplish, how can I work with
this, how can I use everythingthat I am to the best of my
abilities?
So that's the big piece toshift you from feeling like
(01:54):
something is wrong I'm aprocrastinator, I'm not somebody
who knows how to do things andinstead recognize that you have
these unconventional ideas,these really multiple ways of
doing things, and that you.
It's about finding the way toweave these all together to
create the life that you reallywant.
And one of the things that came,you know, in this work working
(02:16):
so closely with plants is theconcept of the fact that we tend
to think of our limitingbeliefs as something that we
need to get rid of, something Ineed.
You know all the vocabulary ishow do you, you know, let go or
release, or, you know, change ortransform?
And our limiting beliefs are,in reality, I think of them as
big bodyguards, their bodyguardsthat we placed in front of a
(02:39):
set of talents and skills thatwe didn't know how to use, and
so in the past, they createdsome kind of problem for us.
So maybe you have this fear ofmoney, but it's because your
parents.
You grew up hearing from yourparents that people who have a
lot of money are corrupt andtherefore you were afraid that
your skills at making moneywould make you corrupt.
(02:59):
So what do you do?
You take this big bodyguard,you put this bodyguard on the
door and you say to thisbodyguard do not let me make
money, because if I make moneyI'm going to become corrupt.
And so this bodyguard, who'skind of, you know, super
powerful but kind of dumb, saysOkay, I'm just going to stand
there.
And so every time you try tomake money, this bodyguard says
(03:20):
Nope, nope, and is guarding thatdoor and is saying the talents
and skills that I have insidethere I'm not going to let you
access.
And so it really is aboutrecognizing that this bodyguard
was somebody you put in place,was a part of you that you put
in place because somethinghappened.
It's not a fake thing.
You really did believe at somepoint in your life that you
(03:42):
would become greedy and that youwould become somebody corrupt
if you had a lot of money.
So it's about going up to thatbodyguard and saying, hey, by
the way, why did I put you here?
What are you protecting me from?
What is it that I can?
You know that has changed in mylife so that you no longer have
to protect me.
And that doesn't mean gettingrid of the bodyguard.
On the contrary, saying hey,bodyguard, okay, I told you that
(04:06):
I would become corrupt.
Here's all the ways in my lifethat I have grown, evolved,
changed, learned.
So I am very confident now thatI'm not going to be corrupted
by money.
So you and I are friends.
Here's the deal.
I won't become corrupt.
If I do become corrupt, youblock my money thing again.
Like I'm giving you permission.
But now that I'm aware of thereason I put you there, I'm
(04:29):
telling you that you have mypermission also to step aside,
unless what it is that I wasstill afraid of comes back for
whatever reason.
So it's about going up to all ofthese limiting beliefs and
looking at them and saying youand I are friends and rather
than me blindly putting you here, I want to work with you so
that the trauma or the incidentor the fear doesn't come back.
(04:52):
But also I want to be able tohave a conversation with you
that says here are all thethings I've done in my life so
that you don't have to block meanymore, you don't have to be
there and I can actually accessthe talents that are there.
So that's really the heart ofthe process of befriending that
limiting belief, of looking atthat limiting belief as an
important bodyguard, of reallyunderstanding that you put them
(05:13):
there for a good reason and thenalso working with the bodyguard
to understand that that reasonis no longer valid.
There's no need for thatbodyguard to still be there to
block it.
I used to work when I went backway, way back in the days when
I actually lived in SouthFlorida and in Miami.
I was a bodyguard for a whileand I had done it also in
Seattle when I used to produceevents and I was a person who
(05:36):
worked the door.
The guard at the door is superimportant, but it doesn't mean
they don't let people in.
The best bodyguards know who tolet in, people who are safe,
people who are going to help youget ahead, who are going to
help you move in the direction,and they also know when to block
.
And what we want to do bycreating this relationship is to
recognize and be able to beconscious of and aware of when
(06:02):
to let through and access thosetalents and those skills and
when to block.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
That is so, so, so good, like fantastic.
It's such great imagery to helpus like.
Immediately I thought of do youremember the Mario movie, the
one like the one back in the 90s, right with john leguizamo, and
those big, those those bigturtle things.
(06:29):
You know, they did such not agood job of making these
characters, but those big guys,that's what I thought of, that
they're really big and they'rejust kind of like I'm just gonna
stand here because that's whatthey told me to do exactly
exactly, and that's it.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
We don't realize that we did it on purpose.
Like we always think that ourlimiting beliefs are about
something that's irrational orsuch.
But there was a time when itwas totally rational.
And even some of our biggestyou know, our biggest limiting
beliefs, like I, feel unworthyOftentimes.
Oftentimes those were createdto protect us from something
(07:06):
else.
Like maybe we had unwantedattention that we didn't know
how to deal with, right?
So by making myself feelunworthy, I keep away the
attention of somebody that Idon't know how to control.
Or maybe something I did have atrauma that happened to me,
like my you know, my family.
There was some kind of abuse orsomething.
So by saying I'm unworthy, Imake myself small and I make
(07:27):
myself invisible.
There are lots of reasons whythese traumas or these
experiences, but we work on them, but then we forget to talk to
the limiting belief.
We forgot to say, hey, I am adifferent person today than when
I put you here, so you don'thave to protect me anymore from
this, from this, from this andthis.
(07:47):
But if this thing happens again, you sure as hell should
protect me.
Look you make sure you stand up,nice and big and strong, you
put those wings out.
You just block everything thatcomes in.
But now, rather than me,because when I was younger and I
probably created this limitingbelief, I did it in a moment of
fear.
I did it in a moment of, youknow, some kind of not feeling
(08:09):
safe or not feeling like I couldbe whatever it is that I needed
to be.
So I give you a broad mandate.
I just said block everything.
Now that I know myself, that Ihave worked on myself, that I
understand my talents, my skillsand maybe those things that
you're holding on to I can dealwith and I can work with.
So let's give you a very narrowrange.
(08:32):
Let's just say, in thesecircumstances, block me.
In these circumstances, shut itdown, but also warn me.
That way I can work on it.
So it's not about at allgetting rid of, it's not about
letting go.
It's about working with.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
I love that.
So you're not firing them,you're changing their assignment
.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
And you're saying, hey, I have a different job for
you Exactly.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
That's pretty cool.
That's pretty cool.
And I came into this, Istumbled into this.
I remember I don't rememberwhat it was, but I remember
having to have a talk withmyself and being like thank you
for keeping me safe.
You have kept me safe up tothis point, and the reason that
you are not letting me makemoney like to, to, to get off
(09:16):
your example, um is becauseyou're trying to keep me safe.
Money means a lot of things.
Money can mean, like peoplecould take it away, corruption,
it can mean all these things,but now, in this moment of my
life, what is going to keep ussafe in your example is making
more money, and so now we needto focus on that, because money
(09:37):
is what's going to help us.
You know, in in in this, in thesense of safety, money will
help us, like that's the onlything that's going to pay all
the things, and keep us saferight.
We've got food and we've got allthe things.
It's shifting that and givingit a different assignment.
Because because it's not thatyou won't make the money, you
(10:01):
can make the money, but you willspend it all immediately.
It will be gone before you knowit and you will be like what
happened and that is yourlimiting belief keeping you safe
.
So you have to deal with thesethings.
You can't say, oh, I'll dealwith it when I make a hundred
grand.
No, bro, it's going to suck,because just a little bit after
you make that hundred grand,you're going to be like where
(10:22):
did it go?
And you'd be like, oh shit, Ihave to deal with all of these
things so that I can actuallykeep it.
So that's such such a big deal.
So tell me, what are some tipsthat you have?
We've been talking about thisfear of money.
So what are some tips that youhave to help us overcome this?
I guess there's another one ofthose, one of those words you
(10:46):
know in this process.
Right, because we have to.
We have to establish boundaries, we have to start getting
healthy, we have to set ourvalues so that we don't become
corrupt.
Right, like this is.
This is the line of where I'mwilling to go.
So can you give us some tipsalong those lines of how we
carry this out in our day to day?
Speaker 2 (11:03):
Yeah, absolutely, I mean.
So, really, when we're workingfrom the perspective of our
limiting beliefs, we want tocreate what, what I think of as
an ecosystem.
So I work a lot with plants andI look and I and I observe, and
I spend a lot of time withplants and the thing about
plants that's amazing is theirability to be an ecosystem.
Right, it's kind of like I'msolo, I'm an independent, but
(11:24):
I'm also always connected toeverything around me, and those
relationships are really whatkeeps us the healthiest right
the understanding that I am aninterrelated being.
I'm always interrelating withother people.
So when I go up to thatlimiting belief and I say, okay,
what are you holding me backfrom?
What is it that you're actuallyblocking me from?
(11:45):
You're blocking me from myabilities to make money, let's
say we're talking about it and,like you said, then it's a
matter of going up and saying Doyou remember what the hell I
was like, worried about?
Like what?
Where did I?
What was it that I was, what Iwas creating, like that that had
made me scared about the ideaof my ability to make money.
And so let's say that they saythat, like you, when you get
(12:07):
money, you spend it.
And then what happens is that,rather than letting you spend it
and just feel the whole, Idon't even let you make it
because you might get us intotrouble, right, you might end up
buying a house, that then welose our house and by that point
we don't have any money andtherefore you're out on the
street.
So I can't allow that to happen, so I block you at all.
So working, and then it's aboutlooking at OK, now I have to
(12:32):
evolve, like you said, thataspect of myself.
So if I think about it from aplant's perspective and I think,
ok, how do I create theecosystem?
What is the support system thatI have to create around myself
to understand how to deal withthat real problem that it is
Like the fact that I have thisrelationship with money, that I
(12:52):
might spend it, and then again,what is it that I'm spending it
from?
Like, why is it that I'm doingall these different things?
So a lot of this is about knowthyself.
Right, we always talk aboutthis, but not looking at
yourself as something that'swrong with you, which I think is
our issue but it's aroundgetting to that core fear and
(13:13):
creating the environment aroundmyself where that fear gets
supported, so that I canactually look at it with you
know, deep self-honesty,self-trust, and I can then work
on it.
So what do I need around me inorder to ensure that, for
example, when I do get money, Idon't just spend it away?
(13:33):
Like there has to be somethingthat I'm missing in the
ecosystem.
That takes me into this otherdirection.
So working very closely withyour limiting belief is not just
a matter of get out of the way,but it's more like, okay, like
you said, okay, dude, I put youhere.
So, now that I've put you here,please tell me why I put you
(13:55):
here.
Like, did I tell you at all?
And then, okay, don't block me,don't unblock me.
Yet I still have things that Ineed to work on.
So, in the practical sense, it'sabout also not going too fast
and allowing yourself to go instages to say, okay, you were
worried about this piece, I havetaken care of this piece.
This is how I have created asupport system.
(14:17):
So, for example, if I do wastemoney and that's my big thing I
might go to a good friend ofmine and say, hey, you are
somebody that I love and I trust.
So if I start to get myself introuble with my spending.
You have my permission to tapme on the shoulder and say yo,
what's going on here?
If, instead, it's a differenttype of problem relating to it,
(14:41):
like, maybe I become mean, maybeI become selfish, okay, where
did that come from?
And who can I work with to helpme and support me through that?
So it is about preemptively,before you even take the block
out of the way, cause oftentimes, when we work with limiting
beliefs, we think the mostimportant part is to remove the
block, and it's like no, theblock has its purpose.
(15:05):
What's more important is did Icreate the ecosystem, the actual
support system?
Do I have the relationships inplace?
I'll give you a differentexample.
That's not the money example,but that often happens.
Many people who have, forexample, imposter syndrome is
because there could be multipledifferent areas of sources to
(15:26):
that.
One could be the soul wound ofhumiliation, right, I'm afraid
that if I put myself out there Iam going to be humiliated.
So all of my talents that showhow smart I am or how athletic I
am or how great I am, I hidebehind this imposter syndrome
because I am worried that if Imake a mistake I am going to be
(15:48):
humiliated and if I have thissoul wound of humiliation then
I'm never going to recover.
The humiliation is worse thanstaying small.
So now I say, okay, I haven'teven looked at that.
What do I need in order to besomebody who can make mistakes
in public and not feel bad aboutit, like feel really happy
(16:09):
about it, and then you startworking kind of backwards.
So that's why I say it's allabout the relationship and the
support system around you andrecognizing that if I create,
like I might say to thatlimiting belief, okay, in this
case, I'm okay with making apublic mistake, I don't actually
care.
So let's unblock that piece,but over here, don't unblock it
(16:32):
in another way.
So it is a sort of almostsurgical response.
Right, I'm now looking and I'mcreating and I'm having this
relationship where I am lookingat different ways to work with
my own talents and to understandwhat my talents are in that
aspect.
Another way that this manifestsitself and that you can work on
(16:55):
is many times the things we'reblocking from are actually
things that society might havetold us are a problem but in
reality are a strength, and sothat's the other piece, the way
to work on it.
For example, I'm an extremelycritical person.
I'm critical.
I can like break up somethingdown.
I've used it for some horriblethings in my life.
(17:15):
I have to admit that I have cutpeople down and judge them and
done all kinds of differentthings when I was younger.
So I put a block in there thatmeant I didn't allow myself,
like I became this pushover.
That had to be super sweet,because I was afraid that if I
tried to, you know, show you theproblems of a project or of
(17:36):
something you were working on,it was going to come out in a
way that I broke.
You know, I just broke it andpeople were going to tell me
you're just mean and you're abitch, you're all these types of
things.
So what did I have to do?
I had to work first of all onmy communication skills, like do
I know how to give constructivecriticism?
I had to recognize that thefact that I break things down
(17:58):
isn't always bad.
Sometimes it's so important.
Somebody who can look at aproject and show you all the
problems with the project, thatis a massive skill that saves
people money and time and energy.
Now I can't say you're an idiotbecause you didn't get it.
If I recognize that what I haveis a superpower, then I realize
(18:18):
, oh my goodness, you can't seethis, of course.
Then I realized, oh my goodness, you can't see this, of course.
Oh no, no, not a problem, letme just show you, let me help
you solve it, because I see it.
So then I can go to thelimiting belief and be like oh,
this criticism, I know now howto talk to people in a way
that's encouraging and excitingand fun and I can make them see
(18:39):
that they made a mistake butthat that's a learning
experience, instead of tellingthem that they're morons, which
is something I would have donein the past without any doubt,
so then I can go work on it.
So it's not always somethinglike sometimes it is from a
trauma, sometimes it's apersonality characteristic that
society has put a label on andthat you have to recognize what
(19:02):
it is, that, how it can beuseful.
And then you go to the block andyou say unblock me, because now
I know how to be criticalwithout being demeaning or
judgmental or rush or anybodythat would hurt others, but
instead I can use this as asuperpower itself and now give
me access to my ability to besuper critical, because I've
(19:25):
worked on my communicationskills and on my self-worth so
that, therefore, my criticalitynow becomes an asset, which is
what happened to me.
And now people look for mebecause they want me to work on
their projects, because theyknow that I'm going to give them
the truth and I'm going to helpthem see how to fix their
projects and I'm going to helpthem, you know, look at how
they're working and the thingsthat they want to accomplish in
(19:45):
life.
But I say it in a way that'sabout enthusiasm, about
curiosity, about I had to findall of those other
characteristics that complementmy personality of criticism,
rather than highlight thenegativity of it, but instead
bring out that negative part ofcriticism with so many good
(20:05):
traits that you want to go intothat negative piece, because
that negative piece helps me seethings that I am missing for
certain other parts.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
I love that.
I love that so much.
I love how you broke that downand you know that's one of the
big themes in my book.
Is what is that thing that youconsider your weakness?
That everybody told you was aweakness, that what was written
on your report cards, Right Toomuch, was one of?
Speaker 2 (20:32):
mine.
I always grasp concepts easilyand then talks too much.
That was it.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
I mean, she gets a better test, but she doesn't do
her homework.
It doesn't matter where I puther, she talks to everybody,
like it was just always right.
Speaker 2 (20:51):
I got put against the board.
I literally got put at the veryfront of the class against the
actual blackboard.
Back then we had blackboards.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
So that's great.
I remember being in class whenthe construction workers came to
take down the blackboards andput up whiteboards that's so
funny and then they switched tothe markers.
But I remember having to gooutside and dust.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
Just a random question Are you of Cuban
descent?
Of course, of course, yes, ofcourse we.
We are very harsh and it's noton purpose and like it just the
way that it transits, right,because in Spanish, like, like
in Cuban families, at least inmy Cuban families what I've
noticed is that whatever yourbiggest insecurity is, that's
(21:40):
what your nickname becomes.
I was gordo, right, if you havea big head, your kind, was
cotorra cotorra right, becauseyou talk.
You talk a lot right so yourbiggest insecurity, like when
you make a mistake.
You're you know, I grew up withmy great grandparents because my
mom died when I was little, solike I would make a mistake,
exactly right.
Like are you?
Are you?
(22:01):
It doesn't translate very welllike are?
Are you a sheet eater or what'swrong with you?
But it just means like are younot paying attention?
But it's so harsh.
And so when we translate thatto English and we bring that
same pizzazz, like oh my God,you're such a bitch, like I'm
just, I'm just being Cuban, soI'll give you.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
I'll give you a great story about that, because going
to this communication issue.
So I realized exactly whatyou're saying.
So when I moved away from Miami, I went to live in Seattle
before I left the country, andnow I live in Italy in one of
the largest spiritualcommunities in the world.
But when I left and went toSeattle, I had exactly that
problem you're talking about,where I was, of course,
(22:40):
translating in my head from theway that we spoke in Spanish,
which was it is.
It's constructed in thenegative, like aren't you blah,
blah blah, rather than are you,and then it has this harsh, even
even though my mother is verypolite, but it still has this
like pierce to go throughcertain things.
It's part of the culture.
So I realized that for me, inorder to be successful after I
(23:03):
had been unsuccessful in certainbusiness things because of it,
I had to work on my vocabulary,so much so that I remember this.
I was driving, I was talking onthe phone with my mother.
As I was driving, I had her onmy like you know, like you know,
wired in her ear thing, and Iwas talking to her and she was
saying something to me and Ilooked at her and I'm like mommy
, I love you, but I need a monthwhere I can't talk to you and
(23:26):
she was like what do you mean?
I'm like it has nothing to dowith you.
I have to change my vocabularyand I have to learn how to speak
with what I really mean,Because what I'm saying right
now is a translation and, likeyou said, that translation
doesn't work in this, and so youcan say all these things to one
(23:49):
another and we all laugh aboutit and you know, you kind of get
the sense of oh, you're justteasing me into this and all of
that comes across.
But in my culture of that I'min right now, my work culture
and my friendship culture, theydon't speak that way and I need
to learn how to speak.
So this is a great example of Idid put that limiting belief
(24:09):
there, that bodyguard in place,and I said please don't let me
access this, because what'shappening is I'm creating, you
know, I'm creating moments ofuncomfortableness and all these
things, and I literally spent amonth without talking to my
mother.
As much as that was hard,because I love her and I talked
to her all the time because Iknew that I needed time to
(24:31):
rewire and to expand myvocabulary so that it wasn't
limited to pulling from Spanishand pulling from English, the
funny part was I did.
This work changed so manyaspects of my life when I went
to live in Spain.
I had to do the work in Spanishbecause the Spanish culture
wasn't the same as the Cubanculture and I was having the
(24:51):
same problem because I hadworked on it in English, but I
hadn't worked on it in Spanish.
So my Spanish it's a totallydifferent and my Spanish was
tied to the way I was thinkingwhen I was you know, when I go
back to Miami and it was reallya fascinating work because I had
done it.
I did it partially.
Then I went to live in Italy,which is where I live.
(25:12):
So I was, I was I mainly speakItalian.
Now a days this just happenedto me, so it's beautiful that
you bring it up.
About a month ago, I wastalking to a girlfriend of mine
who lives here, who's Spanish.
We're working on a projecttogether and she is Spanish, so
we only speak in Spanish.
And I went back to that oldpattern and I had to call her
(25:33):
one day after we had had aconversation and I said to her
Oye, I am so sorry, I do not, Idid not mean to say this in this
way.
And she's like oh no, but Iknow you're Cuban.
And I was like yes, but that'snot the Spanish I want to be
speaking.
Like it's one thing if it's withmy brothers or with my mother,
but that is not the Spanish.
I want to be speaking when I'mout in public.
And it's not that I know myintentions on what I was saying
(25:56):
to you.
She's like I knew them and Iwas like, yes, but that's
because you love me as a goodgirlfriend, but if you were just
some person, I went back tothat old pattern and so the
block came up.
It blocked me from being able toaccess certain skills, and I
recognized it immediately, thatit was a language issue.
And so this is a great exampleof things that I had worked on
(26:18):
in one language, had partiallyworked on in another, had worked
on in the third language that Ispeak, and yet I went back to
the second one and I was like,oh my goodness, I never finished
the work.
So the block was still there,but it wasn't in the other
languages.
So don't be also surprised thata limiting belief and a block
could be connected to a culturalcontext, a certain work
(26:41):
environment, a certain language.
It is not something that isuniversal across anything, and
sometimes you have to learn howto deal with it within a certain
context and it doesn't come upin other contexts.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
That's, that's so important and that's so
interesting in the differentlanguages, how it's just you're,
you know, just showing thedifferent layers.
So little funny anecdote thathappened to me because I moved
to Georgia and so the majorityof the Spanish speakers there
were Mexican and so it's atotally different Spanish and so
(27:15):
, like they said differentthings.
But one day I was speaking tosomeone that didn't speak
Spanish at all, but we, as youknow, like as the children of
the Spanish speakers, we'vetranslated a lot of our things
and in Miami they make perfectsense in English, right, like
everybody's like oh, that's fire, it's a fuego, it's a candela.
Yeah, that's from us, right?
(27:36):
You know, we've been sayingthat forever.
But I called somebody one day,or they called me, I don't know,
and we got on the phone Likewhat are you doing?
I was like, oh, eating shit,and you, and they stopped.
And they stopped and they weresilent and I was like hello, and
they're like literally.
And I was like no, exactly, andI was like, oh my God, I
(28:01):
thought that was like a worldly.
You know just something.
People said eating shit, and itjust meant I'm not doing
anything.
It's like oh, no, no, no, likenothing, like I'm just wasting
time, and they did not know whatthat meant, and so for like
five seconds they thought I wasliterally eating shit.
And so you don't think aboutthose things until until you
know you're out in public andsomebody looks at you like you
(28:23):
have three heads.
What do you mean?
Um?
okay, so that is that every wayyou've just shown is just such a
great example.
I realized you know um, youcan't kiss people on the cheeks.
Speaker 2 (28:32):
Why are you trying to kiss me Like.
Speaker 1 (28:35):
I was just saying hi, like that's just how we say hi
in Miami.
You guys, like I wasn't tryingto make out with you, I'm sorry,
never again.
Speaker 2 (28:41):
You know I had to stop and so many of these things
, like when I moved to Italy.
There was a whole series ofthese things that I became, I
realized.
It took me a few years before Irealized I had created limiting
beliefs around certainbehaviors that it was because,
in this cultural context, areconsidered bad.
They're considered like youknow, something you don't do,
(29:05):
it's you're disrespectful whenyou do them.
And so I went through a periodof time, and this especially
happened to me when I was inSeattle, which you know.
You think I'm American, right,I grew up in the United States.
No, you, didn't.
We grew up in North Cuba, and soin North Cuba there are
behaviors that for us are 100%normal and I didn't realize
(29:26):
until years had passed that Ihad slowly, like completely
blocked myself from parts andaccess of myself because the
cultural norm was different andtherefore it made it even more
difficult to access those parts,because I didn't realize that
it wasn't that I didn't believein these characteristics of
(29:48):
myself, it was that the culturalnorm didn't believe in them and
I was taking on.
Cultural norm didn't believe inthem and I was taking on
something that wasn't mine.
So when you start to approachthese things as no, no, no, let
me go ask the block itself what,what, what the hell was I
thinking?
And they say, oh, you put mehere to do this and you're like,
oh wow, I didn't even know thatwas bad.
(30:12):
But apparently a part of methought it was bad, yeah, and
it's really a fascinating.
And when you look at that andyou say to the bodyguard well,
thank you, because I wouldn'thave made any friends here had I
not done that.
Sure, did it hurt me, yeah, butit also helped me.
And I think that the otherthing is being really grateful,
especially for some blocks thathelp block you from traumas or
(30:36):
from really negative situations.
I've had clients that have toldme about stories of what is a
belief today, but that it wasreally what protected them from
damaging their psyche severely,based on the way that they were
raised and things that werehappening in their home.
And so sometimes we need to besuper grateful to these limiting
(30:56):
beliefs because they haveprotected us from worse damage.
They sure have held us backfrom accessing talents and
skills that we have, but in thewrong context, those talents and
skills would have created majortrauma rather than, you know,
just just for lack of a betterterm the trauma of the limiting
(31:19):
belief, instead of a massivetrauma that would have come had
I tried to access those in.
You know like, oh, this issomething I'm good at and the
context is like, absolutely nottype of thing.
So we have to be really.
There's a lot of gratitude tothe limiting belief for what
you've been helping me with anda lot more of the Okay, thank
(31:42):
you.
I have grown, and alsogratitude and appreciation for
yourself, for the fact that nowyou can have this conversation
with the limiting belief andmove the limiting belief out of
the way and say thank you somuch.
But now you can have thisconversation with the limiting
belief and move the limitingbelief out of the way and say
thank you so much.
But now you can stand downbecause I know who I am and I
can access all those talents andskills that are hiding behind
you.
Speaker 1 (32:02):
Oh my gosh, I love that so much.
That's what I like, myfoundation of teaching gratitude
.
So I love that you brought itup without me having to even ask
, and I love the specifics ofbeing grateful for those blocks,
because you know, we startedthe conversation.
Most people talk about gettingrid of them.
Well, what if we were gratefulfor you?
What if we said thank you forkeeping me safe?
(32:25):
And when we started from that?
You know, just so different.
All right, how?
Speaker 2 (32:30):
can we stay in touch with you.
So I'm super easy having a veryunusual name Tigria Gardenia so
you can just look me up onanything.
I am TigriaGardeniacom atTigria Gardenia on every
platform you could probablyimagine, except for TikTok.
I never got into TikTok, but Igot into everything else, so you
can find me.
I also have a podcast myself,reconnect with plant wisdom, and
(32:53):
so you can find me just aboutanywhere.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
That is amazing.
And then did you have a gift.
I forgot to ask you in thebeginning.
Speaker 2 (33:01):
So I have a wonderful , a wonderful quiz that is on my
website to to identify thenumber one limiting belief
that's holding you back.
So it's just tigriagardeniacomslash quiz, super easy to find,
and it will help you identifyone of the four top blocks that
are limiting beliefs that arereally holding us and then it'll
(33:24):
walk you through a plantinspired, you know path to help
you start this relationship,create this relationship with
that block.
Speaker 1 (33:34):
That is fantastic.
Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
And now, as we're signing off, any final tips you
have for the audience, yourbiggest juiciest tip I would say
that the biggest juiciest tipis to recognize that everything
about you, even the thing thattoday you hate you hate quote,
unquote the most about you isprobably useful in the right
context.
In other words, hate, quote,unquote the most about you is
probably useful in the rightcontext.
In other words, this isn'tabout, just as we were talking
(33:57):
about, the language you don'tstop talking about, come mía das
, you just use it in the rightcontext with the right people.
In other words, it's all aboutthe dosage.
In other words, how much of itdo you use, when do you use it
and how do you use it.
Once you figure that out, eventhe thing that today you think
you hate the most about yourself, I guarantee you is a useful
(34:19):
trait once you figure out where,when and how much of it to use.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
That is fantastic, and you know what?
To your point, I think today isthe first time I ever said come
mierda on my podcast.
And so there you go, there yougo, the perfect example of the
right context.
This was totally the rightcontext to be able to say that.
Speaker 2 (34:42):
Right, it's funny that you say it, because I
actually I was just in Miamivisiting my family and I
actually used it also and I waslike I never say that word, but
it was true, it was the perfect.
And I was like I never say thatword, but it was true, it was
the perfect context.
I was talking to my motherabout something.
I'm like, oh yeah, my motherjust looked at me.
She's like I know, right, Iknow Makes sense to say it with
her.
Speaker 1 (35:02):
Yes, exactly, oh, my God, I love it so much.
Thank you so much for joiningus.
This has been absolutelywonderful and we will catch you
guys next time on the nextepisode of Overcome Yourself,
the podcast.
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