January 14, 2025 • 22 mins
Join us for an eye-opening conversation with Marija, a specialist who guides new entrepreneurs past the mental roadblocks of limiting beliefs. Discover how these invisible chains, often rooted in childhood, hinder our potential and how self-awareness can serve as the key to unlocking personal transformation. We'll explore how to turn perceived weaknesses into strengths, akin to a superhero discovering their powers. Marija offers profound insights into rewriting personal narratives and shedding outdated identities, paving the way for personal growth and the realization of true potential.
We also delve into the transformative power of gratitude and its role in overcoming these limiting beliefs. Listen to the inspiring story of a client who shifted from anxiety to empowerment through daily gratitude practices and self-reflection. Learn how focusing on gratitude can move you from a state of fight-or-flight to rest-and-digest, fostering mental well-being and personal growth. Marija's compelling anecdote underscores the impact of addressing subconscious narratives and embracing personal strengths, offering a roadmap to transcend limitations and achieve new heights.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Nicole Tuxbury (00:07):
hello and welcome back.
Hello and welcome back.
Uh-oh, okay, is that better?
Can you hear me?
Okay, this is much better likeI said hello and welcome back to
the latest episode of theovercome yourself podcast.
(00:30):
As you know, my name is Nicole,so excited to be here today to
talk about limiting beliefs withMaria, so take it away, tell us
a little bit about yourself andyour audience, who you help um,
and give us a quick intro intolimiting beliefs.
What are they?
Marjia Kalenic (00:50):
What are?
Nicole Tuxbury (00:51):
they.
Marjia Kalenic (00:52):
Okay, so who am I?
My name is Maria.
I come from Croatia, but Iactually live in Italy, in Rome,
and I work with newentrepreneurs, I mean with
brilliant professionals, withpragmatic minds who are stuck in
their lives, and therefore intheir businesses, because of
their limiting narratives andbeliefs.
(01:13):
So we work together to uncoverthese beliefs that block them
and to teach them how to dealwith emotions that are always
triggered by our beliefs andfears.
So this is what I do I supportthem to create healthy
boundaries in their workenvironment and become bolder
and more self-aware andself-confident.
I mean, the self-awarenessleads you directly to the
(01:36):
confidence, actually, and sothey become leaders who are able
to bring their businesses tothe next level, who are able to
bring their businesses to thenext level.
And you wanted to know aboutthe limiting beliefs.
Yes, that's what you wanted totalk about, right?
Yes, definitely, it is mypassion.
(01:58):
The limiting beliefs, you know,the limiting beliefs are the
stories that we tell ourselvesthat can act as invisible chains
and that can hold us back fromreaching our true potential.
So these stories are very oftendeeply rooted in our early
childhood experiences.
During our childhood, that isthe time when we learn how to
(02:19):
act, how to feel, what isconsidered acceptable, what
isn't, and we learn how tointerpret the whole world around
us and ultimately, we defineourselves after these
interpretations.
So these experiences and ourunderstanding of the world that
surrounds us shape not only ourvalues but also our beliefs, and
(02:43):
these beliefs are very oftencreated, based and influenced by
people who we meet, who wetrust and who we depend on.
So it comes all from ourchildhood, you see, and these
values and beliefs will then bethe foundation of our mental
habits and our behavioral habitsand ultimately, over time,
(03:03):
these habits create ourcharacter and identity.
So the interesting thing aboutthis is that we create our
identity when we are reallysmall children, and some of us
stay stuck in that identity.
But this identity is it is veryimportant to understand.
It is not the whole truth.
It is not who we actually are.
(03:24):
It is this, thisself-definition we can call it
that way.
It's just a snapshot of whathas happened to us when we were
children.
So we stick to this image, webecome even dependent on it, and
this is what's limiting us,because at one point, you know
we think this is an unchangeabletruth, but it's not.
(03:44):
You know we think this is anunchangeable truth but it's not.
But if we think this is theonly truth for us, we can't
adopt and we can't grow and facewith challenges that will
request a change in our mentalhabit or in our behavior, ok, so
this is why it is very, veryimportant to be able to break
free from those self-limitingstories.
Nicole Tuxbury (04:07):
I love that, and in my book I talk about like
superheroes, and I talk abouthow finding what you thought was
your greatest weakness couldactually be your superpower.
And this reminds me a lot oflike the hero origin story,
right, when they realizesomebody comes to them and
they're like you're the herothat we need, you're the
(04:30):
solution.
And in their mind, in theiridentity, they're like I'm just
a high school student, I'm justa mom, I'm just me, like how can
I be the one that's going to dothis?
And I think that it relates alot to that.
Right, like we are holding onto this identity and I'm just
this, I'm just, I'm just anemployee, I'm just a teacher,
(04:51):
I'm just a server, I'm justwhatever.
I'm not that.
Right.
And it's when we are able toshed that identity.
I love that and realize, stepinto well, what else can we be?
Cause we're not just one thing,right, we're a daughter, and
then we become a mom, like we'rea student, and then we become
like a teacher, right, like weteach others once we learn.
We're a trainee, and then webecome, like you know, the
(05:14):
master, right, and so, yeah, Ilove and I want to bring this
also back to something you saidin the beginning.
You said self-awareness helps usincrease confidence.
Is that what you said in thebeginning?
You said, um, self-awarenesshelps us increase confidence.
Is that?
Is that what you?
Marjia Kalenic (05:29):
said can you talk to me a little bit more
about that exactly because, yousee, um, very often we are not
confident with each otherbecause we again, because we
have this self-limiting beliefs,and most common beliefs are I'm
not worthy, I'm not enough, uh,I'm a failure, uh, I'm just not
(05:51):
lovable, uh, I'm alone, etc.
Etc.
So these are all beliefs aboutus that puts us, that put us
down okay and that put down ourconfidence.
Once you get aware of the factthis, that these are not the
actual and total truth, but justa belief that I am stuck with,
(06:15):
okay, and then that I'm grabbinglike this is, this is me, this
is me and identifying myselfwith it, once you get aware that
it's not the truth, this is thepoint where you understand that
you can be so much more.
And if you know that you can beso much more, this is the first
(06:35):
step in becoming so much more,and then you can actually
rewrite your life and yourhistory, and getting more
results will get you moreconfidence.
So it all starts withself-awareness.
Nicole Tuxbury (06:50):
I love that.
I love that and, yeah, learningto take action.
So one of the main things thatI teach is gratitude Like that's
where my book starts off,before we start talking about
the superhero thing butgratitude to be able to accept,
right To be grateful for, toappreciate the things about
(07:13):
ourselves.
Right, because if we can't seethem, I love it.
Like it matches so perfectlywhat you're talking about with
what I do.
If you can't appreciate thethings that you do, if you're
not self-aware, then how, howcan you be confident about
something that you don't evenrealize?
Right, and so, like, one of thethings that I write about is,
(07:34):
for example, I used to tellmyself all the time it was, it
was like a recurring story youdon't get anything done.
You haven't gotten anythingdone today and it didn't matter
what I did, it doesn't matter.
Like I could have done a bunchof house stuff.
I could have been writing mybook, I could have spent eight
hours on my computer writing andmy brain would be like, well,
(07:55):
you haven't done anything todaybecause look at this long to-do
list that you still have.
And I was like wait, wait, wait,wait, wait.
I realized this is something, aconstant theme that's playing,
and I was like Nicole how areyou ever going to feel like
you've accomplished anything ifyou always feel like you've
never gotten anything done?
I had to learn to appreciate.
Well, I got to clean my housetoday Like it was a mess, and I
(08:19):
invested time in making surethat our home is functioning
right and so learning toappreciate even the smaller
things.
So can you tell me a little bitabout that?
Do you practice gratitude aswell as part of your coaching
with your clients?
Marjia Kalenic (08:33):
Yes, gratitude is, I think, one of the
fundamentals of living a reallygood, fulfilled life, because if
you can't see what you have,you will always feel like not
enough.
You will always feel, uh, thatthat big hole and lack and, uh,
(08:59):
this isn't a life.
This is not a life actually.
This is, this is the.
This is one point why I startedworking as mental coach, you
see, because I was alwaysfascinated with human mind and I
was fascinated with the thingthat people act, talk, react,
react in a certain way, but thenit has nothing to do with the
(09:22):
reality, you know, because theyare constantly.
We are constantly taught that weare lacking something.
You know, and this is one ofour actually first instincts.
Our instinct to survive is Ineed to identify in my
environment, I need to identifydanger first.
So our mind actually is focusedon identifying bad things, you
(09:47):
know, things that can harm us,things that can put us in danger
.
So we need to do this the otherpart consciously, the other
part consciously.
We need to be, we needconsciously to work on gratitude
, on seeing the positive,because otherwise, you know, we
are actually it is an instinct,we are wired to see the negative
(10:09):
stuff.
Nicole Tuxbury (10:21):
So gratitude is the first, the first thing
element that you need in orderto start change anything in your
life.
I agree totally.
I love that.
Um makes me think of learning,like, if you know, if you're
giving that analogy, we're likein a constant fight or fight,
fight or flight mode, right, um,because, well, we have to learn
to live in, not danger, right?
(10:41):
So, instead of being in fightor flight, what's the opposite
and how can I be there?
Instead the opposite being restand digest, right, and so
learning to rest, like I know itsounds silly, but what are some
tactics Like, what is somethingthat you might help your
clients with when it comes torest, because that's such an
(11:02):
important part of overcominglimiting beliefs?
Right, like, I can't be restingbecause I need to be working.
So, talk to me a little bitabout that.
Marjia Kalenic (11:11):
Yes.
Well, this is an interestingquestion.
It's different for every personand I'll say I mean, when I
work on limiting beliefs, itdepends on a limiting belief.
I can tell you, for example,when you set part of the flight
response, I have a client who is, who has an anxiety problem,
(11:34):
really anxiety problem and panicattacks problem, and he spent
years trying to fight it, tryingto get better, with medications
and meditation and whateverthere was, you know, whatever
approach there was, he tried it.
Okay, he'd done it, and itcouldn't help him.
(11:59):
He, you know, the anxiety umstarts as the really, really, um
, how do you, how do you saythis?
Um help me out?
Um, I'm sorry.
No, you're fine, you'll getthis.
Nicole Tuxbury (12:16):
Uh, I'm missing the word well, I'm bilingual, so
I totally understand.
Like you have a word and thenyou you can't grab it, how do I
say?
Marjia Kalenic (12:24):
it, yes, yes.
So so you know, when you havean anxiety problem, it is.
It puts you in the constantfight or flight response state.
Okay, so this is why it came tomy mind and you see, after he
was like five or six years inpsychotherapy on drugs, um,
everything, and meditated andjournaling and whatever.
(12:45):
And I've been working with himnow for seven months and once
that actually what really helpedhim was understanding that his
limiting belief, which goes farbeyond the obvious things.
You know he said I'm in thisresponse because I was tortured
(13:10):
and when I was a child, you know, mistreated and I have so many
problems.
So this is why I'm anxious.
You know I have anxietyproblems, but the the his
self-limiting belief was that heidentified himself with being
(13:31):
anxious and being mentally sick,just because he has an uncle
who was mentally sick and endedup in a psychiatric hospital.
So this was his.
You know, he was convinced.
When he had the first attack,his father told him you see, you
will become like your uncle andthat was the end for him.
And now that he knows that it'snot the truth, that he doesn't
(13:55):
have to end up like his uncle,he started actually fighting it.
And how do.
You fight it With gratitude.
You fight it because you haveto journal every single day, for
example.
Journaling is the really reallygreat technique.
He's journaling every singleday the positive things about
around him, everything thathappened positive in his day
(14:20):
yesterday.
You know what, what happened,nice, what, what did what is he
grateful for himself, for theworld around him?
You know, at his work, whateveryou know, but only
concentrating on gratitude andon his strengths.
You know he, he started, he, he, he, he transport completely
(14:43):
his life.
He actually hasn't got anypanic attacks in months now.
He just got his driving licenseand he was, he wasn't able to
get out of his home.
I mean, he needs to leave his,his work, really because he
wouldn't be able to go into theoffice.
He was afraid of the traffic,you know, and now he got his
driver's license.
It's yeah, it's really reallygreat it's amazing.
Nicole Tuxbury (15:06):
That is such a great testimonial for you and
the work that you do, and I knowI used to have panic attacks
every day, so I know howfrustrating and exhausting and
so many other things it can be,and so I commend you highly for
helping your client with thisand that's such great advice.
(15:27):
It's not just about journaling,right.
It's about working on thosesubconscious stories that we're
telling ourselves and then usingthe journaling to support that,
making sure that we're writingwell, we're focusing right, like
there's there's prompts andthere's things that we need to
make sure that we stay positiveand we're not just doling out
(15:48):
because I'm guilty of it.
I used to all this is wrongwith my life, right, and our
brain will notice what we tellit to.
So if I'm looking for all thethings that are going wrong, my
brain will make me a list andit'll be like look at all these
things.
But if I'm like, well, let metry really hard.
What went right?
(16:08):
You start with one little thing, and it's not that more good
things happen.
Is that you're noticing, or theperspective that you take on
those things.
It makes it positive, right,like if I'm running late,
something happened with the car,I'm like you know what there
might have been.
I might have gone into anaccident if I left five minutes
ago, and so this is like theuniverse protected me from that,
(16:28):
so like I'm not even gonna bemad.
Um, right, because it can befor anything and it's really
everything that happens to us.
How, how do we look at it?
So, um, that's just invaluable.
Um, so any final tips herebefore we sign off.
Final tips about what?
(16:50):
About overcoming your limitingbeliefs, like when you're
journaling what any other tipsfor for overcoming them.
Marjia Kalenic (17:00):
Okay, so let's say it is a process.
Okay, and I would just like torepeat it once more.
You know, the first step, thereally, really important step,
is raising your awareness.
Okay, about the source of yourfears or limitations, but it's
not only about the source.
You need to go really, reallydeep.
So you need a partner for that,a coach or a therapist that
(17:23):
will guide you from identifyingthe barriers to uncover the
reality behind those fears andlimitations, because there is
always a reality behind it.
The next step is, once you haveuncovered the reality and you
found out what is your narrative, the next step is identifying
(17:43):
the new behavioral patterns.
Okay, small actions, baby steps,actions that will eventually
lead you to rewrite this old,limiting truth.
You know it is.
For example, I can give you anexample.
It is where, if you think aboutI'm alone, limiting belief, you
(18:10):
know, if you think you arealone, you will act as you are
alone and you will not be ableto you, you will not be able to
see or search for any help orsupport around you.
But once you discover that thatis not the truth, that there
are lots of people who arearound you and actually you can
turn to, you can start changingyour behavior, you can start
acting differently and, eventhough it is very difficult okay
(18:31):
, it is very difficult it takesgetting out of your comfort zone
and doing different things,doing things that are not you.
But this is what it is aboutchanging your identity.
You have to do new things tohave new results.
So, when you start acting likeyou are not alone, eventually
you will not be alone anymore,you know.
(18:53):
So it is great.
And the last important thing ispersistency.
Okay, no, change is linear, andI always tell that everybody.
You need to be very aware thatit is not a linear path.
It is not a simple path, butbecause, by changing your
identity, you will alignyourself with different people
(19:16):
and there is an inevitablechange in your environment as
well.
So it doesn't happen overnight.
Okay, you need patience,persistency and resilience to do
any kind of change.
So you know, change yourthoughts and you will change
your whole world.
Nicole Tuxbury (19:31):
this is something that I'm really,
really convinced of yes, and Ithink we are a testament to that
because, like I said, I used tohave panic attacks every day
and I was not around the rightpeople, mentally, right, you
know just in terms of likethey're not talking about what
(19:51):
you and I are talking about,like we're not researching.
You know what I mean.
And as I've raised myvibrations, as I've educated
myself, as I've taken control ofthose stories, right Now I
attract more people who thinklike that, right, and so it was
a process, it didn't happenovernight.
I became the person who can sithere and interview you and talk
(20:12):
to you about these very highlevel subjects, because we can
get into quantum physics andstart talking about, you know,
like how the you know theuniverse, how we create things,
just in the vibrations, bytalking about it.
Words are powerful and so, asyou're doing these things, as
you're creating these habits andyou're adjusting your
perspective, with gratitude, allof these things come up.
(20:33):
So, yes, it is a difficultprocess, um, and you will bear
your soul.
It's facing yourself, right,it's possible, but's possible
but it's possible.
Marjia Kalenic (20:43):
But it's possible.
The important thing is, Ialways suggest to have an
accountability partner for it.
Nicole Tuxbury (20:49):
And it's so worth it.
Marjia Kalenic (20:51):
Yes, absolutely, absolutely, absolutely.
Nicole Tuxbury (20:55):
Yes, and do you have a free gift for the
audience that's listening thatthey can come check out from you
?
Marjia Kalenic (21:07):
No, but I didn't think about it.
You know, I'm not really verysocial, I must say so.
No, I don't.
But you know, I can offer,actually I can offer a free
consultant, consult, free call.
Nicole Tuxbury (21:25):
Okay, how would you say that?
Marjia Kalenic (21:26):
consultation, consultation.
Yeah, I can offer for people.
Um, yeah, for your listeners, Ican offer free consultation.
Okay, you can find me even umeither on instagram or on
linkedin and there is the link,and you can book a consultation
for for free.
Nicole Tuxbury (21:45):
Yeah, yes, that's an amazing gift.
Marjia Kalenic (21:48):
Yeah, absolutely .
I would be really happy if Ican if I can, you know, hear
somebody out and maybe give themsome, some advice, some
personal advice because, ofcourse, everybody's different.
Nicole Tuxbury (22:03):
Yes, awesome.
Thank you so so much for beinghere.
This has been absolutelyamazing and, um, we will see you
next time.
Oh, and everything that shementioned, the links for that,
her instagram and stuff so youcan um, get your free
consultation.
That's going to be down in theshow notes, in the comments,
depending on where you'relooking at this, but, um, again,
thanks so much for joining usand we will see you next time.
(22:23):
Bye, bye, thank you.
Thank you, nicole, thank you.
Marjia Kalenic (22:30):
I'm not English speaking, so I don't know how it
went.
hello and welcome back.
Hello and welcome back.
Uh-oh, okay, is that better?
Can you hear me?
Okay, this is much better likeI said hello and welcome back to
the latest episode of theovercome yourself podcast.
(00:30):
As you know, my name is Nicole,so excited to be here today to
talk about limiting beliefs withMaria, so take it away, tell us
a little bit about yourself andyour audience, who you help um,
and give us a quick intro intolimiting beliefs.
What are they?
Marjia Kalenic (00:50):
What are?
Nicole Tuxbury (00:51):
they.
Marjia Kalenic (00:52):
Okay, so who am I?
My name is Maria.
I come from Croatia, but Iactually live in Italy, in Rome,
and I work with newentrepreneurs, I mean with
brilliant professionals, withpragmatic minds who are stuck in
their lives, and therefore intheir businesses, because of
their limiting narratives andbeliefs.
(01:13):
So we work together to uncoverthese beliefs that block them
and to teach them how to dealwith emotions that are always
triggered by our beliefs andfears.
So this is what I do I supportthem to create healthy
boundaries in their workenvironment and become bolder
and more self-aware andself-confident.
I mean, the self-awarenessleads you directly to the
(01:36):
confidence, actually, and sothey become leaders who are able
to bring their businesses tothe next level, who are able to
bring their businesses to thenext level.
And you wanted to know aboutthe limiting beliefs.
Yes, that's what you wanted totalk about, right?
Yes, definitely, it is mypassion.
(01:58):
The limiting beliefs, you know,the limiting beliefs are the
stories that we tell ourselvesthat can act as invisible chains
and that can hold us back fromreaching our true potential.
So these stories are very oftendeeply rooted in our early
childhood experiences.
During our childhood, that isthe time when we learn how to
(02:19):
act, how to feel, what isconsidered acceptable, what
isn't, and we learn how tointerpret the whole world around
us and ultimately, we defineourselves after these
interpretations.
So these experiences and ourunderstanding of the world that
surrounds us shape not only ourvalues but also our beliefs, and
(02:43):
these beliefs are very oftencreated, based and influenced by
people who we meet, who wetrust and who we depend on.
So it comes all from ourchildhood, you see, and these
values and beliefs will then bethe foundation of our mental
habits and our behavioral habitsand ultimately, over time,
(03:03):
these habits create ourcharacter and identity.
So the interesting thing aboutthis is that we create our
identity when we are reallysmall children, and some of us
stay stuck in that identity.
But this identity is it is veryimportant to understand.
It is not the whole truth.
It is not who we actually are.
(03:24):
It is this, thisself-definition we can call it
that way.
It's just a snapshot of whathas happened to us when we were
children.
So we stick to this image, webecome even dependent on it, and
this is what's limiting us,because at one point, you know
we think this is an unchangeabletruth, but it's not.
(03:44):
You know we think this is anunchangeable truth but it's not.
But if we think this is theonly truth for us, we can't
adopt and we can't grow and facewith challenges that will
request a change in our mentalhabit or in our behavior, ok, so
this is why it is very, veryimportant to be able to break
free from those self-limitingstories.
Nicole Tuxbury (04:07):
I love that, and in my book I talk about like
superheroes, and I talk abouthow finding what you thought was
your greatest weakness couldactually be your superpower.
And this reminds me a lot oflike the hero origin story,
right, when they realizesomebody comes to them and
they're like you're the herothat we need, you're the
(04:30):
solution.
And in their mind, in theiridentity, they're like I'm just
a high school student, I'm justa mom, I'm just me, like how can
I be the one that's going to dothis?
And I think that it relates alot to that.
Right, like we are holding onto this identity and I'm just
this, I'm just, I'm just anemployee, I'm just a teacher,
(04:51):
I'm just a server, I'm justwhatever.
I'm not that.
Right.
And it's when we are able toshed that identity.
I love that and realize, stepinto well, what else can we be?
Cause we're not just one thing,right, we're a daughter, and
then we become a mom, like we'rea student, and then we become
like a teacher, right, like weteach others once we learn.
We're a trainee, and then webecome, like you know, the
(05:14):
master, right, and so, yeah, Ilove and I want to bring this
also back to something you saidin the beginning.
You said self-awareness helps usincrease confidence.
Is that what you said in thebeginning?
You said, um, self-awarenesshelps us increase confidence.
Is that?
Is that what you?
Marjia Kalenic (05:29):
said can you talk to me a little bit more
about that exactly because, yousee, um, very often we are not
confident with each otherbecause we again, because we
have this self-limiting beliefs,and most common beliefs are I'm
not worthy, I'm not enough, uh,I'm a failure, uh, I'm just not
(05:51):
lovable, uh, I'm alone, etc.
Etc.
So these are all beliefs aboutus that puts us, that put us
down okay and that put down ourconfidence.
Once you get aware of the factthis, that these are not the
actual and total truth, but justa belief that I am stuck with,
(06:15):
okay, and then that I'm grabbinglike this is, this is me, this
is me and identifying myselfwith it, once you get aware that
it's not the truth, this is thepoint where you understand that
you can be so much more.
And if you know that you can beso much more, this is the first
(06:35):
step in becoming so much more,and then you can actually
rewrite your life and yourhistory, and getting more
results will get you moreconfidence.
So it all starts withself-awareness.
Nicole Tuxbury (06:50):
I love that.
I love that and, yeah, learningto take action.
So one of the main things thatI teach is gratitude Like that's
where my book starts off,before we start talking about
the superhero thing butgratitude to be able to accept,
right To be grateful for, toappreciate the things about
(07:13):
ourselves.
Right, because if we can't seethem, I love it.
Like it matches so perfectlywhat you're talking about with
what I do.
If you can't appreciate thethings that you do, if you're
not self-aware, then how, howcan you be confident about
something that you don't evenrealize?
Right, and so, like, one of thethings that I write about is,
(07:34):
for example, I used to tellmyself all the time it was, it
was like a recurring story youdon't get anything done.
You haven't gotten anythingdone today and it didn't matter
what I did, it doesn't matter.
Like I could have done a bunchof house stuff.
I could have been writing mybook, I could have spent eight
hours on my computer writing andmy brain would be like, well,
(07:55):
you haven't done anything todaybecause look at this long to-do
list that you still have.
And I was like wait, wait, wait,wait, wait.
I realized this is something, aconstant theme that's playing,
and I was like Nicole how areyou ever going to feel like
you've accomplished anything ifyou always feel like you've
never gotten anything done?
I had to learn to appreciate.
Well, I got to clean my housetoday Like it was a mess, and I
(08:19):
invested time in making surethat our home is functioning
right and so learning toappreciate even the smaller
things.
So can you tell me a little bitabout that?
Do you practice gratitude aswell as part of your coaching
with your clients?
Marjia Kalenic (08:33):
Yes, gratitude is, I think, one of the
fundamentals of living a reallygood, fulfilled life, because if
you can't see what you have,you will always feel like not
enough.
You will always feel, uh, thatthat big hole and lack and, uh,
(08:59):
this isn't a life.
This is not a life actually.
This is, this is the.
This is one point why I startedworking as mental coach, you
see, because I was alwaysfascinated with human mind and I
was fascinated with the thingthat people act, talk, react,
react in a certain way, but thenit has nothing to do with the
(09:22):
reality, you know, because theyare constantly.
We are constantly taught that weare lacking something.
You know, and this is one ofour actually first instincts.
Our instinct to survive is Ineed to identify in my
environment, I need to identifydanger first.
So our mind actually is focusedon identifying bad things, you
(09:47):
know, things that can harm us,things that can put us in danger
.
So we need to do this the otherpart consciously, the other
part consciously.
We need to be, we needconsciously to work on gratitude
, on seeing the positive,because otherwise, you know, we
are actually it is an instinct,we are wired to see the negative
(10:09):
stuff.
Nicole Tuxbury (10:21):
So gratitude is the first, the first thing
element that you need in orderto start change anything in your
life.
I agree totally.
I love that.
Um makes me think of learning,like, if you know, if you're
giving that analogy, we're likein a constant fight or fight,
fight or flight mode, right, um,because, well, we have to learn
to live in, not danger, right?
(10:41):
So, instead of being in fightor flight, what's the opposite
and how can I be there?
Instead the opposite being restand digest, right, and so
learning to rest, like I know itsounds silly, but what are some
tactics Like, what is somethingthat you might help your
clients with when it comes torest, because that's such an
(11:02):
important part of overcominglimiting beliefs?
Right, like, I can't be restingbecause I need to be working.
So, talk to me a little bitabout that.
Marjia Kalenic (11:11):
Yes.
Well, this is an interestingquestion.
It's different for every personand I'll say I mean, when I
work on limiting beliefs, itdepends on a limiting belief.
I can tell you, for example,when you set part of the flight
response, I have a client who is, who has an anxiety problem,
(11:34):
really anxiety problem and panicattacks problem, and he spent
years trying to fight it, tryingto get better, with medications
and meditation and whateverthere was, you know, whatever
approach there was, he tried it.
Okay, he'd done it, and itcouldn't help him.
(11:59):
He, you know, the anxiety umstarts as the really, really, um
, how do you, how do you saythis?
Um help me out?
Um, I'm sorry.
No, you're fine, you'll getthis.
Nicole Tuxbury (12:16):
Uh, I'm missing the word well, I'm bilingual, so
I totally understand.
Like you have a word and thenyou you can't grab it, how do I
say?
Marjia Kalenic (12:24):
it, yes, yes.
So so you know, when you havean anxiety problem, it is.
It puts you in the constantfight or flight response state.
Okay, so this is why it came tomy mind and you see, after he
was like five or six years inpsychotherapy on drugs, um,
everything, and meditated andjournaling and whatever.
(12:45):
And I've been working with himnow for seven months and once
that actually what really helpedhim was understanding that his
limiting belief, which goes farbeyond the obvious things.
You know he said I'm in thisresponse because I was tortured
(13:10):
and when I was a child, you know, mistreated and I have so many
problems.
So this is why I'm anxious.
You know I have anxietyproblems, but the the his
self-limiting belief was that heidentified himself with being
(13:31):
anxious and being mentally sick,just because he has an uncle
who was mentally sick and endedup in a psychiatric hospital.
So this was his.
You know, he was convinced.
When he had the first attack,his father told him you see, you
will become like your uncle andthat was the end for him.
And now that he knows that it'snot the truth, that he doesn't
(13:55):
have to end up like his uncle,he started actually fighting it.
And how do.
You fight it With gratitude.
You fight it because you haveto journal every single day, for
example.
Journaling is the really reallygreat technique.
He's journaling every singleday the positive things about
around him, everything thathappened positive in his day
(14:20):
yesterday.
You know what, what happened,nice, what, what did what is he
grateful for himself, for theworld around him?
You know, at his work, whateveryou know, but only
concentrating on gratitude andon his strengths.
You know he, he started, he, he, he, he transport completely
(14:43):
his life.
He actually hasn't got anypanic attacks in months now.
He just got his driving licenseand he was, he wasn't able to
get out of his home.
I mean, he needs to leave his,his work, really because he
wouldn't be able to go into theoffice.
He was afraid of the traffic,you know, and now he got his
driver's license.
It's yeah, it's really reallygreat it's amazing.
Nicole Tuxbury (15:06):
That is such a great testimonial for you and
the work that you do, and I knowI used to have panic attacks
every day, so I know howfrustrating and exhausting and
so many other things it can be,and so I commend you highly for
helping your client with thisand that's such great advice.
(15:27):
It's not just about journaling,right.
It's about working on thosesubconscious stories that we're
telling ourselves and then usingthe journaling to support that,
making sure that we're writingwell, we're focusing right, like
there's there's prompts andthere's things that we need to
make sure that we stay positiveand we're not just doling out
(15:48):
because I'm guilty of it.
I used to all this is wrongwith my life, right, and our
brain will notice what we tellit to.
So if I'm looking for all thethings that are going wrong, my
brain will make me a list andit'll be like look at all these
things.
But if I'm like, well, let metry really hard.
What went right?
(16:08):
You start with one little thing, and it's not that more good
things happen.
Is that you're noticing, or theperspective that you take on
those things.
It makes it positive, right,like if I'm running late,
something happened with the car,I'm like you know what there
might have been.
I might have gone into anaccident if I left five minutes
ago, and so this is like theuniverse protected me from that,
(16:28):
so like I'm not even gonna bemad.
Um, right, because it can befor anything and it's really
everything that happens to us.
How, how do we look at it?
So, um, that's just invaluable.
Um, so any final tips herebefore we sign off.
Final tips about what?
(16:50):
About overcoming your limitingbeliefs, like when you're
journaling what any other tipsfor for overcoming them.
Marjia Kalenic (17:00):
Okay, so let's say it is a process.
Okay, and I would just like torepeat it once more.
You know, the first step, thereally, really important step,
is raising your awareness.
Okay, about the source of yourfears or limitations, but it's
not only about the source.
You need to go really, reallydeep.
So you need a partner for that,a coach or a therapist that
(17:23):
will guide you from identifyingthe barriers to uncover the
reality behind those fears andlimitations, because there is
always a reality behind it.
The next step is, once you haveuncovered the reality and you
found out what is your narrative, the next step is identifying
(17:43):
the new behavioral patterns.
Okay, small actions, baby steps,actions that will eventually
lead you to rewrite this old,limiting truth.
You know it is.
For example, I can give you anexample.
It is where, if you think aboutI'm alone, limiting belief, you
(18:10):
know, if you think you arealone, you will act as you are
alone and you will not be ableto you, you will not be able to
see or search for any help orsupport around you.
But once you discover that thatis not the truth, that there
are lots of people who arearound you and actually you can
turn to, you can start changingyour behavior, you can start
acting differently and, eventhough it is very difficult okay
(18:31):
, it is very difficult it takesgetting out of your comfort zone
and doing different things,doing things that are not you.
But this is what it is aboutchanging your identity.
You have to do new things tohave new results.
So, when you start acting likeyou are not alone, eventually
you will not be alone anymore,you know.
(18:53):
So it is great.
And the last important thing ispersistency.
Okay, no, change is linear, andI always tell that everybody.
You need to be very aware thatit is not a linear path.
It is not a simple path, butbecause, by changing your
identity, you will alignyourself with different people
(19:16):
and there is an inevitablechange in your environment as
well.
So it doesn't happen overnight.
Okay, you need patience,persistency and resilience to do
any kind of change.
So you know, change yourthoughts and you will change
your whole world.
Nicole Tuxbury (19:31):
this is something that I'm really,
really convinced of yes, and Ithink we are a testament to that
because, like I said, I used tohave panic attacks every day
and I was not around the rightpeople, mentally, right, you
know just in terms of likethey're not talking about what
(19:51):
you and I are talking about,like we're not researching.
You know what I mean.
And as I've raised myvibrations, as I've educated
myself, as I've taken control ofthose stories, right Now I
attract more people who thinklike that, right, and so it was
a process, it didn't happenovernight.
I became the person who can sithere and interview you and talk
(20:12):
to you about these very highlevel subjects, because we can
get into quantum physics andstart talking about, you know,
like how the you know theuniverse, how we create things,
just in the vibrations, bytalking about it.
Words are powerful and so, asyou're doing these things, as
you're creating these habits andyou're adjusting your
perspective, with gratitude, allof these things come up.
(20:33):
So, yes, it is a difficultprocess, um, and you will bear
your soul.
It's facing yourself, right,it's possible, but's possible
but it's possible.
Marjia Kalenic (20:43):
But it's possible.
The important thing is, Ialways suggest to have an
accountability partner for it.
Nicole Tuxbury (20:49):
And it's so worth it.
Marjia Kalenic (20:51):
Yes, absolutely, absolutely, absolutely.
Nicole Tuxbury (20:55):
Yes, and do you have a free gift for the
audience that's listening thatthey can come check out from you
?
Marjia Kalenic (21:07):
No, but I didn't think about it.
You know, I'm not really verysocial, I must say so.
No, I don't.
But you know, I can offer,actually I can offer a free
consultant, consult, free call.
Nicole Tuxbury (21:25):
Okay, how would you say that?
Marjia Kalenic (21:26):
consultation, consultation.
Yeah, I can offer for people.
Um, yeah, for your listeners, Ican offer free consultation.
Okay, you can find me even umeither on instagram or on
linkedin and there is the link,and you can book a consultation
for for free.
Nicole Tuxbury (21:45):
Yeah, yes, that's an amazing gift.
Marjia Kalenic (21:48):
Yeah, absolutely .
I would be really happy if Ican if I can, you know, hear
somebody out and maybe give themsome, some advice, some
personal advice because, ofcourse, everybody's different.
Nicole Tuxbury (22:03):
Yes, awesome.
Thank you so so much for beinghere.
This has been absolutelyamazing and, um, we will see you
next time.
Oh, and everything that shementioned, the links for that,
her instagram and stuff so youcan um, get your free
consultation.
That's going to be down in theshow notes, in the comments,
depending on where you'relooking at this, but, um, again,
thanks so much for joining usand we will see you next time.
(22:23):
Bye, bye, thank you.
Thank you, nicole, thank you.
Marjia Kalenic (22:30):
I'm not English speaking, so I don't know how it
went.
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