Were You Raised to Believe Your Productivity = Your Worth? Let's Deprogram that with Randi Crawford!
November 18, 2025 • 44 mins
Randi Crawford is a certified life coach and former public healthcare CEO with a unique, energetic approach to helping women redefine authority, navigate parenting transitions, and own their impact in midlife. Her work focuses on bridging the communication gap between parents and children, which is why she's writing a hilarious and insightful new book, The Pickleball Parenting Playbook.
In this must-listen conversation, Randi shares her story of answering a powerful nudge from the universe and stepping into her calling, despite the initial fear of what others might think. She provides powerful strategies for slowing down to speed up, creating profound family connections, and why "action creates clarity."
This episode will help you with:
💥 Overcoming the Fear of External Judgement and the "carpool moms" critique as you step into a new, authentic role.
⏰ Shifting from Productivity-as-Worth to truly being present with your family and yourself, leading to bigger wins.
🗣️ Bridging the Communication Gap by learning the difference between listening to fix and listening to listen.
💡 Answering the Universe's Nudge by taking imperfect action, because the only way to build confidence is to do something.
❤️ Connecting with Your Kids by figuring out their love language and creating small, impactful routines, like a "tech-free night of yes."
This conversation is a shot of pure, unadulterated energy that will inspire you to drop the self-doubt, silence the inner critic, and step into your role as an impactful leader—at home and in your business. Ready to take decisive action toward your next level of growth? Tune in now!
Connect with Randi: website | instagram @randicrawfordcoaching | linkedin | tiktok
Connect with Kate: mskatehouse.com | @mskatehouse | mastermind | courses | speaking | FREE overcoming overwhelm masterclass
---
Transform from overwhelmed to empowered!
My complimentary Overcoming Overwhelm Masterclass provides the tools to manage stress, gain clarity, and own your authority.
Get it now: https://mskatehouse.myflodesk.com/overwhelm
---
Want to bring the Owning Her Authority message to your community?
I'm available for speaking engagements and am filling my 2025 speaking calendar now! Let's empower your audience to confidently step into their leadership, amplify their voice, and create a legacy of impact.
Learn more and book me to speak or host a workshop here! 🎤
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:03):
Welcome to the Owning Her Authority Podcast,
your go-to place for womenthought leaders ready to amplify
their voice and scale theirimpact.
Here you'll gain the clarity andconfidence to fully step into
your thought leadershipexperience, activate your
vision, and confidently createthe impact you know you're
destined for.
(00:24):
Hey Randy, welcome to the OwningHer Authority Podcast.
I am so excited for thisconversation with you.
Welcome.
Thank you, you and me both.
Oh my goodness, this is gonna beso much fun.
Sometimes as I'm preparing foran interview, I was telling
Randy before we hit record, Iwas like getting more and more
excited because I was likeRandy's energy and enthusiasm
and just like vigor forsupporting others.
I'm like, this is gonna be sojuicy.
(00:45):
So, Randy, for anyone who'stuning in and they're like, who
is Randy Crawford?
What is she all about?
Who does she support?
Can you tell us all aboutyourself?
SPEAKER_01 (00:54):
I would love to.
So I um I'm a person I was bornwith a ridiculous amount of
energy.
So I'm just gonna start out andsay that.
No, I haven't had five cups ofcoffee, I've never had an indoor
voice.
This is just me.
I'm sorry.
People always ask my kids, like,is she always like that?
And they're like, Yes.
Um but I so I ran a publichealth care company for years,
(01:15):
and that obviously kept me busyall day, all night, all weekend
for many years.
In about 2004, that all stopped.
And I was gonna be thestay-at-home mom.
I think my kids were around twoand five at the time.
And you know, you decide you'regonna be a stay-at-home mom for
a couple of years, and thenyou're gonna get back into the
workforce.
But I don't, you know, your kidsare still young, but one year
(01:36):
turns into five years, and thatturns into 10 years really,
really fast.
And I think, you know, I wrotecolumns for the local papers.
So I stayed a little busy, butnot busy enough to keep me like
you know, doing the schedule Iwas used to.
So as my kids were getting olderand more independent, my husband
throws this at me.
So I just want moms to beprepared.
(01:57):
Like, Randy, why don't you justfind something fun to do?
And when you're so busy checkingstuff off a list every day for
kids, you're like, fun.
unknown (02:06):
What?
SPEAKER_01 (02:07):
How can you even ask me that?
Like, what is that?
What is that word?
Like, fun is going to happyhours, you know, like with my
friends before games, fun iswatching my kids at their games.
So that really, that question,it just like took my breath for
a while.
And I remember I kept Googling,but it was way before, you know,
this is before you had Chat GPTand all these things where you
(02:29):
could just say, Listen, here'sthe things I'm good at, just
tell me what to do.
And I tried to figure out what Iwas really good at.
And then one day I just said,you know what?
I'm just gonna like take anaction and do something.
So I marched myself to the malland I walked into anthropology,
which is my favorite retailstore, and I hate shopping, and
I'm not even a big shopper, andI applied for a job.
(02:50):
And like they call me two dayslater and they say you got the
job.
And I'll never forget that call.
I'm like, what do you mean I gotthe job?
I don't even know what I'mdoing.
I told you I I've never workedin retail, right?
I'm not qualified.
Are you sure?
Are you this is Randy?
Are you sure?
Sure.
So I remember my husband waslike, Randy, if you don't like
it, you could just quit.
(03:10):
And you know, I'm one of thosepeople like, don't put quitting
on the table.
I haven't even started.
Like, I'm gonna torch this job.
Yeah, like I'm gonna run thisplace.
I'm gonna be runninganthropology.
So I get there, I'll neverforget.
This is so funny.
All these young girls and me arethere on our first day of
onboarding.
They told us to put our pursesin the office, so I do.
And uh, with that are my readingglasses.
(03:33):
So we go outside and they tellus to take out our phone and
download an app and learn allthis stuff so we can get our
schedules, and I can't evenread.
And I'm so horrified.
I'm like older than everyone.
I can't read this.
So the younger girls are justtaking my phone and doing it all
for me.
And I thought, if I can getthrough this day, I can
basically get through anything.
(03:53):
And to fast forward that story,very quickly, I became a stylist
at anthropology.
And very quickly after that, itwas very apparent to me.
Like we all have our lanes.
So there are some girls that areyoung and they are absolutely
outstanding, outstanding at likethe cash wrap.
They're just, you know, workingthat computer, something I could
(04:14):
never figure out ever.
There are some girls that arefantastic at knowing where
everything is in the store.
Again, me, it's like findingthat game of like, you know,
flipping the cards andremembering where they are.
It's very hard because thevisual people at Anthro are
always moving stuff around.
But me, I was really, reallygood at connecting with
customers and making them feelreally, really good, having a
(04:36):
good time, laughing and buyingthings.
And so I think that's how Iquickly became a stylist.
And while I knew that wasn'tgoing to be my long term, it all
fit into the pattern in my lifeof working with women and making
them feel good.
Because when they felt good, Imean, I would leave a shift just
feeling like I can't, it's ahard feeling to explain, but
(04:57):
just like, wow, that was afour-hour retail shift.
But I like, I feel so good aboutmyself.
And I couldn't really everexplain that to people, but
that's how then we'll get intoit.
But that's how I ended upstarting to do my life coaching
because one sort of led to theother.
But the comedy is I still dowork at Anthro on the weekends
because it's something I justcan't give up.
It's just really fun.
SPEAKER_00 (05:18):
I love that.
Well, and it's such a bigimpact.
Like, as somebody who like, Iwill get something and I will
wear it to death.
And like, or or if I findsomething I love, I buy it in
every color.
Like a jumpsuit this summer, Ibought in four colors.
And I was like, I have likepermanent tan lines, I think,
from this jumpsuit now at theend of the summer.
But it makes a huge impact,right?
When you find something thatyou're like, I feel like I could
(05:39):
go out there and own the worldin this outfit.
Like, that is such a gift thatyou give to people.
So no wonder you would leave ita shift and be like, I feel so
energized, right?
And then I do.
SPEAKER_01 (05:50):
You really do because you want to know
something.
This is what I learned aboutretail.
I didn't know this because I,like I said, I'm not a shopper.
I remember all these comments Iwould make to my husband.
One was, wow, Mike, um, I'm acheap date.
Like, there are women that comein all the time.
So let's just get that partystarted.
Number two, a lot of womenreally don't enjoy, you know,
(06:11):
shopping and trying things on.
So they'll just come in and wantto buy a bunch of stuff.
They're in the store physically,and I'm like, let's just go try
it on.
And they'll say, you know what,I'm just gonna go home.
And it's very intimidating tothem.
So for me, when I could getsomeone that I could just really
feel their energy immediately,and I knew, you know, that
they're just not having the bestday and get them into the
(06:32):
fitting room and get themlaughing.
Like for me, that's where I waslike, I don't care if they buy
one thing, this woman's in abetter mood, and I'm part of
that.
And I just that's what makes mefeel so good.
SPEAKER_00 (06:43):
Oh my gosh.
I mean, such a gift.
And I can imagine just like thatlittle bit of time that these
people spend with you has suchan impact.
But now with the coaching thatyou do, I mean, my gosh, like so
much more time with you, so muchmore like individual attention.
So, what was that transitionlike?
Like, was that did did it justkind of your like occur to you
one day, like, oh, this is thenext right step, or was it this
kind of like process of gettingthere?
SPEAKER_01 (07:04):
Well, no, that's an interesting question.
So, because I believe very muchthat the universe is always
speaking to us, I just do.
I'm walking my dog one day, andI used to always listen to a
podcast with Guy Raz called uhHow I Built This.
Oh, and I generally would listenlike the first 15 or 20 minutes
because he always interviewedpeople that had big companies,
and the stories were always thesame, just packaged differently.
(07:26):
And one day he was interviewingJay Shetty.
I had never heard of Jay Shetty,believe it or not.
I didn't know who he was, andI'm listening to this podcast,
and it is so good, I can't evenstop.
So I listened to the fullpodcast, and at the very end, he
says, you know, I'm offeringthis life coaching
certification.
A lot of people obviously havealways said, You should be a
(07:46):
life coach, you should be a lifecoach, you know, because I'm
always coaching these girls.
And one of my jobs when I wasrunning the company was HR, like
all sorts of stuff.
But I always had a vision of alife coach, like, you know, like
a white coat, kind of stiff,like, let's talk about the tell
me about your feelings, youknow.
And that's not who I amwhatsoever.
So I listened to Jay and I gohome that day.
(08:08):
I call, they're like, you mightwant to think about this.
No, there's no thinking aboutit.
So then they say it could takelike a year to get certified.
I mean, people really take theirtime.
No, I don't have a year.
So I called Anthro and I said, Ican't work there anymore.
I'm gonna get into the lifecoaching.
And they said, Can you just workfor us on the weekends?
They were so good to me.
So I ended up, this is the kindof thing when you know you love
something.
(08:28):
At five in the morning, I waspopping out of bed, getting on
my computer, you know, reading,checking off the boxes, and I
was meeting with clients fromall over the world.
It was really amazing.
Like I was working with peoplein India and London, and I just
did everything.
So if they said do five ofsomething, I would do like 25 of
that something.
Just I wanted to get this allunder my belt, and I just loved
(08:51):
it and I ate it up.
And um, and so it was like, Ireally felt like though, the
reason that I heard that podcastthat day and I listened to the
full thing, I would have neverknown had I not heard the whole
thing.
And from the minute that thathappened, I just sort of a
string of things happened in mylife that made, I believe we're
all energy, and I believe theenergy I kind of put out there,
(09:12):
and so it started coming back,but that's really how that
happened.
SPEAKER_00 (09:16):
Oh my gosh, I love that so much.
I've had times I also think theuniverse like speaks to us and
gives us these little likenudges sometimes, or sometimes
it's like a shove.
And I've had times where youknow I was working a more
traditional nine to five.
Somebody was like, I think youshould be a yoga teacher.
And I was like, Have you beenreading my diary?
Because I want to be a yogateacher, right?
And then somebody was like, Ithink you should start a
(09:37):
podcast.
And it was like, Have you beenreading my diary?
I've always wanted to start apodcast, right?
It's like these, you know, andand so I love that you listen to
that episode.
And I think sometimes though,women, especially, we can have
this tendency to second guessourselves.
So, what would you tell thewoman who's like, I think I got
an edge from the universe, but Idon't know.
Or like, or she's afraid totrust herself or that like hit
(09:58):
of intuition.
What would you tell that person?
SPEAKER_01 (10:00):
Well, I'll tell you, listening to your question,
okay, to me, it's so it'sglaring.
They're not second guessingtheir intuition, they're scared
that what their friends aregonna say about them.
They like, we're all used tobeing in the carpool, you know,
at the drop-off and the pickupand all the women talk.
We all do it, that's what we do.
That's our nature.
And so even when I started theretail job, I very vividly
(10:22):
remember one of the thoughtsthat came across my mind was
like, what's gonna happen if oneof my friends walks in here,
right?
And I'm working at a retail job.
And are they all gonna besaying, you know, oh, Randy must
be hard up, she needs to beworking, you know?
And then I was like, huh, I'venever really cared what other
people think.
And if they want to talk, letthem talk.
So I think it's so important forwomen to know that like we get
(10:44):
this one shot.
You know what I mean?
Like people always say, if I hada second, there is no second.
This is it.
And I just can't emphasize thatenough.
If we are so worried that ourfriend group or the women at
Carpool are going to be talkingabout us, those are not our
women.
You know what I mean?
Now, on the same token, I don'texpect women to spend their time
(11:06):
making my business, you know,grow.
I don't expect them.
A lot of people come in withlike, well, if they're not
supporting me, if they're notliking everything I do, they're
not my friend.
And I tell women, that's nottrue either.
It is not their responsibilityto grow you.
If you're doing something thatyou love, that's like that's
your spiritual currency rightthere.
(11:27):
Hopefully you're getting paidfor it as well.
But just know that the ones thatare outside of the boxing ring
talking about you, like, get ridof those people because they're
not worth your time anyway.
That's why I think a lot ofwomen are scared to take that
first step, whatever that firststep is.
SPEAKER_00 (11:42):
Yeah, no, I think you're absolutely right.
There's so many times when it'slike, well, what will my friend
think?
What will my neighbor think?
What will the moms at pickupthink?
What will my family think?
Right.
And or even sometimes mypartner, right?
And it's like, oh gosh, like ifthere, if I could just like tell
everyone out there, it's like ifit is an alignment for you and
it is in your heart and you feelfire about it, you gotta bring
(12:03):
people into your life who are inthat same kind of like frequency
or who are like reaching forthose same kind of goals.
Like, have you found that to betrue for you too?
SPEAKER_01 (12:11):
Yeah, no, a hundred percent.
Because it's like, if you're soexcited, you know, I have found
this, and a lot of people say ifyou're doing something, you
know, don't tell everyone.
I do sort of agree with that,right?
Like, so you wanna do whatlights you up because it lights
you up.
You're not doing it for theseother people.
But like, I'll give you a greatexample.
So, social media.
So I'm in the process of writingthis book, and when you write a
(12:33):
book, yeah, they keep tellingyou this concept.
You have to build your platform,you have to build your platform.
You need, you know, hundreds ofmillions of this and that.
And someone like me is like,well, what does that even mean?
Build a platform.
So I put it out there, right?
I tell everybody, hey, I'mbuilding a platform.
Like, if you can help me, wouldyou help me?
Like, I need to know.
So they're like, Well, then yougotta get on social media.
So when my kids were growing up,I'll be honest, I was never like
(12:56):
100% anti the Facebook movement.
I'm not posting touchdowns andcheerleading, like none of it.
Because I always felt like itwas just so to me, it was so
cringy.
Like, that's just not who I am.
I would send a group chat to myfamily, like, oh, look at what
we did this weekend.
But I'm not putting it outthere, I'm not judging the
people that do.
It is just not my value system.
(13:17):
So when everybody says you haveto go on social media and you
have to come in hot, it's like,wait, oh my God, I do like I
can't do that, I can't do that.
And then one day I justremember, I was like, you know
what?
Like, I think it was Gary V thatI listened to.
He's kind of a like wild, right?
But he said, and it just hit meif you're not using social media
to grow your audience, you're anidiot.
(13:38):
And I was on my treadmill andI'm like, you know what?
I'm an idiot.
I have to stop being againstthis social media movement.
I am gonna use this to grow myplatform, and that's what I've
been doing.
And I post every day.
And sometimes I love my posts,and sometimes I, if I don't feel
it, then I don't post that day.
But like again, if I worriedthat people are like, oh, look
at Randy, look at her, she'sposting again.
(14:01):
I mean, don't follow me.
Don't, you know, mute me.
Do what you gotta do.
Because this is for an audienceof people.
I am so passionate about mycause, which is getting parents
to take a step back and to likestop living their kids' lives
for them.
That I'm gonna go out thereevery day with a message.
And if you want to listen to it,please come and listen.
And if you don't like it, don'tlisten.
(14:21):
But you can't listen to thevoices that are telling you that
everyone's gonna be talkingabout you.
Once again, you have to justtune that out.
SPEAKER_00 (14:28):
Yes.
Oh my gosh.
Yeah.
I think the older I get, theless and less I care what other
people think.
Like it's kind of amazing.
Like, I think when I wasyounger, I was like so concerned
with like, how do I look or howis this perceived?
And then you're absolutely rightbecause it's like you're
speaking to a very specificperson, and that's the person
you're calling in.
And so if somebody wants to, youknow, not be part of that
(14:50):
conversation, that's okay,right?
They're gonna go find the otherperson that they need to hear
from.
And so tell us more about thework that you're doing, though,
with parents, especially andliving their own lives.
Because I think a lot of thepeople listening to this show
have poured a lot into theircareers, into their families.
And sometimes we wake up, youknow, midlife and we're like,
What am I doing?
Like, and like you said, thequestion that your husband has,
(15:11):
like, what do you think?
Why don't you do something forfun?
And you're like, I don't, whatdo I like?
What is this fun that you speakof?
Is that tied to the work thatyou do?
What is this fun that you speakof?
And that is a great question.
SPEAKER_01 (15:22):
Well, you know, it's so it's like I talked about when
you're a parent and you're like,I'm just gonna take a year off
and it just keeps growing.
Because I think, you know, whenyou listen to people say, I love
this so much, like you have tolive in the present.
You have to live in the present.
And you just kind of want toknock their teeth out.
What do you mean live in thepresent?
I'm here right now, or am I?
I'm present.
I'm present.
But it's like, no, we're notpresent.
(15:44):
Because a lot of times, see,when you're a life coach, it
really teaches you, really,really teaches you to be
present.
Because when you're talking tosomebody, and everybody I work
with is all over the country,right?
So it's over Zoom.
So if I'm talking to a younggirl or her mom, but my mind is
on my grocery list or my soncoming home or my daughter or
(16:04):
anything else, I miss whatthey're saying.
And I know that they can feelthat I am missing it because
it's like you can just see.
So you can be present, likepresent, but you're not really
present.
And so I think that if we as aculture in general learned how
to really, really be present inwhat we were doing, we would
(16:26):
take that time and understandthat 15 minutes with our kids is
better than an hour with ourkids where we're on our phone
the whole time and we're both onour phones, and then maybe we
get five minutes of actualtalking time.
So it's like being reallypresent in your life because it
listen, it happened to me.
So everything I'm talking aboutright now was my entire life
with my two kids.
(16:46):
It's like you go from gettingthem out of bed to getting them
to, you know, they're off toschool, then getting them their
sports stuff, and then as theyget older, traveling all summer
to tournaments and going tochair competition, your life is
a constant checklist.
And what we do is we follow thatchecklist because we have
coaches in our ears telling us,you can't miss this tournament,
you can't miss this chaircompetition, you can't miss
(17:07):
this, or you're not gonna getinto the college you want.
And we never stop as a familyever to just A, have family
dinners together once a week andB just ask each other and then
listen to each other to say,what do we want?
And I think it is such animportant part of our family
unit to like take our livesback, even if it's one dinner a
(17:28):
week.
I'm a big fan of a small win,and a small win adds to another
small win, and they all add up,and then you start to feel the
big wins.
So I'm not saying a goal of likeset three family dinners a week,
but like if you can even just doone, you would not believe how
much that will bring youtogether.
And then you might learn, wow,my kid really is good at this,
but they don't really love it tothe point where they want to do
(17:50):
it in college, or you know, thiskid is really having trouble
with someone at school, and butthey want to handle it, they
don't want me to handle it, butwe don't do that because as I as
I always say, what we do is welisten to fix, we just never
listen to listen, and because wehave so much invested in the
outcome.
So I think it's just veryimportant that we get present
with our families, we getpresent with ourselves, and then
(18:13):
we'll be able to listen.
Even with our own selves, we'llbe able to listen.
And that's how it happens, butit's by slowing down.
SPEAKER_00 (18:20):
Yes.
Oh my goodness.
Well, and it's so funny becauseas you say slowing down, I know
there are people listening whoare like, oh God, Brandy, I'm
allergic to that.
Right.
Because I think many of us,myself included, were raised to
believe that our productivityequals our worth.
And it's taken me so long todeprogram that, to be able to
sit in my home and read one ofmy romantic fantasy books and
see like an unfolded pile oflaundry or dirty dishes and to
(18:44):
be like, you know what?
That can wait.
I can read for 30 minutes andjust enjoy this time and be
present with this book and withmyself and do something that I
find to be fun.
Do you find that in yourpractice as well, that whole
idea of productivity?
SPEAKER_01 (18:56):
Oh, I absolutely, I mean, that I was wired that way.
I am wired.
I mean, my whole life growingup, my dad's saying was time is
your enemy.
Time is your enemy.
So I, you know, being wired theway I am and getting wanting to
do as much as I do, I slept forlike maybe four hours a night.
I never slept, I was constantlygoing.
But it's like you're likerunning in circles, getting
nothing done.
And when you learn that if youreally slow down and like, let's
(19:20):
just keep using the example of15 minutes in an hour, if you
get a lot done in that 15minutes, you don't need the
whole hour because you're nottaking a task and then answering
a phone call and then looking atan email, and then like you
don't get sidetracked.
You say, I'm gonna dedicate thismuch time to this activity.
Trust me, I understand the noslowing down because it's the
(19:42):
story of my life.
Like, my husband is a greatexample.
He's a guy that like he'll putsomething in the oven and he'll
wait for the oven to get hot for15 minutes and then he'll put it
in for another 20 minutes towarm up.
Whereas I'm like, listen, justthrow it in the mic away for
three minutes and then we caneat it.
And he's like, You can't liveyour life like that.
You know what I'm saying?
I am the queen of that.
But when it comes to happiness,especially with moms and
(20:04):
daughters, and that's basicallymy clientele.
So I'm not excluding dads andsons, but I generally get a call
from a mom and I work with thedaughter.
And you know, what I see is avery big communication gap
between moms and daughters.
And it's because nobody's takingthe time to really understand
what is going on.
And so it's very fulfilling,obviously, when you're able to
(20:27):
help them see it.
Like I don't tell them what'sgoing on, but when you're able
to help them fill that gap, it'sit's very rewarding feeling.
SPEAKER_00 (20:34):
That's so beautiful.
I mean, what a gift, right?
To be able to help familiescommunicate and to hold space
for each other.
You know, as you were talkingabout how we we listen to fix,
it reminded me of this thing myhusband and I learned a long
time ago.
And it's it was the example ishe was having a hard time at
work.
This was probably like 10 yearsago, and he was talking to me
about it, and I was justoffering solutions.
(20:55):
And he was just like, you know,babe, I really just need you to
listen.
And I was like, oh, oh, becauseI'm a fixer.
And then I finally, I think Iheard a podcast and it was like,
you can you can hold space andyou can listen or you can offer
solutions.
And so now we ask each other,we'll be like, I know you had a
tough day.
Do you want support or do youwant solutions?
(21:16):
Right.
And it's so helpful to be like,How can I support you?
Right?
Do you need me to hold space foryou or do you need me to help
you like problem solve?
SPEAKER_01 (21:22):
Well, I think that's the best thing that you can say.
And that is what you just saidis exactly, and again, when I
say this, trust me, it did nothappen in my house.
I would get in the sameargument, let's just say with my
son or my daughter over andover, and they would say, Stop
interrupting me, let me finish.
And as a mom, you're like, but Iknow how this is gonna end.
I know the conversation becausewe've had it 10 times, I know
(21:43):
how it's gonna end.
And if you just did what I said,it would get done, it would get
done better and faster and blah,blah, blah.
But like we just, it's so hardfor us.
I know it's so hard for us, butwe have to just listen.
And when you do that, actually,it really disarms them because
all of a sudden they're talkingand they're waiting to be
interrupted, and you're notinterrupting, and then they're
(22:03):
waiting for you to come in hot,like with the solution, and
you're not.
And then they're just like, oh,and then the more you look at
them, the more they talk.
The quieter you are, the morethat they talk.
And it's like it's a techniquethat a lot of people use, right?
If you want someone to keeptalking, you just you just zip
it.
And so all of a sudden you do itonce and you're like, what just
(22:24):
happened?
Like, what was that voodoomagic?
You know what I mean?
You can't even believe it.
And you start to see this.
Now your kids are six and seven,so you're not really there yet,
but you start to see this shiftin the relationship when they
feel like they're being heardbecause they've been able to
complete their thought, and thenyou can ask them, do you want a
solution or do you just want meto listen?
(22:45):
And I'm telling you, and I'mtelling anybody, that is at with
with partners, with parents andkids, that is something that is
so small, but so big.
It's it's incredible.
SPEAKER_00 (22:57):
I love that.
So I have a question, Randy, aslike the type of coach that you
are.
So my husband and I do thisthing with our kids where once a
month, so we two, we'll take,like, I'll take Dexter and he'll
take Conrad.
And then the next month weswitch and we go on a one-on-one
date with the with our kid, andthey get to choose it.
We call it like a yes night,like they get to choose where we
go.
So if they're like, I want to goto McDonald's, you're like,
(23:18):
Okay, yes, even though I don'twant to eat McDonald's, but
that's what he wants.
Or for it most of the time, it'sthe buffet down the road because
they have an epic arcade.
So we end up going there.
And so we let them choose wherewe go.
And we like there's no techallowed, and we just talk to
them and we'll even ask themquestions like, Hey, is there
anything that I do that youdon't like?
(23:38):
And one time one of our kids waslike, Oh, um, I really like when
we have tickle fights, but Idon't like when they when I'm
surprised by a tickle fight.
I want to know like it'sstarting.
And that was huge for us becausewe're like, Oh, I didn't know
that you didn't like that,right?
Like you enjoy it, but you needto know that we're going to do
it, right?
And so is that something thatwould be it will be supportive
(23:59):
for them in the future too?
Do you think like to continue asthey get older and older, not
just when they're little and youknow, we're still their best
friends?
SPEAKER_01 (24:06):
Like, I love everything about what you just
said.
I don't want my brain to forgetanything, and I am in a puzzle,
so I might forget things.
The first thing I said is thatyou made it a tech free night
because the kid, you know, youcan't say to a kid today, well,
you can have no technology, butthe kids, especially even the
kids that come intoanthropology, the one-year-olds,
they stare at a screen theentire time and they are so
(24:28):
digitally focused, they do notknow how to interact with the
world around them.
So I love, first of all, thatyou have a complete tech free
night and that you make it likea night of yes.
And the fact that you're askingthem those questions is so
important because another thingthat I see, and there's a
listen, again, as the kids getolder, you you will hear about
this.
There's a lot of estrangement infamilies because parents parent
(24:50):
from fear sometimes, a lot oftimes, and they parent from
their ego.
So they will not say, I'm sorry.
And, you know, it's like theseyounger kids will build up this
resentment because listen, as Isay all the time, we make
mistakes all the time asparents, and we don't know we're
doing it, and we're just tryingto do our best, even when we
interfere in their lives, andeven when we helicopter, we're
(25:12):
only trying our best.
And we need somebody to tell us,okay, you need to put on the
brakes, like you need to stopand you need to take a step
back.
So the fact that you not onlyare having the date night, which
I love, the night of yes, whichI love, and the tech free, which
I love, you're asking them forfeedback on because that is so
important that they get to be apart of, like, I do, I love
(25:32):
this, but I don't love that.
It tells me that you're notparenting with ego at all.
And then if they tell yousomething, you're not like, what
is your problem?
I mean, the whole point of thetickle fight is like to take you
by surprise.
Because the like, what what whatworld am I in right now?
You know, they need, I'm nottalking about gentle parenting
and all that either.
I'm talking about respectingpeople's boundaries, and I think
(25:53):
it's really important becausetoday, like, nobody knows how to
just say, I'm sorry.
I screwed up, I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_00 (25:59):
It's so easy.
I know it's so true.
It's so funny because I feellike I apologize to my kids all
the time.
Like the other day, like myperiod was starting and I was
really crabby and I knew I wascrabby and I could hear myself
being crabby and I stillcouldn't stop it.
And then afterwards, I'd belike, Hey, buddy, I'm really
sorry.
Like my period just started.
Like, I'm I was just, I wascrabby and it was my fault and
(26:22):
I'm sorry.
And he was just like, it's okay,mommy, you know, and you're just
like, great, like, you know, butit but it's it's so helpful to
I've I have found it helpful toestablish those routines now
because I imagine as they getolder, the things that I'm going
to do that I'm like, oh, I needto apologize for that are gonna
be very different, right?
As they, you know, continue togrow and change and become these
(26:43):
incredible humans that willprobably also know how to press
my buttons.
And so I love that you're herehelping us, like not only with
you know, someone like me whohave little kids, but also
helping as they're gettingolder, right?
And and the time with them inyour home is probably shorter,
you know, if you're working withpeople who are in high school or
in college.
SPEAKER_01 (26:59):
What is it?
It goes fast, it goes so fast Ican't even tell you.
So they're in high school andthat feels like a fast four
years.
But then let me just tell you,they get to college.
You remember everything aboutdrop-off.
I mean, everyone's a mess.
You're just a puddle.
I mean, life as you knew it istotally different.
The dynamic is different.
You've been crying all summer onand off.
You drop them off, and youcannot believe it.
(27:22):
Like me a couple months ago,you're at the graduation, and
you're like, no way were youjust there for four years.
It when I tell you it goes fast,it goes faster than anything you
can imagine.
So yeah, you really want to makethe most of those years when
they're in high school, andthose are beyond tough years.
I mean, some days you're justcounting the minutes until they
get to college.
You're like, please send them tocollege.
(27:43):
I can't take this anymore.
But when you figure out, whenyou really dial in to the
relationship and to thelistening part, it's not gonna
be that way.
SPEAKER_00 (27:52):
Yeah.
Oh, so beautiful, Randy.
So, what is something like ifsomebody's listening and they
haven't worked with you yet andthey're really curious to like
learn more?
They're like, oh, I feel seen byRandy, maybe even a little
called out.
They're like, oh yeah, that'sme.
Um, what is just like a word ofencouragement you would want to
give them?
If they're feeling like nervous,they're like, gosh, I feel like
I've already screwed up so much,or like, I don't even know where
(28:13):
to begin.
What would be something that youwould tell them to like help
them kind of get going?
SPEAKER_01 (28:17):
Oh, I would, I just love this.
I would, it's so let me tellyou, it's like a light switch.
Okay.
You can make this change sofast.
It's not even like I'm talkingabout something.
So I'll give you a very specificexample.
I used to, when I would go anduh spend time with said family
member, I won't say who becauseI always get in trouble when
talking about my kids, but myhusband and I talk a lot on the
(28:38):
phone, I guess.
And I would always get introuble for this.
Like, this is all you do is talkon the phone.
Every both of my kids say thisto me.
And I'm like, that's not true,that's not true.
But then one day I realized, youknow what?
Like they maybe just want tospend time with me.
So all of a sudden, overnight,you you're like, you know, I'm
not taking that phone call.
We'll talk when I see themlater, whatever.
(28:59):
Like instantaneously, you seethis like, like you could just
feel the tension when I'm aboutto take that call to like it
just dissipates, and you havethis incredible time, and you're
like, all because of one cluethat I picked up on.
And it is never too late tochange the relationship with
your kids ever.
And it can happen with littleitty bitty tiny tweaks, but you
(29:21):
have to dial in to each kiddifferently because no two kids
are the same.
And so what works for one mightnot work for the other one.
Like your two, your two kids,they could be the same or they
could be completely different.
So it doesn't mean, you knowwhat I mean?
One might not care at all aboutspending time with you.
They're just like, I love itwhen mom gets me gifts.
The other one might love it whenthey spend time with you or
whatever it is, acts of service,taking them to their sports.
(29:44):
So it is not only not too late,but if you change you when you
see the way that they acceptlove, it's an immediate change
and shift in the relationship.
SPEAKER_00 (29:54):
That's so beautiful.
And that's such a greatreminder, too.
Like, my boys are 18 monthsapart.
It took us a long time to getpregnant with my first.
So for a second we're like, oh,we better like get started.
And then it was likeimmediately, I'm like, oh, I
guess they're gonna be reallyclose together.
But they couldn't be moredifferent.
Like they're they're similar insome ways, but like one is like
in his head and he isn't likeridiculously bright.
(30:15):
And one is like so heart focusedand centered and so sensitive
and like really picks up on howother people are feeling and is
inquisitive about everybody andeverything.
And it's and it's so cool tosee, but you're absolutely
right.
Like the way that I the time Ispend with them is so the way I
go about it is so different,right?
And what what like encouragementyou give to a parent who's like,
(30:37):
ah, yes, my children are sodifferent, and I can't figure
out one, let alone both of them.
What would you like tell thatperson?
SPEAKER_01 (30:44):
Well, I'll tell you, it's interesting.
I learned this a couple of yearsago and it really helped me.
So I love sharing this.
But there's a doctor, GaryChapman, who wrote a book called
The Five Love Languages, and hehas a test, a free test you can
take online.
Now, my kids, my whole familythink that I'm batshit.
So nobody would take that testwith me.
But when I looked at the testand I took it, I was able to
(31:05):
identify my two kids and theirpersonalities in that test.
So when I looked at the test, Iwas like, okay, this one has
this love language, this one hasthis love language, and I am
going to tweak my parenting totheir parenting styles.
And when I tell you that itworks, it's, you know, he
doesn't tell you how to dealwith it.
But when you figure out whichkid kind of ticks when they get
(31:27):
something that like really fillstheir cup, that'll help the
relationship so much.
I really highly recommend takingit.
And it's like a free 10-minutelittle test you can take online.
It's very helpful.
SPEAKER_00 (31:38):
I love that.
I think I actually have thatbook somewhere on my book behind
me because we were gifted ityears and years ago, like when
we first got married, andsomebody wrote it to it, and
they were like, This bookchanged everything for us.
And we're like, oh well, webetter do this like from the
get-go.
SPEAKER_01 (31:50):
Well, people think, okay, so the so he wrote it for
relationships because he was arelationship coach or doctor.
And he said that, and hebasically said the same thing um
that I said about the Guy Razpodcast.
Like, everybody comes in and heboiled it down to the same five
problems.
So that's how he so he just waslike, you know what?
I'm gonna stop giving the sameadvice and I'm just gonna write
a book.
But the book is not just about arelationship with you and your
(32:12):
partner, it's love language ingeneral.
So it applies to your kids andyour extended family.
You just start to look at peopleand be like, oh my gosh, you
know, I realized when I did X,Y, and Z for them, like they
were so over the moon.
When I brought them somegroceries, they must really love
acts of service, you know?
And when you realize that,you're just able to be a little
(32:34):
bit better when you're aroundthat person because you can
figure out what makes them tick.
SPEAKER_00 (32:39):
I love that so much.
Well, and speaking of like booksand boiling it down and stuff, I
would love to hear about thebook that you're writing.
I actually just wrote my firstbook.
I'm publishing it this fall.
And so I feel you when you'relike, oh my gosh, this is like
so exciting to bring into theworld.
But also, like, at least for me,I was I I didn't with building a
platform, I was like, Oh, I Ididn't realize that writing the
book was actually the easiestpart to anybody.
(33:02):
It's the publishing and sharingit with the world.
That's not the the most uh timeconsuming and energy consuming
thing.
But I would love to hear like,what are you writing about?
Like, what are you sharing withthe world?
Like, because I know everybodylistening is like, I need more
Randy in my life.
So like sign us all up to getyour book when it comes out.
SPEAKER_01 (33:18):
Oh, for sure.
Well, the first thing is all mysocial media I'm on is TikTok
and Instagram at Brandy CrawfordCoaching.
And I say that because the bookI wrote, so it's gonna sound
funny.
It's called Pickleball ParentingPlaybook.
And I use pickleball because Ipicked up pickleball a couple
years ago.
I am very athletic and I got onthat pickleball court and I am
humbled by people twice my age,and they continue, continue to
(33:41):
kick my butt out there.
But I started when I startedplaying pickleball, it just I
had this like aha moment on thecourt one day.
Everything I am learning,everything I am learning on the
court correlates to being aparent and how I want to help
parents take a step back.
That's why I'm calling it theparenting playbook because I use
all these pickleballterminologies, right?
(34:02):
Like dinking, the art of havingpatience, you know, and
poaching.
Like don't poach your kid shots.
And so it's just sort of a veryfunny, self-deprecating,
humorous book about how bad I amat pickleball, but how each one
of these things translates intohelping your kid be more gritty
and be more resilient andunderstand that they can get
through life with failures, withgrace, with you know, all these
(34:24):
things are gonna happen to them.
They're gonna be on losingteams.
They're good, you know.
Just the other day, it's reallyfunny.
I was playing with this group ofgals that I've been playing with
for two years now, and they'reall really good.
They're all better than me.
But I started to make a lot ofimprovements to the point where
I was winning some games.
So the other day we played, sofunny, and I mean I got smoked
my last two games.
(34:45):
And I'm like, what is going on?
I am so mad right now.
And then I was like, this iswhat's happening, ladies.
While I'm getting better, you'regetting better, and now I'm at
the bottom of the pack again,you know?
And I just have to laugh it offbecause it's like you get so
frustrated, but you it's justyou could play your best.
You could play lights out andstill lose.
And we need our kids tounderstand that's gonna happen.
(35:05):
So if you really want to be thatgood and you want to get to
school and play with a D1scholarship or all the things,
how badly do you want it versushow badly does mommy and daddy
want it?
You know?
And so that's what gave me theidea to translate it into
calling it the pickleballparenting playbook.
Also because I think pickleballas an idea and a concept is so
fabulous because it just bringspeople together.
(35:27):
I love everything about it.
SPEAKER_00 (35:28):
Oh, I love that so much.
I think that's so relatable,right?
Because it's bringing, I I lovebooks that are story, like
filled with story.
So I love that you're puttingyourself and your pickleball
experience into it.
And there's nothing better thangetting to have like a good
chuckle while you're alsolearning about something that's
like is can be serious, right?
It's like, you know, ourparenting and we don't want to
mess it up and all this.
And so to be able to learn fromsomebody who can teach in a way
(35:50):
that you do.
I mean, I'm already like, oh, Ican't wait to read this book.
Like, I love that so much.
That's amazing.
Oh, it's so funny.
SPEAKER_01 (35:57):
It's you know, it's funny because I'm so excited
about the book too.
Because, you know, again, yourkids are so young, but I mean,
our teens and tweens and teensand college kids, they are in
crisis today.
I mean, their anxiety is throughthe roof, their mental health is
through the roof, their bodyimage issues, their suicide
rates, suicidal ideation.
I mean, it's really, reallyreal.
(36:19):
And it's because they just haveno tools right now for coping
and they have all this socialmedia coming at them.
And so I don't want to preach toparents ever because I'm not the
person saying I know everything,I don't know everything.
But after working with all thesefamilies and giving talks to all
these moms and daughters, it'sreally evident to me how much
more we could be doing at hometo help our kids to grow by by
(36:41):
stepping back a little bit moreand letting them deal with
adversity along the way versuswe take care of everything, send
them off to college, and nowthey're like, now what?
Like, I don't want to talk topeople.
I don't have what do I do?
I can't make friends.
What do I do?
I didn't get in a I mean,they're just not equipped.
SPEAKER_00 (36:57):
Yeah.
Oh no, you're so true.
I mean, it's like it's such acrisis.
And I love that you're helping.
It feels I I heard this analogyonce and I can't remember where
I heard it, but it was talkingabout like if there is a crisis
and you imagine that it's like ariver flowing, and this person
was like, I feel like I'm at thebottom of the river and I'm just
pulling people out of the water.
And they're like, How do I getto the top of the river and
prevent this from happening inthe first place?
(37:18):
So I love that you're helping,you know, reactively in terms of
coaching people in the moment,but then also proactively in
that like you're writing thisbook and people can read it and
it can help to have this likeripple effect in the world of,
you know, how can we help thenext generation be less anxious
or be more present, like youwere saying, or find joy, or,
you know, even just learn thoseskills of like, okay, how do we
(37:39):
get off of the tech and learnhow to interact with people,
right?
I'm constantly telling my poorkids every time we eat out, I'm
like, you have to make eyecontact when you order your
drink.
SPEAKER_01 (37:48):
And they're like, oh god.
That's amazing that you do that.
Because our kids, these kidstoday, I mean, when I see a
little one-year-old come in andthey're literally like this on
the iPad, and there's like dogsand puppies and all sorts of
stuff around them, and theydon't even, they don't even
engage, they don't look up.
That that's terrifying to me.
SPEAKER_00 (38:05):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Because the world is happeningaround us.
And while technically, you know,technology, not technically
technology, words are so hard.
I don't know how I have apodcast.
Technology is amazing.
You know, you and I can talkfrom different coasts of our
country, you know, thousands ofmiles apart, but it can also be
isolating, right?
Especially when we're on theseindividual tablets and screens.
And oh my gosh, no, I can't waitto read your book.
(38:26):
I love like, I'm a voraciousreader, so I'm like adding this
to my mental TB really.
SPEAKER_01 (38:31):
I love reading, I love it so much.
SPEAKER_00 (38:32):
It's so good.
Well, Randy, as we wrap up thisconversation, because I could
literally talk to you forever,your energy is so infectious.
And I have to tell you on apersonal note, I have a sister
who, when she was little, Imean, she's she does not have an
inside voice either.
And once I went once I when shewas little, I remember we were
like, Can you use your insidevoice?
And her response was, and you'lllove this.
She goes, This is my insidevoice.
(38:54):
And I was like, Oh, okay, that'sjust how you're wired.
So I love that about you.
It endeared me to youimmediately.
But as we wrap up thisconversation, what is just like
one thing that you've learned inyour life that you wish you
could tell yourself from 20years ago that you're like, man,
if I could just reach back andjust reach a handout to like
past me and tell her this littlenugget, it would have had such
(39:18):
an impact.
Does something come to mind foryou?
SPEAKER_01 (39:21):
I mean, I guess what I would think of is just that
you can build confidence thatit's not like you're born with
it or not born with it.
And so you could be a shy kid,or it doesn't matter who you
are, you can build thatconfidence.
But the only way you are evergonna build confidence, whether
you're six and seven, sixteen,twenty-seven, or sixty-seven, is
(39:42):
by just taking action and doingsomething.
And then the little wins add up.
So it doesn't, we don't have tomeasure everything that has to
be so grandiose.
Just do little things that justand then you'll feel this.
Like I did that.
And uh God, it just it justmakes you feel like a million
bucks.
SPEAKER_00 (39:58):
Yeah, absolutely.
Um, action creates clarity islike one of my favorite sayings,
and it's so true because it'slike we can get stuck in our
heads and make the big to-dolists and stuff, but until you
actually do it, yeah, until youget into action, nothing
actually changes.
I like that.
Action creates clarity.
Clarity, yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (40:13):
Yeah, I've not heard that.
I like that.
SPEAKER_00 (40:14):
Yeah, yeah.
I have to remind myself of thatall the time when I'm like, I'm
a little scared to try thisthing, and I'm like, action
creates clarity.
Even if the clarity is like thisisn't for me, at least now I
know it.
Even if I'm clear, that was abad choice.
But yeah, even when I started mypodcast, I was like, okay, I'm
gonna do 10 episodes, and if Iroyally suck, I am giving myself
permission to stop, right?
(40:35):
And now we're 370-somethingepisodes in, right?
And so, but sometimes you justhave to tell yourself, like,
it's okay to try something new.
You get into action, and maybeyou find out you love it, like
pickleball, or maybe you try itand you're like, no, this isn't
for me.
But you you're never gonna knowuntil you get into action.
SPEAKER_01 (40:49):
Well, and then to add one more sentence to that, I
think the next question youwould ask is, what's the worst
thing that can happen?
SPEAKER_00 (40:54):
Yeah, right.
SPEAKER_01 (40:55):
Like with your podcast, what's the worst thing
that can happen with mypickleball?
You know, really, what is theworst thing?
And if it's something that'sdangerous, that's a whole other
subject.
And if it's not, like trying towork in anthropology, what was
the worst thing that couldhappen?
SPEAKER_00 (41:07):
You know, really nothing.
Yeah, like you know, you go andyou're like, actually, this is
not for me, and that's okay,right?
Or like, you know, I published10 episodes of a podcast back in
2020, and I'm like, yeah, thatwas a good experiment, but on to
the next thing, right?
But you you don't know until youtry, right?
And yep, so now you like I havea tattoo that says do it scared.
And like, I feel like everythingI've done that I'm like proud of
(41:30):
or excited about, like, I wasalways scared to start.
Like, I used to sweat through myt-shirt when I was recording
solo episodes because I waslike, I'm so nervous, right?
And now I'm like, oh no, like Ilove recording, right?
But you have to like repetition,right?
You gotta keep putting yourselfout there.
You do, you definitely do.
Well, you're amazing at it, soyou're very nervous.
Well, thank you.
Thank you.
You're amazing at what you do.
(41:50):
And speaking of that, Randy, soremind us again, where can
everybody find you on Instagram,on TikTok?
Um, and how can folks get intouch with you if they're
listening to you right now andthey're like, holy smokes, Randy
is speaking to me and I need towork with her with my child.
SPEAKER_01 (42:03):
So I have a website and it's just Randy Crawford
Coaching, Randy with an I,randycrawford coaching.com.
So yeah, they can find me on mywebsite and then just book and
free session to start and let'sgo.
Amazing.
SPEAKER_00 (42:14):
And friends, we're gonna put, yes, you guys can't
see Randy right now, but she'sgot a hat on.
It says let's go.
And immediately as soon as youhopped on the call, I was like,
this is gonna be so much fun.
Like she's wearing a let's gohat.
Like, let's do this.
And friends, we're gonna putlinks to everything in the
episode notes too.
So if you're driving right nowand you're like, what was that?
Just scroll down in the episode.
We got you.
Um, get connected with Randy,support her, be part of her
(42:34):
community, and then get the bookwhen it comes out.
So, do you have how are youlike, where are you at in the
manuscript?
How's it going?
SPEAKER_01 (42:40):
It's going really well.
We're far, far along in themanuscript and um in search,
have the editor in search of theagent right now so we can get a
nice big publisher.
That's where we're at.
SPEAKER_00 (42:49):
Amazing.
That's awesome.
Well, Brandy, keep me posted.
When you put together a launchteam, let me know.
I would love to be part of itand share you with my community
and your book and the work thatyou're doing.
And thank you so much for justbeing who you are, for bringing
the energy that you do to theworld and just for your time
today.
This has been absolutelybeautiful.
SPEAKER_01 (43:04):
Thank you.
I loved every minute of it too.
I absolutely, this could nothave been more fun.
Thank you so much for having me.
SPEAKER_00 (43:11):
Thank you for tuning into the Owning Her Authority
podcast.
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that momentum going.
First, make sure you'resubscribed to the show so you
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Next, share the inspiration.
Take a screenshot of the episodeand share it on your Instagram
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(43:32):
Tagging me at Miss K House.
That's at M S K A T E H O U S E.
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And finally, if you're feelingextra generous, please leave a
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Your feedback helps us reacheven more women who are
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(43:53):
And as my special thank you foryour time and your energy, I
would love to support you inmoving from overwhelmed to
empowered with my complimentaryOvercoming Overwhelm
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During this 60-minutemasterclass, you'll learn
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Click on the link in the episodedescription below to access this
(44:13):
free training and start yourjourney today.
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Let's do this together.
Welcome to the Owning Her Authority Podcast,
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destined for.
(00:24):
Hey Randy, welcome to the OwningHer Authority Podcast.
I am so excited for thisconversation with you.
Welcome.
Thank you, you and me both.
Oh my goodness, this is gonna beso much fun.
Sometimes as I'm preparing foran interview, I was telling
Randy before we hit record, Iwas like getting more and more
excited because I was likeRandy's energy and enthusiasm
and just like vigor forsupporting others.
I'm like, this is gonna be sojuicy.
(00:45):
So, Randy, for anyone who'stuning in and they're like, who
is Randy Crawford?
What is she all about?
Who does she support?
Can you tell us all aboutyourself?
SPEAKER_01 (00:54):
I would love to.
So I um I'm a person I was bornwith a ridiculous amount of
energy.
So I'm just gonna start out andsay that.
No, I haven't had five cups ofcoffee, I've never had an indoor
voice.
This is just me.
I'm sorry.
People always ask my kids, like,is she always like that?
And they're like, Yes.
Um but I so I ran a publichealth care company for years,
(01:15):
and that obviously kept me busyall day, all night, all weekend
for many years.
In about 2004, that all stopped.
And I was gonna be thestay-at-home mom.
I think my kids were around twoand five at the time.
And you know, you decide you'regonna be a stay-at-home mom for
a couple of years, and thenyou're gonna get back into the
workforce.
But I don't, you know, your kidsare still young, but one year
(01:36):
turns into five years, and thatturns into 10 years really,
really fast.
And I think, you know, I wrotecolumns for the local papers.
So I stayed a little busy, butnot busy enough to keep me like
you know, doing the schedule Iwas used to.
So as my kids were getting olderand more independent, my husband
throws this at me.
So I just want moms to beprepared.
(01:57):
Like, Randy, why don't you justfind something fun to do?
And when you're so busy checkingstuff off a list every day for
kids, you're like, fun.
unknown (02:06):
What?
SPEAKER_01 (02:07):
How can you even ask me that?
Like, what is that?
What is that word?
Like, fun is going to happyhours, you know, like with my
friends before games, fun iswatching my kids at their games.
So that really, that question,it just like took my breath for
a while.
And I remember I kept Googling,but it was way before, you know,
this is before you had Chat GPTand all these things where you
(02:29):
could just say, Listen, here'sthe things I'm good at, just
tell me what to do.
And I tried to figure out what Iwas really good at.
And then one day I just said,you know what?
I'm just gonna like take anaction and do something.
So I marched myself to the malland I walked into anthropology,
which is my favorite retailstore, and I hate shopping, and
I'm not even a big shopper, andI applied for a job.
(02:50):
And like they call me two dayslater and they say you got the
job.
And I'll never forget that call.
I'm like, what do you mean I gotthe job?
I don't even know what I'mdoing.
I told you I I've never workedin retail, right?
I'm not qualified.
Are you sure?
Are you this is Randy?
Are you sure?
Sure.
So I remember my husband waslike, Randy, if you don't like
it, you could just quit.
(03:10):
And you know, I'm one of thosepeople like, don't put quitting
on the table.
I haven't even started.
Like, I'm gonna torch this job.
Yeah, like I'm gonna run thisplace.
I'm gonna be runninganthropology.
So I get there, I'll neverforget.
This is so funny.
All these young girls and me arethere on our first day of
onboarding.
They told us to put our pursesin the office, so I do.
And uh, with that are my readingglasses.
(03:33):
So we go outside and they tellus to take out our phone and
download an app and learn allthis stuff so we can get our
schedules, and I can't evenread.
And I'm so horrified.
I'm like older than everyone.
I can't read this.
So the younger girls are justtaking my phone and doing it all
for me.
And I thought, if I can getthrough this day, I can
basically get through anything.
(03:53):
And to fast forward that story,very quickly, I became a stylist
at anthropology.
And very quickly after that, itwas very apparent to me.
Like we all have our lanes.
So there are some girls that areyoung and they are absolutely
outstanding, outstanding at likethe cash wrap.
They're just, you know, workingthat computer, something I could
(04:14):
never figure out ever.
There are some girls that arefantastic at knowing where
everything is in the store.
Again, me, it's like findingthat game of like, you know,
flipping the cards andremembering where they are.
It's very hard because thevisual people at Anthro are
always moving stuff around.
But me, I was really, reallygood at connecting with
customers and making them feelreally, really good, having a
(04:36):
good time, laughing and buyingthings.
And so I think that's how Iquickly became a stylist.
And while I knew that wasn'tgoing to be my long term, it all
fit into the pattern in my lifeof working with women and making
them feel good.
Because when they felt good, Imean, I would leave a shift just
feeling like I can't, it's ahard feeling to explain, but
(04:57):
just like, wow, that was afour-hour retail shift.
But I like, I feel so good aboutmyself.
And I couldn't really everexplain that to people, but
that's how then we'll get intoit.
But that's how I ended upstarting to do my life coaching
because one sort of led to theother.
But the comedy is I still dowork at Anthro on the weekends
because it's something I justcan't give up.
It's just really fun.
SPEAKER_00 (05:18):
I love that.
Well, and it's such a bigimpact.
Like, as somebody who like, Iwill get something and I will
wear it to death.
And like, or or if I findsomething I love, I buy it in
every color.
Like a jumpsuit this summer, Ibought in four colors.
And I was like, I have likepermanent tan lines, I think,
from this jumpsuit now at theend of the summer.
But it makes a huge impact,right?
When you find something thatyou're like, I feel like I could
(05:39):
go out there and own the worldin this outfit.
Like, that is such a gift thatyou give to people.
So no wonder you would leave ita shift and be like, I feel so
energized, right?
And then I do.
SPEAKER_01 (05:50):
You really do because you want to know
something.
This is what I learned aboutretail.
I didn't know this because I,like I said, I'm not a shopper.
I remember all these comments Iwould make to my husband.
One was, wow, Mike, um, I'm acheap date.
Like, there are women that comein all the time.
So let's just get that partystarted.
Number two, a lot of womenreally don't enjoy, you know,
(06:11):
shopping and trying things on.
So they'll just come in and wantto buy a bunch of stuff.
They're in the store physically,and I'm like, let's just go try
it on.
And they'll say, you know what,I'm just gonna go home.
And it's very intimidating tothem.
So for me, when I could getsomeone that I could just really
feel their energy immediately,and I knew, you know, that
they're just not having the bestday and get them into the
(06:32):
fitting room and get themlaughing.
Like for me, that's where I waslike, I don't care if they buy
one thing, this woman's in abetter mood, and I'm part of
that.
And I just that's what makes mefeel so good.
SPEAKER_00 (06:43):
Oh my gosh.
I mean, such a gift.
And I can imagine just like thatlittle bit of time that these
people spend with you has suchan impact.
But now with the coaching thatyou do, I mean, my gosh, like so
much more time with you, so muchmore like individual attention.
So, what was that transitionlike?
Like, was that did did it justkind of your like occur to you
one day, like, oh, this is thenext right step, or was it this
kind of like process of gettingthere?
SPEAKER_01 (07:04):
Well, no, that's an interesting question.
So, because I believe very muchthat the universe is always
speaking to us, I just do.
I'm walking my dog one day, andI used to always listen to a
podcast with Guy Raz called uhHow I Built This.
Oh, and I generally would listenlike the first 15 or 20 minutes
because he always interviewedpeople that had big companies,
and the stories were always thesame, just packaged differently.
(07:26):
And one day he was interviewingJay Shetty.
I had never heard of Jay Shetty,believe it or not.
I didn't know who he was, andI'm listening to this podcast,
and it is so good, I can't evenstop.
So I listened to the fullpodcast, and at the very end, he
says, you know, I'm offeringthis life coaching
certification.
A lot of people obviously havealways said, You should be a
(07:46):
life coach, you should be a lifecoach, you know, because I'm
always coaching these girls.
And one of my jobs when I wasrunning the company was HR, like
all sorts of stuff.
But I always had a vision of alife coach, like, you know, like
a white coat, kind of stiff,like, let's talk about the tell
me about your feelings, youknow.
And that's not who I amwhatsoever.
So I listened to Jay and I gohome that day.
(08:08):
I call, they're like, you mightwant to think about this.
No, there's no thinking aboutit.
So then they say it could takelike a year to get certified.
I mean, people really take theirtime.
No, I don't have a year.
So I called Anthro and I said, Ican't work there anymore.
I'm gonna get into the lifecoaching.
And they said, Can you just workfor us on the weekends?
They were so good to me.
So I ended up, this is the kindof thing when you know you love
something.
(08:28):
At five in the morning, I waspopping out of bed, getting on
my computer, you know, reading,checking off the boxes, and I
was meeting with clients fromall over the world.
It was really amazing.
Like I was working with peoplein India and London, and I just
did everything.
So if they said do five ofsomething, I would do like 25 of
that something.
Just I wanted to get this allunder my belt, and I just loved
(08:51):
it and I ate it up.
And um, and so it was like, Ireally felt like though, the
reason that I heard that podcastthat day and I listened to the
full thing, I would have neverknown had I not heard the whole
thing.
And from the minute that thathappened, I just sort of a
string of things happened in mylife that made, I believe we're
all energy, and I believe theenergy I kind of put out there,
(09:12):
and so it started coming back,but that's really how that
happened.
SPEAKER_00 (09:16):
Oh my gosh, I love that so much.
I've had times I also think theuniverse like speaks to us and
gives us these little likenudges sometimes, or sometimes
it's like a shove.
And I've had times where youknow I was working a more
traditional nine to five.
Somebody was like, I think youshould be a yoga teacher.
And I was like, Have you beenreading my diary?
Because I want to be a yogateacher, right?
And then somebody was like, Ithink you should start a
(09:37):
podcast.
And it was like, Have you beenreading my diary?
I've always wanted to start apodcast, right?
It's like these, you know, andand so I love that you listen to
that episode.
And I think sometimes though,women, especially, we can have
this tendency to second guessourselves.
So, what would you tell thewoman who's like, I think I got
an edge from the universe, but Idon't know.
Or like, or she's afraid totrust herself or that like hit
(09:58):
of intuition.
What would you tell that person?
SPEAKER_01 (10:00):
Well, I'll tell you, listening to your question,
okay, to me, it's so it'sglaring.
They're not second guessingtheir intuition, they're scared
that what their friends aregonna say about them.
They like, we're all used tobeing in the carpool, you know,
at the drop-off and the pickupand all the women talk.
We all do it, that's what we do.
That's our nature.
And so even when I started theretail job, I very vividly
(10:22):
remember one of the thoughtsthat came across my mind was
like, what's gonna happen if oneof my friends walks in here,
right?
And I'm working at a retail job.
And are they all gonna besaying, you know, oh, Randy must
be hard up, she needs to beworking, you know?
And then I was like, huh, I'venever really cared what other
people think.
And if they want to talk, letthem talk.
So I think it's so important forwomen to know that like we get
(10:44):
this one shot.
You know what I mean?
Like people always say, if I hada second, there is no second.
This is it.
And I just can't emphasize thatenough.
If we are so worried that ourfriend group or the women at
Carpool are going to be talkingabout us, those are not our
women.
You know what I mean?
Now, on the same token, I don'texpect women to spend their time
(11:06):
making my business, you know,grow.
I don't expect them.
A lot of people come in withlike, well, if they're not
supporting me, if they're notliking everything I do, they're
not my friend.
And I tell women, that's nottrue either.
It is not their responsibilityto grow you.
If you're doing something thatyou love, that's like that's
your spiritual currency rightthere.
(11:27):
Hopefully you're getting paidfor it as well.
But just know that the ones thatare outside of the boxing ring
talking about you, like, get ridof those people because they're
not worth your time anyway.
That's why I think a lot ofwomen are scared to take that
first step, whatever that firststep is.
SPEAKER_00 (11:42):
Yeah, no, I think you're absolutely right.
There's so many times when it'slike, well, what will my friend
think?
What will my neighbor think?
What will the moms at pickupthink?
What will my family think?
Right.
And or even sometimes mypartner, right?
And it's like, oh gosh, like ifthere, if I could just like tell
everyone out there, it's like ifit is an alignment for you and
it is in your heart and you feelfire about it, you gotta bring
(12:03):
people into your life who are inthat same kind of like frequency
or who are like reaching forthose same kind of goals.
Like, have you found that to betrue for you too?
SPEAKER_01 (12:11):
Yeah, no, a hundred percent.
Because it's like, if you're soexcited, you know, I have found
this, and a lot of people say ifyou're doing something, you
know, don't tell everyone.
I do sort of agree with that,right?
Like, so you wanna do whatlights you up because it lights
you up.
You're not doing it for theseother people.
But like, I'll give you a greatexample.
So, social media.
So I'm in the process of writingthis book, and when you write a
(12:33):
book, yeah, they keep tellingyou this concept.
You have to build your platform,you have to build your platform.
You need, you know, hundreds ofmillions of this and that.
And someone like me is like,well, what does that even mean?
Build a platform.
So I put it out there, right?
I tell everybody, hey, I'mbuilding a platform.
Like, if you can help me, wouldyou help me?
Like, I need to know.
So they're like, Well, then yougotta get on social media.
So when my kids were growing up,I'll be honest, I was never like
(12:56):
100% anti the Facebook movement.
I'm not posting touchdowns andcheerleading, like none of it.
Because I always felt like itwas just so to me, it was so
cringy.
Like, that's just not who I am.
I would send a group chat to myfamily, like, oh, look at what
we did this weekend.
But I'm not putting it outthere, I'm not judging the
people that do.
It is just not my value system.
(13:17):
So when everybody says you haveto go on social media and you
have to come in hot, it's like,wait, oh my God, I do like I
can't do that, I can't do that.
And then one day I justremember, I was like, you know
what?
Like, I think it was Gary V thatI listened to.
He's kind of a like wild, right?
But he said, and it just hit meif you're not using social media
to grow your audience, you're anidiot.
(13:38):
And I was on my treadmill andI'm like, you know what?
I'm an idiot.
I have to stop being againstthis social media movement.
I am gonna use this to grow myplatform, and that's what I've
been doing.
And I post every day.
And sometimes I love my posts,and sometimes I, if I don't feel
it, then I don't post that day.
But like again, if I worriedthat people are like, oh, look
at Randy, look at her, she'sposting again.
(14:01):
I mean, don't follow me.
Don't, you know, mute me.
Do what you gotta do.
Because this is for an audienceof people.
I am so passionate about mycause, which is getting parents
to take a step back and to likestop living their kids' lives
for them.
That I'm gonna go out thereevery day with a message.
And if you want to listen to it,please come and listen.
And if you don't like it, don'tlisten.
(14:21):
But you can't listen to thevoices that are telling you that
everyone's gonna be talkingabout you.
Once again, you have to justtune that out.
SPEAKER_00 (14:28):
Yes.
Oh my gosh.
Yeah.
I think the older I get, theless and less I care what other
people think.
Like it's kind of amazing.
Like, I think when I wasyounger, I was like so concerned
with like, how do I look or howis this perceived?
And then you're absolutely rightbecause it's like you're
speaking to a very specificperson, and that's the person
you're calling in.
And so if somebody wants to, youknow, not be part of that
(14:50):
conversation, that's okay,right?
They're gonna go find the otherperson that they need to hear
from.
And so tell us more about thework that you're doing, though,
with parents, especially andliving their own lives.
Because I think a lot of thepeople listening to this show
have poured a lot into theircareers, into their families.
And sometimes we wake up, youknow, midlife and we're like,
What am I doing?
Like, and like you said, thequestion that your husband has,
(15:11):
like, what do you think?
Why don't you do something forfun?
And you're like, I don't, whatdo I like?
What is this fun that you speakof?
Is that tied to the work thatyou do?
What is this fun that you speakof?
And that is a great question.
SPEAKER_01 (15:22):
Well, you know, it's so it's like I talked about when
you're a parent and you're like,I'm just gonna take a year off
and it just keeps growing.
Because I think, you know, whenyou listen to people say, I love
this so much, like you have tolive in the present.
You have to live in the present.
And you just kind of want toknock their teeth out.
What do you mean live in thepresent?
I'm here right now, or am I?
I'm present.
I'm present.
But it's like, no, we're notpresent.
(15:44):
Because a lot of times, see,when you're a life coach, it
really teaches you, really,really teaches you to be
present.
Because when you're talking tosomebody, and everybody I work
with is all over the country,right?
So it's over Zoom.
So if I'm talking to a younggirl or her mom, but my mind is
on my grocery list or my soncoming home or my daughter or
(16:04):
anything else, I miss whatthey're saying.
And I know that they can feelthat I am missing it because
it's like you can just see.
So you can be present, likepresent, but you're not really
present.
And so I think that if we as aculture in general learned how
to really, really be present inwhat we were doing, we would
(16:26):
take that time and understandthat 15 minutes with our kids is
better than an hour with ourkids where we're on our phone
the whole time and we're both onour phones, and then maybe we
get five minutes of actualtalking time.
So it's like being reallypresent in your life because it
listen, it happened to me.
So everything I'm talking aboutright now was my entire life
with my two kids.
(16:46):
It's like you go from gettingthem out of bed to getting them
to, you know, they're off toschool, then getting them their
sports stuff, and then as theyget older, traveling all summer
to tournaments and going tochair competition, your life is
a constant checklist.
And what we do is we follow thatchecklist because we have
coaches in our ears telling us,you can't miss this tournament,
you can't miss this chaircompetition, you can't miss
(17:07):
this, or you're not gonna getinto the college you want.
And we never stop as a familyever to just A, have family
dinners together once a week andB just ask each other and then
listen to each other to say,what do we want?
And I think it is such animportant part of our family
unit to like take our livesback, even if it's one dinner a
(17:28):
week.
I'm a big fan of a small win,and a small win adds to another
small win, and they all add up,and then you start to feel the
big wins.
So I'm not saying a goal of likeset three family dinners a week,
but like if you can even just doone, you would not believe how
much that will bring youtogether.
And then you might learn, wow,my kid really is good at this,
but they don't really love it tothe point where they want to do
(17:50):
it in college, or you know, thiskid is really having trouble
with someone at school, and butthey want to handle it, they
don't want me to handle it, butwe don't do that because as I as
I always say, what we do is welisten to fix, we just never
listen to listen, and because wehave so much invested in the
outcome.
So I think it's just veryimportant that we get present
with our families, we getpresent with ourselves, and then
(18:13):
we'll be able to listen.
Even with our own selves, we'llbe able to listen.
And that's how it happens, butit's by slowing down.
SPEAKER_00 (18:20):
Yes.
Oh my goodness.
Well, and it's so funny becauseas you say slowing down, I know
there are people listening whoare like, oh God, Brandy, I'm
allergic to that.
Right.
Because I think many of us,myself included, were raised to
believe that our productivityequals our worth.
And it's taken me so long todeprogram that, to be able to
sit in my home and read one ofmy romantic fantasy books and
see like an unfolded pile oflaundry or dirty dishes and to
(18:44):
be like, you know what?
That can wait.
I can read for 30 minutes andjust enjoy this time and be
present with this book and withmyself and do something that I
find to be fun.
Do you find that in yourpractice as well, that whole
idea of productivity?
SPEAKER_01 (18:56):
Oh, I absolutely, I mean, that I was wired that way.
I am wired.
I mean, my whole life growingup, my dad's saying was time is
your enemy.
Time is your enemy.
So I, you know, being wired theway I am and getting wanting to
do as much as I do, I slept forlike maybe four hours a night.
I never slept, I was constantlygoing.
But it's like you're likerunning in circles, getting
nothing done.
And when you learn that if youreally slow down and like, let's
(19:20):
just keep using the example of15 minutes in an hour, if you
get a lot done in that 15minutes, you don't need the
whole hour because you're nottaking a task and then answering
a phone call and then looking atan email, and then like you
don't get sidetracked.
You say, I'm gonna dedicate thismuch time to this activity.
Trust me, I understand the noslowing down because it's the
(19:42):
story of my life.
Like, my husband is a greatexample.
He's a guy that like he'll putsomething in the oven and he'll
wait for the oven to get hot for15 minutes and then he'll put it
in for another 20 minutes towarm up.
Whereas I'm like, listen, justthrow it in the mic away for
three minutes and then we caneat it.
And he's like, You can't liveyour life like that.
You know what I'm saying?
I am the queen of that.
But when it comes to happiness,especially with moms and
(20:04):
daughters, and that's basicallymy clientele.
So I'm not excluding dads andsons, but I generally get a call
from a mom and I work with thedaughter.
And you know, what I see is avery big communication gap
between moms and daughters.
And it's because nobody's takingthe time to really understand
what is going on.
And so it's very fulfilling,obviously, when you're able to
(20:27):
help them see it.
Like I don't tell them what'sgoing on, but when you're able
to help them fill that gap, it'sit's very rewarding feeling.
SPEAKER_00 (20:34):
That's so beautiful.
I mean, what a gift, right?
To be able to help familiescommunicate and to hold space
for each other.
You know, as you were talkingabout how we we listen to fix,
it reminded me of this thing myhusband and I learned a long
time ago.
And it's it was the example ishe was having a hard time at
work.
This was probably like 10 yearsago, and he was talking to me
about it, and I was justoffering solutions.
(20:55):
And he was just like, you know,babe, I really just need you to
listen.
And I was like, oh, oh, becauseI'm a fixer.
And then I finally, I think Iheard a podcast and it was like,
you can you can hold space andyou can listen or you can offer
solutions.
And so now we ask each other,we'll be like, I know you had a
tough day.
Do you want support or do youwant solutions?
(21:16):
Right.
And it's so helpful to be like,How can I support you?
Right?
Do you need me to hold space foryou or do you need me to help
you like problem solve?
SPEAKER_01 (21:22):
Well, I think that's the best thing that you can say.
And that is what you just saidis exactly, and again, when I
say this, trust me, it did nothappen in my house.
I would get in the sameargument, let's just say with my
son or my daughter over andover, and they would say, Stop
interrupting me, let me finish.
And as a mom, you're like, but Iknow how this is gonna end.
I know the conversation becausewe've had it 10 times, I know
(21:43):
how it's gonna end.
And if you just did what I said,it would get done, it would get
done better and faster and blah,blah, blah.
But like we just, it's so hardfor us.
I know it's so hard for us, butwe have to just listen.
And when you do that, actually,it really disarms them because
all of a sudden they're talkingand they're waiting to be
interrupted, and you're notinterrupting, and then they're
(22:03):
waiting for you to come in hot,like with the solution, and
you're not.
And then they're just like, oh,and then the more you look at
them, the more they talk.
The quieter you are, the morethat they talk.
And it's like it's a techniquethat a lot of people use, right?
If you want someone to keeptalking, you just you just zip
it.
And so all of a sudden you do itonce and you're like, what just
(22:24):
happened?
Like, what was that voodoomagic?
You know what I mean?
You can't even believe it.
And you start to see this.
Now your kids are six and seven,so you're not really there yet,
but you start to see this shiftin the relationship when they
feel like they're being heardbecause they've been able to
complete their thought, and thenyou can ask them, do you want a
solution or do you just want meto listen?
(22:45):
And I'm telling you, and I'mtelling anybody, that is at with
with partners, with parents andkids, that is something that is
so small, but so big.
It's it's incredible.
SPEAKER_00 (22:57):
I love that.
So I have a question, Randy, aslike the type of coach that you
are.
So my husband and I do thisthing with our kids where once a
month, so we two, we'll take,like, I'll take Dexter and he'll
take Conrad.
And then the next month weswitch and we go on a one-on-one
date with the with our kid, andthey get to choose it.
We call it like a yes night,like they get to choose where we
go.
So if they're like, I want to goto McDonald's, you're like,
(23:18):
Okay, yes, even though I don'twant to eat McDonald's, but
that's what he wants.
Or for it most of the time, it'sthe buffet down the road because
they have an epic arcade.
So we end up going there.
And so we let them choose wherewe go.
And we like there's no techallowed, and we just talk to
them and we'll even ask themquestions like, Hey, is there
anything that I do that youdon't like?
(23:38):
And one time one of our kids waslike, Oh, um, I really like when
we have tickle fights, but Idon't like when they when I'm
surprised by a tickle fight.
I want to know like it'sstarting.
And that was huge for us becausewe're like, Oh, I didn't know
that you didn't like that,right?
Like you enjoy it, but you needto know that we're going to do
it, right?
And so is that something thatwould be it will be supportive
(23:59):
for them in the future too?
Do you think like to continue asthey get older and older, not
just when they're little and youknow, we're still their best
friends?
SPEAKER_01 (24:06):
Like, I love everything about what you just
said.
I don't want my brain to forgetanything, and I am in a puzzle,
so I might forget things.
The first thing I said is thatyou made it a tech free night
because the kid, you know, youcan't say to a kid today, well,
you can have no technology, butthe kids, especially even the
kids that come intoanthropology, the one-year-olds,
they stare at a screen theentire time and they are so
(24:28):
digitally focused, they do notknow how to interact with the
world around them.
So I love, first of all, thatyou have a complete tech free
night and that you make it likea night of yes.
And the fact that you're askingthem those questions is so
important because another thingthat I see, and there's a
listen, again, as the kids getolder, you you will hear about
this.
There's a lot of estrangement infamilies because parents parent
(24:50):
from fear sometimes, a lot oftimes, and they parent from
their ego.
So they will not say, I'm sorry.
And, you know, it's like theseyounger kids will build up this
resentment because listen, as Isay all the time, we make
mistakes all the time asparents, and we don't know we're
doing it, and we're just tryingto do our best, even when we
interfere in their lives, andeven when we helicopter, we're
(25:12):
only trying our best.
And we need somebody to tell us,okay, you need to put on the
brakes, like you need to stopand you need to take a step
back.
So the fact that you not onlyare having the date night, which
I love, the night of yes, whichI love, and the tech free, which
I love, you're asking them forfeedback on because that is so
important that they get to be apart of, like, I do, I love
(25:32):
this, but I don't love that.
It tells me that you're notparenting with ego at all.
And then if they tell yousomething, you're not like, what
is your problem?
I mean, the whole point of thetickle fight is like to take you
by surprise.
Because the like, what what whatworld am I in right now?
You know, they need, I'm nottalking about gentle parenting
and all that either.
I'm talking about respectingpeople's boundaries, and I think
(25:53):
it's really important becausetoday, like, nobody knows how to
just say, I'm sorry.
I screwed up, I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_00 (25:59):
It's so easy.
I know it's so true.
It's so funny because I feellike I apologize to my kids all
the time.
Like the other day, like myperiod was starting and I was
really crabby and I knew I wascrabby and I could hear myself
being crabby and I stillcouldn't stop it.
And then afterwards, I'd belike, Hey, buddy, I'm really
sorry.
Like my period just started.
Like, I'm I was just, I wascrabby and it was my fault and
(26:22):
I'm sorry.
And he was just like, it's okay,mommy, you know, and you're just
like, great, like, you know, butit but it's it's so helpful to
I've I have found it helpful toestablish those routines now
because I imagine as they getolder, the things that I'm going
to do that I'm like, oh, I needto apologize for that are gonna
be very different, right?
As they, you know, continue togrow and change and become these
(26:43):
incredible humans that willprobably also know how to press
my buttons.
And so I love that you're herehelping us, like not only with
you know, someone like me whohave little kids, but also
helping as they're gettingolder, right?
And and the time with them inyour home is probably shorter,
you know, if you're working withpeople who are in high school or
in college.
SPEAKER_01 (26:59):
What is it?
It goes fast, it goes so fast Ican't even tell you.
So they're in high school andthat feels like a fast four
years.
But then let me just tell you,they get to college.
You remember everything aboutdrop-off.
I mean, everyone's a mess.
You're just a puddle.
I mean, life as you knew it istotally different.
The dynamic is different.
You've been crying all summer onand off.
You drop them off, and youcannot believe it.
(27:22):
Like me a couple months ago,you're at the graduation, and
you're like, no way were youjust there for four years.
It when I tell you it goes fast,it goes faster than anything you
can imagine.
So yeah, you really want to makethe most of those years when
they're in high school, andthose are beyond tough years.
I mean, some days you're justcounting the minutes until they
get to college.
You're like, please send them tocollege.
(27:43):
I can't take this anymore.
But when you figure out, whenyou really dial in to the
relationship and to thelistening part, it's not gonna
be that way.
SPEAKER_00 (27:52):
Yeah.
Oh, so beautiful, Randy.
So, what is something like ifsomebody's listening and they
haven't worked with you yet andthey're really curious to like
learn more?
They're like, oh, I feel seen byRandy, maybe even a little
called out.
They're like, oh yeah, that'sme.
Um, what is just like a word ofencouragement you would want to
give them?
If they're feeling like nervous,they're like, gosh, I feel like
I've already screwed up so much,or like, I don't even know where
(28:13):
to begin.
What would be something that youwould tell them to like help
them kind of get going?
SPEAKER_01 (28:17):
Oh, I would, I just love this.
I would, it's so let me tellyou, it's like a light switch.
Okay.
You can make this change sofast.
It's not even like I'm talkingabout something.
So I'll give you a very specificexample.
I used to, when I would go anduh spend time with said family
member, I won't say who becauseI always get in trouble when
talking about my kids, but myhusband and I talk a lot on the
(28:38):
phone, I guess.
And I would always get introuble for this.
Like, this is all you do is talkon the phone.
Every both of my kids say thisto me.
And I'm like, that's not true,that's not true.
But then one day I realized, youknow what?
Like they maybe just want tospend time with me.
So all of a sudden, overnight,you you're like, you know, I'm
not taking that phone call.
We'll talk when I see themlater, whatever.
(28:59):
Like instantaneously, you seethis like, like you could just
feel the tension when I'm aboutto take that call to like it
just dissipates, and you havethis incredible time, and you're
like, all because of one cluethat I picked up on.
And it is never too late tochange the relationship with
your kids ever.
And it can happen with littleitty bitty tiny tweaks, but you
(29:21):
have to dial in to each kiddifferently because no two kids
are the same.
And so what works for one mightnot work for the other one.
Like your two, your two kids,they could be the same or they
could be completely different.
So it doesn't mean, you knowwhat I mean?
One might not care at all aboutspending time with you.
They're just like, I love itwhen mom gets me gifts.
The other one might love it whenthey spend time with you or
whatever it is, acts of service,taking them to their sports.
(29:44):
So it is not only not too late,but if you change you when you
see the way that they acceptlove, it's an immediate change
and shift in the relationship.
SPEAKER_00 (29:54):
That's so beautiful.
And that's such a greatreminder, too.
Like, my boys are 18 monthsapart.
It took us a long time to getpregnant with my first.
So for a second we're like, oh,we better like get started.
And then it was likeimmediately, I'm like, oh, I
guess they're gonna be reallyclose together.
But they couldn't be moredifferent.
Like they're they're similar insome ways, but like one is like
in his head and he isn't likeridiculously bright.
(30:15):
And one is like so heart focusedand centered and so sensitive
and like really picks up on howother people are feeling and is
inquisitive about everybody andeverything.
And it's and it's so cool tosee, but you're absolutely
right.
Like the way that I the time Ispend with them is so the way I
go about it is so different,right?
And what what like encouragementyou give to a parent who's like,
(30:37):
ah, yes, my children are sodifferent, and I can't figure
out one, let alone both of them.
What would you like tell thatperson?
SPEAKER_01 (30:44):
Well, I'll tell you, it's interesting.
I learned this a couple of yearsago and it really helped me.
So I love sharing this.
But there's a doctor, GaryChapman, who wrote a book called
The Five Love Languages, and hehas a test, a free test you can
take online.
Now, my kids, my whole familythink that I'm batshit.
So nobody would take that testwith me.
But when I looked at the testand I took it, I was able to
(31:05):
identify my two kids and theirpersonalities in that test.
So when I looked at the test, Iwas like, okay, this one has
this love language, this one hasthis love language, and I am
going to tweak my parenting totheir parenting styles.
And when I tell you that itworks, it's, you know, he
doesn't tell you how to dealwith it.
But when you figure out whichkid kind of ticks when they get
(31:27):
something that like really fillstheir cup, that'll help the
relationship so much.
I really highly recommend takingit.
And it's like a free 10-minutelittle test you can take online.
It's very helpful.
SPEAKER_00 (31:38):
I love that.
I think I actually have thatbook somewhere on my book behind
me because we were gifted ityears and years ago, like when
we first got married, andsomebody wrote it to it, and
they were like, This bookchanged everything for us.
And we're like, oh well, webetter do this like from the
get-go.
SPEAKER_01 (31:50):
Well, people think, okay, so the so he wrote it for
relationships because he was arelationship coach or doctor.
And he said that, and hebasically said the same thing um
that I said about the Guy Razpodcast.
Like, everybody comes in and heboiled it down to the same five
problems.
So that's how he so he just waslike, you know what?
I'm gonna stop giving the sameadvice and I'm just gonna write
a book.
But the book is not just about arelationship with you and your
(32:12):
partner, it's love language ingeneral.
So it applies to your kids andyour extended family.
You just start to look at peopleand be like, oh my gosh, you
know, I realized when I did X,Y, and Z for them, like they
were so over the moon.
When I brought them somegroceries, they must really love
acts of service, you know?
And when you realize that,you're just able to be a little
(32:34):
bit better when you're aroundthat person because you can
figure out what makes them tick.
SPEAKER_00 (32:39):
I love that so much.
Well, and speaking of like booksand boiling it down and stuff, I
would love to hear about thebook that you're writing.
I actually just wrote my firstbook.
I'm publishing it this fall.
And so I feel you when you'relike, oh my gosh, this is like
so exciting to bring into theworld.
But also, like, at least for me,I was I I didn't with building a
platform, I was like, Oh, I Ididn't realize that writing the
book was actually the easiestpart to anybody.
(33:02):
It's the publishing and sharingit with the world.
That's not the the most uh timeconsuming and energy consuming
thing.
But I would love to hear like,what are you writing about?
Like, what are you sharing withthe world?
Like, because I know everybodylistening is like, I need more
Randy in my life.
So like sign us all up to getyour book when it comes out.
SPEAKER_01 (33:18):
Oh, for sure.
Well, the first thing is all mysocial media I'm on is TikTok
and Instagram at Brandy CrawfordCoaching.
And I say that because the bookI wrote, so it's gonna sound
funny.
It's called Pickleball ParentingPlaybook.
And I use pickleball because Ipicked up pickleball a couple
years ago.
I am very athletic and I got onthat pickleball court and I am
humbled by people twice my age,and they continue, continue to
(33:41):
kick my butt out there.
But I started when I startedplaying pickleball, it just I
had this like aha moment on thecourt one day.
Everything I am learning,everything I am learning on the
court correlates to being aparent and how I want to help
parents take a step back.
That's why I'm calling it theparenting playbook because I use
all these pickleballterminologies, right?
(34:02):
Like dinking, the art of havingpatience, you know, and
poaching.
Like don't poach your kid shots.
And so it's just sort of a veryfunny, self-deprecating,
humorous book about how bad I amat pickleball, but how each one
of these things translates intohelping your kid be more gritty
and be more resilient andunderstand that they can get
through life with failures, withgrace, with you know, all these
(34:24):
things are gonna happen to them.
They're gonna be on losingteams.
They're good, you know.
Just the other day, it's reallyfunny.
I was playing with this group ofgals that I've been playing with
for two years now, and they'reall really good.
They're all better than me.
But I started to make a lot ofimprovements to the point where
I was winning some games.
So the other day we played, sofunny, and I mean I got smoked
my last two games.
(34:45):
And I'm like, what is going on?
I am so mad right now.
And then I was like, this iswhat's happening, ladies.
While I'm getting better, you'regetting better, and now I'm at
the bottom of the pack again,you know?
And I just have to laugh it offbecause it's like you get so
frustrated, but you it's justyou could play your best.
You could play lights out andstill lose.
And we need our kids tounderstand that's gonna happen.
(35:05):
So if you really want to be thatgood and you want to get to
school and play with a D1scholarship or all the things,
how badly do you want it versushow badly does mommy and daddy
want it?
You know?
And so that's what gave me theidea to translate it into
calling it the pickleballparenting playbook.
Also because I think pickleballas an idea and a concept is so
fabulous because it just bringspeople together.
(35:27):
I love everything about it.
SPEAKER_00 (35:28):
Oh, I love that so much.
I think that's so relatable,right?
Because it's bringing, I I lovebooks that are story, like
filled with story.
So I love that you're puttingyourself and your pickleball
experience into it.
And there's nothing better thangetting to have like a good
chuckle while you're alsolearning about something that's
like is can be serious, right?
It's like, you know, ourparenting and we don't want to
mess it up and all this.
And so to be able to learn fromsomebody who can teach in a way
(35:50):
that you do.
I mean, I'm already like, oh, Ican't wait to read this book.
Like, I love that so much.
That's amazing.
Oh, it's so funny.
SPEAKER_01 (35:57):
It's you know, it's funny because I'm so excited
about the book too.
Because, you know, again, yourkids are so young, but I mean,
our teens and tweens and teensand college kids, they are in
crisis today.
I mean, their anxiety is throughthe roof, their mental health is
through the roof, their bodyimage issues, their suicide
rates, suicidal ideation.
I mean, it's really, reallyreal.
(36:19):
And it's because they just haveno tools right now for coping
and they have all this socialmedia coming at them.
And so I don't want to preach toparents ever because I'm not the
person saying I know everything,I don't know everything.
But after working with all thesefamilies and giving talks to all
these moms and daughters, it'sreally evident to me how much
more we could be doing at hometo help our kids to grow by by
(36:41):
stepping back a little bit moreand letting them deal with
adversity along the way versuswe take care of everything, send
them off to college, and nowthey're like, now what?
Like, I don't want to talk topeople.
I don't have what do I do?
I can't make friends.
What do I do?
I didn't get in a I mean,they're just not equipped.
SPEAKER_00 (36:57):
Yeah.
Oh no, you're so true.
I mean, it's like it's such acrisis.
And I love that you're helping.
It feels I I heard this analogyonce and I can't remember where
I heard it, but it was talkingabout like if there is a crisis
and you imagine that it's like ariver flowing, and this person
was like, I feel like I'm at thebottom of the river and I'm just
pulling people out of the water.
And they're like, How do I getto the top of the river and
prevent this from happening inthe first place?
(37:18):
So I love that you're helping,you know, reactively in terms of
coaching people in the moment,but then also proactively in
that like you're writing thisbook and people can read it and
it can help to have this likeripple effect in the world of,
you know, how can we help thenext generation be less anxious
or be more present, like youwere saying, or find joy, or,
you know, even just learn thoseskills of like, okay, how do we
(37:39):
get off of the tech and learnhow to interact with people,
right?
I'm constantly telling my poorkids every time we eat out, I'm
like, you have to make eyecontact when you order your
drink.
SPEAKER_01 (37:48):
And they're like, oh god.
That's amazing that you do that.
Because our kids, these kidstoday, I mean, when I see a
little one-year-old come in andthey're literally like this on
the iPad, and there's like dogsand puppies and all sorts of
stuff around them, and theydon't even, they don't even
engage, they don't look up.
That that's terrifying to me.
SPEAKER_00 (38:05):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Because the world is happeningaround us.
And while technically, you know,technology, not technically
technology, words are so hard.
I don't know how I have apodcast.
Technology is amazing.
You know, you and I can talkfrom different coasts of our
country, you know, thousands ofmiles apart, but it can also be
isolating, right?
Especially when we're on theseindividual tablets and screens.
And oh my gosh, no, I can't waitto read your book.
(38:26):
I love like, I'm a voraciousreader, so I'm like adding this
to my mental TB really.
SPEAKER_01 (38:31):
I love reading, I love it so much.
SPEAKER_00 (38:32):
It's so good.
Well, Randy, as we wrap up thisconversation, because I could
literally talk to you forever,your energy is so infectious.
And I have to tell you on apersonal note, I have a sister
who, when she was little, Imean, she's she does not have an
inside voice either.
And once I went once I when shewas little, I remember we were
like, Can you use your insidevoice?
And her response was, and you'lllove this.
She goes, This is my insidevoice.
(38:54):
And I was like, Oh, okay, that'sjust how you're wired.
So I love that about you.
It endeared me to youimmediately.
But as we wrap up thisconversation, what is just like
one thing that you've learned inyour life that you wish you
could tell yourself from 20years ago that you're like, man,
if I could just reach back andjust reach a handout to like
past me and tell her this littlenugget, it would have had such
(39:18):
an impact.
Does something come to mind foryou?
SPEAKER_01 (39:21):
I mean, I guess what I would think of is just that
you can build confidence thatit's not like you're born with
it or not born with it.
And so you could be a shy kid,or it doesn't matter who you
are, you can build thatconfidence.
But the only way you are evergonna build confidence, whether
you're six and seven, sixteen,twenty-seven, or sixty-seven, is
(39:42):
by just taking action and doingsomething.
And then the little wins add up.
So it doesn't, we don't have tomeasure everything that has to
be so grandiose.
Just do little things that justand then you'll feel this.
Like I did that.
And uh God, it just it justmakes you feel like a million
bucks.
SPEAKER_00 (39:58):
Yeah, absolutely.
Um, action creates clarity islike one of my favorite sayings,
and it's so true because it'slike we can get stuck in our
heads and make the big to-dolists and stuff, but until you
actually do it, yeah, until youget into action, nothing
actually changes.
I like that.
Action creates clarity.
Clarity, yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (40:13):
Yeah, I've not heard that.
I like that.
SPEAKER_00 (40:14):
Yeah, yeah.
I have to remind myself of thatall the time when I'm like, I'm
a little scared to try thisthing, and I'm like, action
creates clarity.
Even if the clarity is like thisisn't for me, at least now I
know it.
Even if I'm clear, that was abad choice.
But yeah, even when I started mypodcast, I was like, okay, I'm
gonna do 10 episodes, and if Iroyally suck, I am giving myself
permission to stop, right?
(40:35):
And now we're 370-somethingepisodes in, right?
And so, but sometimes you justhave to tell yourself, like,
it's okay to try something new.
You get into action, and maybeyou find out you love it, like
pickleball, or maybe you try itand you're like, no, this isn't
for me.
But you you're never gonna knowuntil you get into action.
SPEAKER_01 (40:49):
Well, and then to add one more sentence to that, I
think the next question youwould ask is, what's the worst
thing that can happen?
SPEAKER_00 (40:54):
Yeah, right.
SPEAKER_01 (40:55):
Like with your podcast, what's the worst thing
that can happen with mypickleball?
You know, really, what is theworst thing?
And if it's something that'sdangerous, that's a whole other
subject.
And if it's not, like trying towork in anthropology, what was
the worst thing that couldhappen?
SPEAKER_00 (41:07):
You know, really nothing.
Yeah, like you know, you go andyou're like, actually, this is
not for me, and that's okay,right?
Or like, you know, I published10 episodes of a podcast back in
2020, and I'm like, yeah, thatwas a good experiment, but on to
the next thing, right?
But you you don't know until youtry, right?
And yep, so now you like I havea tattoo that says do it scared.
And like, I feel like everythingI've done that I'm like proud of
(41:30):
or excited about, like, I wasalways scared to start.
Like, I used to sweat through myt-shirt when I was recording
solo episodes because I waslike, I'm so nervous, right?
And now I'm like, oh no, like Ilove recording, right?
But you have to like repetition,right?
You gotta keep putting yourselfout there.
You do, you definitely do.
Well, you're amazing at it, soyou're very nervous.
Well, thank you.
Thank you.
You're amazing at what you do.
(41:50):
And speaking of that, Randy, soremind us again, where can
everybody find you on Instagram,on TikTok?
Um, and how can folks get intouch with you if they're
listening to you right now andthey're like, holy smokes, Randy
is speaking to me and I need towork with her with my child.
SPEAKER_01 (42:03):
So I have a website and it's just Randy Crawford
Coaching, Randy with an I,randycrawford coaching.com.
So yeah, they can find me on mywebsite and then just book and
free session to start and let'sgo.
Amazing.
SPEAKER_00 (42:14):
And friends, we're gonna put, yes, you guys can't
see Randy right now, but she'sgot a hat on.
It says let's go.
And immediately as soon as youhopped on the call, I was like,
this is gonna be so much fun.
Like she's wearing a let's gohat.
Like, let's do this.
And friends, we're gonna putlinks to everything in the
episode notes too.
So if you're driving right nowand you're like, what was that?
Just scroll down in the episode.
We got you.
Um, get connected with Randy,support her, be part of her
(42:34):
community, and then get the bookwhen it comes out.
So, do you have how are youlike, where are you at in the
manuscript?
How's it going?
SPEAKER_01 (42:40):
It's going really well.
We're far, far along in themanuscript and um in search,
have the editor in search of theagent right now so we can get a
nice big publisher.
That's where we're at.
SPEAKER_00 (42:49):
Amazing.
That's awesome.
Well, Brandy, keep me posted.
When you put together a launchteam, let me know.
I would love to be part of itand share you with my community
and your book and the work thatyou're doing.
And thank you so much for justbeing who you are, for bringing
the energy that you do to theworld and just for your time
today.
This has been absolutelybeautiful.
SPEAKER_01 (43:04):
Thank you.
I loved every minute of it too.
I absolutely, this could nothave been more fun.
Thank you so much for having me.
SPEAKER_00 (43:11):
Thank you for tuning into the Owning Her Authority
podcast.
If today's episode resonatedwith you, here's how we can keep
that momentum going.
First, make sure you'resubscribed to the show so you
never miss an episode andcontinue to fuel your journey of
growth and expansion.
Next, share the inspiration.
Take a screenshot of the episodeand share it on your Instagram
stories.
(43:32):
Tagging me at Miss K House.
That's at M S K A T E H O U S E.
So we can get connected andinspire other women to own their
voice too.
And finally, if you're feelingextra generous, please leave a
five-star rating and review onApple Podcasts.
Your feedback helps us reacheven more women who are
ascending into their power.
(43:53):
And as my special thank you foryour time and your energy, I
would love to support you inmoving from overwhelmed to
empowered with my complimentaryOvercoming Overwhelm
masterclass.
During this 60-minutemasterclass, you'll learn
practical strategies formanaging stress, finding
clarity, and stepping into yourauthority.
Click on the link in the episodedescription below to access this
(44:13):
free training and start yourjourney today.
I'm so grateful to have you aspart of the Owning Her Authority
community.
Remember, it's time to rise,claim your future, and set the
world ablaze with your vision.
Let's do this together.
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