April 21, 2025 • 19 mins
Drawing the line between grief and mourning changes everything about how we navigate loss. Grief—the natural, uncontrollable emotional response—floods us with sadness, anger, anxiety, and even manifests as physical pain migrating through the body. Mourning, however, encompasses the actions we take: attending funerals, sharing memories, and creating space to express our pain.
When we covenant to "mourn with those that mourn," we're not promising to feel another's grief—an impossible task that belongs solely to the Savior. Instead, we commit to witness their pain without judgment or comparison. The greatest gift we can offer is our presence and the simple question, "Tell me about the person you lost," acknowledging that the bereaved are always aware of their loss—"a big man-sized hole" in every moment of daily life.
The journey through grief requires meeting eight fundamental needs: acknowledging the death, telling your story repeatedly, facing rather than avoiding the pain, remembering the deceased, developing a new identity, searching for meaning, building ongoing support systems, and being encouraged to mourn long after others have moved on. For those walking this path, seemingly strange comforts emerge—like my cemetery "stakeouts" with takeout food, creating a socially acceptable space to express grief that might seem inappropriate elsewhere. Whether you're grieving or supporting someone who is, understanding these distinctions creates space for authentic healing and connection on this difficult journey we never walk alone.
If you would like more grief support please see my website at Mamabearwendy.com for upcoming grief groups and 1:1 opportunities.
Although your experience and path will be unique, there is hope ahead in this path and you are not alone. I can see your pain and we will walk this road together. Here is a big bear hug from Mama Bear Wendy, your fierce support in the journey of grief, until next time.
If you enjoy this podcast please consider donating to help us keep going.
"Wendy has a beautiful way of sitting in the deep end of the ocean with you. Her presence alone is healing. She meets you where you’re at and doesn’t push you any further than where you want to go. She gently nudges you into new places with new perspectives. She is highly intuitive, sensitive and compassionate. She brings a depth to the table you rarely see. Her experiences have given her an extraordinary level of understanding and a safe place to walk to as she is a safe harbor fill of strength and integrity. She is raw and real and beautifully vulnerable and she is exceptional at conveying the words that are hard to find. She is a rare one." Christi D.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hello friends, this is the Parables of Grief podcast
and this is your host, MamaBear Wendy, I'm here to share
some love and light with you onyour journey through grief and
loss.
I hope, as our healing pathsconnect for the next few minutes
, we can walk together and findstrength for the road ahead.
One scientist suggests thatwhat the grieving need most is
to have others witness our painand help us not feel so alone.
(00:25):
I hope in our time together youwill find the companionship and
understanding that you need.
The intention of this podcastis to use parables of grief to
find the Savior and His promisedhealing in the daily and
commonplace, to see how we aretruly never alone and to find,
like the disciples on the roadto Emmaus, the Savior by our
side, even if we didn'trecognize him at first, because
(00:47):
he showed up in unexpected andcommon ways.
Also, there is much coming soonto help with your journey.
The Parables of Grief book willbe coming out by Christmas of
2025, and there areopportunities to join me in
online grief groups andone-on-one companion sessions.
Please check out my website atmomadbearwendycom for more
(01:07):
information.
Hello, my friends, this morningwe are going to have a podcast
about Mourn, with those thatMourn.
I realize that we've alreadydone that, but I found some new
information and I think thiswill be helpful to those who are
(01:30):
mourning and to those who wouldlike to support them.
So we're going to start outwith a quote from President
Camille Johnson, the GeneralRelief Society president, that
she gave in April of 2023General Conference.
She says so how does the Saviorrelieve us of the burdens of
(01:51):
living in a fallen world, withmortal bodies subject to grief
and pain?
Often, he performs that kind ofrelief through us, as covenant
members of His church.
We promise to mourn with thosethat mourn and comfort those
that stand in need of comfort.
Because we are come into thefold of God and are called His
(02:12):
people, we are willing to bearone another's burdens that they
may be light.
Our covenantal blessing is topartner with Jesus Christ in
providing relief, both temporaland spiritual, to all of God's
children.
We are a conduit through whichhe provides relief.
So today we're going to talkabout the difference between
(02:34):
grief and mourning, and thefirst part is what is grief?
Grief is a natural response toloss.
It is something that is anemotion that we neither control
nor choose.
It is something that is part ofthe loss of someone we love,
(02:58):
loss of plans, loss of dreamsand hopes.
Maybe all kinds of things cancreate this feeling of grief.
It's not linear or predictableand I think there's a lot of
messages about how there arefive stages of grief and then
you know we use those maybe tolabel the way that we're
(03:21):
behaving or others are behaving,and although those things can
be helpful in defining, maybe,what we're feeling or
experiencing, they are notlinear or predictable.
I had one friend who describedit as sometimes she can go
through all the stages in fiveminutes.
(03:42):
Sometimes she can be stuck inone stage.
One of the things that was verysurprising to me when my husband
died was the desirability ofdenial.
I found great comfort and peacein denying that he was dead and
I would choose to live indenial just because there was
(04:06):
peace and there was protectionthere.
So not linear or predictable.
There are behavioral changesthat come with grief.
Some of them are socialwithdrawal and avoidance.
Maybe you feel increasedirritability.
Certainly a lot of volatileemotions come with grief.
It affects your thoughts,feelings, behaviors and physical
(04:30):
health, and feelings of griefcan look like sadness, they can
look like anger, they can looklike anxiety and fear.
All kinds of feelings go withgrief Maybe apathy, maybe
feelings of despair.
The prophet, president Hinckley,described it as devastating.
(04:51):
Devastating was one of thewords that he used to describe
the pain of grief, this feelingof losing that person that you
loved so much, and you can havephysical changes.
That was a surprise to me.
I didn't realize how much mybody would carry the grief and I
would have pain in my knee, orthen it would move to my back
(05:15):
and then it would move to myshoulder, and it was random
where it would show up, but itwas not based on anything
physical.
I hadn't fallen, I didn't havebruising.
It was also very like I said itwould move, and that would make
me aware that it was anemotional pain, not a physical
pain.
(05:35):
So we've described grief.
Now we're going to talk aboutmourning.
In the quote she says this isfrom the Book of Mormon, where
one of our baptismal covenantsis to mourn with those that
mourn, and initially, before Ilost my husband, I thought that
mourn with those that mournmeant to grieve with them.
(05:57):
Defining that we're doing hereis to establish that we are not
asked to feel what other peopleare feeling.
Our job is not to come in andfeel with them their grief.
Our job is to mourn with them.
So what is mourning and how isit different than grieving?
(06:21):
So one description of mourningis the journey.
A lot of people will say youhave to process your grief, and
there's this idea in my mind ofprocessing being like in a
factory where they're makingbeans or they're making ice
cream or they're makingsomething, and processing is the
(06:51):
process of making it sellable,right?
So you get a can and you getsalt and you get water and you
get beans and you've processedthe beans to make them cooked
and digestible, and then you putthem in the can and you put the
lid on and you heat it up sothat it's safe, right?
So, in thinking about that, howdo we process grief, right?
(07:11):
What is the steps?
Perhaps which again brings usback to this whole idea of the
five stages and is that how youprocess grief?
But one of the things that thegrieving need is someone to
witness their pain, and so thismourning with those that mourn
means we come and we sit withthem.
(07:33):
We don't feel what they'refeeling, we don't understand
what they're feeling.
We are there just to make light, whatever presence we have and
share with them this ability tolisten.
(07:53):
Our job in mourning with thosethat mourn is not to process
them.
We are not there to make themmove through any kind of stages
or anything.
That's not our job.
Our job is to meet them wherethey are and bring light and
hope and presence, our presence.
(08:16):
So the journey of mourning isto help them adapt, help them to
feel less alone.
Mourning is actions.
Mourning is showing up for afuneral.
Mourning is helping someonetalk about their loved one and
(08:40):
listen to them.
These are actions you can take,like going to the cemetery.
There is a lot of peace for mein going to the cemetery and
talking to my husband Not that Ithink he's there, but it is a
place that I can feel closer tohim, feel less alone.
(09:03):
Mourning is a way others canhelp.
This is something you can do tobe with them.
Asking questions like tell meabout the person you lost is a
great way to give thempermission to mourn and a
reminder that their loved one isnot forgotten by you.
(09:25):
There is great comfort inknowing you're not the only one
that misses them.
You're not the only one thatthinks about them.
You're not the only one wholoved them.
What a comfort it is to feelthat support that shared missing
.
It can be a place for you toprocess your grief.
(09:47):
I feel like a lot of times thereis nowhere that I can grieve
without being embarrassed orfalling to pieces, especially at
first, and so having a time setaside, like going to the
cemetery, then I know that it'stime and we can let grief out.
(10:07):
Mourning can be a way toconnect to the people that love
you, and another way to mournfor those who are grieving is to
write letters or imagine whatyour spouse would say to you in
(10:28):
this time.
Even though you're separated,it's still possible to have
conversations with them and tofeel close to them.
So I hope that that was helpful.
I hope that you can see nowthat mourning is more of an
action.
I hope that you can see nowthat mourning is more of an
action.
It's something we do to expressour grief.
(10:49):
Grief is more of an emotion, andespecially for those who desire
to help and to mourn with thosethat mourn, as we covenant to
do.
You are not asked to come andfeel what the person is feeling.
You are asked to come andwitness with them, share with
them, be present with them andgive them space, hold space for
(11:16):
them to feel what they'refeeling, without judgment,
without comparison, withoutsaying I know exactly what you
feel, because this happened tome.
That's not helpful, that's verypainful, actually, because no
one knows what you feel exceptthe Savior.
And so making a space forsomeone to feel whatever it is
(11:39):
they're feeling, withoutjudgment, without comparison,
and just opening your heart tobe with them in that, in that
time, is such a gift.
There are eight needs thatgrievers have, eight needs for
their journey and their mourning.
One is to acknowledge and talkabout the death.
(12:02):
One is to tell their story, andmaybe over and over again.
Maybe you are sick of hearingit, but they need to tell it.
That's part of their processing.
These are the eight things thatreally benefit them in this
processing their grief.
They need to not avoid, becauseavoidance makes it increase,
(12:28):
makes the feelings, like I said,increase, makes the feelings,
like I said, go into their bodyand maybe show up in disease and
do all kinds of things.
So avoiding the pain, avoidingthe emotion, doesn't serve us,
but making time, making a placefor this pain and loss to be
felt fully, especially withsomeone who loves them, that
(12:50):
will sit with them and give themthat witness that they
desperately need, is a needRemembering the person who died
and, like I said, asking.
I know most people, especiallyme.
When I was initiallyexperienced this loss, I felt
like people avoided the topicbecause they were afraid I would
(13:13):
remember, which is just silly.
There's not a point in my daywhen I don't remember my husband
is gone.
When I make dinner and he's notthere to eat it, I remember,
and when I wake up in themorning and he's not beside me,
I remember.
So it's not like you can bringit up and suddenly they're going
to be so surprised.
(13:35):
Actually, there is relief inknowing that they have
permission to share and to besupported in their missing.
There is a need to develop a newself-identity and this may be
surprising to those who haven'tlost someone that was integral
to their lives.
(13:55):
But there is a lot of personalloss, especially in the loss of
a spouse.
You've lost your label as awife.
You've lost your best friendand partner and confidant.
All those things require a newdefinition of who you are.
You receive all kinds of weirdlabels, like widow and widower,
(14:21):
and things are shocking,especially like when you file
taxes and when you check yourchurch records and all kinds of
things where you're suddenlysingle.
One of the next needs is tosearch for meaning.
It is a surprise to me how muchI lost the desire and the
(14:46):
passion for life when my husbanddied.
It felt like there was nomeaning anymore, and I've talked
to a lot of widows and widowersand a lot of us felt that way
that the meaning and purpose andall the plans were gone, and so
(15:06):
we have to start over andrebuild and create something
that's never been before, whichis really hard when you've built
a life with someone and youhave all kinds of plans that are
now ruined.
It requires a lot of effort and, of course, at first there is
no space for that.
You're so and so overwhelmed,but as you heal, you start to
(15:34):
need this new meaning, newpurpose, and the next one is to
have ongoing support from othersand to make new friendships,
new connections, new places topeople that need you and love
you.
The last one is you need to beencouraged to mourn long after
the death and, like we've talkedabout, that is about feeling,
(15:59):
but it's also about actions.
Some actions that people takeare to go to cemeteries and
before my husband died I didn'treally understand that.
I thought that was morbid andweird.
But going to the cemetery hasbeen a great comfort to me.
My husband and I would dosomething fun.
We would go get takeout and sitin the car and visit and he
(16:23):
called it a stakeout, like wewere policemen in this
neighborhood, whatever, anyway.
So sometimes I'll go gettakeout and sit at the cemetery
and have a stakeout with himjust to be near him, recognizing
that he's not in the cemetery.
I realized that.
But the cemetery is a placewhere it's acceptable to cry.
(16:43):
It's a place where nobodywonders what might be the
problem or something.
As you know, if I'm in Costcoballing, then that is not
socially appropriate.
So then there's people thatwould be fearful of that.
But at the cemetery I amallowed and expected even to cry
(17:03):
and to mourn, and so there is aneed for those who wish to
mourn with those that mourn tobe able to be given permission
to do so and even encouraged.
It is a great blessing whensomeone asks me tell me about
your spouse, especially thosewho don't know him.
(17:25):
It is a great gift to me to beable to share what I loved about
him and some people might beafraid oh, does that mean that I
remind you that he's dead?
That's just silly.
We are always aware, hyperaware even, of his loss.
In every step of my life, everyday, there is a place where
(17:47):
he's desperately missing A bigman-sized hole in my waking up
and in my going to bed.
There's a big man-sized hole inmy waking up and in my going to
bed.
There's a big man-sized hole inevery meal that he's not there.
So it's not that you can remindme of this and it is a great
gift to be given permission toshare that missing, that loss.
(18:09):
This is our podcast for today.
I'm so grateful you've come andI hope this is helpful,
especially as you desire tofulfill your baptismal covenant
to mourn with those that mournand for those who are grieving.
I hope these two lists ofthings that are grieving and
mourning, and then also theneeds on your journey can be a
(18:29):
blessing to you.
Have a wonderful day, and alsothe needs on your journey can be
a blessing to you.
Have a wonderful day.
If you would like more griefsupport, please see my website
at mamabearwendycom for myupcoming five pillars of
resilience group and one-on-oneopportunities.
Although your experience andpath will be unique.
There is hope ahead in thispath and you are not alone.
I can see your pain and we willwalk this road together.
(18:51):
Let's take a deep breathtogether and here is a big bear
hug from Mama Bear Wendy.
Until next time, thank you.
Hello friends, this is the Parables of Grief podcast
and this is your host, MamaBear Wendy, I'm here to share
some love and light with you onyour journey through grief and
loss.
I hope, as our healing pathsconnect for the next few minutes
, we can walk together and findstrength for the road ahead.
One scientist suggests thatwhat the grieving need most is
to have others witness our painand help us not feel so alone.
(00:25):
I hope in our time together youwill find the companionship and
understanding that you need.
The intention of this podcastis to use parables of grief to
find the Savior and His promisedhealing in the daily and
commonplace, to see how we aretruly never alone and to find,
like the disciples on the roadto Emmaus, the Savior by our
side, even if we didn'trecognize him at first, because
(00:47):
he showed up in unexpected andcommon ways.
Also, there is much coming soonto help with your journey.
The Parables of Grief book willbe coming out by Christmas of
2025, and there areopportunities to join me in
online grief groups andone-on-one companion sessions.
Please check out my website atmomadbearwendycom for more
(01:07):
information.
Hello, my friends, this morningwe are going to have a podcast
about Mourn, with those thatMourn.
I realize that we've alreadydone that, but I found some new
information and I think thiswill be helpful to those who are
(01:30):
mourning and to those who wouldlike to support them.
So we're going to start outwith a quote from President
Camille Johnson, the GeneralRelief Society president, that
she gave in April of 2023General Conference.
She says so how does the Saviorrelieve us of the burdens of
(01:51):
living in a fallen world, withmortal bodies subject to grief
and pain?
Often, he performs that kind ofrelief through us, as covenant
members of His church.
We promise to mourn with thosethat mourn and comfort those
that stand in need of comfort.
Because we are come into thefold of God and are called His
(02:12):
people, we are willing to bearone another's burdens that they
may be light.
Our covenantal blessing is topartner with Jesus Christ in
providing relief, both temporaland spiritual, to all of God's
children.
We are a conduit through whichhe provides relief.
So today we're going to talkabout the difference between
(02:34):
grief and mourning, and thefirst part is what is grief?
Grief is a natural response toloss.
It is something that is anemotion that we neither control
nor choose.
It is something that is part ofthe loss of someone we love,
(02:58):
loss of plans, loss of dreamsand hopes.
Maybe all kinds of things cancreate this feeling of grief.
It's not linear or predictableand I think there's a lot of
messages about how there arefive stages of grief and then
you know we use those maybe tolabel the way that we're
(03:21):
behaving or others are behaving,and although those things can
be helpful in defining, maybe,what we're feeling or
experiencing, they are notlinear or predictable.
I had one friend who describedit as sometimes she can go
through all the stages in fiveminutes.
(03:42):
Sometimes she can be stuck inone stage.
One of the things that was verysurprising to me when my husband
died was the desirability ofdenial.
I found great comfort and peacein denying that he was dead and
I would choose to live indenial just because there was
(04:06):
peace and there was protectionthere.
So not linear or predictable.
There are behavioral changesthat come with grief.
Some of them are socialwithdrawal and avoidance.
Maybe you feel increasedirritability.
Certainly a lot of volatileemotions come with grief.
It affects your thoughts,feelings, behaviors and physical
(04:30):
health, and feelings of griefcan look like sadness, they can
look like anger, they can looklike anxiety and fear.
All kinds of feelings go withgrief Maybe apathy, maybe
feelings of despair.
The prophet, president Hinckley,described it as devastating.
(04:51):
Devastating was one of thewords that he used to describe
the pain of grief, this feelingof losing that person that you
loved so much, and you can havephysical changes.
That was a surprise to me.
I didn't realize how much mybody would carry the grief and I
would have pain in my knee, orthen it would move to my back
(05:15):
and then it would move to myshoulder, and it was random
where it would show up, but itwas not based on anything
physical.
I hadn't fallen, I didn't havebruising.
It was also very like I said itwould move, and that would make
me aware that it was anemotional pain, not a physical
pain.
(05:35):
So we've described grief.
Now we're going to talk aboutmourning.
In the quote she says this isfrom the Book of Mormon, where
one of our baptismal covenantsis to mourn with those that
mourn, and initially, before Ilost my husband, I thought that
mourn with those that mournmeant to grieve with them.
(05:57):
Defining that we're doing hereis to establish that we are not
asked to feel what other peopleare feeling.
Our job is not to come in andfeel with them their grief.
Our job is to mourn with them.
So what is mourning and how isit different than grieving?
(06:21):
So one description of mourningis the journey.
A lot of people will say youhave to process your grief, and
there's this idea in my mind ofprocessing being like in a
factory where they're makingbeans or they're making ice
cream or they're makingsomething, and processing is the
(06:51):
process of making it sellable,right?
So you get a can and you getsalt and you get water and you
get beans and you've processedthe beans to make them cooked
and digestible, and then you putthem in the can and you put the
lid on and you heat it up sothat it's safe, right?
So, in thinking about that, howdo we process grief, right?
(07:11):
What is the steps?
Perhaps which again brings usback to this whole idea of the
five stages and is that how youprocess grief?
But one of the things that thegrieving need is someone to
witness their pain, and so thismourning with those that mourn
means we come and we sit withthem.
(07:33):
We don't feel what they'refeeling, we don't understand
what they're feeling.
We are there just to make light, whatever presence we have and
share with them this ability tolisten.
(07:53):
Our job in mourning with thosethat mourn is not to process
them.
We are not there to make themmove through any kind of stages
or anything.
That's not our job.
Our job is to meet them wherethey are and bring light and
hope and presence, our presence.
(08:16):
So the journey of mourning isto help them adapt, help them to
feel less alone.
Mourning is actions.
Mourning is showing up for afuneral.
Mourning is helping someonetalk about their loved one and
(08:40):
listen to them.
These are actions you can take,like going to the cemetery.
There is a lot of peace for mein going to the cemetery and
talking to my husband Not that Ithink he's there, but it is a
place that I can feel closer tohim, feel less alone.
(09:03):
Mourning is a way others canhelp.
This is something you can do tobe with them.
Asking questions like tell meabout the person you lost is a
great way to give thempermission to mourn and a
reminder that their loved one isnot forgotten by you.
(09:25):
There is great comfort inknowing you're not the only one
that misses them.
You're not the only one thatthinks about them.
You're not the only one wholoved them.
What a comfort it is to feelthat support that shared missing
.
It can be a place for you toprocess your grief.
(09:47):
I feel like a lot of times thereis nowhere that I can grieve
without being embarrassed orfalling to pieces, especially at
first, and so having a time setaside, like going to the
cemetery, then I know that it'stime and we can let grief out.
(10:07):
Mourning can be a way toconnect to the people that love
you, and another way to mournfor those who are grieving is to
write letters or imagine whatyour spouse would say to you in
(10:28):
this time.
Even though you're separated,it's still possible to have
conversations with them and tofeel close to them.
So I hope that that was helpful.
I hope that you can see nowthat mourning is more of an
action.
I hope that you can see nowthat mourning is more of an
action.
It's something we do to expressour grief.
(10:49):
Grief is more of an emotion, andespecially for those who desire
to help and to mourn with thosethat mourn, as we covenant to
do.
You are not asked to come andfeel what the person is feeling.
You are asked to come andwitness with them, share with
them, be present with them andgive them space, hold space for
(11:16):
them to feel what they'refeeling, without judgment,
without comparison, withoutsaying I know exactly what you
feel, because this happened tome.
That's not helpful, that's verypainful, actually, because no
one knows what you feel exceptthe Savior.
And so making a space forsomeone to feel whatever it is
(11:39):
they're feeling, withoutjudgment, without comparison,
and just opening your heart tobe with them in that, in that
time, is such a gift.
There are eight needs thatgrievers have, eight needs for
their journey and their mourning.
One is to acknowledge and talkabout the death.
(12:02):
One is to tell their story, andmaybe over and over again.
Maybe you are sick of hearingit, but they need to tell it.
That's part of their processing.
These are the eight things thatreally benefit them in this
processing their grief.
They need to not avoid, becauseavoidance makes it increase,
(12:28):
makes the feelings, like I said,increase, makes the feelings,
like I said, go into their bodyand maybe show up in disease and
do all kinds of things.
So avoiding the pain, avoidingthe emotion, doesn't serve us,
but making time, making a placefor this pain and loss to be
felt fully, especially withsomeone who loves them, that
(12:50):
will sit with them and give themthat witness that they
desperately need, is a needRemembering the person who died
and, like I said, asking.
I know most people, especiallyme.
When I was initiallyexperienced this loss, I felt
like people avoided the topicbecause they were afraid I would
(13:13):
remember, which is just silly.
There's not a point in my daywhen I don't remember my husband
is gone.
When I make dinner and he's notthere to eat it, I remember,
and when I wake up in themorning and he's not beside me,
I remember.
So it's not like you can bringit up and suddenly they're going
to be so surprised.
(13:35):
Actually, there is relief inknowing that they have
permission to share and to besupported in their missing.
There is a need to develop a newself-identity and this may be
surprising to those who haven'tlost someone that was integral
to their lives.
(13:55):
But there is a lot of personalloss, especially in the loss of
a spouse.
You've lost your label as awife.
You've lost your best friendand partner and confidant.
All those things require a newdefinition of who you are.
You receive all kinds of weirdlabels, like widow and widower,
(14:21):
and things are shocking,especially like when you file
taxes and when you check yourchurch records and all kinds of
things where you're suddenlysingle.
One of the next needs is tosearch for meaning.
It is a surprise to me how muchI lost the desire and the
(14:46):
passion for life when my husbanddied.
It felt like there was nomeaning anymore, and I've talked
to a lot of widows and widowersand a lot of us felt that way
that the meaning and purpose andall the plans were gone, and so
(15:06):
we have to start over andrebuild and create something
that's never been before, whichis really hard when you've built
a life with someone and youhave all kinds of plans that are
now ruined.
It requires a lot of effort and, of course, at first there is
no space for that.
You're so and so overwhelmed,but as you heal, you start to
(15:34):
need this new meaning, newpurpose, and the next one is to
have ongoing support from othersand to make new friendships,
new connections, new places topeople that need you and love
you.
The last one is you need to beencouraged to mourn long after
the death and, like we've talkedabout, that is about feeling,
(15:59):
but it's also about actions.
Some actions that people takeare to go to cemeteries and
before my husband died I didn'treally understand that.
I thought that was morbid andweird.
But going to the cemetery hasbeen a great comfort to me.
My husband and I would dosomething fun.
We would go get takeout and sitin the car and visit and he
(16:23):
called it a stakeout, like wewere policemen in this
neighborhood, whatever, anyway.
So sometimes I'll go gettakeout and sit at the cemetery
and have a stakeout with himjust to be near him, recognizing
that he's not in the cemetery.
I realized that.
But the cemetery is a placewhere it's acceptable to cry.
(16:43):
It's a place where nobodywonders what might be the
problem or something.
As you know, if I'm in Costcoballing, then that is not
socially appropriate.
So then there's people thatwould be fearful of that.
But at the cemetery I amallowed and expected even to cry
(17:03):
and to mourn, and so there is aneed for those who wish to
mourn with those that mourn tobe able to be given permission
to do so and even encouraged.
It is a great blessing whensomeone asks me tell me about
your spouse, especially thosewho don't know him.
(17:25):
It is a great gift to me to beable to share what I loved about
him and some people might beafraid oh, does that mean that I
remind you that he's dead?
That's just silly.
We are always aware, hyperaware even, of his loss.
In every step of my life, everyday, there is a place where
(17:47):
he's desperately missing A bigman-sized hole in my waking up
and in my going to bed.
There's a big man-sized hole inmy waking up and in my going to
bed.
There's a big man-sized hole inevery meal that he's not there.
So it's not that you can remindme of this and it is a great
gift to be given permission toshare that missing, that loss.
(18:09):
This is our podcast for today.
I'm so grateful you've come andI hope this is helpful,
especially as you desire tofulfill your baptismal covenant
to mourn with those that mournand for those who are grieving.
I hope these two lists ofthings that are grieving and
mourning, and then also theneeds on your journey can be a
(18:29):
blessing to you.
Have a wonderful day, and alsothe needs on your journey can be
a blessing to you.
Have a wonderful day.
If you would like more griefsupport, please see my website
at mamabearwendycom for myupcoming five pillars of
resilience group and one-on-oneopportunities.
Although your experience andpath will be unique.
There is hope ahead in thispath and you are not alone.
I can see your pain and we willwalk this road together.
(18:51):
Let's take a deep breathtogether and here is a big bear
hug from Mama Bear Wendy.
Until next time, thank you.
Host
Mama Bear Wendy
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