Parables of Grief--When Bodies Speak, Hearts Heal

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Grief often speaks a language that our hearts understand but our bodies may also echo. Join me, Mama Bear Wendy, on the Parables of Grief podcast as I unfold my personal story of battling idiopathic episcleritis amidst overwhelming grief. Discover how emotional turmoil can manifest physically and why it's crucial to listen to these signals. Through my journey, I explore the profound teachings of the Gospel and the heartwarming melodies I share with the children in my congregation, highlighting how the Savior's light guides us even when faith feels distant. Inspired by the resilience of Job and the wisdom of Elder Kent F. Richards, I invite you to embrace patience, humility, and faith in your own healing journey.

As we navigate this terrain of sorrow together, we touch on the unique paths each individual takes toward resilience and support. I introduce my resources at mamabearwendy.com, offering the Five Pillars of Resilience group and personalized support to remind you that you're not alone on this journey. With a virtual bear hug, we pause to breathe deeply, acknowledge our shared experiences, and hold onto the promise of hope and healing. Let's find strength in community and courage in our shared stories, knowing that brighter days are ahead.

The information provided on this website is for educational purposes only and should not be considered as a substitute for professional psychological advice. If you are experiencing mental health issues, please consult a licensed therapist or other qualified healthcare provider.

Support the show

If you would like more grief support please see my website at Mamabearwendy.com for upcoming grief groups and 1:1 opportunities.

Although your experience and path will be unique, there is hope ahead in this path and you are not alone. I can see your pain and we will walk this road together. Here is a big bear hug from Mama Bear Wendy, your fierce support in the journey of grief, until next time.

If you enjoy this podcast please consider donating to help us keep going.

"Wendy has a beautiful way of sitting in the deep end of the ocean with you. Her presence alone is healing. She meets you where you’re at and doesn’t push you any further than where you want to go. She gently nudges you into new places with new perspectives. She is highly intuitive, sensitive and compassionate. She brings a depth to the table you rarely see. Her experiences have given her an extraordinary level of understanding and a safe place to walk to as she is a safe harbor fill of strength and integrity. She is raw and real and beautifully vulnerable and she is exceptional at conveying the words that are hard to find. She is a rare one." Christi D.

Episode Transcript

Mama Bear Wendy (00:03):
Hello friends, this is the Parables of Grief
podcast and this is your host,Mama Bear Wendy, I'm here to
share some love and light withyou on your journey through
grief and loss.
I hope, as our healing pathsconnect for the next few minutes
, we can walk together and findstrength for the road ahead.
One scientist suggests thatwhat the grieving need most is
to have others witness our painand help us not feel so alone.

(00:25):
I hope in our time together youwill find the companionship and
understanding that you need.
The intention of this podcastis to use parables of grief to
find the Savior and His promisedhealing in the daily and
commonplace, to see how we aretruly never alone and to find,
like the disciples on the roadto Emmaus, the Savior by our
side, even if we didn'trecognize him at first, because

(00:47):
he showed up in unexpected andcommon ways.
Also, there is much coming soonto help with your journey.
The Parables of Grief book willbe coming out by Christmas of
2025, and there areopportunities to join me in
online grief groups andone-on-one companion sessions.
Please check out my website atmomadbearwendycom for more

(01:07):
information.
Hello and welcome.
Today we're going to have adifferent kind of conversation.
Perhaps I've debated all day ifI was going to podcast today or
if I was going to wait until Ifelt better.
Since the passing of my husband,I have had multiple episodes of

(01:31):
idiopathic episcleritis.
Wow, that's a lot of big words.
It means that my eyes go pinkand look like they're infected,
but they're not infected.
It is some kind of autoimmuneresponse perhaps, or I'm not
really sure.
So idiopathic is a really niceway of saying it's all in your

(01:56):
head.
As you might imagine, thatdoesn't feel very good, and so,
although I've seen multipledoctors for it, and they usually
give me prednisone or some kindof anti-inflammatory, it's not
anything that doctors can fix.
It seems to be like it suggestsall in my head.

(02:18):
It seems to be related toespecially big episodes of grief
, especially episodes where Ihave tried not to cry or places
where I don't want to be seen orsee.
As you know, this month I havestarted podcasting and that is
very alarming to my eyes.

(02:38):
Apparently, they do not like itone bit, so I decided to show
up today, even though I haveidiopathic episcleritis.
You guys can't see it, so whydo you care?
But the point is, sometimes inour grief we have idiopathic
symptoms and our body tells usthings that we are unwilling or

(03:03):
unable to look at.
So today, our topic is going tobe pain, and the pain of grief
is often very surprising to me.
I feel like I am a person whohas spent most of my life trying

(03:23):
to be in control, and grief hastaught me a lot about being out
of control and that the truecontrol is not with me and
probably and certainly has neverbeen so.
Today, as I was trying toprepare to talk to you, I was
thinking about the topic of pain, and in my Gospel Library app,

(03:48):
I searched pain and I came upwith 103 conference talks that
talked about the Savior beingthe answer to our pain.
I am currently serving with thechildren in our congregation
and I play the piano for them,and we have a song that we

(04:10):
learned last year that I wasn'tsuper familiar with.
It talks about how it hasquestions and then answers, and
the questions were things likehow could the father tell the
world of love and happiness?
And the answer was he sent hisson to die for us and rise with

(04:35):
living breath.
So in every question, theanswer is always the Savior, and
I found it interesting that, asI was searching the question of
pain, that the answer, again,was always the Savior, and I
found it interesting that, as Iwas searching the question of
pain, that the answer, again,was always the Savior.
So we're going to start outwith a quote, and this quote
comes from the Atonement CoversAll Pain.

(04:57):
This is one of the first hitsthat I got in my search for pain
.
This is by Elder Kent FRichards, april 2011.
Our great personal challenge inmortality is to become a saint
through the atonement of Christ.
The pain you and I experiencemay be where this process is
most measured.

(05:17):
In extremity, we can become aschildren in our hearts, humble
ourselves and pray and work andwait patiently for the healing
of our bodies and our souls.
As Job, after being refinedthrough our trials, we shall
come forth as gold.
So, as I told you, I've beenhaving this idiopathic

(05:40):
episcleritis Probably everyquarter.
My eyes blow up, is what I callit now and initially it was very
frightening and like am Ilosing my eyesight?
Am I gonna die?
What does it mean?
And I've gotten to where I kindof know what I need to do Again
.
The doctors can't really helpme, so I've been looking at

(06:04):
other alternatives, and one ofthe things that I've been doing
is trying to understand why mybody is doing this.
What does it mean?
Eyes, of course, are aboutseeing, and one of the things
that I think my brain is tryingto tell me is I don't want to

(06:25):
see, I don't want to accept, Idon't want to be in this new
reality, and so I think when Iam hit with the reality too hard
, my eyes want to not work.
I also find that, although Imentally know the answer is the

(06:46):
Savior, during pain, there aretimes when it is really hard.
It's really hard to be patientand wait, and before my husband
died, I felt like my pathways torevelation to the Savior were
one way.
A lot of the things that Irelied on to feel the Spirit

(07:10):
that worked before my husbanddied are not working now.
I think, because of theintensity of emotion that I feel
, often the ways of feeling thespirit don't work as well, and
so I've had to turn to alternateways of turning to the Savior,

(07:36):
because my feeling pathways aresort of all blocked or used or
overwhelmed, perhaps, by theemotion that I have.
I think that there are momentswhen that works still, but there
are a lot of moments where itdoesn't.
So I've had to turn to writinga lot more than I did prior to

(07:58):
my husband's death.
I've had to turn to scripturestudy and conference talks and
really immersing myself in thewords of the Savior, to find Him
in ways I didn't have to before, which can be really exhausting
.
It takes a lot of work to findthe Savior that way, and

(08:20):
sometimes I'm just so tired and,like today, the pain feels like
I'm drowning in it a little bit.
President Henry B Eyring taughtit will comfort us when we must
wait in distress for theSavior's promised relief, that
he knows from experience how toheal and help us, and faith in

(08:42):
that power will give us patienceas we pray and work and wait
for help.
He could have known how tosuccor us simply by revelation,
but he chose to learn by his ownpersonal experience, and that's
Henry B Eyring Adversity in theEnsign, may of 2009.
One of the things I liked aboutthis quote was, in my despair

(09:06):
and grief, often I want reliefright now.
Often I want to feel healedright now.
Often I want to be set freeright now, and unfortunately
that is not the way it works.
I have had to wait Again.

(09:30):
This I thing has been going onfor over two and a half years,
about every three months, and itis quite frustrating.
It's very impacting of myappearance, which is a little
distressing, but the biggerproblem is it hurts and it's

(09:51):
hard to keep my eyes open.
It makes me want to sleep a lot, but maybe that's also the
answer.
My body is telling me we needmore sleep in the world.
So what have I learned from this?
In this chronic problem thatI'm having, I have learned
patience and I have learned thatsomething being all in your
head doesn't make it not real.

(10:12):
I have learned patience and Ihave learned that something
being all in your head doesn'tmake it not real.
I've learned that I have to payattention to these messages my
body is sending me and I have tostop and listen or it gets
worse.
I can't just blunder on and saywe don't have time for that, so
just quit.

(10:32):
I have to actually sit in itand decide what it is that I'm
doing and what it is that I'mnot doing, that I need to be and
look for healing in other ways.
I know the Savior is the answerand although he doesn't always
show up immediately, he doesalways show up, and I have great

(10:56):
faith and experience that whenhe is desperately needed he does
come, even when it takes longerthan we hope, and there was no
wasted time, as it appears on myside, but that what was

(11:17):
necessary in the pain waslearned and growth and things
that had to happen because of it.
I testify that the Lord doesnot make us suffer just to make
us suffer.
He doesn't enjoy that any morethan we do, but he knows that
suffering is a teacher andsometimes it's the teacher we

(11:39):
need.
So I hope you have a wonderfulValentine's Day.
I think one of the reasons myeye is not happy is because
Valentine's Day is here and I amsad.
I'm really sad about it.
It's not the same about why Iwas sad and I said your dad is

(12:07):
really dead today.
Some days it seems like he'sless dead and some days it seems
like he's more dead.
And Valentine's Day, or when mycar is broken down or when I
need a priesthood blessing,those are days that he feels
more dead than others and it'shard, it's really hard.
So I hope you find some comforton Valentine's Day.

(12:29):
I hope you can find someone toserve and to love and I hope
that you can remember thebeautiful things about
Valentine's Day with yourspecial person, especially if
they said certain things to you.
I hope you will write thosedown, maybe place them around
your house.
In my grief group this week wetook sticky notes and wrote

(12:51):
things that our person said tous and at first it felt really
hard and I was a littledistressed that I couldn't think
of a lot of things that he saidto me and had a little bit of a
panic attack of like oh no, I'mforgetting.
But then I came up with severalthings and they are a great
comfort to me and I have writtenthem and placed them around my

(13:14):
house and they bring me thattwinge of sadness and happiness
and I hope that you can rememberthe things and the places and
the wonderful things, memoriesthat you have with your person
and that Valentine's Day doesn'thave to be all sad but that it
can be bittersweet, joy, pain,and I hope you have a wonderful

(13:39):
holiday.
Thank you.
If you would like more griefsupport, please see my website
at mamabearwendycom for myupcoming five pillars of
resilience group and one-on-oneopportunities.
Although your experience andpath will be unique, there is
hope ahead in this path and youare not alone.
I can see your pain and we willwalk this road together.

(13:59):
Let's take a deep breathtogether and here is a big bear
hug from Mama Bear Wendy Untilnext time.